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Highest Self Podcast®
631: The 5 Types of Sex Every Woman Should Experience (Tantra Teacher Reveals All) with Bibi Brauschka
01:20:02
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- [00:00]
A
When you finally kiss, it's so much easier to go into a kissgasm because you are so present. There is just so much awareness in the lips, guys. There's so many pleasure nerve endings. We can absolutely have kissgasms, lipgasms. And what I really invite you to do, we call it a tantric kiss, where you don't go so much with the tongue, because tongue is really the penetrative part, but just also enjoying the touch of the lips itself for a long time. And the trick here is that where is your awareness, you really want to put all your awareness, you want to meditate on your lips, and that's where every little sensation can become orgasmic. That's what's going to take it to another level.
- [01:00]
B
Welcome back to the Highest Self podcast. My name is Sahara Rose, and on this podcast, I love to talk about spirituality, matters of the heart, embodiment. But make it modern, fun, grounded, and relatable so it can actually serve your needs. I've been on the spiritual journey for over a decade now. I've been doing this podcast for eight years. And the thing I keep coming back to is tantra, which is the practice of weaving with all things, our sensuality, our sexuality, our spirituality, our truth, our expression, our voice, and seeing that all as interconnected. So early on my spiritual path, I ended up in the Osho Ashram when I was 23 years old in India. And it was the first time I had experienced what I later became aware was an energy orgasm. So I was in the ashram, and I was able to sit in the ceremony where they became the sannyasins. And it was like all these people, like, 16 people sitting in a room, like, a bunch of people facing one direction, another place facing another, are kind of like, wrapped around each other, but fully clothed, all white. And one person went in the middle, and the person in the middle, he touched his third eye. And everyone started having these insane orgasms. And I was like, is this real? Are they making this up right now? And it was like some sort of energy was coming through all of them. But it wasn't like an orgasm that we experience of, like, peak orgasm done. But it was like, for 10 minutes, they're, like, going wild and crazy and laughing and moving and shaking and. And they were there. They were, like, present in their bodies. And you could honestly feel the pulse in that room. And that was the first time I was exposed to that thing. So that was over 10 years ago now. And after that, I was like, okay, there's so much more to sexuality than we are made to believe. And that just brought me on a path of. Of curiosity, of the body, of the breath, of really attuning to sexual energy as something that is deeply sacred, you know, the thing that has created every single one of us. We are orgasm in human form. And I feel so many of us, especially women, we have felt this innate sense of divine connection with our sexuality, maybe even from a young age. But then the shame, the unwanted attention, the good girl conditioning, the fear of. Of the kind of attention we would get from tapping into it made us completely disconnected from it. And that was very much, you know, my upbringing growing up in a Persian household where, you know, no sex until marriage and that's it. That. That was my sex education. So I feel so many of us are having this renaissance of really diving into our sensuality, our sexuality, and not just with partnership. I'm completely single and have been celibate for quite a long time, but for ourselves, you know, for our own expression, for our own awakening. And that to me is the really interesting thing of like, it's like a psychedelic experience in the body that God designed us to have. But we're like, oh, it happened. And then we don't really think about it and we move on, you know, quickly. Do it in the bathroom, go, go on, watch porn, Something go away. And it's like, what if we. It's like God gave us this. This vehicle, this system in our bodies that once we start to actually attune into it and go deeper into it of like, what's actually happening physically in my body? What are the sensations, what does turn on feel like for me? And we start mapping it and breaking it down and getting aware of like every single point along the way. And this is something I feel it really starts within ourselves for a very long time. It can only start within ourselves. And rather than having it be a goal for an orgasm, letting that sexual sensual energy be our life force, our creative energy. This is why the sacral chakra is so important in tantra, which is the seat, our. Our second chakra, svadistana, the seat of our creativity, our abundance, our pleasure, our sensuality, like that good honey drip that we're all looking for. It's all there inside of ourselves, but it's also where, you know, all of the shame, all of the traumas, all of the conditioning, and often the scariest place to be. So I've been on this path for quite a long time and I'm so excited to bring upon my literal favorite teacher in this. She's been on the podcast twice and they're two of the most top performing podcasts ever in eight years of high self podcast. So that says a lot. She's a personal friend of mine and the person that I go to when I'm like, oh, like what do you feel about this or that? And just exploring deeper, deeper levels of intimacy. And what I really love about this teacher, Bibi, who you likely heard I'm going to link her other episodes below, is that she really like breaks it down and she's not afraid of talking about the thing because sometimes with tan teachers it's very spiritual, it's very energetic and you're like, but like what's actually happening? And then there's others that it's like not, not spiritual at all, like just pure like sexuality. And she's just such a beautiful bridge. And she's created a system that she calls energetic lovemaking. And she actually has brand new system that she is debuting here on the podcast. I was in Uber with her and I was like asking her about different types of sexual energy. She's like, oh, I actually have five new ones. I'm like, oh, bitch. We need to bring this on the podcast. And before we get into this episode, be sure to hit subscribe. That allows you to stay in the loop for future conversations. This podcast is also on YouTube, so you could be watching us in person, Spotify video and the Apple Store. So be sure to subscribe to stay up to date with future conversations. And let's get into this, this one. So without further ado, let's welcome Bibi Bra here on the Highest self podcast. Welcome, Sister Queen.
- [06:45]
A
Oh my God. So excited. This is the third time we're meeting and third's a charm.
- [06:50]
B
Yeah.
- [06:51]
A
And I would just also love to acknowledge both of us and how we, you know, our evolution, our progress, our growth. Right. When I first. When you first interviewed me, you were still married and it was shortly after we did a session with your ex husband in Tulum, then second in interview was in la and you were just starting your solo journey and now here we are in the new place, your new home. And it's just beautiful to see how we grow and evolve and how life takes us to different places.
- [07:28]
B
It's so crazy because you realize that the thing that you're interested in is a seed and it continues to water and unfolds and unfolds. And some things happen way faster than you could ever imagine. Like I can't, you know, I was in Nomade with you. In Tulum, witnessing the first ever energy orgasm. And I talked about this on the first episode that. Guys. So she used to facilitate these weekly events at Nomadi, this amazing hotel in Tulum. And I heard so much about your events. And you go there and you're just like, okay, guys, this is an energy orgasm. And I'm going to show you guys right now. And you just go on the floor and you're like, bolting. And I'm just like. And we were in, like, no shame. And then you just, like, get right up and you're like, so what you saw right there. And just like. And I loved it because there was zero, like, awkwardness about it or, like, it's. I mean, so many people are uncomfortable even, like, showing their orgasmic face in front of their partner, right? Like, what if I look weird or strange and get in a room of like 50 of us on a stormy Tulum night? And. And it was like. And I'm so curious, like, where my path brings you or your path brings you. Because it's something that. It's like you continue to water it. Continue to water it. And at the same time, some things take a lot longer. You know, I've been on this quest for finding my tantric sacred unit. It's been a couple of years, you know, and certain things. And that's what we can go into even with sexuality is like, sometimes we're like, okay, I'm ready for it. I'm going to sex magic it. I'm going to manifest it. And it's like, certain things, they need to churn, they need to boil. And letting it take as long as it needs. All right, so let's dive into your new system that you really channeled about the different types of sexuality. So can you share a little bit more?
- [09:06]
A
Yeah. So I want to give a context first, a little bit of a story, because I think many, many of the listeners might be resonating. And, you know, for most of my 20s, and I would say almost mid-30s, and again, I share a lot of story. When I used to live in New York and I was really living sex in the city life, and I was something in between Carrie and Samantha back then, I was mainly having unconscious sex. It was kind of raw and primal and animalistic, but it wasn't really embodied. It was performed animalistic. And, you know, I kind of. The main. I think the main turn on about all of those encounters was really novelty element and just the fact that I was picking up guys and literally being the Samantha. And it was a form of entertainment and adventure. And that was the main arousal. But really on a physical level, I wasn't really experiencing orgasms. I was often faking it. So that was my. My first kind of sexual, you know, period of my life. Then I discovered I had my sexual awakening. The story I have shared on the previous episodes, right. And experienced this first full body energy orgasm. And I was fascinated. Wow. And I started experiencing it with the gentleman that I met on that workshop. And we would go into energetic lovemaking for hours. And those full body orgasms, right. Emerging of the bodies and going into this beautiful meditative states and floating and sky dancing together.
- [10:41]
B
Oh, I'm getting turned on just listening to your talk right now.
- [10:43]
A
Wow. Right. So I became fascinated. And this is where my career, in a way started because I was so mesmerized, I was so nourished. I was so inspired by this new way of making love that I. That's where I bought the domain energetic lovemaking.com and that's where I started my first class introduction to energetic lovemaking. That's the class that you came and visited on now with years. I actually also realized that I love sensuality. And when I was making my home in Tulum that I spent seven years in, it was all about beauty and textures and fluffiness. And then I also had this sensual lover. And we would just. We would meet and we actually were sensually stroking each other for five hours. For five hours. And I started to experience the eargasms and the neckgasms. And I just, you know, I realized that my love language is literally playlists. And I love music. And when you would enter my Tulum home, it was like this sensual sanctuary. Immediately there was the, you know, this. The smell of the kapal. And there would be all this fluffy carpet and pillows, and I have dimmers everywhere and special lighting and candles. And it was just really this beautiful, sensual space. And then with this sensual lover, it turned out he was also kinky. And he proposed one day if I would like to explore a little bit more taboo stuff with him. And my first reaction was, I'm sorry, darling, but what do you want to do? And I was like, yes, spanking, Tying you up. I'm like, I don't do that. I eye gaze. You know, I gaze. I do rituals. I do energetic lovemaking.
- [12:37]
B
Sounds like you have a lot of unprocessed trauma.
- [12:40]
A
Exactly. I had so much judgment around it. I would say that I'm 0% kinky. And I always had an idea that it's Weird, it's twisted, it's aggressive, It's. It's just drama based. And those. I would even say that people who are disconnected from their bodies need pain and all this intensity to feel anything. And yeah, I'll. I'll admit that I was fully judgmental around it, but also partially because this is what we see in entertainment. This is what we see on pornography.
- [13:10]
B
Shades of gray.
- [13:10]
A
Exactly. This was even a little bit more elegant, actually. Right. But most of it is really vulgar and aggressive. So that's what my judgment was based on. And he wouldn't be discouraged easily. And what I love him about, like.
- [13:27]
B
A true dom, we love that, you.
- [13:30]
A
Know, he's also about growing and expanding and curiosity. And he asked me, well, did you actually explore in your life anything taboo or kinky, anything from the realms of BDSM in a conscious way, intentionally? I'm like, the react. The truth is, I did not. Then he was like, well, how do you know you don't like it? I actually don't. So I was actually encouraged by him because he was also sensual. So the kinky things that we tried were still elegant and sensual. And I was like, wow, this actually really turned me.
- [14:08]
B
Did you try?
- [14:09]
A
He started with a very simple thing, and I remember it till today. You know those moments that are seemingly simple, but you really. They kind of like you still remember them. And I remember we were walking out of his apartment in la and he would like, pin me to the wall. And he, like, looked me in the eyes and just very slowly said, you know, I can't wait to, you know, ravish you tonight. And just like this dumb energy without even doing much. But just him being that, which is.
- [14:42]
B
Super sensual of like showing you way before telling you before, which is that build up that the sensual telling type needs totally.
- [14:49]
A
And then he would tie me up and then he would tease me. So there were some elements of that. And it actually, again, it's not even. So there's so much variety within those realms. And I realized that actually, you know, kinky things or even bdsm, it doesn't have to be slapping someone really hard. It doesn't have to be painful. There can be simple things like just blindfolding someone and. And delicately teasing him. Like tying me up and teasing my breasts. You know, my breasts are so sensitive. I have breast cancer. We talked about it a lot, right? On the first episode, breast cast, nipple gasms. And he just teasing me for half an hour till I am just melting and begging him for more. Right. That can be already a Power dynamic.
- [15:40]
B
Feeling that right now.
- [15:43]
A
So why am I sharing this? Because what I realized is, okay, actually, you know, I went from one extreme to the other. I went from completely unconscious, disembodied, animalistic sex and performing then to only sacred sexuality and energetic lovemaking and then judging everything else. And then I realized, okay, there is actually so many things in between. And this went into parallel with my work. Initially, clients came to me because of that, because they saw that energetic full body orgasm that I kind of became well known for and they were coming to me looking for an exploration of that energetic lovemaking, full body orgasms. But as I started to grow and my business started to grow and thank you because you have been a big supporter and so is your podcast, I realized, okay, there were many couples, for example, who and many men also they would came, okay, I like the ritual, but I also want to have different style of sex. And what I realized, interviewing couples before they would join my course, that many men wouldn't even. And I'm again generalizing, I wasn't say it's only men, but mostly, at least in the cases of my interviews, they would not join this work because they have the preconception that it's all going to be two hours long, eye gazing, slow, energetic lovemaking. And they were almost afraid that it's going to take over and they will not be able to have sex some other ways. So what became clear is that there is so many different flavors. And what also became clear for me that actually with age I am also changing, my body's changing, I'm entering perimenopause. And I started to also have clients who were in their 60s and they 70s and my oldest client, 83 year old. And I realized, okay, throughout life we actually also change our preferences. It's not like we, you know, when we are Procreating when we're 20, when our maybe early 30s, it's more of that animalistic raw sex. But then women in 60s in a menopause, they wanted more of a tender lovemaking and more of a slower, soothing touch, right? So it's going to change through our life. And I really wanted to both give myself a chance to embody and explore all flavors and also give my clients that opportunity and don't decide for them. They, they should be only going for energetic lovemaking because you know, there, there is so much more and we can actually make a primal fact conscious as well. So then obviously with different spiritual studies and then Neo Tantra and then yoga and then understanding a little bit how energy works. I realized, okay, I was always talking about taking the energy from the root chakra, from the genitals. And it's simple, right? Where the energy is low, it's dense, it's heavy, it's metal. And when you start taking it up, it becomes lighter, right? It becomes ether. The same within our body, right? We start sexual energy in our root chakra. That's where it's most dense and heavy and raw and primal and animalistic. And I was always sharing with my students on that class where let's lift it up all the way up so it becomes really light, so it becomes ether, so it becomes connection to higher self, to the universe, to the creator. But there is all these chakras, all these energy centers, all these elements along the way. So in a way, it's not necessarily a system that I invented myself because it's based on some, you know, universal teachings of energy centers, elements, polarity. But what I have a talent in is making it accessible, making it easy for people to digest, make it sexy and beautiful. So I called it an erotic spectrum. Because we are really exploring the whole spectrum of experiences. And I like to compare it, guys, to the generous of music, right? Imagine when I was younger, I was only listening to, I think was techno, right? In my 20s, so it was fast and furious and you would, you know, danced for 10 hours, etc. And then I had a period of. I went into Jenny's Joplin in the 60s and then I went to. For electronic music, right? And. And then listening all your life to the same genre of music. I don't think I'm going to be listening to techno where I'm 60, right? And I. So I, I want to experience different genres. And now I am more into maybe like hip hop or soulful, you know, my more soulful music, right? So the same with the lovemaking. I want you to think of it in a similar way, right? You love Afro music, right? There's like just so many expressions, so many flavors. So imagine that lovemaking is like this generous of music. And of course some of those generous you will be more drawn to. And it's something that you like, Afro music, Afro beats for you, right? This is something that I'm less drawn to, but I am more drawn to like electronic music, for example. And that doesn't matter though, that I cannot find beauty. Or maybe in few years I will again shift, right? So how can we find beauty? How can we explore, explore all those genres of lovemaking, not just the one that we are default not just the one that we know it's our thing, but how can we expand ourselves and to become more, you know, richer lovers. How does that sound?
- [21:18]
B
Sounds so juicy. And it's interesting because I was speaking with my friend and she was very into kink before and she recognized that it was because she was like a boss CEO in her business telling people what to do. So she deeply desired to be in the subspace of just like, like completely letting go and completely surrendering. And now that she's actually stepped away from CEO role in her business, she's no longer drawn to that style of sexuality anymore. So it's so interesting how even our life events, our careers, what's happening really shapes the kind of. Because sexuality is like a refuge, right. And we can like use it to counterbalance, balance the things that we want or even to work upon more of the energies that we're calling in.
- [22:00]
A
Totally. And you know, when we really surrender, when you really let go in bed and you stop, you know, chasing orgasm, you stop performing and you really allow the sexual energy to kind of take over. It will actually take you places where you know, where, where it, where it needs to be, where you need to be taken. Right. As an example, when I was grieving the death of my mother last year, I would just melt in my lover's arms and I would have a grief gas. You know, this was really first year that I have, I experienced cryogasm before and sadgasms but that were like this were proper grief chasms and if you really allow yourself to be taken there, it's totally possible. And it was actually even in my self pleasure practice then I introduced that and it was so deep. It was just a combination of orgasm and tears and a void and you know, and all of it. And I think it was actually for me those self pleasure sessions where I allowed myself to grief my mom were. Was one of the most powerful ways I actually grieved my mom really.
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B
So tell us about the five different types of the sexual spectrum.
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A
Beautiful. So of course we start from the root, right from the root chakra. And what is the element? So it's, it's. Look how, how mother nature actually like how genius it is. And you can look into all these little details who like thought of it. There is so much depth and so there's just, you know our vehicles are just incredibly well designed. It's mind blowing if you look into it. So our root chakra, right. The element is earth. And we. It's kind of the sex here again that, that Energy is low, right? So it's, it's the most dense. It's most raw and primal animalistic expression of sexual energy. Energy. Yeah. And it also will. It is also a positive energy pole for the man with. Where the man penetrates and impregnates with his penis. And the sexual energy in the center has a more of a masculine quality, right? It's more action, more movement. It's again like penetrative. It's, it's, it can be also grounding. So what type of sex is here? Again, what when I can imagine, it's like really, really, it can be a primal fuck, but a primal fact that is really coming from feeling your body, not from what you see on porn, when a primal fact is performed from the mind, but really feeling your genitals. It's like when you are having, you know, this intense sex that the bed is moving and, you know, hitting the wall, or you are just sweating and enjoying that primal kind of element, or having sex, sex in nature, for example, right? And just again, this more animalistic expression. Then the thing is that most people never move that sexual energy. Sex lasts, you know, five minutes, 12 minutes. Different research, different numbers, but it's short, let's be honest. So that energy doesn't have time to truly build up and it doesn't have time and space to travel upwards. So for most people, that is all that I ever experienced. The primal father. Right now when you actually slow down, when you relax, when you allow the energy to, to expand, and when you take time for breath, intention, visualization to move this energy up, it's going to travel to the next center. What is the next center? Our sacral chakra. What is the element here? Water. So while the first expression of the genre of lovemaking, I call it a primal fuck. The second one, I call it, it sensual liquid lovemaking. The element here is water. And it's actually, again, this is a power center. This is a positive poll for a woman, right? So it's more of a feminine quality to the lovemaking. And it's all going to be the more softer touch, passionate kissing, sensual stroking. Your spine is undulating, right? And again, you're indulging in all, all these senses. And lovemaking is this sea of sensations when you melt in your lover's arm and it's the sound and it's the touch. And again you're kind of like you're having those waves of lovemaking. Can you feel that?
- [26:35]
B
I like this one.
- [26:38]
A
Right, so that is, that is another completely different quality to love. My king. And that energy again is moving a little bit away from the genitals right now we are going to take a nice deep breath and we are going to move our awareness so the energy can follow to the next center. What is the next center? Solar plexus. What is the element here? Fire. So again, look at that. We are switching again into a more masculine expression, right, of sexuality. And I call it fierce power play. And that's where we're gonna do the taboo breaking power play. There is a little bit more of you want to be pinned to the wall, maybe tied up, maybe spanked, maybe hair pulling, play, fighting, right? All those BDSM dynamic. And it's more fiery and there's like this fiery passion as well in this style of lovemaking. Okay, we continue to travel. What is the next center? It's the heart, right? The element is air. And here we are again moving away from the genitals. And even. Guys, if for you listening to this, differentiating each chakra might sound a little bit more advanced, I bet that all of you can differentiate between making love from your genitals and between making love from your heart, right? That's easy. That's easy. Most people will be able to feel into that. So here I call it tender love. And it's really about, again, more feminine quality to this, right? Because that is again, a plus for us women. And here it's really about romance. Here it's about storytelling. Here it's about opening your heart, being tender again, slow touch and breast massage. Heartgasms, Breastgasms. Showering each other with flowers and compliments. And, you know, for each of those, actually you can create a different environment. I even created with AI different types of bedrooms for each of those types of lovemaking. This one has a lot of red roses. And it's more like going to a honeymoon with a spa. And again, like, you know, a honeymoon situation, right? It's really about love and melting in the love making with your beloved. And then we're going to continue our journey. Up next is our throat chakra. And here the element will be ether. And then it's kind of all the upper free centers. So also the third eye, which is light, and the crown chakra, which is consciousness. Here all the energy becomes even lighter and we are moving into what I call energetic training, transfigured, sacred sexuality. So here it's not really the masculine or the feminine anymore. They both merge and there is this merging of the souls that is really beyond the physical form. And maybe some of you have Already experienced this, even if accidentally, where you really feel like you are like one with your partner and you come into those meditative states. And here it's everything like eye gazing and rituals and breath work and humming and chanting together and going into the full body energy orgasms where you don't even need to penetrate. And there's a lot of stillness and slowness and presence and maybe even visions. Right. And again, this kind of more transfigured way of making love. So these are the five different qualities, as you can see how beautifully they are combined with the energy centers, with the elements. And we can. You know what I like to do, Sahara? I like to actually plan dates that are specifically around a certain quality. But you can also move in between and you can start a little bit more primal and then move into more of a hard based lovemaking and then finish in a, in a meditative stage doing, you know, a circle of light. Right. So you can also move within one sessions and move the energy upwards, for example.
- [31:00]
B
So I would love to hear practices for each one that we can actually integrate.
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A
So let's say there are different types of breaths that we can use for each of those. But let's say for the primal lovemaking, I would say here is being in nature. Nature being for like one of my.
- [31:23]
B
Fantasies is having sex in a waterfall.
- [31:24]
A
Yeah, I remember last year, my partner, we were actually dating, we have those wish lists always. And one of them was making love in a sunset in Ibiza, in nature. And we did so, for example, some of the funny practices that you can do and it also breaks the ice, is playing animals. I do this in my workshops. You know, you being a panther and him being lion and really roaring or pouring and allowing ourselves to come into this animal nature that we are so disconnected from in everyday life. So really rolling in the sand or being in the grass or you know, drumming and kind of like dancing even again outdoors. Right. These are some of the things that can evoke the style of lovemaking here. I would say say not so many props, not so many toys, but really more of a, of a very raw expressions and maybe even the sweat. This is like where you want to be play wrestling as well. Totally. So this is for, for the primal. Primal, if we can. Raw and primal. This is, I actually call it.
- [32:45]
B
And this is kind of like the wild woman, wild man, archetype type.
- [32:48]
A
Yeah, totally.
- [32:50]
B
Then would you say that this like if we looked at it with the erotic blueprints, it's the sexual type?
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A
Probably. Yes, there is, there is Obviously there is an overlap with erotic blueprints and I'm curious if they were actually inspired by this. It's slightly different. There are some different elements. But if you would say probably yes, that would be because this is also you know, the, the, the sex center. Right. That's the, that's the gen. That's the chakra that we are looking at.
- [33:16]
B
Would you say like fire signs are more like this?
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A
I.
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B
So obviously people more in their masculine. It's more this.
- [33:23]
A
Exactly. I don't know if there is a rule actually. You know, I thought so because when I, when I for example look at the clients that come to me, most of the women are sensual and energetic.
- [33:34]
B
Yeah.
- [33:35]
A
And a lot of men are sexual. But I actually asked Jaya, I'm also a certified erotic blueprint coach. And according to the results of the test, they say that it's that there isn't really any correlation between the gender and it's not like that. So I'm curious if I am just attracting women who you know are coming because they're looking for the energetic, activating the energetic type. Because I talk about energetic orgasm so much. There must be something there.
- [34:02]
B
Well, I do feel spiritual woman. We are naturally going to be more sensual obviously because we're connecting to our body, our senses, dance movement and then energetic spirit, you know. But I also feel the more you go into your feminine, it's more the subtle realms. Yeah, you know, tanta is those subtle realms. You know, I would say I was far less energetic until you know, I went into the celibacy and really going into my own practice. And now I'm so energetic because I'm so much more like sensitive to the tiniest little touch. That took a lot of just like letting go of actually like penetrative sex to like reprogram the nerve endings of my body to like all become awake and alive. And that is a very spiritual practice.
- [34:45]
A
Totally. And I feel also you know, for women it's for example, uh, it is a little bit easier to come into energy orgasms and full body orgasm from the stimulation of the cervix and often in the love making actually because of the type of sex we are having. That is so, you know, premature penetration and a lot of jackhammering and fast and heavy thrusting. A lot of women experience pain in the cervix while when you start to self pleasure and that happens in my courses and we start to use the crystal wand. That's where so many women are able to really under locate the cervix. Properly see what the cervix like. Understand that it likes much more of a subtle stimulation and then starting to tune into those oceanic and more subtle cervical type of orgasms. Right.
- [35:32]
B
And a practice that I do when I do my breath work practice is I'll actually pulse like I'll pulse my clitoris, pulse the G spot and pulse the cervix, which before I didn't know how like you think I'm a kegel. You're kind of just clenching everything. And now and just it's through mind body awareness, I can pulse my cervix while doing the breath hold, hold. And you can have an orgasm. You're not touching just from the pulsing. And it's like, it's so insane. And then you're just like, wow. Like why would I, you know. And I think different flavor is beautiful, but I think it's like that's like God, God consciousness right there, you know. And totally. So I share that because I feel a lot of people, they stay stuck in these like lower energy centers that they miss that. But then once you access that, it's like you don't only want to be there, you also want. Because primal is just as much a part of us as well.
- [36:19]
A
Totally, totally. Yeah.
- [36:21]
B
Okay, so practices for the. The next sacral water.
- [36:25]
A
Yeah. Watery and sensual. So to be honest, really playing with all the senses and just having fun with it because sometimes. So what I want to let people know here that you don't necessarily have to identify yourself with one or the other. You are all of it. You are all of it. And you can explore and you have available all these types of lovemaking. And is it with the partner or is it with yourself? Because those. The self pleasure practice can also have a very different flavors. And I love sensual dates with myself or with partners and really making your. Making the place really essential, you know, essential oasis, however you want to call it. But bringing attention to all the dark details, bringing attention to the sound and the music, bringing attention to the smell, the lighting and playing with different types of touch. And you can really play from everything. From feathers, but also from things from your kitchen. And I sometimes use, I like to use a fork, for example. So really indulging in the senses, but also a lot of lighter touch as well. All your body. And especially for us women, our whole body is erotic. Like all those eargasms and necasms, they're so delicious. And people think that I am, you know, crazy when I talk about them. So recently in my mindvalley event in Tallinn in mind Valley University in summer I actually asked for a volunteer and a man rose his hand and I did a demo of a neck eargasm on the stage so people could see that it's actually not that difficult.
- [38:09]
B
You gave one to him or he.
- [38:10]
A
Yeah, I gave one to him.
- [38:11]
B
Wow.
- [38:13]
A
Yeah, it was really, really inside of.
- [38:16]
B
Our palms, the inside of our elbows, armpits. These are all really so many nerve endings.
- [38:21]
A
So many are nerve endings. And you know, there is, we, we actually especially women. Research shows we can experience orgasms from stimulating a lot of those areas. Right? Non, non genital erogenous zones. Also passionate kissing. I love, love, make out. I actually love. And I'm not sure if I mentioned it on the last episode or no, but what I really love is the art of almost kissing. I don't think I mentioned that. The art of almost kissing for the tension. Yeah, it's just like. And I do this when I. When I'm dating someone new and my current lover in my hometown in Poland, I think I was just. Was like three dates that we almost kissed but didn't kiss. So what is it all about, guys? It's just you get closer and you kind of slide your lips and enjoy the cheek to cheek contact and you feel each other breathing and you really tease and you build up and anticipation and just like build up the excitement and oh my God. When you finally kiss this, it's so much easier to go into a kiss chasm because you are in lipgasm because you are so present. There is just so much awareness in the lips. Oh my God. So here also a lot of passionate kissing, guys. There's so many pleasure nerve endings. We can absolutely have kiss gasms, lipgasms. And what I really invite you to do, we call it a tantric kiss where you don't go so much with the tongue because tongue is really the penetrative part, but just also enjoying the touch of the lip, lips itself for a long time. And the trick here is that where is your awareness? Okay, you really wanna put all your awareness, you wanna meditate on your lips. And that's where every little sensation can become orgasmic. So that is, you know, that's what's gonna take it to another level.
- [40:22]
B
Have you always known deep down inside that you are here to speak on stages, to write books, to show share your wisdom and story with the world? But the thing is you feel like you are still not a confident speaker. Well, I got you, girl. I've created my speak with soul method that has trained over 3,000 people to go from awkward to fully confident speaker and get book deals, keynote speaking engagements, and so much more in just 21 days. So this is my flagship method that goes into aspects of speaking I have never seen any other teacher talk about. So going into the tone, texture, quality of your voice, what type of speaker you are, whether it's more motivational, inspirational, aspirational, how to tell your story, the hero's arc, how to have a captivating presence, all of the unseen, unspoken body language that is taking place, and how to then translate it into what we end with. Recording an intro for your future podcast. So I have seen incredible transformations from the students who have done the course. We'll. We'll share some of the testimonials so you can see for yourself. And I did not start off speaking the way that I am right now. I did not start off as a solo caster keynote speaker. In fact, if you go back to the first episode of this podcast in 2017, so, so almost eight years ago now, you'll see my tone of voice was way higher. I wasn't as confident, I wasn't as grounded. And now so many people are like, I just listen to your podcast. I just like hearing you speak. And that is the difference that you can have by really diving into your speaking. So I reverse engineered what I did for myself of how I shifted from, you know, I was saying the right things, but just a different, different level of grounding and embodiment that I have now. And I put it all together in a 21 day, super accessible course that you can start at any time. So head over to speakwithsoulcourse.com we'll have that link in the show notes. We also have a special discount for you for 20% off with code podcast, so be sure to use it and get started so the world can hear your story. All right, let's get back into the episode. A friend of mine, when she met who she knew was going to be her partner, she was, was like, I know I'm only going to have this opportunity once to go as slow as possible. So they didn't allow themselves to like, kiss for, I think, the first month.
- [42:48]
A
Yes.
- [42:48]
B
So they would just get so close and hover over each other and so much energy would build, but they, they couldn't. And then, you know, finally when they did, they, they had these like, benchmarks. So no tongue? Yeah, it was like kissing, but no tongue. And then finally when they allowed tongue, it's like, oh, finally. And then that. And, and they actually Delayed sex for one year. Wow. For one year they just played with these different energies. And they've been five years down, so passionate still. And I feel because of this, like, predecessing work that they put in the beginning. And if you're with your partner, it's never too late, you know, Like, I feel like any moment they can come home from work and you can just start teasing and playing with them and like, you're not allowed to kiss me until I say you are.
- [43:27]
A
Yeah.
- [43:27]
B
And then that becomes like they're trying and you're not letting them. And it's that build up and build up and build up, and people don't realize. It's like when you kiss someone prematurely, it's like, oh, it just happened, you're unconscious. Or even sometimes you might be kissing someone, your mind is somewhere else. You know, it's like to come back to the sensation and you notice the kiss gets so much better.
- [43:45]
A
Yeah.
- [43:45]
B
You know, it's like all of a sudden this new passion comes into the kiss just because you've brought your focus back into it. And what makes, like a good kiss chemistry is attunement. It's reading each other. It's a conversation that you guys are having, you know, like a lip dance. It is like in one of my songs I write, every kiss is like a language with our lips. And it's like. It is a language, you know, and. And it's interesting. I mean, but for me, though, if I have great kiss chemistry, I'm going to fall in love with them. Like, how are you not falling in love with everyone? Like, what are your practices with that of I'm not there, I can't take on a lover because we're gonna have to get married after.
- [44:19]
A
We can weave it in. Yeah. Because we actually had that conversation. And I have been seeing this lover in my hometown for seven months now and initiating him. And it's just none of us has a need to call it a relationship. We're both going through a lot right now, and this dynamic is working for us. And there is a heart opening, definitely. And yeah, it's interesting, but none of us had the need to, like, feeling.
- [44:45]
B
Your heart when you're kissing them.
- [44:47]
A
I do, but there is a different things. And I think, you know, this is. We. We confuse the heart opening with, you know, with. With wanting to name it something, with this status and with, like, wanting to secure. Like, I'm doing the opposite. What I did last year, Last year I met someone amazing and a tantric lover. And we Were like, wow, what is it? And after spending five days together, we decided to call it a committed relationship. And it backfired on us because it was too soon. And then, you know, it didn't work out. And this year I'm actually taking it really, really slow. We waited with penetration for four months and this gentleman never meditated and it's totally new and he never even heard of anything that, you know, we're talking about here. And I am taking him on a journey and it's been like a slow exploration and I didn't even think going into this that there will be something. And we both grew into each other, you know, and that's actually feel more sustainable and let's see what happens. But right now, this, you know, lovership, conscious lovership and we deeply care for each other is what works for both of us. So. Yeah.
- [45:53]
B
Yeah.
- [45:54]
A
Okay.
- [45:54]
B
So I want to, once we go through, I want to swing back into the sensual dates.
- [45:58]
A
Yeah. Yes.
- [46:00]
B
Initiation of a partner.
- [46:01]
A
Yeah, beautiful. And you know, then sensual dates. So we, I actually, we are in sensual one. Why don't we.
- [46:07]
B
Yeah, let's go into sensual dates. I promise we're going to do the next. Yeah, yeah.
- [46:12]
A
Because sensual date was one of the first dates. So I'm just going to give everyone a context of the story. It seems like people are really enjoying it. I've been sharing it on my Instagram because it's real and it's real for me. That's why I share it. After my mom's death, my dad was diagnosed with a four stage cancer and given three, four months to live. So I moved away from Tulum, packed my stuff after seven years and came back to my hometown in Poland. And it was tough. I have no friends there and it's not really my favorite city. And yeah, I kind of. First few months were really, really tough. And what I decided was to finally change my mindset because at the beginning was like, okay, I, there's no way I'm going to find a conscious man here. And once I finally changed my mindset, I actually met someone in the gym that sparked my interest and I invited him on a date. And then.
- [47:07]
B
Can you tell us how you did that please?
- [47:09]
A
Because this girl I actually amazing. I actually he was, you know, it was 7:00am and I was training with my private trainer and he was training with his private trainer. And these are good signs for me because it seems someone, okay, he is getting up early, he takes care of his health. He's committed to, you know, investing in his health, having A trainer like me. So I was like, okay, these are all good signs. Why not? I'm going to ask if. I asked my trainer if she can investigate if. If he's. If he's single. And it turned out that he is. And I asked if he would be open to give me his contact details, and he did. And I reached out and say, hey, listen, I don't know what it is, but you sparked my interest and I would love to. To meet for a coffee. I don't drink alcohol. Maybe for smoothie. He says, well, I don't drink alcohol neither, so let's meet for, you know, a matcha. And we did. And he actually blown me away because he looked at my Instagram and he prepared and he was so curious, like, what is it? I never heard of it. I listened to some of your videos. I have million questions. And that was already like, nice and refreshing. He didn't feel intimidated at all. He was curious. Yeah. And I felt a connection. And on the second date, I decided I'm going to ask him if he wants to become my conscious lover and I'll guide him. And he said yes. And I said, well, I knew you're going to say yes. So I actually already bought you a book in Polish. One of I. I love Diana Richardson and many of her books are. Are translated to Polish. His English is not great. So I found one in Polish and I was like, this is the. My gift. And yeah, he read the book in three days and he was just really, really curious and he was in a place in his life when he was just actually searching for it. So I would. This is something I shared. So we had to have the days at his place, right? I'm like, oh my God, I am really sensuality. So important for me. What if his place is like, dirty or messy or not? A vibe is going to be a disaster. So anyway, I sent him him a list so he could prepare to receive me. And this was white lilies, because I love how they smell candles, like some incenses.
- [49:18]
B
I just want to say I love that you asked for this because as women we are so shameful about having requirements. We don't want to seem like we're too much. And first of all, I just want to acknowledge that you saw a guy at the gym and you're like, trainer, Is he single? Can you do some investigation? Let's find out. Like, how many times have you seen someone at the gym? You make eye contact, you never talk again. So acknowledging you there to acknowledging you of like, I have a Connection with you. Day two. Would you like to be my conscious lover? Like, I could never. I could. I could never. You know, and it's like. But I love that it's inspiring because you ask for what you want.
- [49:51]
A
Yeah.
- [49:51]
B
You know, and then I would like white lilies. We're in Poland. I don't know where white lilies grow. Like. And he's like, on it. He's read the book, he's doing this, he's that. And that's hot, too. That's probably turning you on, the fact that he's like, yeah. Catering to the. The goddess.
- [50:04]
A
Totally. And, you know, I just want to help him win. I always say, help your partner win. I want to arrive to his place and be like, wow, it's amazing. I'm so excited to do all these rituals here. So instead of hoping it's going to be like this, I'm going to help him to prepare. So it is. Becomes the reality. And he later shared with me that this list was so helpful, that he felt so much more confident that he had all these things.
- [50:29]
B
And so what else was on the list?
- [50:30]
A
On the list, there was an almond milk. So I can do sacral chai because I love to have this ritual. I love the aphrodisiacs and the smell. So that. And yeah. And I just told him I'd love if the place can be clean. I had lovers in the past who were tech guys and did not put attention to it. And it was a big turnoff for me. So. Yeah.
- [50:52]
B
And they say they're visual.
- [50:53]
A
Yeah.
- [50:54]
B
So.
- [50:55]
A
And yeah. And then he picked me up from my place and turns out his apartment was beautiful. He's clean. Freak, actually. So everything was clean. And it. But all these things that I gave him on the list just gave that feminine touch. And then he told me, I love the smell of this white lilies. I'm actually going to be buying them weekly. And he is now hooked on the sacral chai as well. So.
- [51:18]
B
But I'm like, so why aren't you guys, like, in a relationship getting married? I don't get it.
- [51:22]
A
Yeah, I'll explain in a second. But anyway, so I like to. I took him for a process and this is going to be my next course. And I told him, listen, I. I kind of. You're going to be also my guinea pig because I want to initiate a man who never even met, who has no clue about all these things and see if I can turn you into this energetic, conscious lover. And there's a happy ending to it. So, yeah, and no pun intended. And one of the first dates was a sensual date, and I literally took him through. And so this is a beautiful practice for that second sacral chakra. Okay. And I really took him through a journey of the. The senses. So I was wearing a beautiful lingerie and a kimono, and we sat on the carpet, and I said, okay, we're gonna start with a sense of sight. And, you know, especially at the beginning, we. We. We have not been naked yet in front of each other. And actually we only have been in clothes. So, you know, there's this first moment, and I put some music, and I slowly started to undress and undress in my lingerie and in front of him so he couldn't touch me. He could really see me. And I started moving and turning around so he could, like, fully just enjoy seeing my body. And then I asked him to slowly take his shirt off and, you know, and have. And enjoy looking at him.
- [52:52]
B
I want to pause there because I feel that is the most challenging for women I know to undress and let someone just see you in your body because it brings up all your body shame. You're fat, your scar, you're this, you're that. Like, was that easy for you? How did you get there to be able to do that?
- [53:09]
A
Well, this is. I do. This is why I do the work I do. Right? And part of it, and women tell me this over and over in my courses, that for the first time in their life, they actually fell in love with their bodies and they fully accepted themselves. I have women who were addicted to plastic surgeries and said, actually, you know, after working with. With you, I stopped with all the surgeries. I even fell in love in this cars that I have. And, you know, this is. This is a learning process. And it's also possible, you know, I'm in my mid-40s, and I also take care of my body, but I also, you know, hated my small breasts. I always share that. Right. I was like, a plus. I was insecure about all my breasts all my life, and I learned to embrace them and love them. And it's not about how you look. It's really the energy that you have that, you know, quiet, embodied confidence. And that will just be so much more important that really, that little, you know, cellulite here or wrinkle there. And even if you ask men, they actually tell you this. So, yeah, I. Through years of doing this work, I really embody that confidence. I really do. So first was that sense of sight, and then I. I Had a whole playlist prepared. And then the playlist turned into a little bit more, like, groovy. And I got up and I started slowly dancing. So that was the sense of sound. And it was funny because even without words, without saying anything, few minutes in, he got up and he started dancing with me. This was so sexy, guys. So sexy. And it turns out he's a good dancer. I was like, wow. So we were just flowing and dancing.
- [54:54]
B
For a while and touching yet, or not yet.
- [54:57]
A
Slowly, gently, gently. And we were still, you know, mean our underwear because it was early dates, so the plan was not to get naked yet. This is so beautiful. And slowly, slowly, we started touching. And then I was like, okay, let's slowly move in the. In the sense of touch. And we were slowly dancing. And there was just this, you know, I kind of set the tone so it's easier for him to follow. And I slowly starting touching him very lightly and gently while we were moving and then dancing. And then he kind of, you know, gets inspired and follows, right? And just tracing our body. Oh, my God. I. You know, and there was just so much slowness and awareness. And I remember, you know, him touching my thighs and my. And slowly my butt. And it was just like.
- [55:44]
B
And the fact that this first time ever doing it and it was just coming through, it shows it's innate in us.
- [55:49]
A
And you know what's so funny? He told me he is divorced. He told me that he actually had it in him. I was like, I always loved longer foreplay. And at the beginning of our marriage, I would have all. All these long foreplays. And then came the kids and the crisis and the marriage. And then it all just, like, felt, you know, fell away. But that is actually what I used to do. So, you know, it's just coming back to what is there. But just have to, like, you know, peel the layers, right? And we just gently enjoyed the touch. And then think, oh, my God, it was. It was just like you were present with our sensations. And then from there, I asked him to lie down back on the floor and close his eyes. And I had all the different senses. I had different essential oils. I had the lilies. So I would ask him to breathe deeply and I would play with all the smells. And then you realize how little we actually play with the sense of smell. And he was like, oh, my God, I'm loving it. And then we set up and I was.
- [56:52]
B
I have a question with that one. How, like, so are you? Like, here are my essential oils. Like, how do you make that not, like, super hippie.
- [56:58]
A
No. I set up.
- [56:58]
B
Would you like my patchouli?
- [56:59]
A
No, no, no. I set up the space before we started the whole ritual. So I removed the table from the carpet and put it on the side and set up everything up beautifully. So there was like, this little altar.
- [57:11]
B
So you're dancing and you're like, jasmine.
- [57:14]
A
You know, I didn't even tell him anything. I asked him to lie down and close his eyes, and I. You know, there's still music playing, and I just ask him to breathe deeply. And then I put on your hand. Yeah. And then I ask him towards the end which one you enjoyed the most, you know, and it's just. Yeah, don't overthink it, because I have fun with it, Sahara. That's what makes a difference. I'm not performing this thing. I am genuinely enjoying it.
- [57:39]
B
And you're showing, not telling, and I'm.
- [57:42]
A
Showing, not telling a how to that. Exactly. And then I'm like, okay, do you know, which sense do we have we have left? And he says, yes, I know. And it was a sense of taste. And we haven't kissed yet. We only done the art of almost kissing. So we kind of stood up and we started to play with the art of almost kissing for two songs. And then we're like, okay, we're ready to taste each other. And then we started making out, just, you know, really tasting each other. And, you know, after all this build up, oh, my Lord, it was so juicy. And then I had a bonus. You know, then I had a bonus surprise, and I made. I make those for our picture play parties. Literally, it's. It's a taste chasm. I call it a natural sneakers, which are the dates where that you fill up with. With peanut butter or almond butter. And then you dip them in. In a dark chocolate and you sprinkle them with the salt and you freeze them. So I brought those and put it in his freezer.
- [58:43]
B
Bro, can I be your conscious lover?
- [58:46]
A
I asked him to close his eyes, and I said, listen, we're gonna to do the last element here to close this date with, like, you know, with like a. And I asked him to close his eyes and slowly, slowly played with that sneaker date and he. Around his lips. And then he finally had a small bite, and he was like, oh, my God. What is it? I think I understand what you mean by tastegasm. He loves those still today, and I always make them for him, but this is just so delicious. And we were both, like, chewing it, and that was the end. Of the date.
- [59:19]
B
And then how long was it?
- [59:21]
A
I think, you know, the whole thing was, like, I don't know, over an hour. But we also. But we also always talk beforehand and have nice conversations, but just this sensual journey itself, I don't know, maybe an hour and a half.
- [59:37]
B
I want to recognize you also because I speak with a lot of my friends, and often they have pressure to, like, just go further sexually because of this embedded thing in women's consciousness of like. Like, I owe him that. He took me on a nice date, so I owe him that. Or he wouldn't want to see me again. If I don't give him that, Like, I have to make sure he gets off so he likes me. Right. And so I love that you're like, we're gonna end with eating the Snickers bite. Like, namaste. You know, Like, I love that because that's, like, more than enough. Like, what an incredible journey. But I feel we need to rewire that part of us that feels like, oh, if he didn't come, he wasn't having a good time.
- [60:14]
A
When.
- [60:14]
B
I bet you that was probably the most memorable sex actual experience of his life.
- [60:17]
A
He told. Because I always do a conscious closure afterwards. So after that, we share at least three things that we enjoyed the most about it. What we learned. And he's just like. He had a hard time was like, I love everything about it. I just love how this whole storytelling unfolded. I love how much intentionality you put in it, how much you prepared. I love the. You know, I love laser focusing on things, because when you laser focus on each sense, you laser focus on a part of the body and you stay there for longer, you can. You can discover so much depth. So the same with that sensuality. Just the fact that we look at each other for 10 minutes without touching, without grabbing, without chasing, grasping.
- [60:58]
B
The site was 10 minutes.
- [61:00]
A
It was like a couple of songs. Wow.
- [61:03]
B
So much vulnerability in that.
- [61:05]
A
I know.
- [61:05]
B
You know, and so all of that is building intimacy. Intimacy. Intimacy that we're, like, searching for in the act of sex, but it's way before.
- [61:14]
A
Yeah.
- [61:15]
B
You know?
- [61:15]
A
Yeah. And. Yeah. So, you know, this. This was really. This. So beautiful. This was so juicy. Like, we got so aroused, both of us, but you don't have to consume it. Like, you know, this. This arousal. I don't know. We probably were, like, aroused at the level of a nine, you know, and just enjoying it.
- [61:33]
B
Was there a part of either of you that's like, oh, let's just, like, go further?
- [61:37]
A
No, because I. I learned to enjoy it for what it is. I don't have the, an immortal need of chasing and grasping. And finally, few months in, I actually taught him this as well and he really like embodies it now and it makes such a difference. So yeah, so that was a sensual date. And, and yeah, I really recommend playing with this guys. And for example, when I work with couples, I ask them to do the art of almost kissing when they were apart, when they are traveling and then they reunite after, you know, two weeks or a month, practice all those things. You know, then you can kind of bring the presence and the excitement of the, even the early stages of your relationship a way back. Yeah.
- [62:19]
B
So something that you really taught me is the importance of the female body being really opened and worshipped. And we're so used to as women to give. Right. Even to give sexually. And it's so important because our turn on takes so much longer. So how can we, when we feel like, okay, like I'm teaching him the sensual date. I'm teaching him, him about energetic lovemaking tantra. Then it kind of feels like I'm back into, like I'm showing him how I want to be touched. I'm doing it on him. How can we shift it so it's still him on us so we can get to that beautiful turn on state that will ultimately be his turn on as well.
- [63:00]
A
Yeah, but so again, you know, you're not necessarily teaching, you're showing. And I think it's a big difference. Now the sensual date was not just a one, one direction thing, maybe with the smell, but with all the other senses. It was both ways. And once I started touching him lightly, he responded with the same. Right. And so, so it's not black on white. And again it's, it's going to be always a play. You're always a listener. You're always listening and talking. It's not like, oh, today I'm just going to be listening, not talking because otherwise I'm in my masculine. If I start to talk. No one says that. Right. This conversation. So same here. I kind of show him things and then he learns and then he takes over. So I gave him tools and I told him I will be leading some of the first dates and then you will have all the tools and then we will switch. And that is what has been happening already. So you know, and then he also learned the breast massage, he learned the yoni massage. And the next time he is offering it, he's doing it, you know, and I completely surrender. So it's not Black or white. And I just, you know, I don't want. I hear this a lot. Oh. If I have to initiate him and tell him what to do, then I kill the polarity. I go, in my mind, masculine. It's all about how you do it. Because if you're going to sit, I want you to touch me here and do this and do that, then maybe it's. It's really going to kill the polarity. But can you seduce him into what you want him to do? Can you show him? Can you be playful? Can you be flirtatious? In. In the way that you guide him? Because then it's still feminine. You are inviting him and then he is taking the action. Right? So again, it's all about not what you do, but really how you do it. Totally.
- [64:44]
B
And I feel as for us women, it's important for us to know that the more turned on we are, the more amplified the sexual dynamic is going to be. Because we are. We're the battery of it, right? So if we're not turned on and also the masculine is wired to be attracted to our turn on, right? It's like, that's why the strip club, right? Like when the stripper looks like she's having a great time and she's super turned on, even though, like, we all know pool dancing very much hurts, you know, but if she looks like she's doing and she's in her vibe, that's attractive. If she looks like she's in pain and suffering, it's not attractive at all. So it's like. But not acting it, you know, even showing it. And you know, another one of my friends, Nadine, who, you know, and she will like, literally show the person, this is how I like my body to be touched. This is how I like my breasts to be touched. This is how. And will like, like just lie there and like let them witness her, you know, which again, is super vulnerable. But that is like showing. It's like giving him this real time example. So. Because every woman is different too. So he's operating from his ex and. Yeah, you know, it's. Everyone has a different system.
- [65:47]
A
Yeah, yeah, exactly. Okay, let's move up a little bit. We have the fire and then we have the fierce power play. So, you know, we also have kind of. Let's have props. We can use props, right? So I told you about so many things that you can use in that. In that sensual date from lilies and candles and essentially essential oils and natural sneakers. Like, use all of that and the music and I Curate different playlists for all of those. So next we're in the fierce power play. And here. Oh, my God. There is so many things like you can really play with a simple role play. I like. Okay, I've done. I'm going to share what I've done for this date. And it was like recently, for example, with my lover and it was Christmas and I, I didn't want to buy him another thing. He's a minimalist. I was like, I'm going to give to you with an experience. And I rented a hotel room and I decided to have some fun and had a Santa, had a Santa, bought a Santa hat and had this beautiful red lingerie and I put him on a chair and I. And I tied his hands up with a simple shibari thing. So already there, there's the power play dynamic. And then I, I danced, I made this beautiful dance in front of him and then teased him and danced on top of him and with all this red lingerie. And I had a special music and teased all his body while his hands were tied up. So that is an example of a beautiful date where you can play with the power play. Right. And you can use so many props here. Is it blindfold and sensorial deprivation or is it, you know, handcuffs or. Or is it ropes and doing some basic shibari movements that you can even, you know, find on YouTube? What I did was a dragonfly or a little bit of a flogger. I actually also did a spanking class with him. So first I spanked him and I showed him how it works and then he spanked me. So much fun. So there is all this again, power dynamics and a little bit more of an intense stimulation and all kind of tools that you, you can use.
- [68:00]
B
Beautiful. So beautiful that there's so many great practices there. And I love that of just the power dynamics. You've spoken the last episode about sensual ding.
- [68:08]
A
And I. So that's what I did in a way to him. Yep. So all that. And again, you know, I, I have different types of leisure for different. Because I again, I. For this one, my favorite brand, Bordell. Bordell atelier from London. And it's like elegant, but it has elements of dominatrix in it with like all the little stripes it has on back. And I even had a mirror so he could see me dancing. Also the back of me, it was yummy. So that was that. Then there is the tender love making.
- [68:41]
B
I love how you think of these details of like the mirror in the back so you can see the back of the lingerie.
- [68:46]
A
Yeah.
- [68:46]
B
And we often as women think, oh, guys don't even notice our lingerie. They just take it right off. Like, why do I even wear it for? And it's like, well, maybe we're not making it a point enough, you know? And like, even in that you kept your lingerie on, it was like it, the sight was such a huge part of it. Whereas I feel as women we think, oh, all men want is sex and they don't really care and they might not care until they realize the power and the beauty of it.
- [69:09]
A
Yeah. And you know, I devil this in the details for me. So I specifically call the hotel and ask if this room is going to have that mirror in there.
- [69:16]
B
Because they're like, okay, why are you asking?
- [69:20]
A
Yeah, yeah, exactly. So that's that. And then tender lovemaking. So there are so many beautiful rituals and that you open the heart really. And there's so many beautiful questions and answers. I like, you know, from simple. What do you appreciate about me? And just becoming really vulnerable. What do you like about us? What do you appreciate about our dynamic? And lot of like, you know, again, things that, that make you tear. And it can be even in words. And a lot of like breast massage. I taught him breast massage, for example. So having rest, receiving this. And again, like you say, I told him this is what we're doing before we even penetrated. I I. And I was like, we're gonna do a breast massage and I'm gonna teach you and we're gonna stay in our underwear. And he, he loves, he's like, I love to learn how to bring you pleasure. I love to see you twitching and having all this organs. I never seen anything like this. It's actually arousing. I am like, feel like I'm this magician here. And yeah, having heartgasms and versus breast gasms and then adding a little of oil and massaging more. So for me, that was the expression of tender lovemaking.
- [70:38]
B
So beautiful.
- [70:39]
A
And then last but not least, energetic transfigured lovemaking. And here we did a lot of breath work session. We did eye gazing and then I taught him how to do inverse breathing. And again, all this you can do with yourself and you can do this with your partner. Okay. Because I also guide women through those practices as well. And I kind of taught him a version of a microcosmic orbit and explain what that is. Yeah. So comes from the daoist tradition. And what I love about it, there is a version of this in most of the traditions. It's Basically about lifting the energy from the genitals and moving it all the way up so you can use it for self realization from connecting to your higher self, the creator, however you want to call it. But this one was circling the energy on the inhale, moving it up with squeeze, intention breath sound and then moving it down on the exhale. And I taught him all the five elements and kind of really through breath work. And then we combined that with the lingam massage and why I was giving him a lingam massage. He would apply all these tools and yeah, seven months in he had his first full body energy orthis orgasm. Wow. And now get a. Have quite a few of them and ride the waves and again. So yes, the course on initiating men is coming, I promise because it's clearly working with someone who had no idea about all of this. And it's enough that just a person is open. So how beautiful that we women can give this gift. And, and yeah, we did like at the end of the year graduation gratitude ritual since like you, you are, you know, huge part of what I'm grateful for this year. And it's just so many seeds are planted. I expanded in so many ways. So this was really beautiful. And yeah, again, you know, a lot of slowness and stillness and combining meditation and breath work and eye gazing and you can be even in your clothes, you don't even need to penetrate and doing all this type of practices. So beautiful. And like this you can really experience full spectrum of, you know, being human and being erotic and being sexual and being sensual and being spiritual. And there is so much juice. You don't just have to be stuck with one thing or say, oh, I'm just that. And allow yourself to explore in all this generous of lovemaking.
- [73:14]
B
Yeah, this was so juicy. Like turn on. I'm just turn on just listening to everything you have to say. This is so incredible. And what I love about it is it helps us take ownership of the sex lives that we want. Not wait to find the perfect person who knows all the things and he will take us to God. How beautiful. Yes. If you find. But I think so many of us women are like waiting for the guy to show us and it's like to co create. You literally, literally found a random guy in the gym in Poland and like now he's having energy orgasms and yeah, you know, and, and, and leading you. And because you, you took charge of the experience, you decided this is what I'm going to create. And it's almost like in our dharmas. Right. If I want to become an author, I can't just wait until someone gives me a book deal. I have to start writing. You know, and it's like we need to step into these experiences and be vulnerable and share and yeah, something that you taught me is like you may share with someone, you know, I'm interested in this, this type of tantric container and they may say no, exactly, you know, and like to not feel rejected because of that and just like, okay, great. You know, because this is especially when you're on a conscious path, that's this is the kind of sexual experiences you want, right. It's like, you know, you clean up your diet, right. You're no longer eating fast food, you're no longer watching reality binge tv, you're no longer gossiping with your friends, you're no longer working a job, you hate your sex life, your romantic life. This is all also going to have to elevate with it. You can't be unconscious in one area and conscious in the rest. But it's us creating that. So I feel this really gives us a really good blueprint and map to be able to create that. And I know you have a new course coming out so you can share a little bit more about that which we're going to have a discount code and link it below.
- [74:58]
A
Yes. So you know, I think what I am, what I'm really good at as you can see, is bringing details and helping people create those experiences. And I like to say that I go would go to the bedroom with, with the couples, with the women themselves without physically being there. So I create guided audios. So literally you just press play, you don't have to reinvent the wheel, you don't have to get all stressed. And I designed a course again it's called Erotic Spectrum where I take take you on five dates for each of those energy centers, for each of those generous of self love making. So for women only there is a self pleasure based course. And I'm going to take you ladies on a date with yourself that is going to explore all those flavors. And then I have the same for couples. So I've designed five dates for you that correspond to each of those flavors. And I really go into the details. I give you a specific apart from the guidance audio practice that has a music and everything. I give you the list of prompts, I give you the list of the toys, etc. I, I kind of even give you an idea of how you can set the space. I of course give you a playlist for Each of those flavors and all kind of tips, even what language to use, how to design it. So really guys, you have a five complete different dates that you can just, you know, follow. And you don't have to worry about am I going to be teaching, am I going to be showing and I'm going to be telling. No, I am going to be the one who is going to guide you and you guys just follow. So I'm really, really excited about this because I always create things I wish existed and I want to give people ready dates because so many people tell me, okay, I have this date night in the calendar and what do we do? Right? How many, how many times you heard this question? Okay, date night in calendar. We're going to go for dinner and then we're going to get Dr. And then we're going to come back home and fall asleep. And that was the date night, right? No, I am going to design this date night for you guys again. If you're solo, you're going to have a date night with yourself. If you're in a relationship, you're going to have a date night with your partner and it's going to be exciting, it's going to be deep and it's going to be exploratory, it's going to be, you know, it's going to be juicy, it's going to be interesting and I'm going to help you with that.
- [77:26]
B
Sounds so juicy. So we're going to have a discount code and link this course below exclusively for high self podcast listeners because I know you guys are going to love it. I'm so excited to do this course as well.
- [77:36]
A
Exactly.
- [77:36]
B
And just, you know, have more intentionality in everything that we do and using these experiences to take us deeper into ourselves, our hearts, our intimacy to God. Like what a gift.
- [77:47]
A
Yeah. And I also made a test. I made a test so it's free of charge and you can take the test and see what is your go to lovemaking style, what is your default where is like your safe zone and where are you actually, you know, the least points and where are you can expect expand into. So make sure you take the test as well. It will give you a lot of clarity and from there we can expand and I am excited. Yeah.
- [78:14]
B
So beyond excited. We will link that quiz below as well. So thank you so much Bibi for being on the podcast today, for being so vulnerable specific, giving us the details like we freaking love it here and for really making this so much more accessible so we can actually integrate it into our lives and have the loves that go God designed us to have. So thank you for living your dharma and thank you listener for being open minded for being here until the very end. And this is an episode you're definitely going to want to share with your partner or maybe the person that you just started seeing of like just kind of get a test of the waters. Like would you be interested in exploring something like this? This is a good way of starting the conversation and as well with your friends, get to know each other. I feel like so many times with our friends we feel shame talking about, you know, our preferences and experiences and this is just a really good icebreaker. So put on the group ch, share it with your friends, share it on your Instagram stories and be sure to tag us. My Instagram is I am Sahara Rose. Hers is Planet bb. We will have all of the links, her course, her quiz, all linked below. Be sure to subscribe to this wherever you are listening on YouTube, Spotify, iTunes store and as a free gift as well for leaving a review, I will send you my Womb meditation. So all you got to do is leave a comment on YouTube or a review on the Apple Store, take a screenshot and email it over to me@saharaiam sahararrose.com you can find that email everything mentioned today in the show Notes. Thank you so much for tuning in today and I'll see you in the next one. So trust your intuition, trust your inner wisdom, trust your inner guidance, close your eyes and listen. So trust your intuition, trust your inner wisdom, trust your inner guidance, close your eyes and listen.