WLW The Fountain Of Fun 1942-11-22-Turkey Rationed

Summary

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WLW The Fountain Of Fun: "Turkey Rationed" (1942-11-22)

Host: WLW Announcer, Frasier Thomas, Doc Fiddle Paddle, Toby Tuttle, Tommy & various cast
Date: November 3, 2025 (podcast airdate; original broadcast: Nov 22, 1942)
Podcast: Harold’s Old Time Radio

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Overview

This episode of The Fountain of Fun brings listeners back to Thanksgiving during WWII, a time when turkeys were scarce due to wartime rationing. The show uses classic radio comedy and musical performances to blend light entertainment with prevailing cultural themes of sacrifice and community. The script features recurring gags about rationed turkeys, playful banter, character hijinks, and tongue-in-cheek commentary on contemporary issues. The episode is lively, quirky, and peppered with songs, jokes, and the gentle nostalgia of golden-age radio.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Turkey Rationing and Wartime Shortages (00:43; 03:15; 12:46)

• Main Thread: Much of the episode humor centers on the difficulty of procuring a turkey for Thanksgiving due to the war effort.
• Banter: Toby jokes about scoring different turkey parts based on his pinball machine skills:
  • “If I got 40,000 on that pinball machine, I’d have got a whole turkey. 30,000 the drumstick. 15,000 the wings.” (00:47-00:57)
  • “How come Aunt Bertha’s turkey didn’t go to the army?—He’s a pre-Pearl harbor father. If you’re a turkey in one of those, you’re old.” (03:24-03:38)
• Wit about available meat: “Yes, if you want $0.50 worth of white meat, the butcher just rubs a piece of Kleenex over the turkey and you get what sticks to the fuzz.” (09:53)
• Thanksgiving Cards Satire: Rudolph J. Twitchem delivers tongue-in-cheek greeting cards about the scarcity of turkey,
  • “Because turkeys are scarce as elastic, they’ve had to take measures quite drastic. So don’t think it very fantastic if your turkey this year tastes like plastic.” (12:48)
  • “This year... we’re stuffing the stuffing with stuffing.” (13:25)
• Wartime Priorities: Tommy notes, “They need so many for the boys in the service.” (03:26)

2. Thanksgiving Traditions and Family Gatherings (03:15, 17:57, 18:00)

• Gags on Family Dinners: Banter about old turkeys and family quirks, including suburban, urban, and rural traditions.
• Penelope Bugle’s Family: Penelope’s unique humor on her family’s Thanksgiving:
  • “We’re all going out to Uncle Benji Bugle Box’s. The whole family is going to have a gathering of the pans.” (18:00-18:10)
  • “When our family gets together, everyone’s put on the pan.” (18:11)

3. Character Comedy & Recurring Gags

• Old Doc Fiddle Paddle's Raffle:
  • Running for a turkey at his lodge’s raffle, with “three for 35 cents” to discourage gambling—and crooked gambling. (05:38-06:02)
• Hotel Crowdedness Joke:
  • Doc “living in one of the dumb waiters.” (04:51)
• Kids and High Society:
  • Penelope Bugle’s snark at being assumed “high society.” (10:24)
• Thanksgiving Card Humor:
  • Featuring verses about scarce turkeys, substituting stuffing for turkey, and math-based puns about pies. (12:46-14:22)

4. Wartime Homefront References / Satire

• For the Troops:
  • “Our boys can't help mother roast turkey or help grandma fry fillet of mousse. But they are a great help this Thanksgiving, for they're all helping cook Hitler's goose.” (14:32)
• Subtle Political Commentary:
  • Lines like “You can tell this happened before the New Deal.” (24:08)
  • Republican jokes: “When things get tough, it lies low and seems to be dead. Then unexpectedly, it comes to life, more active than ever.” “Oh, sure, like a Republican.” (25:54-26:04)

5. Imaginative Skit: Pilgrim Thanksgiving Reenactment (23:14-28:55)

• Toby and Tommy imagine themselves as pioneer settlers, sent by the Governor (Doc) to hunt for wild turkey in Indian territory.
• The skit humorously mingles anachronisms (airplanes in 1621), wordplay, and vaudeville-style Indian gags.
• Chief Running Water’s introduction:
  • “I am Chief Running Water. These are my sons. Hot, cold, and luke.” (27:05)
• Saved by the Belle: Just when they're in peril, Chief's daughter (Penelope Bugle) pleads for their release: “Father! Let pale faces go. Please, let pale faces go.” (28:16-28:27)
  Toby: “Just when we were done for, saved by the bell.” (28:40)

6. Songs and Musical Interludes

• "Stormy Weather" by Judy (01:10, 15:04, 15:45)
• "Shoo Shoo Baby" by Mary Jean, Betty, and Chief Running Water (07:14)
• "Sleepytime Gal" by Norman Revelle, Mary Jean, Betty (20:41)
• Live orchestra—Phil Davis & his orchestra—performs throughout

7. Memorable Quotes & Exchanges

• “Me? Oh, sure. There’s nothing I like better than teas afternoon strip.” —Toby Tuttle (05:21)
• “That's what I thought, but she double crossed me.” —Penelope on not getting into private school (12:01)
• “They like for me to go around with a moron.” —Penelope on her family’s dating advice (18:41)
• “You can tell this happened before the New Deal.” —Toby, on moving Thanksgiving (24:08)
• “Gosh, our only chance is for the Governor to send help.” —Toby, in the skit (27:20)

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• "[If I got 40,000 on that pinball machine, I’d have got a whole turkey. 30,000 the drumstick. 15,000 the wings... 4,000. And I don’t like that part.]" —Toby Tuttle (00:47–01:05)
• "Because turkeys are scarce as elastic, they’ve had to take measures quite drastic. So don’t think it very fantastic if your turkey this year tastes like plastic." —Rudolph J. Twitchem (12:48)
• "This year, with no bird to stuff full of stuff, we’re stuffing the stuffing with stuffing." —Rudolph J. Twitchem (13:25)
• “Our boys can’t help mother roast turkey... but they are a great help this Thanksgiving, for they're all helping cook Hitler’s goose.” —Toby Tuttle (14:32)
• "When things get tough, it lies low and seems to be dead. Then unexpectedly, it comes to life, more active than ever." —Toby Tuttle (25:54)
• "Oh, sure, like a Republican." —Tommy (26:04)
• "Father. Let pale faces go. Please, let pale faces go." —Penelope Bugle (28:18)
• "Gee, I was a close call, Thomas. What do you know? Just when we were done for. Saved by the bell." —Toby Tuttle (28:40)

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Musical Highlights

• [01:10, 15:04, 15:45] “Stormy Weather,” performed by Judy and by Norman Revell.
• [07:14] “Shoo Shoo Baby,” ensemble.
• [20:41] “Sleepy Time Gal,” Norman Rebelle, Mary Jean, Betty.

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Comic Highlights

• Thanksgiving-card poetry riffs on turkey scarcity (12:46–14:22)
• Pilgrim skit with modern references and puns (23:14–28:55)
• Recurring snark from Penelope Bugle, especially about her private school and dating (10:24–12:05, 18:00–18:52)

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Episode Flow and Tone

• Language & Tone: Light, pun-filled, vaudevillian with patriotic undertones
• Atmosphere: Family-friendly, nostalgic fun with topical WWII-era resonance
• Originality: Skewering contemporary headlines with relatable family scenes and musical breaks

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Turkey on Pinball & Rationing Gags: 00:43–03:32
• Jokes about Outdated Turkeys: 03:32–04:06
• Doc’s Turkey Raffle: 05:38–06:02
• Thanksgiving Card Comedy: 12:46–14:22
• Wartime Homefront Satire: 14:32–15:04
• Thanksgiving Pilgrim Skit: 23:14–29:00

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In Summary

"The Fountain of Fun" (Turkey Rationed) is a joyous, clever radio comedy that masterfully folds in the spirit and hardships of 1942 America. The rapid-fire quips, musical numbers, and lampooning of rationing remind listeners that laughter and music were essential homefront ingredients for morale. The episode—packed with gags about turkey scarcity, witty repartee, and lively performance—captures the warmth and wit of a bygone radio age, making it a cornerstone for lovers of classic entertainment and historic comedy.

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Transcript

[Narrator]

Gaines Super Flings are here to take your laundry to the next level.

[Toby Tuttle]

Talking about Gain Super Flings Super Size Laundry Packs. These things are huge.

[Penelope Bugle]

Super Fresh, Super Clean. Gain Super Flings.

[Narrator]

Gain Super Flings Laundry Packs have four times the Oxy cleaning power and three times the Febreze. Freshness versus Gain Original Liquids.

[Toby Tuttle]

Super Fresh, Super Clean.

[Penelope Bugle]

Gain Super Flings.

[Narrator]

Gain Super Flings. For next level laundry.

[Announcer (Austin Williams)]

Mars Incorporated, makers of Milky Way candy bars, invite you to the Fountain of Fun with Frasier Thomas, Old Doc Fiddle Paddle and Toby Tuttle.

[Tommy]

Hey, Toby, I hear you won something on a pinball machine downtown, but you were very disappointed.

[Toby Tuttle]

Oh, that's right, Tommy. Well, how come you're disappointed? Well, if the occupied I got 40,000 on that pinball machine. I'd have got a whole turkey.

[Old Doc Fiddle Paddle]

Yeah.

[Toby Tuttle]

30,000 the drumstick.

[Announcer (Austin Williams)]

Yeah.

[Toby Tuttle]

15,000 the wings.

[Old Doc Fiddle Paddle]

Well, what'd you get?

[Toby Tuttle]

4,000. And I don't like that part.

[Announcer (Austin Williams)]

With a song by Norman Ravel.

[Toby Tuttle]

Don't know why.

[Judy]

There'S no sun up in the sky. Stormy Weather.

[Announcer (Austin Williams)]

A song by Mary Jean.

[Toby Tuttle]

And Benny.

[Announcer (Austin Williams)]

And music by Phil Davis and the orchestra who opened the program at Thanksgiving for a delightful taste adventure. Whenever you're in the mood for an enjoyable pick me up, try a luscious Milky Way. You'll be thrilled with the unusual quality found in this delicious candy bar. But still more, you'll be happy to find how quickly a Milky Way bar satisfies hunger helps lagging energy return. A completely enjoyable taste treat awaits you each time you unwrap a fresh Milky Way. As you take that first luxurious bite. The pure milk chocolate coating a layer of sweet, smooth, creamy caramel and the luscious center of chocolate nougat flavored with real malted milk melt into the thrilling taste blend found only in a Milky Way. When you crave good candy, eat a Milky Way.

[Tommy]

Hey, Sophie, why are you planning on having Thanksgiving dinner this year?

[Toby Tuttle]

Oh, I don't know, Tommy. I was invited to my aunt's birthdays, but I don't think I'll go. Even if she is having dinner. Turkey.

[Tommy]

Gosh, I didn't think anyone here at home would be having turkey this year. They need so many for the boys in the service. How come Aunt Bertha's turkey didn't go to the army?

[Toby Tuttle]

He's a pre Pearl harbor father. Oh, yeah, and if you're a turkey in one of those, you're old.

[Tommy]

No kidding. Is this turkey of Aunt Bertha's really so old?

[Toby Tuttle]

Is he old? Why, when that gobbler was an egg, he Was rolled on the White house Lawn by Mrs. McKinley. So I think I'll have my Thanksgiving dinner at a restaurant. Maybe invite that pretty Miss Muffet girl along. She likes turkey.

[Tommy]

So do I. Turkey's my favorite side dish. You know, last Thanksgiving I had such a big turkey dinner, I looked like a turkey.

[Toby Tuttle]

Yeah, you can still see the stuffing.

[Tommy]

Well, maybe so, but you know very well that here lately I've been eating like a bird.

[Toby Tuttle]

Yeah, and that's an awful messy way of eating stew. Gosh, I hope I can date Ms. Muffet. It'd be wonderful being with her eating turkey.

[Tommy]

You like the neck?

[Toby Tuttle]

Sure, but not while I'm eating. Oh, oh, you mean the turkeys neck. Oh, yeah, yeah, I like that. I like the wings too.

[Tommy]

You like the back?

[Toby Tuttle]

Well, how far back? I don't mind getting part of the fuselage just so long as I don't get the tail skinned. Hi, kids.

[Old Doc Fiddle Paddle]

Hello, Tommy. How's everything, Toby?

[Toby Tuttle]

Hello, boss. How are you, dead doc.

[Old Doc Fiddle Paddle]

Oh, tickety boo, bucky tiggity boo. Mighty busy though. Gotta get over at the Fallen Star Hotel after a bit and help wedge a new border in room 14.

[Tommy]

It's really crowded at the hotel, huh?

[Toby Tuttle]

I'll say it's crowded. Doc's been living in one of the dumb waiters.

[Tommy]

In one of the dumb waiters? Gosh, that's terrible.

[Old Doc Fiddle Paddle]

Oh, it ain't so bad, Tommy. Wouldn't mind it a bit if them two roommates of mine was clean about the place. Hey, just thought of something else I got to do. Got to get down to railroad depot and watch the train full of gal sailors pull in.

[Tommy]

Oh, you're going to wave after the engineer?

[Old Doc Fiddle Paddle]

No engineer after a wave. Then I gotta get over to the winter Blakes for tea. You like to go to teas, don't you, buster?

[Toby Tuttle]

Me? Oh, sure. There's nothing I like better than teas afternoon strip. But speaking about the widow Blake, Doc, is that where you're going to have your Thanksgiving dinner this year? Yeah.

[Old Doc Fiddle Paddle]

You know I'm gonna win a turkey in that raffle my lodges are running. You kids don't want to buy no chances, do you? They're only 10 cents apiece. Three for 35.

[Tommy]

Three for 35?

[Old Doc Fiddle Paddle]

Yeah. You see, the lodge is trying to discourage gambling.

[Toby Tuttle]

Look, Doc, how do you know you're going to win the turkey your raffles fixed?

[Old Doc Fiddle Paddle]

You see, they're trying to discourage crooked gambling too.

[Tommy]

Have you seen this turkey you're going to win?

[Toby Tuttle]

Doc?

[Old Doc Fiddle Paddle]

Sure got him outside the store right now. Just wait a minute.

[Penelope Bugle]

Hey, come on in, Hildegard.

[Tommy]

Hey, there's a healthy looking bird.

[Toby Tuttle]

Yeah, you wouldn't think he had one foot in the gravy, would you?

[Old Doc Fiddle Paddle]

Well, I guess I better call Widow Blake and tell her what we're going to have for Thanksgiving dinner. Hello, operator, Give me Central 1 0. Nothing not.

[Toby Tuttle]

Hey.

[Old Doc Fiddle Paddle]

Hey, Hildegard, get away from them shelves there. First thing you know, you'll knock all them heavy jars and things down and flatten yourself out. Oh, hello, Smoochums. This is Poochicans. Hey, do you like turkey roasted? You do, huh? Do you like turkey baked? Oh, you do, huh?

[Toby Tuttle]

Hey, Hildegard, look out.

[Old Doc Fiddle Paddle]

Hey, Smoochums, do you like turkey hash?

[Announcer (Austin Williams)]

It's a tune of the times that Mary Jean and Betty have for us today.

[Chief Running Water]

Shoo, shoo baby.

[Penelope Bugle]

Shoo, shoo, shoo baby. Shoo, shoo, shoo baby. Bye bye bye baby. Your papa lost to the seven. Please don't cry, baby. Don't cry, baby. Bye bye bye baby. When he comes back we'll live a life of be. Seems kind of tough now to say goodbye this way. The prop has got to be rough now. So that he can be sweet to you another day. Bye bye bye baby. Don't cry, baby. Shoo, shoo, shoo baby, don't cry, please. Your papa's going off to the seven seas. You've seen him up and down the avenue. And now he's wearing the navy blue. Tears were in my eyes as my man said goodbye. Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo baby. Shoo, shoo. Don't cry baby. Leave now but don't you grieve. Papa comes home on a 10 day leave. Don't cry baby. Don't sigh, baby. Bye bye. Someday we'll live a life of these. When papa comes home on a 10 day leave. Seems kind of tough now to say goodbye this way. But papa's gotta be rough now. So that he can be sweet to you another day. Shoo, shoo, shoo baby. Shoo, shoo, shoo baby. Shoo, shoo, shoo baby. Don't cry, baby. Don't sigh, baby. Sh. Baby. Shoo, shoo baby. Shoo, shoo baby. Shoo, shoo, shoo. Don't cry.

[Toby Tuttle]

I found a fun pharmacy. Toby Tuttle Speaking. Oh, hello, Mrs. Upd. What's that? The price of turkey? Well, I really don't know, but there's a butcher shop down the way that's selling roast turkey and their price is rather high. Yes, if you want $0.50 worth of white meat. The butcher just rubs a piece of Kleenex over the turkey and you get what sticks to the fuzz.

[Tommy]

Guys. Toby, there you were talking to Mrs. Updike and look who's coming toward the store.

[Toby Tuttle]

It's a niece of hers. That youngster out there. Is that Mrs. Updyte's niece?

[Announcer (Austin Williams)]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

Nice looking 14 year old, isn't she?

[Toby Tuttle]

Yes, but I'll bet bet she's gone high society already. You know one of those? Yes, Auntie dear. I'll be glad to pass the caviar. Well, hello there, little lady. Mr. Thomas here tells me you're Mrs. Updyte's niece. What can I get for you, dear?

[Penelope Bugle]

Give me a package of Beam and Peps and chewing gum, please.

[Toby Tuttle]

You could use a little gargle too, couldn't you?

[Penelope (young girl)]

Never mind the irrelevant side commentary.

[Penelope Bugle]

Wait on me.

[Toby Tuttle]

Well, I'm sorry, young lady, but we're all out of gum.

[Penelope Bugle]

Then let me have some. Mail pouch.

[Toby Tuttle]

Yeah, mail pouch.

[Old Doc Fiddle Paddle]

Now wait a minute.

[Penelope Bugle]

Oh, you don't have to worry. It's not for me. Oh, it's for my aunt.

[Toby Tuttle]

Well, that's different. I. Your aunt? Just wondered if she been chewing tobacco.

[Penelope Bugle]

Just since her pipe broke.

[Toby Tuttle]

Look, little girl, what's your name?

[Penelope Bugle]

I'm not gonna tell you.

[Toby Tuttle]

Why not?

[Penelope Bugle]

Next thing you want to know is my telephone number.

[Toby Tuttle]

Oh, don't be.

[Penelope Bugle]

Don't be silly.

[Toby Tuttle]

Now I know what happened to my nail file. Look, little girl, don't be silly about me wanting to know your name and telephone number. You're just a sweet, innocent child.

[Tommy]

Excuse me, young lady, but are you just in town to visit your aunt?

[Toby Tuttle]

No.

[Penelope Bugle]

My aunt said she was bringing me here to send me to a private school.

[Toby Tuttle]

Well, that's nice.

[Penelope Bugle]

That's what I thought, but she double crossed me.

[Toby Tuttle]

What do you mean?

[Penelope (young girl)]

There's not a private there?

[Penelope Bugle]

Not even a boy Scout.

[Toby Tuttle]

Charming little hoodlum, isn't she?

[Judy]

How do you do?

[Toby Tuttle]

How do you do?

[Judy]

How do you do?

[Toby Tuttle]

Hello there, Mr. Twitcham. How are you? How are you today, Twitch? Full of vim, vigor and vitality.

[Rudolph J. Twitchem]

Just loaded.

[Toby Tuttle]

I know that. But what about your vim, vigor and vitality? What have you got in that box.

[Tommy]

You'Re carrying there, Mr. Twitchim?

[Rudolph J. Twitchem]

Oh, yes, the box. Gentlemen, I have here a rare collection of Thanksgiving Day greeting cards which I am prepared to sell to you at a great financial loss to myself.

[Toby Tuttle]

Well, why take a great financial loss?

[Rudolph J. Twitchem]

Oh, I don't know. I just feel so mean today. I want to cheat myself. Listen to this beautiful verse which I, Rudolph J. Twitchem, created. Because turkeys are scarce as elastic, they've had to take measures quite drastic. So don't think it very fantastic if your turkey this year tastes like plastic. Lovely thought, isn't it? Believe me, gentlemen, that is verse.

[Toby Tuttle]

It's worse than anything I ever heard.

[Tommy]

Have you got any more cards, Mr. Twitchum?

[Rudolph J. Twitchem]

Oh, yes, indeed. Here's a charming one. We'd like to have turkey at our house, but they're scarce and you know I'm not bluffing. So this year, with no bird to stuff full of stuff, we're stuffing the stuffing with stuffing. Do you like that card?

[Toby Tuttle]

Only if it has Betty Grable's picture on it.

[Rudolph J. Twitchem]

Here's one that I myself am sending to all my relatives and friends. Listen. In arithmetic they taught us that PI was equal to 3.1416. And I'm quite sure that is true. I hope you have PI for Thanksgiving. As for me, what I hope you will do is give me some PI plus 0.8584 so that I may then have 3.2.

[Toby Tuttle]

Hey, here's one that's okay.

[Rudolph J. Twitchem]

Yes, that's the one about the boys in the service.

[Tommy]

How does it go, Toby?

[Old Doc Fiddle Paddle]

It goes.

[Toby Tuttle]

Our boys can't help mother roast turkey or help grandma fry fillet of mousse. But they are a great help this Thanksgiving, for they're all helping cook Hitler's goose.

[Announcer (Austin Williams)]

Well, to the front in the scrapbook of modern melody favorites is this selection Norman Revell sings for us. Stormy Weather.

[Judy]

Don't know why there's no sun up in the sky.

[Narrator]

That's the sound of James adding long lasting gain scent boosters to his laundry this morning. Several hours later, James sniffs the irresistible.

[Toby Tuttle]

Scent of gain on a shirt.

[Narrator]

Ah, gain. Several hours later, James has even caught the attention of his mother in law. And she never gives him attention.

[Old Doc Fiddle Paddle]

Oh, you smell amazing, James.

[Judy]

Oh, thanks, Mom. I love you too.

[Toby Tuttle]

I never said that.

[Narrator]

Add gain scent boosters to your laundry Add joy to your day.

[Judy]

Since my gal and I together Keeps raining all the time Life is fair Gloom and misery everywhere Stormy weather Just can't get my poor self together I'm weary all the time, the time so weary all the time when she went away the blues walked in and met me if she stays away Old Rock and Cher will get me All I do is pray the Lord above will let me walk in the sun once more can't go on Everything I had is gone Stormy weather Since my gal and I ain't together Keeps raining all the time Keeps raining all the time.

[Toby Tuttle]

Hey, Tommy, where's Penelope, our dishwasher? I haven't seen her for hours.

[Tommy]

Oh, she's in the back room.

[Toby Tuttle]

Oh, Penelope.

[Penelope Bugle]

Penelope. Here I am.

[Penelope (young girl)]

Hi.

[Toby Tuttle]

What have you been doing?

[Penelope (young girl)]

Oh, I was just looking at the card for cartoons in the comical strips in the funny paper.

[Toby Tuttle]

Well, that's a good place to find them. Where have you been for all these hours?

[Penelope (young girl)]

Well, it takes me a little while for to understand the funny papers.

[Tommy]

Are you looking forward to a nice Thanksgiving, Penelope?

[Penelope (young girl)]

Yeah, we're all going out to Uncle Benji bugle boxes. The whole family is going to have a gathering of the pans.

[Toby Tuttle]

You mean a gathering of the clan.

[Penelope (young girl)]

When our family gets together, everyone's put on the pan. Me boyfriend's gonna be dead too, you know. Doody friend, Frack?

[Toby Tuttle]

Oh, yeah. He's the one that's supposed to be a college boy, isn't he?

[Announcer (Austin Williams)]

What a nitwit.

[Toby Tuttle]

I bet I have more education than he has. I went to college. Three years.

[Penelope (young girl)]

That's nothing. Judy's gone to every grade in school for three years.

[Toby Tuttle]

What a character. Now, what does your family think of Doody, Penelope?

[Penelope (young girl)]

Oh, mom and Pop is very fond of Doody. They like for me to go around with a moron.

[Toby Tuttle]

They like for you to go around with a moron?

[Judy]

Yeah.

[Penelope (young girl)]

They think it is nice for me to associate with people who are smarter than I am.

[Toby Tuttle]

Yeah, it's very stimulating.

[Penelope (young girl)]

Anyway, Judy is very good looking, in my opinion.

[Toby Tuttle]

In your opinion? Well, that's what makes horse racing, if I'm not mistaken.

[Tommy]

Your dream man's coming in now, Penelope.

[Penelope (young girl)]

Joanie looks nappy. So collegiate. He looks like something out of Esquire.

[Toby Tuttle]

Yeah, Throwing out.

[Judy]

Is this a fountain of fun for missy?

[Toby Tuttle]

Well, what did the sign on the door say?

[Judy]

Vote for Wendell Wilkie.

[Toby Tuttle]

Don't know whether to take that sign down or have it repainted.

[Judy]

Oh, there you are, Penelope. Gosh, you're a fright for sore eyes.

[Penelope (young girl)]

Gee, that's the first nice thing anybody said to me all day.

[Toby Tuttle]

How are things on the campus these days, Judy?

[Judy]

Ohtsy totsy. I'm taking a course in physical culture.

[Toby Tuttle]

Building yourself up, huh?

[Judy]

Yeah. Every morning I get up and then what? Then what? It's pretty good for a starter, ain't it?

[Tommy]

I don't like to criticize duty, but I've heard that you spend a lot.

[Judy]

Of time in pool rooms giving that up.

[Announcer (Austin Williams)]

That's good.

[Toby Tuttle]

Well, you know, Tommy, bowling alleys and pool rooms aren't like they used to be. Nowadays, they have them all fixed up fancy.

[Tommy]

Well, that's true. These days they look like beauty parlors.

[Judy]

Yeah, that's just the trouble. The other day I had some time to kill and I went into one.

[Rudolph J. Twitchem]

And asked for an hour of pool.

[Judy]

What do you know? They gave me a bubble bath.

[Announcer (Austin Williams)]

Norman Rebelle joins with Mary Jean and Betty to recall an ever lovely memory of the mid-20s.

[Judy]

Sleepy time gal, Sleepy time gal, you're turning night into day. Sleepy time gal, you dance the evening away.

[Penelope Bugle]

Before each silvery star leads out of sight. Please give me one little kiss. Then let us whisper good night.

[Judy]

It's getting late here and your pillows waiting. Sleepy time gal, when all your dancing is through. Sleepy time G. I'll find a cottage for you. You'll learn to cook and to sew. What's more, you'll love it. I know when you're a sweet. Stay at home, play at home. Eight o'. Clock. Sleepy time gal.

[Penelope Bugle]

Sleepy time gal, you're turning night into day. Sleepy time gal, you danced a long evening away. Before a silvery star in the sky begins to fade from sun. Please give me just one little kiss. And then let us whisper good night, it's getting late. And do your pillow twins.

[Judy]

Sleepy time gal, when all your dancing is through. Sleepy time gal, I'll find a cottage for you.

[Penelope Bugle]

You'll learn to cook and to sew much more.

[Judy]

You'll learn to love that I know when you're a. Stay at home, play at home. Eight o', clock, sleepy run down.

[Tommy]

Hey, Colby, have you gotten a Thanksgiving turkey yet?

[Toby Tuttle]

Well, I went to the butcher shop yesterday, Tommy. And was it crowded. I finally got to the turkey counter. I bought one. I threw it over my shoulder, started down the street. On the corner, a policeman stopped me and asked me where I was going. I told him I was taking the turkey home for Thanksgiving. He said, you better take that back, bud. That's a butcher you got there.

[Tommy]

Yes, sir. It's a tough year in some ways.

[Toby Tuttle]

All right, guys. Tommy. I'd have liked to have been around in the time of our country's first Thanksgiving. In the pioneer days, I should have been one of those early settlers like Miles Standish. What a leader of men I'd have been. I could see myself now. Captain Miles Tuttle there. I'd be talking with the governor on affairs of the state.

[Old Doc Fiddle Paddle]

Captain Taylor, I've summoned you here for a very difficult task.

[Toby Tuttle]

Yes, governor. Corporal Thomas and I are ready for anything.

[Old Doc Fiddle Paddle]

Well, if you succeed, you're going to be against great odds. You'll be outnumbered. Your Opponents will be skillful, strong and brave. You know, so far they have ferociously conquered all who have opposed them.

[Toby Tuttle]

Please, Governor, don't make us play against Notre Dame or the Iowa Seahawks either.

[Old Doc Fiddle Paddle]

No, sir. I decided to proclaim next Thursday as Thanksgiving.

[Toby Tuttle]

Are you sure that's when you want to have Thanksgiving?

[Old Doc Fiddle Paddle]

I'm the Governor. I'll have Thanksgiving anytime I want it.

[Toby Tuttle]

You can tell this happened before the New Deal.

[Old Doc Fiddle Paddle]

I've chosen next Thursday cause it's my wedding anniversary. I want you to go out and get a wild turkey so I can celebrate.

[Toby Tuttle]

Why kill a poor turkey? He didn't have anything to do with you getting married.

[Old Doc Fiddle Paddle]

Why such a thing for you to say? My boy, you never know what happiness is till you get married.

[Toby Tuttle]

Yeah, then it's too late.

[Old Doc Fiddle Paddle]

Of course, marriage does present problems. You know, lately my wife's been staying up till 2 or 3 o' clock in the morning.

[Toby Tuttle]

What does she do, go to nightclubs and parties?

[Old Doc Fiddle Paddle]

No, she wakes up for me. But never mind that now. I want you to go forth on a hunting expedition for wild turkeys for our Thanksgiving feast.

[Toby Tuttle]

Yes, Governor.

[Old Doc Fiddle Paddle]

And as you know, you'll have to go through Indian territory. And if you should meet any Indians. Yes, well, you remember that we gave him $24 and a barrel of whiskey.

[Toby Tuttle]

For the island of Manhattan? Yes.

[Old Doc Fiddle Paddle]

Well, see if you can get back some of the whiskey, will you? Because you see, my racing card's all.

[Toby Tuttle]

Used up until December. All right, Governor. Corporal Thomas and I are off for the wilderness. We'll be back with plenty of turkeys or my name isn't Bob Hope.

[Old Doc Fiddle Paddle]

Well, your name ain't Bob Hope.

[Toby Tuttle]

Yeah, you better have some baked beans warmed up just in case. Somebody paging us, Thomas? Here we are out in the vast wilderness, Thomas. Far from civilization.

[Tommy]

Captain, how do you find your way around in these uncharted lands so far away from every familiar landmark? How do you do it?

[Toby Tuttle]

Oh, I just wait till Mrs. Roosevelt comes along and follow her. Ah, these woods are filled with dangers. If something should happen and you're unable to defend yourself, lie down and play possum.

[Announcer (Austin Williams)]

Do what?

[Toby Tuttle]

Play possum. Don't you know what a possum is? When things get tough, it lies low and seems to be dead. Then unexpectedly, it comes to life, more active than ever.

[Tommy]

Oh, sure, like a Republican.

[Toby Tuttle]

Look, turkey feathers behind that tree. I'll sneak up and bop that turkey on the noggin.

[Tommy]

Be careful, Captain.

[Toby Tuttle]

There, I got you.

[Chief Running Water]

Oh, for goodness sake.

[Toby Tuttle]

Oh, gosh, an Indian. I'm sorry, Mr. Indian. I thought you were a turkey. Why do you wear those feathers on your head?

[Chief Running Water]

To keep my wig wild.

[Toby Tuttle]

Hey, how did you hear that joke way out here in the wilderness?

[Chief Running Water]

Major Bo's unit.

[Tommy]

She even at Christmas we're surrounded by Indians.

[Toby Tuttle]

Yeah, and they're on the war path. Listen to those blood curdling Warhol.

[Tommy]

Say, Mr. Indian, how's come you're not yelling with the rest?

[Chief Running Water]

Oh, me no give a hoop.

[Toby Tuttle]

I'm afraid we're gonered. Thomas. Who is the chief here?

[Chief Running Water]

I am the chief.

[Toby Tuttle]

You're the chief? That's good. I've ridden on your train several times, Hook la.

[Chief Running Water]

I am Chief Running Water. These are my sons. Hot, cold and luke.

[Toby Tuttle]

I suppose those two over there are clean and dirty.

[Tommy]

What are you gonna do to us?

[Chief Running Water]

I must scalp pansies.

[Toby Tuttle]

Gosh. Our only chance is for the Governor to send help.

[Chief Running Water]

Silence. I can't hear.

[Rudolph J. Twitchem]

Smoke signals.

[Announcer (Austin Williams)]

Look.

[Tommy]

Look, Captain, they're sending smoke signals from over there.

[Toby Tuttle]

Yeah. I wonder what they say. What is it, Chief? What do they say?

[Chief Running Water]

Oh, over and over they say the same thing. Lsmft.

[Penelope Bugle]

Lsmft.

[Toby Tuttle]

Well, maybe when they finish the commercial, they'll play Pistol pack and Mama time has come.

[Chief Running Water]

Tie him up.

[Toby Tuttle]

Oh, please, Chief. We're done for unless the governor sends help. Look, Thomas, airplane. The Governor is sending help by plane. Look, there's dozens of them.

[Old Doc Fiddle Paddle]

But, Captain, it's impossible.

[Tommy]

There aren't any airplanes in 616 21.

[Toby Tuttle]

Shucks are gone. You and your big education.

[Tommy]

But look, Captain, here comes someone. It's a girl.

[Toby Tuttle]

An Indian belle. I wonder what she wants.

[Penelope Bugle]

Father.

[Toby Tuttle]

Father.

[Penelope Bugle]

Let pale faces go. Please, let pale faces go.

[Judy]

No.

[Penelope Bugle]

Please, Father. I beg of you.

[Chief Running Water]

Oh, dear. It all right. I never get to have no fun. Let him go. I cannot refuse my daughter anything. Cause she is the belle of the tribe.

[Tommy]

Gosh, what a beautiful belle.

[Toby Tuttle]

Gee, I was a close call. Thomas. What do you know? Just when we were done for. Saved by the bell.

[Announcer (Austin Williams)]

One thing of which you may be sure is that you'll always enjoy the rare, delicious taste of a Milky Way candy bar. The famous taste blend, found only in a Milky Way, is made exclusively from the finest of pure quality ingredients. Thus, rare goodness and vital nutrition come to you in one delicious package. Just wait until you open that crisp wrapper and bite into the thick milk chocolate coating the layer of golden smooth caramel and the luscious center of creamy chocolate nougat. Richly flavored with real malted milk. It's a truly delightful taste sensation. So when you crave good candy, eat a Milky Way. Mars Incorporated, makers of Milky Way candy bars, invite you to visit the Fountain of Fun again next Sunday at the same time. Five o' clock central. War time. Attend the broadcast in person, won't you? For tickets, write the Ticket Department. WLW, Cincinnati, Zone 2, Ohio. Next week. Norman Revelle, Mary Jean and Betty, Phil Davis and his orchestra. Old Doc, Fiddle Faddle, Penelope Bugle, Boxer.

[Tommy]

And Fraser Thomas will all be here.

[Announcer (Austin Williams)]

Along with Toby Tuttle.

[Toby Tuttle]

So you'll be here, too, won't you?

[Penelope Bugle]

Bye, now.

[Old Doc Fiddle Paddle]

See you next Sunday.

[Announcer (Austin Williams)]

Austin Williams speaking. This is the Nation station.