The Jimmy Durante Show 48-02-25 (22) Goes To The Race Track

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio – The Jimmy Durante Show 48-02-25 (22) Goes To The Race Track

Release Date: June 5, 2025

---

Introduction

The Jimmy Durante Show transports listeners to the Golden Age of Radio, capturing the charm and wit of the beloved comedian Jimmy Durante. In the episode titled "Goes To The Race Track," Jimmy navigates through a night filled with humorous anecdotes, political satire, and unexpected adventures at the racetrack. Hosted by Howard Petrie, the show also features appearances by Peggy Lee, Victor Moore, and various guest characters, all contributing to an engaging and lively broadcast.

---

Setting the Stage: A Night of Charisma and Challenges

The episode opens with Jimmy Durante expressing his perpetual cheerfulness despite battling insomnia. He shares his nightly struggles with falling asleep, weaving comedic tales about his attempts to rest, only to be interrupted by his mischievous cat and a persistent messenger boy.

Notable Quote:

Jimmy Durante [10:35]: "I'm an insomniac in the advanced stages."

---

Political Satire: The Jackson Day Dinner Fiasco

Jimmy recounts his recent attendance at the annual Jackson Day dinner, highlighting the eclectic mix of Republican bigwigs such as Governor Dewey X, Governor Stassen, and Senator Tab. His humorous take on the event includes a playful jab at the Republican delegation's financial woes.

Notable Quote:

Jimmy Durante [02:52]: "The Democrats can't afford to be choosy. They'll take anybody's money laughing."

The conversation takes a turn when Jimmy reveals that he was mistakenly thought to have given an impressive speech, only to choke on an olive pit, leading to an awkward encounter with President Truman.

Notable Quote:

Jimmy Durante [04:14]: "It's lucky I wasn't killed. His balcony isn't built yet."

---

Insomnia Antics: Seeking Solutions with Victor Moore

Jimmy's insomnia becomes a central theme as he discusses various humorous remedies with Victor Moore. From elaborate bedtime routines involving eyelash curlers and chin straps to Professor Schultz's dubious phonograph record solution, the dialogue is rich with comedic elements.

Notable Quote:

Victor Moore [12:01]: "Every night I drink three glasses of warm milk. One pasteurized, one homogenized and one terrorized milk."

Their banter culminates in a playful exchange about obtaining a cure for sleeplessness, setting the stage for the evening's big event.

---

A Night at the Races: The Free Pass Adventure

Jimmy receives a free pass to the racetrack, sparking excitement and a series of comedic mishaps. Upon arriving, they encounter various characters, including the ever-charming Peggy Lee, who shares her recent experience at the racetrack.

Notable Quote:

Peggy Lee [14:13]: "I went out to the racetrack yesterday and I feel terrific."

In a twist of fate, Jimmy purchases a horse named "Free Pass" at an auction mishap orchestrated by the cunning Hot Bread Houlihan. Despite initial setbacks, including humorous confusion over the horse's identity and exorbitant expenses, Jimmy's optimism remains unshaken.

Notable Quote:

Hot Bread Houlihan [24:44]: "The horse you just bought is entered in the next race. Now, for $500, I think I can fix it so he's got a chance to win."

---

Climactic Race Day: Betting and Unexpected Victory

The climactic race unfolds with intense commentary from Howard Petrie, detailing the race's progression. Despite Jimmy and Victor's initial missteps and comedic errors, "Free Pass" emerges as the unexpected winner, turning their fortunes around.

Notable Quote:

Jimmy Durante [27:19]: "What a coincidence. Take my wallet and go over to the hundred dollar winner and buy four tickets on number 10."

The excitement peaks as "Free Pass" triumphs, leading to joyous celebrations and the resolution of their earlier financial woes.

---

Conclusion: Heartfelt Recognition and Final Remarks

The episode concludes on a heartwarming note as Howard Petrie announces a tribute to Jimmy Durante for his charitable efforts. Jimmy's genuine gratitude shines through as he thanks the Mount Sinai Duarte National Medical Center, reflecting his enduring popularity and benevolent spirit.

Notable Quote:

Jimmy Durante [29:27]: "Thanks from the bottom of my heart."

The show wraps up with Howard Petrie's customary closing remarks and a final nod to the next week's cast, leaving listeners with a sense of fulfillment and anticipation for future episodes.

---

Key Highlights:

• Humorous Portrayal of Insomnia: Jimmy's inventive and comedic attempts to overcome sleeplessness provide continuous laughter and relatability.

• Political Comedy: The lighthearted satire of political figures and events adds depth and contemporary relevance to the show.

• Racetrack Adventures: The central plot involving the racetrack, horse betting, and unexpected victories drives the episode's narrative with excitement and humor.

• Heartfelt Moments: The recognition of Jimmy's charitable work offers a touching contrast to the comedic elements, showcasing his multifaceted persona.

Notable Themes:

• Optimism in Adversity: Jimmy's unwavering positivity despite setbacks underscores a timeless message of resilience and humor.

• Friendship and Camaraderie: The interactions between Jimmy, Victor, and other characters highlight the warmth and camaraderie that define classic radio shows.

• Humor in Everyday Life: From political dinners to sleepless nights, the episode finds comedy in the mundane, making it both entertaining and relatable.

---

The Jimmy Durante Show 48-02-25 (22) Goes To The Race Track exemplifies the enduring appeal of old-time radio, blending humor, storytelling, and heartfelt moments into an engaging auditory experience. Whether you're a long-time fan or new to Harold's Old Time Radio, this episode offers a delightful journey through laughter and lighthearted adventures.

Transcript

[Styles MacKenzie]

We interrupt this program to bring you an important Wayfair message. Wayfair's got style tips for every home. This is Styles MacKenzie helping you make those rooms sing. Today's style tip. When it comes to making a statement, treat bold patterns like neutrals. Go wild like an untamed animal. Print area rug under a rustic farmhouse table. From wayfair.com fierce this has been your Wayfair style tip to keep those interiors superior.

[Jimmy Durante]

Wayfair, Every style, every home.

[Howard Petrie]

Good health to all from Rexall. From Hollywood, it's the Jimmy Durante Show.

[Jimmy Durante]

I think you need, I think you do. I think you need, I think you need, I think you, I think me.

[Howard Petrie]

Yes. 10,000 Rexall drugstores who carry the complete line of top quality Rexall drug products bring you the the Jimmy Durante show with Peggy Lee Candy, Candido, Roy Bargi and his orchestra. The Crew Chiefs Quartet. Yours truly, Howard Petrie and that gay little gadabout, Victor Moore. And here he is, ladies and gentlemen, Metro Goldwyn Mayor's little bundle of bait for Esther Williams. The one and only Jimmy Durante in person.

[Jimmy Durante]

You gotta start off each day with a. So even when things go wrong, you think better, you even look better. I'm here to tell you that you'll be a go getter down the way that you shake my hand we'll tell you how I stand now. Isn't it better to go through life with a smile and a song than walking around with a face 11 miles long? Now you know that so you can't go wrong. Try. If you start off each day with a song. You gotta start off even when things go wrong. You feel better, you even look better. How do you like that? When I sing, the man who walks starts to run. But that don't bother me. Howard, there's good news tonight. Los Angeles now has the largest population in the country. The heavy winds last night blew Pismo beach into Beverly Hills. My lawn is now spouting clams.

[Howard Petrie]

Snoz, you're really in fine spirits tonight.

[Jimmy Durante]

Why shouldn't I be, Howard? I just got in from Washington where I attended the annual Jackson Day dinner that cost $100 a plate.

[Howard Petrie]

Gosh, Jimmy, how does it feel to eat a dinner that costs a hundred dollars a plate?

[Jimmy Durante]

How would I know? I only had seven bucks with me. I had to eat out of a saucer. What a dirty look I got from Truman's dog. It was his saucer. But, Howard, that $100 a plate dinner was really easy. All the political big shots were there. Governor Dewey X, Governor Stassen, Senator. Tab. Governor Warren.

[Howard Petrie]

Jimmy. Jimmy, those are all Republicans. What were they doing there this year?

[Jimmy Durante]

The Democrats can't afford to be choosy. They'll take anybody's money laughing. Where's the next line? Oh, yeah, yeah. At the proven. Howard, here's a picture I took of the Republican delegation.

[Howard Petrie]

Well, let's see it, Jim. Oh, yes, there's Taft, Dewey, Stasson. But who's this little guy on the end?

[Jimmy Durante]

He's from the Fiance Company. The Republicans have been out of office so long, they had to borrow the hundred bucks.

[Howard Petrie]

Well, Jimmy, tell me, how were the speeches? Did they call on you?

[Jimmy Durante]

Indeed they did. And when my speech was over, I sat down to finish my dinner and everybody in the joint came over and slapped me on the back.

[Howard Petrie]

Well, they liked your speech, huh?

[Jimmy Durante]

No, I was choking on an olive pit. Several faux pas later, that's the way my folks want me. Elegant Truman wanted to discuss my speech with me, and I was very hoyt when he invited me to step out on the balcony.

[Howard Petrie]

You were hurt?

[Jimmy Durante]

Yeah. It's lucky I wasn't killed. His balcony isn't built yet.

[Howard Petrie]

Say, Jimmy, tell us about the big event of the evening. The speech the president made.

[Jimmy Durante]

It was very interesting, Mr. Petrie. The President outlined his political platform, and immediately after Truman's speech, he had entertainment.

[Howard Petrie]

Entertainment?

[Jimmy Durante]

Yeah. A group of Southern Democrats got up and sang I'm just Mild about Harry.

[Howard Petrie]

Well, now, how does all this affect your political future? Snoz?

[Jimmy Durante]

Frankly, I'm worried, Howard. My political opponents have started a smear campaign against me. They say I'm illiterate, incompetent and immaterial. And I regard debt as a libel. Libel? Yeah, they're liable to prove it. Then on top of that, I'm worried about losing the women's vote to Dewey.

[Howard Petrie]

Oh, Dewey hasn't got a chance against you, Jimmy. Not with the profile you've got.

[Jimmy Durante]

I admit I've got a nice profile, but Dewey's got a whole face. Comes in handy for pictures that are taken from the front.

[Howard Petrie]

Well, Jimmy, I think you're a cinch for the vice presidency. But with the strenuous campaign coming on, you gotta watch your health and get plenty of rest.

[Jimmy Durante]

I know that, Howard. And that's the grasshopper and the cold cream formerly known as the fly in the ointment. But how can I rest when I can't sleep?

[Howard Petrie]

Oh, you have insomnia.

[Jimmy Durante]

That's right. I'm an insomaniac in the advanced stages. For instance, last night I was feeling quite fatigued and in a mood for slumber. So putting on my eyelash curlers, my chin strap with the dimple attachment and the sling which keeps my nose from falling out of bed, I'm all ready for the sandman when I hears a noise. Removing my eyelash curlers, my chin strap and the sling which keeps my nose from falling out of bed, I investigates the noise and what is it? My cat wants to get out. I'm ready for Rock a bye baby. And she's ready for Papa, won't you dance with me. So I opens the door and she's off to meet Arthur Murray's tomcat once more. I puts on my eyelash curlies, my chin strap and the sling which keeps my nose from falling out of bed. And I'm just about to slip into the arms of Morpheus when what happens? I hears a knock on the door. Feeling my way in the dark and stubbing my toe on a low boy, which was higher than I thought, I opens the front door and what is it? A messenger boy with a package. I said, what's the idea of delivering a package at 2 in the morning? Why don't you deliver it in the daytime? He says, I can. I'm using a stolen bicycle. Slamming the door on his happy little face, I dropped back into my beauty rest mattress, which on me is completely wasted. I tried the left side, the right side, the top, the bottom, the corners and the edges. But no matter which way I turn, the dimples in my back don't fit the buttons in the mattresses. Two hours later, I'm just about to drift into sunbaland when and again I hears a scratching at the door. So once more I opens the door and what is it? The cat has cancelled her date. The other cat was a Henry Wallace fan. He brought along a third party. Now, you know that you can't go wrong.

[Rexall Voice]

If you want to be sure that the product is pure. When you ask for a drug preparation, buy the Rexall line at the Rexall sign of Rexall identification.

[Howard Petrie]

Did you know that more than 2,000 different drug products bear the name Rexall? That's a big family indeed, and a highly respected one too. For in millions of American homes, the familiar name Rexall has come to mean the utmost in quality, purity and reliability. So for any and for all of your drug needs, always buy Rexall. Have confidence in what that name means. Quality, purity and reliability in drug products. Get them at Rexall drugstores throughout the nation where 25% of America buys its Drug needs.

[Rexall Voice]

If you want to be sure that the product is pure when you ask for drug preparation, buy the Rexall line at the Rexall sign of Rexall identification.

[Howard Petrie]

Good health to all from rexall.

[Jimmy Durante]

Very nice, Mr. Petrie. But you neglected to mention that my picture is the window of every one of those Rexall stores right next to a bottle of nose drops.

[Howard Petrie]

Well, say that. That's right, Jimmy. And tell me, how does it feel to have your picture all over America like that?

[Jimmy Durante]

I don't mind as long as I give my permission. But last week, without my permission, a likeness of me appeared on a national advertising campaign and I was about to sue.

[Howard Petrie]

Well, if it was a likeness of you, Jimmy, why didn't you sue?

[Jimmy Durante]

The makers of rival dog food proved it was a cocker spaniel. Unnatural mistake. We both happen to have the same beauty marks. I apologize. But now, ladies and gentlemen, to proceed from the nonsensical to the non secretar which is just 20 miles this side of San Bedou, I'm proud to present.

[Victor Moore]

Pardon me, is this the ticket or Leave it program?

[Jimmy Durante]

No. Why do you want the Take it or Leave it program?

[Victor Moore]

Well, nobody will take what I've gotten on my to leave it.

[Jimmy Durante]

Why, it's that dash and delete the victim all. No. Victor. Victor, it's good to see you. Brimming over with vim vigor and vitamins.

[Victor Moore]

Thank you, Jimmy. Good to see you too. You know, you're as refreshing as a scented breeze drifting like a skylark over a purple lagoon.

[Jimmy Durante]

Ah, those are beautiful voyage. Where did you ever line them?

[Victor Moore]

I do nor cars laundry. And they were scribbled on an old shirt tie.

[Jimmy Durante]

That I understand.

[Victor Moore]

Well, what's this I hear about you suffering from insomnia?

[Jimmy Durante]

Insomnia? Nothing. I can't even sleep. Why, I've been awake so long I got 2 inch of dust on my eyebrows. How did I.

[Professor Schultz]

Excuse me, please. Mr. Durante. I was just listening to your program in my automobile and learned that you have insomnia. I'm Professor Schultz, BBS PhD ll D.

[Victor Moore]

That's a funny way to spell Schultz.

[Jimmy Durante]

Victor. Victor, please. We're in the presence of a man with a night school diploma.

[Professor Schultz]

Mr. Darante, at the University of Heidelberg I discovered a sure cure for insomnia. Now, if you buy this phonograph record of Brahms Lullaby and when you go to bed tonight, you play it over and over, I guarantee you will fall down asleep.

[Jimmy Durante]

Sounds all right, but won't I have to wake up to turn off the record?

[Professor Schultz]

Oh, that's what everybody Says I just can't say any of them. He's like.

[Jimmy Durante]

Poor color. Too bad his brain doesn't have an automatic changer.

[Victor Moore]

Jimmy, you don't need that guy. I got a sure remedy for insomnia. Every night I drink three glasses of warm milk. One pasteurized, one homogenized and one terrorized milk.

[Jimmy Durante]

That's terrorized?

[Victor Moore]

Yeah, it's from discontented cows who didn't want to let go.

[Jimmy Durante]

I always use Carnation milk. It looks better in my lapel. But what can I do to get a little sleep?

[Victor Moore]

Well, I could drop around tonight and sing to you. Sometimes I sing myself to sleep.

[Jimmy Durante]

You sing yourself to sleep?

[Victor Moore]

Yeah, I just lie back and start to croon Rockaby Victor on the treetop.

[Jimmy Durante]

That put you to sleep?

[Victor Moore]

Sure. I'd be crazy to stay awake and listen to a racket.

[Jimmy Durante]

He near lost his place too, there for a minute. Don't be so modest, Victor. With your voice, you could put Perry in a coma. I got a million of them.

[Victor Moore]

Well, this thing calls for a scientific approach. Tell me, when you go to bed, do you lie with your nose over the covers or under the covers?

[Jimmy Durante]

Victor, the nose is the covers. If I could plug. If I could plug in this schnoz, I'd have the biggest electric blanket in town. But, Victor, let's ignore me and my delemias. I may not be able to sleep, but if I could. Here comes the girl I dream about. It's Peggy Lee. Greetings, Peggy. Might I say that you're looking chick tonight.

[Peggy Lee]

Well, so are you, Jimmy. As a matter of fact, I don't know which one of you is prettier tonight, you or Victor.

[Victor Moore]

Well, I got dimples.

[Jimmy Durante]

Well, Victor may have dimples, but I got. Well, I got. I must have something.

[Victor Moore]

He's got insomnia.

[Peggy Lee]

Ah, you poor thing, Jimmy. What you need is some fresh air and relaxation. I went out to the racetrack yesterday and I feel terrific.

[Jimmy Durante]

Say, that sounds like a good idea. Did you win any money?

[Peggy Lee]

Well, I was wearing a dress with a new look, so I only bet to win and play. How come with a new look dress, nothing ever shows?

[Jimmy Durante]

Ah, Peggy, you blonde bombshell, you. Buddy wants to get us to the end.

[Victor Moore]

Say, that's funny that you mentioned the racetrack, Peggy. Just this afternoon I found a free pass to the clubhouse. See, Jimmy, we can go out and spend the whole afternoon in Santa Anita without spending a dime.

[Jimmy Durante]

A tempting proposition. Well, don't you sing, Peggy, while Victor and I go into my mulling room and mull it over?

[Peggy Lee]

Glad to, Jimmy. Glad to.

[Hot Bread Houlihan]

Supposing you need a vacation. Brazil is the place you should be. So you can't understand what they're saying. Oh, you can't read a sign that.

[Styles MacKenzie]

We interrupt this program to bring you an important Wayfarer message. Wayfair's got style tips for every home. This is Nicole Byer helping you make those rooms flyer. Today's style tip when it comes to making a statement, treat bold patterns like neutrals. Go wild like an untamed animal. Print area rug under a rustic farmhouse table from wayfair.com Ooh. Fierce. This has been your Wayfair style tip to keep those interiors superior.

[Jimmy Durante]

Wayfair Every style, every home to sing.

[Hot Bread Houlihan]

But you don't have to know the language with the moon in the sky and the girl in your arms and the look in her eyes. You stop at the Copacabana with sugarloaf mountain in view so the words on the menu mean nothing. You can ask us all what to do but you don't have to know the language. We're the moon in the sky and the girl in your arms and the look in her eyes when she smiles your way. What more could you want anyone to say? So you slide your side you don't have to mention that yankee phrase ay ay Perhaps when you end your vacation you bring back a bit of Brazil so you can't understand what she's saying. You need an interpreter still. But you don't have to know the language with the moon in the sky and the girl in your arms and the look in her eyes. No, you don't have to know the language if you don't want to say goodbye. Don't have to know Piling Wide Dumb Wood don't have to know by mere vista Shane don't have to know acechorunia don't have to know Komo savvy and you don't have to know the language with the moon in the sky and the girl in your eyes and the look in her eyes. No, you don't have to know the language if you don't want to say Goodbye.

[Howard Petrie]

Here's a 60 second story from the Rexall Laboratory.

[Rexall Laboratory Voice]

One of the most ingenious instruments in the great Rexall Control Laboratory is the pyrometer. As the name implies, this instrument measures heat. It's really a hypodermic thermometer with a long needle like attachment which can penetrate a container and take the temperature of the product inside. Some Rexall products, such as surgical ointments are sterilized even after they are Sealed in tubes, the pyrometer's needle can be inserted in the tubes to make absolutely certain that the ointment itself has reached sterilizing temperature. The pyrometer is only one of the many scientific instruments used daily in the Rexall laboratory for measuring, analyzing and testing. But it's one more reason why you can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall.

[Howard Petrie]

So for any and for all of your household drug needs, always buy Rexall at Rexall drugstores everywhere.

[Rexall Voice]

If you want to be sure that the product is pure. When you ask for a drug preparation, buy the Rexall line at the Rexall sign of Rexall identification.

[Howard Petrie]

Good health to all from Rexall.

[Professor Schultz]

Ab.

[Jimmy Durante]

Victor, this promises to be a great day. Free pass to the races might be just the thing for my insomnia. And who knows, at the track we might even meet a few girls of the female species.

[Victor Moore]

Well, girls are all right, Jimmy, but I like horses.

[Jimmy Durante]

Did you?

[Victor Moore]

Yeah. Ever since I was a young man, I spent most of my time with horses.

[Jimmy Durante]

A recommendable pastime. But haven't you ever thought of marriage?

[Victor Moore]

I have, but I just can't find a horse that's serious.

[Jimmy Durante]

If any of my friends are listening in Chicago, please stop that joke before it reaches New York. Ah, but my boy is as frisky as a 2 year old. He's feeling his oats tonight.

[Victor Moore]

Well, come on, Jimmy, let's go to the track. This free pass is burning a hole in my money belt.

[Jimmy Durante]

Okay, Victor, I'll go. But remember, no betting, okay?

[Victor Moore]

Racing Farms, Racing Farms.

[Jimmy Durante]

Get your racing farms here.

[Victor Moore]

One side, my good man, we're not betting today.

[Jimmy Durante]

That's right, buddy. Now let me have that free pass, Victor. And watch the way I impressed this guy at the ticket window. Hello, my good man. Here's our pass.

[Professor Schultz]

What are you doing out here? I'm betting $2 on you in the next race.

[Jimmy Durante]

Betting on me? Wait a minute. I'm not a horse.

[Professor Schultz]

And why is that oat bag hanging down in front of your face?

[Jimmy Durante]

That's not an old bag. And stop counting my teeth. I'll tell you how old I am.

[Victor Moore]

Just a minute, buster. This fella happens to be a friend of mine. I've yet to see the day you can holler at my friend. I've yet to see the day you can holler at my friend.

[Professor Schultz]

Pipe down or I'll brain you.

[Victor Moore]

Well, this is the day.

[Jimmy Durante]

It's great to have a front man, but my boy is too much front and not enough man. But come on, Victor, let's rub hoofs with the horsey set. Look, there's Lana Turner. What's scintillating here? What bewitching eyes. What delectable skin.

[Victor Moore]

Yeah, and what delicious lips.

[Jimmy Durante]

You know it, too?

[Victor Moore]

No, I was just helping you take inventory.

[Jimmy Durante]

My boy likes to keep track of the stock in case of a clearance sale.

[Peggy Lee]

Hi, fellas. Boy, am I crying the blues. I got a couple of bucks I want to spend. And I can't understand this silly racing form.

[Jimmy Durante]

Why, it's simple, Peggy. Look what it says about the first entry. Redden, Kentucky. Does the mile in 140. Wears blinkers white bandages on legs and chestnut markings on nose.

[Peggy Lee]

Say, that sounds all right. Should I bet on him?

[Jimmy Durante]

That's just the owner. Wait till we get to the horse. Let's see, his name is Blind Date.

[Victor Moore]

Well, before Peggy bets on it. Jimmy, why don't you look under his name and check on his parents? You see, under this horse up here, it says, whirl away out of Pretty Merry Bite Seed Biscuit.

[Peggy Lee]

What does it say under Blind Date, Jimmy?

[Jimmy Durante]

Oldsmobile out of Gas by Griffith Park.

[Peggy Lee]

Excuse me, fellas. I just got to get a bet on that first horse on the board. Minute ago, he was 100 to 1. And he was just marked down to 98.

[Jimmy Durante]

That's a woman for you. Always looking for a bargain.

[Professor Schultz]

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please?

[Jimmy Durante]

What's this?

[Professor Schultz]

The Bluegrass Stable is auctioning off their entire stock. Now, the first horse is a two year old named Free Pass. I'll start the bidding at 2,500. Who makes the next bid on Free Pass? Who'll make a 28 on free pass?

[Victor Moore]

Gosh, Jimmy, isn't this interesting?

[Jimmy Durante]

Yeah, and to think we got in on a free pass.

[Victor Moore]

What did you say?

[Jimmy Durante]

Free Pass.

[Professor Schultz]

Sold to the man with the big nose.

[Jimmy Durante]

Now, wait a minute.

[Professor Schultz]

All bids are final. That's $2800 for the horse, $40 for trainers fees, $60 for stable charges. And the horse has a $700 food bill.

[Jimmy Durante]

$700 for food? Where does this horse eat? At the Macombo.

[Victor Moore]

Don't be silly, Jimmy. They wouldn't let him in there without a necktie.

[Jimmy Durante]

This is no time for joshing. How am I going to get back my $3,300?

[Hot Bread Houlihan]

Spread out. Boy, it's Hot Breath Houlihan.

[Jimmy Durante]

Attention, Eastern states. We just solved your heating problem. Ms. Houlihan, I didn't know you were interested in a sport of kings.

[Hot Bread Houlihan]

Are you kidding? Why, the last time Sea Biscuit ran in the Kentucky Derby. I was standing at the finish line.

[Jimmy Durante]

What happened?

[Hot Bread Houlihan]

It was the first time the jockey came in ahead of the horse.

[Victor Moore]

I think I know how that boy felt.

[Hot Bread Houlihan]

Turn off your motor, Pudgy. You're running out of gas.

[Jimmy Durante]

Wait a minute, Hot Bread. Maybe you can help me get my money back on this horse I just bought. You seem to know a lot about horses.

[Hot Bread Houlihan]

Well, natur. I'm from Texas. Whenever I go away from Texas, I feel like I've left a part of me there.

[Jimmy Durante]

If you'll have it shipped out here, I'll be happy to pay the freight.

[Victor Moore]

Yeah, and had them put a sticker on it. Use no hooks.

[Hot Bread Houlihan]

Thanks, Muscles. Now, listen, I got some information that's right out of the horse's mouth.

[Victor Moore]

That sounds like an awful sloppy place to kill.

[Jimmy Durante]

Victor. Victor. Victor. Victor.

[Hot Bread Houlihan]

Look, boys, the horse you just bought is entered in the next race. Now, for $500, I think I can fix it so he's got a chance to win.

[Jimmy Durante]

Good. What's your plan?

[Hot Bread Houlihan]

I'll put a martini in his oats, a Manhattan in his hay and a bucket of champagne in his water trough.

[Jimmy Durante]

Will that make him win?

[Hot Bread Houlihan]

I don't know. But if he loses, he'll be the happiest horse on the track.

[Jimmy Durante]

It's a deal. Hot bread, here's the $500.

[Hot Bread Houlihan]

Thanks. Free pass will be the last entry. Number 10. So long, flute Snoot. So long and goodbye to you, Loverless.

[Victor Moore]

It gets around. It gets around. Hey, Jimmy, that's a hunch. We got in on a free pass. And your horse's name is Free Pass.

[Jimmy Durante]

Victor. What a coincidence. Take my wallet and go over to the hundred dollar winner and buy four tickets on number 10. Have you got that?

[Victor Moore]

I got it, Jimmy. Four tickets on number 10. Four tickets on number 10.

[Jimmy Durante]

4 tickets on number 10. With a hunch like that, my 3300 is practically right back in my pocket. That guy's a novelty. Most people aren't flat till after the race. Boy, what a thrill. There's my horse, number 10, walking along the rail. Hey, Free Pass, I'm depending on you. How do you feel about the race today? I'm feeling mighty slow. I'm surrounded by assassins. I gotta catch Victor before he makes those bets.

[Howard Petrie]

They're off and running.

[Jimmy Durante]

It's too late. There goes my dough.

[Howard Petrie]

Heading down the back stretch, it's Candy Bar in front, Bit of Honey, Wacky Packy. And Free Pass was left at the post.

[Jimmy Durante]

He's fumbling with the lock on the starting gate.

[Howard Petrie]

Going into the far Turn. It's Bitter Honey Candy Bar. Wacky Packy. And Free Pass is still at the post.

[Jimmy Durante]

Now he's sending up Flash for a locksmith.

[Howard Petrie]

And now Free Pass is broken from the starting gate. He's gaining. And now the horses are coming down the line of finish. And the winner is number 10, free pass.

[Jimmy Durante]

Victor. Free Pass did it. He did it. That makes me even. Just think, four tickets on number 10.

[Victor Moore]

What did you say?

[Jimmy Durante]

I said four tickets on number 10. You got me four tickets on number 10, didn't you?

[Victor Moore]

No. I got you 10 tickets on number four.

[Rexall Voice]

Good health to all from Rexall. We hope you're feeling fine, so always call for Rexall where you see the rexall sign.

[Howard Petrie]

Remember, 25% of America buys its drug needs in Rexall drugstore. Rexall is that large and respected family of more than 2,000 different drug products. You can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall available in Rexall drugstores everywhere.

[Jimmy Durante]

Touche, Howard. And I'd like to add, I do my shopping at a Rexall store buying Rexall drugs and a. Furthermore, umbrelgo, he prefers them to. We buy Rexall. That's all. How do you do? Now, who will be with you when we're far away? Let me hear that. I know my scroll. I don't know, Mr. Beatri.

[Howard Petrie]

A delightful note, Mr. Durante, but, Jimmy, I've got a note here that I'm very proud and happy to read. Here it is. Tonight, because of your great charitable spirit, over a thousand of your friends and admirers will gather at the Biltmore bowl here in Los Angeles where the men's club of the Mount Sinai Duarte National Medical center will present you with a heart of gold. No better choice, Jimmy, could be made. Because down through the years you have given your time, your money and your heart for the less fortunate. When your friends pay tribute to you tonight, Jimmy, they are honoring not only America's favorite comedian, but one of America's favorite people. That's the message. And here's the Flash, Jim.

[Jimmy Durante]

Well, Howard, I don't know just what to say, so maybe I better let the words come out however they will. What I mean is, to everyone connected with the Mount Sinai Duarte Medical center, thanks. Thanks from the bottom of my heart. Well, that's all for the night, folks.

[Howard Petrie]

Mr. Moore will be back with us next week. Also taking the candy, Candido, Roy Bargi, the crew chief, Sportette, yours truly, Howard.

[Jimmy Durante]

Petrie and Kimmy Durani in Poison. Who says, good night, Mrs. Calabash. Wherever you are.

[Howard Petrie]

Attention all young men between 17 and 31 years of age who are United States citizens. America and the world depend on the United States Navy. To maintain the strength considered essential by Congress. The Navy needs an average of at least 11,000 new enlistments per month. To enlist, see your local Navy recruiting officer tomorrow. This program was produced and directed by Phil Cohan. Good health to all from Rexall.

[Jimmy Durante]

Hold that room for me. This is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company.