The Golden Days of Radio - Christmas Special (Hour 2)

Summary

Harold's Old Time Radio: The Golden Days of Radio – Christmas Special (Hour 2)

Aired: December 24, 2025
Host: Frank (Harolds Old Time Radio)

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Overview

This episode is the second hour of the annual "Golden Days of Christmas" Christmas Day special, celebrating classic radio dramas and comedies from the Golden Age of Radio. The show features a star-studded cast presenting vintage scripts as well as comedic sketches, transporting listeners to a time before television when families gathered around the radio for holiday entertainment.

Hour 2 main highlights:

• A comedic romantic radio play, "You Can't Argue with Love"
• A segment of "The Fighting Bickersons"
• Introduction to a detective sketch featuring Sam Spade

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1. "You Can’t Argue with Love" – Romantic Comedy Radio Play

Featured Cast:

• Bob Cummings (as Ross Billings)
• Janet Waldo (as Martha Sterling)
• Les Tremaine (as Buzz Carter)
• Bobby Bresee (as Anne Marie)
• Marvin Miller (as Mr. Bisbee)

Key Discussion Points & Plot Progression

[01:31] – [03:16] | Introduction & Setting

• Host Frank welcomes listeners, wishing them "Merry Christmas" and a "Happy New Year."
• Announces the first performance: a comedic play set in Washington, D.C., starring Bob Cummings.

"Each holiday season, our program is honored to bring into your homes all these wonderful stars from the entertainment world … This Christmas is no exception."
— Frank (01:31)

[03:16] – [04:58] | Meet Congressman Ross Billings & Buzz Carter

• Ross Billings, a worn-out congressman, is introduced as Buzz Carter enters.
• They discuss a radio speech by Martha Sterling, an outspoken advocate for women’s rights.
• Ross dismisses Martha as a “crackpot midget-brained woman who [is] soured on men.”
• Buzz warns Ross not to underestimate Martha’s influence: "If she ever decided to run for something, she'd pull a lot of votes." (05:27)

[05:45] – [10:48] | Martha Sterling's Mission and First Encounter

• Martha is depicted at a social event, discussing her philosophy on gender equality and expressing skepticism about men’s importance.
• Ross and Martha have a spirited and flirtatious debate, with both challenging each other’s antiquated notions of gender.
• Highlights:
  • Ross: "It's a crying shame that such a beautiful woman who could make a man such a wonderful wife should be such a dim witted crackpot." (10:16)
  • Martha: "It seems too bad that such an attractive, virile young man who could make some woman a wonderful husband should be permitted to represent a great state in the Union and dabble in politics when there are thousands of women who could do a much better job." (10:26)

[10:56] – [12:05] | Developing Tension

• Anne Marie teases Martha about her emotional reaction to Ross.
• Martha admits: "You're right, Anne. I... I think I'm in love with him." (11:58)
• Motivated to sway Ross and the public, Martha arranges for a public debate.

[12:28] – [13:29] | Arranging The Debate

• Martha calls Ross, challenging him to a public debate: "That's the only way to settle this issue." (13:02)
• Ross accepts, and they agree to debate before their home state voters.

[14:33] – [20:27] | The Public Debate

• The debate is held in a packed hall.
• The moderator, Henry Bisbee, introduces the event. Each side presents their arguments on "women’s place in society."
  • Ross (Opening): He belittles Martha's views, implying women can't outdo men.
  • Martha (Opening): "Women have always meant more to society than a good cake or a clean house or a cute baby. Let us do the things we are capable of doing." (18:38)
• Tensions escalate; Martha declares she could win an election against Ross, who challenges her to run:
  • Ross: "Why don't you file if you're so positive?" (20:20)
  • Martha: "Very well, Mr. Billings, I will." (20:23)

[20:47] – [23:09] | The Campaign & Martha's Withdrawal

• Buzz Carter volunteers to run Martha's campaign.
• Despite her massive lead, Martha decides to withdraw from the race:
  • Anne Marie (on Martha’s motives): "Unless maybe it's because she wants to become a housewife." (23:09)
• Martha visits Ross to explain her withdrawal:
  • Martha: "I just want to be a housewife."
  • Ross: "Whose housewife?"
  • Martha: "Yours." (24:25–24:31)
  • Ross: "Well, in that case, we ought to seal it with something. How about a kiss or two … or more. I can see this is going to take all night." (24:35)

[25:01] | Cast Recap & Transition

• Narrator/Announcer lists the cast and transitions to the next sketch segment.

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2. "The Fighting Bickersons" – Classic Comedy Couple Skit

Cast:

• Viola Vaughan (Blanche Bickerson)
• Frank Nelson (John Bickerson)

[26:34] – [34:58] | Notable Segment Highlights

• John and Blanche argue about everything from vacation time to car repairs and learning how to drive.
• Classic Bickersons banter, dripping with dry humor and marital jabs.
  • Blanche: "He looks like he fell in the tar pit." (27:50)
  • John: "You steer it, you don't aim it. It's not a weapon." (32:41)
  • Blanche: "Would you do that, John? Trade me for an old cow?"
    John: "No, but I'd hate anyone to tempt me with a new Cadillac." (34:58)

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3. Upcoming Feature: The Detective Sketch

[35:18] – [36:30] | Lead-in and Meta Banter

• Rudy Vallée expresses his desire to do a detective role ("radio detective").
• Frank (Host): "This is a sketch we did on the program last Christmas. All the detectives are famous detectives."
• The playful banter continues between Rudy and Frank about getting a part.

[36:34] | Sam Spade Sketch Begins

• Curtain rises on "The Adventures of Sam Spade, Detective."
• Martha Sterling (as Effie): "Sam Spade Detective Agency." (36:42)
• Sam is suffering from a New Year’s Eve hangover.
• The detective sketch starts, but quickly fades out for another ad break.

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4. Notable Quotes & Moments

• "Each holiday season, our program is honored to bring into your homes all these wonderful stars from the entertainment world. This Christmas is no exception."
  — Frank, Host (01:31)

• "It's a crying shame that such a beautiful woman who could make a man such a wonderful wife should be such a dim witted crackpot."
  — Ross Billings (10:16)

• "You're right, Anne. I think I'm in love with him."
  — Martha Sterling (11:58)

• "Women have always meant more to society than a good cake or a clean house or a cute baby."
  — Martha Sterling (18:38)

• "You steer it, you don't aim it. It's not a weapon."
  — John Bickerson (32:41)

• "No, but I'd hate anyone to tempt me with a new Cadillac."
  — John Bickerson (34:58)

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5. Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:31] Host’s Christmas greeting and intro
• [03:16] Play "You Can't Argue with Love" begins
• [10:48] Ross and Martha’s first heated debate
• [11:58] Martha’s admission of love
• [13:01] Martha challenges Ross to a public debate
• [14:33] The debate day arrives
• [18:38] Debate opening addresses
• [20:20] Martha agrees to run for Congress
• [23:01] Martha withdraws from the race
• [24:31] Martha’s marriage proposal
• [25:22] Play ends, transition to next segment
• [26:34] "The Fighting Bickersons" begins
• [34:58] Bickersons wrap-up
• [35:18] Rudy Vallée and Frank banter
• [36:34] "Sam Spade" detective sketch introduction

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Tone and Style

The episode maintains the lighthearted, sharply witty, occasionally romantic tone of mid-century comedic radio. Gender politics are handled in a distinctly period-specific (and often battle-of-the-sexes) manner, with playful insults, rapid-fire banter, and grand declarations of affection.

Classic performances are delivered with period-appropriate comedic timing and melodrama. For fans of radio nostalgia, the episode encapsulates both the cozy holiday spirit and the spirited verbal sparring that typified the era’s family entertainment.

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This summary provides a comprehensive, timestamped overview for listeners seeking the key highlights and flavor of “The Golden Days of Radio – Christmas Special (Hour 2).”

Transcript

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[Narrator/Announcer]

The golden days of christmas begins its second hour in the next 60 minutes. We'll hear live curly bradley, bobby bresee, bob cummings, howard duff, sam edwards, marvin miller, tyler mcveigh, frank nelson, les tremaine, doreen tuttle, rudy valley, viola vaughn, janet waldo, willard waterman and rhoda williams. And now, once again, ladies and gentlemen, your host for the golden days of christmas, Mr. Frank. Receive.

[Host/Commentator]

Once again, may I say merry Christmas to all of you who have just joined us for our 15th annual Christmas Day greeting from America. And may I also extend the compliments of the season from every one of the stars. Bill Baldwin, just mentioned, from the American Forces Radio and Television Service, and from myself. It also goes without saying, a very happy new year. Like the calendar that comes from the insurance company, in a few days, we'll be getting that annual gift from old Father Time, the gift of a new year. 365 clean, bright new days, full of hope and promise. It's the greatest gift any of us could ask, the chance to wring out the cares and mistakes of the old year and start the new with a larger heart, a kinder hand, and renewed faith in the future and our ambitions. Each holiday season, our program is honored to bring into your homes all these wonderful stars from the entertainment world. This Christmas is no exception, as we present the distinguished motion picture and television star Bob Cummings in a delightful comedy written 35 years ago entitled, you Can't Argue with Love.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Our play begins in the office of Congressman Ross Billings in Washington, D.C. congressman Billings, played by Bob Cummings, has had a hard day. He sinks back in his chair behind the desk, closes his eyes for a bit of a rest. But at that moment, the door opens and Buzz Carter enters breezily.

[Buzz Carter]

Greetings, Ross.

[Narrator/Announcer]

How's the House of Representatives?

[Ross Billings]

Oh, hello, Buzz. I was just trying to catch a little catnap. Gee, I'm worn out.

[Narrator/Announcer]

How come you're not listening to the radio?

[Ross Billings]

Why should I be listening to the radio? Hi Ross.

[Narrator/Announcer]

I'm surprised at you. Martha Sterling's making a speech.

[Ross Billings]

Martha who?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Ross, what's Washington done to you? You ought to know Martha Sterling. She's from your home state. And believe me, there's an up and coming woman.

[Ross Billings]

She really. What you coming up for air.

[Narrator/Announcer]

My boy? Martha Sterling is political dynamite. She's giving the women of this country something to think about. And the men too.

[Ross Billings]

Mae west did that years ago. Why should I be listening to this new bombshell? Keep up with the trend.

[Buzz Carter]

See how things are going.

[Narrator/Announcer]

This is an election year. You want to be re elected, don't you?

[Ross Billings]

Listen.

[Martha Sterling]

And so women of America, I say to you that we have proven women's ability to shoulder any and every responsibility. Barring sheer muscular strength, there is nothing, absolutely nothing that women cannot do as well, and in many cases better than men.

[Ross Billings]

Boy, of all the right tribe, I.

[Martha Sterling]

Am quite sure it is unnecessary for me to mention the thousands of executive positions women have. Areas of business that a few years ago we were told we could not do. We have proven that we are just as capable and just as self sufficient as men. And I tell you now in all sincerity that with the exception of the comparatively unimportant social aspect of the relationship between men and women, men are of no more importance to women than they have heretofore considered women to be to themselves.

[Ross Billings]

Oh brother. Turn that thing off.

[Narrator/Announcer]

She's dynamite.

[Buzz Carter]

What'd I tell you?

[Ross Billings]

Why of all the conceited.

[Narrator/Announcer]

But a lot of people are listening to her.

[Buzz Carter]

Why she's especially the women, dangerous.

[Ross Billings]

I'd like to meet that man hater.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yeah, you and me both.

[Ross Billings]

You know, she sounds like some gal that couldn't get a guy to look at her twice.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, I've got an appointment with her tomorrow to find out what her future plans are. Do you want to go along?

[Ross Billings]

Oh listen Buzz, I've got better things to do with the people's time than listen to crackpot midget brained women who are soured on men.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Now don't be hasty, Ross. If she ever decided to run for something, she'd pull a lot of votes.

[Ross Billings]

Yeah, and a lot of boners too. The thing to do with a dame like that is ignore.

[Buzz Carter]

Boy.

[Anne Marie]

So this is one of Mrs. Gaylord's Washington parties, huh? Looks kind of dull to me. Oh, and somebody will hear stuffed shirts to me. Are they all politicians?

[Martha Sterling]

And these are some of the biggest people in Washington. In the whole country for that matter. These are some of the people I'm trying to reach.

[Anne Marie]

Well, they still look like stuffed shirts to me. Really?

[Martha Sterling]

What about that. That man over there?

[Anne Marie]

Uh.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Oh.

[Anne Marie]

Are you being unfaithful to your own philosophy, Ms. Sterling?

[Martha Sterling]

Not at all. I recognize the need for men, social life. We need them as escorts, husbands. But they aren't really as important as they think they are.

[Anne Marie]

I know, I know. But there's one thing you won't admit.

[Martha Sterling]

Yes, dear. And I know that by heart. I've never been in love with a man. Someday I might be, but it won't change me in the least. Let's have a sandwich, shall we? Okay.

[Buzz Carter]

Hello there, Billings.

[Ross Billings]

Dull, isn't it? Like dishwater. Yes, well, that's the penalty we.

[Buzz Carter]

Who are you looking at?

[Ross Billings]

What? Oh, nothing. I was just noticing that girl over there. The one eating the sandwich. Oh, boy, she is gorgeous. Who is she?

[Buzz Carter]

I don't know.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Why don't you ask her?

[Ross Billings]

What? Oh, yeah, that's a good idea. Why not?

[Martha Sterling]

These are good. You know, Anne, I completely forgot to have lunch today.

[Ross Billings]

Uh, yes, I beg your pardon, but I was just admiring your hat. It's most unusual.

[Martha Sterling]

Thank you, but I'm not wearing a hat.

[Ross Billings]

Well, so you're not. My goodness. I'm. I'm sorry. I. I'm Ross Billings, representative from the state of collapse.

[Martha Sterling]

Why, of course, Mr. Billings. How nice. I've heard of you, and I should know you. After all, we're from the same state. I'm Martha Sterling, and this is anne Marie.

[Anne Marie]

What?

[Martha Sterling]

Mr. Billings. What's the matter?

[Ross Billings]

Did you say Martha Sterling?

[Martha Sterling]

Yes.

[Ross Billings]

I wonder, Ms. Sterling, if you'd consider me presumptuous if I'd ask you to join me for a hat. I mean, for a bite.

[Martha Sterling]

Now?

[Ross Billings]

Yes, now, I'll be honest, Ms. Sterling. I heard your speech this afternoon. I'd like to talk to you about it.

[Martha Sterling]

Oh, you would? Well, of course, in that case, I should be delighted. I. I take it then, Mr. Billings, that you don't agree with my sentiments.

[Ross Billings]

Seriously, now. You don't really mean all that. That stuff?

[Martha Sterling]

Well, of course I mean it. Surely you agree that women.

[Ross Billings]

Well, I have no quarrel with what women are doing yet. That's fine, but it can't continue.

[Martha Sterling]

On the contrary, women must go even further, take an even more important place in. It may not be long before we see a woman president.

[Ross Billings]

You've got to be kidding. Look, I'll admit that I heard your speech on the air and I pictured in my mind someone entirely different. The sort of spinster who had these ideas because she couldn't get a man interesting. Well, I see I was wrong. But I'm not wrong about women's place in the world.

[Martha Sterling]

Oh, come on now, Mr. Billings. You're much too intelligent to be one of those women's places in the home. Husbands.

[Ross Billings]

I'm not married. But if I were, I should certainly want my wife to be in the home. Women are meant to be loved and.

[Martha Sterling]

Have children and scrub men's clothes and darn their socks and cook their meals and clean their houses.

[Ross Billings]

That's part of the job. Yes.

[Martha Sterling]

Oh, Mr. Billings, you belong in the 19th century. Women have every bit as much intelligence, talent, ability, inventive genius for granted that.

[Ross Billings]

Some of them have all that. What does it prove?

[Martha Sterling]

It proves. Proves that we should continue to be given every opportunity to better ourselves. Share equally with men in. In. In everything.

[Ross Billings]

Well, I think women have been doing that for some time now.

[Martha Sterling]

Yes, but that isn't the point. Women have had to struggle every inch of the way for everything they've achieved. They've had to to battle men's prejudice. Your kind of attitude. I don't think it's enough that women should merely be permitted an equal chance and opportunity. I want men to admit that women are as good or better in any given field of endeavor and to realize that they are more important than merely a charming companion or. Or a capable maid.

[Ross Billings]

I'm only sorry for one thing, Ms. Sterling.

[Martha Sterling]

What's that?

[Ross Billings]

It's a crying shame that such a beautiful woman who could make a man such a wonderful wife should be such a dim witted crackpot.

[Martha Sterling]

Thank you, Mr. Billings. Mr. Billings. May I say in return that it seems too bad that such an attractive, virile young man who could make some woman a wonderful husband should be permitted to represent a great state in the Union and dabble in politics when there are thousands of women who could do a much better job. Good night, Mr. Billings.

[Ross Billings]

Good night, Mr.

[Anne Marie]

Come on, Martha. Get that dark cloud off your face and drink your coffee.

[Martha Sterling]

Oh, that man. That impossible, conceited, egotistical, stuffed, masculine baboon.

[Anne Marie]

Feel better now, Anne?

[Martha Sterling]

I'll make him eat those words if it's the last thing I do.

[Anne Marie]

Hey, wait a minute. You've had arguments with men before over this subject. Lots of them. So why so vindictive about poor little old Rossi?

[Martha Sterling]

Well, I. I've met stubborn men, but this, this. This creature. And to think he represents our state in Washington.

[Anne Marie]

You stop me if I'm wrong, but little Annie smells more to this than just a little matter of principle.

[Martha Sterling]

What do you mean?

[Anne Marie]

Well, this anger of yours Is one of the first really feminine traits you've ever shown me. Thinks there's a slight elixir of love assailing my nostrils.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Love?

[Martha Sterling]

With Ross Dillings? Martha. Well, I'll admit I am attracted to him.

[Anne Marie]

How many times have you said you're a thoroughly honest person?

[Martha Sterling]

I am honest.

[Anne Marie]

Are you being honest now?

[Martha Sterling]

You're right, Anne. I. I think I'm in love with him.

[Anne Marie]

Of course you are. If you weren't, you wouldn't be so angry.

[Martha Sterling]

Well, he is kind of cute. He reminds me a lot of that movie star, Robert Cummings. All right, so I am in love with him. That makes it all the more important to make him see things my way. Anne, I've got it. Hand me the phone.

[Anne Marie]

What are you up to?

[Martha Sterling]

Oh, you'll find out.

[Buzz Carter]

Hello?

[Martha Sterling]

Well, good morning, Mr. Billings.

[Ross Billings]

Good morning. Who is this?

[Martha Sterling]

Martha Sterling.

[Ross Billings]

Well, good morning. I didn't expect to be hearing from you again.

[Martha Sterling]

Oh, really? On the contrary, Mr. Billings, you're going to be hearing a great deal from me. That is, unless you haven't the courage of your convictions.

[Ross Billings]

Now, see here.

[Martha Sterling]

No sense in arguing just between ourselves. We wouldn't be accomplishing a thing. I call to inquire whether you'll be kind enough to meet me in a public debate.

[Ross Billings]

A public debate?

[Martha Sterling]

Certainly. That's the only way to settle this issue.

[Ross Billings]

Now, wait a minute. I'm a very well.

[Martha Sterling]

What's the matter, Mr. Billings? Afraid you'll lose?

[Ross Billings]

Certainly not. I'll be happy to debate with you any place, anytime.

[Buzz Carter]

Good.

[Martha Sterling]

Oh, you'll be going home soon, I presume. The primary elections are coming up.

[Ross Billings]

Yes.

[Martha Sterling]

Well, then we'll hold the debate at home. Might as well let the voters hear what you have to say.

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[Buzz Carter]

7.

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[Narrator/Announcer]

It's several weeks later. Martha Sterling and Ross Billings have returned to their home state. The debate between them has received much publicity and is the subject for heated discussion. At last, the long awaited day arrives. The hall is packed and jammed long before either of the two principals arrive. But finally Mr. Billings and Ms. Sterling seat themselves on the platform and glare at each other across the disturbed countenance of the moderator, Henry Bisbee, a mild mannered little man who doesn't seem to relish the job at all. Martha is seconded by her friend Ann, while in Ross's corner is his campaign manager, Buzz Carter, as he glances about uneasily.

[Ross Billings]

What is the matter with you, Buzz? Will you stop fidgeting?

[Buzz Carter]

Oh, I'm sorry, Ross. I. I wish you wouldn't go through with it.

[Ross Billings]

Are you crazy? I've got to go through with it now. Besides, I think I'm going to thoroughly enjoy it.

[Buzz Carter]

Oh, it's political suicide, Martha.

[Anne Marie]

Call this whole thing off.

[Henry Bisbee]

Call it off?

[Martha Sterling]

Call it off? Are you insane?

[Anne Marie]

You're making a mistake. This is no way to tell a man you're in love with him.

[Martha Sterling]

I'll tell him I'm in love with him after I've won the debate.

[Anne Marie]

Okay, but it's your funeral.

[Buzz Carter]

Are you ready, Miss Sterling?

[Martha Sterling]

Quite ready.

[Buzz Carter]

Are you ready, Congressman Dilling? Oh yeah. You said it very well. Quiet. Quiet, please. Ladies and gentlemen, you are all aware of what is in store for you this. This evening, Ms. Martha Sterling and Congressman Ross Billings meet each other in a debate in which I, Henry Bisbee, shall endeavor to act as moderator. The question is, be it resolved that women have a new place in society? Strangely enough, the affirmative is being argued by Congressman Billings. And Ms. Sterling will present the argument for the negative. Without further ado. I therefore present to you for a one minute opening address Ross Billings, Congressman from the Fifth District. Mr. Billings.

[Ross Billings]

Miss Sterling. Mr. Bisbee. Ladies and gentlemen, you have recently been hearing, and I presume, listening to the words of my misguided opponent, Martha Sterling. When I first heard her speak over the radio, I remarked to a friend of mine that the only way to cure her was to ignore her. However, I must confess that Ms. Sterling is not a woman who is easily ignored. Needless to Say we disagree in this question as well as the much larger question of men's place in society. Notice, please, that I said men's place in society. For believe it or not, Ms. Sterling is of the unqualified opinion that women are much more capable of performing men's accepted jobs and professions than men are.

[Martha Sterling]

This is not the subject we're debating. Mr. Bisbee.

[Buzz Carter]

Yes, Mr. Billings, if you will be so kind, please.

[Ross Billings]

She challenged me to the debate that it mattered very little what the subject was. The real subject in her mind is simply, are women better than men?

[Martha Sterling]

Mr. Bisbee, make him speak on the subject.

[Ross Billings]

Can they run your country, Mr. Bisbee?

[Buzz Carter]

Mr. Billings, quiet.

[Ross Billings]

Yes, please. Run your country. You know I'm running for re election from this district. Ms. Sterling has deliberately calculated this debate.

[Martha Sterling]

Mr. Bisley, will you please stop?

[Buzz Carter]

Mr. Billings, I. I must ask you.

[Ross Billings]

I tell you, gentlemen, that this idea of women to go uncheck.

[Buzz Carter]

Ladies and gentlemen, please. Quiet, please. I'm sorry, Mr. Billings, but your one minute is up. Ms. Sterling, will you now deliver your opening one minute address? Ms. Martha Sterling.

[Martha Sterling]

Ladies and gentlemen. Oh, and Mr. Thank you. I'm not going to emulate my unworthy opponent. I'm going to speak on the subject. Women have not changed. Women have always been the same. Capable of thinking and acting and managing. Capable of building roads and bridges. Capable of invention and finance. Yes, even capable of running the country. Women have always meant more to society than a good cake or a clean house or a cute baby. Let us do the things we are capable of doing. Let us continue to demand from men an equal place in their minds and esteem. Let us not revert to the menial tasks that men insist we do.

[Ross Billings]

Why don't you tell him what you told me? She thinks that women can do our jobs better than we can.

[Buzz Carter]

Oh, Mr. Billings, if you please.

[Martha Sterling]

How many times have you heard a woman on the air answer the question of her occupation with the timid, ashamed words of, oh, I'm just a housewife.

[Henry Bisbee]

Sure, we've heard him.

[Martha Sterling]

Women are ashamed to have to say, I am just a housewife. And rightly so. There's no good reason under the sun why women should be confined to slave labor just because they fall in love with a man and get married.

[Ross Billings]

And what did you know about falling in love?

[Martha Sterling]

Perhaps more than you think. Mr. Billings, I'll admit it. I not only don't want to see you re elected unless you change your attitude, I am positive that these voters.

[Henry Bisbee]

Won'T re elect you the subject.

[Ross Billings]

And who do you think Will defeat me.

[Martha Sterling]

Someone who appreciates the woman's viewpoint.

[Ross Billings]

I suppose you think that you could.

[Martha Sterling]

Become elected to Congress if I were running against you? Absolutely.

[Ross Billings]

Well, why don't you file if you're so positive?

[Martha Sterling]

Very well, Mr. Billings, I will.

[Buzz Carter]

Good.

[Ross Billings]

We'll continue this argument on the election platform. Good night. Come on, Buzz. Let's get the hell out.

[Narrator/Announcer]

You go on ahead, Ross.

[Buzz Carter]

I'll see you later.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Ms. Sterling.

[Buzz Carter]

Ms. Sterling?

[Martha Sterling]

Yes?

[Narrator/Announcer]

I'm.

[Buzz Carter]

I'm Buzz Carter.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Were you serious about running against Billings?

[Martha Sterling]

Perfectly serious.

[Safeway/Albertsons Announcer]

Great.

[Buzz Carter]

I'll be up to see you tomorrow.

[Narrator/Announcer]

I'm going to handle your campaign.

[Martha Sterling]

Really? Why should you be interested, Mr. Carter?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Because you're going to win, that's why. It's almost a month later. The campaign is going well for Martha Sterling, but it seems her love life has come to a complete standstill.

[Anne Marie]

That you, Martha?

[Martha Sterling]

Yes, Anne.

[Anne Marie]

Why, Martha. What's the matter?

[Ross Billings]

He.

[Martha Sterling]

He didn't call me. Did he call?

[Anne Marie]

Oh, you mean Ross?

[Martha Sterling]

No. I thought sure he'd call me one of these days.

[Anne Marie]

Well, of all the cockeyed ideas. What makes you think you can humiliate a man in public and then expect to hear from him again?

[Martha Sterling]

But he knows I love him, I think. And the way he looks at me. I'm sure he loves me, too.

[Anne Marie]

Now, you listen to me, Martha Sterling. You may know all about accomplishing everything there is in a man's world, but you don't know the first little thing about how to get a man. I can understand you're not caring enough about him or caring more about your own career or winning this election. But if you think for one minute that you're going to get Ross Billings by proving that he's wrong, you're as crazy as a hoot owl.

[Martha Sterling]

But he is wrong. I know he is.

[Anne Marie]

Is he? Is he wrong about wanting the woman he loves to act like a wife instead of a businessman? Is he wrong about wanting somebody to take care of his home and raise a family and give him love and kindness? It means giving a man right when he's wrong and making him feel that he's important. More important than you or anyone else. So you can forget about your raw spillings, except as the candidate you're going to defeat for Congress. Oh, hello, Buzz. Come on in.

[Ross Billings]

Yeah. Well, well, well.

[Narrator/Announcer]

How's the future congresswoman from this fifth district?

[Martha Sterling]

Oh, well, let's sit down, Buzz. I'm. I'm glad you came. I. I want to ask you something.

[Ross Billings]

Sure.

[Buzz Carter]

Shoot.

[Martha Sterling]

How does the election look?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Look? Oh, are you kidding? It's in the bag. You'll win by a 5,000 majority at least. Billings committed political suicide. I guess I know how to pick a winner.

[Martha Sterling]

You're sure, absolutely certain that I can't lose?

[Narrator/Announcer]

I'm offering 50 to 1 with no takers. You're a cinch, sweetheart.

[Buzz Carter]

Why?

[Martha Sterling]

Suppose I were to withdraw from the race. Would Ross win?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, sure, but.

[Buzz Carter]

What do you mean, withdraw?

[Martha Sterling]

That's it, Buzz. You can announce it. I am no longer a candidate for Congress.

[Buzz Carter]

But Martha. Hey, hey, An.

[Narrator/Announcer]

What is this?

[Buzz Carter]

Why is she doing this?

[Anne Marie]

I wouldn't know, Buzz. Unless maybe it's because she wants to become a housewife.

[Martha Sterling]

Ross, May I come in?

[Ross Billings]

Oh, sure, sure. Come on in.

[Martha Sterling]

I. I came to tell you that I've withdrawn from the race.

[Ross Billings]

What was that?

[Martha Sterling]

I'm not running. I. I've changed my mind.

[Ross Billings]

And why, pray tell?

[Martha Sterling]

Well, it isn't very pleasant for me.

[Ross Billings]

To talk about something wrong. You're. You're not ill?

[Anne Marie]

No.

[Martha Sterling]

Oh, no, no, I'm not ill. It's just that. Well, I had Buzz make a comprehensive survey of the whole district. I. I found out I couldn't win.

[Ross Billings]

You couldn't?

[Martha Sterling]

No, I. I realized that you'd beat me, so. Well, don't make me say anymore.

[Ross Billings]

Well, what do you know? Now, isn't that just like a woman, quitting when the going gets tough?

[Martha Sterling]

Yes, Ross.

[Ross Billings]

No salmon and no force. Why don't you stay in the race and fight it out with me?

[Martha Sterling]

Because I. I don't want to fight anymore.

[Ross Billings]

You see? Just like a woman always changing her mind. Well, what do you want?

[Martha Sterling]

I just want to be a housewife.

[Ross Billings]

Whose housewife?

[Martha Sterling]

Yours.

[Ross Billings]

Mine. Would you be happy?

[Martha Sterling]

Deliriously.

[Ross Billings]

Well, I'll be damned. Well, in that case, we ought to seal it with something. How about a kiss or two? Or more. I can see this is going to take all night.

[Martha Sterling]

I know.

[Narrator/Announcer]

And so goes you can argue with love, which starred bob cummings as ross, les tremaine as buzz, janet waldo as martha, bobby bresee as ann, marvin miller as Mr. Bisbee. With sam edwards and viola vaughn.

[Host/Commentator]

Now, once again, it's time for the Fighting Bickersons. Created by Phil Rapp.

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[Anne Marie]

7.

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[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, John and Blanche are at it again. Married eight ghastly years, they are living and convincing proof that a couple that complains together remains together. Here now is radio's premier couple, that superb actress, Ms. Viola Vaughan and that dynamic performer, Mr. Frank Nelson. Who in real life, they are Mr. And Mrs. Frank Nelson. But right now, let's meet them as the Bickersons.

[Henry Bisbee]

John. John Bickerson.

[Buzz Carter]

Wait a minute, Blanche.

[Henry Bisbee]

Come on out from under that car. I want to talk to you.

[Buzz Carter]

What do you want? Can't you see him?

[Host/Commentator]

Busy.

[Henry Bisbee]

Where's Nature Boy?

[Buzz Carter]

Who's Nature Boy?

[Martha Sterling]

The cat.

[Henry Bisbee]

I haven't seen him all morning. I think he ran off.

[Buzz Carter]

He didn't run off. He's under the car with me.

[Martha Sterling]

Where?

[Buzz Carter]

Right here.

[Henry Bisbee]

John, that black alley cat isn't ours. Nature Boy has a golden coat.

[Buzz Carter]

That's him. I've been pettin him.

[Henry Bisbee]

You mean you've been wiping your hands on him.

[Buzz Carter]

All right, so I've been wiping my hands on him. I couldn't find a rag.

[Henry Bisbee]

You should be ashamed of yourself. Look at that poor thing. He looks like he fell in the tar pit.

[Buzz Carter]

Well, he had no business to come sniffing around while I was draining the oil. Put him in the washing machine.

[Henry Bisbee]

You stop using Nature Boy for a grease rag. How long you gonna be working on that pile of junk?

[Buzz Carter]

Till I get it fixed.

[Henry Bisbee]

You finally get a vacation and how do you spend it under car?

[Buzz Carter]

Well, I'm happy here. Before you came out, it was nice and quiet.

[Henry Bisbee]

You got a whole week off from your job. Why don't you do something with it?

[Buzz Carter]

Oh, what do you want me to do, Blanche?

[Henry Bisbee]

Go down and collect your unemployment insurance?

[Buzz Carter]

You want to get me thrown in jail? You know I'm getting paid while I'm on vacation.

[Henry Bisbee]

Stop waving that oil can around. It's pouring all over the seat. Wipe it up, John.

[Buzz Carter]

Okay, hand me the cap.

[Henry Bisbee]

Here, use this cloth. How much long you gonna be?

[Buzz Carter]

I'm almost through. Grab hold of that wire, will you, Blanche?

[Henry Bisbee]

This one?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yeah.

[Buzz Carter]

Feel anything?

[Henry Bisbee]

No. Why?

[Buzz Carter]

Well, I just wanted to see if it was connected to the battery.

[Henry Bisbee]

John Vickers.

[Buzz Carter]

Oh, take it easy. The battery is dead. I gotta get it recharged.

[Henry Bisbee]

No, you're not. You've squandered enough money on this car.

[Buzz Carter]

What are you talking about? The only things I bought in the last two years are a windshield wiper and a crank handle.

[Henry Bisbee]

If you didn't throw money away on all those fancy accessories, maybe we could afford a decent car.

[Buzz Carter]

There's nothing wrong with this car. Anybody will tell you that 1946 was a great year for a Kaiser.

[Henry Bisbee]

And why do you have to fool around with it so much?

[Buzz Carter]

I'm not fooling with it. You always have to make these minor adjustments till the car gets broken in. You better move over, Blanche, unless you want to get this paint all over you.

[Henry Bisbee]

Are you gonna paint the tires?

[Buzz Carter]

I have to. The tubes are showing through.

[Henry Bisbee]

John, if you take my advice, you'll trade this thing in.

[Buzz Carter]

I'm not making anything trades unless I can get a good deal.

[Henry Bisbee]

Well, how do you know you can't? Have you tried madman months?

[Buzz Carter]

I tried madman months.

[Henry Bisbee]

Well, what did he say?

[Buzz Carter]

He didn't say anything. He just got mad.

[Henry Bisbee]

That's because you're not a good businessman. I'll bet my brother in law, Barney, could make a good trade for you.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Barney?

[Henry Bisbee]

Barney's a shrewd businessman. He can get things from people.

[Buzz Carter]

He got plenty from me. All right.

[Henry Bisbee]

I wish you were more like him. Barney makes good everywhere he goes. Even when he was in the army, he worked himself up to a field marshal.

[Buzz Carter]

He was a private and he was court martialed. Field marshaled?

[Henry Bisbee]

Stop shouting. The neighbors are looking.

[Buzz Carter]

Well, don't round me up about Barney. He's the one man I hate in the world more than that cat.

[Henry Bisbee]

I'm sorry, John. I just thought we could do something together today. You know, the headlights are on.

[Buzz Carter]

Headlights? I thought the battery was dead. I must have had the wires crossed. Oh, boy, what a lucky break.

[Henry Bisbee]

Now you can give me a driving lesson.

[Buzz Carter]

Yeah, driving lesson.

[Henry Bisbee]

John, you've been promising it for two years. That you teach me how to drive?

[Buzz Carter]

Oh, not today, Blanche.

[Henry Bisbee]

Why not, Willie?

[Buzz Carter]

It's Christmas Day and I thought I might drive downtown and look at the decorations.

[Henry Bisbee]

Never mind that. I know what you're thinking of.

[Buzz Carter]

What am I thinking of?

[Henry Bisbee]

You're thinking of Murphy's Bar and Grill. And I'm not going to let you go near that saloon again.

[Buzz Carter]

I never go near Murphy's Bar and Grill. That's the farthest thing from my mind. Why must you always accuse me of being preoccupied with drinking?

[Henry Bisbee]

Oh, forget it. Have you got gas in the car?

[Buzz Carter]

Yes. I put a fifth in yesterday. I need five gallons.

[Henry Bisbee]

Oh, well, that's fine. When are you gonna teach me to drive?

[Buzz Carter]

Oh, enough. Get in.

[Martha Sterling]

All right.

[Henry Bisbee]

Now what do I do?

[Buzz Carter]

Just relax. Now, I want to explain a few things. First, teaching the wife to drive requires a great deal of patience and understanding. And we're gonna get along just fine if you listen to me and do as I tell you. Now, if I tell you to put out your hand and slow down, don't step on the gas and speed up. If I say pull over to the right, do it now, not later. If I say there's a yellow light, come to a stop, don't step on the gas and try to beat it. Because if you get away with it, from then on, you'll be speeding going through lights. And I'll get a ticket and I'll have my license revoked and it's all your fault. Get out of the car, Blanche.

[Henry Bisbee]

John, I haven't done anything.

[Buzz Carter]

Well, you better not do anything now. Start the motor, shift the first, let out the clutch and feed the gas slowly. Have you got that?

[Henry Bisbee]

Yes.

[Buzz Carter]

Start the car.

[Henry Bisbee]

The seat's too far back.

[Buzz Carter]

It's not too far back.

[Henry Bisbee]

But I can't see the radiator cap.

[Buzz Carter]

Why do you want to see the radiator cap?

[Henry Bisbee]

How else can I aim it?

[Buzz Carter]

You steer it, you don't aim it. It's not a weapon. Let's go.

[Henry Bisbee]

Don't. Don't rush me, John. Now, let's see. Put the clutch in shift first. Let the clutch up easy. Feed gas there. Why aren't we moving?

[Buzz Carter]

You didn't start the motor.

[Henry Bisbee]

What motor?

[Buzz Carter]

The one that's under the hood. What do you mean, what motor?

[Henry Bisbee]

Don't snap at me.

[Buzz Carter]

I'm not snapping. Start the car.

[Martha Sterling]

All right.

[Buzz Carter]

Stop it. Stop it.

[Host/Commentator]

Stop it.

[Safeway/Albertsons Announcer]

Stop it.

[Henry Bisbee]

What's wrong? Am I going too fast?

[Buzz Carter]

We are not moving. Take your foot off the starter, Blanche. The motor won't start unless you turn on the ignition.

[Henry Bisbee]

Where is the ignition?

[Buzz Carter]

On the dashboard there. The key is in it.

[Henry Bisbee]

Well, why do you have to lock it? Nobody's gonna steal your ignition.

[Buzz Carter]

All right, now you got it started. Now put it in first, let the clutch out easy and you'll roll along smoothly and slowly.

[Martha Sterling]

Easy.

[Buzz Carter]

John.

[Henry Bisbee]

Where are you?

[Buzz Carter]

I'm in the glove compartment. Are you all right?

[Henry Bisbee]

I'm fine. You're not hurt, are you, John?

[Buzz Carter]

No, no, I'm not hurt. But the car's finished. Are you satisfied?

[Henry Bisbee]

Remember today's Christmas. Peace, John.

[Buzz Carter]

Peace on YouTube.

[Henry Bisbee]

I'm sorry, John. Honest I am.

[Buzz Carter]

Let's get out of this thing.

[Henry Bisbee]

Have we got any insurance?

[Narrator/Announcer]

No.

[Henry Bisbee]

Please forgive me.

[Buzz Carter]

Oh, forget it.

[Henry Bisbee]

I guess I don't deserve to live. I give you nothing but trouble.

[Buzz Carter]

Don't talk, Blanche.

[Henry Bisbee]

Why don't you punish me? Get rid of me. Other men do it. I read once where a Russian farmer traded his wife for an old cow. Would you do that, John? Trade me for an old cow?

[Buzz Carter]

No, But I'd hate anyone to tempt me with a new Cadillac. Come on, Blanche.

[Host/Commentator]

Well, Ludy Valley, what's up? Frank, you know, my entire career has been in music and seeing shows and.

[Buzz Carter]

Sort of just being popular.

[Host/Commentator]

And you're so humble. You've done it all, Rudy. Frankly, Frank, there's one thing I haven't done. Not that I've done that, but I don't remember it very well. What I'm talking about, Frank, is being a radio detective.

[Buzz Carter]

I've never been a radio detective. And you're going to do a detective sketch next.

[Ross Billings]

I want to be in it.

[Host/Commentator]

Well, Rudy, this is a sketch we did on the program last Christmas. And we got so many requests asking to hear it again. That's what we're going to do. But it's a show in which all the detectives are famous detectives. How about an Apprentice?

[Buzz Carter]

No.

[Host/Commentator]

There's just no part in it for you.

[Buzz Carter]

How about a musical detective?

[Narrator/Announcer]

My time is your time.

[Host/Commentator]

This is not your time, Rudy. You can't be in this sketch. Frank, you know me.

[Narrator/Announcer]

I'll get in there somehow.

[Host/Commentator]

Rudy, take your time and go sit down over there until after the detective sketch. Then you can come back here and discover somebody.

[Narrator/Announcer]

I think you underestimate me, Frank.

[Host/Commentator]

I'm going.

[Buzz Carter]

But I'll be back.

[Narrator/Announcer]

The adventures of sam spay detective.

[Martha Sterling]

Sam spade detective agency.

[Narrator/Announcer]

C' est moi, sweetheart.

[Buzz Carter]

Sam.

[Martha Sterling]

Where have you been for two days?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Effy, please speak softly. And stop popping your gun. Sounds like a cannon.

[Martha Sterling]

Oh, I've got you, Sam. Are you working on something big?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yeah, the biggest in town.

[Buzz Carter]

Effie, My head.

[Martha Sterling]

Your head?

[Buzz Carter]

Stop. Are you trying to kill me?

[Martha Sterling]

I mean your head. What's wrong with it?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Sam, I am in a state known as a New Year's Eve hangover. Not to be confused with any.

[Ross Billings]

If.

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