640: Why The Worst Thing That Happened To You Was Actually The Best with Axel Schura

Summary

Episode Overview

Theme:
Why the Worst Thing That Happened To You Was Actually The Best with Axel Schura
Host: Sahara Rose
Guest: Axel Schura
Date: February 4, 2026
Podcast: Highest Self Podcast® (Episode 640)

This deeply personal and transformative episode explores how life’s most devastating challenges can catalyze our greatest growth. Sahara Rose is joined by Axel Schura, author and survivor of stage-four Burkitt leukemia, to unpack the profound truth that our soul’s darkest nights often precede our brightest growth. Through candid storytelling, practical wisdom, and moving moments, Axel shares how being given a “one-week life sentence” became the turning point for a renewed, more vivacious existence—not in spite of his suffering, but because of it.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Meeting Axel: Conversations on Vulnerability

[04:09–06:35]

• Sahara recalls meeting Axel at a transformational retreat in Bali where participants shared their deepest pains, highlighting how hearing men share vulnerably was particularly healing.
• Axel reflects on his upbringing: “Especially men in my family were conditioned to believe you don’t show emotion, you don’t cry. Otherwise, it’s considered a weakness.”
  (05:05, Axel)

2. Axel’s Diagnosis and Near-Death Experience

[06:04–13:20]

• Axel details the shock of transitioning from athletic health to rapidly declining with back pain, progressing to being unable to walk, and eventually being diagnosed with stage-four Burkitt leukemia.
• Doctors told his partner he had "maybe a week left."
• His partner, Ariana, concealed this from him, protecting his spirit and aiding his odds.
• “For a long time, I didn’t even realize I had cancer. All I was focused on was just getting through the day.”
  (08:58, Axel)
• Gratitude for Western medicine and a remarkable support network is strongly emphasized.

3. The Power of Belief and Community

[11:44–15:44]

• Sahara and Axel discuss the extraordinary impact of mindset:
  • If he had known his prognosis, he believes he might have unconsciously given up.
  • “If you believe it’s the end, it’s most likely going to be the end.”
    (11:52, Axel)
• Family and close friendships bolstered Axel’s perseverance: “My loved ones believed in me so much that I didn’t doubt.” (14:08, Axel)

4. Processing 'Why Me?'—From Victim to Alchemist

[15:44–22:03]

• Initially tormented by “Why did this happen to me?,” Axel eventually pivoted, guided by therapy and loved ones, to more empowering questions.
• “Ask a stupid question, get stupid answers. So we need to ask high quality questions.”
  (20:27, Axel)
• He began practicing gratitude (“I have so much free time,” “My brother paused his job to help me”) and constructed a vision board for life after cancer.

5. The Spiritual Shift: Everything Is Happening "For Me"

[24:24–29:18]

• Sahara: “It’s going to be because of this. Not despite of this, but because of.” (24:24, Sahara)
• Axel describes how this experience already saved and inspired others:
  • “It’s already saved multiple lives that I know of…It gives the suffering so much meaning.” (26:38, Axel)

6. Steps for Turning Pain Into Growth

[29:18–38:55]

• Axel outlines practical steps:
  • Fully accept and feel all emotions (grief, anger, sadness) instead of rushing to silver-lining thinking.
    • “There is a phase of acceptance and feeling whatever you need to feel. Give yourself a bit of time to digest." (29:18, Axel)
  • Asking for help was pivotal—breaking his ingrained pattern of self-sufficiency.
  • “You need to make sure you make your cup full again before you can even think about sharing something.” (37:45, Axel)

7. The Magic of "Act As If" Psychology

[39:44–42:02]

• Therapy introduced the concept of acting “as if everything works out for us and even better than we could imagine.”
• To ease fear of relapse, cancer was reframed as "the teacher," not "the C word":
  • “We have to act as if everything works out… it's a conscious decision."
    (41:02, Axel)
• Both hosts share how “delusional” optimism was crucial during darkest moments.

8. The Limitations of the Victim Mindset & Finding Empowerment

[50:00–54:53]

• Axel cautions against the suffering attached to “this should not have happened.”
  • “If we keep thinking it should have not happened, we’re going to suffer our entire lives... That doesn’t mean that you deserve any of those things.” (50:11, Axel)
• Importance of letting go of fighting with our past, our “villains,” or painful realities, in order to move into growth.

9. A Chinese Farmer’s Story – The Paradox of Good and Bad Luck

[54:56–58:49]

• Axel shares the classic Chinese farmer parable: events that seem “bad” may lead to blessings, and vice versa.
• “Maybe bad luck, maybe good luck. You never know.” (55:38, Axel)

10. Romanticizing and Reframing the Dark Night

[65:18–66:51]

• Celebrate resilience, dance through the darkness:
  • “Dark night of the soul, but make it sexy. How can I make this crazy-ass moment in my life a little bit more fun and sparkly?” (65:18, Sahara)
• Rejecting fear-based, limiting cultural scripts about trauma:
  • "Now you have this… you’re never gonna be able to love again… I am not taking on that person’s story. Not for me." (66:41, Sahara)

11. Surround Yourself with Empowering Stories

[68:40–73:17]

• Axel’s book ends with testimonials of thrivers (including Sahara): "You need to hear people who have gone through incredible hardship and shaped the story for them." (68:40, Axel)
• “Create your own bubble…watch empowering movies, listen to uplifting podcasts, focus on positivity.”

12. Final Life Lessons & Takeaways

[60:02–65:42; 73:40–74:31]

• Life is best lived as a growth-filled adventure; suffering and challenge are not detours but rites of passage.
  • “One of our biggest problems is that we believe we shouldn’t have any problems.” (60:46, Axel)
• The “movie” of life is made meaningful by its challenges—not by endless ease.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If you believe it’s the end, it’s most likely going to be the end.”
  —Axel, [11:52]

• “Ask a stupid question, you get stupid answers. So we need to ask high quality questions.”
  —Axel, [20:27]

• “It’s going to be because of this. Not despite of this, but because of.”
  —Sahara, [24:24]

• “It’s already saved multiple lives that I know of…It gives the suffering so much meaning.”
  —Axel, [26:38]

• "There is a phase of acceptance and feeling whatever you need to feel. Give yourself a bit of time to digest."
  —Axel, [29:18]

• "You need to make sure you make your cup full again before you can even think about sharing something.”
  —Axel, [37:45]

• "We have to act as if everything works out for us and even better than we could imagine."
  —Axel, [41:02]

• "If we keep thinking it should have not happened, we’re going to suffer our entire lives."
  —Axel, [50:11]

• "One of our biggest problems is that we believe we shouldn’t have any problems."
  —Axel, [60:46]

• "Dark night of the soul, but make it sexy."
  —Sahara, [65:18]

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Important Timestamps for Reference

• Honest male vulnerability and conditioning: [05:05]
• Cancer diagnosis, week-to-live prognosis: [06:04–11:13]
• Power of belief and community: [11:44–15:44]
• From “why me?” to new questions & vision boards: [15:44–22:03]
• Seeing hardship as happening for you, not to you: [24:24–26:09]
• Processing grief fully, ancestral healing: [30:25–34:47]
• Letting go of victimhood and fighting the past: [50:00–54:53]
• Chinese Farmer parable: [54:53–58:49]
• Rewriting trauma narratives, celebrating resilience: [65:18–66:51]
• The importance of uplifting stories: [68:40–73:17]

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Tone & Language

• The conversation is authentic, emotionally open, and practical.
• Both Sahara and Axel blend spirituality with grounded, relatable wisdom.
• Humor is used to lighten heavy moments (“Dark night of the soul, but make it sexy.”)
• Empowerment is centered over victimhood.

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Final Takeaway

This episode powerfully affirms: the worst things that happen to us may well be the catalysts for our most vital growth. When we accept, feel, and then consciously choose meaning, support, and faith, we become living testaments that "everything is working out for us"—and can inspire the same in others.

Find Axel’s book:

• Anywhere books are sold
• axoschura.com (with bonus meditations and coaching materials) [73:54]

Listen, reflect, and share this episode to help your community rise together.

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“Let’s all really shift our mindsets and see what happens. If people actually apply all these things, where their lives will be six months from now, a year from now—it’s freaking crazy.”
—Sahara, [74:41]

Transcript

[A]

I didn't even realize I had cancer. I asked, why me? Why is this happening to me? What did I do wrong? This question drove me nuts. In my case, I was isolated in this hospital because it was the pandemic. They told me, like, it looks like you were just incredibly unlucky.

[B]

So do you feel that a lot of this is what we believe about ourselves? We think I'm going to die, then we're going to die.

[A]

Yes. If you believe it's the end, it's most likely going to be the end.

[B]

Moments like this, we need to have that faith that this thing is gonna make me have the life beyond my wildest dreams. And it's gonna be because of this. Not despite of this, but because of.

[A]

Yes. I had goosebumps all over my body when you said that.

[B]

So for someone right now who might be going through something, what are some steps that they can take to start to see that this is happening for them?

[A]

The most important thing I did was.

[B]

Welcome back to the Highest Self podcast. My name is Sahara Rose, and on this podcast, I love to talk about spirituality, but make it modern, fun, grounded, and relatable so it can actually serve your needs. If there's anything I've learned on the spiritual journey, is. Is that sometimes the hardest things that happen in our lives, like those worst things, those things that feel like our personal living nightmare, end up being the best things that have ever happened for us. And today's podcast really embodies this message. I met this incredible man named Axel when I was in Bali. We were on this retreat that was like, very deep shadow work. Like, we needed to share the hardest things that have ever happened in our lives. And going around this fire, and it was really intense, but also humanizing to see, like, we're all really going through these very distinct but similar human experiences where it feels like the rug is being pulled from under our feet, but it's actually opening us up for this entirely new life that we can't yet realize. And his journey was through cancer. So in this conversation, you're going to hear about the one weak life sentence that he was given and how he was able to not just survive on the other side, but thrive and become this version of himself four years later that is vivacious. And living in Bali and traveling and really being a testament of what's possible. So whether you've gone through any form of disease or health challenge or really just anything difficult in life, maybe it was the loss of a relationship, going through poverty, periods of unknown, we are all confronted with these really big challenges in life. And there is so much in this conversation you're gonna hear about all of the parallels that him and I have. And I really believe that our souls chose these very unique experiences. But we're all learning the same lessons, like certain things, like crying for long periods of time, feeling all the things we've never felt before. Like, it is crazy when you hear him speak, I guarantee you you're gonna in so many points of his journey, and there's so much wisdom into how to not just move through these dark seasons and chapters, but to become more vivacious, light, bright, fun and embodied than ever before on the other side. Before we get into this episode, which I am so excited for, I'm at home gonna rewatch it too. I would love if you could hit subscribe. I've noticed that over 50% of you that listen are actually not subscribed. So it's on YouTube, sponsors, Spotify, both on video as well as Apple. Podcast and subscribing allows you to stay in the flow for future conversations. I promise I always keep it entertaining and spunky. You don't have to worry about that. And it really supports the podcast, which I love to make free for you. So be sure to hit subscribe wherever you are. And let's get into this episode. So, without further ado, let's welcome Axel here on the Highest Self podcast. Well, welcome, Axel, to the Highest Health podcast. It's so great to have you here.

[A]

Thank you for having me.

[B]

So the last time I saw you, we were in Bali and I was on your podcast and we had met on this incredible retreat that was like, very soulful and like deep shadow work. And so I feel like I got to know like, the truth of who you are, like, sitting around that fire when we were all sharing the hardest things that have ever happened to us. For us, as, as your book shares and. And I shared this, like, seeing men like yourself and your friend that was there that were so in their hearts and like deeply like feeling and not bypassing and it was just such an equalizer because I feel like sometimes when I'm around a lot of other women and a lot of the pain is like, because of the men in our lives and to hear like the men and your own heartbreaks, it was just such a humanizing experience and I'm so grateful that that was the way that we got to meet.

[A]

Same. Yeah, thank you. I mean, it wasn't always like this. I grew up in my family's from Uzbekistan slash Russia, and our Family was conditioned, especially men in my family were conditioned to believe you don't show emotion, you don't cry. Otherwise it's considered a weakness. So I got to work a lot to get to this point where I can also, you know, cry in public or really share how I feel. And yeah, we. And we had some very, very beautiful moments together already. We. It feels like I know you already for five years, but we spent, I think, a week together.

[B]

Yeah. And we were also partners for this sharing practice. I remember, like, it was like the first night and I was partners with you, and it was like some. Some kind of, like, share. I don't remember what we talked about, but we were like, oh, I see. You were like the same. And now you've just come out with this incredible book around your cancer journey. So can you share a little bit? Maybe this is happening for you, not to you.

[A]

How did this come to be funny story? Because, I mean, also a sad story. The funny part is my. I was. I was in the hospital room. I was. I was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer called Burkitt leukemia. Very rare and at the same time very aggressive. So within a couple of weeks, I went from being very fit. I'm doing a lot of CrossFit, to basically, I can't even walk anymore. And I'm fighting for my life.

[B]

How old were you?

[A]

26. So it was four years ago. I'm 30 now. And I was going through all of this, and I'm sure we'll get into the story at some point, but my brother came into the hospital room with an empty college block, and he's like, you're going to write a book about this. I'm like, I'm not going to do anything here. And then a couple of years later, I called him. I'm like, I actually gonna write a book about. About this. At this time, my cup was so empty, I first had to fill up my own own cup to. To be able to. To also say something like, hey, this has happened for me in so many ways. The background story was one day I woke up and I felt pain in my back. And that has happened before. You know, I lift heavy stuff. The back pain got worse and worse and worse up until I couldn't sleep anymore. And then I said, well, maybe I should go see someone. And I went to a hospital. They tried to give me painkillers. It worked for a night or two, but it got worse and worse and worse. And at some point I just couldn't sleep anymore. So I went to See another doctor. And she was like, you don't have back pain. It's something much worse. I think your appendix is about to burst. And I was like, oh, no, I need an appendix surgery. I won't be able to work for two weeks. I looked at my. At Mariana and. And she was like, oh, well, it's okay. It's just two weeks. And. But in my mind, like, I can't work. I can't do this. It takes time to recover. We went to the hospital, hospital, and they looked at my appendix and like, not your appendix. We think it's something much, much bigger than this. And I'm like, okay. And a bit later, I got diagnosed with this form of cancer and was stage four, and it was all over my body. I was high on morphine and every painkiller they had just because I was suffering so so much. Like, I could not sleep without any painkillers. And so many of the things that I'm saying now is based on what my. My partner at the time, Ariana, told me. And there was the c. She was standing there with the. With the medical stuff, and they were looking at my body, and there were tumors all over my body. My chest, my stomach, my back, everywhere. And they said, well, there's nothing we can do for him. Call his family. He has maybe a week left. They need to say goodbye to him. And gladly, that was one of the. I mean, one of the most important nos she ever said. She. She just said there's no. No chance that. That this is going to happen. And she did call my family. She also told doctors and the whole team there to do whatever they can to keep me alive. I don't know where her. That strength came. Came from, because she's a. She's a young, young woman and never experienced anything like this. But, yeah, they did fight for me. I fought for them. And I was lucky enough. And not just lucky enough. I want to. I want to also talk about the things that really helped me through this. This entire journey. I was lucky enough to have those people around me who love me so much, who protected me like there's no tomorrow. For a long time, I didn't even realize I had cancer. All I was focused on was just getting through the day. And once they knew what I had, which was Burkitt. Burkitt leukemia, they also knew how to treat it, and they performed Western medicine, something I'm incredibly grateful for, because often in media gets demonized, and I understand sometimes why. But also, like doctors, nurses, they perform miracles every single Day and they perform the miracle on me. I don't know if you know what a dialysis machine is. So I was connected to that machine while I was getting treatment. That machine was cleaning my blood so that. Because when cancer cells die, that can actually kill you. If your body's not able to process that, your kidneys could fail. So this machine was cleaning my blood while I got the treatment. I was like, wow, Jesus Christ, what a miracle.

[B]

So you were told you had one week to live?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What came on your mind?

[A]

Actually, my partner was told I have one week to live. She never told me. She never told me. She was protecting me. She's a very spiritual person. She knew that right now I would worry the whole day about it. So I thought something was off with my kidney or something. I. In my.

[B]

You didn't even know you.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, I didn't know. I don't know if it was the morphine or the painkiller. I didn't know. I didn't know until very late that I was already being treated for cancer. And I still didn't understand.

[B]

So do you feel that a lot of this is like, what we believe about ourselves?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That if we think I'm going to die, then we're going to die?

[A]

Yes. If you believe it's the end, it's most likely going to be the end. Or you won't do the things that you would do if you would believe, like, I'm. I'm getting out of here alive. This is just a tiny fraction of my. My life. So for a long time I didn't understand, and I'm so grateful they. They did that.

[B]

So how long were you being treated and going through this dialysis until they told you you had leukemia?

[A]

There was this initial stage. It all went so quick. I literally, when I. When I say we are talking about weeks. So imagine you are a fit, healthy young adult who eats his veggies, who goes to the gym, who does all of the things. And then couple weeks later, you're fighting for your life and you can't walk anymore and you're tied to a hospital bed and all of those machines and why. And like, what is going on? And that was within weeks. And then was a really critical phase where I. It was close where I almost died first because I wasn't. Wasn't treated accordingly, but then also because the chemotherapy worked so in. Was so effective, it almost killed me because of like, my whole body was just water. I was so swollen and full of dead cancer cells. And without this dialysis machine, my body wouldn't. I don't know if it would have been able to. To process that. So there was this critical phase where really people that my. My loved ones didn't know if I. If I would make it.

[B]

Did you ever feel like, oh, I'm about to die?

[A]

I didn't. For me, it wasn't an option, but it wasn't a conscious choice. It was a subconscious choice. I was trained to never quit and never give up. And while we are talking, I just had this thought, like, my father, he in greatest belief in me that you, if you try, if you go for it, if you really try and try and try, you will find a way. And if you can't find a way, you make a way. He really in greatest belief, I mean, the immigrants from Uzbekistan came to Germany. Like, that mindset was just installed in all of us, in my brother and my sister, within me. So I don't. It was never an option. At some point there was fear about dying. When I actually got better, when I was able to process everything, like, what has just happened, and I started using Dr. Google, then the anxiety came up. Then I was literally like, afraid of dying. In that moment when it happened, it was just like one step after the other. I saw my loved ones, my sister, my brother, my ex partner, Mariana. They believed in me so much that I didn't doubt.

[B]

You know, just shows the power of. Of community and the power of just belief and just trusting and knowing. Like, and. And also I think we get into this, like, survival state that it's just like you're not even thinking. You're just so focused on surviving and that we need that actually, like, it keeps us going because if we start to get into anxiety, that will like, tear us apart. So you went through this dialysis, you went through this chemotherapy, and then what. How did you know you're now free of this cancer?

[A]

It's a very, very good question. And everybody who had cancer or knows someone who had cancer will know this following challenge. It's one thing to. To heal from cancer, and it's a whole different challenge to afterwards start living again and not to live in fear that it will come back. That's a real thing. That is so hard. Like, that was one of the biggest challenges of my entire life, because I asked myself first when all of this happened, I asked, why me? Why is this happening to me? What did I do wrong? I asked doctors, like, what the heck I'm eating, how I'm supposed to eat. I'm exercising. I'm not smoking. I'm not drinking.

[B]

You and your family ever go through anything similar?

[A]

My mom died of cancer.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

My grandma did, but, you know, the asshole. I wanted to know, what did I do wrong? Why did this happen to me? So I think it's something very natural so that, you know, what. What can you avoid? What can you do differently? But they were like, well, I had this one doctor who was sitting down with. With me, and she said, well, here's the thing. Sometimes things happen, and. And it's up to you to decide why. What do you think? What I tell the mother of a child who just got diagnosed with leukemia? It happened because she wasn't, you know, she ate the right, wrong things that it happens to babies. And then sometimes it's up to us to decide why this happened. It's clearly not because you. You know, some cancers, like lung cancer, if you smoke your whole life, you will. It's not a big surprise if you get lung cancer, right? In my case, they told me, like, it looks like you were just incredibly unlucky or lucky. You never know if it's good luck, bad luck.

[B]

So you went through this journey. Why did this happen to me? Why did this happen to me? Tell me what.

[A]

What spiraled from there for two or three days. This question drove me nuts. Why did this happen to me? And I googled and I asked everybody and their grandmothers, why did this happen to me? And I wouldn't find a good answer. And at some point, I got help from a lot of people. I needed to ask for help. This is also one way how all of this happened for me. I needed to learn how to ask for help. Because I wasn't able to go to the toilet by myself. I need, literally, a nurse to bring me to the toilet. Very humbling experience, but it's helping me in my life right now immensely. Like, all of the sudden, I can just ask for help Anyways, I kept repeating this question, why me? Why me? Why me? I started asking for help, and I have a fantastic therapist. I have fantastic people around me. And. And at some point, I don't know exactly who it was, but the space got open for, okay, how could this be happening for you? What could be? What is good right now? And my brother, he's one of my biggest supporters, one of my biggest fans. He follows me since day one. He forces every single friend that he has to follow me. He reminded me of all the things that I was preaching before. One of them was, well, in any given moment, you can find something that is good. So we opened this space, the question came up, what is good about life right now? And it took a couple of minutes to like, you know, I can't say anything because I used to preach this and I still preach this. I'm like, well, all of a sudden I have so much free time. Like, I have no meetings. I have all the time in the world to watch four hour tennis matches that would have never taken the time to do so before. That's pretty good. I was isolated in this hospital because A, it was the pandemic and B, my immune system was so low because of the treatment that I wasn't allowed to see many people or it was advised not to because it could literally kill me. So spend a lot of time alone. That gave me so much time to read, to have ideas, to brainstorm.

[B]

And what were you doing before this?

[A]

I have my own personal brand podcasts. Pretty much what I do right now, just a little different.

[B]

And so your spirit wanted a better story?

[A]

Yeah, I got a better story, that's for sure. Then I went on to, okay, well, I could actually be grateful for my brother who was not basically paused his job for a couple of months to just exist for me, to just serve me. I was like, that is as much love as you can feel for someone. Like, wow. I don't know where he got the strength from, but to do this 24, seven, seven days a week, to just be there for me, wild. I was like, okay. I could be grateful because at some point I got better and so visitors were allowed to come. My partner at the time, Ariana, gave me the opportunity to be grateful for someone who was going with me through this entire journey. I would have not been angry or sad if she would have said, this is too much for me. I would have like, I can't see you like this. I would have accepted it. I would have not been angry about it or anything. She was there every day when she could. She would walk from home, bring me home cooked meals, whatever I wanted because at some point I could start eating again. I. I would tell her I would like to have this and she would cook this, bring it to me, spend as much time as she can with me, go home, repeat every day. And so literally started feeling better mentally. And I just got reminded of some really important teachings. One of them, ask a stupid question, you get stupid answers. So we need to ask high quality questions. And that is one chapter in the book. And I think it's one of the most powerful things that we can consciously do to think better thoughts and therefore get better results in our lives. So at some point we asked the question, well, what are you looking forward to? And we created a vision board in this hospital room I got pictures from. I really wanted to go to the Australian Open. That's like a tennis tournament. I had this picture of a beach house. Like I always wanted to have this beach house where I spent time. Pictures of Bali, pictures of a cute couple, a cute old couple on a scoopy together, having, having a good time. And so I started feeling better.

[B]

You need to finally start that podcast. Yes, you the one sending 17 minute voice notes to her friend every single day with streams of consciousness, insights on relationships, the state of the world, spirituality. And at the end you say, damn, I really should start a podcast. But for some reason you still have it. So I've been sent from your little angels to tell you that that moment is now. And I know you've probably thought about starting a podcast year after year, but you still don't do it because you feel like you don't know how to get a podcast off the ground. You don't know the tech, you don't know the processes, you don't know how to hire an editor. You don't know how it gets on YouTube and Spotify and all these different places and then edited for reals. Like, it all feels so complicated. And above that, you're not really sure what the podcast should be on. Maybe you're into wellness, but you're also into spirituality and you're also into relationships and you have all these different interests and you're not really sure what your niche is. And maybe on social media, your content hasn't really popped off yet because you haven't yet found your voice. Well, if this is you, if I'm speaking, speaking to your soul right now, you are exactly who I am so excited to work with in my new podcast mentorship. So I'm running it, our first cohort right now. And it is officially my favorite thing I've ever done. It's only 10 people, so it is intimate, it is personal. I am hearing every single week from you. I'm giving you personalized feedback. I'm helping you with all these things. Your message, your title, what kind of photos you should take for the COVID what the description is, Is it interviews, solo cast, giving you time every week to practice interviewing, practice talking about what your podcast is about. So you can actually, within six weeks, get your podcast off the ground in a really beautiful way because 90% of people who start podcasts close them within two years. And I don't want that to be you. In fact, I want your podcast to get so big that you have me on one day, hopefully. So if I'm calling your name, I am taking enrollments now for our March cohort. We're actually already 50% full. So I am so excited to get my hands on your podcast to help you bring it out into the world and for it to help so many people. So you can find all of the information in the link in my show notes. This is my podcast mentorship again, limited to only 10 people live on Zoom. Every week I'll be doing a poll to make sure the time works for everyone. I am so excited to see you there again. Head over to the Show Notes to learn more and get started. This episode is sponsored by Better Help. You know that feeling when you go on social media and it feels like everyone has the perfect love life except for you? I mean, whether you're dating or married, we can all go into comparison to that perfect relationship or those honeymoon new couple that we miss feeling like that. And sometimes it can make our own relationship feel really heavy. So February is that month when a lot of that stuff comes up. And it's important for. For us to really go in because a lot of this is our own shadow, our own idea that things are meant to be different. And look, there are some things we can also improve and we can only know those things through therapy. So I have loved going to therapy. It has allowed me to have patience for the things that I cannot change and accept the things that I can and really opened me up to a greater love with myself, which ultimately is the most important thing. So if you're interested in giving therapy a try, I really recommend BetterHelp because you can take a quiz online and actually get matched to a licensed therapist that can support your needs and change them at any time at no additional cost. So sign up and get 10% [e-mail] Sahara that's BetterHelp H lp.com Sahara you can find that link in the show notes. So trust your intuition, trust your inner wisdom, trust you in the guidance. And so just knowing like one day I'll experience these things, this is possible in this lifetime. It kept you going when right now, you can't go outside, you can't do anything but just trusting this vision that I'm going to have the life of my dreams. It hasn't happened yet, but this is. It's going to happen. And I think we need that faith. It's like, in moments like this, we need to have that faith that this is. This shitty thing is going to make me have the life beyond my wildest dreams. And it's going to be because of this. Not despite of this, but because of.

[A]

Yes, 1 million percent. This is when you have this mindset of, like, I'm going to make it happen for me. And I had goosebumps all over my body when you said that, because that's why I believe it happened for me. Like, already, the amount of mothers that reached out to us who said, my child, my son, There are a couple, like, I won't forget those pictures and videos of people who tell me that we saw your video, we saw your story, and my son changed his entire energy and attitude, and he's so excited to recover, and he's so excited to get back to playing his instrument again. And this story already saved multiple lives that I know of, where I'm like, oh, my gosh, of course I would do, like, it happened for so many good things that it gives it meaning. It gives the suffering we went through. My family went through so much meaning.

[B]

Effy, it's almost like your soul knew that you would not only get through this on the other side, but be a voice for it. For all of the people right now who are going through, whether it's cancer treatments or autoimmune disease or, you know, there are. There's such a rise of disease in our world right now because of this toxic world that we're in, you know, and how out of touch with nature and the nutrients in the soil and all of these things, that there's just such a rise. All of us have been touched, whether it's ourselves or someone that we deeply know, especially of cancer. And so to have these stories of knowing that to be given a week left to live, to be in stage four of something like leukemia, where it's not like, okay, there's a simple surgery that you can get. It's like, it's your entire body. And through these, you know, both Western medicine and the mindset shifts allowed you to not just heal from it, but to even say, I would go through it again for who I became. I mean, I think we all have had struggles in our lives that were the hardest things that we never thought we would see the way to the other side of. That our soul chose as, like, our personal living nightmare. And knowing that the fact that we were able to get through this, it's like, oh, nothing is going to scare me.

[A]

Yes. Nothing is going to scare me.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Because it's just a mirage, you know, it's like our souls created this exact play. The roles, the everything. I love that you know, and it's like. And now you're in this mirage, but when you don't give in to the fear and you trust that this is happening for you, like your book now is. Is titled, and you can see you in the cancer and you now, then it's like the mirage fades away. And then all of a sudden, it's like, next scene, cancer's done. Like, did that just happen? Wait, was that real? Was I really my life. I think we're all, you know, in my divorce journey, and so many people, their own version of that journey. And now it's like, okay, now who do I want to become?

[A]

Exactly? Who do I want to become?

[B]

So for someone right now who might be going through something, whether it is a disease or something really challenging, what are some steps that they can take to start to see that this is happening for them?

[A]

First, I want to say there is a face of acceptance and feeling whatever you need to feel. If you would have told me this is happening for you, not to you in certain moments when I was isolated, when I was living in the intensive care unit, I would have told you, maybe not right now, maybe later. And so I want to. I want to say that if you're going through something right now, there is. Give yourself a bit of time to digest this, to feel whatever you need to feel to accept at some point what just happened before you can, you know, allow your heart and your. Your soul to come up with answers to the question, how is this happening for me? I think we need to feel whatever we need to feel, whether that's grief, whether that's sadness, whether that's anger. In my case, it was all of it. And I'm really happy that I gave myself the time to actually do that.

[B]

How did you go about feeling these denser emotions in a way that it didn't feel destructive?

[A]

There was this one phase where I had to survive, and there was not much crying or anything happening. But I just. You got to like your body. Your body knows when you're in real danger and when you just have to function. Once that was over, all of the sudden I had all of those feelings. My body needed to, like, process this. And I was laying there in my hospital bed. Nothing actually happened. It got better. I got better, but I was just. I had to cry and cry and cry, and people would call me like, why are you crying? I'm like, I don't know. Like, nothing happened right now. I just. I guess I'm processing. I couldn't explain it. A nurse would come into the hospital, like, is everything okay? I'm like, I don't even know why I'm crying, but, like, it feels authentic right now. And giving myself the space to do that was one of the smartest, smartest things.

[B]

I so relate to that. For six months after finding about the infidelity in my then marriage, I cried every single morning. And I was like, why am I crying this much? And I realized it was like. And I. And I'm hearing this in you. It's like you're crying all of the tears. You never cried your whole life.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And it's like you needed to create some kind of situation to be the, like, tipping point. Like the boiling tea kettle to take off the top of it so the steam can come out that you're crying because of the cancer. But then it's. All of the times in your life that you didn't allow yourself to cry as a child. Is this your. Maybe your entire ancestral lineage, all the men in your family that never got to cry, your parents who left Uzbekistan never got to cry. And it's like, finally, like, someone is able to release all of this trapped emotion. And it feels like. I don't know if you've ever felt this way. I was like, will I ever stop crying?

[A]

Yes. That's exactly how.

[B]

How I felt.

[A]

And I. I had this moment at a. At a retreat where we did. It's not a family constellation, but I was basically. Someone was mirroring my mother, like, taking the energy of my. It's. It's hard to describe. It's not gestalt therapy, but it's b. Basically, I was. I had the chance to speak to my mom and my mom.

[B]

They're channeling your mother.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. Someone was channeling my. My mother. And this one of the craziest moments of my life. Because the person.

[B]

You were how old when your mother passed?

[A]

One and a half years old. So I was a baby. I. Like, I consciously. I can't remember it, but I'm sure my body does. Like, we're talking about my mother. Like, somehow she was the. Like, I. I came out of her body. That's wild. That's a miracle. And so it must have been so traumatic for me, but I had never the chance to actually grieve about it. So when we did that, when someone was channeling my mom, I immediately fell down on my knees, I could not stand. I was sobbing, I was crying. And one thing she said was, allow yourself to grieve. And it all of a sudden made all sense to me. I'm like, wait a second. My siblings, my family, all of them, they had time to process this. They went to a funeral. They had a time. They had time where they consciously could process this massive loss. Like, this person is not with us anymore. And I didn't up until that time. And only, you know, when I. When I started doing the. When I had this moment, I'm like, wait a second. That's actually wild. Like, let me feel that. Let me consciously allow myself to grief. This week, my mom passed away. It's a long time ago, but, hey, we're talking about my mom. And we did a little ceremony for her. And from that day on, I stopped saying that I. That I never met my mom. I meet her regularly now. I speak to her. And, yeah, I can so, so relate. Like, you just nailed it with that.

[B]

And it's crazy. Like, I don't know. Now looking back on it, do you see any, like, correlation between that grief and the same cancer?

[A]

Maybe. I don't know if. If it's actually empowering for me to. To think that that way. There are many, you know, maybes. Maybe it happened because of this, or maybe it happened because of, you know, this intervention or. I don't know. But I stopped doing that because it. Sometimes we just don't know, and it's up to us.

[B]

It's. Whatever story feels most empowering for you.

[A]

Yeah, whatever story. Yeah, I love that. Whatever story feels most empowering for me. And for me, what feels most empowering is this happened so I could learn unique skills. I had to become an expert on. On fear and regulating your nervous system. It had to happen that. So that I could help so many more people. Like, once I came back, I came back with a whole different mindset vision. You said earlier, if you go through something like this, you can't really shock me anymore. Like, everything that. That happens now in my life is compared to this. Like, going the extra mile for anything is, like, no problem. There is a. There is a challenge in a. In a company or something happens. I'm like, I'm chilled. I'm relaxed.

[B]

It's so true. And it makes you such an incredible coach and healer because you no longer flinch at what anyone else says. Someone can tell you the wildest story, and you're like, oh, okay, and you're here. Whereas before these experiences, you're like, oh, my God, I can't believe that happened. And you know, and it's like someone who's had a dark night of the soul. It's like we get each other on another level because it's just so. It's almost like our souls all chose to go through these different but very parallel timelines of how things happen. Of like this feeling of the rug being pulled under your feet. You're one version of yourself now. All of a sudden, you're sick and cancer and these things. And like so many of us are snapped into this new reality, trusting. Then finally, when you're on the other side, grieving, feeling all of the things from your entire life, going through that journey of trying to put together all the pieces and was it related to this and what's related to that? And then realizing, like, I just need to accept it, you know, I'll never figure it out and I'm not meant to. And now who do I want to become on this other side? And taking the wisdom and then sharing it and being of service to humanity, like, this is the Dharma journey. You're fully living it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I also. One, one other piece of it that I'm hearing you say is you really learned how to nurture yourself 1 million percent.

[A]

I learned. So. I mean, I learned so many things. I could write an entire book about this.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

But to answer your question, so there was a. I want to say that stage one really accepting, feeling it and also like letting it out. There was a moment when my brother encouraged me to. To just scream, like, this is incredibly tough. Let it out. You must be frustrated. I almost, you know, barely had a voice. Something changes with your voice if you're going through such a vulnerable time. And I lost 30 kilograms, which is like 65, 70 pounds of body weight, 33% of my body weight was just gone. So he encouraged me to really feel, to scream, to let it out. And so incredibly, it was so incredibly important in my, in my journey to have that first stage of let it out. And at some point, if you can, accepting it, the next stage is obviously the recovery. The most important thing I did was asking for help. I had an incredible therapist who went through the entire journey with me, who supported me. I was asking other friends, coaches, mentors who for advice, and I let them help me. I didn't try to pretend I have it all figured out. You don't need to help me. I'm all good. I'm self sufficient. No, I really asked for help. And with my conditioning There wasn't the easiest thing because I used to be someone who does everything by himself. Like, don't worry about me, I figured it out. Don't worry about me, I figured it out. Well, in this journey, I kind of had to learn how to. How to ask for help. So this is when, if you're going through something like this, you need to make sure you make your cup full again before you can even think about sharing something. You need to make sure you're good, your cup is full. And I mean, we could speak about how you fill your own cup for the next three and a half hours. What really helped me was asking for help.

[B]

Did you ever feel like guilty around, I am bringing, you know, the vibe down and I don't want to take up people's time and space. Did that ever come up for you? Did you have to battle around that?

[A]

Sometimes. But then I would communicate that, that I have this, this feeling and if it's really okay. Most people told me, like, so what, what are you talking about? I love to be here with you right now. Because also, just me going through this experience taught my loved ones and people around me so much. They're like, axel, every single time when I come here, like, I learn so much. It gives me such a big perspective slap on what really matters. Like, this really helped, helped me. I'm like, wow, there you go. This is how it's happening for us. And one tool I wanna, I wanna learn because it really helped me was act as if psychology, because I had this, this fear that it would. Will come back okay, now that it's that it's healed. And after a couple of months, you know, they do all sorts of scans and I was basically free from any tumors. It's nice to have it written on a piece of paper. But what if it happens again? If you ask a terrible question, your brain usually comes up with a terrible answer. And so, well, I started being anxious around that. I had a therapy session about that topic and my therapist said, my teacher said, you need to understand something they call act as if psychology. I'm like, wow, wonderful term. What does that mean? It basically means that we have to act as if everything works out for us and even better than we could imagine. And we were talking about my scenario. Something shifted in me in this session because he was like, okay, let's say you worry about this thing coming. He said, teacher. He didn't call it cancer. He said, axel, let's call a teacher instead of cancer. I was like, brilliant. Because every single time when you hear the C word when you say cancer. Like, oh, my gosh. Fear, negative vibration, negative vibe. So we started saying teacher. Imagine you worry your entire life that this teacher is coming back, and then you're 80, 90, 100, and never happened, but you worried your entire life. And I'm like, well, that would be very stupid. In that moment, something shifted. Like, I could really feel it in my body, in my brain. Like, something clicked. I'm like, okay, so there are two options. It maybe won't happen again, but I spent all my life worrying about it, or it happens again, and then I will have to deal with it at the time. But, oh, my gosh, I want to act as if everything will work out for me and even better, and I want to entertain those thoughts. And that's a conscious decision, because at the end of the day. And he said that we all don't know what's going to happen. Like, you are living proof of that. We all don't know what's going to be tomorrow, the day after. Nobody knows. So all we can do right now is act as if everything is going to be so incredibly good. And I started living like this. And as one of those, act as if psychology, I think, can. Can be pure magic for people.

[B]

That is exactly what I would tell myself. I would say, everything is working out for me, and this is gonna be the reason why I will even have the greatest love of my life. Like, a love that I didn't even know was possible. And this was, like, during the divorce, heartbreak, like, the crux of it. And I would just start telling myself this, and it was, like, delusional, right? But I need. I needed to. And I decided, like. Because I'm not gonna stop until it's that, you know? And I think a lot of us, we just give up. You know, we give up on that. But you kept going. You're like, I'm gonna live in Bali and I'm gonna travel the world, and I'm gonna this. But you kept going until we met in Bali. You do live in Bali. Like, you have created this reality. You're traveling all the time. Your life is so rich and full because you set that as this is gonna be my new norm. Like, I needed a pattern interrupt this big to put me on this entirely new timeline. And I feel our souls do try choose these experiences, because sometimes it's like nothing's going to shake us up to the level. And, like, we needed it. Like, I remember this girl told me this, and it annoyed me at the time. She Was like, wow, I guess your soul needed it to be that bad for you to change. I was like, you. You know, I was like, still in it. But now I'm like, she's right. Yeah, it did. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Sometimes we need a little bit of a slap from the universe. The creator, whoever is in charge, 1 million percent.

[B]

Exactly. And it's like, because you needed a good story to tell, you needed something to write a book about, you needed something to talk about on podcasts, to be a living example of something so dire, so big, something so legit, life or death, that it even makes everything else, including being cheated on, of like, oh, cute girl. I literally almost died. You know, it's like, it's like you needed that level because then it's like, damn, like, okay, you win that game. You know, Like, I don't know. If you experience this, it just makes you, like, more light hearted with everything on the other side. Because nothing feels so daunting and scary. Because I think we respond to things not working out for us. Your launch didn't work out. You didn't make as much money as you thought. We respond to it as life or death. Yeah, but once you've actually gone through life or death, like, nothing else freezes you.

[A]

That's very true. That's very, very true. If something happens now, it's with a whole different perspective because, you know, it's also a lot of work, a lot of stress. It's all subjective. We all have our own levels. Because of that, I, you know, something happens and it didn't go the way I planned it to go. I'm like, okay, who cares? Who really cares?

[B]

And what a gift to have gotten since the time you're 26 years old.

[A]

One million percent. I don't have to wait until I'm 85 to actually think about how do I want to live. Well, if this would be the last year of my life, what would I want to do? Those questions I'm asking now, no other people. And at some point, and I want to comment on that, what you just mentioned was this until mindset. That was Jim Rohn, the original teacher of Tony Robbins, he was talking about until. And that was something. You know, I listened to all of those tapes. 1000, I don't know how many, literally thousands of times I would listen to those stories and teachings. And all of the work I've done in the past were paying off in this moment because in my subconscious mind, I knew, if I want something, I'm gonna try until that's just how my mind works because I've programmed it to do that until, just like you described it, I'm gonna try, I'm gonna learn until it's inevitable. This is literally how I walk through the world. When I have a new project, when I do something, I know you are the same. Because, you know, you wanna write a book, you write a book. You wanna create music, you create amazing music. Whatever you want to do, you know you can because of yourself. You trust yourself so much and you have this mindset of, I'm gonna do it until I have what I want. I'm sure if I could interview your subconscious mind, I would find that belief somewhere. And same for me. I believe I'm going to. I can figure everything out because I'm going to do it until. And that's not a conscious choice. Or it wasn't a conscious choice in my case, it was my subconscious who, because I did the work in the past, served me so much. That's maybe why I didn't give up, because I knew I'm going to figure it out. Marie Fogle has this quote, everything is figureoutable. Another thing that I listened to this sentence, I've repeated this sentence so many times in my life that I know everything is figureoutable. Everything always works out for me is another one of those. And those are the kind of sentences that I would invite everybody to repeat. Or in those moments when something happens, ask yourself, how's this happening for me? How could this be happening for me? And then you come up with all sorts of stories. But empowering stories.

[B]

Are you calling in your spiritual soul fam, those besties who get you on a ride or die level, people who you can gather with under the full moon and talk about your intuition and what you're manifesting and help rise each other up right, rather than tear each other down. If you are done with the sister, wound with gossiping, with all of the ways that women have been taught to see each other as competition, but rather you're ready to gather in sacred circle, to share what you're calling in, to dance, to sing, to breathe, to dive deep into the ancient and sacred ways, then rose gold goddesses is for you. Every single month, we give gather in a sacred zoom circle where we hold space, we tune into the astrology of the month, and we do practices like rituals, ceremonies, dance, movement and so much more. So if you're ready to connect your intuition, your embodiment, and do so with community, with Soul Fam, who get you on a deeper level, and I Invite you to join Rose Gold Goddesses. You can find all the information below to join us for all our next circle. And I can't wait to meet you inside. I remember, like, you know, maybe it was three days or so after finding out about the infidelity, and I went straight into doing Byron Katie's the Work, you know, which is all around, like. And it's so funny. I relate to, like, oh, I had done all the work before this, and now here I am in, like, the worst situation that I'm like, okay, I have all these tools, like, let me try. And I'm, like, basically, like, questioning this belief. And it's like, he should have cheated on me because how can I make that sentence true? And I'm like, he should have cheated on me because, like, I can't think of any evidence for that. You know, I was thinking of it, and I'm like, well, now I get full custody of my dog. Like, okay, maybe this was just all about that. Like, now I can just be with my dog all the time. I guess that's a win. And it was like, that just became one thing. And then I was like, well, well, now I'm in Egypt, and now I'm on this. So I guess he should have cheated on me because it let me go to Egypt. Okay, that's one thing. And then it was like, more. And then I became an artist, and it's like, I have an entirely new life and became an entirely new person. But it's like, even gripping onto the tiniest little thing of, like, I got to watch a full tennis match.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like a win is a win, you know, and it's like, once you just start seeing the world that way, and I don't know if you ever felt this. I was like. I was like, I don't want to, like, spiritually bypass, though, you know, but it's like, I do feel. It's that balance of, yes, feel the sadness, feel the darkness, feel the pain. But you also can't stay there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, it can take you down a path. And I see a lot of people, they're like, no, I want to do the shadow work. And then they never come out of it.

[A]

Yes, 1 million percent. And you said one crucial sentence, and I'm so grateful that you also said that. It was really hard at the beginning, you know, when I, for the first time, heard about this idea. How's this happening for me? Like, whether it's cancer or my. When I was a teenager, the hardest thing for me was really dealing with not having a mother. And I was bullied. I had alcoholic caregiver. Like, that stuff wasn't easy. However, if we believe, if we keep thinking it should have not happened, we're going to suffer our entire lives. That doesn't mean that you deserve any of those things. It doesn't mean that it's good or bad. It just means if we believe this should have not happened, we're going to suffer. And I had this thing I just shared, like, obviously, growing up without a mother and going through all of this was immensely painful, but at some points, I made the decision that it had to happen the way it happened. She needed to play exactly that role. And who am I to judge whether that's good or that's bad? What do I know about the greater purpose of this? So if I keep holding onto the belief this should have not happened, I'm going to suffer. So I make my life worse. And if my mom could see this, she would say. She wouldn't say, like, axel, I want you to suffer your entire life. She would say, and I have conversations with her. She would say, hey, Axel, from now on. And she said that from now on, you're living for two. From now on, you're living for the both of us. I want you to have fun. I want you to be joyful. I don't want you to, you know, go through life as a victim, but as a creator. And I believe she's doing much better now, wherever she is. You know, whether that's heaven, whether that's processing to a different body, I don't know. But I believe she's doing much better. And that gave me peace. But for years and years, I believe, I believed. And many, many people in my family believe it should have not happened. So they suffered. And the same is true for breakups or cancer. And this whole might be a bit controversial to say, but I'm going to say it anyways because I think it's true and actually helpful. It would be much easier to just have empathy for this whole, like, fuck cancer movement. I get the point. But what is really important is that at some point we don't identify. We stop identifying with someone who's a victim of something. We stop being in a fight with someone, whether that's cancer or your ex partner, your husband. When I see people fighting with their ex partners, like, there's no tomorrow, I'm like, I don't think you're getting the point. I don't think you're seeing your part. And I think we need to shift the mindset from it should have not happened to, you know, what is this teaching me? What am I learning here? Because when you're learning, that means you're evolving, you're growing. When you believe it should have not happened, you're stuck. You can't move anywhere. I could say, oh, poor little me, I had cancer. And everybody would be like, well, I get that, but what kind of quality of life is that? And the same is probably true for you. You could. You could have said, you know, like, oh, poor little me, like, so many terrible things that I know of, or like, challenging things that happened to you and for you. But you here, you are choosing a whole different perspective. If you can do it, if I can do it, everybody listening, watching, can do the same thing.

[B]

You spoke the universal human experience. And I think everyone could feel, like, chills and resonance. And it's like an uncomfortable truth that we can all feel. The word should is the most toxic word. I remember when I sat with Ayahuasca in Peru a year and a half ago, and every single time in my head I would say the word should. Well, should I do this or should I? That? Should this. That. I just wanted to vomit. And the medicine said, do you see what the word should is doing to you? It is making you sick. Because there was no other time in the ceremony I would feel that sickness. The word should. And it was training me. Every single time you say the word should, you are poisoning yourself. This shouldn't have happened. He shouldn't have cheated. You shouldn't have had cancer. You shouldn't. This shouldn't. Says who?

[A]

Says who?

[B]

Who decided? How the fuck do I know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. On a human to human level, should. Should someone lie to someone? No. Should someone get sick? No. Should children suffer? No. We can all say, yes, human, human. We all can say that. But on the greater tapestry of life and how souls and lessons unfold in this ageless story that is being retold time and time again. These universal human experiences that we're all in. How the fuck do we know?

[A]

How the fuck do we know whether it's good, whether it's bad? I have a beautiful story from a Chinese farmer. It's the opening scene of the book. So there was a Chinese farmer hundreds of years ago, and during those. Those good old days, people had horses. So this Chinese farmer. Do you know the story?

[B]

No.

[A]

Ah, yeah, it's a beautiful story. So this Chinese farmer had a horse and he had a son. And one day his horse ran away, which was pretty Problematic because back then there was no Uber or Waymo or you had a car, you know, you only had your horse because he had a farm. He was, you know, his everything together with his, with his son. He needed his horse, so his horse ran away. The villagers came over and they were like, you're so unlucky. You only had one horse and now your horse is gone. That's such bad news. And he says, maybe, maybe bad news, maybe good news. You never know. The next day the horse returns, but the horse made friends and now he has five horses. The villagers come back and say, wow, you're so lucky. You have five horses now. And he says, well, maybe, maybe good luck, maybe bad luck. The next day, his only son, who was helping him on the farm, takes one of the horses for a ride, falls down, breaks his leg. Villagers come back, you're like, oh my gosh, what's up with you? You're so unlucky. You only have one son who's gonna do all the work at the farm, who's gonna help you, who's gonna support you. Such bad luck. And he says, maybe. Couple days later, war breaks out and every single young man needs to go to war except those who can't like a son. So sometimes it's maybe good, maybe bad. You never know, maybe this really bad thing that makes you suffer so much right now is actually one of the best things that ever happened for you. You just don't see it right now. I could think of a thousand moments in my life when I thought, oh my gosh, why is this not working out? And now I'm sitting here thinking, saying, thank you, thank God, thank universe that it happened the way it happened. But back then I thought, oh my gosh, this is the end of the world. I thought I really wanted this job. At this one bank, I over prepared. It was right next to where my, my girlfriend at the time was living. I really wanted this job prepared so, so much. I didn't get it. I was devastated. I felt so much shame because I told everybody, like, I'm going to get this job, and I didn't get it. I felt so much shame. I questioned why it happened. I'm like, this is terrible. Now I'm sitting here, I'm like, thank you. This didn't work out because something much, much better was waiting for me. And this happened with people I thought, I want to date. This happened a gazillion amount of times in my life when I, when I thought, this is actually terrible. And it turned out to be the best.

[B]

And it's always a thing that we think is the worst thing that has ever happened to us. That is the best thing that's ever happened for us. It's always that. And I remember thinking, like, oh, like, now I have to be a divorce. Like, I have to carry that. That's like my story now, you know, of like, it felt so heavy. Everyone I have to meet, I have to retell the story too. And like, like, I just didn't want to happen. I almost like. And some of my friends. Well, you just never have to tell the story again. Like, you can just like, pretend it never happened.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And maybe did people ever tell you that too? Of just like, just pretend that never happened. But I was like, but no. Because it made me every single ounce of who I am today. How could I pretend that never. I wouldn't exist if that never happened. And it's like the thing that I wanted to, like, almost people to never know about is like, the thing that I lead with. The thing that you lead with. Like the thing that gives you the most meaning of anything in life. Not the happy days, you know, not all the days in between that things were just going great. Those moments, those days that week you were in the hospital, that was like a blur. And you're on more feet. It's probably the week you will talk about the most in your entire life. Life.

[A]

Yes, 1 million percent. Imagine life as a movie, and life is a movie. And imagine I invite you to the. The theater, to. To the cinema. And I'm. I'm like, hey, Sahara, there's this. This movie. There's the main character. And he was born into a rich, happy, healthy family, and he has the best childhood, and then he goes to university and everybody loves him and there are no challenges whatsoever. And then he just lives a normal life. And his. At some point, his life is over. Nothing happens ever. Would you want to come to this movie?

[B]

He would not be on a podcast for sure.

[A]

Yeah, he wouldn't be on a podcast. And life is just not like that. Everybody listening, watching right now. At some point, someone you love is not going to be with us anymore. At some point, a relationship comes to an end, like something will happen in our lives. That's just how it is. And I think one of our biggest problems is that we believe we shouldn't have any problems. One of the biggest problems that we have is we believe we shouldn't have any problems. We need to accept them as part of our life. And if we are able to even embrace Them in those moments when it comes up, then life gets magical.

[B]

I love that. One of our greatest problems is that we think we shouldn't have any problems. And I see that so, so much in the spirituality space of like, everything needs to be easy all the time. And it's like, you wouldn't want it to be.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You would never grow, you would never learn. You would never become the version of you that you're obsessed with.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

If everything was only easy. Yes. I'm not like, looking for struggles, but life's going to hand them to you. So what do you want to do with it?

[A]

Yeah. Whenever you try something, whenever you open your heart for a new person in your life, when, when you do anything, when you write a book, when you shoot a movie, there's going to be challenges. One million percent, 100,000%. The only way that I know to not have any challenges is to hide under a rock. And, you know, even the scenario, like, let's say you hide in your room, I feed you, I bring you food, I bring you everything you need. Coffee, entertainment, everything. The only deal is you're not allowed to leave that room. Like, I feed you, I take care of you. You live a long, long, long, long life in this room. Would you do it? You don't have any problems? Nothing? Everybody would say that's freaking boring. Exactly. That's the point. Except problems. Except I like to call them challenges. And it's almost like it's a sign you're alive. The only way you probably, you know, can avoid every single problem is to either hide under a rock or not, you know, not to be alive.

[B]

And then loneliness will be your problem.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, and that's the epidemic we're in right now. We're so afraid of the risk of heartbreak, the risk of confrontation, the risk of human interaction that we have isolated ourselves so deeply. You know, AI girlfriends are on the rise. AI. Like we're literally creating matrixes. And if you look at countries like Japan, where they are having pretty much AI relationships, lack of human interaction, highest levels of depression, anxiety, and suicide because of this. So here you've created this perfect reality and it's so hollow because we act, we think we want a happy life, we want a fulfilled life. Experiences like overcoming cancer give you a deeper fulfillment that nothing else can. And yes, it's great to have days of hanging out at the beach and things like that, but we need to have something that makes us proud of ourselves. Like, that is really what self love comes from. Because when you know, oh, I went through something that a storm that I thought I would never see the other side. And I got myself through that. It's like the level of self love that you really have, it makes those sunny days so much more worthwhile because.

[A]

You can genuinely appreciate them 1 million percent anything. If you build something meaningful, there will be challenge. That's the price you're paying, overcoming those challenges. And that's where all the, the juices. And again, you can, you know, even have a good time overcoming those challenges and learning from them. And I mean that's what you do when you go work out. You know, you challenge yourself and afterwards you. It's perfect example. You go, everybody who, who went to any fitness class knows this. Like, there is a point in a. Today I was working out, Nima Delgado, massive guy was taking me through a workout and there were moments where I like felt like my biceps going to rip apart. Like, I'm like, I'm. I gotta push here right now. This is not my comfort zone. And afterwards I'm like, I'm so proud I didn't give up. And that's exactly what you just described. But that's only possible if you accept the fact that there will be challenges.

[B]

Yeah. And I love and having fun through it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, it doesn't mean you need to suffer and endure the storm. It's like, can you laugh? Can you dance in the rain? Can you, you know, like, I wrote this song called Sexy Dark Night of the soul. And it's like, Dark night of the soul, but make it sexy. Like, yeah, I'm crying every single day, but let me put on a cute outfit during it. And it's like, how can I, you know, like, how can I make this crazy ass moment in my life a little bit more fun and sparkly?

[A]

How can you romanticize that face?

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

How can you romantic. How can you make it good right now? I love that.

[B]

Well, we'll do a dance to it. Dark night of the soul. But make it sexy. Make it sexy. And that's it. And it's like. And our shadows make us sexier because we become more courageous, we become more fun. Like, I'm like, trauma actually makes you a hotter person. I will say that. Look at us, you know, it's like people. And that's what I don't like about this. Like a lot of the psychological like pop culture system of like. And I love how you had such an empowering therapist. But a lot of what you see on social media is like, oh, this you have trauma. You're never gonna be able to love again. You're never gonna be able to heal again. Now you have this, like, I remember, you know, I got this book, and it was like, you've been cheated on. You're gonna have ptsd. You're never gonna have be able to love again. You're gonna have all these trust issues. You're gonna have all these things. And I was like, I'm fucked for the rest of my life now because of this. And I'm. And then after I finish reading that book, I'm like, I am not taking on that person's story. Like, not for me, because I will live in perpetual hell if I continue to see the world like this.

[A]

Same is true for people who go through cancer.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Who went through cancer. Like, some people, for the rest of their lives, they live in fear because they were told, this is going to affect your life forever. Well, maybe in a really positive way, but that is if I would see this. This young man here. It's actually funny. If I flip it, you can look him straight into the eyes. I would like. The most important thing he would need to hear is to choose faith over fear. That there is no power in fear and living in fear. And that man needed to hear that. Like, you need to focus on the things you want. You can't live in fear. You cannot laser focus on the things you want. And romanticize the time right now. Romanticize it.

[B]

And something that I would tell myself is like, you've already been through the worst of the pain because you never expected it. Then once you've gone through something like that, it's like, it will never be that bad ever again. Because when you're like, everything is just going normal in my life. And then you have something, it's like you're so caught off guard. You never saw something like this happen. And once it's happened once, it's like, you know, in our life, we're gonna have other challenges, you know, but, like, once you've gone through it once, you're just aware. You're aware of the unknown. And so it's like, okay, I'll experience pain again. And look at who I became. I wrote a book, you know, I did all these things. And so I'll experience pain, and I'll write another book. Maybe you become the rapper this time. You know, like, who knows what will happen of the new album? Who knows? And so it's like, no matter what, you'll always become better on the other side.

[A]

One million percent. Another thing that I Would. Would tell anybody who's going through a hard time right now would be consciously surround yourself with positive stories. Like, really watch every empowering movie you can watch. Hear the stories. Not those negative stories, not those books you just mentioned. But you need to. You need to hear. You need to listen to people who. Who have gone through incredible hardship and shaped the story for them. I have an entire chapter at the end of the book, actually. You made it to the book. I don't know if you.

[B]

I'm in this.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know exactly which. Which phrase. I should have left it out at the. At the end of the book. We have. Let me. Let me see if I can find it. Can I have it. Have it quickly because we have an entire chapter. Because I was. I wanted this when. When I was going through. Let me. Let me actually just see that. When I was going through all of this, I wanted to hear empowering stories. I wanted to hear people who went through something like I had to go through and made it out of there and they turned it around. Let's see if I can find it. There was, for example, this one snowboarder who had cancer, and two years later he won a gold medal. I was like, those are the stories I want to hear. I feel good. Dr. Google does make me feel good. There you go. Yeah, we have a couple people, and I think that should be your name if we did a good job.

[B]

Yes, that is my name.

[A]

That should be your full name because you are one of the people that I would recommend to, to others to see how you can make life happen.

[B]

This is crazy. Just to. This is. Okay. I'm going to read you guys what he wrote in here. Sahara Rose Kitabi. Born into a refugee family and a lineage of child marriage, she overcame really complex health challenges to become one of the leading voices in Ayurveda and spirituality. I am just amazed to also just see my name in there with like, Rich Roll and just Jay Shetty and this surfer who lost her left arm in a shark attack.

[A]

Bethany.

[B]

Bethany Hamilton and these incredible people. I'm just, wow. I mean, it's just insane. Like, I really believe our souls. We choose, like, we really choose to go through these dark, dark things because we know. Like, I remember during my. My health challenges, I was like, I'm going to share this with other people who, you know, were told their bodies went to perimenopause and things to show them what's possible even before I was on the other side. And it's almost like this future Version of you knows, like, oh, no, not only are you gonna overcome this, but, like, you're gonna share this with other people and then that becomes your North Star of, like, now how am I gonna get there? And that's the journey. But you already know. It always works out.

[A]

It always works out. And one thing you mentioned earlier, you. You can literally take the worst, worst day of your life and turn this day into the best day of your life. You mentioned Bethany Hamilton. She had a beautiful documentary, by the way. Everybody should watch it. Forgot the name, but I'm sure you can add it to the show notes or if you look it up on Netflix. Beautiful documentary. So she got attacked by a shark while surfing and lost one of her arms. And she could have just said, I'm never going to surf again. Right? What did she do? She's like, fuck this even more now. Let me inspire others. And she's on stages and she wrote a book about it. And, like, this is exactly the kind of, like, stories. And that's why you made it to the book as well. The kind of stories you need to surround yourself with positivity. This whole, like, fear stuff avoided. Like, avoid this bubble. Avoid the negativity, avoid Dr. Google, avoid going there. You need to focus. You need to surround yourself with empowering stories and, like, create your own bubble. You can do this with podcasts. You can do this by watching things. Maybe you're lucky enough to have a couple of friends who actually remind you of this, but the people we spend time with, they're just so incredibly important. And, yeah, I'm happy you made it to the book.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

I told you, when we met, I felt like. Like we are somewhat siblings and we.

[B]

Were so many similar realizations. It's crazy. I'm like, wow, we really, like, are all living the same life, different stories, different plot lines, but the same, like, the fact, like, the crying for so long and this, I'm like, that is so there's something bigger happening.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I love that. I remember, you know, in my journey, I was listening to that song, I'm never going to dance again. You know, and it's like, and here we are dancing again. So where can listeners now get your new book?

[A]

Pretty much anywhere you can buy. Buy books, Amazon, Barnes and Noble on, if you buy via our website, axosura.com maybe you also get incredible bonuses, like, um, I'm a big meditator. Guided meditations, visualization practices. I recorded, like, hours and hours of coaching material for anybody who goes through a challenging time. You get all of it for free if you order via our website, if you claim your bonuses. But yeah, pretty much, pretty much anywhere where you can order books.

[B]

Well, maybe this is happening for you, not to you be sure to get the book. Thank you so much for sharing everything. This is such a great conversation to listen to with friends to create those bubbles that you just spoke about of let's all show. Because sometimes with friends we can spiral down and complain and send each other fearful reels and like, did you see this is happening in the state of the world and this political thing and that. And like the world is going to. And it's like, let's shift this because we have the power to create the algorithm of our lives. So listen to this episode. Decide you're going to take on this mindset of everything is happening for me. Not to me. Take every. Like, there is so much here that Excel shared that we can like break down of. Like, okay, where am I at in this? Okay, this thing happened. Is it feeling it? Is it accepting? Is it, is it telling myself this new story from it? Where am I at in this? And like holding each other accountable, I feel is so helpful because we can either as friends, rise each other up or tear each other down. So this is such a good conversation to put into the group text. Let's all listen to this. Let's all do this together. Let's all really shift our mindsets and see what happens. I mean I would be like, if people actually apply all these things where their lives will be six months from now, a year from now, it's freaking crazy. I'm never going to surf again. You know what I mean? Survey, who knows? So thank you so much for being a living embodiment of what's, what's possible. The fact that this all happened for you four years ago.

[A]

Yeah, it's wild.

[B]

That's not long ago.

[A]

No, that's not long ago. And if you watch the videos that I posted online, after a year or two, I look like a normal person, like nothing happened.

[B]

Oh, now he's like showing off his six pack on Instagram. He's thirst trapping now. Dark night of the soul makes you sexy. What can we say? We love to see it. Well, thank you so much much for sharing with us today. We absolutely love learning from you, hearing from you and knowing that it's possible. So be sure to share this with your friends. Please leave a review for this on YouTube is a really good place to comment, see what other people are thinking and feeling. It's also on Spotify Video, Apple. Be sure to subscribe to stay tuned for future episodes. Thank you so much for being here. And we'll see you in the next one. Trust your intuition Trust your inner wisdom Trust your inner guidance Close your eyes and listen goes so trust your intuition Trust your inner wisdom Trust your inner guidance.