The Golden Days of Radio - A Complete Show with Jack Jack Benny & Fred Allen

Summary

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The Golden Days of Radio: A Complete Show with Jack Benny & Fred Allen

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Host: Frank Bresee
Date: October 9, 2025

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Overview

This episode is a nostalgic dive into the golden age of American radio comedy, spotlighting the comedic genius and enduring legacy of Jack Benny and Fred Allen. With original show excerpts and commentary, host Frank Bresee transports listeners back to an era before television, when families would gather around the radio for iconic programs. The show features classic routines, memorable vaudeville banter, and background stories, capturing the wit, rivalry, and warmth that defined radio’s heyday.

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Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Introduction to Jack Benny and Fred Allen

(00:49 - 01:53)

• Frank Bresee introduces the episode’s focus on comedy legends Jack Benny and Fred Allen, emphasizing Benny’s significance in multiple entertainment mediums and especially his outstanding work in radio.
• Benny’s trademark of claiming to be “only 39 years old” is playfully noted.
• Explanation of the cast for the classic routine: Mel Blanc, Frank Nelson, Joe Kearns, Phil Harris, and Sheldon Leonard.

Notable Quote:

"Comedian Jack Benny was born in Waukegan, Illinois, and although he admits to being only 39 years old, on February 14, 1971, he celebrated his 77th birthday."
– Frank Bresee (00:49)

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2. Classic Jack Benny Railroad Station Routine

(01:53 - 07:36)

• Jack Benny and sidekick Rochester navigate a chaotic train station, filled with running gags and legendary ensemble interplay.
• Running joke: repeated, desperate calls for passengers to Anaheim, Azusa, and Cucamonga.
• Encounters with eccentric characters, including the racetrack tout and the sarcastic ticket clerk.
• Benny's reputation for thrift humorously foregrounded.

Notable Moments:

• Repeated track announcements:

  "Train leaving on track five for Anaheim, Azusa and Cucamonga."
  – Conductor (multiple times)

• Dry banter with the ticket clerk:

  "Are you the ticket clerk?"
  "What do you think I am in this cage, a canary?"
  – Jack Benny & Ticket Clerk (05:12)

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3. Jack Benny’s Comic Violin Lessons

(07:36 - 15:23)

• Frank Bresee discusses Benny’s dual reputation as a comedic “bad violinist” and a genuine musician, leading into a classic radio sketch with his violin teacher (Mel Blanc).
• The sketch satirizes Benny’s lack of skill (comically), filled with physical and verbal gags—broken strings, mocking musical instructions, and the legendary “vault” scene for paying his teacher.

Memorable Quotes:

"Monsieur Benny, it is such a small worm. Do not kill it."
– Violin Teacher (Mel Blanc) (09:27)

"Perhaps we better limber up a little more with the exercises."
– Violin Teacher (Mel Blanc) (10:07)

• The iconic "vault" routine: Benny has to retrieve a fee from his subterranean, high-security bank vault, guarded by Ed. Tongue-in-cheek references to U.S. history and Benny's legendary stinginess.

"I wonder who keeps it further underground, me or Fort Knox?"
– Jack Benny (11:11)

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4. The Benny–Allen Feud: Origins and Legacy

(15:23 - 16:43)

• Frank Bresee introduces the famous, playful “feud” between Jack Benny and Fred Allen, which was never actually scripted but evolved organically through weekly radio banter.
• Benny provides insights into its spontaneous origins, noting it began over a child violinist’s performance and Allen’s joking insults.

Notable Quote:

"The feud started with a little 10-year-old boy who played a violin solo. And when he got through, Allen made derogatory remarks about my violin playing. So I answered him on my show, knowing he would listen to it..."
– Jack Benny (15:45)

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5. Jack Benny & Fred Allen On-Air Banter

(16:43 - 23:32)

• Complete broadcast segment demonstrating the legendary Benny-Allen feud, full of rapid wit, affectionate insults, and sly vaudeville callbacks.
• Jokes about vaudeville days, car troubles (the infamous "Maxwell" automobile), and old showbiz.
• The segment is a masterclass in timing and friendly rivalry.

Memorable Exchanges:

"Well, Jack, I didn't make much money in those days, but I was a pretty good juggler. Remember how I used to toss those Indian clubs in the air and do a funny monologue at the same time?"
– Fred Allen (18:04)

"You remember when you dropped those clubs? You'd let them lay there right alongside of your jokes."
– Jack Benny (18:14)

"Now that I've had a good look at this bear trap, Jack, I know why the Maxwell people went into the coffee business."
– Fred Allen (21:44)

• Extensive riffing on Benny's Maxwell car, mileage jokes, and Benny's negotiating.

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6. Closing Remarks and Historical Reflection

(23:32 - End)

• Frank Bresee wraps up with a public service announcement about educational opportunities for U.S. service members, evoking the show’s original audience and era.
• Brief signoff invites listeners to future episodes exploring more radio stars.

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Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• Frank Bresee:

  "Comedian Jack Benny...radio was the medium in which he was outstanding." (00:49)

• Announcer (repeated):

  "Train leaving on track five for Anaheim, Azusa and Cucamonga." (various, e.g., 01:55, 02:10, etc.)

• Ticket Clerk:

  "What do you think I am in this cage, a canary?" (05:12)

• Violin Teacher:

  "Monsieur Benny, it is such a small worm. Do not kill it." (09:27)

• Jack Benny:

  "I wonder who keeps it further underground, me or Fort Knox?" (11:11)

• Jack Benny (on the feud):

  "The feud started with a little 10-year-old boy who played a violin solo..." (15:45)

• Fred Allen:

  "You remember when you dropped those clubs? You'd let them lay there right alongside of your jokes." (18:14)

• Fred Allen (on the Maxwell):

  "Now that I've had a good look at this bear trap, Jack, I know why the Maxwell people went into the coffee business." (21:44)

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Conclusion

This episode of Harold's Old Time Radio masterfully resurrects the golden days of comedic radio through the voices and routines of Jack Benny and Fred Allen. Listeners are treated to hilarious exchanges, classic sketches, backstage stories, and rare glimpses into the creative process behind some of the most beloved routines in American entertainment history. Even for first-time listeners, the episode vividly demonstrates why radio comedy—anchored by icons like Benny and Allen—remains timeless, witty, and essential listening.

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Transcript

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[Jack Benny]

Next the Golden Days of Radio.

[Frank Bresee]

This is Frank Bresee inviting you to join me for the golden days of radio. Great moments from radio programs of the past headlining some of the world's most famous personalities. On this program we are featuring a complete with two of the most famous comedians of all time, Fred Allen and Jack Benny. Comedian Jack Benny was born in Waukegan, Illinois, and although he admits to being only 39 years old, on February 14, 1971, he celebrated his 77th birthday. Jack Benny was a star in vaudeville, motion pictures, radio and television. I think, however, that radio was the medium in which he was outstanding. Here's an example of one of the most memorable bits from the Jack Benny Show. This classic routine, done many times over the years, features Mel Blanc as the railroad conductor Rochester, Frank Nelson, Joe Kearns, Phil Harris and Sheldon Leonard as the racetrack tout.

[Jack Benny]

Gee, the station is crowded. Rochester. Yes, boss? Put on your red cap and carry my bags to the train. I gotta meet my gang. Train leaving on track five for Anaheim, Azusa and Kamonga. See, we're all supposed to meet here at the information desk. Oh, there they are. Hey, Phil. Don. Oh, hello, Jack. Hiya, Jackson. Say, what are you carrying there under your arm? Well, I heard it was pretty cold in New York and I want to be on the safe side. But Jackson, a smudge pot. Well, I'm not taking any chance. Train leaving on track five for Anaheim, Azusa and Cucamonga. Does anybody want to go to Anaheim, Azuza or Zamun? Say, Don, have you got all the tickets?

[Frank Bresee]

Well, not quite, Jack.

[Jack Benny]

At the last minute, Phil said he needed an extra one. Phil, who are you sneaking on this trip with you? Well, it's Frankie, my guitar player. I got to take him along on account of the magazine. The magazine? Yeah, he reads Tommy. Now, for goodness sake, now I have to buy another ticket. Hi, Jack. Where you been? Ain't seen you around. What? Oh, hello. Hello. Who was that, Jackson? Oh, he's a racetrack cow that used to hang around Hollywood park, you know. Well, I'll meet you later. Fellas now, let's see. The ticket window ought to be plane leaving on track five for Anaheim, Azusa and Cucamonga. Oh, come on. Somebody must want to go to. Hang on. Now, let me see. The ticket window ought to be. Jack. Hey, Jack, come here a minute. Huh? Oh, it's you again, huh? What is it? I didn't want to say anything while you were with your friends there, but where you going? New York. What train you taking? The cheese. Why, what's the matter? Take the El Capitan. But. But I like the cheese. Come here a minute. Yeah, and take my tib buds. You know, Capitol beat the Chief in the Kansas City by three lengths. What? According to yesterday's performance, it can't miss. Well, look, I'm sorry. I'm taking the cheese. Why? Come here a minute. Don't noise this around, see? No, but I found out the Chief is a sleeper. Now, so long, fella. Okay, okay. So long. Now, let's see. The ticket window should be train leaving on track five for Anaheim, Medusa and Cucamonga. Look, we're not asking much. Two of you or even one of you. Just somebody to keep the engineer company. Here's the ticket window. Oh, pardon me. Are you the ticket clerk? What do you think I am in this cage, a canary? Well, don't get huffy about. All I want is a table. Oh, would you like the $60 ticket or the $140 ticket? Well, what's the difference? Well, with the $140 ticket, you ride inside. Well, naturally, I want to ride on the inside. After all, you know, I'm not as young as I used to be. You're not as young as anybody used to be. Now, don't get fresh. All I want is a ticket to New York.

[Jack Benny (Interview)]

Return trip?

[Jack Benny]

No, one way. Good. Now, cut that out and stop wasting time. I have to get to New York by Thursday. I'm sorry, but our trains are all booked up. Well, think, man, think. There must be one train that has room for me leaving on track. Look. Look, there are 5,000 people in this station. Isn't there somebody? Anybody under? Any volunteers? Please, please, please. I'll get fired if I don't get somebody on the train. Renheim. Look, clerk, I've waited here long enough. You've just got. Well, well, you're in luck, blue eyes. I found one ticket on the Chief. Good. I'll take it. The Chief waiting for New York. Aboard. Hurry up. Hurry up, will you, clerk? Thanks. Thanks. Wait for me. Wait for me. Hey, Jackson, we're moving. Hurry Up. I'm coming. I'm coming. Wait for me.

[Frank Bresee]

Jack Benny was also known for his violin playing in a comic way, of course. But did you know that Mr. Benny is really an accomplished violinist? As a matter of fact, he practices as much as six hours a day and performs concerts all over the United States. Here's Jack doing a bit with his violin teacher played by Mel Blanc on one of his radio shows during the 40s.

[Violin Teacher (Mel Blanc)]

No, no, no. Michael Chardonnay, please. Tune up the violin. I will make the A on the piano. No, no, no.

[Jack Benny]

You are flat.

[Violin Teacher (Mel Blanc)]

Pull the string up a little tighter.

[Jack Benny]

Okay. Tighter. Tighter. Oh, darn it. The string broke. Good.

[Violin Teacher (Mel Blanc)]

That's one down and three.

[Jack Benny]

Well, you better put a new string on, professor, while I open the window. It's kind of hot in here. There.

[Fred Allen]

Hey, Stevie, kick it to me and then I'll look.

[Jack Benny]

There's Mr. Benny in the window. Hello, Mr. Benny. Oh, hello, Joey. Hello, Stevie. Hello, Mr. Benny. Say, Mr. Benny, some of us kids are gonna play football. Can you come out and play with us? Oh, gee, I can't, Joey. I gotta take my violin lesson. But I'll. Maybe a little later. Okay, we'll wait for you.

[Violin Teacher (Mel Blanc)]

Monsieur Benny, you better close the window. It will be quieter.

[Jack Benny]

Okay.

[Violin Teacher (Mel Blanc)]

Here's your violin. We will start with the piece I gave you last time. What was it again?

[Jack Benny]

The. The glowworm.

[Violin Teacher (Mel Blanc)]

Oui, monsieur, the glowworm. It is very pretty. Commence.

[Jack Benny]

Okay.

[Violin Teacher (Mel Blanc)]

Monsieur. Bene. Monsieur Benny, it is such a small worm. Do not kill it.

[Jack Benny]

Oh, I'm sorry. I'll take it again.

[Violin Teacher (Mel Blanc)]

Monsieur Benny, what are the plink, plinks?

[Jack Benny]

I'm stepping over the worm.

[Violin Teacher (Mel Blanc)]

Mr. Benis. Leave the jokes to the comedians.

[Jack Benny]

Yes, sir.

[Violin Teacher (Mel Blanc)]

Perhaps we better limber up a little more with the exercises.

[Jack Benny]

As you wish.

[Violin Teacher (Mel Blanc)]

Play it softer with emotion. Dip your bow in Jurgens lotion, Nero played while Rome was burning. Right now for a match. I'm yearning now, Mr. Ben, you are sounding worse than ever.

[Jack Benny]

But, professor, I've been practicing two hours every day.

[Violin Teacher (Mel Blanc)]

How can you stand it?

[Jack Benny]

What? Now, look.

[Violin Teacher (Mel Blanc)]

That is enough of the exercises. Let us go back to the lesson. Commence now. Mr. Benny.

[Jack Benny]

Please.

[Violin Teacher (Mel Blanc)]

The lesson, she is over. Will you please pay me my money now and don't keep me waiting like always.

[Jack Benny]

Oh, yes, yes, professor, how thoughtless of me. I'll go into my vault and get your money, see? I wonder who keeps it further underground, me or Fort Knox? I must ask him someday when I'm there to collect the rent. It's out. Who goes there, friend or foe? Friend. What's the password. The British are coming. Oh, it's you, Mr. Benning. Yes, yes, we've had that password a long time now, haven't we, Ed?

[Fred Allen]

Yes, ever since that night you hung.

[Jack Benny]

The lantern in the Old North Church. Oh, yes. By the way, Mr. Benny, did that fellow on horseback back ever make it? Why, I had $2 on him. Well, excuse me a minute, Ed. I'm. I'm going to open the ball. How much money you putting in? Oh, nothing. You know, I'm taking some out. Oh, sickness in the family? No, no, everything's all right. Well, I'm gonna open the vault now. Shall I take a sleeping pill? No, no, no, no, Ed, you can watch. It's all right. See, the combination is right to 45, left to 60, back to 15. Limu emu.

[Frank Bresee]

And Doug, here we have the limu emu in its natural habitat helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty. Fascinating. It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug.

[Jack Benny]

Limu. Is that guy with the binoculars watching us?

[Frank Bresee]

Cut the camera. They see us.

[Jack Benny]

Only pay for what you need@liberty mutual.com. liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

[Frank Bresee]

Liberty Savings.

[Jack Benny]

Very unwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company. Affiliates excludes Massachusetts and left to 110. There. Why be half safe? Now, let's see. One, one violin lesson. A dollar and fifty cents.

[Frank Bresee]

There it is.

[Jack Benny]

Well, see you later, Ed. All right. Oh, by the way, Mr. Benny, I meant to ask you, how are things on the outside? Oh, it's December. Winter is nearly here and the leaves are falling. Say, that must be exciting. No, no, no, Ed. People are wearing clothes now. Oh, well, goodbye, Mr. Benny. Goodbye, Ed. Well, here you are, Professor. A dollar and a half. Here's your dollar. And here's a. Oh, darn it. It was so dark down there, I got the wrong coin. Professor, have you got change for a Spanish doubloon?

[Frank Bresee]

Fred Allen and Jack Benny were great foils in the late 30s. As part of his weekly routine, Jack created a running feud with Fred Allen, star of Town Hall Tonight. Several Years ago, when Mr. Benny was a guest on the golden days of radio, I asked him about this well known feud. And of course, everyone would like to know a little bit about your famous feud with comedian Fred Allen. How did that begin?

[Jack Benny (Interview)]

Well, this feud with Fred Allen started by accident. A lot of people imagine that we planned a feud like this. But if you'd have planned it, it wouldn't have been successful. The feud started with a little 10 year old boy who played a violin solo. And when he got through, Alan made Derogatory remarks about my violin playing. So I answered him on my show, knowing he would listen to it. And he knew I was always listening to his show, so he then answered me. And this went on week after week until we got into the feud. And we were into the feud, I would say, seven or eight months before we even discussed it with each other over the phone about what to do next. That's why it was a successful feud. It would never have been any other way.

[Frank Bresee]

Well, Jack, you've been a successful comedian and. And one of the great names for many, many years. And here's Jack with Fred Allen during the days of the Benny Allen feud.

[Fred Allen]

Jack, this is quite a surprise, you dropping in. I didn't know you were going to be here tonight.

[Jack Benny]

I didn't know it either, Fred, until I heard you announce it five times last week. But don't get me wrong, Freddie. I appreciate that buildup. I'm one guy who knows that it pays to advertise.

[Fred Allen]

Now listen here, Benny, if that's a hint, you're not getting one cent for crawling in here tonight and you know it.

[Jack Benny]

Why, Fred, I really. I didn't expect to get paid for this. I haven't any more right to take money for working on this program than you have.

[Fred Allen]

Hold on there, Benny. That's an instant.

[Jack Benny]

Well, if I. If I was Professor Quiz, I'd say correct. Absolutely correct.

[Fred Allen]

And if I was Major Bowes, you'd have left with a unit 10 minutes ago.

[Jack Benny]

Hey, that's nice work if you can get it. You know, Freddy, I wouldn't mind being back in vaudeville again, though. Would you?

[Fred Allen]

Ah, those were the good old days.

[Jack Benny]

Yes, sir. Say, Fred, no kidding. Will you ever forget the time you and I were together at the Orpheum Theater in Sioux City, Iowa?

[Fred Allen]

Yep. Only I was on the stage.

[Jack Benny]

I don't care, Freddy. I made more money selling peanuts in one day than you did all week.

[Fred Allen]

Well, Jack, I didn't make much money in those days, but I was a pretty good juggler. Remember how I used to toss those Indian clubs in the air and do a funny monologue at the same time?

[Jack Benny]

I sure do. And, Fred, you remember when you dropped those clubs? You'd let them lay there right alongside of your jokes.

[Fred Allen]

Yeah.

[Jack Benny]

Well, Red, anyway, a lot of water has gone over the darn since then, huh?

[Fred Allen]

Over the darn?

[Jack Benny]

Yes, Fred, you know how careful we have to be. But just think, Freddie, just think. Here we are, both in Hollywood and both of us in pictures.

[Fred Allen]

It does seem unreasonable, doesn't it?

[Jack Benny]

Anyway, I Had a hunch you were going back east, Fred, and that's why I came up here to see. See you. Have you decided which way you're going back? I mean which form of transportation?

[Fred Allen]

Well, I was going to take the boat and go through Panama but I've got a hat so I decided to. I decided to take the train.

[Jack Benny]

Well Fred, I. Of course I don't want to influence you one way or the other but have you ever thought of driving back east? You know, by automobile?

[Fred Allen]

What kind of an automobile?

[Jack Benny]

Now don't rush me. And it's in good condition too. No kidding. Would you like a drive back home, Freddie?

[Fred Allen]

No, Jack, I'll. I'll stick to the chief.

[Jack Benny]

Well, if you'd rather hang around with Indians, the chief is a train.

[Fred Allen]

As you will find out when you finish your next picture, Mr. Benny. Say, what are you trying to get at anyway?

[Jack Benny]

Well Fred, I own a Maxwell and I thought that.

[Fred Allen]

You don't think you can palm that tin nightmare off on me I hope. Why, I wouldn't be found dead in that car.

[Jack Benny]

Say, you're no better than the engine.

[Fred Allen]

Why the engine in that steam cabinet is so dead the front wheels are nothing but rubber pall bearing. Where is that uncovered wagon?

[Jack Benny]

It's right outside the door. Hey boys, boys, will you drive my Maxwell in please? Now be careful fellas. It's a high powered car there, you know. Right in here boys, right in here. Well you want us to leave it right here, Mr. Benny? Yes. Yeah. Thanks fellow.

[Fred Allen]

Hey what's. What's that noise?

[Jack Benny]

Noise? I'll cut off the motor till we can hear it.

[Fred Allen]

That's better.

[Frank Bresee]

Yeah.

[Jack Benny]

Hey Mr. Benny, I guess this belongs to you. Oh, the door. Yes, thanks. I. I went to close it and.

[Fred Allen]

It came off in my hand. Say, what's up?

[Jack Benny]

Who started?

[Fred Allen]

Say, what was that? Did the engine drop out?

[Jack Benny]

No smarty, it's the new sunken motor. And listen to this horn. That note is by Stakowski.

[Fred Allen]

Well how, how is. How is the car on gas?

[Jack Benny]

Well, I get about four miles to the court. If I insist?

[Fred Allen]

Of course if you. If you put your foot down.

[Jack Benny]

Yes.

[Fred Allen]

Well how much does that make to the gallon?

[Jack Benny]

Well, I never put in a gallon. I don't believe in spoiling a car. You know how it is with gas tanks. Easy come, easy go. Well Alan, what do you say?

[Fred Allen]

Well, now that I've had a good look at this bear trap, Jack, I know why the Maxwell people went into the coffee business.

[Jack Benny]

Now Freddy, I'm not begging you to take this car only I thought. Well, you walk all the time. You're not getting any younger. I think you ought to take your varicose veins out for a spin once in a while.

[Fred Allen]

What are you asking for this rhapsody and junk?

[Jack Benny]

I'm asking $95. Fob.

[Fred Allen]

Fob for old Benny.

[Jack Benny]

How about a few.

[Fred Allen]

Hey, if you don't know. Laughing at your next Sunday show already? You can't wait.

[Jack Benny]

If you don't know. I'd give a thousand dollars if I could think of an answer right now.

[Fred Allen]

If you don't know by now that I don't want that car, you ought to have your skull thinned.

[Jack Benny]

You don't want the car, and I think you don't. I'll be on my way. No hard feelings, I hope.

[Fred Allen]

No, Jack. I haven't anything against you, not Benny the Man. I'm just not in the market, that's all. I hope I didn't offend you.

[Jack Benny]

Oh, no, Freddy. I'll just have to sell it to some other guy. Well, thanks, Freddy. Goodbye.

[Fred Allen]

Hey, what was that, Jack?

[Jack Benny]

That's what my car thinks of you, Alan. Go on, everybody.

[Frank Bresee]

That wraps up this edition of the golden days of radio, fellas, and you gals too. Have you ever thought about brushing up on some of those high school subjects you found kind of tough? Or maybe studying for a university diploma? Being in the service, you have a chance to enter the largest classroom in the world and join millions of other American service personnel stationed in almost every corner of the globe. Men and women who have taken elementary, high school and college courses, university extension courses, as well as business and technical vocational training. Where is this fabulous classroom located? Wherever you are, that's right. There isn't a camp installation or ship which can't be reached by the services of usafi, the United States Armed Forces Institute. Whether you're interested in a correspondence course or if you just like to study with a group, you safi can offer you what you want for a uniform education study with usafi. This is Frank Bresee in Hollywood, California, inviting you to join me next week for more shows and personalities from radio's golden days. This is the American Forces Radio and Television Service.

[Jack Benny]

RA.