Too Many Cooks 50-07-10 Ep002 Summer Camp

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Too Many Cooks 50-07-10 Ep002 Summer Camp"

Introduction

In the February 18, 2025 release of "Too Many Cooks" on Harold's Old Time Radio, host Hal March introduces listeners to the chaotic yet humorous life of the Cook family. Set against the backdrop of the Golden Age of Radio, this episode delves into the everyday struggles of Doug and Carrie Cook as they navigate parenting ten energetic children. The episode, titled "Summer Camp," combines witty dialogue, relatable family dynamics, and comedic mishaps, capturing the essence of classic radio sitcoms.

The Cooks' Summer Camp Dilemma

The episode opens with Doug Cook lamenting his inability to send his ten children to summer camp due to financial constraints. In a conversation with his friend Scotty, Doug expresses his frustration:

Doug Cook [02:31]: "If I only had one child, I'd send him to summer camp. That's what I'd do, but with 10, I, I, I can't finance it."

Scotty sympathizes, sharing his own challenges with parenting:

Scotty [06:03]: "My boy Stewie won't leave the house either. Right now, he's upstairs lying on his bed, kicking and screaming."

The pressure mounts as the children, led by Tommy and Timmy, express their desire to attend camp, further highlighting the family's predicament.

Establishing "Camp Happy Jolly Cook"

Desperate for a solution, Doug brainstorms the idea of creating a makeshift summer camp in their backyard. With the reluctant support of his wife, Carrie, and the begrudging assistance of his brother, Ed Cook, Doug sets out to transform their home environment:

Doug Cook [14:09]: "They all want to go to summer camp."

Ed Cook [14:40]: "Doug, relax. It's old Uncle Ed to the rescue."

Ed's unconventional approach leads to the construction of "Camp Happy Jolly Cook," a backyard camp complete with a swimming area and tent:

Doug Cook [15:02]: "We'll build them a camp in the backyard. You can dig a hole, and I'll fill it with water for swimming."

Despite Doug's skepticism, Ed proceeds with the setup, albeit with questionable decisions that set the stage for ensuing chaos.

Chaos Ensues

As the makeshift camp takes shape, it becomes clear that Ed's expertise is lacking. The backyard camp rapidly deteriorates, leading to flooding and structural issues:

Doug Cook [16:02]: "But we don't have any snakes in the backyard."

Ed Cook [16:08]: "I'll make a note of that. Pick up some snakes."

The situation spirals out of control when the backyard waterlines are compromised, causing water to flood the dining room ceiling:

Carrie Cook [02:47]: "Doug, what on earth's going on up there? There's water dripping down through the dining room ceiling."

Doug attempts to maintain order, but the children's antics and the chaotic camp environment make it nearly impossible:

Tommy Cook [08:46]: "Stewie Scott's going to summer camp. The bus leaves at 4:00."

Doug Cook [09:26]: "Tommy, you're just trying to hurt me."

The climax of the chaos occurs when Doug and Carrie realize that the backyard camp has failed disastrously, leaving them to confront the reality of their situation.

Resolution and Reflection

In the aftermath of the failed camp setup, Doug and Carrie reflect on their attempt to provide for their children while grappling with the unintended consequences of their actions. The arrival of Scotty, who reveals he prematurely brought Stewie back from camp, adds another layer of complexity:

Scotty [22:25]: "Couldn't stand the silence. So about an hour ago I went up to camp and brought Stewie back."

Faced with ongoing issues, Doug considers the future of his children and his role as a father:

Doug Cook [23:05]: "Do you think it would. Well, I don't. I don't know. Ask him."

The episode concludes with Doug and Carrie seeking solace in each other's company, pondering the challenges of parenting a large family, and the lengths they will go to ensure their children's happiness.

Notable Quotes

• Doug Cook [02:31]: "If I only had one child, I'd send him to summer camp. That's what I'd do, but with 10, I, I, I can't finance it."

• Tommy Cook [08:46]: "Stewie Scott's going to summer camp. The bus leaves at 4:00."

• Ed Cook [14:40]: "Doug, relax. It's old Uncle Ed to the rescue."

• Scotty [22:25]: "Couldn't stand the silence. So about an hour ago I went up to camp and brought Stewie back."

Conclusion

"Too Many Cooks" Episode "Summer Camp" masterfully blends humor with the relatable challenges of managing a large family. Through witty exchanges and situational comedy, the episode highlights the lengths parents will go to for their children and the unforeseen complications that arise from well-intentioned efforts. Hal March's narration and the dynamic interactions among the characters provide a nostalgic yet fresh take on family life, making it a memorable installment in Harold's Old Time Radio series.

Transcript

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[Hal March]

Stay tuned and see if you don't agree. There are just too many cooks. It's the new comedy program Too Many Cooks, written by Frank Fox and starring Hal March. This is the story of the Cook family. Carrie Cook, the mother, Douglas Cook, the father, and of course, the children. Now, the cooks all live together in a house just as you and I. But they are not what you'd call an average family. You see, the cooks have 10 children.

[Doug Cook]

And what's so on average about having 10 children?

[Hal March]

This is Doug Cook, the father. Well, say, Doug, a recent poll indicated that the average American family has two and a half children.

[Doug Cook]

And you say we're not average? Show me one family with two kids and a half of another one running around.

[Hal March]

Well, Doug, you've got to admit that you're a pretty unusual case having 10 children all by yourself.

[Doug Cook]

Believe me, when each of them was born, my wife was right there holding my hand. Tommy, I'd rather you'd gone outside and cut down one of the trees.

[Tommy Cook]

But, Pop, a tree wouldn't fit in our bathtub.

[Doug Cook]

Why don't you go outside, son? Play tag? Hide and seek, cops and bums mow the lawn.

[Tommy Cook]

Now, Pop, it's your turn.

[Doug Cook]

But I don't feel like mowing the lawn, Son.

[Tommy Cook]

Then let me encourage you. It's fun mowing the lawn. Pop, you grab that handle, push that shaft. You see those gleaming blades whirl. Watch the grass fly in the air. Your muscles bulge, your back becomes a sheet of sun bronze glory. Oh, it's fun mowing the lawn.

[Doug Cook]

What, are you crazy?

[Tommy Cook]

Heck, Pop, it's your speech.

[Doug Cook]

My old well. Just get that bed post out of the tub.

[Tommy Cook]

Okay, Pop, get rid of the hot log, man. There's a Mountie outside.

[Doug Cook]

Mountie outside.

[Mary Jane Croft]

Doug, what on earth's going on up there? There's water dripping down through the dining room ceiling.

[Doug Cook]

Well, that's just part of the Canadian river. The boys are playing in the tub.

[Mary Jane Croft]

What? Well, I hope you put a stop to it.

[Doug Cook]

Yeah, I told them to stop.

[Mary Jane Croft]

Is that all you just told them?

[Doug Cook]

Oh, Carrie, they're just Kids. I remember back when I was a boy, it seemed our tub was always filled with water and boats. Sailboats, wind up boats. I can still hear my mother saying, someday that idiot's gonna flood the tub right through the ceiling one day. That's exactly what happened.

[Mary Jane Croft]

Now, you see now, your father waited too long. If he'd spanked you, it wouldn't have happened.

[Doug Cook]

Why should my father spank me? He was the one playing in the tub.

[Mary Jane Croft]

Well, I'll go up and join in their river sport with a little paddling.

[Doug Cook]

Don't spank them with my initial hairbrush, dear. Last time you did, the neighbors accused us of branding them and Little Spanish Town. I love that book. Timmy.

[Timmy Cook]

Hello, Pop.

[Doug Cook]

What's the idea of sitting here on the back porch?

[Timmy Cook]

I was sitting in the dining room, but it started to rain in there.

[Doug Cook]

What are you doing?

[Timmy Cook]

I'm playing with my squeeze dog.

[Doug Cook]

You like to squeeze your squeeze dog?

[Timmy Cook]

No, but it's easy.

[Doug Cook]

Timmy, this is summer vacation. Why don't you go out and play?

[Timmy Cook]

Nah, I went out and played yesterday.

[Doug Cook]

Son of you. If you want to grow up to be big and strong, you've got to get exercise, be active. Work your muscles.

[Timmy Cook]

I am working my muscles.

[Doug Cook]

Oh, come on, Timmy. Go outside.

[Timmy Cook]

Why don't you go out, Pop? Take a walk, get some air. Have some fun.

[Doug Cook]

Mow along. You know, Timmy, sometimes I think you're really a chip off the old block.

[Timmy Cook]

What does that mean?

[Doug Cook]

It means that you're a part of me.

[Timmy Cook]

Which part, Pop? What do you got missing?

[Doug Cook]

Forget it. I'm going outside. So long. Hi, Doug. Well, Scotty. Good morning. What are you doing?

[Bob Sweeney]

My wife sent me out to mow the lawn.

[Doug Cook]

This is a coincidence. Carrie sent me out to mow our lawn. Women are sure silly, I tell you.

[Bob Sweeney]

I told Helen our grass didn't need cutting.

[Doug Cook]

Look at it.

[Bob Sweeney]

It's only a little bit taller than yours.

[Doug Cook]

Mine's hardly worth calling tall. Just a nice hike. It's fun to walk through grass and feel it brushing under your armpits. It's invigorating. At least it is.

[Bob Sweeney]

But we won't get the lawns mowed if we stand here and talk, you know.

[Doug Cook]

No, no, you're right. Let's sit down for a while. Yeah, let's do that. Tell you, Scotty, I. I can't figure my kids. Beautiful day like this, and they won't leave the house.

[Bob Sweeney]

I know what you mean. My boy Stewie won't leave the house either. Right now, he's upstairs lying on his bed, kicking and screaming.

[Doug Cook]

Throwing a tantrum, huh?

[Bob Sweeney]

No, he smoked a couple of cigars.

[Doug Cook]

Well, didn't you try to stop him? Cigars cost money. Couldn't stop him.

[Bob Sweeney]

He locked me in the closet. Oh, he's a problem.

[Doug Cook]

Well, you shouldn't complain. If I only had one child, I'd send him to summer camp. That's what I'd do, but with 10, I, I, I can't finance it.

[Bob Sweeney]

Summer camp?

[Doug Cook]

Sure. There was a thing in the paper this morning. Camp, happy, jolly fun. Oh, yeah. There's a bus leaving at 4 this afternoon.

[Bob Sweeney]

That's the camp for both boys and girls.

[Doug Cook]

Stewie's bound to fit into one of those groups.

[Bob Sweeney]

You know, it wouldn't be too much trouble to get him ready. I could pack him a little snack.

[Doug Cook]

Some sandwiches, some cupcakes, few cigars.

[Bob Sweeney]

Just think, peace and quiet in the house. No windows being smashed, no furniture being broken, no booby traps in the bathroom. Oh, Doug, I think I'll send him good for you.

[Doug Cook]

Be sure and give him some poison ivy lotion and some mosquito bite salve. And warn him to stay away from swimming holes. And tell him not to overdo his playing. And make him promise not to get too close to the campfires. And tell him to be sure to get to bed early at night.

[Bob Sweeney]

Well, instead of all that, I think I'll just pin a note on him. Make sure this boy has a lousy time.

[Mary Jane Croft]

Dad?

[Doug Cook]

In here, dear.

[Mary Jane Croft]

Oh, what are you doing? Well, you certainly look comfortable.

[Doug Cook]

Yeah, I, I like to stretch out on the sofa, take off my shirt and shoes and socks, roll up my trousers, drink a picture of iced lemonade.

[Mary Jane Croft]

Who closed all the windows?

[Doug Cook]

I did. I was cold.

[Mary Jane Croft]

I wonder why.

[Doug Cook]

Hey. Hey. What?

[Mary Jane Croft]

Look at those legs.

[Doug Cook]

Oh, they're nothing, Carrie. They're just. Just. They aren't bad, are they?

[Mary Jane Croft]

You want the truth?

[Doug Cook]

Steady.

[Mary Jane Croft]

They look like a couple of two by fours covered with excelsior.

[Doug Cook]

Well, horrible picture. You make me want to wear clothes when I take a shower.

[Timmy Cook]

All right, quiet, children. We got a good idea.

[Doug Cook]

Now, what is all this?

[Tommy Cook]

Well, we want to talk to you, Pop.

[Timmy Cook]

Gee, look at Pop's big bare feet.

[Doug Cook]

That's enough, Timmy. All right, Tommy, what's on your mind?

[Tommy Cook]

Stewie Scott's going to summer camp. The bus leaves at 4:00.

[Doug Cook]

Yeah, and we want to go too.

[Timmy Cook]

Gee, look at those big bare feet.

[Doug Cook]

Timmy. Children, listen. Barbara, Frank, Jean, aren't we as good as Stewie? Sure.

[Tommy Cook]

You told Mr. Scott to send him.

[Doug Cook]

I know.

[Tommy Cook]

Haven't we stuck by you all these years?

[Doug Cook]

Look, look, children, I can't afford to send all of you to camp.

[Timmy Cook]

I got a penny in my piggy bank. Pop, you told us to get out.

[Mary Jane Croft]

Of the house, didn't you?

[Ed Cook]

The bus leaves at 4.

[Timmy Cook]

The bus leaves at 4.

[Doug Cook]

Timmy. Look, children, the bus leaves at 4. Timmy, stop saying the bus leaves at 4. And stop squeezing that toy. Now, look, gang. Timmy.

[Tommy Cook]

He didn't squeeze it, Pop. He just sat on it.

[Doug Cook]

All right, now, now, look, Timmy, sit down.

[Timmy Cook]

Okay.

[Doug Cook]

Now, now, look, children. I've always been a good father. As good as I could be. I'd do anything in the world for each and every one of you. But you can't go to camp. When you were small, I used to rock you to sleep. I walked the floor with you.

[Timmy Cook]

You dropped me once.

[Mary Jane Croft]

No, really, now, children, Daddy's telling the truth. We can't afford to send you to camp.

[Tommy Cook]

Okay, gang, let's go.

[Doug Cook]

Oh, now, look, it's okay, Paul.

[Tommy Cook]

Come on, gang. We'll go out and wait till Stewie's ready to leave. Then we'll wave goodbye to him. We'll know he's leaving us behind, but we'll. Smile.

[Doug Cook]

Tommy, you're just trying to hurt me.

[Tommy Cook]

No, I'm not, Pop. Come on, gang.

[Mary Jane Croft]

Oh, Doug.

[Doug Cook]

Oh, please. Please, Carrie, I. I feel just as badly as you do. I guess I'm just a failure as a father. Ironic, isn't it, to think you could have married Edgar Weicker?

[Mary Jane Croft]

Oh, duh.

[Doug Cook]

Edgar Weicker, biggest banker in Philadelphia. A man of great wealth. If you married Edgar Weicker, things would be a lot different now.

[Mary Jane Croft]

How would things be different now?

[Doug Cook]

Well, if you'd married him, my 10 little kids could go to camp.

[Hal March]

You are listening to Too Many Cooks, starring Hell March is Doug, with Mary Jane Croft as Carrie. Another swell Tuesday nights. Coming up on CBS Adventure with mystery theaters, Inspector Hearthstone and with a psychological drama on Satan's Waiting. There'll be more mad fun with candid microphone. Another fine love story on romance and another hour of fine operetta music on. There's music in the air. This great array of programs is heard each Tuesday on most of these same CBS stations. Be listening this Tuesday, won't you? On the sofa in the living room of the Cooks in gloom and despair sits three creatures, Doug and his two bare feet. Doug's 10 children want to go to summer camp, but Doug can't afford to send them. As Doug sits there, his chin in his hands, he thinks back to the time when he was a small boy. He went to summer camp. Oh, what Fun. It was happy, carefree little Doug cook, six years old, barefooted. Doug recalls now how he and another little fellow found childish delight as they prepared to start their campfire.

[Tommy Cook]

It's time to start our campfire, Dougie. Find two sticks and we'll rub them together.

[Timmy Cook]

Nay. I brought my old man cigar lighter.

[Tommy Cook]

Oh, good. Williker. Zuggy, start the fire so we may roast this fine cow we borrowed from yonder farm.

[Timmy Cook]

Nay, I am not hungry.

[Tommy Cook]

Not hungry, you say?

[Doug Cook]

Nay.

[Timmy Cook]

I am still full of the fine horse we ate for lunch.

[Hal March]

Well, a horse. Perhaps. Doug's memory is distorted by the pressing situation at hand. Anyway, he's.

[I]

Presente su solicitud.

[Doug Cook]

Oy.

[I]

Mismo con del Oregon. Es gratis, vasil. Yay. Servicios ponibles. Llame al uno, ocho. Siete, siete. Tres. Cuatro. Ocho, cuatro.

[Hal March]

Very sad. Hey, you know, maybe things are going to work out after all. There's his brother Ed, the family fixer, coming up the walk. Hey, don't give up, Doug. Help may be at hand.

[Doug Cook]

Coming. Coming.

[Ed Cook]

Hi, Doug.

[Doug Cook]

Hello, Ed. Come on in.

[Ed Cook]

Well, I'll be darned.

[Doug Cook]

What's the matter?

[Ed Cook]

You're in your bare feet. What's the idea? You gonna crush grapes for homemade wine?

[Doug Cook]

I'm just trying to be comfortable.

[Ed Cook]

Boy, do you look unhappy. What have the kids done now?

[Doug Cook]

It's not what they've done, Ed. It's what they want.

[Ed Cook]

What do they want? Oh, no. Not a baby brother.

[Doug Cook]

It was that simple. I could work it out.

[Ed Cook]

What do the kids want?

[Doug Cook]

They all want to go to summer camp.

[Ed Cook]

Oh, I see. And you, being the loving father, can't bear to be without them.

[Doug Cook]

No, no, no. Way off. It's the expense. At $15 a kid. Oh, it's $150. I just don't have it.

[Ed Cook]

Doug, relax. It's old Uncle Ed to the rescue.

[Doug Cook]

Oh, honest.

[Ed Cook]

Well, after all, I am your brother. Those kids are like my own. When each one of them was born, who was right outside the door, pacing up and down with you? And I was as nervous as you were. And I did as much fingernail biting as you did.

[Doug Cook]

Yeah, yeah, we certainly chewed my nails off. Oh, Ed, I can't tell you how much I appreciate this. Do you have the money with you?

[Ed Cook]

Money? Who said anything about money?

[Doug Cook]

You did. You said you were gonna lend me the 150.

[Ed Cook]

I did not. I said it was Uncle Ed to the rescue.

[Doug Cook]

To the rescue with what? Summer camp.

[Ed Cook]

We'll build them a camp in the backyard.

[Mary Jane Croft]

Isn't that a clever idea?

[Doug Cook]

Ed, your ideas are never any good. Make a camp in the backyard. That's ridiculous. We in the. Maybe. Maybe.

[Ed Cook]

I guess it's no good. Forget it.

[Doug Cook]

Now. Wait. I don't see why it wouldn't work.

[Ed Cook]

Ah, it's no good.

[Doug Cook]

What's the matter with you? Don't you think I can ever get a good idea?

[Ed Cook]

You're right, Doug. I said. I mean you. You know, I'm not only losing my hair, I think my brain's falling out too.

[Doug Cook]

It's a great idea. A great idea.

[Ed Cook]

Congratulations.

[Doug Cook]

Build him a camp in the backyard. You can dig a hole, and I'll fill it with water for swimming.

[Ed Cook]

Swell. And I'll get the old pup tent you have in the basem. And those old spy glasses we bought the night we went to the flea circus.

[Doug Cook]

Oh, well, they'd be surprised. What else will they need?

[Ed Cook]

I'll write it down. We'll pick up some extra food. Mosquito netting, blankets, firewood, snakebite medicine.

[Doug Cook]

Wait a minute. We don't have any snakes in the backyard.

[Ed Cook]

I'll make a note of that. Pick up some snakes.

[Doug Cook]

Ed, get started.

[Ed Cook]

The tent is up.

[Doug Cook]

Very good job, Ed. Where did you ever learn to put up a tent like that?

[Ed Cook]

I used to go with a girl who lived in one.

[Doug Cook]

Oh, yeah, I remember that. That housing shortage was pretty bad.

[Ed Cook]

What housing shortage? She was an Indian girl, Ed.

[Doug Cook]

You never went. Forget it.

[Ed Cook]

Hey, how do you like my job on the swimming pool?

[Doug Cook]

I see. Kind of big, isn't it? The edges keep caving in.

[Ed Cook]

It's growing by the second.

[Doug Cook]

Why don't you turn the water off?

[Ed Cook]

Wouldn't do any good.

[Doug Cook]

Why wouldn't it?

[Ed Cook]

My pick went through the main pipeline for goodness. Perhaps it'll come in handy. Maybe we'll have a good dry spell soon.

[Doug Cook]

Yeah, maybe. Well, I told Carrie to have the kids already for the big surprise. I may as well call them out. I hope they like their kids.

[Ed Cook]

Before you call them, let's move back a bit. I think the tide's coming in.

[Doug Cook]

Maybe it'll stop soon. Well, here goes. Okay, Carrie, bring them out.

[Timmy Cook]

What's this all about?

[Tommy Cook]

Quiet.

[Doug Cook]

Quiet. Quiet, please. Quiet. Welcome to Camp Happy Jolly Cook. You don't look very happy to me. Please, please, children. This is a wonderful summer camp. Isn't that so, Carrie?

[Mary Jane Croft]

You heard what your father said, children.

[Doug Cook]

Well, how do you all like it?

[Mary Jane Croft]

This doesn't care.

[Hal March]

I enjoy.

[Doug Cook]

Wait, wait. Tommy. Tommy, come here. I want to show you how much fun this can be. Get in the tent.

[Tommy Cook]

Ha. Gee, Papa.

[Doug Cook]

Just get inside the tent. That's it. Now I'll close the flap. Camping is so much fun. Tommy. How is it in there, son?

[Tommy Cook]

Dark.

[Ed Cook]

I'll stir up some enthusiasm. Doug. Tenting tonight. Tenting tonight.

[Doug Cook]

Never mind, Ed. Children.

[Ed Cook]

Okay, I'm sorry.

[Doug Cook]

Now. Now, children, about Camp Happy Jolly Cook. We have this lovely creek for swimming.

[Mary Jane Croft]

Doug, it's getting awfully big.

[Ed Cook]

Hey, look, a periscope.

[Doug Cook]

That's Uncle Ed's pick. Children, this camp.

[Mary Jane Croft]

You better get Tommy out of the tent, dear. He can't swim.

[Tommy Cook]

I'm coming out.

[Doug Cook]

Very funny. Well, I guess our summer camp is a bus. Look at that water.

[Timmy Cook]

This is a crazy house, boy. Water in the yard and rain in the dining room.

[Mary Jane Croft]

Well, I'm afraid it wasn't very successful. Doug, you had a good idea.

[Doug Cook]

Mind you, I had a good idea. It wasn't my idea.

[Ed Cook]

Well, see you all later.

[Doug Cook]

Come back here.

[Ed Cook]

Really, I have to go, Doug. I just heard my dog rattling my dish.

[Doug Cook]

You'll stay. Now, tell them. Whose idea was this?

[Ed Cook]

You took it from me once. You want to give it back again.

[Doug Cook]

Who put the pick through the main water pipe?

[Ed Cook]

It was my idea.

[Doug Cook]

Fine. Now, children, I'll put it to a vote. I'm nominating Uncle Ed, the one who caused all this mess, to be the one who loans me the money to send you all to Camp Happy Jolly Fun. All in favor, say aye. Aye. Well, Ed, it's unanimous.

[Ed Cook]

Only in a democracy can a fella get a fair election like that.

[Doug Cook]

Sure is peaceful here on the back porch, huh, Carrie?

[Mary Jane Croft]

Oh, yes, and the moonlight's so pretty on the water.

[Doug Cook]

Yeah, so. So peaceful. You know, although it'll take us a long time to pay Ed back, this is sort of a vacation for us too.

[Mary Jane Croft]

What do you mean?

[Doug Cook]

Well, with those noisy kids gone, we've got a few days of peace and quiet.

[Mary Jane Croft]

Oh, yeah.

[Doug Cook]

Isn't it swell?

[Mary Jane Croft]

Yes. Yes, if you look at it that way. Yes, it is nice and quiet, isn't it?

[Doug Cook]

You sure? No noisy kids. Wonderful.

[Mary Jane Croft]

Really swell.

[Doug Cook]

Yach. Swell.

[Mary Jane Croft]

Swell, swell. What do you got there, dear?

[Doug Cook]

Oh, just something I picked up in the house. I sort of thought I'd like to hold it in my lap. It's nothing.

[Mary Jane Croft]

Well, let me see it.

[Doug Cook]

All right. Here it is.

[Mary Jane Croft]

Oh, Doug.

[Doug Cook]

Stop it, will you? Oh, sorry, dear. Is the window open in Tommy's room?

[Mary Jane Croft]

I don't know. Why?

[Doug Cook]

Just hoping the wind might blow his baseball off the bureau and make some noise.

[Mary Jane Croft]

I wonder how poor Scotty's making out with that noisy little stewie. Around?

[Doug Cook]

Yeah, poor guy. Why don't we walk over and try to cheer him up?

[Mary Jane Croft]

Yeah, let's go.

[Doug Cook]

We'll cut across the yard. Come on. Rock a bye Bit of no when you're smiling when you're smiling the whole world rock bot.

[Mary Jane Croft]

Poor Scotty.

[Doug Cook]

Yeah, he's probably all broken up.

[Mary Jane Croft]

Well, maybe if we don't mention Stewie.

[Doug Cook]

Doug.

[Bob Sweeney]

Carrie. Come on in.

[Doug Cook]

Carrie. Scotty, you're not sad? Sad?

[Bob Sweeney]

I'm as happy as a lark.

[Mary Jane Croft]

Let's go, dear.

[Doug Cook]

Come on.

[Ed Cook]

Yeah.

[Doug Cook]

This guy isn't human. How anybody can be so happy when his little kid is gone. Let's go, Carrie. Hello? Wait a second, you guys. What was that?

[Ed Cook]

What was that?

[Doug Cook]

What do you think it was?

[Bob Sweeney]

Couldn't stand the silence. So about an hour ago I went up to camp and brought Stewie back. There goes another window. Helen wanted me to wash him tomorrow.

[Doug Cook]

Scotty, you lucky guy.

[Mary Jane Croft]

Doug. Doug, it's too late for us to go up for our children. But do you think.

[Doug Cook]

Do you think it would. Well, I don't. I don't know. Ask him.

[Mary Jane Croft]

Ask him anyway.

[Doug Cook]

Okay, I'll ask him. Scotty, what is it? Well, Scotty, we were wondering. Carrie and I were wondering if you'd.

[Mary Jane Croft]

Well, it wouldn't be for very long.

[Doug Cook]

Just long enough to break a few.

[Mary Jane Croft]

Windows, maybe smash a couple of tables.

[Doug Cook]

Oh, come on. What do you want? Scotty? But just for a little while. Can we borrow Stewie?

[Hal March]

In just a moment, we'll be back to Too Many Cooks, starring Hal March, with Mary Jane Croft, Bob Sweeney, George Benneman, Dick Krena, Rhoda Williams, Tommy Bernard and Stuffy Singer. That old phrase, you can't keep him down on the farm goes into reverse when Granby's Green Acres comes your way every Monday night on cbs. Granby's Green Acres is the new CBS comedy show about a city chap who moves to what he thinks is the quiet life down on the farm. No matter where you live, city or country, you'll find it's full of laughs and chuckles. Granby's Green Acres follows Too Many Cooks on most of these same CBS stations. So stay tuned. And now back to Doug and Carrie. It's 4:00 in the morning and they're finally ready to go to sleep.

[Mary Jane Croft]

Honey, are you asleep yet?

[Doug Cook]

No. No, Carrie, but I'm contented now. Be asleep any minute.

[Mary Jane Croft]

It's so wonderful being with the children again, isn't it?

[Doug Cook]

Yeah. You know, Carrie.

[Timmy Cook]

Hey, Mom.

[Tommy Cook]

Pop, how about going to sleep? Everybody in this camp has to get up at 6:00.

[Hal March]

Too many Cooks is written by Frank Fox, Rick Vollerts and Bob Porter and Lou Armbrecht produced and directed by Gordon T. Hughes. Original music was composed and conducted by Marlon Skiles. This is Roy Rowan speaking. This is cbs, where you eavesdrop with a candid microphone every Tuesday night. The Columbia Broadcasting System.