
Wednesday With You 45-07-04 Opening Night at the Lodge
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Harry Bonzel
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Fred Martel
Each Wednesday with you.
Harry Bonzel
That we do. That we do. Ladies and gentlemen, Bristol Myers, makers of Sal Hepatica for the smile of health and true shave be beforehand Lotion presents Wednesday with you starring Nora Martin, Fred Martel, Leonard Seuss and his orchestra and yours truly, Harry Barnzel.
Leonard Seuss
Harry, we've been up here in Eddie Cantor's mountain lodge for a whole week and you're not. And you're still sore at him.
Harry Bonzel
Did you say a whole wheat or a whole week? Well, look at the place, Leonard. It's a broken down shack. Really, ever since I've worked for Cantor, he's taken advantage of me.
Leonard Seuss
Well, gee, he's been very generous with us. I'm sure he pays you what you're worth.
Harry Bonzel
That's what I mean. He takes advantage of it.
Nora Martin
Oh, you're only fooling, Harry. I'll bet you've got a lot of money.
Harry Bonzel
Yeah, Nora, that's just the trouble. I haven't got a dollar.
Nora Martin
Well, it's your own fault. You should have held on to your money.
Harry Bonzel
Well, I held on, but Tanner wouldn't let go.
Leonard Seuss
Oh, I don't know, Mr. Von Zell. He gave us a vacation with pay.
Harry Bonzel
Vacation with pay? Promises, you mean. He told us this was a garden spot, didn't he? Well, look at it.
Nora Martin
Well, there's a beautiful cactus plant.
Harry Bonzel
Beautiful cactus plan with one cat. One measly cat.
Nora Martin
Harry, you shouldn't talk like that. Maybe things haven't turned out the way Mr. Cantor promised us, but he has a lot on his mind. After all, he's a great star.
Harry Bonzel
Great star? Sure, great star. He's a popeyed promiser. He'll never amount to anything. He's just a flash in the pan.
Leonard Seuss
Flash in the pan?
Harry Bonzel
Flash in the pan.
Leonard Seuss
Harry, Mr. Canner was in the Ziegfeld Follies. He's in the movies, radio. Why, he's been a big name in show business for 36 years.
Harry Bonzel
Yeah, but what's he doing this summer? What's he doing this summer?
Leonard Seuss
Gee, nothing, I guess.
Harry Bonzel
Like I told you, flash in the pan. Well, I don't. Just don't mind me, kids. I. I get sore every time I think of the way Eddie roped Us into operating this place just because he couldn't hire help. Sorry I interrupted your rehearsal for tonight's show. Go ahead, Freddie. Nora. Leonard, let's. Let's try those songs from Carousel again, huh?
Fred Martel
If I loved you Time and again I would try to say All I'd want you to know Is if I loved you Words wouldn't come in an easy way Round in circles I'd gone long to tell you but afraid and shy I know Let my golden chances pass me by soon you leave me off you would go in the midst of day Never, never to know that I.
Nora Martin
March went out like a lion A whipping up the water in the.
Fred Martel
Bay Then April cried and stepped aside.
Nora Martin
And along came pretty little May look.
Fred Martel
Around, look around to look around June busting out all over all over the meadow and the hill Buzzer busting out of bushes and the romping river bushes.
Nora Martin
Every little tree that shoes beside a mill June is buzzing out all over the feeling is getting so intense that the young Virginia creepers have been hugging.
Harry Bonzel
The vegeta out of all the morning.
Fred Martel
Glories on the fair because it's June June is busting that all over you Ladies, the men are paying car Lots.
Nora Martin
Of ships are kept at anchor Just because they kept them hankered for a welcome they can only get in part.
Fred Martel
Because it's June June Just because it just.
Harry Bonzel
Oh, that sounds. Well, kids, but look, there's a lot of work to be done here besides rehearsing for the show tonight. Listen, Leonard, what were you doing in the barn this morning? Milking the cow standing up?
Leonard Seuss
Well, I'm a gentleman farmer. I never sit in the presence of a lady.
Harry Bonzel
Isn't that. Look, kid, tomorrow before you do any milking, take your trumpet down to the bar and play a tune. Teach that cow to Roomba.
Leonard Seuss
Isn't that silly? Teaching a cow to Roomba.
Harry Bonzel
Look, son, milk we can always get. It's butter that's scare.
Fred Martel
Shake it up.
Leonard Seuss
Say, Nora, are you ready to rehearse dream?
Nora Martin
Yes, I am, Leonard.
Leonard Seuss
But we still haven't fixed those steps from the lobby to the second floor.
Harry Bonzel
Hey, that's right. I fell through those things last week. Let's get busy on that. Now, fixing the stairs is a three man job. Leonard. And Freddy, drag in that lumber and start hammering those nails there.
Leonard Seuss
Well, Freddy and I are doing all the work again. How does that make it a three man job?
Harry Bonzel
If one of you smacks his thumb with a hammer, who's going to be standing there ready to holler? Ouch. It's a Three man job. Now, you kids think I ought to do it again? No, I can't.
Fred Martel
No.
Harry Bonzel
Now, you kids go on, get to work there and fix those stairs. And don't be afraid to use both hands.
Leonard Seuss
Well, my sister uses forehands.
Nora Martin
Forehand? Leonard, that's ridiculous.
Harry Bonzel
It certainly is.
Leonard Seuss
What's ridiculous about using trouche? The beforehand lotion?
Harry Bonzel
Why, bless your fat little head. Isn't that wonderful? Your sister's a very smart girl, Leonard. For any woman who wants to help keep her hands soft and smooth and lovely, is using truche, the beforehand lotion. Truche, you see, is the new idea in hand lotion. A creamy, fragrant lotion that's designed to help keep hands the way you like them. And because trouche is the beforehand lotion, you can use it before you do dishes or tub your undies. Why, true shay is so effective that it'll help guard your hands even in hot, soapy water. Truchet is wonderful, too, when used as a powder base. And it's perfect to help keep your legs soft and smooth, particularly in the summer when the skin has a tendency to dry. Why don't you begin today to use trou shave? Hey, Nora. Sounds as if Leonard Seuss and the orchestra are ready to hear you sing. Dream. You ready? Dream.
Fred Martel
When you're feeling blue Dream that looks dream Just watch the smoke rings rise in the air. You'll find your share of happiness there. No. Dream when the day is true dream and they might come true. They never are as bad as they seem. So dream job Dream never are as bad as they j.
Harry Bonzel
What? I guess I fell asleep. Where is everybody? That's a fine thing. Can't trust the soul. I lie down for a measly two hours and what happens?
Leonard Seuss
A mosquito bites me.
Harry Bonzel
Oh, it's you, Leonard. Well, it serves you right.
Leonard Seuss
Well, gee, my cheek feels as warm as toast. You think I ought to put some butter on the bite?
Harry Bonzel
Don't be silly. If a mosquito wants to bite you, let him take it dry. But, Harry, it hurts. Well, stop complaining, Leonard. You're healthy enough. Look how nice and red your face is.
Leonard Seuss
That's the mosquito bite. Here's my face.
Harry Bonzel
Where? Here. You know something? The mosquito bite looks better.
Nora Martin
Oh, hello, Harry. I see you're awake.
Harry Bonzel
I wasn't sleepy. No, I wasn't. I think better with my eyes closed.
Leonard Seuss
You snore better.
Harry Bonzel
Never mind that. Snore better. All the work we've got to do around here for the formal opening tonight. And you kids run off and go swimming.
Leonard Seuss
But Harry, before that, I plowed the field and gathered 20 bushels of perennial herbs of the asclepodacea family.
Harry Bonzel
Do watch what you say.
Leonard Seuss
No, no, I did. 20 bushels of perennial herbs of the asclepidacea family.
Harry Bonzel
What is that?
Leonard Seuss
Weeds, Harry.
Fred Martel
Weeds.
Harry Bonzel
Weeds.
Nora Martin
I think the only thing that will grow around here is that cactus plant.
Harry Bonzel
It wouldn't be so bad if we could get one with two cats. But listen, don't lose patience, Nora. Let me tell you a story. I remember once I planted a little seed in very tough soil. A tiny little seed. I took care of it, nursed it, watered it. And you know, in just three months, that little seed grew and grew.
Nora Martin
What did it grow into, Harry?
Harry Bonzel
A big seed.
Fred Martel
Hey.
Leonard Seuss
Hey, kid, did you tell Mr. Bonsel about the cannon? Oh, Harry. Yeah, we forgot to tell you. On the way to the lake, we found a beautiful cannon.
Harry Bonzel
A cannon? Yeah. Oh, boy. Fourth of July.
Fred Martel
Damn. Wham.
Harry Bonzel
Oh, boy.
Nora Martin
But, Harry, Harriet's a very old cannon.
Harry Bonzel
How do you know it's old?
Leonard Seuss
Well, the plaque on it reads, this cannon fired for the first time, July 4, 1771.
Harry Bonzel
Oh, wait a minute now, that's ridiculous. There wasn't any Fourth of July, 1771. Oh, yeah?
Leonard Seuss
What came after July 3rd?
Harry Bonzel
Canter told him to do that. Would I love to have that. Any canter here right now. I'd load him into that cannon, shove in a barrel of buckshot, ram a charge of powder, and I'd blow. Oh.
Leonard Seuss
Hey.
Harry Bonzel
Oh, boy, have I got an idea. Kids. I've got the idea of the century. What century is this? Make a note of this. I've got the idea. This is sensational. What a stunt for our opening show tonight. I see it now. The talk of the nation, Cantor's cozy Cabana. Nightly entertainment featuring the human cannonball.
Fred Martel
Gee, that's great.
Harry Bonzel
Mr.
Leonard Seuss
Von Dell, who's going to be the cannonball?
Harry Bonzel
We'll have a. Oh. Oh. Oh, Freddy, my son, this is a two man job.
Leonard Seuss
Oh, not again.
Harry Bonzel
I'll let her. You keep out of it. Now, Freddie, my son, one of us is the human cannonball. And one of us does the firing.
Leonard Seuss
Never mind the firing. Which one of us gets shot out of the cannon?
Harry Bonzel
Freddy.
Leonard Seuss
Yes, Father.
Harry Bonzel
It's got to be either you or me.
Leonard Seuss
You or me.
Harry Bonzel
You or me?
Leonard Seuss
Well, which is it?
Fred Martel
Now, wait a minute, Mr.
Leonard Seuss
Von Dell. I'm too big to get into a little cannon. I'm not too big. Harry, can you shoot me out of a cannon?
Harry Bonzel
You, I could shoot out of a flip gun. But listen, Freddy, look.
Nora Martin
Boy, why are you leading Harry on? You know the cannon doesn't work.
Harry Bonzel
It doesn't work?
Leonard Seuss
No, it's too old.
Harry Bonzel
No. Yeah. No, you can't do this to me. There goes the greatest idea of the century. No human cannonball, no crowds, no people. Nobody flying through the air.
Fred Martel
Take it easy.
Leonard Seuss
Don't take it so fast, Father. Don't take it so hard.
Harry Bonzel
Hey, wait a minute. Hey, I've got the second greatest idea of the century.
Leonard Seuss
What?
Harry Bonzel
Listen, we'll. Two ideas in one century. That's not bad, you know. Great. Listen, we'll make a giant slingshot, two trees, a big rope, and we'll tie it onto a. Leonard, have you ever been shot out of a girdle?
Leonard Seuss
Harry, where did you get a girdle?
Harry Bonzel
It's Eddie Catter's.
Leonard Seuss
Mr. Cantor wears a girdle.
Harry Bonzel
What do you think's been holding him together all these years? Leonard. Leonard. Now listen. Get this picture. The crowd, the people all out to watch you, you, me. A cheer goes up. There you are sitting in the girdle. I put a twenty dollar bill in each one of your hands.
Leonard Seuss
That's forty dollars.
Harry Bonzel
A lightning calculator, Ian. Yes, and look, Leonard, I throw one arm around your neck, grab your feet with the other. I pull you way back. I let it fly.
Leonard Seuss
You shoot through the air with $20 in each hand.
Harry Bonzel
High in the sky, mile after mile. There you go. What's bothering you, kid?
Leonard Seuss
Why am I holding a $20 bill in each hand?
Harry Bonzel
Boy, where you land, it's going to cost $40 to get you back. What did I say? What are they clapping?
Leonard Seuss
Harry. I won't do it.
Harry Bonzel
He won't do it. He won't do it. He won't do it. That's gratitude for you. I knock myself out trying to build up this place, get people to come up here. Will you kids cooperate? No. Well, I'm leaving.
Nora Martin
Harry, where are you going?
Harry Bonzel
Upstairs to my room. And don't follow me anymore. But, Mr. Bonzel, stay in the lobby. I don't want anybody around me.
Leonard Seuss
But, Harry, you don't know what you're doing.
Harry Bonzel
I know what I'm doing.
Leonard Seuss
What's the steps, Harry, the steps. I forgot.
Nora Martin
What happened.
Fred Martel
Harry, where are you?
Leonard Seuss
Mr. Bonzel, I'm back in the lobby again. I'm sure glad we got out of there in a hurry. You know, Harry was really mad.
Nora Martin
Oh, he'll get over in time for tonight's show. Say, are we through rehearsing?
Leonard Seuss
I'd like to go over. You belong to my Heart. Okay, let's take it from the beginning.
Fred Martel
You belong to my heart now and forever and our love had its start not long ago we were gathering stars While a million guitars played our love song When I said I love you Every beat of my heart said it to. Twas a moment like this till you remember and your eyes were kissed when they met mine now we own all the stars and a million guitars I still play, you are the song and you'll always belong to my heart Towards a moment like this do you remember when your eyes were killed when they met mine now we own all the stars and a million guitars I still play Darling, you are the song and you always belong to my heart.
Harry Bonzel
Come in. Gee.
Leonard Seuss
Gee, I'm sorry about those steps. Harry.
Harry Bonzel
I'm. Forget it, Leonard. It's not your fault. It was just an accident.
Leonard Seuss
Well, yeah, and it couldn't happen to a nicer guy. Now listen, Leonard, don't get mad again. Harry, I didn't mean it that way. We know you're always trying to help.
Harry Bonzel
You do?
Leonard Seuss
Sure. You were just trying to get people up here.
Harry Bonzel
I was?
Leonard Seuss
Of course. You like people and they like what you say.
Harry Bonzel
You mean like what I said this afternoon about the human camemball?
Leonard Seuss
No, Harry, I mean what you say every Wednesday. All those helpful things about, you know. What?
Harry Bonzel
What? Oh, yes, yes. You mean when I say. Ladies and gentlemen, whenever you wake up feeling sick and headachy due to the need of a laxative, take a glass full of sparkling Sal Hepatica. For Sal hepatica taken then brings quick, gentle relief, usually within an hour. That means you don't have to risk feeling miserable all day waiting until night to take a laxative. And besides this quick, gentle relief, sparkling Sal hepatica gives you another advantage. This famous saline helps sweeten an upset stomach by helping to reduce excess gastric acidity. So tonight or tomorrow, get a bottle of Sal Hepatica. Remembering this caution used only as directed. Then whenever you need a laxative, morning, noon or night, see how much faster you feel better thanks to gentle, speedy cell Hepatica.
Leonard Seuss
Yeah, Harry's a great master of ceremony.
Harry Bonzel
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for the way you received our last act. McGinnis and his dancing pig. McGinnis will be back with us next week. But unfortunately, this was the pig's last performance. Mr. McGinnis lost his ration book. But ladies and gentlemen, if you like what you've seen, you're going to love what you're about to hear. Our musical director, the young man with the horn, Leonard Seuss. Here he is offering the sunny side of the street.
Fred Martel
SA.
Harry Bonzel
Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. Now, as a fitting climax to our Independence Day show, we honor a man who was born on the fourth of July. The great American, George M. Cohan. In his memory, Nora Martin, Fred Martel and Leonard Seuss bring you some of the songs which you might want to remember. And which your mothers and fathers will never forget.
Fred Martel
I'm a Yankee Doodle dandy. A Yankee, Yankee Doodle do or die. A real live nephew of your Uncle Sam. Born on the 4th of July. I've got a Yankee Doodle sweetheart. He's my Yankee Doodle joy. Yankee Doodle came to London just to ride the ponies. I am a Yankee Doodle boy. A double R I G A N spells Harrigan proud of all the Irish birds in ye devil a man can say a word agin me H A.
Nora Martin
Double R I G A N U.
Fred Martel
C Is a name that a shame. Never has been connected with her again that me for it was Mary, Mary. Plain as any name can be. But with propriety. Propriety was he Mary. And it was Mary, Mary. Long before the. And there is something there. The sound is so square. It's a grim way. Remember me to help square. Tell all the gang at 42nd Street. And I will soon be there. You're a grand old flag. You're a high flying flag. And forever in peace may you wait. You're the emblem of the land I love the home of the free and the brave. Every heart beats true. Neath the red one white and blue. Where there's never a bo or black. But should old acquaintance be forgot. Keep your eye on the grand old man over there. Over there. Send the word, send the word over there. That the Yanks are coming. The Yanks are coming. The drum, drum coming everywhere. So prepare, say a prayer. Send the word, send the word. To the well. We'll be over. We're coming over. And we won't come back till it's over. Over.
Nora Martin
The show went over big, didn't it, Harry?
Leonard Seuss
He liked it, huh? You're great, Mr. Fonzel.
Harry Bonzel
Oh, sure, sure. Well, kids. No, really. It's because everybody's pitched in. You know, it's cooperation. I think we'll make a place out of this. Yes. Why, even our one little old hen cooperated. You know what she did? No. She laid seven eggs in five days. And you know what, kids?
Nora Martin
What?
Harry Bonzel
I'm giving her the weekend off. I appreciate cooperation, believe me. But as for the rest of us. We've got a lot of work to do around here yet and come canter or high water, we're going to make a success out of this place. Tell all your friends there's going to be another show next Wednesday night. And in the meantime, friends, don't forget the two products that make our Wednesdays with you possible Sal Hepatica for the Smile of Health and True Shay the beforehand lotion. Sal Hepatica True Shay. This is Harry Bonzel reminding you we'd love to spend each Wednesday with you. Say folks, here's a P.S. if your back aches and your muscles are darn sore from work or exercise, help yourself to some fast relief with Minute Rub. Minute Rub, you see, is a modern quick acting rub that helps bring speedy relief from those tired aching muscles. All you do is rub Minute Rub on briskly and in a minute its counter irritant and pain relieving actions help bring soothing welcome relief. And listen here at last is a quick acting rub that's also greaseless and stainless disappears like vanishing cream. Minute Rub will not harm clothes or linens. So anytime you have muscular aches and pains caused by physical overexertion, get quick relief the modern way. The Greaseless Stainless Minute Rubway this is the National Broadcasting Company.
Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio – "Wednesday With You 45-07-04 Opening Night at the Lodge"
Introduction
"Harold's Old Time Radio" transports listeners back to the Golden Age of Radio, evoking the nostalgic ambiance of families gathered around their radios to enjoy timeless shows like The Shadow, Abbott & Costello, Amos & Andy, and Dragnet. In the episode titled "Wednesday With You 45-07-04 Opening Night at the Lodge," released on February 11, 2025, host Harry Bonzel, along with his co-stars Fred Martel, Nora Martin, and Leonard Seuss, brings to life the bustling preparations and humorous challenges faced during the opening night of Eddie Cantor's mountain lodge.
Setting and Characters
The episode is set in Eddie Cantor's mountain lodge, a rustic establishment that serves as both a workspace and a performance venue for the main characters:
Plot Development
Challenges at the Lodge
The episode opens with Harry expressing frustration over their dismal lodge conditions. At [01:03], Leonard Seuss remarks, "Harry, we've been up here in Eddie Cantor's mountain lodge for a whole week and you're not. And you're still sore at him." Harry responds with discontent, highlighting Eddie Cantor's exploitation: "Really, ever since I've worked for Cantor, he's taken advantage of me" ([01:09]).
Rehearsals and Discontent
As preparations for the opening night unfold, tension arises among the staff. Harry demands the cast focus on rehearsals despite underlying frustrations about their work conditions. At [02:57], during a rehearsal of a song from Carousel, Harry interrupts to address maintenance issues: "Listen, Leonard, what were you doing in the barn this morning? Milking the cow standing up?" This interaction underscores the blend of professional duties and personal grievances.
The Human Cannonball Scheme
A significant plot point revolves around Harry's ambitious yet misguided plan to feature a human cannonball act for their opening night. At [12:03], Fred Martel introduces the discovery of an old cannon: "On the way to the lake, we found a beautiful cannon." Harry enthusiastically pitches the idea: "This is sensational. What a stunt for our opening show tonight. The talk of the nation, Cantor's cozy Cabana" ([12:57]).
However, complications arise when it's revealed that the cannon is non-functional and historically inaccurate, sparking debates and humorous exchanges about executing the stunt safely. Leonard questions the feasibility: "You know something? The mosquito bite looks better." ([10:56]) Meanwhile, Nora attempts to mediate Harry's escalating frustrations, emphasizing Eddie Cantor's prominence: "Mr. Canner was in the Ziegfeld Follies. He's been a big name in show business for 36 years" ([02:19]).
Second Attempt: The Giant Slingshot
Undeterred by the cannon's failure, Harry devises an alternative plan using a giant slingshot. At [14:46], he describes his inventive yet impractical idea: "We'll make a giant slingshot, two trees, a big rope, and we'll tie it onto a girdle... you'll shoot through the air with $20 in each hand" ([15:30]). This proposal leads to further comedic tension, with Leonard expressing reluctance: "Harry. I won't do it" ([16:04]).
Reconciliation and Success
Despite the setbacks, cooperation among the lodge staff ultimately leads to a successful opening night. Leonard returns apologizing for earlier miscommunications: "Well, yeah, and it couldn't happen to a nicer guy" ([19:36]). The team rallies together, recognizing Harry's efforts and the importance of teamwork: "You like people and they like what you say" ([19:55]).
Musical Performances
Integral to the lodge's entertainment offerings are the musical numbers performed by Fred Martel, Nora Martin, and Leonard Seuss. The episode features rehearsals of songs from Carousel and culminates in a patriotic medley honoring George M. Cohan. Notable performances include:
These musical interludes not only entertain but also reinforce the themes of unity and perseverance within the lodge community.
Conclusion
The episode concludes on a high note, celebrating the lodge's successful opening night and the collaborative spirit that overcame initial hurdles. Harry acknowledges the collective effort: "It's because everybody's pitched in. You know, it's cooperation" ([26:58]). The staff looks forward to future performances, optimistic about the lodge's potential: "We think we'll make a place out of this" ([27:17]).
Harry's final remarks tie the show's success to mutual support and the community's dedication, leaving listeners with a sense of accomplishment and anticipation for upcoming episodes: "Come Wednesday night, and in the meantime, friends, don't forget the two products that make our Wednesdays with you possible" ([27:17]).
Notable Quotes:
Harry Bonzel ([02:17]): "Great star? Sure, great star. He's a popeyed promiser. He'll never amount to anything. He's just a flash in the pan."
Leonard Seuss ([14:06]): "Does the cannon work?"
Nora Martin ([10:59]): "You shouldn't talk like that. Maybe things haven't turned out the way Mr. Cantor promised us..."
Harry Bonzel ([15:24]): "A lightning calculator, Ian. Yes, and look, Leonard, I throw one arm around your neck, grab your feet with the other. I pull you way back. I let it fly."
Final Thoughts
"Wednesday With You 45-07-04 Opening Night at the Lodge" masterfully blends humor, drama, and music to portray the behind-the-scenes dynamics of putting together a successful radio show. Through engaging character interactions and memorable musical performances, the episode captures the essence of the Golden Age of Radio, celebrating teamwork and creativity amidst challenges. Perfect for enthusiasts of classic radio dramas, this episode offers both entertainment and a heartfelt homage to a bygone era.