The Fabulous Dr. Tweedy 47-02-26 (26) Dr. Tweedy Finds A Baby

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Fabulous Dr. Tweedy – “Dr. Tweedy Finds A Baby”

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Host: Harolds Old Time Radio
Episode Air Date: February 26, 1947 (Original), September 11, 2025 (Podcast)
Episode: #26 – "Dr. Tweedy Finds A Baby"

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Overview

This episode of The Fabulous Dr. Tweedy transports listeners to Potts College, where absent-minded professor Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy is interrupted in his book-writing ambitions by a mysterious event: the sudden appearance of a baby on his porch. The ensuing chaos includes misunderstandings, run-ins with the police, and a delightfully comic encounter with Mrs. Apopolis and her equally eccentric brother, Socrates. The story is a classic screwball farce with a heartwarming conclusion, all rendered in the cozy, rapid-fire humor of 1940s radio.

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Key Discussion Points & Plot Highlights

Dr. Tweedy’s Book Plans Go Awry

• [00:25] Dr. Tweedy lectures about Socrates, bemoaning pre-lunch classes and his classroom's distraction.
• [01:30] Tweedy receives a letter from a publisher offering a $150 advance for his book about Socrates.
• He exclaims: “They bought it. I’ve got to run home and dust off my typewriter. No, I have to eat my lunch first.” (01:59)

Chaos at Potts College

• [01:08] Welby Skinkle and dog Baldy disrupt Tweedy’s day delivering the news, while Mrs. Apopolis brings comic relief in the cafeteria with flirtatious banter.
• Mrs. Apopolis teases: "Sweetie, cutie dumpling. You're in love." (02:34)

The Baby on the Porch

• [04:51] Cries are heard; a baby is found on the porch, causing confusion.
• Welby jokes about the absurdity of the situation: "We got a sign out there that says, please make all deliveries in the rear." (06:09)

What To Do With the Baby?

• [07:49] Welby raises the obvious: the household is not equipped to care for a baby, especially as Tweedy tries to write.
• [08:02] Tweedy heads off with the baby, determined to find its parents.

The Police Station Mix-Up

• [09:16] Tweedy’s attempt to hand over the baby at the police station backfires—the department is preoccupied with a “missing baby” report.
• The officer outlines common excuses:

  “They found it on a streetcar... Somebody left it on their doorstep... They were on their way to report the matter to the police.” (10:04)

• Tweedy inadvertently feeds into the cliche, and ends up buying a ticket to the Policemen’s Ball instead of solving the baby’s mystery (10:45).

The Foundling Home Farce

• [13:40] Tweedy tries to drop off the baby at the foundling home, fumbles his explanation, and even gives a false name to the stern Foundling Home Officer (Thaddeus Hugh Smith).
• Asked why he didn’t ring:

  “I didn’t want to wake up all the other babies.” (15:00)

The True Parent: Socrates (the Neighbor)

• [17:37] Mrs. Apopolis announces that she has “dug up Socrates”—her living, muscle-bound brother, not the ancient Greek—keeping up the episode's running joke.
  • Dr. Tweedy laments: “How do I get into these things?” (18:09)
  • Socrates boasts: “Look at me. I am tall, dark and handsome. I drive all the women crazy. What a gorgeous brute I am.” (18:18)
• [20:06] Socrates mentions his own baby, Spartacus, had a trick of punching people in the eye—just as Tweedy experienced.

The Truth Revealed & Resolution

• [20:38] Tweedy discovers his dog, Baldy, likely dragged the basket from the Apopolis backyard to his porch.
  • “It is Socrates’ baby. I’ve got to get him back from the foundling home.” (20:48)
• [21:15] Tweedy retrieves the baby, now under police scrutiny because of the earlier call from Welby. Hijinks ensue with expired licenses and mistaken identities, but the matter is dropped when authorities see the mix-up.
• Welby quips: “2,000 years old. You don't look it. He don't look a day over a thousand.” (23:52)

Ending on a Tender Note

• [24:26] Tweedy bonds with Spartacus (the baby):
  • “She’s beautiful. We went for a little walk and well, she’s such a striking little girl.”
• Socrates and Mrs. Apopolis decided to let Spartacus stay with Tweedy for a week, giving him company as he finally gets back to his book—though baby Spartacus seems destined for further interruptions.

Thought for the Week

• [27:50] Frank Morgan closes with a tongue-in-cheek reflection on love:

  “When two lovers kiss and make up—he gets the kiss and he gets the makeup.” (28:08)

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Noteworthy Quotes

• Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy:

  • "I know you're hungry. I'm hungry too." (00:25)
  • "Never mind, Welby. I know exactly what to do in a case like this." (07:56)
  • "[Mumbling to himself] How do I get into these things?" (18:09)

• Welby Skinkle:

  • "Would yous mind if I sit here in my rocking chair and finish darning your socks?" (04:13)
  • "No, of all the noise. We got a sign out there that says, please make all deliveries in the rear." (06:09)

• Mrs. Apopolis:

  • "Sweetie, cutie dumpling. You're in love." (02:34)
  • "You want to meet Socrates? Okay, honey bunny. I'll dig him up for you." (03:10)
  • "No kid, you're making a mistake. Socrates is my brother—he's still alive!" (17:44)

• Socrates (the neighbor):

  • "What a gorgeous brute I am. You write a book about me and they buy it for moving pictures." (18:18)
  • "If anybody ever did anything to my Spartacus, I crush him with my bare hands." (20:14)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:25 – Dr. Tweedy’s class and the publishing deal
• 04:51 – The baby is discovered
• 08:02 – Welby calls police; “organize a manhunt”
• 09:16 – Chaos at the police station
• 13:40 – Tweedy’s awkward visit to the foundling home
• 17:37 – Mrs. Apopolis introduces her brother "Socrates"
• 20:11 – The true parent is revealed
• 21:15 – Tweedy retrieves the baby
• 24:26 – Heartfelt ending as Tweedy bonds with Spartacus
• 27:50 – Frank Morgan’s closing “Thought for the Week”

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Tone and Style

The episode blends farcical misunderstandings, gentle parody of academia, and cozy, communal humor characteristic of mid-century radio. Dialogues are delivered in a brisk, cheerful style, with words often tumbling over each other in excitement or confusion. Dr. Tweedy’s absent-mindedness is mined for maximum comic effect, and the supporting cast’s eccentric personalities keep the energy lively.

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Conclusion

“Dr. Tweedy Finds A Baby” is a quintessential Golden Age radio comedy: sweet-natured, filled with slapstick confusion, and ultimately heartwarming. Whether you’re nostalgic for radio’s heyday or new to the genre, it’s a delightful listen, rich in character-driven humor and classic situations.

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Transcript

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Doctor Tweedy.

[Socrates]

Written by Robert Riley Crutcher, featuring Harry Von Bell and starring Frank Morgan.

[Narrator]

Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy, dean of men at Potts College, is lecturing his 11 to 12 o' clock class. His students are wide eyed with breathless attention. Every eye in the room is on.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

The face of the. Stop looking at the clock. I know you're hungry. I'm hungry too. Now continue. In my opinion, Socrates, the ancient Greek scholar is one of the greatest philosophers who ever lived. I. I'm going to have that clock taken out. Furthermore, when the class bell rings, I'd appreciate it if you would remain in your seats until I've had the opportunity to say class dismissed. This is the last year I'll teach a class before lunch. Baldy. Baldy.

[Welby Skinkle]

Hey, Tom.

[Socrates]

What are you.

[Welby Skinkle]

Yeah, me and Baldy come over to bring you something important.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Well, b. I told you to keep Baldy at home.

[Socrates]

Baldi.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

You're a bad dog. Always following me to school.

[Welby Skinkle]

I'll tell him, Baldy. Okay, Doc. I'm sorry, but the postman brung this registered letter for you.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

A registered letter? For me?

[Welby Skinkle]

Yes.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Oh, why, it's from the Pomegranate, a publishing company. Oh, yes. I sent them the outline of a book I intended to write. Dear sir, we received the outline of your proposed book on the life of the Greek philosopher Socrates. Enclosed here where there's attack for tomb. $150 in advance royalty.

[Welby Skinkle]

250 bucks. Yes, Doc, you're as rich as croakers.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

They bought it. I've got to run home and dust off my typewriter. No, I have to eat my lunch first. Let Baldy eat it.

[Socrates]

No, keep Baldy here.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

I don't want him starting a fight with a cafeteria cat. I'll be out as soon as I eat the cat. I'm out of here.

[Narrator]

Bye, my love.

[Welby Skinkle]

I know the Doc always gets going.

[Mrs. Apopolis]

SW I SW. You're late for the casseteria.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Hello, Mrs. Apopolis. I'll have a three minute poach and toast on a book. I mean a vocal neck. Oh, no, never mind. I'm too excited to eat.

[Mrs. Apopolis]

Excited? No appetite?

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

No, I can.

[Mrs. Apopolis]

Sweetie, cutie dumpling. You're in love.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Oh, no.

[Mrs. Apopolis]

And with a popolous nut. Oh, I'm gorgeous. I'm such a lovely creature.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Mr. Apopolis, I have good news. I'm going to write a book. It's about one of your fellow countrymen. A brother Greek.

[Mrs. Apopolis]

Greek? My brother?

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Yes. The book I'm writing about is Socrates.

[Mrs. Apopolis]

Socrates? Ah, you're Right, Peter? You should write a book about him. He's a. There is a Greek.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Yes, the noblest Greek of them all. If it were only possible to talk with him and learn more about his life.

[Mrs. Apopolis]

Ah, twiddle for you. I'd do anything. You want to meet Socrates? Okay, honey bunny.

[Foundling Home Officer]

I'll dig him up for you.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Dig him up? Mrs. Popplers, you jest.

[Mrs. Apopolis]

Don't worry about it.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

You see, there were many Greek philosophers and Socrates. Oh, dear. How did Baldy get in here?

[Mrs. Apopolis]

We'll get Baldy out of here before my Tom can.

[Foundling Home Officer]

The Baldy.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

It's too late. He's seen it. Baldy. Stay away from him. Holy. Let go of a purple. Let go of me. I think this typewriter needs a new ribbon.

[Welby Skinkle]

Hey, Doc?

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Yeah?

[Welby Skinkle]

Would yous mind if I sit here in my rocking chair and finish darning your socks?

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

What a picture you make, Welby, sitting there in the rocker with your lap full of darning. Whistler's Mother.

[Welby Skinkle]

Oh, thanks, Doc.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

When Socrates was eight months old, a lot of changes came into his life. His family moved to Athens.

[Welby Skinkle]

Hey, Doc, you know something? You're writing that's so good, I can hear him crying.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Yeah, Sounds just like. There's a baby out in the front porch. Baby on the front porch? Oh, no. This basket. Who left this baby on my front porch? You are supposed to be a watchdog. Why didn't you watch?

[Socrates]

No.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Stop it. You're too late now, Baldy. Stop licking him. Her. It. Whatever it is. Well, you like the baby, don't you, Baldy? But we can't leave it out here on the porch. Come on, baby. We'll take the basket inside. Well, b.

[Socrates]

Look.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

See what I've got?

[Welby Skinkle]

Yeah. What? Well, what do you know? A baby. Yeah, and you was only gone a couple of minutes.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

I found it on the front porch. Somebody left it there.

[Welby Skinkle]

No. Of all the noise. We got a sign out there that says, please make all deliveries in the rear.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

How could anyone abandoned such a beautiful. Oh, baby. Well, up to Daisy. I want to look at you. A tiny button nose. Let go of Uncle Tweety's nose. Well, that's better. Ah, those blue eyes and those tiny hands. Ow. He punched me right in the eye. How can such a little hand fold into a fish? Well, it's time to talk.

[Welby Skinkle]

Yeah, it is. Say that again, kids. Oh. Oh, now the kid says it's hungry, Doc.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Yes, well, that's a safe translation. Might well be. Welby. Babies are always.

[Welby Skinkle]

I think I used to be a baby. Yes, I. I Used to look just like that.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

I'm Dr. Sweetie. You're a pretty little baby. You don't look anything like Welby.

[Welby Skinkle]

Hey, Doc, listen. You know something? We can't keep no baby around here while you're writing a book. Well, what are we going to do with it?

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Never mind wealthy. I know exactly what to do in a case like this. Come along, baby. I'll be back in a few minutes.

[Welby Skinkle]

Okay. J. The doc is a sweet guy. He'll probably walk all over the neighborhood looking for the kid's parents. I know. I'll call the cops and tell them to give the doc a hand. Hello, Police station? Yeah, this is Welby skinkle speaking from 1313 College Lane. I want you should organize a manhunt on account of a little baby. Where was it? Or on the front porch in a basket. No, it didn't walk away. It's too young. What did you say? Yeah, that's. It's an abduction. Yeah. Hello? That's funny. He hung up. Wonder what an abduction is.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

You don't say. Then what happened after you left the hospital? This is a fascinating conversation, but we'll have to continue it some other time. Here's the police station. I'll put your basket right here on this bench, baby. I beg your pardon, Officer, but a minute.

[Narrator]

Bud, relax. Can't you see I'm busy making out a report?

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Yes, well, I have a like this.

[Narrator]

Makes me wish I was out on a beat instead of being stuck behind this desk.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

What happened?

[Narrator]

Some no good cheap, chiseling punk swiped a baby.

[Mrs. Apopolis]

No.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

What a dastardly deed.

[Narrator]

Don't upset yourself, citizen. We'll nail the guy who did it.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Well, this is absolutely no excuse for a thing like that.

[Narrator]

Ah, when we catch the at, he'll have an excuse. They always do. And it's always the same one. Yes, they found it on a street car.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Yeah, well, they.

[Narrator]

Somebody left it on their doorstep.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

I got.

[Narrator]

And they always say they were on their way to report the matter to the police.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

The door, please. Do they always say that after they.

[Narrator]

Get out of the hospital?

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Huh? Middle you send them there for a physical checkup? Yeah.

[Narrator]

When we bring them in, they're always falling down and hurting themselves on the head. We help them up with our night state. Now, citizen, what can I do for you?

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Yes, will you sell me a ticket for the policeman's ball? It.

[Welby Skinkle]

And now back to Frank Morgan as.

[Narrator]

The fabulous Dr. Tweedy. The baby says Dr. Tweedy found it on the front porch and took it to the police station. The police Were so busy hunting for a missing baby that Dr. Tweety decided not to disturb them. Now, the baby says Dr. Tweedy is taking it to the foundling home.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Now, baby, you be quiet as a mouse. I'm going to sleep.

[Mrs. Apopolis]

Baby, please.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Now, now, be a good baby. I'm going to put you down here on the steps. The founding home. And then.

[Mrs. Apopolis]

Yes?

[Foundling Home Officer]

And then what?

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Oh, you. We. I. Good day, madam.

[Mrs. Apopolis]

And then what?

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Oh, then yes. Just.

[Foundling Home Officer]

Why, you. Finally. That baby on my doorstep. Are you the sort?

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

No, no, no, no, I'm not. I want to explain how I happened to have this baby. Well. Well, I was sitting at home quietly in my study writing a book. I found this baby right in the middle of the first chapter.

[Foundling Home Officer]

That book will never be a best friend seller.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

No, well, no, no, no, no. I found the baby on my front porch. I'm merely doing my duty by bringing it to the proper authority.

[Foundling Home Officer]

Then why didn't you ring the bell and tell me about it in the first place?

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Ring the bell? Oh, that's right. I never thought of that.

[Foundling Home Officer]

Why didn't you?

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Not, Not. Well, I, I, I didn't want to wake up all the other babies. Very well.

[Foundling Home Officer]

I'll accept the child as a boundary.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Wonderful. Good day, madam.

[Socrates]

Go.

[Foundling Home Officer]

Come over. I'll have to have your name for the police investigation. They try very hard to find out who the child's father is.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Oh, well, naturally, every child has a father.

[Foundling Home Officer]

And of course, they check on reports of missing babies.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Well, naturally.

[Foundling Home Officer]

Your name?

[Mrs. Apopolis]

Jean.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Name? Thaddeus Hugh Smith.

[Foundling Home Officer]

Snake address?

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

If that's the police car, you can reach me at Potfield Hospital. The Life of Socrates by Thaddeus Q. Smith. I'll start the page again. When Socrates was eight months old, a lot of changes were coming into his life. His family moved to Athens. Oh, no. Not another interruption.

[Welby Skinkle]

It's the front door, Doc.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

I'll get it. Yeah. Hey, Doc. Yes? Announce the Mrs. The Populace, Esquire.

[Mrs. Apopolis]

Sweet. Sweet of you. Good kid. Look at the populace. Today I'm wearing fabrices and a turtleneck sweater. I'm the rugged outdoor type girl.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Rugged? Yes. Well, then you're not angry about what my baldy did to your Acropolis?

[Mrs. Apopolis]

Oh, no. Today Acropolis loves everybody. When I wear fetal pushes, I don't have to wear a tight girdle, which is choking me. These ferdle pushers, big loose pants put loose and panty frame. Ah, you're looking at a happy Greek.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Yeah.

[Mrs. Apopolis]

Open your eyes, Tweedle sissy, and sneak a peek.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

All right, Mrs. Apopolis. What a costume. What an outfit. What an ensemble.

[Mrs. Apopolis]

On some people it would look lazy, but on me it looks good. Ah, populous is hot today.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Yes, I just got burned. You. You have an incredible couturier.

[Mrs. Apopolis]

Now wait a minute for. Not so fast. What is curturier?

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Mrs. Apopolis, please. I want to get on with my book about Socrates.

[Mrs. Apopolis]

Well, that's why Apophis is here. Like I promised. I dug up Socrates.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

But he's been dead over 2,000 years.

[Mrs. Apopolis]

No, kid, you're making a mistake. Socrates is my brother. He's still alive. He's had touched.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Socrates? You've got a brother named Socrates?

[Mrs. Apopolis]

Little Maxwiddle. Like you said, he's the noblest Greek of them all. You said you wanted to meet him, so here he is. Socrates, come in here. And me, Twiddle, my favorite sweedle.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

How do I get into these things?

[Socrates]

Hello, Twiddle. Here, Socrates. Your troubles are over, kids.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

I wish I could believe you.

[Socrates]

Look at me. I am tall, dark and handsome. I drive all the women crazy. What a gorgeous brute I am. You write a book about me and they buy it for moving pictures.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Yes. Well, how do you do, Socrates? I'd like to offer you a glass of hemlock. Let me have a head tea.

[Socrates]

No, thanks. Boy, am I feeling good. I came down here without a missus. I don't have a wife, which is joking me. What a free and easy feeling. You're looking at a happy Greek.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Yes, I'm looking at two happy Greeks. Would you sit down on the sofa?

[Socrates]

Okay, Sofa. So good.

[Mrs. Apopolis]

Socrates you have today.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Yes, I think I should explain that there's been a slight mistake. Socrates has been dead for 2,000 years.

[Socrates]

Now wait a minute, Spork.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Not so fast.

[Socrates]

Socrates is not death. I am full of life. I'm bulging all over with gorgeous muscles.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Yes, well, you don't understand. The Socrates I'm writing my book about was an ancient Greek philosopher and historical figure.

[Socrates]

Oh, well, that can't be me. My figure is gorgeous.

[Mrs. Apopolis]

And my figure is gorgeous too.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Yes, well, I brought this on myself. To continue, your sister made a little mistake. But I'm willing to take all the blame and reimburse you for the unnecessary. Say.

[Socrates]

Oh, well, that's okay, sweetle. I enjoyed it. And so did my little baby. Baby, what a cute kiddo I got little spicy Next door in the backyard in the basket Getting big and strong with plenty sunshine. My baby's got a cute trick. Yes, always punching people in the eye.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Yeah, punch in the eye. Backyard next door, basket Baldy must have pulled it over to the porch.

[Mrs. Apopolis]

Oh.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Oh, no.

[Socrates]

Oh, how I love that kiddo.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Yes.

[Socrates]

If anybody ever did anything to my Spartacus, I crush him with my bare hands.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

I guess it's right.

[Socrates]

I break every bone in his body.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Yes, right. Where are you going, Tweedle Bones? Excuse me, I'll be right back. Welby. Welby.

[Welby Skinkle]

Yeah, Doc.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Welby, look out that back window. Is there a basket in Mrs. Apopolis backyard?

[Welby Skinkle]

No, Doc.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Well, let me see. Oh, dear. Marks along the ground. Baldy dragged that basket with the baby in it over to my front porch. It is Socrates Baby. I've got to get him back from the fowling home.

[Welby Skinkle]

That was Socrates Baby, the guy that's been dead 2,000 years. Hey, that's a good trick.

[Foundling Home Officer]

Oh, it's you again, Mrs. Smith.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Yes. I'm afraid you're mistaken. The name is Tweedy Thaddeus Q, Ph.D.

[Foundling Home Officer]

You told me your name is Smith.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Yes, well, I also told you I didn't want that baby, but I'd like it back immediately.

[Foundling Home Officer]

I see.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Very well.

[Foundling Home Officer]

You step this way, Dr. Greedy.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Yes.

[Foundling Home Officer]

There she is. That nice policeman is holding her.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Policeman?

[Narrator]

Yes. Remember me?

[Foundling Home Officer]

Shall I leave you two gentlemen alone?

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Oh, no, no, no, no. Please stay here. I'm afraid I'll fall down and hurt my head.

[Narrator]

Okay, let's have the excuses.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Officer, surely you don't think that I'm the type, that this is all a nonsense. I mean, I wouldn't. I couldn't. I didn't. I. How many years will I get?

[Narrator]

A citizen by the name of Welby skinkle called from 1313 College Lane and reported a missing baby.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Welby got me into this.

[Socrates]

Yeah, but he works for me.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

I live at 1313 College Lane. See, here's my driver's license.

[Narrator]

It expired three months ago. That's a $10 fine.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Well, I know, but I came over on a bicycle.

[Socrates]

Bicycle?

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Yes. Here's your $10. Now, let me tell you what happened. I was working on my Macon Book. Huh? No, no, no. I heard my baldy barking outside and his license expired. Here's the $2. Wait. Now I can prove that. What? Welby Skinkle works for me. Here's a picture of him mowing my lawn. That's me asleep in the hammock.

[Narrator]

That's Welby Skinkle.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Yes.

[Narrator]

Well, I've been looking for him since New Year's Eve.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Oh, you have? Will $10 cover it?

[Narrator]

Look, if that dope is the guy who called me, let's forget the whole thing.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Here.

[Narrator]

Here's your kid.

[Mrs. Apopolis]

Hold on, hold on.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Oh, well, thank you, officer. Thank you. Come on, Spartacus. Ow. Goodbye.

[Foundling Home Officer]

But Officer, why did he leave his baby here in the birthplace?

[Narrator]

Well, I've heard about Tweety. He's one of those absent minded professors over the college. Nice respectable bachelor. He's bachelor.

[Welby Skinkle]

Here, here's some more tea for you, Mrs. Apopolis.

[Mrs. Apopolis]

Thank you, kids.

[Welby Skinkle]

Yeah, and here's a cup for your brother, Socrates.

[Socrates]

Nice work, sport.

[Narrator]

Yes.

[Welby Skinkle]

2,000 years old. You don't look it. He don't look a day over a thousand. Well, you help yourself. I'll see you later.

[Socrates]

Thank you, fat boy.

[Mrs. Apopolis]

Boy, what a figure that Welby has. Look at those curved Socrates.

[Socrates]

Oh, forget it, Tito. Yours is much more gorgeous than his. A baby sweetle. What are you doing with my spark?

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Well, I just couldn't resist going out and looking at the little rascal. She's beautiful. We went for a little run a walk and well, she's such a striking little girl. Ow.

[Socrates]

Oh, she's crazy about you. You in the eye.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Yeah. Oh, sp. I can get along fine. I'm so sorry that you have to go strike home right away and take her from me.

[Socrates]

Who says we got to go home right away? We stay. Oh, no, no.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

You got to go home.

[Socrates]

Oh, no. If you love Spartica so much, we're going to stay a whole week here. You can play with her now. My sister and me are going to a movie.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Come, Tom. Spartica. You. You can sit on Uncle Tweedie's lap while he works on his book. I'll start the page again. When Socrates was eight months old, a lot of changes came into his life. His family moved to Athens. Oh, dear. Change.

[Narrator]

Frank Morgan will be back in just a moment.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

First, here is.

[Narrator]

Here again is Frank Morgan with his.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

Thought for the week. My topic for today is love. A girl in love soon discovers that a man isn't necessarily a good match just because he's always lit. Which brings me to my thought for the week. When two lovers kiss and make up. He gets the kiss and he gets the makeup.

[Narrator]

This is the United States Armed Forces Radio Service. The voice of information and education.

[Dr. Thaddeus Q. Tweedy]

It.