The Hardy Family 50-xx-xx Royalty In The Family Tree

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Hardy Family - "Royalty In The Family Tree"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Host/Author: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Episode: The Hardy Family 50-xx-xx Royalty In The Family Tree
• Release Date: August 5, 2025

Overview: In this engaging episode of "The Hardy Family," listeners are transported back to the Golden Age of Radio, immersing them in the delightful antics and heartwarming dynamics of the Hardy family. Starring Mickey Rooney as Andy Hardy, Lewis Stone as James Hardy, and Fay Holden as Emily Hardy, the episode titled "Royalty In The Family Tree" explores themes of heritage, identity, and the humorous clash between ordinary life and newfound claims of nobility.

---

1. Introduction and Setting the Stage

The episode opens with the familiar cheerful greeting of Mickey Rooney's Andy Hardy, establishing the cozy, familial atmosphere typical of the show.

Quote:

• [01:14] Lewis Stone: "The Hardy Family based on the famous Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer motion picture series which brought delight to millions and reflected the common joys and tribulations of the average American family."

This introduction sets the tone, highlighting the show's focus on relatable family experiences set against charming weekly adventures.

---

2. The Discovery of Royal Ancestry

The central plot kicks off when James Hardy (Lewis Stone) shares exciting news from a genealogy enthusiast.

Key Points:

• James receives a letter from M. Walker, a genealogy expert, informing him that Emily Hardy (Fay Holden) is descended from Charlemagne, a renowned medieval king.
• The family initially reacts with excitement and disbelief, embracing their newfound noble lineage.

Notable Quotes:

• [03:10] Lewis Stone: "M. Walker, she says, dear Emily, I have the most wonderful news for you."
• [04:05] Mickey Rooney: "She has absolute proof. Isn't that wonderful?"

This revelation brings a mix of pride and humor as the Hardys contemplate their elevated status, leading to playful discussions about adopting aristocratic behaviors.

---

3. Embracing and Questioning Nobility

As the family adjusts to the news, Andy Hardy becomes enthused about his royal heritage, while James remains pragmatic.

Key Points:

• Emily insists on celebrating her aristocratic roots by suggesting the display of the family coat of arms.
• James reminds the family that in modern America, nobility is largely symbolic and lacks official standing.

Notable Quotes:

• [05:43] Fay Holden: "Listen, look what I am now. A relative of Charlemagne. Do you think we should paint the coat of arms and hang our doors?"
• [05:06] Lewis Stone: "That's just what I'm trying to point out to you. This is the 20th century. This country of ours abolished nobility with the signing of the Declaration of Independence. We have no aristocracy here."

The contrasting reactions between Andy's enthusiasm and James's realism provide both comedic and thoughtful moments, reflecting the tension between tradition and contemporary values.

---

4. The Queen of the Carvel Carnival Contest

To capitalize on their supposed noble status, Andy devises a plan to boost local business and gain recognition by organizing a contest to elect the "Queen of the Carvel Carnival."

Key Points:

• Andy introduces a ballot-based contest where purchases at local businesses earn votes, promoting both the contest and the vendors.
• He mobilizes the family and community to support Polly Benedict as a candidate for queen.

Notable Quotes:

• [06:59] Mickey Rooney: "Tonight the Junior Chamber of Commerce will count the ballots to see what woman won the title of Queen of the Carvel Carnival."
• [07:38] Lewis Stone: "There's no need to ask who you're voting for."

This subplot intertwines community involvement with the main theme of nobility, showcasing Andy's entrepreneurial spirit and the family's collaborative efforts.

---

5. The Revelation of False Heritage

Just as the family begins to bask in their regal identity, a shocking revelation threatens to dismantle their claims.

Key Points:

• Emily receives a follow-up letter from Ethel, correcting the initial genealogical claim and stating they are not descended from Charlemagne.
• The family learns that their supposed ancestor, Charlie Maine, was an ancestor who was wrongfully sentenced for theft, tarnishing their noble facade.

Notable Quotes:

• [24:38] Fay Holden: "Ezra said she made a little mistake. Andy and I are not descended from Charlemagne at all."
• [25:02] Lewis Stone: "Andrew, Andrew, Andrew, your. Your scrambled eggs are getting cold."

This twist introduces conflict and disappointment, leading to a comedic yet heartfelt exploration of identity and the importance of truth over perceived status.

---

6. Resolution and Community Support

Despite the setback, the family's bond strengthens as they navigate the fallout together.

Key Points:

• The community contest concludes with Emily being unexpectedly elected as queen of the council, independent of Andy's efforts.
• The family acknowledges James Hardy's behind-the-scenes influence in ensuring Emily's victory, highlighting his integrity and the importance of genuine contributions over superficial claims.

Notable Quotes:

• [27:14] Fay Holden: "Thank you, James, that's sweet. But this is such a surprise."
• [27:51] Mickey Rooney: "What do you mean, Dad?"

The resolution emphasizes the values of honesty, community support, and the realization that true nobility comes from actions and character rather than lineage.

---

7. Conclusion and Reflection

The episode wraps up with a return to the familiar Hardy family dynamic, reinforcing the show's enduring themes of family unity and the humorous navigation of life's unexpected twists.

Notable Quotes:

• [28:00] Lewis Stone: "Not at all. Not at all. Yesterday in my court, I was forced to find the head of the corporation."
• [27:51] Mickey Rooney: "What do you mean, Dad?"

The final moments balance humor with heartfelt moments, leaving listeners with a sense of warmth and anticipation for future adventures.

---

Final Thoughts: "Royalty In The Family Tree" is a quintessential episode of "The Hardy Family," blending humor, familial bonds, and engaging storytelling. Through the lens of a seemingly noble revelation, the show explores deeper themes of identity and integrity, all while maintaining the charming and relatable essence that has endeared the Hardy family to listeners for decades.

Highlighted Quotes:

• James Hardy: "You shouldn't make too much of this. After all, it's not to whom you're related important. It's what you are now that counts." ([04:45])
• Andy Hardy: "I have the strength, the courage, the determination of Charlemagne." ([14:21])
• Emily Hardy: "You're such a simple wench. You don't understand the workings of politics." ([14:14])

These quotes encapsulate the episode's exploration of pride, responsibility, and the humorous clash between perception and reality.

Transcript

[Mickey Rooney]

Cha cha cha cha.

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[Narrator]

Next on the WR VO Playhouse for Saturday night. It's time for the Hardy family tonight from 1950 on NBC. Mickey Rooney stars in Royalty in the Family Tree. It's another episode of the Hardy Family, the radio show based on the motion picture series about andy Hardy. From 1950, it's the Hardy Family.

[Lewis Stone]

Present the Hardy Family based on the famous Metro Golden Mayor motion picture series which brought delight to millions and reflected the common joys and tribulations of the average American family. And now here are the same great stars and the parts they created on the screen.

[Mickey Rooney]

Lewis do and Mickey Rooney and Fay Holden. The Hardy Family.

[Lewis Stone]

The makers of famous Old Judge Coffee, welcome you once more to the Hardy Family Show. We'll meet all the folks in just a moment right after this brief reminder about Old Judge Coffee. Remember, friends, more flavor in coffee means more real coffee drinking pleasure. It's just that simple. That's why thousands of real coffee lovers every day are switching to Old Judge Coffee. You get more flavor from every pound of Old Judge Coffee. First, because it's a true luxury blend of the most flavorful quality coffees in the world. The finest that money can buy. But that's not all. These finer, richer coffees are made even better in the roasting by Old Judge's exclusive irradiation process. No other coffee at any price gives you this amazing flavor boost. For extra flavor in every cup, extra economy in every pound. So why be satisfied with less? Join the millions of real coffee lovers who are making Old Judge America's fastest growing coffee. Insist on Old Judge Coffee the only coffee irradiated for their famous labor boost. When I was studying you all, my professor used to tell me that good curious should understand human nature. Well, I've been a student of human nature for a good many years. But where it applies to my wife Emily, I'm afraid I'm destined always to be just a student.

[Fay Holden]

Oh, James, here's a morning Mail one letter to you.

[Lewis Stone]

Oh, thank you, my dear. I'll sure get away. Emily, this letter's for you.

[Fay Holden]

Yes, I know, but there wasn't one for you. And you so enjoy opening letters. Go ahead, open it.

[Lewis Stone]

Well, if you insist, I'll just pretend it's a refund on my income tax.

[Fay Holden]

Now go ahead and read it.

[Lewis Stone]

M. Walker, she says, dear Emily, I have the most wonderful news for you. As you know, I work for a company which traces family trees for people. I thought it'd be nice to look up yours and James. And what do you think I found?

[Fay Holden]

James, Let me read it.

[Lewis Stone]

Well, I hope Ethel didn't find I had an ancestor hung for pirating. I'd never feel right trying a case again.

[Mickey Rooney]

Oh, James, do you know you're one.

[Fay Holden]

Of the most fortunate men in the world?

[Lewis Stone]

Now, don't tell me I'm descended from one of the ancient Greek philosopher.

[Fay Holden]

No, you're not at me.

[Lewis Stone]

Well, I always did consider myself fortunate in that respect, my dear.

[Fay Holden]

Oh, but James, you're married to an aristocrat. I'm a descendant of Charlemagne.

[Lewis Stone]

Charlemagne? Mary, are you sure when to say?

[Mickey Rooney]

She has absolute proof. Isn't that wonderful? Oh, Jesus. Who died so excited?

[Fay Holden]

Who was Charlotte, Man?

[Lewis Stone]

Who are they? My name is Charles the Great, King of the. One of the foremost historical figures of all time.

[Fay Holden]

And to think I'm a relative of his. I wonder why my mother never spoke of him.

[Lewis Stone]

Well, I maybe sort of lost track of. You know, he died 1200 years ago.

[Mickey Rooney]

Oh, look.

[Fay Holden]

Here's a coat of arms that belongs to my family. Ethel sent up too.

[Lewis Stone]

Well, Emily, I. I think it's very interesting. But you know, nearly everyone is related to someone of importance if you trace the family history back far enough.

[Fay Holden]

What do you mean, dear?

[Lewis Stone]

I mean, you shouldn't make too much of this. After all, it's not to whom you're related important. It's what you are now that counts.

[Fay Holden]

Listen, look what I am now. A relative of Charlemagne. Do you think we should paint the coat of arms and half our doors?

[Lewis Stone]

No, no, I don't think that'll be wise.

[Fay Holden]

Well, we just got to do something.

[Mickey Rooney]

To show people the way of nobility.

[Lewis Stone]

Well, it'll make you happier, Emily. I'll wear an urban cap and carry a spear.

[Fay Holden]

Oh, James, that's silly.

[Lewis Stone]

That's just what I'm trying to point out to you. This is the 20th century. This country of ours abolished nobility with the signing of a Declaration of independence. We have no aristocracy here.

[Mickey Rooney]

Oh. Oh, dear.

[Fay Holden]

Do you mean I'll have to leave the country.

[Lewis Stone]

Well, if you keep it very quiet, maybe they'll let you stay.

[Fay Holden]

Oh, it'll seem just like I'm. I'm in exile. Oh, James, I just thought of something terrible.

[Lewis Stone]

What's that?

[Fay Holden]

Andy left very early this morning to open up the hot dog stand with busy.

[Lewis Stone]

Well, what's so terrible about that?

[Fay Holden]

Well, don't you see Andy serving hot dogs to the present? Oh, but James, Andy is of noble birth.

[Lewis Stone]

He's really only half noble.

[Fay Holden]

What do you mean he?

[Lewis Stone]

Well, remember, I'm his father and I'm only a covenant.

[Mickey Rooney]

Hi, everybody. Anybody home? It's Andrew Hardy. Baldy Bald Ray. Concierge. Game instrument. Charming man about town.

[Lewis Stone]

Well, good morning, gay minstrel.

[Mickey Rooney]

Hiya, dad. Where's Mom?

[Lewis Stone]

Lady Emily is preparing a breakfast of scrambled eggs in the kitchen.

[Mickey Rooney]

Oh, that Lady Emily.

[Lewis Stone]

That's just a little joke between your mother and me.

[Mickey Rooney]

Oh, well, I sure can eat a hearty breakfast. Did a lot of work already this morning.

[Lewis Stone]

Fernanda, aren't you forgetting something?

[Mickey Rooney]

Forgetting something? I don't think so.

[Lewis Stone]

Here it is. Nine o' clock in the morning. You haven't yet announced that this is the greatest day of your life. Surely this isn't just a plain old common, old fashioned everyday day.

[Mickey Rooney]

Well, it's just slightly sensational, dad. Tonight the Junior Chamber of Commerce will count the ballots to see what woman won the title of Queen of the Carvel Carnival.

[Lewis Stone]

Oh, yes, that's the contest you thought up to stimulate business in town. Yes, I might say. I've earned the undying gratitude of the local businessman.

[Mickey Rooney]

Rather clever of me, I thought. For every nickel spent in any place of business, the spender gets to deposit one ballot for the lady of his choice.

[Lewis Stone]

Did the contest really stimulate business?

[Mickey Rooney]

I'll say it did. Why, Mrs. Adams almost broke her husband, sending him down to the store to buy soap so he could vote for her.

[Lewis Stone]

Stand a good chance to win?

[Mickey Rooney]

I don't think so. But she sure is clean.

[Lewis Stone]

I guess there's no need to ask who you're voting for.

[Mickey Rooney]

Yeah, yeah. Polly Benedict. Gosh, she thinks just because I dreamed up the contest, I can get her elected. Dad, if you buy anything today before the contest ends, could you. I mean, would you go so far as to give?

[Lewis Stone]

Well, son, I. I've been depositing all my ballots for your mother.

[Mickey Rooney]

A mother? Oh, sure, sure.

[Lewis Stone]

That's the trouble.

[Mickey Rooney]

For every man there's a woman.

[Lewis Stone]

Well, I think that's a rather nice arrangement from you.

[Fay Holden]

Hello, Andy.

[Mickey Rooney]

Oh, thanks, dear.

[Fay Holden]

Oh, look at him, Tim.

[Mickey Rooney]

So Noble.

[Fay Holden]

So aristocrat. He looks just like a Charlemagne.

[Mickey Rooney]

Like a what?

[Lewis Stone]

Emily, according to history, Charlemagne was about 7ft tall.

[Fay Holden]

Well, Andy, stand up on that chair. Then you'll look more like your ancestor.

[Mickey Rooney]

Wait a minute. Stand up. What is this all about? What's this about me looking like this guy Charlemagne?

[Fay Holden]

Andy, from now on you've got a great responsibility. I just learned this morning that I'm a descendant from Charles the Great, King Charlemagne.

[Mickey Rooney]

King Charlemagne? Oh, my gosh, what does that make me? A prince? A duke, perhaps? A baron?

[Lewis Stone]

And it makes you an office boy at the Carbo Magnesium Company.

[Mickey Rooney]

Me, Andrew Hardy, of noble and royal birthday. I've always wanted to follow the fox and hounds.

[Lewis Stone]

I was afraid of this reaction.

[Fay Holden]

And you see, here's our family crest. Our coat of arms.

[Lewis Stone]

Coat of arms.

[Mickey Rooney]

Well, this is sensational. I'll have it take it on the side of my hot rod right away.

[Lewis Stone]

After you do that. I think poor old Charlemagne turned over in his grave.

[Mickey Rooney]

Gosh, you realize what this may mean? I might be called back someday to take over this role. I can see myself addressing the cheering multitudes from the balcony of my castle. Friends, Jubilee royal Britishers, I.

[Lewis Stone]

Just a minute, Andrew, just a minute. Charlemagne was King of the Franks.

[Mickey Rooney]

Oh, Frank. Government Royal Frankfurters.

[Lewis Stone]

Mr. Fucker, sounds like you're addressing your I hot dog stand.

[Mickey Rooney]

My hot dog stand.

[Lewis Stone]

Andrew, Andrew, Andrew, your. Your scrambled eggs are getting cold.

[Mickey Rooney]

Ah, yes, eggs, eggs. Scrambled and sherry wine, no doubt. Dish for a king. May I have a little milk in me goblet, please?

[Fay Holden]

Very rodier.

[Mickey Rooney]

Thank you. By the way, Father, would you take a bite of me scrambled caclers?

[Lewis Stone]

Try to yours, but. For I shall my own.

[Mickey Rooney]

Yes, but royalty never eats until someone has tasted the food. Food poison, you know.

[Lewis Stone]

Good morning.

[Mickey Rooney]

Oh, good morning, Andy. Good morning, Maid Polly. Ah, you're the fairest flower in all my kingdom.

[Fay Holden]

My goodness, you sound so. So regal.

[Mickey Rooney]

Gaze upon me, wench. Notice me noble bearing. See the Sarasaccharidic profile? What do they remind you of?

[Fay Holden]

They remind me of. Of Andrew Hardy, junior executive at the Carvel Magnesium Company.

[Mickey Rooney]

Oh, what in the world's the matter with you this morning? Look, Polly, it's. It's our family's coat of arms.

[Fay Holden]

Oh, for heaven's sake. A man doesn't go around with a.

[Mickey Rooney]

Coat of arms under his coat lapel.

[Fay Holden]

Like a policeman's badge.

[Mickey Rooney]

I'm trying to tell you that I just found out I'm descended from Charlemagne. 10 to the front.

[Fay Holden]

Really?

[Mickey Rooney]

Yeah, really.

[Fay Holden]

Oh, darling, that's really nothing a Boyfriend of mine is a real nobleman.

[Mickey Rooney]

Yes, yes, it's quite a break for you. But after all, when you think of it, many a king has renounced his.

[Lewis Stone]

Son for a commoner.

[Fay Holden]

Well Andy Hardy, I don't think I'm any commoner than you are.

[Mickey Rooney]

Look, that's, that's not what I meant, Polly. I just meant that I'm a. I'm a blue blood.

[Fay Holden]

You didn't act so much like a blue blood when you was parked in your car last night and you kissed me.

[Lewis Stone]

Well, I was sort of a red blooded blue blood then.

[Fay Holden]

I like you better that way.

[Mickey Rooney]

I just thought by to tell you that you're. You're a cinch to win the contest tonight.

[Fay Holden]

You really think I'll be chosen of Queen of the Carnival?

[Mickey Rooney]

You've got to be. How would it look for me to be seen with just an ordinary everyday.

[Lewis Stone]

Of the mill woman?

[Fay Holden]

It would sort of give me a regal tie.

[Mickey Rooney]

I'm casting all the ballots I can. And I'm getting other people to vote for you also.

[Fay Holden]

Well, doesn't everyone vote for the lady of his choice?

[Lewis Stone]

Some men have no choice.

[Mickey Rooney]

Like Bill Anderson for instance.

[Fay Holden]

Well, didn't he vote for Mrs. Anderson?

[Mickey Rooney]

No, she could never be queen. She looks too much like Henry VIII.

[Fay Holden]

So you got Mr. Anderson to vote for me?

[Mickey Rooney]

Yes, that's one of the rules of the contest. If a customer doesn't have any preference, then the businessman from whom he has just made a purchase can cast the ballot. See, at the hot dog standby. And I talked a lot of people into voting for you.

[Fay Holden]

Dear golly, I'd love to win. But do you think there'll be enough ballots for me?

[Mickey Rooney]

I know a way to get 20 more.

[Fay Holden]

Really? How?

[Mickey Rooney]

If I spent a dollar on a corsage for you this afternoon, I'd get 20 ballots.

[Fay Holden]

Oh Andy, that's sweet.

[Mickey Rooney]

This consciousness drained treasury pretty dry. If you could loan me a doubloon, I'd go right out and buy this corsage.

[Fay Holden]

Oh, but I couldn't do that.

[Mickey Rooney]

My gosh, I'll bet if King Charlemagne asked his girl for money and she refused him, he'd chop my head off.

[Fay Holden]

Well, it just doesn't seem right for me to buy ballots for myself.

[Mickey Rooney]

You're such a simple wench. You don't understand the workings of politics. Believe me, I'm going to see that you're chosen the Queen tonight. I have the strength, the courage, the determination of Charlemagne. I believe you a I have Charlemagne's face and tenacity. There's Only one thing I lack to make you queen.

[Fay Holden]

So what's that?

[Mickey Rooney]

His Dolph.

[Lewis Stone]

Well, for not Andy, you and Charlemagne were both king of the Franks. Although your Franks are in the hot dog stand. Mickey Rooney and the Hardy family will be back in a moment. But right now, here's a brief message to you mothers. Mother, you are the important one in your family when it's comes to the brand of coffee you use. And right now with coffee, how to.

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[Lewis Stone]

Come to papa.

[Mickey Rooney]

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[Mickey Rooney]

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[Lewis Stone]

Price is high. Here's a tip. Tomorrow when you shop, bring home a pound of Old Judge Coffee. Believe me, there just won't be any doubt about your family liking Old Judge Coffee. But the coffee with extra flavor. A real luxury blend of the world's most flavorful quality coffees. Made even more flavorful by an exclusive Old Judge irradiation process that provides a flavor boost. It's just downright delicious. And listen to this. It's economical too. That's right. Just count the cups of rich, satisfying Old Judge Coffee you get per pound and you'll see that it costs just a fraction more than one penny per cup. To serve this richer, finer coffee, ask for old Dutch coffee. Soon won't you remember, it's the only coffee irradiated for that famous labor boost. Old Judge Coffee. And now back to the Hardy family. Starring Mickey Rooney, Lewis Stone and Fay Holden. Well now the demolition. And who discovered nobility in their ancestry. The Hardy home has become another castle on the Rhine. And I expect that by tomorrow if anyone comes to call on us, they'll have to cross the moat. And waiting for the drawbridge is. Lord, I only find one consolation in all this. Think how much worse it would have been. Definitely end at the discovered she was related to Julius Caesar.

[Fay Holden]

James, could you give me a little advice on royal etiquette?

[Lewis Stone]

Emily, are you still worrying about your aristocratic background?

[Fay Holden]

Well, I only wanted to ask you a question about court custom.

[Lewis Stone]

I never spent much time at court, my dear.

[Mickey Rooney]

Why, James, you spend every day in court.

[Lewis Stone]

Well, that's not the same kind of a court. Go ahead, ask your question. I'll try to answer it.

[Fay Holden]

Well, if I meet the Queen of England on the street, should I bow?

[Lewis Stone]

Emily, if you meet the Queen of England, Eaten Carvel, I'd say you should fall over in a dead faint.

[Fay Holden]

Oh, well, maybe she should be the one to bow. After all, she's just married to a king. I'm descended from one.

[Lewis Stone]

Well, you be nice. You be nice and bow to her, Emily. I imagine the poor woman feels her position pretty keenly.

[Fay Holden]

The front door. That must be Prince Andy home for lunch.

[Lewis Stone]

Now, Emily, that's going too far. Andrews is far from being a prince. I. What in the world is.

[Mickey Rooney]

Make way for Chris Andrews.

[Lewis Stone]

Rise, nobleman.

[Mickey Rooney]

I was. No groveling at my feet, James. Look.

[Lewis Stone]

Andrew. What? What on earth is that thing dangling along behind you?

[Fay Holden]

Yes. What are you doing with a butcher knife, dear?

[Mickey Rooney]

It's not a butcher knife, Mom. It's a sword. The one and only sword of Charlemagne.

[Fay Holden]

Oh, that's wonderful, Andrew. Where did you get it?

[Lewis Stone]

Well, Andrew, you don't tell me that you can walk into any store in Kabul and buy Charlemagne's sword.

[Mickey Rooney]

Just happened to see it in an antique shop. Dad, I asked the man if by chance it happened to be the sword of Charlemagne, and he said that by the strangest of coincidences, it was.

[Fay Holden]

Oh, isn't that thrilling, Jane?

[Lewis Stone]

Andrew, how much. How much to pay for that sword?

[Mickey Rooney]

Well, I didn't really pay for it, but I promised five bucks for my next week's paycheck.

[Lewis Stone]

And you think that you can buy a sword that's over 12 centuries old for $5?

[Mickey Rooney]

To tell you the truth, I don't think the guy knew who Charlemagne was.

[Lewis Stone]

May I see that weapon a moment? Of course.

[Mickey Rooney]

I guess, being close relative, you may handle it for a moment.

[Fay Holden]

Oh, it's just amazingly too clowned of Andy. We'll have to hang it over the mantel.

[Mickey Rooney]

I can see Charlemagne now, riding a white steed, sword flashing, leading his mighty army into battle.

[Lewis Stone]

And he certainly did have a mighty army.

[Fay Holden]

What do you mean?

[Lewis Stone]

Well, it says here, under the hilt of the sword, rock island arsenal, U.S. cavalry, 1943. No, no, no, no.

[Fay Holden]

Sims. I wonder if Charlemagne's new General Eisenhower.

[Lewis Stone]

I think you better take the saw back right away, son.

[Fay Holden]

But, James, I. I don't think you realize how important things like these are to those of us who have noble ancestors.

[Lewis Stone]

Dad, you just come from old American stock.

[Mickey Rooney]

But I am a branch of a royal family tree.

[Lewis Stone]

Ah, look here, Andrew. This family tree Business may be all right, but you better not carry too far. You'll find yourself out on a limb and it won't be royal.

[Mickey Rooney]

Hi. How's business in the hot dog stand this afternoon? Oh, terrific, Andy. Seems like everybody's heard the good news about you and your mother being kings. Easy. We are not kings. Mom is, well, a queen, you might say. And I'm the next step below that. Gosh, a royal flush.

[Fay Holden]

Hey, Andy, what was the name of that king again?

[Mickey Rooney]

Charlemagne. Oh, yeah, I know his brother. Charlemagne. I've been thinking, BD it wouldn't be quite fitting for me to be seen working here in a hot dog stand. Now. Holy catch. Why not? I don't want people to say, there, there, there, there's Andrew Hardy, that nobleman with the mustard on his bedtime. Now listen, Andy, I haven't had a Saturday off in all the time we've had this stand. Bz. I meant that I might just lend my name to the stand. We could call it Prince Andrew's Palace. Royal Hot Dogs with Noble Hostage Blue Blood. An aristocratic relish. Well, I wish you'd get your aristocratic legs behind that counter and dish out some of those royal hot dogs.

[Lewis Stone]

Okay, Beezy.

[Mickey Rooney]

You poor simple lackeys. I'll show you that a king can do anything a mere slave can do. Yeah, you okay? Your Royal Highness, let me get behind it. There's a king size stack of dirty dishes you can start on. Tell me. Yup.

[Lewis Stone]

Where'd you hide the mustard?

[Mickey Rooney]

Oh my gosh, Andy, are you gonna eat another hot dog? Certainly. It's only the seventh one I've had today. Yeah, but you haven't paid for any of them.

[Fay Holden]

You know you could eat us, right?

[Mickey Rooney]

Right down to nothing but onions and relish. Don't worry, I'm keeping track of a person of royalty. Never pays cash anyway. They charge everything. Sometimes they never pay at all. Now I know why we fought the revolution. Besides, for every hot dog I eat, I get to vote three times. Three times for Poly Benedict. And yes, you may eat enough hot dogs to get Poly elected queen. But you're going to be the thickest king I ever knew.

[Lewis Stone]

Well, Andrew, I'm certainly glad I ran into you at the market. I don't think I could have carried all these groceries home.

[Mickey Rooney]

Well, I had a busy day. Been out trying to catch every vote for Polly that I could lay my hands on.

[Lewis Stone]

I hope she wins, son.

[Mickey Rooney]

Thank you.

[Lewis Stone]

But remember, it's just a temporary honor. This is not a matter of life or death.

[Mickey Rooney]

Gosh, I've Decided it's easier to be born a queen than to the elected one.

[Lewis Stone]

Yes, you're learning now what's meant by the voice of the people.

[Mickey Rooney]

How about old Charlemagne didn't have any trouble getting the people to vote the way he wanted them to, huh?

[Lewis Stone]

In his day, the people just had to take what was given them. Nobody could vote.

[Mickey Rooney]

Gosh, the guy didn't have anything to look forward to when he was 21 years old, did he?

[Lewis Stone]

No. If a man wanted to vote for a pretty young queen like Polly Benedict, he was just out of luck.

[Mickey Rooney]

Well, the ballot boxes will be closed.

[Lewis Stone]

In two more hours, and we'll start.

[Mickey Rooney]

To count the votes. Then when Polly's elected queen, I'll be able to hold my head up when we walk down the street together.

[Lewis Stone]

Here we are. Here's the heart of palace. You know, this is shameful.

[Mickey Rooney]

What's that?

[Lewis Stone]

Well, I don't believe the palace guards are out to meet us.

[Mickey Rooney]

You can jest, but you'll never know how it feels to be an aristocrat. That fun. Here we are.

[Lewis Stone]

Would it be beneath your royal dignity to carry a sack of potatoes in the house?

[Mickey Rooney]

Not at all. I feel it puts me more in touch with the common man.

[Lewis Stone]

Well, in that case, I'll put you even more in touch. You can take this cotton of eggs, too.

[Mickey Rooney]

I feel like the lord of an estate coming home with bounty from the peasants and serfs.

[Lewis Stone]

Yeah, may not be the bounty of peasants, but it's the fruits of my labor.

[Mickey Rooney]

Here. Set, then. All of the dwarfies.

[Fay Holden]

Oh, James and me. Aren't they both home? The most awful things happened.

[Lewis Stone]

But what's the matter, Emily?

[Fay Holden]

Well, I had another lady in the astronaut mail from Ethel. She mailed it just a few hours after the first one.

[Mickey Rooney]

If you mean that she said Charlemagne was a bad king, don't you worry about it. People have probably forgotten about it by now.

[Fay Holden]

No, no, no, no. She said something even worse.

[Lewis Stone]

Well, tell us what the trouble is, Mother.

[Fay Holden]

Well, Ezra said she made a tittle mistake. Andy and I are not descended from Charlemagne at all.

[Mickey Rooney]

It can't be. I feel the royal blood in me. I can feel it coughing through my body, running down my arms into violence.

[Lewis Stone]

Andrew. Andrew, that's the eggs. You crushed them.

[Mickey Rooney]

Excuse me. I didn't mean to.

[Lewis Stone]

No, no, no. Calm down, Emily, calm down. Tell us all about it.

[Fay Holden]

Felt I'm not related to Charlemagne, but to Charlie Maine, a man who lived at the same time.

[Lewis Stone]

Well, you came pretty close anyhow.

[Mickey Rooney]

This is a catastrophe. That's not the worst it can be any worse.

[Fay Holden]

This child Elaine was sentenced to 10 years in prison for stealing.

[Lewis Stone]

Well, that was centuries ago. It can't affect you now, Emily.

[Fay Holden]

Oh, but there's even more.

[Mickey Rooney]

Boy, I don't think I want to hear it.

[Fay Holden]

Let me live on in ignorance. The man who sentenced Charlie Maine was a judge named Hardy.

[Lewis Stone]

Don't dig around any further, Mrs. Heidi. You'll probably find that Charlie was one of the water mains. We'll be back with Mickey Rooney and the Hardy family right after this. Word to you ladies who buy the coffee in your family. You know, if it were possible to show the amount of flavor you got when you buy a pound of coffee, you'd be mighty quick that the coffee for you to use is Old Judge quality coffee. Why? Well, because Old Judge is the coffee that brings you extra flavor. It's the only luxury blend of the world's most flavorful coffees. Given a flavor boost by irradiation. That extra flavor is guarded throughout the roasting of Old Judge Coffee and brought to you sealed in vacuum packed containers.

[Mickey Rooney]

Mom, dad, I've got great news for you.

[Fay Holden]

Oh, did Polly win the contest, Dean?

[Mickey Rooney]

No, that's the great news. Polly didn't win.

[Fay Holden]

Oh my goodness. Well, I did hope you'd at least know someone who was royalty.

[Mickey Rooney]

Mom, you've been elected queen of the council.

[Fay Holden]

I have?

[Mickey Rooney]

Oh, I can't believe it.

[Lewis Stone]

Well, I can, my dear. They couldn't have selected a lovelier queen.

[Fay Holden]

Thank you, James, that's sweet. But this is such a surprise.

[Mickey Rooney]

I can't understand you. You won fair and square. Mom, I helped count the ballots myself. Dice, this is even better than before. Now you're not related to royalty, you are royalty.

[Fay Holden]

But Andy, you catch her many ballots for Polly.

[Mickey Rooney]

Oh, don't worry, she's tickled. That you want.

[Lewis Stone]

Now you can start your own family tree, Emily. You won't have to look for one.

[Mickey Rooney]

I guess this is the only country in the world where a queen can be elected.

[Lewis Stone]

Yes, and this is the only town in the country where one man can control an election.

[Mickey Rooney]

What do you mean, Dad?

[Lewis Stone]

I believe that I elected your mother single handedly.

[Mickey Rooney]

You all. Why, you must have spent an awful lot of money.

[Lewis Stone]

Not at all. Not at all. Yesterday in my court, I was forced to find the head of the corporation. $1,000. The defendant wasn't particularly interested in the contest, so I deposited his ballot for the lady of my choice.

[Mickey Rooney]

Oh, yes.

[Lewis Stone]

Yes.

[Mickey Rooney]

20,000 votes for queen Emily and Long Ray Fury.

[Narrator]

It's Saturday night on the WRVO playoffs and we just heard the Hardy Family with Mickey Rooney from 1950 royalty in the family tree, good company on the WRVO playhouse. Join us tomorrow night for Escape. We'll also hear let's Pretend have Done, Will Travel, Gun Smoke, the Hermit's Cave and Late Night Suspense, which is coming up next on a Saturday night.

[Lewis Stone]

Hi, it's us, Click and Clack, the Tappert brothers from Car Talk. And we're here to talk to you about the difference between a jelly donut and my mother's lasagna.

[Mickey Rooney]

Well, jelly donuts are quick and easy. You buy them by the dozen, you can get them anywhere.

[Lewis Stone]

My mother's lasagna, on the other hand, hands is hard to come by. Takes her days and days to prepare the sauce, hours to make the pasta, grind the spices, grate the cheese. But it's worth it.

[Mickey Rooney]

Not only does it taste better than a jelly donut, but eating it is an experience that really stays with you.

[Lewis Stone]

Boy, does it ever.

[Mickey Rooney]

The point is, this station is like a really good meal. It's harder to make good radio, it takes more care, it's more expensive, but the it's more satisfying.

[Lewis Stone]

So Jelly Donut Radio today yourself with the thoughtful news and information you can only get here and make a pledge right now. Thanks.

[Mickey Rooney]

Any role Isla?

[Lewis Stone]

No, my ground them into the sauce.

[Narrator]

Here's the number to call 1-800-341-FM90. Make that pledge. Make the sauce complete tonight on the WR VO station. Style carefully. Coming up, it's time once again for radio's outstanding theater thrills, riley herbs from 23:11.

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[Mickey Rooney]

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