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Narrator
Do you know what's in store for you for the next half an hour, ladies and gentlemen?
Ben Warren
Oh, you'll never guess.
Jimmy Jewel
Up the Pole.
Narrator
Yes, it's the first in a new series of adventures with Claude Dampier, John Pertwee, Betty Paul, Roger Snowden, the five Smith brothers, Stanley Black in the orchestra, and of course, that crazy couple, Jimmy Jewel and Ben Warren. Since we last heard from our two heroes, they've moved into an apartment over a disused fire station. And our story begins there, one brisk morning in early autumn. Jimmy is cleaning his teeth.
Ben Warren
All right, all right, all right. Stop gargling. That'll be quite enough of that noise, James.
Jimmy Jewel
Oh, will it?
Ben Warren
Of course it will. That's no way. That is no way to say hello to the ladies and gentlemen. Of course not. If you're going to sing at all, if you're going to sing at all, you should sing a little song like this. Oh, welcome to you all, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome, ladies and gentlemen.
Jimmy Jewel
Sweet ladies and gentlemen.
Ben Warren
Sweet ladies and gentlemen.
Jimmy Jewel
Oh, welcome to you all. Well, that's better out than in, isn't it?
Ben Warren
Well, I wish you'd come out of the bathroom, James. You know you've been in there for hours. Come on. Yes, and tell me, why are you getting all dressed up this morning?
Jimmy Jewel
Oh, I don't like to tell you.
Ben Warren
Oh, go on.
Jimmy Jewel
No, I'm shy.
Ben Warren
Go on, tell Benny what it. I know, I know.
Jimmy Jewel
I shan't tell you. I shan't tell you.
Ben Warren
Oh, yes, you will. I've guessed it. It's something to do with Betty.
Jimmy Jewel
Oh, you're so clever, Ben. Go to the top of the class. She's calling around to see me this morning.
Ben Warren
You mean to say you've asked a pretty young girl like Betty round to this dirty old fire station?
Jimmy Jewel
Yes, it's her birthday on Saturday and I want to find out what she like for the present. So there.
Ben Warren
Well, listen, why don't you ask her yourself?
Jimmy Jewel
I can't.
Ben Warren
Then why not you ask her? Oh, no, no.
Jimmy Jewel
Every time I see Betty, I go all to pieces.
Ben Warren
Oh, you don't?
Jimmy Jewel
I wish I was more the kind of man she admires.
Ben Warren
Really.
Jimmy Jewel
I wish I were a film star.
Ben Warren
Oh, it's not.
Jimmy Jewel
Oh, so Robert Taylor.
Ben Warren
Oh, that's not all. Been wonderful being a film star.
Jimmy Jewel
I would love to meet Robert Taylor.
Ben Warren
Don't you realize that one day you're kissing Betty Grable, Lana Turner, Donatha Moore, the next day you're just a has been.
Jimmy Jewel
But brother, just look where you has been.
Ben Warren
Hello? Someone at the door.
Jimmy Jewel
Oh, it'll be Betty. It'll be Betty.
Ben Warren
Don't worry. Don't.
Jimmy Jewel
I'm going to faint. I'm going to faint. I'm going to faint.
Ben Warren
No, you're not.
Jimmy Jewel
Yeah. I can't stand it. I'm going to.
Ben Warren
Catch me.
Jimmy Jewel
Catch me.
Ben Warren
No, no.
Jimmy Jewel
Oh, go on, catch me.
Ben Warren
Oh, no.
Jimmy Jewel
I want to be calm. Oh, stop it.
Ben Warren
Listen, I wish you'd stop larking about, Jimmy.
Jimmy Jewel
Well, out the way. Go and open the door, Ben.
Ben Warren
I will, I will.
Betty
Hello, Ben.
Ben Warren
Oh, good. Good morning, Betty.
Betty
Hello, Jimmy.
Jimmy Jewel
Hello, Betty. Won't you come? Come in.
Betty
But I am in.
Jimmy Jewel
Yes, you are in. Aren't you in?
Ben Warren
Take a seat. Betty, darling, I. I think Jimmy wants to ask you something.
Betty
Really, Jimmy?
Jimmy Jewel
Yes. You see, Betty, Saturday's your. Your birthday. Yes. At such a time I feel that the time has come for it to be the right time for the time. What is the time, Ben?
Ben Warren
10 o'clock?
Burpee
Good gracious.
Jimmy Jewel
No. Bed's made. Well, I feel I'd like. That is, if you don't mind. Or you tell her, Ben.
Ben Warren
Oh, don't be silly. You tell her.
Jimmy Jewel
Well, I just want to tell you. I'd like to give you a little present, that's all. A little present.
Betty
Oh, Jimmy kin.
Jimmy Jewel
Oh, she called me Jimmy. Kim, catch me again.
Ben Warren
Oh, stop larking about. I don't want Betty to know I'm living with an idiot.
Jimmy Jewel
Why not? She knows I'm living with one. Oh, shut up.
Betty
Oh, it's most awfully sweet of you, Jimmy, to want to give me a present. But my cousin Roderick Porch Bellows has bought me nearly everything I need.
Ben Warren
Roderick Forge Bellows?
Jimmy Jewel
What, that windbag?
Betty
Oh, you mustn't say that, Jimmy. He thinks a lot of me and is the most generous man I know.
Ben Warren
Yes, but surely there's something Jimmy could get for you, Betty.
Betty
Well, there's one little thing, but it's much too expensive for Jimmy to buy it.
Jimmy Jewel
Name it.
Ben Warren
Just name it, that's all. You can have it.
Jimmy Jewel
I'll show Roderick Forge Bellows he's not the Only man who knows how to treat a girl.
Betty
Very well, then. I'd like the ring I've seen in the jewelers down the road.
Jimmy Jewel
It shall be yours.
Betty
Oh, Jimmy, I could kiss you for being so sweet.
Jimmy Jewel
Help yourself.
Betty
Oh, Jimmy, where did you learn to kiss like that?
Ben Warren
Siphoning petrol.
Betty
Well, I must be on my way now. Oh, thank you so much for promising to get me the ring. Jimmy.
Jimmy Jewel
Think nothing. Think nothing of it. Think nothing of it. But how shall I know which ring it is?
Betty
Oh, you can't miss it. It's in the middle window in a little Velvet case marked £50. So long, Ben.
Ben Warren
Cheers.
Betty
Goodbye, Jimmy. Sweet, sweet boy.
Jimmy Jewel
Oh, she called me a sweet, sweet boy. Oh, I'm going to get her a ring. And it's in the middle window and it's marked £50. It's marked £50, Ben. What? She said the ring was marked £50.
Ben Warren
Well, that's what I thought she said.
Jimmy Jewel
But I haven't got £50. I'm going to faint.
Ben Warren
Do you want to be caught?
Jimmy Jewel
Yes, I think I've been caught already.
Ben Warren
Well, if you don't get the ring for Betty, her cousin Roderick will.
Jimmy Jewel
No, I've just got to get that £50. Even if it means selling everything I possess.
Ben Warren
Jimmy, that would still leave you £48, 10 shillings short. Hello? Maybe that's Betty back. Perhaps she left something behind.
Jimmy Jewel
Well, open the door quickly, Ben. She might have called to say she was only joking about the ring.
Ben Warren
Okay.
Burpee
Watch your mate.
Jimmy Jewel
Burpee.
Ben Warren
Burpee. Well, well, well, well. Burpee. Fancy. See?
Jimmy Jewel
Yes. Where have you been doing all these months? Working?
Burpee
No, no, no. Only mugs work. I've been doing the old currency lark. You know, all that. I know.
Jimmy Jewel
Oh, you mean in the bun factory?
Burpee
No, not that sort of currants. I'm in the old do re. Me.
Ben Warren
Well, this sounds Very interesting, Mr. Burp. Did you. Did you do well?
Burpee
Oh, yes, I say, I did.
Ben Warren
You did?
Burpee
First of all, I took me £35 in English money over to France.
Ben Warren
Yes.
Burpee
And they give me 40,000 French frogs.
Ben Warren
Go on, then. Go on. Yes.
Burpee
Then I took me throngs over to Holland. They gave me 10,000 Dutch guilderies. That's good. Yes. And I took my guildies to Russia.
Jimmy Jewel
Did you?
Burpee
They gave me 50,000 rubles.
Ben Warren
Did they?
Burpee
And I danced away all my rubles. You know what they gave me when.
Ben Warren
I got back to England now?
Jimmy Jewel
What?
Burpee
Six months.
Jimmy Jewel
Poor old Burpee.
Burpee
Oh, well, never mind, mates. I've got a smashing job now.
Ben Warren
You know, a smashing job now.
Burpee
Oh, I've got a smashing job.
Jimmy Jewel
What is it?
Burpee
I'm an agent.
Ben Warren
An agent?
Burpee
Yes, an agent.
Jimmy Jewel
What, a 10 per center, that's it?
Burpee
No, no, no, I'm an agent for the help yourself football pool. I'm just calling around the houses, pick up some new clients that. Wait a minute. How about, how about you two boys having a bash?
Jimmy Jewel
Oh no, Burpee, I'm never lucky with football pools.
Burpee
Oh yeah, but listen, mates, only last week with one of my fear nothing forecasts a bloke won 50,000 nicker.
Jimmy Jewel
£50,000?
Ben Warren
Yes.
Jimmy Jewel
Here, just think what I could buy better with that bed.
Ben Warren
Well, all right.
Burpee
It's all right. Then sign this here paper, Mr. Jewel. Yes. And I'll fill in your coupon for you. Right.
Jimmy Jewel
Oh, pass me the paper. Burpee, pass me a pen.
Ben Warren
Here James. There you are.
Jimmy Jewel
Jimmy. Is it Jewel?
Ben Warren
That's fine.
Jimmy Jewel
That's it. Now go on, give me the £50,000.
Burpee
Well hold on mate. Oh, don't you got to send the coupman in first? What do you, what do you want is your bank list?
Ben Warren
Well, I'll take Barclays.
Jimmy Jewel
Yeah, and I'll take the Midland and.
Burpee
I'll be in Scotland before we out. No, no, no, no, look, when you're doing Lisa now, when you're doing football.
Podcast Summary: "Up The Pole 1948-11-01 First Show"
Podcast Information:
The episode kicks off with an enthusiastic announcement from the narrator, setting the stage for the first installment of the new adventure series featuring beloved characters from the Golden Age of Radio. Listeners are introduced to the main cast, including Claude Dampier, John Pertwee, Betty Paul, Roger Snowden, the five Smith brothers, Stanley Black’s orchestra, and the dynamic duo, Jimmy Jewel and Ben Warren.
Narrator [00:30]: "Do you know what's in store for you for the next half an hour, ladies and gentlemen?"
The story unfolds in an apartment situated above a neglected fire station, where Jimmy Jewel and Ben Warren have recently moved. The setting is a crisp autumn morning, establishing a cozy yet slightly nostalgic atmosphere reminiscent of the era.
Narrator [00:48]: "Since we last heard from our two heroes, they've moved into an apartment over a disused fire station."
The episode delves into the personalities of the two central characters. Jimmy Jewel is depicted as a lovable yet somewhat bumbling figure, meticulously cleaning his teeth and rehearsing a song to impress the audience. Meanwhile, Ben Warren showcases his exasperation with Jimmy’s antics, highlighting the humorous tension between the two.
Ben Warren [01:35]: "All right, all right, all right. Stop gargling. That'll be quite enough of that noise, James."
Jimmy Jewel [02:00]: "Sweet ladies and gentlemen."
Their banter continues as Ben urges Jimmy to come out of the bathroom, leading to a playful exchange about Jimmy’s unexpected effort to greet the audience with a song.
The central plot revolves around Jimmy's affectionate feelings for Betty Paul and his desire to gift her a special present for her upcoming birthday. Jimmy is both nervous and conflicted about how to approach Betty, revealing his insecurities and genuine intentions.
Jimmy Jewel [02:24]: "Oh, I don't like to tell you."
Ben Warren [02:31]: "Oh, yes, you will. I've guessed it. It's something to do with Betty."
Jimmy confesses his admiration for Betty and his longing to be someone she admires, even wistfully mentioning his desire to be a film star like Robert Taylor.
Jimmy Jewel [03:01]: "I wish I were a film star."
Betty arrives, bringing a mix of charm and practicality to the conversation. She graciously accepts Jimmy’s offer to give her a present but mentions that her cousin, Roderick Porch Bellows, has already been generous. However, she specifies her desire for a particular ring priced at £50, setting the stage for Jimmy’s ensuing dilemma.
Betty [05:07]: "Well, there's one little thing, but it's much too expensive for Jimmy to buy it."
Jimmy Jewel [05:24]: "It shall be yours."
Despite Jimmy's heartfelt promise, he realizes he lacks the funds to purchase the ring, leading to a humorous yet poignant moment of anxiety.
Jimmy Jewel [06:04]: "It's marked £50, Ben. What? She said the ring was marked £50."
Ben Warren [06:22]: "Well, that's what I thought she said."
As Jimmy grapples with his financial woes, Burpee enters the scene, bringing a subplot of comedic relief and potential solutions. Burpee boasts about his escapades in currency trading and introduces the "help yourself football pool," attempting to entice Jimmy and Ben into participating with promises of substantial rewards.
Burpee [07:50]: "I'm an agent for the help yourself football pool."
Burpee [08:07]: "Well, listen, mates, only last week with one of my fear nothing forecasts a bloke won 50,000 nicker."
Jimmy contemplates the possibility of winning the money needed for the ring, showcasing his desperation and the lengths he's willing to go to win Betty's favor.
Jimmy Jewel [08:14]: "£50,000?"
The episode reaches a suspenseful moment as Burpee persuades Jimmy to sign up for the football pool, suggesting that this could be his chance to secure the £50 needed for Betty's ring. The interaction ends abruptly with hints of potential complications, leaving listeners eager for the next episode.
Jimmy Jewel [08:30]: "That's it. Now go on, give me the £50,000."
Ben Warren [02:38]: "You mean to say you've asked a pretty young girl like Betty round to this dirty old fire station?"
Jimmy Jewel [03:09]: "Don't you realize that one day you're kissing Betty Grable, Lana Turner, Donatha Moore, the next day you're just a has been."
Burpee [07:18]: "First of all, I took me £35 in English money over to France."
Burpee [08:16]: "It's all right. Then sign this here paper, Mr. Jewel."
While the episode concludes before resolving Jimmy’s predicament, it effectively sets up multiple storylines for future exploration. Listeners are left anticipating how Jimmy will obtain the necessary funds and whether Burpee’s football pool scheme will pay off—or lead to further comedic misadventures.
Overall Impression:
"Up The Pole" masterfully captures the essence of Golden Age radio with its engaging characters, witty dialogues, and relatable predicaments. The episode balances humor with heartfelt moments, particularly through Jimmy's earnest efforts to win Betty's affection. The introduction of Burpee adds an exciting layer of potential fortune and the classic radio trope of too-good-to-be-true schemes. With its rich storytelling and nostalgic charm, this first show promises an entertaining series that harkens back to a beloved era of family radio entertainment.