Taxi xx-xx-xx Fair At The Docks

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold’s Old Time Radio

Episode: Taxi xx-xx-xx Fair At The Docks
Released: February 18, 2026
Theme: A humorous, suspenseful Golden Age radio drama following New York City cabbies caught in an international crime caper.

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1. Episode Overview

This episode of "Taxi" takes listeners on a witty, fast-paced ride with New York taxi drivers as they unwittingly become involved in an overseas extradition, mistaken identities, and a race-to-the-airport criminal chase. Filled with wisecracks, misunderstandings, and authentic old-time radio banter, the story provides both comedic insight into cabbie culture and the sharp intrigue of a crime plot.

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2. Key Discussion Points and Plot Progression

A. Setting the Scene in NYC

• [00:54] The Narrator introduces the weekly radio play, “Taxi,” promising tales of the city’s cab drivers and their wild fares.
• Chuck Edwards sets the tone, lamenting the challenges of picking up multinational fares, especially near the United Nations, and introduces his buddy, Red.

B. The Confounding Fare at the Docks

• [02:20] Red picks up a British-sounding customer (the “London CID Man”) at the docks, tasked with taking him to the elusive Stanton Hotel.
• Misunderstandings abound as Red and Myrtle struggle to locate the hotel:
  • “The Stannon Hotel? You been a cabby in this town as long as you has, you don’t know where the Stannon Hotel is?” — Myrtle [02:56]
• After comedic confusion, Red learns the hotel was torn down; the new location is the "New Stanton Hotel."
• The London CID Man books Red for a return pickup in an hour.

C. Suspicion and Revelations Among Cabbies

• [05:07] Red confides in Chuck about his mysterious fare, who claims to be a Scotland Yard detective there for “police business” and to extradite a wanted man. Chuck jokingly warns Red to be careful:
  • "When you picks him up you just be careful he don't pick you up." — Chuck [05:45]

D. The Pickup, Police HQ, and Muddled Explanations

• [07:22] Red picks up the Brit from the hotel. Destination: Central Police Headquarters.
• Red’s confusion about “extradition” leads to comic banter:
  • “You gonna have him dug up again?” — Red
  • "That's exhumation." — CID Man [07:44]
  • "That's when you breathe out." — Red [07:47]

E. Domestic Comedy: Myrtle & Chuck’s Engagement

• [09:45] Back at the cab rank, Myrtle gives Chuck an ultimatum about marriage, fed up with their sixteen-year engagement:
  • “When we started walking out together, it was 1954 and it is now 1970. You realize that?” — Myrtle [10:21]
  • “Hey, it’s been a long walk, sugar.” — Chuck [10:33]

F. A Crime Revealed: The Real Scotland Yard Man Is Attacked

• [14:30] On the radio, Chuck hears that “a CID man from New Scotland Yard,” here to extradite Charles Fox, was attacked and robbed at the docks—not the man Red is chauffeuring. A twist: the real detective is hospitalized, so Red’s fare must be an imposter!

G. The Race Against Time & Police Bureaucracy

• [15:08] Chuck’s attempt to warn the cops falls flat:
  • “Listen, you know this guy Whitney, who was clobbered down at the docks?” — Chuck
  • “Never heard of him.” — Police Officer [15:30]
• Frustrated, Chuck urges Myrtle to radio Red, learning he’s en route to the airport with the supposed Scotland Yard man (now known to be the perpetrator, not the police).

H. The Final Confrontation: Airstrip Standoff

• [17:29 – 21:50] In the cab, as Red drives the criminals and Charles Fox towards “Charter Flights Incorporated” for their escape, a gun is put to Red’s neck:
  • “You feel this in the back of your neck?...Well it ain’t my finger.” — Fake CID Man [17:46]
• Red’s wit persists even in danger, and the criminals bicker about plans and their failures.
• The police appear, surround the group, and arrest the imposters:
  • “Okay. Hold it there. Both on you. You're covered on all sides. The cops.” — Police Officer [21:45]
  • Red faints from the tension as the crooks are apprehended.

I. The Clever Twist: How Red Tipped Off Police

• [23:01] In a wrap-up, Red explains his cunning:
  • Instead of switching off the cab’s radio (as ordered by the criminals), he switched it to transmit, so Myrtle and the police heard everything.
  • “When the guy told me to switch off the radio… I didn’t switch it off. I switched it to transmit. So the whole talk in the cab went right through to Myrtle, see?” — Red [23:06]
• Myrtle worked with the police to set the trap.
• Chuck brings the story back to comic normalcy, but Myrtle reminds him he still has only a week to set a wedding date.

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3. Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|---------|-------| | 02:56 | Myrtle | “The Stannon Hotel? You been a cabby in this town as long as you has, you don’t know where the Stannon Hotel is?” | | 05:45 | Chuck Edwards | “When you picks him up you just be careful he don’t pick you up.” | | 07:44 | Red / London CID Man | Red: “You gonna have him dug up again?”<br>CID: “That’s exhumation.”<br>Red: “That’s when you breathe out.” | | 10:21 | Myrtle | “When we started walking out together, it was 1954 and it is now 1970. You realize that?” | | 14:30 | Narrator | “Today, a CID man from New Scotland Yard... was attacked and robbed.” | | 17:46 | Fake CID Man | “You feel this in the back of your neck?...Well it ain’t my finger.” | | 23:06 | Red | “I switched it to transmit. So the whole talk in the cab went right through to Myrtle, see?” | | 23:45 | Myrtle | “Just you remember, Jack Edwards, you has one week to name the day. That ain’t changed.” |

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4. Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:54] – Narrator introduces “Taxi,” the world of NYC cab drivers
• [02:20] – First pick-up: Red and the mysterious British fare
• [05:07] – Red confides in Chuck (The Scotland Yard suspicion)
• [07:22] – The suspicious trip to police HQ
• [09:45] – Myrtle’s marriage ultimatum to Chuck
• [14:30] – News flash: the real CID man mugged
• [15:30] – Chuck’s failed plea at the police station
• [17:29] – Airport escape sequence begins
• [21:45] – Police surround and apprehend the criminals
• [23:01] – Red reveals how he tipped off authorities

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5. Tone, Style, and Final Impressions

This episode brims with classic quick-fire banter and New Yorkisms. The cabbies’ street wit and the playfully bickering relationship between Chuck and Myrtle keep the mood light even as the suspense builds. Red’s seemingly absentminded approach is revealed to be wily in the end, leading to a satisfying and comic resolution.

Tone: Fast-talking, comedic, noir-tinged, and framed in the style of mid-century radio with all the hallmarks of capers and romance.

Closing: Myrtle’s insistence on a wedding caps the story with personal stakes and a final comedic note.

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In summary:
“Taxi: Fair At The Docks” delivers an engaging blend of comedy, suspense, and character-driven drama, capturing the spirit of Golden Age radio and the bustling, unpredictable world of New York’s cabbies.

Transcript

[Narrator/Announcer]

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[Police Officer]

Taxi. Taxi. Taxi.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

The time right now. The characters, you name them, we got them. The scene New York City. We present Taxi. A week by week account of the trials and tribulations of a New York taxi driver.

[Chuck Edwards]

Hi there, Chuck. The name Chuck Edwards. Now, guys and dolls, New York has got lots of things like Brooklyn Bridge, the Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty, you know. Yeah. And also the, you know, building United Nations. When you get safe or to or from this joint, you could be picking up any nationality under the sun. Most of them I cannot stand. Now don't get me wrong, I ain't anti. Nah, I just can't stand them. Well, for one thing, they speak foreign languages to each other in the back of the cab. And I can understand what they is talking about. And boy, that bugs me. Anyway, usually when I get so cold to go there, I sense my bloody Red. But of course, I mean, you don't follow that the only time you picks up a foreigner is at United Nations? No, sir. Like the time my buddy Red gets this fare down at the docks.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Where to, mister?

[London CID Man]

Stanton Hotel. Do you know where that is?

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Do I know where that is? Do I know where the Stanton Hotel is? Do I know? No. Where is it?

[London CID Man]

It's in New York.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Well, that narrows it down, I suppose. Hang on, I'll find out. Hello, Michael. Red. Colin. Hello, Michael.

[Myrtle]

What's biting?

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

I got a fair.

[Myrtle]

You want us an arrangement for them to broadcast a spot message on the radio wishing you luck.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

I hadn't finished myle. Where is the Stanton Hotel?

[Myrtle]

The Ston Hotel? You've been a cabby in this town for as long as you has. You don't know where the Stannon Hotel is?

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

No.

[Myrtle]

You should be ashamed of yourself. They could take away your license, you know.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Dad, middle. Don't give me a thousand words where.

[Myrtle]

The Stannon Hotel is.

[London CID Man]

Look, would you mind?

[Myrtle]

Don't get fresh, mister, or you can walk.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

What are you trying to do? Ruin my business?

[Myrtle]

What business? He gets a fan. You don't know where to find the place he wants to go to.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Listen, Midal, for the last time, will you tell me where the Stanton Hotel is?

[Myrtle]

No.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

No, no. Why not?

[Myrtle]

And I cannot. I ain't even hiding the place.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Midle. Midle. Oh, she rung off.

[London CID Man]

Look, I'm in a hurry.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

I'm sorry, mister. Ain't there somewhere else you'd like to go? I mean, like Grand Central Station or the Waldorf Astoria? I knows where that is. Anywhere. You name it, I'll take you there. Go on. Anywhere.

[London CID Man]

The Stanton Hotel.

[Myrtle]

Cheat.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

No wonder you limeys won the War of Independence.

[London CID Man]

But we didn't. You won it anyway. What has that got to do with.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

We won it? Yeah, that's right. We did. So what do you mean by coming to an enemy country and throwing your weight above, huh?

[London CID Man]

That was 300 years ago or something like.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

You lie, mister. Hold a grudge.

[London CID Man]

Perhaps I'd better find another cab.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Listen, if I don't know and Mythal don't know, nobody don't know. In fact, the place probably don't exist.

[London CID Man]

I've been there before.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

When?

[London CID Man]

Five, six years ago.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Oh, that place.

[London CID Man]

You know where it is?

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

I know where it was. They pulled it down. It was on the corner of 15th and Grand.

[London CID Man]

That's right.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Yeah. The old Stanton Hotel. Yeah, they pulled it down. They put up another hotel there.

[London CID Man]

Oh, what's it called? The new one?

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

It's called the New Stanton Hotel.

[London CID Man]

Would you mind taking me there, please?

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Not at all.

[Chuck Edwards]

Which is my buddy Red for you. Anyway, he takes this guy there and drops him. Then the guy books him to pick him up in an hour's time. So in the meantime, Red comes back to the rank and he sits in my capture in the van, which is something I has to go through once or twice a day.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

So I says to him, I says, what is you doing over here? Are you on vacation? And do you know what he says?

[Chuck Edwards]

Okay, what's he say?

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Guess.

[Chuck Edwards]

What do you mean, guess? How can I guess?

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

I give you a clue.

[Chuck Edwards]

I don't want no clues. I ain't interested. Who cares why he came over here? I don't. Now, forget it.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Okay.

[Chuck Edwards]

Why did he come over here?

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

He's a cop.

[Chuck Edwards]

Looking for what?

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

I don't know. He's a real live London CID man from Scotland.

[Chuck Edwards]

A real live London CID man from Scotland Yard, huh?

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

From Scotland Yard?

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Yeah.

[Chuck Edwards]

What's he doing over here?

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

I don't know. I'll find out when I picks him up again.

[Chuck Edwards]

Yeah, well, listen. When you picks him up you just be careful he don't pick you up.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

I ain't done nothing.

[Chuck Edwards]

You sure? I wouldn't trust them Scotland Yard guys. They're smart. It ain't really fair to do things like that to my buddy Red. On account of he ends up believing them. Anyways, comes the time for him to go and pick up the CID guy from the newstant and hotel, he leaves. But he's worried.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

I ain't done nothing. What did I do? So even if I did, why send a guy all the way from London? I don't want to go to London. It rains there. Anyways, if he had come to pick me up, why didn't he do it while he had me there in the cab? Nah, Chuck's just having me on is all. Mind you, there was that time with that girl. Is that so serious? I ask you, is that so serious? So I stole a lollipop. Terrible thing. Okay, so she was only 8, but I was only 7. That kind of thing wouldn't go down in the pool records. Even if it did, why send a guy from England? What's wrong with our local cops? You want to know? Plenty. That's what's wrong with our local cops. Well, here's the hotel. And there he is standing. Wait.

[London CID Man]

You're very prompt.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

What do you mean? I'm right on time.

[London CID Man]

That's what I mean.

[Myrtle]

Oh.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Where to?

[London CID Man]

Central Police Headquarters.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Okay. So you're over here on business, huh?

[London CID Man]

Yes.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

What kind of business?

[Chuck Edwards]

Police business.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Yeah, that figures.

[London CID Man]

As a matter of fact, I'm over here with an order to extradite a man.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

You gonna have him dug up again?

[London CID Man]

That's exhumation.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

That's when you breathe out.

[London CID Man]

That's exileish.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

That's when you're very happy.

[London CID Man]

That's exhilaration.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

So why are you very happy about digging the guy up again?

[London CID Man]

No, no, no, no. Extradition. Extradition. Most countries of the world have a law whereby they allow the police of other countries to come into their country and take out a man who is wanted for a crime in the other country.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

What other country?

[London CID Man]

England. This man is wanted for murder in England. He was apprehended by the New York police.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

So if they apprehended him, why didn't they grab him?

[London CID Man]

If they did, they're holding him at police headquarters. And I'm going to take him back to England. He'll stand trial there.

[Chuck Edwards]

Well, guys and rolls up at the police HQ and the guy tells him to wait.

[Narrator/Announcer]

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[Chuck Edwards]

Inflation is killing me, but who cares? Big retailers are making record profits. That's why we support the dirty credit card bill.

[Narrator/Announcer]

See, banks and credit unions help small businesses make payroll. This bill would cut the vital resources.

[Chuck Edwards]

They need while increasing megastore profits. They deserve it, don't they?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Tell Congress, stop the Durbin Marshall money grab for corporate megastores paid for by the Electronic Payments Coalition.

[Chuck Edwards]

Meanwhile, back at the Rank I is having a word or three with my broad.

[Myrtle]

It's getting so's I'm a laughing stock.

[Chuck Edwards]

So stop making with the cracks.

[Myrtle]

That ain't what I meant, Chuck Edwards, and you knows it. When is we gonna get married?

[Chuck Edwards]

Oh, that married?

[Myrtle]

You hide Married?

[Chuck Edwards]

I thought you said buried.

[Myrtle]

Cut the smart talk and give me a direct answer. Are we getting married? Yes or no?

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

No.

[Myrtle]

By me, that ain't a direct answer.

[Chuck Edwards]

Now listen, honey. Of course we gonna get married, ain't we? I mean, after all, we is engaged.

[Myrtle]

With you. That don't mean nothing. The senior's jacket, which is long enough for any dame.

[Chuck Edwards]

So you're doing better than most. What's going on? 16.

[Myrtle]

Well, I just want you to know that I am getting sick and tired of waiting. When we started walking out together, it was 1954 and it is now 1970. You realize that?

[Chuck Edwards]

Yeah. Hey, it's been a long walk, sugar.

[Myrtle]

Now listen here, Chuck Edwards. Either we get married in the next week or it is all for Cadolphus Bonito.

[Chuck Edwards]

Get me the next week now. You gotta be kidding.

[Myrtle]

I ain't. I means every word. You got one week, Chuck Edwards. After that, I'll tell Frank, okay?

[Chuck Edwards]

Oh, that's fine, Frank. Say, who the heck is Frank?

[Myrtle]

You got one way of finding out.

[Chuck Edwards]

What do you mean?

[Myrtle]

If we ain't married before the week is out, then Frank will be my new fiance. Then you'll know who Frank is.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Oh boy.

[Chuck Edwards]

Why is James always in such a hurry? I mean, I keeps telling mortal that we is doing our bit to keep the divorce rate down by not getting married in the first place. Ah, but no, you don't get nowheres with a doll by trying to be reasonable. Anyways, back with Kowalski. He is still waiting for the Scotland Yard guide to come out with the murderer.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Taxi and taxi. Hey, do you hear me? I want a cab.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

I am engaged.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

So what do you want me to do, kiss you?

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Look, buster, beat it. I'm engaged.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Ain't my type anyways.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Now, look, mister.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Who are you calling mister? Don't you get insulting with me.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Listen, what I'm trying to tell you is that I already has a fair. Yeah, yeah.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Where is he?

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

I am waiting.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

So you're waiting for a fair. Here I am.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Listen, look, do me a favor, will you? Beat it. Why?

[Narrator/Storyteller]

So you like me?

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Like you? Yeah, I got nothing against you. It's just that this cab's already hired. Hired lower do care.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

So long as it gets me there.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Look, look, my friend, I have been hired. You listen. I have been hired to wait for a guy in their police headquarters. Now, if I was you, I wouldn't hang around too long on account that they will pick you up on a drunk and disorderly charge.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Who's disorderly charged? And who's drunk? Anybody says I'm drunk, I'll poke and wanna.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Say police headquarters. That's what I said.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

I think I'll walk. Thank you for the offer of olive, but no thanks. You meet the nicest people.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Gee, ain't drunk supposed pain when you're sober? Oh, let's see what's on the radio. I wonder what's keeping this guy anyways. Maybe they lost this murderer guy. I wouldn't put nothing past the cops.

[London CID Man]

Turn that thing off, will you?

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Oh, oh, sure, sure. Hey, is this the guy? Gee, what did he do?

[London CID Man]

Never mind the small talk. Take us to the airport.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Yeah, fast.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Gee, you in a hurry to get sentenced?

[London CID Man]

Hurry up.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Okay, okay, okay.

[Chuck Edwards]

Well, guys and dolls, it was a pity that old buddy boy Red didn't keep that radio switched on for five minutes longer. On account of I was listening. And this is what I heard.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

And that brings us to the end of our program of recorded music. Brought to you by the makers of boosted barley, the breakfast food that lasts you right through the day. Remember, one plate full of boosted barley.

[Chuck Edwards]

Is all you need to learn. I love them commercials.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

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[Chuck Edwards]

How about that?

[Narrator/Storyteller]

At the docks Today, a CID man from New Scotland Yard, England, here to extradite suspected murderer Charles Fox, at present held at police headquarters, was attacked and robbed. His unconscious body was found by the dock police behind a warehouse. Whitney, the CID man, recovered consciousness a short while ago, but he's being kept under observation in a local hospital.

[Chuck Edwards]

Well, guys and dogs, like I said, I was listening. And it comes to me in a flash that with Kowalski's luck, this is the guy he's picked up. No, not Whitney. The guy who clobbered him. So I go to the nearest precinct house and I tells the guy behind the desk what I suspicions. And that was my first mistake. Yeah, listen, you know this guy Whitney, who was clobbered down at the docks?

[Police Officer]

Never heard of him.

[Chuck Edwards]

They just broadcast a radio message saying that this CID man was knocked unconscious.

[Police Officer]

I never listens to the radio. I'm a TV man myself. Anyways, I'm on duty.

[Chuck Edwards]

Now, look, this guy was hit and robbed. Now, my buddy picked up a fire saying he was a CID man come to extricate a murderer to England.

[Myrtle]

And.

[Chuck Edwards]

And I reckon this is the same guy.

[Police Officer]

The same guy as what?

[Chuck Edwards]

The same guy that clobbered Whitney.

[Police Officer]

Who's Whitney?

[Chuck Edwards]

Well, you see. Oh, for crying in a bucket. I told you.

[Police Officer]

Listen, you're laying a charge against this Whitney character.

[Chuck Edwards]

Whitney's in hospital.

[Police Officer]

So why are you wasting my time?

[Chuck Edwards]

Now, look, get onto headquarters and find out if this Charles Fox has been handed over.

[Police Officer]

Fox? I thought you were talking about Whitney. You're trying to make a monkey out of me.

[Chuck Edwards]

I am trying to help you stop a guy, help a murderer to escape.

[Police Officer]

Murderer?

[Chuck Edwards]

Who?

[Police Officer]

Demder.

[Chuck Edwards]

He's wanted in England for murder. How would I know who he murdered?

[Police Officer]

So what are you talking about?

[Chuck Edwards]

Ye.

[London CID Man]

Oh, forget it.

[Police Officer]

Listen, mister, just let me give you a word of advice. It don't do to try and fool around with the cops, see? Now get out of here before I charge you with something or other.

[Chuck Edwards]

How about that, huh? Of all the cops on the force, I have to pick that one. Anyways, I gets back to the rank and I buzzes. Michael. Hello, Michael. Come in, honey.

[Myrtle]

Unless you get the day wiped out, don't honey me, Jack Edwards.

[Chuck Edwards]

Listen, honey, this is serious.

[Myrtle]

You think getting married is a joke?

[Chuck Edwards]

Where's Red headed?

[Myrtle]

Why?

[Chuck Edwards]

Look, don't answer one question with another. This is urgent.

[Myrtle]

He called True. He was on his way to the airport. Why?

[Chuck Edwards]

Okay, thanks, honey. I'll tell you why later. Right now I got a D.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

You know, I would have thought they would have sent two Guys out to take you back.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Really?

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

I mean, suppose he was to get the drop on you.

[Police Officer]

Shut up.

[London CID Man]

Turn off here.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

But the airport's that way.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Do like the man says or you get a slurp between the ears.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Listen, you can't talk to me like that. You're under arrest.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

You feel this in the back of your neck?

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Yeah.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Well, it ain't my finger.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

What are we playing guessing games?

[London CID Man]

Turn off to the right.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Take a quick look behind you, buster.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

You a gun?

[Narrator/Storyteller]

That's right.

[Chuck Edwards]

I'll do as the man says.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Okay, so I turned. So I'm a coward. That's what I meant. There should have been two of you. Now he's got the drop on us. Paper. Wait a minute. You told me to turn.

[London CID Man]

I did indeed.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

But I thought that you.

[London CID Man]

You've been deceived, I'm afraid. But cheer up. They were deceived at headquarters too.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

You ain't a real copy.

[London CID Man]

I'm afraid not. Now, if you want to live, and I imagine that you do then I suggest you do exactly as you're told.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Like I said, I'm a coward.

[Myrtle]

Calling Cop 21. Calling Cop 21. Come in, Red.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

That's me.

[London CID Man]

Don't answer.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

If I don't, I'll wonder why.

[London CID Man]

Let them wonder.

[Myrtle]

Come in, red colony. Cop 21.

[Chuck Edwards]

Swish it off.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Okay. Okay.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Now, about two miles along this road is a turn off to the left.

[Chuck Edwards]

You take that, you follow it for.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Three miles or so. There's a private landing strip.

[Chuck Edwards]

You're north.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Well, I'll find it. What's it called?

[London CID Man]

A strip? What does it matter?

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

No, it don't matter. You asked me if I knew it.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

It's called Charter Flights Incorporated. Now step on it.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Oh, yeah, yeah, I know the place. Yeah, Charter Flights. Okay, that's where we're headed.

[Chuck Edwards]

In the meanwhile, I had gone direct to police headquarters. And of course, they tumbled to the caper just that little bit too late. Within 50 minutes of them turning Fox over to the phony London cop, the word came through. They delighted all cars. But the news hadn't filtered. True to the knucklehead at the precinct house that I tangled with as soon as I told them, they got onto Michael to try and find out where Red was. Red, in the meantime, was making his way as directed.

[London CID Man]

Listen, can't you go any faster than this?

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Sure, but what if I get picked up for speeding?

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Hey, he's got a pint. Don't want to attract attention.

[London CID Man]

I'm getting jumpy. They'll have found Whitney's body by now.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

You killed him?

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Of course.

[London CID Man]

You think he just handed over his identification? You sure you croaked him? I hid him behind the ear. Went out like a light. I didn't stop to find out. I took his papers and grabbed his chap's cab. Dead or unconscious, it doesn't matter. We. We haven't got that much time.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

What do you mean, it doesn't matter? Dead, they won't know who he is. Unconscious, he can come around and tell him the boss told you to kill him, didn't he?

[London CID Man]

How? Should have been broad daylight.

[Chuck Edwards]

Pete's sake.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

You can't trust nobody to do a proper job these days. You should have made sure he was croaked.

[London CID Man]

Relax. We're nearly there, aren't we?

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Now you're telling him to relax. And you was the one that was jumpy.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Shut up, bird brain.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

That ain't a nice way to talk to the guy who got you out of poking.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

I am talking to you.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Oh, well, that's different.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

You don't have to go this slow. Say, are you trying to cook up something?

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Me?

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Yeah.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Like what? For instance, you got a gun in my neck. You pull that trigger, you blow a hole in my head. Now I need a hole in my head like a hole in my head. What could I cook?

[London CID Man]

Well, you can go faster than this.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Okay, you're the boss.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

The turn up is just a headphone of a shoot.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Now he's a backseat driver too.

[Chuck Edwards]

Cut the cracks.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Turn.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Okay, okay, okay.

[London CID Man]

Ah, there you are. You can see the aerodrome from here.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

The what?

[Narrator/Storyteller]

The airstrip.

[London CID Man]

The airstrip?

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Yeah, yeah. There's a plane waiting. At least you can rely on Harry.

[London CID Man]

Meaning what?

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Mean in some parts of this organization function like they should.

[London CID Man]

That's why I got you out of there, didn't I? There's the plane, ready to go. What are you moaning about?

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Yeah, okay. But I might have found that guy and he might not have been dead.

[London CID Man]

Even so, how would they know how to trace us?

[Chuck Edwards]

Yeah, I suppose we're safe.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Here's the guy.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Turn in.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Okay, okay.

[London CID Man]

Stop here. You'll pardon me if, under the circumstances, we don't pay, won't you?

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Sure, sure. You.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

I still don't know whether we shouldn't bump him off.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

I don't think that's a good idea.

[Chuck Edwards]

Come on, don't waste time.

[London CID Man]

He can't do anything.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

He's right. Listen to your friend. Don't waste time. I can't do anything.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

All right, think yourself lucky. I'm feeling in a good mood.

[Police Officer]

Okay. Hold it there. Both on you. You're covered on all sides. The cops.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

How did they.

[Police Officer]

Drop the gun, Boxer? I'll plug you in. No argument.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

You better do as he says.

[Chuck Edwards]

They're all around us. Hey, Frank. Frank, you okay?

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Sure. I. I'm fine. O.

[Chuck Edwards]

Yeah, he's got to be fine. He faded.

[Myrtle]

Sam.

[Chuck Edwards]

And that was that. How did the cops know where to hide out? Well, you see, for once, my buddy Red used his brains. Now, you see.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Let me tell them. Let me tell them. After all, I did it.

[Chuck Edwards]

Okay, okay, so you tell him.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Well, you see, listeners and gentlemen and ladies and guys and dolls. When the guy told me to switch off the radio in the cab when Middle called me up, you remember now, he said, switch it off. Well, I didn't switch it off. I switched it to transmit. So the whole talk in the cab went right through the middle, see? And they didn't know.

[Myrtle]

Yeah, and I kept the cops informed, see? So they knew to wait. A charter flight incorporated, see? So that's how.

[Chuck Edwards]

All right, all righty. That's enough, both of youse. Everybody's trying to get into the act. This is my bid.

[Myrtle]

Yeah, well, just you remember, Jack Edwards. You has one week to name the day. Dat ain't changed.

[Red (Taxi Driver)]

Oh, boy.

[Chuck Edwards]

I'll think of something. Well, like I said, Kowalski used his brains for once and they got nabbed. And that's about it for this week, guys and dolls. Look after yourself. Hey, if I don't see you through the week, I'll see you through the window.

[Narrator/Storyteller]

Taxi is written and produced by Joe Stewardson, directed by David Goodman. George Carellon plays Chuck Edwards, Red is Tony J, and Myrtle is played by Pat Saunders.