The Amos n Andy Show 1954-12-26- New Years Eve Ball

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Amos ‘n’ Andy Show — "New Year’s Eve Ball" (1954-12-26)

Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode Release Date: December 29, 2025
Original Air Date: December 26, 1954

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Episode Overview

This episode transports listeners back to the festive atmosphere of a 1950s New Year’s Eve, where social aspirations and comic misunderstandings collide. The main plot revolves around Kingfish’s desperate attempt to impress his wife Sapphire by faking an invitation to an exclusive New Year’s Eve Ball—and the series of misadventures that follow as his plan unravels. Themes of social status, marital expectations, and the value of honesty are explored through classic Amos ‘n’ Andy comedic style.

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Key Discussion Points & Segment Breakdown

1. Aspirations for Society Life and Marital Discontent

Timestamp: 01:32 – 04:46

• Sapphire and her mother browse for glamorous gowns, dreaming of a night at the prestigious J. Worthington DePyster’s New Year’s Eve Ball.
• Kingfish is disinterested, more concerned over costs and feeling out of place in high society.
• Sapphire and her Mama lament never being invited anywhere grand, blaming Kingfish for keeping the family on the social fringes.
• Memorable Quip:
  • Mama Stevens (02:30): “With that sad face, that bloated stomach and that flat footed waddle, you look like a tired penguin hunting for a place to lay an egg.”

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2. Kingfish’s Ruse: Faking an Invitation

Timestamp: 06:06 – 07:39

• Kingfish feels guilty after being berated by Sapphire for ruining her social prospects.
• He concocts a plan: send a fake invitation from the DePysters to “prove” his high-class connections, confident they will have to decline anyway due to their usual family obligations in Brooklyn.
• Key Moment:
  • Kingfish (06:34): “If that dining room didn’t have a bay window, I’d be eating out on Flatbush Avenue!”
  • Kingfish is forced to up the ante as Sapphire is thrilled when the “invitation” arrives and insists they will attend.

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3. Chance Encounters and the Real Invitation

Timestamp: 09:57 – 12:49

• Andy runs into Sadie Hunter, a woman from his past, who invites him as her escort to the Ball with a genuine invitation.
• She entrusts Andy to keep the invitation, and he boasts about needing to brush up on his dancing skills.
• Memorable Exchange:
  • Sadie Hunter (12:15): “It’s tomorrow night at Lenox Hall. Now suppose you pick me up about 8ish.”
  • Andy (12:24): “Honey, I’ll be right there on the dotish.”

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4. Dance Lessons—With a Side of Pickpocketing

Timestamp: 13:00 – 16:27

• Andy asks Kingfish for dancing lessons. Kingfish agrees, seeing an opportunity to reclaim an actual invitation.
• Amid comical dance practice, Kingfish manages to swipe Andy’s invitation unnoticed.
• Comedic Peak:
  • Andy (16:06): “Well, then I think that merry water is going through my pocket, you know.”
  • Kingfish’s Justification: “That’s just an optical illusion and always happens in the waltz!”

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5. Suspicion, Threats, and the Truth Emerges

Timestamp: 17:21 – 20:16

• Andy soon realizes his invitation is missing after dancing with Kingfish.
• Andy threatens to report Kingfish if he doesn’t return the invite.
• Notable Exchange:
  • Andy (19:35): “My invitation… is gone.”
  • Kingfish (19:48): “Oh, now wait... What good is friends if you can’t steal from them?”

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6. Kingfish Seeks Legal Advice and Plots an Emergency Exit

Timestamp: 22:42 – 24:16

• Kingfish consults Calhoun for advice, who bluntly identifies the only solution as “more lies.”
• For $20, Calhoun suggests feigning sudden illness (pneumonia) to avoid exposure.
• Calhoun (24:09): “I hereby declare this mess an extreme emergency.”

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7. The Double Fake-Out: Sapphire’s Secret

Timestamp: 25:18 – 30:13

• Kingfish dramatically feigns illness at home (complete with exaggerated symptoms), but Sapphire outsmarts him.
• She returns home bandaged, claiming a “sprained ankle” (really feigned with a doctor’s help) will prevent them from attending the Ball.
• Twist Reveal (29:36):
  • Sapphire (29:36): “Mama, Dr. Farber was kind enough to help me. You see, Mama, I know we wasn’t invited to the DePysters Ball… So, what could be a better time to turn over a new leaf? For George’s sake, I got Dr. Farber to help me pretend I had this sprained ankle.”
• Both spouses have engineered convenient excuses to save face, revealing a shared desire to avoid the pretensions of high society and start the new year afresh.

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• Mama Stevens, on Kingfish’s Figure:
  ”With that sad face, that bloated stomach and that flat footed waddle, you look like a tired penguin hunting for a place to lay an egg.” (02:30)
• Kingfish reflecting on their wedding:
  “That was a high class hunkinuptulating all right.” (05:27)
• Kingfish on social seating:
  “If that dining room didn’t have a bay window, I’d be eating out on Flatbush Avenue!” (06:18)
• Andy, when his dancing lessons get suspicious:
  “Well, then I think that merry water is going through my pocket, you know.” (16:06)
• Calhoun on Kingfish’s predicament:
  “The only thing that’ll get you out of this mess is more lies—and the only time a man should resort to a lie is in an extreme emergency.” (24:06)
• Sapphire’s reveal of her staged injury:
  “For George’s sake, I got Dr. Farber to help me pretend I had this sprained ankle.” (29:36)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• Sapphire and Mama’s New Year’s Eve dreams: 01:32 – 04:46
• Kingfish decides to fake an invitation: 06:06 – 07:39
• Andy receives (and later loses) a real invitation: 09:57 – 12:49
• Dance lesson/pickpocket gag: 13:00 – 16:27
• Andy confronts Kingfish: 17:21 – 20:16
• Kingfish seeks legal counsel: 22:42 – 24:16
• Kingfish and Sapphire’s dueling fake-outs: 25:18 – 30:13
• Sapphire’s secret, new beginnings: 29:36

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Tone and Style

The episode maintains a light, mischievous tone. Banter is sharp, layered with wordplay and sight gags (as much as radio allows), and affectionate ribbing between characters. Though the characters frequently swap barbs, the humor never loses its warmth.

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Closing Thoughts

This classic episode illustrates the lengths people will go—for status, for pride, and for love. Ultimately, both Kingfish and Sapphire choose family and honesty (sort of) over keeping up pretenses. Through clever plotting, double-crosses, and a well-timed twist, The Amos ‘n’ Andy Show rings in the new year celebrating forgiveness, humility, and the enduring comedy of human nature.

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Transcript

[Narrator/Announcer]

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[Andy]

Say Amos, what is the greatest name in communications?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

The Columbia Broadcasting System.

[Mama Stevens]

And.

[Andy]

Well, how do you like that? That's the network we is on.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Oh, you said.

[Narrator/Announcer (Harlow Wilcox)]

The amos and andy show. Written by joe connolly and bob mosher, transcribed by and featuring amanda randolph, johnny lee, ernestine wade, tommy moore, will wright l. Gleskin's music. Yours truly, harlo wilcox and starring radio's all time favorites, freeman gon and charles carell.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Amos and andy.

[Narrator/Announcer (Harlow Wilcox)]

Well, New Year's Eve is the time everyone likes to put on his best and go out for an evening of fun. And with New Year's only a week away, Sapphire and her mother are looking at ads in the paper for evening gowns while the kingfish views the procedure with distaste.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Oh, looky here, Mama, ain't that a beautiful dress?

[Mama Stevens]

Oh, it's just exquisite, daughter. Yes, look how tight and form fitting it is.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Ooh, yes, I love a dress like that. You know these new French styles was just made for my figure.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah, you got the French figure all right. You got a shape on you like the Eiffel Tower. We invited the base and tapers to a point.

[Sapphire Stevens]

What did you say?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah, and you was a little spread out around the route of the pay too.

[Mama Stevens]

Well, I wouldn't talk about no figures if I was you, George. With that sad face, that bloated stomach and that flat footed waddle. You look like a tired penguin hunting for a place to lay an egg. Huh?

[Sapphire Stevens]

Ain't no use for me to be looking at dresses, no way. We ain't going no place New Year's Eve.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

What you talking about? We was going over to Aunt Sarah's in Brooklyn like we done last year. Spend New Year's Eve with the family.

[Mama Stevens]

We is only going there cause we got no place else to go.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Yes, you never take me no place. The last time we went out in evening clothes was when the boys come home from the war.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah, I remember that. It was 10 years ago and the boys were singing There'll be bluebirds over the white cliffs of DOVER.

[Mama Stevens]

It was.

[Sapphire Stevens]

35 years ago and the boys were singing It's a Long Way to Tipperary.

[Mama Stevens]

Well, it's disgusting. We don't ever go no place and we don't know the right people.

[Sapphire Stevens]

You're right. Everybody else in town is going to the J. Worthington depaistors New Year's Eve ball. Does we ever go anyplace? Does we ever get invited anywhere?

[Andy]

No.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah, but I can't afford all the clothes you need.

[Mama Stevens]

Even a groundhog gets out more than Sapphire.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Sure, yeah. All the groundhog's gotta do is to crawl out of his hole. You don't have to spend a couple of hundred dollars making it look presentable.

[Sapphire Stevens]

George, that's the trouble with us yet is the new year the last day of the old year. And all year you ain't done nothing nice for me and I ain't done nothing nice for you.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah, well, it's like follow the leader. If you don't ever do anything nice for me, I might do something nice for you. Fat chance I got ever that happening.

[Sapphire Stevens]

If there's any niceness in the family, it comes from me. Cause you is a poised excuse for a human being I ever met. You is stupid, lazy, ignorant and uncouth. And there ain't one person in the whole world that's got any respect for you.

[Mama Stevens]

You ain't nothing, you hear? Nothing.

[Sapphire Stevens]

I'm going in the bedroom.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Holy mackerel. To think I just married Sapphire cause the father owned a butcher store. Just think, if I'd listened to Bernard McFadden, I'd have been a happy vegetarian today.

[Andy]

Kingfish, take it easy.

[Narrator/Announcer (Harlow Wilcox)]

Here.

[Andy]

How come you're getting so upset just cause you wasn't invited to the dipyster's Ball?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, it's not that, Andy. It's what Sapphire said. On account of me she ain't been able to take her rightful place in society and all that stuff.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Hey, half all. You know, we started out great. Look at the big social wedding we had back in Marietta, Georgia.

[Andy]

Yeah, that was a high class hunkinuptulating all right.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Oh, yeah, Typhis Papa threw a real brawl. After all, he had the biggest butcher business in town, you know.

[Andy]

Yeah, that was quite a sight when you come out of the church. Safire's six brothers making that archway with their cross salamis.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Oh, there then. Nothing was too good for his favorite daughter.

[Andy]

Yeah, well, I guess Sapphire's pretty upset about not going to the New Year's Eve ball at the Defyslers. Where's you gonna Go.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, we going over there and Sarah's over in Brooklyn as a sort of a family tradition, you know.

[Andy]

Oh, all the relatives go over there to Brooklyn, huh? Ye.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yes, Andrew and I really hate that affair. Worst thing is they seats all the men at the table according to how well they're doing in business, you see.

[Andy]

Oh, yeah? Well, where are you? Usual set?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, I tell you, Andy, if that dining room didn't have a bay window, I'd be eating out on Flatbush Avenue. Well, then there's a mess. Yeah, Andy passes the plates down the table and you should see my plate by the time it gets to me.

[Andy]

Yeah, the relatives really snipes at it on the way down, huh?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

I'll say the duh. Last New Year's Eve I wound up with a half a turkey wing, 18 olive pits, a air trumpet and a Stevenson button.

[Andy]

Yeah, well, it's awful, Kingfish, having a sponge like that.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, I tell you, Andy, I wish there was some way to it. I could win back Sapphire's respect. Sure heard that. I got some high class friends and all that.

[Andy]

Well, I'll see you around, Kingfish. I gotta get back to my boarding house.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Hold on. So long, Hannah. So long. Oh, me. If I could only get an invitation to the D. Pacers ball, I could. Say, wait a minute, Sheriff, why can't I write out one myself and mail it to Sapphire? Yeah, there ain't no chance of it kicking back on me. Cause on New Year's Eve we gotta go to Aunt Sarah. Yeah, let me get a typewriter out here. Society, here we come.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Oh, yes, George, it came in the mail today. Ain't it wonderful?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yes, yes it is. Ms. D. Pyster types a nice handwriting there, don't she?

[Sapphire Stevens]

Well, George, maybe I done misjudged you. This invitation shows you is respected by the people that count.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yes, it's a shame we can't go. And I could introduce you to all the other society friends I know.

[Sapphire Stevens]

But George, we can go.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah, I'd like to have you meet all the. All the. All the. Excuse me there, Sapphire. You as messed up on your grandma there you was used naked infinity. Where? You should have used Andre Porticiple there.

[Sapphire Stevens]

No, George, I said we can go to the ball.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

No, now wait a minute. You know we have to go to Aunt Sarah's. He does that every New Year's Eve.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Yeah, I know, George, but I done already talked to Aunt Sarah and she's so happy about this invitation. She says this shows at least some of her relatives.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Amounts to something yeah, but wait a minute here. We. We gotta go to Aunt Sarah's for dinner. I planned it. I already done bought the bicarbonate.

[Mama Stevens]

I gotta go now.

[Sapphire Stevens]

George, you has always hated Aunt Sarah. You said she was a deplorable old hag.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

No, no, you misunderstood me. I say, adorable old hag. Yeah, she's a beautiful old hag. I love her.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Now listen, George. We have this invitation and we're going and that's that. Why, I didn't even order the new dress. Now I'm going in and tell Mama the good news.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Holy, Ma, what a mess. I wonder if they could extradite me if I took it on the lamb to Guatemala.

[Narrator/Announcer (Harlow Wilcox)]

Every day a thousand homes catch fire. 90% of those fires are caused by carelessness. Take stock. Now. Is your electrical equipment in good shape? How about old newspapers and magazines? Do you clear them out regularly or leave them piled as fire hazards? Be careful too, of cleaning fluids. And make a rule against smoking in bed. Remember, don't gamble with fire. The odds are against you. You.

[Andy]

Well, I think I'll walk back to the rooming house and take a little nap and then I can. Your show is getting cold. My spine feels like a bone Popsicle.

[Sadie Hunter]

Why, if it isn't Andy Brown.

[Andy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Excuse me, miss. I don't think I had the pleasure of. I can't recall. I don't recollect. Hello.

[Sadie Hunter]

Why, Andy, you don't recognize me at all.

[Andy]

Well, now, wait a minute here. Wait just a minute. Didn't we go through the tunnel of love at Coney island once?

[Sadie Hunter]

Well, I don't remember that.

[Andy]

Yeah, well, I guess you ain't the same one. If you had, baby, you would have remembered it.

[Sadie Hunter]

Andy. Why, I'm Sadie Hunter.

[Andy]

Oh, yes, Sadie Hunter, the debut Sandy. Yes. How is you, Sadie?

[Sadie Hunter]

Oh, Andy, darling. I'm so glad I ran into you.

[Andy]

Yeah, likewise. Cause you makes a nice collision.

[Sadie Hunter]

Andy, you know what I have right here in my purse?

[Andy]

No.

[Sadie Hunter]

An invitation to the de Pysters New Year's Eve ball.

[Andy]

Well, that's nice.

[Sadie Hunter]

Yes, Andy, I got an invitation. And I got an evening gown. But I lacks just one thing.

[Andy]

Well, don't worry about it, honey. Cause whatever it is you lacks, it ain't worth having.

[Sadie Hunter]

Oh, no, Andy. I mean a bow to go with. Would you like to see the new year end with little old me?

[Andy]

Honey, big fat me would just love to see it in with little old you.

[Sadie Hunter]

That's so sweet of you, Andy. Now, suppose you hold the invitation. You're the man. And anyway, I always lose things.

[Andy]

Yeah, well, okay, I'll take it and stick it in my pocket here.

[Sadie Hunter]

It's formal, you know, white ties and tails.

[Andy]

Oh, natural, natural. I got two or three of them.

[Sadie Hunter]

Why that's fine, Andy. It's tomorrow night after Lenox Hall. Now suppose you pick me up about 8ish.

[Andy]

Honey, I'll be right there on the dotish.

[Sadie Hunter]

Goodbye.

[Andy]

Goodbye. Did the pistons ball. I wonder if I ought to brush up on my dancing. I wouldn't want to show up there and lindy hop myself right out of the social register.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Oh, me. That phony invitation done backfired on me, Sapphire. Expect me to go to the ball and I ain't got no invitation. No chance of getting the. Well, come in, Brother Andrew.

[Andy]

Hi, Kingfish. Hi. Say, I want to ask you something. Do you know a good place I could take dancing lessons?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Dancing lesson?

[Andy]

Yeah, I got an invitation to go to the D. Pysters Ball. Yeah?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, you has got an invitation to the D. Piercer's Ball?

[Andy]

Yes, sir, right here in my pocket. I'm going with Sadie Hunter. She just gave me the invitation.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

So you got an invitation to the fancy dress ball, huh?

[Andy]

Yes. Yep, right in my pocket.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Sit down, Cinderella.

[Andy]

Thank you.

[Narrator/Announcer (Harlow Wilcox)]

Thank you.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

So you got an invitation right there in your pocket and you want to speak dancing lesson, huh?

[Andy]

Yeah, that's right, Andy.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Welcome to Arthur Murray's uptown branch.

[Andy]

You mean that you can teach me dancing, Kingfish? Can you teach me the samba and the rumba? That new dance, the mumbo jumbo?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Oh, no, no, auntie. You don't get to mumbo your jumbo at these high class affairs. You know a bar like this, the big thing is the walls. Ander wall. I tell you, Andre, there ain't nothing like swishing around the floor to the beautiful walls. Music of that great woman composer, Joanne Strauss.

[Andy]

That. That's the thing to do, huh?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

No, Andy, it's a beautiful thing. I tell you what, stand up there a minute. I'll give you a little demonstration.

[Andy]

Yeah, like this.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah, that's it. Now tell me any. Does you know the Merry Widow?

[Andy]

No, but I used to know a grass widow. That was a lot of fun.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

I'm talking about the song from the motion picture. The one where Mario Los Angeles did the singing.

[Andy]

Oh, yeah, yeah, I know the song. Saw the song. Yeah. Well, explain to me about the waltz, Kingfisher.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Okay. Now in doing the walls, you hold your left hand out.

[Andy]

That's it. Yeah.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Now you put your right hand here on your hip. And now I takes my Right hand. And I puts it right there on your hip. Right on your pocket.

[Andy]

So far, this ain't nothing. Maybe it's better with a gal.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Going on, Andy. Now close your eyes.

[Andy]

Close my eyes?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah, certainly. You got to get in the spirit of the thing. Now close your eyes and we'll waltz around the floor to the tune of the beautiful merry with the waltz. Now, you got your eyes closed.

[Andy]

Yeah. Let's go.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

All right, here we go. Do, dee, do.

[Andy]

What'd we stop for, Kingfish?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

I just remember, Nanny, the correct position for the walls is with my hand on your other pocket.

[Andy]

Listen, how long is this session gonna last, King?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, just as long as it takes me to pick. I mean, you to pick it up. Ye.

[Andy]

Come on, let's go.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

All right, now close your eyes again. And.

[Andy]

Okay.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

All right, here we go, Walton.

[Andy]

Hold it, Kingfish. Hold it right there. Hold it.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah. What's the matter, son?

[Andy]

Just a minute. Now, I got my eyes closed, but you got a hold of one of my hands, ain't you?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

That's right.

[Andy]

And your other hand is around my waist, ain't it?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

That's right.

[Andy]

Well, then I think that merry water is going through my pocket, you know.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Oh, no, Auntie, no. That's just an optical illusion and always happens in the walls. Now, don't pay no attention to it. Close your eyes now. Here we go.

[Andy]

Okay.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Okay. And the mission completed. Lesson number one over. Go ahead. Now, wait a minute.

[Andy]

Wait a minute, Kingfish. I'm just catching on to this thing. Hurry up and give me lesson number two.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Come on. Lesson number two. Well, tell you what, Andy, just sit down on a chair there a few minutes, okay?

[Andy]

Why must I sit here, Kingfish?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, one of the most important things of all, Andy, if you're going to a ball, you got to practice sitting out dances. You see, Arthur Murray devotes seven lessons to that alone. Yeah, you ain't socially acceptable unless you squats correctly. That's the thing.

[Andy]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Now, you just stay there and practice sitting out dancing. And I gotta go out. I'll be back to the dancing stuff later. So long.

[Andy]

Okay. Oh, may I? Getting tired. I wonder what happened to the king.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Oh, hi, Amos.

[Andy]

Hi.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Hi, Anders. Hey, what you doing sitting in that straight back chair up against the wall there?

[Andy]

Oh, I was practicing sitting out dances. And you know something? I must be a wall fly. Ain't nobody asked me to dance in 20 minutes.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Andy. What in the world is you talking about, son?

[Andy]

Well, I've been taking dancing lessons. You see, I'm Going to the D P New Year's Eve ball with Sadie Hunter tomorrow night.

[Narrator/Announcer (Harlow Wilcox)]

Yeah.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, that's wonderful. Say, Andy, might be snowing. Maybe I could drive you and your gal to the dance tomorrow night in my taxicab.

[Andy]

Oh, that'd be great, Amos. Yeah.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

What time do the things start? Andy, let me look.

[Andy]

Let me look on the invitation here and make sure I got a.

[Narrator/Announcer (Harlow Wilcox)]

What's the matter?

[Andy]

Wait a minute here. The invitation ain't here. That's funny. It was here when I was dancing with the Kingfish.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

You was dancing with the Kingfish? And your invitation is now missing, huh?

[Narrator/Announcer (Harlow Wilcox)]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Now, there's a funny thing.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Look, Andy, why don't you put two and two together there and see what you got.

[Andy]

Yeah, that's just what I gonna do. 2 and 2. Amos, give me a pencil. I ain't too good at arithmetic.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Well, George, I'm all set for the ball tonight. How you like my new dress?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Oh, it's a beauty sapphire. Yeah, just a beauty. You gonna be the belly of the ball. Just one thing. With your loose pivot tooth, I wouldn't blow them New Year's Eve horns too hard. You liable to toot the thing loose and end up at midnight gumming your way through old anxiety.

[Sapphire Stevens]

I'll be careful, George. Oh, I'm just so happy. You getting this invitation to the depaistas shows that people does really think something of you. And George, on account of this, I. Well, I really has respect for you.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Respect for me? Oh, honey, that's wonderful. Lord, that's. You gotta have. Wait a minute.

[Andy]

I'll get it.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

I'll get it.

[Sapphire Stevens]

I'll go change my dress.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

George Kingfish Stevens speaking.

[Andy]

This is Andy Kingfish. My invitation to the devices New Year's Eve ball has gone.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, what's that to me?

[Andy]

Look, Kingfish, I know you has got to think.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, now, wait a minute, Anna.

[Andy]

Listen, if I don't get the invitation back, I'm calling the Deep ices and telling them you stole the thing and not let you in.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Oh, now we. Okay, okay. And a fine pal you is. What good is friends if you can't steal from them?

[Andy]

Listen, Kingfish, I want that thing back.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Okay, I got the thing here and I'll bring it over to you right now. Don't call the D. Pyster.

[Andy]

That's better. Goodbye.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Oh, me, What a mess.

[Sapphire Stevens]

George, who is that on the phone?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Nobody, honey. Listen, I gotta go out.

[Mama Stevens]

But, George.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

I know, honey. I'll see you later. So long.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Hmm. George, Sonny is acting strange. He's acting just like he did on our honeymoon before he broke the news to me that we had to hitchhike our way back from Niagara Fall.

[Narrator/Announcer (Harlow Wilcox)]

When the National Safety Council recently requested listeners to send them their traffic gripes, one of the most frequent complaints of citizens all over the country was this. Too many drivers stop for a light halfway or completely across the pedestrian crosswalk. Such stopping makes it dangerous for anyone to use the crosswalk. Be courteous, don't block the crosswalk.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Everyone deserves to be connected. That's why T Mobile and US Cellular are joining forces. Switch to T Mobile and save up to 20% versus Verizon by getting built in benefits they leave out. Check the math@t mobile.com switch and now T mobile is in US cellular stores.

[Commercial Voice]

Savings versus Comparable Verizon plans plus the cost of optional benefits plan features in Texas and fees vary. Savings with three plus lines include third line free via monthly bill credits. Credit stop if you cancel any lines. Qualifying credit required.

[RealReal Advertiser]

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[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

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[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

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[RealReal Advertiser]

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[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, sorry I had to call you down here to your office on New Year's Eve, Calhoun, but it's is terribly important.

[Mama Stevens]

Well Kingfish, when I got your call I had 12 extremely hungry relatives at the table and I had just took a big juicy 24 pound turkey out the oven. Right in the pan, gravy and everything. But I rushed down here anyway.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah, but ain't you afraid to leave that turkey with all them relatives?

[Mama Stevens]

Is you kidding, Kingfish? I got that bird with all the fixings locked in the trunk of my car.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

I see you brung it with you, huh?

[Mama Stevens]

Yeah, till I get back Ain't one of them can lay a fang on it.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, now, here's the thing, Calhoun. I done told my wife we was invited to the D. Pisces Ball, but I didn't think we could go, you see. And now she planned on going, and we ain't got no invitation. Now, what must I do?

[Mama Stevens]

Well, now, King Fisher, I can't sympathize with you. You've been brought to this sorry state because of cheating and lying.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah, but, Calhoun, you gotta help me, man.

[Mama Stevens]

No, sir. The only thing that'll get you out of this mess is more lies. And the only time a man is justified, the only time a man should resort to a lie, is in an extreme emergency.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, Calhoun, if you'll help me, I'll give you 20 bucks.

[Mama Stevens]

I hereby declare this mess an extreme emergency.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Oh, fine, Calhoun. Now, what can I do? If my wife don't get to that dance, she gonna lose all the respect for me that she has.

[Mama Stevens]

Well, now, wait a minute, Chair. Now, hold on. Suppose you were to get sick.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Me?

[Mama Stevens]

Yeah. Suppose at the last minute, you. You had a sudden attack of pneumonia.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah. There's a lot of germs jumping around this time of year. Yeah, that's a great idea. You know what? Yeah, I'll get right on home and fake up an attack of pneumonia or. Calhoun, you is a genius.

[Mama Stevens]

Oh, man. Yeah, well, I. I guess I better get on back to my New Year's Eve party.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah, Calhoun, but ain't you afraid that turkey might dry up and spoil on you in the trunk of your car?

[Mama Stevens]

I ain't worried about that, kingfish. I got my little nephew Gregory locked in the truck basing the thing.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, here, my apartment. I see through the keyhole there. Mama's sitting there in the living room. I'll try this pneumonia thing out on her. I just gotta convince them that I really sick. So I don't wanna go be too subtle. But I'll open the door here and get down on my hands and knees.

[Andy]

Now.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Now I crawl in like I was in agony.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Oh.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Oh, me.

[Mama Stevens]

Oh, well, how do you like this? The poor fish has come home fried.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Oh, no, Mama, I ain't fried. I sick. Yeah. Can't even stand up, Mama.

[Mama Stevens]

Well, I'll help you to your feet. What's wrong with you, anyhow?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Oh, I got pneumonia, Mama. I sick. I sick. Oh, look at me. My eyes is watering. I can hardly stand up. Look at the big circles under my eyes.

[Mama Stevens]

So what? You always look sad, saggy and baggy to me.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Oh, no, Mama. I just come from the doctors. I got pneumonia. I got a terrible temperature. Doctor says it's 112.

[Mama Stevens]

112? The thermometer only goes up to 110.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah, Mama. Well, you see, the. I couldn't use a thermometer. Man had to take my temperature with one of them weather barometers.

[Mama Stevens]

A weather barometer?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah. Stuck the thing in my mouth. And he said the only thing that was saving me was a cold front moving in over my liver.

[Mama Stevens]

Now, look here. Sick or not sick, you are going to that ball. You ain't disappointing Sapphire.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, I wouldn't dream of it, Mama dear. I gonna be brave and well, I gonna go. I'll do the best I can while we is dancing, I just try to scream in time to the music. You see.

[Mama Stevens]

I see here, George Stevens, you don't look sick to me. And if I wonder who that is.

[Andy]

At the door there. Now, just take it easy, Mrs. Stevens.

[Sapphire Stevens]

I'll be all right, doctor.

[Mama Stevens]

Well, good heavens. What's wrong? Sapphire and Dr. Farber.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Oh, Mama, I'm afraid I hurt my ankle.

[Andy]

Yes, Mrs. Smith, your daughter had a little accident. She slipped on the ice getting out of a cab. Seems to have sprained her ankle. I'd bandaged it up in my office, but she'll have to stay off of it for at least a couple of weeks.

[Mama Stevens]

Oh, dear. Oh, child, I'll help you right into the bedroom.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Hey, wait a minute. What's going on here? What's this?

[Sapphire Stevens]

Oh, George, I done sprained my ankle. Ain't this terrible? We won't be able to go to the Deficit Ball tonight. Oh, my New Year is ruining.

[Mama Stevens]

Oh, while you're here, Doctor, you better have a look at George. He's sick too.

[Andy]

Oh, well, what's the trouble, Stevens?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Oh, nothing, doctor. All of a sudden I feel wonderful. I never realized before what a great cure sprained ankle is for pneumonia I never even had. Now, let me prop your ankle up. Your Sapphire mama getting you the aspirin. I fear this ain't a very happy new Year.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Well, thank you, George. Oh, George, I feel terribly sorry disappointing you like this. I know how much you counted on going to the Depaistors Ball.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, I had counted on going. I feel pretty bad about not going, but what can I do? You done sprained your ankle. It ain't your fault that you was awkward.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Well, George, I'm gonna find some way to make it up to you, George.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah, well, I hope you remember that. Now, I better go in and phone my apologies to the depictors. They'll be sorry. They might cry or something. I don't know. I won't mention the order. It was your fault. I'll give you that break.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Well, George, I really thank you for being so big about the whole thing.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, here's your mama. I'll go make the call.

[Sapphire Stevens]

All right.

[Mama Stevens]

Well, here's your aspirin, daughter.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Oh, thank you, Mama.

[Mama Stevens]

Honey, this is just awful. You laid up in bed for two weeks.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Oh, no, Mama. I'll be up sooner than that.

[Mama Stevens]

Dr. Farber said.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Mama, Dr. Farber was kind enough to help me. You see, Mama, I know we wasn't invited to the Pysters Ball, but, well, this is New Year's Eve and George say we never do nothing for each other. So what could be a better time to turn over a new leaf? For George's sake, I got Dr. Farber to help me pretend I had this sprained ankle.

[Narrator/Announcer (Harlow Wilcox)]

This is Harlow Wilcox again suggesting that you tune in this CBS radio station each evening, Monday through Friday for the Amos and Andy Music Hall. You'll hear Amos and Andy at their very best, plus interviews with famous guests and lots of good popular music. Your local newspaper will give you the time of the Amos and Andy Music Hall. So remember to tune in and enjoy the fun and music and laugh with Amos and Andy. Oh, and Happy New Year, everybody. That's right, folks.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

My partner Charles Correll and I want to wish you and every one of.

[Narrator/Announcer (Harlow Wilcox)]

You the very best New Year you ever had.

[Andy]

We sure do, folks. And remember, we'll see you tomorrow night on the Music Hall.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Be sure to be with us at.

[Narrator/Announcer (Harlow Wilcox)]

The same time next Sunday for the Amerson Andy Show. Transcribed and directed by Cliff Howell. Now stay tuned for Army Strokes, which follows immediately over most of these same stations of the CBS radio network.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Everyone deserves to be connected. That's why T Mobile and US Cellular are joining forces. Switch to T Mobile and save up to 20 dol percent versus Verizon by getting built in benefits they leave out. Check the math@t mobile.com switch and now T mobile is in US cellular stores.

[Commercial Voice]

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