The Secret Life of Walter Mitty 1948-10-07 Starring Eddie Albert and Margo

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (Harold’s Old Time Radio, August 31, 2025)

Episode Overview

This episode of Harold’s Old Time Radio features a 1948 radio adaptation of James Thurber’s celebrated tale, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, starring Eddie Albert as the titular daydreamer and Margo. The story transports listeners to an era before television, when families gathered around the radio for charming, comedic, and poignant stories. In this classic broadcast, Walter Mitty, an unassuming real estate salesman with a vivid imagination, finds himself entangled in both the mundane trials of daily life—and escapist, over-the-top daydreams of heroism, leadership, and Western derring-do—in a delightful blend of wit and whimsy.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Mundane Realities of Walter’s Life

• Domestic Worries: The story opens over breakfast with Walter’s attentive wife Betsy, setting the tone of marital banter and relatable domestic minutiae.
  • Quote: “Walter Mitty Stop daydreaming. Stop daydreaming.” – Betsy [00:37]
• Workplace Frustrations: Walter reveals to Betsy that he’s anxious about a real estate deal gone awry—he’s sold a wealthy Texan, Sam McDonald, a property too small for its intended use, setting off the episode’s tension.
  • Quote: “If you’d only speak up and assert yourself, maybe he’d make you his junior partner.” — Betsy [02:52]

2. Walter’s Escapist Fantasies

• Presidential Daydream: When beset by anxiety, Walter’s imagination soars—he envisions himself as President Mitty, presiding over cabinet meetings and being the master of both state affairs and his own destiny.

  • Quote: “If only I was President, then I’d be my own boss.” – Walter [04:44]
  • Quote: “Gentlemen, I want all our domestic and foreign problems solved here and now. Today, I was elected on a platform of speed, speed and speed. And I have no time to waste. I’ve got my golf to think about.” – President Mitty [05:45]

• Western Hero Fantasy: Later, at a soda fountain, Walter fantasizes himself “One Gun Mitty,” a brave cowboy who saves the day and bravely faces down the villainous Big Bad Sam McDonald in a showdown of Russian roulette.

  • Quote: “Hey, you mavericks—stop that stampedin’.” – One Gun Mitty [15:40]
  • Quote: “All I did was stand off a little old stampede.” – Mitty [16:09]
  • Memorable Sequence: The tense, absurd Russian roulette face-off with Big Bad Sam; “Whoever gets the bullet in his head, well, he’s kind of out of the game.” [22:01]

3. Consequences in the Real World

• Conflict with Sam McDonald: Back in reality, Sam McDonald storms the office to confront Walter and his boss, Mr. Gibbs, demanding account for the misrepresented sale.
  • Quote: “Back in Texas, I’m known as Big Sam McDonald. And I throw small stuff like you back into the crib.” – Sam McDonald [11:04]
• Office Humiliation: Walter is demoted to working between the water cooler and the pencil sharpener; his lack of assertiveness is the root of both his real troubles and his fantastical escapes.
  • Quote: “Why, there isn’t even a window in this cubby hole.” – Walter [08:24]
• Unexpected Solution: Ultimately, Walter repairs the real estate fiasco by convincing Sam to view the property not as a golf paradise, but a ranch, appealing to his homesickness for Texas.
  • Quote: “I just convinced Mr. McDonald that what he wanted was a cow or two grazing on the Stevens place.” – Walter [27:30]
• Bittersweet Resolution: The solution is undermined when an ordinance prohibiting livestock within city limits renders the new plan problematic, much to Walter’s chagrin.
  • Quote: “Mr. Gibbs found out there’s an ordinance against raising livestock in the city limits. And when Mr. McDonald comes in tomorrow...” – Walter [29:22]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Formative? We’ve been married three years. How long can we be formative?” — Walter Mitty [02:34]
• "If I tell Gibbs the truth about yesterday, I won’t be standing anywhere.” — Walter Mitty [03:16]
• (Daydreaming as President) “Call up the defeated presidential candidate. Tell him I’ll meet him for a round of golf tomorrow. Same place, same stakes. Eight years or nothing.” — President Mitty [05:45]
• “Then stop buttering that newspaper and reading that piece of toast.” — Betsy [03:35]
• (Western fantasy) “In another five seconds, all them cattle would have gone headlong over the precipice into Chism—Chasm. Yes, Chasm.” — Mitty [16:17]
• “No, we don’t, Big Bed. We’ll play this ruchy and roulette to the finish.” — Mitty [23:07]
• “May I see the check?” “You can see it, Mr. Giz, but you don’t get it just yet.” — Mr. Gibbs and Walter [27:19]
• “You can have any office. My office, if you want. Both offices. Just say the word and give me the check.” – Mr. Gibbs [27:58]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:37] – [03:44]: Domestic banter, Walter’s anxieties surface.
• [05:04] – [06:59]: Walter’s presidential daydream.
• [07:27] – [10:12]: Office humiliations and workplace conflicts.
• [10:46] – [12:31]: Sam McDonald’s explosive confrontation.
• [14:02] – [16:28]: Soda fountain scene and transition into Western daydream.
• [16:44] – [24:31]: Escalation of the Western fantasy: Russian roulette showdown with Big Bad Sam.
• [25:02] – [27:44]: Walter repairs the deal; his ingenuity shines in a rare moment of triumph.
• [29:07] – [29:33]: Final twist—no livestock allowed, so Walter’s solution backfires, closing with his resigned, humorous acceptance.

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Episode Flow & Takeaways

This episode beautifully encapsulates the bittersweet humor and pathos of James Thurber’s classic character. Eddie Albert’s performance shines, swinging between deadpan resignation and exuberant fantasy. The tightly woven scenes, both real and imagined, underscore Walter’s plight: an everyman bedeviled by life’s indignities, redeemed only—if briefly—by the power of his own imagination.

For listeners, “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty” remains timeless, its message clear: while daydreams may not solve real-life problems, they offer a necessary escape and, now and then, the inspiration to find a creative solution to the perils of everyday life.

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Transcript

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[Betsy]

Walter Mitty Stop daydreaming. Stop daydreaming.

[Narrator]

United States Security Bonds presents the Secret Life of Walter Mitte. Based on James Thurber's famous story and starring Eddie Albert and Margo. This is another day in the life of Walter Mede, the ordinary man with the extraordinary daydream. Most of us keep our daydreams to ourselves because. Well, because they make up our secret life. Walter Many's life, though, is no longer secret. His life and his daydreams are an open book. Walter Mitty's a nice young fellow with a nice young wife and a nice little house. And at the moment, the Minnies are having breakfast. And with it a breakfast table conversation that is brilliant, scintillating and witty.

[Walter Mitty]

Betsy, did I say good morning to you when I got up?

[Betsy]

I don't remember whether you did or not. Walter, have some more jam.

[Walter Mitty]

Oh, thank you. Thank you. Well, did you say good morning to me when you got up?

[Betsy]

Let me see.

[Walter Mitty]

It doesn't really matter.

[Betsy]

But it does.

[Walter Mitty]

Oh, no, no. Forget it, Betsy. Just an idle thought ran through my head.

[Betsy]

Oh, I remember now. I said good morning to you, but you didn't answer me. You were probably thinking of something else.

[Walter Mitty]

Well, good morning, Betsy.

[Betsy]

It's nothing to laugh at, Walter. Most marriages are ruined in their formative stages because of little things like that.

[Walter Mitty]

Formative? We've been married three years. How long can we be formative?

[Betsy]

What were you thinking about when I said good morning to you?

[Walter Mitty]

Oh, the usual thing. What to tell Mr. Gibbs.

[Betsy]

Well, tell him exactly what you think.

[Walter Mitty]

I couldn't do that. He's my boss.

[Betsy]

But you're his senior salesman.

[Walter Mitty]

Yeah, yeah, I'm his senior salesman because I'm the only salesman.

[Betsy]

If you'd only speak up and assert yourself, maybe he'd make you his junior partner.

[Walter Mitty]

Yeah. Walter Mitty, Jr. Partner of the well known real estate firm of Gibbs and Mitty. Or Mitty and Gibbs. Mitty and Gibbs, that's right.

[Betsy]

Just speak up and assert yourself and stand on your rights.

[Walter Mitty]

Well, if I tell Gibbs the truth about yesterday, I Won't be standing anywhere.

[Betsy]

What did you do yesterday, dear? Something very wrong?

[Walter Mitty]

It depends on where you look at it. But I guess there's only one way to look at it. In which case, I've done plenty wrong. Oh, gee.

[Betsy]

But stop being so nervous.

[Walter Mitty]

Who's nervous? I'm not nervous.

[Betsy]

Then stop buttering that newspaper and reading that piece of toast. Tell me, darling, what have you done that's so wrong?

[Walter Mitty]

Well, one of the richest clients who ever came anywhere near our office. Mr. Sam McDonald. From Texas?

[Betsy]

Yes.

[Walter Mitty]

He wanted a home and enough land to build himself a private golf course.

[Betsy]

Why, that's wonderful.

[Walter Mitty]

Yeah. So I sold him to Stevens Place.

[Betsy]

Oh, Walter, don't you know anything about a golf course?

[Mr. Gibbs]

Well, certainly I know about a golf work.

[Walter Mitty]

A golf course is a piece of land with some holes in it.

[Betsy]

But the holes have to be kind of far apart. Walter, it takes acres and acres. And the Stevens places, just a couple of acres.

[Walter Mitty]

I found it out after I closed the deal with Mr. McDonald. And Mr. McDonald's gonna find it out, too, when he looks at the Stevens place this morning. Oh, dear. Maybe I can persuade Mr. McDonald to take up miniature golf.

[Betsy]

You know, that's only daydreaming, won't it?

[Walter Mitty]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, if Mr. Gibbs doesn't kill me, then Mr. McDonald will. Either way, I lose.

[Betsy]

Walter, look at me. Now, listen to me, darling. Whatever happens, don't let anyone push you around. Assert yourself.

[Walter Mitty]

Assert myself?

[Betsy]

Yes.

[Walter Mitty]

In this case, I couldn't assert myself even if I was President of the United States. If only I was President, then I'd be my own boss.

[Betsy]

But you're not the president, darling. So stop daydreaming. You're a real estate salesman.

[Walter Mitty]

Gentlemen of the cabinet. The newly elected President of the United States, Walter Mitty. Gentlemen, as Secretary of State, I hereby propose three cheers for President Mitty. Let's dispense with that. Gentlemen, please take your seats. Let's get down to business. Kindly call the roll. Defense. President. Army.

[Sheriff/Judge Thatcher]

Here.

[Walter Mitty]

Navy.

[Mr. Gibbs]

Aye, aye, sir.

[Walter Mitty]

Here.

[Sam McDonald]

Roger.

[Walter Mitty]

Commerce.

[Sheriff/Judge Thatcher]

Jack.

[Walter Mitty]

Postmaster General. Here, sir. Interior and Indian Affairs. Agriculture.

[Sam McDonald]

Treasury.

[Walter Mitty]

All present and accounted for, Mr. President. All right, gentlemen. I want all our domestic and foreign problems solved here and now. Today, I was elected on a platform of speed, speed and speed. And I have no time to waste. I've got my golf to think about. And I want all our domestic and foreign problems solved at this conference. Because I'm going to devote the remaining three years, 364 days of my term in office to golf. State. I want you to be Appointed. What's that? Just the telephone for you, Mr. President. King of England. I'll take it. Hello, King. President. Mitty speaking. Oh, you'll be here this afternoon? Well, I was expecting you tomorrow. Why, the Empress of the Netherlands and the King of Scandinavia are coming to dinner tonight. Oh, sure. We could squeeze you in, if you don't mind. Smorgasbord. We dine at six o'. Clock. What's that? Oh, yeah. Cheerio. Tell the first lady of the land there'll be one more king for dinner. Yes, sir, Mr. President. And call up the defeated presidential candidate. Tell him I'll meet him for a round of golf tomorrow. Same place, same stakes. Eight years or nothing. Now, state at 0040 you in defense of the Army.

[Betsy]

Walter, will you please stop daydreaming? You'll be late for work.

[Walter Mitty]

What's that? Oh. Oh. Oh, yeah. Oh. Hey, it's late. Cancel the smorgasbord. Goodbye, dear.

[Betsy]

Smorgasbord.

[Walter Mitty]

And will you please try to pick me up at the office at the end of day the. Good morning, Hattie.

[Betsy]

Yeah, what is it, Mitty?

[Walter Mitty]

Oh, please don't call me Mitty. You know it doesn't sound right for clients to hear my secretary calling me Mitty. What's all my furniture doing here in your reception room?

[Betsy]

Mr. Gibbs has given me your office. Mitty, you've been moved into the reception room. Any other questions?

[Walter Mitty]

I've been moved? You've been. You've got my off. Oh, this is an outrage. I won't stand for this.

[Mr. Gibbs]

What's all the excitement about? Oh, Mitty finally decided to drop in.

[Walter Mitty]

And do some work. Mr. Gibbs, why is our secretary occupying my office?

[Mr. Gibbs]

Good question, man. Very well put, too. You'd probably like to have an answer, too.

[Walter Mitty]

Yes, I would, please.

[Mr. Gibbs]

Hattie's developed a severe case of claustrophobia, my boy. And she's too valuable a secretary to lose. So I gave her the only available space.

[Walter Mitty]

My office.

[Mr. Gibbs]

Quick thinking, Mitty.

[Walter Mitty]

No, I'm stuck here between the water cooler and the pencil sharpener. Why, there isn't even a window in this cubby hole. Window.

[Mr. Gibbs]

Everybody wants windows. What do you want a window for? You come here to sell real estate or look out the window at life's passing parade?

[Walter Mitty]

Well, if that's your feeling, why didn't you move all my stuff into the cloakroom?

[Mr. Gibbs]

Now, look here.

[Walter Mitty]

Just big enough to hold my desk in a chair. Or maybe you'd rather I didn't have a desk. Of course, I don't really need a chair. I'm young, I'm healthy, I can stand up all day.

[Mr. Gibbs]

Mitty, I don't like your attitude. It's uncooperative.

[Walter Mitty]

I'm really surprised you didn't put me in the cloakroom. Then Harry could breathe more freely.

[Betsy]

My breathing hasn't been impaired.

[Mr. Gibbs]

Oh, be realistic, Mindy. After all, you're the outside man. What difference does it make where you hang your hat? Now, that ends that. And might I add, by the way, that your work outside and inside has been pretty substandard these last few months.

[Walter Mitty]

Oh, no.

[Mr. Gibbs]

Except for the. Sam McDonald did a good fast job on that one. Good job indeed. You may be a junior partner in this firm someday. Nitty.

[Walter Mitty]

Yes, Mr. Gibbs.

[Mr. Gibbs]

I just complimented you.

[Walter Mitty]

Yes, Mr. Gibbs.

[Mr. Gibbs]

It isn't very often that I compliment you.

[Walter Mitty]

No, it isn't. Came as a bit of a shock.

[Mr. Gibbs]

Didn't.

[Walter Mitty]

Sure will, Mr. Gibbs. It sure will.

[Mr. Gibbs]

What's that you're always muttering to yourself?

[Walter Mitty]

Always.

[Mr. Gibbs]

Hattie. Hattie, did you deposit Sam McDonald's check.

[Betsy]

The moment the bank opened?

[Walter Mitty]

You mean Mr. McDonald's already paid? Oh, of course.

[Mr. Gibbs]

He's a regular straight shooting, western type businessman.

[Sheriff/Judge Thatcher]

Straight shooting.

[Mr. Gibbs]

I like those. Texas businessman.

[Walter Mitty]

Yep. Yes, sir.

[Mr. Gibbs]

When they close the deal, it stays closed. No fooling around with them or they're liable to. Mitty, you look pale.

[Sheriff/Judge Thatcher]

Oops.

[Walter Mitty]

It's. It's nothing. Nothing. Hattie, could I have a glass of water?

[Betsy]

You're holding on to the water cooler.

[Walter Mitty]

Oh. Oh, well, I. I think I'll just dictate some farewell letters.

[Mr. Gibbs]

What on earth are you mumbling about? Middy?

[Betsy]

I think he's drunk.

[Walter Mitty]

Hattie, you know I never drink. I think I'll just go across the street and have a milkshake.

[Mr. Gibbs]

Of course, my boy, of course. You know I always let you take 10 or 15 minutes off. I'm no slave driver. You didn't laugh, Mitty.

[Walter Mitty]

I didn't?

[Mr. Gibbs]

What's got into you, boy? You've got the jitters. Be like me. Calm, cool, completely self possessed.

[Sam McDonald]

Okay, you dirty, crooked. I'll have my say. And then I'll leave the rest up to the district attorney.

[Mr. Gibbs]

Hello, Mr. McDonald. I. I don't know what you're.

[Sam McDonald]

You, Mitty. I don't know what your position here is.

[Mr. Gibbs]

If there's trouble ahead, he's my junior partner.

[Walter Mitty]

I'm only a salesman, Mr. McDonald.

[Sam McDonald]

I don't care what you are, Mitty, but you're too small for me to bother with.

[Walter Mitty]

I'm too.

[Sam McDonald]

Back in Texas, I'm known as Big Sam McDonald. And I throw small stuff like you back into the crib.

[Walter Mitty]

Oh no.

[Sam McDonald]

But you, Gibbs, you're responsible for this. And you're going to pay the penalty.

[Mr. Gibbs]

What?

[Sam McDonald]

In the first place, I've stopped payment on my checks. In the second place, I'm having my lawyers bring suit against you for misrepresent.

[Walter Mitty]

But.

[Sheriff/Judge Thatcher]

And in the third place.

[Walter Mitty]

In the third place, Mr. Gibbs had nothing to do with it. In the first place.

[Sam McDonald]

Shut up, you miserable little maverick.

[Mr. Gibbs]

Yes, shut up.

[Sheriff/Judge Thatcher]

And in the third place, if there's.

[Sam McDonald]

Cause for criminal action, I'm going to have the DA get to work on it.

[Walter Mitty]

Missy, I didn't do anything. I just made a little mistake.

[Sam McDonald]

Oh, a little mistake.

[Walter Mitty]

A little mistake.

[Sam McDonald]

I like the way you easterners try to squirm out of your shady low down tricks.

[Mr. Gibbs]

I'm not sc.

[Sam McDonald]

Was it a slight mistake to sell Big Sam McDonald a house in a few acres while claiming the estate was large enough for me to build a private garden?

[Sheriff/Judge Thatcher]

Golf course.

[Mr. Gibbs]

Golf course. Missy, did you sell big Mr. McDonald that little Steven's place for a golf course?

[Sam McDonald]

Oh, now Gibbs is going to plead innocence, huh? Well, you won't get away with it.

[Sheriff/Judge Thatcher]

What?

[Sam McDonald]

I've handled some western rats in my time. I guess I know how to squish a couple of eastern rats. Hoodies.

[Walter Mitty]

I'm going across the street for a milkshake. Hattie, if anyone asks for me, tell.

[Mr. Gibbs]

Oh no, you're not petty.

[Walter Mitty]

I got to.

[Sheriff/Judge Thatcher]

I got the jitters all time.

[Sam McDonald]

Petty Larsney. Idiot. I'll deal with your boss. I know he's the one who's responsible. You was only acting under orders from him.

[Walter Mitty]

Oh, thank you, Mr. McDonald. That's a very wholesome way of looking at the matter. I'll see you all later.

[Mr. Gibbs]

Mitty, come back here. If you leave now, I'll.

[Sam McDonald]

Now, you old double crosser.

[Sheriff/Judge Thatcher]

Before I send to the pudding, please.

[Narrator]

We'll be back with Walter Mitte in just a moment. In the meantime, just a word of advice. The future doesn't just happen. It is made created by you. And one way to mold your future and the future of your country is by the purchase of United States Security Bonds for yourself. Security bonds can be the key to a college education for the children or to a business or home of your own. And United States Security Bonds can mean security in the years to come. As for your country, the way in which its public debt is handled will affect the American economy for years to come. You can help solve the problem by your purchases of United States Security Bonds.

[Walter Mitty]

And now Act 2.

[Narrator]

The Secret Life of Walter Mitte, Starring Eddie, Albert and Margot. Walter Mitte, the ordinary man with the extraordinary daydreams. He seats himself on a stool at the soda fountain in the corner drugstore. And once away from his boss, he's already beginning to feel better. Cheerfully, he greets the girl behind the counter.

[Walter Mitty]

Hello, Janie.

[Janie]

Hello, Mr. Minnie. You're in early. Why don't you have the usual?

[Walter Mitty]

Oh, I suppose so. I'll have the usual.

[Janie]

You want me to go easy on the chocolate and your milkshake?

[Walter Mitty]

These Westerners, Janie, they're pretty tough, aren't they?

[Janie]

I don't know, Mr. Middy. What I say is, there are Westerners and there are Westerners, if you get the drift of what I mean.

[Walter Mitty]

I get the drift, but I don't think they're so tough, Janie.

[Janie]

I'll get you a milkshake, Mr. Middy.

[Walter Mitty]

I don't think they're so tough at all. I'll bet if I was out west I'll bet if I was one of.

[Sheriff/Judge Thatcher]

The ones.

[Walter Mitty]

I'm one gun middy and I'm riding alone Hoopy ty Get along, little dogie I'm one gun middy I'm riding alone Whoopee ti o Get along oh, what a stampede. Thousands and thousands of wild mavericks Stampedin to beat all. Tarnation. It's got to be stopped. It looks like this is a job.

[Mr. Gibbs]

For one Gun Midi.

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[Walter Mitty]

Hey, you mavericks.

[Sheriff/Judge Thatcher]

Stop that stampedin. I said stop.

[Mr. Gibbs]

Shut up.

[Walter Mitty]

That's better.

[Sheriff/Judge Thatcher]

That's all, boys. One good mini. Our hats are off to you.

[Walter Mitty]

Shucks, shucks, Judge Thatcher. All I did was stand off a little old stampede.

[Mr. Gibbs]

Well, in another five seconds, all them cattle.

[Walter Mitty]

All them cattle would have gone headlong over the precipice into chism.

[Mr. Gibbs]

Chasm.

[Walter Mitty]

Give me chisum. Chasm. Yes, Chasm.

[Sam McDonald]

Ch.

[Walter Mitty]

Ch.

[Sam McDonald]

Over that.

[Mr. Gibbs]

A wig.

[Walter Mitty]

Just as I thought. And may I inquire as to the health of your daughter, Miss Betsy?

[Mr. Gibbs]

It is a fiddle, Mr. Middy.

[Walter Mitty]

I'm as pretty as ever. I have no doubt. Is Big Sam McDonald still around these parts, Jed?

[Mr. Gibbs]

Yep.

[Walter Mitty]

And we Call him bad Sam McDonald these days, Mr. Middy. No way. He's took to cattle rustling as a.

[Sam McDonald]

Kind of a hobby, if you get.

[Walter Mitty]

The drift of what I mean. So Big Sam's bad, eh? As bad as he's big. Just as I thought. Well, goodbye, Judge Thatcher. I'm riding into town alone. Alone?

[Sheriff/Judge Thatcher]

Wa.

[Walter Mitty]

Howdy, Sheriff.

[Sheriff/Judge Thatcher]

Howdy. One done many.

[Walter Mitty]

Got a little business to tend to hear with a mean and honorary cattle rustler.

[Sheriff/Judge Thatcher]

Why, sure can use your half One Gun Minnie.

[Sam McDonald]

But you ain't aiming to go into.

[Sheriff/Judge Thatcher]

Hard Boiled Hattie's saloon, are ya?

[Walter Mitty]

That's my intention, Sheriff. And my advice to you would be that you take a nice long ride out to Chisholm Kazum.

[Sheriff/Judge Thatcher]

Look at the scenery. Chisholm K. Ch.

[Walter Mitty]

It's over. That a way.

[Sheriff/Judge Thatcher]

Yes, sir. One Gun. Minnie, your words of law.

[Walter Mitty]

Yeah, about park my horse for me.

[Sheriff/Judge Thatcher]

Shall I check the hooves, sir?

[Walter Mitty]

Yep. £35 in each. Hoove.

[Sheriff/Judge Thatcher]

Gibbs.

[Walter Mitty]

Chef, behind that bar where you belong. Hiya, Gibbs.

[Mr. Gibbs]

Why, hello, One Gun Middy.

[Walter Mitty]

How's Hard Boiled Hattie?

[Mr. Gibbs]

Oh, I'm Hattie. I mean, I'm fine. Hattie's fine too.

[Walter Mitty]

She.

[Mr. Gibbs]

She's in the back room with big bats. Sam McDonald. Yeah, we were all fine.

[Walter Mitty]

Uh huh. Just as I thought. Gibbsy, pour me a drink.

[Mr. Gibbs]

Usual. One Gun Midi.

[Walter Mitty]

Usual. Yes, sir.

[Mr. Gibbs]

Yes, sir.

[Walter Mitty]

Is he going to take a b? Well, happy days. Gibbsy. Another drink, Mr. Mitty?

[Mr. Gibbs]

Not right now.

[Walter Mitty]

Not right now. Thanks. This time of the day I never take more than a short one. Moderation, Pardner, moderation.

[Mr. Gibbs]

Yes, sir, Mr. Mitty.

[Walter Mitty]

Howdy, Ms. Betsy. Mighty proud to see you.

[Betsy]

Oh, One Gun Pa just told me you stopped a whole stampede. And now you're out to get big bad Sam McDonald.

[Walter Mitty]

Shucks, Miss Betsy, all in a day's work.

[Betsy]

Oh, that Big Bad Sam. The meaning Ornery man. I wouldn't want to see you get hurt. One Gun.

[Mr. Gibbs]

I'm sure pleased to hear that kind.

[Walter Mitty]

Of talk from you, Miss Betsy. You know, Miss Betsy, I've been. I've been kind of thinking about you and me. A little house nestled in the cactus.

[Betsy]

You mean for us to kind of get hitched up together? One gun ready?

[Walter Mitty]

In a manner of speaking, Miss Betsy. Betsy. But first, me and Big Sam McDonald's got to settle our accounts. You better stand away from the bar, Miss Betsy.

[Betsy]

Oh, please, One Gun Mitty. Take care of yourself.

[Sheriff/Judge Thatcher]

Please.

[Betsy]

Take care.

[Walter Mitty]

All right, Gibbs, you know what to do. Get him in here.

[Mr. Gibbs]

Yes, sir.

[Narrator]

Call him Hard Boiled hannity.

[Mr. Gibbs]

Big Sam McDonald. Big man Sam McDonald. One gun minis here. One gun Minis here. Over an hour.

[Walter Mitty]

I'll handle this, patty.

[Betsy]

Why, hello, Mr. Mitty.

[Walter Mitty]

Shut up, Hattie. Go lie down under the water cooler.

[Sheriff/Judge Thatcher]

Yes, sir, mister.

[Walter Mitty]

All right. Now, Big Bad, we can get down to business.

[Sam McDonald]

I'll listen One gun. I never draw my four guns till other man's drawn his'.

[Walter Mitty]

N. Listen, Big Bad. I never draw my one gun till the other man has fired his'. N. Ever play a Russian roulette? Russian roulette? Gibson, take five of the six bullets out of my one gun.

[Mr. Gibbs]

Yes, sir. Here's your one gun gun, sir.

[Walter Mitty]

All right. All right. First, let's pin the cylinder this away so nobody will know if the bullet's in the first chamber or the last chamber. Then we take turns. I hold it up to my head and pull the trigger. Then you hold it up to your head. You pull the trigger. Whoever gets the bullet in his head, well, he's kind of out of the game. Well, tell me who. Who goes first? Pull yourself together, Big Bad. I'm a going first.

[Sheriff/Judge Thatcher]

Rustling rattlesnakes. One gun's pointing it right at his own head.

[Sam McDonald]

You know, this game may be over, Pret. One gun.

[Walter Mitty]

That's right, Big Bad.

[Sam McDonald]

Look, one gun's going to pull the trigger here.

[Walter Mitty]

Well, Big Bad, it's your turn now. Quite a game, don't you think?

[Sheriff/Judge Thatcher]

Well, in some ways it is.

[Sam McDonald]

In some ways it ain't. How about some ping pong?

[Walter Mitty]

No, we don't, Big bed. We'll play this ruchy and roulette to the finish.

[Sheriff/Judge Thatcher]

Look, Big Bad's going through with it. Big Bad's pointing it at his own head.

[Walter Mitty]

You just pull the trigger now, Big Bad. That's all there is to it, ain't it? Simple.

[Sheriff/Judge Thatcher]

Big Bad's gonna pull the trigger. Now watch him. It's Minnie's turn now. Watch him. He's gonna go. Now it's Big Bad's turn. He's bound to get that bullet now. There he. Oh, there's only two chances left then. He's pointing at his head. He's going to pull the trigger. Watch. There he go.

[Walter Mitty]

Well, Big Bad, here's my gun.

[Sam McDonald]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Walter Mitty]

Funny thing about this game, Big Bad. It always ends. There's only one more chance left. And the bullet's meant for you. Oh, no, it ain't.

[Sheriff/Judge Thatcher]

Stand back.

[Mr. Gibbs]

One gun ready.

[Walter Mitty]

This horse meant for you.

[Sheriff/Judge Thatcher]

And here it is.

[Walter Mitty]

All right, Big Bad, you nicked me. Now you get what's coming to you for cheating at this year. Game and for that there cattle rustling.

[Janie]

You want another little check, Mr. Middy?

[Walter Mitty]

Oh. Oh, I guess I must have been daydreaming. Oh, no, Jeannie, thanks. I guess I better be getting back to the office.

[Sam McDonald]

Right where you are, Mitty.

[Walter Mitty]

Oh, Howdy, Big. Hello, Mr. McDonald. Have the police come yet? Oh, well, they will. They will.

[Sam McDonald]

Oh, young lady. Well, yeah, I want a cup of black coffee. Well, Minnie Gibbs tried to put the whole blame on you. That's one thing I don't like. No, sir. I can't stand a yellow, livid skunk.

[Walter Mitty]

Well, it really is all my fault, Mr. McDonald. My boss didn't know anything about the deal. Nothing at all.

[Sam McDonald]

Oh, me? You got loyalty. Just ain't enough loyalty in the world today. It's very refreshing. That's why I come out here to Connecticut to live. Doctor's orders. Wanted me to have a change of scenery. You know, get away from all my business interests in Texas. Settle down here for a few years. Take up golf. One thing he didn't tell me is.

[Walter Mitty]

The kind of people I'd meet around here. Well, at least you won't find any cattle rustlers on the Stephen place.

[Sam McDonald]

Cattle rushing?

[Walter Mitty]

Oh. Oh, I mean, it's kind of hard to explain. I guess I was thinking of something else. Well, I. I guess I better phone my wife and tell her I won't be home for a few years.

[Sam McDonald]

Oh, wait a minute, Mitty.

[Walter Mitty]

Cattle.

[Betsy]

Cattle.

[Walter Mitty]

What was that you said about cattle.

[Sam McDonald]

On the Stevens place, huh?

[Walter Mitty]

Every time I open my mouth, I.

[Mr. Gibbs]

You dare to come in here? I'm going to ruin you, Mitty. I'll see that you never get another job in this town. I'll do everything.

[Walter Mitty]

Just a moment, Gibbs.

[Sheriff/Judge Thatcher]

Huh? What?

[Betsy]

He even has the nerve to call you Gibbs? Mr. Gibbs.

[Walter Mitty]

Be quiet, Harry, please.

[Mr. Gibbs]

Yes, be quiet.

[Sheriff/Judge Thatcher]

No.

[Betsy]

I won't stand for this.

[Mr. Gibbs]

You've gone mad, Middy. I knew your weak mind had collapsed one of these days. Now it's happened. Watch out for him, Hattie. He might get violent.

[Walter Mitty]

I might. At that time, I might. But in the meantime, Mr. Gibbs, what would you say if I fixed up the whole MacDonald deal? Fixed it up to everybody's satisfaction, maybe.

[Mr. Gibbs]

Old man, you're sure you're all right?

[Walter Mitty]

I'm all right. I can settle everything. In fact, I've just gotten a new check from Mr. McDonald.

[Betsy]

What?

[Walter Mitty]

He's very anxious to have the Stevens place. But before I give you this check, there's a certain little matter I'd like to have cleared up.

[Sam McDonald]

I just dropped in, Minnie, to thank you again. And Gibbs, you ought to be right proud of this young man. If you ask me, he's the real brains of the organization. Thanks again, Minnie.

[Sheriff/Judge Thatcher]

I'm a happy man.

[Sam McDonald]

Well, so long, fool.

[Mr. Gibbs]

Everybody is crazy.

[Walter Mitty]

How about this check? Is this crazy, too? And Mr. McDonald won't stop this one, I guarantee it. Mitty. Mitty.

[Mr. Gibbs]

May I see the check?

[Walter Mitty]

You can see. See it, Mr. Giz, but you don't get it just yet. Here, look.

[Mr. Gibbs]

It's real. Miby, what have you done?

[Walter Mitty]

Oh, I. I just convinced Mr. McDonald that what he wanted was a cow or two grazing on the Stevens place.

[Mr. Gibbs]

Wonderful.

[Walter Mitty]

Golf might be a good hobby, but sooner or later he'd get homesick for the things he loves about Texas, you know. So he's going to build himself a comfy little ranch. Maybe.

[Mr. Gibbs]

You're a genius. Isn't he a genius, Abby?

[Betsy]

Middy is a lot of things.

[Walter Mitty]

Mr. Middy.

[Mr. Gibbs]

Let me have a check. Mr. Middy. I mean, Middy. I. I want to. Just.

[Walter Mitty]

Just a minute. Do I get my office back?

[Mr. Gibbs]

Why, of course, Middy. You can have any office. My office, if you want. Both offices. Just say the word and give me the check.

[Walter Mitty]

I just want my own office back. I'll be satisfied. Here's the check. And remember, Hattie, when I come back in the morning, I expect to find you seated between the water cooler and the pencil shopper. Ladies and gentlemen, wait.

[Mr. Gibbs]

Wait, please, wait.

[Narrator]

This moment in the life of Walter Mitty. Mitty, the undefeated. Mitty the Unconquerable is not yet finished. However, before we return to him, let me remind you again about your future and United States Security bond. As an investment, they are safe, they are profitable, they are convenient to buy, and they are redeemable anytime at the purchase price plus accumulated interest. A word to the wise is sufficient. Be budget wise. Buy bonds.

[Betsy]

But, Walter, if you made that big, Mr. McDonald's so happy. And if the whole deal's been settled, what are you so unhappy about?

[Walter Mitty]

Oh, Mr. Gibbs is angrier with me than ever before.

[Betsy]

But why, darling? You sold the Stevens place to Mr. McDonald to raise cows, didn't you?

[Walter Mitty]

Sure. Sure, I sold it. Sure. Then Mr. Gibbs found out there's an ordinance against raising livestock in the city limits. And when Mr. McDonald comes in tomorrow.

[Betsy]

Oh, Walter, he'll kill you.

[Walter Mitty]

Oh, no, no, no. Don't worry. I'll be safe. Mr. Gibbs has moved my desk into the. The cloak room.

[Narrator]

Secret Life of Walter Midi is written and produced by St. Clair McElway and Louis Meltzer. Music is composed and conducted by Dean Elliott. The entire production is under the direction of Jack Johnstone. All characters and incidents used on tonight's program are fictitious. Many resemblance to act, characters or incidents is purely coincidental. Hi, Aberback speaking. This is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company.