Taxi xx-xx-xx 1-31-11

Summary

---

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: Taxi xx-xx-xx 1-31-11
Date: February 18, 2026
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio

---

Overview

This episode of "Taxi" takes listeners on a comedic journey through the misadventures of New York cab driver Chuck Edwards, his fiancée Michael ("Myrtle"), and his pal Red Kowalski. The main plot revolves around Michael coercing Chuck to enter her into a "Ms. Fianci 1969" contest, which spirals into a farcical attempt at romance, camping, and ultimately, a very ironic prize.

---

Key Discussion Points & Episode Breakdown

1. The "Ms. Fianci 1969" Contest

• [01:19] Chuck introduces himself and describes Michael’s sudden obsession with a magazine competition where men write about their fiancées and submit bikini photos for a cash prize.

  • Memorable quote:

    "When Michael gets bugged, she stays bugged."
    — Chuck Edwards ([01:19])

• Michael insists Chuck write a letter and take her photo.

  • Michael:

    "You owes me something for having given you the best years of my life." ([02:21])

• Chuck reluctantly agrees after Michael issues an ultimatum:

  "You got three days or else. Or else you and me is true overs Cordova's Benito." ([02:46])

---

2. Writing the Submission

• Chuck consults sidekick Red Kowalski at the cab stand, who offers to write the entry but admits poetry is not his strong suit.

  • Red:

    "I've written lots of things... I wrote a lot of poetry once, remember?" ([03:35])

• The men discuss the awkwardness of sending a bikini photo, especially given Michael's physique.

  • Chuck:

    "Moytal is a great dame. But one thing she ain't is fat. In fact... she is skinny. And if I takes a photo of Michael in the bikini..." ([04:40])

---

3. The Strange Offer and the Trailer Adventure

• Chuck picks up a fare who is frustrated about paying for a vacation trailer he now can't use. Chuck seizes the chance for a free holiday with Michael and Red.

  "Why shouldn't I take this trailer for me and Michael?" ([06:32])

• Chuck finalizes the plan, expecting the vacation to distract Michael from the contest.

---

4. The Bikini Photo Debacle ([08:07])

• At home, Red and Michael are mid-photo shoot—both sporting bikinis due to a comic misunderstanding.

  • Red:

    "So since I was gonna take the photo, I wasn't sure whether I had to wear the bikini or Michael." ([09:27])

• Chuck is exasperated but distracted by the opportunity to share the trailer news.

• Red has written a poem for the competition ("Michael is like summer... she is nice to look back on... also warm and falls between spring and autumn." [11:08]), and pushes Chuck to sign it.

---

5. The Trailer Vacation Catastrophe

• The trio hit the road, spirits high but quickly descend into slapstick chaos once camping.

  • Red gets trapped in a collapsed tent:

    "That was like being in the black hole of la Kalahari."
    — Red ([14:52])

• Michael insists on sleeping alone inside the trailer, leaving Chuck and Red freezing outside.

  "I am sleeping inside on my own like a respectable unmarried lady should." ([16:51])

• Fear of wolves and cold leads the men to (poorly) re-hitch the trailer and drive on—unbeknownst to them, they leave the trailer (and Michael, asleep) behind.

---

6. Michael Stranded and The Roadside Reunion ([21:07])

• Michael awakes alone, locked in the trailer.
• After being rescued and finding Chuck and Red, she's furious and delivers retribution:

  "I am sick of your excuses. You've had this coming to you for a long time. Jack, Edward, Swat this." [smack] ([24:21])

---

7. The Final Twist—Poetic Justice

• The group returns home dejected—only to receive a letter revealing Chuck’s entry won a prize in the contest.

• The prize?

  "A deluxe 3 Boyd caravan. A honeymoon home on wheels." ([26:04])

• Beat, bemused, and resigned, they realize they've just won exactly what they never wanted to see again.

  • Michael:

    "Oh, no."
    — ([26:08])

  • Chuck:

    "Oh, yeah."
    — ([26:10])

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Chuck on relationships:

  "Lately we has got so steady we don't even move no more." ([02:40])

• The poem attempt:

  "Michael is like summer. She is nice to look back on. She is nice when she is here. And she is nice to look forward to. She is also warm and falls between spring and autumn." ([11:08])

• Red’s confusion over the bikini photo:

  "So we played it safe and both wore bikinis." ([09:53])

• Michael's practical approach:

  "I am sleeping inside on my own like a respectable unmarried lady should." ([16:51])

• The ultimate punchline—winning the caravan:

  "A deluxe 3 Boyd caravan. A honeymoon home on wheels." ([26:04])

---

Important Timestamps

• [01:19] — Contest is revealed; Michael’s demands
• [03:35] — Red’s poetic ambitions
• [04:40] — Bikini photo anxieties and body image
• [06:32] — The trailer vacation offer
• [08:07] — The sitcom bikini photo shoot confusion
• [11:08] — The entry poem and its reading
• [14:22] — Tent disaster camping scene
• [16:51] — Michael enforces sleeping arrangements
• [19:27] — The trailer is left behind (unbeknownst)
• [21:07] — Michael wakes, stranded
• [24:21] — Michael’s fury and slapstick retribution
• [26:04] — Winning the caravan prize; comedic full circle

---

Tone and Style

The episode is packed with quick wit, classic screwball dialogue, New York cabbie slang, and endearing exaggeration. The chemistry and comic timing between the main trio create a nostalgic, golden-age-of-radio atmosphere, with tongue-in-cheek banter and a farcical chain of mishaps.

---

In short:
A simple contest entry catapults Chuck, Michael, and Red into a snowballing chain of comedic misadventures, culminating in poetic justice—a prize they hilariously never wanted. This classic "Taxi" episode is a delightful throwback to radio storytelling’s golden days, delivering big on laughs, character, and old-school charm.

Transcript

[Narrator/Announcer]

If you're the purchasing manager at a manufacturing plant, you know having a trusted partner makes all the difference. That's why hands down, you count on Grainger for auto reordering. With on time restocks, your team will have the cut resistant gloves they need at the start of their shift. And you can end your day knowing they've got safety well in hand. Call 1-800-GRAINGER Click grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.

[Chuck Edwards]

Taxi. Taxi. Taxi.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

The time right now. The characters, you name them, we got them. The scene New York City. We present Taxi. A week by week account of the trials and tribulations of a New York taxi driver.

[Chuck Edwards]

Hi there. Chuck's the name. Jack Edwards. Now, my dame Michael is a pretty easy going mouse. She has to be with me as a steady or unsteady, depending on how you looks at it. But every now and so often something bugs her. And when Michael gets bugged, she stays bugged. Now the guy that wrote there is nothing like a dame must have had my dame Moital in mind. Because Believe you me, Ms. Weston, there ain't nothing like my dame. Not even another dame. Yeah, it all happens when she sees a competition in a magazine about Ms. Fiancia 1969. I was wanted her apartment at the time.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

You see here, Chuck.

[Chuck Edwards]

Yeah, I see. So.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

So all the guys has got a writing nice things about their fiance and a photo in a bikini. And the one that wins get a thousand bucks.

[Chuck Edwards]

So, so.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

Right.

[Chuck Edwards]

Me. You. About you.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

About me? Gee, what do you mean she?

[Chuck Edwards]

No, no, nothing. But I mean that sort of stuff is for the kids. Ah, leave us. Face it, neither you or me as kids no more.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

I am in the prime of life. The prime. And furthermore, Chuck Edwards, you owes me something for having given you the best years of my life.

[Chuck Edwards]

Aha, so you admit they have been the best years.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

No thanks to you. Now is your chance to prove to the world and his wife that you loves me.

[Chuck Edwards]

Look, I don't have to prove nothing. We is going steady, ain't we? That's proof enough.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

Oh sure, we's going steady. Lately we has got so steady we don't even move no more.

[Chuck Edwards]

Ha ha, very funny.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

The competition closes in three days. You got three days or else. Or else you and me is true overs Cordova's Benito.

[Chuck Edwards]

Like that. Out of the blue, all of a sudden I has to write a lot of hooey about why I loves my broad and what a great broad she is and send in a photo of her in A bikini. Yet my buddy Red is no big help when I tells him about it. Nita.

[Red Kowalski]

Gee, that is beautiful, Chuck.

[Chuck Edwards]

What's beautiful about it?

[Red Kowalski]

It's a beautiful thought. After 30 years of walking out, you tells the world why she is the greatest financee in the business.

[Chuck Edwards]

What do you mean 30 years? It's 15. We hardly knows each other. It only seems like 30.

[Red Kowalski]

So what are you gonna write?

[Chuck Edwards]

I ain't gonna write nothing. The whole thing is ridiculous.

[Red Kowalski]

I'll write it for you, okay?

[Chuck Edwards]

You sure?

[Red Kowalski]

Why not? I've written lots of things I can write. Why, Myrtle is the greatest fiance. I wrote a lot of poetry once, remember?

[Chuck Edwards]

Oh, boy, don't remind me.

[Red Kowalski]

So?

[Chuck Edwards]

So she ain't your fiance. So you can't write and I gotta do it.

[Red Kowalski]

So what are you gonna write?

[Chuck Edwards]

Nothing. I ain't gonna do it. I ain't gonna write nothing. Well, it ain't difficult to make up your mind. No, that's easy. The difficult bit comes when you gotta keep it made up. That's the trick. Next day on the rank things don't look so good. And even if I does write some nice things about it. What about that bikini bit?

[Red Kowalski]

What bikini bit?

[Chuck Edwards]

You're gonna send in a photo in a bikini. However you looks at it, that is gonna look ridiculous.

[Red Kowalski]

Yeah, you won't look so good in a bikini. Those legs too.

[Chuck Edwards]

Now. Not me. You're Mark Moital.

[Red Kowalski]

Oh.

[Chuck Edwards]

Anyways, what's wrong with my legs?

[Red Kowalski]

No, no, nothing. No. So you gotta send in a photo of Moitl in a bikini. Yeah, I don't see no problem.

[Chuck Edwards]

Now look, Moitl is a great dame. But one thing she ain't is fat. In fact, she ain't even well built. If I has to be perfectly truthful, she is thin. In fact, she is skinny. And if I takes a photo of Michael in the bikini.

[Red Kowalski]

Jerk. You was making a mountain out of a molehill.

[Chuck Edwards]

No, I ain't. But that's what we gotta do if Michael's photograph is gonna look like anything. Then all of a sudden, fate takes a hand in the whole cabisus. I picks up a fair and this boy. Oh, is he moaning. He is moaning but good. And all over a caravan. Yeah, that's right, a caravan. A trailer.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

You see, I booked the darn thing because the wife and I were sent to take a vacation. And then this business comes.

[Chuck Edwards]

Yeah, what business?

[Narrator/Storyteller]

A little drama down at the factory. I'm in a factory. So what happens?

[Chuck Edwards]

You tell me what happens.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

No vacation. I can't get away. But I've already booked the darn trailer and paid for it.

[Chuck Edwards]

Wow, that ain't so bad. You tell them, they'll refund you.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Not a chance. I just come from there. Oh, they had every answer in the book. But the long and short of it is that I have booked and paid for a three berth luxury caravan and I can't use it.

[Chuck Edwards]

Well, listen mister, they can find some other guy to take over the whole deal.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Why should they? They got their dough.

[Chuck Edwards]

Well, you dad, you find somebody.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Today is Thursday. My higher period starts from Monday. Between then and now I gotta find somebody who wants a trailer. Somebody who has a vacation that period. And somebody who hasn't booked in anywhere yet. Forget it. No soap. I'll just have to lose the dough, that's all. Now that I don't mind, dough ain't all that important. Especially such small potatoes. But to think that those jokers. The trailer hire company. To think that they are making a monkey out of me. That gets me right here. I'd even give the darn thing to somebody to use for that period. If I could find somebody.

[Chuck Edwards]

Bingo. Right between the beepers. That's how it hit me. Why shouldn't I take this trailer for me and Michael? And the man says like it's a tree boyth. So we can take Red along for a chaperoni. Yeah, why not? That would get her mind off this Miss Fiancy contest. That's what I reckons. I pushed a deal to the old Boyd. Say, mister.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Yeah?

[Chuck Edwards]

You say you'd give this thing away? I mean, you'd hand over the whole trailer to somebody for nothing?

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Sure, with pleasure. Why not?

[Chuck Edwards]

Okay, I'll take it.

[Red Kowalski]

You?

[Chuck Edwards]

Yeah, I got a vacation coming up. A trailer for free. Gee, that's something that don't come up every day.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Would you really like to take it?

[Chuck Edwards]

Would you really like to give it to me?

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Look, take a few hours.

[Red Kowalski]

Think it over.

[Chuck Edwards]

Call me. I thought it over. I'll take it. Mister, when can I pick it up?

[Narrator/Storyteller]

That's all paid for. I'll give you the receipt and clearance. You can pick up the trailer whenever you like.

[Chuck Edwards]

And that was that.

[Narrator/Announcer]

If you're the purchasing manager at a manufacturing plant, you know having a trusted partner makes all the difference. That's why hands down, you count on Grainger for auto reordering with on time restocks. Your team will have the cut resistant gloves they need at the start of their shift. And you can end your day knowing they've got safety well in hand. Call 1-800-granger click granger.com. or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.

[Chuck Edwards]

Come six o' clock and I get you onto the apartment, I am ready to break the good news to Red and to give Michael a call on the blower and tell her I opens the door. Hi, Red, I'm home.

[Red Kowalski]

Now say roo Re. No, no, no, no. Not Ru. See, I want to get a come and get me look in the lips. Say Ru.

[Chuck Edwards]

Who would want to come and get you?

[Red Kowalski]

No, not me. Myrtle.

[Chuck Edwards]

Hey.

[Red Kowalski]

Hey.

[Chuck Edwards]

What goes on here?

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

What's it look like?

[Chuck Edwards]

It looks like you're posing for the Help Feed Vietnam campaign.

[Red Kowalski]

Please, Chuck, a creative artiste has enough trouble without you.

[Chuck Edwards]

Since when did you have a camera?

[Red Kowalski]

Since I bought one today so's I could take my little photo in a bikini.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

Ah.

[Red Kowalski]

Now if you don't mind. Chuck, you is throwing a shadow.

[Chuck Edwards]

That's a habit I developed when I was born. Throwing a shadow? What must I do? Fade away?

[Red Kowalski]

Just stand over there a little.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

Huh? Oh, go in the bedroom. You make me nervous.

[Chuck Edwards]

Oh, so I make you nervous? It's okay that you stand in front of this Polack joint wearing nothing but a coy expression.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

I am wearing a bikini.

[Chuck Edwards]

Yeah, well, looking at you from the side, you could have fooled me.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

What you mean by that crack?

[Chuck Edwards]

I mean that from the side you looks like. Yeah, well, never mind. I. I don't want to get personal. Just one thing I would like to know. What are you supposed to be?

[Red Kowalski]

Me?

[Chuck Edwards]

Yeah, you.

[Red Kowalski]

I am the phot. The. The. The foot. The. The. I. I am the guy that takes the photo.

[Chuck Edwards]

So why are you also wearing the bikini?

[Red Kowalski]

Well, you see Chuck, I. I got a bit confused. You told me there had to be a photo of Michael taken in a bikin. So I wasn't sure whether it was a photo of Moital in a bikini or a photo of Mytle taken in a bikini. So since I was gonna take the photo, I wasn't sure whether I had to wear the bikini or Michael.

[Chuck Edwards]

Hoo boy.

[Red Kowalski]

So we played it safe and both wore bikinis.

[Chuck Edwards]

So how has the photo turned out?

[Red Kowalski]

We ain't taking it yet.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

Listen, when you stools finish chewing the pot, I face in here, okay?

[Red Kowalski]

Say rule. That's it. Great. I got it. Gee, thanks, Michel.

[Chuck Edwards]

So you got it. Now would you two mind. I got something to tell you both.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

Okay, so wait till I get some clothes on.

[Red Kowalski]

Yeah, me too.

[Chuck Edwards]

What's the matter? Does wearing bikinis make you deaf? Well, I told those two apes to deal. We had the use of a Trailer for a week for free. And Michael was knocked out. Red. Well, he was out before we started, so I couldn't guess how it grabbed him. So all we has to do is to organize the vacation position. As it happens, we is lucky on account of it is a very slack time in the cabby business. And we all manages to wangle our leave. So comes the Monday morning. I am all ready to go to collect the trader.

[Red Kowalski]

Chuck.

[Chuck Edwards]

Yeah?

[Red Kowalski]

Before you goes, just sign this please.

[Chuck Edwards]

Sign what?

[Red Kowalski]

This. This.

[Chuck Edwards]

Well, what is it?

[Red Kowalski]

Oh, it's just the poems and nice things to go with the photograph, that's all.

[Chuck Edwards]

You means you were sending in that photo?

[Red Kowalski]

Certainly.

[Chuck Edwards]

So what must I sign? I ain't written nothing to go with it.

[Red Kowalski]

No, but I have. Michael is like summer. She is nice to look back on. She is nice when she is here. And she is nice to look forward to. She is also warm and falls between spring and autumn.

[Chuck Edwards]

Falls between spring. What are you talking about?

[Red Kowalski]

Summer falls between spring.

[Chuck Edwards]

Okay, okay, okay.

[Red Kowalski]

Why, what you think?

[Chuck Edwards]

Never mind what I thought.

[Red Kowalski]

Oh, then there's the poem.

[Chuck Edwards]

Oh no.

[Red Kowalski]

Now if you remembers the last time I tried writing a poem about Moydal, I had trouble getting anything to rhyme with Moyle except title. But this time I use my head.

[Chuck Edwards]

Does that rhyme with mytle? Skip it. So.

[Red Kowalski]

So this is what I come up with. My broad Michael for short. I calls her Moight. The finest piece of scoid that ever kicked a fella in the mouth. Oh no, wait a minute. I must have typed that wrong. That should be that. Ever kissed a fella on the mouth? You can go search anywhere. Search anywhere you care. The north, the west, the east and in the south. Cause when you're looking for abroad they all say with one accord. Michael. Michael. Michael. Michael. Michael. Michael.

[Chuck Edwards]

That's it.

[Red Kowalski]

That is it. Oh boy. So just sign there, I'll post it. We can go and fetch the trailer.

[Chuck Edwards]

Well, guys and dolls, I didn't want to argue with Red. That takes forever. And anyways, what chance did that lotahui have A winning any price? So he hops into my jalopy and goes over to collect moito. I has had the towing bar and all that jazz fixed. And the three of us is soon in the old cab with the trailer buzzing merrily along behind us.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

She. This is the life, huh?

[Chuck Edwards]

Yeah, this is the life.

[Red Kowalski]

Yeah, this is the life.

[Chuck Edwards]

You comfortable, honey?

[Red Kowalski]

Yeah, I'm fine.

[Chuck Edwards]

Not you.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

Oh, me. Oh, I'm fine. Gee, this is. Oh.

[Chuck Edwards]

What's the matter?

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

I. I just wondered if I turned up the stove.

[Chuck Edwards]

What would you have had the stove on for at that time of day?

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

Yeah, that's true.

[Chuck Edwards]

So stop worrying. Enjoy yourself. The three of us is going to have the week of our lives. Well, I didn't know how right I was. Oh boy, what a time that turned out to be. Anyway, comes the first night, Red and me hits a swell spot about 150 miles from New York. I's been taking it easy on the cut of having the trailer behind me, which I ain't used to. We parks and Red un hitches the wagon and puts up the tent. Or at least that is what he is supposed to be doing. While I gets to get us some sticks so that we can have a real old fashioned fire. Whitehall is inside the caravan cooking up something to eat and I gets back.

[Red Kowalski]

Will somebody give me a hand? Red? Yeah, I'm over here in the tent.

[Chuck Edwards]

Hey, what happened?

[Red Kowalski]

I don't know, except that pole thing fell down. Left me holding up the tent. There ain't much air in here.

[Chuck Edwards]

You've been standing there holding the thing up?

[Red Kowalski]

Yeah. What do I do now?

[Chuck Edwards]

Why don't you just let go and crawl out?

[Red Kowalski]

See, I never thought of that. Oh. Oh boy. That was like being in the black hole of la Kalahari.

[Chuck Edwards]

Calcutta.

[Red Kowalski]

That ain't in the Kalahari.

[Chuck Edwards]

So how long was you standing there holding up the middle of the tent with the rest of it collapsed all around you?

[Red Kowalski]

Hours. Ever since you went to look for sticks.

[Chuck Edwards]

Well, that was 10 minutes ago. Why don't you shout?

[Red Kowalski]

I did. Mydal is inside. She didn't hear. I shouted and shouted till I was horse in the face.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

Supper's ready.

[Chuck Edwards]

Okay honey, just gotta get this tent thing up now. Come on, Red, I'll give you a hand. Now you take that side and I'll take this side. Now is this the bolt in the middle?

[Red Kowalski]

Yeah, that's it.

[Chuck Edwards]

Okay, I'll just get this up while you fix the sides.

[Red Kowalski]

Yeah, okay. I'll knock these in. Just don't drop that middle pole like I did or you're stuck.

[Chuck Edwards]

What?

[Red Kowalski]

I said don't drop that middle pole like I did or else.

[Chuck Edwards]

Hey, what's that?

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

Hey Red.

[Chuck Edwards]

Hey Red. You got all the sides neatly hammered into the ground?

[Red Kowalski]

Yeah, I just busy on the last one. There. We are all finished. You can come out now, you big stupid.

[Chuck Edwards]

Jake, what's wrong? Where the heck am I gonna get out if you hammered all the edges into the ground? I'm trapped. Well, we started all over again and at last I got out. We got the tent up at last. By this time, the child that Myrtle had been cooking was cold and the fire that I had lit had gone out. So the three of us sat inside the tent shivering and eating cold food. A great start.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

I might have known it. I should have known better.

[Chuck Edwards]

Oh, honey. I said we're sorry.

[Red Kowalski]

Yeah, Chuck's sorry.

[Chuck Edwards]

Me? It was your fault in the first place.

[Red Kowalski]

Mine? I didn't arrange to borrow this thing, did I?

[Chuck Edwards]

Oh, well, forget it. I reckon the best place is bad. Come on.

[Red Kowalski]

Yeah, okay, okay.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

Just a minute. Just a minute. Where you two lugs think you're going?

[Chuck Edwards]

Into the trailer. There's three boys in there.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

Is that so? Well, you can forget it.

[Chuck Edwards]

What do you mean, forget it?

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

That is what you can forget. I am sleeping inside on my own like a respectable unmarried lady should. You two can sleep in the tent out here.

[Red Kowalski]

Oh, no.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

Well, both of you keep talking. All that hot air will keep you warm. Good night.

[Chuck Edwards]

Oh, boy. How about that? But Michael means what she says. She has made up her mind. And one thing I will say about my broad, Michael. When she makes up her mind, she makes up her mind. She goes inside the trailer and knocks the door. Yet me and Red looks at each other in the tent. Then we looks at the two sleeping bags which we are supposed to use to sleep in. I don't say nothing. Neither does Red. We don't get undressed. We just crawl into the sleeping bags and, boy, is that cold.

[Red Kowalski]

Choke.

[Chuck Edwards]

Yeah.

[Red Kowalski]

What was that?

[Chuck Edwards]

What was what? That.

[Red Kowalski]

Oh, that.

[Chuck Edwards]

Yeah, that sounded like. No, no, couldn't have been.

[Red Kowalski]

Couldn't have been what? It was. It was a wolf. I'm coming in with you.

[Chuck Edwards]

No, no, no, you ain't. No, no. These are sleeping bags. Just four. One. There's no room. Oh.

[Red Kowalski]

Oh, what?

[Chuck Edwards]

Red, get out of here. No, Red, we can't both sleep into one sleeping bag. There's no room to breathe.

[Red Kowalski]

We'll take it in turns. I ain't staying over there.

[Chuck Edwards]

Oh, now, listen, this is ridiculous. Neither of us is going to get any sleep.

[Red Kowalski]

I'd sooner be a tired cabby than a rested wolf's breakfast.

[Chuck Edwards]

Come on. Come on, get out. I got an idea. What?

[Red Kowalski]

What, what?

[Chuck Edwards]

Now, look. Look, we ain't gonna get no sleep this way, that's for sure. Now, I saw on the map that the nearest trailer camp is only a hundred miles away. Now, I figured we should hitch up the jalopy again and drive there. We might as well be driving us lying here awake and cold.

[Red Kowalski]

Oh, well, at least it'll be warmer in the car. Well, how about Mytyl?

[Chuck Edwards]

Ah, nothing. No point in waking her. We'll just leave her sleeping in the trailer while we toes it.

[Red Kowalski]

Okay, yeah, great idea. I'll get the tent down.

[Chuck Edwards]

Oh, no, no, no. We'll ain't gonna go through that routine again. I'll get the tent down and store it in the boot of the car. You can hitch the caravan onto the hook at the back of the cab. Okay. You know how to do it?

[Red Kowalski]

Sure, sure. What do you think I am, stupid?

[Chuck Edwards]

Well, that's what we does. I get the tent down and into the boot of the car. Red hitches the trailer to the car and very gently, so as not to wake Michael, and we starts driving. Red is right. The car is much warmer than that tent. And I heads towards where the map shows the trailer camp is. I must have gotten used to the feet of the trailer being hitched up because I am making better time. We've got the back seat piled high with all kinds of junk, so I can see the trailer through the rear window. But it must be coming along fine because we as right and smooth as silk. At least that's what I think. Oh, boy, how wrong can you get? What I don't know, though I should have guessed, is that little Boy Scout Kowalski, my buddy Red has not done a very good job of hitching the trailer to the car. In fact, he ain't done any kind of job. We has just driven off and left the trailer standing right where it was, with Michael fast asleep in sight. But like I say, this we don't know. And not being able to see through the rear window, we ain't got no way of finding out.

[Red Kowalski]

Say, this is better, huh?

[Chuck Edwards]

Yeah, this is better.

[Red Kowalski]

Yeah, this is better. My little shook on to get a surprise when she wakes up, huh?

[Chuck Edwards]

Yeah, she sure is.

[Red Kowalski]

I mean, there she went to sleep out in the wilds and she's gonna wake up in a proper trailer camp. She'll sure get a surprise.

[Chuck Edwards]

Yeah, Rhett, she'll sure get a surprise when she wakes up. But we didn't know how big a surprise. And neither did Michael.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

Oh, what time is it? Six o'.

[Chuck Edwards]

Clock.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

Gee, sun comes up early out of town. Wonder if those two legs are awake yet. Now, where's my gown?

[Chuck Edwards]

Now then.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

Hey, Jack. Red. Shark. What the. They gone. Both of them. And the tent's gone too. And the car. What the. They left me out here all on my own in the trailer and I. What? Oh, no. Oh, the door slammed closed and it's locked itself. Now what am I gonna do? Miles from nowhere in my gown am I hearing Kylo.

[Chuck Edwards]

Meantime, back in the cab, Red and me is bowling merrily along. The sun has come up and we figures it can't be very far to that trailer camp. Ah, not far to go now, Red.

[Red Kowalski]

No, not far, Chuck. Say, I'm getting hungry. How about you?

[Chuck Edwards]

Yeah, you're right. You know, a nice place of bacon and eggs is going to go down real good. Hey, what's with that guy?

[Red Kowalski]

Who knows?

[Chuck Edwards]

What's he hooting for?

[Red Kowalski]

The guy on the motorcycle.

[Chuck Edwards]

Search me, Stupid Jake. Hey, he's waving too. Now that's a dangerous thing to do on a motorcycle.

[Red Kowalski]

Yeah. Say, look, he's got a dame riding pillion behind him.

[Chuck Edwards]

Oh, yeah. Hey, she's waving too. Go on, give him a wave back.

[Red Kowalski]

Yeah, okay.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Yoo hoo.

[Red Kowalski]

Ooh.

[Chuck Edwards]

What's the matter?

[Red Kowalski]

That dame on the back of the motorcycle.

[Chuck Edwards]

Huh?

[Red Kowalski]

She's wearing a gown and Kayla's in her hair. Or maybe that's a new style crash helmet.

[Chuck Edwards]

Yeah, it could be. Let's see. Oh, no.

[Red Kowalski]

What?

[Chuck Edwards]

That ain't no crash helmet. That is Koila's. And that ain't no dame. That's my little.

[Red Kowalski]

Yeah, you're right. How does she get out of the trailer?

[Chuck Edwards]

That I do not know. But one thing I do know, I better pull over and find out. Hey, why ain't you sleeping in the trailer in the bag?

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

Because, you big dope, if you takes a look, you'll see there ain't no trailer in the back.

[Red Kowalski]

That's right. So how did you.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

That's a big idea of driving up and leaving me.

[Chuck Edwards]

Leaving you? Honey, we didn't do nothing.

[Red Kowalski]

Are you okay now, lady?

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

Oh, yeah. Thanks a lot for the lift.

[Red Kowalski]

That's okay, just so long as you're okay.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

So why did you drive off and leave me?

[Chuck Edwards]

Well, you see, my little honey. Now, now, Red was supposed to hitch the.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

I am sick of your excuses. You've had this coming to you for a long time. Jack, Edward, Swat this.

[Red Kowalski]

Gee, right on the button.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

And as for you, Red Kowalski.

[Red Kowalski]

Now, wait a minute, Michael, this is for you. What?

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

This? Yeah. Oh. Oh.

[Red Kowalski]

Gee, right on the button. I'm getting out of here before it gets to be a habit.

[Chuck Edwards]

Well, that was the end of our little outing in the trailer. We heads back home, hitching up the trailer properly this time. On the way. One thing the three of us is sure about. We never wants to see a caravan again. So he gets back to the appointment.

[Red Kowalski]

Oh, gee. Oh, it's good to be home, huh? Hey, here's some mail for you.

[Chuck Edwards]

For me?

[Red Kowalski]

Yeah.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

Well, open it. See who it's from.

[Red Kowalski]

Oh, yeah.

[Chuck Edwards]

Dear Mr. Edwards. Oh, no.

[Red Kowalski]

What is it?

[Chuck Edwards]

You read it. Me? I just want to cry.

[Red Kowalski]

Okay. Dear Mr. Edwards, real competition. Ms. Fianci of 1969. We have pleasure in advising you that you have won a prize.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

Oh, that's marvelous.

[Red Kowalski]

We are proud to announce that you have won the second prize.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

Second prize? What is it?

[Red Kowalski]

A deluxe 3 Boyd caravan. A honeymoon home on wheels.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

Oh, no.

[Chuck Edwards]

Oh, yeah.

[Red Kowalski]

Oh, brother.

[Chuck Edwards]

How about that? Yeah. A tree boy trailer yet. I will not tell you guys and dolls what I said, but you can guess. Oh, well, that's about it for this week. Hey, if I don't see you through the week, I'll see you through the window.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Taxi is written and produced by Joe Stewardson, directed by David Goodman. George Corellin plays Chuck Edwards. Red is Tony J. And Myrtle is played by Pat Saunders.

[Michael (Chuck's fiancee)]

Sam, It.