← Highest Self Podcast®
Highest Self Podcast®
638: Go From Single To Sacred Union in 2026 With This Episode w/ Vibin With CiiCii
02:07:19
Loading summary
Transcript256 lines
- [00:00]
Cece
I hate to let something go. I love to be attached to things. I really do. That's how we women are settling for something that isn't that. Oh, my God. This is soul recognition. You can meet me where I'm at. It is not worth it. I swear. I go to sleep every single night with peace in my body. When I was with him, I felt like a shell of myself.
- [00:20]
Sahara Rose
Let's talk about that. The glow up that happened.
- [00:23]
Cece
You came here to recognize, embody, and feel your energy first and foremost. So anything that can possibly get in the way of that and is deterring you from experiencing yourself has got to go full chills.
- [00:37]
Sahara Rose
When you said that when you do.
- [00:38]
Cece
That, your aura, oh, my God, it expands. Your divine counterpart, they want to find you. They can't find you if you are in the dark because you're not putting on your own light.
- [00:47]
Sahara Rose
Our souls chose to be amongst the first ever to usher in sacred union. And I feel part of it is in our singledom to be open and to share about these things. The single girlies get it. Surrender let go Trust flows let go I'm the one I've been waiting for Trust flows flow surrender let go Trust flow Surrender let go I'm the one I've been waiting for Namaste, it's Sahara Rose. And welcome back to the Highest Self podcast, a place where we discuss what makes you your soul's highest evolvement. If it's your first time listening, welcome. I love to talk about matters of the heart. You know, my own personal heartbreak and rediscovery journey has been my greatest spiritual awakening. And I feel like so many of us who are on that sacred feminine path, we learn through heartbreak because nothing rocks our world quite like it, whether it was a breakup or a divorce. But even the heartbreaks we have in relationship of, like, him not being present with us enough or knowing that there's just deeper levels of love that we haven't yet experienced. And I feel like the feminine, we have this endless capacity to love that we can see what is not yet at its potential, and that can also feel like this endless state of yearning. You know, I listen to some Sabrina Claudio sometimes, and I'm like, girl feels me. You know, I belong to. And it's like we just want to be in love forever at all times. But sometimes what we learn the most from are the thorns of the rose, you know, the boundaries, the ways that we haven't been met, the ways that we have repeated patterns, the ways that we have been betrayed, betrayed ourselves, these things are all mirrors. Because when you want something so deeply, then spirit knows you're going to go through your deepest lessons for that thing. And so the feminine knowing that we desire that love so intimately means that it's the perfect dangling carrot that takes us on that journey of consciousness because we are willing to face things, heal things, move through things, go places that we would have never done without the potential for this love on the other side. So it's the ultimate journey of consciousness. And I would say in my whole life, but especially the past three years after my divorce, I've gone places I would have never gone before, met faces of myself I would have never met, become an artist, lived in temples, like, did so many things that I would have never done without the this journey. So I saw this fellow sister in metamorphosis around relating. And I know you're going to love her because I feel like we're kind of the same person. She's very spunky, very fun. She also had a breakup of a seven year relationship that really opened her up to deeper levels of intuition and feeling than ever before. And before we get into this episode, be sure to hit subscribe. That allows you to stay in the loop for future conversations. This podcast is also on YouTube, so you could be watching us in person, Spotify video and the Apple Store. So be sure to subscribe to stay up to date with future conversations. And let's get into this one. So without further ado, let's welcome Cece Incredible intuitive here on High Self Podcast.
- [04:11]
Cece
Welcome.
- [04:12]
Sahara Rose
Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited. I would love for you to share with us your story because you're already an intuitive person. But this, this breakup really took you to deeper levels of truth than ever before. So please share with us.
- [04:26]
Cece
Yes. So I felt really lost. I was in college at the time and I was in communications. And what does that mean? Nobody knows. And I remember my mom took me to a chapel that I grew up going to and I literally just asked God, remove what needs to be removed and show me what my mission is. I'm not kidding you. It was like two, three days later I found out the person I was in a relationship with. It was not perfect at that time. I always think of the show friends Rachel and Ross. They fight if they were on a break or not. Technically we were kind of on a break, but seeing each other every weekend, we were in each other's faces, texting every day. I found out he slept with someone else and me in the same 12 hours. And it took me three hours to get that information. But I. I just. I saw a text and I just knew some. You just know when you know. And I was hysterically crying. Three hours trying to get the truth. And then I remembered what I said just a couple days earlier, which was, remove what needs to be removed and show me what my mission is. And I went from crying to laughing, which probably looked very crazy, but it was like this light just beamed through my body, and I knew, oh, my God. God is real. What? What? I. After this. And this is what needs to be removed after that. Obviously, you remove that person from your reality. But I was left with so many open wounds, and I did not know what direction to go into. I tried therapy. I tried reading books. It wasn't the therapy or the books. It was everything. It was the Reiki, the womb healing, everything that you could possibly do. And as I went along the journey and I saw what it was changing within me, I thought to myself, I can't keep this information, and everyone needs to know about this. And for me, like you were saying in the intro, I really yearn for, like, a very deep, deep devotional type of love. And there was no way I was gonna get that in that relationship. And there was no way I was gonna be able to create myself if that was not broken open within me to let that light in. And then from there, I just got onto TikTok. I started sharing what I was going through. And now talking to so many different people, we really have very similar patterns. We're many different people, but we have similar patterns of not feeling good enough than manifesting that in relationship, having an anxious attachment, manifesting someone abandoning us. And through this work, I feel like, yeah, I found myself, but I also got free will in the way that I get to create myself, too. I have choice now of how I want to show up. Do I want to be in my shadow or my light? How do I want to express myself? And somehow I got here.
- [07:26]
Sahara Rose
I love this, and I love what you said of. I feel as the feminine, we do desire to have that deep love that we remember from past lives. Like, it is a love that is otherworldly. It is Shiva and Shakti. It is Yeshua and Mary Magdalene. It is Prada and Krishna. Like, every single spiritual lineage has this. But I feel the reason why we don't, and we go through our deepest heartbreaks is because there's a preparation needed for that, you know? Yes, some people end up with their high school sweetheart for the rest of their lives, but it's rarer and rare, and I feel for a reason, because we're refining love, you know, and not just like, when you're in the relationship, like you kind of mentioned. It's only after that you realize I would have never even received that love from that person. I could say, looking back on mine, too, the version of life that I wanted, no matter how hard even we tried, it just wasn't in the cards for us. And I feel sometimes when we are not willing to look at that ourselves, then God will put something on our path, like a betrayal. So there's no choice but to let go.
- [08:29]
Cece
Yeah. And I think ending relationships have always been hard for me. I hate to let something go. I love to be attached to things. I really do.
- [08:39]
Sahara Rose
We women are.
- [08:43]
Cece
Closer, but I think recognizing no man is your friend, no man is your enemy. Every single man is a portal to the next evolution of yourself. That hits home for me because I realized, oh, all right. It's not an ending. This is a graduation into the next evolution of whatever it is I'm meant to learn, whatever I'm meant to embody. And it's true. Every single person, regardless of how bad they are. When you look back, you did learn something. Maybe it's what you don't wanna receive ever again. Okay, that's still a lesson. And I needed those lessons. And I just keep feeling we gotta let ourselves be forged in the fire. We need it to burn away the stuff from childhood, the stuff from past lifetimes, and the things that we don't wanna bring into our next chapter. It's not worth it. And I really want to encourage everyone. And I have to encourage myself, too, because so many people around me. I'm 27, getting engaged, married, whatever. And realistically, we could all do that if we really wanted to.
- [09:50]
Sahara Rose
You could.
- [09:51]
Cece
You could easily get someone on the.
- [09:53]
Sahara Rose
Bumble to marry you.
- [09:54]
Cece
Yeah, one second. But settling for something that isn't, that. Oh, my God. This is soul recognition. You can meet me where I'm at. It's not worth. Like, it is not worth it. You got to wake up next to that person every single day for the rest of your life. Do not do it. Do not. It took me seven years to get out of that. But I swear, I go to sleep every single night with peace in my body. And when I was with him, oh, my gosh, I had allergic reactions all over my arms, my elbows. I had dermatitis on my face. I was so bloated, I felt like a shell of myself. Your. Your body will Tell you when something's wrong, listen to it even when you don't want to, because that allows for massive healing.
- [10:41]
Sahara Rose
Imagine this is a year you finally start your podcast because let's be real, you're having so many incredible conversations with people that you're like, damn, I wish that was recorded. That could have helped someone. And it's time to finally do that and hit publish and let your voice be heard so it can make the impact that you are here to make. I would have never guessed in 2017 when I started this podcast, what it would become. 55 million downloads later, my best friends made my deepest sense of purpose. This podcast is the most favorite thing I do beyond any traveling, beyond any business. Like this is the thing that gives me life and it has led to me traveling and it has led to six figure business and it has led to books and memberships and courses and so much more. There is nothing more powerful than long form content. Because the thing about Instagram is like someone might watch your reel and then a second later it's gone. But with the podcast, people are really listening, they're present with you, they're understanding you. And you also get to have conversations with the people that you would want to be mentored by. Like every single week. I'm blown away by the thought leaders and experts and coaches that I get to have on my podcast and you can too. So, so many people have asked me for a podcast mentorship where I personally guide you in a small group max 10 people on how to start your podcast, what to name it, what the thumbnail graphic should be, what type of interviews or solo casts you're going to be putting out, the description of your podcast, and so much more. So this is my first ever six week mentorship, capped at only 10 people, where I will personally be on Zoom every single week with you for 90 minutes every week. Plus you can email me the thumbnail pictures, all the things you want me to review. So you're going to be able to hit the ground running with the clarity that you need to get your podcast off the ground and out into the world this year. So head over to my show notes, the very first link there if you're interested, you're curious, you want to get started. It's available for the first time, 10 people only, but if you're listening to this later on, I'll have a wait list open and I can't wait to support you in the mentorship. So let's talk about that. The glow up that happens. But even before that Because I am now. When you set the bloated thing, I'm like, damn, I was bloated all the time too. And I didn't. I thought I had sibo. I thought I had this, that, and I had a driving phobia. I couldn't drive a car for a good two to three years. Every single time I would drive, I thought, what if I passed out? And that thought made me kind of start to spiral into what would happen if I passed out and then I would freak out and. And so I wouldn't drive. And Covid happened, so I didn't need to drive. After we divorced, like, a year, I didn't really think about driving. I didn't really need to drive because I was traveling. I went to Switzerland with my friend, and it was like wintertime Swiss Alps. And the only way to get around was for me to drive. And this is in a new country. In French, German boards, in the snow, in the ice, girl. I was driving with no problem. I was singing Unbreak My Heart the whole time. I was like, wait, why was I afraid of this thing for so long? And I believe it was like, you know, when you're with someone sexually, you're. You're taking on their entities. You're taking. So it was like something around a loss of control that I was picking up on. And when he was out of my field, it was gone completely. And I was like, wait, how did I even feel? And I used to just have, like, random dark thoughts that I would sometimes be like, why am I thinking this? This isn't mine, has never happened again.
- [14:15]
Cece
Oh, my God. You literally were afraid to move forward. That's what it was.
- [14:20]
Sahara Rose
I mean, afraid to take control of my own life. Drive away.
- [14:23]
Cece
Yeah. Oh, my God, it's so real. And I think we're not taught this in school, so it's a little weird when you're first hearing about this, but I think if you give this time to marinate, there's something within you that will start to expand, expose what the truth is. I can't see gravity. I know it exists, though. And I can't see energy transference at first, but I know it exists. Because when you spend just time with someone, say it's a co worker, and they're always talking about their life that they don't like. You walk away from that conversation and you don't feel good. Now, imagining that coworker entering your body, you are taking on their energy, and it's going into your womb, space, the portal of everything you create. That's not just the potential to hold a child. It's the potential to create everything in your reality. So whether we want to acknowledge it or not, whether we understand it or not, it's happening. And I really feel our power is in saying no. For centuries and through our lineages, our, our past women in our families, they didn't always have the choice to say no. You have the choice to say no. You have to speak up for yourself and protect your energy. It's not worth taking on maybe their lower vibrational thoughts about themselves or you or the world. And you'll notice it. And I always think about water because water first starts out as a gaseous state, can go to liquid, and then eventually solidifies into ice. That's how energy transference happens. At first it's barely there. It's like a gaseous state. Maybe you're having a little bit of a negative thought, but over time, you become more emotionally attached to them. They're not treating you right. You start to cry that water is transitioning. And eventually it solidifies into autoimmune, into the bloating, into the acne, into the breakouts. It's not always evident at first, but the truth will rear its head. And when I think about hookup culture in general, I swear I see it as this egregore, this type of larger entity that literally hooks people into it and it controls people. They think that they have to do this because maybe their friends are doing it, but then it hooks them into lower vibrational thoughts about themselves. You kind of get stuck in it and then you devalue it. It's not as important anymore. You don't think it's a big deal. It is a big deal. You have one body. You. You get one. You have to protect that with everything you have. If you wouldn't give your keys to just anyone, well, why are you giving your body to them? And that's really how I see it. We are not a gas station. We are a gateway. And we need to recognize ourselves as that.
- [17:04]
Sahara Rose
I love this so much. After my divorce, I was celibate for two and a half years. And it was in that that I did the deepest healing work of my life. Really looking at all of the ways that I used love and sex as a way for when I was, like, overworked to make me feel like it was like a break. For example, when you're in a relationship, sometimes on the weekends, you just lie in bed. But something about me, because I was single, felt like I had to keep Doing things all the. And I was so tired, but I was like, I can't stop because what if I meet my partner here or there or there? So I have to keep going. And it was just like, girl. Like, I think at first it felt like, okay, I'm just gonna be single for a little bit of time and then meet someone else, and then this chapter is done, and that means the pain will stop. And so I just wanted to, like, you know, Capricorn. You're a Capricorn too. Just, like, hyper focus on meeting someone. Problem solved. I can get back to work and move on with my life, you know, because I was like, this is too distracting for my work. But obviously, like, imagine the kind of relationship I would have gone into. It was actually spirit that made me celibate, and it was a subconscious. Like, I had such high standards that was like, literally God. And no one was meeting up, matching up nearly close. So there was no one I was even attracted to that I was like, wait, how do people even have hookup culture? Because I am not attracted. Like, the only people I'm attracted to are, like, in Viking shows, you know, like, it's Jason Momoa, and that's it, you know? But then, you know, after two and a half years, I kind of wondered, like, is it possible, like, to have a lover? Someone that you get along, they're respectful of you, but maybe you don't see them as your husband. And so I'm curious, what is your take on that? Or if you find it's just ends up still not being worth it?
- [18:43]
Cece
I'm not here to tell anyone what to do. I'm here to talk about what is. And then everyone can make their own decision. For me personally, I am lover girl to extreme. And I know myself. I know I just want to attach. And even if I think someone is literally demonic, I'll be like, fine, I love them anyway.
- [19:03]
Sahara Rose
We'll do a little entity clearing. Got my drum.
- [19:07]
Cece
Exactly. So I know myself, and because of that reason, I know not to be intimate with them, and I don't want to. I feel I got to this point, and honestly, I was driving one time and I started channeling angels. And they were just saying that we don't realize how precious we are and how lovely we are and how beautiful we are. And we look to angels and we're thinking, oh, my goodness, what? Such a angelic esoteric being. But they look at us and they're in all of us. Because we live in polarity. We are faced with resistance all the Time. And now that I've seen their perspective, I thought to myself, I don't want to just share myself with just anyone. Not just my body, but my thoughts, my presence, my emotions. Because I feel at this point, I've been through so many experiences where I would show all of myself or as much as I could at that moment, but they could not digest it. And it was just kind of coming back towards me in a way that I felt really unseen. And that to me was so much more painful than anything else. I kind of look at this now as the God standard which he made me think of. If I ask myself, would God want this person for me? And the answer is, no, I don't want them. And I think you get to a point where you just start getting turned off. I don't feel inferior. I don't feel left out. I don't have fomo. I don't want to be a part of anything that's going to deplete me or harvest my energy or be a parasite to me. And I think part of the reason is because I'm building something in my life that feels like my baby. And I will not let anyone hurt that creation. I have something that's worth protecting. It's not just me and who I've created, but what I want to do on the planet. And I always think about this. It's kind of random, but my mom worked at this crisis pregnancy center, and a lot of the women were in crisis because they were in abusive relationships and they didn't know what to do. They're pregnant, they don't have necessary resources. And my mom always said there was a similar theme in all the women. It wasn't until they gave birth that they were able to leave the abusive partner. And she said it was because they finally had something to protect that they saw as worthy, because they didn't see themselves as worthy yet. But once you have that thing, if you can create it or if you can create yourself, you gotta recognize you came here to recognize, embody, and feel your energy first and foremost. So anything that can possibly get in the way of that and is deterring you from experiencing yourself has got to go. It's a distraction and it's not worth it.
- [22:01]
Sahara Rose
Full chills when you said that having something worth protecting, and that's ourselves, that's our own inner little girls, that as the feminine, we do desire to love. And the only way that we can get on board with having a situationship is by disconnecting from our hearts. And we do it Sometimes when I know what it's like. When you're celibate two and a half years, it's like a long period of time that you miss the intimacy, you miss the connection, but you're not meeting anyone. So you're like, at least it's something. And you know, just along the way until I meet my husband. But what happens is, no matter what, even if we're kissing someone, we. You're feeling, you're. You're practicing love. You're in the sadhana of love. And so you'll start to grow feelings for them. You'll start to get attached, let alone if you have sex with them, your body thinks you might be pregnant with their offspring. And so even though you knew that person from the beginning was not going to be your husband, now you're creating all the chemicals and hormones to bond with them. And they may have said from the get go, I'm not looking for a relationship. And you're like, okay, great, me neither. But then that part of you just never feels chosen, wonders why. And I would say such a huge percentage of women right now are in these situations. That's why there's that word for it. And we have to be comfortable with sitting in that void. That void of not having that void of not dating. That void like I was sharing with you. I haven't even had a crush on anyone in four months. And I used to find a crush to almost make myself feel the feelings of love. Like that excitement that, you know, did they text me? Did they watch my stories? And now I'm like, Like I'm not a little girl. I don't, I don't need that. I don't need that entertainment anymore. And it's been incredible for my peace. Like, I haven't had to go to my therapist in months. Like, because I don't have any ups and downs. It was all from that. And I feel like we need to be able to sit in that void before meeting that person. Otherwise we're going to be like. Like, if your partner is your mirror, you know, would you want to be with a partner who's still hooking up with their ex until they meet you? Or do you want someone that's like, yeah, I actually haven't even been attracted to someone in a really long time until I met you. Because then, you know, it's real.
- [24:05]
Cece
Oh my gosh. Yeah. And the way I think about it, because the void can be uncomfortable. But every time I hermit, I swear to God, maybe it's two months, something like that four months, a huge manifestation, whether it's a upgraded relationship or something that I wanted to manifest with my career every single time. But there's energetic evidence of why that's happening. Instead of you going out and having Bob and Harry dictate your energy because he didn't text you, now you feel bad about yourself. You have just been focused on you. You have been recalibrating yourself. You have been reclaiming and resurrecting your own energy and that allows you to rise higher. I think to myself, I don't want to date Dusties, but I will date the Divine. I will get to know God. I'll get to know Jesus, who, what ascended Master wants to step forward, please. And going into yourself and discovering yourself. First of all, you might never have this time ever again. To just be with you. You have to bask in that energy. One day, maybe you'll have a relationship or kids, or maybe something changes in your career. If you have time to be with yourself, what a blessing. Like, wow, you really get to find out who you are. And wouldn't you rather find that out now? So you align with someone who's more similar to your core than your mask, because eventually the mask is gonna fall and for what? Then you just have to do this whole thing over again. And I love how we're speaking about this, because people who are listening do not have to get to the point where maybe we both got, which is exhaustion and so depleted and going through the same thing over and over and over again. Instead, they can listen to this and preemptively say, I don't have to keep showing myself that these people aren't for me. I can trust my own path and, and trust that the more time I spend with myself, the more prominent I am in the energetic universe. That all of my blessings, all of my manifestations, all of my soulmates, they'll find you. And I do believe we have many different soulmates for different purposes. And they give us different activations, different lessons. The only way for them to come in is really for you to focus on you. And that's what the feminine is. She's self focused and that's everything.
- [26:20]
Sahara Rose
Can you expand on that? That's what the feminine is. She's self focused.
- [26:23]
Cece
I always see the divine feminine as totally in charge of her own energy, having energetic excellence. She is focused on herself. She is a receiver. And the divine masculine is that giver. He's a riverbed, and we are the river that flows through. And the best relationships every single time I'VE ever seen them. And this is not just a pattern at this point, it's a truth. The woman focus on herself, focus on channeling her energy in positive ways and the man being devoted to that. And that doesn't mean that the woman doesn't nurture, never goes into her masculine energy. Absolutely not. It's a divine union. There is love and nurturing on both sides. But she does not betray herself in order to people please and become whoever she thinks she has to be in order to satisfy that other partner. She does not put on a mask. She stays focused on what her non negotiables are, her boundaries she needs out of life and she cultivates them. And I don't think that means we're just waiting around. I literally mean we are being self focused. We're growing something, whether it's ourselves or our health or our career or a hobby, anything. But we genuinely wake up and enjoy what we're doing. When you do that, your aura, oh my God, it expands and people feel that the second you walk into the room. I don't care what makeup you do, what hair you have on that day, I don't care what you're wearing. People can feel when you are not self focused. They can feel when you're not enjoying your own life and you came all the way down to the planet to do so. Isn't it time that we at least try to find something that we have in our life that we're proud of? And I would hope it could be ourselves, but it takes time to explore and that's why that void space, it's really everything. That's your fast pass to getting everything you want is spending time with yourself. Not only finding out who you are, but uncovering who you are not and then creating maybe aspects that you want to see more within yourself. It's everything.
- [28:26]
Sahara Rose
Yeah. I remember when I first became single, it felt like I needed to be taking action as much as I could around dating, going on dating apps, going to events, places. But then when I really asked myself what do I want a relationship for, like what would it look like? I'm like, we would live in the mountains and you know, be deep in nature and I would never have to go to any of these things again. So why am I going to these gatherings and parties that probably very social people who want to do continue to do? That would be. If my vision for myself is to be deep in nature, wouldn't it make more sense for me to be on a hike and maybe the person I meet Is like the fellow hiker. But even beyond that, if I want to be in nature, I don't need someone else to bring me there. I feel like so many of us had to do shadow work on this. We see a man as a ticket to a new life. Oh, I want to live. I want to be really wealthy and beyond yachts and this and that. So I need to find a man who has that. Look at what you're attracted to. You know, I remember I. I was attracted to artists, especially men who could sing. That to me was like, oh, my God, like, why? Because deep down inside, I wanted to sing. It was an ability that I had that was dormant. And so I was attracted to that because it was pointing to my becoming. And I feel eventually it's the attraction not being this missing thing within us, but rather this beautiful, like, cohesion of we can support one another. Our dharmas are related. Like, we can create something bigger rather than, like, you know, Freud talks about you're attracted to your anima and the sigma of, you know, the man's attracted to the female version of himself and the male. And so can we go beyond that of, like. Because then we're always going to have this possession around them of, like, this. They're all my unfulfilled dreams. But then there's a resentment there. And I see that happen with a lot of women in relationships. Like, and I noticed this myself, too. It's almost like the man can be envious of you, can be envious of your connection to your creativity and your intuition, and you can feel that even if it's subconscious. So then you stop growing. Have you seen this?
- [30:31]
Cece
Oh, my God, yes. Yes. It's. It's so interesting because they recognize you as a divine channel. So you think, oh, that. That's great. They see me as the oracle. And then it starts to get really weird because it's not that they want to honor you. I felt like they wanted to dissect me. And I did not like feeling like a science experiment, because I'm not. I'm a person, and I have my own thoughts and inner world. And when they are studying you with the intention of trying to become you, it feels very different than studying you because they genuinely want to love you. And I think that happens on both ends for men and women. And I've been thinking about this a lot, just through dating people. I had to delete every dating app to.
- [31:17]
Sahara Rose
What are your thoughts on them?
- [31:19]
Cece
I can't do it. I cannot do it. I tried. I gave it my Best shot, I did it. And every time I could manifest a relationship, but it's not to the degree that I want. So then I have to ask myself, okay, how many times do I want to do this? It's just a distraction. So yes, I've seen them work for other people. But again, you gotta know thyself. For me, I don't really want what I see that other people have. I need something different, something that maybe in my eyes feels a little bit deeper. Someone who understands things a little bit differently than most people. The esoteric side of things, energetic side of things, and that I just wasn't finding. So I deleted it. I didn't like feeling that someone could just swipe on me and have access to me. I know realistically I have to accept them too and swipe back. But just the fact, envisioning, and I'm sorry to say this, but envisioning a man seeing my profile and him thinking he can just get access to me, it makes me sick to my stomach and I kind of want to die. So therefore I had to shut it down.
- [32:22]
Sahara Rose
Imagine him swiping left. Bitch. Who are you? What's your address? Dressed up?
- [32:30]
Cece
I'll drag you down.
- [32:31]
Sahara Rose
Because I'm just like, you don't know.
- [32:33]
Cece
Me and you don't deserve that. You don't deserve access to me like that.
- [32:37]
Sahara Rose
You know, he's swiping on other people. I'm like, how many conversations are you having right now?
- [32:42]
Cece
It doesn't sit right with me. And I did find people and this sounds crazy, but on the second date, this guy told me, I'm in love with you. He. And he wasn't love bombing me, he was. We dated. I met his whole entire family. But, but still, the degree of devotion that I need, it wasn't there. And I can feel it. I think if you feel called to use a dating app, I don't know your life. Perhaps that is how you're going to meet your soulmate. But I kind of had a conversation with God and I said, this is not going to be the way that we're going to do this for me because I'm done. I felt like I had energetic hooks in my back. I felt too many people had open conversations with me and could just talk to me at any time. And for me, who's sensitive to that, I felt it grabbing at me. I don't like it. I think, I really think divine union is about surrender, especially for divine feminines. And if I'm on a dating app, I'm technically subconsciously. Saying that I don't trust the energetic universe to do this for me. And if I am to look at God and doubt the desire I have in my heart, I'm actually doubting the divine. And it doesn't make sense to me anymore because so many things are happening in the world. How was the world created? I don't know. How are there so many things flowing and aligning? I don't understand most things. I know that my ceiling is God's floor. I don't have to understand how this is gonna work out for me anymore. And in fact, I don't want to because I tried to understand it. I tried to control it. I was micromanaging God like it was my job. And maybe that's a little Capricorn. But I tried doing it. It did not. Results that I got were subpar. So if I want different results, I have to do something different. And to me, that meant no more alcohol. I'll still go out, but I'm not drinking. I need to be clear in my mind, body, spirit. I need to see what's in front of me. Because when I don't, when I have alcohol in my system, not that it's ever a lie, but I don't think that I was able to clearly see. And so the people I aligned with, no one's terrible. They're not my husband, though. And I just don't have the energy to give to energy harvesters or narcissists or people with attachments. I just don't want to do it anymore. And I think it's a really sweet space to be in because in this season, I've finally granted a permission slip to the divine to just do it for me. And I'm okay. I'm okay. Single or not, I'm okay. In this timing or another time, I'm okay. But the frustration and the energy that I've tried to put out to control circumstance has been so depleting that I throw my hands up. And in my perspective, dating apps were part of that for me. And I felt the day I deleted them, I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulder. And I swear to God, I was in my car. I deleted it. And then I walked outside and a man screamed outside of his window that he loved my skin, which, whatever kind of scary, but I was like, okay, yeah, take it. Cool. But it just felt like, yes, I'm going in the right direction. That's positive. I'll receive that. And sure, please keep driving. But yeah, awesome.
- [35:57]
Sahara Rose
I love your skin. Don't take it from me.
- [36:02]
Cece
I'm so. And I'll see you later.
- [36:06]
Sahara Rose
Oh, my gosh. So much to say there. Okay, so I met my ex husband on Bumble, and he was the second person I ever matched with on there. And I wasn't looking for a husband again. I was 24 years old, and I remembered in the relationship thinking, wow, thank God for this app. Because if it wasn't for this app, I would have never met him. We don't have the same friends. We don't go to the same places. I was like, yoga, vegan, west side. He's like Hollywood edm. Like, is in his music studio. We would have never crossed paths. So I was so grateful for the app until found out he was cheating on me and we got divorced. And I'm like, oh, we would have never crossed paths because no one I'm friends with would have been friends with you. And we don't like the same things and we don't run in the same circles, and there's a reason for that. And I have been on dating apps, and it's like, not a love hate. It's more of just a hate. But the times that I re download it, have it on my accountant's phone number, so when I delete it, I have to, like, contact her. And so it makes it harder. And I 100%, if I'm ever on it, I don't like being on there. It feels like these random conversations I'm having, and it feels like a lot of people on there are lying. You know, I think it's something like 20 of men on there are married.
- [37:18]
Cece
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
- [37:20]
Sahara Rose
Because if you think about it, like, okay, I'm really gonna go there. This is the kind of, I would say if we were in person. But, like, I feel like these nowadays with, like, the Internet, it's often, like, easier for women to. To make money, to create careers. Like, we can do podcasts. Like, the Internet is inherently feminine. We coaches, intuitives, artists. Like, there's so many things. And I see collectively right now the men are struggling. Like, the feminine has risen in all these different ways. And not just in. In the Internet, in everything. And the masculine is having a hard time. And I think we can all collectively agree on the male loneliness epidemic and addiction and porn and vapes and all the shadows.
- [37:57]
Cece
Right?
- [37:58]
Sahara Rose
So we as the feminine, we don't naturally value career as much as we do love, but it's coming to us more easily that we're like, wow, this actually really matters. I would have run Away and in love. But like, I guess we're here doing this, you know. Whereas for the men, I find they're struggling with their career, they're struggling with their sense of purposes right now. But love is pretty easy for them to find. Like, there are so many dope, emotionally available, like, incredible woman that my. I have a lot of male friends. It's not hard for them to find an amazing person to be in a relationship with. In fact, when I talked to them about the relationship challenges, it's like, I don't know, do I like this flavor or that flavor? Whereas for us it's like, well, I found out he was a drug dealer until six months ago, but do you think, think this could work? You know, like, and I started to think, I'm like, imagine if with my friends had the problems that I see with guys in dating. I'm like, well, you know, she's a gambling addict, but like, she seems cool, right? Like we, we can hang. Like, you know, she can't stop smoking weed constantly. Like, I would never be friends with someone like that. But we let them into our lives in dating because, like, in general, I'm not saying all, but in general, the bar is pretty freaking low right now. And most men would say the same thing.
- [39:13]
Cece
Yeah.
- [39:13]
Sahara Rose
And so I feel like the guys on dating apps, if in this world with all these dope, emotionally available, grounded women who want a relationship, you still can't meet anyone and you're on a dating app, like something's up. Like if you're genuinely there for a relationship. Again, I get some men are. My friend met her guy on an app, the league, and he's a surgeon, he's very busy all the time. I totally get there are people like that. And if it wasn't for the league, they wouldn't have met. But I would say what I find is if you're a good looking guy on there, the guys with the six packs on the pictures, they're getting 90% of the, the swipes and they're there to, you know. And then the guys who don't know how to have a conversation, they don't ask you a question.
- [39:53]
Cece
I hate that it's.
- [39:54]
Sahara Rose
You're having the. They just respond, they don't ask a question back. It's like, well, sir, do you want me to pursue you in this? Like before, I think when I first started I would, like try a little bit. And now I'm like, why would I even want to be in a relationship with someone that I have to do any form of leading with. And I want, want like I. My deepest desire is to have a beautiful love story that I can share that inspires people of what is possible. Like I don't want like you know, I met my first husband on Bumble, my second one on Hand, my third one on Ryan. No, like I don't want that to be my story. You know, it's like, like a friend of mine, she had the story of her photographer was stuck in the jungle and this guy came on the thing and she invited him to dinner and that was her husband. And it's like that is so inspiring and like, like embodies trust. And I know that God has a story for me that is so beyond. I really feel for me it's going to be through me living my dharma, living my purpose, cuz it's what everything is about. But I feel like going back to the feminine right now. There's a reason why our careers, our purposes are coming to us more easily. For us to channel that inner masculine that we have been avoiding. And for men, it's for them to start to honor relationships more. Not to take them for granted as much. So it, I feel there is a divine plan to this interesting exchange. But it's funny, I know so many incredible, ambitious, powerful women and so many of them are like, I actually thought I would be married and have kids by now, but like here we are doing this and it's freaking dope. But it wasn't my plan.
- [41:18]
Cece
Yeah, there's definitely some sort of balancing act occurring I think in the collective for sure. I think Divine Union has been under attack for a really long time. And I think we're being taught things that invert our core essence. I do think in general women have been told to become men in a lot of ways, live in accordance to the sun. We don't operate like that. We're on a 28 day cycle. We just don't. And I think that they've told us if you want to overpower men, be more like them. Sleep with everyone. That is only hurting us. We're not like we are not them, we just aren't. And we operate differently. And that's beautiful. Everyone has their own divine strength. And I think the war now on Divine Union is distraction, whether that be low level relationships or dating apps. And again, yes, they work for some people or porn or addiction. Because I was in that seven year relationship which also was from a dating app and also the cheating. So yes, I have, I wasn't really going out and then once I started to go out and back in the world again. I didn't realize how many of our men are dealing with really bad addiction.
- [42:35]
Sahara Rose
The addiction is crazy.
- [42:37]
Cece
I had no idea. And I said, holy shit, these men are struggling.
- [42:42]
Sahara Rose
Do you feel it's an entity?
- [42:44]
Cece
I do. And the reason I think that is because I think about how entities work. And if you're constantly disconnecting from yourself, you technically aren't the one having free choice. Something else is choosing that for you. If you are getting black, blacked out, well, who's controlling you when you're blacked out? It's not you. And so I really, the same way I see hookup culture like this massive egregore type of entity, almost like a web. I see it with addiction too. And it honestly, I sit and cry about it sometimes. It really, like, deeply disturbs me. I feel bad that men are feeling so much pain and I don't know how to get them the necessary resources. I don't think they've had the best leaders or the leaders aren't tall enough or big enough in the space that they know how to find them. And I think what has happened is women have said, I can't give so much access to my energy anymore, and so I'm gonna use my energy in a different way. And I think that's why we're surpassing them in huge numbers. We're no longer channeling our energy and relationships that don't serve us us. We are channeling it into school, into our business. I see women as really almost like the seed of creation. You know, we are the portals that creates life physically with a baby. And I also think we magnify a man's energy as well, which can help them manifest. We all have our different strengths, not taking anything away from them. But if you think about it, even in my own life, when I'm not giving my thoughts, my energy to a man, my business does do a lot better. My fitness a lot better, my health a lot better. Granted, those were the wrong men. And that's why. And when you are in the right connection, you will equally be able to uproot together and really grow together. But it makes sense to me. We know how to channel our energy. If we do it in ways that have nothing to do with the relationship, we're going to be good at it. And I, similar to you, I really want that relationship to show that this is possible, because I don't think people believe it is. And I think that's why we're so seduced by what's in front of us. This is fine, I'll take it. And I'm so a culprit of that as well. I've done that so many times where I would say to myself, this is good enough. It was not. And I felt the anxiety in my chest. But either I didn't want to be alone or I was bored, honestly. Or maybe I didn't want to focus on my business because I wanted to do something else. So I think we need to start looking for the evidence that we wanna be true in our own reality. And I started thinking about this the other day cause I know so many people. I think you were posting about Disney princesses, actually. But I've been thinking about this. I know that we're told not to fall into that Disney fairy tale archetype, but now I'm wondering, I don't know if that's so much the illusion. Why are we so drawn to it if it's such an illusion? I kind of feel like if we are so drawn to this type of awe inspiring, oh my God, how did they meet? He kisses her and she awakes from this thing. That devotional type of love. I know it's a movie, but what is our reality but an illusion? So which one is the fake movie? Is it what I see in a lot of relationships in real life, which is violent and like verbally abusive and addiction and settling? Or is it this archetypal narrative in movies that makes me feel something? How could that be the thing that's so untrue? And now I'm thinking, I almost feel like these fairy tales are breadcrumbs to what we're actually meant to look for. What if that's the blueprint and everything else we're seeing in this movie? Because I think my reality is a simulation. It's quite like a movie to me based on my thoughts and what I'm broadcasting. What if that's the illusion? I don't know which one is the illusion. And now I'm kind of thinking it's not the fairy tale one that makes me feel in alignment and peace and happiness and joy. Think it's the other stuff that I'm seeing. Other people who wouldn't want to be in their relationship.
- [46:54]
Sahara Rose
Yes. When you said that a hundred percent. I think all of us, especially as girls, we looked up to that of like, that is the divine love that surpasses all odds. I feel like that's what the Disney movies all had, you know, based on what we knew. Like Aladdin and Jasmine, like she's this beautiful princess. She could be with anyone, but she wants this pauper. And like, we all can resonate with the guy who maybe wasn't financially there, but he, like, understood us. Or even though this wasn't accurate to what really happened. But Pocahontas and John Smith of, like, from different cultures, but they made their love work and beauty and the beast of, like, going beyond his. So we can all resonate with these beautiful archetypes. I feel where the shadow happens is we want that love story so badly that we jump tent 10 steps because we just want to be in love. And the love bombing is real. You know, I remember people would say that there's like a funny quote on Instagram. I see. It's like, I wouldn't fall for. I wouldn't think love bombing is a problem because I believe I deserve that amount of love. Like, it makes sense. And at first I was like, yeah, it makes sense. You're in love with me on the first date. Me, like, thank you for seeing me, you know, But I started to realize it's like I probably am not the only person he's said that to. There are some times it happens, but most likely, especially if, like, on a dating half and they're already acting like they're so into you and you haven't met in person, that's a facade and that's the shadow of the feminine that we want the fantasy, we want the fairy tale so badly that we're not giving the time and spaciousness that was also in those movies. You know, they didn't meet on the first date and fucking be in love forever. Like, the prince had to fight for her.
- [48:33]
Cece
Yes.
- [48:34]
Sahara Rose
You know, he had to go through that vasopressin, the stress hormones to build that. And then she waited and observed over time. I feel like, like, this instant gratification culture and. And I think dating apps is a part of it is you meet. If you don't have instant chemistry, you're never going to see each other again. Whereas back in the day, even being in school, like, I remember having a crush. I would see them every single day and the crush would build a little more and a little bit more. We don't have third spaces anymore for us to develop these with. And that's why I feel like I. I hope to meet my person through mutual friends, because then we know that we. We found our way to the same circles, but then it can develop. And I hope to be friends with that person first, because then you're not wearing the masks. You're not just trying to get in the in love phase, but you're really seeing each other for who you are. Because to your friend, you talk about your dating experiences, you talk about, you know, but all of a sudden you're on a date and it's like, I'm perfect with no past, no history. And it's like, why do we do that? Like you said, it's like you're just going to end up in a relationship where you don't feel seen. But I do agree with you. There is a level of divine love that we are seeing in those we're seeing in the mythology that, that and coming back to this entity, I, I feel this entity is coming in through the porn.
- [49:43]
Cece
Dude, it messes with your brain. What do you want? Like, what are you not understanding? It messes with your brain. It messes with how you connect to other people. You know what? It is not natural. And that's a problem. And I'll never forget in college I had this media ecology class and we were learning about how every time there is some new form, some new media or medium, the first thing that was on it was porn. Whether it was a magazine or a newspaper and then the Internet. Porn was always the first thing. There's something there. There is something there. We exist within duality and polarity. I think that will wreck your system for sure. It wrecks your nervous system too.
- [50:23]
Sahara Rose
So do you ask guys on first dates, do you watch porn? What do you do?
- [50:27]
Cece
I will. Sometimes it's first date. Sometimes I get to know them a little bit more and I'll see where it is. But at this point, like I said, a girl's depleted, so I don't care. And at this I'm just saying everything I think I feel and I just see how they respond. And I'll literally say I think I talked to dolphins in past lifetimes. And then I'll just see what they say because I don't care. It's not worth me finding out later if you can understand me or not. I rather just know now. Maybe it's not the first sentence I say to you, but I love who I have become and I never want to suppress her ever again. It hurts me to do that. I. I've seen other people either not understand me or try to suppress me. And how could I possibly do that to myself now feels illegal in my own mind. And I also think thinking about love bombing, I used to kind of love it. And then I started to recognize there's no way they know me there's. And I do think we have soul recognition. I swear when I was on that dating app with my 7 year old, your partner, I heard a voice in my head. I had my thumb on left and I was gonna say no, and I heard a voice say, no, no, no, right.
- [51:37]
Sahara Rose
The exact same thing happened to me.
- [51:39]
Cece
Oh, did it really?
- [51:40]
Sahara Rose
And on the first date, the voice of my side, my head said, this is gonna be your husband. And I wrote on my calendar, first date with my husband.
- [51:46]
Cece
And you know, I think there's something to that. And that's why I don't see any past relationship as a waste of time. It was an activation. You had to go through it for some reason. I don't know if you had to clean up karma or learn something other catalysts, but.
- [51:57]
Sahara Rose
But it's something many lifetimes of karma. Let this be the last one and it's complete.
- [52:05]
Cece
But I do think there's something really beautiful now to allowing it to be a slower burn. And think about it. Food always tastes better in the oven than the microwave. It's that slow burn, that real fire. And I wanna really get to deeply know someone. Cause even in that one of my past relationships, when he said, I love you so soon and I did feel connected to his soul. And I know we're from the same star system and I did love parts of him, but it didn't even feel like my words had weight to it. And I was thinking to myself, I don't love this feeling. I don't love this. I. I need something that's slower.
- [52:39]
Sahara Rose
And I feel like what men do sometimes I think it's part of their linear brain of like, okay, I like her. I want to speed this along to kind of lock it in to go back to focusing on my business or, you know, whatever. Because men are tend to be more middle mission focused. So I've noticed in observing friends who are in these rushed relationships, it's like she's like, but he's leading it, like he wants this. And then all of a sudden he's doing all the things really quickly and then you're in the relationship and you're like, wait, why doesn't he buy me flowers anymore? Why doesn't he plan these dates? And he's like, okay, Chuck got her, threw her over my shoulder, like move on to the next thing. And that's where the being friends thing. But I guess I've never in my life had a friend that all of a sudden I became attracted to. It's never happened because I feel Like, I just know from the beginning, like if I'm attracted to you or not. I'm trying to expand that for myself because I was like besties with both of them, a guy and a girl. And they were besties for five years. We would all hang out sometimes and then they ended up sitting with the medicine that kind of revealed to both of them that they were in love with each other. And they're now in a relationship and it is like she was very, very anxious in relationships, like really just bad ones before. And he was more mission focused, I would say. And now they're together and I'm like, oh, you guys will be for life. Because you know every. They know each other's body counts, they know everything about one another, that there is such a level of safety there. And it was like they need, it needed to be that divine timing for like the veils to lift. And just as much as like when you're in love with someone, you're seeing an illusion of them. But I also think when you're truly in divine love with someone, you're actually seeing the true version of them. And she couldn't see him, he couldn't see her until they were able to let go of the he's not whatever enough, she's not whatever enough to be like, wait, you know me more intimately than any other person. Why would I not want to be with you? So it's like dropping what we think we need and instead of allowing life to show us like who we could really create. Because it's about creating a life with that person.
- [54:36]
Cece
Yeah, absolutely. And I also think that speaks to divine timing because I do think there are some necessary circumstances you have to go through in order to shed some energy and then also become some energy. That person, if they're locked in a specific vibration, the only way to get to them is to do the necessary healing and work on yourself. And also, if you attract at least 90% of what you are, both light and dark and your thoughts and your beliefs, you do want to get yourself to a space that's the purest in vibration and that's different for everyone. But get to it as good of a place as you can possibly get. I think for me, something I've recently learned is this one threw me for a doozy. But okay, so I was dating this guy and he said the right things. We read all the same books, very like minded.
- [55:28]
Sahara Rose
So do you only date spiritual guys? What's your take on that?
- [55:30]
Cece
Okay, no. And okay, this is another thing I'm recently learning that I thought I wanted someone exactly like me. And then I realized, in order to make a good team, I need someone with differences because I need their strengths to be my weaknesses. And my strengths can be their weaknesses. But we need to be looking in the same direction. We have to want to build something similar. We have to have same values and some sort of similar lifestyle where we're doing the same things together.
- [55:54]
Sahara Rose
So what if they don't understand, like, your intuitive gifts? They don't understand how that works. Would you be okay with that?
- [55:59]
Cece
They have to be willing to learn and willing to accept me. For what?
- [56:03]
Sahara Rose
If they're asking you, like, how did you learn this? Where did you study it from? Like, I have guys ask me something I don't freaking know. I channel it all like, what more can I say? And then I lose interest. But I'm like, okay, maybe this is just how men are.
- [56:14]
Cece
I haven't had anyone who was negative about it. Honestly, not negative.
- [56:19]
Sahara Rose
They're just like, where do you learn all this? I'm like, God, it's just something you remember.
- [56:23]
Cece
It's nothing to learn.
- [56:24]
Sahara Rose
Men just don't get it. How do you do that?
- [56:27]
Cece
How do you see that? I think that I don't need them to understand everything that I know. Because if you think about building a team, let's say I'm really good at cutting wood, but I need someone who knows how to build a teepee. I need someone who has the things that I don't. And that's the whole point of divine feminine and divine masculine having different strengths and weaknesses. Because when you come together, you can build something. I'm okay with them not being completely in the same world as me. Because if they can create a safe space for me, if they know how to create in the physical realm, those are things that maybe I need in a partner. And if we cannot just look at each other but look in the same direction and want to build, build something similar, that can work. It's just the puzzle pieces almost don't have to be exactly fitting, but I need them to be close enough that I can understand what the puzzle is even trying to show me. And I think because you have friends.
- [57:20]
Sahara Rose
To talk about all the spiritual things.
- [57:22]
Cece
Exactly.
- [57:23]
Sahara Rose
To be that.
- [57:23]
Cece
Exactly. And yeah. And that's the person you're building a life with. So you need them to have the things that you don't.
- [57:29]
Sahara Rose
What about money? Where do you stand on that?
- [57:31]
Cece
What do you mean?
- [57:32]
Sahara Rose
Do you need to be with a man who makes more money than you? Does it not matter to you.
- [57:36]
Cece
I would like them to be able to create in the physical realm because I think, think that masculine men are protectors of the physical realm and we're protectors of the spiritual realm. I think it's really important for them to recognize the masculine within themselves. When they don't. I happen to be turned off. My Venus is also Capricorn. And I am just really attracted to someone who is like me and business oriented and stands on it, you know what I mean? And really understands and has a mission. That drive and that passion and. And that purpose, that is what I'm most attracted to in another individual, even in my friendships. Like, that is what drives me towards people is seeing, oh my God, they're like me. Like, we're so driven. And this is amazing. I have tried dating people who just did not have any sort of, I guess, drive within them to create in the physical realm. And I felt it was energetically unbalanced when we were together and I didn't like how I felt. So for me personally, I don't like it. It just doesn't work for me. It's the same way that dating apps do not work for me. I don't want to feel like I'm financially taking care of you. I think, like, if I was Taylor Swift and a billionaire more than Travis Kelce, like, that wouldn't bother me because he's in his mission. Do you get what I mean? Like, he's doing something that he loves and is really passionate about. I think that's the important thing, not necessarily the specific number. But are you doing something where you know how to channel success through you and if you're not understanding how to do that, are you working on it or are you just floating? I don't like to be on a sailor sailboat. If you're chaotic. I know I'm going to magnify that chaos. And my nervous system will be out of whack. And I don't like that type of energy at all.
- [59:18]
Sahara Rose
Absolutely. And I feel like for us to really open ourselves up, open up our hearts to even have the sex that we desire, we need to respect the man.
- [59:27]
Cece
Yeah.
- [59:27]
Sahara Rose
And if we don't respect him, we might like him. He might be really be smart and, you know all the spiritual things or be amazing at whatever hobby we might. You might be interested in him in a little bit. Yeah. But it fades away if you don't deeply respect who he is in the world. And I dated a guy from a very, very, very wealthy family when I was in college. And then I met my ex, and he came from a more humble background and he was very hard working and I respected that. And so, you know, I had these two different experiences. And I would say I respected someone who built something for themselves. Like that to me, really mattered. But when I was making then more money than him, it felt like this. I don't know, like, I felt bad. I felt like I either couldn't talk about my business or something because I.
- [60:14]
Cece
Didn'T want to, like.
- [60:14]
Sahara Rose
And I don't think he really wanted to hear about it. And I feel like it made me just a little bit smaller, you know, Whereas with my college. Exactly.
- [60:24]
Cece
Ex.
- [60:25]
Sahara Rose
I mean, if I said I want to make a million dollars, he'd be like, oh, that's so cute. Because his family was like, very, very wealthy. And. And I loved the. Not the money. He's not like, he bought me things.
- [60:34]
Cece
It's the spaciousness, it's the mindset.
- [60:36]
Sahara Rose
Yeah. Like, he would talk about business deals because we became friends later, that he would do. And it was these giant, giant business deals. And I was like, I didn't even know people did that. And it, for me, Capricorn too. It opens up my mind. And so I still say, for me, someone living their dharma, their purpose, otherwise I will start DARPA coaching you. Like, it is just what will happen. And then I will be stressed out and lose interest. I don't want to go into coach role. I don't want to go into healer oracle role. Like, that's for the collective. It's not for my partnership. And so I need to be with a man who. He doesn't need to be super spiritual for sure. I can come more with that. But like, someone like, for me, I think the sexiest thing a man can do is be of service to humanity. Like a man who, like, gives back to, like, Earth, like victims of sex trafficking, who, like, on the ground. Like, oh. Like that to me is like. Because that, I think is what I want to expand into. So to me, it's like, that's someone I would really respect.
- [61:29]
Cece
I really literally same exact emotions. I just love to see someone understanding their divine design and living in it and just doing it. I feel we're doing that. I want to see that in my partner as well. And again, it's not necessarily the number or the money in the bank. It's the mindset. What are you literally doing on a daily basis? And I think, think I talk to my friends, I talk to women all day. We are not turned on by someone who's just floundering and who's just disconnecting through weed or porn or what. Whatever it is. This is actually what I wanted to say before. Okay. Coming back around, I. This man. Similar books, similar mindset, similar view on the world. Oh, great. Okay. Said the right things. And everyone tells you, well, you have to look at the actual. He did all of the right things, paid for every date, made sure I was safe. All the good things.
- [62:23]
Sahara Rose
How'd you meet him?
- [62:24]
Cece
Through Instagram, actually. But it was really weird. I happened to be driving to the area in which he lived, but it was. I was not going there for him. I didn't know he lived there. And we ended up aligning that day. Very synchronistic. So I know it was meant to be, but I love that he resonated with your Instagram.
- [62:42]
Sahara Rose
Because I'm like, if you like what I post, okay, fine, you past that. That plateau.
- [62:47]
Cece
But what I found was just. It's not necessarily just the words. It's not just the words and the actions. It's also the words, the actions and the embodiment. And I was like, fuck. How many levels to this?
- [63:01]
Sahara Rose
What fell off?
- [63:02]
Cece
It felt like there was possibly an attachment of some entity, but honestly, I felt like he was kind of in a wounded feminine space. And, you know, I couldn't do anything right ever. And if I ever had a concern.
- [63:17]
Sahara Rose
He would tell you.
- [63:18]
Cece
Yeah. And if I ever had a concern or I had a feeling there was just no space for it, and then there would be blame shifting. And again, it was my fault. And I thought to myself, wow, that's so interesting that you could read all these books and you could know all these sentiments and these concepts, but yet you don't live them. And even though you do the right thing on a date that's supposed to be masculine, you're not even embodying a grounded energy. And I actually never felt safe. And then I was always in my masculine energy, trying to create a safe space for him. And then the same thing happens that always happens to me. It's the allergic reactions. It's like I cannot digest anything. I'm so bloated. I feel terrible. I cannot sleep. And I think that there are. Are. There's just so many levels to this, and I. The only way to find out is to find out and to go through them. But that is also kind of what we're talking about here, where, yeah, maybe he had certain financial status, and maybe he could do the right thing, but if they don't actually embody a safe energy, and you're feeling like you have to make yourself smaller. You can't say what's really on your mind. You can't express how you feel. Feel. What kind of life is that? Go put yourself in jail. Be a prisoner. What do you. You're going to be a prisoner in your own body. Might as well physically do it if you're going to do that, because that's what's actually happening. And I just. I hate to see that because I think we oftentimes go back to the beginning of the relationship and we say, he did all the right things, unfortunately. I wish it was enough. There are so many times I wish what someone did was enough. It's just not. Not. They have to embody an energy that makes you feel safe and they have to ask you questions, and they have to also be in tune with your emotions and similar to you. I don't want to be someone's mother because I found that that was happening a lot. Yeah, I do that with my clients. They pay me. So you want to pay me to be your coach? I don't really want to be your mother. It's just not sexy to me. It's not fun, and it's super depleting. It's really an energetic mismatch.
- [65:32]
Sahara Rose
And I feel like it's just not dating the guys that. That part of you comes out. Because I notice with certain people, if that motherly part of me comes out, and it's like an attachment gets created too, because then you're just like, you care about them so much, like a mother. But then that guy obviously wants a mother, too. And it's just like, you already know where it's going to go. He doesn't want that long term, even though he might love the nurturing feeling right now. And you're going to lose interest. And, you know, that's why so many women feel like this in relationships. And I think. I think that's a really hard thing with, like, Instagram, you know, I. Because I see a lot of people will connect on Instagram. We connected on Instagram. But you don't really know someone until you're face to face. You know, imagine you came and I was just like, everything I posted is just a filter. Like, who? Who knew? Like, you don't. You have no idea. But what I see, the differences with friends, we're like, okay, it's fine. Like, it's. It's all good. But because it can feel so rare to meet a man that he likes you and you like him. And you've been talking for so long that we've romanticized it, we've pedestaled it, we've put all this pressure in it, and then we're in person, something's off. But we're like, you know what? This, this can work. It's fine. The feminine needs to lead. She needs to teach anyways. And so we ignore more the physical because we want to, we, we want that feeling of being in love.
- [66:55]
Cece
Yeah.
- [66:55]
Sahara Rose
And it just continues to grow and continues to grow. And I feel like that's where trusting the body and also trusting the body will guide you to your person.
- [67:03]
Cece
Yeah.
- [67:04]
Sahara Rose
Like, just like you, your nervous system aligns with the right person who can hold you. Like what you were feeling on that date was he was saying the right things, maybe he was even asking questions. But you weren't feeling heard. You weren't feeling heard. Feeling felt. Because he doesn't hear and feel himself. And so if his capacity is a three foot pool and you're a 300 foot, you know, cenote, you know, like, even if you're telling him everything you do, he's kind of nodding his head, but it's like you can kind of feel it's just going right, right to the brain and no, nowhere, no deeper. What I struggle with sometimes is like the men who I feel like, get me are like the shamans, you know? Yeah, exactly. Really. The emotion. I'm like, like in Peru in my medicine, this beautiful like man playing the guitar and we were talking in Spanish for hours. I'm like, he gets me. He like lives on earth, like, you know, just a medicine man. And I'm like, could this ever work? I don't think so, you know, so it's hard because I feel like the things that make men really good in the 3D are the very things that make them not be able to like hold space and listen. They exist, these chameleons. But like, if you're feeling that girl, we're all feeling it right now.
- [68:22]
Cece
Yeah. And honestly, now that we're talking about it and I'm even thinking about my friends, I don't even need someone to necessarily understand every feeling and thought that I've ever had. You're not me.
- [68:32]
Sahara Rose
You can't be a girl.
- [68:33]
Cece
Yeah, you're not me. Sometimes my friends go through something. I can't relate, but I'll tell them, look, I don't know even what to say right now because I've never been through this. But I'm here with you and I'M gonna hold your hand and let's re. Talk about this a thousand times and let's sit over, you know, some tea and cry about it. Yes. I think that's kind of what we're looking for. If you can't maybe understand. Can you hold the space? Can you hold the energy? I fell through this weird portal where I was like dating conspiracy theorists and.
- [69:00]
Sahara Rose
It just got too weird.
- [69:00]
Cece
I was like, I gotta get out of here. Because they were also.
- [69:04]
Sahara Rose
Oh, you were dating conspiracy theorists. Okay.
- [69:06]
Cece
Yeah. And they.
- [69:07]
Sahara Rose
Because they're like the spiritual people of men. Yeah, yeah. A lot of. They're all crypto investors. You don't know if they're a broker or a multi billionaire. Could be any. They.
- [69:16]
Cece
The ones I was aligning with were very feminine because they would think, think, think, think, think, and feel, feel, feel so much, but they never took action in the world. And I would say, okay, like, yeah, these things may or may not be going on, and I think most of them are, but you also got to build yourself some sort of life. You can't get lost in the sauce. And that, to me, was my feminine version of the shaman. It was the conspiracy theorists, the consp.
- [69:42]
Sahara Rose
Feel, because it's like, okay, what does. Like, I saw some video and it was like the crypto guy and the astrologer girl. And it's like they make the perfect match because it's like they trust in the unseen and they know it's gonna work out and they're just like, off of this mainstream timeline. And so there's that feeling of like, we're both the black sheep, we both do things different way. But I think the difference is, like, going back to spirituality is more our space in the feminine. It's realms we naturally traverse. And we've got the womb, we've got the portal of reality right inside of ourselves. Whereas for the men, like, for. I feel I do need to be with a spiritual man just because it's literally what I do when I talk about what he. He needs to. But it can be a very different style of spirituality. Like, I find a lot of the men who are my male friends I really respect, they're like into like non dual meditation. Like, they're into breath, work and more like nervous system things. For me, a man that has sat with plant medicine, I feel, is a man who's not afraid of looking at his shadows. And it's like a trick truth serum. And so not someone that's constantly going to the medicine journey.
- [70:47]
Cece
I was just about to say that.
- [70:48]
Sahara Rose
Yeah, because before I was like, it was the medicine that really brought out the infidelity in my then marriage. And so I have a lot of respect for it. So I was like, I need a man who's a devotee of the medicine. But then it's like a lot of those are like the Peter Pans escapists. Like when I was in Ubud Bali, there was not a guy there that I was interested in great conversations, but it felt like I had a bigger dick than they did, you know, and so it's not gonna work. So it is like, I feel like my ideal man would be someone who maybe was on a more business path.
- [71:18]
Cece
Yes.
- [71:18]
Sahara Rose
Technical path. Had a dark night of the soul and then went through a spiritual journey. You know, he's not doing intuitive readings on people, but he's. I think the biggest thing is he can sit with discomfort.
- [71:29]
Cece
Yeah.
- [71:30]
Sahara Rose
If you can sit with discomfort, you can sit with that feeling of lust that may come through and not follow it.
- [71:37]
Cece
Yeah.
- [71:38]
Sahara Rose
You can sit with the feeling of your wife saying something that maybe triggers you in that moment and sit with it. Like, I feel the antidote to this addiction culture is sitting with our. The discomfort of just being a human. It's all the time. And, and. And so I continue to. Can I sit with my own. Can I sit with my own loneliness? Can I sit with my own escapism? Can I sit with those things more and more? Because I really believe the more I can, the more I will attract a man who can mirror that. Because we have different things that we kind of fall victim to. For women. I feel our version of porn is attention. Constantly wanting attention constantly. You know, whether who liked our thing, who saw our story, who dating app, conversations, keeping up with exes. You know, these are all little hits that we get that I've had to become so mindful of those things. Otherwise you'll just find someone who's getting hits in a different way.
- [72:32]
Cece
Yeah, I completely agree. And I sometimes see, and you kind of said this, but people who sit with medicine and never stop. It's like, what realm are you living in? Because I'm on Earth. And it's amazing to go to those places, but you can't stay in those places forever. And I think what it is, or the way I maybe label it, is just a responsible man. He's responsible for his incarnation, he's responsible to his duty, he's responsible to his divine design and eventually to his wife, to his family. And I think that is what's so attractive. He's responsible to his business. He's not trying to escape through any of these mechanisms. And he also is choosing to not just deal with discomfort, but he also knows how to walk through the storm. And I always think about buffalo. They know in order to get through a storm, don't try to outrun it, just walk straight through it. It's going to be faster. And a man who can sit say, this is not ideal, but we're going to get through this. I'm going to be here with you, I'm going to help you through it. You don't have to be perfect, but I'm going to sit here with you and we will figure it out together. Or maybe he figures it out. That responsibility to bring that into a relationship, I think that is very grounded and something we need as feminine energies. Because sometimes the feminine is a bit feral because we're feeling a lot. We're going through this 28 day cycle. There's a lot of different emotions coming online and then going offline, gifts being activated. And of course every human can feel this. I think women feel it to a bit of a different degree. And having a man who can hold that space, that's something I think I really need. It's really important for me because I tried doing the men who couldn't do that where I was mothering and I was creating the safe space and I just, just, I never felt good. And it's just, it doesn't do anything for you and it's not worth it. Why be seduced by the3d when you can just focus on yourself again and you'll get something better later. And I believe in energetic replacements a billion percent. If you pick one grape and it's moldy, flick it. Who cares? There's a whole entire vine of other grapes. And the law of substitution will be at work in your life. You will get another soulmate, another activator, another divine union. But you have to be willing to put down the moldy grape and say, you know what, this is actually something I always felt so guilty for. Technically, when I would look at my exes, they were so good. On paper, they did have a good job. They were good looking, they were kind. Everyone thought they were so nice. They were looking at me like I was crazy. They were not my person and I could feel the disconnect, connect of connection, even though they looked great. And I would feel so guilty. And I remember saying to myself, what the is wrong with me? Like, why is this person good? They're good, they're good. On paper and this person's good on paper. And I would think about my cousins and my friends and I would think they would all be happy with this person. What's wrong with me that I cannot just be happy? And I had to have a come to self moment and say, say there, there's nothing wrong with me that I don't want a dynamic that so many other people want. I just have a different divine design. And if I look at my life, everything I do is quite different than most of my friends and my family. So why wouldn't my divine union also look quite different than most of my friends and my family? And I just remember feeling so guilty and I really had to sit with that and make be like no, no, I want more and why should I not give myself permission to get more? Why am I blocking myself and siphoning my desire just to have someone who happens to be there in that moment?
- [76:22]
Sahara Rose
Because you know, you're. You said you're 27, so I'm seven years older than you.
- [76:26]
Cece
And we have a lot of sevens.
- [76:28]
Sahara Rose
Yeah, lots of sevens. And so I think of course like imagine you got into that relationship with that person who you already knew from the beginning, wasn't it because of that desire to have someone to cudd with and snuggle with etc and you would spend maybe the next four years, five years, seven years. I wouldn't give it more than seven because. And then you become my age and then you would have to just go through it again. But it was seven years that like maybe next year you meet your person and I feel like I have to sit with this sometimes too because I'm such a fast like manifestor of things of like this is my life partner. Even if it takes two more years of fine tuning that I need, that he needs for us to become in alignment. It is worth it for my life partner than settling with someone out of loneliness or feeling like the clock is ticking or it's going to be too late. All the things they tell us as women and then doing X number of years with them and I might have missed my boat. You know, it's like imagine you have one parking spot, you literally do your womb, you have one parking spot and it's filled with someone's car and then that right car could have come and it's like oh, your spots full like moving on. And, and I agree with you, someone else will always come along. But I feel like a huge reason why we miss out on incredible loves is because we're still holding on to the ones that aren't right for us. Now, the other end of that is I don't believe there's anyone that's perfect. I. I do feel we can then sometimes be like, no, no, no, no, no, forever and waiting for this person. That there's no red flags, there's no problem, there's no know. Because anxiety will come up, insecurity will come up. There will be things about him that you're like, oh, I thought my partner was gonna, you know, be six feet tall and, you know, have more full head of hair and whatever, but I think there's something still deeper in you that knows. Even if it's not what I thought it was going to be, it feels right. In fact, like, so much better.
- [78:23]
Cece
Yeah.
- [78:24]
Sahara Rose
Like, I was listening to some interview of Priyanka Chopra, who's married to Nick Jonas, and I think she was 38 years old when she met him. And she's like 10 years older than him. So he was 28, you know, and didn't make sense. She's from India, very different. Like, they kind of look funny together, you know, and she went through heartbreaks in relationships, especially in Bollywood. It's super, super corrupt. And was genuinely at peace with never meeting someone. And thank Goddess for that. Because when she met him, the way that he sees her and loves her and supports her, it's like a love that even when I was never their fans, them together made me become their fan because I'm like, it's so beautiful the way. And this guy's Nick Jonas, he's very famous, he's very well known. Known, but like, he sees her as his goddess. And thank God she waited those X number of years. And for someone listening, it might be when you're 45, it might be when you're 65, but to just not settle energetically, maybe you're settling on the height. Like, I think Priyanka might be taller than him or they're the same height or settling on certain preferences you might have, but it's a body knowing.
- [79:30]
Cece
Yeah, absolutely. And also Sarah Blakely, who owns Spangs, that billion dollar company, she something the other day that I reposted. And I think she was like 35 when she met her or got married or met her husband, and then 37 when she had her first kid. Something like that. And I do think we, again, have been so brainwashed and so lied to. But when you are meant to create something on this planet, I think you need to give it all your focus. So your relationship might just be a Little bit later. And it's because you were meant to birth something, something that only you could bring to this realm. And if only you could bring it to this realm, it's going to require all your attention, all your energy. And I always think that's part of the reason that I have not met that person yet, because I have something I have to do first. And I know myself. And I know if they're there, I'm like, hi, what are you doing? And I'm being in their face. So I really trust the process because now, now I'm seeing evidence of it all the time. We need to stay focused. And I think because we want that devotion. Relationships can sometimes be that great distractor. You have to trust your journey. And if you've had a calling in your heart since you were little. A lot of my friends and family, their big thing was marriage. Mine was I wanted to be Hannah Montana. So I knew I was like, okay, I don't really understand what this means, but I knew I want us to have an effect on masses, amounts of people to help them get to somewhere else. And amazing hair, obviously. And I think we have to recognize that maybe in this season your soulmate isn't a person but your business. Maybe in this season your soulmate isn't a person but your health. Maybe there's something else that needs to be looked at by you and that has been maybe crying out to you and aching for you to pay it attention, Attention. And I think it's an opportunity to grow yourself and to give devotion to yourself in those seasons. Give yourself that energy. You'd be channeling it into someone else. Give it to yourself. Why not feed yourself, put them on an energetic diet.
- [81:41]
Sahara Rose
So well said. And even for us to heal the parts of ourselves that self abandon the moment we're in a relationship, that's like we're in a relationship. Never see my friends, never do anything like disappear off the face of the earth. Which I think feel like naturally we women have the propensity to do because historically we've taken on his life, his last name, his family, his everything. It was literally like your old life didn't exist. And now it's like, I don't feel God will actually introduce you to that person until you can hold yourself and not, you know, highlight just the parts of you that he'll like. And, you know, the things that you still love to do don't feel important anymore. And you just go into wife mode right away. It's like, we need to also, also like, titrate that love. Like, we need to, like, let it drip over time. Otherwise, if we're giving him everything, there's nothing left to grow for for either of us. And it's not even going to be fun for ourselves. And I also had this thought, like, I was living in Bali this year, and I was going to waterfalls and pottery classes and just, like, doing all these things that I would have not done. And I had this realization of, I'm 34 years old. I am the old oldest woman in my lineage to not be married and have children at this point, because my mom had me when she was 28, and my grandma had her when she was 18. And it was all child marriages before then. And so I could feel my ancestors were, like, cheering, like, girl, you're free. Run, play, explore, travel. Like, we all did the marriage and kids thing. Like, like, we've done this in the lineage. We haven't done what you're doing right now. And even though you really just want to be in love and you know me melted and all, like, we sometimes don't realize we are taking the lineage so much further ahead with this extra time. It doesn't mean it's not going to happen, but these extra couple of years, the things that we are doing are things that our grandmothers, it was their wildest dreams, like my grandmother tells me, and she was. Had my mom when she was 18. She's like, when I thought about what I wanted to be when I got older, it was a psychologist, it was a healer, it was someone that helped people. I was always interested in herbs, but she had four kids, and she's like, I would be doing exactly what you're doing. You are literally living my dream, girl.
- [83:59]
Cece
You're making me cry a little bit of my grandmother.
- [84:02]
Sahara Rose
And it's like, here I am spending all this energy, energy into, am I going to meet my guy? Am I ever going to have a family? Am I ever going to this? And my grandma's like, I am just amazed to know that it is even possible for someone in my family. And it's like we forget. Like, our ancestors may have prayed for this. They were, you know, nursing their children, but wondering, who could I have become?
- [84:28]
Cece
Yeah.
- [84:29]
Sahara Rose
And we are their living prayer girl.
- [84:32]
Cece
I'm like, I'm having tears over here. I resonate with that so deeply. I. Yes, yes, and yes and yes. And I see in my family, and I go back as far as I can, but I see this codependency thing, and I had it so deeply in that seven year relationship. And, like, I'm just so proud of both of us and everyone who leaves that because it's so hard. But it's like, I feel the same way. Like, I know my ancestors are so happy that I got out of. Because you get to have so much more on the other side, you know? And it's like, I think for the first time in so long, I feel so many women choosing themselves instead of these relationships that we're just not happy in. I told you, I cry every day.
- [85:15]
Sahara Rose
Same. I already cried on the podcast once today. Oh, my God. I can't escape these tears.
- [85:21]
Cece
I'm taking the Sabrina Carpenter song too.
- [85:23]
Sahara Rose
Literally, but it's coming out of my face.
- [85:25]
Cece
I'm just really proud of you. And I'm really proud of me, and I'm really proud of all of us who are, are. Even if we're not ready to take action, we're contemplating it and we're listening and we're thinking. And it's. The best gift you can give to yourself is to free yourself of what your ancestors couldn't and know that they're behind you. They're helping you every step of the way. And. And when you feel alone, call out to them because they will show themselves. They will really empower you. Ask them for momentum and ask them for energy.
- [85:55]
Sahara Rose
Energy.
- [85:56]
Cece
Ask them to mold your heart. I always ask, God, please mold my heart. So I want what's actually good for me versus what I think I want. Because obviously, I don't understand anything, what I'm doing, but it changes things. And I felt my chest literally shift like this, almost like there was a vault. You'll feel the energetic shifts, and you will have enough energy to keep going. If there's any little itty bitty little whisper within you that. That thinks something's off or you need more or you need different, you have to listen to it. I know you did. I know I did. And now we. Maybe we haven't manifested every single thing that we wanted in a love relationship, but I'm so much happier now. I feel so much more me than I've ever have in my whole entire life. I like myself now. I can say I love myself and I feel devoted to myself. And when I was in those relationships, I did not even like myself. And I want to say it like this. I didn't like that version of myself because I was constantly siphoning my energy and making myself smaller. People pleasing, no boundaries. And when you're so focused on them, first of all, where focus goes, energy flows. You do lose yourself. Did it a hundred million times. You end up resenting not just them. You end up resenting yourself. Because I think there's a part of us that just knows. Girl, what are you doing? Get back. Back up. You came here to experience your own energy. Why are you so focused on theirs? I think it's interesting. Language is interesting to me. When people say, oh, you're so full of yourself, shouldn't we be full of our own energy? Shouldn't you be so full of your own energy that everything that's meant for you finds you? Isn't that the most beautiful gift you can give to yourself and to your divine counterpart? They want to find you. They can't find you if you're in the dark because you're not putting on your own light. And I think the first spark of our own light is saying no to less. So we can finally say yes to more.
- [87:51]
Sahara Rose
Oh, I love that. Saying no to less. Not sustaining ourselves on these breadcrumbs of love. And I. I think of our ancestors as like the love of the mother of. You know, we've all been in these heartbreak portals where we're crying so much. You wake up in the morning, you're like, is this really my reality now? And you're praying, praying for that love again. And you might even be praying for a specific person that you wish could happen. And your ancestors can see you, and they can see their child's in pain, but they know you need to go through this.
- [88:21]
Cece
Yeah.
- [88:21]
Sahara Rose
Just like when your child is having a temper tantrum or something, you. You want to make it all stop, but you know, they need to go through this. And that's that love of the ancestors of, like, oh, you said you wanted the greatest love known to humankind, mind. Okay, There's a preparation for that. There's an initiation for that. And it's going to take you to the darkest edges of consciousness. It's going to take you to see things you would have never thought about before. Of yourself, of your family, of the collective. And part of you will mourn for that innocence used to have before it all. But you would rather see the full truth, see the snake, and not be afraid of it and dance with it and become one with it, because that's the only way we can be. Be in real relationship. Otherwise, it's just illusionship. And we just go back and we do the karmic dance again. And it's like trusting that there is a internal preparation. There's his preparation, there's a global energetic Preparation. Because once you're together, there needs to be a death of this version of you. I think that's the thing we don't realize is like, we get into this new become coming when we're single, we have the glow up. Once you meet that person, there is a death and it needs to happen. And sometimes spirit needs you to bask in this version of you for even longer. Just for you to enjoy, just for certain things to really, I think, sit with you. Like, kind of like you said, the ice, like to really ferment in you. Because once you're in a relationship, there is a level of letting go that needs to happen again. There is a level of compromise. There's a level of, you know, like, all the times that I've been like, I really want partnership. And I'm like, but damn, then I was in Bali, India, Egypt. Maybe I wouldn't have done all those things. And it's like. And trusting. Like, even having a pet, you know, I love my dog so much, and sometimes I look at him that there's like a love and a sadness at the same time of like, I love you so much and you're not gonna live forever. I love you so much, but I travel and I have to give you to my mom. And I'm like, damn, how do people with kids even live? You know? And it's like. And that sort of like with ourselves in our single versions. Like, imagine if you knew for sure you were meeting your partner next month. Like, I think there would actually be a sadness of like, I thought I had more time. Like, I thought I would do that girls trip I wanted to do. I thought I would, you know, travel to that place. I thought I would have more time. Because it's like once you meet him, it's like, chapter complete.
- [90:47]
Cece
Yeah.
- [90:48]
Sahara Rose
And we never know. It could be tomorrow. So it's like really just basking and trusting in that timing because you never. Everything changes. Just like relationships don't last forever, being single doesn't last forever. Nothing lasts forever. And thank God for that.
- [91:04]
Cece
Yeah. Yeah. And there's something so beautiful, I think, to just rediscover yourself because you're really never the same. And I like my darkness. I don't know, there's just something about it. I feel like it has taught me things my light could never. And it has brought me to places my light could never. And I think when we're trying to siphon the darkness. Yeah, we're wearing a mask. But I think even more important than that is the fact you're not using all of your energy. So imagine tomorrow you had one less arm. It would be harder for you to exist within this reality. You'd have to relearn how to drive, how to make your bed. When you come onto this planet with a hundred percent of energy, but then you suppress some of it because you don't think it's lovable. And now you're living at 50%. Everything you do is now at 50%. Your darkness. I don't think it's this scary thing. You might think it's scary because you labeled it as unlovable. But it's actually could have a lot of hidden gifts that you don't allow yourself to see because they were demonized growing up. It actually could be the thing that propels you into writing that song that becomes number one because you didn't want to look at that heartbreak. And I think, think, you know, we realistically know all growth begins in darkness. The seed germinates in the dark, dark dirt after every single night. There's a day after darkness, after the void. Always what comes after that is creation, is manifestation, is abundance. I think if we can get comfortable with that. And yeah, the shadow of loneliness. For me, I thought it was loneliness, but it actually was empty emptiness. I would kind of personify the divine and I would assume that God was abandoning me because of my own anxious attachment. And when I felt the loneliness, it really was emptiness. I would feel like, oh, God's not here anymore. I don't feel him or whatever this divine love energy is, and therefore it's not here. I think if we in the dark moment can inspect instead, say, show me that you're here. Show me that there's some divine current in my life, that no matter what, no matter who, no matter when, you're always flowing through me, you're always there. If we can get that online, I think those dark seasons, yeah, they're still going to be dark because there's shit you got to look at, but you're going to feel like at least you have a raft because that divine light is still going through you and you're not alone. And yes, you can call on ancestors, but you're also channeling this divine light light, and that's never going to leave you. And I think when we personify the divine and think, oh, I got this conditional love for my parents, that must be how everything is here. And then not the rug gets pulled out from underneath me. I think it's a very slippery, slippery slope.
- [93:54]
Sahara Rose
So. Well said. Well, this Was such a beautiful. I know the people listening to us are, like, nodding along. It's like the single girlies get it. It is, I think, certain and ones of us, we signed up to be on the sacred union timeline in this lifetime. And it's like, because we're all living the same life, like, we're all having the same. We're all going in the same corners of consciousness. And like, that part. Oh, yeah, that part. Like, how are we all. It's quite interesting, you know, And I really believe our souls chose to be amongst the first ever to usher in sacred union. And I feel part of it is in our single Dom to be open and to share about these things. Because I think sometimes we just see people in the relationship and we're like, but what was it like single? What were the things that you were. And that's why I've been really open about my. My anxieties, my fears, my worries, my this, my that. And I don't know what it'll be like in a relationship. I told myself I'm not going to share, but I have no idea. But I do feel it is this powerful healing force that is needed in the collective Shiva and Shakti. It's the thing that can create new life. It's the thing that can rebalance this, like, collective darkness that we are in. The men and women together fully in their power. And I do believe. Believe there is a war against it. And I do believe these demons come through in men trying to take us off path. I've definitely seen that happen. They'll, like, be your exact type and try to slip in, especially when you're reaching these new levels of, like, your Dharma and your path. It's like, oh, this one little temptation, this one little thing. It's like, are you gonna fall for that again? And it's like, damn, what a freaking video game this is. You know, like, no, sir, I. I know. For me, I think part of why my soul chose to have this podcast is once I say it out loud, I can't go back. So I'm like, damn, I just said all that. There is no way I can go. Go back now. It hold you so accountable.
- [95:43]
Cece
I'm like, damn it. Exactly.
- [95:46]
Sahara Rose
And once it said it is in stone. And there I have to be this version of myself forever. So we have to hold ourselves accountable to this conversation now. I know, because then the next week.
- [95:56]
Cece
I go on my podcast.
- [95:57]
Sahara Rose
I'm like, guys, you can't. There's no going back. This is embarrassing.
- [96:01]
Cece
But no, I totally Believe it. And I want to say I actually know it. I feel it very deeply. And, and someone or some of us, a group of us, have to have faith that it is possible. We'll manifest it and then show everyone else like it.
- [96:18]
Sahara Rose
Just like we have with our careers and our dharmas and being like professional intuitives and mystics, like in this day and age and like looking amazing while doing it. That's why I loved your Instagram. I was like this girl, she's shiny and sparkly and she's fuck, I'm into that. And it's like if we made this our reality, that our old version of ourselves would have been dreaming about. Like, I found my notes out from 10 years ago and it was like, my dad disapproves of my path, but I know I need to do it. Imagine if I listened to my dad and just got a normal job and just gave up on it all. And I. And it reminded me of today. Imagine if I give up on sacred union. I just say, you know what? Everyone's in a shitty relationship. It just is what it is. Well, yeah, most people are in a shitty job. And guess what? I'm not. Because I trusted and I believed. And it's the same thing that's going to happen, the same thing that can happen for you and anything in your life.
- [97:05]
Cece
And can I. You didn't just trust and you didn't just believe. You put forth the idea. Effort.
- [97:10]
Sahara Rose
Yes.
- [97:10]
Cece
And that is a huge part of this. There are so many seasons I know, that we both go through that are so hard. I've been in my room alone, hysterically crying on my knees, just screaming like a crazy person.
- [97:20]
Sahara Rose
Part time job.
- [97:21]
Cece
Yeah, but that stuff, I. I don't reach from my phone in that moment and record because I'm having a moment. But that is the necessary effort.
- [97:32]
Sahara Rose
Clearing.
- [97:33]
Cece
Yeah, it's the necessary effort and work. And I think people can feel, or at least I hope that they can, that we both desire this thing. We're not just trusting in it, but we're also cutting away the extra layers that don't align with what it is we really want. There's. I have said no so many more times than I've ever said yes.
- [97:52]
Sahara Rose
I've had to go look at things in my childhood that were so painful. So, like, I would have never done that level of shadow work had it not been for the potential of this incredible love that I know my, my soul knew what a lover girl I was. I was like, that's the thing that's going to get her to do it. And I thank Goddess for that. Because whatever happens, even if the love never happens, at least I did that inner work that has made me become so much more free. And like you said, this version of myself that I am so in love with and I really believe we are the loves we've been waiting for. It's our own becoming.
- [98:27]
Cece
Oh yeah, and that's what I was just thinking, really. You've cultivated a divine union within the self. So if I get divine union just within myself, at least I got that. And at least I don't have to go to sleep every single night thinking I don't want to be here. Because I did that. And I did not like that feeling at all. And I did have that moment where I said to myself, yeah, I'd rather just be alone. I, I really rather just be in my own energy. I have enough time now that I created someone I actually like. I don't mean I don't mind spending time with her. I like it. And so if all that I get is an inner divine union, I can die happy. I, I, yes, I'm okay. I'm okay.
- [99:06]
Sahara Rose
Because here's the thing. Even in a relationship, you're still going to be spending most of your time by yourself. You were always going to be you 100 of the time. So there's no escaping that. It's not like a relationship is like, I don't have to be me anymore. You know, I'm just being all the time. It's that, you know, and so I think we forget that of like, I'm going to do this inner work until I find the relationship. And, and let's be real, like, even in a relationship, like, first of all, we never know if it's going to last forever, and that's okay. But also, women outlive men that, like, even if you meet someone, most likely if you're around the same age or he's older, there's going to be years of your life that you're by yourself. And I feel like we need to just become comfortable in our aloneness. Because no matter what, it's like you're born alone, you die alone. Of course, you have incredible community, friends, all these incredible things that show you parts of, of yourself, but then they leave, you know? Like, I remember that first year of being single for me, when I was by myself, I would cry constantly. And so I didn't want to be alone. I would have friends come stay with me for weeks. And I was like, how do people live by themselves. How do people do Covid by themselves? They must have just been crying constantly. Well, it's just because I had a lot of sadness. I needed to transmute because now I'm by myself all the time and I actually don't. It's interesting because in Bali especially I didn't cry for so long. I was like, huh. I thought crying was like my part time job. What happened here? You know, it was just like I didn't need to. I cried all of those tears that felt never ending. But eventually they did and now I'm by myself and it feels very peaceful, neutral, calm and I know, I think you said your breakup was a year ago. Yeah. And so I noticed. Like, I feel first year is like shadow work, you know, it's all of those things. Second year for me was like, okay, like incubating in this new becoming. Like, who am I? Who's this new version of me? Like, less mental process on figuring out the breakup and more on just. And that happened and who am I? Third year was like whole new version of me stepping into all of these things that like, I feel earlier on I wouldn't have done because it would have been intimidating to a man too much. You know, the thing that I say on the podcast is like, you gotta be a strong mantle, you know, and just like being that and not like not living for the healing of the relationship, the figuring out of myself, of just like expanding my edges. And this December now, which is around, I think around this podcast, three years will be complete. And it's. And I'm like. But when I think about it, I'm like, wow, people go to college for four years to study some random thing that they like don't even do for the rest of their lives. And they spend four years doing that for the love of our life lives. Why do we think spending. Like if someone told me at the beginning of this you're going to be single for four years, I would have been like, no, please, not me. I can't do it. Throw me anyone, you know? And now I'm like, wait, of course. Because the level of love that I desire, that I'm a love devotee for, if I spend four years studying international relations, which I've literally done nothing with, like four years for like truly understanding the depths of love, hell yeah, sign me up for that. And you know, and it's interesting because then they find like a podcast guest who was here. She was single until she was, I want to say, 48, 50. And she just completely made peace With I'm not meant to be in a relationship. And she would do these three month silent retreats. Like go in silence for three months. No phone, no text, no one's in. I'm like, is that so, is that what happens? And women who stay single longer were like, I'm just gonna go even more.
- [102:40]
Cece
Crazy, you know, just become a nun.
- [102:42]
Sahara Rose
Yeah, she was, she was a monk. You know, she was on the, on the monk path, but she loved it. And she was so at peace with herself that three months, and she wasn't crying. She was just at total, like samadhi with herself. And then she met this person and she was like, you know what? I do three months in silence twice a year. He's like, tell me more about that. And they ended up getting married. And he's so accepting of this version of her who she would have met. And then she actually became both a Buddhist and tantra teach and weaves them together. And it's like. And she's so bright, vibrant, sparkly. I feel like when you're older, you're. You'll have a similar energy to her. Like I. Her vibes. And I'll link her names. Dr. Cheryl Shaw. And I share that because beautiful things often take time. And we don't understand the tapestry. It's like a Christmas tree. Like it needed to be that decoration there. And if you put too much, it'll fall over. So sometimes I remember at the beginning I would look at friends like, oh, two weeks after my breakup, I just met someone else. And I'm like, what's wrong with me? I must be. Have more healing to do. I must not be ready enough. But then it's like all of those relationships, by the way, ended up not working. You know, you think it's really divine, but it's like, again, it's like we got engaged at Burning man right away, and it's like, okay, honey, let's see how this goes. Bless, pray for you. You know, and it's like, it's not a competition of being healed. Like you said, anyone can get in a relationship.
- [104:06]
Cece
Literally anyone. Yeah.
- [104:07]
Sahara Rose
But it's like truly being met by the divine. It's like I will actually wait 10,000 lifetimes to know what that level of love is.
- [104:17]
Cece
Absolutely. Because I even think about it. You walk on a street long enough, male attention is not hard to get. It's really not. And if you didn't get it yet, just keep walking. You'll.
- [104:28]
Sahara Rose
You'll find construction sites.
- [104:30]
Cece
Yeah, you'll get it. I think that we have to recognize that should not be our priority. It's not that fulfilling. And it's easy.
- [104:41]
Sahara Rose
He liked your story. Great. Is he texting you? Is he making a plan? Is he like, we give so much of ourselves to these things.
- [104:48]
Cece
Yeah. Because we pedestal them. And I think we idolize relationship. And I don't want to worship anything that's not within myself. And it's just not worth it to me. And if I think about how. How diamonds are rare, so they're really expensive. Divine union is rare. It's going to be energetically expensive. Put in the work. This male attention from Jim and Bob. Who cares? It's the easiest thing to get. It's not that interesting. Why are you idolizing it and then giving them your body? It's not interesting. It's not that rare. It's not that cool. I rather have that thing that's. Whoa. No one has that. Or most people don't have. Have that. Let me pay up. Let me do the work so that I can come into alignment with it. And there's just no point in comparing yourself to anyone else. You're on your own unique journey. Listen to other people to help you on your own path if it inspires you. But does not matter what other people are doing. It matters that you can surrender to your own divine design, your own path, your own dharma, your own creation, and take the road that you are meant to take. Travel regardless. If more people are on it, less people are on it. Who cares? The one that's meant for you, just find that one and go down that one. Yeah.
- [106:00]
Sahara Rose
Like, I had this realization of when I think about my ideal partner. He's not texting random girls he hasn't met. He's not watching people's Instagram stories and Harding them or fire emoticon maybe. I hope he doesn't have Instagram yet. That would be hot as fuck. Like, I don't want someone who's doing what I do. I don't really. So then why am I giving this person so much attention? So much of my. I think it's like when I really tune into the times I've been like that. It's like it made me just feel. And as the feminine. I think we just love to feel that. It's like, oh. Like even though I know it doesn't mean anything, it's like I feel a little bit more desired. And sometimes it's hard in long periods of time when you're single. It's like you forget, like, do people even like me? Am I. I don't even know how to flirt, like, but it's like, it. I just think that's a phase of life we go through. And then when it's beyond that, it's like, okay, cute crushes are for kids. I've never seen a relationship actually work. He was my crush that I really was following and I really liked for a long time. And then all of a sudden, it's like, you're going to end up in a Justin Bieber Haley situation, which, again, I don't know them personally. Their real life situation could be totally different. I'm just going to use how people have personified this story of, like, she always pedestaled him. She always had a crush on him. He was her childhood crush. When they first met, he wasn't paying attention. She really liked, liked him. You know, the joke is she was doing all the love spells and specific person meditations on YouTube. I don't actually know. I'm using her as an analogy. And then she. She finally was with him, but he's not showing up. He's an interview saying his album is about his ex when he's married, you know, and. And saying that she was really his muse. And just there's so many videos of him, of him walking ahead of her, him not paying attention. And again, I know those are moments of time, but, like, I would just never want to be with a partner that there's that much actual video meaning that's actually really still happening. And it's like, great. She got the guy, she got the crush, but what's the relationship she's in? Whereas you look at the Selena and Benny, again, I don't really know them, but what I'm seeing and how they speak and I've seen their interviews before is like, he was the friend. He was the one who is, like, always there and always steady. And they, you know, just built. They were working together. They have a shared aligned Dharma. And then all of a sudden, one day, something shifted. And he loves her, he worships her, but not in a pedestal way. He's also a boss in his own way, but he just, like, sees her full gift. And they made their album together and their art. And I feel like it's that perfect balance of like, yes, we want the guy who's like, a reach for us, maybe, right? Of like, someone who, I think as women, it's almost like if a guy's interested in us, we're like, who's the one who's not interested in me? And I'm going to Go like him. And it's like, no, but that person who's not interested in you, even if he changes, he didn't really see you from the beginning, you know. And I feel like it's that balance of you want the guy who's obsessed with you, but also the guy who has his own thing going on. You want the guy who feels like a reach, but also the one who's there. And it's like these paradoxes that we have to make peace with. And I think sometimes on social media we see a video and it's like, like share a seven. And she's like the dusty's this. And there are some things she says that are true. And you're like, damn, that's facts. But if we only went down that rabbit hole, we'll only be with a man for money. If we only go down the only be the black cat in the relationship. Okay. Then you'll be with someone you don't really like. You know.
- [109:26]
Cece
Oh gosh. Yeah.
- [109:27]
Sahara Rose
It's like there's a paradox to everything. And guess what? God is going to make a design that's beyond what you could have ever thought of. Like we. I go down all these rabbit holes all the time and I know the things in my relationship will be something I've never thought about before because that's part of the mystery. Mystery. Because if you already did all the preparation work and here it is and I'm perfectly prepared at all times. It's not going to stretch you. And that's what love is about. Love is actually a healing and expansion tool to make you touch. Like, we think getting into the relationship is the finish line. No, it's actually the beginning of a whole new marathon.
- [109:58]
Cece
Yeah. And I think the whole conversation around black hat. I understand why people are popularizing it and I, I understand because if we've been so focused on this other person, Black hat can help you refocus on yourself. But being in your black cat energy doesn't necessarily mean feminine energy. For me, I'm not a black cat. I don't really know what I am.
- [110:19]
Sahara Rose
Something maybe golden unicorns. Okay.
- [110:22]
Cece
I'm a little stranger and like off putting. I say really weird things at the worst time. I'm not a black cat, though.
- [110:28]
Sahara Rose
I was like, I wish I was avoided. That's so hot. Can't I send.
- [110:33]
Cece
If someone dares to bring Egypt up to me, I'm sending paragraphs. Like I go up.
- [110:39]
Sahara Rose
Yes. That part.
- [110:40]
Cece
I. I'm not gonna wait two hours to text you. No. If I Have a thought and be.
- [110:44]
Sahara Rose
Like, I respond right away. I can't not. I'm so much the same.
- [110:49]
Cece
Like, I hope they answer right now so then I can get to this.
- [110:51]
Sahara Rose
I think it's like my Capricorn. I remember reading somewhere. It's like, never read an email twice because it's like instead of the 30 seconds would have taken you to do it, now you're thinking about it, then you're reading it more. So anytime I see an email, I respond literally right away. I could be working out between sets. I just want to get it off my plate. Same thing. I don't want to keep this conversation going forever. If I see your text, I'm going to respond. Respond, not black Adam. But that's how I am.
- [111:13]
Cece
But the thing is, what is feminine energy but being authentic.
- [111:16]
Sahara Rose
Yeah.
- [111:16]
Cece
So if you're something different than a black cat, a little angelic, off putting thing, then be that thing. You will get what is yours when you embody just whatever it is that you are because that's your energetic signature and whatever's looking for you needs that to lock into you.
- [111:33]
Sahara Rose
Yes.
- [111:34]
Cece
So if I were to pretend to be a black, black cat, I would still be pedestaling them because I'm focused on my, on their perception of me.
- [111:41]
Sahara Rose
And you'll find a cat guy.
- [111:42]
Cece
Yeah. And then what happens if you're a.
- [111:44]
Sahara Rose
Dog person relationship with them, you have.
- [111:47]
Cece
To be like, by the way, I'm.
- [111:48]
Sahara Rose
Actually, I actually want to merge in a tattoo and never let you go. They're like, what? Yeah. No, then they're. Because, look, when you're doing the black cat thing, you just attract the chase guys.
- [111:58]
Cece
Yeah.
- [111:59]
Sahara Rose
Who they just want the hunt. And then you have to keep this black cat thing going. And I get. If you're a Russian femme fatale and it's who you are, then it's who you are. That works.
- [112:06]
Cece
Then it's feminine for you because it's your authentic energy.
- [112:08]
Sahara Rose
Exactly.
- [112:09]
Cece
But if you are not, you are then so focused on how are they perceiving me? What is their perspective? How the hell are you supposed to know if they have red flags? What's going on with them? If you're only focused on how they're perceiving you, you've taken no time, no space, no energy to actually check in with your own body. Do I even like how they're treating me? Do I even appreciate their tone towards me? I have in my phone, I do two different lists. One is I track the actual behaviors and embodiment of the other person. Or else I will just create a whole entire fantasy that is not true and I'll fall in love with it. And then when it doesn't happen, I will be disappointed. I need to write down after each date, how did I feel? What were my thoughts about the person? What were my thoughts about the overall energy of the date. And if it doesn't go well and I have to end it, I have a why I made the right decision list in my phone for every single person I've ever broken up with in my whole entire life. Because after you break up with them, your brain doesn't even remember everything correctly. The dopamine starts hitting you, and you're like, I need that kiss. I need that hug. You're craving dopamine, basically. And your mind will create these memories and romanticize them. You need a list on your phone to remind you why you made the right decision. The amount of times I picked up that list and I would have to scream it at myself is insane. But it's so necessary. You have to get your brain on board with what your soul is saying, because sometimes they are misaligned and you're not coherent. But you have to train your brain like you would train anything to get on the same path as your soul. It's so necessary.
- [113:43]
Sahara Rose
I did the same thing. I had to write all of the reasons why we're not together, and I wrote all the things about him that would have never worked for me outside of the betrayal. Just all of the things that if I were to meet him today, I would not have chosen this person, you know, and for sure, because the feminine just wants to love. So there were those moments that I. I missed being in a relationship. And I would read that list and be like, oh, shit, I forgot the AC thing. Damn, I'm so happy. It's nice and warm here now, you know, like, all these. All these things, and it would be the thing that keeps me going. It's so. It's so funny you mentioned. That's like one of my thing in my heartbreak healing course of, like, I think every girl needs to do. And I think with that whole black cat thing, I think what I learned from it, it's sort of like what we spoke about earlier is like, the man needs to revere the goddess.
- [114:28]
Cece
Yes.
- [114:28]
Sahara Rose
He needs to see you as like, wow, you are something otherworldly. You are something to be protected. You are something to be cherished. You are something to be adored. And it is kind of like a pedestalization, but not in a you are better than Me. But like, if you think about the statues of the goddess, they're not on the floor, they are raised up and like one. I can't believe I'm saying this right now, but like one of my like sexual fantasies is imagining I am a goddess statue.
- [114:53]
Cece
They're like getting so deep, right? Yeah.
- [114:57]
Sahara Rose
With these like voluptuous breasts and stuff. And I'm just like. It turns me on so much to like be that like worship sex.
- [115:05]
Cece
Yeah. And like that like.
- [115:06]
Sahara Rose
I mean that's what the breasts are. They're like here to be worshiped, you know. And so it's like, I think there is something innate in feminine and masculine sexuality that like feminine sexuality comes online when we are paid attention to cherished, loved, kissed. Like we need. Need that extra time that the masculine doesn't. There's a design to that. So the masculine does need to feel like, oh my God, like she is the most incredible woman I've ever seen in my entire life. And I don't know how my life could be without her. And I'm willing to do anything to be with her because the man needs to do a lot of shadow work to rise into it. We're doing that shadow work all the time. Whereas the feminine what we need because we pedestal very, very naturally. Whereas men, it's so crazy. Like I've asked guys like, so when you start talking to people, someone are like feeling all in the feels. Are you like thinking about your future? They're like, no. And it's interesting quote I heard that's like women start men at a hundred. We're like, I met him, the perfect guy, he's this, he's that. Like we put him at 100 and then we start to get to know him and he gets 90, 80, 70, 60, 50. Men start us at zero. They're like, oh yeah, I'm talking to this girl, it's another girl. Then they get to know us. Like, you're actually kind of of cool. Oh, you're actually kind of smart. You're actually kind of interesting. And they start to like grow in love with us. Whereas we're like, I found him. Oh, you're not him. And so isn't it in a way that's kind of pure of the. The man that he's really getting to know us, you know, I always have.
- [116:35]
Cece
To tell myself a crush is just.
- [116:37]
Sahara Rose
A lack of information.
- [116:38]
Cece
Know about it.
- [116:39]
Sahara Rose
Okay.
- [116:39]
Cece
Lover girls unite.
- [116:40]
Sahara Rose
That's why, that's why the situationship is the hardest one to get over because it never went sour. So you're just like those two, three dates, you're like, oh, what could have been? Whereas, like, the real seven year relationship, you're like, and I saw what it could have been.
- [116:53]
Cece
I just also think, you know, when you exist in a higher vibration, you're able to see who that person could be without the addiction, without the coping mechanisms, without the porn. And that's not who's actually showing up. Yeah, that's a potential that they could incarnate through, but that's not what's online for them right now. So you have to make make peace. You might have created a fantasy, all right? That just means you're in love with your own mind. You're not actually in love with them. You're in love with.
- [117:16]
Sahara Rose
I started writing romanticies.
- [117:18]
Cece
You know what?
- [117:19]
Sahara Rose
I had to channel the energy somewhere. I would create these stories, you know, like, I would take things and like, it's a sign we're meant to be. And it's this and it's that. And I would fall in love with the story that I'm in. And it was like, what is actually happening? He's not ready for a relationship. He's not asking me questions. He's not sure. Showing up and whatever. And so I'm like. So I started to just. I actually wrote this, this novel and it's about this like, priestess who's like, fighting this entity. And it's like basically what we all talked about. I put it in like a novel form and I'm like, maybe I'll publish it one day. And I just like, exactly.
- [117:53]
Cece
Give us a tulip for. Please.
- [117:54]
Sahara Rose
Exactly. But then I put these, like romantic sex scenes in tulips. I'm like, I want to be fucked in a tulip. That sounds amazing.
- [118:03]
Cece
We need this from you.
- [118:04]
Sahara Rose
Exactly. Please, guys. But the book I'm writing right now is like the feminine initiation. And it's like the preparation. But then it's like, yes, after the preparation, we can be in flower fields being fucked open to God. Yes.
- [118:16]
Cece
Honestly, it's just so true. It's. It is truly learning to appreciate the masculine within ourselves before we do it to some other human that we honestly, we don't know.
- [118:28]
Sahara Rose
Yes.
- [118:28]
Cece
And it's a gift to ourselves to give ourselves the time to get to know them, to allow it to be a slow burn so we can see clearly. That's something I always do.
- [118:36]
Sahara Rose
Isn't a black house have. What should this be? What's like a good. Like a peacock?
- [118:41]
Cece
I don't know what we. I don't know. If there's even a word like, I think it's we're. It's almost so strange, so off putting, so angelic, so different that I love that it almost cannot be contained. I don't want to, I don't even want a label. I don't want to be contained. I just want to, whatever it is.
- [118:57]
Sahara Rose
Because then you keep thinking about the animal or the archetype and you're like, oh, am I being that? And it's like it's, that's what the feminine, it's everything.
- [119:04]
Cece
It is everything. I love it.
- [119:05]
Sahara Rose
It's. She's sexy, she's off putting. You're turned on and scared of her at the same time. That is who we are.
- [119:10]
Cece
Yeah, yeah. And when a divine masculine can see that and is turned on by that, I also think it brings out this natural protector within him. And when that. And I said protector, not possessor. Can we please learn the difference? Because some people like to say that they're protecting you, but it is absolutely possession. They should not be telling you what to do. They cannot be cultivating your life for you. And the more you listen to them, the more you lose connection with, with yourself. It's very dangerous path to go down. But when they honestly want to protect you out of love for you and that comes through, you're going to feel that. I think exactly what you said that is so necessary. Because if they don't want to also protect your inner child and your inner light and how precious you are and how lovely you are, I don't really know exactly what they're there for.
- [120:02]
Sahara Rose
And we don't realize that that is how the masculine loves. Like we think that men love how we love, which is to be as close to them as possible, to nurture them, to listen to them, to like, that's how we women love. And so that's how we think they wanna be loved. But that feels smothering for them. When a man loves, he wants to protect and provide. We can't imagine that feeling. It feels kind of off putting when we step into that. But that's what they want. And it's like your right man, he's like, you are such a beautiful precious light that I will do whatever I can to be the shield around you so you can keep shining. And I feel like it's this like level of I've my friends who are in such beautiful relationships now, it's like this exhale of like, I don't need to prove, I don't need to figure out like if you're asking your chat GPT about him, like I did that, I did that. Don't do it if it's there. You've passed the too late line. You know, it's like. And it doesn't mean there won't be any questions or problems, but it's like, you know.
- [121:02]
Cece
Yeah.
- [121:03]
Sahara Rose
You know that no matter what happens, you'll be able to work through it. And I feel that is that exhale that we're really looking for.
- [121:11]
Cece
I've recently had this guy say to me, he was like, you don't need to be perfect or this or that. He was like, you can actually be totally needy and like whatever you need to be in this moment. He's like, I'll just be there for you and I'll just show up in whatever way you need me to. And when I heard that, I was like, what? I go, who, where, what when, why?
- [121:30]
Sahara Rose
That's that Shiva energy.
- [121:31]
Cece
Oh my God. And it was so different. Cuz usually I was trying to hold it together for me and them and every single motion I would have, it's like I had to hide that because it was too much and I had to process it on my own and then mother theirs. And to have someone say to me whatever you need to feel right now is no burden to me. In fact, I want to work to find a solution for you was like, I don't know, I think the heavens opened up and I'm pretty sure I heard a trumpet. But it was like amazing and such a different feeling.
- [122:00]
Sahara Rose
And that's actually what we want. It's not the man who's obsessed with us, who's texting us all the time. That guy doesn't have anything going on with this life.
- [122:05]
Cece
Yeah.
- [122:06]
Sahara Rose
If I'm your full time job, that's. Then you don't have one. Exactly. But we, it's our, our inner girl consciousness that just wants all the attention all the time. Like I used to think I just want a man that has so much time for me because my ex was working a lot. But I realized it's not amount of time, it's the quality, it's the presence of time.
- [122:24]
Cece
Yeah. And it's not even attention, it's presence.
- [122:26]
Sahara Rose
It's presence and also the problem solving Go beyond a guy. Yes, you could talk about spirituality. Yes, you could talk about. About const. But what are the things actually a relationship is for Your parents dying, that's the person at the hospital with you, you passing away a hospital, your kids. Like this person is going to see you at your worst. And so if it's someone you don't even want to see a little ounce of imperfection, how is he going to see you break down and cry in ways that no one else ever has?
- [122:57]
Cece
He's.
- [122:58]
Sahara Rose
And I think being in a long term relationship shows you that of like, whoa. You really see a side of each other that no one else does. And so instead of choosing the person you want to be that perfect person for, choose the person that you feel. I heard this once and it really resonated with me. And I think I've been talking for like two hours. Men need to listen to this episode. Send this to the men. Because there's so many. If they all listen to this, like, they would understand us. I feel like we were really speaking to the heart of the feminine right now. But I, like, feel heard. Choose the person you would go to war with. And that means would you have on the battlefield with you.
- [123:30]
Cece
Yes. And that means someone who has the strengths that you don't.
- [123:32]
Sahara Rose
Exactly.
- [123:33]
Cece
And that's everything. And who can hold it down when you can't, and then you'll hold it down when they can't. But coming together and that grounded energy, that presence, and giving each other space to just say what it is and being so honest about whatever it is you're feeling. And it will be scary sometimes, but your person is not going to be afraid of the real you. That's just evidence that they're not yours. Who cares? Let them go. New grape, new vine. Relax. That that's all that it is, really. And I think when we can realize, I don't have to promote myself, I don't have to look for validation in them. I'm validated in the divine. I instead need to have eyes to see, ears to hear, and a heart full of discernment to see, to feel, to know who can actually hold a space for. For me, when we can do that, I think it changes everything.
- [124:22]
Sahara Rose
This was such a good conversation. I feel like we really spoke to the heart of so many things I know I've gone through personally. Thoughts, fears, ideas. You go through such a journey through this. It really shows you things. Nothing else. So I'm sure, I'm curious for those of you who are still here with us right now. First of all, congratulations. We love you. But leave on the YouTube, like, I want to know moments, like when you guys said this, like timestamps. I feel like this actually can help. And for the next time you come on, like, what were the things that resonated for you, what were the things you felt? What were the things that you're like, oh, she just articulated something I've never actually said out loud, but I've always been really feeling inside because this helps us see. I really believe there's a greater intelligence of why we're all going through this and when we can all like, oh, you said something. Yes, that's exactly what I need to hear in this. And it's like we're sharing these codes for this greater puzzle piece of bringing back sacred union to this modern time that has not existed for thousands of on this planet. It is really big work that we're doing, and so let's exchange notes. Exchange, like, share this with your friends, your single friends, your friends in relationships, your heartbroken friends. Like, I think we're all really going through this right now, and it gives us hope. And I. I mean, who knows? Next time you come on, it's like, we've met the partner, right? We just need to say everything right on this podcast. Who knows, Trust. But to come back in whatever iteration that we're in. And I trust there's much so, so many little seeds in here that it's like, oh, my God, that thread, it led me to this thing. So share in the comments. What resonated. Share this with your friends. There's so many incredible conversations you can have put in the group text saying, we all need to listen to this. We've been overanalyzing each other's partners and stuff. Let's actually bring in a broader perspective here because I guarantee you there are some massive nuggets here. So, Cece, thank you so much for being on. This has been so incredible. Where can listeners connect with you and book one of your. Your readings?
- [126:10]
Cece
They can find me on Instagram at Vibin with cc, it's V I B I N with C I I C I I I have a podcast that is positive babe and true connection with herself. And I just want to say thank you so much for having me on. I. I really believe this is such important work and I want to thank everyone who's listening that they're willing to go the extra mile if you're still listening. That means that there's something within you that knows that you're destined for divine union in. And it's not that your destiny is a sort of relationship. It's a sort of recognition of self and this overall energetic universe. Go for it. Like the. Give yourself the energetic permission slip and just go for it.
- [126:46]
Sahara Rose
Well, thank you so much. You articulated so many things I have felt so beautifully. So thank you for being such a pure channel. Thank you all so much for listening. I'm so curious your thoughts. Be sure to subscribe to this podcast for future episodes and I'll see you in the next one. Trusty intuition Trust your intuition Inner wisdom Trust your inner guidance Close your eyes and listen. So trust your intuition Trust your inner wisdom Trust your inner guidance Close your eyes and listen.