Your Radio Almanac - 1944-02-02 - #2 - guest Lionel Barrymore

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio - "Your Radio Almanac - 1944-02-02 - #2 - Guest Lionel Barrymore"

Release Date: February 24, 2025

In this captivating episode of Harold's Old Time Radio, titled "Your Radio Almanac - 1944-02-02 - #2 - Guest Lionel Barrymore," listeners are transported back to the Golden Age of Radio. Hosted by Orson Welles, the show features the illustrious actor Lionel Barrymore, engaging in delightful banter, humorous sketches, and a memorable bedtime story segment. Below is a detailed summary of the episode’s key moments, enriched with notable quotes and timestamps.

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1. Opening Monologue by Orson Welles ([00:33] - [02:17])

Orson Welles sets the stage with his characteristic wit, discussing the quirks of February and highlighting notable birthdays and events. He humorously remarks on February’s fickle weather and its impact on gardening, setting a jovial tone for the episode.

Notable Quote:

"February is a bad time for garden is February. By day it wheedles the buds out of the bushes and by night it blisters them. God only knows why."
— Orson Welles ([00:33])

Welles also references Jack Benny’s Groundhog Day antics, blending real events with comedic elements to entertain listeners.

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2. Interaction Between Orson Welles and Lionel Barrymore ([02:17] - [07:02])

Introduction of Lionel Barrymore: Orson Welles warmly introduces Lionel Barrymore, teasing him with references to his famous role as Dr. Gillespie.

Notable Quote:

"Well, well, Lionel. Or perhaps I should say Dr. Gillespie."
— Orson Welles ([02:17])

Humorous Banter: The duo engages in a light-hearted exchange about Welles being labeled a comedian, leading to playful jabs and laughter.

Censorship Skit: Pete Bristol, the show's censor, makes an appearance, critiquing Welles' "love scenes" and suggesting humorous alterations to his delivery.

Notable Quote:

"What harm does it do? Last week 6,000 Sinatra fans who were just recovering swooned all over again."
— Orson Welles ([05:02])

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3. The "Kiddies Corner" Bedtime Story ([12:39] - [23:27])

Introduction by Lionel Barrymore: Lionel Barrymore transitions the show to the kiddies segment, addressing young listeners with warmth and setting up a surprise for a child named Jackie.

Notable Quote:

"Good evening, Kitty. You know how uncle lion loves you, little Kitty."
— Lionel Barrymore ([12:39])

The Radio Play: Orson Welles narrates a gripping and humorous bedtime story involving a young man, a miserly uncle, and a sinister horse and buggy doctor. The story combines elements of suspense and comedy, showcasing the ensemble's impeccable timing and delivery.

Key Moments:

• The nephew’s encounter with the uncle’s malicious intentions.
• The transformation of the uncle into a menacing doctor.
• The ultimate twist where the nephew outsmarts the uncle, leading to a humorous conclusion.

Notable Quote:

"Well, what a rough, typical tough bluff, hard-hitting, straight-shooting, rootin' tootin', rusty crusty, rip-snortin' gol darn horse and buggy dock and birdie the nurse lived happily ever afterwards."
— Orson Welles ([23:27])

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4. Musical Interlude with Lud Gluskin ([24:40] - [27:34])

Introduction of Lud Gluskin: Orson Welles introduces Lud Gluskin and his merry melodeans, adding a musical dimension to the almanac.

Astrology and Recipes: Welles humorously intertwines astrology tips and a skin-clearing recipe, maintaining the show’s entertaining and informative vibe.

Celebration of Victor Herbert: Lionel Barrymore shares a nostalgic moment, recalling hearing Victor Herbert’s music firsthand.

Notable Quote:

"Lionel, I'd like to invite you to come around next week and hear a new composition we're playing on this program. The music was written by somebody called Lionel Barrymore. Really was. Come around next week, Lionel. Hear what we do with it."
— Orson Welles ([27:40])

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5. Tribute to George Washington ([27:53] - [29:28])

Reading by Lionel Barrymore: Lionel Barrymore delivers a heartfelt rendition of George Washington’s words, emphasizing national unity and the importance of preserving the American union.

Notable Quote:

"Citizens. By birth or choice of a common country, the name of American belongs to you. The unity of government which constitutes you one people is a main pillar in the edifice of your real independence..."
— Lionel Barrymore ([28:17])

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6. Closing Remarks ([29:28] - [29:45])

Orson Welles wraps up the episode with gratitude towards sponsors and the team, thanking listeners for tuning in and signing off with a signature farewell.

Notable Quote:

"The makers of mobile oil and mobile gas and all of us in the Mercury Theater remain, as always, obediently yours."
— Orson Welles ([29:28])

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Conclusion

This episode masterfully blends humor, storytelling, and informative segments, showcasing the chemistry between Orson Welles and Lionel Barrymore. From witty exchanges and playful censorship skits to an engaging bedtime story and a patriotic tribute, "Your Radio Almanac - 1944-02-02 - #2 - Guest Lionel Barrymore" epitomizes the charm and versatility of Golden Age radio. Whether you're a longtime fan or a newcomer to these classic broadcasts, this episode offers a rich and entertaining experience that captures the essence of ensemble radio storytelling.

Transcript

[American Giant]

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[Orson Welles]

Good evening. This is Orson Welles just saying hello before the show starts. This is your radio almanac for the first week of February. It's a bad time for garden is February. By day it wheedles the buds out of the bushes and by night it blisters them. God only knows why. This aborted Adelaide among the month. This wayward leap cataral fly and stunted altogether unreliable month should get another day on. Leap year doesn't deserve it. February 2nd is Candlemas and a very good day for beautiful music. Two of the greatest violinists the world has ever known, Fritz Kreisler and Yasha Heifetz, were born today. Jack Benny was born in the groundhog. Came out this morning and looked around for his shadow. If he didn't see it, he didn't want to. The moon is in the second quarter for just about another hour tonight. I beg pardon? Strolling down the avenue. Excuse me, sir. You look just like a groundhog. I am? Well, you saw your shadow, groundhog. Why aren't you back in your hole? Well, you know, the housing problem. I just looked out for a minute.

[Jack Benny]

And some other people moved in.

[Orson Welles]

What's that, lady? I beg your pardon. First time you ever heard a talking groundhog. I bid you welcome to the sign of the flying red horse.

[Jack Benny]

Tonight and every week at the same time over these same stations, the makers of Mobile Gas and Mobil Oil bring you Horse and Wells.

[Orson Welles]

Ladies and gentlemen, our distance. This distinguished guest department brings you now one of the stars of Metro Goldwyn Mayer's new production, a guy named Joe. He's a good friend of ours in the Mercury and an old friend of yours and a great actor, Lionel Barrymore. Well, well, Lionel. Or perhaps I should say Dr. Gillespie.

[Lionel Barrymore]

Perhaps you shouldn't say Dr. Gillespie. You know, I'm not really a doctor. I merely act the part of a doctor, just like you. Orson can play a part too. You're not really a comedian.

[Orson Welles]

Oh, you've been reading Heather Hopper, Hugh. Lionel, how can you say I'm not a comedian? Haven't you seen those big ads in the paper? They say Orson Welles, comedian.

[Lionel Barrymore]

Ah, you read it wrong. It said Orson Welles, comedian. Also, I've seen the newspaper criticism of your opening program last week.

[Orson Welles]

Oh, the notices. The newspaper. What did they say?

[Lionel Barrymore]

Are you still looking for a place to live in Los Angeles?

[Orson Welles]

Yes.

[Lionel Barrymore]

Well, don't do it. Here's a review from the Los Angeles examiner.

[Orson Welles]

Let me see. Amusements. Hmm. Page five. Here we are, page five. Amusement radio. That's not under amusement. Thank you, gentlemen. Page 8. Here's page 8. Radio. For review of Orson Welles show, see page 12. Uh huh. 10, 11, 12. Here it is, page 12. Obituaries. Well, here's a paper that's always been very nice to me. The Tijuana stable news. Listen to this. La semana pesada principio nueva programa con orte bajolo especio di mobil gas. Itambendi mobil oil. The flying red horse paid $423.60. And 280. Oh, who cares about reviews when it comes to newspaper notices? I don't give up. I said I don't give. Uh. Oh, it's one of the boys from upstairs. Lionel, this is Mr. Mr. P.E.

[Lionel Barrymore]

Bristle.

[Pete Bristol]

I'm the censor.

[Orson Welles]

Sensor.

[Pete Bristol]

Sensor.

[Lionel Barrymore]

Sensor. Oh yes, censor. Better known as vice president of. You can't say that people are having dinner.

[Orson Welles]

Well, Mr. Peabrista, what's on your evil little mind today?

[Pete Bristol]

You know very well what's on my mind, Mr. Wells. It's those love scenes of yours. You've been breathing heavy again.

[Orson Welles]

What if I do breathe heavy? What harm does it do?

[Pete Bristol]

What harm? Last week 6,000 Sinatra fans who were just recovering swooned all over again. It's very disheartening.

[Orson Welles]

Well, now, look here, Pete Bristol.

[Lionel Barrymore]

Look here, Mr. Wells. Can't help the way he breathes. What would you do if you had to play a love scene with Eddie Lamar? Happy little monster, isn't he?

[Pete Bristol]

Now really, Mr. Wells, you're going to have to cut down on the way you heaven your chest around.

[Orson Welles]

I'm gonna have to stop reading Lionel's lines too. Just how am I going to accomplish that? How am I going to accomplish the feat of stopping to heave my chest around?

[Pete Bristol]

Well, try breathing with just one nostril.

[Orson Welles]

One nostril?

[Pete Bristol]

Yeah, let's hear it. Say something romantic with one nostril.

[Orson Welles]

Like this? Like this, please. Ah, Katye, for years I have adored you with a white hot passion. With a white hot passion that is slowly but Surely consuming my very vitals.

[Lionel Barrymore]

No.

[Pete Bristol]

Even on one nostril, you're out blasting Sinatra.

[Orson Welles]

Well, how do you like it, Lionel? With me holding one nostril?

[Lionel Barrymore]

Okay, I was holding both nostrils.

[Pete Bristol]

Mr. Wells, I'm afraid you'll have to stop breathing altogether now.

[Lionel Barrymore]

Whatever gave you the idea there was too much romance in his voice?

[Pete Bristol]

Oh, I can tell just by watching my wife. The first time she listened to Mr. Wells, she just sort of glowed a little bit.

[Orson Welles]

Glowed?

[Uncle]

Yes.

[Pete Bristol]

But lately you got her lighting up like a pinball machine. There's tilt too.

[Orson Welles]

Hey, Bristol, I'm afraid I can't be held responsible for the voltage of your wife. Any other complaints?

[Pete Bristol]

Yes. Well, this scene here, this has got to come out.

[Orson Welles]

What scene?

[Pete Bristol]

You know, where you show the girl your stamp collection.

[Orson Welles]

Yes.

[Pete Bristol]

Then you start to play gin rummy.

[Orson Welles]

Yes.

[Pete Bristol]

Then you ask her if she'd care for a glass of ginger ale.

[Orson Welles]

Yes. What about it?

[Pete Bristol]

Just what are you leading up to? No, I'm afraid I'll have to cut the whole thing.

[Orson Welles]

Ladies and gentlemen, we on this program have a friend, a real peach of a fellow who always picks up the check. The sponsor. Now, this sponsor of ours has been so very nice to us in the Mercury. We took a vote earlier this evening. We members of the cats. And we voted unanimously in favor of allowing a commercial to be heard on this program. There are, of course, many types of commercial announcers. There's the friendly type. You've heard him. Friends. Friends, do you see spots before your eyes? Do your tonsils backfire on hills? Well, pal, light up a midgee. Midges come in a choice of three distinctive tips, plain cork and sandpaper. Smoke a midgy and file your nails at the same time. You see, friends, midges are a rare blend of the finest aromatic Turkish towels. The makers of Midges found that most smokers throw away the last half inch of cigarette. I should throw away this script. Throw away the last half inch of cigarette and this is a waste of tobacco. That's why midges are made three quarters of an inch shorter. And here's the midges are 6 inches in diameter. And remember, friends, midges come scented, not like other faintly scented cigarettes. Midges really smell. Now, ladies and gentlemen, we don't have that sort of announcer. We have. Well, we have Jack NASA. And here he is. Hello. You see, he's almost sulky. Come on, Jack, tell us what the mobile gas you buy today is packed with. And try to be nice about it.

[Jack Benny]

Well, everybody knows that mobile gas is packed with miles.

[Orson Welles]

You mean the 1944. Mobile gas gives you all the mileage that you got from peacetime mobile gas.

[Jack Benny]

That's right. Mobile gas today is still the uncontested champ. It's still America's favorite gasoline. Now, mobile gas would like to help you smooth the bumps of wartime driving. So take these tips, folks. One, when your engine's cold, warm it up for 30 seconds before you drive away. Two, don't tramp on your accelerator. That wastes gas. Press down easy. Three, drive a pace that's neither middle road nor speed nor crawl. You'll get more mileage. Four, don't leave your motor idling. That can eat up gas. Five, this is mine, folks. Switch to mobile gas and get your coupons worth. Get every wartime mile it's possible to give you. Drive in at the sign of the flying red horse. Drive out with mobile gas.

[Orson Welles]

Don't go, lady. There's another commercial later in the evening. Thanks, Jack. There's one thing I'd like to add. We don't make any wild claims for our products. We realize our listeners appreciate honest advertising. However, mobile gas does contain sulfanilamide. Ah, quiet pea Bristol. Your motor will never catch pneumonia. You know, a commercial didn't rate that applause. Our listeners realized that there was a big man beating his hands together and urging you onto that. Ladies and gentlemen, I appreciate your cooperation. And I think you ought to know right at this point that a little old lady from little rock writes me she thinks we ought to have something in our almanac for the young folks. Now, we aim to please. And so with our hand firmly on the pulse of young America, we bring you now a treat for the tiny tot the kiddies corner, conducted by your uncle Lionel.

[Lionel Barrymore]

Good evening, Kitty. You know how uncle lion loves you, little Kitty. Oh, by the way, Jackie Cribbletaver of 134 South Flores Street. He has a fifth birthday today. Congratulations, Jackie. Now, if you just run down to the cellar and shovel all the coal out of the bin, There's a surprise for you near the wall. Now, go ahead, Jackie. When he gets the coal all shoveled out of the bin, will he be surprised? There ain't no present there at all. And now for our bedtime story. Now, hang on to your seats, my little darling. Your uncle Lionel is going to scare you, greedy.

[Orson Welles]

Here it is. Your uncle Lionel is turned aside to make his lightning transformation into the character of a roof tootin old horse and buggy doctor. So we'll start without him. Our story opens in a dentist's office. A young man Our hero enters and seats himself in the chair. Rip em out.

[Lionel Barrymore]

What?

[Jack Benny]

Rip em out. But your teeth seem perfectly good.

[Uncle]

So is my money.

[Orson Welles]

Pull em out. But it wouldn't be ethical to pull out healthy teeth unless there's a reason for it. Pull them out. And so the dentist pulls them all out. And the young man is equipped with his temporary grinders which he sucks at and gnashes and pays for with almost his last dollar. He goes out, gets into his roadster and drives out of town as if pursued by the finance company. As he certainly would be if they caught sight of him at nightfall. I'll say that again. As he certainly would be if they caught sight of him. Thank you, mother. At nightfall he arrives at that part of the country where old miserly uncles live in remote, dilapidated farmhouses. Our young man is fortunate in possessing one of the oldest and richest of these uncles, whose house is the remotest and most dilapidated of all. Arriving at this secluded dwelling, our hero drives up before a porch upon which no money has been squandered for years.

[Uncle]

So much the more in the old sark.

[Orson Welles]

What do you want? The young man is horrified to see a plump blonde whose mouth is white and red as a slice of watermelon. She is dressed in what might be called a nurse's uniform, but the fact that her garters are bright puce and magenta causes him to wonder if his dear uncle is getting the very best professional care.

[Uncle]

Good evening. I have driven all the way from the big city to see my poor dear bedridden old uncle. I did not expect expect to see so charming a nurse.

[Orson Welles]

Oh yeah. At this moment a peculiar sound, like the croaking of giant bullfrogs arises in the dim depths of the house. This is the good old uncle himself, vociferating toothlessly. The old boy knows very well that his relative is after money and he is eager for the pleasure of turning him down.

[Uncle]

My dear uncle, what a pleasure it is to see you again. But why are you so thin and pale?

[Pete Bristol]

You're not so rosy yourself.

[Uncle]

Hard work, uncle. It isn't easy to make good these days without any capital.

[Pete Bristol]

Don't you drink anymore?

[Uncle]

No, uncle, I never drink now.

[Pete Bristol]

Well, that's tough. In that case I can't ask you to join me. I have, thank heaven, a good doctor. A typical tough fluff, hard hitting, straight shooting, country doc of the old school. We call him the Horse and Buggy Doc. He recommends me this as medicine. I suppose you still have your frolic with the girls. Girls.

[Uncle]

What an Odious suggestion. It's years since I've even looked at a girl.

[Pete Bristol]

That's too bad. The old horse and buggy dock has up to date view. It was he who sent me, Birdie.

[Orson Welles]

And turning to the nurse who happens to be arranging the old man's pillows, he gives her a certain sort of caress such as is far better imagined than described.

[Pete Bristol]

Don't go away, Birdie.

[Orson Welles]

I'm coming back. Honey boy.

[Uncle]

No wonder, no wonder. My poor old uncle. You are so thin and pale.

[Pete Bristol]

No pain in you. And you're half my age.

[Uncle]

Well, perhaps your doctor is right. His system is costly. I suppose, dear uncle, you would not care to give me a little money?

[Pete Bristol]

No, I would not.

[Uncle]

I thought as much.

[Pete Bristol]

If you really want to know, I've lifted all to the old horse and buggy duck. A true downright straight living, hard faced, crusty, soft hearted, cozy sawbones of the old school. And you cannot imagine how agreeable his.

[Lionel Barrymore]

Treatment is to me.

[Uncle]

Is that really so? Fortunately, I have made my plans against just such a contingency. Allow me, my dear uncle.

[Orson Welles]

Here. The young man twitches the pillow from his uncle's head and presses it over his face. The old uncle gives a kick or two, but what with one thing and another, there's very little life left in him. And soon that little is gone. The nephew undresses, borrows his uncle's night shirt. Then, stowing the shrunken body under the bed, he climbs into uncle's place between the sheets. Finally placing his false piece into a clean pocket handkerchief which he has brought especially for that purpose. Our hero leans back upon the pillows, the very spit and image of the old man. Why, honey boy, where's your worthless nephew gone? Well, he just slipped out for a stroll. I've misjudged that young man.

[Pete Bristol]

I want you to send for the.

[Orson Welles]

Lawyer so that I can do him.

[Lionel Barrymore]

Justice in my will.

[Orson Welles]

Why, daddy, what's made this change in you?

[Lionel Barrymore]

Change?

[Pete Bristol]

Well, there's no change in me, my dear.

[Orson Welles]

Except perhaps I feel my latter end approaching.

[Pete Bristol]

Otherwise I'm just the same.

[Orson Welles]

And to reassure her on this point, he gives her a friendly little caress, exactly as his uncle had done. Where's Mr. Peever? At home. The nephew lies at his ease, waiting only for the arrival of the lawyer.

[Uncle]

I shall dictate a new will and sign it before the eyes of the lawyer in the old man's crabbed hand. I shall replace my poor uncle in the bed, put on my clothes, put back my teeth.

[Orson Welles]

What's that? Here? A large rough hewn individual strides in.

[Lionel Barrymore]

Hello, Hello, Hello.

[Pete Bristol]

I'm glad you've come.

[Uncle]

I am eager to make out a new will. I wish to leave everything to my nephew.

[Lionel Barrymore]

My dear old friend, I fear your malady has reached the brain. Who would have thought my old pal could have mistaken me for the lawyer? You must let me make a brief examination.

[Orson Welles]

With that he pulls down the sheet and begins to probe his nephew. Or rather the nephew with a hard. It isn't that funny. Everybody makes mistakes. I see. You don't want jokes, you want mistakes. With that, the old rootin tootin horse and buggy doctor pulls down the sheets. We'll get back to the script if it takes three hours. And begins to probe the nephew with a hard and horny finger. The nephew realizes too late that this is no lawyer but the horse and buggy doctor himself.

[Lionel Barrymore]

I fear too much. There's something very wrong somewhere in here. I must act at once.

[Orson Welles]

And as he speaks, he turns the nephew over in his bed and whisks out from his black bag a monster hypodermic.

[Lionel Barrymore]

Fortunately, I am always prepared for emergencies.

[Orson Welles]

The young man hardly knows what to say. Fearing that his uncle will be found under the bed and circumstances would tend to his prejudice. The doctor, all in a moment ejects a pint of icy fluid into the small of his back which numbs his whole middle and paralyzes all his faculties except that of rolling the eyes which he indulges to to the point of excess.

[Lionel Barrymore]

I'm only an old rough tough gull darn horse and boogie duck, but I keep abreast of the time. Mental derangement is often caused by abdominal derangement. If you'll get out my instruments, nurse, I think we'll soon find the source of the trouble.

[Orson Welles]

In a moment the unfortunate nephew is laid open under his own eyes which. Which he never ceases to roll. The doctor unpacks him like a Gladstone bag.

[Lionel Barrymore]

Misting feather.

[Pete Bristol]

Yeah.

[Lionel Barrymore]

Hot water. Cold water. Cold water. Then take this and put it on the washstand.

[Pete Bristol]

Yeah.

[Lionel Barrymore]

Put these on the chair.

[Pete Bristol]

Now don't get them mixed up or.

[Lionel Barrymore]

I'll have the devil of a job getting them back together again. It's a pity that Neville back. It's more ethical to have the consent of a relative before operating. I see nothing wrong with this kidney, considering the age of the patient. Here, put it on that chest of drawer. Hang these over the bed rail. Hold the candle a little closer. I still haven't found the cause of his madness. Look. Don't let it drip all over the Place hardly hygienic. Anyway, he certainly is crazy. He wouldn't think of leaving his money to that scalawag of a nebula. It's just as well you let me know, my dear, instead of bothering the lawyer. When this is all over, we'll take a little trip together.

[Orson Welles]

Saying this, he gives the nurse a caress similar to that which both uncle and nephew had bestowed on her. The sight of this causes our hero to roll his eyes for the last time and next moment he is a goner.

[Lionel Barrymore]

Ah, dear me. I fear we've lost our patience. Well, after all, I did my best for the old boy and he remembered me in his will. Just think, had he lived, he might have altered it. Hand me over those things, will you, dear? Thanks. I'll put them back roughly into position. Nebby will be back shortly, I reckon. He'd hate to see him lying around, I'm sure. Thank you, my dear. Thank you.

[Orson Welles]

And so the rough old typical tough bluff, hard hitting, straight shooting, rootin tootin, rusty crusty, rip snortin gol darn horse and buggy, dock and birdie the nursey lived happily ever afterwards. Good night, kiddies.

[Jack Benny]

Look fol 4000 cars are being scrapped each day in many cases. This is why their owners neglected to change oil regularly. So keep your precious buggy rolling. Change oil often and change for good to good. Fresh mobile oil.

[Orson Welles]

It's tough.

[Jack Benny]

It's made especially to fight impurities and guard your engines vital parts from wear. You see, you're driving slower these days and you're making shorter trips. Well, with that kind of driving, your oil gets watery and dirtier quicker. You can waste power, waste your gasoline and run up big repair bills. Now I'll let you in on something. We surveyed 10,000 cars not long ago and 6 out of every 10 needed fresh oil. So have your crankcase filled up frequently with mobil oil, the largest selling motor oil on earth. You'll find it at the sign of the flying red horse.

[Orson Welles]

And that was split second. Lud Gluskin and his merry melodeans, ladies and gentlemen. And our astrology department by the way, says tomorrow is a good day to set eggs. That that's really what they asked me to tell you. And here's a fine old recipe for clearing the skin. Rub it with a tomato twice a day. That's really an old recipe. This being an almanac, Lud Gluskin, if he can pull his little scripts together, is celebrating with a Victor Herbert song the anniversary of Victor Herbert's birthday.

[Lionel Barrymore]

Sa.

[Orson Welles]

You know, Andrew Carnegie once said that his idea of heaven would be to hear. Thank you, Mrs. Glutzkin. Andrew Carnegie once said that his. Stick around. We'll think of something funny yet. Andrew Carnegie. This was supposed to be a touching moment, too. Andrew Carnegie once said that his idea of heaven would be to hear Victor Herbert twice a day. And let's hope it turned out just the way he wanted it. Right here is where you're supposed to applaud, Mr. Gluskin. Please do so.

[Lionel Barrymore]

I guess I was one of the first people ever to hear that song. You know, Victor Herbert played it for me himself.

[Orson Welles]

Well, while we're on the subject of music, Lionel, I'd like to invite you to come around next week and hear a new composition we're playing on this program. The music was written by somebody called Lionel Barrymore. Really was. Come around next week, Lionel. Hear what we do with it.

[Lionel Barrymore]

I'll be here, Orson. I'll be here. Now go on with your own way.

[Orson Welles]

Well, Friday, I think, is a better anniversary for national celebration than George Washington's birthday. 155 years ago Friday, George Washington was unanimously elected our first president. There's some words Washington spoke, words I'd like spoken again on this program. I'm going to ask Lionel Barrymore to read them to us.

[Lionel Barrymore]

Citizens. By birth or choice of a common country, the name of American belongs to you. The unity of government which constitutes you one people is a main pillar in the edifice of your real independence of that very liberty which you so highly prize. It's easy to foresee that from different quarters and from different quarters much pains will be taken, many artifices employed to weaken in your minds the conviction of this truth. This is the point in your political fortress against which the batteries of internal and external external enemies which will be most constantly and actively, although often covertly and insidiously directed. It is a moment that you should properly estimate the immense value of your national union to your collective and individual happiness. That you should watch for its preservation with jealous anxiety, indignantly frowning upon the first dawning of every attempt to alienate any portion of our country from the rest.

[Orson Welles]

Thanks, Lionel. It's time to say good night now, everybody. The makers of mobile oil and mobile gas and all of us in the Mercury Theater remain, as always, obediently yours.

[Jack Benny]

This is the Columbia Broadcasting System.