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Highest Self Podcast®
619: This is What’s Holding 99% of People Back From Healthy Relationships With Adeyemi Adeyosoye
01:12:53
This week we’re exploring the dark masculine a side of the masculine that most of us have never been shown, yet is essential for true intimacy, polarity, and healing. I sat down with Adeyemi, a men’s coach and wisdom-keeper, whose...
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- [00:00]
A
A man can tap into his dark energy and his ability to ravish a woman by letting go of all constructs of who he needs to be in the sexual engagement. He needs to trust his intuition in the moment and ask himself the question, how do I want to experience and feel this woman and trust that fully? The pull into the woman is a lot more magnetic because you are trusting your body and asking the question, how do I want to feel this woman? Let go of performance. You cannot ravish a woman when you're performing. You are in your mind.
- [00:32]
B
One I've been waiting for. Welcome back to the Highest Self podcast. My name is Sahara Rose, and on this podcast, I love to take spiritual concepts and make them modern, grounded, fun, and relatable so it can actually serve your needs. So I feel the biggest part of the spiritual journey is the journey into the heart, the journey into the shadows, the journey into the unknown, which is where all the good shit is, by the way. So my own journey, especially after my divorce several years ago, really took me deep into the underworld. It made me understand who I was, how I was, my ancestral lineage, my childhood, different limiting beliefs and blocks. And what was then the hardest thing that ever happened to me ended up being the best thing that ever happened to me and really led me even deeper on the path of. Of weaving with, you know, not being separated from, but weaving with, which is what the word tantra really means. So I follow a lot of different teachers and relationship polarity. Tantra and I came across this beautiful soul on Instagram maybe a year or a year and a half ago, and I absolutely loved his work. I was like, sharing his videos with my friends. I'm like, the world needs more men like this. Yes. Share, share, share. Put him on a billboard and I ended up meeting him at the Mindvalley conference, and I was like, yo, you need to come on the podcast. And so he's here to share with us today all about the dark masculine. And I know you might be thinking, what dark masculine sounds scary? But we're going to get into that. We're going to get into polarity, relationships. I mean, who knows? Sh about to hit the fam right now. So without further ado, let's welcome Adeyemi. He is a coach to the 1 percenters. He is someone who has really dove in deep, especially with plant medicine work. He hails from Nigeria, which I really believe is like the motherland and heartbeat of the earth right now, obviously, because I love the Afrobeats music and really just a deep and wise soul. And before we drop into this episode, be sure to hit subscribe wherever you're listening to this podcast. That is the best way to stay up to date on the latest episodes. We've got this in video format, so if you're just hearing my voice, be sure to also watch our fabulous outfits on video as well on Spotify, YouTube or the Apple Store. This is the best way to stay in the flow with future conversations and also allows the podcast to reach more people. So hit subscribe so I can keep vibing with you on all future episodes. Now let's get into this one. So without further ado, let's welcome Adeyemi here on the Highest Self podcast.
- [03:08]
A
Welcome, Sahara. Thank you for having me.
- [03:11]
B
So I'm curious for you. What brought you to your knees that brought you to this path of the dark masculine?
- [03:19]
A
You know, I. I grew up in a pretty spiritual home in Africa, right? A lot of people, when they see African spirituality, they think about voodoo in many ways. But I grew up in a relatively spiritual home, growing through life. My family, we had quite a lot of money growing up, right? And inevitably we crashed as a whole. And I found myself working in some ways and sometimes as a security guard, cleaning floors, struggling my way through life. Found myself in Germany, just hustling. And throughout all of that, one of the things that really kept elevating me was spirituality. That's where I really learned to hone in my manifesting skills and the ability to change my life. I wouldn't say anything took me to my knees to get into the dark masculine. I would say, though, that for me, it's about chasing and trying to find the highest vibration I can hold. I went through sexual abuse growing up. That created the initial codex in my system for one of the gifts I'm going to give the world, which is sexuality and men stepping deeper into their sexual power. As part of that, I went through my spiritual journey, went into plant medicine, went into psychedelics. All unlocked a whole world of inner child shame and shadows and just deep, deep nonsense in my life. And then the question became, how can I hold space for all of me? You know, when I see most people on the spiritual path, there is this sense of divorcing parts of yourself to be holy. I believe holiness is by owning your full self. That is what introduced me into the dark masculine. It was the question of how can I get to a point in my spiritual journey where I'm not divorcing a part of myself, I'm not divorcing my sexuality, I'm not divorcing my want and my deep connection into women. No, I want to hold all of me. My shadow, my shame, my sexual connection, my polarity, my desires, the good and the bad. Because inherently, for everything to exist under God, if you want to say God of the universe, life and death has to exist light and dark. So for me, this path is about holding my darkness and my lightness. The only path and the key to that has been the dark masculine activation. That means sexual work, that means shame work, and that means really coming to a place where I can say, huh? I look in the mirror and I go, I love all of me. That's how I got into the dark masculine.
- [05:36]
B
So beautifully said. And I feel for most men I speak with, shame is really where it all begins. So how can we begin to, you know, and that's like the hardest place to go into. You know, it's like the things that you never want to look at, the things that make you feel that you're wrong, broken, dirty, Especially when. When there's childhood sexual abuse. So what is the path? Especially, you know, a lot of women listen to this. They may have partners, exes who've experienced this. What does beginning to unravel that look like?
- [06:06]
A
I like to say there are two kinds of fires. There's the fire that burns and the fire that purifies. When you're releasing shame, you need the fire that purifies. And the only way to do it is exposure. Because when the frequency of shame comes into body, if you've seen the Dave Hawkins Consciousness Scale, shame is the lowest emotion you can have in your being. And as soon as a person has shame, they're at the weakest, lowest vibration they can be in. Right? The only way to help a man release his shame is to create space for him to be able to expose that and in many ways, witness him in that journey. You know, when a man is going through his healing journey, he intentionally has to drop into his feminine. The problem with that, and this is something for your audience to actually take into account, is that the problem with that is when a man opens up and drops into his feminine around a woman, sometimes she might want to try to keep him in that feminine. So it becomes inherently unsafe for him to actually do his healing journey because he cannot walk out of the room, walk out of the situation, walk out of that instance with his masculine intact. So when you're helping a man open the door into his shame, first of all, you have to create space for him to expose it. When he's done exposing that Shame, you cannot hold it on him. You have to ensure that when he's leaving that place, you reinforce his masculine, you reinforce his strength. Not than the strength of, oh, I'm so happy you can show this vulnerable part of you. But more, I'm proud of you, I believe more in you. Now I can feel your power. You're reinforcing his masculine. If you do that over and over again, it becomes more safe for him to go into deeper, deeper levels of shame. And he knows that that's a place where he can actually save his power and have it when he leaves that relationship or that connection with you. Right. So a lot of people get this thing wrong. Shame is painful, it's hard, it's weakening. And so you're going to see a man in his weakness and you're inviting him into his weakness. But you have to be careful because he cannot stay in his weakness. He has to leave feeling strong and reinforced. I think if more people do that to men, we'll see a lot more men step into shame, step into vulnerability. And ultimately that's what the woman wants. She wants connection, she wants to feel his heart. But the space and the structure must be there for him to drop into his feminine, complete the process, step back into his masculine effy.
- [08:26]
B
So you said a lot of women unconsciously are maybe keeping the man and his feminine. Like, what does that look like?
- [08:33]
A
It looks like something where a man shares something he's shameful about. Right. And oftentimes actually when the dynamics with women typically is they see the man and they want a masculine man who is in his power, Right. When that man tries to share something shameful, they ignore him. They don't listen, they don't give him the audience, they don't give him the level of sensitivity that he actually needs. Because the capacity for a woman to step into the things she's shameful about, it's a lot higher than a man's. So the little micro instance where he opens up into shame and she turns it down doesn't necessarily have the same level of sensitivity to it. What she doesn't realize is that's a big jump for the man, right? In the man's world. That's huge. I just opened up something. There was this video that went viral about a man sharing how he had this wire, piece of wire that he'd been with for 40 years, right? It was some plumber or something, electrician, blue collar man, and he had this piece of wire that he had been with for 40 years. He'd been through so many parts of his business wire that he kept using meant nothing to the woman. And as he started talking about it, he started getting tears, right? Because he went, this is something that almost chronicles his life, chronicles his journey. And the woman didn't listen. Completely shut him down in that motion. And you could see how he snapped back into, well, you've done it again. He closed up, ran away. It's micro instances. It sounds silly. Women have a lot more emotional capacity than men. So really you have to pay attention to the micro instances where you see that man crack a little bit, be there for him, calm down. It's a lot bigger than you think. In my world, it's a lot bigger because if I go into shame and I don't come out of it, she might perceive me as being weak. I might lose emotional polarity, I might lose sexual polarity, right? I might lose the belief from my wife or from my partner. But if she starts to understand that when I try to open up, all she has to do is hold space for me, allow that to be. Let me go through my waves. Sometimes don't even comment, just go, I see you, I got you, it's fine, let's move on. Sometimes you don't even need to bring up the fact that he's being vulnerable. It's just, I see you, I feel you. Give him the space to go through his ripple.
- [10:44]
B
If you're listening to this podcast, I know you have felt the importance of diving deeper than the mind and into the body. Because, let's be real. Even spirituality, it can be overwhelming trying to figure everything out. And the truth is, we're not here to master every single spiritual system, but we're here to feel and to live our best lives. And that happens through embodiment. So embodiment is the spiritual path of the feminine. It is not to leave the body, but rather to be so deeply immersed in her that you feel your sensual sexuality, your radiance, your joy, your desires, your love. And you're also not afraid of feeling your anger or sadness that may be holding you back from becoming your full spectrum self. So embodiment was the missing key to my own spiritual practice. And after my divorce, when I was in so much pain, I created what I call the Triple E method, which stands for emote, embody and express. So I have created a free three day embodiment mini course that guides you through what? Embodiment is how to use the Triple E method. And you get to watch me coach someone live using this method. So I have created A program called the certified embodiment Program at the highest self Institute, my school. And it has been so remarkable, the shifts that we have seen happen behind the scenes. People overcoming lifelong patterns, feelings of scarcity, body image, heartbreak. And in one session completely shift and blossom into their most radiant, joyful, sensual and embodied selves. So this is why I have now wanted to make available for you to see the session in real life. So whether you want to dive deeper into your own embodiment journey and find finally clear some of the things that you are holding on to so you can really radiate at your most goddess shiny self, or you even might feel ready to step into your path as a certified embodiment coach. This mini course is for you, so you can find the link in the show notes. And I'm so excited to invite you there. I love that so much. And you know, something like a wire is something that's. It's so cute. It's like I'm imagining his little boy and he loves the wire. However, the things that often we're ashamed about are often, especially in relationship maybe things that are not meant to happen in a relationship. Infidelity, porn addiction, you know, things like that. So how can a woman hold space for a man sharing that shame when it directly impacts her? And maybe the agreements of the relationship remove expectation. Okay, you are.
- [13:24]
A
Let me explain the reason why it might hurt when infidelity. I understand. We can talk about that. There are different constructs you can have. Porn addiction, things of the sort. They're things that the man is struggling with. If you put yourself first in the equation, you can't hold space for him because you're forgetting that this is a sovereign being going through his own conscious expression and evolution in front of you. Come back to the witness. You're witnessing a being going through his life. That is the honor you have by being in relationship with this man and him being in a relationship with you. If you put yourself first of how he's doing, whatever he's doing, how does it impact me? You actually cut off because you are trying to change his perspective, change whatever he's going through to fit your own construct your own mode of life. First things first. This is a sovereign being, and I'm a witness to his evolution. That changes the entire energy of the interaction. Because now I look at a man going through porn addiction, I might go, oh, I don't want my man to go through porn addiction. But instead I go, oh, he's going through porn addiction. I wonder what's there There's a curiosity that sparks immediately. The curiosity changes the entire dynamic. Because I'm not trying to protect myself. I'm trying to discover this man in front of me. And I find that word discovery to be extremely important. When you go into the state of discovery, that's when that curiosity comes in. That's when I can feel you. That's when I can go, hey, you have a porn addiction. Okay, let's talk about it. Where is it coming from? What's going on? What are you feeling in these motions? Not because I'm trying to change you, because I'm actually giving witness into the very depths of your being. And we have to remember that at the core, remove man, remove woman. At the core of what we are really here for as human beings, one of the core desires is to be witnessed in the deepest aspects of ourselves. I had this in a psychedelic ceremony where I went through some really deep things. And I realized at a very core level, all I wanted was to be seen in many ways in my shit. And the person that can hold space for that without trying to alter my situation, my expression, my being, that's a person I can be with. I have restfulness with that person. And when I achieve a state of restfulness and trust, I can let that person influence me. Then we can go into the work of, I've seen you now. What if we change this? I, first of all, don't believe in infidelity, right? When I say I don't believe in it, I don't believe any person should step out of a relationship. I don't believe in that. Right? I've never cheated in any relationship before. And when I meet men and the men I work with, one of the questions I ask, have you cheated on the woman? If you've cheated, we need to expose that. We need to step deep into the truth here. When a man does it, though, and he opens up to a woman about it, there is going to be pain. Of course, let's witness what is going through first. There are other structures we can take to get the woman out of the relationship if need be. There are many other things we need to do there. I can't condone infidelity, but I know it happens. And for the men I work with, when it happens, the first thing I say is truth. You need to own up your truth. And you need to understand you've caused pain on this woman. And if you've caused pain on the woman, the only way you can get her back to you is to expose a certain level of yourself that causes you an equal amount or more pain than you caused her. She needs to feel that you are at that same level of depth because you are hurting her. Right. So it's really this thing on don't believe in infidelity. I don't condone it in many ways. And I think many more men need to step deeper into their power. And also the first thing is witnessing, can I see this being? He's struggling. Remove yourself from the equation. I think we go through life being extremely selfish. It's all me, me, me. Stop, slow down. A being is evolving, a being is struggling. Witness that, Effy.
- [17:05]
B
Yeah. It's important to take ourselves out of it. And I think what's challenging is in a relationship, it is like the co creation of two people. But I love what you said of like you are signing up to witness someone through the ebbs and flows of life. You know, my question for you is what role does the feminine actually have in being the space holder for. For her masculine counterpart versus him going to other men for this kind of thing?
- [17:28]
A
Men need men. Every woman needs to understand this. Men need men. I love the work of John Bradshaw on the Inner Child. One of the things he clearly spoke about in the book is that men need men. There's a certain. Remember I talked about this feminine and masculine dynamic. When a man is stepping into healing, he goes into his feminine. That process of going into his feminine means he has to outsource his masculine. Right. He's a lot safer outsourcing that masculine to a group of other men. Right? Which is why you find to a certain level, men typically need men to heal. On the other hand, women can heal with men and heal with women, right? Because of that masculine capacity for space holding. In terms of how a woman can hold space for a man, nine times out of 10, a woman, if you look at a yin yang, she does have some masculine components for herself, right? I think yes, she should hold space. She should be there and be present, help him get into his deeper aspect of shame. Especially everything around sexuality and sexual work, where they meet, where those energies collide together. She needs to hold a lot of space for him to step deeper into his power. But on many other aspects, her man should go out and find a group of men to be with, find a group of men that can activate him. Right? Because that's when he can go through his journey, trust their masculine container, step into his feminine, do the healing work. And when he's leaving with men, they're going to give him his masculine Right back, brother, you've done well. Amazing. Now go back home and go be an amazing husband. Now, the way the feminine holds space for him is when that man comes back and he starts to transform and starts to change, allow him change, and he might not get it right. Right. But witness him in those transformations. Don't go, oh, you used to do this before. How come you're doing this now? We used to have sex in this manner before. You're trying to be a little bit more dominant. You're pushing, relax. He's testing, he's playing around. He's coming into power. So that space for the woman is to understand that when the man has gone through his healing journey and he comes back, he's now like a child testing and playing. Don't play the mother role necessarily, but witness him from that mother consciousness inside of you and give him space. If he starts to start taking power, shows up and becomes more dominant in the bedroom, don't shut him down. Let him play and explore.
- [19:45]
B
I don't think anyone would shut that down.
- [19:46]
A
No, let him explore. But the thing is, right, it's not. He might not come back with the. It might not come with the exact amount of power and understanding that you need.
- [19:55]
B
You're like, I can't breathe. No, I can't. Exactly.
- [19:58]
A
Right. He might not come with that, but slow down. Let him have his space and see what happens. And also give him tips. Tell him exactly what you want. Obviously, communicate.
- [20:06]
B
But a conversation I have with a lot of my fellow spiritual friends is this feeling of, like, exhaustion of being the spiritual teacher in a relationship. Because often it is the woman who we're more inclined to diving into spirituality. It's from childhood, we're more in touch with our emotions and it's. And a lot of men are so career focused that they're like, oh, like, emotional stuff. I'll deal with that, like, later. And so a lot of women feel frustrated of knowing that the man needs support of a men's group, but he might be resistant to it. So do you feel that, like, it's a better path for the woman to try to hold space for him and bring up these, you know, vulnerable conversations or just to really, like, more of the David Data perspective of, like, just lead with your femininity and just let that be the conversation. So what are your thoughts on, like, the actual conversation just versus just the embodiment of going into it?
- [20:57]
A
For me, this is one of my biggest missions right now, is to redefine what it means to be a successful man. Right. A lot of men have defined success as money, power, but they haven't defined success as fulfillment, depth, sexual activation and connection. Right. So this starts at the top is the whole narrative thing that you see in the media of what success is portrayed as. Right. That's my number one mission at the moment. And as much as I would love for women to be the spiritual teachers, I think in many ways it's a fool's game. I worked with, I had thousands of women reach out to me last year to work together, worked with hundreds of them. That was the number one problem. Where are the men? And so they get into this role of trying to teach and they get exhausted because now they're in this mother zone, trying to show a man a level of consciousness that his soul might not be ready for. And when a woman is doing that, trying to initiate a man into a level of consciousness he might not be ready for, in some ways you're doing damage to his soul because you don't know if he's ready for that. He needs to go through his own evolution as it needs to be. If you're early in the relationship and you're not really feeling it, have the courage to leave. Because what might ensue is a 30 year relationship where you're teaching this man and trying to get him into levels of depth that he is not necessarily ready for. I have this with my father, super spiritual man. Yet there are many tendencies that my mom has been trying to work on for 30 years. It's not working. It's not working. I see this up and down. I would actually say, especially if a woman is single right now, curate where you meet the men and understand that based on the media narrative that's been portrayed and ingrained in you, you are very likely right to be attracted to the same kind of man that is disconnected from his spirituality. Be bold enough to change your circles and change the circles where you date and where you find men. That would determine the rest of your life. It will determine your intimacy, your connection. So I don't believe in. I don't believe in a woman sitting there and playing the mother. I think it's a terrible place to be. I think it's a huge waste of energy and I think there are many options. And one of the things I love right now, you talked about David A. There's a lot of men's work and men's coaches popping up. This is becoming the next thing I really think is the next frontier. Women have taken the lead based on being a level two Women, men are starting to step into that level three level, right? So women, there's a lot of options. Don't get tunnel visioned, don't have a project. Your man is not a project baby, that you need to create and take to pottery class and mold into something. Go find a David statue, date him, enjoy and find deeper connection. I think there's a lot.
- [23:32]
B
Can you like send specific coffee shops? They can all go to like.
- [23:36]
A
No, I think it's communities and groups. It's like the mindvalley event, for example, right. Most of the men, they are attracted to consciousness in some way. You might have to pay some money. You can rest in your feminine there and be in your feminine being. I'm sure a lot of men will come to you. But even that whole David Ada concept of just being your feminine, it would invite the man. You don't know what level of consciousness he's currently at and you don't know at what point his soul is ready to have the synchronistic situation that would activate him into deeper spiritual activation. So you can't time that and you can't engineer that. So find new places, go to a mindvalley concert, go to a mindvalley event, go to Saharo's podcast, if there's a live recording going on. Meet people in that.
- [24:16]
B
I just have girls and gays. They're not going to find anyone in my audience.
- [24:20]
A
Girls and gays.
- [24:23]
B
So the question though is a lot of women are like, okay, sure, the conscious men, I'm not finding them. However, I met this man who is embodying truth. He's embodying being hardworking. He might not be spiritual, he might not have done shadow work or healing, but he's a good person. So if I just help him and I, you know, send him away of the superior man and, and then he'll get there. Do you think that's possible?
- [24:51]
A
It's possible. Of course it's possible. We live in a world where anything is possible. The chances. Oh, so. So I personally, I firmly believe I've met a lot of amazing spiritual teachers and masters. One of the, the common constant is when it comes to spirituality, you don't force a soul to raise their vibration. You can only pull them in. You can't push them. And even in marketing, the marketing and sales things I do, I never push people because I know it can do damage to their soul's process. You don't know what the soul needs to go through in its evolution to have certain codes that allow it to actually Take its step in the journey. It might mean 30 years of non conscious relationships where he finally gets to the age of 55. Everything breaks. That's what his soul needs. So I don't believe in taking on projects. I firmly believe in that. There's so much depth and connection that you can have in a relationship when you find someone of parity, that the inherent need to say, oh, he has all of these different things, he has these characteristics, he's rich, he's powerful, he listens, all of these things. But maybe there's some spiritual activation or sexual activation he doesn't have. Let me try to change him. You're going to waste time. And there is way more depth, fluidity, abundance that you can have with a man who is already there. But let's go into this point of I have this option right now. What if I train him a little bit? In my opinion, right? That's almost coming from a place of scarcity. That's a scarcity mindset. The man is not there. I like the concept of thinking about the zero point field of creation. The zero point field is concept in physics where everything exists where there is nothing, right? So the universe hates vacuums. If you have a man who's taking the place that another man can take in your life and you're scared of creating a vacuum because that's what this is. What you're actually scared of is getting the exact thing that you want. So you're settling. I don't believe in settling. I believe in holding space, getting clear about what you want and only tolerating what you want. That might mean having a vacuum in your relationship sphere for a year to two years, whatever it is. Sometimes it's three days. But that vacuum pulls the man in because you have to realize that the universe hates vacuums. The universe is ever expanding. Any vacuum it tries to feel it. There's a force at any given point that tries to fill a vacuum. It is a law in the universe. So the capacity to get the man that you want is connected to the capacity to hold vacuums in your life. How much do you believe in the ability to get what you want? If you want to settle, have a project. Might take you 15 years.
- [27:27]
B
Might take you never to call up your mom and ask for tips.
- [27:32]
A
Oh, I could give you a number.
- [27:35]
B
So what if someone is in a relationship and you know, they might be several years in. And can this woman, like, how can she guide the woman into maybe not her being the teacher, but joining a men's group? Like, can you Give us some prompts here. Understood.
- [27:51]
A
Have a direct conversation with a man, right? This is not something to tiptoe. I mean, I have women who recommend men into my programs, right? So it works. It works. I've had this a couple of times. So someone says, hey, I want to share this with my man. It works like 2% of the time.
- [28:05]
B
Oh, yes.
- [28:06]
A
I've had over 100 women recommend men only. Like, one of them joined and said, huh, I actually felt this. My wife recommended this. It makes sense. I'm on it, so you can try. Personally, I don't believe in it. If you want tips on how to do it, I think have an honest conversation and understand. Make the man. I can give you tips now. Make the man understand that this is not you questioning his masculinity. This is you inviting him into a deeper level of connection and being between both of you. Right? This might be you saying, hey, I want to take our sex life to the next level. I'm super horny for you, you turned me on so much. And I want us to get into sexual mastery. I want all your sexual desires to come through. Why don't we go through on this journey to think about any fantasy you have. Let's write them down. Let's go explore.
- [28:56]
B
Hey, you know, heal your childhood trauma now.
- [28:58]
A
Hey, you know, I think confront him with it.
- [29:00]
B
Hey, you know, I think the first.
- [29:01]
A
Step is there's this David Ada guy. Like, check out the way of the superior man. Oh, that's interesting. That's hot.
- [29:06]
B
You read Men are the Same, you just gotta go in with that angle.
- [29:08]
A
Absolutely, you read that. Let's fuck, let's go. Right. Enjoy that. But I would always lead with what is in it for him. Is it the sex life? Is it the depths you want to create together? Paint a picture. You know, there are two kinds of mind. There's mental gender from the kybalion, right? There's always the feminine part of the mind and the mental part of the mind and the masculine part of the mind, the feminine part of the mind, like anything feminine, it gives birth to other things, right? Paint the vision in the man's mind that activates his internal feminine mind. That gets him to dream and gets him to propagate a life of deep sex, deep connection, flow, engagement between both of you, peace for him, because ultimately he wants peace. And from that point, take steps together, right? But you're not doing it because you want the man to go be more spiritual so that he can penetrate you deeper and so that you can feel happier. No, you're really saying, hey, I'm looking at this man and I see ways I can elevate him into deeper levels of his being. I'm going to give him that. You. You're familiar with David A's work. The only time a man will commit to a woman is when that woman gives him more freedom than he can find on his own. Sometimes the freedom is an illusion of freedom. The freedom might be something like, you have sexual desires. Tell me about them. I'm curious. Oh, you felt connection with that woman. You don't have to divorce a part of yourself. The man feels a lot more free with the woman as a result of that. He opens up deeper. He can go on a deeper journey. Anything you do should not be from the selfish point of gaining something, because that's actually going to trap the man into. He has to be a specific version of himself for you to think he's worthy. The biggest fear of a man is that he's not. He's not good enough. The biggest fear of a woman is she's too much. So the real angle here is your pitch needs to give him more freedom in his being, in his success, in his sexual life. You pitch it from that angle subliminally. He feels that he would likely go on that journey with you because he wants to remember his soul, wants to connect to a deeper part of himself. It's a core desire. You just have to, you know, package it up and make it nice and dress it up and put it in front of him.
- [31:18]
B
This episode is sponsored by Better Help. So let's be real. How many times have you turned to a girl's bathroom for advice? Or maybe just the person doing your nails or. Or like, hey, what do you think I should do with my life? And while people may have interesting answers, it's not really the same as getting guidance from a licensed therapist. So I highly recommend going to someone who can really listen to you, ask you deeper questions. I feel like advice is not really what we need, but more someone listening to us. And this is where therapy comes in. So I love Better Help because it's completely online. It's flexible. You can pause your subscription at any time. And they have over 30,000 therapists, so it's the world's largest online therapy platform. And you basically fill out a questionnaire, they link you up with a therapist they think you'll like, and you can also swap them out at any time. So I've loved doing it at points in my life that I just really needed someone to Listen. And it's quite just different than a friend. And I just felt every human on earth needs this. So our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com Sahara that's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P.com Sahara and you can find that link in the show notes. So trust your intuition, trust you in the wisdom, trust you in the guidance. So you touched upon dominance in men. I know you have a lot of videos on that. A lot of women desire their man to be more dominant, not just sexually, but like in life, you know, like she wants to trust his leadership, but she doesn't have evidence for that because maybe in the past he has not only misguided, misguided them, but not even guided them. Or, you know, you just see a lot of men who are complacent. So how can she exalt him when she's not even really feeling proud of him?
- [33:02]
A
Does she really want to be in this relationship?
- [33:05]
B
I think everyone's going to be single by the time they're done with this.
- [33:09]
A
It's a thing, right? Of how can she exalt the man into his dominance, Right, Right. You might reinforce him. You might reinforce the little things that he does. Let's look at it this way. When a man is practicing dominance, one of the biggest issues is men. They've lost access into the ability to take. Right, to take a woman, to take life. And so that's also part of the narrative of the world at the moment. It's a big piece on consent and all of these different things. There's a lot of stuff there. So what you want to do is reinforce micro moments. A time he does something, tell him how nice it was. Right? It's the micro moments that would turn him to step deeper into his power. Right? So he does something. He takes you, he initiates a kiss with you, initiates a connection. He does something at work. Reinforce that immediately, very, very quickly, if you can, within 30 minutes, max, 24 hours. When you did this, when you took me in that manner, the way you spoke to that man, the way you took control, it turned me on in this manner. I felt this confidence in you. Look at him with that energy. That's really all a man needs. He needs the space and the constant micro reinforcement to just get deeper into his being. Again, this is the child energy. Because if he doesn't have the ability to take, he's probably in his prince energy. You want to coax him slowly. It's not really exalting. You don't want to overdo it. You just want to say, hey, I love how you did that. That was masculine, strong, Hot, hot, hot.
- [34:44]
B
Keyword.
- [34:45]
A
Hot keyword. I've had women do this to me. Yeah. And we'll be in situations, and maybe there are times where I was going through my own inner child processes and I'm feeling a little bit down, don't have as much confidence. And I start stepping up a little bit and they go, hot. Cool. I like that. It's a little wink. And I go, yeah, I did that. I don't need the big, overwhelming reinforcement. Just micro. Mm.
- [35:07]
B
Yeah. I feel a lot of women are at this place where I'm just thinking of the collective of women and speaking on their behalf, that there's so much resentment in the relationship. And maybe the man is so far from that that she's, like, listening to this. She's like, I can't even find an example of him like that. What would you say?
- [35:25]
A
First of all, forgive. Forgive the past. Up until now, you might be stuck holding on to the idea that you can't find any example of it, and you're missing the examples that are happening in the moment because you can't see it. Right. You might be polarized on the view that he's not trying. So start looking for signs that he is trying. Start looking for signs that he's showing up. There's always two sides to the story, right? There's always two sides to the coin. So if you say he's never done that. Never, ever. Come on. There was a time he did that. And so I would say look for those moments. Forgive him for not showing up up until now. Go through a forgiveness process. Let him go. Let him off the hook up until this point. And then when you wake up tomorrow morning after listening to this podcast, tell yourself, I am going to write down five ways and five things I think he did that showed some level of dominance. Whatever it is, you will find something. Because as a man, naturally, his energy is one of penetrating the universe. It's a natural thing. If he gets up in the morning to go to work, to make money for the family, he's probably trying start there, right? If he's trying out a new opportunity, looking for a new job, looking for a new business opportunity, he's probably trying in some way start there. If he comes home and asks for something in a very direct manner, he's probably trying. So I think the idea that a person never shows up in that way, especially a man, is his default mechanism. You might Just not be looking for it. And you might be looking for the parts of him and the things he's doing that reinforce your belief that he's not showing up as a man because you've already decided he's not a man. So lose the decision, let it go, Forgive him. And from tomorrow, five things each morning, polarize yourself and you'll start to see how that changes the frequency of your life and the dynamics of the relationships.
- [37:21]
B
Yeah, that's such a good answer because 100% when you're looking for evidence of something, you're going to continue to find that. And if you're looking for evidence of my husband's lost his mojo and he's never satisfying me and he's this, he's that, you can continue to look for that. And at any moment you can have a renaissance of the relationship. You could start tomorrow to have the rebirth and to just start looking for those things. It's like a gratitude list. The more we look for things we're grateful for for the more that we find them. And then there is like a subconscious, we're like putting it into the field that he's likely picking up on and starting to act upon. So. Yeah, that's so beautifully said. I'm curious your perspective on, you know, in David Data consciousness, they speak about the levels of consciousness which maybe you can introduce and go into and then I'll ask my question.
- [38:04]
A
Understood. So there are essentially three levels of development for, for the masculine and the feminine. Right. And this really started from, let's say the 1950s man and the 1950s woman. The typical relationship dynamic there was the man was extremely dominant, took care of everything in business, didn't really have access to his emotional capacity and emotional capability. The woman, on the other hand, was the typical angel you found sitting at home, didn't have access to independence. She was entirely dependent on the masculine. That's a level one man and woman. It's a level one man and woman dynamic. It's also in many ways what you see with the Andrew Tate models, right. It's very level one esque. I want the woman to be entirely submissive and the man to be entirely dominant. What happened was through the feminist movement and through the just changes of evolution of consciousness in general, the poll switched. Women stepped into dependent or independence. They stepped into power. You see this now in the educational system where women typically outperform men. In all of middle management, women typically outperform men. Women have independence that has come. On the other hand, men are stepped into their level Two versions of being a man, where they started exploring emotional freedom, emotional safety. Emotional. Emotional being.
- [39:12]
B
Ecstatic dance.
- [39:13]
A
Ecstatic dance. Correct. And you have this whole thing. It's like Koh Phangan. I was just in Koh Phangan for six months, where you have just a bunch of feminine men.
- [39:21]
B
How do you not have feathers in your hair? I don't understand.
- [39:24]
A
I held my.
- [39:24]
B
Why aren't you wearing a poncho?
- [39:27]
A
You can look at my toenails. Probably painted.
- [39:28]
B
Exactly.
- [39:29]
A
Sorry.
- [39:29]
B
So.
- [39:30]
A
So the level two man is this flowy, spiritual, emotional man and super soft, but he also doesn't know how to take. Right. So the independent woman is looking for a man who can step into his dominance to really take her. But we're in a state of Level 2 consciousness across the world where most men are weak. It's just the state of that we're being. What's happening now is the world is starting to get into this level 3 state of consciousness where women have stepped into independence, but also realize it's very tiring. 20 years of doing it. 20 years of being in hustle, mood, Go, go, go. It's messing up the cycles. It's messing up their bodies, messing up fertility. It's messing up so many things. They're starting to get tired because they're not built for that level of action. I know there will be a few women who hate me for saying that, but not here.
- [40:12]
B
We're not trying to work in general.
- [40:13]
A
In general.
- [40:14]
B
Right. Please, can someone see us? Grapes.
- [40:17]
A
Exactly. And so what's happened is women are stepping into level three, and men are stepping to a level three state. The level three is where a woman has access into her masculine. She predominantly resides in the feminine and uses that feminine to serve and open up her man a lot more. The masculine, on the other hand, has deep access into his feminine. Predominantly, though, resides in his masculine, but has the feminine capability to connect, to have sex in a deep way, to be in this state of flow. Those are the levels we're going through. And so really, you want to be looking at how you get into a level three relationship with a level three man. That does mean being a level three woman first in many ways, because level three men look for that, I would say. And that's the state of the world right now.
- [40:59]
B
Yeah, it reminds me of the yin and the yang as you spoke of. You know, the Yang is primarily the black, the masculine, but it has the yin inside of it. And the yin, the feminine has. Has the black inside of it. And we need both Right. Because if, as women, if I'm 100% my feminine, just Venusian goddess eating grapes, lounging around, as fun as that would be, I wouldn't be here on this podcast, you know, I want to be able to have this conversation with you. I wouldn't be in Dubai, you know, and so it's important because that allows me to create the container from which my feminine, the shakti energy, can dance. And same with the masculine. If he's all super alpha, you do end up alone, you know, and that deep masculine pain of, like, will I ever be loved? You know, and that does require going into the underworld of feeling and then that integration of, you know, and it's interesting how you said a lot of men on the spiritual path kind of stay in the feminine, right? Because there's another past life to heal and another trauma and another, you know, ancestor coming through. And it can be never ending. And sometimes it is just making the decision of, like, this is enough for now, you know, and the spiral will continue and life will show me, and it's. The ceremony will continue to unravel in time, and I don't need to hunt for the shadows all the time. It will. It will come to me in divine timing. So my question for you is a lot of women who are, you know, struggling with their relationships were taught to have nonviolent communication, you know, share how we feel, go to couples therapy, talk about it. But that inherently is the level two construct, you know, versus the just being it. And I understand that just being it of how that can just shift. However, sometimes I feel like with these polarity teachings, it's almost like minimizing to a woman's, like, intellect of, like, don't use your words. Just, like, act it out or something. So how can we actually, like, have these, like, more challenging conversations but still be primarily in our level three feminine?
- [42:52]
A
Understood. I believe in women showing up fully. Right. At the core of what you're desiring is a man that can hold all of you. And I believe in showing up with your emotions. I don't believe in a woman just showing it with emotions and not necessarily speaking about it. You're smart. You're extremely smart. That's why women are leading everything right now. Right. Use that ability to speak, to connect, to again, hold space for the man's own process. Right. Don't challenge him. Invite him into a higher state of consciousness. I think it's a very different thing where you can challenge him into stepping into level three. Right. You want to invite him into that State of consciousness. The man wants freedom. He wants to be there with you. He's not in a relationship if he doesn't want to be there with you, he would have left by now. Right. So I believe in showing up, asking the questions, speaking directly. You can say nonviolent communication, but let's be radically honest about what's going on. I actually don't. Nonviolent communication is one thing. I believe in being radically honest and speaking from the somatic experience that you're having. Be direct, but also say, this is exactly what I'm feeling right now. So you want to connect back into the body very quickly. Right. This two combination, it's a game changer. Hey, this happened. It hurt me. I don't like this because of xyz. On top of that, when you spoke to me in that manner, this is specifically how I felt in my body. This is where it crushed me. This is where it turned off my sexuality, turned off my horniness for you. Was that what you intended? And how do you feel in your body? Connect the man back into his body. If you go and play a mental game with a man who predominantly operates in a logical framework, you're going to go back and forth. It's going to stress you out. It's going to stress both of you out. Connecting to body. I feel this. When this happened, I felt cold. I felt removed. My stomach sank. Sadness came up. Did you intend for me to feel that way? You would awaken the man's innate desire to care and provide for you, because he goes, I don't want you to feel sad. I don't want you to have that sinking feeling that you're crushed. And so he now has the ability to see you very deeply, not just from your mental mind, but from your core soul. And you can ask him, how did you feel? And tell me from the physical sensation level what happened for you? You're essentially saying, I also want to see you on a level that you may have never been seen before. It's extremely disarming. Sahara, any conversation, I can be in the most heated conversation. Pause. What's happening in your body? Could you describe it to me? As soon as a woman starts describing her pain, the sadness, whatever I'm causing, whatever the situation is, I'm disarmed. I immediately want to care for her. She's a sweet woman. Let's solve this. What do we need to do? I can feel you. And if I can feel you, I can be intimate with you. It can get hot after that. That's my perspective.
- [45:59]
B
There that was. If you guys took anything away, just rewind that. That's such a game changer for conversations because even as you shared that example, there was such an opening in me, like if I were to receive that I would feel so open of like, oh my gosh, I don't want your heart to hurt. I don't want you to have that pit in your stomach. And then you're on the same team, you know. And I feel we are living in such a masculine, factual world where we're taught to like prove our points, almost like lawyers, you know. And like a lot of these couples fights in the level two become like that two lawyers. Well, when on Wednesday morning you came in like this and then I had said that and, and then you're in the logic realm, you know, and coming back to the heart and coming. Because no one can argue with your felt experience. It's just, it's yours, it's your, it's your truth. And, and I feel the reorientation of the man back to his felt experience because for women that's. We are more connected with how we feel. But for the man, he's just feeling like she's coming at me right now.
- [46:54]
A
Correct.
- [46:54]
B
You know, and to be like, how do you feel? Because then again it's like, I'm not mad at you. I actually just want to know how you feel right now too. And he's like, damn, like, how do I feel about this? And another thing too is I feel as women sometimes we jump in so fast, we're so quick, you know, and we're like, and then what about this? He's not even. Isn't that that. And we're like running circles around him, you and to just allow space, allow a pause, you know. When I found out about the infidelity in my then marriage, I didn't say a word. I just said, how did that happen? Tell me. And we talked for seven hours. And no, actually no part of me even wanted to cry or anything because I was like, wow, this man has been holding this for so long, you know, and all of the shame and everything that a similar type of story to yours. And it made me realize like the level of like depth that he had to go to confess that to me, which actually came through from plant medicine as well, that it was like an out of body experience. That spirit was just like, just let this man speak. Of course I then took action of, you know, not being with him anymore. But it completely shifted the vibration of if the moment he told me that I was like, how dare you do that? Bust the windows at your car? You know, into that. I think he would have stopped right there, you know. But I got to understand his whole story of why he's had a lifelong pattern that was finally able to come into the light.
- [48:19]
A
Beautiful.
- [48:20]
B
Yeah.
- [48:20]
A
I also think when you're in arguments with a person, never sit across the table. It's one of my rules. Never sit across the table. We are not doing this. It's not me versus you. The problem is on the table. We are sitting by our side and we're looking at the problem together and we're maintaining some level of connection, saying, hey, let's talk about this. Because as soon as you're in this dynamic of going back and forth with a person, you're at war. Everyone's at war. It's intense. Right? So really deep that you shared that. I actually didn't know that you had that in your life. So pretty powerful that you could hold that kind of a space. I think it's a gift to be able to share that kind of an experience with a person and for you to be able to be that witness in consciousness that goes, take me out of the equation. I am witnessing another person. Of course you made your decisions, but it's powerful in that moment to pause and witness the other individual. And I'm sure you've probably changed something so deep in that man. I hope you have at least.
- [49:18]
B
Well, I truly believe the truth will set us free, you know. And in that moment I felt Goddess Kuan Yin, the goddess of compassion. And just to be so compassionate, channeling the. Channeling the frequency of the mother, you know, and like the mother. It's like your kids up. Your kids do things and it's like to show up like, not as like his literal, but like the mother that sees it all and loves it all. And. And actually we were able to have a really honest, like no longer together, but relationship of speaking all the words unspoken after that. When like the shadowy thing, you know, the boogeyman out of the underneath the bed is taken out, it's like, oh, and this and that. And it's like I wish every relationship could start like that. What is that deep thing? I don't want anyone to know about me. And putting that at the altar. It would be so amazing to see what would unfold after that key point.
- [50:10]
A
That changed something in my life where now I learned when I'm meeting a new woman or person, the first thing I'm going for is what is the thing I Want to hide the most in this moment. That is the first filtering mechanism to understand if this woman, this person, this business deal can actually hold all of me, right? So that wish should be a direction for life, for going through life. You walk into the room, really ask yourself, what is the one thing I don't want to share right now? That's how I lead every conversation I open up. It's how I lead any business partnership I'm getting into. It's definitely how I lead any dating relationship. It's, hey, you know, I really have this part of me that I'm scared of. I don't want to share it right now. There's a part of me that has this thing of control. There's a part of me that's scared of these things. There's a part of me that really can't access vulnerability and is always in my power. And it's hard for me to rest and be calm around a woman. And she goes, hey, I feel that if she takes me in, I can explore that relationship. And I think it's definitely the flip side for women also at the front of the relationship. The real key to getting what you want is getting into authenticity, right? The frequency of authenticity is the highest frequency you can emit. And so if you really want to get the things that you want in your life, you have to be as authentic as you can and be as authentic as you can as fast as possible. First date, let's get into some of it. Start testing that authenticity. That will tell you if the man runs away. Great. It's not your man in the first place. If he comes to you. Amazing filtering mechanism. Because the thing you want to hide, the place you really want love, is what you're leaving with. And if he can love that, he can probably love most other parts of you.
- [51:45]
B
And it's the total opposite of how we are taught today. You know, of, like, be mysterious. Let don't tell them anything about your past. Like, be, especially for women, be this, like, blank slate that you've had no past, no history. You're this clean virgin, then just descended from the clouds. And like, here you are. And like everything else, you don't talk about and it's like. But in a way, I would feel as the masculine, especially when men are dealing with so much shame. You wouldn't feel seen, you wouldn't feel heard, you wouldn't feel met. And then you would just start to hide more and more parts of that. And that's why you see often, like the good girl, bad Boy archetype of like, he can't let his wild thoughts and fantasies and past shown because he's like, oh, she's, she's so pure. She's never going to accept me, you know, and then it's like more separation, more separation. And it's like again the yin and the yang to come into the other side of the spectrum so you can both fully feel met.
- [52:38]
A
So I'll speak from my perspective. When I meet a woman like that, I lose interest because she can't give me the level of freedom that I want, right? So as soon as there's that put together package where everything is on the lock and key, she's the perfect archetype. I'm gone. I don't even make it to the first date. There's no connection because I can't feel that she can take me to a deeper level of my consciousness and allow me to have freedom in that. So I think the narrative is off here in how a lot of women show up for dating. And you want to show up as that part of you that's not put together. Because if you show me that part, I can speak from only my perspective. That's when I feel you, that's when I get excited. I'm like, ooh, that's different, that's hot. When the woman is put together, I'm cold, no interest. She doesn't also is a dark feminine, right? I feel she doesn't have access to a dark feminine or she's in this state of playing these games with me and the games are not sexy. I want to meet the real woman. I want her to show up. So for me that's a full on turn off. And I also know there's a lot of men who are in their dark masculine if they feel like a woman doesn't have capacity for that or she's too put together. It's just a lot of pressure in how she shows up and a lot of strategy almost in how she presents into the world that puts a lot of pressure on the man. And I feel that almost as a clench of my solar plexus. I have to be something for this woman to let me into her life. Too much pressure on me and it.
- [54:12]
B
Will just attract the mirror of that of a man who's performing, a man who, you know, Barbie and Ken, they're in this plastic world and everything's perfect, but they don't really talk and like that is how the relationship pans out. And I just feel, you know, when you've gone into the mud. It's like, why? You know, that's where the lotus comes from. Why would you want anything else?
- [54:30]
A
Absolutely.
- [54:32]
B
So I want to talk about ravishment. I feel that is like a core desire of the feminine. Ooh, we're going there. How can a woman, through her embodiment, surrender into more of that energy?
- [54:47]
A
Is she with a man who has capacity to ravish her?
- [54:50]
B
Does every man?
- [54:51]
A
I think most men do. How can a woman surrender into it?
- [54:55]
B
How would you describe ravishment? First, we're gonna go into an erotic novel right now.
- [55:00]
A
You know, I was describ. There's obviously, there's another R word which I would not mention in the podcast.
- [55:04]
B
Okay.
- [55:05]
A
And it's. It's the flip of ravishment, Right? And I was describing this, and it can turn a lot of people off. Ravishment is when a man is in his shameless desire to penetrate a woman deeply, fully to God. Right? Ravishment is the point where a man has a point where a man has a deep desire to almost dissolve into a woman. Right. When we get into the sexual aspect of a man ravishing a woman. When a man is having sex with a woman, when he's, quote, unquote, fucking her, Right. Typically, it's very. It stops in the. In the. In the vagina, right? The energy stops in the lower part of the body. When a man is ravishing a woman, he's trying to take his genitals into her heart. It's a very, very deep merging process. So ravishment is when a man has access into a shameless capacity to completely take a woman. Right. It's. I want to see. And I love this, right? The man is the witness in consciousness. The woman is the witness. She's the spectrum of light. This is why you see, women wear different. And David Ada talks about it. They'll wear different colors, they'll paint their nails. It's all about what kind of light can they refract in the world. When a man wants to really ravish a woman and he has access into that, he wants to witness all of her light. And sometimes he wants to turn the light off also. Right? So it's a shameless desire to fully merge, to let go of every part of himself, to die into God with the woman. And that gives you a metaphor.
- [56:33]
B
Die into God with the woman. Oh, quote that one.
- [56:37]
A
But it's. It's. It gives you a metaphor for what this means. Without acting an erotic scene in the moment, it's very tough to show.
- [56:43]
B
I think you should start writing books. So, okay, let's start. Let's start with the men. We're going to. We're going to snip this. We're going to send it to all the men out there. How can men tap into this energy?
- [56:56]
A
A man can tap into his dark energy and his ability to ravish a woman by letting go of all constructs of who he needs to be in the sexual engagement. He needs to trust his intuition in the moment and ask himself the question, how do I want to experience and feel this woman and trust that fully. Let go of performance. You cannot ravish a woman when you're performing. You are in your mind. Stay in your genitals. How do you want to experience this woman in your depth? Let it lead and what you will find is the thrust gets deeper, the eye connection gets a lot more intense. The pull into the woman is a lot more magnetic because you are trusting your body and asking the question, how do I want to feel this woman? So drop performance. Have no goals with the interaction. You cannot be going to orgasm or ejaculation. Let that go completely and simply ask yourself, how does my body want to feel her? Trust that in the instant it might be spinning and turning and twisting, moving and flowing. Trust that because you're connecting on a deep consciousness level and you can feel also what she needs. If you allow yourself to trust that.
- [58:00]
B
It'S that attunement piece.
- [58:01]
A
Correct.
- [58:02]
B
You know, of like, being so attuned that you are an orchestrator of her body through your body. And that is the greatest service. And I feel because of, you know, so many young boys starting to watch porn so young. I think the average age now is 9 to 11 years old. And the porn just going in all sorts of different directions and it just being a performance with no account to what actually even feels good for the woman's body, that most men, I think they want to please a woman. They just have no idea how to, you know, so then they're like, am I doing this thing right? You know, and treating women's body the way that they would maybe want their body to be treated. And. And also I think with watching so much porn in their lives, it's just a sexual disassociation that happens of like, they can be connected, conn. Connected. It comes to sexuality and then it's like this, like, fragmentation that, you know, I'm curious what you think. I feel like there's like, entities actually coming through, through the pornography that a lot of, a lot of men are struggling with. Right now that's leading to all sorts of addictions, from vape to weed to, you know, everything else. And that's a whole other conversation. And so for a man, a man who might be listening to this right now, and he's like, I, I don't know how to feel attuned to her body because I don't even know how to attune to my own. What words of wisdom do you have?
- [59:22]
A
Start a 21 day sexual activation process. No ejaculation for 21 days. Completely cut it out of yourself. And in that process, do not stay dormant with your sexual energy. Don't just divorce yourself and do nothing. It's not a celibacy journey for 21 days. It's 21 days with daily sexual activation without ejaculation. Don't use pornography. What that does is that raises the energies through your chakra points. A lot of the anger will come up, a lot more feelings will come up. I have clients who do this and their body starts burning. They start having new sensation. As that sexual life force starts to charge in your being, you can't attune to the woman because you don't have enough sexual life force in you to form the bridge. So 21 days active. Active. 21 days activation. And you stay active in that process. What I mean by active, you stay active sexually. You might be having sexual engagement with a woman, right? You might be in some level of self pleasure. Charge the energy from there. When you start engaging with a woman again, continue the non ejaculation practice. This is tantric. And in that non ejaculation practice, when you realize that because there is no ejaculation, all of a sudden you have no goal. Because the number one goal that's ingrained in us through pornography is the goal of ejaculation, right? And so the goal is almost the performance. How much can I perform to get to the final finish line? I want to take that away. Because when you have no goal, what happens? You slow down, you can't go as fast anymore. There's nothing else to do. All you can do is really stay and feel and attune with a woman and play with different parts of her erogenous zones and connect. That is how you build the bridge. So you need to charge the life force, remove the goal. And now when you're engaging with a woman, the only thing you can do is have your presence. And presence is what will bridge you into the ability to witness her and start to feel. What does she want? Where is she going? What can I do with this? How can I give pleasure without serving myself? Bridge formed Effy.
- [61:20]
B
That is such a phenomenal practice, even for women as well, you know, of not divorcing yourself from your sexual energy, but like, like learning the subtlety of it, you know, because we're in such a gross society where everything is hard and tough and intense and over the top and women are addicted to their vibrators and the setting can't even go high enough, you know, and, and, and men the opposite with the porn and, and to just tune back into the sensation of the body. Because if we actually just felt like the tiniest little fingertip on our arm, like it is orgasmic when we tune into it, you know, but most of us are like, you know, that the arm feels nothing. So I love that of playing with the sexual energy, feeling into your own erogenous, non erogenous zones, feeling the connectivity. What is my body, okay, where the sexual energy is building within me? What does it feel like bringing it to the heart, you know, letting it move through you and then not like, oh, this feels so good, I need to come. You know, it's like, can you just, you know, breathe it through? And I, and I feel especially for men it is, I think women, maybe they're just more used to like riding the waves. But for men it is so direct. So do you find that that is then the practice that can lead to them having like full body energy orgasms?
- [62:32]
A
Absolutely. That's what opened it for me. I want to touch on something, right, with this thing of ravishment. I don't want a man to confuse or anyone who is listening to this to confuse ravishment as this hardcore sexual engagement, right? Ravishment is enjoyment. So you can be very slow, which means probably spend time and be very slow. The. What was your question again?
- [62:56]
B
Well, for men, this practice, can this help them with energy organisms and can you explain what an energy orgasm is?
- [63:02]
A
Understood. Energy orgasms, at least when I have them, it comes where I am not ejaculating in the sexual practice and instead I'm having a wave of energy run through my body where sometimes I have an out of body experience in the middle of a sexual engagement, right? It's you're opening your body to just the flood of life force throughout your entire being. It is the most magical thing. When you start having energy orgasms and full body orgasmic experiences, you lose the need to have ejaculatory orgasmic experience because they last for only three seconds, right? Whereas the full body lasts for so long. So it's really opening up your body, starting to sense, playing with your erogenous zones, moving that energy through yourself. What that does is it just opens up more nerve endings for you, right? And the reason we do the 21 day sexual activation challenge is because you want to desensitize the pidundo nerve. The pidundo nerve for men is the nerve that typically comes, that typically connects into the genitals, right? So when you desensitize the pudendal nerve and that energy starts riding into your body, other nerve endings start to get more activated. So you can feel pleasure through other nerves and other nerve endings of your body. That's why you get to that point where someone plays with your arm and you go, oof. I feel this connection very deeply. That is your doorway into multi orgasmic sex, which a lot of men want. And that takes you. The average sex time with a for a man in Europe is typically 12.5 minutes, right? So you have 12 minutes, 30 seconds. It takes a woman 30 to 45 minutes to turn on when you start doing this practice. And for the women, when they hold space for their man to start doing this practice, you actually open the door to 2, 3, 4 hour sexual engagement, sometimes a whole day. So if you want to have that experience where you fly out to Mexico and you guys are together for days on end, feeding yourself grapes and going at it, this is the path. But it means 21 days at least, sexual desensitization to change the nerve structure and again, starting to even play with a man and play with his erogenous zones and show him, actually, I think this is where women can do a lot. Show him how to access those parts of himself. When you're watching porn, you have one thing, it's the hand, and it goes to one place, right? So a woman can really hold space for a man and show him how to open and connect into other parts of his body. That is the doorway for him and for you also.
- [65:27]
B
And I feel for women just doing this on themselves because women can also have their specific way that they go. And again, that same disassociation. And they're like, why isn't he ravishing me? But it's like, what's your energy and your consciousness? You know, and, and to have that practice and to go through periods of celibacy, I think much longer than 21 days it takes to really like rewire all of this. And it just, it's almost like then you would never want to have like a short clitoral Orgasm or whatever, orgasm again. Because it's so surface level. It's like eating McDonald's. It's like, why would you have McDonald's? So you could have like an amazing grass fed burger, you know. But most of us have never, I think like held ourselves like back from this like primal impulse, this like desire to like, you know, this biological like procreation desire that takes a long time to untether from, to move into godly sex, which really is ultimately what it's for. We're just operating from procreational sex which is that like, like fuck, finish energy instead of like, okay, how can this be a spiritual practice that takes me to somewhat a place that neither of us could go on our own, you know, where you're channeling God, where you're worshiping God through one another. And you know, and I feel like people who listen to this, like a deep part of our soul knows that this is what it's for. But then it's like, oh, but my partner is not there yet, you know, and it's like taking that, that sovereignty and that ownership of like, how can I allow my body to be like a pure vessel? How can I allow my body to be the altar from which I revere every single day and know every single nook and cranny of it? So like, you know, when I do breath work, I go into energy orgasms all the time. I'm not even touching myself. It's just from like knowing and being so attuned and every single human has that ability.
- [67:07]
A
I also love the thing of, I love that like the whole breath work and getting to really connect with yourself. Absolutely. And I think we can all take sovereignty for our ability to go into God with our sexuality. And we can now ask ourselves, how do we connect even more into the energy of God? I love the saying God became two so that it can become one again. In the process of becoming two, you create polarity. You create a very magnetic connection between two things. So to be godly in many ways is to hold polarity. That's a door because it means delayed attention. Stay in the tension. You go straight into quick, fuck, finish, slow it down. You might just be feeling and be caught in sexual energy with a person. You might be for days. You're just playing with it. It's there, there is no rush. You're feeling how that energy feels in the body. You're feeling the desire built up for this man. Hopefully he's feeling his desire built up for you also. You're caught you're speaking around the act, you're discussing, you're engaging in the feelings without necessarily getting into it. You're keeping this sense of tension between both of you. You are in that state of polarity. And so the energy can build up and it can build up and it can build up. That activates the man's desire to ravish you. Because now he's not just running into it, he's really feeling this primal call to penetrate. And you start to feel this primal call to be penetrated. And from this point of the man going for it and you inviting him inside of you, the day you finally connect, you have this explosive connection. And so I love this thing of can we cultivate more tension in our lives? Can we lock eyes for a little bit and know exactly what we want to do to each other after 6 o' clock this afternoon and just hold it and feel it and send the messages and go back and forth and feel what that sensation does into our body. That's where you start to feel that magnetic charge. And that's the deepest invitation that invites that man into ravishment and also allows you to have the energy. You have the energy required for you to step into the higher level of sexual engagement, into God. Otherwise you don't have enough energy to get there.
- [69:19]
B
So beautifully expressed. And yes, holding that spaciousness, holding that pause, even holding that discomfort, right? That like, discomfort of like, oh, like, I'm so used to feeling this way. I want to feel this way. And it's like, you know, one of my tantra teachers taught me, it's like if you could have a teacup and fill it with water, after, you know, a second, the water overflows and that's like a little orgasm which most people have. But if I had a swimming pool, you know, and I fill that with water and fill that with water and fill that with water, it could take days, weeks, months, years, you know, but that is a pool, an ocean from which. I mean, even. Fuck. Swimming pool, ocean. That's like ever replenishing and moving and flowing and conversing and it never ends, ends, you know, and like, that's what sexuality is. It's not a beginning and an ending. It is a way of being, you know, and. And I feel again, we want this. And we're so obsessed with sex as a culture, but it's like sec. Sex as a way of life, you know, and very early in my twenties, I started reading a lot of Osho books and, you know, and I remember him speaking about this and like, Even me, then I'm like, I know that to be true. And, you know, it's been a whole journey of, like, really embodying it. And so for the person listening, like, take these practices seriously, you know, especially what you talked about of just of bringing yourself to that sexual peak, Bringing it down, Sexual pig, bringing it down. And. And also just the casual sex culture that we're in right now that, you know, people are just using each other's bodies as like a mutual masturbation. And it's never as good as you think it will be because it didn't have that dance. It didn't have that locking eyes until 6pm and knowing, you know, we've lost the art of romance and seduction and, you know, the. The dance between, which is like, it's like watching a movie. And just like the final scene, it's like, great. What the fuck happened here? You know? So thank you for expressing all of that. Oh, my gosh. We went into so many different portals today. So where can listeners connect with you and learn from you even further?
- [71:12]
A
Instagram. Adeyemi. Adiosoye. Usually a mouthful for people to pronounce.
- [71:16]
B
We will write that down, put it.
- [71:17]
A
In wherever you need to. There's going to be a lot of stuff coming out on YouTube on these different topics for men and women. Spent most of my time working with women and that birthed my work with men now. So Instagram, predominantly YouTube also. People can find me there.
- [71:31]
B
Well, we need it. Thank you so much for especially speaking to the men. I feel we need more like masculine men in this space because I think men need to learn from each other and that really allows the feminine to drop in of just like, thank you. Like, someone's doing this. Like, I don't have to hold now educating my male partner how to ravish me. You know, another thing to. To manage. So thank you so much for being in this space and I'm excited for the ripple effects that this episode will have.
- [71:57]
A
Sahara, thank you.
- [71:59]
B
Wow. We went into so much in this episode. So be sure to share this with your friends. This is a really good one to put into the group chat of like, yo, what did y' all think? You know, there's so many different rabbit holes here. Share it with your partner. Share it with your. Your family members. I mean, maybe you're that kind of family. This is just so many different avenues. You can go into so many different conversations. If you share it on your Instagram story, be sure to. To tag us. I will have her Instagrams and his website and his work listed below. Be sure to subscribe to this wherever you're listening to it on YouTube, Spotify, Apple. And I'm so excited to continue to weave with you in the next episode. All right, bye. Trust your intuition, Trust your inner wisdom Trust your inner guidance Close your eyes and listen. So trust your intuition Trust your inner wisdom Trust your inner guidance.