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The Danny Kaye Show 1945-02-03 (005) A Baby From Washington (AFRS)
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The Danny Kaye Show 1945-02-03 (005) A Baby From Washington (AFRS)
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Riley Herbst
Riley herbst from 2311 racing here. And you know what grinds my gears? Waiting for coffee. But instead of counting frappes and lattes, I fire up Chumba Casino. No apps, no fuss, just fun social casino games to pass the time. By the time my coffee's ready, I've already taken a few victory laps. Next time you're stuck waiting, make it entertaining. Play for free@chumbacasino.com. let's Chumba. Sponsored by Chumba Casino. No purchase necessary. VGW Group void where prohibited by law 21 terms and conditions apply. The Danny Kaye Show. Yes, it's the Danny Kaye show with Eve Arden, Lionel Sander, yours truly, Ken Niles, and the outstanding music of America's top band, Harry James and his Music Makers. Now, for your entertainment, we present the amazingly amusing talents of the one and only Danny Kaye. We greet our aerial globe daughter, Danny Kaye, as he returns from Washington and sets foot on good old California soil. Step right down, Mr. K. Ah, good old sunny California. There he is, Ms. Garden. Hiya, Danny. Hello, Lionel. Hi, Evie. Hello, Danny. Welcome home. Well, thanks, honey. You miss me? Certainly did. This place wasn't the same without you. Now that you're back, we can all return to abnormal. Ah, you're a doll. Just a little doll. Say, Lionel, would you carry my bags a minute, please? I. I've got to carry this little bundle I brought back from Washington. I knew it. I knew it. Danny K. Just what is in this little bundle? Another milking machine? Oh, on the contest. The baby. Well, it ain't Fanny. Bright sister. Quiet, quiet, quiet. Lionel, turn your face the other way. I thought that would do it. Danny K. Where did that baby come from? Oh, Evie, it came from Washington. Well, let me put it another way. I wish you would. Who is this baby's mother? A woman. Well, that's startling information. Now, who is this woman? I don't know. What? Well, look, I just met her as I was getting on the plane. What? Yeah, she was sending her baby to California. She thought I had a kind motherly face. Oh, she did? Yes, she did. So she asked me to take care of him on the trip. Now, the baby's papa's gonna meet me here in a minute and take him up. Isn't he? Isn't he a cute little gurgle face? Isn't he cute? Don't you. Do you like babies, Lionel? Yeah, I love babies. They're so young. Now, there's a brilliant observation. Cheer. It is wonderful. What a baby. Flying 3,000 miles. And look, he's all dressed for the plane trip too. What do you mean? He's wearing a three cornered parachute. Did you come straight through, Danny? Well, I did, but the baby change at Kansas City. Gosh, he's a cute little muppet. What, what's his name, Danny? Well, he's a Russian baby. You see. His first name is Gregory Ivanovich Sergey Zhikovyasna Zhuji. And his second name is Gnack. Hello. Isn't that a Bernie baby? Kitchy, Kitchy, kitchy. Cool. You don't understand that. Jive Misty's a Russian baby. You gotta say Kitchi Kitchikouski. But you wouldn't know that. No, I wouldn't. I'm just his father. Oh, oh, oh, his father. Oh, gee, I hate to part with him, but here. Oh, gee, thanks. No, every time he sees me, he busts out crying. Well, wait just a minute. I think I can quieter. You see, it's simple. That's a Russian lullaby. Oh, guys, you're wonderful. Patrick's asleep. Patrick? Sure, that's his name. Patrick Michael o'. Malley. Well, thanks again. That's all right. Patrick Michael o'. Malley. What a name for a Russian baby. Well, his mother's Russian, but I'm Irish. Well, what do you know. Aaron, go borscht. Say, look, if you get into any trouble with the baby, don't forget to call me up, will you? You mind? Bye. Well, come on, Tavares, let's get going back to the hotel. Okay. Say, Danny, do you have a good time in Washington? Oh, just wonderful, Lionel. Just wonderful. And by the way, I brought back a present for you. For me? Gee, yeah, yeah, I got it right here in my pocket. Here you are. The original silver dollar that George Washington threw across the Potomac. Gosh, thanks, Danny. Hello, it is Ryan. And we could all use an extra bright spot in our day, couldn't we? Just to make up for things like sitting in traffic, doing the dishes, counting your steps. You know, all the mundane stuff. That is why I'm such a big fan of Chumba Casino. Chumba Casino has all your favorite social casino style games that you can play for free, anytime, anywhere with daily bonuses. So sign up now@chumbacasino.com. that's chumbacasino.com. no purchase necessary. VGW Group. Void where prohibited by law 21 + terms and conditions apply. Hey, wait a minute. Look at the date on this puck. 1912. Well, that isn't the date he threw it. That's the date they coined it. Oh, I see. Why didn't I think of that. Gee, ain't I a dope. You have $1? Would you care to try for two? Say, Danny, I read about the shows you put on. They tell me you were entertaining every minute. Well, we got quite a rest in one place, thanks to a certain soprano who sang about 8,000 songs at her own request. What was her name? I don't know, but it should have been Lucrezia. Quiver, Tonsil or Natalie. No, throat or something. Oh, you should have heard her. Not only did she miss notes completely, but when she hit one, she flogged it into exhaustion. Wasn't there anything good about it? Oh, yes, her diction was superb, just superb. I'll give you an imitation of her sometime singing. Why not do it now? A coast now. Ah, come on, that's enough. When all the birds have gone to sleep and all the frogs are still Then you will hear the fairy pipes Come out upon the hill Come out, come out Listen on the air up there and down there Fairies everywhere. Oh. Ha. Oh, here, can't you hear the tune? Fairy, fairy pipers underneath the sailor moon. But if you doubt that this canopy and a questioner who what I spur you'll never hear the melody the fairy piper's play up there and down there Fairies everywhere all hot. Oh, here, can't you hear There too hairy. Perry Piper's underneath the silver moon. Come, man. Gee, that was great, Danny, that was great. No wonder Lucretia Quiver Tompa was the hit of Washington. Come out, come out Listen on the air. Quiet, quiet, you sandpaper Sinatra. Why, Miss Sudden? Don't you think my voice is cute? I think it's perfect for calling a taxi. Now call one. Let's get back to the hotel. Oh, Danny. Hey, Danny. Well, well, well, Ken Ten Niles, am I glad to see you. Well, me too. Welcome home, Danny. Say, come on, I'll run you back to the hotel. Here you are, gang. Step into my private car. Okay. Well, there you are, Danny, back home, safe and sound. Well, thank you very much. You made it in good time, Ken. Yeah, and speaking of time, Danny, you got back just in time to hear your pal Harry James and his music makers play their special arrangement of Loveless Love. Thank you, Harry. That music makes me awfully glad to be back. Well, you're welcome, Danny. And I do mean welcome home. Did you have a good time in Washington? Oh, wonderful, Just wonderful. Hey, Danny, did you exchange repartees with a lot of Washington high honorables? Well, I met the British ambassador and the French ambassador, that's all. You mean you didn't even have the honor of meeting the ambassador from Brooklyn. The ambassador? Lionel, Brooklyn doesn't send an ambassador to Washington. Why? Have they severed diplomatic relations again? No, Lionel. Although we Brooklynites have often been invited to live alone and like it. Gee, Danny, when you was a kid in Brooklyn, you used to wonder what it would be like to be king. I must have, er. Gee. King of Brooklyn? Sure. Then I could be your prime minister. Winston Stanton. I can see it all now. You can? Yeah. It's the big day of your coronation and you are in your regal robes of mink dyed skunk with IJ Fox personally holding up the train. The park is crowded for the gala event. Park? What park? The Brooklyn ballpark. Ebbets Field. What a place for a coronation. Why not? Do you know a better place to get crowned? Crown him, crown him. Show the bum in. Be ruffling. Crown him, crown him. Throw the bum in. Bruffin. Only Potter was a potter, but he's even more. Father only got three cheers, but he wants more. Crowded, crowded. Crowd up my mouth. Hear ye, hear ye. Make way for King Danny, the K. King of Brooklyn, Emperor of Flatbush, Monarch of Greenpoint and exalted Tsar of Cuney Island. My priceless people of Brooklyn, I greet you. Yeah. Pipe ya. I implore you to pay heed to your faithful king. Oh, now, fellas, show a little respect toward me, will ya? Your father takes B on this here day of my coronation here. I feel I ought to say something to you that comes straight from the heart. So I say to you all. She, O good King be. We worship thee and more. If wider gets you poidered, then we'll moitermart. Other kings may smell, but you are smell free. You get paid for that. Cha cha cha cha. Chumba looking for excitement. Chumba Casino is here. Play anytime. Play anywhere. Play on the train. Play at the store. Play at home. Play when you're bored. Play today for your chance to win and get daily bonuses when you log in. So what are you waiting for? Don't delay. Chumba Casino is free to play. Experience social gameplay like never before. Go to Chumba Casino right now to play hundreds of games, including online slots, Bingo, Slingo and more. Live the chumba life@chumbacasino.com. no purchase necessary. VGW Group void where prohibited by law. 21 + terms and conditions apply in the belfry. Two days after King Danny's coronation, we find him in his royal council chamber ready to hold court. Me King Danny Decay, royal dispensary of justice, will now Dispense with justice. Who's the first culprit? Your majesty, it's the umpire. Yesterday's baseball game in which our team lose 18 to nothing. You mean the Brooklyn Dodgers lose and the umpire is still alive? Why hasn't he been hungered? String him up. String up Harry James too. What's Nick? Well King, this is a rather touchy subject. Your late father, Ernest the Lip, aliased King Charlie the jump, true to his title, mortgaged our ballpark to the hilt. The hilt you say? Yes. Ernest de Lip did that. That's right. So this mortgage has fallen into the hands of Queen Eve of Manhattan. There. Gad zooks, that shrew. What we do there is aught what else to do there. There's what there is ought what else to do there. That's what I thought it said Here. Listen. Marry the queen of Manhattan there and the ballpark is ours. What? Me, the king of Brooklyn, the cultural center of the universe. Marry a barbarian? Never. What is that for? Well, I gotta keep my lip in shape, don't I? King, I hate to say this, but unless you marry Queen Eve of Manhattan, we're lift. But I can't marry Eve. I love another. Who in Brooklyn we say who. All right, whom doom you love? Moital Nakilwust of Cooney Island. Who is this Moital? Is she of royal blood? Nay, she is a commoner. But what a bilt honour a cabinet. What is her station? Viton Beach. Brighton Beach? Yeah, you know the hot dog stand at Coney island where they sell foot long hot dogs? Yea, verily, I had a yard and a half of them only yesterday. Well, Mytle is in charge of the mustard pot there. And what a beauty she is with her yellow hair and fingers to match. But King, you must forget this ranch. You must go to see Queen Eve. See Queen Eve and lift that mortgage. Tote that bar. Lift that mortgage, Lift that mortgage. Hold nave and state by business. Before you enter the castle of Queen Eve, tell the Queen that King Danny, the K of Brooklyn is here. So be it. Your royal highness, this is King Danny the cave. Art thou certain that yon varlet is King Dany of Brooklyn? Yea, verily. Boy, what a built on him. Enter King Danny and sit thou here before. Turn off the charm Queenie. I'm here to talk business. Oh, fine business. Let us remember our royal station. First we'll have tea. Shall I pour your majesty? No, I shall. Cream ads. Rebel. Sugar a lump, lemon a squeeze. Tea. Never touch it. Now listen Queenie, by some skulldudgery you got the Yebbotsville mortgage away from me, fodder. Oh, fie on your father, but kiss my hand. Oh, fie on your hand. Now come on, Queenie, be a good queen and tear up that mortgage. I tell you. Nay, not so quick. First take me in your arms and crush me to you. Okay, I'm crushing. Well, there's a bustle I can throw away. Now hold still. I'm going to kiss you. Brace yourself. Okay, but this is for Brooklyn. Now, King Danny, how would that. It must have been pretty good. Our crowns just changed heads. Oh, King Danny, you're wonderful. You must marry me. Marry you? I have spoken. I'll tear up the mortgage after we're married tomorrow. No marriage, no mortgage. And your mother's brother and your sister's blister. If you don't marry me, I'll sic my navy on you. Ah, you and your big fat fleet. A thousand pardons, your majesty. I bring news from Brooklyn. Where did you get it? The Daily Eagle just flew by. At this very moment, Michael Knuckelwaste lies grievously Illinois. That's grievously ill. What happened to Mytle? She got her head caught in a frankfurter bun. Was the bun empty? No, there was a hot dog in it. Well, thank heaven she ain't trapped in there without food. Come Lionel, we must heavy to our side. Gee, I hope we reach Michael in time. Poor Michael, trapped in a bun. Lying there with her eyes full of crumbs, gasping for me. I'm worried. I mean it. Look, King, there's a crowd around the foot long hot dog stand. And there's Michael. She's out of the bun. Michael. Michael, you're safe. Who sprung you? King Danny. Danny, my Kingy. Gee, Myrtle, you're all covered with dough. What are you thinking about? With all that dough we can pay off the mortgage on a ballpark sight me. Sight me. And now Michael and I can be married. Oh, but Danny, I cannot marry you. I am a commoner and you are a royalty. I'll fix that. Kneel down, Michael. Okay, with this foot long hot dog, I dub dude countess of Coney Island. If we think of Sichi is gonna be bee, she the countess of Coney Island. The Mary Kentishi is fighting we Shishi, the goddess of Coney Island. There's a question I'd like to be popping you. Well, go on. I don't see nothing stopping you. Well, Moital my title. I'll make this real terse. Will you take me for better or worse as your churse kindly answer no earliers you know the answer of curse. And so they were married in flight which they tarried to. Heroes, we call once again. Kill the umpire. Sam Ram. Well, well, Niles. Let's leave the mythical kingdom of Brooklyn and get back to reality. Wait. Hello? Oh, it's for you, Danny. Oh, thanks. Hello? Hello, Mr. Gay? This is Mr. O' Malley and I'm having an awful time trying to keep the baby quiet. Wouldn't you tell him a bedtime story? Oh, sure. Just put him on the phone. What's the matter with your baby? Hello, Guys, listen. Bui you listen while Uncle Danny tells you a nice bedtime story. Some lullaby music, Harry. Good night. Don't forget to be with us for the next Danny K show. Ken Nile speaking. This is the Armed Forces Radio Service. Sam. How to have fun anytime, anywhere. Step one, go to Chumba casino.com Chumbacasino.com Got it. Step two collect your welcome bonus. Come to papa. Welcome bonus. Step 3. Play hundreds of casino style games for free. That's a lot of games, all for free. Step four, Unleash your excitement. Woo hoo. Chumba Chumba Casino has been delivering thrills for over a decade. 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