X Minus One 55-05-010 02 The Parade

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio - "X Minus One 55-05-010 02 The Parade"

Episode Title: X Minus One 55-05-010 02 The Parade
Release Date: April 10, 2025
Host/Producer: Harold's Old Time Radio

---

Introduction to "The Parade"

"The Parade" is a gripping episode from the renowned "X Minus One" series, renowned for its science fiction narratives that captivate listeners with tales of the future and the unknown. Written by George Lefferts, this episode delves into themes of deception, manipulation, and the unforeseen consequences of publicity-driven schemes.

---

Characters and Setting

• Sid Ryan: A seasoned publicity manager at Publicity Associates, portrayed as cunning and resourceful.
• Lucha: A mysterious client who claims to be a Martian seeking publicity for an impending invasion.
• Oliver: Sid Ryan's loyal but naive assistant.
• Ken Daly: A reporter covering the Martian Parade.
• Commissioner Patrick Lee: The local authority figure involved in permitting the parade.

Setting: New York City, primarily around the preparations and execution of the Martian Parade on Fifth Avenue.

---

Plot Overview

0:40 - 2:00: Establishing the Premise

The episode begins with a dramatic countdown leading into the introduction of Sid Ryan, who encounters Lucha—an enigmatic individual claiming to be a Martian seeking to manage a large-scale publicity campaign for his "client," the Martians.

Notable Quote:

Lucha (02:02): "Precisely."

2:00 - 5:00: The Publicity Scheme

Lucha details his plan to Sid Ryan, emphasizing the creation of a suspense campaign to publicize an invasion from Mars. Sid outlines the steps for the campaign, including enigmatic ads and a grand parade to unveil the Martian presence.

Notable Quote:

Sid Ryan (03:28): "Well, if the client has a lot of dough to throw around, a suspense campaign is best."

5:00 - 10:00: Executing the Plan

Sid Ryan mobilizes his team to execute the publicity campaign. This includes distributing Martian-themed merchandise, securing permits for the parade, and collaborating with local businesses to create a pervasive Martian presence throughout the city.

Notable Quote:

Sid Ryan (07:18): "If it comes off, it'll be the biggest thing since Barnum invented the midget."

10:00 - 14:00: The Parade Day

The day of the parade arrives, and Ken Daly provides live commentary as the Martian-themed floats and performers captivate the crowd. The atmosphere is a mix of amusement and curiosity, with children and adults alike eager to witness the spectacle.

Notable Quote:

Ken Daly (13:07): "Ms. Ada Shackley. And where are you from Mrs. Shackley?"

14:00 - 20:00: Unraveling the Deception

As the parade progresses, a critical incident occurs when a woman named Gloria Montex attempts to interact with a Martian performer and subsequently faints. Sid Ryan reveals to Oliver that this was a planned dramatic moment to heighten the campaign's impact. However, complications arise when unexpected Martian extras appear, surpassing the planned number, leading Sid to suspect foul play.

Notable Quote:

Sid Ryan (19:03): "I'm well aware of that, Oliver, since I paid her 50 bucks to do it."

20:00 - 25:00: The Revelation

Sid Ryan confronts the escalating situation as the parade morphs into reality. He discovers that Lucha's campaign was a facade orchestrated by actual Martians planning a genuine invasion. The Martians reveal their strategy of using publicity and mass hysteria to facilitate a covert takeover, capitalizing on Earth's susceptibility to advertising and manipulation.

Notable Quote:

Lucha (25:25): "We Martians are a humane people, Mr. Ryan. We do not like to destroy thousands where a few hundreds would suffice."

25:00 - 28:00: Climax and Conclusion

In a desperate attempt to thwart the impending invasion, Sid Ryan seeks assistance from local authorities to halt the parade. However, his efforts are in vain as the Martians proceed with their plan. The episode culminates in the realization that the invasion was a meticulously crafted publicity stunt weaponized by the Martians to achieve their sinister goals.

Notable Quote:

Sid Ryan (22:46): "Gloria, settle down. No. You're wearing a mask, baby. It's me, Sid."

---

Themes and Insights

• Manipulation of Public Perception: The episode highlights how publicity and advertising can be exploited to manipulate mass behavior and beliefs.
• Deception and Trust: Sid Ryan's journey underscores the dangers of misplaced trust and the ease with which deception can be enacted.
• Human Vulnerability to Media Influence: The narrative serves as a cautionary tale about society's susceptibility to media-driven narratives and marketing tactics.

---

Conclusion

"The Parade" masterfully intertwines suspense with social commentary, presenting a narrative that is both entertaining and thought-provoking. Through Sid Ryan's experiences, listeners are invited to reflect on the power of publicity and the ethical boundaries that govern its practice. As the Martian invasion unfolds, the episode leaves the audience pondering the fine line between illusion and reality, and the profound impact of media on societal behavior.

---

Production Credits

• Cast:

  • Joseph Curtin as Sid Ryan
  • Joe De Santis as Lucha
  • Alexander Scourby as Ken Daly
  • Agnes Young as the Woman
  • Ellen Deming as Gloria Montex
  • John Thomas as Oliver
  • Arthur Anderson as Sammy
  • Wendell Holmes as Commissioner Patrick Lee
  • William Keene as Sanford

• Announcer: Don Pardo

• Director: Fred Way

• Network: NBC Radio Network

• Production: NBC Radio Network, Transcribed

---

Upcoming Episodes Preview

Next week, listeners are treated to "Mars is Heaven," a Ray Bradbury adaptation that explores the experiences of a rocket crew landing on Mars, only to find an eerily familiar and deceptive paradise awaiting them.

Notable Advertisement Skips: The summary deliberately omits all advertisement segments for Wayfair and American Express, focusing solely on the narrative content of "The Parade."

---

End of Summary

Transcript

[Styles Mackenzie]

We interrupt this program to bring you an important Wayfair message. Wayfair's got style tips for every home. This is Styles Mackenzie helping you make those rooms sing. Today's style tip when it comes to making a statement, treat bold patterns like neutrals. Go wild like an untamed animal. Print area rug under a rustic farmhouse table. From wayfair.com fierce this has been your Wayfair style tip to keep those interiors superior.

[Lucha]

Wayfair Every style, Every home.

[Narrator]

Countdown for a blast off. X minus 5 minus 4 minus 3 minus 2 x minus 1. Fire from the far horizons of the unknown. Come transcribed Tales of New Dimensions in time and space. These are stories of the future. Adventures in which you'll live in a million could be years on a thousand maybe worlds. The National Broadcasting Company presents X minus 1. If you wanted to take over our world with a minimum amount of resistance and trouble, how would you go about it? Tonight we'll tell you how, with a strange and chilling story by George Lefferts. The parade.

[Lucha]

You are Mr. Sid Ryan?

[Sid Ryan]

The same.

[Lucha]

My name is Lucha. I am a Martian.

[Sid Ryan]

Ah, pleased to meet you, Mr. Lu. What was that again?

[Lucha]

A Martian.

[Sid Ryan]

As in Orson Welles?

[Lucha]

Precisely.

[Sid Ryan]

I'm a Rotarian myself. Sit down.

[Lucha]

Thank you.

[Sid Ryan]

Now that we've had our little joke, Mr. Lucha, what can publicity associates do for you?

[Lucha]

I am interested in obtaining publicity. It has been my observation that advertising and publicity are the very backbone of earthly civilization.

[Sid Ryan]

Spoken like a true Martian, Mr. Lucha. Now, if you'll tell me the name of the client.

[Lucha]

The client, of course, will be the Martians.

[Sid Ryan]

You don't give up, do you? Give up the gag, I mean. Oliver.

[Oliver]

Yes, Mr. Ryan.

[Sid Ryan]

This is Mr. Lucha.

[Oliver]

How do you?

[Sid Ryan]

Mr. Lucha claims to be a Martian. Take him outside, will you, Oliver?

[Lucha]

I am happy to see, Mr. Ryan, that my telling you I am a Martian has approximately the effect I guessed it would. I believe we can do business. I have Here cash retainer, $5,000.

[Sid Ryan]

$5. Oliver, take a look at that wad of lettuce.

[Oliver]

It's the real stuff, Mr. Ryan.

[Lucha]

And my client is prepared to spend many times that amount.

[Sid Ryan]

Sit down, Mr. Lucha. Oliver, get the client a cigar. The 50 cent bars. Yes, sir.

[Lucha]

Thank you.

[Sid Ryan]

Well, now, what can I do for you, Sir?

[Lucha]

I wish you to manage a publicity campaign. A very large and important campaign.

[Sid Ryan]

Is the product established, or is it something brand new?

[Lucha]

Something quite new. Now, what would you judge the most effective type of campaign?

[Sid Ryan]

Well, if the client has a lot of dough to throw around, a suspense campaign is best. First, you Place ads in the paper saying, watch this space. Then about a week later, you run an ad saying XYZ or P, D, Q. And you get people guessing what it means. Then finally, when you've teased them enough, you bust loose and unveil the product.

[Lucha]

Excellent. We will conduct a suspense campaign.

[Sid Ryan]

Of course, in this kind of campaign, secrecy is very important. Once the name of the product leaks out, it spreads like wildfire. And the whole campaign is Kaflo.

[Lucha]

Quite so. Quite so. The utmost secrecy.

[Sid Ryan]

You realize, of course, these things cost like crazy.

[Lucha]

Would say $1 million, cover expense.

[Sid Ryan]

Come again?

[Lucha]

I said, would $1 million cover it?

[Sid Ryan]

Why, yes, I met. You did say a million.

[Lucha]

I understood that you have handled some very large accounts. Of course, if this is too big.

[Sid Ryan]

No, no, not at all. Not at all. As a matter of fact, I seldom touch anything less. Right, Oliver? Huh? Oh.

[Oliver]

Oh, of course. That's right, Mr. Ryan. Absolutely right. Yes.

[Lucha]

You will begin then by saturating the newspapers, the radio, the streetcars. With a very simple statement.

[Sid Ryan]

What's that?

[Lucha]

I will write it on a card. Here you are.

[Sid Ryan]

The Martians are coming. Say, that's not a bad teaser. Got that, Oliver?

[Oliver]

Yes, sir.

[Lucha]

The next ad will read, June 1st is Martian Day.

[Oliver]

June 1st is Martian Day.

[Sid Ryan]

What happens on June 1st?

[Lucha]

The parade takes place.

[Sid Ryan]

What parade?

[Lucha]

I wish you to arrange a parade up Fifth Avenue.

[Sid Ryan]

You mean like the Macy Parade?

[Lucha]

Exactly. Except that the theme will be the world of tomorrow. The Martian world. My client would like it to be a gay affair. Balloons, clowns, pennants, pretty drum majorettes.

[Sid Ryan]

Say, that sounds terrific. I might be able to interest the department stores in Italian.

[Lucha]

Fine. The parade will climax the campaign. On June 1, the product will be unveiled.

[Sid Ryan]

Good enough. By the way, Mr. Luchad, just what is the product? What are we selling?

[Lucha]

Oh, no, Mr. Ryan. Secrecy, remember? Yeah, but after all, Mr. Ryan, all will be revealed to you in good time. For the moment, let us say that we are selling a concept.

[Sid Ryan]

A concept?

[Lucha]

The concept of Invasion from Mars.

[Sid Ryan]

Sorrel Talent Agency. Sammy Sorrel, please. This is Sammy. This is Sid Ryan over at Publicity Associates. Listen, Sammy, how you fixed for midgets? I got midgets.

[Ken Daly]

Fine.

[Sid Ryan]

I need 40 midgets for a parade. 40. June 1st. And listen, Sammy, I want them dressed in little space suits. You know, like men from Mars. Okay? And I want some movie extras, maybe 50 of them. Also rigged up like men from Mars. Make them look gruesome. Got that? Also, I need some horses with pretty girls on top of them. Maybe you can get that bunch from Maroney's Traveling Circus. The one we booked for the Fireman's Parade in Albany last year. I'll try, sir. Never mind the expense. Just get me the talent. It sounds like you landed a big client there. Who is it? It's a secret. I gotta hang now. Call me back. Sammy. How you doing, Oliver?

[Oliver]

Oh, fine, Mr. Ryan, just fine. I got a hundred small voice paste and little stickers. The Martians are coming on the subway platform.

[Sid Ryan]

Good.

[Oliver]

We got full page ads on all the dailies.

[Sid Ryan]

Good.

[Oliver]

And 10 second spot announcements on every local station. It's costing a fortune.

[Sid Ryan]

Good. The more it costs, the bigger our percentage spend. Like you were going to the electric chair. Oliver.

[Oliver]

Yes, sir. How are you making out in the parade?

[Sid Ryan]

If it comes off, it'll be the biggest thing since Barnum invented the midget. I've got Macy's gimbals and sacks to contribute floats. Everything is built around the Martian theme. See? Even the horses will have long feelers attached to them. And funny looking extra legs. It'll be sensational.

[Oliver]

That sounds fine, only. Only what, Mr. Ryan? We don't even know what we're selling.

[Sid Ryan]

Oliver, my boy, do you think old Sid Ryan has been sitting here spending all this moolah and not putting two and two together?

[Oliver]

You mean you know who Luchar represents?

[Sid Ryan]

Just by accident, understand? I have learned that Century Pictures is making a big new epic. One of those expensive pictures they make in secret and then spring on the public. Because they don't want the other studios to get the jump on them.

[Oliver]

What's the picture?

[Sid Ryan]

A space opera titled Invasion from Mars. Get it?

[Oliver]

Oh, oh, I begin to see.

[Sid Ryan]

Also, by mere coincidence, it's supposed to have its premiere sometime around June 1st. You follow me?

[Oliver]

Yes, but Mr. Ryan, Century has an exclusive contract with New Features Syndicate for all our publicity.

[Sid Ryan]

Suppose Century Pictures doesn't like the way New Features is handling their stuff? They want to get out of the contract, but New Features says no. So they have to get around the contract. A man named Lucha, client unknown, starts publicizing the Martian invasion. Need I go further?

[Oliver]

I don't know, Mr. Ryan. Sounds pretty far fetched to me, but I don't know.

[Sid Ryan]

That's what I like about you, Oliver. You're so innocent. Now let me talk to Commissioner Patrick Lee. Sid Ryan. Hello, Commission. Sid Ryan. Oh, how are you, Ryan? Fine.

[Ken Daly]

What is it this time?

[Sid Ryan]

You want to drop a man off the Empire State Building into a teacup full of water? The answer is no. Also, we're not arresting any fan dancers. You know, I don't handle fan dancers. I want to permit for a parade. June 1. Fifth Avenue. It's a Sunday. There's no traffic. Now, look, Ryan. Macy's gets a permit. Gimbels gets a permit. The American Legion gets a permit. The Sons of Aaron march every time Morton Downey sings the Wearing of the Green. Oh, don't give me a hard time, Patrick. This is too big. I have the Fifth Avenue Merchants association behind me. Okay, Ryan, fill out the forms. I'll pass them along to the license commissioner. That's my boy. By the way, what's the occasion for this parade? Well, don't you read the papers, Patrick? June 1st is Martian Day.

[Lucha]

How is the campaign going, Mr. Ryan?

[Sid Ryan]

Like wildfire, Mr. Lucha. Like wildfire. Everybody and his brother is going along with the gag. Yesterday we distributed 50,000 Martian hats to school kids. I got some of the merchants doing World of Tomorrow displays in their windows. Every big novelty manufacturer in town is climbing on the bandwagon. They want to get into the parade with floats, giveaways, anything. Everybody smells, a buck to be made. I wouldn't be surprised if the mayor himself declared Martian Day. I've even arranged for Commissioner Patrick to accept a $50,000 check for the Policeman's Benevolent Fund from the man from Mars. Oh, it's terrific. Terrific. My blood pressure's up to 200.

[Lucha]

Excellent.

[Sid Ryan]

I understand Century Pictures spent over a million bucks making that space opera.

[Lucha]

I beg pardon.

[Sid Ryan]

Oh, come, come, Mr. Lucha. Sid Ryan wasn't born yesterday, you know. I know who our client is. Even if you don't admit it, you do. Ha ha. Always thinking, that's me.

[Lucha]

Well, as long as you know, let's keep it to ourselves, shall we?

[Styles Mackenzie]

Mr. Ryan, we interrupt this program to bring you an important Wayfair message. Wayfair's got style tips for every home. This is Nicole Byer helping you make those rooms. Flyer today's style tip. When it comes to making a statement, treat bold patterns like neutrals go wild like an untamed animal. Print area rug under a rustic farmhouse table from wayfair.com. oh, fierce. This has been your Wayfair style tip to keep those interiors superior.

[Sid Ryan]

Wayfair.

[Lucha]

Every style, every home.

[Styles Mackenzie]

We interrupt this program to bring you an important Wayfair message. Wayfair's got style tips for every home. This is Styles MacKenzie helping you make those rooms sing. Today's style tip. When it comes to making a statement, treat bold patterns like neutrals go wild like an untamed animal. Print area rug under a rustic farmhouse table from Wayfair.com fears this has been your Wayfair style tip to keep those interiors superior.

[Sid Ryan]

Wayfair, every style, every home.

[Lucha]

As you once remarked, when these things leak out it destroys the surprise and ruins the effectiveness of the campaign.

[Ken Daly]

Ladies and gentlemen, this is Ken Daly speaking to you from our portable transmitter atop the reviewing stand for the much heralded Martian parade on Fifth Avenue. It's a beautiful sunlit day here in New York, a perfect day for a parade. And the streets are packed with thousands of spectators all eager to find out what this is all about. There's an air of shrill expectancy. Some of the kids and their parents have been camped on the curbstone since early this morning to be sure of ringside seats when the so called Martians passed by. I've. I've just had word from Sol Brown up at Central Park Mall that the Martians have landed from big pink balloons. And while we're waiting for the arrival of the parade, we brought some people up to our microphone to tell you their reaction to this most spectacular of all publicity stunts. That's right, Come on. What's your name, madam?

[Sid Ryan]

Ms. Ada Shackley.

[Ken Daly]

A little louder please.

[Sid Ryan]

Ms. Ada Shackley. Uh huh.

[Ken Daly]

And where are you from Mrs. Shackley?

[Sid Ryan]

Columbus, Ohio.

[Ken Daly]

I see. And I see you have your family with you too. Two little curly headed blonde boys. Are you in New York on vacation?

[Sid Ryan]

We came for the Shriners convention with their daddy.

[Ken Daly]

Well, what do you think of Martian Day, Mrs. Shackley?

[Sid Ryan]

Well, it all seems very strange to me, but the boys have been pestering me to watch it. So we've been standing here two hours. I can't make head or tail of it.

[Ken Daly]

Well neither can a lot of other people, Mrs. Shackley, but judging by the thousands here today, there's a lot of curiosity.

[Sid Ryan]

Curiosity killed a cat folks say.

[Ken Daly]

Well, let's hope not. Thank you Mrs. Shackley. And this is Mr. Sid Ryan, ladies and gentlemen, the publicity man who's the brains behind the Martian day stunt. Hello Sid.

[Sid Ryan]

Good morning Kenneth.

[Ken Daly]

Easy, he's not so close to the mic.

[Sid Ryan]

Oh, sorry, sorry.

[Ken Daly]

Hey Sid, you've certainly lifted the lid this time.

[Sid Ryan]

Looks like it, doesn't it Sid?

[Ken Daly]

There's been a great deal of speculation as to exactly what all this is leading up to. I've heard some folks say it's a big war bond drive, others think it's just to stimulate local business. And look, I understand in the trade itself, smart money says you're building for the premiere of centuries forthcoming extravaganza invasion from Mars. Now come clean. Can you tell Us what the real story is.

[Sid Ryan]

I can. I'd like to, but honestly, I can.

[Ken Daly]

Oh, man of mystery, eh? Are you gonna watch the parade from the stand here?

[Sid Ryan]

No, Ken, I can't stand noise. I'm going out to my office and watch it gumping.

[Ken Daly]

Well, thank you, Sid Ryan, and good luck. And here they come, ladies and gentlemen. The first units of the big Martian parade swinging down Fifth Avenue with fanfare, colored streamers, music, confetti floats, all the traffic of a Marty Bro. And here in the vanguard is a whole troop of little midgets in weird looking pink and blue spacesuits carrying Rube Goldberg weapons with signs painted on them. Let's see, I can read one which says Atomic Blaster. Another one has a placard reading We're Martian through Georgia. And here come the clowns, laughing and falling all over each other. They're giving free sugar candy to the kids along the way. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is a happy laughing crowd. Longford pattern today. A true reflection of the great sense of humor and good nature that makes America the place it is. This is promised as the climax of the show. Now a great hush has fallen over the crowd. It's quite a sight to see these thousands of people standing here expectantly hearing only the great regular sigh of their mass breathing. And now here they come, ladies and gentlemen, the Martians. Marching in booted helmeted ranks, row after row of them. This is an impressive sight, ladies and gentlemen, and a rather serious contrast to the rest of the joyous slapstick parade we've witnessed. There are perhaps, oh, 200 tall, broad chested men dressed in metallic gray spacesuits with thick glass visors drawn across their faces. Each is holding an ominous looking ray gun at the ready position. They're marching in absolute silence, keeping step perfectly, as though some mute unspoken command were marking time for them. The crowd seems rather grim and serious now. Perhaps they're reminded of the actuality of war and possible invasion. They stand solemnly, silently watching. Even the children are awed. And now the first ranks of the Martians are moving past us down 5th Avenue toward the reviewing stands of the square. No one moves. What's that? What's happening there? A woman. A woman, ladies and gentlemen. She dashed out into the street. For what reason I don't know. She attempted to lift the visor of one of the Martian spacesuits, but just as she reached the Martian, she fell forward in a dead faint. I tell you, I've never felt such mass tension in a crowd as we're experiencing here. Right now, today, all sorts of rumors have begun filtering back through the audience. There are excited whispers of she's dead, she fainted. And now an undercurrent of what they're really Martians. This is an example of how a single incident can precipitate mass hysteria. Ladies and gentlemen, I tell you, it's a mighty reassuring sight to see the blue uniforms of New York's finest. Spaced every 10ft or so along the avenue. Somehow, I can't explain it. This incident has begun to work on what was a moment ago. A happy, carefree crowd. And the complexion is changing.

[Oliver]

Mr. Ryan, did you see that? A woman fainted.

[Sid Ryan]

Of course I saw it.

[Oliver]

What do you suppose she saw?

[Sid Ryan]

Oliver, old man, did I ever tell you you were too naive for this business?

[Oliver]

But that young woman ran out into the streets to get a close look at the Martians. And then she screamed and fainted that away.

[Sid Ryan]

I'm well aware of that, Oliver, since I paid her 50 bucks to do it.

[Oliver]

What?

[Sid Ryan]

The dramatic moment, Oliver. The stock and trade of the good publicity man. Relax. Holy smokes.

[Oliver]

You sure think of everything.

[Sid Ryan]

Half of my share of this deal. Roughly $100,000. I can afford to think of everything. Shut the window.

[Oliver]

Don't you want to see the finish?

[Sid Ryan]

We'll get out of the reviewing stand for the finish right now. I want to make a phone call. By the way, where's Lucha?

[Oliver]

I haven't seen him.

[Sid Ryan]

He'll be around.

[Oliver]

Boy, those Martians sure look like the real thing.

[Sid Ryan]

How would you know the real thing if you saw it, Oliver? Ge.

[Oliver]

I don't know.

[Ken Daly]

I.

[Sid Ryan]

Close the window, Oliver.

[Oliver]

Oh, yes, Mr. Ryan.

[Sid Ryan]

Sor's talent Agency. Sammy, this is Sid Ryan. Say, listen, Sid, I was going to call you. I'm awful sorry about those Martians. What do you mean, sorry? They're terrific. No, don't joke, Sid. I mean it. Well, I mean it, too. They're great. Great. Are you in the bag? Never felt better. You mean it, don't you? Of course I mean it. What is this? There are Martians in the parade. About 150. Of course, I only ordered 50, but under the circumstances.

[Lucha]

Well, what is it, Sid?

[Sid Ryan]

Don't you know? I couldn't get you a single movie extra. There's a studio strike in New York. I was gonna call you, but I. Hey, wait a minute. Where these guys come from if you didn't hire them? I don't know. Maybe. Oliver. Hold on. Oliver.

[Oliver]

Yes, Mr. Ryan?

[Sid Ryan]

Did you hire those Martians?

[Oliver]

No, sir.

[Sid Ryan]

Sammy, this is on the level, isn't it honest, sir. Okay, Sammy, I'll call you back.

[Oliver]

What's the matter, Mr. Ryan?

[Sid Ryan]

I don't know. I just don't know. I've got to locate Lucha. What's Sensory Pictures number?

[Oliver]

Mr. Ryan, this is Sunday.

[Sid Ryan]

Oh, yeah? Well, get me their publicity director, Marty Sanford at home.

[Oliver]

Oh, yes.

[Ken Daly]

Here you are.

[Sid Ryan]

Thanks. Sanford. Marty, this is Sid Ryan. Oh, hello, Sid. How's the name? Fine, fine. Listen, Marty, this is dead serious. On the level. Get it? What's wrong? I've got to locate Lucha Lou. Who? Lucha. Come on now, Marty. This is life and death. The guy you sent over to hire me for the invasion picture. Invasion picture? Invasion from Mars. The space opera. Are you baddy? Marty, that picture was shelved last month. What? Sure, back in the can. Too expensive and too fantastic.

[Narrator]

The big shots decided you can't sell.

[Sid Ryan]

A Martian invasion to the American public. And I never heard of a guy named Luke. Mother Heaven.

[Oliver]

What is it, Mr. Ryan? You look terrible.

[Sid Ryan]

That's too fantastic.

[Oliver]

What's too fantastic? Mr. Ryan? Is something wrong?

[Sid Ryan]

Open that window. I want another look at those Martians. Yes, sir. Look at it, Oliver. You were in the army, but 150 movie extras learned a march like that. And say 24 hours.

[Oliver]

Not in 24 days, Mr. Ryan.

[Sid Ryan]

Not a second's hesitation, not one other step. Look at the way they carry those ray guns at the ready. The other time I've seen troops march like that was in the film of the Nazi storm troops marching through the streets of Paris. See those chests on? That's pride. Sheer, arrogant pride. Look at those chins. That's contempt. Nobody could act like that, Mr. Ryan. Oliver. Get down there. Find that woman who fainted. Her name's Gloria Montex. Get her up here. Make it fast.

[Oliver]

Here she is, Mr. Ryan. I. I can't get much sense out of her.

[Sid Ryan]

Stay away from me. Gloria, it's me. Sit. Oh, don't kid me. You're a Martian. Gloria, settle down. No. You're wearing a mask, baby. It's me, Sid. And underneath, it's. It's awful. It's all big green eyes and those. Those feelings like. Like a catfish, baby. Snap out of it. Listen. What happened down there? You ran out and screamed like I told you. But the fainting, that wasn't in the act.

[Narrator]

Go away.

[Sid Ryan]

Please, go away. What'd you see?

[Oliver]

Oh, no, please.

[Sid Ryan]

It's too awful. Please. Please. Just one question, baby. Inside that helmet, what'd you see?

[Oliver]

You won't get anything out of her, Mr. Ryan. She needs a doctor.

[Sid Ryan]

Okay, Oliver. I'VE heard. You take care of Gloria here. Get her a drink.

[Oliver]

Where are you going?

[Sid Ryan]

To see the Commissioner. We gotta stop this parade before things begin to happen. Okay, Ryan, what's the beef? Listen, Patrick, I don't know what it is, see, but something's wrong. You gotta stop that parade. I suppose you'd like the riot squad. That would get you a front page spread on every paper in town.

[Ken Daly]

Honest.

[Sid Ryan]

You publicity guys give me a pay. This may be a matter of life and death.

[Ken Daly]

Sure, sure.

[Sid Ryan]

Look, Ryan, I've got no time for your cheap publicity gags. I'm a busy man. Listen, I'm trying to tell you. I don't know where these Martians came from, who they are or anything about them. All I want you to do is stop the parade and make sure they're on the level. Ryan, I'm wise to your tricks. If you let the sergeant show you out, you won't do it, huh? An honest citizen appeals for protection and you refuse? I most emphatically do. Now beat him. All right, Patrick. I'll go right to the mayor's office. I'll have you busted flatter than a fried egg. Go ahead. I'm sure His Honor will be glad to toss you out on that phony nickel plated skull. You heard me, Ryan. You cannot see the mayor. Adolf, please. This isn't a gag. I don't want publicity. All I want to do is maybe prevent something horrible from happening. In case you don't know it, wise guy, something horrible is already happening. A couple hundred little kids are in the hospital with ptomaine poisoning from that phony Martian candy. You passed out. Or didn't you know? I didn't. We've got to stop that parade.

[Narrator]

Sure, sure.

[Sid Ryan]

You'd like nothing better than to start a panic. Now maybe a few hundred people would get trampled to death. Think of the newspaper space that would get you and your product. I won't stand for this, Adolf. You won't have to, because you're going to get out of here right now. Go on, beat it. Get out. You and your publicity stunts make me sick to my stomach. Other. Bye. Oliver, where are you? Oliver. Oliver.

[Lucha]

It is useless. Scream at him, Mr. Ryan. Your friend is quite dead.

[Sid Ryan]

Lucha.

[Lucha]

He wanted to run to the police with some story about a Martian invasion. I found it necessary to restrain him.

[Sid Ryan]

Restrain him? You stinking murderer.

[Lucha]

Now, Mr. Ryan, collect yourself. After all our planning. It wouldn't do to have everything spoiled now, would it?

[Sid Ryan]

Lucha, stop talking and talk fast. Because when you get through, I'm Gonna take you apart, piece by pie. Peace. What's this all about?

[Lucha]

But surely you know, Mr. Ryan. After all, you've been publicizing it for months.

[Sid Ryan]

Listen, you.

[Lucha]

Do not interrupt. You see, before colonizing your planet, we Martians send advanced scouts to study your habits, your weaknesses. We found that the people on Earth are predominantly conditioned by advertising and publicity. And so we conceived the idea of treating our entire invasion as a vast publicity stunt. LEVER after all, Mr. Ryan, who would suspect an invader who advertised his invasion in the newspaper, invited the public to his surprise attack. And spent millions publicizing his plan?

[Sid Ryan]

Holy jumping catfish.

[Lucha]

You've done very well.

[Sid Ryan]

Then there was no product.

[Lucha]

Ah, but there is a product. The product is death.

[Sid Ryan]

What are you trying to do, Rocha?

[Lucha]

We Martians are a humane people, Mr. Ryan. We do not like to destroy thousands where a few hundreds would suffice. In exactly two minutes, our troops will treat the world to a spectacle of death. Which will bring the rest of your planet to its knees in horror. Nations will clamor to surrender.

[Sid Ryan]

Perhaps, Mr. Lucha, but not if I can help it. You? Yes, please. Operator, this is Mr. Ryan. Get me the field telephone on the reviewing stand of the Martian Day Parade. Hurry. Anyone in particular? Just hurry. Reviewing stand. Sergeant Cassidy. Get me Commissioner Patrick. Hello? Hello? You'll have to talk loud. I want Commissioner Patrick. Patrick.

[Ken Daly]

Patrick.

[Sid Ryan]

Wait a minute. Things are quieting down now. What was it you wanted? This is Ryan. I have to talk to the commissioner. It's a matter of life and death. I'm sorry, you can't talk to him now. The Chief Martian is presenting the pba. Check to him. The Martians are going to fire a salute. Listen, you got to stop him.

[Narrator]

What?

[Sid Ryan]

Stop him. I'm sorry, Mr. Ryland. You idiot. The worst is going. This is the operator. I'm sorry, Mr. Ryan, you've been cut off. I can't seem to get them back. Doesn't matter, operator. Nothing matters now.

[Narrator]

Tonight, X minus one has brought you the parade. An original story written by George Lefferts. Featured in the cast were Joseph Curtin as Ryan, Joe Desantis as Luchar, Alexander Scourby as Daley, Agnes Young as the woman, Ellen Deming as Gloria, John Thomas as Oliver, Arthur Anderson as Sammy, Wendell Holmes as the Commissioner and William Keene as Sanford, your announcer, Don Pardo. X minus one was directed by Fred Way, and it's a transcribed NBC Radio Network production. Next week, the tables turn. Instead of Martians invading Earth, we bring you a tale of men invading Mars. Ray Bradbury's brilliant short story entitled Mars is Heaven. Suppose you were a member of the first rocket ship crew to land on Mars. But instead of seeing Martians, you find that you've landed in a town that looks just like home, that all your dead relatives and friends are there to greet you. So that as incredible as it may seem, you think you're really in heaven. That is, you think so right up to the fatal moment, the moment of minus one.

[Lucha]

Join the Abbotts on another baffling mystery.

[Narrator]

Tonight over most NBC radio stations.

[Styles Mackenzie]

You never know where your next unforgettable experience will pop up. That's why bringing along an American Express card opens the door to rewards wherever you go. Morning coffee run with an old friend. Earn cash back. Weekend getaway? Earn miles. Dinner at the hottest restaurant in town. You get the idea. No matter the place or the plan. AMEX rewards your inner explorer. Learn about card [e-mail] terms apply.