The Great Gildersleeve 42-12-27 (062) Leroy's Chemistry Set

Summary

Podcast Summary: "The Great Gildersleeve 42-12-27 (062) Leroy's Chemistry Set"

Introduction

In this episode of Harold's Old Time Radio, titled "The Great Gildersleeve 42-12-27 (062) Leroy's Chemistry Set," listeners are treated to the classic antics of Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve and his mischievous nephew, Leroy. Set against the backdrop of post-Christmas lull, the episode delves into family dynamics, teenage rebellion, and the humorous consequences of playful experimentation.

Main Plot

Leroy's Frustration and Chemistry Set Mishap

The episode begins with Leroy expressing his discontent about the aftermath of Christmas, feeling at a loss for activities despite receiving numerous presents. At [02:21], Leroy laments, “What can I do, Uncle? How. What can I do?” prompting Uncle Mort to suggest he engage with his new Erector set. However, Leroy's fascination soon shifts to his chemistry set, leading to a series of comedic events.

Despite Uncle Mort's strict supervision—“You're not to use that unless I'm around to supervise it” ([02:42])—Leroy succumbs to temptation. His unauthorized experimentation results in a "nasty brown stain on the rug" ([02:58]), highlighting the classic generational clash between authority and youthful curiosity.

The Mysterious Letter and SWAK

As Leroy grapples with his impending English assignment on New Year's resolutions, a letter from Savannah, Georgia, arrives with the inscription "SWAK" ([07:02]). Leroy deciphers it for Uncle Mort, revealing it stands for "sealed with a kiss." This discovery sparks Uncle Mort's interest in the affectionate undertones of the letter, contrasting his initial indifference toward Leroy's antics.

Introduction of Leonard P. Brody and Government Intrigue

The plot thickens with the introduction of Leonard P. Brody, an ordnance expert from Washington, tasked with converting the Summerfield Rat Trap Company into a munitions plant ([05:38]). Uncle Mort's interactions with Judge Hooker shed light on the impending changes and the town's apprehension about government interference. Judge Hooker remarks at [17:06], “That’s more than I make here in a year,” expressing skepticism about the financial influx promised by the government.

The Nitroglycerin Incident

The climax of the episode revolves around Leroy's accidental creation of nitroglycerin ([20:14]). Panic ensues as Uncle Mort and Leroy realize the potential danger:

• Leroy exclaims, “I made a bottle of nitroglycerin” ([20:46]).
• Uncle Mort responds with disbelief, “Nonsense. You can't make nitroglycerin with a 4B chemistry set, can you?” ([20:49]).

The tension escalates when Leroy admits he was coerced by Piggy to undertake the hazardous experiment. The situation necessitates immediate action, leading to the involvement of the local bomb squad and Chief Gates ([25:10]).

Character Interactions and Development

Uncle Mort and Leroy: A Dynamic Duo

Throughout the episode, the relationship between Uncle Mort and Leroy is portrayed with a blend of authority and affection. Uncle Mort's frustration is palpable when Leroy disrupts the household, yet his concern is evident when addressing the nitroglycerin crisis. In contrast, Leroy's playful nature and desire for independence drive much of the episode's humor and conflict.

Judge Hooker: The Skeptical Authority

Judge Hooker's role as a voice of skepticism adds depth to the storyline. His interactions with Uncle Mort reveal underlying tensions regarding the town's future and the government's role. His pragmatic approach contrasts Uncle Mort's more personal concerns, especially when he warns about the potential dangers of Leroy's experiment ([23:15]).

Notable Quotes

• Leroy Gildersleeve at [02:21]: "What can I do, Uncle? How. What can I do?"

• Uncle Mort at [04:14]: "Two, I will not consider my hands washed until I clean my nails."

• Leroy Gildersleeve at [07:18]: "All for p sake, uncle."

• Uncle Mort at [20:43]: “I made a bottle of nitroglycerin.”

• Judge Hooker at [17:06]: “That’s more than I make here in a year.”

Conclusion

"The Great Gildersleeve 42-12-27 (062) Leroy's Chemistry Set" masterfully balances humor with relatable family dynamics. Leroy's quest for excitement through his chemistry set serves as a catalyst for comedic chaos and heartfelt moments. Uncle Mort's attempts to navigate his nephew's misadventures while dealing with external pressures from government officials encapsulate the essence of classic radio storytelling. The episode concludes with Uncle Mort reflecting on the day's events and the anticipation of future challenges, leaving listeners eager for the next installment.

Final Thoughts

This episode exemplifies the charm of the Golden Age of Radio, offering a blend of wit, drama, and moral lessons wrapped in memorable dialogues and engaging plotlines. For fans of The Great Gildersleeve or newcomers alike, this episode provides laughter and insightful glimpses into familial relationships and community dynamics.

Transcript

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

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[Judge Hooker]

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[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

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[Judge Hooker]

Kraft presents the Great Gildersleeve.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Yeah.

[Judge Hooker]

The Kraft Cheese Company will also bring you Bing Crosby every Thursday night. Present each week at this time. Harold Perry as the Great Gildersleeve Written by John Wheaton. We'll hear from the Great Gildersleeve in just a moment. Christmas is still in most of our minds these days. But after all, food is something we have to think about the year round. So even though the Christmas festivities are still going on in many of your homes, let me say a word about parquet margarine, the delicious spread for bread made by Kraft. You really should know about parquet margarine, especially in times like these. Because parquet margarine is so economical and so downright good tasting too. Yes, parquet is the margarine with a very special flavor. It's so delicate and appetizing, so wholesome and good. Just try parquet spread on bread or rolls and you'll quickly see what I mean. You see, parquet is the margarine that's made by Kraft. And you know that Kraft is famous for fine quality foods. And remember, parquet is wholesome and nutritious, an excellent energy food that contains vitamin A. So order parquet tomorrow. Just ask for parquet P A R K A Y Parkay Margarine made by Kra. Well, Christmas is over. New Year's is four days off. And in that lull that comes between the two, we find the Great Gildersleeve as he lingers at the breakfast table, trying to get up enough steam to drag himself down to the office. From Leroy comes the old refrain.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

What can I do, Unc? How. What can I do?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Leroy, how can you say that?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

It's only three days after Christmas. I know, but I don't know what to do.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

That's ridiculous. You've got all those presents.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

You've got your Erector set.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Yes. Go make something.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

What?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

I don't know. What. Do I have to tell you what to make?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Well, if you just Let me use my chemistry set. I can.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Really, no. For the last time, no.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Well, they are.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

I've told you, you're not to use that unless I'm around to supervise it.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Gosh, what's the use of having a chemistry set?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

It's too old for you, Leroy. I'm sorry. Now that I bought it, I wish I'd gotten you 2A instead of a 4B.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

But I'll be careful.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

It's too late. You've already burned a hole in my desk and smelled up the whole house.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

And made a nasty brown stain on the rug.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Brown? What's that? I hadn't heard about that.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Well, nothing. I just did what it said in the book.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

That's what I mean. You've no judgment out of the whole book. The first thing you had to make was a stink bomb. Now you can just find something else to play with.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Give me a chemistry set and won't let me make anything. You've got other things. Leroy. What about that wood burning set?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Yeah, go burn some wood.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

I don't wanna.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Young man, you do what I tell you to. Go burn an Indian Head or something and stop pestering me. Haven't you got any homework or anything you can do?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Yes. How about that theme? You keep out of this, Marge.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

What theme?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Leroy's supposed to write a theme for his English class the day he gets back to school. All right. For you. How I Spent My Christmas Vacation griping. Yeah, that's not it at all.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Well, whatever the theme is, Leroy, you better get at it. This is an ideal time for it. What's the topic?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Oh, it's corny.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Corny? What is it?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

My New Year's resolutions.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

What's corny about that? I think it's a very good idea.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Are you kidding? Who makes resolutions anymore? Jack Benny?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Well, you could do with a few.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Young man, why don't you write the theme for me?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Then I could write a book. Resolved. One, I will not come to the table without first washing my hands.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

I washed them.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Two, I will not consider my hands washed until I clean my nails.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

All right, who had the nail brush last pickle push? I did not.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Three, I will not be rude to my sister.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Four, My sister will not be rude to me.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Five. No. Four, I will not leave any roller skates on the front stoop again. And if I do, my dear Uncle Mort will lick the daylights out of me. Five, I will always keep my shoes tied. Tied. Six, I will always tuck in my shirt tails. Seven, I will give up the idea of the Expression? Are you kidding?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Are you kidding?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

And eight, just for that, you can go and get to work on that theme right now.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

I was only kidding.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Well, I'm not. Get busy.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Okay. Can't even make a joke around here.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

I don't know what's the matter with kids these days. They have all these things. Fancy erector sets, electric trains, electric wood burning outfits. They can't think of anything to do but hang around and pester their elders. When I was a boy, we didn't have any of those things.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

And what did you used to do, Uncle Maud?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Hang around and pester my elders. But I had a better excuse.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Here's the paper, Uncle. You might like to read the morning paper.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Oh, thank you, Leroy. Exceedingly thoughtful of you.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Oh, not at all.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

You're not forgetting about the theme?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Oh, no, no.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Yes. Don't. Well, listen to this in the paper. Summerfield to have war plans.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

What else does it say?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Summerfield Rat Trap Company converts to arms production. By George, now we're getting someplace. But the rat's weight will exterminate the Japs first. After 23 years of building better mousetraps, Washington has finally beaten the path to the door of the Summerfield Trap Company. It was revealed today upon arrival of Leonard P. Brody of the wpb. Ordinance expert and right hand man to Donald Nelson. Well, Brody will consult with civic leaders today about plans for the immediate expansion and conversion of the plant. You see his picture standing here with the mayor.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Trust his honor to get his picture taken with anybody from Washington.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Yeah, I suppose Brody will be wanting to see me too. As water commissioner. Those plants use plenty of water. Maybe I'd better be getting down to the office.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Here's the mail, Mr. Gill. Sleeves still getting Christmas cards, it looks like.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

No time for the mail now, Birdie. You got to get down to the office and see a man from Washington. Oh, there's any mail for me, just leave it on my desk.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Yes, sir. There's a letter here from Savannah, Georgia.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Savannah?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Why, it must be from Mrs. Ransom. Well, just leave it on his desk, Freddie.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Yeah. Here, give it to me.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Yes, sir. What do you know? She's got the stamp on upside down. Oh, let's see it. I love coffee, I love tea, Leroy. I love the girls and the girls love me.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Give me that, Leroy.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Better give it to him, Leroy. Oh, you want him? He are, Uncle.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Well, it is from Savannah. I don't know what she'd be writing to me about, I'm sure.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Why don't you open it and read it, Uncle? Moore. Yeah?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Out loud. You, too. Kindly mind your own business. I'll read my own letters in my own way and in my own good time. Well, what's this on the back of it? S W, A K. What does that mean?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

As if you didn't know.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

I don't.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

All for P sake, unk.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Well, if you know what it means, tell me. SW A K. Some women are crazy, Leroy, you find something to do and find it quickly before I lose my temper.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Okay, Uncle. Kidding.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Yes, I know. Marjorie, can you tell me what SW A K means?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Well, if you must know, Uncle Mort, S W A K on a letter means sealed with a kiss.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

I don't believe it.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Is there a lipstick mark on the flap?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

No.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Let me see.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

No.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

All right.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

You'll pardon me if I read this.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Oh, yes, yes. Card. What did she say, Uncle Moore?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

She says the weather's fine.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Oh, good.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Well, well, well.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Weather getting worse.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Would you mind not interrupting?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Can I clear away the dishes, Mr. Gill? Sleeve.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Oh, for heaven's sakes. Yes, Birdie, I'm finished.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Can I play with the chemistry set? If I get Piggy to help me.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Unc, can I, Joe, where can I go to?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Can I use the chemistry set if Piggy is with me?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Leroy, I don't care what you do. Blow yourself to pieces if you like, but don't bother me about it. I'm going upstairs. There. On any piece around here, you have to lock yourself in. Now, sealed with a kiss. Mmm. Smells good, too. My own. Dear Throckmorton, just a line to say thank you. Thank you. Thank you for your gorgeous Christmas present which just arrived by air mail. Santa was very good to little Ela this year, but of all the presents I received, yours was the one I loved the most. How do you like that hooker? You old goat. How did you ever guess that Passion Flower is my favorite perfume? I just guessed. I have been having a perfectly marvelous time here in Savannah with teas in my honor and eggnog parties and whatnot. Life has been just a round of dances, and I've met some of the most attractive men. But I do miss you terribly. The other night I had the sweetest dream about you. Yes? Who's there?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

It's me, Mr. Gillslee. Bertie.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

What is it, Bertie?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

I'm sorry to disturb you, Mr. Gilslee, but the laundry man's here. This is clean sheet day. Can I get the sheets off your bed?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

All right, Birdie. No privacy any place.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Won't be But a minute, Mr. Gillsleeve, and I'll be Right out of here.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Take your time. I'll go in here just a minute.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Before you do, let me get the bath mat out of there.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Yeah, well, let it go. I'll go somewhere else.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Oh, you won't be in my way, Mr. Jesse.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

No, but you'll be in mine. I'll go downstairs. This house has as much privacy as a bus. There's no room in the whole place where there isn't somebody reading over your shoulder. Well, I'll try the den. I suppose there's a convention in here. Ah, this is more like it. Yeah. Let's see now. But I do miss you terribly. The other night I had the sweetest dream about you.

[Judge Hooker]

Mama Mart.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

You like me a navy blue, huh?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Yes, it's all right with me.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

But you don't really like.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Well, if you say so. Where was I?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Now, I don't really think it does anything for me.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

The other night I had the sweetest dream.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

I say, I don't think it does anything for me.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Maybe you're right.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

You know, I'm just about decided. I never did like this suit and the day I bought it.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

What'd you buy it for then, Uncle Morge?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

You're not looking at me, young lady.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

I'm in my private den trying to read a letter.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Well, you don't have to be so cross. I don't know what's come over you. You haven't been yourself lately. Not since Mrs. Ransom left.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Well, Mrs. Ransom has nothing whatever to do with it now. Thank you. To keep her out of it. She'd merely like to be left alone with her for a few moments. I mean, with her letter.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Well, close your door. Nobody will bother you.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Well, it's too late now.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Where are you going?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

I'm going down in the cellar where I hope to enjoy the privacy of the coal bin. If nobody has any objection. Who left the light on down here?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

It's me, Aunt. I'm using it.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Oh, Leroy, what are you doing down here?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

This is my chemical laboratory.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

I'll give up. I'll go down to the office. I beg your pardon.

[Judge Hooker]

Why don't you watch where you're going?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Oh, I'm sorry. I was reading a letter. I didn't see it. Why don't you read your letters at home? Yeah, why don't I? I could tell you why, brother. Oh. Well, she called me her own dear Throckmorton, and she sealed it with a kiss.

[Judge Hooker]

Gildy. Hey, Gildy.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Oh, hello, Judge.

[Judge Hooker]

Have you left downtown?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Just as far as the barbershop, if you Will, Judge?

[Judge Hooker]

No trouble at all, Gildy. Climb in.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

This is really a pleasure, Judge.

[Judge Hooker]

Pleasure's all mine. I stopped by your house just now, but Marjorie said you just left.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Well, it was such a fine day. Just thought I'd walk down to the office today.

[Judge Hooker]

Well, if you really want to walk, I can let you out.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

No, no, no. I've had enough. You can overdo a thing like this. How have you been, Jack?

[Judge Hooker]

Just fine, Gildy, just fine. How have you been?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Oh, fine.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

That's fine. Fine day, isn't it?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Yes, fine.

[Judge Hooker]

You're looking well.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Never better. You look pretty chippy yourself.

[Judge Hooker]

I can't complain.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

And you?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

There must be a way out of this.

[Judge Hooker]

Well, I gotta get downtown and see a man who just came in from Washington.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Oh, you mean that fellow from Donald Nelson's office? Brody? Yep.

[Judge Hooker]

Sent for me to talk over some of the problems on the plant. It's going to be a great thing for Summerfield, Gildy.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Yes, it is. You'll probably be wanting to see me sometime today.

[Judge Hooker]

Yep. Here you are, Gildy.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Thanks very much, Judge.

[Judge Hooker]

Oh, by the way, Gildy.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Yes, Horace?

[Judge Hooker]

Heard from Lela Ransom since she left?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Why do you want to know?

[Judge Hooker]

Oh, I just wondering.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Well, don't. You're wasting your time.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Yeah?

[Judge Hooker]

What makes you think so?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Because I had a letter from her this morning.

[Judge Hooker]

Congratulations. So did I.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

You did? Yep.

[Judge Hooker]

Gildy, maybe you could tell me something.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

What?

[Judge Hooker]

What does SWAK mean? The Great Gildersleeve will be with us again in a few seconds. We all make good resolutions on New Year's Day, so here's one for you good homemakers listening in. Resolve in 1943 to serve your families more of the highly nutritious foods and at the same time, to keep your food budget in line. Now, one of the foods that can be a big help in keeping that resolution is delicious, nourishing parquet margarine, the economical spread for bread made by Kraft. Yes, grand tasting parquet margarine is a thrifty source of mighty important food elements. It's one of the best energy foods you can serve your family. What's more, Every pound contains 9,000 units of important vitamin A the year round. So you see, by using parquet margarine in your household, you can economize and feed your family better, too. Resolve today to get acquainted with delicious parquet margarine before the new year sets in. Tomorrow, when you shop, ask for a pound or two of parquet. P A R K A Y Parkay. The margarine that's made By Kraft. Now let's return to the great Gilder Sleeve, whom we find a few minutes later reclining in a chair at the barber shop while Floyd does a little trimming of his mustache.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Yeah, Floyd, never let a woman get a hold on you. You're telling me. She'll lure you and trick you and make you wish you'd never. Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest. Life comes at you fast, which is why it's important to find some time to relax a little you time. Enter Chumba Casino. With no download required. You can jump on anytime, anywhere for.

[Judge Hooker]

The chance to redeem some serious prizes.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

So treat yourself with Chumba Casino and play over 100 online casino style games for free. Go to chumbacasino.com to collect your free welcome bonus. Sponsored by Chumba Casino. No purchase necessary. VGW Group void where prohibited by law 21/ Terms and Conditions apply. Been born, brother.

[Judge Hooker]

You're talking to a guy that married Wonder.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

And I'm here to tell you last.

[Judge Hooker]

Week we went over to her family's.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

House for Sunday dinner. Well, sir, from the time we started.

[Judge Hooker]

To the time we got back, all.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

I hear from her is. Lloyd, I'm in no mood for any domestic sagas just now. Do you mind? Not at all, not at all. Say, it's too bad you didn't get here a few minutes earlier. Why, I bet you'd give a lot.

[Judge Hooker]

To know who I just finished shaving right in this very chair where you are.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Who? Some fella.

[Judge Hooker]

I don't know his name. Brody Brady, something like that.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Government man.

[Judge Hooker]

Keep it under your hat. But I hear he's right hand man to Donald Nelson.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Why keep it under your hat? It's all over the newspapers. It's in the indicator.

[Judge Hooker]

Yeah. I haven't read it.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Tell me, what kind of a fellow is he? Oh, he's a smart apple.

[Judge Hooker]

You can tell that the minute you shave him.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

He wasn't born yesterday.

[Judge Hooker]

He's an ordnance expert, whatever that is.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

He knows all about guns and explosives.

[Judge Hooker]

Yeah, well, anyway, he told me some things that if I was at liberty to reveal them, you wouldn't believe them.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

One thing.

[Judge Hooker]

Do you know what he came out here for?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Why, certainly. To get the rat trap company switched over to war production. Who told you?

[Judge Hooker]

The.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

The indicator. Read it. It's all in there.

[Judge Hooker]

Well, you can't believe everything you read in the newspapers.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

You can't believe everything you hear in barbershops either. I'll tell you one thing I heard. I have it on good authority from.

[Judge Hooker]

This fellow Brody that the government may spend as much as a quarter, quarter.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Of a million dollars on this plant. Who told you that?

[Judge Hooker]

Well, I heard him tell Sparks.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

The power commissioner?

[Judge Hooker]

Yep. A quarter of a million dollars. Just think of it.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

A quarter of a million.

[Judge Hooker]

That's more than I make here in a year.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Come on, get this thing off of me. Floyd, I've got to get to the office. If Brody's getting together with a power commissioner, he's probably been going crazy trying to get in touch with me. Good morning, miss.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Good morning, Mr. Commissioner.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Happy New Year to the main spring of the waterworks.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Thank you, sir.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Ms. Fitch, have there been any important calls for me this morning?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

There was one, Mr. Commissioner.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Yes, I knew it.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

The printer called about your annual report. Should the binding be in blue or buff?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

What color is buff?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Well, a buff is between a beige and a puce.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Puce? Well, that's three colors I never heard of. Tell them to make it blue.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Yes, sir.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Did I have any other calls?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Not this morning, Mr. Commissioner. Were you expecting someone else to call?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Oh, Ms. Fitch, I'll leave it to you. Mr. Brody's in town from the WPB in Washington. You know, Donald Nelson's department.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Yes. Oh, that Mr. Nelson.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Well, I'm glad to see you admire him, too. But this fellow Brody's here to convert the trap factory into a munitions plant. He sent for the mayor, he sent for Hooker. He sent for Sparks, the power commissioner. Does he think he can run the place without water?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Well, of course, the rat trap factory has always been one of our biggest subscribers.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

I know, but there isn't much water in the rat trap. They may need twice as much water as they've been getting. They May?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

You're right, Mr. Commissioner.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Yes. What's happened is that Brody's fallen into the hands of a few chiselers like Sparks and Hooker. They're trying to prevent him from seeing me.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Why should they do that?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Stupidity, that's all. I'm going to call up Brody and set him right. I think you should hand me the phone, please, Ms. Fitch. What's the number of the Summerfield house?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

3,000, 894.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Thank you very much. Yes, that's the trouble with these fellows from Washington. They don't understand local conditions. Come out here and get in with the wrong crowd.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Summer field house.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Mr. Leonard P. Brody.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Just a moment, please.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Hello? Yeah, hello. This is Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve, and I'm the water commissioner of this town. Yes, sir. I'd just like to warn you that you're playing politics with the wrong bunch. Mr. Brody in a fight, huh? Wait a minute.

[Judge Hooker]

I'm not Mr. Brody.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

I'm his assistant. Oh.

[Judge Hooker]

Mr. Brody's gone out to look at the plant.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Oh, well, I'll call him back later. Brody's gone out to inspect the planet. At least that's what his assistant says. Maybe I ought to run out there and see him, huh? We'd go over the problem right on the ground.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

That might be very helpful. Yes.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Yes.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Want a department? Ms. Fitch speaking, Ms. Gilslee. There, I'll see who is it? Please tell him this is Birdie and he better come quick. Something terrible has happened. Just a minute, Mr. Commissioner. Your cook, she says something has happened.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Oh, hello. What is it, Bertie? What is it?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Oh, Mr. Gilson, you better come down here right away. And don't let no grass grow.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

I can't. Birdie, can't you tell me what's the matter?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

No, sir, I can't explain it. But you better hurry home.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

I can't do that. I've got an appointment with an important man about a new explosives factory.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Well, you better come. Cause we got an explosive factory right here.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

What?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Leroy's gone and cooked up a batch of TNT or something. And it looks like it's going to go off any minute.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Oh, my goodness. Keep calm, Bernie. Don't let it go off while I get there. Leroy, what is this? Birdie tells me it wasn't my fault, Unc.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

I didn't mean to do it, honest.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Didn't mean to do what?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Piggy made me do it. He dared me. He didn't tell me till after I did it.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Get a hold of yourself, young man. What is it that you did?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

I made a bottle of nitroglycerin.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Nonsense. You can't make nitroglycerin with a 4B chemistry set, can you?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

That's what Piggy said. He said it'd blow us all up.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Where's Piggy?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

He beat it. He beat it. The minute I did it, he was scared.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Well, where is the stuff?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

That's it right there on the table.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

That. Why, that looks like nothing but water. Don't go deep. No, don't do that, Birdie.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Don't touch it, Mr. Gill. Sleep is bad. Love to touch nitro glisten.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Bad luck. Nitroglycerine. Come, come. Let's keep our wits now, folks. What did you make this out of, young man?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

I don't know, Unk. There were two things and I just poured one into the Other like he told me Piggy did. He made me do it.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Well, let's be sensible about this. Leroy, you get the dictionary. Let me see who would know about such things. Birdie, you go and phone Mr. Peavey down at the drugstore. Ask him if he'd be kind enough to drop over here. Shall I tell him to tell him nothing? Just ask him if you'd mind dropping over, that's all.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Yes, I'll do. Here's the dictionary, Uncle.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Quit shaking, Leroy. Quit shaking. Now, let's see. Probably just a lot of nonsense. Here we are. Nitroglycerin. A colorless, heavy, oily liquid. Well, it's that, all right. Of a highly explosive quality, obtained by mixing nitric and sulfuric acids.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

That's what it was. Nitric and sulfuric. Those were the things.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Wait a minute. It explodes by percussion.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

What does that mean?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

The least little jar will set it off.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Uncle, let's get out of here.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Not a bad idea.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Mr. Pee's coming right over. Mr. Gilson.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Pee Wee, what we need is a bomb squad. Leroy, you run out and get a cop just as fast as you can go.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

A cop? Okay. Oh.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Oh, thank goodness you've come. Peevee.

[Judge Hooker]

What can I do for you, Mr. Gildersleeve? Is there sickness in the house?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Not yet. Now, you're a druggist, Peevey. You know all about chemistry.

[Judge Hooker]

Well, I wouldn't say that.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

We've got a little chemical problem here. I gave my nephew a chemistry set for Christmas, and I'm afraid the boy has gotten a little over his death. In fact, he appears to have made a quantity of nitroglycerin.

[Judge Hooker]

Well, Mr. Gilbert, the boys will be boys.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Yeah. There's the stuff in that little bottle there. You think there's enough of it to do much damage?

[Judge Hooker]

Well, if it's nitroglycerin, yes, I'd say that it would easily blow out all the walls of the house and probably kill all of us at the same time. Break all the windows, too?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Yep. That is, if it's nitroglycerin.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Yes, well, I ain't staying around to find out. I'm getting out of this house.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Don't slam the door, Birdie.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Not me. I'm going out on my hands and knees, praying.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Oh, go away. Go away. Aesop, Give the cat a boot if he bothers you, Peebee.

[Judge Hooker]

That's all right, Mr. Gillislee. I like cats. I find that cats generally like me, too. So does Mrs. Peevey.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

No time to be standing around admiring cats. Pee Wee, what are we Going to do about that darn bottle? How are we going to get rid of.

[Judge Hooker]

Does present a problem.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Yeah. Aesop. Aesop, get down off of there. Aesop. Get away from that bottle. He seems to like that nitroglycerin, Aesop. Nice, Aesop. He's rubbing up against it. If he knocks that thing over. Good night.

[Judge Hooker]

A saucer of milk might be effective.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Yes, Bertie. Bertie, bring us a saucer of milk quickly.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

I can't hear you. Next. Again. Besides, we ain't got no milk.

[Judge Hooker]

Freight of sardines might be good.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Oh. Oh, look what he's doing now. He's licking the bottle where it ran down the outside.

[Judge Hooker]

Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Here, he saw. Nice Esau. Look at that. He's crazy about that stuff. Hey, come on, boy. Come on. That's it. Come, come. There, you see, Pee Wee, he likes me. Come on, Aesop, old fellow. Yes, that's a nice Aesop.

[Judge Hooker]

No, I don't know that. I'd pat that cat if I were you.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Why not?

[Judge Hooker]

He's loaded.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Go away, Sock. Go away. Go away.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Scat.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Get him off of me. Somebody.

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Here's the chief of police. Unc.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Oh, Chief Gates, am I glad to see you. Hello, Mr. Gillesley.

[Judge Hooker]

Did you send this boy out with a cock and bull story about TNT or something?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Nitroglycerin. There it is, right on the table there.

[Judge Hooker]

How do you know it's nitroglycerin? Yeah, how do you know it isn't? Well, that's a point. Let's have a look at it.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Don't touch it.

[Judge Hooker]

Don't shout.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Slam will go off. I thought you said it wasn't nitroglycerin.

[Judge Hooker]

You've got me nervous now.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

All right. Now, how do we decide whether it is or whether it isn't?

[Judge Hooker]

I don't rightly know. This kind of a job calls for a bomb squad. We've got no bomb squad.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Hey, wait a minute. What?

[Judge Hooker]

There's a fellow in town from Washington who's supposed to be an ordinance expert.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Oh, you mean Brody? That's the fella.

[Judge Hooker]

Come on, we'll take this stuff down to his hotel and show it to him.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

I've been trying to see Brody all day.

[Judge Hooker]

He'll see me. Come on.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

All right, I'll carry the cat, you carry the bottle. Chief, you got rubber heels?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Mr. Brody?

[Judge Hooker]

Yes, what is it, officer? Oh. Who are all these people?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

I'm throckmorton P. Gildersleeve, Mr. Brodie. I'm the water commissioner of Summerfield and I've been trying to get in touch with you all day. I just wanted to assure you of my cooperation.

[Judge Hooker]

Oh, Mr. Gildersleeve. My assistant told me you phoned. I've got a problem for you, Mr. Brody. Mr. Gilder, sleeve nephew here thinks he made some nitroglycerin. Is that so?

[Leroy Gildersleeve]

Yeah, but I didn't mean to do it.

[Judge Hooker]

Well, let's have a look at it before you start worrying about it. Here it is, in the bottle. Well, there isn't enough here to do any real harm, even if it were nitroglycerin. Now we'll have a look at it. Nitroglycerin?

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

You mean it isn't that?

[Judge Hooker]

Well, if it were nitroglycerin, I wouldn't dare do this with it.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Here, catch. Hey. Oh, well, it was a two pants suit anyway. Dear Diary, quite a day, quite a day. And tomorrow will be another. I've got to go to Whistle Vista to see about some business interests I've got there. A little tax matter. Oh, well, a trip will do me good. Help to take my mind off Leela and give me a chance to use that new military brush set I got for Christmas. I'll arrive in Whistle Vista on Tuesday and I'll be there over New Year's. That means I'll be spending New Year's Eve with my little chums, fiber McGee and Molly. I can't think of a better way to spend it. Should old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind should old acquaintance be forgot and days in wistful vista Good night, diary. Good night, everybody, and happy New Year.

[Judge Hooker]

Original music heard on this program was composed and conducted by Billy Mills. Your favorite motion picture theater will soon be showing the great YOLO sleeve starring Harold Perry. We hope you'll see it. This is Ken Carpenter speaking for the makers of Trap Cheese and inviting you to tune in again next week for the further adventures of the great Guilder Sleeve. Ladies, be good to yourselves. I mean, don't worry about what to have to dinner after a busy afternoon. Just open a package of that wonderful food product called Kraft Dinner. And in a very few minutes you'll have delicious macaroni and cheese all ready to serve. Yes, in just seven minutes cooking time, you can make that favorite American dish, macaroni and cheese, if you make it with Kraft Dinner. Because the macaroni in a package of Kraft Dinner is a very special kind. It cooks up fluffy and tender in just seven minutes. And also in the package of Kraft Dinner is some Kraft Grated. You sprinkle this Kraft Grated on the macaroni, stirring its mild cheese flavor through and through. That's all. Your Kraft dinner is ready now, ladies, because of the great demand for economical, nutritious craft dinner your dealer may be out of it if you wait until Saturday to order. Help him keep stocked by ordering early in the week. You ask for craft dinner. This program came to you from Hollywood. This is the National Broadcasting Company.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Step into the world of power, loyalty and luck. I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse with family. Cannolis and spins mean everything. Now you to get mixed up in the family business. Introducing the [e-mail] test your luck in the shadowy world of the Godfather slots.

[Judge Hooker]

Someday I will call upon you to.

[Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve]

Do a service for me. Play the Godfather [e-mail] Welcome to the family. No purchase necessary. VGW Group void where prohibited by law, 21 plus terms and conditions apply.