The Nebbs 45-10-21 Fanny and George Switch Jobs

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Nebbs 45-10-21 Fanny and George Switch Jobs

Podcast Information:

• Title: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Host/Author: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Description: Showcases radio programs from the Golden Age of Radio, featuring beloved classics like The Shadow, Abbott & Costello, Amos & Andy, Dragnet, and more.
• Episode: The Nebbs 45-10-21 Fanny and George Switch Jobs
• Release Date: August 15, 2025

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1. Introduction to the Nebb Household

The episode begins with the bustling life of the Nebb family on a crisp October Saturday morning. Fanny Neb is industriously managing housework, while her husband, Rudy Neb, exudes energy and optimism. Their interactions set the stage for the central conflict of the episode.

Notable Quote:

• Fanny Neb [01:20]: “Rudy, you sound like a tired breeze blowing through a bass horn. Would you mind going someplace else while I clean this room?”

2. The Dilemma of Household Duties

Fanny expresses her frustration with the imbalance of household responsibilities. Rudy, embodying the stereotypical male role of the time, dismissively suggests delegating chores, leading to a humorous yet poignant exchange about gender roles.

Notable Quotes:

• Obie Slider [02:02]: “The trouble with you housewives is, my dear, you don't organize your work. Now, we men.”
• Fanny Neb [02:08]: “Oh, you men. Half your work is just talk. You dictate letters, hold conferences.”

3. The Proposition to Switch Jobs

Kathleen Lockhart introduces herself as Fanny’s sister, who humorously provokes Rudy to challenge his perceptions by suggesting a job swap with Fanny. The bet is placed, setting the plot in motion.

Notable Quotes:

• Kathleen Lockhart [05:02]: “I’ll bet you couldn’t handle hers either. Furthermore, I'll bet you're afraid to try, you coward.”
• Obie Slider [05:17]: “Right now.”

4. Fanny Takes Over the Office

Fanny steps into Rudy’s office, naively attempting to manage his business responsibilities. Her lack of familiarity with office work leads to comedic chaos, highlighting the complexities Rudy faces daily.

Notable Quotes:

• Fanny Neb [07:55]: “Fanny, do you want the plain truth or can I varnish it up a little?”
• Fanny Neb [08:05]: “Now, Obie, just what does Rudy do at this time every morning?”

5. Rudy Grapples with Housework

Meanwhile, Rudy attempts to handle household chores with minimal success. His misguided efforts, such as improperly using cleaning equipment, generate humor while underscoring the challenges of domestic tasks.

Notable Quotes:

• Obie Slider [10:10]: “Oh, hello, Sylvia.”
• Rudy Neb [11:06]: “Now, wait a minute, Sylvia. I haven't time to hear about somebody who's in more trouble than I am.”

6. Visitors Add to the Mayhem

Guests like Sylvia and Donna visit, further complicating the situation. Sylvia's meddling and Donna's interactions with Rudy provide additional layers of humor and social commentary on domestic and professional roles.

Notable Quotes:

• Sylvia [12:48]: “I always say all's well that ends well. Unfortunately.”
• Donna [25:06]: “Oh, hello, Mr. Mayor.”

7. The Climax: Realizations and Reconciliation

As the day progresses, both Fanny and Rudy realize the difficulties of each other’s roles. The shared struggles lead to a mutual understanding and appreciation for the responsibilities they each bear, culminating in a heartfelt resolution.

Notable Quotes:

• Obie Slider [28:18]: “Well, Fanny, I've learned a lesson today. A man has no business trying to tell a good wife how to run the house.”
• Fanny Neb [28:29]: “And by the same token, a wife shouldn't try to run her husband's office, or she might soon find he couldn't afford to buy her a new suit.”

8. Conclusion and Lessons Learned

The episode wraps up with Rudy and Fanny reaffirming their traditional roles, but with newfound respect for each other’s daily challenges. They agree to maintain the status quo, acknowledging the complexities each role entails.

Notable Quotes:

• Fanny Neb [28:29]: “And by the same token, a wife shouldn't try to run her husband's office, or she might soon find he couldn't afford to buy her new suit.”
• Obie Slider [29:08]: “Fanny, get your purse. You're taking Junior and me out to dinner.”

9. Notable Quotes Recap

• Rudy Neb [00:02]: “Hmm. It's gotta be when I'm really craving it and it's convenient.”
• Obie Slider [05:04]: “But, Fanny, it's all a matter of organization. Organization and executive ability.”
• Fanny Neb [07:55]: “Fanny, do you want the plain truth or can I varnish it up a little?”
• Obie Slider [11:17]: “That's my knuckles. There. You see?”
• Fanny Neb [26:14]: “I bought one for myself.”
• Obie Slider [28:18]: “A man has no business trying to tell a good wife how to run the house.”
• Fanny Neb [28:29]: “And by the same token, a wife shouldn't try to run her husband's office...”

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Insights and Themes

The Nebbs 45-10-21 Fanny and George Switch Jobs serves as a comedic exploration of gender roles prevalent during the Golden Age of Radio. Through the humorous misadventures of Fanny and Rudy, the episode highlights the inherent challenges and misunderstandings that arise when traditional roles are exchanged. The narrative fosters appreciation and respect across domestic and professional lines, subtly advocating for mutual understanding within marital relationships.

Conclusion

This episode of Harold's Old Time Radio masterfully blends humor with social commentary, portraying the timeless struggle of balancing domestic duties and professional responsibilities. Through engaging dialogue and relatable scenarios, it offers listeners both entertainment and a reflection on the dynamics of household and workplace roles.

Transcript

[Fanny Neb]

What do you think makes the perfect snack?

[Rudy Neb]

Hmm. It's gotta be when I'm really craving it and it's convenient.

[Fanny Neb]

Could you be more specific?

[Rudy Neb]

When it's cravenient.

[Obie Slider]

Okay.

[Rudy Neb]

Like a freshly baked cookie made with real butter, available right down the street at a.m. p.m. Or a savory breakfast sandwich I can grab in just a.

[Fanny Neb]

Second at a.m. p. M. I'm seeing a pattern here.

[Rudy Neb]

Well, yeah, we're talking about what I.

[Fanny Neb]

Crave, which is anything from AM PM.

[Rudy Neb]

What more could you want? Stop by AM PM where the snacks and drinks are perfectly craveable and convenient. That's cravenience. AM PM Too much. Good stuff.

[Gene Lockhart]

Cystex presents the Nebs. Starring Gene Lockhart and Kathleen Lockhart as Rudy and Fatty Neb. The Nebs, straight from America's famous comic strip with Junior, Obie Slider and all the others you've laughed and adventured with for 22 years. Well, it's a crisp October Saturday morning and the Neb household is bustling with activity. Fanny, Neb, is going briskly about her housework while husband Rudy bubbles with sparkling vim, vigor and vitality.

[Fanny Neb]

Rudy, you sound like a tired breeze blowing through a bass horn. Would you mind going someplace else while I clean this room?

[Obie Slider]

Oh, Fanny, I'm just relaxing a little until it's time to go to the office. There isn't anything you'd like me to do before I leave, is there? Well, no, I didn't think so.

[Fanny Neb]

Yes, you might empty the ashtrays, burn the rubbish and scrub the kitchen floor.

[Obie Slider]

Why, of course, my dear. I'll have Junior take care of it this afternoon.

[Fanny Neb]

Oh, thank you, dear, but I'll have it done by that time. In spite of the fact that I must wash the dishes and do the laundry and make the beds and clean the house. Well, no woman's work is never done.

[Obie Slider]

The trouble with you housewives is, my dear, you don't organize your work. Now, we men.

[Fanny Neb]

Oh, you men. Half your work is just talk. You dictate letters, hold conferences.

[Obie Slider]

Come in. I beat you too, at that time.

[Fanny Neb]

Oh, why is Obie Slider.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

Good morning, Fennec. Hello there, lame brain.

[Obie Slider]

Well, good morning, Wrinklepuss.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

What's going on around here this morning?

[Fanny Neb]

Oh, the usual routine, Obie. Housework and more housework.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

I suppose Rudy's helping as usual, with a mouthful of conversation.

[Obie Slider]

Well, Fanny's a little tired this morning, Obie, but she always insists on doing all housework at once. Just making a mountain out of a molehill.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

If it wasn't for Han Fanny, a molehill is just what this joint would look like.

[Fanny Neb]

Thank you, Obie. I was just telling Rudy you men have it pretty easy with the domestic health helps are scarce now. A woman's work boils down to just plain drudgery.

[Obie Slider]

Well, Fanny, maybe you do need a little rest. Now, why don't you take a vacation? Go spend a few days with our daughter, Betsy. Junior can. Junior and I can manage here at home.

[Fanny Neb]

Oh, no, I remember too well what happened the last time I went to Betsy.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

Yeah, I' when you got home, you sure had a surprise.

[Obie Slider]

Oh, she certainly did. Two new sets of dishes.

[Fanny Neb]

Then I got another surprise that left them all for me to wash. Oh.

[Obie Slider]

Well, the next time we use paper plates.

[Fanny Neb]

Why, Obie, Rudy didn't even bother to send out the laundry. When I got home, the house was a mess. There wasn't a single clean sheet or a pillow slip.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

That's right, Fanny. I came over while you were gone and the only cover on Rudy's bed was two layers of cobwebs.

[Obie Slider]

Well, after all, I had my own work to do. A man can't run his business, keep house and cook meals at the same time. What's a wife for anyway?

[Kathleen Lockhart]

To get herbug with and take out to dinner.

[Obie Slider]

Well, I do take my wife out to dinner. Why, every Saturday I say to Fanny.

[Fanny Neb]

Fanny, let's go to the or. Come on in and get their warmed over merchant's lunch. Well.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

That'S that dollar steak dinner isn't so bad if your dentures can take a beating, Rudy.

[Obie Slider]

Now, listen, you two. I'm not that bad.

[Fanny Neb]

Oh, Rudy's all right, Obie. He just hasn't any conception of the work involved in running a home. I still think a wife's job is bigger than her husband's.

[Obie Slider]

But, Fanny, it's all a matter of organization. Organization and executive ability. You ought to run this house just like I run my business.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

Hey, what do you want to do, Rudy? Break up housekeeping?

[Obie Slider]

Why, taking care of a house is what I'd call a dream job, Rudy.

[Fanny Neb]

There's more to it than taking a nap on the sofa.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

You know, Rudy, years ago my wife got me interested in housework.

[Fanny Neb]

How'd she ever do that, Obi?

[Kathleen Lockhart]

With a rolling pin.

[Obie Slider]

Why, the way you people talk, I'll bet I could do Fanny's work in one half the time it takes her to do it.

[Fanny Neb]

I'd certainly like to see you try.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

Why don't you swap jobs with her for a day, Rudy?

[Obie Slider]

Oh, be that silly. Fanny couldn't handle My job.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

Well, I'll bet you couldn't handle hers either. Furthermore, I'll bet you're afraid to try, you coward.

[Obie Slider]

I am afraid to try. I am not.

[Fanny Neb]

Aw, now, Rudy, you know you couldn't trade jobs with me. You can't handle my work.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

Why, of course he can. That'd take somebody intelligent.

[Obie Slider]

I can too handle it.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

Bet you can't.

[Obie Slider]

I can't.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

You can't.

[Obie Slider]

I can.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

You won't.

[Obie Slider]

I will.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

When?

[Obie Slider]

Right now.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

Okay, Rudy, That's a bet.

[Fanny Neb]

Oh, Obie, that's silly. Don't try to talk him into it, sister.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

He's in.

[Obie Slider]

No, no, no, no. Wait a minute.

[Fanny Neb]

All right, dear, if you'd like to back out.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

Yeah, that's right, Rud.

[Obie Slider]

I will not. I never back out of anything.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

I'll say not. You plunge in head first.

[Obie Slider]

You bet I'll plunge in. And I'll show you two how things ought to be done around this house. I'll give Fanny a lesson in business administration she'll never forget.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

You're not kidding, flea brain.

[Fanny Neb]

Well, Rudy, you're asking for it.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

He's got it if you're going to take over his job. Fanny, do you want to ride down to the office with me?

[Fanny Neb]

Thanks, Obi. That's a good idea.

[Obie Slider]

Now, Obi, Fanny can't make any business decisions. Why, she.

[Fanny Neb]

Don't you worry about me. You take care of the house. Oh, yes, and there's that checkered gingham apron with the frilly sleeves you can put on.

[Obie Slider]

Huh?

[Kathleen Lockhart]

Oh, boy, would I like to see that Rudy in a gingham apron with a feather duster for a corsage. Rudy.

[Fanny Neb]

Neb.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

Queen for a day.

[Gene Lockhart]

We'll leave our queen for a day for just a moment.

[Narrator]

In the meantime, here's a health question for every home. Does anyone in your family feel below par, look run down and haggard? The cause may be excess acids and poisons which should be removed through the bloodstream. These excess acids and poisons may cause circles under your eyes, rheumatic pains in muscles and joints interrupt your sleep, make you feel nervous, run down and old before your time. When there is nothing organically or systemically wrong. The medicine called Cystex C Y S T E X, usually goes to work right now, helping nature clear away excess acids and poisons through the bloodstream. Stimulating this natural cleansing and purifying action may easily bring you new energy, vitality and better sleep. You must discover Cystex to be a quick and easy way to help eliminate excess acids through the bloodstream and Gain more youthful vitality or your money back is guaranteed on return of the empty package. So get Cystex C, Y S T X from your druggist today and take as directed with a glass of water after each meal. See how much better you feel tomorrow.

[Gene Lockhart]

And now back to the nebs.

[Fanny Neb]

Well, Obie, I'll have to admit Rudy's office work is less familiar to me than my housework is to him. I suppose you'd better tell me what his duties are.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

Fanny, do you want the plain truth or can I varnish it up a little?

[Fanny Neb]

Now, Obie, just what does Rudy do at this time every morning?

[Kathleen Lockhart]

Well, let me see. We usually run out for a cup of coffee.

[Fanny Neb]

But I don't want any coffee.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

Well, how about a Coke?

[Fanny Neb]

No, thanks. Let's get on with the work to be done. Rudy's going to do my housework. I've got to be fair and do his work here. Now, where do we start?

[Kathleen Lockhart]

Fanny, you don't want to prop your feet up on the desk, do you?

[Fanny Neb]

You men, I don't see how you ever run a business.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

Well, to tell the truth, it runs us mostly. We have our clerks and stenographers and such, but all we do is supervise.

[Fanny Neb]

Supervise, huh? We didn't get here until 10 o'. Clock. Why, I bet you and Rudy don't even know what time the employees come to work.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

No, they're always in when we get here.

[Fanny Neb]

I see. Now, look at Rudy's desk. I've never seen anything as untidy in my whole life. A mountain of circulars, ads and memorandums all piled in a heap. What does he use for them to.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

Hide behind when he's in conference with a siesta?

[Fanny Neb]

Well, I'm going to file them.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

Do you know where to file them?

[Fanny Neb]

Sure. In the waste basket. There. Now we can see the desk. Yeah.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

Nice rich soil, ain't it?

[Fanny Neb]

No, I think I'll clean all these papers out of the pigeonhole.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

Well, I'd be careful if I were you, Fanny. The last time Rudy did that, a pigeon flew out.

[Obie Slider]

Oh, yeah? I don't know who's taking the worst beating today, me or this rug. The only way to properly vacuum a rug is to move all the furniture out of the room. Well, the ashtrays anyway. Come in.

[Sylvia]

Oh, good morning, Rudy.

[Obie Slider]

Oh, hello, Sylvia.

[Sylvia]

Oh, my goodness. What are you doing with that vacuum cleaner?

[Obie Slider]

I'm just rearranging the dust and putting.

[Sylvia]

Broken glass in its place. What a quaint idea. Where's Fanny?

[Obie Slider]

Fanny went to my office.

[Sylvia]

Really? What for?

[Obie Slider]

Because I do.

[Sylvia]

But, Rudy, why are you cleaning house?

[Obie Slider]

Because she does.

[Sylvia]

This is the most priceless thing anybody's ever heard of. And I'll bet nobody's heard about it yet.

[Obie Slider]

Now, Sylvia, I'll thank you not to go around town telling people I'm doing the housework. I'm only doing this to prove a point.

[Sylvia]

Oh, but, Rudy, how are you going to prove anything without witnesses? Well, don't worry. I'll gladly testify. Oh, dear, I do wish Fanny were here. But I guess you'll have to do. Have you heard the latest?

[Obie Slider]

How could I? I haven't seen you for a day.

[Sylvia]

Well, let me take a deep breath Now.

[Obie Slider]

Now, wait a minute, Sylvia. I haven't time to hear about somebody who's in more trouble than I am. I've got beds to make, dishes to wash. Really?

[Sylvia]

Imagine Rudy Neb with dishpan hands.

[Obie Slider]

You should talk. You're a tattletale. And you're getting gray. Besides, I have a system for doing dishes. It's funny some clever housewife hasn't thought of it before.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

Well, what is it, Rudy?

[Sylvia]

Something I could pass along. Any woman with would be happy to know of an easy way to keep things clean.

[Obie Slider]

Well, you could help them a lot by not talking so much.

[Sylvia]

Rudy. Go ahead. What is your system of doing the dishes?

[Obie Slider]

Why, it's the simplest thing in the world. Haven't you ever heard of a washing machine?

[Sylvia]

A washing machine? Why, of course. Mrs. Twilley tried that once with a beautiful set of china. She profited by it, too.

[Obie Slider]

What happened?

[Sylvia]

Right away, she was in the chips.

[Obie Slider]

Sylvia, that is not funny.

[Sylvia]

It is.

[Obie Slider]

Well, you'll have to pardon me now. I've got to get to the dishes. I'll have them done in no time if Junior ever gets home.

[Sylvia]

Well, Rudy, I don't want to keep you from Fanny's work, but I wonder if you've heard about Sophronia Pringle.

[Obie Slider]

Well, all I know is that she was in financial difficulties a while back.

[Sylvia]

Yes, indeed. Not more than a year ago. The wolf was at her door.

[Obie Slider]

Do tell.

[Sylvia]

What happened last week? He moved right into the house with her. They got married. His father, you know, was the minister. Of course, it probably won't last, though.

[Obie Slider]

No? Why not?

[Kathleen Lockhart]

Well, Sophronia's father's a lawyer, see?

[Sylvia]

But, of course, that may not happen. I always say all's well that ends well. Unfortunately.

[Obie Slider]

Yes. And. Oh, why, here comes Fanny.

[Fanny Neb]

Oh, hello, Sylvia. Oh, hello, Fanny.

[Sylvia]

Darlings. I've just been having the grandest chat with Rudy.

[Obie Slider]

Well, I don't know whether Sylvia's been chatting with me or at me. How's things at the office, Fanny? I didn't think you'd last very long.

[Fanny Neb]

I think I've done enough for today. Besides, you always stop work at noon on Saturdays.

[Sylvia]

My goodness, Fanny, you're becoming a regular career woman. Don't you find it difficult to mix marriage with a career?

[Obie Slider]

Oh, I don't know. Some people have done it five or six times.

[Sylvia]

Well, I really must be going.

[Fanny Neb]

Oh, don't hurry, Sylvie.

[Sylvia]

I really must. My dear, don't forget to have Rudy tell you what I told him. I'll see how it sounds when I hear it from somebody else tomorrow.

[Obie Slider]

Oh, that's Sylvia. Boy, am I glad she's gone. Why, if it hadn't been for her, I'd have had all the housework finished by now.

[Fanny Neb]

Oh, now Rudy, you seem to be enjoying her visit when I came in.

[Obie Slider]

But Fanny, what? She told me. Sylvia said.

[Fanny Neb]

Never mind, you old gossip. Have you done the dishes?

[Obie Slider]

Well, not yet.

[Fanny Neb]

Made the bed? No, but Put the laundry into soap?

[Obie Slider]

No, I.

[Fanny Neb]

Then all you've done is break an ashtray. Well, yes, Rudy, I usually have all the work done by this time of the day.

[Obie Slider]

But Fanny, you know the routine.

[Fanny Neb]

I thought you were going to organize things around here. I expected to come home and find some brand new system installed.

[Obie Slider]

System? Why, you've got all kinds of systems and conveniences here. Well, you've got vacuum cleaners, electric mixers and unmixers. All kinds of appliances to help you out.

[Fanny Neb]

Well, don't you have help at the office?

[Obie Slider]

Stenographers, clerks, clerks and stenographers are different.

[Fanny Neb]

I'll say they are. They never need new spare parts.

[Narrator]

Are you one of the thousands of people who don't drink enough water? If so, here's a health tip. Drink a glass of cool pure water after every meal. At the same time, take two tasteless sugar coated little tablets of Systex. The cyst accuracy goes right along with the water and helps nature clear away excess acids which if too concentrated and if allowed to accumulate, may cause rheumatic pains, loss of energy, make you nervous, and what is of prime importance may interrupt your sleep. So if you feel tired, run down and old before your time, why don't you try taking Cystex C Y S T E X with a full glass of water after each meal. When there is no organic or systemic cause, Systex usually goes to work right now helping nature eliminate excess acids and poisons through the bloodstream. And this aid to nature. In filtering and cleansing the blood may bring more restful sleep, A quick increase in vitality, help to make rheumatic pain subside, actually make you look and feel years younger. This much is certain. Systex must satisfy you in every way, do far more for you than you expect. Or you simply return the empty package and your money back is guaranteed. So get money back, guaranteed. Cystex C Y S T E X from your druggist today. Take it with a glass of water after each meal. See how quickly it puts you on the road to feeling like new again.

[Gene Lockhart]

And now back to the Neb. Starring Gene Lockhart and Kathleen Lockhart as Rudy and Fanny.

[Obie Slider]

Neb.

[Junior Neb]

Come on in, Buck.

[Buck]

I'll be very happy to. Junior. It's raining outside.

[Fanny Neb]

Ohado box.

[Buck]

Good afternoon, Mrs. Knapp.

[Fanny Neb]

Junior. I thought you and Buck were going over to Donna's house.

[Junior Neb]

We left Donna's mom. She may be over later.

[Buck]

Junior didn't like somebody who was there.

[Fanny Neb]

Really? Who was there?

[Buck]

Oh, just Donna and the whole first string football team.

[Fanny Neb]

Worst part, mom, your father scrambling around in the laundry tubs.

[Junior Neb]

What's the matter? Is he sick?

[Fanny Neb]

No, he decided to do my housework today.

[Buck]

Then he is sick.

[Fanny Neb]

No, no, Buck. Mr. Neb is merely trying to organize houses keeping around here.

[Junior Neb]

Come on, Buck. This I gotta see. Pop, do you know how funny you look bending over a washboard?

[Obie Slider]

No, Junior, I've got too much soap in my eyes.

[Buck]

Hey, Mr. Nab, it's raining outside. Wouldn't it be a lot easier to pile the laundry out there and pour some soap over it?

[Obie Slider]

Buck, my boy, nature can do a lot, but it'll never replace elbow grease.

[Junior Neb]

But Bob, why don't you use some executive ability?

[Obie Slider]

Junior, don't mention executive ability to me.

[Buck]

Since you seem to have one, is it okay to mention the washing machine?

[Obie Slider]

No, I put the window curtains in the washing machine, but I forgot to take the rods out. Oh, you know, you boys. You boys could be a lot of help to me if you'd care to.

[Junior Neb]

But Pop, it isn't polite for people to work when they've got company.

[Obie Slider]

Who's got company?

[Fanny Neb]

Me.

[Junior Neb]

I've got Buck.

[Buck]

And it certainly isn't polite for the company to work when they're visiting somebody.

[Obie Slider]

Ah, but the three of us could make a sort of a game out of this. You see? Now look, we'll pretend that I'm a surgeon performing an operation.

[Buck]

Don't you wish you were instead of doing the laundry?

[Obie Slider]

Well, as I was saying, I'm performing the operation. And this Pair of pajamas is the patient Right here on the operating table, see?

[Junior Neb]

You mean the washboard?

[Obie Slider]

Junior, let's keep this professional. Now, now, this is an emergency and you're my assistance. And I'm asking you for the instruments, huh? Okay, now, rubber gloves.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

Rubber gloves.

[Obie Slider]

Soap. Soap. Bleach.

[Buck]

Bleach.

[Junior Neb]

Hey, the patient's bleeding.

[Obie Slider]

That's my knuckles. There. You see?

[Buck]

I didn't see you used a scalpel.

[Obie Slider]

There wasn't any scalpel.

[Buck]

Well, how come there's a hole in the pajamas?

[Obie Slider]

That's from an old operation. Now, look, boys. Now, you take the patient away and bring on another one. Now, Junior, this time you be the surgeon.

[Buck]

Oh, Pop, I'll just hold the anesthetic.

[Junior Neb]

That's kid stuff.

[Obie Slider]

What do you mean, kid stuff? Why, Junior, this is the kind of work that builds big muscles.

[Junior Neb]

Well, then why doesn't mom have big muscles?

[Obie Slider]

Now, women aren't supposed to have them. It wouldn't be ladylike with men, my boy. It's different. Here, Buck, feel my bicep.

[Kathleen Lockhart]

Yes, sir.

[Obie Slider]

What does that remind you of?

[Buck]

A soft boiled, eh?

[Obie Slider]

Well, I may have softened up a bit.

[Junior Neb]

You should do more scrubbing, Junior.

[Obie Slider]

I've got to get over to Herb's barbershop this afternoon for a shave and a haircut.

[Junior Neb]

Oh, you'll have time to get the rest of the laundry out. It's. It's early yet.

[Obie Slider]

Yes, and it's never too early to do things, Junior. Now, I'll give you and Buck each a dollar if you'll finish this and wash the dishes. Ah, Pop, just you go right ahead. I'll sneak out the back way so as not to disturb your mother. I think the office was much too much for her today.

[Buck]

See you later, Junior. If we stick around here, we're going to be handpicked too.

[Obie Slider]

Well, well.

[Junior Neb]

Howdy, Rudy.

[Fanny Neb]

Howdy.

[Obie Slider]

Oh, hello, Herb. Hello.

[Junior Neb]

Yeah, come on in, Rudy. Nabby, come on in.

[Obie Slider]

Nope. Ain't no use, though.

[Junior Neb]

You already done that.

[Obie Slider]

Oh, yeah. Oh, Herb, what a day. I want a shave and a haircut, Herb. And have you got anything good for red hands?

[Kathleen Lockhart]

Yeah, red hands.

[Obie Slider]

Yes, red hands. Got just the thing, Rudy. No good for chapped hands, though. Use it for itchy feet. Your feet itchy, Rudy? Why, certainly not. But, Herb, just look at my hands. Did you ever see anything so red? Uncle's nose. Yeah.

[Junior Neb]

Finally had to wear dark glasses.

[Obie Slider]

Dark glasses on account of the glare. Done better with a lampshade on his nose, though. Now, tell me, what makes your hands red? I've had them in Soapy water. Herb, let me give you some good advice. Just in case you ever get married. You're going to find a fine institution.

[Junior Neb]

Fine institution, marriage.

[Obie Slider]

Wonderful thing for married people. Yep, yep.

[Junior Neb]

Man and wife shouldn't be without it.

[Obie Slider]

Of course, that.

[Junior Neb]

It's no good for me, though.

[Obie Slider]

Ain't married. Well, in case you ever do get married, Herb, let me tell you, had.

[Junior Neb]

A sad experience along that line once.

[Obie Slider]

Yeah, Mike said I was two thirds married. Beautiful girl, fine head on her shoulders. Nothing in it, though. What do you mean, two thirds married? Well, you see, the girl was there and the preacher was there. I never showed up, though. Why, Herb, what happened?

[Junior Neb]

Alarm clock didn't go off.

[Obie Slider]

I don't know why. It should have, though. Didn't set it. Might have, though, if I owned one. Well, there's no use my giving you advice. No, no, no. Don't mind taking advice, Rudy. Fine thing, advice. Just leave it along with my tip what you come in for, Rudy. Well, I told you I wanted a shave and a haircut, and I'll make it snap. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Shave and a haircut. Oh, yeah, shave and a haircut.

[Junior Neb]

You know, everybody comes in here wants.

[Obie Slider]

Shave and a haircut. Funny thing must be because it's a barbershop. Well, now, hurry up, Herb. I've got to get back home and finish my work and stop sticking my neck out. Yeah, stick it out a little more if you want to, Rudy. Yeah, hair grows pretty low on your neck. Yep.

[Junior Neb]

You know, I knew a fellow once.

[Obie Slider]

That stuck his neck out. Always pulled it back in, though. He was a turtle.

[Fanny Neb]

Junior. Junior, where's your father?

[Buck]

Oh, he had to go over to.

[Junior Neb]

Herbs for a shave and a haircut.

[Buck]

He wanted to get rid of his.

[Fanny Neb]

Five o' clock shadow, so his genius for organization inspired him to enlist your aid and bucks.

[Buck]

Oh, we didn't enlist.

[Obie Slider]

We were drafted.

[Junior Neb]

We didn't want to disturb you, Mom. Pop said you'd had a hard day at the office.

[Fanny Neb]

Oh, I had a perfectly marvelous time at the office. Now, you boys run along and I'll finish the dishes.

[Junior Neb]

Gee, mom, people like you sure don't grow on trees.

[Buck]

Yeah, but from the number of them, you'd think these dishes did.

[Fanny Neb]

Well, I'm doing my own and Mr. Ned's jobs for today, but I'll have to draw the line at getting a haircut and a shave.

[Junior Neb]

Come on, bug. That's Donna.

[Buck]

Oh, gee, Bruce. Junior, she'll wait.

[Donna]

Oh, hello, Junior.

[Junior Neb]

Hi, Donna. Hello, Donna.

[Donna]

Hi, Buck.

[Junior Neb]

Gee, Donna, what kind of perfume is that?

[Donna]

Oh, Isn't it heavenly? It's called Bride's Secret.

[Buck]

What's so secret about a smell like that?

[Donna]

Well, doesn't it thrill you?

[Sylvia]

Well, it's supposed to.

[Buck]

Oh, yeah. It gives me goose pimples, but so does Frankenstein.

[Junior Neb]

Oh, Buck, stop criticizing Donna's perfume.

[Buck]

Yeah, but last week she chose chaos. And believe me, there really was.

[Donna]

Oh, don't mind Buck Junior. I assure you, I have more important things to worry about.

[Junior Neb]

You mean the football team?

[Buck]

Yeah. What happened to the Baby Beef Trust?

[Donna]

Oh, they only wanted me to autograph their new football.

[Junior Neb]

But jeepers, how could you autograph it with so many guys holding your hands?

[Donna]

Oh, now, Junior, don't be so jealous. What's the matter with him?

[Buck]

Buck Junior's enjoying a mild form of insanity, but he isn't old enough to take treatments for it. What'd you come over for, Donna? Just to show off your new dress?

[Donna]

Well, at least you noticed it. Buck, do you think I look sufficiently pulse during?

[Buck]

I can't tell. I've already got high blood pressure.

[Junior Neb]

Donna, your dress is simply ravishing. That's what it is.

[Buck]

Oh, I can't wait to get a little older and get into a ravishing formal myself. With tails, of course.

[Donna]

Oh, well, I hope you wouldn't care to be seen in a breathless creation of gossamer loveliness as enchanting as a soft June night. Which is exactly what the fashion ad said this was.

[Buck]

Ah, they're crazy. This is October.

[Obie Slider]

Well, well, well, well, well. Hello, Donna.

[Donna]

Oh, hello, Mr. Mayor.

[Obie Slider]

You look charming.

[Buck]

Breathtaking creation of gossamere loveliness. As enchanting as a soft June night.

[Obie Slider]

Oh, brother. I see. Buck, by the way, I guess I owe you and Junior a dollar each, right?

[Junior Neb]

Oh, no, Pop. Mom took over. She's in the kitchen doing the dishes.

[Obie Slider]

Oh, she is? Well, you. You young folks. Excuse me. Fanny. Fanny, dear.

[Fanny Neb]

Hello. Big business executive turned domestic.

[Obie Slider]

Now, Fanny, I simply had to get a shave and a haircut. I'll finish the housework myself now and hand back everything to you intact. Except an ashtray and that darn washing machine.

[Fanny Neb]

Oh, don't worry, Rudy. I've made the beds, hung out the laundry, and I've just this minute finished the dishes.

[Obie Slider]

Oh, you're a wonderful wife, Fanny. And after today, I'll never say a word about the way you run the house. I suppose running a business like mine had you a bit confused too, didn't it?

[Fanny Neb]

Well, I'll admit there are some of your affairs I can't handle.

[Obie Slider]

Rudy. I told you so. What business in Particular.

[Fanny Neb]

Now, that business you refer to as a good cigar.

[Obie Slider]

Fanny, you didn't smoke a cigar.

[Fanny Neb]

Certainly not. But I did all the rest of your chores at the office.

[Obie Slider]

Oh, I shouldn't have let you do that. I might have been called into a conference or got some important phone calls.

[Fanny Neb]

Oh, by the way, you did have a phone call. However, I took care of it.

[Obie Slider]

Good heavens, I'm probably ruined. Who was it?

[Fanny Neb]

Timmons. The tailor to better groom men, reminding you that you were going to buy a new suit.

[Obie Slider]

Oh, what did you do?

[Fanny Neb]

I bought once for myself.

[Obie Slider]

Oh, now, Fanny.

[Fanny Neb]

Now, Rudy. We traded places for today.

[Obie Slider]

I know, but you didn't play fair. Why did you come home so early?

[Fanny Neb]

Well, I'd rather be home than do what you planned to do today.

[Obie Slider]

I'd planned something.

[Fanny Neb]

You probably forgot about it in your desire to show me how to run the house.

[Obie Slider]

Why, I don't remember. What did I plan to do today?

[Fanny Neb]

Well, according to your memorandum pad, you'd planned to go fishing, remember?

[Obie Slider]

Oh, why don't I attend to my own business?

[Gene Lockhart]

We'll return to the nabs in just a minute.

[Narrator]

Men and women past 35 often are surprised to find they're slowing down, feeling tired out, nervous and old before their time. Most of these people do not realize that the underlying cause of their troubles may be an accumulation of excess acids and poisons which would be removed through the bloodstream. They do not realize how much younger, stronger and better they might feel by helping nature correct this condition. When there is nothing organically or systemically wrong. The medicine called Cystex C Y S T E X usually goes to work right now, helping nature clear away excess acids and poisons through the blood. Stimulating this natural cleansing and purifying action may easily bring you new energy, vitality and joy in living. So if your sleep is interrupted and you feel nervous, run down, or suffer from rheumatic pains in muscles and joints, why don't you try Cystex? You must discover Cystex to be a quick and easy way to eliminate excess asses through the bloodstream and to gain increased vitality and better and better sleep, or your money back is guaranteed on return of the empty package. So get Cystex Cy S T E X from your druggist today and take as directed with a glass of water after each meal. See how much better you feel tomorrow.

[Gene Lockhart]

And now, one last minute with the neb.

[Obie Slider]

Well, Fanny, I've learned a lesson today. A man has no business trying to tell a good wife how to run the house.

[Fanny Neb]

You're right. Rudy, anytime he decides to do that, he better bait his hook instead of his wife and go fishing.

[Obie Slider]

And by the same token, a wife shouldn't try to run her husband's office, or she might soon find he couldn't afford to buy her a new suit.

[Fanny Neb]

Well, are you ready to be Mr. Neb again and let me be the missus?

[Obie Slider]

Ah, Fanny. Now, I'm going to keep up my end of the bargain. Until this day is done, I'll perform the rest of your duties. My dear, that is, what's left of Rudy.

[Fanny Neb]

You're sure a glutton for punishment.

[Obie Slider]

What do you mean by that?

[Fanny Neb]

Well, it's about time for you to start getting dinner.

[Obie Slider]

Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute, Mr. Neb.

[Fanny Neb]

What?

[Obie Slider]

This. This is Saturday, isn't it?

[Fanny Neb]

Oh, yes.

[Obie Slider]

Fanny, get your purse. You're taking Junior and me out to dinner.

[Gene Lockhart]

Join us next Sunday, same time, when Cystex again presents Jean Lockhart and Kathleen Lockhart as the next. If you'd like to attend one of our broadcasts and see Gene and Kathleen Lockhart in person, ride to radio station KHJ, Los Angeles 38 for tickets. The Nebs are written by John Elliott and produced by Wally Ramsey. They were created by Saul Hess and are supervised for radio by the Bears. This is Tom Dixon saying goodbye for Sis Tank.