
Vic and Sade 38-11-30 (x) Vic's New Hat
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Narrator
Well, sir, it's early evening as we enter the small house halfway up in the next block now. And here in the living room we find our friends abiding quietly. At home, Mr. Victor Gook is established at the library table playing himself a dashing game of solitaire. Mrs. Victor Gook occupies her husband's easy chair reading the newspaper and young Mr. Rushgook on the davenport stares unseeingly at the pages of his algebra textbook. And now there's conversation.
Sade
Listen, want to meet me downtown tomorrow afternoon?
Vic
What for?
Sade
Something to your father.
Rushgook
Are you referring to the purchase of a hat?
Sade
Yeah. Suppose you leave the office around 3:30 or so and we'll meet in at Kleeberger's.
Rushgook
Oh shuck Sade, I can buy my own hat.
Sade
No you can't. I hear people talking about hats. What you do is dash in the store like a houseifier and take the first thing they showed you.
Rushgook
Since organized society credits me with sufficient intelligence to permit me to walk the public streets without a straight jacket, it might be assumed that I'm smart enough to purchase an article of wearing apparel without guardianship and supervision. Hey, how'd you like that sitting pretty good. My next address is scheduled for Tuesday at 2 o' clock.
Sade
Shall we do that then?
Rushgook
Oh heck, I'll drop by Kleebergers tomorrow on my way home from work.
Sade
Yes, and what would you buy? I'd buy some great big old wide brim cowboy thing. No sir, I'm going with you. Let's say three o' clock. We'll meet in at Kleebergers and see what they got and then step over to Yamiltons and Silver's.
Rushgook
I the one that traipsed all over town just to buy a dog on hat.
Sade
You want to see what the different stores have, don't you?
Rushgook
It's so fidgety I could scream.
Sade
You $5. $5 is quite an outlay for people in our circumstances. Pay us to shop around. That's the way I Do? Why? Before I buy a 10 cent wash rag, I make the rounds.
Rushgook
That's because you enjoy looking at junk and chewing the fatwish clerk.
Sade
I enjoy getting the most for my money. That's what I enjoy.
Vic
Millie Clark's uncle Step enjoys quite a reputation for being a Spencer.
Sade
Does he?
Vic
Yeah. Why? Take that occasion when he escorted his lady friend to Peoria for purposes of enjoying fish dinner.
Sade
You told us that.
Vic
When?
Sade
I don't know. The other day sometime.
Vic
I know. I started to tell her.
Sade
Him and his girl went to Peoria and ate fish. They didn't eat fish. No, no.
Vic
That's the whole point of the story. They planned to eat fish, but fate intervened. And there's enough comical details in the story to choke a horse. And the conclusion of the story is so funny you'll roll on the floor. Here's the way it goes. It just so happened that Smelly Clark's Uncle Strap took it in his head to escort his lady friend to Peoria for purposes of enjoying fish dinner. On the way an argument sprung up and Smelly Clark's Uncle Strap informed his lady friend.
Sade
Here's more or less on the order. What I want you to have. Vic. Pardon me, Willie, come and courtesy. Want to show your father this picture in the paper.
Vic
Vic.
Rushgook
Hold it.
Sade
A Kleeberger advertisement too. How do you like that hat?
Rushgook
The brim's too narrow.
Sade
Now listen, mister, if you think we're going downtown tomorrow and buy you a broad brimmed hat, you're mighty badly mistaken. You're not any cowboy from Pennsylvania, you know. You're a businessman and you have to wear something neat and conservative. Bunk, I'll say. Yes. I think this is just about the ticket. I'll tell Clee Burger to show it to me. First thing I'll say I want to look at the hat they advertised in the paper.
Rushgook
You think it's just about the ticket? You'll Kleberger so and so I'm the slob that's going to wear the dog on hat.
Sade
You buy a hat that look like the inside of a gunny sack if you got a chance.
Rushgook
If I choose to wear a hat that looks like the inside of a gunny sack. Who's busy?
Sade
I'll tear this out, take it along with me tomorrow. You know the name of it?
Rushgook
Name of what?
Sade
This hat.
Rushgook
No.
Sade
The Baltimore banker.
Rushgook
What?
Sade
The Baltimore Banker. That's printed underneath. Here's a lid for younger fellas. The brim twists up flashy on the side and there's a feather st in the ribbon, the boulevard stutter.
Rushgook
That's foolishness.
Sade
Yeah, it's kinda, ain't it, Mom, I.
Vic
Am still waiting to tell the story I started.
Sade
Oh, Smellie's uncle went to Peoria and ate fish.
Vic
Smelly's uncle did not go to Peoria and eat fish.
Sade
His lady friend ate fish.
Vic
His lady friend did not eat fish.
Sade
What she eat?
Vic
It just so happened that Smelly Clark's Uncle Strap took it in his head to escort his lady friend to Peoria.
Sade
For purposes of enjoying fish dinner. Yes, yes, yes. What happened?
Vic
On the way an argument sprung up and Smelly Clark's uncle do the telephone bring in telephone bring in and Smelly.
Sade
Clark's uncle at $40. That's Ruthie 500. She kind of halfway said this morning she thought Fred would probably feel like playing.
Vic
Smelly Clark's not.
Sade
How about it?
Vic
Okay, inform his lady.
Sade
You have to be quiet, Willie. Hello. Oh, yes, lady. Oh, sitting here with our shoelaces and our eyelets. Why? Say, I think that'd be fine. Just a second, Mr. Mrs. Dumpty Doodle. The street want to know if we could stand a game of 500. Vic says glorious Ruthie. Ha ha. Hear the name I give you? Yeah, Mr. Mrs. Dumpty Doodle. Yeah. Well, we'll look for you then. All right, lady, all right. Goodbye. They're coming here. Leaving right now. Better put on your shoes.
Rushgook
Fred takes his off as soon as he gets in the door.
Sade
Yeah, but you're the host. You gonna be around, buster?
Vic
I have not as yet formulated.
Sade
If you are, we can wait about the ice cream. Otherwise you'd better talk to the drugstore right now. Perhaps you would do with that advertisement I tore up. Oh, here. This is just about what I want.
Rushgook
The Baltimore banker brim on that hat's too narrow.
Sade
It is not.
Rushgook
It is too. I look like a peeled onion.
Sade
You're no wild western cow puncher. You just can't get away with enormous, floppy, wide brimmed hat. Goodness. Why don't you buy a lasso?
Rushgook
And another thing, you said you wanted me to leave the office at 3:00. That's taken off two whole hours. Is it your intention to make me try on hats for two whole hours?
Sade
I want to see what Kleebergers has got and I want to see what Hamilton's and Silver's has got.
Rushgook
I got their willies running from store to store.
Sade
Whose fault is that?
Rushgook
About 20 minutes of stalling around, talking to hats with clerks and I feel.
Sade
Like screaming brush if you're going to be here when Mr. Mrs. Sembottom come. You have to comb that hair. Looks fierce. Trot along and untangle it. You don't want company to catch you looking like an eagle's nest. We don't have to make it 3 o' clock if you don't like leaving office so soon, say 3:30 or quarter to 4.
Rushgook
Why the heck can't I drop by Cle Burgers on my way home from work at 5?
Sade
Because I have to be there with you to see you get what's right.
Rushgook
Or as that goes, my present ain't even necessary.
Sade
I suppose you're gonna be all sulky tomorrow like you generally are when we buy your clothes.
Rushgook
Yes, I shall be all sulky.
Sade
The clerks get the notion you're a little on the loony side. You don't ever say anything. You just stand and act. Power.
Rushgook
What is there for me to say? You do all the talking.
Sade
Oh, just the same.
Rushgook
Let's try this one on Victor. No. Keep your hands away. I'll fix it even. Let me try on my own hat.
Sade
No, because you take it and jam it down on your head like a frying pan.
Rushgook
Remember what that fool is Yamilson said last time we bought me a hat. No, he says, ask him if it's too tight. Madam halfway thought I wasn't right.
Sade
Well, you certainly didn't behave right. Stood there like a statue staring straight ahead of you while I put hats on your head.
Rushgook
Think I buy my doggone hats like Buller buys his.
Sade
How'd he do?
Rushgook
Calls up on the telephone, says, send me a hat size seven and a half.
Sade
Oh, man.
Rushgook
If the fella in the store asks him what color in what shape and so on, he says, I said send me a hat size seven and a half. I don't give a hoot what color or what shape. I want a hat size seven and a half and I pay between five and seven dollars. You got my orders. I'll expect somebody from your store here in my office in the next 10 minutes.
Sade
Oh, Lance.
Rushgook
The way I think I'll handle it.
Sade
You will not. You'll meet me tomorrow afternoon and we'll pick out something neat and conservative with a halfway civilized size brim. 3:30 suit ya? We'll meet in plea Burger. It's a date, huh? Is it a date?
Vic
Okay.
Rushgook
Okay.
Sade
What ails you? Sitting there looking like you've been eating crab apples.
Vic
I realize I am only a common, ordinary American citizen. But when I get halfway through a comical story.
Sade
I accept your story. Goodness. Millie Clark's uncle ate fish in Peoria.
Vic
Millie Clark's uncle did not eat fish in Peoria.
Sade
His lady friend ate fish.
Vic
His lady friend did not eat fish.
Sade
What she eat?
Vic
It just so happened that smelly Clark's uncle Strap took it in his head to escort his lady friend to Peoria for purposes of enjoying fish dinner. On the way, an argument sprung up and patters uncle scrap.
Sade
Yeah, Fred, Ruthie, slip on your shoes and straighten that library table.
Vic
Inform this lady friend.
Sade
Don't let him in. Right.
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Podcast Information:
The episode opens with a scene set in the Gook family's modest home. It's early evening, and each family member is engaged in their own activities:
Timestamp: [00:30]
The central plot revolves around Sade's plan to buy a new hat for Vic, leading to a series of comedic interactions between the family members.
Sade initiates the conversation by inviting Vic downtown the next day to discuss something related to his father, subtly hinting at the hat purchase.
Sade: "Listen, want to meet me downtown tomorrow afternoon?"
[00:57]
Vic seeks clarification, leading to a playful exchange about the necessity and process of buying a hat.
Vic: "What for?"
Sade: "Something to your father."
[01:01 - 01:03]
Rushgook, likely a younger family member, interjects humorously about the complexities of hat shopping, emphasizing his independent streak.
Rushgook: "Are you referring to the purchase of a hat?"
[01:02]
The episode delves into the contrasting approaches of Sade and Rushgook regarding shopping:
Sade advocates for a thorough shopping experience, wanting to compare options to get the best value.
Sade: "I enjoy getting the most for my money. That's what I enjoy."
[02:26 - 02:30]
Rushgook, on the other hand, prefers efficiency, expressing frustration at spending excessive time trying on hats.
Rushgook: "That's taken off two whole hours. Is it your intention to make me try on hats for two whole hours?"
[06:40]
This clash highlights the generational or personality differences within the family, adding depth to their interactions.
Amidst the hat discussion, Vic attempts to share a humorous anecdote about Smelly Clark's Uncle Strap's unsuccessful fish dinner in Peoria. However, Sade interrupts repeatedly, leading to a fragmented and amusing storytelling attempt.
Vic starts recounting the story but is cut off by Sade's interruptions, reflecting their familial dynamic.
Vic: "I realize I am only a common, ordinary American citizen. But when I get halfway through a comical story."
Sade: "I accept your story. Goodness. Millie Clark's uncle ate fish in Peoria."
[09:20 - 09:35]
This interplay not only injects humor but also showcases the persistent and perhaps overbearing nature of Sade in family matters.
After much banter, the family agrees on a plan to visit Kleeberger's to select a new hat for Vic:
Sade firmly schedules the meeting time, insisting on a specific plan to ensure Vic gets an appropriate hat.
Sade: "We'll pick out something neat and conservative with a halfway civilized size brim. 3:30 suit ya?"
[09:02 - 09:19]
Rushgook reluctantly agrees, showcasing his usual sulky demeanor regarding personal attire decisions.
Rushgook: "Or as that goes, my present ain't even necessary."
[07:34]
Throughout the episode, the characters display their unique traits:
Sade is portrayed as the pragmatic and somewhat domineering family member, always aiming for the best outcomes, even in mundane tasks like buying a hat.
Sade: "Yeah, it's kinda, ain't it, Mom, I."
[04:35]
Rushgook embodies the archetypal reluctant son, resistant to parental guidance, especially concerning his appearance.
Rushgook: "Let me try on my own hat."
[07:57]
Vic serves as the mediator, often trying to inject humor and keep the conversation light despite the ongoing disagreements.
Vic: "That's foolishness."
[04:34]
Their interactions are laced with witty remarks and playful teasing, capturing the essence of familial relationships during the Golden Age of Radio.
The episode culminates with the family agreeing to the planned hat shopping trip, setting the stage for future comedic scenarios. The characters' distinct personalities and their playful conflicts provide a relatable and entertaining narrative, embodying the timeless appeal of Vic and Sade.
Notable Quotes:
Sade: "I enjoy getting the most for my money. That's what I enjoy."
[02:26]
Rushgook: "You'll Kleberger so and so I'm the slob that's going to wear the dog on hat."
[03:57]
Vic: "That's foolishness."
[04:34]
Sade: "You're no wild western cow puncher. You just can't get away with enormous, floppy, wide brimmed hat."
[06:28]
Rushgook: "I look like a peeled onion."
[04:20]
This episode of Vic and Sade masterfully blends humor with everyday family dynamics, offering listeners a nostalgic glimpse into mid-20th-century American life. Through its engaging dialogues and relatable conflicts, it continues to resonate with audiences, preserving the legacy of radio's golden era.