Wednesdays With You 45-06-13 with -Alan Young

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: Wednesdays With You 45-06-13 with Alan Young
Release Date: April 10, 2025
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Guest: Alan Young
Duration: 30:02 minutes

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Episode Overview

In this vibrant episode of Harold's Old Time Radio, listeners are treated to a nostalgic journey reminiscent of the Golden Age of Radio. Hosted by Eddie Cantor, alongside co-hosts Don Wilson and Bert Gordon, the show masterfully blends comedy, guest interactions, and light-hearted discussions. The highlight of the episode is the appearance of Alan Young, an emerging comedian poised to become a household name. Additionally, renowned MGM star Marilyn Maxwell graces the show, adding star-studded charm to the evening's programming.

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Main Segments

1. Comedy Skits and Banter (01:31 - 15:15)

Eddie Cantor and Don Wilson kick off the episode with a series of humorous exchanges and light-hearted jokes. Eddie shares amusing anecdotes about life in the army, including a heartfelt story at [03:19] about a soldier facing discharge at the age of 40, highlighting the personal struggles of servicemen.

A notable moment occurs at [04:07], where Eddie humorously debates his age with Don, showcasing the playful rapport between the hosts:

• Eddie Cantor ([04:17]): "Life begins at 40?"
• Don Wilson ([04:30]): "If I were 35, I'd be the first one to admit it."

The hosts continue with witty dialogues, poking fun at military life, relationships, and everyday mishaps. At [05:20], Eddie shares advice on maintaining a happy marriage, attributing it to Georgie Jessel's wisdom:

• Eddie Cantor ([05:20]): "When you get married, tell your wife you have to have one free evening a week to go out with the boys. Don't waste that free evening going out with the boys."

2. Guest Interactions (15:15 - 30:02)

Marilyn Maxwell's Appearance (16:15 - 28:12)
Marilyn Maxwell joins the show, bringing Hollywood glamour to the radio waves. Eddie introduces her warmly:

• Eddie Cantor ([16:15]): "Men, we're very proud to have as our guest tonight that lovely MGM star, currently appearing with Van Johnson in their latest hit, Between Two Women. Here she is, Marilyn Maxwell."

Throughout her segment, Marilyn engages in playful banter with Eddie and Bert Gordon, including humorous exchanges about name confusion and aviation anecdotes. Notable interactions include:

• Marilyn Maxwell ([16:26]): "I happen to know Jack Benny got his flat feet pacing up and down."
• Eddie Cantor ([27:37]): "You're mixed up. My name is Maxwell, but I'm not a car."

Harry Von Zell's Introduction (17:56 - 20:15)
Harry Von Zell makes a cameo, adding to the comedic flair with his lovable innocence and childlike antics:

• Harry Von Zell ([17:56]): "Goo."
• Marilyn Maxwell ([18:28]): "I wonder what he's trying to say with his goo goo goo goo."

Eddie and Harry share light-hearted moments, including jokes about aviation history and interactions with Mayor LaGuardia, enhancing the show's comedic depth.

Alan Young's Feature (21:00 - 29:06)
The episode's centerpiece is the appearance of Alan Young, a promising comedian seeking advice on handling relationship woes. Alan engages in a humorous yet genuine conversation with Eddie:

• Alan Young ([22:23]): "I had a fight with my girlfriend, Betty Dittenfeffer."
• Eddie Cantor ([22:49]): "Alan, what makes you think I can help you make up with your girl?"

Eddie offers comedic solutions, such as orchestrating a fake romantic encounter with Marilyn Maxwell to make Alan's girlfriend jealous, leading to a series of amusing exchanges:

• Eddie Cantor ([25:04]): "If you really want to make up with Betty, why don't you take her out tonight?"
• Alan Young ([25:15]): "All right, Ms. Maxwell, will you kiss me on the forehead?"

The segment culminates in a playful interaction where Marilyn kisses Alan, delivering laughs and showcasing the chemistry between the hosts and guests.

3. Light-Hearted Discussions and Jokes (28:12 - 30:02)

The latter part of the episode features a blend of jokes, humorous stories, and light-hearted discussions about aviation, Hollywood, and everyday life. Eddie and Bert Gordon engage in spirited dialogues, often leading to comedic misunderstandings and funny punchlines.

A memorable exchange at [28:24] involves a fictional vocal teacher claiming to teach Frank Sinatra, adding a layer of satire to the show's humor:

• Bert Gordon ([28:38]): "I am teaching Frank Sinatra how to sing."
• Eddie Cantor ([28:53]): "But Ingrid Bergman didn't sing in Gaslight. Why did she keep going to her house every night?"

The episode wraps up with final jokes and a dedication to the war effort, maintaining the show's balance between humor and heartfelt messages.

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Key Discussions and Themes

• Military Life and Sacrifices: The show touches on the personal lives of servicemen, their sacrifices, and the emotional challenges they face, particularly highlighting the impact of war on individuals and families.

• Relationships and Marriage: Through comedic narratives, Eddie offers insights into maintaining healthy relationships, blending humor with genuine advice.

• Comedy and Mentorship: The interaction between Eddie Cantor and Alan Young underscores the importance of mentorship in the comedy world, showcasing the passing of the torch from established comedians to the next generation.

• Hollywood and Showbiz: Marilyn Maxwell's segment delves into the glamorous yet humorous side of Hollywood, blending on-air personas with real-life anecdotes.

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Notable Quotes

1. Eddie Cantor on Marriage Advice ([05:20]):

   "When you get married, tell your wife you have to have one free evening a week to go out with the boys. Don't waste that free evening going out with the boys."

2. Eddie Cantor on Age Discrepancy ([04:27]):

   "There were 34 candles on the piece I ate."

3. Alan Young on Relationship Troubles ([22:23]):

   "I had a fight with my girlfriend, Betty Dittenfeffer."

4. Marilyn Maxwell on Parenting Harry Von Zell ([17:58]):

   "Harry Von Zell brought him over to my house when he was only a couple of months old. And what a fuss he made over me."

5. Eddie Cantor on Making Up with Betty ([26:38]):

   "Why don't you take her out tonight? Take her to some nice place for dinner."

6. Alan Young's Insight on Eddie's Advice ([22:23] - [22:42]):

   Alan Young: "That's no joke." Marilyn Maxwell: "No?" Alan Young: "No, because colonels are brave and they would not be afraid to pass a butcher shop even if it was raining."

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Conclusion

This episode of Harold's Old Time Radio epitomizes the charm and wit of classic radio shows, blending comedy, heartfelt discussions, and engaging guest interactions. Eddie Cantor's infectious humor, combined with the talents of Don Wilson, Bert Gordon, Marilyn Maxwell, and Alan Young, creates an entertaining and memorable listening experience. Whether sharing personal stories, offering relationship advice, or delivering comedic sketches, the hosts and guests work in harmony to evoke laughter and nostalgia, making this episode a standout installment in the series.

Transcript

[Macy's Advertiser]

This weekend only at Macy's. It's our lowest prices of spring. How low? Diamond rings, pendants and earrings only $399. Originally 1,500 Ninja blenders, now 89.99 and $395. Men's designer suits only $99.99. So if you're wondering why you should shop Macy's lowest prices sale. Well, the name pretty much says it all. It's our lowest prices for one weekend only. Starts tomorrow at Macy's. Savings off Already reduced prices. Exclusions apply.

[Eddie Cantor]

This is Eddie Cantor. It's Wednesday and time for another show. Time for a few laughs, a few songs. And overseas, the men of our armed forces. Bringing the fight closer and closer to the Japanese homeland. Will be hearing this broadcast too. But when the gags and the tunes are over, they'll want something more important. They'll want assurance from us that we're backing them up. Ladies and gentlemen, show the men in the Pacific that there's a bond between us. Buy one tomorrow for the First Air.

[Don Wilson]

Force with headquarters at Mitchell Field, Long Island, New York. Bristol Myers, makers of Salapatica, Truchet and Minute Rub, in cooperation with the Drug, Cosmetic and Allied Industries. Dedicate this program to Uncle Sam and his appeal to buy more war bonds to help the war effort. And now, here's the star of our show, Eddie Katter.

[Eddie Cantor]

Every time, every time. Every dog on time I fall in love. I get a shopping around. Every time, every time, every time. Every jog on time I try romance. I'm taking a chance, I'm losing my mind. I'm gonna learn to be a hermit and live in a hermit's ca. Till I lose those glues my sweetie gave to me. Wanna burn my bridges behind me. Gonna hide out of them. You can look but you'll never find me behind the eight ball again. Cause every time, every time. Every doggone time I fall in love. I get a shoving around. Every doggone time on the first high.

[Bert Gordon]

Prison hide out to look but you.

[Eddie Cantor]

Won'T find me behind the eight ball again. Cuz. Every time, every time, Every dog on time I fall in love. I get a shoven around. Every dog one time I fall in love. Thank you, fellas. And girl. And Don. What a thrill I had here at the airport watching planes take off. I saw a C47 leave the field at 200 miles an hour. Then I saw an A26 leave doing 400 miles an hour. And before I left I saw a plane here at Mitchell Field doing 450 miles an hour?

[Don Wilson]

My, my. Do they have anything faster than that leaving here?

[Eddie Cantor]

Don, did you ever see one of these guys with enough points to get. Want to see something fast? He's home.

[Don Wilson]

Well, I see what you mean, Eddie. I understand that some of the men are also released when they reach the age of 40.

[Eddie Cantor]

That's right, Don. I met one of the fellows this morning who had just turned 40 and got his discharge. He was crying, and I asked him why. I said, why are you crying? Tomorrow you'll be out of the army. You'll be in civilian clothes. You'll have nothing to do but run after beautiful girls. And the guy said, yeah, but why didn't they let me out while I could still catch them?

[Don Wilson]

Ah, Eddie, you can't be serious. Haven't you heard the saying, life begins at 40?

[Eddie Cantor]

How would I know, Don? Come back in six years and ask me.

[Don Wilson]

Now, wait a minute, Eddie. Wait a minute. Are you implying that you're only 34 years old?

[Eddie Cantor]

Now, Don, you were at my birthday party. You counted the candles on the cake, didn't you?

[Bert Gordon]

Didn't you, eddie?

[Don Wilson]

There were 34 candles on the piece I ate.

[Eddie Cantor]

Of course.

[Don Wilson]

And another thing, Eddie, another thing. I happen to know that you and ida celebrated your 31st wedding anniversary just last Saturday.

[Eddie Cantor]

That's right.

[Don Wilson]

Well, do you mean to say that at the time you and Ida were married, that you were only three years old?

[Eddie Cantor]

Oh, certainly, Don, certainly. We alone. We alone.

[Don Wilson]

Oh, you did?

[Eddie Cantor]

Yes, we alone. I got a ladder, carried her down from her high chair, slipped a teething ring on her finger, helped her into my carriage, and we were off to Niagara Fall. Don't be so statistical. You know, after all, Don, I'm not like most actors. I happen to be 34 years old. And if I were 35, I'd be the first one to admit it. Believe me, Don, believe me.

[Don Wilson]

Whatever you say, Eddie. But I had no idea that you were younger than Benny. You know, Jack admits to 36.

[Eddie Cantor]

Jack Benny admits to 36.

[Don Wilson]

That's right.

[Eddie Cantor]

I'll tell you something. Don't. Do you know that Stradivarius violin Jack has that's 150 years old?

[Don Wilson]

Yeah, what about it?

[Eddie Cantor]

I happen to know Jack Benny got his flat feet pacing up and down. Waiting for Mr. Stradivarius to finish it.

[Don Wilson]

Well, now, Eddie, I'm not the least bit interested in how old you and Jack are. But I thought it was wonderful that you and Ida celebrated 31 years of married life. Really, I did. Now, maybe you could give these young fellows out here Some advice.

[Eddie Cantor]

Well, Don, this may sound strange, but the man who gave me the formula for a happy married life happens to be Georgie Jessel.

[Don Wilson]

Georgie Jessel.

[Eddie Cantor]

Georgie. He told me to follow two rules. One, when you get married, tell your wife you have to have one free evening a week to go out with the boys.

[Don Wilson]

And what's the other rule?

[Eddie Cantor]

Don't waste that free evening going out with the boys.

[Don Wilson]

Eddie, how in the world can you stand there joking when these fellows are waiting for advice? Can't you see what a serious bunch they are?

[Eddie Cantor]

Just look serious. Yeah, you wouldn't think so if you could see where they go to have fun. Lee's Hempstead, Paris. For the benefit of the rest of the public. It's a Chinese restaurant.

[Don Wilson]

Oh, yes, Eddie. Yes, I know. I was in that restaurant. Yeah, see, with the dim lights and all the smoke, you can hardly see to pick up your food.

[Eddie Cantor]

Don, when these boys go to Lee's, it isn't chop suey they want to pick up.

[Don Wilson]

Ah, gee, Eddie, I, I.

[Eddie Cantor]

You know I don't leave now. Sold. Don't leave, Eddie.

[Don Wilson]

You know I love Chinese.

[Eddie Cantor]

You love Chinese food?

[Don Wilson]

Oh, yes. I like steaks and chops. I like dairy products.

[Eddie Cantor]

All right, all right, Don. We know you like to eat. Of course, he's only fooling, fellas. Don is a very light eater. The minute it gets light outside, he starts to eat. You should. You should see how much Chinese food this guy puts a leg. Instead of chopsticks, they bring him two baseball B.

[Don Wilson]

Now, tell me, Eddie, where do the boys eat when they're here in cab?

[Eddie Cantor]

Well, a lot of the boys get in line at the post cafeteria for breakfast.

[Don Wilson]

Where do they go for dinner?

[Eddie Cantor]

By the time they get their breakfast, they've had dinner.

[Don Wilson]

They really have to wait in line for.

[Eddie Cantor]

Wait a minute.

[Don Wilson]

They have to wait in line for breakfast that long?

[Eddie Cantor]

Listen, Don, do they have to wait that long? Let me tell you something. A lieutenant ordered a neck for breakfast the other day, and by the time it was his turn, the yagi order had hatched, turned into a rooster and was standing in line in back of the lieutenant waiting for his breakfast. I'm quite a frank chap, am I not, Don? We've spoken enough about what the boys do here at camp. I'd like to give you an idea of the work these boys are doing overseas.

[Don Wilson]

Oh, you have some information about that, Eddie?

[Eddie Cantor]

Yes, Don. I was listening to the shortwave radio.

[Alan Young]

And I want to make a report.

[Eddie Cantor]

On the news I heard coming out of Japan.

[Don Wilson]

All right, take it away.

[Eddie Cantor]

Tokyo Flashy flash. Very good news. War Department has asked me to make two announcements. Number one, all men having enough points will immediately be released from the army. Number two, all men released from the army will be put in the navy. Now then, in regard to new point system for Japanese Navy. All Nipponese sailors will receive 2 points for each month's service overseas. Underseas, 4 points. Many citizens are trying to leave Tokyo. Japanese people want to stay off trains and remain in their house during air raids. That way you will leave Tokyo quicker or flashy flash. I just received news. Latest naval battle. American naval losses twice as much as Japan. Japanese lost 10 ships. Americans lose 20 torpedoes. Say, Eddie. Eddie.

[Bert Gordon]

Yes, Don?

[Don Wilson]

Eddie, They're. They're ready for the special event on tonight's program. The high command here at Mitchell Field has established contact with a plane flying over New York. And they want you to interview the pilot from here.

[Eddie Cantor]

Okay. Hand me that gadget. I talked to Don. Here, I'll try it. Eddie Cantor speaking. Come in, pilot. Eddie Cantor speaking. Come in, pilot.

[Bert Gordon]

How do you do?

[Eddie Cantor]

Why, it's Bert Gordon, the mad Russian. I. Russian, I was supposed to talk with a real pilot. What are you doing up in a plane?

[Bert Gordon]

Cancer. Yes, I have spent thousands and thousands of hours in the air.

[Eddie Cantor]

Flying.

[Bert Gordon]

No, breathing.

[Eddie Cantor]

Never mind. If you're an airplane, what took you so long to answer?

[Bert Gordon]

I am flying over Evansfield in Brooklyn watching the ball game. What the thrill? They just knocked one over the fence.

[Eddie Cantor]

They just knocked one over the fence. A baseball?

[Bert Gordon]

No, a spectator. Oh.

[Eddie Cantor]

Let's end this conversation, Russian. I don't enjoy talking to a moron.

[Bert Gordon]

Let's keep talking.

[Eddie Cantor]

I do. Russian, I'll expect you here at Mitchell Field in 10 minutes. Where are you now?

[Bert Gordon]

I am flying over the Statue of Liberty.

[Eddie Cantor]

Over the Statue of Liberty? How low are you flying?

[Bert Gordon]

Pretty low. I'm flying about.

[Eddie Cantor]

Ouch.

[Bert Gordon]

Careful with that torch, honey.

[Eddie Cantor]

Russian, I ask you to stop clowning. I want you to come back here right away. Can you find the field?

[Bert Gordon]

I'm not sure right now. I'm doing some blunt flying.

[Eddie Cantor]

Not blunt flying. You mean blind flying.

[Bert Gordon]

You fly what you want, and I'll fly what I want.

[Eddie Cantor]

Russian, let me get this. You say you've got a girl in an army plane. Don't you know the air force has never heard of such a thing?

[Bert Gordon]

Should I tell them?

[Eddie Cantor]

Russian, you fool. You've broken army regulations. You and that girl will be court martial the next week. Instead of being with me on my program, you'll be locked in the cell with that blonde.

[Bert Gordon]

I'll be so disappointed.

[Eddie Cantor]

And now, our singing star in the program, fellas. Lovely Nora Mar. Nora, I want you to meet the boys here at Mitchell Field. You know, they're men who appreciate art. They're men who appreciate drama. They're men who appreciate literature.

[Marilyn Maxwell]

Then why are they staring at my legs?

[Eddie Cantor]

They're men. Go ahead and sing, Nora. Leonard Seuss in the orchestra play. And Nora Martin sings.

[Bert Gordon]

Dream when love sing. Watch the smoke rings rising the air. You find yourself memories there when the day is.

[Eddie Cantor]

And it took 14 days. The battle of the Bulge at Bastogne, the beach at Normandy. And those terrible months of starvation and torture in the concentration camp at Dachau. What other sacrifices must they make before we at home realize how small is our share in this war? Instead of drafting your money, you're being asked to enlist it in the name of American sportsmanship. In the name of liberty and justice for all. How can we do less?

[Don Wilson]

Men, we're very proud to have as our guest tonight that lovely MGM star, currently appearing with Van Johnson in their latest hit, Between Two Women. Here she is, Marilyn Maxwell.

[Eddie Cantor]

All right, all right. All right, Don. All right, Don. She's on. You met Ms. Maxwell. Stop applauding.

[Bert Gordon]

Who's applauding?

[Don Wilson]

I'm just panning myself to keep cool.

[Eddie Cantor]

Well, Don, you're wasting your time. You won't make a hit with Ms. Maxwell. You're no Van Johnson.

[Marilyn Maxwell]

Oh, I wouldn't say that, Eddie. Don reminds me a little bit of Van. In fact, there's something about him that moves me.

[Eddie Cantor]

I agree with you. He looks like a moving van. Yeah. Ah, but this food. Listen, this food shortage will thin him out. In fact, today. Marilyn, I heard a joke about the poultry shortage here.

[Marilyn Maxwell]

What was it, boy?

[Eddie Cantor]

Well. Oh, putting in your own words, boy, huh? Well, I. I was talking to a colonel in the army, and he says he's afraid to pass a butcher shop on account of the eagles on his shoulders. I don't know. I thought I might have a joke there. Don't you get it, Marilyn? There's a poultry shortage, and the colonel is afraid to pass a butcher shop because on a colonel's shoulders there's an eagle.

[Marilyn Maxwell]

Well, whatever he has on his shoulders, it certainly laid an egg.

[Bert Gordon]

All right.

[Eddie Cantor]

A colonel told it to me. You can't go around hitting colonels, Don. Don, I want you to bring in Harry Bonzell's baby. Will you do that? And, Marilyn, I do want to thank you now for taking care of the baby.

[Marilyn Maxwell]

Oh, that's all right. I'M crazy about the little fella. Harry Von Zell brought him over to my house when he was only a couple of months old. And what a fuss he made over me. He sat in my lap for hours.

[Eddie Cantor]

The baby?

[Marilyn Maxwell]

No. Harry Von Zel.

[Eddie Cantor]

Here he is.

[Don Wilson]

Eddie. You chip off the old block.

[Harry Von Zell]

Well, Eddie.

[Eddie Cantor]

Cant of Von Jun. Well, little fella, how are you enjoying your trip east, huh? Junior?

[Harry Von Zell]

Goo.

[Marilyn Maxwell]

Goo, Eddie.

[Eddie Cantor]

Yeah.

[Marilyn Maxwell]

I wonder what he's trying to say with his goo goo goo goo.

[Harry Von Zell]

Popeyes has been busy since we came to New York. So Marilyn Maxwell has been taking care of me. Every time I cry, she kisses me. Then I stop crying. Mission accomplished. Popeyes has really been stepping out. Last night he went to the Stork Club. I thought it was funny when he came into the room all dressed up and said, I'm going to the Stork. Used to be vice versa. He's been going out every night. I'll bet he'll be afraid to go out tonight. After that one about the colonel with the eagles in the butcher shop. Some joke. Don Wilson flew here to Mitchell Field to take my old man's place. That Mr. Wilson made aviation history. It's the first time a plane ever flew a blimp.

[Eddie Cantor]

Aha.

[Harry Von Zell]

Oh, well, I better get back to sleep. Tomorrow's my big day. They're teaching me to meet Mayor LaGuardia. When I meet the mayor, all I have to do is stand up straight, bend over and let him kiss me. Oh, boy. Cute fella, Fiorello.

[Eddie Cantor]

Say, Eddie. Eddie. Yes, Don?

[Don Wilson]

Eddie. Who do you think came all the way out here to Mitchell Field just to see you?

[Eddie Cantor]

Well, I've had a lot of.

[Bert Gordon]

Who?

[Eddie Cantor]

Who this time?

[Don Wilson]

Alan Young.

[Eddie Cantor]

Alan Young? You mean that upand coming comedian who's heard every week. That talented youngster who critics predict will surpass the leading radio comics of today?

[Don Wilson]

That's the fella.

[Eddie Cantor]

Get him out of here. He's got talent. Get him out of here. Lock the door down. Lock the door.

[Don Wilson]

Too late, Eddie. It's too late. Here he is.

[Bert Gordon]

Alan Young.

[Eddie Cantor]

Hello, Alan.

[Alan Young]

I'm delighted to see you, Mr. Cantor. You appeared on my radio program. That's why I thought I should come over here to your program tonight.

[Eddie Cantor]

Oh, you wanted to reciprocate?

[Alan Young]

No, retaliate.

[Eddie Cantor]

Why, Alan, you sound as if you were mad at me. Well, I don't think it's fair for.

[Alan Young]

You to come on my program, be.

[Eddie Cantor]

Such a big hit and steal the whole show. Why, I wouldn't do a thing like that, Alan. There's Nothing I love better than another comedian, especially a young one.

[Alan Young]

You mean you. You really want to help me?

[Eddie Cantor]

Why, certainly, Alan, I do. Any. In fact, I'll give you a joke that'll be the biggest laugh you ever heard. When you use it on your program, you will. What's the joke? Well, you say the poultry shortage is so bad that a colonel is afraid to pass a butcher shop because of the eagles on his shoulders.

[Alan Young]

That's no joke.

[Marilyn Maxwell]

No?

[Alan Young]

No, because colonels are brave and they would not be afraid to pass a butcher shop even if it was raining. There's only one thing in the whole world a colonel would be afraid to do.

[Eddie Cantor]

And what is that? Tell that joke. Well, look, Alan, I was just trying to help a young fellow out.

[Alan Young]

Well, I didn't come here to be a comedian, Mr. Cannon. I came because I need some advice. I had a fight with my girlfriend, Betty Dittenfeffer.

[Eddie Cantor]

A fight with your girl?

[Bert Gordon]

Why?

[Eddie Cantor]

What seems to be the matter?

[Alan Young]

Oh, the car was parked in a lonely road and I did something I shouldn't and she flew off the handle.

[Eddie Cantor]

Wait a minute. You did something you shouldn't and she flew off the handle?

[Alan Young]

Yeah, I stepped on the starter while she was cranking the car.

[Eddie Cantor]

She flew off the handle? Wow, you really came here to return. Alan, what makes you think I can help you make up with your girl?

[Alan Young]

Well, you just celebrated your 31st wedding anniversary. You certainly ought to know all about handling women.

[Eddie Cantor]

Well, Alan, when I was your age, I had a fight with Ida. She'll tell you. And to get her interested in me again, I went out with those Zipko girls to make her jealous.

[Alan Young]

Did it work? Did you make up?

[Eddie Cantor]

Did I make? Alan, that basketball team we've got living with us doesn't belong to Bassa. Look, look, if you want to make your girl jealous, I have just the right party for you. Here is Marilyn Maxwell. This girl can solve your problem right here on the radio.

[Alan Young]

Gosh, to think I've been going to Mr. Anthony.

[Eddie Cantor]

Marilyn, this is an emergency. Alan Young wants to make his girl jealous. Will you go out with him tonight?

[Marilyn Maxwell]

Why, certainly, Alan. But I'll have to break a date with one of these airmen here. What time will you pick me up?

[Alan Young]

You're gonna break a date with one of these airmen to go with me?

[Marilyn Maxwell]

Uh huh.

[Alan Young]

You may have to pick me up.

[Marilyn Maxwell]

Alan, just how do you want me to help you make your girl jealous?

[Alan Young]

Well, I know what restaurant my girl's going to tonight, and if she could see us there together, it'd burn her Up.

[Eddie Cantor]

Really?

[Alan Young]

Especially if I were holding your hand like.

[Eddie Cantor]

Like this.

[Alan Young]

Well, don't think I'm a wolf, Ms. Maxwell. I'm just holding your hand and looking at you like this to help me forget my girl.

[Marilyn Maxwell]

By the way, who is your girl? What's your name?

[Alan Young]

Her name?

[Eddie Cantor]

Gosh, it's worked already. Well, Alan, if you really want to make your girl Helen, just holding Ms. Maxwell's hand won't be enough. Why don't you kiss a girl, Joy?

[Don Wilson]

Kiss her.

[Bert Gordon]

Go on.

[Alan Young]

All right, Ms. Maxwell, will you. Will you kiss me on the forehead?

[Marilyn Maxwell]

Well, if you want me to kiss.

[Eddie Cantor]

You on the forehead, why are your.

[Alan Young]

Lips all puckered up when you touch me, I'm gonna jump.

[Eddie Cantor]

Go ahead, kiss her, Marilyn. Kiss her, Alan. Get together.

[Don Wilson]

Go ahead.

[Eddie Cantor]

Alan. Alan. Alan. You think I got to kiss anyone on his program? Last night they let me shake hands with the drummer. That was it. All right, Alan.

[Bert Gordon]

Wow.

[Alan Young]

Boy, if my girl Betty's listening in.

[Eddie Cantor]

This ought to burn her up. We're in horror. You don't look like you just stepped out of a niglo yourself.

[Marilyn Maxwell]

Aw, that was fine, Alan. Now, if you really want to make your girl jealous, just kiss me like that in the restaurant tonight.

[Alan Young]

Tonight? I won't be able to kiss you like that again for two weeks.

[Eddie Cantor]

Look, Alan, if you really want to make up with Betty, why don't you take her out tonight? Take her to some nice place for dinner. Like Lee's Hempstead palace, huh?

[Alan Young]

No, nothing doing. Last time I took her to a Chinese restaurant, they embarrassed me.

[Eddie Cantor]

Embarrass you?

[Alan Young]

Waiter handed me a pair of knitting needles.

[Bert Gordon]

Knitting it?

[Eddie Cantor]

They were chopsticks. You were supposed to eat with them. Gosh.

[Alan Young]

And I sat there knitting her a.

[Eddie Cantor]

Sweater instead of eating. You sat there knitting your girl a sweater? You must be pretty dumb.

[Bert Gordon]

Dumb, huh?

[Alan Young]

You should see her in it.

[Eddie Cantor]

I'll go back to Betty. Oh, Marilyn.

[Marilyn Maxwell]

Yes, Eddie?

[Eddie Cantor]

I wanted to ask you about your trip east. Are you here on business or pleasure?

[Marilyn Maxwell]

Well, I've been working pretty hard in pictures and doing a lot of hospital, so I came to New York to see my vocal teacher about my voice and to take a rest.

[Eddie Cantor]

Oh, you came here for your voice and a rest?

[Marilyn Maxwell]

Uh huh.

[Bert Gordon]

You take your voice, I'll take the rest. Yep.

[Eddie Cantor]

Oh, so you finally made it, huh? Rushem, Rushem, please don't embarrass me here tonight. Certainly you've heard the name Maxwell. That's famous all over Hollywood.

[Bert Gordon]

Maxwell, this is what Jack Benny used to run along with.

[Eddie Cantor]

No, no, this isn't what Jack Bennett used to run around with. You must be crazy.

[Bert Gordon]

He must be crazy.

[Eddie Cantor]

Or Russian.

[Marilyn Maxwell]

You're mixed up. My name is Maxwell, but I'm not a car.

[Eddie Cantor]

That's right. And she's not Maxwell. The coffee.

[Bert Gordon]

She could keep me awake.

[Eddie Cantor]

Say Russian. Russian.

[Bert Gordon]

I'm listening.

[Eddie Cantor]

All right. Russian. When you interrupted us, Ms. Max was telling me that you came here to see her vocal teacher.

[Bert Gordon]

Now, that's a coinkidinki. I personally am a vocal teacher.

[Eddie Cantor]

Russian. You say that you're a vocal teacher.

[Bert Gordon]

Most dubious.

[Eddie Cantor]

You see? Yes.

[Bert Gordon]

I am teaching Frank Sinatra how to sing. Every day. I am taking him to the seashore. And like the great Amophiluses, I am putting pebbles in his mouth.

[Marilyn Maxwell]

You put pebbles in Sinatra's mouth to help you sing?

[Bert Gordon]

No, to keep him from blowing away.

[Eddie Cantor]

Throwing it away. Oh, you're no teacher, Russian.

[Marilyn Maxwell]

Whom did you ever teach to sing?

[Bert Gordon]

My dear Miss Meatball.

[Eddie Cantor]

Not now, Maxwell. Maxwell. Su.

[Bert Gordon]

Sorry, Maxi. Let me tell you something. This you won't believe, because it's a lie. Only recently, MGM called me in to teach Ingrid Bergman how to sing for the picture Gaslight. Yes, every night I'm going to her house to teach her singing.

[Eddie Cantor]

But Ingrid Bergman didn't sing in Gaslight. Why did she keep going to her house every night?

[Bert Gordon]

Silly one.

[Eddie Cantor]

Thank you, everybody.

[Bert Gordon]

The Anaconda program was presented tonight in.

[Don Wilson]

Cooperation with the Drug, Cosmetic and Alive industries by Bristol Myers, makers of Salica, Cruchet and Minutewab and was dedicated to Uncle Sam's campaign to buy more war.

[Eddie Cantor]

Bonds to help the war effort.