T-Man 50-07-01 Show Business is No Business

Summary

Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode Summary: "T-Man 50-07-01 Show Business is No Business"
Release Date: May 12, 2025

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Introduction

In this riveting episode of Harold's Old Time Radio, listeners are transported back to the Golden Age of Radio with the thrilling adventures of Steve Larsen, portrayed by Dennis O'Keefe, a dedicated law enforcement agent of the Treasury Department. Titled "Show Business is No Business," the episode intricately weaves a tale of counterfeit money, deceitful actors, and undercover operations—all set against the backdrop of a struggling theater production in Schenectady, New York.

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Plot Overview

Steve Larsen is dispatched to Albany, New York, to investigate the circulation of high-quality counterfeit five-dollar bills. His investigation leads him to a local theater where the play "Blood on the Front Page" is running. As Larsen delves deeper, he uncovers a sophisticated counterfeiting ring operating under the guise of a theatrical production. The climax unfolds with Larsen infiltrating the play's cast, exposing the counterfeit operation during a live performance.

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Detailed Summary

The Investigation Begins

[00:41] Steve Larsen recounts the inception of the counterfeit ring:
“First, there were a few very pretty five-dollar bills picked up in Albany, New York. It was nice paper and the engraving was almost perfect.”

Suspecting foul play, Larsen travels from Washington to Albany to trace the origins of these counterfeit bills. His inquiries lead him to Louie, a bartender at the Hudson House, who provides a vague description of a suspicious woman involved in the money exchange. Despite limited information, Larsen remains determined to uncover the truth.

A Suspicious Encounter

[05:30] While waiting for his flight back to Washington, Larsen attends the local theater to watch "Blood on the Front Page." The play, featuring actors Lydia Lane and Archer Vance, is performing poorly, but Larsen senses a deeper connection between the production and the counterfeit operation.

During the performance, a character named Johnny introduces Pedro Gomez, a bandit seeking revenge for published stories. The scene ends abruptly with Larsen narrowly escaping an assassination attempt, prompting him to seek answers about the mysterious phony bills.

The Mysterious Lee Ampari

Post-show, Larsen encounters Lee Ampari, a man in a camel's hair coat who probes into Larsen's background. Suspicious of Ampari's intentions, Larsen's instincts tell him that Ampari is connected to the counterfeit ring. Despite his efforts to verify Ampari's claims, Larsen finds no official records of "Anson Withers and Grant" in Buffalo, raising further suspicions.

Reconnecting with Ann Rivers

[08:12] At a local bar, Larsen reconnects with Ann Rivers, a charismatic actress from the play. Their conversation reveals Ann's frustrations with the failing production and her ambition to revitalize it. Larsen's genuine admiration for Ann's performance hints at his underlying investigation motives.

Unveiling the Counterfeit Operation

[12:26] Realizing the theatrical production is a front for the counterfeit scheme, Larsen confronts Ann Rivers at Kelly's Winona Bar. Their interaction becomes tense as Larsen accuses her of deceit:

Ann Rivers: "You are a talent scout, aren't you? And you followed me here to offer me a contract, haven't you?"

Larsen's suspicions are confirmed when he notices green ink on the printing press set used in the play—a critical clue linking the theatrical props to counterfeit money production.

Infiltrating the Play

Determined to expose the operation, Larsen secures a role in the play by replacing an injured actor. [22:46] He adeptly memorizes his three lines and prepares to execute his plan. During rehearsals, Larsen plants the seeds of his counter-surveillance by discussing the printing press and subtly gathering more evidence.

The Climax: Live Exposure

[28:14] During a live performance, Larsen reveals his true identity and confronts the counterfeiters on stage. He uses the printing press prop to demonstrate the flawlessness of the counterfeit bills and accuses the ring leaders of their criminal activities in front of the unsuspecting audience. The tense showdown culminates with Larsen apprehending the conspirators, thanks to his meticulous planning and undercover prowess.

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Character Highlights

Steve Larsen (Dennis O'Keefe)

• Role: Treasury Department agent
• Traits: Tenacious, observant, strategic
• Notable Quote:
  [00:41] “When bills as good as that start floating around, the Treasury Department gets awfully jumpy.”

Ann Rivers

• Role: Actress in "Blood on the Front Page"
• Traits: Ambitious, resourceful, deceptive
• Notable Quote:
  [13:16] “You lied to me, didn't you, Steve?”

Lee Ampari

• Role: Mysterious stranger connected to the counterfeit ring
• Traits: Intriguing, manipulative, secretive

Archer Vance

• Role: Co-actor in the play
• Traits: Supportive, unaware of the underlying plot

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Key Scenes and Notable Quotes

1. Introduction to Counterfeiting Scheme
   [00:41] Steve Larsen: “When bills as good as that start floating around, the Treasury Department gets awfully jumpy.”

2. Suspicious Encounter with Lee Ampari
   [07:28] Ann Rivers: “You are a talent scout, aren't you? And you followed me here to offer me a contract, haven't you?”

3. Confrontation at Kelly's Winona Bar
   [13:17] Ann Rivers: “You are a talent scout, aren't you? And you followed me here to offer me a contract, haven't you?”
   [13:36] Steve Larsen: “Show business is no business, huh?”

4. Rehearsal Revelation
   [25:02] Steve Larsen: “I love you.”
   [25:05] Archer Vance: “Perfect.”

5. Live Exposure of Counterfeit Operation
   [28:14] Steve Larsen: “This is one of the smartest counterfeiting setups I have seen in a long career with the Treasury Department.”

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Conclusion

"Show Business is No Business" masterfully blends elements of crime investigation with the theatrical world, showcasing Steve Larsen's relentless pursuit of justice. Through sharp dialogue, suspenseful encounters, and clever plot twists, the episode captivates listeners, highlighting the ingenuity required to dismantle an organized criminal ring. Dennis O'Keefe's portrayal of Larsen brings authenticity and depth to the character, making this episode a standout in the T-Man series. As Larsen successfully exposes the counterfeit operation, the episode underscores the timeless message that beneath the facade of entertainment, danger can lurk, awaiting those vigilant enough to uncover it.

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Be sure to tune in next week on Harold's Old Time Radio for another thrilling episode of T-Man, where Steve Larsen uncovers the mysteries behind a San Francisco fishing smack with decks suspiciously too clean.

Transcript

[Dennis O'Keefe]

T Man. Starring Dennis o' Keefe. Keyman, the law enforcement agent of the Treasury Department. Skilled fighter against crime. Relentless enemy of the underworld. T Man Steve Larsen, played by Dennis o' Keefe in tonight's transcribed treasury case. Show business is no business.

[Steve Larsen]

The way this thing began, you couldn't tell how big it was or how far it would spread. First, there were a few very pretty five dollar bills picked up in Albany, New York. It was nice paper and the engraving was almost perfect. When bills as good as that start floating around, the Treasury Department gets awfully jumpy. So I jumped from Washington to Albany. I spent most of the day in Albany trying to find somebody who remembered receiving one of the bills. Then about 5:30 in the evening, I was talking to a bartender named Louie at the Hudson house. Like I'm telling you, Mr. Larson, I just can't be sure. Maybe it was this dame who has for Dubenet and vodka, and maybe it wasn't. Anyhow, you. You never saw her before? No, I never. Anyway, she asked for a Dubonnet vodka. She slips me this bill, see, the one you got there? And I think nothing about it. I give it a change, I think. You think? Well, that is, I mean, if she is the one that gave me the bill. Seems like she was. Then again, maybe she wasn't. Can you describe the woman? What did she look like? Oh, like this. See? Like this and like that. Yeah, yeah. Her face, I mean. Oh, her face. Oh, I guess I didn't look. Anyhow, I don't remember. Do you think you'd recognize her if you saw her again? Certainly I'd recognize her. Who wouldn't, my man? I'm telling you, she was just about to kill. Louie was still telling me when I left the place. My Washington plane didn't leave until midnight, so I had five hours of nothing to do. I ate something, drank something, read the paper, yawned, tried to decide whether to try to balance my expense account, yawn. And found myself staring out the restaurant window at the theater across the street. The sign on the marquee read Lydia Lane and Archer Vance in blood on the front page. Not a movie. Though I had never heard of either of the actors or the play. I decided to see the not a movie. Because there's nothing in this world as awful, as wonderfully awful as a really bad play. I love them. And this one I had a feeling I was going to adore. Even across the street and through a plate glass window, it stank. I followed my nose. Any seat you want in the house. How about the sixth roll. Sit around. That'll do. Thank you, sir. Say. Yeah? You know somebody in this play? No, I. Well, why? Only reason I can figure out why anybody would want to see this turkey. That bad. You want your money back now or later? How long has the turkey been laying its eggs in this basket? This is the second night tomorrow night, East Lynn. A very sour man in the box office. I left him counting bales of unsold tickets and groped my way through the dark to a lonely pew, six row center. There were a few other unfortunates scattered in the gloom, obviously lost on the stage. Two remarkably curvaceous girls swished their 1880 costumes around an 1880 set that was supposed to represent a small newspaper office in the southwest. They seemed to be having some trouble about love. I listened and got my ears assaulted by things like this.

[Ann Rivers]

I've known about you and John all along, right from the beginning. But I will not give him up, my dear Julia. Not if I have to kill you. Nonsense, Grace, nonsense. Do you think you can frighten me? I laugh at your threat.

[Archer Vance]

Ha ha.

[Ann Rivers]

But wait. Here comes John now.

[Steve Larsen]

At this point, Johnny threw open the door and entered with a sweeping gesture. Ah, Julia.

[Archer Vance]

Ah, Grace. John, have you heard the news?

[Steve Larsen]

Pedro Gomez, the bandit, is reported on his way for this very time.

[Ann Rivers]

But why is he coming here?

[Archer Vance]

I believe he intends to revenge himself upon me for certain stories I have.

[Steve Larsen]

Published in my paper.

[Ann Rivers]

Oh, John, you must flee.

[Steve Larsen]

Me too, I thought. And flee I did, right up the aisle and into the lobby. Unfortunately, the box office was closed. A man in a camel's hair polo coat was leaning against the ticket window, cleaning his fingernails. As I passed, he looked up and spoke. Couldn't take it, huh? Only in small doses. Have you seen it? Yep. Does it get any better later? Worse. You can't help wondering who puts up the money for a thing like that. Some dope. You alone? Mm. How's if I buy a drink? A man said his name was Lee Ampari. He didn't ask my business, and I didn't ask his. On the surface, this was just a casual encounter, but when we were standing at a nearby bar with drinks in our hands, I. I began to wonder. You live in Albany? Larson? Oh, no, no. I don't. Mind if I ask where you do live? Oh, no, not at all. Upstate. Buffalo. Why? Travel from fact, quite a lot. Then I might have seen you anywhere. Oh, you. You mean you think you've seen me before? When you first came out of the show, I thought so. Now I'm not so sure. Say, you wouldn't be connected with the Anson Withers and Grant people, would you? No, no. I'm more or less on my own. You know them, though, in Buffalo? They're big. Well, let's just say I know of them. Just of them? Yeah. I gotta use the phone. Be right back. I knew I'd made a mistake the instant the words were out of my mouth. This man, Lee Ampere, the dark stranger in the polo coat, had tried to find out whether I would tell the truth about myself. But why? I finished my drink and went back to where there were a couple of phone booths. They were both empty and Mr. Amperry was nowhere. Just to be sure, I made use of one of the booths.

[Ann Rivers]

Long distance?

[Steve Larsen]

I want a number in Buffalo, New York. Operator? But I. I don't know the number. The name is Anson Withers and Grant.

[Ann Rivers]

Just a moment, please.

[Steve Larsen]

After an efficiently brief moment, I got the answer I knew I'd get.

[Ann Rivers]

I'm sorry, sir. Anson Withers and Grant is not listed in Buffalo, New York.

[Steve Larsen]

I went back to the bar and ordered another drink. I was waiting for it when.

[Ann Rivers]

Is anybody sitting here?

[Steve Larsen]

No, no, there was somebody, but I don't think he's coming back. What do you have?

[Ann Rivers]

I beg your pardon?

[Steve Larsen]

Take it easy, Anne.

[Ann Rivers]

You know my name?

[Steve Larsen]

Well, I'm not sure I know your name, but I remember the one I saw in the program tonight. Ann Rivers, wasn't it?

[Ann Rivers]

Oh, you saw the play tonight. Wasn't it lousy?

[Steve Larsen]

Yes, indeedy. But you. You were great. Absolutely great.

[Ann Rivers]

Of course you have to say that.

[Steve Larsen]

Yes, isn't it silly?

[Ann Rivers]

Am I that bad?

[Steve Larsen]

Dolly, you're terrible.

[Ann Rivers]

Well, thanks a lot.

[Steve Larsen]

Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I should.

[Ann Rivers]

No, I suppose you're right. But it's such a bad play.

[Steve Larsen]

One Scotch and soda, light on a soda. Oh, the lady.

[Ann Rivers]

Oh, vodka and 7Up.

[Steve Larsen]

No, Dubonnet.

[Ann Rivers]

Why Dubonnet, 7Up.

[Steve Larsen]

Right.

[Ann Rivers]

I don't even know your name.

[Steve Larsen]

Steve Larsen.

[Ann Rivers]

Hello, Steve.

[Steve Larsen]

Hello. Hey, it's only a little after 10 o' clock. Is there curtain down already?

[Ann Rivers]

I'm not in the last act.

[Steve Larsen]

Oh, I see. Oh, I was talking to Lee a few minutes ago.

[Ann Rivers]

Lee?

[Steve Larsen]

Lee Ampari.

[Ann Rivers]

Who's he?

[Steve Larsen]

The. The guy in the camel's hair coat.

[Ann Rivers]

I like camel's hair on a man. Mink is better on a woman, though. Don't you think so, Steve?

[Steve Larsen]

Sure, sure.

[Ann Rivers]

You aren't a talent scout, are you?

[Steve Larsen]

Well, yes and no.

[Ann Rivers]

Oh, that means yes, doesn't it?

[Steve Larsen]

No. That means no.

[Ann Rivers]

Oh, Steve. I like you, man.

[Steve Larsen]

I'm glad you do.

[Ann Rivers]

Don't forget me just because you saw me in a lousy play tonight. Nobody could do anything with those lines. Where can we go? Right now?

[Steve Larsen]

Where can we go? Oh, well, I've got to catch a plane.

[Ann Rivers]

Just for a few minutes, someplace where it's quiet. Or maybe it's quiet enough. Here, listen. Think of me as Juliet in Romeo and Juliet, Act 2, Scene 2. This bud of love by summer's ripening breath may prove a beauteous flower when next we meet. Good.

[Steve Larsen]

Oh, darling, what can I say? Reading those immortal lines, you were. You were copacetic. And now, dear one, parting is such sweet sorrow Night. I folded my Arabs like a tanter, however it goes. And silently stole away into the night in the general direction of the car which was to take me to the airport. At a dark corner, as I approached the waiting carriage, there were sounds and alarms. Hey, Chuck. Me? Yeah, you lifted my nose out of the gutter and sat up. Why would anybody want to shoot me? At least, why would anybody want to shoot me in Albany? In Tokyo? Yes. Mexico City? Yes. Berlin. And Cape Town, sure. But why Albany? I didn't have the answer to that one. So I took the plane back to Washington to report to the chief. A most interesting life you've been leading in Auburn is, Steve. But it doesn't throw much light on those phony five dollar bills. I know. And I'm just as much in the dark about the pot shots somebody took at me last night. What do you propose to do next? Wait. For what? Phony $5 bills. If this is an organized ring, they'll lay low for a few days and then start passing again. And I've got a hunch they won't be operating in Albany. All right. I'll have all the bank reports of bad money routed to your desk as they come in. Good. I've got an idea we'll be seeing a lot more of that queer green. My hunch was right. For nearly a week, nothing more interesting was reported than three bad tens in San Francisco and a poorly made 20 in Butte, Montana. And then suddenly, the plague of phony fives began again. From just one area, northern New York State. They showed up in such little towns as Pattersonville, Ephrata, Kanajohari and Esperance. A few turned up in Duanesburg and more than a few in Scotia. A quick look at the map showed me that Schenectady was right in the center of this area. I flew to Schenectady and for the next two days, I talked to bank tellers, store clerks and gas station attendants for miles around. I reported the results of this investigation to the Treasury Department, Washington, D.C. what the report said was nothing. Back in Schenectady, I had an evening left of over. The last plane had left and I was at what is called loose ends. The paper said that there was a play in town called Blood on the front page. I looked at my watch. It was something after 10pm and I remembered that Ann Rivers wasn't in the last act. So I. I went around to the stage door.

[Archer Vance]

Where.

[Steve Larsen]

Howdy. Ann Rivers off yet? Ann Rivers? Ann Rivers. She's in this show. You know she's in this show. You know. She is, isn't she? Is she, Ain't she? There's always two sides to every question. You gotta admit that, don't you? I admit that. There's a Republican side and a Democrat side. Brooklyn and that other club. Always two sides. Would a buck help any? Would a buck help any? Yeah. Oh, she's in Kelly's Winona Bar across the street, son. In Kelly's Winona, I found Ann Rivers brooding over a vodka and Coke. She saw me in the bar mirror as I came up behind it.

[Ann Rivers]

Steve.

[Steve Larsen]

Well, hell. Hello, Anne.

[Ann Rivers]

You lied to me, didn't you, Steve?

[Steve Larsen]

Very probably. About what?

[Ann Rivers]

You are a talent scout, aren't you? And you followed me here to offer me a contract, haven't you? Oh, now, but, Steve.

[Steve Larsen]

What, gorgeous?

[Ann Rivers]

I won't start for less than 100 a week. Steve.

[Steve Larsen]

Oh, forget it, baby. You were wrong the first time and you're wrong now. How's the show going?

[Ann Rivers]

Lousy.

[Steve Larsen]

Show business is no business, huh?

[Ann Rivers]

With this turkey. Now I've got a play that would really knock the people dead. Listen, Steve, in the first act, the curtain isn't up three minutes before I'm. Oh.

[Steve Larsen]

Oh, what's the matter?

[Ann Rivers]

Here come Lydia and Archie.

[Steve Larsen]

Lydia and. Oh, yes, I see the leads in your play. Lydia Vane and Archer.

[Ann Rivers]

Vince, that Lydia, she can't act her way out of a paper bag. Oh, they've seen us. Lydia, darling, come here. Lydia, I want you to meet a dear friend of mine, Steve Larsen. Steve, isn't she beautiful? I don't care what anybody says, darling. How do you do, Mr. Larson? This is Mr. Van.

[Steve Larsen]

How do you do? Time. Will you have a drink with us?

[Ann Rivers]

Why, darling, I just love it.

[Steve Larsen]

Double vodka and Duvernay.

[Ann Rivers]

Just vodka.

[Steve Larsen]

A double. What do you have, Mr. Vance? Vodka and Duvernay. Let me have another look at you. With you, Mr. Vance, would you mind turning around? Why? Oh, no, no. Louis couldn't have met your figure. You aren't being funny, are you, Larson? No. Because if trouble is what you want, let's step out to the alley, shall we?

[Ann Rivers]

Archie, Steve is a talent scout.

[Steve Larsen]

Oh. Oh, I'm sorry, old boy. I didn't know, really. Let me buy the drinks, will you?

[Ann Rivers]

Oh, boy, Steve, is that true? Are you really a talent, Scarlet?

[Steve Larsen]

In a word, no.

[Ann Rivers]

You wouldn't admit it if it were true, would you? By the way, Steve, have you seen me in this play?

[Steve Larsen]

Yes. Well, frankly. Frankly, Lydia, you're great. You're absolutely great. Both you and Ann are terrific. And pretty too.

[Ann Rivers]

Now, you wouldn't lie to me.

[Steve Larsen]

Not unless I thought I could get away with it. By the way, where's Lee?

[Ann Rivers]

Lee who?

[Steve Larsen]

Lee Ampari.

[Ann Rivers]

I never heard of him. Steve, don't you think we ought to go somewhere and dance? Wait a minute, Lydia dear. I saw him first, you know. But Annie, darling, you and Archer were just made for each other. I felt it from the beginning. Shall we go, Steve?

[Steve Larsen]

We went. Lydia and I discovered that Schenectady, New York is on the Mohawk River. We discovered that the Mohawk river is alright. By moonlight, the trees were black against the smoothly moving silver surface of the Mohawk. There was nothing wrong with it. Nothing at all. Steve. Lydia.

[Ann Rivers]

Stevie, what do you do?

[Steve Larsen]

Do?

[Ann Rivers]

Well, I mean, darling, if you aren't a talent scout, what are you?

[Steve Larsen]

Do you care?

[Ann Rivers]

Steve, I don't say I love you.

[Steve Larsen]

I'll bet you don't say that to all the boys.

[Ann Rivers]

Now I'm sick. Serious, Steve, I don't say I love you because I don't know whether I do or not yet. But, darling, I don't want you to be hurt.

[Steve Larsen]

How would I get hurt, baby? Just like this. Mac. Maybe it was training, maybe it was instinct. But I zigged when I should have zigged. And I zagged when I should have zagged. And I landed a straight left where a straight left is supposed to land. Score one decision for the Treasury Department.

[Ann Rivers]

Darling, you were wonderful.

[Steve Larsen]

Yeah, sure, sure. Who is this monkey, do you know?

[Ann Rivers]

Oh, it's Ben. I mean, he plays the part of Ben in the play. His name is George something or other. Is he hurt?

[Steve Larsen]

I'll be surprised if his nose isn't broken.

[Ann Rivers]

Oh, dear.

[Steve Larsen]

What's the matter?

[Ann Rivers]

We won't be able to go on tomorrow night. Oh, darling, this is dreadful. Now, why'd you have to hit him so hard? Stevie, what are we going to do?

[Steve Larsen]

We'll take him back to town and see if he can be put together again. While we were taking jealous George to the hospital, he came to, but he didn't seem to want to talk much. Oh. How do you feel, George? Oh, you stinker. What's the matter? You broke my nose. I just got in the way. George, you mustn't feel unhappy about it. How are you trying to do anyway? You broke my nose. Why did you do it, George? Who told you to follow us?

[Ann Rivers]

Well, Georgie was jealous. Weren't you, Georgie?

[Steve Larsen]

He broke my door.

[Ann Rivers]

Poor Georgie. Darling, we'll get your nose all fixed up nice for you, won't we, Stevie?

[Steve Larsen]

Yeah, we'll get George all fixed up nice, too. Say, George, do me a favor, will you? Good. I just want you to yell two words. Yell hey, chum. You want another little touch on that nose? George, you broke my nose. That is monotonous but true. Do you want to yell, hey, chum, or do you want another little touch? Hey, chum, Come on, come on. Put your heart in it. Do it as if you had a gun in your hand on a dark street in Albany. Hey, chum, come on. Come on. Try it again. You can do better than that. Are you? Yes, yes, I know. Now, let's try it again and give it everything you got. Hey, chum, come on. Hey, Chubb. No, no, it doesn't sound right. Even making allowance for the nose, it doesn't sound right. After I deposited George and his nose at the hospital and Lydia and her pear shaped tones at her hotel, I sought the peace and quiet of a secluded phone booth. And with the aid of 3/4 and 2 dimes, I rousted the chief out of his comfortable Washington bed. Couldn't this wait until morning, Steve? Yeah, maybe, Chief, but I was lonely. I wanted to talk to someone. Well, make it fast. That play, the one Blood on the front page, it's showing in Schenectady. So it seems too much of a coincidence that these phony $5 bills have always appeared in the neighborhood of the city where this frightful melodrama is cluttering up the stage. I see. Also, when you consider that one of the members of this group of thespians tried to brain me tonight, why, your guess is as good of mine. Unless they're suspicious. Now, this, this struggling ham is in the hospital with a broken nose, courtesy of your obedient servant. And he'll have to be replaced if the play is to go on tomorrow night. And perish the thought that the good people of Schenectady should miss this opportunity to view the theater. Yeah, I'm beginning to see exactly. I shall apply for the role vacated by this hapless rogue. And if they are as suspicious of me as I think they are, they will welcome me to the cast. But you might be walking right into a trap, closing the door behind me. That's pretty risky, I know. But I have an overwhelming curiosity about the flatbed printing press which is on stage in the second act. If that prints what I think it does. What a beautiful setup that would be. The chief agreed and returned to his broken slumbers in Washington, while I repaired to my hotel room room in Schenectady and rehearsed Hamlet's soliloquy far into the night in preparation for my debut in the theater Next afternoon, I found the company manager of Blood on the front page, just where I expected to, brooding over a beer in the bar across the street from the theater. Mr. Slauson? Yes. My name is Larson. Oh, yes, yes. Sit down, sit down, Mr. Larson. You're the fellow that messed up one of my actors. Well, it could have happened to anybody. If you haven't got anybody to take his place, how about giving the part to me? What makes you think you can act, Mr. Slauson? I caught this play. I caught it in Albany. I don't think it's going to make any difference whether I can act or not. Well, okay, I had someone else in mind. But you're just about right for the costume. All right, you got the part. The costume included boots, tight pants, a white shirt with a string tie, and an old six shooter loaded with blanks. Slauson was right. The outfit, even including the boots, might have been made for me. We were in the dressing room when I twirled a gun on my finger, leveled it at my reflection in the mirror and shot. Hey, what's the idea? Those blanks cost money. Got myself right between the eyes, Slosson. Off the hip, too. Through the heart. I'm dead. Oh, Slauson, I was made for this part. Maybe you were at that. Come on, get that stuff off and I'll. I'll give you your lines. There are only three of them. Three?

[Archer Vance]

Of course.

[Steve Larsen]

They talk about you all through the play. Oh, I see. Report for rehearsal at 5:00. That'll give you three hours to learn three lines. Do you think you can do it? Mr. Slauson? You wound me. I am probably the quickest study you ever saw. When I left Slauson, I had my three lines in my pocket and plenty of time For a couple of rather important errands. First, I dropped in on a friend of mine who happened to be chief of police and asked him to do me a favor. Then I stopped at a sporting goods store. It was a big store, and they handled shells for practically every kind of a gun you could think of, from BB to elephant. I bought a handful of the kind I thought I might need, and then I went to the theater. I changed into my costume, including the gun belt, and came onto the stage. They. They were all waiting for me.

[Archer Vance]

All right, here he is, the new Ben. You know most of the cast, don't you, Larson? You can meet the rest later. All right, now, Arch Lydium, you're peering out the window expecting to see Gomez, when Larson here comes in the door. Make your entrance, Larson.

[Steve Larsen]

Okay.

[Archer Vance]

Excellent. Now, come up to the printing press and lean against it.

[Steve Larsen]

Good.

[Archer Vance]

Now speak your eye.

[Steve Larsen]

Hey.

[Archer Vance]

Wonderful. Just right. Now, paying no attention to you, Lydia and Archer come downstage. Set her while you rest a hip against the press and listen. Have you got it?

[Steve Larsen]

You mean like this? Perfect.

[Archer Vance]

Now, Anne, if you please.

[Ann Rivers]

Sure.

[Archer Vance]

Give. This is the. This is the scene where you and Ben are lying on the floor giving us tube, will you, darling? Or perhaps you'd better give him the whole speech.

[Ann Rivers]

Is it all right if I sit down instead of lie down?

[Archer Vance]

Lie down, please. Okay, go ahead.

[Ann Rivers]

Ben, you shouldn't have come, even for me. There's nothing you can do. Gomez is out there with all his men, and we're in here in a miserable little newspaper office. Ben, do you love me?

[Archer Vance]

Now, can I speak your line, please, Larson?

[Steve Larsen]

Oh. Oh, me? Oh, would you. Where am I?

[Archer Vance]

Mr. Larson, you are lying on the floor of a small newspaper office in the southwest. The time is about 8 p. Teenage. Beside you is lying a very pretty girl, and bullets are screaming through the walls. And Will you give Larson his cue again, please?

[Ann Rivers]

Ben, do you love me?

[Steve Larsen]

I love you.

[Archer Vance]

Perfect.

[Steve Larsen]

Perfect.

[Archer Vance]

Mr. Larson, I congratulate you. Never in my many years in the theater have I heard those words spoken. Just that you like it.

[Steve Larsen]

I despise it. Well, shall I try it again?

[Archer Vance]

No, no. At least you have been able to commit the line to memory. Now. Now, in your next scene, you and Archer are facing each other with drawn guns. You are leaning across the printing press, Mr. Larson, with a gun in your hand.

[Steve Larsen]

Like this.

[Archer Vance]

Now, a little farther to the left, please.

[Steve Larsen]

There.

[Archer Vance]

There, that will do.

[Steve Larsen]

Oh, don't worry. I. I've got the whole thing in my mind. I remember Archie comes up and says this and that and this and that. And I say, take this and I shoot like that, but nothing happens because I'm shooting blanks. And then Archie shoots and I'm dead. Is that right?

[Archer Vance]

Approximately.

[Steve Larsen]

Thanks. Say, Slauson. Yes? This is a real printing press, isn't is? I notice there's still a trace of green ink on the roller. Have you got a five dollar bill on you? Why? I just wondered if the color would match. Okay, that's enough, Larson. Why, if it isn't Mr. Ambery. How are all our friends in Buffalo? Ambery, I've been looking all over for you. I had an idea that if I joined the cast, you might come to see my performance. Larson, you're a natural born comedian. Just stay right where you are and don't move. Before I go, may I say a few words on behalf of the widows and orphans of lower amnesia? Go ahead. I want to hear anything you got to say. Just don't move, that's all. What's the matter? Worried about this gun? Blanks. I'm laughing. Okay, go on and Talk. Thank you, Mr. Amari. Ladies and gentlemen, let me congratulate you. This is one of the smartest counterfeiting setups I have seen in a long career with the Treasury Department. There's no need to hide the printing press. On the contrary, it's in full view of the audience. And if you use it between shows, you're simply rehearsing. You travel from city to city, providing an even distribution of your product. Very, very clever, Mr. Ampari. And if your play hadn't been so lousy, if I hadn't begun to wonder why anybody could be fool enough to go on with. Might have really made money, stage money, for a long time. You finished? Almost. Almost. Just one other thing. I suppose I'm going to be shot by accident during rehearsal. A gun that somehow got loaded with bullets instead of blanks. You guess it, chum. Go ahead, Archie. Not so fast, Archie. Now reach, all of you.

[Archer Vance]

I thought you said there were blanks in that gun.

[Steve Larsen]

There were blanks. The first two. The rest of the bullets are real. Now this way, please. A bunch of stage door Johnnies from the Schenectady Police Department is waiting for you at the artist's entrance.

[Dennis O'Keefe]

T Man starring Denis o' Keefe is transcribed, produced and directed by William N. Robeson and was tonight written by Mindrat lord heard in Mr. O' Keefe's company were Verna Gill, Francis Cheney, Wally Mayer, Paul Freeze, Ted De Courcia, Ben Wright and Rick Bellen. Original music composed and conducted by Del Castillo. Be with us again next week at this time when Dennis o' Keefe returns as T man Steve Larsen to investigate the mystery of a San Francisco fishing smack whose decks were too clean. Same station, same time next week for T Man. This is cbs, the Columbia Broadcasting System.

[Steve Larsen]

Them.