What's Doin Ladies 47-10-30 xxx Best Sellers. What's the Definition of a Good Housewife

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: What's Doin Ladies 47-10-30 – "Best Sellers, What's the Definition of a Good Housewife"

Release Date: January 13, 2026
Host: Jay Stewart (as presented in 1947 original radio broadcast)

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Overview

This episode of Harold's Old Time Radio revisits an old-time radio show segment, “What’s Doin Ladies,” which aired on October 30th, 1947. The featured program is a snapshot of mid-century domestic life—blending lighthearted interviews with housewives, playful audience interaction, and energetic quiz segments. The centerpiece is a candid discussion exploring the definition of a “good housewife,” as seen through the eyes of real women. The episode then transitions to trivia games involving studio participants, decked with the humor and sponsor plugs signature to golden-age radio.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Defining a "Good Housewife" (00:43–07:25)

• Jay Stewart introduces the day's theme, polls the audience, and then “jaywalks” to interview several housewives present in the studio:

  • Reads Webster’s dictionary definition: “Housewife, one who manages with skill and economy” (01:30) but notes this feels incomplete.
  • Three housewives offer their own definitions:
    • Mrs. White (02:14–02:56):
      • “A woman’s work is never done. They always say a man’s work is done at the setting of the sun, but a woman’s work is never done. She can always find something, especially if she has a family.” (02:18)
      • Emphasizes constant chores—especially mending and caring for her three children.
    • Mrs. Marie Benson (03:05–03:47):
      • “A housewife is really a jack of all trades. She’s got to be a teacher, seamstress, cook, housekeeper and entertainer. A little bit of everything, I would say.” (03:16)
      • Jokes about salary management and handling most of the family money.
    • Mrs. Roma Murphy (04:01–04:56):
      • “A housewife has to keep things running smooth...they have to be economical too. Make every penny count.” (04:09)
      • Highlights thrift and penny-stretching, using household products.
  • Host asks audience to clap for their favorite definition, establishing the community’s appreciation for each viewpoint.

• Notable Moment:
  Mrs. Benson is awarded a set of muslin sheets and matching pillowcases for her answers, and the ladies are given canned tomato sauce as a token of appreciation. (06:50)

• Memorable Reflection:
  Mrs. Benson adds:

  • “I think they forgot one very essential thing of a housewife...my mother, instead of joining woman’s clubs, she was always at home. When children came home from school, they found their mother there.” (07:15)
  • Host agrees: “Mother there. Well, I think that’s a very great point to make. There’s a lot of them that don’t these days. Right.” (07:24)

2. The “We’ll Show Them” Club & Skirt Lengths (07:30–08:20)

• Host lightheartedly mentions a club for women who prefer their skirts shorter—inviting listeners to join the "We’ll Show Them Club" by mail.
  • “They’re the women who don’t like the long skirts and want to wear their skirts right where they are now… by golly, we’ll show them!” (07:33)
• A window into the evolving norms of women’s fashion and independence.

3. Booklover's Game: Best Seller Trivia (08:51–13:10)

• Contestant: Mary Lyons, self-professed avid reader from Clinton, Indiana, now in L.A.
  • She enjoys reading magazines and love stories for relaxation.
• Host quizzes Mrs. Lyons on best-selling books:
  • Q: "A lone bit of vegetation that grew in… the eastern U.S.?"
    A: "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn." (10:54)
  • Q: "A funny book about rural life, full of yolks?"
    A: "The Egg and I." (11:20)
  • Host jokes about his own (fictional) book: “The Peach and I.”
• Mrs. Lyons receives Hunt’s Peaches and a Parker pen-and-pencil set as prizes.

4. The Quiz Show Segment: "Win, Place or Show" (13:10–24:41)

• Format: Game show segment with horse-racing flair—contestants pick a “horse” (category) and answer questions to “win, place, or show.”
• Mr. Kowski: Hopes to “bring the horse in to win,” answers questions on kingdom classification—oil (vegetable), coal (missed: it's technically decomposed vegetable matter). (13:35–15:00)
• Mr. Hefman from Seaside Heights, NJ:
  • Service member, played the "Smoker" category (cigarette brands).
  • Q: "What cigarette would you walk a mile for?"
    A: "Camel." (17:13)
  • Q: "Smoke to retain composure?"
    A: "Murad." (17:25)
• Mrs. Carrie Kemper from Covington, KY:
  • "Lady Killer" category (feminine terms in songs and society).
  • Q: “Who’s the woman in 'Frankie and Johnny'?”
    A: "Frankie." (19:29)
  • Q: “Feminine counterpart of ‘hero’?”
    A: "Heroine." (20:14)
• Heron Stevens, Dallas, TX, U.S. Marine:
  • Selects “Interpreter” (translations).
  • Successfully translates proverbs in highfalutin language:
    • “A rolling stone gathers no moss.” (22:28)
    • “All that glitters is not gold.” (23:11)

5. The Grand Finale: The “American Handicap” Group Quiz (24:41–27:50)

• All previous contestants line up with hobbyhorses, answer rapid-fire trivia:
  • Q: "Can cats see in the dark?"
    A: "They see better in semi-light but not in total darkness." (24:43)
  • Q: "How many humps does a dromedary have?"
    A: "One." (25:03)
  • Q: "Would you call a postcard a government card that requires no stamp?"
    A: "No, it requires a stamp." (25:21)
  • Q: "What language is spoken by more people than any other?"
    A: "Chinese." (26:32)
• "Smoker" wins the race and takes home $57, exclaiming:
  • “Better than a Navy payday!” (27:13)
• Host signs off with tongue in cheek: “Until then, so long, suckers. See you at the races!” (27:53)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Mrs. White:
  “A woman’s work is never done.... She can always find something, especially if she has a family.” (02:18)
• Mrs. Benson:
  “A housewife is really a jack of all trades. She’s got to be a teacher, seamstress, cook, housekeeper and entertainer.” (03:16)
• Mrs. Murphy:
  “A housewife has to keep things running smooth... Make every penny count.” (04:09)
• Mrs. Benson:
  “My mother, instead of joining woman’s clubs, she was always at home. When children came home from school, they found their mother there.” (07:15)
• Host, on skirt lengths:
  “By golly, we’ll show them!” (07:39)
• "Smoker" after his winnings:
  “Better than a Navy payday!” (27:13)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Defining a Good Housewife: 00:43–07:25
• We’ll Show Them Club (Fashion): 07:30–08:20
• Booklover’s Best Seller Game: 08:51–13:10
• "Win, Place, Show" Quiz Round: 13:10–24:41
• American Handicap (Final Quiz Race): 24:41–27:50

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Episode Tone & Style

The tone is warm, witty, and steeped in Americana. Stewart’s manner is playful and genial, often joking with the contestants and gently poking fun at both the definitions of domestic life and the quirks of the quiz. The feel is classically mid-century, charmingly naive, and a time capsule of shifting gender roles, family dynamics, and sponsorship culture.

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a fascinating look back at the roles, expectations, and humor surrounding women—and especially housewives—of the 1940s. Through its casual interviews and interactive quizzes, it offers both entertainment and insight into how everyday heroics and routines were valued and celebrated in the Golden Age of Radio.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

This is Jay Stewart saying welcome to what's New, ladies, Brought to you by the makers of Hunt Foods. Yes, sir, Hunt Foods make that swell Hunts tomato sauce, hunts peaches and 90 other fine foods. That's why it's always, That's right, Hunt for the best. And today I'm gonna go hunting for some best sellers. You read any good books lately, ladies? Well, if you have, don't tell me about them right now, because I'll bet we can find more interesting stories right here in this studio today than we'd find between the covers of books. For instance, do you know that all day long, five days a week, all the radio shows are written and presented just for housewives? You know, I realized I never stopped to find out exactly what a housewife really is. So last night I looked it up in the dictionary, and this is what Webster has to say. Housewife, one who manages with skill and economy. Well, it just sort of seemed to me that my housewife wife does more than manage with skill and economy. So let's find out what some of you ladies think. I'm gonna jaywalk down into the studio audience and ask several housewives what their definition of a housewife is. That is what they think a housewife should be to be a good housewife. Excuse me. I'm gonna go down here and say hello to this lady. Will you stand up and meet me, please? This is Mrs. White. Mrs. White, could you come out in the aisle and just jump across your husband's lap there? Mrs. White, you've been a housewife, I imagine, for quite a few years. How long?

[C]

Oh, over 32 years.

[B]

Over 32 years. Now, you're from where right now?

[C]

From Los Angeles. Just now.

[B]

You've spent all 32 years here?

[C]

No, back in Massachusetts.

[B]

Tell me, what would you say your definition of a housewife would be, Mrs. White?

[C]

Well, a woman's work is Never done. They always say a man's work is done at the setting of the sun, but a woman's work is never done. She can always find something, especially if she has a family.

[B]

I can imagine. Did you raise a family?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

How many?

[C]

Three.

[B]

You had three and your work was never done?

[C]

Well, you can keep going. You can always find something.

[B]

For instance?

[C]

Well, there's always mending.

[B]

Always mending?

[C]

Always mending. After you think you've done, you think, well, there's some mending.

[B]

Or you can always find something.

[C]

Always find something to do.

[B]

Who causes all the work originally from the mending?

[C]

Well, I think both the boys and girls both the same.

[B]

Yeah, of course, dad never has anything to do with.

[C]

Yes, I've been a widow a long time.

[B]

Oh, I see. Well, I'm awful glad to have your definition of a housewife. Let's go and find a couple of more here if we can. Hello. Here's one.

[C]

Who is Mrs. Marie Benson.

[B]

Come here, Marie Benson. Stand right up here and say hello to me. How are you?

[C]

Just fine.

[B]

Where are you from?

[C]

Oh, L.A. from L. A.

[B]

And you've been a housewife how long?

[C]

22 years.

[B]

22 years. What was your definition of a housewife?

[C]

Housewife is really a jack of all trades. She's got to be a teacher, seamstress, cook, housekeeper and entertainer. A little bit of everything, I would say.

[B]

A person like that would come at a pretty high price. How's your salary every week?

[C]

Fair.

[B]

Fair?

[C]

Yeah, pretty good.

[B]

Do you handle the money?

[C]

Oh, no, I get the majority of it.

[B]

How do you work that, Mr. Ben?

[C]

Well, he comes home and hands me most of the paycheck and keeps what he needs for the week.

[B]

Married how long?

[C]

22 years.

[B]

You got him trained? All right, Mrs. Benson, let me go over on the other side of the house if I can now and get another little bit of a definition of a housewife from a housewife over here. Here's one. Hello.

[D]

Who are you?

[C]

I'm Roma Murphy.

[B]

Roma Murphy. You're a housewife for about how long?

[C]

36 years.

[B]

About 36 of them. Now, tell me what you think a housewife actually defined would be.

[C]

Well, housewife has to keep things running smooth.

[B]

Business and it says here it manages with skill and economy.

[C]

Well, they have to be economical, too.

[B]

How do you mean?

[C]

Well, make pennies count. Make every penny count?

[B]

Yeah. You know how to make every penny count?

[C]

By buying hunt food, I suppose.

[B]

Don't s' pose you know. All right. Six cans of Hunts tomato sauce is wonderful. And it is, believe Me? A penny stretcher. It's a meal stretcher, too. It's the lowest cost meal stretcher ever. And you know what that means these days, don't you? Surely you're sort of a jack of all trades yourself.

[A]

I sure am.

[B]

Your family's how big?

[C]

Just my husband and I now. But we've had. I've had two children.

[B]

Had two children.

[A]

Got a grandchild.

[B]

Oh, wonderful, proud grandma.

[C]

Oh, yes, indeed.

[B]

Well, good. By the way, I'd like you other two ladies, incidentally, to have six cans of that delicious Hunts tomato sauce too. You can use it to blend macaroni or noodles and an expensive cut of meat or leftover vegetables. Just about anything into a delicious dish. It makes it taste better and go farther. Believe me, that's one way to be a good housewife, I'll tell you that. Audience, you've heard these three ladies now give their definitions of what they think a housewife is. I'm going to leave it up to you to tell me which definition you like the best. Which explanation of what a housewife is, is your favorite today. So by your applause, let's go. Number one and number two and number three. First of all, number one was Mrs. White over on that side of the house. Then number two was Mrs. Benson right over there. And number three was number. The last lady to whom I just taught. Oh, gotta run over to the other side to Mrs. Benson and say hello to her again. Mrs. Benson, looks as though you really know what a housewife is. I didn't ask you about your family. How many did you have?

[C]

Oh, I have a daughter and a son and a grandchild.

[B]

Yeah, just about the same as our other lady over there. Well, now, for. For being such a wonderful housewife. And I can imagine you. You like to eat, don't you?

[C]

Oh, do I? You took me over.

[B]

That's what I meant.

[A]

I.

[C]

There's one question I'd like to ask you, though. What's become of hunts of pork and beans?

[B]

What's become of them you just can't buy.

[C]

Oh, marvelous. And I just can't buy them any place.

[B]

Go ahead.

[C]

You know, I just take some of those, a couple of those cans and put a little tomato sauce on them and. Yeah, a few strips of salt pork or bacon and cinnamon.

[B]

What else have you done with Hunt's tomato sauce?

[C]

Oh, I have my spaghetti and I have them on my gravy. Little bit of everything.

[A]

You keep talking. I love to hear you.

[B]

I'm going to talk a little myself right now, since you are the Winner today. I think you'd like to have a gift.

[C]

Oh, naturally, sure.

[B]

Well, you've got.

[A]

Huh.

[C]

Didn't expect anything.

[B]

Okay, goodbye.

[A]

No, sir.

[B]

Here is your gift. Two pairs of Lady Pepper luxury muslin sheets and matching pillowcases in a beautiful shade of blue. Thank you for being a grand housewife. A wonderful definition. Here's the lady with her hand.

[C]

I think they got. They forgot one very essential thing of a housewife.

[D]

What was that?

[C]

I remember about my mother. Instead of joining women's club, she was always at home. She was really a housewife.

[B]

She really spent her time in the home.

[C]

When children came home from school, they found their mother there.

[B]

Mother there. Well, I think that's a very great point to make. There's a lot of them that don't these days. Right. Thank you very much. Well, that's just exactly what I said a moment ago. You see what I mean about finding more interesting things in the studio than you can find in any book anywhere? Webster never described a housewife that well in any of his dictionaries. And by the way, what heroine in fiction could ever be as interesting or as brave as any American woman? As the women who belong to our what's Doing Ladies Will Show Em club, for instance, they're the women who don't like the long skirts and want to wear their skirts right where they are now. And if there are any more women listening in who feel the same way, you just send your name and address to me, J. Stewart, box 949, Hollywood 28, California. And you'll become a member of our We'll Show Them club. I will send you a club emblem entitling you to wear your skirts right where they are. And by golly, we'll show them. And incidentally, those of you who haven't received your club emblem yet, don't worry, we're getting them out to you just as fast as we can. Well, right now I want to have a serious conversation with a lady who told me just before the show that she did a great deal of reading.

[D]

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[B]

Come up here and say hello to me. Hello how are you?

[C]

Fine. From Clinton, Indiana, Farmly and now of Los Angeles.

[B]

Your name is?

[C]

Mary Lyons.

[B]

I'm doing a lot of asking questions here. You want to ask me anything, Ms. Lyons?

[C]

No, not right now.

[B]

Later maybe.

[C]

There's not too many around.

[A]

What?

[C]

When there's not too many around, Mrs. Lyons.

[B]

Read any good books lately?

[C]

Huh?

[B]

I'll change the subject. What should be read lately, by the way?

[C]

Well, we buy all the leading magazines like the Red Book and the Journal, and you read the car.

[B]

You read the condensations in those sort of. Or the full book?

[C]

Read everything.

[B]

What kind of books do you like the best?

[C]

Well, I like all those magazines. I like the Red books and I like.

[B]

Well, I mean, what kind of stories in them, though?

[C]

Oh, well, I like Love stories.

[A]

You do? Why? Well.

[C]

Oh, I just like to read them.

[B]

You do? You kind of dream back in the days when you were. When I was young, yeah, me too. I do it all the time. Imagine you. You ought to be up on the titles of bestsellers down popular in the past few years, if you read a lot. Mrs. Lyons, I'm going to tell you something about the stories of certain books, and you tell me to which bestseller I'm referring. You think you can do it?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Well, for everyone you can name, I'll give you a bestseller in return. Okay?

[A]

All right.

[B]

Now, this first bestseller is all about a lone bit of vegetation that grew in a certain cosmopolitan city in the eastern section of the United States. And no coaching, please.

[C]

Last hunt made.

[B]

No, I wish it were. No, this is a lone piece of vegetation. Just one.

[C]

A tomato.

[B]

No, this isn't that. It isn't a tomato. It grew somewhere back east and them bums are going to be awful mad at you. What about it? What was the title of the book?

[C]

Tree in Brooklyn. Tree Green book.

[B]

A Tree Grew in Brooklyn. That's right. It was really a tree, was it, Mrs. Lyon? I've always heard it was Only a flat bush, was it?

[A]

That's what they call them.

[B]

That's what they call them, huh? All right, here's a really tough one for you. Now, this next bestseller is all about rural life. It's a very funny book. It's just full of yolks.

[C]

The Egg and I.

[B]

The Egg and I is right. Yes, sir. You know, I'm at work writing a book right now, Mrs. Lyons.

[C]

You are?

[B]

It's all about a peachy little dish that I'm very closely associated with. You know what I'm going to call it?

[C]

Hunt Peaches.

[B]

Don't laugh when you say that, Mrs. Lyons. No, I'm going to call it the Peach and I. Oh, the Peach.

[C]

Now that'd be swell.

[B]

You know what it's all about?

[A]

What?

[C]

Peaches. Those good peaches flight around.

[B]

I don't have to talk today. This is Denson and Mrs. Lyons doing all my commercials for me here. It's so true. Those Hunt peaches are delicious, you know that? They're really something to write about, Mrs. Lyons. They're luscious, they're plump, they're tender and they're juicy. I'm out of adjectives already. You see, the Hunt folks select only the finest fresh orchard grown peaches and they see to it that they're hand picked and speeded to nearby Hunt canneries to be packed without delay. And those fair peaches are packed in heavy sugar syrup, Mrs. Lyons. You know, it's the heavy sugar syrup that brings out the finest natural fruit flavor of every peach. Oh, I just love those Hunts peaches served plain or fancy. And so will you, Mrs. Lyons. In fact, you might say I'm writing a bestseller about a bestseller.

[A]

Hunt's Peaches.

[B]

Now you're going to recognize that bestseller on all the grocery store shelves by its bright red cover. And it comes in several editions, too. Those peaches come in different size cans for different size families and they sell at popular prices. So, Mrs. Lyons, for telling me the two bestsellers that I asked you. I'm going to give you two bestsellers. Two cans of Hunt's Peaches. There must be you one of the slices and one of the halves. And in addition to that, the Hunt folks would like you to have a beautiful Parker pen and pencil set. Mrs. Lyons, you're very welcome and thank you for playing our bestseller game with us today. Speaking of bestsellers, I want to tell you ladies about a sale. It's going on right now and your dollars never bought more, believe me.

[A]

Can't say why. You see, maybe I can. I say to you, I good. Maybe not be good. I say to you why? You see, that's what I tell you. You have Nothing to lose, Mr. Kowski, and everything to gain. All right, so you. You feel that you're a good picker? That's what I think. So you. You think so? Well, I've taken a look at these questions up here. They're not so tough. Perhaps if you feel you're a good picker, maybe you could bring this horse in to win. What do you think? Maybe. Well, what would you like to do? Would you like to ride it, to win, to place or to show? It pays 18 to win, 16 for place and 14 for show. Where do you think you'd like to ride the horse? Where do you think you could bring them in? Do you think you can bring them in to win or a place or to show? Maybe I can bring them in. Where? To the wind. To win. Let's go. Would you like me to help you up on this horse, Mr. Kost? You think you can make it all by yourself? Maybe. I don't know. All right. To win, that means you must answer three questions out of three to ride home in the gitus. Now, hold on. Here we go. These questions are all typed as to kingdom, vegetable, mineral or animal, and you are to take a pick. All right, you're away from the post. Now place the grandstand. Here is your first question. To what kingdom does oil belong? Vegetable, mineral or animal? Oil? Yes. Belong to the vegetable. Well, you can. They make oil from vegetable now, huh? Oil. They make oil from vegetable. Yes, they absolutely do make oil for vegetable. You're absolutely right, Mr. Kowski. They make oil for vegetable, vegetable, and they make it for mineral, too. All right, you're ahead by one lengthy going down the back stretch. And here is your second question. To what kingdom does coal belong, Vegetable, mineral, or animal?

[C]

Coal.

[A]

Coal. What. What kingdom does that belong to? Cold, mineral. I'm sorry, Mr. Kowski, coal belongs to vegetable. It is formed by partial decomposition of vegetable matter. I'm sorry. You missed the question, But you also qualify for the American Handicap at the end of the show. Good luck to you, Mr. T. Mr. Martin, he'd like you to meet the man who's going to help you bring home a winner. Eddie Mar. How do you do, Mr. He? Step right up here. How is that microphone for Mr. Hefman? It's perfectly all right. Where you from, Mr. Hen? Seaside Heights, New Jersey. Seaside Heights, New Jersey. How long you been in the service, Mr. Ha. 20 months. 20 months. Have you been overseas? No, thank God. Say that again right in there. Thank God. No, that's right. I like this country. That's. Everybody should like this country. What did you do before you went in the service, Mr. Havin? I was in the real estate insurance business. And how'd you do? Not bad. Not bad. You think you go back into the same business when you work it out? The service, the business is still going on right now. It's terrific, isn't it? It's not the head. It's probably good. Did you learn the things in the service? You might Want to use when you get out of the service? Do you think? I mean, besides, that's what I was thinking of. I knew I could tell by that look in your eye. No, I think I've learned a lot of things in the next four. I'll try to keep out of it. Let's hope there isn't going to be any next war, Mr. Hammond, huh? All right. If you take a look at the tote board up there, Mr. Haffernow. I'll take smoker for place. You will? Right in here. You take smoker for place. Smoker for place. You're not going to take any chances. Smoker means cigarette brands. It pays 16 to win $14 for place and $12 for show. What do you know about cigarette brands? Manhattan. Do you smoke a lot? Lucky's camels and Chesterfields. Ouch. Lucky's Camels in chesterfields. We ought to get something for doing that, shouldn't we? All right. You picked up a place. That means you must answer two questions out of three to ride home in the money. All right, here we go. Wait in the post, down past the grandstand. Here is your first question. Whether there's a shortage or not, what cigarette would you walk a mile for a camel? Absolutely. You're ahead by a link. Here comes your next question. What cigarette would you smoke to retain your composure? When you are irritated and you're excited, you fall down. No, no and no. Now just second and you fall down and somebody says, don't get excited. Light or what? Be nonchalant. Smoke a Murad. Absolutely correct, Mr. Hatch. You went. You went to place. You went to two questions out of three, and you wrote home in the gas, and you collect $14. And you also qualify for the American handicap at the end of the show. Hey, here's Mrs. Carrie Kemper, all saddled up and ready to ride home with the money. Ah. How do you do, Mrs. Kemper? Welcome to wi places show.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

Where are you from? Step right up to the rail.

[C]

Covington, Kentucky.

[A]

Covington, Kentucky. How long have you been out here, Mrs. Kemper?

[C]

About four weeks.

[A]

About four weeks. How do you like it out here?

[C]

Oh, fine. This is my fourth trip out here.

[A]

This is your fourth trip out here? What do you do, come out every year on a vacation?

[C]

No. Every few years.

[A]

Every. Every few years. Well, I think you're certainly loyal to this climate out here, aren't you? Coming from Kentucky. That's very beautiful country out there, isn't it?

[C]

Yes, it is, I think.

[A]

And how do you like it here compared To.

[C]

Well, I like it out here.

[A]

Step right up to the rail. That's the idea. And talk right in there. Because we. We hope. We've got millions of listeners.

[C]

I hope some of them listen down there, too.

[A]

They're all listening to you in Covington, Kentucky. Have you taken a look at the chalkboard up there, Mrs. Kemp?

[C]

I'll take Lady Killer.

[A]

You will take Lady Killer. Lady Killer pertains to Cheche la femme, which means Find the woman. It pays $20 to win, $18 for place and $16 for show.

[C]

I'll take place.

[A]

You will take place. All right, Mrs. Kempney, you made your own decision. You go for place. That means you must answer two questions out of three to ride home in the Mizzou. All right, you're away from the post, down past the grandstand. The first question in that song Frankie and Johnny, who was the woman in the song Frankie and Johnny, who was the woman?

[C]

Frankie.

[A]

Frankie is absolutely correct. That is absolutely right, Mrs. Kempner. Frankie was the woman in the song Frankie and Johnny. All right, you're ahead by one left. You're going down, back stretch. And here is your next question. What is the feminine counterpart of Bachelor? What is the old maid? What would you call an old maid?

[C]

Bachelor girl.

[A]

Well, there's something else beside a bachelor girl.

[D]

You know it.

[A]

Come on.

[C]

Modern woman.

[A]

Well, something else, all right. I'm sorry, Mrs. Kempney. You have another question. The feminine counterpart of Bachelor is Spinster. Now, you're neck and neck with one horse. You're going past the Grandstead, and you are turning for home. And here is your next question. What is the feminine counterpart of hero?

[C]

Heroine?

[A]

Heroine is absolutely correct, Mrs. Kempner. You went to the place, you answer two questions out of three, you get the $18, and you qualify for the American Handicap at the end of the show. Eddie, I'd like you to meet our next jockey, Heron Stevens. Harry, welcome. Heron, Stevens. Heron. Welcome. To Win Places show, step right up in front of the post rail. That's the idea. Where you from, Heron? Dallas, Texas. Dallas, Texas. How long you been in the service? Four years in January. Four years in January. How long have you been overseas? 18 months. 18 months. What branch of the service you in? Marine Corps. Marine Corp. Do you expect to get out soon or you expect to be in.

[B]

I expect to get out in January.

[A]

You expect to get out in January? What did you do before you went in the. In the service, Aaron?

[B]

Well, I'm just about a jack of all trades.

[A]

Jack of all trades. That's all right. What do you expect to do when you get out of the service? Go to school. Go back to school. Well, that's good. What special course are you taking? Anything special?

[B]

Well, I figure on taking electrical engineering.

[A]

Electrical engineering? Well, there's a big field for that, and you should do all right. Take a look at that tote board up there. Heron, what would you like to ride this evening?

[B]

Well, interpreter.

[A]

Interpreter? Interpreter means translations. It pays $35 to win $30 for place and $25 for show. What do you know about translations, huh?

[B]

Not a thing.

[A]

You don't know anything about translations? Why did you pick that horse?

[B]

I don't know anything about plays either, you know.

[A]

Well, a fellow doesn't know anything about either of the categories. Hasn't got much. All right, Heron, I'll tell you what I'm going to do. You said you don't know anything about the category. Instead of going out to win, maybe you should go for some other place. If you don't know too much about it, you might be able to have one or two questions correct, but you might not be able to answer all three. What do you think you should do?

[B]

Place.

[A]

You would go for place. That means you only have to answer 2. Place. It pays $50. And let's see what we can do for you. You have to answer two questions to ride home in the gidas. All right, here you go. Your first question. You're awaiting the post. Out past the grass stand a mess of concreted mater perennially rotating on its axes will not accumulate an accretion of bryophytic vegetation A rolling stone gathers. No, absolutely. All right. You have answered one question. You're ahead by one less. You're going town past the grandstand, and you want to change this phrase back to sense. Everything that coruscates with affluence is not ipso facto auris. Everything that coruscates with affluence is not ipso facto auris. That's what he said.

[C]

Come on.

[A]

I didn't hear anything. Don't. Don't think you can answer it.

[B]

Give it to me once again.

[A]

All the things that coruscate with affluence is not ipso facto auris. Ours not gold. Absolutely correct. You answer two questions, I'll put your ride home in the money, you get the $30, and you qualify for the American Handicap at the end of the show. Well, folks, the big moment has arrived. The event everyone has been waiting for. The American Handicap. The contestants are all lined up at the post. They're wearing jockey caps and A sign bearing the name of their horse. And they're all riding hobby horses. Now, I have a list of questions. As I call out the questions, the first contestant to shout out the name of his or her horse gets a chance to answer the question. If the answer is right, that jockey moves one length forward. Whoever crosses the finish line first or whoever is ahead at the end of the list wins the American Handicap Purse, which tonight amounts to. How much is it? It is $43. All right, now here is a word of caution to you jockeys. Be sure you know the right answer before shouting the name of your horse. If you know the answer, shout the name of your horse. Then we'll ask you what the question is for. If you win the chance to answer and the answer is wrong, you are disqualified from the race and you're sent back to the park. All right, the horses are all lined up in the post. Here we go. And now with the American handicap questions, here is your first question. Can cats see in the dark? Shout out the nipple. Short order. Sir.

[C]

Yes, sir.

[A]

I'm sorry, short order. They know they can see better in semi light than humans, but no animal can see in absolute darkness. I'm sorry, short order. You go back to the barn. Here's your next question. How many humps has a dromedary? How many humps has a dromedary? Lady Killer?

[C]

Two.

[A]

I'm sorry, Lady Killer. A dromedary has one. And you go back to the barn. Here is your third question. Would you call a postcard a government card that requires no stamp? Would you call a post interpreter? What do you say?

[B]

I say that it requires a stamp.

[A]

He is absolutely correct. It does require a stamp. Integrity. Answer that question. He takes a step ahead of the field. He is now one length ahead. Here is your next one. What would wishes have to be for beggars to ride? What is it?

[B]

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.

[A]

Interpreter answers that question. He is now two mates ahead of the field. Here is your next question. What Britisher was called the uncrowned King of Arabia? What Britisher was called the uncrowned King of Arabia? Does anybody know it? Any horse want to take it out? All right. What American city was founded as Our Lady Queen of the Angels? Smoker says he has Los Angeles. Los Angeles takes a step forward. Smoker. All right, here was your next one. What direction is printed on nearly all book matches? What direction is printed on nearly all book matches? Smoker. Smoker says he thinks he knows this one. Close cover before striking and is absolutely correct. Smoker. He takes another step forward. Smoker and interpreter neck and neck. They're in the first turn. All right. What language is spoken by more people than any other? Interpreter says he thinks he knows it. What is it?

[B]

English?

[A]

I'm sorry, interpreter. It is Chinese. All right. Smoker is ahead. He wins the American Handicap, which tonight is $43. Step right up here to the winning circle. Smoker, how much money did you win this evening? I won 14. And this 43, 57. What are you gonna do with that dough? Take it out and spend it. That's basically the reason. How does it feel to have 57 in such a. Better than a Navy payday? It's better than the Navy payday. Let's see, you got that 57 bucks in about. Well, you got 43, but about a minute and four seconds, didn't you? All right, Smoker. Well, here we go. Well, folks, the old race pack has taken its last hooky for tonight. Next week we'll be right back here at the paddock, leading on the same old rail and passing out a few more tips. Until then, so long, suckers. See you at the races. Winning Pleasure show starring Eddie Tell youl what I'm Gonna Do. More is produced and directed by Dwight Hauser and will return next week at the same time over most of these stations. Now, if you're in or near the Los Angeles area and you'd like to join us on the sport of kings, write Wind Placer Show, American Broadcasting Company, Hollywood, 28, California. And tickets will be mailed, so join us again next week. This is the American Broadcasting Company.

[D]

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