Texaco Star Theatre 46-01-13 (xx) William Tell

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Texaco Star Theatre 46-01-13 – “William Tell”

Podcast: Harold’s Old Time Radio
Episode Date: November 1, 2025
Original Broadcast Date: January 13, 1946
Main Stars: James Melton, Ed Wynn, Anna, Mary, Dick, David Brookman, The Lynn Murray Singers
Special Feature: Ed Wynn as the “Fire Chief” in a comic retelling of “William Tell”

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Episode Overview

This episode of Texaco Star Theatre takes listeners back to the golden age of radio, mixing classic musical performances, heartfelt nostalgia, and broad radio comedy. James Melton leads the festivities alongside singers and the orchestra. The highlight of the episode is a vaudevillian comic retelling of the “William Tell” opera by Ed Wynn ("the Fire Chief"). The show also includes memorable musical numbers, playful banter, and a gentle, warm atmosphere of postwar America.

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Key Discussion Points & Segment Breakdown

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Opening Welcome & Mood Setting

• [00:47–02:35] – John Reed King opens with an inviting welcome, promotes Texaco services, and introduces the evening’s stars.
• James Melton brings a homespun touch, referencing the unpredictable winter weather (“What a downright pesky thing this winter weather is…") before launching the first musical number.

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Musical Performances

“June Is Busting Out All Over”

• [02:35–06:08] – Upbeat performance by James Melton and chorus.
  — The song captures optimism and a longing for spring. — Playful harmonies and humorous asides about changing seasons.

“Why Do I Love You?” – From Showboat

• [06:08–08:45] – James Melton and Anna (Mary) bring a gentle, romantic duet.
  — James sets the scene, citing Showboat’s Broadway return the week prior:
  — “When a 19 year old musical can evoke so much pleasure, then its melodies must surely have played a great part in its success.” (James Melton, [06:08])

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Comic Retelling: “William Tell” by Ed Wynn

Introduction

• [08:45–09:26] – James Melton introduces Ed Wynn, known as the “Fire Chief,” for a “serious note” (clearly tongue-in-cheek).

Act 1: The Origins & Courtship

• [09:26–11:17]
  • Ed Wynn recounts a zany William Tell biography:
    “In 1857, William Tell was born in Switzerland. On account of the beautiful scenery which is there.” (Ed Wynn, [09:47])
  • Rapid-fire punning:
    “He took so many vitamins A, B, C, D, E, F and G that he looked like H.” (Ed Wynn, [09:46])
  • Courtship gags about a woman’s “peculiar figure” and her attempts at yodeling contests.

Act 2: The Blanket & The Trial

• [12:43–14:46]
  • More puns with an Indian woman about “long time no see/saw/sow.”
  • Leading to the classic apple-on-the-head archery challenge, but:
    “Let me shoot it off my wife’s head!” (Ed Wynn as William Tell, [14:46])

Act 3: The Test & Release

• [14:57–16:59]
  • Comic details of Tell’s cross-eyed dilemma and his son’s nervous “St. Vitus dance.”
  • Wynn’s trademark absurdity:
    “He has what they call A&P grocery store eyes. When one eye looks at the Atlantic, the other looks at the Pacific.” (Ed Wynn, [15:53])
  • The fake opera ends with a pun:
    “They go to America where they become famous and are now known as the American Tell and Tell.” (Ed Wynn, [16:59])

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More Musical Numbers

“Harlequin Serenade” from Pagliacci

• [16:59–19:08] – James Melton delivers an operatic favorite, shifting the mood back to sincere musical appreciation.

“Where or When” from Babes in Arms

• [19:08–22:07] – Another classic, presented with nostalgia by guest singer:
  — “I’d like to go back about 10 years to the musical Babes in Arms…” (Guest, [19:10]) — The number is handled with longing and wistfulness.

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Closing Banter and Farewell

• [22:07–23:31] – Comic exchange between Ed Wynn and John Reed King about selling gasoline, complete with riffs on the show's branding and Wynn’s mockery of ad speak.
  • Memorable:
    “You don’t know how to sell gasoline anyway…Take a bucket of Texaco gasoline and pour it over your left shoulder. That Fire Chief spilled backward.” (Ed Wynn, [23:23])

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Final Songs and Sign-off

“Without a Song”

• [24:07–27:57]
  • Powerful group performance of this standard, emphasizing hope and resilience through music.

Preview & Goodbyes

• [27:57–28:25]
  • Teaser for next week: Ed Wynn’s “Romeo and Juliet.”
  • Warm, communal farewell:
    “Now good night and see you Sunday.” (James Melton & Ed Wynn, [28:17])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “What a downright pesky thing this winter weather is...” – James Melton, [02:35]
• “He took so many vitamins A, B, C, D, E, F and G that he looked like H.” – Ed Wynn, [09:46]
• “Let me shoot it off my wife’s head!” – Ed Wynn (William Tell), [14:46]
• “He has what they call A&P grocery store eyes. When one eye looks at the Atlantic, the other looks at the Pacific.” – Ed Wynn, [15:53]
• “They go to America where they become famous and are now known as the American Tell and Tell.” – Ed Wynn, [16:59]
• “You don’t know how to sell gasoline anyway... Take a bucket of Texaco gasoline and pour it over your left shoulder. That Fire Chief spilled backward.” – Ed Wynn, [23:23]

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Episode Tone

The episode delivers warmth, wit, and classic musicality in the style of 1940s broadcast entertainment. Ed Wynn’s madcap humor contrasts endearingly with James Melton’s earnest musical hosting. Lighthearted banter, self-aware puns and gentle nostalgia pervade, inviting the family radio-era atmosphere into a modern listenership.

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Timestamps – Key Segments

• [02:35] – James Melton sets the mood and leads “June is Busting Out All Over”
• [06:08] – “Why Do I Love You?” duet
• [08:45] – [16:59] – Ed Wynn’s “William Tell” comic opera
• [16:59] – Operatic aria from Pagliacci
• [19:08] – “Where or When” from Babes in Arms
• [23:23] – Ed Wynn’s alternative radio ad comedy
• [24:07] – “Without a Song”
• [27:57] – Goodbyes and next week's tease

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For Listeners

This episode is a quintessential slice of mid-century American entertainment, blending beloved standards, big-hearted hosts, and vaudevillian hijinks. If you appreciate vintage radio, classic musical performances, or old-school comedy, this is an episode to savor.

Transcript

[A]

And Doug, here we have the Limu Emu in its natural habitat, helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual. Fascinating. It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug.

[B]

Limu is that guy with the binoculars watching us?

[A]

Cut the camera. They see us. Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty.

[C]

Liberty.

[D]

Liberty. Liberty Savings.

[A]

Very unwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company. Affiliates excludes Massachusetts.

[E]

It's Texico Star Theater time from coast to coast, starring James Melton.

[F]

I will bring you music as swiftly as a dove My song will fly.

[D]

So swift My song will blow the.

[F]

Sun it faces the joyous notes Taking.

[D]

Across the sky the blue and friendly.

[F]

Star and in the music of love that I am bringing May there be an echo who fill the light with singing oh, let me bring you music from within my heart.

[E]

Mexico dealers from coast to coast welcome you to the 1946 Texaco Star Theater. Bringing up the curtain on a half hour of friendly fun and music with James Melton, Anna, Mary, Dick, David Brookman in the orchestra, the Lynn Murray Singers. And a return trip over the Niagara Falls of nonsense with one of radio's best loved characters in the world of comedy, Ed Wynn, the fire chief. And this is John Reed King with a timely tip on cold weather. Care for your car. Don't neglect seeing your Texaco dealer for a special midwinter checkup and regular Texaco care. And now here is James Maltin.

[B]

Thank you, John. And good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I've got a sort of an old fash country boy streak in me. That is, I still like to stop and talk about the weather. Well, I don't know how things are out your way, but this past week has been all seasons rolled into one around here. Makes me think of a little verse I heard somewhere. Can't recall the author, but it goes like this. What a downright pesky thing this winter weather is. It's new and it blew and then it do and now Beijing it prays so maybe this song is more appropriate than it seems. Boys and girls of the chorus, join me now in a happy hit tune. June is busting out all over.

[F]

June is busting all over all over the meadow and the hill buzzer Busting out.

[D]

Of bushes and the romping river pushes every little wheel that wheels beside me June is busting out all over the.

[F]

Feeling is getting so intense that the.

[B]

Young Virginia creepers have been hugging the.

[D]

Be jeepers out of all the morning.

[F]

Glories on the fence because it's you.

[D]

You, you, you Just because It's you.

[F]

You, you.

[D]

You in the love song sweetly sung. March went out like a lion a whipping up the water in the bay. Then April cried and stepped aside and.

[F]

Along came pretty little May.

[D]

May was full of promises but she didn't keep em quick enough for some. And a crowd of doubting Thomases was predicting that the summer'd never. But it's coming back up. You can feel it come. You can feel it in your heart. You can see it in the ground. You can hear it in the trees. You can smell it in the breeze.

[F]

Look around, look around, look around.

[D]

June is busting out all over.

[F]

All over the meadow and the hill.

[D]

But you're busting out of bushes and a rough and river bushes. Every little wheel that feels exciting.

[G]

You.

[D]

Is busting out on.

[F]

The feeling is getting so intense that.

[B]

The young Virginia creepers have been hugging.

[D]

The bers out of all the morning.

[F]

Glories on the bench. Because it's you, you.

[D]

Just because it's you. Just because it.

[F]

Just because it's you.

[D]

Just because it's.

[F]

Just because it's.

[B]

Last week Showboat was welcomed back to Broadway with tears, cheers and laughter. And when a 19 year old musical can evoke so much pleasure, then its melodies must surely, surely have played a great part in its success. And now, Anna, Mary and I hope that you'll approve our choice of a Showboat song this evening. Why do I love you?

[D]

I'm in the seventh heaven.

[F]

There's more than seven.

[D]

My heart discover.

[G]

In this sweet, improbable and unreal world.

[F]

Finding you has given me my ideal world.

[G]

Why do I love you? Why do you love me? Why should there be two?

[F]

Can you see the.

[D]

Why are we the one you care.

[F]

For?

[G]

You are lucky, boy.

[D]

You are lucky too. All the dreams of your.

[F]

Over me maybe.

[B]

Comes now a serious note in our program. A note struck by our famous oracle of the opera, that heedless horseman of lisping librettos. And here he is, Ed Wynn, the fire keeper.

[G]

Hello.

[F]

Hello, everybody.

[G]

Hello. James.

[C]

James, the strangest thing happened today. Really? A cowboy and a cowgirl got married in Wyoming. Is that so? Well, what's so strange about that, Chief? Well, that's the first Western Union in three days. I just made that up.

[B]

You know, I should have known better than the ass. Anyway, Chief, that. That musical story, what are you going to describe tonight?

[C]

Well, I'll tell you. I'm going to do an opera, Jane.

[B]

An opera?

[C]

Yeah. I wanted to do an operetta, but on account of the telephone strike, I Couldn't find any operettas. You see, I'm making these up, you know, just as I go along. I'll tell you what I'll do. What? I'll describe William Talon's three acts.

[D]

James.

[B]

Oh, that's wonderful, Chief.

[C]

A little William Talon. Music, please.

[B]

My dream.

[C]

Yes, I'd like that. Now, listen, James. Here's the story of the opera. In 1857, William Tell was born in Switzerland. On account of the beautiful scenery which is there. I see. Now, William Tell. You know, William Tell took so many vitamins A, B, C, D, E, F and G that he looked like H. Now, in the first act, William Tell meets a very fat woman. He said to the woman, I am William Tell, the archer. She says, oh, I shoot, too. I shoot from the hip. And he says, what? From way out there? Maybe he hears somebody.

[E]

Really?

[C]

Then he says to her, he says, are you married? Very seriously, you know. And she says, well, I was to be married, but I couldn't get married. She said, I knew so on account of my true self. My true so wouldn't do so because my torso had grew. So that was what I wanted you to wait for. All this conversation kind of befuddles William Tell. But he looks at her and he notices for the first time that she really has a very peculiar figure. Where her figure goes in, it should come out, you know. And where it comes out, it should have stayed where it was. Well, anyhow, she starts yodeling. She starts yodeling. It's a Swiss opera, you know, James.

[B]

Yes, I know.

[C]

And he says, did you ever enter a yodeling contest? She says, no, but I once entered a hog calling contest, but I lost. And he says, well, maybe it's because you didn't run as fast as the other hogs. This makes him sweetheart. So they get married. But after they're married, he cannot stay in her nagging. And he said to her one day, he says, I'm leaving. And if I'm not home in three days, you'll know I've gone someplace. So she watches, and she sees him returning and decides to stare him. And at the finish of the fight act Jim, she disguises herself as the devil. And as William opens the door, she takes out the light. And in a funny voice is just as scary. And she says, I am the devil. And William says, then you ought to know me. I married your sister. Now, James, in the second act. Really, James, the second act is delightful.

[B]

Yes, I know.

[C]

William tell in the second act. William Tell now has a 20 year old son. The son has a very funny looking formation between his two ears. It's his face, you know. That's what I. Anyhow, he calls on the young lady and they decide to get married. It's raining outside anyhow, so William Tell, William Tell, he wants to get them a blanket for a wedding present. So he goes to an Indian woman whom he knows, and he speaks to her in Indian language. This is a beautiful scene, James. William says to the Indian woman, long time no see. Where is husband who is such a good carpenter? And the Indian woman says, long time, no sauce. You'll have to laugh faster. So William, William says. William says, remember when you and I, when we were children, we used to play on a cheetah totter? And the Indian woman says, long time, no seesaw. That's part of the other one, you know. William says, where is your father who raised pigs? And the Indian woman says, long time no sow. William gets mad at this last crack, you see, and he steals the blanket. But he's elected. This is interesting. The judge says. The judge says, are you guilty? I second to answer. William Tells says, I cannot answer. And the judge says, oh, I'm awfully sorry, but a box of stickers to that gentleman on the lower floor. Now then, the judge says, I will not put you in prison, William, if you will shoot an apple off your own son's head. And William says, judge, I love my son. Let me shoot it off my wife's head.

[G]

Feel it.

[C]

Now, look, James, the slight act is most interesting. William Tell is now in prison. Yes, he's been practicing shooting apples all day, but he keeps missing. The apples are all green and he can't shoot for sour apples. Well, he, you know, he is French. He even jumps into a suitcase. He's trying to get a grip on himself. Now, the judge, you know. Are you following all these, James? All right. The judge enters the cell. The judge says, william, the apple you shoot tomorrow must be smaller than your son's head. And this makes William Tell very nervous because it'll be the first time he ever tried to shoot a crab apple. Well, the next scene is the day of the shooting. And the boy. You must listen to this, James. You're not doing anything. All right, listen. The next scene is the day of the shooting. The boy notices for the first time that his father is cross eyed. He has what they call A and P grocery store eyes. When one eye looks at the Atlantic, the other looks at the Pacific. Well, this is so nerve wracking that it gives the Boy safe by the sand. What a scene this is, James. You actually see a cross eyed father with a bow and arrow trying to shoot a crab apple off the head of a son who has same vitus teddy. Wanna see? William very, very carefully places the apple. Then he walks slowly around his son's head. It seems whenever he's Davis he likes to take a walk around the block. Well, William, oh, some of these are weights, you know. William Azaro, just as he does that a little way in the upper, sticks his head out of a hole and says this is where I came in. William hits the apple and he is a free man. And at the finish of the opera, James, we see William Tell and his son Robert Tell leaving Switzerland. They go to America where they become famous and they are now known as the American Tell and Tell.

[B]

Thank you, thank you, chief. And don't go rushing off your car because we want you right here. Yes, the Fire Chief does have a unique slant on operas. But most of us, including Ed Wynn, have a sincere appreciation of real opera music. And so I should like to sing one of the most familiar opera areas, the Harlequin Serenade from Pagliat.

[F]

Sam.

[B]

Are you still in a reminiscent mood?

[H]

Yes, Jimmy, but my song isn't quite as old as the one we sang from Showboat. I'd like to go back about 10 years to the musical Babes in Arms. And the song is a well remembered where or when it seems we stood.

[G]

And talked like this before we looked at each other in the same, same way then But I can't remember. The clothes you're wearing are the clothes you wore. A smile, you are smiling, you are smiling then but I can't remember. And the forever something that happened for the first time. Sing to the heart singing again. And so it seems that we have met before and loved it and love did it Sam. And so it seems that we have met before and love before and loved before. Oh, James.

[C]

Yes? Who is that chap standing there?

[B]

Why Chief, that's John Reed King, J R K. Oh, he can't be that.

[C]

He looks like a perfect gentleman to me.

[D]

Well, he is.

[B]

He is a perfect gentleman. Yes, and he's going to speak now.

[E]

Ladies and gentlemen, a tank full of the new 1946 fire chief brings your car up to date on me.

[B]

Gasoline power in action.

[E]

A get up and go action that stands out in this age of power. Sounds like a commercial to me, Fire Chief. Gasoline is packed with quick starting power that gives you fast action on cold morning.

[B]

Isn't that remarkable?

[E]

Fire Chief Gasoline is packed with amazing pickup power that gives you speedy action on engine warm ups.

[C]

She fascinates me.

[E]

Fire Chief Gasoline is packed with astonishing cruising power that gives you wonderfully smooth action on the highways and in traffic. Fill your car up with a Chief.

[C]

Oh, I'm not interested. Somebody stole my car anyhow. But I know who stole it. Oh, you're crazy. What do you mean?

[E]

If you know who stole your car, why don't you get it back?

[C]

Well, I'm waiting for the man to put a new set of tires on it. You darn fool.

[E]

Folks, Technico's new mighty better than ever. Fire Chief Gasoline gives you power and action. Fire Chief power. Fire Chief action. Get them both for your car.

[C]

What's the name of the gasoline you're talking to?

[B]

Sell what?

[E]

Fire Chief Gasoline.

[C]

Put wide feet around the bush. Why don't you come right out with it? For heaven's sake, just drive in at.

[E]

Your Texico dealers and fill her up with Texico's great new Better than ever Fire Chief Gasoline and I'll stick to my horse.

[C]

You don't know how to sell gasoline anyway. No? Well, how would you do it? Would you really like me to show you? Yes. I'll show you what I call good commercial, Ladies and gentlemen, even that's good. Take a bucket of Texaco gasoline and pour it over your left shoulder. That Fire Chief spilled backward.

[B]

As I told you earlier, this is evening. Perhaps it was just a sort of a nostalgia that prompted the songs you've heard tonight. And if so, I'd like to cling to that feeling just a little longer.

[D]

For another number that's always a favorite.

[F]

Without a farm, without day would never end Without a thorn the road would.

[D]

Never bend when things go wrong a man ain't got a friend Without a.

[C]

Thorn.

[F]

That field of corn would never.

[D]

See a plough that field of corn would be deserted Now a man is poor but he's no good no how Without a song my God might trouble.

[F]

At war but sure as I know the Jordan road I'll get along as long as the song is strong in my soul I never know what makes.

[D]

The rain to fall I never know what makes the grass so tall I only know there no love at all Without a soul river my home is.

[G]

On.

[D]

I got my trouble and woe.

[F]

But sure as I know the general roar I get along as long as the song is strong in my soul I never know what makes a race fall I'll never know what makes a grass or fall I only know there's no love at all.

[C]

Well, what's for next Sunday, James?

[B]

Well, John, it's like a big night for Texas Stars Theater next Sunday. Lana, Mary, Dicky, David, Brooklyn in the orchestra. The L. Murray Singers. Yes, and the fire chief will be on hand too.

[C]

Ah, yes, up on hand.

[B]

It's the chief's own version of Romeo and Juliet. And we will bring you music. Until then, this is faithfully yours, James.

[C]

Nelson saying now good night and see you Sunday.

[E]

Whenever you hear the siren and bell, think of Texaco. This is cbs, the Columbia broadcasting session.