Podcast
Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol | Eating Disorder Recovery Podcast — Less Food Noise. More Life.
Hosted by Lindsey Nichol - Certified Health Coach, ED Recovery Coach, ED Intuitive Therapy Certified · EN
Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol is the eating disorder recovery podcast for women who are completely exhausted from food noise and food restriction. If you are ready to finally break free from food obsession, body anxiety, and the mental prison of ED - this show is for you.
Hosted by Lindsey Nichol, former figure skater, recovering perfectionist, and eating disorder recovery coach who has lived this herself. Lindsey built Her Best Self Co. for the woman who has tried therapy, treatment programs, and going it alone — and is still trapped. She gets it because she's been there. If you've been struggling for 10, 20, or 30+ years — here is your personal invitation to do recovery for real this time!
This podcast is for you if: You can't stop thinking about food. You're tired of wasting your life on this disorder. You want someone who has actually been where you are and found real freedom on the other side.
Every week you'll find real, honest conversations about: Anorexia recovery, bulimia recovery, orthorexia, restrictive eating, compulsive exercise, food noise, food anxiety, body dysmorphia, perfectionism, people-pleasing, quasi-recovery, eating disorder relapse, food freedom and faith-based recovery — all designed for women in their 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond who are done.
You'll learn how to: Stop the food noise. Break free from restriction. Overcome perfectionism and people-pleasing. Build real body trust and food freedom. And finally live the life this disorder has been stealing from you.
New episodes every Tuesday and Friday.
Ready to go deeper?
Apply to work with Lindsey 1:1 — www.herbestself.co
Join The Recovery Collective — the eating disorder recovery support group that gets the struggle and wants to see you win — at www.herbestself.co/recoverycollective
43episodes
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EP 287: The Truth About Life After Eating Disorder Recovery ~ 8 Life-Changing Lessons (On My Son's 8th Birthday)
5d ago00:17:52Tap to summarizeWhat does life actually look like after eating disorder recovery? Not the Instagram version—the real, honest truth. Today, on my youngest son's 8th birthday, I'm sharing the profound lessons recovery has taught me about life, motherhood, building a business, and navigating the beautiful mess of being fully human. These aren't platitudes or recovery clichés—they're hard-earned truths from someone living freely on the other side. In this deeply personal episode, you'll discover: Why your perspective determines whether thoughts become prison or power How fear reveals inexperience, not inability The recovery superpower that changes everything Why everything (yes, everything) is temporary The liberation of becoming your own rescue How to stop wasting your most precious currency Why healing happens through action, not perfection How your recovery creates ripples that save other lives For the woman wondering if recovery is worth it—this is your answer. THE BIRTHDAY REVELATION Yesterday, we celebrated my son turning 8. As I watched him blow out his candles, I got emotional thinking about all the birthdays I was present for him but not for myself. But more than that—I started reflecting on everything recovery has given me beyond just freedom from food noise. Wisdom about life, relationships, business, and what really matters. These 8 lessons aren't just about recovery—they're about living fully awake in your own life. LESSON 1: YOUR PERSPECTIVE CAN BE YOUR POWER OR YOUR PRISON During my disorder: My appetite = my failure. Family dinners = battlegrounds. My changing body = what I should fear above all other things. Now: My sons appetite (and mine)= health. Dinners = connection. His growth = beautiful unfolding. The truth: Your perspective shapes everything—how you see situations AND how you let others' opinions affect you. Eleanor Roosevelt was right: No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Recovery teaches you to withdraw that consent and choose empowering perspectives. Your thoughts can be the walls of your prison or the wings of your freedom. LESSON 2: FEAR COMES FROM INEXPERIENCE, NOT INCAPABILITY Every time I was terrified to try something new in business—launching programs, raising prices, speaking—it wasn't because I couldn't do it. I just hadn't done it yet. The eating disorder convinced me I was incapable of eating intuitively, resting without guilt, taking up space. But I wasn't incapable—I was inexperienced. Every fear about recovery isn't proof you can't do it. It's proof you haven't experienced it yet. The only way through inexperience is experience. LESSON 3: RADICAL HONESTY IS YOUR RECOVERY SUPERPOWER For years, I lied constantly: "I'm fine" (when dying inside) "I don't care about food" (when it consumed my thoughts) "Recovery is easy" (when it felt impossible) But dishonesty keeps you sick. Honesty sets you free. Being honest with my kids about needing rest. With clients about what recovery requires. With myself about what wasn't working. That radical honesty—about what you want, need, feel, and what must change—becomes your greatest recovery tool. LESSON 4: EVERYTHING IS TEMPORARY—THE GOOD AND THE HARD The hard seasons pass: Teenage drama, business struggles, recovery setbacks. The beautiful moments pass too: My son's 8th birthday will never come again. Your eating disorder feels permanent when you're in it. Recovery struggles feel endless. But they're not. Recovery game-changer: Never ruin a good day thinking about yesterday's mistakes. One slip-up used to destroy my entire week. Now I know—yesterday's choices don't determine today's possibilities. Everything is temporary. How do you want to spend this temporary time? LESSON 5: YOU ARE YOUR OWN RESCUE This sounds harsh but it's liberating: No one is coming to save you from your eating disorder. No perfect therapist, magic moment, or external circumstance. The beautiful flip: You have everything you need inside you already. You don't need to wait for someone else to fix, validate, or give you permission to heal. You are the one you've been waiting for. Your recovery is your responsibility—and that's your power. LESSON 6: TIME IS YOUR GREATEST CURRENCY Building a business while raising kids taught me: Time is the only thing you can't make more of. I volunteer time for causes I believe in. Invest time in relationships that matter. Spend time on fulfilling work. But I refuse to waste time on: Diet culture Food obsession Body hatred Disorder behaviors Every minute in your eating disorder is a minute you can't spend living your actual life. LESSON 7: HEALING HAPPENS THROUGH ACTION, NOT PERFECTION My kids don't grow in perfect straight lines. Some days they're wise beyond their years, other days they melt down over socks. Recovery is the same. Some days you feel free, others you struggle with old thoughts. The key insight: You can't think your way to recovery. You have to live your way there. I didn't positive-think my way to food freedom. I acted my way there: <li class="font-claude-response-body whitespac...
Transcribe →EP 286.5: Why 'I'm Trying' Guarantees Recovery Failure ~The Neuroscience Every Woman Needs to Know **Must Listen Fav!**
1w ago00:24:42Tap to summarizeIf you've been saying "I'm trying to recover" for months or years, this episode will completely change how you approach your healing journey. Today we're diving into the science behind why the phrase "I'm trying" is literally programming your brain for partial commitment—and why that guarantees you'l stay stuck. This isn't about willpower or motivation; it's about understanding how your language creates neural pathways that either support or sabotage your recovery. In this game-changing episode, you'll discover: The neuroscience behind why "trying" keeps you in limbo How decision defaulting protects you from commitment (and healing) Why your undernourished brain struggles with decisive action The trauma response component that makes decisions feel dangerous Two powerful exercises to shift from trying to deciding Real client stories of transformation through decisive language Warning: This episode will make you uncomfortable with your own excuses—and that's exactly the point. THE DECISION DEFAULTING TRAP Decision defaulting: When you avoid making definitive choices because not deciding feels safer than deciding "wrong." Sound familiar? "I'm trying to eat more" "I'm trying to stop restricting" "I'm trying to get better" "I'm thinking about getting help" Every time you say "I'm trying," you're leaving yourself an escape route. You're keeping one foot in and one foot out, protecting yourself from the vulnerability of full commitment. The raw truth: Trying is just a socially acceptable way of avoiding responsibility for your choices. THE NEUROSCIENCE OF "TRYING" Dr. Carol Dweck's research shows: The words we use create neural pathways that either support or sabotage our goals. When we use tentative language like "trying," we're literally programming our brains for partial commitment. What your brain hears: "I'm trying to eat breakfast" = "I'm not really committed to eating breakfast" "I'm trying to stop restricting" = "I'm keeping my options open to restrict if things get uncomfortable" From a neurological standpoint: Definitive decisions require activation of the prefrontal cortex (executive functioning). But when you're undernourished or in chronic stress from disordered eating, this brain region is compromised. Decision defaulting feels easier because it requires less energy. THE TRAUMA RESPONSE COMPONENT Many people with eating disorders have histories of choices being criticized, controlled, or dismissed. Decision defaulting becomes a protective mechanism: If you never fully commit to a choice, no one can tell you your choice was wrong. Dr. Kristin Neff's research on self-compassion shows: People who struggle with decision-making often have internalized critical voices that make them afraid of imperfection. The eating disorder amplifies this by convincing you every decision must be perfect—so it's safer to not decide at all. CLIENT STORY: BRITTANY'S BREAKTHROUGH Brittany came to coaching after 3 years of "trying to recover." She'd been in therapy multiple times, bought every book, started and stopped countless times. When asked what she wanted from coaching: "I want to try to finally get better." The intervention: "Brittany, you've been trying for three years. How's that working for you?" The realization: All her trying had actually kept her trying. The shift: From "I'm trying to recover" to "I'm deciding to use my resources and trust the path." The results: Within 6 months—weight restoration, rebuilt relationships, career changes she'd put on hold. THE POWER OF IMPLEMENTATION INTENTION Research by Dr. Peter Gollwitzer shows: People who use implementation intentions (decisive language) are 2-3 times more likely to follow through than those who rely on general intentions. Instead of leaving actions up to willpower, you're pre-committing to specific choices. THE LANGUAGE SHIFTS: OLD: "I'm trying to eat regular meals" NEW: "I'm deciding to eat breakfast tomorrow, lunch at noon, dinner in the evening—regardless of how I feel" OLD: "I'm trying to exercise less" NEW: "I'm deciding to take two complete rest days this week and limit exercise by 30 minutes" OLD: "I'm thinking about getting help" NEW: "I'm deciding to talk to three support professionals this week" WHY YOUR EATING DISORDER LOVES "TRYING" Your eating disorder wants you to keep trying. It wants you in the wishy-washy space where you're sort of committed but not really. As long as you're trying, you're not a real threat to its control. When you start deciding—making firm commitments and following through regardless of feelings—that's when your eating disorder panics. That's when recovery becomes inevitable. THE ILLUSION OF CONTROL Decision defaulting gives you an illusion of control: You think you're keeping options open You think you're staying flexible You think you're being logical What you're actually doing: Giving your power away to circumstances, other people, or the eating disorder voice. Real control comes from making conscious choices and taking responsibility for outcomes. CLIENT STORY: MARIA'S THERAPIST SEARCH Maria spent years researching therapists but never booked appoi...
Transcribe →EP 286: 5 Brutal Questions That Expose If You're Ready for Recovery (Or If You're Just Playing Small)
2w ago00:19:56Tap to summarizeThis episode is not for the faint of heart. If you're looking for gentle encouragement, skip this one. Today we're separating the women who are serious about recovery from those who are addicted to staying stuck. You've been "working on recovery" for months or years, but are you actually DOING recovery or just playing small with your freedom? This no-nonsense episode delivers: 5 brutal questions that expose your true commitment level The uncomfortable truth about why some women stay stuck for decades Reality check: What your eating disorder is really costing you The investment mindset that separates premium clients from excuse-makers Hard truths about readiness vs. action in recovery The leap of faith moment that changes everything Warning: This episode contains tough love and zero coddling. Listen only if you're ready to stop lying to yourself. THE COMFORTABLE STUCK STORY Sound familiar? You know all the eating disorder terminology You follow recovery accounts on Instagram You can quote body positivity mantras But you're still weighing yourself, restricting, body checking You've made your disorder your comfort zone. You've gotten comfortable playing small with your recovery because staying stuck is easier than doing the scary work of breaking free. Some of you are addicted to staying stuck. You love talking about recovery, researching recovery, listening to recovery podcasts—but you're not actually DOING recovery. THE EXCUSES THAT NEED TO STOP "I'm not ready yet." Wrong. You're never going to feel ready. Readiness is a feeling. Recovery is a decision. "I don't have the money for help." But you have money for gym memberships to punish yourself, supplements, diet books, clothes you buy hoping to feel better. "I'll start next Monday." Next Monday you'll have a different excuse. You negotiate with your disorder instead of fighting it. "I'm different. My situation is unique." No, you're not. Your eating disorder wants you to believe normal recovery rules don't apply to you. THE BRUTAL REALITY: 7 YEARS The average person with an eating disorder suffers for 7 years before getting appropriate treatment. Right now, while you're making excuses, your eating disorder is: Stealing your relationships Killing your career potential Destroying your physical health Robbing you of joy Convincing you this half-life is enough Every day you wait is another day the disorder gets stronger. 5 BRUTAL QUESTIONS THAT EXPOSE EVERYTHING Question 1: What has trying to figure this out on your own gotten you so far? Because if it was working, you wouldn't be listening to this podcast. Question 2: What's it going to cost you to stay exactly where you are for another year? Your health? Your relationships? Your dreams? Your sanity? Question 3: Are you more committed to your excuses or your freedom? Because you can't have both. Question 4: What would you do if you knew—KNEW—that in 6 months you could be free from this? Would you do anything differently starting today? Question 5: Are you ready to bet on yourself, or are you going to keep betting on your disorder? These questions separate the serious from the stuck. THE REALITY CHECK You've probably invested more in your car than in your freedom. Real client example: "Lindsay, I calculated that I've spent $37,000 over three years on gym memberships, supplements, diet programs, and wellness retreats. And I'm still exactly where I started." $37,000 to stay stuck. Premium coaching? A fraction of that. For actual results. When you say you "can't afford" help, you're saying you can't afford to get free. You'd rather keep throwing money at the problem than investing in the solution. THE INVESTMENT MINDSET Premium coaching: Financial investment that gets results in months. Your eating disorder: Years of your life, thousands on ineffective solutions, medical bills, lost opportunities, damaged relationships, half-lived life. The women I work with don't blink at my prices because they understand: The cost of staying stuck is infinitely higher than the cost of getting free. They don't need payment plans because they're DONE. Ready to do whatever it takes. TWO WOMEN, TWO OUTCOMES Woman A: "I really want to work with you, but I need to think about it. Can we do a payment plan? I'm not sure if now is the right time." Woman B: "I've been following you for six months. I'm done wasting time. When can we start?" Woman B is free today. Woman A is still "thinking about it." The difference wasn't their eating disorders or circumstances. The difference was their commitment to freedom. WHO I WORK WITH Premium clients are: Done making excuses Ready to invest significantly in freedom Willing to do uncomfortable things consistently More afraid of staying stuck than doing the work CEOs, doctors, lawyers, entrepreneurs who understand value <p class="font-claude-resp...
Transcribe →EP 285: The Unpopular Truth ~ You're NOT Enough & That's OK ~ Why Self-Love Culture Is Making ED Recovery Harder❤️🩹
2w ago00:18:39Tap to summarizeThis might sound counterintuitive, but this could be the most freeing message you hear this week. If you've been told "just love yourself" or "you're enough, sis" and it feels like another impossible standard to achieve, this episode is for you. What if the pressure to love your body perfectly is just as exhausting as the eating disorder was? In this raw, honest episode, you'll discover: Why self-love culture can become another performance trap The eating disorder's impossible "enough" promise that never delivers How recovery culture sometimes creates new standards to achieve Why you were never meant to be "enough" on your own The spiritual foundation that changes everything about recovery Permission to struggle and still be worthy How to stop performing and start resting in your worth For the woman exhausted from trying to earn her worthiness. THE EATING DISORDER'S FALSE PROMISE The voice in your head says: "If you can just be thin enough, disciplined enough, perfect enough, THEN you'll finally be worthy, loved, valuable, not rejected." Sound familiar? This is how the eating disorder runs the show—convincing you that "enough" is something to achieve, earn, reach on the other side of a number on the scale. So you chase it: Restrict food, track everything, exercise, weigh yourself, body check in every mirror. The disorder promises that if you just get "there," you'll finally feel enough. But you never got there, did you? Every time you hit a goal, the goalpost moves. "Actually, it's five more pounds. Actually, you should be more disciplined. You're still not there yet." The disorder doesn't have an "enough" threshold—because if you ever felt enough, you wouldn't need it anymore. THE RECOVERY PERFORMANCE TRAP So you start recovery work. You listen to podcasts, learn about body image, challenge diet culture lies. Recovery says: "Just love yourself. Accept your body. Be body positive. Practice self-compassion." But doesn't it sometimes feel like another impossible standard? Instead of being thin enough → love yourself enough Instead of being disciplined enough → have good body image enough Instead of performing for the disorder → performing for recovery Self-love culture can become just as much of a trap as the eating disorder was. Now you're not just trying to control your body—you're trying to control your feelings about your body. You're forcing yourself to feel things you don't feel yet. You're beating yourself up for not being good enough at recovery. Same performance trap. Different words. THE TRUTH ABOUT YOUR WORTH Here's what will ruffle feathers but needs to be said: You're not supposed to be enough. Your worth was established before you ever had a body to obsess over, before you knew what a scale was, before you ever restricted a meal or looked in the mirror and decided you weren't enough. If you were enough on your own, you wouldn't need to turn and surrender to the One who created you. God's love for you is already complete—not conditional on your size, progress, or ability to love yourself. It's already done. Finished. THE SPIRITUAL FOUNDATION OF RECOVERY Recovery isn't just physical, emotional, and mental—it's soul-based. You weren't created to be enough on your own. You were created to need your Creator. This means: You can stop performing right now You can stop earning worthiness through thinness You can stop trying to be enough through perfect self-love You're already loved, already worthy You're not recovering TO become worthy—you're recovering BECAUSE you're already worthy. One is striving. The other is responding. THE PERMISSION YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR Today I'm giving you permission: ✅ Permission to not have it all figured out ✅ Permission to not feel okay in your body today ✅ Permission to struggle and still be worthy ✅ Permission to be a work in progress ✅ Permission to rest ✅ Permission to not love your body perfectly You might never feel completely in love with your body—and that's okay. Your worth doesn't depend on how you feel about yourself. Your worth depends on how God sees you—and He sees you as loved, even at your worst. BEYOND SELF-OBSESSION Eating disorders are self-obsessed: Every thought about your body, food, weight, appearance. Self-love culture can be equally self-obsessed: "I'm amazing, I'm enough, I can do all things." What if instead of trying to love yourself perfectly, you remembered: You have a Creator who knit you together You're already loved by the maker of the universe You can live for something bigger than body management Freedom comes from getting your eyes off yourself—off the mirror, scale, apps—and living for something bigger. THE RECOVERY REFRAME You still need to do the work: Nourish your body, challenge ED thoughts, show up to therapy, get support. But the reason you do the work changes. <p class="font-claude-response-body break-words ...
Transcribe →EP 284.5: Why High Achievers Sabotage Their Own Recovery ~ You're Not Afraid of Failing (You're Afraid of Your Best Recovered Self)
3w ago00:11:45Tap to summarizeClose your eyes and imagine your life without the fear of failure. Without feeling not good enough. Without controlling food and weight. What would freedom from your eating disorder actually look like? If you're a high achiever who's successful in every area of life except recovery, this episode will change everything. You think you're afraid of failing at recovery—but what if you're actually terrified of succeeding? This raw, honest episode explores: Why accomplished women sabotage their own recovery progress The difference between fear of failure vs. fear of success in healing How playing small keeps you stuck in quasi-recovery What you're really afraid of losing when you recover Why high achievers struggle with "going all in" on recovery How to stop arguing for your limitations The mindset shift that creates fearless recovery success For the high-achieving woman who crushes every goal except the one that matters most. THE HIGH ACHIEVER'S RECOVERY PARADOX You crush every skating goal, professional milestone, life achievement—second place was never good enough. You've checked all of life's boxes, earned the degrees, found the right partner, built the career. But recovery? That feels different. You thought you were trapped because you were terrified of failing. You wanted to do recovery perfectly, just like everything else. People were watching—would you land the jump or end up on your butt? But here's the truth that changes everything: You're not afraid of failing. You're afraid of succeeding. THE FEAR OF SUCCESS REVELATION "It wasn't that I was terrified of failing. I had failed in my life, and I knew that whatever I set my mind to, I accomplished." You know that if you set your mind on a goal, you accomplish it. This is the exact same willpower that became your eating disorder superpower. But being afraid of success? That kept you in quasi-recovery—one foot in, one foot out. Why success feels scarier than failure: Saying you're afraid of failure allows you to play small If you go all in, then you actually have to go all in Inaction brings doubt and fear; action creates courage and confidence Being fearful of failure keeps you "safe" The real fear: What you'll have to become and what you must let go of in the process. THE SELF-SABOTAGE PATTERN Fear of failure keeps you from achieving goals because you do nothing. Fear of success keeps you from long-term freedom and threatens your dreams. Are you terrified of letting go of your "current normal" to find your very best self? What may frighten you most isn't what you'll have to DO to accomplish recovery, but WHO you'll need to become. The sabotage shows up as: Always procrastinating on recovery actions Waiting for tomorrow to do what you want today (freedom) Playing small instead of going all in Staying mad at yourself for doing nothing THE BREAKTHROUGH QUESTIONS Reflection prompts to uncover your real fears: Are you truly terrified of failure, or more terrified of succeeding? What would successful recovery look like for you? What do you want to achieve from your recovery? What do you need to lay down in order to do just that? Most people spend their entire life arguing for their limitations—you're not most people. HOW TO OVERCOME THE FEAR OF SUCCESS 1. Start Small & Commit Take one step, then the next Proceed from pure intent Write a letter committing to yourself: "Today I stop playing small" 2. Reframe Failure When you fail, don't wear it as identity Ask: "What is this teaching me right now?" Coach yourself through setbacks 3. Embrace Uncertainty with Certainty "The future is uncertain, but your success is certain." Write this down, post it everywhere Fall in love with recovering, with the journey, with the new you 4. Get Present with Possibility "What if I do recover? What if I impact lives beyond my own? What if I'm actually creating my dream?" 5. Choose Fearless Success The truth about becoming fearlessly successful in recovery: You decide you're going to be fearlessly successful by failing some days and stepping forward anyway. THE SUCCESS MINDSET SHIFT Stop arguing for your limitations. Most people spend their lives explaining why something won't work—you're not most people because you're listening to this show. You want better and you deserve it. So don't be most people. Create a life that actually works for YOUR life. We were put on this planet to create—our Creator created us to create and do. Are you doing, or are you sitting back waiting for life to happen to you? KEY QUOTES 💛 "You're not afraid of failing at recovery—you're afraid of succeeding." 💛 "Being afraid of failure keeps you safe. Being afraid of success threatens your dreams." 💛 "What may frighten you most isn't what you'll have to do, but who you'll need to become." <p class="font-claude-response-body break-words w...
Transcribe →EP 284: Feeling Unsafe in Your Own Body? Still Fighting Food Battles? The 3 Recovery Foundations You're Missing
3w ago00:21:44Tap to summarizeFeeling stuck in recovery? There's a reason why. Every woman needs three fundamental safes to heal: a safe place, a safe space, and safe faces. Without these, you're trying to heal in the same environment that contributed to your struggle. The good news? You don't have to wait for these to appear—you can create them yourself. In this episode, you'll discover: Why your nervous system cannot heal when it doesn't feel safe The 3 essential safes every woman needs for recovery How to create a physical sanctuary that supports healing Building community when recovery feels lonely Identifying truly safe people vs. well-meaning but harmful ones Why these safes are the opposite of isolation Practical steps to build your safety net starting this week Ready to create the foundation your recovery needs? WHY SAFETY MATTERS IN RECOVERY "Your nervous system cannot heal in the same environment where it learned to survive." When you've been living with an eating disorder, your brain has been in constant survival mode. The outside world feels threatening, food feels dangerous, even your own thoughts feel unsafe. Recovery requires safety—not just physical safety, but emotional, mental, and relational safety. Without the three safes, you're trying to heal a wound while someone keeps picking at it. When you create safety, healing becomes possible. THE 3 SAFES FRAMEWORK SAFE PLACE: Your Physical Sanctuary Your physical environment where you can retreat and recharge. Examples: A corner of your bedroom with soft lighting and cozy textures A spot in nature where you feel peace A quiet coffee shop where you can journal Even your car with calming music How to create at home: Make one space completely yours Remove anything triggering Add nervous system soothers (soft blankets, calming scents, journal) This is your refuge when the world feels too loud and your mind feels unsafe. SAFE SPACE: Your Community Sanctuary The mental and emotional headspace for recovery, often created through community. Safe spaces are where: You can say "I'm struggling" without someone trying to fix you People understand the complexity without judgment You realize you're not alone, broken, or crazy You can practice vulnerability in a controlled environment It can be hard to heal in the same environment where your disorder developed—building community of like-minded people to sit with you is crucial. SAFE FACES: Your Support Network People who know what's best for your future self and provide truly safe guidance. A safe face: Understands eating disorders are complex mental illnesses Doesn't try to fix you with simple solutions Loves you enough to hold boundaries for your recovery Guides you toward your best self, not enables your disorder Safe faces include educated therapists, coaches, dietitians, and carefully chosen family/friends. CREATING VS. FINDING SAFETY Empowering truth: You don't have to wait for safety to appear—you can create it. Start small: Safe Place: Claim one corner that's yours, make it a sanctuary Safe Space: Join communities, create conversation boundaries Safe Faces: Evaluate who feels truly safe, invest in those relationships These safes build on each other—when you have one, it's easier to create the others. THE OPPOSITE OF ISOLATION Creating these safes isn't hiding from life—it's building the foundation to engage with life more fully. Safe place = foundation for engagement, not escape from it Safe space = building support to connect authentically with everyone Safe faces = learning to trust yourself about helpful vs. harmful people These aren't about hiding from recovery—they're about creating conditions where recovery can happen. KEY QUOTES 💛 "Your nervous system cannot heal in the same environment where it learned to survive." 💛 "Safety isn't a luxury in recovery—it's the foundation that makes everything else possible." 💛 "Your safe place isn't where you hide from healing—it's where healing becomes possible." 💛 "Healing happens in community. You were never meant to carry this alone." 💛 "Not everyone who loves you knows how to help you heal. Choose your safe faces wisely." 💛 "You don't have to wait for safety to find you—you have the power to create it." 💛 "Your future self is counting on present you to create the safety she needs to heal." YOUR SAFETY EVALUATION Honestly assess your current three safes: Safe Place: Do you have a physical space where you feel completely at peace? Safe Space:...
Transcribe →EP 283: Are Eating Disorders Inherited? Supporting Men, Women & Families Without Making It Worse (A Candid Conversation Continued)
4w ago00:39:08Tap to summarizeFollowing up on the incredible response to episode 281, this candid conversation dives deeper into the family dynamics around eating disorders. We explore the shocking truth that 25-40% of eating disorders occur in men, how generational patterns contribute to development, and most importantly—how to support your loved one without accidentally making things worse. This raw, honest discussion covers: Why male eating disorders are underdiagnosed and hidden The truth about generational inheritance of eating disorders How well-meaning support can push someone deeper into their disorder What TO say and what NOT to say to someone struggling Why "just eat a burger" doesn't work (and what does) How supporting partners need support too Breaking the generational cycle of diet culture For anyone who loves someone struggling with an eating disorder. THE MALE EATING DISORDER REALITY 25-40% of people with eating disorders are actually male (National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders) The gender gap is narrowing: Male diagnoses have increased by 50-70% in recent years Male presentation differences: Muscle dysmorphia (sometimes called "bigorexia") Obsession with body size and muscularity Never taking rest days, extreme exercise routines Common in athletes: swimmers, wrestlers, bodybuilders Why it's underdiagnosed: Society associates EDs with being "weak" while men should be "strong" Men less likely to seek diagnosis or treatment Symptoms often dismissed as "wanting bigger muscles" Cultural stigma prevents men from coming forward The truth: Men face just as much societal pressure about appearance, it's just different pressure. GENERATIONAL PATTERNS & INHERITANCE What gets passed down: How we talk about food, weight, and bodies Food rules and exercise rules Negative self-talk patterns Diet culture beliefs Environmental factors: Behavioral modeling from parents Childhood beliefs and values around food Family attitudes toward bodies and appearance The truth about "causing" eating disorders: No parent, spouse, or person "causes" an eating disorder It's a complex mental illness with multiple contributing factors Some people are genetically predisposed Childhood trauma (including "lack of trauma" perfectionism) can contribute It's not something you can just "pick up and put down" Kelly's story: Seeing her mom constantly dieting had the OPPOSITE effect—made her want to be healthy rather than restrictive. There's no guaranteed outcome from any family environment. HOW TO SUPPORT WITHOUT MAKING IT WORSE WHAT NOT TO DO: ❌ Don't police the food No comments like "Did you eat lunch?" or "You shouldn't eat that" Creates shame and power struggles ❌ Don't make it about you Avoid: "You're hurting me by doing this" or "I can't sleep because I'm worried" The person is already drowning in guilt—don't add yours ❌ Don't use fear tactics "You're going to die if you keep this up" creates resistance, not motivation "Look what you're doing to your body" doesn't help ❌ Don't say "just eat a burger" This is a complex mental illness, not a simple food choice Dismisses the psychological complexity ❌ Don't abandon them The more you push, the more they'll isolate Stay consistent even when you're frustrated WHAT TO DO: ✅ Get educated about eating disorders Understand it's a mental illness, not a choice Learn about the complexity beyond just food ✅ Model healthy behaviors Don't engage in the same restrictive behaviors Show what normal eating looks like ✅ Simple, consistent check-ins "How are you doing today? I miss you, I love you" "I'm here if you need anything and I want to listen, ...
Transcribe →EP 282.5: When 'You Look Healthy' Feels Like an Insult + 5 Strategies to Handle Triggering Recovery Compliments
May 100:15:37Tap to summarizeSomeone you love looks at you with caring eyes and says, "You look so much healthier now." And your stomach drops. Your ED brain hears: "You look so much bigger now." You're not alone in this experience. This triggering moment happens to almost everyone in recovery, and today we're going to unpack why it hurts so much and what to do about it. In this episode, you'll discover: Why "you look healthy" feels like code for "you look fat" The beautiful truth about what people actually see in your recovery 5 practical strategies to process triggering compliments without spiraling How to reframe "healthy" beyond appearance Why your brain interprets recovery compliments as threats How to honor difficult feelings without acting on them For the woman who wants to receive recovery compliments as they're intended—with love. THE QUOTE THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING "You look healthy. And by that I don't mean you look fat. I mean, your face isn't gray anymore. The circles under your eyes aren't so dark. Your lips aren't cracked and dry, and your hair isn't thinning and brittle. I mean, you seem more focused when I talk to you. You seem calmer, stiller, and quieter. You're easier to have a joke with. You laugh now, you're less anxious. There's life about you. It's in your eyes and your smile. It's in the way that you speak, and even in the way that you go about your daily tasks. You look healthy. You look happy and it really, really suits you." This quote reminds us: Healthy isn't code for fat. It's about the light returning to your eyes. WHY RECOVERY COMPLIMENTS HURT When someone says "you look healthy," it triggers you because: Diet culture made "healthy" code for weight/appearance (not actual wellbeing) Your eating disorder convinced you taking up less space was the goal You've tied your worth to your size for so long that any perceived change feels life-threatening Recovery includes body changes and the ED voice fights against those changes You're afraid of being truly seen for who you authentically are The problem isn't the compliment—it's that your brain has been rewired to interpret certain words as threats. 5 STRATEGIES TO HANDLE TRIGGERING RECOVERY COMPLIMENTS STRATEGY 1: The Pause and Reframe When you hear "you look healthy" and feel anxiety rising: Take a breath and pause Consciously reframe what healthy actually means Ask yourself: "What non-weight related improvements have people noticed?" Create your own expanded definition of healthy that has nothing to do with size STRATEGY 2: The Curiosity Approach Instead of assuming you know what someone means: Say: "That's interesting. What changes have you noticed?" Often people are referring to your energy, presence, smile—not body size This gives you accurate information about their actual compliment Helps retrain your mind to consider interpretations beyond the ED narrative STRATEGY 3: The Gratitude Pivot Shift from appearance focus to function focus: Think about what your body can DO right now, not how it looks Example: "Today my body had enough energy to laugh with friends" "Today my brain could focus on work instead of calories" It's impossible to feel gratitude and hatred at the same time STRATEGY 4: The Feeling Validation Sometimes you need to acknowledge the pain: Say to yourself: "This hurts right now, and that's understandable" Text a safe person: "Someone said I looked healthy and I'm struggling with it" Validate your feelings without acting on them You can feel anxiety without restricting food STRATEGY 5: The Recovery Identity Reminder Keep a list of your recovery values and who you want to be: "I value connection over isolation" "I value energy to pursue my passions" "I value peace with food over constant control" When triggered, return to your bigger recovery WHY THE TRUTH ABOUT PROGRESS Using these strategies doesn't mean you'll never feel triggered by appearance comments. Recovery isn't about never feeling difficult emotions—it's about building new pathways to process them. First time someone said you looked healthy: You cried Tenth time: You felt a twinge, honored it, let it pass Eventually: You genuinely receive it as the intended compliment Progress isn't linear, but it IS possible and inevitable if you keep putting one step in front of the other. WHAT THEY'RE REALLY SEEING The people who say you look healthy are seeing something real: You coming back to life A spark returning Life coming back to someone they care about You engaging with the world again What if looking healthy is actually a sign that you're reclaiming your life? What if that glow is your authentic self shining through? KEY QUOTES 💛 "Healthy isn't code for fat. It's about the light returning to your eyes." 💛 "The problem...
Transcribe →EP 282: Why Am I Still Struggling with Food Noise When Other Women Seem Free? What You Need to Know So You're Not in the Same Place Next Year
Apr 2800:19:48Tap to summarizeAre you tired of watching other women seem effortlessly free from food noise while you're still trapped in the mental battle? Wondering why your recovery feels stuck while others have moved on? The difference isn't willpower, perfection, or having it all figured out. It's two specific speeds that separate women who find lasting freedom from those who stay stuck for years. In this episode, you'll discover: The two types of recovery women (and which one finds freedom) Why waiting to feel "ready" keeps you trapped The speed of decision-making that shuts down ED negotiations How to bounce back from setbacks in hours, not weeks Why being terrified of staying the same motivates faster than fear of messing up The 30-second decision rule that ends recovery paralysis How to stop thinking your way into recovery and start acting your way there For the woman who's tired of waiting around and ready to develop the speed that sets you free. THE TWO TYPES OF RECOVERY WOMEN Type 1: The Waiters Waits to feel ready, motivated, sure she won't mess up Sits in indecision for weeks, months, years Spends 20 minutes negotiating with the ED voice about eating Uses setbacks as evidence she's failing Type 2: The Deciders Acts fast even in fear Not scared to mess up because perfectionism got her here Makes recovery decisions in 30 seconds or less Bounces back from setbacks at the next meal Guess which one finds lasting freedom? The decider. Every single time. THE SPEED THAT ACTUALLY MATTERS NOT the speed of recovery itself - Recovery is a process. You can recover like the turtle (slow and steady) and still win. The speed I'm talking about: 1. Speed of Decision-Making How quickly you decide when recovery choices present themselves 30 seconds or less: "What would my recovered self do?" Fast decisions shut down ED negotiations 2. Speed of Bounce-Back When you have bad days (and you will), how quickly you reset Hours, not weeks. Next meal, not next Monday. Using setbacks as information, not identity WHY SPEED BEATS PERFECTION The woman who acts imperfectly but quickly beats the woman who waits for the perfect moment every single time. Why? Because waiting IS a decision - you're deciding to stay where you are. The eating disorder voice gets stronger in the pause. It gets weaker in the action. You can't think your way into recovery. You have to act your way into recovery. THE TERROR THAT MOTIVATES Successful recovery women aren't afraid of messing up. They're terrified of staying exactly where they are. They think: "What if I'm having this same internal battle with food a year from now? What if the noise is even louder? What if I waste another year trapped in this cycle?" That terror motivates speed. They'd rather make a fast, imperfect decision than a slow, perfect one. Speed creates momentum. Momentum creates freedom. THE PRACTICE OF SPEED Decision-Making Speed: Set a 30-second rule for recovery decisions Ask: "What would my future self do?" and act immediately Remember: Imperfect action beats perfect inaction Practice: "The recovered version of me would..." and do it Bounce-Back Speed: Develop a reset ritual for bad days One bad moment doesn't erase all progress Get back on track at the very next opportunity Use setbacks as information, not identity THE YEAR FROM NOW TEST Imagine: It's exactly one year from today. Nothing has changed. The food noise is still there—maybe louder. The internal battles continue. You're still waiting to feel ready, still taking weeks to bounce back from setbacks. How does that feel? If that terrifies you more than making fast, imperfect decisions—you're ready to develop speed. KEY QUOTES 💛 "The eating disorder voice gets stronger in the pause. It gets weaker in the action." 💛 "You can't think your way into recovery. You have to act your way into recovery." 💛 "The woman who acts imperfectly but quickly beats the woman who waits for the perfect moment every single time." 💛 "Fast decisions shut down the negotiation." 💛 "They're more terrified of being in the same place next year than having one imperfect day." 💛 "Speed creates momentum. Momentum creates freedom." 💛 "The goal isn't to never fall down. The goal is to get up faster every time." YOUR SPEED CHALLENGE This week: Practice decision speed: Next recovery choice = 30 ...
Transcribe →EP 281: Smart Women, Stupid Food Rules ~ The Body Optimization Trap (A Candid Conversation)
Apr 2400:50:02Tap to summarizeWhat happens when three podcasters get together to talk about the intersection of professional success and disordered eating? Pure gold. In this candid conversation with fellow podcasters Kelly Lewis and Jenna Kaitbenski we dive deep into why smart, successful women get trapped by stupid food rules and how corporate culture creates the perfect storm for disordered eating. This raw, unfiltered discussion covers: Why 73% of women in corporate environments engage in disordered eating behaviors How the same traits that make you successful at work make you vulnerable to eating disorders The shocking truth: only 6% of people with eating disorders are actually underweight Why exercise addiction is the "acceptable" eating disorder How your body becomes a project to optimize rather than a life to live The mortality reality: eating disorders have the highest death rate of any mental illness Breaking the "not sick enough" myth that keeps women trapped For the smart woman who knows her food rules are stupid but can't stop following them. THE CORPORATE-EATING DISORDER CONNECTION The stereotype: Young, white ballerinas or models The reality: Lawyers, doctors, corporate women, founders—high-performing women crushing it in their careers Why high achievers are vulnerable: Perfectionism, discipline, control, high standards Ability to push through discomfort "Results over rest" mentality Everything becomes a metric to optimize 73% of women in corporate environments engage in at least one disordered eating behavior—restriction, excessive exercise, binge eating, or other control mechanisms. THE OPTIMIZATION TRAP "When everything becomes a metric you have to optimize, your body becomes a project. And projects can be controlled, manipulated, and perfected." The progression: Tracking steps, calories, macros Quantifying your entire existence Body becomes another business problem to solve Rest becomes something to earn, not something you need Productivity equals your value or worth The cruel reality: The eating disorder voice will never say "enough." It will always demand more optimization, more control, more perfection. THE "NOT SICK ENOUGH" LIE SHOCKING STATISTIC: Only 6% of people with eating disorders are actually underweight. That means 94% are at regular weight or overweight and still struggling with disordered behaviors. What this creates: "In order to be considered sick enough, I have to prove it by losing weight"—which becomes another way the disorder tricks you into getting sicker. The truth: Your next-door neighbor could be purging after dinner for 20 years at an average weight, and you'd never know. THE HIDDEN COSTS Beyond the physical damage (bone density, heart issues, GI problems, fertility): Relationships suffer—you're not present, always obsessing Time stolen—years of life consumed by food and body thoughts Energy depleted—surviving on coffee and accolades instead of nourishment Cognitive function—brain fog from inadequate fuel Professional impact—who can perform at their best while malnourished? Most devastating: "I missed my mom's funeral because I was trying to find a gym to work out"—the disorder makes you miss life itself. THE IDENTITY SHIFT Separating your voices: Your best self (Lindsey)—operates with excellence, nourishes, rests The eating disorder voice (Gina)—demands control, optimization, never enough "Gina, sit down. Shut up. Not today. Lindsey is driving the bus." Reframing your body: From optimization project → to "her" deserving respect From earning rest → to rest as requirement From food rules → to body wisdom From external metrics → to internal trust THE CONVERSATION HIGHLIGHTS On exercise compulsion: "Rest is bad. Rest is lazy. You mean you need to rest? It's this productivity that equals your worth." On the never enough cycle: "At my thinnest, I hated parts of my body. It will never be enough." On breaking free: "I now know when life gets stressful, my default is to not eat. But nourishment is non-negotiable if I want to be a peak performer." On hope: "If you are alive and breathing, you can get out of this. There is another side. You are not stuck." KEY QUOTES 💛 "Smart, successful women get trapped by stupid food rules." 💛 "When everything becomes a metric, your body becomes a project." 💛 "73% of women in corporate environments engage in disordered eating behaviors." 💛 "Only 6% of people with eating disorders are actually underweight." 💛 "Rest is a requirement, not something to earn." 💛 "Your body has done so much for you—it's time to respect her." 💛 "The eating disorder voice will never want you to recover." 💛 "It's so nice on the other side. You have a life waiting for you." READY TO ESCAPE THE OPTIMIZAT...
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