Podcast Summary: The Danny Kaye Show 1945-01-20 (003) The Milking Machine

Podcast Information:

• Title: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Host/Author: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Episode: The Danny Kaye Show 1945-01-20 (003) The Milking Machine
• Release Date: May 10, 2025
• Description: Relive the Golden Age of Radio with classic shows like The Shadow, Abbott & Costello, Amos & Andy, Dragnet, and more. Gather around the radio with your family and enjoy timeless entertainment.

1. The Auction Fiasco

Timestamp: [00:52] - [03:23]

The episode kicks off with Danny Kaye, portrayed by Ken Niles, and his sidekick, Lionel Stander, humorously lamenting their inability to find a new movie to watch. Lionel exclaims, "Gosh, Danny, we've walked all over town, we can't find a movie we haven't seen. Why is that?" ([00:52]).

Their search leads them to an advertising banner for Action Today, which Lionel enthusiastically believes will offer a gangster picture featuring Flynn, Raft, and Cagney. However, Ken quickly corrects him: "Lionel, that sign says Auction Today. And that's Flynn, Rafferty and Carney. They're not actors, they're auctioneers." ([01:27]-[01:37]).

Curiosity piqued, Lionel persuades Danny to attend the auction. Inside, they encounter an eccentric auctioneer selling a "1943 model gentle action milking machine." Lionel inquires, "She. Danny, do they get milk from machines these days?" ([02:15]-[02:19]).

Despite Danny's initial hesitation to bid, Lionel gets carried away and purchases the milking machine for $115. The confusion escalates when Danny attempts to back out, explaining he doesn't own a farm or cow, leading to comedic tension between the two friends.

Notable Quote:

• Auctioneer: "Sold in the blood for 115. Just give the cashier your check for $115, my boy." ([02:57])

2. The Milking Machine at the Studio

Timestamp: [03:07] - [08:19]

Returning to the studio with the unexpected purchase, Danny fears the reaction of his co-star, Eve Arden. Lionel jokes, "Boy, when you tell Eve odin that you bought a milking machine, she'll really blow her top." ([03:36]).

Upon reuniting, Eve expresses her frustration with Danny's mysterious purchase. Danny stumbles through explanations, inadvertently revealing that the milking machine is a result of a misunderstood auction bid triggered by Lionel's innocent question about the time.

Notable Quotes:

• Eve Arden: "A milking machine? Are you out of your mind?" ([05:44])
• Ken: "You are now looking at a man who has legally adopted a milking machine." ([05:38])

The situation escalates as Lionel attempts to demonstrate the machine, leading to a chaotic scene where Eve demands its removal. The friends scramble to dispose of the machine, resulting in slapstick humor and physical comedy.

3. Musical Interlude

Timestamp: [08:19] - [12:19]

To shift the mood, Harry James and his band take the spotlight with a vibrant performance of "St. Louis Blues." Harry James welcomes listeners with, "Sam." ([08:55]).

Following the instrumental break, Ken Niles introduces a humorous blues song titled "Pabst Blue Ribbon Blues," blending advertising seamlessly into the narrative. Danny humorously requests an extensive rendition of the song, leading to a playful musical exchange that highlights the era's unique blend of entertainment and sponsorship.

Notable Quote:

• Ken Niles: "How can it be Splendid. If it isn't blended blue... I've got those Never be forgiven if it ain't Blue Ribbon Blues in the sut." ([12:19])

4. The Inspector Kaye Mystery

Timestamp: [13:10] - [22:19]

The episode transitions into a comedic mystery segment featuring Inspector HIJK of Scotland Yard, portrayed by Danny Kaye. This whodunit centers around the peculiar case of a missing toothpick, humorously exaggerated as the "most daring robbery in years."

Inspector HIJK interacts with Sergeant Lionel Stander, navigating through baffling clues such as two tire treads, cigar ash, and a mysterious footprint from Grauman's Chinese Theater. The investigation, filled with puns and wordplay, satirizes classic detective tropes.

Notable Quotes:

• Harry James (Inspector HIJK): "Missing toothpick? Pointed problem, sticky thing." ([14:55])
• Eve Arden: "Seriously, you are the one always hounding. If I didn't do it, I tell you I didn't do it." ([20:58])

Amidst the confusion, Inspector HIJK uncovers that the toothpick was in the cook's quarters, leading to a humorous resolution where the missing item is found, and the case is theatrically closed.

5. Elocution Lesson and Closing Remarks

Timestamp: [22:19] - [29:09]

Post-mystery, the show returns to a lighter tone with an elocution lesson aimed at Lionel Stander's character, who struggles with emotional expression. Danny Kaye coaches him through repetitive phrases, humorously tying in the Pabst Blue Ribbon advertising jingle.

Notable Quote:

• Danny Kaye: "For there is no finer blend than Pabst Blue Ribbon." ([26:42])

The episode concludes with a heartfelt appeal from Ken Niles regarding the "March of Dimes," highlighting the societal efforts to combat infantile paralysis. While the user requested to skip advertisements, this segment, although promotional, serves as a poignant finale to the show's comedic elements.

Closing Quote:

• Ken Niles: "Our dimes can help. Yes, and our dollars. Send them to President Roosevelt at the White House." ([27:36])

Conclusion:

The Danny Kaye Show masterfully blends humor, music, and light-hearted mystery, encapsulating the charm of the Golden Age of Radio. From accidental purchases of milking machines to whimsical detective cases, the episode provides a delightful listening experience filled with memorable quotes and engaging interactions among beloved characters. Whether you're a longtime fan or new to these classic shows, this episode offers both nostalgia and timeless entertainment.