Twilight Zone ep001 - A Kind of Stopwatch

Summary

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Episode Summary: "A Kind of Stopwatch"

Introduction

The episode begins with the classic Twilight Zone narration by Stacy Keach, setting the stage for a story that delves into the extraordinary effects of a seemingly simple device—a stopwatch. The setting is a modern office environment within Cooper Corporation, where daily routines and office dynamics are portrayed with a touch of surrealism.

Main Characters

• Patrick McNulty: A 41-year-old office worker known for his incessant talking and contribution of numerous suggestions to the company’s suggestion box.
• Lou: An employee who manages the suggestion box and interacts regularly with McNulty and other coworkers.
• Gertrude: A coworker who engages in conversations about office snacks and participates in the group dynamics.
• Angie: Another coworker who assists in managing office tasks and interacts with McNulty.
• Mr. Cooper: The boss of Cooper Corporation, focused on productivity and workplace efficiency.
• Joe: The bartender at Paolucci's bar, interacting with McNulty outside the office setting.
• Potts: A mysterious old man who becomes central to the plot involving the stopwatch.

Plot Overview

1. Office Dynamics and McNulty’s Frustration:

   • The episode opens with typical office banter revolving around lack of Danish pastries due to Mr. Cooper’s health initiatives, leading to discussions about alternative snacks.
   • McNulty expresses his discontent with the office’s changes and his belief that the new snack options are just as unhealthy as the previous ones, showcasing his critical nature.

2. Introduction of the Stopwatch:

   • During a conversation at the bar, McNulty receives a mysterious stopwatch from Potts, an old patron.
   • Curious about its functions, McNulty experiments with the stopwatch, inadvertently discovering that it can stop time.

3. Misuse of the Stopwatch:

   • McNulty begins using the stopwatch to halt time in various settings, including the office and the bar, leading to disruptions and confusion among his coworkers and patrons.
   • His initial amusement turns into frustration as he realizes the extent of his actions and their impact on those around him.

4. Confrontation with Mr. Cooper:

   • Mr. Cooper confronts McNulty about his incessant suggestions that aren’t aligned with the company’s focus.
   • In a heated exchange, McNulty threatens to use the stopwatch to demonstrate his worth, leading to his termination.

5. Consequences of Power:

   • With the stopwatch in his possession, McNulty's attempts to gain recognition escalate, but instead of improving his situation, he isolates himself further.
   • The story delves into themes of power, recognition, and the unintended consequences of wielding extraordinary abilities.

6. Climax and Resolution:

   • McNulty's misuse of the stopwatch culminates in a chaotic scenario where he attempts to control various aspects of his life and others', leading to a breakdown of normalcy.
   • The episode concludes with a reflection on McNulty's journey, emphasizing the moral that unlimited power comes with significant responsibility and that personal fulfillment cannot be achieved through control or manipulation of time.

Themes and Insights

• Power and Responsibility: The episode explores how possessing great power, even something as seemingly benign as a stopwatch, can lead to misuse and unintended negative consequences.
• Isolation Through Control: McNulty's attempts to control his environment and gain recognition ultimately isolate him, highlighting the importance of authentic human connections.
• The Quest for Recognition: McNulty's relentless pursuit of acknowledgment from his peers and superiors serves as a critique of workplace dynamics where genuine contributions are often overlooked.
• Time as a Double-Edged Sword: The stopwatch symbolizes the allure and dangers of manipulating time, suggesting that while the ability to control time is fascinating, it can lead to one's downfall if not handled wisely.

Conclusion

"A Kind of Stopwatch" serves as a cautionary tale about the temptations of power and the importance of responsible behavior. Through Patrick McNulty's character, the episode illustrates how the desire for recognition and control can lead to personal and professional turmoil. The narrative emphasizes that true fulfillment comes from meaningful interactions and ethical choices rather than the ability to manipulate one's circumstances unnaturally.

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This summary encapsulates the essence of the episode, highlighting the main plot points, character dynamics, and underlying themes without relying on direct quotes from the transcript.

Transcript

[Stacy Keach]

You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You've just crossed over into the twilight zone.

[Angie]

Cooper corporation, how may I direct your call? Just a moment. Cooper corporation.

[Lou]

Coffee coming through.

[Angie]

Who ordered coffee with sugar and two creams?

[Lou]

Right here.

[Angie]

Thanks, louie.

[Lou]

You got it. Coffee here.

[Gertrude]

Do you have any danish this morning?

[Lou]

I got bran muffins, granola bars and trail mix.

[Gertrude]

Oh, no. What happened to the Danish?

[Lou]

Mr. Cooper's orders.

[Angie]

Mr. Cooper? How come?

[Lou]

He's on a health kick. Says danish is bad for you, for the whole office. Everybody on the floor. He wants more work out of you.

[Gertrude]

Oh, well, I suppose I'll have one of those granola bars. Is it chocolate coated k rab? Sounds positively yummy. Guess I'll give it a try.

[Patrick McNulty]

Hey, that's wrong, you know.

[Lou]

What is, mcnulty?

[Patrick McNulty]

Well, the pastries are bad for the brain. True, they're mostly sugar and starch, but so are muffins. Huh? Granola bars. Granola bars have as much fat as 13 strips of bacon, did you know that? And trail mix. Forget it, forget it. There's so many calories and saturated fats, you might as well eat a tub of popcorn, huh? With butter. Well, if Mr. Cooper wants to improve.

[Lou]

Productivity, all I know is I got coffee with cream, cream and sugar. Cream by itself, sugar by itself or artificial sweetener. And that old favorite, all black, take your pick.

[Patrick McNulty]

Ah, diversification. Now you, you're on the right track. As I always say, you can't run a business standing still. A business has got to move. A business has got to progress. You think about that now.

[Lou]

Excuse me. I gotta progress through the office.

[Patrick McNulty]

Yeah, so do I. We all do. A business has gotta keep pushing, keep punching, keep prodding, keep moving forward. That's what a business has gotta do. Now you think about that.

[Gertrude]

Personally, I gotta get a drink of water. You coming, gertrude?

[Angie]

Oh, yeah. I mean, I think I better go with you.

[Patrick McNulty]

Ah, sounds good. Think I'll come along too.

[Gertrude]

Oh, that's alright.

[Patrick McNulty]

Hey, did you know that water is the most important part of a healthy diet? We're almost all water. I mean, our cells feed off of it, right? Hey, you see that suggestion box on the wall? I personally told Mr. Cooper to get better quality bottled water. Huh, huh. But the chemicals they put in it these days. I mean, think about it now, it's a disgrace. Not to mention.

[Stacy Keach]

Submitted for your approval or at least your analysis, one patrick thomas mcnulty, who at age 41 is the biggest bore on earth. He holds a 10 year record for the most meaningless words spewed out during a typical coffee break. And it's very likely that as of this moment he would have gone on through life in precisely the same manner. A dull, argumentative big mouth who sets back the art of conversation at least a thousand years. I say he very likely would have, except for something that will soon happen to him. Something totally unexpected that will considerably alter his existence and ours. You think about that now, because this is, after all, the twilight zone.

And now the twilight zone and our story, a kind of stopwatch. Starring lou diamond phillips. With stacy keach as your narrator.

[Patrick McNulty]

Ah, you can taste the impurities. We need clean air, too. Hepa filters, air, ionizers, the whole bed, huh? You know, and these rooms need a new paint job while they're at it, you know, I mean, a nice soothing color.

[Angie]

Come on, angie, let's go to the powder room.

[Gertrude]

Yeah, I'm with you.

[Patrick McNulty]

Cause we got to keep this company on track. You think about it now. We will.

[Gertrude]

McNulty.

[Patrick McNulty]

Right here.

[Gertrude]

Mr. Cooper would like to see you.

[Patrick McNulty]

Well, you hear that everybody, huh? Mr. Cooper would like to see mcnulty. And all because of that box right there. You know why Mr. Cooper wants to see mcnulty? Because mcnulty has been feeding him suggestions in that box for 11 months now. Did I say suggestions? Wrong word. Suggestions any claude can give, huh? But dynamic blueprints for the future only mcnulty can give, huh? You just think about that.

[Gertrude]

Mr. Cooper's waiting. Mr. McNulty.

[Patrick McNulty]

I don't suppose you'd be free for dinner, would you, huh? I was thinking we could, you know, dine at some cozy little out of the way place, nice and intimate, you know, then maybe trip the light fantastic.

[Gertrude]

If I were starving to death and you were the last man on earth and it meant whether I live or die, I might be. But I'm not. You're not and it doesn't. So buzz off, buster.

[Lou]

In here, McNulty.

[Patrick McNulty]

Hi, Mr. Cooper.

[Lou]

Do you know what I've been doing for the last half hour?

[Patrick McNulty]

You've been looking through the suggestion box. I knew it was gonna happen one of these days, Mr. Cooper. I've been expecting it. You see, the thing of it is, it takes a very special kind of employer to recognize that one of his men has got it. And obviously mcnulty does.

[Lou]

Truer words, mcnulty, have probably never been spoken here or anywhere else. I have just gone through the residue of the suggestion box covering the past three month period. Here is your suggestion dated March 13th. Make hot dogs flat so they can fit more easily into a hamburger bun.

[Patrick McNulty]

Well, how about that? Now you think about that now, Mr. Cooper.

[Lou]

Make tin cans square so they can be stacked together more easily.

[Patrick McNulty]

Well, huh, Isn't that a guess? You think about that too.

[Lou]

Put small pontoons in field packs of soldiers so that when they cross rivers they can float.

[Patrick McNulty]

That's worth a million bucks as it stands, huh? I mean that one little suggestion. You see, the soldiers, they go into the water in the cans. Well, the cans, they're full of air, see?

[Lou]

So, Mr. McNulty, the Cooper corporation makes ladies foundation garments. It has nothing whatsoever to do with hamburgers, hot dogs, tin cans or national defense. Not a single one of your 340 suggestions. Repeat, not one of them has anything remotely to do with this company's product.

[Patrick McNulty]

Right, See, I wanted to talk to you about that too. What you ought to do is focus on new inventions for our customers.

[Lou]

Our customers?

[Patrick McNulty]

Well, I've been doing some reading about pressure and leverage, the principles of engineering. And one of the greatest engineers of the 20th century was Howard hughes. Why, did you know that? He invented the cantilevered brassiere. He invented an undergarment that actually defied the laws of gravity. Huh? Like a suspension bridge. And if it weren't for his little invention, nobody would have ever heard of jane russell, huh? Did you know that I believe this.

[Lou]

Company is well aware of the history of our product lines. And they don't have anything to do with 1940s movie stars or eccentric old recluses with mental delusions.

[Patrick McNulty]

Exactly. The key to a successful business is diversification. More products for more kinds of customers. Now you think about that.

[Lou]

I have thought about it, mcnulty. Now you think about this.

[Patrick McNulty]

Yes, sir.

[Lou]

You're fired.

[Joe]

Another round, mcnulty?

[Patrick McNulty]

In a. In a minute. I'm. I'm still working on this one.

[Stacy Keach]

Now over here, joe.

[Joe]

Coming right up.

[Patrick McNulty]

You know something? Here we go again with the long ball hitter. As opposed to the consistent clutch hitter with a big average. I will take the ladder.

[Joe]

Well, that's very nice of you to tell us, mcnulty.

[Patrick McNulty]

Well, it's a fact that at no time. At no time has the home run leader in either league led the league in batting. At no time.

[Joe]

Which should tell you Ted williams won the batting championship and led the league in home runs. He In 1941, 42 and 47.

[Patrick McNulty]

The exception to the rule. Think about that now the exception to the rule.

[Stacy Keach]

You know something? My sister's got five kids, a six four walk up, a little bitty TV set and an air conditioner that don't work. But I'll tell you what else it don't have, it don't have, McNulty. Me, I'm out of here.

[Patrick McNulty]

Like I was saying, it's the exception that proves the rule.

[Joe]

Let me ask you something, mcnulty. How come you're in here so early tonight? You've been sitting here now for three and a half hours.

[Patrick McNulty]

Well, for the simple reason that I quit my job.

[Joe]

No kidding?

[Patrick McNulty]

Yeah, I went into Mr. Cooper's office and I read him off just like that. You know, cooper eyes said, don't tell.

[Joe]

Me, mcnulty, you got canned.

[Patrick McNulty]

Well, in. In. In a manner of speaking, you might say. Well, yeah, we mutually agreed that I wasn't gonna work there anymore. Let me ask you something. Wouldn't. Wouldn't you think that after one year of putting suggestions in the suggestion. After one whole year I get noticed?

[Joe]

McNulty, you want to know something? Getting noticed and getting liked are two different things.

[Patrick McNulty]

What do you know about it?

[Joe]

Nothing, mcnulty, not a thing. All I know is that every week of every month except election day, you come in here and drive everybody out of their skull walking on your lower lip. Now you think about that little, will ya? For my sake.

[Patrick McNulty]

Where's my other beer?

[Joe]

Right here.

[Patrick McNulty]

Thank you, barkeep. If you don't mind, I think I'll find myself a nice quiet table to sit at. Goodbye. Excuse me, my good man, is this seat taken?

[Potts]

Is now.

[Patrick McNulty]

So what do you say, old timer?

[Potts]

I say 54, 40 or fight. I also say damn the torpedoes in full speed ahead. And on occasion. On occasion I have been known to say it takes a heap of living to make a house a home.

[Patrick McNulty]

You. You want another one?

[Potts]

Thank you. I would consider it a kindness on your part.

[Patrick McNulty]

One more over here, please. So, what's your name?

[Potts]

What's my name? Potts.

[Patrick McNulty]

Potts. Potts. That's such a bad name.

[Potts]

It is the one I was born with.

[Patrick McNulty]

Seems to me there was a third baseman, played for the phillies one year. Seems to me his name was Potts. Let's see, it was lou Potts. Frank Potts. Could it have been bots?

[Potts]

No, Potts.

[Joe]

You paying, mcnulty? Because this old rummy already gave me his last dollar.

[Patrick McNulty]

This man is my friend and I like a little respect from you while you're at it.

[Joe]

I bet you would, McNulty. And you getting respect from me would be about as easy as flagging down a cab on 46 and Broadway at 8 o'clock on New Year's Eve in the rain.

[Patrick McNulty]

Here you go. So what do you want to talk about? You want to talk about baseball?

[Potts]

Well, it is a great American pastime and I am so glad that Abner Doubleday saw fit to invent it. To your health, friend. And now to show my appreciation for your generosity, I have something for you. Consider it a gift. A small remembrance of our friendship.

[Patrick McNulty]

What is it?

[Potts]

It's an old family heirloom. A kind of stopwatch, you might say.

[Patrick McNulty]

Why do you carry it around? I mean, you know, if it's just a stopwatch, it doesn't keep keep time, right? That is a fact.

[Potts]

But it's all yours nonetheless. Someday you might own a racehorse or you might want to run the four minute mile. Who knows? Now you've got a stopwatch to time yourself. I've been looking for someone to give it to. I myself am finally finished with it. Goodbye, old pal. E pluribus unum.

[Patrick McNulty]

Hey, hey, you didn't finish your beer.

[Joe]

You done for the night, McNulty? There ain't no more ears in here you can bend. You bored 10 people to death. And you emptied this place faster than a smallpox sign.

[Patrick McNulty]

Funny looking watch anyway. I hate to go home, Joe. I mean, geez, you know, I mean I already saw the picture on the late show. I mean I even saw the one on the late late show.

[Joe]

Hey McNulty, do me a favor, would you? Whenever you get the thirst, go to some other bar.

[Patrick McNulty]

Sometimes, you know, I wish I was married so I wouldn't have to go anywhere. You ever get that feeling, huh? How do you work this?

[Joe]

And another thing about you, McNulty, you make me nervous. First you come in here and then what?

[Patrick McNulty]

What's going on? Joe? Hey, hey, hey, hey. Joe, why ain't you moving? Joe? Joe, why don't you say something? I mean, I mean it's like he was frozen. What's with the tv? There was a game on. The guy started the pitch. And will you look at there? Balls. Just hang in there. Did the TV freeze up or something? Say, what is this? Something's going on. All I was doing was telling you about how bored I was. And then that crazy gleep gives me this watch here and I push the button on it like this and you.

[Joe]

Bore people to death. And then you start to make me so nervous my back itches. And.

[Patrick McNulty]

Hey, I kind of like this.

[Joe]

Furthermore, it's getting so people don't stay very long in my establishment when you're around. They catch my drift. They stick their heads in, see you sitting here and move on. In other words, you're costing me business, mcnulty. Do I have to make it any plainer? So like I say, take it somewhere else. Okay, pal, it's nothing personal.

[Patrick McNulty]

I make you nervous. You don't suppose. You know, suppose this watch here.

[Joe]

You know something, mcnulty? You're the one guy who makes me wish they never repealed prohibition.

[Patrick McNulty]

And you know what I think, joe? I think this watch. This watch. This watch is a very unusual one. That's what I think. A very, very unusual watch, huh? Hey, buddy, watch where you're going. Oh, oh, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, my good man. Yeah, you should be.

[Angie]

Excuse me.

[Patrick McNulty]

Begging your pardon.

[Angie]

Officer. Oh, officer.

[Officer]

Yes, ma'am?

[Angie]

That man over there, I think he's drunk.

[Officer]

Oh, he is, is he?

[Angie]

He bumped right into me. You can see the way he's staggering. He can hardly stand up. Oh, it's a disgrace.

[Officer]

Well, no, we'll just see about that. Hold on there, fella.

[Patrick McNulty]

Yes, officer?

[Officer]

Had a little too much to drink, did we?

[Patrick McNulty]

Oh, I wouldn't say that. Not enough is more like it.

[Officer]

Why don't you just go home and sleep it off? You'll feel better in the morning.

[Patrick McNulty]

Yes, yeah, of course, of course. I'm. I'm on my way home now, as a matter of fact.

[Officer]

Walking, are you? I'd say you're in no condition.

[Patrick McNulty]

You know, you're right, officer. I was. I was just thinking about that.

[Officer]

Well, get along with you.

[Patrick McNulty]

Now, why should a man have to walk at all? Right? He could fall down and get hurt. Now, here's an idea for you. You make the sidewalks out of rubber. Think about that now, huh? No more injuries. You fall, you bounce right back up again. All the money the city could save. No more broken arms and legs to fix by the hospitals would save millions. Not to mention the. The insurance companies.

[Officer]

I think I better call you a cab.

[Patrick McNulty]

Okay, I'm a cab. You get it? You said, I'll call you. And then I, I, I said, well.

[Officer]

No more kidding now, none at all.

[Patrick McNulty]

I don't. I don't want a cabin in the first place and every stuff. And in the second place, it takes too long on account there's too much traffic in this city. In the first place, am I right or am I wrong? You tell me that.

[Officer]

I'm not telling you nothing. Now, listen.

[Patrick McNulty]

Hey, hey, hey, hey. You know, you know what they ought to do, put in moving sidewalks. That way, all a man has to do is stand in one place, not even use a single muscle, and before you know it, he's home. You think about that.

[Officer]

I'm serious. If you can't afford a cab, the subway's right at the end of the block. Now run along. Either that or I'll haul you in right now.

[Patrick McNulty]

On what charge, may I ask?

[Officer]

Public intoxication. Plus, you're making a real nuisance of yourself. Now, quit flapping your lips and get a move on.

[Patrick McNulty]

Yeah, of course I do, officer. I hear the wisdom of your words and I have enjoyed this conversation immensely. A good evening to you, sir.

[Officer]

Just move along now.

[Patrick McNulty]

Subway, huh? Well, I guess it's an okay way to get around for now. Of course, if anybody would listen to mcnulty. Hurry up, will you? Hey. Hey, what's. What's the matter with this turnstile? I'm pushing, but it doesn't turn. You gotta put a token in. Oh, yes, of course.

[Gertrude]

Next. How many?

[Patrick McNulty]

What? Oh, yes, just one.

[Gertrude]

One token. Where's your money?

[Patrick McNulty]

I. I don't have any small bills.

[Gertrude]

No money, no token.

[Patrick McNulty]

But I have to get home.

[Gertrude]

Well, don't go trying to jump the gate or the guard will find you. But good. Next.

[Lou]

Come on, buddy.

[Patrick McNulty]

Next. Can't you just reach over and take a token off the top of that stack and hand it to me? See, nobody will notice. He's just as much.

[Stacy Keach]

What's with that guy?

[Angie]

Of all the nerve.

[Lou]

I think there's something wrong with him.

[Gertrude]

Next person in line.

[Patrick McNulty]

Wait. In that case, I. I may have a solution to this. This little. This little impasse of ours.

[Stacy Keach]

Hurry up, will you?

[Patrick McNulty]

It's just this switch here on top. Oh, for crying out loud. Now he's setting his watch. Yes, you see, this is the button I pushed before. Ah. Nothing. Well, what do you know? Looks like I don't need a token to get through the gate after all. I'll just climb over right under your nose, Mr. Security Guard. And when I'm safely aboard my train. Wait. Wait a minute. Oh, no, no, no. Why take the train at all? Why, when there are other modes of trouble transportation available? Other much more comfortable kinds. Now, I'll just click this stopwatch one more time and all I have to do is wait till I see what I'm looking for.

[Officer]

You again? Thought he was getting on the subway.

[Patrick McNulty]

Oh, I. I was, officer, I was. But you know, he's. It's much too crowded. I decided to take a cab after all.

[Officer]

Say, what are you trying to pull?

[Patrick McNulty]

Why, nothing, officer. Huh? It's just that I. I thought of another way to get home.

[Officer]

You even got enough money for a cab or did you drink it all?

[Patrick McNulty]

Money. What an old fashioned concept. I. I don't really think that's necessary now. No, not necessary at all. No, no, not as long as I can stop a cab. Of course, that's hard to do on a corner like this.

[Officer]

Let's go. I think I better take you down to the station house.

[Patrick McNulty]

But why bother, huh? I mean, you know, as long as I can hail a cab. Let me. Let me show you mcnulty's method. You watch and you think about it now, okay? Taxi there? Yeah, I think I can see a cab now. That one in the middle of the street. How nice of the driver to stop just for me. Hello there, driver. What, not speaking, huh? Well, let me see what I can do to fix that.

[Lou]

Well, hey, who are you? How'd you get in my car?

[Patrick McNulty]

Never mind, I'm here now, aren't I?

[Lou]

Okay, okay, where to?

[Patrick McNulty]

Home, driver. Take me downtown by the shortest possible route and you think about it now.

[Lou]

Sure thing.

[Patrick McNulty]

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Have you ever thought about this? Ban cars completely, you know, in the city at least. For starters. Helicopters. Now that's the future. Your private copters, okay? Each one big enough to hold one person. You think about the savings in gas, pollution and traffic jam, not to mention blood. Police meet a mates, no parking zones.

[Lou]

Anything you say, buddy.

[Patrick McNulty]

Yeah, yeah, see, you see, all you. All you do is you. You take some electric golf carts and you retrofit them with propellers on top and you plug them in, you charge them up and.

[Lou]

Here you go.

[Patrick McNulty]

Now you think about what I said. Now, the only way to make a really cool comfortable car seat is to build it horizontal like those, what do you call them, luge guys in the olympics, Right, right. See, that way you just lie down and you steer. Looking into a mirror, the same as a periscope. You think how low to the ground all the cars would be is a better center of gravity. It's much better. Plus you can see across the street without having to strain your neck. And when it comes to getting out, you know, all you do is you roll. Like in your bed, right? Now that would be a big improvement.

[Lou]

This here is it, mister. Far as I go. I think I'm gonna pack it in for tonight.

[Patrick McNulty]

Thank you, my good man.

[Lou]

That's 1780.

[Patrick McNulty]

How's that?

[Lou]

The fare? Make it 18 bucks, plus something for the wife and kids.

[Patrick McNulty]

Now you see, that's just my point. All that money, and for what? I say, ban the internal combustion engine. Springboard shoes would work just fine. All we need is a company to manufacture a prototype.

[Lou]

You gonna pay me or talk me to death?

[Patrick McNulty]

Neither, to tell you the truth. Do. Do you have the time? The time? Here. Let's have a look at my pocket watch, shall we? Have I told you about it yet? This is really very unusual watch. A kind of stop watch. Literally. Allow me to demonstrate.

[Lou]

Don't try to con me. All I want is for you to pay up. If you don't, I'm calling this in. It's a violation of the city code to defraud.

[Patrick McNulty]

There. Isn't that better? So much more restful. I think I'll go inside now and lie down. No, no, no, no. Don't. Don't you worry about it. As soon as I get to my apartment, I'll open the window and hit the button on this stopwatch again and you'll be on your way. And tomorrow morning, so will I. In fact, from the way things are going so far, I say that your friend and mine, the one and only patrick t. Mcnulty is going to be the life of the party. You be sure to think about that now, won't you? Stand back, world. Mcnulty is walking through the universe. Yes, it is.

[Stacy Keach]

And a good good morning to you listeners. We'll be bringing you the eye of all news at 7:27.

[Patrick McNulty]

Oh, forgot to turn the board. Blasted alarm off.

[Stacy Keach]

But for now, here's an update from weather central. Some overcast this morning with scattered clouds this afternoon. And now back to this morning's casual concert for the swinging set.

[Patrick McNulty]

Eh? Wrong. There is nothing moderate about today. Because today is the day that people start listening to mcnulty. Unless. Unless it was some kind of dream. Now, where is that crazy watch?

[Potts]

Aha.

[Patrick McNulty]

Here. All right, now, let's give it the old test. Ah, my kind of town. Millions of people going to work. No imagination. But mcmulty, now that's a different story. A man who's just full of ideas. So original they don't have a word for him yet. But they will if this thing works. Well, here goes. It's not a dream. It's not a dream. It's the guns. The real deal.

[Lou]

This wonderful, gorgeous watch.

[Patrick McNulty]

I just push the button and everything stops. I mean everything. The whole world stops for me. Get ready out there. Mcnulty steps up to the plate. He swings and he swats it clean out of the park. There he is.

[Lou]

Oh no, not mcnulty again.

[Patrick McNulty]

What's doing here?

[Gertrude]

Maybe he's gonna shoot up the place.

[Patrick McNulty]

Morning angie. Mcnulty, you look lovely this morning as always.

[Gertrude]

What's the suggestion this time? Because if you haven't got one handy, I've got one for you.

[Patrick McNulty]

Yeah? Why don't you jump off a bridge, honey? Baby, you don't mean that. Wait till you see what I got in my pocket. It'll put a dent in your eyeballs.

[Gertrude]

Try the brooklyn bridge at midnight.

[Patrick McNulty]

You think about this. Now you think about a stopwatch that if somebody pushes it everything stops in mid air. Everything, huh? Huh? Think about that without a life jacket.

[Angie]

McNulty, why don't you get lost? What's the point?

[Patrick McNulty]

You see this little gimmick?

[Angie]

It's a watch. So?

[Patrick McNulty]

So last night I'm sitting in Joe palucci's bar, figures we're talking about this and that and this funny little gleep comes in and gives me this watch. Without thinking about it I give it a push this little button right here and everything stops dead. Paolucci stops, the ball game stops. You know what else? Everything, that's what stops. You think about that.

[Gertrude]

No kidding. Joe Pelucci and the TV too. Well, thanks for the entertainment. Now get out of here.

[Patrick McNulty]

After I see Cooper, it's time to diversify.

[Gertrude]

Now you wait just a minute McNulty. Mr. Cooper's in conference.

[Patrick McNulty]

You bet he is. He's in conference with me.

[Lou]

I thought I fired you. McNulty, what are you doing back here?

[Gertrude]

Mr. Cooper, he barged right in. I couldn't do anything about it.

[Lou]

Well if he barged right in he'll barge right out again.

[Patrick McNulty]

Hey listen coop. Coop, you can't afford to fire me this time I got more than a suggestion. I got the goods. You figure out how this little doohickey works and you got yourself all the money in the world.

[Lou]

McNulty, once more I remind you we make ladies foundations. Nothing else. Did you hear me? Nothing else. Now I'll give you 15 seconds to leave this room, 25 seconds to reach the elevator, 45 seconds to vacate the building and you may use that that watch to time yourself.

[Patrick McNulty]

Is that a fact? All right then I'll go. Just remember you lost a fortune today. Why that glee didn't even let me show him.

[Gertrude]

McNulty, if you're not out of here in one minute I'll call the police.

[Patrick McNulty]

So what am I waiting for? I'll show him anyway. I'll show you all.

[Gertrude]

Hello operator, get me.

[Patrick McNulty]

Now you put that phone down and come with me. That's right in here. Right on cooper's lap. How about that, huh? Nice coffee. Right in the middle of pouring it, huh? And you. Hey, sweetheart, I like your typing. Don't your hands get tired up in the air like that, huh? All right, so it's good for a laugh. Maybe. There must be something else I can do with this thing.

[Lou]

Ms. Hinkley, what do you think you're doing?

[Stacy Keach]

Who's up next?

[Joe]

Don't look now, it's the cleanup man. The guy could empty a baseball stadium, not to mention a bar. If you don't spend three hours telling us how he'd run the mets, he'll keep ootsing me about how I should run my own place.

[Patrick McNulty]

Hey, joe. Hey, you want to hear a good idea? Why don't you make a swinging door like in the movies, huh? Maybe change the name of the place. Paolucci's western saloon. Hey, how about that?

[Joe]

Hey, mcnulty, how about that? I'll have it done first thing in the morning.

[Patrick McNulty]

Ah, that's great. Then every time I come in, I'll push open a swinging door and I'll think I did this. Wait, whoa, you're not putting me on, are you, joe?

[Joe]

Mcnulty, the only thing I'd put you on is a slow freighter heading with the other side of the world.

[Patrick McNulty]

See ya, joe.

[Stacy Keach]

Yeah, I'm outta here.

[Patrick McNulty]

Relax, boys. You're about to see something you ain't gonna believe.

[Stacy Keach]

Well, make it quick, huh?

[Patrick McNulty]

With this little gizmo right here, I can stop trains, buses, planes, subways. There ain't nothing in this world I can't stop. Yeah, what about your mouth?

[Joe]

I gotta pour myself a drink.

[Patrick McNulty]

Watch this. All right, now, I'll move your beer over here and put yours in front of him. Let's see. How about if I undo your tie like this, huh? Oh, and joe over there. Hey, why, look, Joe, where's your glass now, huh? You're gonna be pouring beer in your hand. All right, here we go again.

[Lou]

Aw, what the.

[Patrick McNulty]

Well, huh? Well, ah, come on now. What do you think about that, huh? Think about what? What, are you kidding? You didn't. You didn't see what I just did.

[Stacy Keach]

Out of the way, mcnulty. I want to make it home by the bottom of the eighth.

[Patrick McNulty]

See ya, joe.

[Joe]

Well, you done it again, mcnulty. You emptied my bar. You drive more people out of saloons than carry nation.

[Patrick McNulty]

Oh, I get it. Of course you couldn't see what happened. Of course you couldn't how could you? You guys got froze. I'm the only one who sees what's going on. The only one. Gee. So I've got the greatest conversation piece in the world. The greatest. And what does it do? It stops conversation.

[Joe]

Well, so it shouldn't be a total loss. You should order up. But drink it fast, will you? The combination of you, the hot weather and my business recession is more than I can take for one day.

[Patrick McNulty]

Hey, Palucci, look at me.

[Joe]

What are you, some kind of sadist?

[Patrick McNulty]

Do you know what you're looking at? A jerk. A jerk, I'm telling you, a jerk. A nutsy, that's what you're looking at.

[Joe]

You want to stop there or go for double or nothing?

[Patrick McNulty]

It's a fact. What do I want this thing for? I want to get a little notice, that's what. Well, let me tell you something, Paolucci. When John D. Rockefeller got out of a car or why did people go up to shake his hand?

[Joe]

I'll bite. Why?

[Patrick McNulty]

Because he had dough, that's why. Lettuce. The old Mizzou. J.P. morgan walks into a bar, the head waiter almost breaks his neck trying to get a table ready. Why? I'll tell you why. Because J.P. morgan was loaded. You think about that now and you think about this. As of today, McNulty's gonna be loaded too. I'm gonna have a limousine drive me up here. I'm gonna have a chauffeur open the door. I'm gonna walk into this crummy joint of yours and buy about 18 rounds for everyone, huh? And then? And then, just for a laugh, I'll buy you a mortgage.

[Joe]

You don't mind if I don't hold my breath, do you? McNulty?

[Patrick McNulty]

Palucio, pal. Take a good long look. The next time you see me, I'll be the new McNulty.

[Joe]

Why didn't you go the whole route and move to Honolulu?

[Patrick McNulty]

Palucci, tonight I'll be able to buy Honolulu.

[Angie]

I'd like to make a deposit to my account.

[Patrick McNulty]

You'll have to wait in line.

[Potts]

I want to cash this check all in large bills.

[Gertrude]

Ma'am.

[Patrick McNulty]

Next customer in line. Is this where I make a withdrawal? Yes, sir. How much would you like? Oh, I don't know. How much you get, sir? I'll take small bills, lots of them. Just need your bank account number right here. Oh, you want me to get them for you? Oh, sure, no problem. Well, let's see. Oh, a bag of fives and some tens and some twenties while I'm at it. Yeah, let's See, that ought to do it. Oh, don't worry, folks. It's only money. It grows on trees. That's what it does, right? It grows on trees for me. Might have to make a couple of trips, though. Okay, here we go. One, two, three. My watch. Oh, well, it better be shock proof. Hey, hey, start already. Come on. Hey, what's the matter with this thing? Hey, hey. Everybody can start moving again, okay? All right. Come on, come on. Here we go. Up, up, up, up. Come on, let's go. Come on, get with it. Hey. Hey, anybody know how to fix a watch? Come on, come on. Anybody? Anybody? Give me a little help here. Hey. Hey, everybody, it's me, mcnulty. Huh? Hey, angie. Angie, where are you? Come on. Come on, you guys. You can. You can wake up now. All right? It's. It's. It's just this little switch here, see? It's. I'll get this thing fixed. It's no sweat. Okay? Where's Mr. Cooper? He'll know what to do. Oh, excuse me, Mr. Coopers. Hey, what's she doing still sitting on your lap? I thought that was yesterday. Joe, Joe, please, please, do something. Say something. Go ahead, you know, insult me. Please, please, won't somebody do something or say something? Hey, please, don't. Anybody. Don't. Anybody know where I can get a watch fixed? I'm begging you, please. Hey, hey, Anybody, Anybody. Please, Please do something. Say something. Any.

[Stacy Keach]

Mr. Patrick Thomas McNulty, who was given the gift of unlimited time. He used it and misused it, and now he's been handed the bill. Mr. McNulty, who now controls the earth and everything on it. From this point on, he will eat well, live well, and have everything at his beck and call. But the thing he wanted most, the thing that gave him the most acute hunger his need for a sympathetic ear. This he will never have again. Tonight's tale of motion and the lack thereof and a man named mcnulty in a place called the twilight zone.

We'll be back to the twilight zone in in just a moment.

[Announcer]

You are about to enter another dimension. A dimension not only of sight and sound, but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land of imagination. Next stop, the twilight zone. Hi, this is stacy keach. I'd like to take a moment to tell you about our twilight zone website@ twilightzoneradio.com. at twilightzoneradio.com you'll find the latest information on these twilight zone radio dramas, including behind the scenes photographs, plus the newest product releases, trivia contests, ways to contact us other Twilight Zone related info and merchandise, plus links to other fascinating websites. So make your next stop twilightzoneradio.com Visit.

[Patrick McNulty]

Twilightzoneradio.Com to purchase these Twilight Zone radio dramas on cassette and CD, or call toll free 1-866-989-zone. That's 1-866-989-9663.

[Stacy Keach]

A kind of Stopwatch, starring Lou Diamond Phillips with Stacy Keach as your narrator, was adapted for radio by Dennis Etchison and based on a script by Rod Serling. Heard in the cast were Rick Peoples, Mike Baccarella, Guy Burrill, Meg Tholkin, Maggie Carney, Rich Kamenek, Doug James, Carl Amari, Roger Wolski and Irene Olson. To learn more about the Twilight Zone radio dramas and to obtain audio cassettes and CDs of these programs, visit our website at twilightzoneradio.com the producers of the Twilight Zone wish to thank CBS Enterprises, Carol Serling, Dennis Etchison, Dick Brescia Associates, Claire Simon Casting Terry Jennings Ex IM Satellite Radio the American Forces Radio and Television service, Sirius Satellite Radio, our sponsors and our radio affiliates for helping make this series possible. This copyrighted radio series is produced and directed by Carl Amari and Roger Wolsky for Falcon Picture Group. Doug James Speaking.