The Lives of Harry Lime 51-08-03 (01) Too Many Crooks

Summary

Harold's Old Time Radio Episode Summary: "The Lives of Harry Lime 51-08-03 (01) Too Many Crooks" Release Date: April 1, 2025

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Introduction

"The Lives of Harry Lime," a renowned character immortalized by Orson Welles in The Third Man, is the focal point of this episode titled "Too Many Crooks." This installment delves deeper into Harry Lime's elusive existence, exploring his intricate involvement in a complex bank robbery scheme in Budapest. Set against the backdrop of post-war Central Europe, the episode masterfully intertwines suspense, wit, and the quintessential charm of the Golden Age of Radio.

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Plot Overview

Harry Lime's Return to Budapest

The episode opens with Orson Welles reprising his role as Harry Lime, who announces his resurrection beyond his apparent demise in Vienna’s sewers. (00:22) Harry receives a mysterious telegram from a man named Fety, requesting his expertise in preventing a bank robbery. Motivated by his affinity for Budapest and its culinary delights, Harry promptly travels to Hungary to assist.

Encounter with Lulu

Upon arrival, Harry establishes a flower shop near the bank, setting the stage for his investigation. His interaction with Lulu, initially mistaken as an old acquaintance named Lily, reveals tensions and past associations linked to the Corelli gang—the original bank robbers. (03:12) Their banter underscores the underlying complexities and hidden motives driving the characters.

Meeting Mr. Feketty

Harry is ushered into a meeting with Mr. Feketty, a senior figure in the bank, who unveils a peculiar proposition: a $20,000 reward (equivalent to Hungarian pengos) for preventing the impending robbery before it occurs. (06:02) The conversation is laced with tension and subtle threats, as Mr. Feketty manipulates Harry into uncovering the plot's intricacies.

Unraveling the Scheme

As the dialogue progresses, Harry employs his sharp wit to dissect Mr. Feketty's plan. He discerns that the scheme involves preemptive theft, where the reward is offered before the robbery to manipulate Harry into facilitating their covert operation. (07:15) The revelation of Fodor Los Loss, the bank's vice president, as a key player introduces another layer of deceit and ambition within the bank's hierarchy.

Meeting Lulu Again

Harry's subsequent visit to Lulu provides critical insights into her role in the conspiracy. She directs him to a café, creating a rendezvous point that becomes pivotal in foiling the robbery. (15:31) Their interaction hints at Lulu's ulterior motives and her entanglement with both Harry and Mr. Feketty.

Execution of the Plan

On the night of the planned robbery, the Corelli gang proceeds with their tunnel excavation beneath the bank. Simultaneously, Feketty implements his plan to secure the money in a filing cabinet, intending to implicate Fodor as the scapegoat. (22:25) However, Harry anticipates the deceit and orchestrates a confrontation that leads to Mr. Feketty’s arrest, effectively dismantling the conspiracy.

Conclusion

The episode culminates with Harry outsmarting the crooks, ensuring that justice prevails while exposing the greed and treachery of those involved. His final remarks blend humor and cynicism, reflecting on the downfall of corrupt individuals who, despite their elaborate schemes, ultimately falter. (23:45)

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Key Characters and Dynamics

• Harry Lime (Orson Welles): The enigmatic anti-hero, whose intellect and charm drive the narrative. His return serves as a catalyst for uncovering the bank's hidden malfeasance.

  “Too many crooks spoil the goulash.” (15:02)

• Mr. Feketty: A senior bank official with ulterior motives, orchestrating the robbery under the guise of seeking Harry's help. His jealousy and ambition are central to the plot's development.

  “What comes next? You, I suppose. You come a half hour later with a dark lantern and a gunny sack.” (11:29)

• Lulu: A pivotal figure connected to both Harry and Mr. Feketty. Her dual roles and conflicting loyalties add depth to the intricate scheme.

  “Here you gardenias, Harry. Now get out of here.” (03:28)

• Fodor Los Loss: The bank’s vice president, depicted as an unprincipled and ambitious character, unwittingly entangled in the conspiracy.

  “He is the brain of a peckworm bird and the charm of a worm.” (07:36)

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Notable Quotes and Moments

1. Harry's Introduction:

   "The lives of Harry Lime had many lives, and I can recount all of them. How do I know? Very simple. Because my name is Harry Lime." (00:22)

2. Measuring Mr. Feketty’s Intentions:

   "You put private detectives on my trail. You found me, made me a very substantial down payment on services to be rendered." (05:15)

3. Revealing the Reward Plot:

   “Only after a bank has been robbed. Exactly.” (06:36)

4. Harry's Sarcasm on the Plan:

   “And you also wanted me to swear at the Corelli's. And if you yourself are foolish enough to go breaking the law, you'll just have to tell it to the judge.” (23:00)

5. Final Reflection:

   “Too many crooks spoil the goulash.” (23:45)

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Themes and Insights

• Deception and Manipulation: The episode intricately explores how characters manipulate one another for personal gain, highlighting the thin line between ally and adversary.

• Ambition and Greed: Mr. Feketty’s and Fodor’s actions are driven by unchecked ambition, serving as a critique of corporate greed and moral corruption.

• Cleverness and Wit: Harry Lime’s ability to outsmart his adversaries underscores the triumph of intelligence and cunning over deceit.

• Justice and Retribution: The narrative reinforces the idea that treachery, no matter how well-orchestrated, eventually leads to downfall and justice.

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Conclusion

"Too Many Crooks" serves as a compelling expansion of Harry Lime's legacy, blending suspenseful storytelling with sharp dialogue and complex character dynamics. Through meticulous plotting and Orson Welles' iconic portrayal, the episode offers listeners a captivating journey into the shadowy underbelly of Budapest's financial world. It stands as a testament to the enduring allure of old-time radio dramas, seamlessly merging nostalgia with timeless themes of deception and justice.

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Stay tuned for the next installment of "The Lives of Harry Lime" as the saga continues to unravel the multifaceted lives of one of radio’s most intriguing characters.

Transcript

[Orson Welles]

Presenting Orson Welles as the third Man. The Lives of Harry Lime. The fabulous stories of the immortal character originally created in the motion picture the Third man. With zither, music by Anton Karats. That was the shot that killed Harry Lime. He died in a sewer beneath Vienna. As those of you know who saw the movie the Third Man. Yes, that was the end of Harry Lyme, but it was not the beginning. Harry Lime had many lives, and I can recount all of them. How do I know? Very simple. Because my name is Harry Lime. Foreign. Don't get me wrong. I love Budapest. From Budapest come goulashes and shah dashes. Shah dashes being something you dance and goulash being something you eat. If you go for all that paprika, me, I love it. So when I got that telegram, I took the first train to Hungary. Maybe I'd better tell you about the telegram first. Dear Mr. Lime. It said, my bank is going to be robbed and I need your help. It was signed Fety. Evidently a man's name. Nobody I knew. I knew all about bank robberies, however, and I was dying to help. Besides, as I say, I love paprika. So I started packing right away. And now Orson Welles as Harry Lime, the third man in today's story. Too many crooks. Before calling at the bank, I started a cute little flower shop. I happened to notice, across the way. Good morning. Would you give me something for my buttonhole? Why, Lily. Lily, what are you doing here?

[Lulu]

We have some very pretty pink gardenia.

[Orson Welles]

Lily, don't tell me you don't remember me. And our all the Corellis, the whole. Give me that. Lily.

[Lulu]

My name is Lulu.

[Orson Welles]

Well, it used to be Lily. And you used to be a blond. And the Corelli's, as you know perfectly well. Because he used to work for some of the best bank robbers in Central Europe. But what about it, honey?

[Lulu]

Here you gardenias, Harry. Now get out of here.

[Orson Welles]

Okay, honey, okay. No need to get in a hassle.

[Lulu]

I'm telling you, Harry, get out.

[Orson Welles]

I never was one to argue. So I took my garden, crossed the street and the bank.

[Lulu]

Mr. Fackerty will see Mr. Harry Lyme. You can go in now, Mr. Lime.

[Orson Welles]

Thank you.

[Lulu]

Mr. Fakerty will see you.

[Orson Welles]

Yes, that's what I gathered.

[Lulu]

This way, please. And. Oh, Mr. Lime, will you please extinguish your cigarette? Mr. Faculty does not approve of smoking.

[Orson Welles]

Thanks, I'll bear that in mind, Mr. Lyme.

[Mr. Feketty]

Come in. Come in and shut the door. There's a date.

[Orson Welles]

Do you mind if I Sit down, Mr. Facady? Is there a rule against that?

[Mr. Feketty]

Sit down. Sit down. You're a very impertinent young man. But I don't mind that I am an impertinent old man. We ought to get along together very nicely.

[Orson Welles]

What's your proposition, Mr. Peggotty?

[Mr. Feketty]

Yeah, what do you mean?

[Orson Welles]

Just what I said. What's your proposition?

[Mr. Feketty]

Listen to me, Lyme. I don't make propositions. I consider them.

[Orson Welles]

Have it your own way, Faggotty. I'm a big boy now and I'm not so easily impressed.

[Mr. Feketty]

What do you mean, impressed?

[Orson Welles]

All this big desk, double secretary. Mr. Fegetty will see you now, Mr. Faggot. He doesn't approve of smoking. Busy. Executive hoopla may go down very well with the bumpkins who give you their money to invest. It doesn't mean a thing to me. You sent for me, didn't you? I crossed three national borders to get here and lost a lot of time. So don't ask me what's my proposition. What's yours? Yours, Mr. Facade. Very good.

[Mr. Feketty]

Very good indeed. You're just the man I hoped you were. Have a cigar.

[Orson Welles]

Wouldn't that be breaking the rules?

[Mr. Feketty]

I make the rules, Mr. Lamb. And I don't like cheap tobacco smoke. Now, do I enjoy being forced to distribute these? Very costly, custom made of annals to every. What is it you call them, bumpkin who comes into my office. I think you'll enjoy these.

[Orson Welles]

Thanks.

[Mr. Feketty]

Light?

[Orson Welles]

Thanks. Good.

[Mr. Feketty]

Now that we're a little more at ease, suppose you tell me something about yourself.

[Orson Welles]

Why?

[Mr. Feketty]

What do you mean, why?

[Orson Welles]

I wish you'd stop asking me what I mean by everything. I say. Faculty. I said why And I meant why. You put private detectives on my trail. You found me, made me a very substantial down payment on services to be rendered. And now when I get here, you want me to tell you about myself. That's just plain silly, old man. It's obvious that you went to all that trouble and expense to get me here. You knew about me already. I'm the one to ask the questions, not you.

[Mr. Feketty]

Better and better, Mr. Lime. If you were just a little less notorious as a cook, I'd offer you a vice presidency in my bank.

[Orson Welles]

I Forgive the insult, Mr. Faggotty.

[Mr. Feketty]

What do you mean, insult?

[Orson Welles]

There you go asking what I mean again. I meant insult.

[Mr. Feketty]

Now, don't you get pompous on me, Lyme. You are a crook. A well famous one. You don't want to deny that.

[Orson Welles]

What I don't want is very simple, Mr. Faggotty. I don't want to be a vice president of your bank.

[Mr. Feketty]

Oh, oh, oh, I follow you. Now, don't worry, Lime. I promised you $20,000.

[Orson Welles]

That's right.

[Mr. Feketty]

Equivalent Hungarian penkos.

[Orson Welles]

Now wait a minute.

[Mr. Feketty]

And you'll get it without having to serve as an officer at this bank.

[Orson Welles]

You promise me $20,000, old man, there weren't any gimmicks in the agreement about the joke you folks pass off on each other locally. I know. I carry my own microscope for reading the fine type.

[Mr. Feketty]

Very well, very well. $20,000 it is. Don't you want to know what I.

[Orson Welles]

Expect you to do for us, Mr. Feckerty? You keep making me repeat myself. I told you before that I'm a big boy. Now, if you're giving me 20,000 bucks, I can relax, not worry about asking you silly questions. You're going to get around eventually to telling me what you expect me to do for it.

[Mr. Feketty]

Did you ever hear of a bank giving a reward?

[Orson Welles]

Yes, but only after a bank robbery. Exactly.

[Mr. Feketty]

Exactly. Only after a bank has been robbed. I am reversing the procedure line. I am giving the reward first.

[Orson Welles]

So that's the little caper, is it? You want me to rob your bank for you?

[Mr. Feketty]

Not at all, not at all. A reward is usually given for every herring the thieves who have robbed the bank. What I want you to do, Harry. I may call you Harry?

[Orson Welles]

Certainly, old man. Call me Harry if he gives you any fun.

[Mr. Feketty]

Well, Harry, what I want you to do is to apprehend the robbers before the robbery is committed. Very clever, don't you think so? Have another cigar.

[Orson Welles]

In my business, I may get in the way of an awful lot of screwy deals. But I can tell you that never in a long career have I been offered in complete seriousness a loopier proposition than Mr. Fety. Seems the key to the whole affair was Mr. Fety's junior officer in the bank, a certain Mr. Fodor Los Loss.

[Mr. Feketty]

Fodor is the full name. Heavy. He's one of our vice presidents.

[Orson Welles]

I see.

[Mr. Feketty]

I tell you this right now. The man is an unprincipled criminal. Come here and I'll show him to you. Come this way. You can see him through the glass panel. There he is. Oh, that one second desk to the right with all those silly hairs pasted over his bald head. That's the man.

[Orson Welles]

He was not very dangerous to me.

[Mr. Feketty]

Fodor Dangerous? He is the brain of a peckworm bird and the charm of a worm. Now that I look back on it, I can't imagine how I ever Persuaded myself to be jealous of.

[Orson Welles]

Jealous? I don't follow you, old man.

[Mr. Feketty]

If I have a fault, Harry, it is this. I do tend to be jealous. Lulu often chides me about it. I have promised to curb the instinct, but there it is a part of my case.

[Orson Welles]

Lulu? You mean the girl in the flower shop across the way? That Lulu?

[Mr. Feketty]

She is the only LULU I know, Mr. Lyon. How does it happen that you are acquainted with her?

[Orson Welles]

You see this carnation, is it? Yes, Lulu sold it to me. Overcharged me scandalously as a matter of fact.

[Mr. Feketty]

Well, Lulu is a working girl. She must live. How does it happen you know her?

[Orson Welles]

What makes you think I.

[Mr. Feketty]

Do you know her name?

[Orson Welles]

Oh, one of the other customers called her that while I was still in the shop. As it happens, it was this little fellow you just pointed out to me over there. The vice president. Fodor, dad.

[Mr. Feketty]

Vice president.

[Orson Welles]

I hate to keep harping on these commercial matters frankly, old man, but just how does my $20,000 reward come into the picture?

[Mr. Feketty]

Let us retire to my inner office, Harry, and I will tell you.

[Orson Welles]

Come in.

[Mr. Feketty]

Sit down please, Harry, have another cigar.

[Orson Welles]

My pockets are bulging with cigars. Now old man, let's concentrate on the 20,000.

[Mr. Feketty]

Certainly, certainly. Oh, Miss Cover. Miss Cover.

[Orson Welles]

Yes, Mr. Fecketty.

[Mr. Feketty]

No matter who calls, don't disturb me. Not on any account. I'm having an important countenance.

[Lulu]

Yes, Mr. Fecketty.

[Mr. Feketty]

Oh, jealousy, Harry. Jealousy is a terrible.

[Orson Welles]

Yes, yes, certainly it's. Now about this reward.

[Mr. Feketty]

Jealousy is the green eyed monster who doth mock the meat it feeds on. That's how the poet Shakespeare expresses.

[Orson Welles]

It's the poet Shakespeare's had a mouthful and now.

[Mr. Feketty]

But still, if it had not been for jealousy I would never have followed him this photo into Lulu's shop. And if I hadn't done that I would never have discovered the digging.

[Orson Welles]

Digging? What digging?

[Mr. Feketty]

What would you say, Harry, if I were to tell you that running under the street from Lulu's flower shop to this bank there is a tunnel?

[Orson Welles]

A tunnel?

[Mr. Feketty]

What would you say if I told you that?

[Orson Welles]

And I'd say, well, well, well, what do you know? That's what I'd say.

[Mr. Feketty]

That's what I said when I found out about it. And that's why I say now that I must never forget to be grateful to jealousy. Particularly since I've discovered that there's nothing between Lolo and father. Nothing serious at least.

[Orson Welles]

Do you know what I'd say to that?

[Mr. Feketty]

No.

[Orson Welles]

A couple of rude words.

[Mr. Feketty]

But why?

[Orson Welles]

Why you find him scrabbling away Together like a couple of chubby moles digging away in the general direction of your bank vault. And you say there's nothing serious between them?

[Mr. Feketty]

There isn't. I'm sure of that. I have Lulu's wife. And besides, what could she possibly see in a fat little nonetheless like fodder? No. The only one who thinks it's serious is fodder. That's the whole point. Fordor is a dupe, a mere catch point in the conspiracy.

[Orson Welles]

Oh, yes? And who's the mastermind?

[Mr. Feketty]

I am.

[Orson Welles]

And what does Fodor think about that?

[Mr. Feketty]

He languishes in ignorance. He knows nothing. I do think that he aspires. He dares to aspire to my position in the bank.

[Orson Welles]

How does Lulu fit in?

[Mr. Feketty]

I must tell you that Lulu has given me some reason to hope that she will someday make me the happiest man in the world.

[Orson Welles]

And how would she do that? By giving up Fodor? Or sending you a big bouquet of roses? Let's get down to cases, old man. Wedding bells can ring out from Buddha to pass to back again. But I won't be there to throw any rice unless I get paid. What is it exactly you want from me? Lessons on how to help Fodor and Lulu. Rob your bank?

[Mr. Feketty]

Fordor's going to do with the robbing. And besides, it isn't my bank. I'm only a salary officer.

[Orson Welles]

And then Ford gives you the money to give to Lulu.

[Mr. Feketty]

That would be silly.

[Orson Welles]

That's just what I was thinking.

[Mr. Feketty]

No, no. Every day Fordo is supposed to take the paper money from the various cages and place it in the vault. This is his responsibility. Tonight, however, he will not do this. He will leave the money outside the vault, hidden in a large filing cabinet. The entire plan has been carefully wiped out, I can assure you.

[Orson Welles]

All I can say is this folder of yours is a very cooperative type of cat's boy.

[Mr. Feketty]

Don't call him this folder of yours. He isn't. He's no folder of mine.

[Orson Welles]

Have it your own way, old man. What comes next? You, I suppose. You come a half hour later with a dark lantern and a gunny sack. You wrap up the money, join Lulu, who's been waiting for you across the street in the flower shop, and the two of you, hand in hand, move off down the road into the sunrise. And also into the very choicest Hungarian whose gum.

[Mr. Feketty]

What is a who's gown?

[Orson Welles]

A jail or prison? A place of forcible incarceration? A lockup for bad little bank robbers?

[Mr. Feketty]

Not at all, not at all. It is fodder who goes to prison.

[Orson Welles]

Oh, yes. And how do you work that?

[Mr. Feketty]

That is one of the things I want you to arrange.

[Orson Welles]

Oh, I see. I'm going to have to earn that 20,000. I think we'll start by having it deposited in my name and in somebody else's bank, old man.

[Mr. Feketty]

Why now? And why another bank?

[Orson Welles]

Well, every bank in Budapest isn't going to be robbed tonight. So I think I'd prefer one of the others. And I'll take it now because I know you wouldn't want me to go to the police with what is, after all, a fairly sordid little.

[Mr. Feketty]

But that's blackmail.

[Orson Welles]

Watch your language, old man. Blackmail's a nasty word, you know. All I want is protection from my poor little 20,000. I'll service for it, too. But I want to be absolutely positive that you're ready to meet your payroll. Very, very.

[Mr. Feketty]

You'll have your money, but you will help me.

[Orson Welles]

I'm going to need a few more solid facts, old man.

[Mr. Feketty]

Well, it all began with this insane jealousy of mine for folk. I took to following him. He used to go into Lulu's flower shop at night, long after it was closed. And one time he left the shutter unfastened and I went in. There were no lights in the shop itself, but I could hear voices from the basement below. I opened the trap door very carefully so as not to be heard. What do you think I saw?

[Orson Welles]

You saw Lulu, Fodor and three men all hard at work digging a tunnel? Yeah.

[Mr. Feketty]

How did you know?

[Orson Welles]

I didn't, I guess. After all, you told me there was a tunnel.

[Mr. Feketty]

But the three men, how did you know about them?

[Orson Welles]

Still guessing. It's pretty obvious. Mr. Fodor and Lulu couldn't dig much of a hole without getting some help. Tell me this. It was Lulu who persuaded you to call me in on this deal, wasn't it?

[Mr. Feketty]

How did you know that?

[Orson Welles]

Still just guessing, old man. Just guessing. Now, let me guess on for a minute and stop me when I'm wrong. When you saw what Lulu and Fodo were doing, he went home and brooded for a while. And a few days afterwards, you confronted her.

[Mr. Feketty]

It was the next day.

[Orson Welles]

Okay, it was the next day. Lulu admitted she was planning to rob the bank, but said she was just using Fodor. And you were the only one she really cared about. And if you joined the party, it's you she'd run off with, leaving Mr. Foder holding the bag. An empty bag. How am I doing?

[Mr. Feketty]

You're a clever man.

[Orson Welles]

Sure I am. That's why Lulu had you sent for me.

[Mr. Feketty]

You see, the idea is that Fodder will hide the money outside the vault and leave. Then, according to the arrangement as he understands it, Lulu will come through the tunnel at night with her helpers and take the money back under the street. Through the tunnel?

[Orson Welles]

Who did she tell Foda these helpers were?

[Mr. Feketty]

She said one of them is her brother and the other two are cousins.

[Orson Welles]

And what did she tell you?

[Mr. Feketty]

That's what she told me. Why?

[Orson Welles]

Nothing, Nothing, old man. Just give me one more guess. After Foda leaves the money, what you do is crawl back through the tunnel with a sack of currency clenched in your teeth. But no, that wouldn't make any sense, would it? You'd run into a couple of brothers crawling in the opposite direction.

[Mr. Feketty]

I'm not to have anything to do with the town. You see. Four Door leaves the money out just before closing time. That way he's implicated that we have a scapegoat. So there's nothing to stop me from letting myself in with my key at night and walking away with the money. Who could suspect me? It's a perfect crime, Harry. Would you say so?

[Orson Welles]

Yes. Yes, it's quite a crime if you look at it in one way. But tell me about the brothers. What are they supposed to think about all this?

[Mr. Feketty]

Oh, they don't know about it. Lulu hasn't told them, but the news.

[Orson Welles]

Will reach them eventually. And what then?

[Mr. Feketty]

They must be implicated somehow along with Fodor. But I must be protected. And Lulu. That's what you are here for. Harry, have another cigar.

[Orson Welles]

Orson Welles returns in just a moment as the Third Man. And now Orson Welles as the Third man continues with today's story.

[Mr. Feketty]

Too many crooks.

[Orson Welles]

Naturally the first. The first thing I did after making my farewells to Mr. Feckety was to go across the street and pay a call on Lulu.

[Lulu]

Harry, listen to me carefully.

[Orson Welles]

I'm listening, honey.

[Lulu]

There's a little cafe on the hill above the old city. You know the place. There's a gold roost on the roof.

[Orson Welles]

What about it?

[Lulu]

Go there and wait for me. You never can tell when Fordor Feketty will be bursting in here. They keep jumping across the street to check up on each other and buying geraniums. Go to the cafe and I'll be with you as soon as I can. Close that cab.

[Orson Welles]

What about the boys below?

[Lulu]

What do you mean?

[Orson Welles]

The construction crew, The Corelli's.

[Lulu]

Oh, Fakity told you about the Corelli?

[Orson Welles]

I would have found out anyway. Lily. Lulu, okay. What happens to them if you shut up the stores and they're way out?

[Lulu]

No, but there won't be finished work before I'm back. And besides, what they don't know won't hurt me, Lily.

[Orson Welles]

Or rather Lulu. It looks to me as though just about everybody around here is due to be hurt by what they don't know. I found the Gold Rooster and sat down on the terrace of the restaurant to wait for Mr. Fety's fiance. Over a glass of Tokai, I tried to add up the situation as of then. As far as I could see, the whole setup was like a Picasso painting. No matter how you looked at it, it was cockeyed and upside down.

[Mr. Feketty]

Hello Harry.

[Lulu]

Don't want anything from me. I haven't time.

[Orson Welles]

Don't worry Lily. I'm not here to celebrate. We can have our party after. I know who's going to pay the ticket.

[Lulu]

I wish you'd call me Lulu.

[Orson Welles]

Okay, Lulu. Now here's all the sense I can make out of this little caper. You came here with a Corelli gallery?

[Lulu]

No, they came first. Then they sent for me to work in the flower shop for a front. The tunnel was their idea.

[Orson Welles]

Then you sent for me. That was your idea. You're right. My photo. Thinks he's going to divvy up with the Corelli's and marry you on the pillow.

[Lulu]

Something like that.

[Orson Welles]

Effectively thinks something like the same something. The President thinks he's going to put it over the vice. What about the construction company?

[Lulu]

You mean Walter and the others?

[Orson Welles]

Corelli's. The original burglars. What are they going to get out of this? According to Feketty, it's going to be the old double cross. But if I know you, Feketty's in for the same gentle treatment.

[Mr. Feketty]

Harry.

[Lulu]

Why should anybody get anything out of this except.

[Orson Welles]

Okay, Larry.

[Mr. Feketty]

Okay.

[Orson Welles]

Book a couple of spaces for us on the first milk train out of Budapest. But be sure to get reservations on the bulletproof car.

[Lulu]

I wish you would call me Lulu.

[Orson Welles]

Time marches on. A lot of trusting Hungarians depositors line up at the bank, leave their hard earned pangos at the impressive looking gilt cages for what they fondly believe is safekeeping. And hurry home to have their evening plate of goulash. Closing time comes and goes. Feketi doesn't leave. He just pretends to and stays skulking in his office. Meanwhile, Fodor takes the big packages of pengos, which as you know is Hungarian for money, dutifully to the door of the vault. He slams the vault Loudly, this being for the benefit of the janitor, who is deaf anyway and doesn't hear and quickly stows the loot in the empty filing cabinet which he has thoughtfully left nearby for just this purpose. He then goes home and passes a very restless night. The moon rises over the city and winks at its own reflection in the Danube. A lot of good Hungarians are in their beds. The others are all in a nightclub called the Arizona, dancing the Sharda. They do not come into this story, so we'll leave them dancing down onto the street. The Corelli's, those adept bank robbers, continue to dig. They are putting the finishing touches on their tunnel and we will not listen in on them because their conversation is very vulgar indeed. In his luxurious office, Mr. Feketty sits biting his nails and dreaming of a long West Indian cruise with Lulu in an adjoining deck chair. As the gang in the tunnel understand it, when the clock strikes 12, they are to open the secret trap door which they have previously prepared inside the bank, a section of tiling near the vault, go to the filing cabinet and take out the money which Fodder has left there, thus eliminating the noise and inconvenience of breaking into the vault and first closing the loose tile after themselves scuttle back with the loot under the street, into the flower shop, out into the night and as far away from Hungary as possible. As I say, that's the way the gang in the tunnel understand it. This is also the arrangement, as Mr. Fodor understands it with a trifling difference, that he expects Lulu to stop by for him with his share of the profits. Like Mr. Fecketty, he is biting his nails and dreaming of tropical cruises. And what of Lulu?

[Mr. Feketty]

What of Lulu?

[Orson Welles]

Indeed. It is Lulu's little plan to foozle everybody. Corelli, Fodor and Fekevi. She's led them all on to just this point. It is the point of departure, Lulu's departure. Lulu and all those neatly wrapped packages of pangos. The trouble is, it's all just a little bit too much for one little girl to handle alone. So Harry Lime's been sent for. Harry is supposed to assist at the general foozling of one and all. And then in due time, of course, he's to be foozled as well. Lulu will send Harry off to mail a postcard and when he gets back, Lulu will have continued her travels alone with nothing to keep her company but the loot. That, as I say, is the way Lulu understands it. The clock high in the steeple of San Stefano strikes 12 this is the signal. Mr. Corelli, that celebrated expert with his two able assistants, starts toward the bank. The tunnel was not built for comfort and the going on hands and feet is a trifle rough. There's a bit of genteel cursing but hearts are high. At the sound of the clock Mr. Feketty removes the bound bundles of money from their place of safety and checks once again the bolts and fastenings which keep the loose tile in its place in the darkness. Mr. Fecketty smiles. He is satisfied that contrary to the Corelli's expectations, the bank end of the tunnel is firmly and irrevocably closed. Still smiling, he starts toting the money toward the side door for which he, Mr. Fecketty, is the perfectly legal possessor of a key. On the outside Lulu with a high speed car is supposed to be waiting for him. Unfortunately, however, a moment earlier Harry Lime on the flower shop end of the tunnel has persuaded Lulu to go down for a moment and tell the boys not to try lifting that trick tile for at least a half hour. Lulu hates herself now for not having analyzed the merits of this suggestion. She has plenty of time now to think this over because foxy old Harry in the flower shop has bolted down the trap door. The clock has stopped striking of course, and Mr. Feketty pops out of his bank looking for all the world like a jolly Christmas shopper with his arms loaded with bundles. There is a high speed car waiting for Mr. Fecketty all right, but it is full of strange gentlemen and they are all dressed in uniforms.

[Mr. Feketty]

Put up your hands, Peggotty.

[Orson Welles]

Put up your hands. You're under arrest.

[Mr. Feketty]

But. But there's some mistake.

[Orson Welles]

Oh not at all old man. No mistake it all. You see gentlemen, just as you were told. There he is. And there's the money. No, no, no.

[Mr. Feketty]

Now Peggotty, we are taking you in. You, Harry, have police and father.

[Orson Welles]

Not a bit of it, old man. I wouldn't dream of telling on you. No, the cops got the tip off from an anonymous letter. And you know how you spell anonymous? L U L U Luno.

[Mr. Feketty]

She did.

[Orson Welles]

Lulu.

[Mr. Feketty]

That wouldn't be Lulu Hartz, would it? Alias Lely the Twist.

[Orson Welles]

Yes officer, I believe so. There's a reward offered for her capture, isn't there?

[Mr. Feketty]

I should say there is.

[Orson Welles]

What about the Corelli gang? They've got the biggest price on their.

[Mr. Feketty]

Heads in Central Europe.

[Orson Welles]

Oh that's lovely. It's all beginning to add up when you throw in the generous reward Mr. Feketty posted in the name of his bank. This afternoon. You're not going to collect that, are you? Why not, old man? After all, you put up the money for me to collect before the bank was robbed, didn't you? You also wanted me to swore at the Corelli's. And if you yourself are foolish enough to go breaking the law, you'll just have to tell it to the judge.

[Mr. Feketty]

I'll tell him plenty. I'll tell him.

[Orson Welles]

You go ahead. I haven't broken any laws, remember? And you'll only help me collect my various rewards. Matter of fact, Lyme, just what is your connection with this affair? What have you done, Officer? All I did was turn a bolt on a trapdoor. Nothing at all, really. Just a twist of the wrist. And now if you've got some spare handcuffs ready, I think we better open it up again. The folks down below may be getting a little fretful. And I think they'll appreciate a change of scene. If you'll come with me, Officer, I'll show you the place.

[Mr. Feketty]

Really, Mr. Lime, I can't tell you how good.

[Orson Welles]

Please, please, old man, don't mention it. Pleasure, I assure you. Won't you have a cigar? Harry Lime returns in just a moment. Moment. And now, Harry Lime. You know, friends, I had thought of substituting those fat packages of pengos for the same weight of old newspapers. But the rate of exchange wasn't so good on the pengo just then. So I resisted the temptation. After all, as mother always said, too many crooks spoil the goulash.