← Highest Self Podcast®
Highest Self Podcast®
617: Why So Many Women Are Choosing Not To Have Children- Child-Free By Choice with Sahara Rose
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So let's have a conversation about this word. Selfish. It is the word that when we are thrown, you are selfish. It is like dagger to our above heart. Help me. Selfish. Never. I would give my entire life force to someone because I'm a good girl. Again. It's that good girl conditioning that we are brought up with. How many of you guys were little girls that when you were helping mom, when you were serving your family, when you were taking care of the house, taking care of your younger siblings, you were a good girl. You were given love and approval and attention and validation. And when you weren't, when you were, God forbid, drawing or writing or just doing something else. Bad girl. Surrender, let go. Trust flow. Surrender, let go. I'm the one I've been waiting for. Welcome back to the Highest Self podcast. My name is Sahara Rose and on this podcast I love to talk about spirituality, the divine feminine, the topics happening in a woman's life. But make it modern, fun, grounded and relatable so it can actually serve your needs. And before we drop into this episode, be sure to hit subscribe wherever you're listening to this podcast. That is the best way to stay up to date on the latest episodes. We've got this in video format, so if you're just hearing my voice, be sure to also watch our fabulous outfits on video as well on Spotify, YouTube or the Apple Store. This is the best way to stay in the flow with future conversations and also allows the podcast to reach more people. So hit subscribe so I can keep vibing with you on all future episodes. Now let's get into this one. I want to talk about something that would have definitely had me burnt at the stake not too long ago. And this is something, a topic, a conversation that I have been having with my closest friends and I started to share on my stories. So if you don't follow me on Instagram @IMsaharrosa My stories, I kind of share like little minutiae thoughts that I'm percolating in my mind. I'm like a modern day philosopher. I just sit around and I like think of these existential things and I was just thinking about the plight of woman and all that we go through and our sacrificial lives. I'm not going to say nature because I don't believe it's nature. I believe it is a lot based in condition, conditioning and how historically we have been conditioned to believe that the highest and really sole purpose that we have here on this planet is to create more life. And that makes Sense logically. I mean, I guess the most basic human function is just to make more humans. The difference between us and animals is that we're able to create so much more. We were given these little formidable thumbs which caused us to create wheels, which caused us to create civilizations through civilizations. We found meaning in the stars and we created astrology and astronomy and we started gardening and we started to create agriculture, and we created maths and sciences and philosophy and literature and poetry and theater, and the list goes on. So we can't say that we are just animals when we are the only living species on earth that actually creates empires, art, that that actually just creates, period. And I want to start this conversation with having that. This is not to judge or to shame anyone's decision. This is my public service announcement. Before y' all come after me. I am not saying being child free is better. I'm not saying having children is better. There is no such thing as better or worse. We all on our own divine paths and I trust that you will choose what is right for you. Let's have the conversation of legacy. So I feel a lot of the reason why we have children is because we don't want to be forgotten. We want something of us to live on, to almost prove to ourselves that we existed. And so having children feels like that way. And I completely under understand that it is a very biological impulse. But there are a lot of ways to create ripples and shifts in humanity. What I now would have told the medicine when it told me, well, your Spotify is not going to exist in 60 years and no one's going to listen to your podcast, no, they might not listen to it in 60 years, but whatever shift and ripple it has made in your consciousness and in your life lives on. And even if I don't have literal children that carry my biological seed, like whatever change I've made in any of your lives, or anyone that's read my book, or anyone that's read an Instagram poster, interacted with my work in some kind of way that lives on and that's what matters. And I feel that we are so set. And it's like the ego that's like, I don't want to be forgotten. It's like, let yourself be forgotten. Like, even if you have children, then they're going to have children. They have children and by then you're the great grandparent, you're going to be forgotten. Like, make peace with the fact that you're going to be forgotten. Like if you really are so set on being Remembered until the end of time. Like, go invent something or stop a war. Start a war. You know? Like, those are the people who are really remembered forever. Like, being remembered forever, by the way, is no flex. Like, there's a lot of people we remember forever who, like, we don't like them. Okay, so why are we so caught in. Like, I need to be remembered. Like, we are all dust, and we're gonna go back to dust. Like, you die and new life comes forth, and, like, why are we so attached? That needs to be like, my children, my list, my legacy. Like, there are so many children on this earth. There's no population problem on earth. There are so many children, by the way, that don't have homes, that don't have families, that don't have parents. Like, why aren't we taking care of them? Why aren't. Even if you're like, well, I can't adopt. Can we. Can we sponsor them? Can we make. Can we send money to them? Can we support them in different ways? You know, this conversation of legacy, and I don't mean this to brag, but a lot of times people will say to me, well, just wait. You're gonna regret not having kids one day. Like, you know, you're gonna. You're gonna want your story to go on. Do you know what I could say back? Oh, you've never written a book before. You've never done that. Oh, wow. I mean, I'm just saying you might regret not writing a book because your story's not gonna live on. And, I mean, there's just something about just writing a book that you'll understand that literally allows you to teach the next generation. And, you know, all of your wisdom's gonna be passed on to them. And, you know, it's your way of really being remembered and sharing your story and having a legacy. And there's just really no feeling on earth like having your book in your hand and, like, having, you know, thousands of people who've read your book and messaging you every day and saying how it's changed their lives. Like, there's really no other feeling like that. And since you didn't have it, you're really missing out on a big piece of life. Not to flex, but I've had that experience now going on to the fifth time, so technically, I have five children just there. Why is it that we so minimize a woman's contribution to just her physical children? Like, she could write books, she could start organizations. She can create so much change. But if she doesn't have physical Children, it's as if she didn't matter. Whereas think about all the male historical figures. Do we even know if they had children? Do we know a single thing about their children? Do we know their names? No. All we know is their contribution to history. So why is it that men are applauded for that but when women desire to do the same in a more heart centered way, by the way, we are seen as selfish. Because you're listening to this podcast, I'm gonna make a quick assumption about you. Your friends come to you for advice whenever you're at a party, someone corners you at the side of the snack table and starts telling you all of their childhood dramas. And you actually love diving deep into spiritual topics. And you have a really good way of communicating with people. So the best way to actually create a career doing this is, is through coaching. But I know a lot of people, they're like, I don't even know where to start. I don't even know what type of coach I would be. So I've created a quick easy quiz to discover your unique coaching style. So there are three categories. The intuitive, transformational or empathetic coach. So the intuitive one really works with your intuition. You're able to receive downloads. You just have insights about people. The transformational one has more of that fire energy. You love to keep it real and help people go through the deepest phoenix, rising from the ashes moments in their lives. And the empathetic coach coach really loves to listen, hold space. They're very grounded, nurturing. So if you're curious which type you are, you can try my free quiz@quiz.highestselfinstitute.com Again that's quiz.highselfinstitute.com which is my school that certifies spiritual life coaches and you can find that link in the show notes. I'm super excited to see what type of coach you are because I'm a hire you one day. So just your intuition, trust your inner wisdom, trust your inner God. So let's have a conversation about this word selfish. It is the word that when we are thrown, you are selfish. It is like a dagger to our above heart. Me, selfish? Never. I would give my entire life force to someone because I'm a good girl. Again, it's that good girl conditioning that we are brought up with. How many of you guys were little girls that when you were helping mom, when you were serving your family, when you were taking care of the house, taking care of your younger siblings, you were a good girl. You were given love and approval and attention and validation. And when you weren't. When you. Or, God forbid, drawing or writing or just doing something else. Bad girl. No. Why aren't you helping your younger brother? Why aren't you helping this? Why aren't you helping that? Why is it that girls, since the time we are young, are conditioned to be helpers? And I, as a little girl, I love to help. I love to. Why? Because I received love that way. So why is it that little girls are expected to be mommy's helper? Everyone's helper but little boys, oh, you know, he's off in the backyard. It's so adventurous, that one. They're applauded for that. They're applauded for going against the grain, for doing their own thing. But women, no, Only when she's a good little girl for Mummy. Because we are literally training girls to one day become wives and mothers. And yes, there is a biological component of we desire to birth. And yes, I do believe, naturally, I used to love dolls and things like that. So I'm not saying there's no biological imprint, but a lot of it, a majority of it, is through conditioning. Why? Because research has shown when girls are brought outside of these cultural constructs, they just as much gravitate towards blocks and Legos and puzzles and all of these other things that are actually just gender neutral. So the reason why girls are gravitating towards the dolls is because she sees Mummy is taking care of babies all the time, and so she wants to be just like mommy because she wants to be loved. And so it starts there. It starts with the time that we're little girls. Oh, you're gonna be such a good mommy one day. But then we are told your worthiness, your value comes from how motherly you are. And then we get older, and our womb is commodified that people, men, desire to impregnate you not because they're deeply in love with the truth of your soul, but because they want to carry forth their lineage. Let's be real. Even today, you see gender reveals. Let's be real. You watch it? Have you watched gender reveals before? Look at the man's face. I'm not saying all, but most when it's a girl. Whoa. Wow. I'm in for a real one. When it's a boy, he's celebrating, he's excited because there's another man in the house. And, I mean, if you look in many parts of the world, like in India and in China still today, they don't have baby showers. They don't celebrate. When girls are born in China, a lot of them are given up for adoption and in India oftentimes and this is dark. So trigger warning, they're buried alive. And this still happens today. Why? Because a woman is seen as a cost, a burden for the family because they have to give a dowry. They have to give money to take off the load of their oh God forbidden daughter. And so they have to to get her married, literally pay the husband's family of take my daughter. And that dowry is so high that a lot of people can't afford afford it. So when they give birth and see it's a girl, they kill her. This still happens today. And so we're not on an equal playing field. Let's not pretend this is still going on. And I can give a whole list of different stats that are that are happening right now. But until we have these conversations and go there, we can't be honest with the fact that why so many women are looking at the state of the world, are looking at what it's like to raise children, and are asking themselves, is this something that I desire? So I want to share some statistics about women with and without children. Now this may be triggering and I am not saying that having children or not having children is better or worse. I think there's beauty in both paths. I don't know, maybe I will end up having children. I'm just sharing stats that show how society has failed mothers. So this is not on the mothers. Like I am in so much support of like women who are mothering right now. Like, damn, like hats off to you because our society does not support you in the way that you deserve. And so I'm going to read some stats that I heard Elizabeth Gilbert share and I went on on ChatGPT and verified them. So these are some stats they may be triggering, but I think they are important for us to discuss. So women who are not married and without children statistically live longer. So more years to their life, they earn more money, they are healthier, they are less likely to commit suicide, they are less likely to be victims of homicide, they are less likely to die in car accidents, they are less likely to suffer from drug and alcohol addiction, they are less likely to suffer from anxiety and depression. And they are more sexually satisfied than women who are married with children. Now, the opposite is true for men. So married men actually outperform single men. They're happier, they live longer, they're healthier, they are less likely to become addicted to drugs and alcohol. So why is it that the same deal, same marriage is costing women years of their life and degrading the quality of their life statistically. But for men there is an increase because it is not an equal energy exchange for the most part it can be until when you have those conversations. But if you're going into it unconsciously, the woman is over giving. She is pouring herself to the point that she is withering away. She is becoming sick, she's becoming maybe even addicted. She is suffering and she is dying sooner because of how much she's pouring into that marriage and that family. And this makes me sad about the way that we have failed mothers in our society. And it brings forth the bigger question that many women are sitting with. Do I want to have children? Now this is an interesting conversation that I'm seeing circulating in the collective right now. I see a lot happening on TikTok, but and it's about being child free as actually a form of resistance to the way that women are not being supported right now. We are not given health care, child care or any kind of basic need. The cost of living is exorbitant. A single income in 95% of situations cannot afford and pay for a family. And so women need to go out to work just to be able to put food on the table and keep the lights on, let alone daycare and healthcare and private school. And those things are superfluous just for basic needs. You need two people working full time plus overtime in the western world. And so when women are needing to work all the time and are taking 80% of household responsibilities and childcare responsibilities, because let's be real, when baby comes along, who does baby want most of the time? Mom. Who's the one that feels guilty when she's not there? Mom. Who's the one who's expected to be there and shamed when she's not? Mom. So now on top of working just as much as the man, she's now expected to completely take on raising this children and being emotionally there for this children. And she can never do both. And so she never feels like she's good enough and she's shamed both ways. And so women are getting to this point of like, I am not going going to have children because once I have this child, who's going to take care of me, who's going to take care of the family? And so right now I see being child free as a form of resistance that I hope in the next generation. Because yes, in the western world and in Japan, birth rates are declining because more and More women are awakening to the reality of what motherhood takes and how little support they are given. Yes, to love a child is very natural, but do you know what else is really natural? For that mother to be supported, for that mother to be completely provided by the community, for her to not have to work, that's just as natural. I don't see that happening. So the fact that women are actually like in many ways needing to go against like this deep biological impulse to procreate in many of them, not, not all, but many of them because they're seeing, yes, I would love to have a baby and to have birthday parties and all the beauty, but I don't have the resources to be able to support the kind of life that my child deserves. And so a lot of women are choosing to remain child free by choice, whether they're married or single, as a form of waking our government up and saying, if you want us to give our bodies, our life force and years of our life to raising the next generation for this country, by the way, to work in your companies, to vote for your people, you guys need us. But we're not going to give our wombs away anymore until we are given childcare, until we're given health care, until we're given base level support that women have always had historically in society until now. So how do you expect us to be the super moms of the 1950s when we are not receiving the super money of the 1950s? Let's be real. Do you see yourself one day starting a podcast, writing books, speaking on stages, sharing your message with the world? But the thing is you are afraid that you're not a good enough speaker yet. 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So if you're feeling the call, come join me in Speak with Soul. I have a special 25% off discount for you listed below. So head over to the Show Notes or over to speak with soul course.com that speakwithsoulcourse.com to receive the 25% off right now. You can also find that link in the Show Notes. I'm so excited to hopefully be on your podcast. I shared this in my solo cast about why so many women are choosing to be single. If you talk to a lot of men, they aspire to be like their fathers and their grandfathers. You talk to most women. We aspire to be the opposite of our mothers and our grandmothers because we saw that our mothers and grandmothers never got to pursue their dreams. Their passions oftentimes were emotionally or even physically abused, had to be bear so much of the load of child rearing. We're not supported and respected that we don't want to continue that. So isn't it interesting that the men who really had no idea what is actually going on in child rearing, yeah, they want to be applauded. Dad that comes home. But you're not, you're not taking care of the whole household. So when a woman is going out working, making the same money, or if not in a lot of cases, more money than the man and she's expected to do all the childcare things, it's like what's going to give? And I'm not saying this in a way to shame men. It's not men's fault at all. It is a societal problem that we're Seeing that the cost of living is exorbitant, the inflation is so high. And I do believe that there is a greater, you know, agenda out there of making it so incredibly difficult. But that does not mean that now we have to sacrifice ourselves and our life force and put ourselves into poverty to bring these children. So many people can't afford healthcare. Like a friend of mine, this child was accidentally burned. 3rd degree burns, has to pay $100,000 for the grafting of their skin. Don't have healthcare, they're gonna be in debt for the next decade plus just paying that off. Not to mention everything else that it costs to raise a child. So, yes, it is a romantic idea for everyone to be with their children and everyone's so happy and families, but we need to actually look at the reality of what it's like to raise children in today's world where we are so far away from the tribe now. I am not saying so, let's just stop. I'm saying let's create. Let's bring these topics up to create new systems. You know, I am seeing communities being built, single mothers living together. I live with my best friend. We're both single child free women in our 30s, and we have a home together and we do rituals and you know, the same family feeling that you would get from a family of belonging, we are creating that with each other. And I really see that as the next forefront of what's going to happen. Because historically, women, if they weren't married and didn't have children, would die. If you did not see yourself as a vessel for his seed, you were literally worthless. And it still happens today. You know, I remember when I first got into the dating pool again after being single. I was nervous to tell men that I don't want to have children because I was scared that then they would see me as like, valueless. Which goes to show how conditioned we are to think our only value comes from what we can create for him. And again, there are some women who their deepest desire is to be a mother. And I think that's beautiful and we need that. And I have such deep respect. But the fact that I've noticed that a lot of men are fuck boys, they don't want to be in relationships until they decide they want to be a father. And then all of a sudden, they like women. A lot of these men do not like women at all. They pretend to because they want to be a dad. And it's funny, I saw this woman on Instagram and she's hilarious and she has three kids, she's married. But she was like, if you think that a man is going to take care of the responsibilities of the baby, it's like when your kid is begging for a puppy and you actually believe that the kid's gonna take care of all the responsibilities. Like, cute, but let's be real. You're gonna be the one who's cleaning the pee off the ground. And I'm just being honest. And it's not always that way. There are some amazing dads out there who are changing the diapers and doing the night shifts, but most of the time in those situations, the woman is the breadwinner most of the time. Not all. There's the 0.1%. But I'm like, I'm so sick of how I have to like even politically correct everything. Let's just look at what's really happening. Like, look around. It doesn't take that long to see women are really struggling. Mothers are really struggling. And so, yeah, a lot of men are like, I want to be a dad. I want to like play catch with someone. Do you have to give your body for 10 months and be in nausea and pain and everything else that it takes? Like, so many of my pregnant friends are like, no one told me how hard this was going to be. And people get HG where they're extremely nauseous all the time. Again, there are the few and far between that have amazing pregnancies, but it's difficult to go through childbirth, which is a near death experience. Extremely traumatic for a lot of women. And right after that you're given a baby. The newborn phase is extremely difficult. Again, lots of my best friends are moms and they share with me and I, and I see again, even with supportive fathers who are there, who are providers, it's still extremely just taxing on a woman's body. I don't know why God made this design. It doesn't feel very effective to me. But it takes a lot out of the woman. She's not sleeping, she's bleeding, the, you know, ab splaying, there's so much going on there. So she's healing and she's taking care of this child. And then, you know, after newborn stage, there's a toddler stage and there's just always something else. And so many of these moms are exhausted and of course they love their children. Like, once you have a child, I don't think you will regret it. Like, you're going to love this child so much. It's just this biological oxytocin waves that go over you like you can't imagine life without it. You literally shapeshift as a person. So I don't think you can do it wrong. I think if you have a child, like, you will love that child, though. I'm just going to name this here. There is a very big hashtag and Reddit thread called Regretful Parents. And it's mostly anonymous of parents who say, I love my kids so much, but I don't love being a mom. And they are just being honest for the first time. And with social media, we get to actually have these conversations that, you know, like, a woman in your family historically wouldn't tell you. Like, your mom wouldn't be like, yeah, I really regret having you. She didn't have another option to even think that way. And it's not helpful for us to have regrets. But now with the anonymity of the Internet, they're saying, I did not know it was going to be this hard. Like, I am so sick of living Groundhog Day. I am so tired of the constant noise and the chaos. Like, I counted how many times I heard the word mom, mom, mom, mom says 147. Like, I can't get a break. Like, I can't read a book book, let alone, like, just go to the bathroom by myself. Like, it is so much. And it's not the first five years. It's, it's, you're a mother for the rest of your life and there's so much beauty to it, and it's miraculous and it's very difficult. And I really feel it's important to be honest and have these conversations because a lot of mothers feel failed at the way that mothers have not warned them about what would go into it. And so I'm reading a lot of young mothers are like, why didn't anyone tell me this? Like, why didn't anyone tell me how lonely it is, how challenging it is, how taxing it is, how draining? Like, why didn't anyone tell me this? But it's because of this again conditioning of like, oh, motherhood's amazing. You're gonna love it. And then like, once the things are happening, it's like, oh, yeah, that was really hard. Yeah, that's, that's never goes back, actually. You know, it's like, because we're afraid of. If I actually talk about how difficult it. Then maybe she won't want to be a mother and I don't want to, like, I don't know, like, get in the way of that happening. And if I Admit how difficult it is. I think mothers more admit it to each other, because it's like, we're both in this boat together. But I've had some of my. Actually, all of my friends with kids who, again, happily married, amazing husbands, they're like, babe, if you don't really want a child, if it's not a fuck yes for you, it's a fuck no. Because it is the hardest thing I have ever done, and it takes every ounce of me, and I love my child, and I wouldn't change it for the world. And I love being a mother, and I've always known I was meant to be a mother, and it's really freaking difficult. And I believe that you can find love and service and legacy and belonging in a lot of different ways. And you can actually tell, like, who the, like, secure mothers are, because the secure mothers will say, I'm a mom. And I will also say that it's not for everyone, whereas it's the ones who are insecure about it that maybe are feeling the regret, are like, how dare you question motherhood? Being a mother is the best thing ever. You're missing out on so much. It's like, if it was really like, that, great, like, why do you feel the need to convince everyone else? Like, isn't it interesting? It was, like, always, like, the unhappy mothers that are like, so when are you gonna pop out the babies? It's like, misery wants company, bitch. You know? Like, I hear your kids. I'm good, thank you. And it's this, like, interesting thing that, like, I don't know, like, you know when sometimes you, like, eat something that, like, wasn't so great? And then your friends, like, how is it? You're like, oh, yeah, it was fine. And then you're like, oh, yeah, it was pretty bad. Like, why do we do that? Like, why don't we just be honest, you know? And again, there are no rights and wrong. I believe the majority of parents love their children so much, they can't imagine life without them. But there are a lot of things in life I could love that I'm choosing not to have because of the responsibility that comes from it. Oh, my God. There are so many cute, adorable street dogs here in Bali. I see them every day. I would love to adopt all of them. I would love to have a house full of them and just take care of them. And the love I would experience with all of these dogs, it would be so otherworldly. And the service I would do, and it's. It's helping and oh, my God. Oxytocin. Like, it would be amazing. But I can't do that because of my lifestyle, because I'm on podcast shoots for long periods of time, because I travel. And so, yes, it might be an amazing love, but I'm not gonna get to experience that texture of love because the lifestyle that comes with it. So, yes, if I lived in the perfect world where I was supported and provided for and I could, you know, be a mother as much as I wanted and have my sense of purpose and know that when I'm not with my child, that someone that I can trust and safe taking care of my child, then I think a lot more women would say, yes, but that's a fantasy, because the state of the world today is not that. And I'm not even going to go into, you know, the wars and climate change and all of the other things that are happening right now that are making this world unsafe, because I do believe, historically, there have always been hard things, and if you want something like, even if the world is sinking, you can make it happen. But I do believe a lot of women are asking ourselves, I don't even feel safe in today's world. Like, there are a lot more earthquakes and tsunamis and things going on. To bring a child on top of that, to me, it doesn't feel responsible. In fact, a lot of women are saying, I think the most selfless thing I can do is not bring a child to this world. In this world of war, in this world of school shootings every single day in the United States, in this world of so much pedophilia, like, there are a lot of dark things on this Earth. It is hard to be a human. You know, I remember I was sharing a little bit about this on my Instagram story. If you're not following me on Instagram, I am Saharrose. I share my thoughts on my stories. And some man, of course, was like, well, if your grandmother thought like you, you wouldn't even exist. So it's extremely selfish. You're just, you know, pursuing your hobbies. And I'm like, did I ask to be here? And I actually did a little skit, and it was me just hanging out in heaven as, you know, sipping my coconut water, having a jolly old time with Yeshua and, you know, Kuan Yin and all them bantering. And then all of a sudden, my mother, she was like, you're coming to Earth? And I was like, no, that place is a ghetto. I'm not. I'm not coming down there. She's like, you're coming to Earth. I'm like, for 20, 25? I don't think so. Love you. Have fun not doing that. You're coming to Earth because I can't be selfish. Fuck. Great. Now I'm here. I'm here with y'. All. Just trying to have a moment of what it was like up there every single damn day. Trying to listen to music, trying to go to the temple, trying to dance up for a moment. I don't feel like I'm here, but here I am just trying to help you guys. Guess I signed up for this shit. So it's like, mom, did you have to, like, did you really have to, like, I wish you were a little bit more selfish so I could be up there hanging out with Kuan Yin and shit. But here I am. I hope it's of service, you know, so, no, I'm having fun. I was at a waterfall the other day. I. I think I'm living like the best human life you can. It's still hard on this planet. I'm not gonna lie. It's hard to stay happy here. It's like you get glimps and then it's like up Palestine, hurricane, something else. Ukraine, does something else just throw it at you. It's like, like right now I'm not dating anyone. I have, I have no drama, I have no stress. Like, I'm finally in a place that I don't have my own problems. It's pretty amazing, guys. Like, I remember when I was going through my divorce, I told my bestie Rosie, she's been in a now 22 year long relationship. They don't have kids. I'm like, babe, you don't have your own problems. Like, literally your only problems are other people's problems that like, you're thinking about. She was like, damn, you're right. Well, you're so lucky because I was going through my divorce. The heartbreak, crying. Every day I'm at the place that I don't have my own problems anymore. Like, I'm here channeling collective problems, trying to help out. Why would I fuck this shit up? Took me a long time to get here. But look, I mean, who knows? Next episode I'm like, guys, I'm pregnant. So permission to change my mind if like a really like, you know, bearded, long haired, tall, Lord Shiva looking man comes along, I might, might be tempted. But please, y' all remind me I'm sober right now. Because let's be real, I know that love has an agenda. Just like the global elite have an Agenda. Love has an agenda, too. Love wants y' all to fuck with no rubber. Love is like babies. Like, that's why it's so hot. It's like, oh, my God, What? What are our baby names gonna be? Oh, my God, you brought that up. No, you didn't. Well, I'm just saying, I use this app. I put our pictures together and our mixed kids would be pretty cute. Oh, my God, that's such a turn on for me. Like, why do we do that shit? It's, like, for girls, as foreplay. And the men know it, so they tell us these things. They're not trying, by the way. Actually, sometimes they're trying. Let's talk about being baby locked for a moment. So people are like, oh, women try to, like, baby trap the men. No, no, no. The men are trying to baby trap, trap us. So having a child is actually no way to trap a man. Do you know who it actually does trap? Like, physically is, like, connected to this baby forevermore. The woman. And so actually, a lot of these men, I'm talking about, like, real, like, low value men will impregnate women to keep her. And again, I'm talking about, like, toxic men, which I hope y' all aren't listening to this. I mean, if you are, actually, I hope you are to, like, enlighten yourselves, please. But a lot of men will try to impregnate women because they want to dim her light. They want to control her. They don't want her to be available. It's like their way of putting their seat in her. So they have dominated her. And then the moment that she's impregnated and have the baby, she is no longer of value to them anymore. And then they go on to find the next maiden to impregnate. This is why you see, these very disgusting low value men will have so many baby mamas. Nick Cannon. 10. 10 children, I think. 10 different mothers. I'm sorry your music sucked. And you suck. I hope you're listening to this too. So the fact that these men think their seed, Elon Musk, is so fucking important that they need to go around and impregnate and abandon these women. Let's talk about Elon Musk for a second. The guys of what? Trillionaire? He's not paying child support for his children. Google it. Like, one of his baby mothers is like, I'm literally on food stamps and need to feed my child McDonald's because Elon will not give us any money. Another child, like, went public and, like, disowned his father because he was never there. And then the father's like, oh, you're gay. Like, he's a horrible human. I'm sorry. Now I'm like, totally gonna get canceled. Sorry, Elon. Like, don't send me to the SpaceX jail. Whatever. I'm out of here, y'. All. This is my last lifetime. But I'm just saying, these narcissistic men, historically, Genghis Khan, who actually was like, my great, great, great something grandfather. Like, my dad looks really Asian, by the way, because Genghis Khan and his fucking army crew came to Iran and raped and pillaged all of the women. So the city where my dad is from, Esfahan, Iran, everyone looks Asian. I wonder why. Were they twin flames? I don't think so. Our history is full of such gnarly ass shit. And I think it's important to look at it especially as a spiritual community, because we have these freaking blinders on. Especially when we, coming back to my point, fall in love. Like, yes, I believe love is so beautiful and it's mystical, but when I'm talking about capital L love, like universal love, romantic love, it's a huge amount of. It is hormonal. And you can look up and there's tons of books and TED Talks, and I won't go into everything, but basically, you're meeting someone. So if you've experienced love at first sight, which I know I have, it is literally your body being flooded by dopamine. And then once you're with that person, oxytocin, that's bonding you to them, and that. It feels good. It's like drugs. Love is a drug. That shit is so good. And then you're, like, wanting more hits, and you're wanting more hits, and you get into the stable relationship. You have the kids and you get the white picket fen house. And then the drugs wear off and you're sober at EDC with no ride to get home, and it's 9am, your teeth are grinding, and you feel like shit. You can't go back. And so I'm just saying, y', all, like, I'm just. I'm just being honest because I'm sober right now, and I've been there many a times. Oh, my God. But, like, it was a connection like I've never experienced before. I was on drugs. Love drugs. My brain was playing tricks on me, and I can see now, like, okay, let's be real. There is always a time, whether you're in a relationship or not, that you meet someone and you Will fantasize about what your life could be like with that person. You're like, oh, my God. Like, and it will even happen in a relationship. Like, you can't help it. I want you to think of one person that you had this huge crush on that you were just like you. You were like a teenage girl over this person. Let's just say you had it your way and you guys ended up together. Honey boo boo, where would you be in your life right now? What would have gone down after? Would you be here listening to this podcast? I don't think so. Like, I had a crush on this guy and I was like, oh, my God. Like, his smile is so amazing. And I just. I felt like a deep chemistry with him. And let's just say I would have been one of these polyamorous, one of many while he went off and spreaded his seeds out into the world. And I would have still been paying for things. It would not have been good. So you can't trust how you feel all the time. I'm gonna say this. You can't trust all your emotions. Just because you feel something, it doesn't mean it is true. Ladies, there are a lot of things you have felt and it wasn't true. Feel your emotions. Feel your feelings. You know, I have a method called the emote and body expresses the triple E methods. How I heal myself after my divorce. The first step of it. E. Feel. Feel how you feel. Be honest with yourself how you feel. Because if you don't feel that emotion and you suppress it, it's just going to control you. So go into it. But in a practice. I'm not saying now go act on it and like, break up with your husband and run off with this guy. No, let's do the practice first before we break up some marriages. Feel your emotion. Feel. Maybe it's the lust and the attraction, the chemistry. Maybe it is oof. The way that he would provide. Maybe it is the anger that you have at your husband. Maybe it's the sadness of the aloneness. Then embody first move in your body what your emotion feels like and then shift it into how you want to feel. Maybe you just want to feel excitement in your life. Maybe your relationship has gotten really routine. You just want to feel some excitement. You want to feel some new. New. Go to a concert, dye your hair, go to Bali. Like, do something. You don't need to do that thing. You don't need to get with that guy to feel excitement. There's so many other things you can do that Will preserv your ph just saying, is it worth fucking up your ph? And then express, emote, embody, express. Turn it into words, turn it into like a voice note. Record a voice memo for yourself. Just like all the things that you would want to say. Maybe all the things you want to tell him, maybe all the things you want to tell your ex. Express. Maybe you write it down. Maybe you write a poem, maybe you write a song. Guys, are you wondering how I went from author to like also an artist? By the way, I have like millions of streams on Spotify. It's freaking crazy. I didn't even know I could rap and sing and produce music. It all came online through this method. This is why I teach it in my school Highest Self Institute. I'll actually share my free mini course of it because it is so valuable and it really guides you through it. So I'll link that below the Triple E Method embodiment free 3 day mini course. But what it shows us is that we can transmute our emotion. We can create art from our emotion. We can create something that actually gives us the essence of how we want to feel without the most reactive thing that we think we need to do. So as women, we have been taught that marriage and children is our ticket to a new life. No, baby girl, you can get your own ticket to any kind of life that you want. You, you want to feel expressed and vivacious. You get to be that. You want to feel routine and stability. You get to have that. You don't need to get married and have kids to also have that. You want to knit sweaters, you can do that. In fact, you won't even be bothered. You know, you can knit all day long if you like. But we get to this point as women that we're like, okay, I guess I lived enough life for myself. Time to jump ship and like be of service and sacrifice my entire identity. Cause it's the only thing I'm here for. It's not the case. There is so much of life that is awaiting you. Your value is so much more than just the life that you're here to create. And maybe that is a part of your plan. And beautiful. But I feel so many of us women, we hide where we're at. And right now I feel at a point of my life that I don't want children. Maybe I'll meet someone, maybe that will change because I'll be back on the drugs. But maybe like genuinely, like, I'll like let it linger and it will change. I don't Know anything's possible. I was married once, but at this point of knowing myself so deeply, spending so much time, like, creating a life that is so true to me, and there is so much more I want to experience. There is so much more I want to create. I really believe I'm here to be of service for the collective. And you know when people shame you and say, like, oh, well, you're not raising children. Like, think about the lives that you're touching every single day, you know, from the people that you interact with to the work that you do. And maybe you're needing more service to feel important. Maybe if that feels like the only reason why you're having kids is to be of service to humanity. There are a lot of other ways, guys, to be of service. You know, every single day, my voice reaches millions of people. It's freaking crazy. Across social media, email. This is over a million people every single day. It's insane. And so, like, I could say to someone, well, you don't know what it's like to reach a million people every single day. You're missing out. You're not really of service. I would never say that shit, because everyone has their own path, whether it's one to one, whether it's one to many, whether it's one to a dozen, and everything in between. But to think that a woman's only way of being of service, yes, historically, her only way to be of service was a child because she wasn't allowed to do anything else. Do you think women like me were given microphones and lights and cameras? Do you think we still are? No, bitch. I had to get all these myself. We're giving ourselves the microphone to finally have these conversations. And if it makes me unmarriageable, then so be it, because I'm swimming with dolphins, like, all the time. I'm literally living my dream. I'm going to floor dance classes and going to waterfalls and teaching my students about mysticism. Like, I'm living my personal dream and you get to live yours. Like, I remember when I thought, okay, maybe I'm gonna have kids. It felt like this time limit that I had in my life, I was like, oh, I have, like, maybe, like, two more years left to live life for me. And then once I have kids, it's all over. And once I decided, like, I don't think having children is for me, it's like, oh, my God, I have the whole rest of my life. There's so much more I can do now. Like, there's so much more that I can create again. I'm not saying that having children makes you stop your life. You can continue to live your dharma. It adds a new layer to your dharma. And it's just a different life path. And it's beautiful, and you can do one in the same. And again, who knows? I'm not stuck on this idea either. However, I think it's a myth to say that you can have it all. Like, you can touch it all. But, like, not really, actually, because all is juxtaposing energies. Like, it's like saying you can go outside and be inside at the same time. No, you actually can't. You, like, literally can't. It's like, oh, you can have, like, all the time in the world to live your purpose and be a mother. Well, no, actually, you can't, because you don't have all the time in the world. Because being a mother takes a lot of time and energy. And I have deep respect for how women are juggling both. I think juggle is a much better word than this fantasy that women are telling each other. That's not true. Because once they become the mothers, like, yeah, yeah, you totally can't have it all. To have a happy, healthy relationship where you have time for each other, where you have date nights, where you're having sex, where you like each other still, where you're having these conversations, to taking care of your children and, you know, the demands and all that that can take to providing for yourself and being able to support your family and your bills and everything that takes to your spiritual practice and having a connection to your God in moments of silence. Still, it's to having hobbies, to having friends, having a clean home. No, you can't be doing that all perfectly. And I think it's a lie that we keep telling women because it actually makes them cry. Like, it just makes women feel like you're never doing enough. Because no matter what, like, you can't be even over 5 out of 10 in these categories. Like, something has to give. Unless you have a lot of money and you're outsourcing, like, fully. You have a nanny taking care of the kids, but you're still going to feel the guilt. Or you have someone completely cleaning the house and cooking, or you have a husband. Like, you can't do it all. And again, don't shoot the messenger. But I think it's important for us women to have these conversations because I see this, like, spiritual exceptionalism happen where women are like, well, I'm supported by God. I'm God's Favorite. And so, like, those things won't happen to me. Like, babe, just trust that you're divinely supported. And like, that won't be your story. It's just not your story. Just declare it. Just declare. And so it is. And then it just isn't. Okay, world peace. And so it is. No more famine. And so it is. Did anything change? Are the children of Gaza being fed as the war stopped? No, but I said and so it is. Universe, abracadabra. Aren't you listening? It's not that fucking simple. Again, don't shoot the messenger. I deeply believe in spirit, but I don't believe just because you say something that it's real. Just like I don't believe because you feel something. It's real. We have to actually look at the fact that we're on this physical planet. Like, yes, we're spirits, but we're here in 3D. And this reality has its own structures. And yes, I do believe in a world that we create new. Like, I crave to create a new country. Like, I want to make a new country. Guys, I've been thinking about this a lot. I want to make an entirely new country that we can become citizens of, that we're like, living with the land and we have our own homes, we have the tribe. And you know, we are having our resources taken care of and our tax money is actually going to like, natural health and raising children with the earth. And I think in that society, yes, a lot more of us will want to have children because we'll feel safe enough to. But I don't feel freaking safe when in California, there's school shootings every day, where the highways are crazy, we're drunk driving, where there's, there's pedophiles in schools. Like, it is crazy. And you can say, oh, but that's the voice of fear again. These are the things that, like, spiritual people, we need to stop being delulu and think that, like, none of these things can potentially happen to us because, like, we're God's favorite. No one ever thinks they're going to be a statistic. I never thought when I walked down the aisle that my. The person I was giving vows to would cheat on me. I never thought that. I never thought I would be a statistic of divorce. I'm a very spiritual person. I've devoted my life to God. God. But I'm no better than anyone else. Life happens. Life lives. And I feel that is a maturity that we get as we get older. And again, life has lifed me A lot at a young age that I feel like I'm like, in my crone at this point. I'm like you younglings. It's very cute how you believe in everything so much, you know? But as I get older, I'm like, no one is immune to life lifing them, period. And I love the idea and the belief that, like, nothing bad will ever happen to me because the truth is, challenges will happen to me. But I don't see them as bad. I see them as growth. I don't regret my marriage. I don't regret anything. If I had children, I would not regret that, because there's no point of regretting anything. However, I think once the rug has been pulled from under your feet and something that you thought would never happen has happened, you stop thinking that you're an extreme exception to every single rule and you realize your humanity. And it gives you a good dash of that humble sauce, which I think is the real spiritual journey that we all need to, like, humble ourselves. Like, you are no better than the single moms. Did they know they were going to be single moms? No one knows that until it happens to them. And I. And I actually think it's quite rude that our society is like, well, I'm going to choose someone that would, like, never leave me because I have, like, discernment and I'm so healed. And like, it would just. Being a single mom is just not in my field. Like my. Or it's just a full, like, no to that ever happening. It's just. It's not me. Like, oh, mom's struggling. That's never going to be me. Like, look at me. I'm just so carefree and flowing and like, nothing bad ever happens to me. And that's just what my life is going to be like. I love that belief for you. I hope it helps you sleep well at night. But they were just as spiritual and they were just as loved by God, and they are just as divinely guided and life has lifed them. And I do believe we all have our own journeys and it's all perfect for us and we will always grow through our challenges. But to think that you're not going to have challenges because you're spiritual is completely delulu. You will. I will continue to. But the difference is now I know, like, I'll overcome it. Like, it will always make me better and will always make me stronger. And I just feel as we actually reach a form of more spiritual and emotional maturity, we don't get blindsided by this Delulu sauce that, like, only good things are gonna happen. Well, let's remove the words good or bad things will happen that are out of your control, and you never know. And I really believe the only reason why you should have kids is if you are okay with the possibility of being a single parent. Because it is a possibility. Statistically, it is a 50% possibility. 50% of first marriages in the United States end in divorce, 60% of second marriages, and 70% of third marriages. And so I'm just sharing a statistic now. You might be the other 50%. Like. Like, it is a toy, a coin toss. Like, 50 of people will stay married to that person forever. It is totally possible. 40 of the next 30. It is totally possible. And like, if I was like, like, like have some of this, like, water. There might be some poison in it. 50. 50. But, like, you might be on the good 50. Again, I'm not saying, like, having children is poison, but I'm saying, like, 50 is a lot. So if for you, the thought of being a single mother is like, I would rather not have children than ever be a single mother. That is my ultimate nightmare. I don't know what I would do. I would crumble. I would. My life would be over. Like, I could never. Then don't have kids. Then don't have kids. Because it is a possibility. And you just need to know, like, if I was going into a business with someone, I need to know, like, you know, when I started High Self Institute with my business partners, we in our claws is like, what if we get into a fight? What's gonna happen? What if that couple. Cause they were a married couple. What if they divorce? What happens? We had to go into all of these challenging situations that could happen. And imagine if I was like, no, guys, we can't think about these things. We're going to manifest them. Silly gooses. We're all going to be exactly as we are and feel exactly as we are till the end of time, right? No. In the six years we've had businesses, we've ebbed and flowed so much. It is marriage having a business with someone. And we're still together. We're still going strong. But roles have really shifted. We have all really shifted. And that's going to happen in marriage. To think that you're going to marry someone and you're both going to stay exactly the same and that you're gonna have a child and that child is gonna stay exactly the same, and the world is gonna stay exactly the same. Nothing remains the same. And so having children is beautiful if it's true to yourself. And also know that it is no guarantee just because you really love and trust that person today, that it's guaranteed that you will stay together. It might be an amicable decision, but you just don't know what life has in store. No one thinks they're gonna be a widow. No one thinks these things are gonna happen. And again, I know you're like, sara, this is quite dark. Like, if we don't have these conversations, it's like signing a business contract that we don't know about. That's why, like, a prenup is important. Like, okay, we're committing till death do us part, combining all of our resources. Like, what if this doesn't work out? Like. Like, what is the backup plan? Like, have these conversations. And I feel like we have become afraid of having these conversations because we're afraid if we give them any energy, they're going to manifest. If it's meant to manifest, it will manifest. And you're just gonna be kicking yourself with like, why didn't I think of this earlier? How many times have something happened? You're like, why did I think of this earlier? Start thinking about it now. Like, this could be the point in my evolution and maybe in your evolution that you're going into all of the reasons why you don't wanna have kids and you're being honest with it, and maybe from really going there, something later shifts in you and you wanna have kids. At least you were honest with yourself of all of the reasons why not to. And still knowing everything you chose to. I think that is actual responsibility. Like, that is actually, like, I know I could be a single parent. I know all of these different risks could happen. Health, societal, safety. So many things could happen. And I'm still choosing it. Mashallah, be a parent. Because you actually now have your eyes open. But people are like, we're just in love. And, you know, God loves us and it's all gonna be great forever. And, like, they're the ones on Judge Judy because they can't afford a real lawyer. I don't want that for any of y'. All. So the moral of the story is we don't know how life is gonna life us. I don't know what my future holds. I don't know what your future holds. But we can actually look at what something takes. The energetic, the health, the mental, the full load of what it. It actually means to bring a human to this world. In 2025, with everything going on, we need to look at these things, we need to be honest. We need to have a plan. We need to have the resources or go to a place that we feel supported. And yes, you'll figure it out, just like we all do. But I don't want you to be in a state of survival when you just had a child like, like so many women are. You know, one of my best friends was homeless with her baby. She did not think her husband would leave her. He did. When the baby was a year old, she was homeless for like over a year and then was sleeping on friends couches again. She figured it out and now she's okay and she would never regret it, but, like, she wouldn't want that for you. I don't want that for you. No one wants that for anyone. And so it's just important for us to have these conversations. And on another note, and it doesn't mean you need to get to a place that you're okay with being a mom. It's not the end goal. It's not more valuable. Like, why is it okay in our society for mothers to go on social media and be like, there is nothing more gratifying in this life than being a mother. What if I said there is nothing more gratifying in my life than not being a mother? I could just as equally say that, say, I'm living my life, my dream life, being a mother. I could say, I'm living my dream life, not being a mother. Like, why is it me saying that is like, how dare you? That's offensive. But like, saying that to our mothers, we're like, okay, I don't want kids. But, like, I love that for you. We're applauding them. We're like, yes, queen. Like, you do that. But like, if I'm like, the reason why I have the life of my dreams, truthfully, the reason why I have the life of my dreams is because I did not have children with my ex, period. I would not have this life if I had kids. Kids I would have to co parent with him. Stayed in Miami where we lived. No way would I be in Bali. No way would I have become a artist, dj, rapper, podcast. I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be living my dream. So actually, I'm living my dream from the choice I made of not having children. And again, my dream may shift. Your dream may shift. Everyone's dream may shift. But let's not shame people of like, oh, you don't want kids? Stay hush. Because that's like, rude to the moms. Like, why would it be rude? If you're secure about your choice, you're secure about your choice. Choice. And let's just celebrate women making their own choice. Women choosing what's right for them. Kids, not kids. Adopting, having children later in life, having children earlier in life. Like, it's all beautiful. It's all perfect and it's all invited and accepted. But it just feels like in our society today, like it's finally becoming a little bit more safe of choosing to be child free and speaking about it without being so publicly shamed. And this is why I wanted to have this conversation. So I'm curious what's alive for you? This is. This is gonna be a juicy one. This is gonna be a controversial one. If you're on YouTube, leave comments. That's a good place to have the conversation. On my Instagram, under the reel that I make of this. Have a conversation. I have a community called Rose Gold Goddesses. It's a divine feminine sisterhood. So that's a really good place to dive in deeper. I'm gonna share my triple E method, E course, my school high self institute to train to become a spiritual life coach, embodiment coach, Dharma coach. There are so many ways to contribute humanity, to be of service, and to have the life that you deeply desire with your values. Whether it's freedom, whether it's play, whether it's fun, whether it's abundance, pleasure. Like you get to. You matter. It's not just your children that matter. It's you matter. You're not too old to matter. You're not here to just be mother of. Like, your life matters today. And I hope regardless of where life takes you, you remember that today. So thank you so much for tuning in. Please be sure to subscribe, stay in connection for future episodes. I'd love to know what other conversations you'd love for me to have shared in the YouTube comments. I'm going to read every single one. Love you guys and I'll see you in the next episode. Trust your intuition. Trust your inner wisdom. Trust you in the guidance. Close your eyes and listen. So trust your intuition. Trust your inner wisdom. Trust your inner guidance.