Highest Self Podcast®: Episode 619 Summary

Title: This is What’s Holding 99% of People Back From Healthy Relationships With Adeyemi Adeyosoye
Host: Sahara Rose
Guest: Adeyemi Adeyosoye
Date: September 10, 2025

Brief Overview

In this episode, Sahara Rose sits down with relationship and sexuality coach Adeyemi Adeyosoye to deeply explore the blockages preventing most people—especially men—from experiencing healthy, embodied, and passionate relationships. They dive into topics such as shame, the “dark masculine,” emotional healing, healthy dominance, the art of ravishment, sexual polarity, and creating space for authenticity in partnerships. Adeyemi shares practical advice for both men and women to transcend shame and embody richer, more intimate connections.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

The "Dark Masculine" & Owning All Parts of Self

(03:08–05:35)

• Adeyemi shares his upbringing in a deeply spiritual Nigerian home, the dramatic shifts in his family's financial status, and his journey through trauma and adversity.
• Sexual abuse in childhood became a catalyst for deeper spiritual work, leading him to plant medicine, shadow work, and ultimately embracing both light and dark aspects of masculinity.
• Key insight: True wholeness and holiness come from "owning your full self—including your shadow, sexuality, and shame."
• Quote:
  • "For everything to exist under God—if you want to say God, of the universe—life and death has to exist, light and dark." (04:50, Adeyemi)

Releasing Shame in Men

(06:05–10:43)

• Shame is described as the lowest emotional frequency (referencing David Hawkins’ Consciousness Scale).
• Process to heal shame:
  • Exposure and being witnessed by others is crucial, but the witnessing must leave the man feeling reinforced in his masculinity, not stuck in vulnerability.
• Men risk feeling emasculated if their vulnerability is not properly held and reflected back by their partners.
• Micro-moments matter—small acts of openness from men require as much attention and validation as major disclosures.
• Quote:
  • "When a man opens up and drops into his feminine around a woman, sometimes she might want to try to keep him in that feminine... when he's done exposing that shame, reinforce his masculine." (06:41, Adeyemi)

How to Hold Space for Difficult Truths

(13:23–17:04)

• When men bring forward shameful experiences that impact the relationship directly (infidelity, addiction), women are invited to first witness the man’s experience before focusing on their own feelings.
• Curiosity and the act of witnessing, rather than judgment or reaction, are essential.
• Quote:
  • "If you put yourself first in the equation, you can’t hold space for him. You are forgetting this is a sovereign being going through his own conscious expression." (13:26, Adeyemi)

Men Need Male Healing Spaces

(17:28–19:43)

• Adeyemi emphasizes that men need to heal with other men to safely transition between vulnerability (feminine) and strength (masculine).
• Women can hold space, especially regarding sexual healing, but should support men in finding male communities for deeper work.
• When a man returns from healing work, the woman is called to witness and allow his transformation, rather than criticize deviations from the familiar.

The Exhaustion of Being the “Spiritual Teacher” in Relationships

(20:06–23:32)

• Sahara highlights women’s frustration with always leading emotional and spiritual growth in relationships.
• Adeyemi cautions women against taking on the project of teaching or “fixing” a man, explaining it’s draining and rarely fruitful if the man’s soul isn’t ready.
• Quote:
  • "Your man is not a project baby that you need to create and take to pottery class and mold into something. Go find a David statue, date him, enjoy and find deeper connection." (23:11, Adeyemi)

Conscious Partner Selection and the Scarcity Trap

(24:20–27:27)

• Adeyemi urges women to change their dating environments to attract spiritual, self-aware men, rather than clinging to “potential.”
• Settling for “project men” is often a scarcity mindset. Leaving space (the universe hates vacuums) invites in higher-alignment partners.

Communicating With Men & Inviting Them Into Growth

(27:51–31:16)

• For women already in relationships, Adeyemi suggests inviting men into new practices (like men’s groups or deeper intimacy) by framing the benefits positively and relating them to his desires (e.g., improved sex life, connection).
• Subtle, permission-giving language that emphasizes freedom and possibility works best.
• Quote:
  • "Paint the vision in the man's mind... pitch needs to give him more freedom in his being, in his success, in his sexual life." (29:05, Adeyemi)

Exalting Men Into Their Dominance

(33:02–35:07)

• To encourage healthy dominance, micro-reinforcement is key. Notice and affirm small moments of initiative or strength.
• Quote:
  • "It's the micro moments that would turn him to step deeper into his power. Again, this is the child energy." (34:25, Adeyemi)

Healing Relationship Resentment

(35:07–37:19)

• If there’s resentment and you can’t find evidence of masculinity or leadership, start by forgiving the past, look for current efforts (however small), and list them each morning to shift perspective.

Polarity and "Levels" of Masculine/Feminine Dynamics

(38:04–42:52)

• Adeyemi breaks down David Deida’s model:
  • Level 1: Traditional, rigid roles (dominant man, dependent woman).
  • Level 2: Reversed/polarized roles or mutual independence (men exploring emotion, women leading careers).
  • Level 3: Integrated, where each partner owns both their masculine and feminine and relates from a place of wholeness.
• Modern relationships thrive at Level 3.

Authentic Communication: Beyond Nonviolent Communication

(42:52–45:57)

• Rather than following formulas, focus on radical honesty from the somatic (felt) experience.
• Communicate how events make you feel in your body; invite him to do the same, moving past mental arguments into embodied truth.
• Quote:
  • "Be direct, but also say, this is exactly what I'm feeling right now... Connect the man back into his body." (44:08, Adeyemi)

The Power of Radical Authenticity

(49:18–54:30)

• When meeting a potential partner, lead with the thing you most want to hide. This serves as a powerful filter for true compatibility and creates space for full, unmasked intimacy.
• Quote:
  • "The frequency of authenticity is the highest frequency you can emit." (51:07, Adeyemi)

Ravishment, Sexual Mastery, and Full-Body Orgasms

(54:31–66:30)

• Ravishment: A man’s shameless, present, loving desire to utterly claim and dissolve into a woman—beyond the genitals, "into her heart."
  • Quote:
    • "Ravishment is when a man is in his shameless desire to penetrate a woman deeply, fully to God... to die into God with the woman." (56:10, Adeyemi)
• For men: Let go of performance, goals (orgasm/ejaculation), and instead attune moment-to-moment to desire and intuition.
• For men struggling with attunement (often due to porn exposure): Adeyemi recommends a 21-day period of sexual activation without ejaculation and absolutely no porn; channel the energy through the body to “desensitize” the performance-driven nervous patterns.
• This rewires the nervous system for deeper sensation and connection, leading to “energy orgasms”—waves of whole-body pleasure independent of climax.
• For women: Engage in self-pleasure practices that avoid habitual patterns, explore full-body sensation, and increase self-awareness for deeper energetic connection with partners.

Polarity, Tension, and Building Sexual Energy

(67:06–69:18)

• Cultivating sexual polarity through delayed gratification, building tension, and lingering in desire rather than rushing to orgasm is foundational.
• Sexuality becomes a pathway to spiritual union, not just performance or release.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “For everything to exist under God...life and death has to exist, light and dark.”
  (04:50, Adeyemi)
• “The only way to help a man release his shame is to create space for him to be able to expose that...and you reinforce his masculine.”
  (06:41, Adeyemi)
• “Your man is not a project baby that you need to create and take to pottery class and mold into something. Go find a David statue, date him, enjoy and find deeper connection.”
  (23:11, Adeyemi)
• “Ravishment is when a man is in his shameless desire to penetrate a woman deeply, fully to God...to die into God with the woman.”
  (56:10, Adeyemi)
• "Paint the vision in the man's mind that activates his internal feminine mind..."
  (29:05, Adeyemi)
• "The real key to getting what you want is getting into authenticity, right? The frequency of authenticity is the highest frequency you can emit."
  (51:07, Adeyemi)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 03:08 — Adeyemi’s background, spiritual and personal journey into the dark masculine
• 05:36 — Healing shame in men & why witnessing is crucial
• 13:23 — Women holding space for men’s shame, even in painful situations
• 17:28 — Why men need male healing circles
• 20:06 — The trap of women as spiritual teachers in relationships
• 24:20 — Why “project men” are a trap and the law of the vacuum in attraction
• 27:51 — How to invite men into growth and men’s work
• 33:02 — How to encourage men into healthy dominance
• 38:04 — The three levels of masculine and feminine relationships
• 42:52 — Radical honesty and somatic communication
• 49:18 — Authenticity as the root of deep connection
• 54:31 — Ravishment and sexual polarity; the path to embodied union
• 59:22 — Adeyemi’s 21-day sexual activation protocol
• 62:31 — Energy orgasms & nervous system rewiring
• 67:06 — Polarity, tension, erotic slow-burn, spirituality of sex

Final Thoughts & Resources

• Connect with Adeyemi: Instagram @adeyemi.adeyosoye, and soon on YouTube.
• Key Practice: Both men and women are invited to step into radical honesty and embodied self-awareness to unlock rich, passionate relationships. Men are especially encouraged to gather with other men for deeper activation; women are called to release the role of spiritual “fixer” and seek already-aligned partners.
• Essence: True intimacy arises from meeting each other in our authenticity, being witnessed without judgment, and consciously creating polarity and tension.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone craving more depth, passion, and healing in relationships—offering both practical tools and spiritual wisdom for men and women alike.