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The Jean Shepherd Show 64-xx-xx (x) First Martini
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The Jean Shepherd Show 64-xx-xx (x) First Martini
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Well, that sinking feeling. Where's the program we were supposed to air this morning? Well, if you want to hear Gene Shepherd's salute to the firemen who perished in 1966, you'll have to go to flicklives.com and listen to it online. There, taped from the broadcast on Saturday morning. It seems not to be here, fortunately, since I left everything last week, we have side too of one of the tapes we listened to last week instead. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. From sometime 1963 or 1964. I don't have my notes on this one and no apparent date. It's one of Gene Sheppard's programs. Shepherd's First Martini. That's the story we're going to hear now. Oh well, now we get a fresh show. Two shows in one week. Can't be red, can't be bad, can it? Here's Gene Shepard here on Mass Backwards, WBAI New York.
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Yes, sometimes it makes you a little nervous. It's, it's. We submit here item A here in our collection of evidence here. Here's a note from Scotch Planes. It's in Jersey, I guess. This is from the Courier News, Plainfield, New Jersey. SC Scotch Planes. Little social notes from all over Scotch Planes. A mock wedding with an all female cast will be presented today at 8:00pm in Metropolitan Baptist Church for the benefit of the Woman's Day program. I presume they'll have an all female honeymoon and there'll be an all female divorce. Baptists are promoting these days. Getting pretty interesting. But then there's there's more to it than meets the eye. These are all little things from various straws in the wind. We haven't had a good straw in the wind program in a long time. This is a social note. Here's a little note here to Dear Abby. It says, dear Abby, would you please tell me if I did wrong. My son had a serious back operation last March. When he started to feel a little better, I brought a large stuffed rabbit about 22 inches tall to the hospital thinking it would cheer him up. As it was during the Easter season. The rabbit did not look childish in my opinion. My so 44. He was embarrassed and insisted that I take the rabbit home. Do you think this was a babyish gift or not? That word must have been another version of Hades for that guy for about four hours when the word got around. It's the kind of friendly little letter says, this is from one of our, one of our spies out in the Middle West. So if you think that nuttiness is only centered around Plainfield and certain parts of the Bronx, here's one here says, I went to see Cleopatra several times. Since it's showing in Cleveland, one cannot help pondering about the greatness of Cleopatra's history. Those who are responsible for its production should receive vows for their ingenuity to be able to depict and delve into the past as far back as 45 BC from our present shallow, atomic and unglamorous age. To see the graceful and lavish gowns of that period is enough to take one out for at least four hours from this artless present day light. Even while observing these fabulous scenes and listening to the crafty script of Cleopatra, one has to be annoyed by the crunching of popcorn and peanuts. After seeing such an artistic world in which Cleopatra lived and finding ourselves in a paper strewn theater and streets, one almost wants to disappear from this shallow world. Maria Cohn Cleveland because she really believes that it was that way. People always do, I guess. I guess they believe that the Bible really started with Charlton Heston. That's really the way Moses was. Big square jaw, walked around people turning to salt. Well, I, I, you know, it's getting, it's getting, it is, it's getting a little scary because I, I read a report recently on the big film festival at Cannes and no, this is, this is getting really a serious problem in our world today. It's getting to be more and more serious as time goes on. The people are confusing movies and the theater and that for real life. They really are that real life. See, to her, Cleveland is a terrible drag. Those great big sets, those gigantic Cleopatra sets were far more attractive to her and they seem far realer. And we're part of a real world. This was a crummy paper strung world. Now I don't know whether or not anybody's ever really made a movie. The Egypt really was in 45 BC. I don't think it would be very easy to do. You know, first thing I've got to point out, they had different kind of plumbing. You know, there's a lot of things that were different there in 45 B.C. maybe that you don't really get depicted in those movies with, with Elizabeth Taylor and all those people. You know, speaking of that Cleopatra fiasco, there's a gigantic sign over here on Broadway or 7th Avenue over here where it's, where it's playing that movie house. A fantastic sign is tremendous. And somebody has written underneath it. You, this insane pop art type pose where Cleopatra is lounging there on a Egyptian shade lounge and hovering over her is Marc Anthony. And in the back is Caesar. And somebody has written under it, just married, which I kind of like. I kind of like that one. Just written. Just a calm little remark. Well, in context it stands there. But you see, I think the problem that we're getting into here with this business of the film world. Did you hear about at Cannes, the millions of people gather. Of course, it's not really millions, but it's a tremendous thing. It's an enormous traumatic event for them. It goes on day and night. It's like worshiping at the shrine of some kind of new church or something. And they carried through the streets of Cannes on a specially built chariot. Sophia Loren is surrounded by vestal virgins and various palace guards. And one thing I. Somehow it has overtones of religion, the Vatican, everything else. And, and they're all there yelling and screaming and guys are prostrating themselves in front of the. The great chariot that Sophia Loren is being drawn on. And you know, I guess it is better to live in 35 millimeter or 70 millimeter than it is to live in lousy 8 millimeter Bronx type film, you know, but the time, you know, tied, it goes. Oh, speaking of, since we're talking about the. About real life versus ancient life or versus even fantasy life, you would, you would believe, of course, if you were to see the movies, that the only people who have any kind of passion or wild experiences or mystery in their life are people who are roughly 19, you know, that. You know what I mean? What age does Audrey Hepburn play in the movies? It's that eternal, you know, Pan, Peter Pan kind of thing. And so, so this Is this is a whole thing. I would like to read you a little piece that came out of the. Out of the New York Times which states something very interesting to the contrary. Would make a great little movie if it was. Give me my, my, my, my secrets. Sneaky music, please. And it's from London. Yes, London. Where all the mystery happens. Where those great fogs descend not on cat's feet, but wearing enormous Sears Roebuck over. Descend on London. Over the sinister Limehouse area and the Thames and the ancient battle towers of the olden kings. Not to mention James Bond. You want to hear about a real detective? What he was up to. On a quiet night, a 55 year old police inspector, William Fox of London saw his wife pedaling toward the cemetery on her bicycle at 10 o' clock one night in 1962. 1962. He followed on his. Mrs. Dorothy Fox, 58, did not detect her detective husband at the cemetery. She took up position behind a big tombstone. The inspector watched from behind another. For two hours, until midnight, Mr. Fox watched Mrs. Fox while she watched the nearby window of an apartment occupied by the inspector's secretary. After two hours, the inspector. The inspector decided he had seen enough cutting behind some tombstones. He took a roundabout route to the cemetery gate. But his wife chose the same moment to abandon her vigil. The two crashed head on in the dark. Mrs. Fox on the bicycle, Mr. Fox on foot. It was like. It was like a scene from a French farce. A judge commented as the story was told at a divorce hearing recently. As husband and wife picked themselves up, Mrs. Fox recognized her husband and accused him of having an affair with the secretary. The husband denied it. Mrs. Fox went to the secretary's apartment, woke her up and accused her. The secretary denied it. I'm right to the conclusion, the judge said, that I am dealing with a morbidly suspicious wife getting it into her mind that her husband was unfaithful and giving him the stick year after year, nagging him incessantly. What a scene in the graveyard. You know, if you did a TV show like this or wrote a little play like this where they. They're out hiding in a graveyard and she jumps on her bicycle and goes pedaling off.
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Like Matt and he goes off into the darkness. They both running each other near the gate. They would say, oh, come on. I could see Mr. Watts saying, of course, this obviously pat situation, it stretches the credulity. Well, I don't know. I. I'm. My credulity no longer is capable of being stretched. Speaking of the credulous, this is W.W. o R a.m. and F.M. new Yorkie. And you sneak me a little of that in there. There. There it is. Yes, spring has come this morning. A nameless hill is shrouded in mist. That's haiku for those of you who are haiku nuts. You know, for the last two years, I've been bombarded by the work of amateur haiku poets. And, oh, boy, we were able to keep our heating system here going all one winter just using haiku that had been written by Bucks county alone. It's terrible stuff. But if you would like to. If you would like to enter the Japan Airlines haiku contest, you know that the haiku contest is one of the biggest things in Japan. It is bigger than the World Series. Thousands, like something like 50 or 60,000 people are inveterate haiku contest enterers in Japan. And every year they have the crowning of the best haiku. And all that from the. The contest. It's a big deal and they're trying to start it here in America. And I think they've hit ripe ground. Everybody's either a rotten poet in America, writes very bad songs or is a terrible actor. Here is your chance to try to make the scene as a haiku poet. Now they're giving away a Sony micro TV set, a couple of Sony radios and all kinds of stuff. But it. They have to be written in three lines, 17 syllables in all. Judge's decision is based on aptness and expression of thought. And it will be final. There'll be no arguing with the judges about whether your haiku is fantastic about the Moon over Cleveland. So if you would like to remember. Seventeen syllables long, three lines, here's a sample. The sea darkens. The voices of the wild duck are faintly white. It's not bad, as a matter of fact. So if you would like to join this haiku contest, send your. Let's see. Send as many hikers as you want to Japan airlines haiku contest WR New York 18. Okay, well, wait. When does it give? Where? There must be a date on this thing. June 15th. Must be by June 15th. Haiku. It's a wild idea. No, you know, seriously though, that the haiku contests in Japan are avidly followed and avidly entered. They have magazines. They have thousands of magazines, haiku magazines in Japan that are almost as popular as things like Confidential here. You know, it's a big deal.
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And speaking of a big deal, that little clue to the haiku contest puts a date to this program, making it approximately May or June of 1964. You're tuned to Gene shepherd rebroadcast here on Mass Backwards, wbai New York. Now back to the show. No extra charge for the hummus.
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Let's see, what else do we have here? The Cattleman Restaurant. What is this, a commercial for the cattle? I've never been there. Well, I can only read to you what the copy says since I have never visited the Cattleman Restaurant, an elegant steakhouse just off 5th Avenue at 5 East 45th Street. This is a place that rivals the splendor of the San Francisco Palace Hotel that burned down in 1906. I don't know what that has to do with your stake, but they have a frontier like atmosphere. An air of intrigue pervades its gaslighted interiors as diners peer through the beaded curtains identifying the parlors of Madam Mustache. What is this? These intimate rendezvous rooms are available to regular patrons and all with beaded curtains. Tom Delaya and Theta Barrow working the Cattleman route. It's the only restaurant in the east serving six kinds of steak, every favorite cut from T bone to porterhouse. Larry Elman prop promises your dining experience at the Cattleman will be truly memorable. It's at 5 East 45. Call Sheriff Dino at MO1 1200. That's MO1 1200 for reservations. This is getting to be a nutty world. I'm going to read to you here. Listen, it says this elegant steakhouse. It's It's Victorian and decor, but frontier like in spirit. An air of intrigue pervades its gaslighted interiors as diners peer through the beaded curtains. Does that sound like Tristville? Where is this place? 5 East 45th Street. Let's see who is. You know, speaking of intrigue, I'll tell you, I'm listening to this thing, I'm sure reading about this jazzy wrestling with the Arab, intrigue and the stakes and all that. That reminds me. This is something that whenever I heard, I just play that. Play that little piece there for a second, just a little bit. Hear that? I don't know what that reminds you of, but I'm going to tell you what it reminds me of. And it makes me faintly sick. There's a reason for it. Now, each one of us has a first time for almost every good we do. We have a first time for everything we do. There was a first time when you had your first drink of water because it's obvious you don't remember till it was a first drink of water. Yes, that's true. There was a time when. When a shoe was put on you for the very first time. The very, very. No, the very first time somebody put a shoe on you the very first time your hair was cut. All these various things are gigantic firsts. Well, I'm going to tell you about a gig. And most of the firsts in our lives fall flat on their. You know what? They do not work. As a matter of fact, most kids, when they get their first haircut, blow their stack, fall down and knock over the bottles of Tiger oil and everything else and scream and yell. Barbers really hate this. I don't know of many things that work out on the first time, really. Shoes? Oh, no, no, I. Many a kid has a fit for a month when they put his first shoe on. He really does. Spends all the rest of his time trying to drag it off. Many a kid, his first drink of water, he earps it up just like that. Boom, out it comes. So hardly anything, but yet we always think it's going to be fantastic. Well, I'm going to tell you the thing that happened to me, which I don't think I've ever discussed this because it's one of those painful moments, you know, there are some painful moments. And don't think for one minute that I tell you this for therapy, not a bit of it, because that's all long gonna pass. Forget it. It's that it may lead you to realize that things were not so Bad with you either, that's all. It may be your therapy, let's put it that way. But I'm. I'm this kid, see? I mean, I'm not a kid. I'm not a kid at all. I have been in the army now for several months. I have left the bosom of the great inverted bowl of eternal midnight of the soul, the Midwest. And I am now out in the world. Now. It's very difficult for anybody to envision the outside world. Really it is. Now you, I'm sure that most of you live in Queens or Staten Island. I'm sure that it is very difficult for you to really envision what life is like. Like, let's say in Griffith, Indiana. You may think you know, but you don't. You just don't. You can't even approximate it. You can sit there and think, well, yes, yes, I know. And you draw on the various cliches and the things you've read and so on, but you just can't do it. No more can. Can a resident of Griffith, Indiana really understand how it feels to live on the Grand Concourse? He cannot understand. He thinks he does. He's seen pictures of Fred Astaire in Manhattan. He's seen pic. Yeah, he's seen movies, he's seen Naked City. But that does not prepare him, believe me, for Ratners. It just doesn't. It doesn't prepare you for life at all. None of these things that we know. And so I am living out there in the Midwest and, and I. There it is. Suddenly I find myself in the jaded east. And I was in the jaded east and I was in the army and I was a grown up man. Just, just suddenly like that. When you were put in the army in those days, they did not treat you as a 15 year old kid who was home, you know, who was away from your mother for six months. They did not have den mothers, believe me, in Company K and all. I understand they're planning that over here at Fort Dix. Oh, yes, yes, the whole thing. You know, they're putting little ducks now in the barracks. Little ducks and rattles and little, little pictures of Santa Claus and things, you know, those little decals. There's all kinds of scenes going on over there, but in those you would just put on the suit and the guys start yelling, you know, that's the end of it. One minute you were a kid and the next minute like, boom, you are now a grown up man. And you do all the stuff that grown up men do. If you don't well, that's your option and that's the end of it. So there I am, you see. I got the suit on and I'm out in a new world now. Everybody has great. There's a great sense of lure attraction about another kind of life. Everybody in New York. Well, many people I meet in New York have a peculiar sense of nostalgia about. Wouldn't it be great to live in a simple little town somewhere in the country they call it. The country, yes, there is a nostalgia about the country where life is simple and the old pastor walked past, you know, wearing his old alpaca coat and puffing on his pipe and. And you go down to the postmaster and he knows you by your first name, you know, and all this, the whole jazz, this is romantic stuff. It comes out of Thornton Wilder, you see. It's a. Does not come out. Everybody in New York saw our town, so he knows about small town life now. And you know, this is it to them. There are little Emily's living on one corner, you know, the whole thing. They've got the. They've got the soda fountain going and the little druggist there and so on. Well, that's your attitude, you see. This is your nostalgia. Well, I suppose you are aware that a guy living in Griffith, Indiana, we'll say, has a peculiar lure and a thing that's drawing him towards that life out there, the life that you're in, you see. And he's got an equally romantic attitude towards how it is, is he's got a wild, romantic attitude. How beautiful, you know. Oh, yes. Oh, it's excitement. There's music in the air in Manhattan all the time. You see this excitement and people are sparkling and scintillating, fantastic conversation. And you meet one more magnificent actress after the next, you know, just. It's just this whole thing, this is the lore that they have out there. Now, of course you laugh at that idea, but do you think that your idea is any better about Griffith? Forget it. It is not. I'm sorry. They laugh at your idea. And so many a hick from Queens arrives in Griffith. Can I say, can I see a cow?
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And imagine if today was the day your idea changed someone's life. Imagine if you could help someone pay for college, help your community build a new playground or help a child make it to that dream competition with GoFundMe. It's all possible. GoFundMe is the world's number one fundraising platform, trusted by over 190 million people. Every week, ordinary people meet their goals and do extraordinary Things, your ideas matter. GoFundMe isn't just for emergencies. Want to raise money for your kid's soccer team or raise funds for a small business, a creative project or event? GoFundMe helps you turn ideas into reality and help adds up. Fundraisers you start for someone else, raise up to five times more. So think right now, who could use your help. Change rarely comes from waiting. It comes from someone deciding, today I'll start. Don't wait for someone else to bring change today. Start your fundraiser in just minutes@gofundme.com that's gofundme.com to start your fundraiser. Gofundme.com this is a commercial message brought to you by GoFundMe.
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Can you see a cow? Well, you know, they haven't seen a cow off a Borden's label for 105 years. Elsie there is the only cow they know about. And so you've got, you've got this, this simultaneous lack of communication between people. It's very, very, very potent. And so when a guy makes the crossing, when you cross from one life to the other, you are, you are really in a dangerous territory, a terrible zone. You see, because you're liability undone by your dreams, you are liable to be undone by the very thing which you had assumed would be the paradise, that if you got there, it would work out. And you see, just like I'm sure that many a city guy has gone to the country and he's opened the blacksmith shop. Hasn't been a horse in that town for 105 years, but he went there and opened the black. This is, oh, this happens all the time, you know, this, this kind of thing. And conversely, the opposite happens when that, when the, when the guy from Griffith comes to New York. And so you got the scene. See, I'm this kid and suddenly I am plunged into a world where all the things I am able to do, everything that I had always. You don't really want to do it or you don't, you don't not want to do it. It's just the things that I have always seemed infinitely alluring to you and pleasurable to you. And so I am in this, I'm in Washington, as a matter of fact, and I'm there for just about a week. And boy, you know, remember, I'm not from a little town. I'm from, actually, I'm from, you know, South Chicago is what it is really. And Chicago is certainly not Laporte, Indiana. So don't assume that I came from a place where you were knee high in corn shocks all your life. Not a bit of it, but it was a different kind of life, you see, even though there's big buildings there and there's a lot of cars and streets and stuff, it's a different kind of life. And so I arrive in Washington and I. I'm in Washington about a day and a half, and this, the detachment, detachment that I'm with one of the sergeants there was from Washington, and he was. He was in our output on his own. He says, hey. He says, hey, Chef, how would you like to have a date? He said, yeah, you know, wow, you know, date, gee, you know, Washington, wartime Washington was. It was an insane place anyway. Just wild, I could tell you, as a result, a wild place. And so here I am, I'm about maybe 18. Maybe a cool 18, I'd say, I guess about 18. And so, sure enough, the date is arranged. And I have a date to take a cab and go out and pick up this girl in this very polite section of Washington and take her out on a dinner date and take her to the theater and all this stuff, you see. And I'm thinking, well, date. This is really an official date. This is a grown man's date. This is not like, hey, Dorothy, how about getting a hamburger? You know, it's not the same thing. And I had a little money I'd saved from about four or five months when I hadn't been paid. Now I had about $60 in my pocket. So I'm going to take this girl on a date, a real date. And so I asked the sergeant, I said, sergeant, where do you go? I mean, what kind of place? He said, well, he says, there's a. Gee, let's see. Well, do you like seafood? And I said, yeah, yeah. You know, my idea of seafood was. It was a. Was a frog leg out of. Out of the Kankakee river and in Indiana. And also, we thought seafood always meant the lake perch that came out of Lake Michigan, you know, and seafood was just that, it was a fish. I said, well, yeah, yeah, I think I like sunfish. You know, I used to eat sunfish all the time, and nothing. I like putting a pumpkin seed that's been deep fried in horn, you know, corn fat there. Deep fried. And he says, well, all right. He says, I'll tell you, I know a place, a great place down on such and such a place. And. And you suggest to her, and of course, that'll seem. That you really know, and you really am, and you're in, because this is a very good place here in Washington. So I said, gee, wow. My idea of a good place was the Red Rooster on Calumet Avenue in South Chicago, you see, where hamburgers were 55 cents instead of 30 cents, which is where. That's a good place, the Red Rooster. And, you know. So I said, yeah, that's great. And where should we go after? He says, well, why don't you ask her if there's any shows she'd like to see that. And so it's fine. Wow. I'm all excited, you know, I've seen all the movies with Jeffrey Lynn and all that stuff, and I'm really. My eyeballs are popping. I'm ready to go. And I got my uniform all pressed and cleaned, and I'm in Class A's, you know, the whole business. And I've got. I'm even wearing the big hat, you know, I got these big hats, and so I've got the big hat and I'm all set. I go down. I go downstairs to. Down to the base of the barracks there, and I'm waiting down there to get a cap. Well, now, I must tell you, for one thing, nobody in the Midwest ever takes a cab. Even in the middle of Chicago, nobody takes cabs. Cabs all the only. Really, the real people you see riding around in cabs are displaced New Yorkers who have gone to work in Chicago, who have the cab, who got a cab monkey on their back, who can't think of going anywhere without a cab. I know one guy that takes a cab from his bedroom into the kitchen, you know, you get the cab monkey on your back and you've got it. They're totally immobile. So you can see the New Yorkers riding all over. All over Chicago in the cab, you see. But nobody else ever takes cabs in Chicago. They're fabulously expensive. First of all, they're about twice or maybe even three times what they are here in New York. They put that. They put that old flag down. It goes clunk. Theirs really makes a snap when it goes down. If it's three figures already, you know, it just lays down there, and then you've gone a block and a half. Well, so you don't take many cabs out there. And I never think in terms of cabs. Well, here I am in a new city, you see, and. And I'm. I'm going to play big. And he says, take a cab. So I hail this cab. I didn't even know how to do it. You'd be surprised how. How Awkward. A non cab hater is trying to stop one of them. You don't know, you're embarrassed. You know, you don't, you don't have the aggressiveness. You know, hey, cab. Hey, tire man. Hey, you know, this kind of thing with a New Yorker, you sort of wave your hand a little bit, you, you vaguely feel like you're hitchhiking or you don't want to interrupt this guy. They all look like they're hurrying somewhere, all kinds of things. So about nine cabs go by and I don't get a cab. And finally I, you know, I get. One guy spots me as an easy mark, you know, as soon as he sees that big, that big Midwestern, he comes over and he says, where you going, Mac? I says, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Northwest, ba ba ba. And he says, oh, okay. That meter starts to click. And it was the first time in my life I've ever taken a cab. I have never taken a cab up to this point. I'm fascinated by the meter. You know, I'd always seen him in movies and that, but in movies they don't make them. They don't do that click or anything. Have you ever noticed that when, when Alan Ladd jumps into a cab, you don't ever hear the cab ticking the meter and none of that stuff. It never does that. And furthermore, he's never arguing about the tip or anything, you notice. They never argue. They never. Nothing. It's, it's always so clean and simple. You jump in and out. It's like that. Well, it's going ding, ding, ding, ting tung. And I'm watching this thing and then I begin to be aware that these little numbers that are going past me money, I mean, m o n already it's like 90 cents. And I've just gotten in this thing. I'm used to going on the street car, you know, 15 cents across town all the way from Cicero up, all the way up to Lake Forest, you know, something said, whoo. You know, wow. And this thing is going to win. I don't know where we're going. Well, I'll tell you, we must have gone to this part of. We must have gone to this part of Washington by way of Baltimore. This guy knew a shortcut, you see, where he took what he called the Cape Cod Scenic route. And we traveled down, around, down the bay there, you know, Chesapeake Bay. We saw all kinds of things. The sailing ship and all that. And he says, over there's the home where H.L. mencken lived. And I was pleased, you know that was Washington, but he's in Baltimore and we wound up wherever it was and it was about a six and a half hour trip. And. And so when he puts his hand back over the thing and he says that'll be 7:65. My ears are ringing, you know, already, you know, my ears are little dong ding. And I'm thinking, well now I've got to take this, this cab back to take this girl to where we're going. And not only that, let's see, then we got to take a cab back when I'm bringing her home. And then I go, oh, you know, I could see $428 in cabs already tonight. Already I'm thinking which eat was what I'm going to eat. So, you know, my $60 is melting real quick. So we get, I go up to her house, knock on the door and by now I'm already rocking it's beautiful house, you know, it's a fantastic place. And sure enough, the girl comes. She's very gracious. And what you learn immediately when you're from the Midwest and you come to the east is that everybody here has a secret code. And they've all learned about a lot of things which are only hypothetical and theoretical to you. This girl, she went to the right schools and she got beautiful. Madison, of course, you know, Hammond High is not quite Briarcliffe. It's not quite, you know, Bennington. And she's very, oh, just, you know, just there's a certain air, you know, it's like a born officer. And then I'm ready to go. So she said, where will we go? I'll make a suggestion. She says, since you don't know the town. I said, oh no, no, I know, you see. I said, oh no, no, no, we're going to the blah blah, blah, blah blah blah, whoopee club. She says, oh, oh, well that's very nice. Gee, you know, I see I'd rung the bell there, see. So we get in the cam and away we go. Well, what amazed me was that getting back from where we were, we were only about nine blocks. It was just an amazing trip, you see, It's a fantastic. This guy even knew a better route, you see. But this one, it only came to a dollar and forty, you see. And I couldn't figure out, well, yeah, I guess it must have been long the other way. I guess they're one way streets. You've got to go all the way around, you can't come back, you know, Midwesterners, always rationalize it. They really do. They. They never say, oh, boy, have I been had. They always said, well, I guess, you see, there's a lot of one way streets and you can't get to the Bronx unless you go through Staten Island. There's no way to do it. You got to go, you know, there's no way to do it all, you see, they're all pointing the other way. So. So I assume, well, we get into this place and immediately I walk in there and it is just like the movies. I mean, there's a hat checker. They never had hat checks. Girls, you know, hatchet girl. That's something that you see in the. There's a hatchet girl and there's a girl wearing little tights walking around with the cigarette around her neck, you know, and all that. And I sit down there and the head waiter takes us over to this table and I sit down with a girl. And here I am, you see, and I'm playing it big. I'm absolutely. You can't say, wow, gee, that's the first time I ever been to a place like this. Myrtle, you know, you can't do that. Oh, I knew too much to do that. And so I'm saying, oh, it's a very interesting place. Oh, yes, I knew of it. Yes, of course. She said, you've been here before? And I said, no, no, but I've been around and I knew and so on. So the waiter comes over and he says, he says, what do you have to drink? Will you have a cocktail before your dinner? And with that the girl looks up and she says, yes, I think I'll have a. Give me a dry Manhattan, please. Dry Manhattan. And she says, yes, make it dry, very dry Manhattan. I don't care for the sweet Manhattans, you know, I'm thinking in terms of knee high and. And I think, well, you know, and somehow it didn't seem right for me. Very gauche for me to say, give me one of them too. So the. I. The only drink that I could think of, I said, you know, and he's looking at me now, what will it be for you, sir? And I'm sitting there with my PFC stripes itching there and that. And he said, what do you have, sir? And I said, oh, a martini. I'd heard of martini. It's says, I'll have a martini. A very dry martini. I'll have a dry martini. This is, you know, I'd seen it in ads and all that. That just seemed like a right drink. And so he said, yes, sir, yes, sir. And he says, you'll order of course, after, after your drinks. And I said, yes, fine, we'll wait. And so I'm being very suave. We're sitting there and we're going along. You see, I've gone over the first hurdle, little realizing that the gigantic water hazard was approaching. Not only was it a water hazard, it was roughly the size of the Pacific Ocean. I'm sitting there, you know, and then along without talking little casual things about. Yes, of course I know Stan. Stan was a sergeant. Yes, he's one of my oldest friends. I didn't want to tell her those stainless steel fangs and boy, what a nut. I said, yes, of course, Stan and I are old friends. Yes, old Sarge, we call him. And she said, old Sarge. Well, that's funny, I can't think of him as a sergeant. He must be. Must be a lot of fun being with old sergeant. Yes, it is a lot of fun with old Sarge. And we're talking back and forth and over in the corner is a Roomba band playing a genuine, you know, that the two bit Xavier Kugat type with all the guys with the puffy sleeves and, and the sneaky grins and. Yeah, and they got goose grease on their hair and they're rattling the rattles. It's. And of course I'm sitting there digging this scene and expecting him to. Now what was her name? The one with the fruit on her head, you know, I'm living in that world already, you know. And so with that, the waiter comes padding up, he's got this little red coat on. And you know, you find yourself saying really terrible things when you think back on awful things. Like I said to her, gee, they sure have funny coats. Then immediately when I said that, I realized it was a terrible rotten thing to say. You know, they sure have funny coats. And, and he came over and he puts the drinks down. Well, the girl gets her dry. Her dry Manhattan. You got Carmen Moran. The girl gets her dry Manhattan. And it looked like a drink, you know, her drink looked like a drink. You know what drinks look like? I had seen whiskey in my time. It's, you know, sort of amber colored and, and he hands me this dry martini. Will it look exactly like tap water? It was, it was. I, I wasn't prepared quite for this thing being the color of water. It looked like water. And I'd never really seen a martini. I'm telling you the truth, I'd never seen a martini. Now, I knew they had olives in them because that's always a joke. This did not have an olive in it. You see, he thought because I was a very hip type who ordered a very dry martini. So I get this thing and, and I look down, it's got nothing and it's just a little white drink. And down near the base is lying this little curled up piece of lemon. So, you know, I don't know what to do with the lemon, so I figured chew the lemon or something. So I take the thing and she says, oh, you like them with lemon? And I said, yes. And I drop it in there and I'm sitting in this thing and with that she takes her dry Manhattan and she quietly sips and she's talking, she says, you know, it's a very nice place. I've always wanted to come here and I've always enjoyed it. You know, this is, it's very well known. I says, yes, it is very good. And the band is playing and people are coming in and there are major generals and colonels. You know, it's a fantastic. I don't even know what this is going to cost, but I can tell by the rank, this is not, believe me, the px. They're coming in with the stars and everything. They're all coming in, all these big jazzy guys with the chicks and wild scene. And it's beginning to develop, you see. And now they're up on the floor and they're dancing congas and stuff. And I'm watching this and the one, the one, one just absolutely unconquerable fear was that she was going to ask me to dance this thing because they all seem to know how to dance the sis. The Latin American dances. They're going in the majors. Leaves are rattling. And you see these guys, these commanders and captains in the navy up there doing these dances. And I'm watching this thing and I'm sitting back there in the dark trying to play it cool with my drink. Well, I take the drink and I sip it a little bit. Now, I don't know how to tell you this, but it did not taste like anything at first. I just went, you know, was kind of disappointed because I'd always seen pictures of guys taking a drink. Boom, it hits them, you know, that, that, that theatrical thing. So I tasted. It's kind of vaguely funny. It's a sweet kind of a. Kind of an unpleasant taste. But yet, you know, it's kind of an odd taste, interesting taste. And, and the girl is sitting over there, she's drinking her. So she's about 3/4 through with this thing already, you know, she's obviously been brought up from the age of 5 on. On fine old brandy, you know. She was weaned on Harvey Bristol cream, that kind of thing, you see, you know. Oh, yeah, the Eastern families are like that in this. And so here I am, you know, strictly an Ovaltine type, and I've got this gigantic dry martini. So I sip a little more of this thing, and I said, well, this is nothing, you know, they're not bad. And she says. She says, may I have another drink. Drink before we eat? And I said, oh, of course, of course, of course. And I look over, and by now I'm beginning to feel this thing, but I don't know that I'm feeding it. So I wave to the waiter and I say, waiter, waiter, waiter. And everybody sort of. Kind of looks and I. You don't have an idea. You're even yelling, you know, here I'm waiter, you know, in this joint. And he comes over. He comes hurrying over, and I say, she wants a. What. What is that thing you were drinking? A thing there? And she says, I'll have a dry Manhattan place. And he says, and you'll have another one soon. I said, of course, of course, of course. And he goes off. And I'm sitting. She's looking at me kind of funny, and I'm drinking this thing. I can't taste it at all. And I'm drinking more and more. And now I am now down at the bottom of it. I like it. And I've got another one in front of me, see? So I sip. This is even colder. Tastes good. And all of a sudden, I had to go, you know where. Well, I get up and I start walking. And without any warning, without any, any warning, the band is playing. It was the most insane feeling. It was as though everything was going. I could just hear things ringing and going. And everything was rocking wildly rocking. And I kept walking. And it was, oh, what a. What a feeling. And I was sweating. And just immediately it hit me. I'm sweating like. Oh, like bullets are just popping out all them. I'm sweating. Oh, it's sweating, sweating. I can just remember the icy cold sweat. And it's going. And I remember asking this guy, this waiter, where is the jarayawa? And everybody turns around and looks, and I can't hear him. It's as though everybody is talking to me from a thousand miles away. And not only that, there's a great time delay on them. It's like they go. Their mouths go. And I don't hear it for like five minutes later. Then I hear. And then I answer that. And they're already on something else. And I can hear everything ringing. The bandits go. The sound that's going, oh, I'm sweating. Well, I get inside this place, and there's a guy in there. He said, I don't know what this guy is doing. And he's brushing me off with a thing. With a hairbrush. You know, they don't do that. He's brushing me. And I started looking at him. And I remember saying, what are you doing? Yelling. And somebody came in and says, shh, you're disturbing today. Oh, And I'm sweating all over, just sweating. And so the guy says, you better wash your face. I said, oh, wash your face. So I'm putting the water on, and I go back out. And I'm walking past, and I see this girl, and I'm walking towards her. And it's like she's moving around. She's going sideways. We're always moving back and forth. And I sort of sit down real heavy, and I think to myself, you've got to sit. Now, sit straight. Be very straight. Look straight ahead and talk to her. Very straight, very straight. And I start to talk to her, and her voice is going. She's saying things, but I can't hear it, really. It's funny. It's like nothing worse. And she would say, robbie and I. And then the waiter is between us, and he is giving me a big piece of paper. I guess we are supposed to order. I can't. It's all going to. And I hear her. Somebody, she's saying something, and I say, I'll have the same. I'll have the same. It's ringing and ringing and ringing. I'm sweating and sweating. It's worse and worse. Well, all I remember of the night from that time on, it was a blank. I did not pass out or anything. Except that I can't remember any of it. Cannot remember any of it. Not a thing. I must have paid them. I must have. They wouldn't have let me out. I wouldn't be here tonight. I must have paid these guys. I know that when I got back the next morning, I do remember the next morning. I had $4. I had $4 and. And I could not remember a thing. I don't remember going back home. I don't remember taking her back. I never saw the girl again in my life. And I imagine she continued continually tell people this wild story about this nutty hick from the Midwest. This Nut she said, you know, I met this kid one time as a kid, and he took one drink and his eyeballs were going around in his head and he kept saying these funny things. They threw us right out, you know, they threw us. I keep thinking, what must I have done? What must I have said? Now, that batch of film you sent the other day with all those women. What's this? So the real life people will adult. And furthermore, Mr. Brunjard says you got to get the copy points in. Now, I'm not, Look, I don't want to be. I don't want to be a son of a gun here. I don't, I don't want to be the villain in this piece. I don't want anybody to say that, that I'm, I don't, I don't want anyone to say that I'm, I'm the hard guy in the case. But Brundage says, Look, I talk to Brundage about real people.
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Well, one program seemingly recorded over another program, but we don't have time to hear the conclusion of another Gene shepherd show. Just heard one from mid-1964, May or June. And that wraps up this morning's broadcast. It is 5:59. Marjorie Moore will be along in about a minute or so with Sunrise here on wbai, New York. Listeners sponsored Pacifica Radio. And I guess we have resumed with our normal broadcast schedule finally back in our studios and after a week and happy to be here and happy to be with you as well. So do stay tuned. And Sunrise will be along any moment now here at WBAI New York.