Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio – "Tales From The Morgue xx-xx-xx Elmer And The Book Of Absolute Truth"

Release Date: January 25, 2025
Host/Author: Harold's Old Time Radio
Description: Relive the Golden Age of Radio with captivating stories that transport listeners back to a time before television, when families gathered around the radio to enjoy iconic shows like The Shadow, Abbott & Costello, Amos & Andy, Dragnet, and many more.

Introduction

The episode opens with the Narrator setting the stage for an intriguing adventure in Chet Cheddar's Tales from the Morgue.

• [00:05] Narrator: "MJ Audio Theater presents Chet Cheddar's Tales from the Morgue."

Elmer Korn’s Introduction and Arrival in Biloxi

Elmer Korn, portrayed by Elmer Korn, introduces himself as a morgue attendant dealing with unexpected plumbing issues, creating a moist and perilous environment in his workplace.

• [00:32] Elmer Korn: "Hello there. Never mind the water. Just come right in. Wade on through and have a seat..."

He humorously describes the aftermath of a pipe burst, mentioning drowned rats—a foreshadowing of the dangers to come.

Encounter with Otto J. Williamsburg

Elmer’s mundane life takes a dramatic turn when he is approached by a representative of Otto J. Williamsburg, a disgruntled billionaire known for his impulsive decisions, such as shutting down the amusement park Wacky Land.

• [03:04] Elmer Korn: "Dawgs, ain't that that multi-billionaire who bought that Florida amusement park Wacky Land, and then just closed it down like a month later..."

The Narrator clarifies that Otto J. Williamsburg wishes to meet Elmer with a lucrative proposition.

• [04:05] Elmer Korn: "Well, sir, I ain't one for taking off with a bunch of strangers, but... I'll do it."

The Proposition: Quest for the Book of Absolute Truth

At the Williamsburg Estate, Elmer meets Otto J. Williamsburg, who reveals his boredom with conventional entertainment and expresses a desire for a real adventure.

• [05:49] Otto J. Williamsburg: "Mr. Korn, you are a brave man... which is exactly why I have chosen you."

Williamsburg offers Elmer a quarter of a million dollars to embark on a quest to find the elusive Book of Absolute Truth, a legendary tome believed to contain the universe’s deepest secrets.

• [07:44] Otto J. Williamsburg: "The Book of Absolute Truth contains the answers to all of the questions man has asked in the past and will ever ask in the future."

Elmer is skeptical but enticed by the hefty reward.

• [09:18] Elmer Korn: "Oh, boy. Quarter of a million? I could pay off my mortgage, have a little bit left over."

Journey to Kashtar and Meeting Achmed

Elmer travels to the remote country of Kashtar, navigating through local warnings and encountering a mysterious character named Achmed at the Idiya Cafe.

• [11:05] Achmed: "Hey, you with the pale face."

After a tense interaction where Achmed threatens Elmer, it becomes clear that Achmed has deeper knowledge about the quest.

• [13:33] Elmer Korn: "Achmed. Well, please meet your acquaintance."

Achmed reveals information about the Canyon of Death and the dangers that lie ahead, including pygmies with a taste for human flesh.

• [14:16] Elmer Korn: "Pygmies? Oh, my goodness. I never thought I'd ask this question. Can you point me the way to the Canyon of Death?"

The Cave of a Thousand Terrors

Guided reluctantly by Achmed, Elmer ventures into the Cave of a Thousand Terrors, where he faces life-threatening challenges orchestrated by Otto J. Williamsburg.

• [21:15] Otto J. Williamsburg: "You humans are so stupid. I am Asha and I am omnipresent."

Williamsburg, revealing his true identity as Asha, imposes two deadly tasks: confronting a pack of rabid monkeys and navigating the Piranha Pool.

• [21:58] Otto J. Williamsburg: "You must confront a pack of rabid monkeys. Then... the Piranha Pool."

Elmer grapples with these dangers, using his wit to survive, including swinging across a vine to avoid piranhas.

• [23:09] Elmer Korn: "I gotta swing across this thing. Here we go."

The Twist: A Deceptive Adventure

Just as Elmer retrieves the Book of Absolute Truth, Achmed intervenes, revealing the adventure as a manipulated setup by Otto J. Williamsburg for a personal movie project.

• [25:28] Elmer Korn: "You ain't fooling. The only thing I got out of this is a story to tell the folks down in Biloxi."

Achmed discloses that the entire quest was staged, and the "book" is nonexistent—a plot orchestrated by Williamsburg to create a real-life adventure for his disdain of television and movies.

• [25:48] Elmer Korn: "Mr. Corden, huh?"

Climactic Confrontation and Conclusion

In the final showdown, Asha (Otto J. Williamsburg) attempts to seize control, but through a combination of quick thinking and Achmed’s assistance, Elmer manages to thwart the antagonist’s plans.

• [27:14] Elmer Korn: "Mr. Williams, watch out."

Ultimately, Elmer escapes the rigged adventure, returning to Biloxi with a thrilling tale but no financial gain, as the promised reward evaporates.

• [28:10] Achmed: "They gonna come with me to the Idiot Cafe, Mr. Gordon."

Final Thoughts and Narrator’s Closure

The Narrator wraps up the episode, humorously tying back to the initial morgue predicament, urging listeners to return once the plumbing issues are resolved.

• [28:20] Elmer Korn: "Well, that was our story for today... Until next time. Pleasant."

• [29:14] Narrator: "You have just heard Chet Cheddar's Tales from the Morgue. Today's installment, Elmer and the Book of Absolute Truth..."

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Elmer Korn on the Pipe Burst:
  [00:32] Elmer Korn: "Our old rusty pipes just gave out on us last night... It looks like the rats could not adapt to their marine-like environment."

• Otto J. Williamsburg on Seeking Truth:
  [07:49] Otto J. Williamsburg: "I seek a human adventure, Mr. Corn. One with real life experiences."

• Elmer’s Skepticism:
  [08:14] Elmer Korn: "Oh, I get you. Like would it tell how they make Styrofoam and how they put the cheese in those cans?"

• Achmed’s Warning:
  [13:15] Otto J. Williamsburg: "We may meet again, pale one. And you will not be so lucky."

• Elmer’s Realization:
  [25:03] Elmer Korn: "Mr. Williamsburg. What the heck are you doing here? Look, look, I found the book."

• Final Confrontation:
  [27:24] Otto J. Williamsburg: "Get in there."

Key Themes and Insights

• The Allure of Adventure vs. Reality: The episode explores the human desire for excitement and adventure, contrasting it with mundane realities and the potential consequences of chasing grandiose quests.

• Manipulation and Deception: Otto J. Williamsburg's orchestrated adventure serves as a commentary on the lengths to which individuals might go to create entertainment, regardless of the ethical implications.

• Friendship and Trust: Achmed's intervention highlights the importance of genuine connections and trust in overcoming deceptions and adversities.

• Humor Amidst Danger: Elmer Korn's humorous perspective provides levity in tense situations, embodying the spirit of old-time radio's ability to balance suspense with comedy.

Conclusion

"Tales From The Morgue – Elmer And The Book Of Absolute Truth" delivers a thrilling narrative filled with suspense, humor, and unexpected twists. Through Elmer Korn's journey, listeners are entertained by a classic adventure that pays homage to the storytelling style of the Golden Age of Radio. Whether you're a longtime fan or new to Harold's Old Time Radio, this episode promises an engaging experience that captures the essence of vintage radio drama.