Taxi xx-xx-xx Dancing

Summary

Harold's Old Time Radio – Taxi Episode: "Dancing" (Feb 18, 2026)

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Main Theme

This episode of the classic radio sitcom Taxi humorously chronicles the adventures of New York taxi drivers Jack Edwards ("Chuck"), Red Kowalski, and their friends as they navigate the pitfalls of social dancing. The focus is on Red’s hapless efforts to improve his dancing, culminating in two eventful nights at the local ballroom. The episode is marked by witty banter, running gags, and a satirical look at relationships, aspiration, and the ever-complicated world of learning to dance.

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Key Discussion Points and Highlights

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1. Dancing, Confidence, and Lack Thereof

• [00:57] Jack/Chuck Introduces the Premise: Chuck humorously reflects on his and Red’s dance experiences, noting he feels more confident dancing with his cab driver’s cap on – “Besides, I can put it down over my ears at times. Some of them discos is very loud, you can't hear yourself think.”

• [02:04] Red’s Cluelessness: Red describes his dancing mishaps, such as accidentally dancing the wrong routine, crushing his partner’s feet, and being told he has “two left feet.”

  • Notable Quote:
    • Red: “She said I'd ruined her evening on account of her feet was not used to being crushed by a steam hammer.” [02:18]
    • Chuck: “The trouble with you Kowalski, you got two left feet." [02:22]
    • Red: “I have. Then how comes my shoes fits me?” [02:25]

• [03:13] Red’s Request for Help: Red officially asks Chuck for dance lessons.

  • Notable Quote:
    • Red: “I want you to teach me how to dance.” [03:13]
    • Chuck: “If I was, I'd be fighting a losing battle with you.” [03:15]

2. Bantering Among Friends

• The episode showcases constant ribbing and word games, amplifying camaraderie and establishing character quirks.
• [03:52] Chuck reports to Myrtle (“sugar”) the situation:
  • Myrtle: “What’s it this time? Is he going to run for president?” [03:52]
  • Chuck: “No, he wants to be a champion ballroom dancer.” [03:54]

3. Dance Night and the Exclusion

• [04:21] Myrtle reminds Chuck about the ballroom dance, hinting Red isn’t included.
  • Myrtle (to Chuck): “I would refer it to me and Chuck.” [04:33]
  • Red: “You're going to leave me all on my own?” [04:41]
  • Myrtle: “Watch the TV with the sound up like you always does.” [04:47]
• [05:28] Alone, Red receives a suspicious phone call inviting him for free lessons at Kelly Dance Studios. (This is clearly a set-up for more chaos.)

4. At the Dance Studio: Lessons and Antics

• [07:21] Meeting Fandango:
  • Red arrives and meets Fan Dango, the instructress.
  • Red is awkward and smitten:
    • “She. You're pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty. Okay, shoot the chassis to me, lassie.” [07:49]
• [08:10] First Dance Lesson Mishaps:
  • Red’s lack of coordination is apparent, with Fan guiding him step by step.
  • Fan: “Just remember, you can't put both feet forward at the same time. Well, at least we made two steps already.” [09:14]
• [09:28] The Arrival of Duke:
  • Duke, a Texan braggart, cuts in on the dancing with Fan and begins boasting about his ranch.
  • Chuck narrates: “He can't see. He's got two beautiful black eyes.” [10:38]

5. Escalation and Aftermath

• [10:25–10:38] Myrtle and Chuck are called to fetch Red, who’s gotten into a scrap at dance class and earned “two beautiful black eyes.”
  • “We fetched him from the studio. And we puts a couple of steaks on his eyes and we gets him to bed.” [11:53]
• [12:07] Red’s Persistent Optimism: Despite his injuries, Red is undeterred, repeating dance steps in the morning and declaring, “I could keep this up all night.” [12:25]

6. A Scheme for Love & More Chaotic Dancing

• [13:15] Red hatches a plan to win Fandango’s affection, asking Chuck to keep Duke distracted while he proposes.
• [14:32] Myrtle and Chuck themselves enroll for dance “to help.”
• [15:21] Dancing devolves into confusion and more bickering between instructors and would-be students.

7. The Big Proposal Gone Awry

• [17:07–20:05] Red continuously fails to propose, repeatedly being cut-in on by Duke. There is a comic cycle of “cutting in” among would-be suitors and dancers.
  • Notable Quote:
    • Chuck (giving Red lines): “All he has to say is, fan, I has worshiped you from afar.” [20:10]
    • Red (messing it up): “Fan, I have shipped you away from… afar... and I wishes to make you my bride. And with fish. I likes french fried.” [20:15]
• [21:00] Leads to a full-blown scuffle between Chuck and Duke.
• [21:49] In a twist, Duke—wounded—proposes to Fan, and she enthusiastically accepts:
  • Duke: “Will you marry me?” [21:49]
  • Fan: “Of course I will, honey. Of course I will.” [21:51]

8. Wrap-up and Reflections

• [22:15] Chuck humorously surmises that Red is better off not dancing:
  • “I don't think Kowalski will be taking any dance lessons for some time after what happened there. Fandango turned out to be a first-class gold digger. Nah, not the kind of thing the genius should involve himself with now. Maybe he's better off with me and Moito.”
• [22:36] “Would any of you broads be interested in taking him?... Yeah, I know that's asking too much. Ok, that's it for this week.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

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• Red, On His Cluelessness with Dancing
  “She said I'd ruined her evening on account of her feet was not used to being crushed by a steam hammer.” [02:18]
• Red’s unflagging optimism
  “I squander line dancing. The dames will be queuing up for me. That'll show Edwards. Smartly used to clever one.” [07:02]
• Fan Dango, Overwhelmed
  “Oh, no. It's gonna be one of those nights.” [08:46]
• The Big Proposal Fumble
  Chuck: “All he has to say is, fan, I has worshiped you from afar.” [20:10]
  Red: “Fan, I have shipped you away from… afar... and I wishes to make you my bride. And with fish. I likes french fried.” [20:15]

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Important Segment Timestamps

• [00:57] – Chuck introduces the crew and dance subject
• [02:04] – Red's dancing disaster anecdotes
• [03:13] – Red asks Chuck to teach him to dance
• [04:21] – Plan to go to the dance, Red is left out
• [05:28] – Red gets invite to "two free" dance lessons
• [07:21] – Red arrives at Dance Studio, meets Fandango
• [10:25] – Chuck gets call: Red needs rescuing; he's been in a fight
• [12:07] – Red, undeterred, practices dance with black eyes
• [13:15] – Red plans to propose, needs Chuck’s help
• [20:05] – Chuck tries coaching Red’s proposal
• [21:49] – Duke proposes to Fan, and she accepts
• [22:15] – Chuck concludes the episode with reflections and dry humor

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Tone and Style

The episode is brimming with New York wisecracks, self-deprecating humor, malapropisms, and physical comedy in dialogue. It plays up the tropes of odd-couple friendships, romantic misadventures, and working-class ambition, all with a playful, rapid-fire delivery typical of radio comedies from the era.

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In Summary

This installment of Taxi delivers classic sitcom chaos: Red’s sincere but bungling quest for dance-floor glory leads to mishap, heartbreak, and fisticuffs, but never quite dims his optimism. Through sharp-tongued banter, misunderstandings, and a few black eyes, the gang navigates both the literal and figurative “quick, quick, slow” of life and love.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

We present Taxi A week by week account of the trials and tribulations of a New York taxi driver.

[C]

Hi there. Jack's the name. Jack Edwards. Say I was used guys abroad on the old dancing king. You know, stalls the quick step, the tango. Not to mention the frog, the shrug and the bob. Me immortal. We is pretty good at tripping the old white fantastic. Well, she goes on to be for wearing my cap on the dance floor. I don't know. So it gives me confidence. Besides, I can put it down over my ears at times. Some of them discos is very loud, you can't hear yourself pink. Now the genius Kowalski, he. He is what you might say, useless at that sort of thing. He don't know his left from his right. Ask him which hand is the left, he'll say it's the one he changes gear with. Which is why he never manages to find himself attain when he comes dancing with us. Michael says he feeds too big. Anyways, you know there is times when the joy can become very triumph. Like the time when he wanted the three of us to dance together. Yeah, Kind of case of who does what with which and to whom. If he knows what that means. And then sometimes he decides to dance all by himself. Trouble is he says the conversation while he's dancing gets very one sided. Anyways, dancing and such is the subject of tonight. McGilla. We was yakking down on the rank one morning. Did I say we? I means he.

[D]

And I was dancing with this Daincy and I says to her, she I like dancing at tango with you. And she says to me you do? It might be better if you realize the band is playing the world.

[C]

No kidding?

[D]

Yeah. When the dance finished she gave me one on a kisser.

[C]

What for?

[D]

She said I'd ruined her evening on account of her feet was not used to being crushed by a steam hammer.

[C]

The trouble with you Kowalski, you got two left feet.

[D]

I have. Then how comes my shoes fits me?

[C]

Okay, merely a figure of a speech.

[D]

Now careful Chuck. Use inclining to confuse me.

[C]

What I is trying to say Is you lacks coordination.

[D]

I don't. Gee, is that bad? Could I take something for it maybe?

[C]

Yeah, you could. Maybe. Of course, with a hedge wrinkle I.

[D]

Somehow get the impression you was quietly trying to extract the mickey.

[C]

Me? Make fun of my bone? I does perhaps insult you now and again.

[D]

Oh no, you can't insult me. I's too ignorant.

[C]

Yeah, you got a point there.

[D]

So, rewriting to the subject heretofore, taking into account all the exigencies of the situation, I come to the final conclusion that I have to enlist the benefit of your superior knowledge of the hokubitus. Bearing in mind that you are inclined to be extremely proficient in this particular field.

[C]

Come again?

[D]

I want you to teach me how to dance.

[C]

What? Now? Go ahead. Is you out of your scholar? You ain't no teacher. And if I was, I'd be fighting a losing battle with you.

[D]

So what does you advise?

[C]

I advises you to drop the whole subject. Change the course of the conversation, will ya?

[D]

Is that your final word?

[C]

Yep. Change the subject.

[D]

A large amount of weather we've happened lately.

[E]

Calling CAP 18. Calling CAPS 18. Coming, Chuck.

[C]

Hi there, sugar. Oh, boy, am I glad to hear you.

[D]

Uhuh.

[E]

Don't tell me you got apex pad with you.

[C]

Yeah, bend in my ear as usual.

[E]

What's it this time? Is he going to run for president?

[C]

No, he wants to be a champion ballroom dancer.

[D]

Derision, derision, always derision. As you finish. Moit no.

[E]

Red domestica one. The original slow, slow, quick, quick, slow man.

[C]

Yeah, only he's slow all the time.

[D]

You may laugh and you may chat, but he who laughs, laughs. Laughs too much all the time. You'll see.

[E]

Oh, speaking of dancing reminds me. You ain't forgot tonight, have you? With gone to the bar, the ballroom. They have a swell dance there. It starts at eight.

[C]

Yeah, sure thing, honey.

[D]

Geez, we're going to a dance tonight, mate. Gee, that's great. Swell.

[E]

I mentioned the white wheat. I would refer it to me and Chuck.

[D]

You mean she was a claiming towards not taking me along?

[E]

For once you got it right.

[D]

You're going to leave me all on my own?

[C]

You hide the lady.

[D]

What am I going to do all by myself?

[E]

Watch the TV with the sound up like you always does.

[D]

It's times like this when you find out who your pals are.

[E]

And you ain't going to get round just by saying that. Pick me up around 7, Chuck.

[C]

Okay, sweetie. I see you. Guys and broads. I has to admit I felt sorry for the poor joke. But like I said, there Is times when he gets too much for us. Anyways, I picked up Michael around 7 and we go for a couple of quick snorts at Bruno's before the dance. Genius is sitting in the apartment watching the tv. Yeah, that's right. With the sound off. Then the phone rings.

[F]

Hello, is that East 76243?

[D]

I don't know. Hold on a minute. I'll look at the phone. Yeah, how about that? You write.

[F]

Oh, good. Because you have been selected from thousands of other phone numbers.

[D]

I have?

[F]

Gee, you are indeed very fortunate. We have selected you because we know you will take advantage of your good fortune.

[D]

I. I will?

[F]

If you don't, you'll be very disappointed. We are giving you two free lessons at the Kelly Dance Studios commencing tonight. We start short at eight. Shall we see you here? Remember, two free lessons.

[D]

Gee, free dancing lessons.

[F]

It's always fun time at Kelly's. Do come. We'd love to see you. And you can meet all stars, sorts of nice people here. Will you come? It won't cost you a cent. We always have nice parties at Carrie.

[G]

Well, are you coming or not? I haven't got all day.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks, thanks.

[F]

Good. We look forward to seeing you, Mr. Rim.

[D]

Red. Red Kowalski.

[F]

Okay, Red. My name Fanny Dango. Let's start as we always do here, by using first names.

[E]

All right, Red.

[F]

You can call me Fan.

[D]

She. Fandango.

[F]

Don't be late.

[D]

Bye, Fandango. I squander line dancing. The dames will be queuing up for me. That'll show Edwards. Smartly used to clever one.

[H]

Good evening. Can I help you? Have you come to join us?

[D]

I is Red Kowalski.

[H]

And I am Freddy Fr.

[D]

Yeah, I. I was just phoned. A lady called Fan Dangle told me to come here for some dancing lessons. Oh.

[H]

Oh, Fan. Yes, of course. Let me introduce you to the instructress. Fan.

[G]

Yeah.

[H]

This is. What did you say your name was?

[D]

Red Kowalski.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[H]

Red, this is Fandango.

[D]

She. Fandango. She. You're pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty. Okay, shoot the chassis to me, lassie.

[H]

He's all yours, Ben. I always knew that telephone jazz was dangerous.

[G]

Okay, Red, come through to the studio.

[D]

Now.

[G]

Lesson one, the hold. Okay, hold me.

[D]

Gee, but I only just met you.

[G]

Put your right hand in the small of my back.

[D]

Mo.

[G]

That's the back of my neck.

[D]

Well, you see, use kind on the short side. Should I maybe lift you up?

[G]

No, no. Just move your hand down slightly. All right, you've got it. Now take my hand and yours. No, the Other one. The leg. Use your leg.

[D]

Certainly not. I wouldn't dream of hitting a lady, especially as pretty as you.

[G]

Oh, no. It's gonna be one of those nights. All right. Like this, right? Yeah, you got it. You have mastered the hold. Hold me a little tighter. All right, you got the hold. Right. Now push your left foot out. Right. Now follow through with the right. Good. Now keep going. Oh, almost got that time. Just remember, you can't put both feet forward at the same time. Well, at least we made two steps already.

[I]

Well, mister, Mind if I'll cut it?

[G]

Hello, Duke. Oh, Wad. This is Sam Duke, known as Duke.

[D]

Hi, Duke. Say, is you any good at this ball and dancing? Nope.

[I]

Can't dance a step. But I sure like to hold them while the desert. We only ever had barn dancing where I come from. Good old Texas. Come on, fam, let's get moving.

[D]

Yeah, go find someone else.

[I]

Oh, yeah. Wise guy, huh? You know what we give wise guys in Texas? This.

[D]

Yeah, you knows what we gives wise guys in New York?

[I]

Yeah.

[C]

This.

[J]

Gee, that was a swell time we had tonight, Chuck.

[C]

Yeah, you was right, honey. Say, I wonder where the geniuses got to.

[J]

Oh, Pepsi went out for a beer.

[C]

Now we got beer in the icebox. Say, how about one more before I take you home, huh?

[J]

Yeah, okay. Just one.

[C]

Okay, sugar.

[D]

I'll get it.

[C]

I'll get it. Yeah, Edwards.

[H]

Is that Mr. Chuck Edwards?

[C]

Yeah.

[H]

This is the Kelly Dance Studios. We'd like you to come and fetch your friend Kowalski.

[C]

Carrie, Dance Studio. Fetch. What's the matter? Can he come home by himself?

[H]

No, I'm afraid not.

[C]

He can't see.

[H]

He's got two beautiful black eyes.

[C]

Oh, no, Kowalski. Here's another nice mess you got yourself into, Guys. And, bro, there is times when I thinks that Kowalski is a voice class pathological case. I means, I ask you with tears in my eyes. We leaves him watching the TV with a sound off. We gets back to the apartment and what's happened? He winds up in a fight at some crummy dance studio. How about that? You know, it's getting so that we should have to take him with us wherever he goes. And that ain't funny. Say, what happens to him while I is indulging in my regulation smooch?

[B]

I'm here on a job site with Tim, who owns his own electrical contracting business.

[D]

Three employees and two work trucks.

[B]

Tim traded up to Geico Commercial Auto Insurance. We're positively here where he needs us most.

[I]

They sure are.

[B]

With step by step help on all his insurance needs. All for shockingly low rates.

[C]

Shockingly low, huh?

[B]

Just a little bit of electrician humor.

[D]

Do you get it? I got it.

[B]

You know, feels like we have a real connection.

[I]

All right, I'll stop, get a commercial.

[C]

Auto insurance quote [e-mail] and see how much you could save.

[D]

It feels good.

[I]

To Geico.

[C]

Anyways, we fetched him from the studio. And we puts a couple of steaks on his eyes and we gets him to bed. Comes the morning, he's like a dog with two tails. You think he might have just had a suit? Son of remorse. Not him. He's full of the joys.

[D]

Slow, quick, quick, slow. Slow, slow, quick, quick, slow. Slow, quick, quick, slow. Slow, slow, quick, quick, slow. Now it's revoiced. Not to the right. He put your left foot out and it turns about. I could keep this up all night.

[C]

All right already. Cool it, will you?

[D]

You should have seen this name, Van Dangle.

[C]

Van Dangle? What kind of name is that?

[D]

That's the most beautiful name. It conjures up the most exotic thoughts. When I hear that name, my things immediately. Eastern Splendor, Harims, the Arabian Nights, the Sheik's Palace. Curry and Rice.

[E]

Yuck.

[D]

Chuck, I think I fallen in love with her. Oh, why, Fan, dang to, of course. Who else?

[C]

The whole thing sounds screwy to me. Anyways. How'd you get them two shiners? Boy, I ain't seen two like that in a while.

[D]

Well, you see, Chuck knows his guide, you. And he kept trying to take Fan away from me. And finally I had enough. So I decided to tell him his fortune.

[C]

Yeah, and you finish up with two black eyes. Some fortune.

[D]

Oh, well, you can't win them all. But Chuck, you gotta help me.

[C]

Why? I mean, help you.

[D]

I still has one more free lesson, you see. And I want to take the bull by the horns and pluck up the courage and ask me to marry her.

[C]

Red, is you okay? I mean, you ain't got concussion or nothing?

[D]

No, no, I swine. Quick, quick.

[C]

History is happening before my very eyes.

[D]

Yeah, you got to help me, Chuck. Old Paolo, buddy, old soap. No, I'm sorry I said that. I.

[C]

So what do you want me to do?

[D]

You got to get Duke out of the way while I proposes.

[C]

Oh, and how does I do that?

[D]

Now, you might comes to the studio tonight and you keep some out of the way while I pops the question. Will you do it?

[C]

Huh?

[D]

Chuck, old pal, old buddy, old friend, old.

[C]

So watch it, lame brain.

[D]

I got carried away.

[C]

But Chuck, will you do it on second Thoughts? No, I will not. N o, no. Hi there. Me and my broad here, we'd like to enroll in your classes.

[H]

And you couldn't have made a wiser decision. Remember, it's always fun time at Kelly's.

[C]

You could have fooled me.

[J]

Chuck, behave yourself.

[H]

You've come to learn the noble art of ballroom dancing. Always happy to welcome new members.

[C]

Yeah, I'll bet $10 a throw yet.

[H]

Oh, you know I'll be.

[C]

Please.

[D]

No.

[C]

Just an unlucky guess.

[J]

Edwards, I won't tell you again.

[H]

Now, if we could just have a few personal.

[C]

Right now, Myrtle.

[D]

Now, first of all, behold.

[H]

Put your left hand on my shoulder.

[J]

I've been doing this for years.

[H]

Yes, of course. Now I'll lead off with the left.

[J]

No, no, you don't. Pardon, you leads up with your right. Always does. I've been doing this for years. I should know.

[H]

All right, then, if you insist. Now, take the time for me. Slow, slow, quick, quick, slow.

[J]

No, no, you're wrong.

[D]

Wrong.

[J]

Yeah, just giving me slow foxtrot. The bun's playing a quick step. I've been doing this for years.

[H]

And if you don't mind, I have been doing this for years.

[J]

Yeah, well, you ain't like nothing, have you? I thought you were supposed to be an instructor.

[H]

Yes, I was until you came along.

[J]

Ah, some instructor. Come on, let me show you how to dance.

[D]

Chief, you was looking very pretty tonight.

[F]

I am?

[G]

Well, thank you, Red. That's kind of you. Watch it. You should have done a chassis, Blue.

[D]

Oh, sorry, I. I forgot. I was thinking of you. Are you married?

[F]

No, not yet.

[G]

I guess Mr. Bright hasn't come along yet.

[D]

Yeah, well, that's what I want to talk to you about.

[G]

No, Red, no. You should have done a reverse turn there.

[D]

Oh, sorry. I forgot again. I was thinking about you.

[G]

Red, you must concentrate on your dancing.

[I]

Hello there.

[H]

Fair.

[I]

Let's see. Betty Mad of our cardio.

[D]

Well, I don't know.

[G]

Remember the rules of the house.

[D]

Yeah, be my guest. See you later, fam.

[I]

Thanks, pal. No hard feelings, her pal. Say, friend, did they ever tell you about my ranch in Texas?

[G]

A ranch in Texas?

[D]

Yeah, gee.

[I]

Reckon I must have about 2,000 head of cattle. I don't know who ain't calling them, Lacey. Maybe three by now.

[G]

Gee, all them cow steals.

[I]

What do you want, jerk?

[G]

Now, Duke, manners. Remember the house rule, okay?

[I]

Yeah, sure, pal. Be my guest.

[D]

Jerk fan. To resume our conversation, I. I want to ask you a very important question.

[G]

Oh, no, Rick, no. You should have chassis to the left then.

[D]

Well, chassis, I Wants to ask you a very important question.

[G]

You do it.

[F]

What is it.

[D]

Fam? We'll. We'll. We'll.

[I]

Okay, fella, that's enough. I'm gonna cut in there.

[D]

Why?

[G]

Temper. Remember the house room.

[D]

Oh, yeah. Be my guest. Smoke the cake.

[I]

No one calls me that and gets away.

[G]

Now, Duke, you must try and be a gentleman. Tell me, how big is your spread?

[I]

How big? Well, I. I suppose about 2 or 3,000 acres.

[D]

We.

[I]

We ain't never bothered, really.

[D]

She.

[G]

3,000 acres.

[D]

She chose. Look, every time I get wrong asking another question, this new character cuts in again. What am I gonna do?

[C]

Seems to me when we go use the old strategy, remember, the best method of attack is defense.

[D]

Ain't you got that the wrong way around?

[C]

Not Cody, Willie. I'm concentrating. Red here wants to propose to Fanny.

[J]

You mean he wants to get married? He wants to settle down.

[G]

Yeah.

[J]

Leave it to me. I done my way.

[C]

There you are, Reddit. In the bag. Leave it to Michel. As soon as she cuts in, away you goes. Okay.

[D]

Oh, gee, Chuck, you and Mike just real pals of tanks.

[I]

Why, sure. Anytime we wants a roast or a barbecue, why, we just go out and round it up. A steer.

[G]

Gee, that's so romantic.

[I]

Why, the last time we counted heads, it took us three weeks. Just don't know how many head of cattle we got.

[G]

Why, you must be so rich.

[I]

Well, last time I went in the bank, the manager called me sir, so I think I must be.

[G]

Oh, romantic. And you dance divinely.

[I]

Ah, shuck.

[J]

Excuse me. May I come in?

[G]

Well, of all the room.

[I]

Now, now, now, fan, remember rules. Everybody must be ladies and gentlemen.

[G]

All right, dear.

[C]

Yeah.

[I]

Well, now, little lady, what's your name?

[G]

Oh, I'm Michael, miss.

[I]

Say, that's a pretty name.

[J]

Thanks.

[I]

No need to thank me. Old Duke always says what he thinks. Say, you're a real snappy dancer.

[J]

Oh, you really think so?

[G]

Yeah.

[I]

We don't get them like you where I come from.

[J]

I bet you say that to all the guys.

[I]

Of course I do, but this time I mean it.

[J]

Oh, gee, you really has a fascination. They can wait with you.

[I]

You really think so?

[H]

Excuse me, May I?

[I]

No pun. Get out of here. Well, nervous you are interrupted a very personal conversation.

[H]

Sc Remember the rules.

[C]

Yes.

[I]

You know what you can do with the rules? I get out of here.

[H]

Sometimes I think this job is really too.

[I]

Now, Myrtle. At our sale.

[C]

Okay, Rhett, now's your chance. Get going. All you have to do is pop the question.

[D]

Yeah, okay, Chuck. What does I say?

[C]

Why, it's easy. All he has to say is, fan, I has worshiped you from afar.

[D]

Fan, I have shipped you away from.

[C]

Afar and I wishes to make you my bride.

[D]

And with fish. I likes french fried. Yeah, I got that.

[C]

Hey, wait a minute. Look at them two, will you?

[D]

Who? Look at Maitland the Duke.

[C]

If he had another pair of arms, he'd smother her.

[D]

Yeah, they strike me. Give him a go, huh?

[C]

He's my brother. Ain't standing for that. Hey, you. Yeah, I think.

[I]

Must be worth nearly half a million. You think so?

[C]

Excuse me, buster. I just cutting it.

[I]

You get out of here with your jerk. I'm talking to the little lady.

[C]

That little lady happens to be my fraud. And nobody calls me a judge.

[I]

If that's all. Well, I have to be doing that right now, jerk. Now scram.

[C]

Oh, wise guy. How you was asking for my bunch of five.

[H]

Now, gentlemen, please remember the rules.

[C]

Get out of here.

[H]

What he can say I didn't try.

[I]

That goes for you too, little fat man. Scram.

[C]

That does it. That does it. Take that.

[I]

Oh, you want to make something of it, huh? Okay, take that.

[J]

Oh, Chuck, watch it. He'll kill you.

[C]

Hey, Red, you want a piece of the action?

[I]

Sure. Oh, reinforcement, huh? I can manage a pair of.

[G]

Duke, what have they done to you?

[J]

Oh, my dwarling.

[G]

My poor Duke. Oh, there, dear. Don't worry. Fan's here.

[D]

Hold me, honey.

[G]

Oh, sure, sure. Everything's all right. Finn's got you, Fan.

[I]

He. Will you marry me?

[G]

Of course I will, honey. Of course I will.

[D]

Chuck, will you take me home?

[C]

Guys and broads. I don't think Kowalski will be taking any dance lessons for some time after what happened there. Fandango turned out to be a first class gold digger. Nah, not the kind of thing the genius should involve himself with now. Maybe he's better off with me and Moito. Hey, what am I saying? I must be me sugar. Would any of you broads be interested in taking him?

[D]

Huh?

[C]

Yeah, I know that's asking too much. Okay, that's it for this week.

[B]

Taxi is written and produced by Joe Stewardson, directed by David Goodman. George Carlin plays Chuck Edwards, Red is Tony J. And Myrtle is played by Pat Saunders.

[D]

Sam.