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Highest Self Podcast®
594: Tantra Expert Nadine Lee: Go From Princess to Queen Energy With This
00:53:26
A lot of us learn our biggest spiritual lessons through love—through relationships, through heartbreak, through fantasies… and through the moment when it all crumbles down. We’ve been raised on fairytales. We walk into a room, scan the...
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- [00:00]
A
What are some signs that we are in princess energy?
- [00:03]
B
Well, I feel princess archetype, really. That is what I see as the journey of moving princess to priestess is.
- [00:09]
A
Really just a lot of women don't realize what it actually takes to be with the king. If he's truly his king, he can only be the queen.
- [00:14]
B
That trust in love, because this is one of the gifts of the princess. She's never been hurt. But we also need to have that oracle queen, too.
- [00:22]
A
That inner princess might be like, I want the love story, so I'm just gonna make this guy the love story. The queen in us is like, my partner doesn't wanna do full moon rituals with me. It's like, yeah, most straight men won't like.
- [00:32]
B
It's just going to kill the polarity. The princess likes that. At the start, it's like, oh, my God, I'm getting everything I want. We're doing everything together. But then that higher part of you, the queen's just going to be like.
- [01:00]
A
Welcome back to the Highest Self podcast. My name is Sahara Rose, and on this podcast, I love to talk about spirituality, the divine feminine, but make it fun, modern and relatable. So I've been on a spiritual journey for over a decade now, and it's shown me that love is the highest form of spirituality. And I feel like a lot of us learn our spiritual lessons through love, through relationships, through heartbreaks, through fantasies and them crumbling down and everything in between. So today I'm bringing on a longtime friend of mine. We met 10 years ago in Bali when we were both, you know, early 20s and really deep in our spiritual journeys of kind of figuring things out. And we've both been really taken on this journey of the feminine. And when I talk about the feminine, it's less about gender, but it's more about the energy. So it's seeing your spiritual pathway as tuning into your body rather than trying to leave your mind. So things like dance, movement and expression, but also beauty, ritual, ceremony, community, connection, matters of the heart. So if you've always intuitively felt like this is where you learn your lessons, this is where you get your intuitive guidance from, then you, my friend, are also on a feminine spiritual path. So in this episode, I really want to dive in with her about the journey of moving from princess to queen and even priestess energy. So I feel a lot of us, we are still subconsciously operating from that princess narrative of waiting for someone to come and save us, you know, Prince Charming to sweep us off of our feet, and then we live happily ever after. The end but if we've learned anything from our society is that marriage is not a key to everlasting happiness, security and safety, but rather it's really the beginning of something new and something that can needs to continue to be worked on. And it's important for us to take our own responsibility and accountability of our role in relationships of I do believe in forever everlasting love. I'm such a lover girl. That is what I'm calling in for myself. And it's really important for us to drop the expectation of waiting for some perfectly healed long haired man bun, spiritually enlightened, but celibate and on his journey and abundant, but not materialistic, and only chooses you forever without a wavering doubt, ever instantly. And he's gonna show up at your door While you're watching TikToks like it's just not gonna happen, you know. And it's a heartbreaking thing that we all have to wake up from, but it actually opens our hearts to, to true love. And true love is always around us, you know, it is always available for us. And it takes us going on that journey of seeing what is being mirrored back to me in this moment, what kind of relationships, what kind of situation ships, you know, am I, am I getting mirrored back to me? And what is this showing me about myself and what I'm calling in and what I see myself as even worthy of and also dropping to this expectation of I need to get married by this date or else or that means and the, the nuance of knowing what you desire, but also not holding on and trying to control timelines. I also really wanted to dive into what the dark feminine actually is because I've been seeing on the Internet there is a lot of distortion around this and it's kind of turned into this like modern form of like manipulation and these games. And that's not at all what dark feminine energy is about. Kalima is turning in her grave right now. Like that is not what it's about. So I wanted to talk about dark feminine, talk about the priestess and see where the journey takes us. And before we drop into this episode, be sure to hit subscribe wherever you're listening to this podcast. That is the best way to stay up to date on the latest episodes. We've got this in video format, so if you're just hearing my voice, be sure to also watch our fabulous outfits on video as well on Spotify, YouTube or the Apple Store. This is the best way to stay in the flow with future conversations and also allows the Podcast to reach more people. So hit subscribe so I can keep vibing with you on all future episodes. Now let's get into this one. So, without further ado, let's welcome Nadine on the Highest Self podcast. Welcome for the third time, Sister Queen.
- [05:06]
B
Yeah, thanks for having me. I'm so excited to be here. And just talking about the first two times that we had these conversations being such powerful moments in both of our lives and just the themes, how they've evolved.
- [05:21]
A
Absolutely. I feel like I always see. Because you live in Australia, so I feel like I always see you in person when there's a pivotal moment in both of our lives and we weave back and we're like, oh, I didn't know that that day I would have ended up engaged, and things like that. And so I'm excited for this to be a crystallization of this moment in time for us, which we're kind of weaving through similar things right now. So I want to talk about the journey of princess to Queen and priestess. And what does that actually mean? What are some signs that we are in princess energy, first of all?
- [05:52]
B
Yeah. Well, I feel princess archetype, really. It's kind of used as a term for the little girl, you know, like our inner child. So, you know, you think about the evolution the princess, she has to go through her trials and tribulations in order to become the queen. And it's just the journey of the feminine, like moving from girl maiden to mother to crone, just the maturation journey. So as trauma works, as our childhood unfolds, we're just inevitably going to face disruptions and emotions and abandonments and all these things that our souls literally just came here to learn. We can't avoid going through hardships as a child. And everyone's childhood is relative. Like, whatever they're meant to learn, they're going to learn. But if we don't look at these things from our little girl years and resolve them within us, then they pretty much dictate how we operate as an adult and how we operate in relationship and specifically as women. Our little girl, our princess, our relationship to our father, and our relationship relationship to our mother, because that forms a lot of how we relate to love. The mother brings that, and the father is bringing more of safety and direction and all the things that father energy is here to bring. So it's not so much just to do with the father, it's also the mother. So we need to work with resolving these wounds from our childhood so we can. It's not about killing off this princess or getting rid of the little girl completely, because I think she'll always be there. We always have connection to that inner child, but it's more about when we can work with her and bring her into integration. She's not running the show in the relating as an adult woman. So this is the key difference. It's like she's there. We're not shaming her, we're not casting her aside. But it's like, okay, but you're not driving the seat of this car anymore because it's literally like that. It's like a child. You're giving them the keys to the car and she's driving your life around and driving your relationships. And it's not necessarily going to be like a functional dynamic, you know, so that is what I see as the journey of, you know, moving from princess to priestess is really just healing those core childhood wounds.
- [08:18]
A
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So you're going to get to know five different people's journeys. I'm talking world renowned spiritual teachers, astrologers, healers, entrepreneurs, and my own. And be able to see step by step how they were able to overcome certain shifts, the timelines of their stories, and then see within your own journey where you are and what happens next. So this is an absolutely free summit called the Dharma Summit that is open and available for registration right now. So just head over to the show notes. You'll find the link right there to get started. I am so excited to share this wisdom and magic with you. So who else is ready to optimize their health this year? And it starts with our food, because let's be real, when we're constantly going out to eat, there are a lot of seed oils in Our food and ingredients that we just cannot trust. But I'll be real. Cooking and buying groceries and doing all that from scratch every single day takes a lot of time and we're busy living our dharmas. So this is why I love Factor. They have incredible fresh, healthy meals for whatever your dietary preference is, whether it's protein plus flexitarian, keto, vegan, calorie, smart. They've got something for you. Plus they have amazing wholesome juices, smoothies and snacks you can add on. So if you're ready to actually eat in while having food that was made for you with healthy ingredients you can trust, then try Factor. Get started@factormeals.com Factor podcast for 50 off plus free shipping. That's Factor meals.com Factor podcast for 50% off. And you can find that link in the show notes. So trust your intuition, trust you inner wisdom, trust you inner guidance. Yeah, I feel like a lot of our inner princess is dictated by the media we consumed. Disney tales, you know, which like, yes, I love those movies. I forever will and they kind of me up, you know, it's like, like I'm like, where's Aladdin at? Yeah, I'm kind of waiting, you know, I'm supposed to be at the Tantra hall. So I feel there's like, is this core beauty in the feminine that like we live for love, you know, like love is really the purpose of our lives, you know, and it can feel when we are not in love that it's like this like waiting, right? Like when, when am I going to meet him? When is it going to happen? And like it's exciting, but it's like very anxiety producing as well. Because you know that thing when you walk into a room, you look around, is he here? None of these guys are my type. No, he's not. You know, and, and then every guy you meet, is he the one? You know, and the beauty in that is I feel as feminine beings, we don't want to waste time. We don't want to pour our endless love into a temporary vessel. That is something I really learned about myself. Being single the past two years. I'm in. I've been on celibate for two years because I know about myself. I cannot share my love, my heart, my body with a temporary person that I know doesn't truly care about my heart and my soul. And as we become more in our feminine, that heart and yoni are really connected. Now that inner princess in us might be like, I really want the one. And even though he's a Bad boy. Even though he has all these red flags, even though this I want the love story. So I'm just gonn make this guy the love story. And I feel like the queen in us is like, no, I'm going to wait. And even though I really want this beautiful thing, this, the marriage, the whatever the thing is, I'm going to wait. Just like, you know, when you play chess, the queen is the last pawn to move, you know, and she watches and she's like, is it safe? And she, she knows that life is light and shadow. And I feel like the princess in us. It's like I met the guy two hours ago and he's perfect and he's the one and doesn't want to look at anything that's gonna get rid of that plan. And the queen in us, which we only really learned. Break. And the distinction is everyone will have a red flag too, you know, because we can also go hyper in that, like, he's got that red flag that. So, like, let me wait, wait, wait, wait forever, which I feel is another princess. It's Rapunzel, you know, waiting forever and hit the. For the perfect guy again. And then that takes us into that, like, waiting for perfection thing, which, which never goes away. So I'm curious, your experience with all this.
- [13:22]
B
Yeah, well, I, I feel what it really is, is, you know, the princess part of us is she can be delusional. It's literally buying into the fairy tales, it's buying into the twin flame story, how it's meant to go and this delusion. And because she hasn't yet found her own power, she's a little girl. So little girls literally look to the father as guidance. And that's just beautiful and natural as you're developing. And so if we're still stuck in that psychology, then we're going to look to every man as essentially playing the role of our father. It's like being that perfect father and he can do no wrong. And the father is meant to be there as that guiding force for her. And it's devastating to realize, oh, my God, he's actually just a human man, a flawed human man. And so this delusion, fairy tale fantasy is what blinds us and makes us ignore these red flags that, that when we have our queen online and our oracle and also our dark femme, we can stay in that sweet innocence of the princess and have this discernment. And I feel like that balance point where we're not just hardened and constantly critical of them and all that. It's like, no, you can still maintain the lightness and the playfulness and that trust in love, because this is one of the gifts of the princess. She's never been hurt, so she trusts in love completely. And I feel maintaining that aspect is so important. But we also need to have that oracle queen, the mature aspect of us intact, to potentially walk away and realize, oh, my God, maybe my fantasy and delusion, it's all going to come crumbling down and I have to sit with truth. And that's what the queen brings. And the dark femme, it's like truth. I'm here for fierce love, and if that means I have to walk away, then so be it. But the princess will just settle for anything and just kind of latch onto the delusion. She's not even really seeing what's in front of her. It's like, no, I just want it all to happen this way, and the fantasy and the marriage and the timeline. But how do I actually feel? What is the actual truth about this? What is actually real here, you know, as opposed to attaching to the. The agenda, you know, and that's fucking painful. You know, that's like, can be painful to sit with. Like, we can be in these things for years. And, you know, I feel she comes out eventually, the dark femme, like the truth, the truth will always come and we can't prevent pain and hurt. But it's like, I think just in terms of having that awareness, like when we're entering new things or even if you're in a current relationship, just maintaining that trust in love, but also really committing to truth. Because that aspect of us, the queen is what actually calls him into his greatness as well. And it's not your responsibility to make him a king at all. But if you're just staying in princess, it's actually going to enable him to stay in his prince and never really reach his greatness. And I believe women, we have that power to make or break a man, essentially. Like, we really are powerful in that way.
- [16:42]
A
So, yeah, I love what you said about, I feel a princess can only be with a prince because a king is like, I don't want to save you, I can't save you. If he's truly in his king, he can only be the queen. He can only be with his equal because he's not here for the damsel in distress who, you know, might be attractive for the prince who lacks true purpose. So then his purpose becomes saving her. And then they can play that dynamic out. But then the princess is like longing for that king energy, but it's Like, a lot of women don't realize what it actually takes to be with a king. You know, to be with a king. You can't be like, pay attention to me. Give me validation. Can you get me this? Can you get me that? Like, a lot of the stuff you see on social media, it's like, get princess treatment.
- [17:27]
B
Yeah, exactly.
- [17:28]
A
Okay. Only some princess treatment, first of all. And it's like, only some guy who has such low self worth is going to be down for a relationship where he's only wanted for his money.
- [17:39]
B
Yeah.
- [17:40]
A
Like, do you genuinely want to be in a relationship with that kind of guy? Like, he probably has, like, a lot of issues if. And like, we talked about, like, the sprinkle sprinkle girl, shara7. And it's just like, that is not dark feminine energy. That is just. And I don't even think she practices it, you know, I don't. I think she's just making content for shits and giggles. And people are actually taking this seriously. And it's not like, like, any guy that you're like, I love dates to the ATM, like, take out $10,000 and does it like, girl, get a restraining order on that guy because, like, he's about to, like, sell you for trafficking. Like, that is scary, you know?
- [18:18]
B
Yeah, yeah. And there's that part of us. Like, the princess will, like, test how easily she can manipulate, like, the daddy, lose respect. And you don't respect, like, someone, a man, you can easily just say, hey, manipulate and just batter your eyes. That tactic doesn't even sound really strategic. It's just like, let's go to a date. I'm like, I wouldn't respect a man.
- [18:41]
A
No. She said, walk by your favorite shoe store at the mall, but already have a broken heel. And then have your heel break in front of it and be like, oh, no, my heel broke. Oh, wow, we're in front of Gucci. I guess we could get another one. And him being like, I'll get you another pair of heels. And like, now you have your Gucci heels. It's like, I am sorry. You'll probably end up being the ninth wife of someone who would be down for these shenanigans. And at the core, feminine heart. We don't want that. We want love.
- [19:11]
B
Yeah. I'm all about. We've talked about this, like, financial providership from the man. This mastering the financial realm is a very masculine trait. Like dealing with matrix, like, financial systems, bureaucracies, all this. It's a very masculine trait. So when a man has Mastered that. That's a very masculine quality. And obviously in family, that's. That's the masculine. The father is like, he's the provider. You know, I'm more traditional. I know we both share similar things around this, like not wanting to be, you know, hustling up until the day we give birth because our husband's just sitting at home. No. So, yeah, mastering that financial realm. But I think a lot of women, myself included, you know, I had a father who was a provider financially, but he wasn't there physically and emotionally. So I can receive financial providership from men. But I didn't think that you could have both. And so I've had a few imprints in the past, relationships that I've experienced where it was both. And that was healing, like, extremely healing. Because I think a lot of women go, maybe they had a father who was. Financially, he wasn't able to provide, but he could emotionally. So maybe they'll keep going for emotional guys, but they're broke. So we play out these patterns, but. But realizing, I think, that when we vibrate on that queen level and evolve from princess, usually when we're in queen energy, we have integrated both of those aspects within us, the service and the money, and we're more able to look after ourselves. So we attract a man who's also integrated those aspects of himself, like heart and sex, essentially, because sex energies linked with money and all the things. Creativity. Yeah. We can have both and we want both. In fact, just money is not enough. And I actually feel like a man making money that's actually easier for a man to make money or get a job. To be honest, if you're living in Western society, it's easy to get any job and just make some money. But to cultivate the inner wealth as a man is actually a lot rarer. And that's actually what we really want. I feel like the depth is that presence and care and, you know, those qualities that. The presence and emotional presence, especially emotional and physical presence and providership in that realm.
- [21:34]
A
Yeah, I'd love to break all of those down. So we gave an extreme example of shared seven, but she is speaking to this aspect of the feminine that wants to be provided for, but she's doing in this very, like, toxic way. I do feel, yes, the feminine, we need a man to provide for us. Provide and protect. That's what the masculine does. And the feminine nurtures and multiplies. That is the law of nature.
- [21:55]
B
Yeah.
- [21:56]
A
You know, and. And of course, some people are more like, let's say you're 50 50, right? And then your partner's 50, 50. And I find in David Data talks about this is like, you tend to attract like the opposite ratio as you. So if you are like 70 in your feminine, 30 in your masculine. And I would say I'm like that, you know, I'm definitely more in my feminine. I love beauty, spirituality, softness, but I also love having my business. I also love, you know, listening to rap music and working out and like entrepreneurship and just learning things. I have that masculine side of me. So for me, the perfect match is someone who's 70% in his masculine, you know, in business and all of that, but also has 30 emotional depth, you know, spirituality, music, things like that. Otherwise it just. If I was with a guy who is like 95 in his masculine, who's like, I love trucks and guns and this, like, we wouldn't be a fit because I wouldn't find his softness and I wouldn't attract that. So it's like we need, we need both, you know, And I feel the difference in princess and queen is living your dharma because the princess is not living her dharma. So she's not creating abundance for herself. So she's waiting for a man to financially provide for her. And that is a lot of pressure on men because of the feminist movement, which we're so grateful for. It's brought so much to us, but it's made pay rates the same, you know, so because of that, back in the day, men, first of all, they worked and then often would make more money, so it was easier for them to provide. Like even in my dad's time, like you could buy a home for $300,000. Like here in, just in LA, you can't even buy a one bedroom apartment for a million dollars. Like million dollar listing is not a thing anymore. So I do feel we need to also have like compassion for the men of like, the economy is different. Millennials are struggling right now. If you ask most millennial men, a 35 year old guy, are you where you thought you would be at this age? They would say, no, I'm not. You know, so I have a lot of compassion for the men because they, that's the dream. I believe on deep core, they want to provide, they want to do that. But because of, and I can't blame economics, there are ways to still make it happen, but it's just more challenging, right? And then I feel there is this like feminine thing of like we have risen, you know, and we are, and we are making more money, but then we're waiting for a guy who makes more money than us. And that bracket is just like. Like, if we're all making the same money, that bracket of men who make more money than us is smaller and smaller and smaller. So society is just not, like, supporting, you know, male providership anymore. And there's a beauty to that because we're paid equally. And then the shadow to that is like, this, like, core nature thing is kind of being disrupted.
- [24:35]
B
I mean, a man can. It doesn't have to be, like, more. It can be just equal. Like, I feel like, in terms of what they're bringing financially, but I think the most important thing is that they have, like, that abundance mindset and that provider better mindset.
- [24:50]
A
Yes.
- [24:50]
B
Like, that traditional values. Because, as I said, you know, wealth is. It can go. It goes up and down, like. But it's actually, you know, we're living in pretty privileged, like, society. Like, we really are in the Western world. It is easier to cultivate that, I believe.
- [25:07]
A
And then going into back to living your dharma, I feel as a woman, when you are living your dharma and you are making money, not sacrificing yourself and doing the job that you hate, like, I feel the sprinkle, sprinkle are these, like, manipulative, like, get a rich man tactics. They're for women who hate their jobs. So they're like, if my way out is to marry this rich old guy so I don't have to work here, I'm willing to do that. Which is the oldest thing in the book of woman. Giving their love, their youth, their vitality to someone just to survive. And it's quite sad, you know, Whereas if a woman really steps into her dharma, which isn't always doing, like, everything you love all the time, but for to really create your own path and to create abundance from your gifts, then you're in this place of sovereignty and you're in your queen's throne. And you can lean back and be like, who do I actually love? Who do I actually want to share my energy with? Who am I actually a match with? Rather than who can provide for me the life that I want? And then I will convince myself that I love them.
- [26:07]
B
Yeah. I think also, you know, a lot of women's dharma is being a mother. Like, it's not so much like having a business and doing all these things and not saying that you have to choose between one or the other. But some women that I speak to, that's like, that's their main thing they want to do. So I think when it Comes to finances. That's really where it's the most important is if you're choosing a partner in terms of this could be the potential father of my child, if that's what you genuinely want as a woman. Because not every woman wants that. That it's getting kind of less and less these days. For me personally, I never so much put. I mean, I've always had men who have been. Had financial capacity and abundance. But it's different now because I'm in that mindset more of father of my child. And I've just noticed that shift. And it's almost like if you. I don't want to bring it like it's a business, but it's almost like you're hiring for a role in your movie, in your life, in your company, whatever. Not that it's a company, but that's a strong requirement. And I don't think a man who doesn't have that could really feel solid in his capacity to bring a child forth. I hear a lot of men say that that's why they hold off on committing, because they're like, no, I want to build up my. My mission and get more financially solid before I take on that responsibility, which I think is smart. And I think that's also where we go into the realm of if we're dealing with a prince, because there's nothing wrong with dealing with a prince if you're a man in his prince stage. This is the work of Alison Armstrong, a man who's building. So a man usually in his 30s, he's not at king stage. I mean, some are, but it's more rare. So you've got to be sure that you're willing to first support that man's mission, like, whatever it is, if you believe in what he's doing and if you're willing to wait because it might take time. And this is where the princess comes in, where it's like the princess has the agenda. It's like, I want to be married by this date and he might not be there yet, or I want a baby by this date. And it's like pushing that agenda. And this is where we have to have these honest conversations, really. And I personally will share my desires around marriage, family, all these things pretty soon in the equation. And if you're dealing with a mature man, he will share where he's at with that. And it's good to have that at the start. Whereas I think a lot of us, our princess kind of takes over when we just assume that if we get with him, we can magically convince him that he wants to have a baby with us. But actually the reality is when you have that conversation, it might not be that. And that's the scary thing because we have to actually risk the truth equaling losing this person. And so I think it's important to hold these visions for ourselves and make it clear what we desire with our men that are coming in. But having boundaries around your internal timeline. So if you are like, I'm in my late 30s, I don't necessarily see myself dating someone in their early 30s who, who doesn't want kids for 10 years. That's just not practical for me. So getting clear on what you desire and what your timeline is and having those boundaries for yourself, if it doesn't seem to be progressing within maybe one year, then I'm gonna have to reevaluate this.
- [29:45]
A
So if you are interested and curious in learning more about creating a full time career as a sole purpose and spiritual life coach, then becoming a Dharma coach at High Self Institute is for you. You can find all of the information, check out our curriculum and book a free discovery call at our link below at Highest Self Institute, which you can find in the show notes. I'm so excited to have you live this cohort. It is so much fun. It truly is a portal of transformation and it's the thing that makes my soul sing more than anything else. And I can't wait to have you in. Yeah. This is such an important conversation. There's so much nuance because like, I feel it all comes down to what is your deeper commitment to? Is your deeper commitment to. I know I'm meant to be a mother and I'm meant to find the father of my children. And so I'm looking for someone who would make a great father. And that's like entirely different way of navigating, entirely different way of dating, you know, and we were talking about when you're, if you are in that position of like, I'm looking for someone to like literally create a family with. You're looking for who's going to braid your daughter's hair. You're looking for who has empathy. You're looking for who is safe and who is soft. That's often not who women are like primarily attracted to. Right. Because they'll have more of that, like, softer energies. And I, I hate using the word beta because it's not, I actually feel like it's a true, true masculine in his heart. But from an evolutionary perspective, he's probably not that like giant Viking Hunter guy, like those, those men with tons of testosterone, again, not tall, but more likely are driven by trying different experiences. Right. Driven by conquering, driven by winning, driven by these kind of things and tend to not, you know, I would say if you looked at it, tend to be more abandonment of the feminine, tend to be more infidelity, tend to be more of those things. So I feel like it is a reset of when you are desiring someone to be the father of your children. It's like, who do I feel safe with? Who do I feel held with? Who do I feel no matter what happens, like he will be by my side? You know, who do I want to give birth with? Like, these are really big initiations. So there's that, but then there's this other. It's like sometimes you're in a relationship with someone and the relationship is your priorities. Like, this is my person. And if we are meant to have children or not, I am open. I just know that this is my person and not putting them in the role. Right. And it's just different ways of doing it. But sometimes when you put. When you're just looking for. I'm looking for baby daddy is like you're not even looking at the person. You're just looking at. Can you fit the bill? In my movie movie, you know, and then that's often when it's like you're. It's not a true romantic connection. I mean, arranged marriages have been happening since the beginning of time. Actually. They, they tend to last longer, but it tends to be out of like an obligation necessarily than, than. Than a love connection. So I see some couples that. It's like they are soul, soul mates. They're meant to be in each other's lives. And then there's this like, like I was not expecting to have kids for 10 years. And she's like, I biologically can only have kids for the next three years. But they are so committed to making it work that there's a figuring out.
- [32:56]
B
Yeah, I think there's also just different dharmas for each relationship as well. And I can see every single relationship that I've been in up until this point. I knew that it was not a long term thing. I knew it was very karmic and burning through karma, doing a lot of shadow work. And yeah, there's a lot of high charge because of that, a lot of intensity. And so I wouldn't necessarily want to be in that sort of dysregulated nervous system to bring a child through. So I feel like those have Been preparation for what I'm desiring now, which is, of course, things are going to come up in every relationship, but just a bit more stability, like calmness with how we navigate these things. And if you're bringing a family you don't want to have, I mean, I don't want to repeat those patterns of my parents. A lot of chaos in the home. So it's like all these previous relationships have been, I know from a higher perspective, like clearing a lot of that karma, a lot of the princess programming, to be honest, like my inner child stuff. And of course she still comes up. She's still coming up to this day. But yeah, it's just about kind of integrating her and not letting her drive.
- [34:11]
A
The car anymore and changing our type. If we have a certain type, we keep dating that type. It's not working. It's really letting go of what I think it's supposed to look like and being open to. Because the biggest thing that makes relationship work or not is like, are both parties willing to try.
- [34:29]
B
Yeah.
- [34:29]
A
You know, it's like that person could be like, exactly what you're looking for. Spiritual, intellectual, hard working, whatever the thing is. But if they're not devoted to the relationship, it doesn't matter at all. And there might be someone that's like, not those things and totally different, but they're so in love with you and they so choose you and they so cherish you and they're so available. You can only make the relationship work with that person. But I think it's like the princess programming in us that needs to let go of. Of the expectation and actually open up to, like, who has been consistent in my life, you know. And a lot of women I talk to who, you know, get married later in life if they've gone through a divorce. It's often like, he was my friend for years and I never really, you know, took him seriously. And then I realized, like, wow, you actually have been the most, like, supportive man in my entire life. And it's like taking those blinders off of like. No, but my man is like this. But you are my friend.
- [35:22]
B
Yeah, that's a huge thing. And taking off those projections. I think also in the spiritual community we have this kind of. I don't know if it's the princess or it's just kind of like a distortion thinking that. Yeah, just because a guy is conscious in the conscious community. Sorry. Or doing yoga or doing the ayahuascas or whatever, that he's meant to be this divine, masculine. And that's Also just a princess rose tinted glasses distortion, which a lot of.
- [35:54]
A
Wanted to teach workshops together. We all had that fantasy. Come on.
- [35:58]
B
Yeah. And that's been a big crumbling for me because I was like, oh, I have to be with the most spiritual guy to meet me on these spiritual levels. And then I started just dating guys in the Matrix and found a lot of actual integrated masculine principles that all the conscious community talk about, but they weren't talking about it. And so it was kind of this mind, how are they more masculine conscious? And they're not doing any of this work but these guys are so committed to it and they seem less embodied in that. So we got to really just be like what's actually in front of me. Not being blinded by their image or their, the title or the mala beads or whatever.
- [36:46]
A
I have found like the men who are like super spiritual and they're traveling around the world, they're like, you know, the Indiana Jones, which I think we're all like, oh my God, it's amazing. He travels to sacred sites and does breath work and you know, knows all his past lives and all of that. It's like again, they are variety seeking. I know a lot of them in and out of relationships constantly. The shadow of spirituality is, is narcissism. It is this, like I have it all figured out. As women, we are naturally just more empathic. It is in our DNA though. Women can still be narcissistic, but it's a much bigger shadow in the male. So a lot of these male spiritual teachers are extremely narcissistic. And it's something I have seen again and again. And the medicine like really showed me and it, and it's like we all have to really humble ourselves because when every day people are like, you changed my life. You are so wise. You, you know, you're like, I do know, I do know the answers. And it's, it's power. Especially spirituality is quite a woman dominated space. So these men are surrounded by women all the time. Women who are projecting their fantasies on the spiritual teacher who's going to save them. So then they got this ego building as well, feeling like they have the pick of the litter. And that's why you see all this distortions, you know, gurus taking advantage of women. I mean it's like time again and again and again and again and, and I feel that it is important and I think a lot of women, you have to walk right into the eye of the storm for you to realize. And it's like at the end of the Day, why do we want a spiritual man? You know, we want a man who's in integrity. We want a man who is loyal. We want a man who is communicative. We want a man who chooses us. We want a man who's connected to his heart. You don't need to be a spiritual guy to do those things. Like, there are many men in the Matrix or entrepreneurship or whatever else who are naturally embodying that. And I also find, and again, not all, but a lot of men who are, like, really brought into the spiritual path is because they don't in. They don't have these things. They need to. They're like, shit. Like, I don't know anything. I don't even know what the word integrity means. Like, I guess I gotta start, you know, learning that. And so they need to go on a spiritual path to, like, teach. Like, I don't even know. Being in my masculine is like, I have to learn that. And for some men, it's just more naturally embodied in them.
- [39:07]
B
Yeah, yeah. And I don't know, I've always felt, you know, that these spiritual realms are really more the feminine realms because you're working with the emotional body, the psychic realms, like the oracle, like, these. Like, I feel that's actually one of the gifts that the feminine brings. It's like, I'm gonna bring you into my world. Like, this is my world. But your world is more of, like, the physical dimension. The way I see it is the feminine kind of is that oracle bringing through the concepts. Like, literally, the child comes through her body. But it's like she's tuned into that psychic vision and her desires and her body. And it's almost like that dictates how he then leads in the physical world. It's like, I have a desire. I'm feeling this. This. I can feel something that's. We can feel more than men. This is one of our gifts. It's the feminine gift. And so it's like, let me be in that realm and you be in your mastery and you can invite me into that realm, help me ground these things into this physical dimension, like my desires. What's going to actually benefit the both of us in this relationship and take us to the next level. And so I think it's really about that. It's like the complementing each other, not needing the same. Because I went through this probably around the time we met, like 10 years ago. I wanted someone who was the same in this spiritual world and doing yoga with me and we could just do everything together and I got that. I had a boyfriend. We're both even the same star sign. And I was like, wait a minute. I'm not even learning anything new because I feel like I'm just dating myself. So I realized, yeah, I want to be with that compliment, like someone who brings the things that I don't actually embody so he can teach me to unlock those parts of me, and then I have things that unlock parts that he doesn't necessarily have. And yeah, in terms of feminine and masculine, I just see, feminine world is more. The feminine dimension is more feminine. I mean, the spiritual dimension, sorry, is more feminine because of that tendency to go into the emotional body, into the unconscious, which is, you know, it's the womb, it's the body, it's the soma. It's this, like, feminine form. And that's why I feel there's so many, you know, like, spiritual successful women, because this is our kind of realm in a way.
- [41:38]
A
It comes so much more naturally to us because we are. We have a womb. Like, we literally have a hologram that creates. Creates life. And we've always been the oracles, the shaman. Ss medicine woman. And there are a lot of men who are very spiritually tuned as well and can be very much in their masculine. And what I have found and even myself in, like, my early 20s, I'm like, I want a man who can teach me about spirituality because it's the thing I am the most curious about. So I had this fantasy about a man who will take me even deeper into spirituality. But then I have seen, and I've actually never dated or someone like that, but I've seen friends who have. And the power dynamics that happen there.
- [42:18]
B
Yeah.
- [42:18]
A
You know, the guru student dynamic, which is, like, really toxic, you know, And. And I. I feel there is this, like, as the feminine, we want the man to be, like, better than us. Right. Bigger than us, stronger than us. So when we're spiritual, we want him to be more spiritual than us, too. But I feel the lesson that all of us have really learned is like. Like, let yourself have that domain. Let yourself be the oracle in the relationship.
- [42:44]
B
I. I prefer if they're not.
- [42:46]
A
I would now I'm like 100. I'm like, I'll do the divination and this, and I'll share with you the insight and you can take action on it.
- [42:52]
B
I'm like, I want a man who's, like, grounded, not, like, getting lost in these, like, you know, mystical realms and emotional realms with me. It's like, I'll go into the underworld. You. You hold it down when I'm like, help me come out when I'm ready to come out. You know, it's. And then. And that feels a bit more balanced.
- [43:12]
A
But. And I think what we have to make peace with as women is like, yes, if you go to your man and you're like, oh, my God. I realized the ancestral trauma piece was this, and you're bringing all these spiritual things, and he can't hold that. Don't feel like this is not the right relationship with me. Go to your girls. Go to your friends. Like, there are so. So now I'm like, I don't need my partner to be the one. I'm, like, going into spiritual matrixes with and questioning the fabric of. It's like, I have so many friends who I can do that with. And if. And for a lot of women, they don't have those friends, right? So they're expecting their partner to be everything. So they're like, my partner doesn't want to do full moon rituals with me. It's like, yeah, most straight men won't. Some are, like, they become more open to it because they're like, wow, this is cool. But, like, they are not gonna be like, go to your girls. Go to your gays. Like, go to the people, you know, Like. Like, you probably won't want to have sex with him if he's like, oh, my God, full moon in Aries. Let's go.
- [44:06]
B
Yeah, it's just gonna kill the polarity. You'll like it at the start. And that's where the princess likes that at the start. It's like, oh, my God, I'm getting everything I want. We're doing everything together. But then that higher part of you, the queen, it's just gonna be like, this is not serving us, and this is not what I want from my man, to be doing full moon rituals and all these sort of things. Just like, I doubt he would want you to be coming to the footy with him or, like, to the baseball game. Like, and I don't know. I wouldn't want to be like, he.
- [44:36]
A
Might like to bring you into his world, but if you're like, damn right they lost, it's like, whoa, okay. You know, like, maybe he'll like it at the beginning, but you'll become one of his bros, you know?
- [44:47]
B
Exactly. Exactly. And that's where, like, I think, like, you know, with polarity, you know, you're saying, like, 70, 30. I feel it's really important to have access as woman I feel queen energy does have access to her inner masculine. This is a part of maturing into queen. You're not looking for daddy anymore. You've integrated your own inner daddy. Knowing how to be in those polarities together. The predominant. I'm in my feminine, he's in masculine. But also I need to also feel, yeah, there's space for my inner masculine 30% of the time in the relationship even. It's unrealistic to expect your man, especially someone, if you're going to be long term, to always have his shit together. Of course he's going to go through crisis times. It's just life. You need to also know how to hold that presence for him. When he breaks down. He might lose his business or, I don't know, something like a death in his family or something. It might happen. And then there's times where you might also be in. Yeah, like masculine masculine. So, for example, running a household, raising children. You might have to both be in masculine masculine energy in certain moments. And then sometimes you might want to be in feminine feminine, like Netflix and Chilling. But I think it's knowing how to actually flip the energy. And like, okay, we've been in neutral energy. Because sometimes you do need the neutral energy. I've noticed that, like having to maintain this high charge performative too. Yeah. And just it's a lot of pressure to always be like, sometimes I just want to come home and just be in my tracksuit. I don't want to have to always be like walking around like in the goddess wear. It's like, no, I just want to chill, like, and let's just chill together. And then it's like, okay, we know we've been in neutral for too long. That's where the stagnation I feel. And like, that creates like the lack of attraction when you just stay in. You're both in your masculine all the time or you're both in your feminine or most of the time. So. Yeah. And that really comes with you doing your inner work with those archetypes within yourself and expanding your range of expression, both you and the man.
- [47:00]
A
Yes. And I feel like as the feminine, we have to make peace with the fact that we are the leaders in love.
- [47:05]
B
Yeah.
- [47:06]
A
If we are the ones who are spiritually assigned to create the relationship that we want. And if we're waiting for the man. And yes, sometimes he will plan amazing dates and get you the flowers and things, but it's not their domain. They can't feel something's off in our dynamics or our polarity. They're not tuned into that. They're focused on the 3D. Right. And I feel again that Princess fantasy is like, I want him to say something about what's really the dynamic between us and like waiting for him to like create the relationship that you want and it's not. And I feel like sometimes at the beginning of the relationship, the man really leads. And then like once you're locked into a relationship, he, he gets a little bit more comfortable and then, then the woman's like, he's not making an effort anymore. And it's like, no, now you get to bring your creativity, your homemaker, you know, all of these things of make the relationship, you know, as women need to be the ones to be like, let's do a weekly date night, you know, let's like go away this week. I really miss spending one on one time with you. And once you do it, he'll be like, wow, that was so amazing. It's just his mind isn't really going there to those ideas.
- [48:14]
B
Yeah, I mean, the way that I see is more like expressing in that feminine way, leading from that feminine in the relationship. More expressing. Yeah, I'm feeling something off or I'm desiring X, Y and Z. So you're leading from that way. And then it gives him that choice and that kind of feeling like a man that he was the one that made it happen, you know, so it's like we lead in different ways and I think this is the thing. So if I was like, okay, let's do this, let's go away this weekend, that's me more taking the masculine leadership. Whereas if I just express the desire of wanting more connection and just kind of planting that seed, then he.
- [49:02]
A
I feel like it depends on the man because some men, if you said, I'm feeling disconnected from you, they're like, oh shit, something's wrong. And some men, I just feel like, tell me what to do and I will do it, you know, and like they, and they kind of need that. And so I think it just depends on knowing your relationship as well. I think some men can like maybe more read behind between the lines or, you know, if you say that they will. And some men are just like, you know, the heart is there, you know, the love is there, but maybe they don't know that what you need is like this specific thing and this specific that and even sharing with him, like, I would really love for you to start, you know, planning more dates and weekends away. And like, I just feel sometimes, and I'm talking about in long term relationships is like, we forget that he's so safe in the relationship that he's just not thinking about these things, you know, and then we're going through this, like, you know, internal, like, oh my God, is this right for me? Is that. And he's just like, oh, I love her. You know, and it's like sometimes it's just like the clarity can just, just diffuse all of that.
- [50:06]
B
Yeah. And also I think keeping them like you were showing before, that's kind of like that one of the toxic, dark feminine things they talk about, but not really. It's like really maintaining as the woman this mystery and not rushing into things. This is a big thing. I think the princess, my princess always used to do was, let's just move in straight away. And I thought if they didn't want to move in, that means they don't love me. And so that locking them into this and then going into this cohabiting husband wifey mode when we're not actually husband and wife, we're not even engaged yet, it really kills a lot of that mystery. And they feel that they've got you. It's like, oh, well, I've got basically a wife without actually having to do anything. And it's like the princess wants to rush into that, whereas I feel like the queen is like, I'm going to keep in my queen's quarters and just take it slow. And like, I want to give you that devotion and the, the wifey treatment, but not until I'm like actually a wife.
- [51:10]
A
Oh, my God. As I know you're on the edge of your seat listening to this conversation. That's literally like the three of us hanging out right now. This conversation went on for another hour plus, so to let you have the rest of your day, I've broken this up into two different podcast episodes. So you can hear the rest of the conversation where we really go off cuff talking about love and relationships and settling and is love enough and should you live with a partner before marrying them and all these things that we're honestly contemplating in our own lives, you're going to hear it on the second half of this conversation. So wherever you're listening to this YouTube, Spotify, Apple hit, subscribe. That way you can be updated when part two of this conversation comes out. And if you're loving this conversation, please, please leave a review for it in the itunes store. Just if you look up podcasts, if you have an iPhone, that's the podcast app right there. And scroll to the bottom click, write a Review. Write a review for this podcast. It really helps get the word out there. And as a free gift, I will be shar you my womb meditation, which is a meditation you can do in eight minutes to really connect to your sacred womb center, your house of divine feminine creativity, sensuality and intuition, abundance, pleasure, and really receive her answers. So all you got to do is go to the podcast app, scroll to the bottom, hit, write a review. Hi. Nice little review. I read every single one. They really make my day. Take a screenshot and email it over to me@saharaamsahara rose.com you can find that email and all the links I mentioned today in the show. Not please. Also be sure to come join me in the Dharma Summit. This is my free summit where I really dive deep into five different teachers journeys about living their soul's purpose. So if you are on the brink of really wondering what's next for you and wanting to take your spirituality and your intuition, your wisdom and amplify it and make it part of your career, bring it out into the world, then this summit is for you. It's absolutely free. You can find the link for that as well. And I'm so excited to see you there. All right, I'll see you in the next episode. Trust your intuition, Trust your inner wisdom. Trust your inner guidance. So trust your intuition, trust your inner wisdom, trust your inner guidance.