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Highest Self Podcast®
642: How To Date As A Spiritual Woman- Limerance, Dating Apps + Non-Negotiables with Sahara Rose
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We have this image in our mind. This is when we get very, very specific about what we're calling in. We're like, I want this guy. He's this height. He looks like this. We do spiritual practice. We travel the world. We did it, but we're not finding it. And I find it's when you start to realize, like, my desire for love and for being in love is stronger than my desire for it to be with this specific person from my list who I haven't met. So you kind of have to realize that. That you can be this, like, Rapunzel waiting in her castle forever, or you gotta go around and fuck around and find out. Trust, flow, surrender let go Trust, flow, surrender let go I'm the one I've been waiting for Trust, flow, surrender let go Trust, flow, surrender let go Trust, flow, surrender let go I'm the one I've been waiting for welcome back to the Highest Self podcast. My name is Sahara Rose, and on this podcast, I love to talk about spirituality, matters of the heart, but make it modern, fun, grounded, and relatable so it can actually serve your needs. So, girls, we've been long overdue for a spiritual dating episode. I did one, like, two years ago in my pink little 2000s jumpsuit. I'll link the episode or if you want the outfit below. And so much has shifted since then, so I feel like being a little big cyst to you right now and just, you know, spilling the tea. Let's get our. Our. Our chai, our matchas, our. Our live spring waters, whatever we're drinking and get real comfortable here, because I feel like dating is the ultimate spiritual initiation. Like, the way we see ourself, mirrored, unhealed aspect of self, what we're willing to settle with, what we're not, our perfection, all of it. It's such a freaking mirror. And I know so many of us have recently gone through breakups, dark nights of the souls, divorces, and have done really deep healing work and have sprung out the other side as these shiny, bright iterations of ourselves that are like complete baddies. And now we're like, who am I gonna date? Like, who's ever gonna meet me? And so I feel you. And I've learned a thing or two. So I asked on my Instagram, I'm like, what are some of the biggest questions you have? You guys wanted to talk about limerence, which is when you have an upset, obsessive crush on someone and dating apps and so many other things. So if you're a boy, please keep scrolling Please X out. You are not invited here. Okay. Is it just us Cello? Before we get into this episode, which I am so excited for, I'm at home. I'm gonna rewatch it too. I would love if you could hit subscribe. I've noticed that over 50% of you that listen are actually not subscribed. So it's on YouTube specific, Spotify, both on video as well as Apple. Podcast and subscribing allows you to stay in the flow for future conversations. I promise. I always keep it entertaining and spunky. You don't have to worry about that. And it really supports the podcast, which I love to make free for you. So be sure to hit subscribe wherever you are and let's get into this episode. So dating. I'm going to preface this by saying I don't feel that dating is natural. I don't, I don't think we're meant for this shit. Like, I feel that back in the day, if you think about it, it's like, okay, I'm going like, let's start with way back in the day, like Lemuria times. Like, we were in a tribe, you know, you got, you knew everyone in the tribe. There was no strangers there. Like, maybe like a neighboring tribe would go by. You're like, wow, he's got some really amazing warrior biceps. But that's pretty much it. You probably like, you know, whether it was even a marriage or not, you probably sacred unioned with someone in your tribe and that was it. You knew each other, you knew each other's families and that's the way it was for thousands of years. There was no concept of like finding someone you've never met before to create the rest of your life together. Like, that is a brand new past 50 year thing. So we're going against thousands of years of the person that you would likely raise your children with was someone that you already knew since you were born, hopefully not a relative, you know, and now it's like, I need to go on an app with a bunch of random people and find the person who's going to be the most significant to me that I'm going to create an entirely new lineage with out of these strangers pictures. Like, it is freaking crazy. And I don't think this process is working for people for the most part. And I still have faith and I witnessed miracles and I do feel it's possible. So I do want to say I do feel a lot of the highs and the lows that come in dating are because the heart wants to love like, especially the feminine heart. Like, we are designed to be lover girls. Like, we are designed to meet someone and dive deep. And the more connected you are with your heart, the less able you are to do the casual dating stuff. Like, you want to either merge souls or, like, bust. Like, this is not gonna work for me. And so this, like, getting to know each other, then maybe this. It drives us crazy. But there's a lot that we can learn. And I do believe our souls chose to incarnate at this time when this is how people relate. There are some huge pros to it. I mean, yes, it was easier when we knew everyone in the tribe, but now, like, you don't have to just pick the person you hate the least in the tribe. Like, you can actually pick someone you vibe with. There are so many different versions of life that you can have. Each person is a portal. Like, you can literally fall in love with someone from a completely different country and have a totally different life there. Like, maybe you've always wanted to live in France. Like, you can literally be with a Parisian person. Maybe you've always wanted to go to India. You can be with an Indian person. Like, there's so. Or not even just cultures, like, things you might want to dive into. So there is so much potential here. But I also feel our human psyche can't fathom how many options there are. And because we all have so many options, we're all taking the options less seriously. You know, if I was like, hey, girl, I have someone for you. I really want to set you guys up. I best believe you're going to go on that date. Date, right? Right. But if you match with someone on the app. How many times have you been scrolling on an app and then you accidentally said no to that person? And then you're like, oh, I actually didn't even look at their pictures. But then they're gone and you're like, whatever. You keep it moving. Like, that could have been the love of your life right there. But you just gotta trust in the divine plan. So I do feel this illusion of options also hurts us because we think we could work with so many different people. Yes. You could work with the random person in Brazil who doesn't speak a word of English. It's. But there are a lot of things you're going to have to go up against. You know, not having the same friends, same cultural background, same beliefs, same idea of what relating is. And I feel that's the challenge of today, of you're having all these people from different schools of Life who would have normally never even met, now date, which is the most intimate way of creating a bond with someone. And we're experiencing this kind of, like, setback that we're all having of, like, this isn't working. So there's a lot of pros to it. You know, I feel one pressure, it's majorly released for people is I don't need to constantly go out and try to meet someone. You know, if you even watch, like, Sex in the City, and they really glamorized it. But, like, back in the day, you had to constantly be going out. You had to always be, you know, go to the bar, hope you meet someone at the bar, and then you're just, like, finding other people who are, like, hanging out at the bar, you know? Whereas now I feel with dating apps, you don't need to just show up at random places and hope you're going to meet someone. You can focus on your dharma. You can work, and then at your convenience, you can. You can match with people without having to, like, waste a bunch of time. So I think that's pretty amazing about it. You know, it's interesting because I feel we all want to meet people in the wild, you know, But I have found the people I've met in the wild have not been necessarily, like, a better fit for me or higher value in any way. Often not saying always, but it's the people who are randomly approaching you, like, at the gym or something, that are, like, the pickup artists, you know, and they're doing it with everyone. So I remember I was at this gym in Bali, and this guy, very confident guy, and he was super handsome German guy, and he was just spitting game. And then I realized that's just, like, all he does every day, you know? And so I was like, okay. And so I do feel the dating apps actually help you meet, like, the quieter person who would have never approached you. And I love hearing stories of, like, these two people who they kind of knew about each other from mutual friends, but they never met. And because of the dating app, they were able to come together. So there are a lot of synchronicities that can happen through a dating app. You know, so many of us work from home that it's like, literally, unless the person's, like, delivering your Amazon packages, how are you going to meet them? So I do feel not just dating apps, but Instagram and social media in general. I am not anti dating app at all. Like, I hear a lot of spiritual teachers say, don't go on dating apps. The People there are trash and it can feel like that. But honestly, like if you've been on dating app, you're not trash. Like there are amazing people and while there is a lot of of men especially who are there for hookups, I wouldn't say they all are. And the more you're kind of on it, you can start to notice the red flags. So let's kind of take it to the consciousness piece. I feel that what you're experiencing in dating is a huge mirror to your consciousness. So when you are only meeting fuckboys, like there is a part of you that is still saying yes to that frequency. You are attracted to that frequency. The things that you are prioritizing are probably hotness and swag and their muscles. And so because you're prioritizing those things, you're attracted to those people. But then this other part of your soul that has developed more is like, but I want consistency and communication and to be building something. And it's like, well, what did you expect from this like 28 year old Italian model? You know, but we were attracted to this thing, but a part of our soul has evolved that we want something more. And I noticed that this like being in two different stages of our consciousness is often when things aren't working. Because if you're attracted to fuck boys and you want just experiences, then you're actually getting what you want. But for most of us, especially the feminine, we don't actually want that. Like maybe right after a breakup you do. You're like, you know what, I just want to go out there. Like I just want to, I just want to have fun. And then we realize it's never really fun, you know, like it's fun till it's really not and you're crying. And so I feel we kind of get out of that stage way quicker than men do. Because at the core of the feminine, we want to love. And the kind of sex that we want to have is sex that we're like merging souls and eye gazing and diving deep and like being with one another. And you're not even going to have that kind of sex with someone that you barely know. Someone that you can feel doesn't even like you. And your body is going to feel it, like your body is going to contract. And that is often when women experience UTIs and yeast infections. It's when their bodies knew like, I was not meant to be with that person, but I was trying to convince myself that I was okay with this. And so I notice a lot of women will experience that, and then be like, you know what? They. This isn't even working for me because it's, it's like. And then you deal with a UTI after. Like, why would you ever, you know? So I do feel there can be a time and space for experimenting, but guys just like go on dates, just make out, you know? Like, I just feel like the art of, of kissing is so underrated. Like, you don't need to be having sex with people. Like, you don't want to take on all that energy. Just have an amazing makeout. It's like, like, honestly, for girls, I feel like it is better. You know, like you get to have that connection, you get to have that fun, you get to have that passion and then just like let it be there. If it's not going to be something more, then you're not regretting it. There's no health effects. Like you're not having to do some womb cleaning after. Like, even if he wants to go further, screw that. You're not just make out with people if you really want to have fun. I promise you, you, you never regret not doing it, but you will regret doing it, know, so it's like, why even. And I just feel as woman, like we're the more conscious we become. Like the more connected we are to our bodies and our sexualities. And, you know, the more spiritual you are, the more sexual you become, the more sensual you become, the more creative you become. Like, these things are all interconnected and they're related to the sacral chakra. Because spirituality, sexuality, creativity is the truth of who you are. It's your shakti, it's your feminine energy. So we can't go around having casual sex the same way. We wouldn't be going around like working on a project and then just ruining it. Like, we want to be building something. We want to be going somewhere. We want to be diving deeper into things. Otherwise we're concentrating our energy into this, this endless hole that's just like taking our energy away and not reciprocating back. And that gets real old real fast. So while it might be a phase, and if that's the phase that you're in right now, soon you'll start to feel you'll just want more. And maybe you're not ready for a full relationship. You know, if you keep getting attract to people really based on looks, there is likely a part of you that still is afraid of getting hurt. And I so get it. Like when you start to fall in love with someone, you are putting your heart at Your sleeve. You are, you know, kind of giving this person the keys of the thing that can, you know, hurt you the most. But as we develop on the journey, we learn more and more that no one can actually really hurt us and no one can actually take anything away from us. And any experience we have is actually just helping us cultivate more self love. And so we're no longer so afraid of love, but rather we can enjoy and be in the experience of love without attaching. And I'll get more to that later. You need to finally start that podcast. Yes. You the one sending 17 minute voice notes to her friend every single day with streams of consciousness, insights on relationships, the state of the world, spirituality. And at the end you say, damn, I really should start a podcast. But first, for some reason, you still have it. So I've been sent from your little angels to tell you that that moment is now. And I know you've probably thought about starting a podcast year after year, but you still don't do it because you feel like you don't know how to get a podcast off the ground. You don't know the tech, you don't know the processes, you don't know how to hire an editor. You don't know how it gets on YouTube and Spotify and all these different places and then edited for reels. Like it all feels so complicated. And above that, you're not really sure what the podcast should be on. Maybe you're into wellness, but you're also into spirituality and you're also into relationships and you have all these different interests and you're not really sure what your niche is. And maybe on social media, your content hasn't really popped off yet because you haven't yet found your voice. Well, if this is you, if I'm speaking to your soul right now, you are exactly who I am so excited to work with in my new podcast mentorship. So I'm running it, our first cohort right now. And it is is officially my favorite thing I've ever done. It's only 10 people, so it is intimate, it is personal. I am hearing every single week from you. I'm giving you personalized feedback. I'm helping you with all these things. Your message, your title, what kind of photos you should take for the COVID what the description is, Is it interviews, solo cast, giving you time every week to practice interviewing, practice talking about what your podcast is about so you can actually, within six weeks get your podcast off the ground in a really beautiful way because 90% of people who start podcasts close them within two years. And I don't want that to be you. In fact, I want your podcast to get so big that you have me on one day, hopefully. So if I'm calling your name, I am taking enrollments now for our march cohort. We're actually already 50% full. So I am so excited to get my hands on your podcast to help you bring it out into the world and for it to help so many people. So you can find all of the information in the link in my show notes. Notes. This is my podcast mentorship. Again, limited to only 10 people live on Zoom. Every week I'll be doing a poll to make sure the time works for everyone. I am so excited to see you there again. Head over to the Show Notes to learn more and get started. So if you're only getting the fuck, boys, there's a part of you that's a fuck girl. And it's time to move on past that stage and realize you're not even having the sex that you want to have. If you really want have a make out, keep it moving because you're probably going to want to dive into deeper. Then we go into the next stage. And that next stage, I would say it's like a lot of like, like swiping or looking and not finding anything. There's like a giant void, period. And I feel every time we switch levels, there's a very big void. So it's like, I know I don't want that anymore and I'm not even seduced by it. But this man that I'm looking for, I'm not. I'm not seeing him. And so we get in this, like standstill right of desiring this very deep, sacred union. We have this image in our mind. This is when we get very, very specific about what we're calling in. We're like, I want this guy. He's this height. He looks like this. We do spiritual practice. We travel the world. We did it. I think we all have the same list, by the way. Give and take, you know, and. But we're not finding it. And then so it's like, like nothing. Some of us stay there for weeks, months, years. And I find it's when you start to realize, like, my desire for love and for being in love is stronger than my desire for it to be with this specific person from my list who I haven't met. And I could keep waiting potentially forever for this idea of what I'm looking for. Or I can open my heart and, and try. And even though Oh, I really don't like how he's this. And, oh, I don't think it's going to work because of that. And, oh, this thing too. But if the core pieces are there, there's a little bit of a curiosity I'm going to try. And this is actually like a very important part of, of the dating and healing journey. Because where most spiritual women stop is like, no boys wait for the God man. And then they're just waiting forever and ever and ever and ever and ever. And I know many women who, you know, become older and aren't able to have children because they were waiting for this perfect guy. And they still. Because it feels. It feels good to be like, oh, he's coming. It's this full moon. It's this manifestation. It's, you know, it's just this thing. Personally, I don't know anyone who's with a perfect guy. I've never met them. I've never heard of anyone that's met them. If y' all know, please leave their at in the comments. I think we're all curious, but I don't think it exists. However, I know people who are in beautiful relationships. They wouldn't trade for the world. I know people who have incredible love stories. I know people who have incredible synchronicities that happen. But every single one of them will say, it wasn't exactly the guy that I was envisioning. Some things about him are so much greater and some things, oh, I thought he would, you know, have really long hair and a beautiful man bun. Guess that's not happening. So you kind of have to realize that you can be this, like, Rapunzel waiting in her castle forever, or you gotta go around and around and find out our best language. And with that comes, you know, the roller coaster of dating. And I would say that's actually really when our dating journey begins, when we're actually dating to relate versus meeting random people, having different experiences that we're not in control of, hoping that one of them sticks. And most of us date like that because it's just how we dated in, in high school and college. Like, we weren't really thinking about lifelong partnership and children and legacy and stuff back then. So it's kind of like, oh, me and you vibe. And now we're friends and we made out at the club and now we're in a relationship. Like, that's sort of how it went as you get older. It's actually more like a dance between feeling that chemistry, which I do feel is really important, and Some dating experts will say, no, don't follow the chemistry. It's all trauma bonding. It's all a trap. And I'm like, but like, why would I want to go on a second date if I feel like, feel nothing from you? I do feel like having chemistry is a signal from source that there is something there. There is something pulling you together. Otherwise, if nothing is activating within you both, it's like, why would you keep doing it then? You're operating from a mental place. And I know, you know, there was one guy that he was really an amazing human, perfect on paper, so many of the things I was calling in, but I was not attracted to him. And because he was so great, you know, I went on a date, didn't feel anything, but I thought, you know, it's just a date. Then we went on a hike and I was like, really not feeling anything. And then he tried to kiss me. And guys, it was literally like as if like, you know, like a five year old was like with their eyes closed, like going in. It was, it was by far the worst of my entire life. I think I actually took a step back and like wiped my lips. You know, it was that level of. There was no like biological pull. And like certain people, you kiss them and you want to lean forward and like, oh, you never want the moment to end. And this was definitely the opposite of that. And so chemistry wise, when we are attracted to someone, like, you know, someone that you love, their smell, kissing them is amazing. It's like electric. It's like fireworks. Like just being around them, it's like your whole entire nervous system just unwinds. Those are people who have opposite immune systems to us. So our biology is actually feeling into the fact that we would have a very strong offspring together. And so we're attracted to them because the opposite immune systems will create a very diverse immune system for our potential offspring. So this guy, I probably had a very similar immune system to him that I was like, I don't want this. Our kids is going to be really weird. And so that's how, you know. And that's the thing with dating apps is like, you actually don't know how you would vibe. Like there are people that look really great and in person it's just like something's off. There are people who text really great and then you meet them and you're like, wait, are you the same person I was texting? Like, some people, like, they're texting, they're confident, they're flirting, and then you meet them in person. And it's, like, so awkward. And so sometimes that happens. So let me give you guys now that we're serious about dating or my. My strategy that I do. So, first of all, let's start with the dating profile. I feel at the beginning, we kind of put, like, whatever pictures we look the hottest in. First of all, please do not put filters on your photos. I know they make your skin look clear. I know maybe you've taken a lot of them, but you never want someone to think she looked better on the app than she did in real life. And this is also just a call for us to not use filters on Instagram. Like, that has been something the medicine actually told me to stop doing. But when we're using filters, you can't, like, see the person's soul. There's a mask, There's a layer. And we're also creating these AI versions of ourselves and putting out into the world and making people feel bad about themselves because they think that that's actually what you look like, but it's not. So it's like, literally bringing down consciousness to do so. So please put real photos of yourself. You never want to be that person that doesn't look like their profile. It's not about getting the most number of people to like you. It's about getting someone who really finds you, you genuinely you, attractive. Show parts of your personality. I know we hear this, but I'm going to give you a live example. So you know me. I love. I love a temple, specifically Hindu ones. And I have this selfie of me. I was in this Kali temple with, like, the red dot, and I have, like, this shawl on my head and flower garland. I'm in front of a Saraswati statue. And it was just this picture I took in the moment that really felt like my essence. Like, I was very. Just dropped in and tapped in. And I. So I put that on my dating profile. And my bestie, Rosie was just like, why is this here? Like, who are you gonna attract? The freaking, like, Hari Krishna? Like, what? And I was like, I just feel like me. And then I actually changed it because of her advice. And I, like, put, like, a gym photo of myself. And then I was like, you know what? Like, I'm putting my Krishna picture back on. And I did. And then I attracted not one, but people who ask me on first dates to a temple. I never thought I'd see the day, children. I never thought I'd see the day. And so that was really lovely. We did go to a Hari Krishna temple, in fact. And he wasn't like a huge, you know, Krishna devotee by any means, but he was spiritual and he grew up Hindu and he thought it was really interesting. And like that weird photo that probably got got 98 no's and got two people who were like, let's do this thing that like I also love and you also love. So the things that are like fringe and weird about you, share those things. Because that's like soulmate energy there. When you meet someone who like completely matches these parts of you that you never thought you would. Because if all your pictures are like me in a restaurant looking cute, me at the beach, me at the gym, me having drinks, it's like, okay, every basic has that, you know, but it's like, what are the things that make you stand out? And I would say think of things that also men could be included in. Because if you're like, okay, my goddess circle. Okay, he's not really gonna have a place though. Maybe he's like, hey, I have, I'm part of a men's circle. So I really love that you do that. So could be if you really love this goddess circle image, something you would love to share with a partner. So for me, my spirituality is something I would really love to share. Maybe for you it's bachata dancing. Maybe for someone else it's going on long hikes in nature or camping or gardening or knitting or whatever. The thing is share an image of yourself doing that. Because I've noticed something, guys, the men aren't reading these things. They aren't. They're just looking at the pictures. You know, they're just blub and so show a picture and if you don't have one, just take a picture. It doesn't need to be a professional photo shoot of it. I've actually noticed like selfies and you in the mirror to yourself, like the more casual the better because it's helping them see how you would fit into their actual life. I see a lot of women, especially on these dating apps like Raya where it's all like influencers, celebrities. It's like these gorgeous photo shoots like from a freaking magazine. I don't even know what we would do. Like, you don't even seem like a real human to me. And so I feel a of probably definitely men and also even women in same sex relationships. It's like this is so perfect that I feel like I wouldn't fit in. And so it's sort of like us millennials grew up in the time of instagram where it's like, all about perfection, like, curation. And, you know, the feed looks good. And, like, a lot of us approach our dating apps like that. And I would say let it be the opposite. Like, put the picture of you with, like, minimal makeup on. Put the picture of you with your pet. Put the picture of you, you know, like, like, laughing. And this is a note to myself, but most of us don't have pictures of us laughing. And if all of our pictures, you might look stunning, but you're, like, doing the Zoolander face. It's giving off the energy of unapproachable, intimidating. And I know you might think, well, it's a dating app, so isn't this the most approachable thing? Men, especially have been so rejected on these apps. Like, if you guys think it's frustrating for us. Guys, guys, Most men are on these apps. They're not even getting matches. We're like, ugh, I hate all my 5,000 matches. They're all so ugly. They're not getting any, you know, so be grateful you have so many. So I know it's hard, but, like, how girls, we go through dating apps is. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We're saying no so fast that it's like, I mentioned it could have been a yes, but you were. You're. You're on the left swipe, your thumb kept going. You were kind of in a flow state with it, and you're like, oh, shit, whatever. That's how most of us are on these apps. And then we're like, oh, my God, I'm never gonna find someone. I'm gonna end up single, alone, having a nervous breakdown. Like, I'm gonna have to just freeze my eggs. I'm gonna have to get a bunch of cats or maybe dogs, and maybe I'll just become a monk. Like, we're in that state of consciousness. And I also wanna put a little note here of the state of consciousness you're in when you're on the dating apps is gonna reflect in what you get back every single time you come to the app. Which, with scarcity, with, this isn't going to work out with. I hate that I'm here. This is so against my values. That's what's going to be mirrored to you. And I know it's hard. And I, oh, gosh, I was there for so long. I was like. I really. I was like, God, as I'm on the app, I don't want to meet a man on a dating app. I really don't like I want an incredible love story that I'm going to, like, share with the world that's going to raise the vibration of the planet. So I'm simultaneously on that while hoping I don't meet anyone on that. And I feel a lot of us women were, like, subconsciously thinking the same thing. We're like, I really don't want this. And instead, I started to see it as a gift of, like, wow. I don't have to go to random events that I don't want to go to. Wow. I'm able to meet men who are busy working and not approaching strangers on the street. Wow. I get to focus more energy on my Dharma and just, like, how I can order Uber Eats and Amazon. It's like, it's just an easier way. It's just started to find the gratitude of it. And anyone that I match with that was a fit, I would think, wow. Know, like, I would have never crossed paths with this person. And, you know, we do have so many things in common. And also helped me see, like, we really are a collective global world. And even if someone doesn't have any mutual friends from you grew up in another country from you, you may still share so many things in common because of we all were relating to the same media at the same time. And so I noticed, like, wow, me and this person from. From Argentina actually have so much in common, and we didn't even grow up in the same country. So you will actually be amazed. Whereas back in the day, I feel if you grew up in different places, you actually didn't have any of the same references at all. Whereas now, like, we're all kind of, like, talking the same language because of the Internet. So I would say dating apps can help that. And also, realistically, like, I'm sure you've asked your friends, do you know someone? And most of them are like. Like, no one I would set you up with. And you ask guys, you know, do you know anyone? Most guys are like, I don't have guy friends, so it's like, okay, y' all don't even like each other's shit. Like, you know, so it's hard. And so I do feel like coming into that place of gratitude of what a gift. Like, whoever made this app allows me to connect with people who I would have never. And it's actually speeding up the process of me finding love. So. So coming back to the profile, so I would also write things like, really take the time to show the different parts of your personality on there. And if you're like, A really witty person. You can make it witty, but you also can make it really just like, matter of fact, if that's more who you are, I would make it more around you and less around what you're looking for. I've noticed a lot of people, they're like, I'm looking for someone who's emotionally available and empathetic, and they this and that and that and like, a list. And most people, I think, would consider themselves all of those things, even if they're not. Like, I don't think anyone's like, I am not emotionally available. I am not emotionally intelligent. I am not empathetic. I don't know anyone that's ever said that. And we've all talked to a lot of people who aren't. So instead of focusing on who they are, focus more on who you are. So I love prompts that are like the about me one. So it's like, leave a comment if you love off the beaten path travel, getting lost in foreign markets, hiking until the sun sets, and finding our way down with a flashlight. Like, think of specific moments, I would say, and the more you're giving people, like, a feel and experience of what dating you is like, the more alive it becomes. I just see so many people, they write on there, like, the most, most basic thing. First of all, if your thing says something about freaking pineapple on pizza, it's like, come on. Like, I don't. I. I literally don't know where that started. I don't know why anyone cares. I don't know why it's relevant. So just delete your app and start a new one, because you probably got a lot of people saying no to you if you had that on there. And by the way, guys, you know, you can do that. You know, you can actually delete your old app and create a new profile, and that will reset your algorithm brand new, because maybe you're in five that you were swiping on the wrong people, and you're like, I just want an entirely new algorithm. I'm coming into it a new way. I'm gonna be like, more discerning about reading people's, you know, what they wrote on there, and so you can delete and start a new profile. So I would actually, I've done that before, and I would recommend that sometimes. So write about those little things about yourself and try to not make it only things girls would relate to and try to think of something men would too. And specifics. So, for example, in one of mine, I wrote, wrote something I love are Alan Watts videos. Because I just love listening to them. And that is something that I probably gotten the most response to because it's like, oh, my God, I listen to Alan Watts videos. It's like, already there. And I've gotten people like, what are some of your favorite things that Alan Watts shares? Or, you know, I'm reading this book about liberation and I'm like, you know, already I'm weeding out the people who are not in this consciousness and making it easier for them and for me. So those things that are like outliers and unique about you, it's actually going to make the process so much smoother. And that's like, you know when you see a pro profile and you're like, oh, my God, I hope this person says yes to me too. It's often because there was something on there that was like, so unique that you didn't find anywhere else. Whereas if it's like, I love hanging out at the pool and going to the beach with my friends and like, maybe you'll be my plus one. It's like, okay, king of giving us nothing. Another thing I see on there is the chat GPT prompt. I saw one that was like, I'm really into insert hobby and hope we can enjoy it together and still have the quotes on there. I'm like, you didn't even read it before copy pasting it, like. But to me, it's like, okay, that kind of shows your lack of effort. You know, if you aren't putting in any effort in your dating profile or people who don't write anything, it's like, that to me, is showing you wouldn't put effort into dating. When I see someone really took time to fill out the prompts and has actually written something personal, meaningful, I'm like, okay, this is someone that is like, actually more serious about dating and you want that. So even, like, the amount that someone has written is giving us more information. Now, I'm sure you've already gotten this, but if someone's writing negative things, like, don't swipe if you're not over your ex, I somehow attract people still into their exes. It's like, huh? Like, like what? So if someone wrote something negative on there and that's literally, it's like, hope this is the year I can finally delete this app. It's like, told me nothing about you and just gives me a good insight of your headspace. So I have found those people just don't bother engaging with because often when we have the shitty app experiences it's the people that we were like. I'm not really sure we say yes anyways. We convince ourselves maybe they were really good looking, but we could tell they were red flag. And then we have the experience and then that makes us think, this app's never going to work. I'm never going to find true love. Which Statistically now over 50% of marriages in the US today are starting from dating apps. So I will say it is working for a lot of people. Do we have any stats of how long relationships that met in person versus dating apps work? We don't, but honestly, just based on seeing friends, I don't notice like, like the ones who met in person. I mean, most of the ones who met in person just met a while ago. Most of my friends who meet guys now are through dating apps. And I would say a lot of it is just the world has changed and people approach each other less and me too, and all the things. So don't have shame around it. I know we all want the love story, but it doesn't really matter so much how you met. I feel we put so much emphasis on that instead of what is the relationship like? Because. Because that's the actual story that you'll be telling and living every single day. So it's like, oh, yeah, you met on Hinge, but really it was still an energetic game. It was still where you were, what you healed, what you resolved, what you overcame. And you'll probably notice that maybe right now in your level of healing, you're saying yes to people who you normally wouldn't have because you're a lot more open. So again, it's that openness. And that doesn't mean lowering our standards, but means changing what our standards are. For most women, I think the stat was like 80% of women have on their apps 6ft and up, and only 2% of men, I believe it's 2% are 6ft and up or 6ft and up in six figures. And most women want those two things. And so you're eradicating 98% of men and it's like, of course we all love a tall king, but realistically, like, like, most of the time you just get used to the person that. It's like, look, Priyanka Chopra is taller than Nick Jonas. Has anyone said Priyanka settled with Nick? How? What was she thinking with that little shorty? No, we're all like relationship goals. Look at how he looks at her. Look at how he treats her. Like, I heard there was like a Hindu holiday around looking at the moon. And he, like, rented a plane and brought her to see the moon because it was cloudy at the. Like, shit like that. You're like, what? That exists? I don't know how they met, but it's like, his height has nothing to do with it. And I want to put in there, he's a lot younger than her, too. And I'm seeing this as a really big trend. So I'm noticing that lots of my friends who are having positive dating experiences start dating younger guys. And I know most of us were like, I would never date a younger guy. Like, because when you're in your 20s, a younger guy's like a teenager, and that's borderline illegal. But as you get older, I've noticed, like, younger generations are a lot more conscious, a lot more emotionally literate. They grew up with conversations around anxious and avoidant attachment style and feminism and, you know, empathy and question asking and curiosity. And so it was interesting because we were all, like, worried about the younger people. They grew up on their phones. But even there's a huge trend with just Gen Z called raw dogging it. And so they'll take, like, a couple hours of the day and not be on their phones at all. They're like, I'm raw dogging life right now. So because they grew up fully in an Internet world, like us millennials, we grew up without the Internet, and then we got the Internet, they fully grew up with it that they could feel like, I don't like this. And I think they kind of went through their Internet obsession early. Like, my little cousin who I would say is gen Alpha, she's 19 years old. She doesn't even have an Instagram. I'm like, what? I thought you. You know, and she's like, I don't like social media. She's like, I would never want to work a career. And that's a huge thing with them. Like, they don't want that because they saw the shadows of influencer culture. Whereas often it's us. And even the generation older than me, Gen X, I would say millennials became obsessed with it. Like, we are the generation that all became obsessed with being online. And then my experience of Gen X dating Gen X is like. Like, I'm. I'm categorizing here. Don't quote me on this one. Let's not use this as the real, Like, a pessimism, like. Like a jealousy. Like, oh, well, you know, it's so easy for you guys to just become influencers. And, you know, girls are this like they've kind of been red pilled and a lot of them are super jaded. I have found too, because, you know, imagine you've been dating for so long, like add 10 more years to that, imagine how many freaking stories you have. And a lot of them are not doing the inner work and they don't even know what the inner work is. So they're like, dating's not working, I'm getting older. They also, like the people in their, their 40s, grew up in a time where it was still this idea that woman's vitality, fertility, Beauty ends at 35 and then she's irrelevant. Whereas men keep getting better. They are like George Clooney. They age like fine wine. What not just science, but anecdotally is being shown is that a lot of us women are massively glowing up. I'm turning 35 in a couple of days and I look a lot better than I did in my 20s. And it just keeps getting better. And so it's a complete lie that the patriarchy told us that women are going to diminish in beauty and value and vitality and sexiness. One Y', all, it's, it's quite the opposite. 30s are insane. I heard 40s are even better. And so women are actually reaching their sexual peaks in their 30s and 40s, and then often the men are declining in it. Which is also why I probably think the younger guy, older woman thing is working for a lot of people. Because these men are like these little stallions and they're ready and they're like wanting to learn and like, please and honor the feminine. The women are like, like not afraid of sharing what they want and what's working for them and what's not. Whereas when you're in your 20s, you don't even really like, know your body. You don't even really like sex. Like, honestly, when you're a woman in your 20s, you're kind of just doing it so the guy likes you. And as you get older, you're like, whoa. Because you're so, you're so much more juicy and alive. And so that's a big part of it. And so look, every relational dynamic can work. I'm just noticing, like, I'm just saying that the things me and the girls are saying on the voice notes. And I've noticed with a lot, a lot of my friends, it's, it's that. And as you're older too, you're a lot less attached to like, this needs to work forever and you need to be My husband. Whereas in your 20s, you're still very in, in that it's, it's like a stage of life. And so I feel like women in their 30s are more open to, you know, not a casual heartless way, but a lovership where you are together for an, an unknown period of time that doesn't mean forever. Especially so many women are choosing not to have children. So we're no longer basing our relational choices on can he provide for a family, is he going to be a good father, is he going to have enough time for me, do I like his mother? I mean, money has been the real reason why women have historically made choices in, in relating and it's because they didn't have access to their own. So it was completely a way for them to survive. And now that women are making their own money, I actually think this is amazing for the men because now the women are like, wait, I actually want to like you and who you are. And I want us to vibe and I want us to have amazing adventures and sex and fun and conversations. And so it's like quite the opposite of like what the red pill says. The only men being left behind are the ones with the shitty personalities. Like, y', all, we're not marrying you for your money anymore. We're, we want to be with you. So if we don't want to be with you, it's, it's you, you know, and so there's nothing left to blame. And so I do feel is actually like giving us a equal playing field experience where you can choose to be with someone because you just with that person and you're not doing it because you need to. You're not doing it as a means to an end. You're not doing it. Like how many people, and even our parents have been in loveless marriages and they knew from the beginning, like I was never really a child attracted him, but I knew he'd be a great father. And so many people had to choose that. And now because women are some, so many of them are choosing to be child free, so many women are choosing to do it on their own. And I think there's also less stigma around you may be together for a period of time and it doesn't work. And that doesn't mean it's the end of the world. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't have done it. You know, I know so many people are like, like, like wait, because what if you get divorced? But if you speak to divorced people, it's like, honestly, I'm still very, very grateful for that experience because, like, I got to go into the fantasy and the perfect wedding and the perfect engagement and all of the things that I'm not like dying for it anymore. The way that I see a lot of my friends who never have been married are that I'm like, beautiful. But like, for me the relationship matters more. Like, I personally would never even have a wedding again. And so the very thing that we're afraid of, it's like sometimes that gives us the freedom to actually really choose love. And so the next place I want to go is why are we choosing a relationship? You know, historically have been choosing it because of financial reasons, family reasons, safety reasons. Why are you choosing it today? What do you actually want this relationship for? Why do you want to be in a relationship now? These are really good things to journal on and be clear because I know the first thing you might say is like, well, I just, I just love the feeling of being in love and you know, I want someone to do life with. And let's really break it down because the feeling of being really in love is a feeling. You know, we all love that feeling. We're biologically wired to. But that super just in love feeling, it can't last in that same way over many, many years because you just wouldn't get anything done. It's like you're freaking drunk in love, you know, and so you can't, you can't do anything else when you're feeling that. And so it, it goes and it deepens and it goes through, you know, becomes a deeper bond and a family love. But I think a lot of us are really attached to that. Like, you know, and I know people say the honeymoon stage doesn't end if you choose the right person. It's like, ask anyone that's been in a relationship for over five years. Even if you guys had so much chemistry and traction, it changes it. It doesn't mean it's a bad thing. You love each other more. But after four or five years, things change. After seven years even more. And so I feel a lot of the relationship advice out there are from people who've really only had max 2 year relationships where you still are in the, this like very hormonally activated place that you're not really seeing the truth of who that person is because it takes a lot of time to really get to know someone. And on top of that, that person is, is changing. So we often fall in love and they say the first six months of, of being in love with Someone is purely. We just love who we are around them. And so I want you to think of that person that you like had the best connection with. Like the one that you're like, I wish it could work with them. The one that you have limerence over. So let's bring in that word since a lot of you guys requested to learn about it. So limerence is when you just have this like obsessive crush that you cannot think about anything else. It is, everything is a sign that's related to them. You're like, this must be my twin flame. And it feels like there are so many parallels and so many synchronicities and so many things and it's like, like the universe is telling you guys to be together, but for whatever reason, like they don't want that. Which is so weird because it's like God is like trying to make this happen. Why don't you go with the plan? You know, I don't know. And so a lot of us have gone through these situations and most of the time it can only happen when the person is not choosing you. That's right. You can only have an obsessive crush around someone who's not choosing you back. But why is that? That wouldn't make sense. Because I want to be in love with them and live forever after. Well, the reason is because you are casting your undying, unwavering, never ending pool of love on this person that never becomes something real. You never see them take a shit it. You never hear the way they talk to their mom. You never see any of the things about them that could turn you off, that could turn into a problem. You never see this side of this person. So you have this fantasy about them. And you get to cast all of your love towards this fantasy because it's not being reciprocated. It's like there's so much space for it. So you can only have limerence around an unavailable person and their unavailability is triggering that core childhood wound of you. That I am not enough. That I need to work for love, That I need to be perfect for love. I need to be beautiful for love. I need to perform for love. And if I just get it right, I'll get their attention. And if I can keep their attention, I'll get them to see how amazing I am. And once they see how amazing I am, then for sure they'll choose me because the signs are there. Am I speaking into anyone's experience? Guys, I only know everything I say because I've gone through it myself, I'm no better than thou know, but I've definitely gone through the limerence thing and most of the time I'm gonna be real with you. Limerence happens when you're traumatized. You know, like limerence happens when you're straight out of that divorce, that heartbreak. It's the first stage because you're not actually ready for something real. Because when something's real, it's not gonna be about that unavailable person who's like super hot or rich or famous or whatever. The thing is, which by the way, is just an unlived version of yourself. So we can only have limerence around someone that we want to become more like. So who's that person you have the obsessive crush on? Maybe it's someone you've never even met. Maybe it's this Timothy Chalamet guy everyone seems to love so much. Not my type, but anyways, why do you love him so much? What is it about him? Is it you love how he's very charming? Is it that you love how he's well spoken? Do you love that he's super successful? What is it about him? And how are those qualities that you have yet to fully embody within yourself? So I have some friends that they love super, super wealthy guys. Like that is the thing for them. They want like a Russian daddy, daddy. That's their type. And I'm like, maybe you should really focus on your entrepreneurial path. You clearly want money, you clearly want wealth. That's the thing that you want to step into. And then she realized and she started to make that more of her focus. For me, the person I had the limerent crush on was an afrobeat singer and music producer before I started making music. And I was like, damn, I wish we could just date and be in the music studio. He could teach me how he makes melodies and chords and how he does the top lines and sets the whole song and arranges it and then masters it. Like that was the relationship I wanted. For some reason it never hit me that maybe I just want to make music. But because I didn't know I had the capacity to, I had never tried to. I just saw. Wow, he sings so well. The songs are so good. I love his style, I love how he dances. I love his island vibe to him, I. I want want that in my life. And so as women, we've been taught historically, if you want something in your life, you got to date it, but really you just got to be it. So then I started to become that island, the Gal, I started to produce my own music. I started to sing. I started to be that version in my own way. And then the limerence completely went away because it did its job. Like that crush was really just guiding you towards this unexpressed version of yourself, that once you express it, the crush is no longer a dangling carrot trying to get you anywhere. So whatever it is, whomever it is, it's like, how do I actually want to be that? And now how can I become that? How can I integrate those qualities within myself? And I guarantee you, the crush will shift and it will continue to move to these different, unfulfilled versions of yourself until you no longer need crushes to become something. But rather, you realize love is there to be a partner to you, to be a counterpart to you, rather than a muse or a goal to you. And then from that place, you're no longer attracted to the shiny object. You don't even really have crushes anymore, because, again, a crush is a perfect projection, but you're actually looking for a true partnership. And a true partnership is not going to come from the person you're, like, super obsessed with, and they're. They're not responding to your texts, and you're hoping they do. The crush is never going to be the relationship. Like, ask most people in a relationship. I mean, maybe if you guys met in high school. But as you get older, the relationship is the one that felt smooth, easy, consistent. There definitely was a spark, a feeling of aliveness. But I would say it feels more like. Like an ease. Like, I don't have to put on a mask when I'm talking to you. There's just a flow. There's a feeling of I've known you before. This feeling of this can't be our first time dropping in, this shared connection that you start to naturally step into, and it has to be reciprocated. And this is when we get into the finer tunings of dating, is you start to realize there's not just one person you can have that connection with. There are many, many people. I won't say it's everywhere. Love definitely is very, very rare. But I do not believe there is just one person that you can fall in love with. I believe there are different options that we have for different timelines of our life. And I can't even say some are higher or lower vibration. I just think they're different. You know, there might be a version of yourself in a parallel universe that, you know, moves to Brazil and takes on that life, and there might be a version of you that's with this tech CEO and is doing that. And so it's just what feels like this is the timeline I'm fully choosing. And it's not a one time choice, it's something you have to keep choosing as it goes on. I think we focus so much on partner finding at the beginning of like meeting the person. But it's the stage two is the dance of actually now dating them. So let's say you meet someone and there's curiosity, there's a connection there, there's an ease, there's something that feels like, wow, this actually could go somewhere. You have a good feeling about this person. This is when I feel you really get into the fine weedings of spirituality. Because there are certain things that I find pop up that are our non negotiables that we're often tested with. So for me, communication, I would say is my like biggest priority because I'm such a communicator. But source has put me in these really interest situations. I would say, for example, I dated someone that spoke only in Spanish. And I speak Spanish, but it's not my first or even second language, it's my third language. And so, you know, I, I can speak it enough, but I couldn't like as easily just like tell stories and say things and channel in the same way that I can in English. And so at the beginning I was like, this is for sure not going to work. And he actually had really amazing, amazing communication. So it's interesting because I judged this is never going to work because of communication because of you speak Spanish. But actually his communication, because of his empathy, because of his ability to sit with conflict, was incredible that we were actually really able to like navigate a lot of things that people who speak perfect English cannot. It was interesting because I was in this new experience of like, I always thought I need to be with someone, that we're like channeling back and forth and talking about spirituality and talking about this and talking about this. That. So it made me go so much deeper into the energetics of feeling love, being with someone and saying what you need to say, but not getting so lost in the mental realm. That spirit showed me was one of my tendencies that I would go on a date with someone and talk for five hours and we would be like, what do you think's free will versus destiny and what's happening with AI? And I should have recorded them. They would have been great podcast episodes. But then I would feel nothing. I'm like, that literally just felt like my job and so God put me in this, in this container where I couldn't do that. Like, I couldn't talk for five hours because translating things in Spanish is a little challenging for me. So I'd be like, okay, it's this. And then I would kind of like let it be. And I feel because of that there was actually like very, very deep, like love, heart to heart connection that the mental tends to block. And so it, it showed me that and, and, and it didn't work out. But what I take from that experience is I don't need to talk for hours and hours and hours on it. That's not what connection, my highest level of connection feels like. In this stage of my life, I want to be with someone that it's a lot more energetic, a lot more soulful, a lot more heart to heart. And so I'm taking that. And so I've heard that the way you enter into a relationship mirrors where you're at, and then the reason why you don't work mirrors what still still needs to be resolved. So in, in this situation, he was very Christian and I'm obviously very spiritual and, and that wouldn't have aligned. And so what I took from that was what I thought was the priority of the communication actually is a lot more around empathy and listening and ability to just handle conflict. And so that actually doesn't need to be. It's a priority, but in a different way. But then what I realized that I hadn't made so much of a priority because before I was like, okay, you can spiritual in any way. Like, it doesn't, it doesn't matter to me. But I had never really been with someone who's like a hardcore, like born again Christian. And I, So I was open to it. I was interested and curious. I learned a lot about a lot of similarities between the Bible and, you know, what we say in the, in the Vedic studies. But ultimately it wasn't a fit for that reason. So what I'm taking from that is I'm not a fit with someone who's very religious, you know, and so I feel every single relationship, every single dating experience, we can really take something from it if we actually integrate it. It's like we can fine tune and fine tune and fine tune and the fear might be, well, if I fine tune it so much, then I'm never going to meet anyone. But I've realized it's the opposite. It's like when you're so clear about what you want, which again doesn't mean he needs to be this tall and this hot, but around, like, the connection how I feel. So instead of your list of who he is, I want you to write your list around how you feel with him. So I've noticed in the best connections that I've had are because I felt like so much fun. I felt like the most fun, free, laughing, singing, dancing version of myself. Like, that is the version of me that I love, love to be. And so the people that like our chemistry brings out that side of myself. It's like I want to be around that person. So I love. I love to feel that, but I can't only prioritize that because then I'm gonna just, you know, be with the most fun people on earth and no follow through. And so I also really love, like, the connection of, like, communication. So some people, I feel they like a lot of spaciousness in their relationships. Some people, they. They text once in the morning, they text once at night, and that's great. My friends who are more avoidant, they love it. It's perfect for them. More than that, they feel smothered. For me, I'm. I'm secure attachment, done a lot of work around it, but where I tend to go is. Is more on the anxious side. But instead of making that wrong, I know I work best with people that we just love to talk. And it doesn't feel like, oh, God, I. I have to. It's like, I'm curious about what you're doing and this. And we have our own lives, we have our own routines. We have our own things we're passionate about. But I in with people who. Who just love that, like, communication is not something that's hard for them to do or something they need to remind themselves to do. And it's getting them out of their flow. It's rather. It's like they're genuinely. And I've dated men who are super, super busy and have time to text and guys who aren't and don't. And so it's really more of a preference thing. And so I know that about myself. So if it's. If someone just doesn't really communicate, it's just not going to work out. So these are the things you only learn through dating. And I know a us are like, gh, I tried. It didn't work. It's like, at first you don't succeed. Pick yourself up and try again. As Aaliyah said, I do feel sometimes it's important to take breaks to kind of like, clear and restore to come back into right mind. But this Universe responds to our action. And if you really want true love, you need to take the action and the risk of things not working, of connections that, that, you know, don't go anywhere. But you always learn something every single time. So instead of being like, oh, I have to go on a date, I have to get ready, I have to put on makeup, I have to do all these things instead, be like, I'm meeting this interesting person who by the way, is also taking time out of their schedule, who by the way, is also taking a risk meeting someone. And also they are paying for it too. So imagine that on top of things. And so I see it as like, wow, how beautiful that even in this disconnected society, even in this world that we don't. You don't need relationships to survive. Two strangers are still taking the risk of trying. And to me, that's so freaking beautiful. And I really, really value anyone that is willing to take time out of their busy schedule to see me and also me to see them. It's not like I'm the prize and you should just be lucky to be in my energy. I really see it as like both people are, are really taking, taking a big risk here. And I, and I always honor that. And I always learned something. There's always something I can, I can gain from that experience. Now, if you've had experiences that you haven't, it's likely you just haven't vetted them. So always, always, always FaceTime. Always FaceTime before meeting someone. And most people aren't going to suggest it, so you need to. But I have found that that can just mitigate a lot of those. Like you meet someone and you don't have a vibe. And also, also, even if you do, if you FaceTime, you're just going to be a lot more comfortable because you've talked before, whereas it's like you're meeting them, you've never had a conversation. Just like, hi, are you so and so. Oh, yeah, that is. It's like this awkward things. Whereas if you FaceTime before you can have a conversation. And I have found the people who like I ended up more so dating were the ones that the moment we FaceTime there was flow, you know, and there's some people, like, honestly, within the first minute you can feel might be like, what do I say on this FaceTime? Just keep it really casual. Please don't do your hair and makeup and all the things, because first of all, don't waste your time. Second of all, I have found that a lot of people ghost, you know, it's pretty sad, but ghosting is super, super common. I've had an experience before that we were supposed to FaceTime and they didn't show up. And then they messaged me, like, the next day or two days later. I was like, what? So. So I would say just, like, be your more natural self. Maybe put on mascara if you want, or do it on a day you already have makeup on and just be on your couch. Be chill. Most likely, he is more nervous than you are. And just ask a question, like, something about their profile. Like, come up with some kind of question about their profile to just start, like, be like, oh, like, what do you. Like, what was your favorite city in Thailand? Or whatever. The thing is to just start the conversation and be observant of them. Like, really be, like, looking at how they're talking, like, their energy. Because everyone has certain mannerisms and certain. I find, like, the people you're attracted to, it's like their mannerisms, you're. You're attracted to those mannerisms and the people you're not. It's just like, certain things are just like, that's not it. You might be thinking, what if I don't like this person? How do I get off the FaceTime? So I like to say from the beginning, like. Like, oh, I actually have, like, five minutes before da da da da da before my friend comes over. I actually have 10 minutes before I'm supposed to start a shoot or whatever. The thing is. So give an amount of time. Like, my cousin is coming over in 10 minutes from the beginning. So then it's like, it can't go on too long. And then if you really, really, really want, you can keep talking. I'm sure they won't remember, but sometimes it's nice to just keep it short and, like, just be like, it's just a vibe check. That's really what a FaceTime time is. It's a handshake. It's a vibe check. Are you even a real person or a me catfish here, you know, and so ask a question. Feel into how you feel talking to them again. They're probably nervous you're not getting the full experience of them. But if there's enough of a curiosity. So let's say you're talking to someone on an app, and then they're like, oh, well, I would love to, you know, show you da da da da. Or I would love to see da da da. And they're suggesting for you guys to meet. Be like, oh, I would really love if you could tell. Tell me about that over a FaceTime or sometimes I'm even like, like that sounds amazing. I would love to meet you on FaceTime first. And if they're like no, we can't FaceTime it's like, well, definitely don't meet with them in person. You know, that's pretty creepy. Most people, I think it's, it's kind of normal now, you know. So wait till the conversation gets to the point that they are asking you on a date. And then I suggest the FaceTime. I don't, I don't match with someone and say let's FaceTime. I use it as my response before going on a date. And I would say I've evaded a lot of having to meet people in real life from doing this because most of them I actually don't meet after the FaceTime which imagine I actually like drove out in traffic and met this person. So I would say it's going to save you a lot and a lot and a lot of time. And then if there is some someone that you like, at least you've had a conversation, at least you know it's vibing and then it will be a lot less awkward in person. Now let's talk about actual dating. I want you to just keep checking in on the date. How do I feel? How do I feel in my own body? And so I love to just like take a break and go to the bathroom and just check in with myself. Like I'm such a like empath and I'm a projector in human design as well. So I will be so enwrapped in the conversation, conversation and the date in that person that I will like completely forget about my own experience. I'm like we, I have to drink water and go to the bathroom. Like I forget I even have like a human body. And so I often will like breathe and just remind myself and like touch my leg and feel into my feet and just connect back into my own experience. And so I love if I go to the bathroom just like being in the bathroom stall and just taking a few moments like taking three breaks breaths. And I find that the energy all of a sudden just super drops in because when we're on a date like it is this like girl like excitement also like performer thing that can come out that you're like yeah and this and that. And I feel so many of us, we want the date to go really well and so we're like over trying to like pick up the slack. And I found that too. It's like sometimes I'm like, oh, that date went well. And I'm like, wait. Actually, it was just me being the vibe. I'm just a lot of fun, you know? And so I've kind of learned to not try to fill up the space, to try to not do extra and really energetically be in my own frame. And so I want you to think of the energy, like, being here at the edge of my seat where I'm like, you know, like. Yeah. And it's this. Oh, my God. Yeah, me too. Oh, my God. Totally. Yeah. Like, and that's, like, how girls we relate to. To each other. We're like, yeah, you. Yeah. And we're, like, really trying to make the other person feel comfortable, and it's sort of like a fawning tactic that we do. And instead, I want you to, like, energetically be in your throne. So lean back, think. How would Cleopatra be on a date? Would she be over performing? Would she be trying to get this person to like her? No, she's observant, she's warm, but she's not trying to win. Because dating is not about trying to get someone to want to be with you. It's about genuinely being so honest that you naturally find the right person who's a fit for you. And so show your red flags, whatever they are. Talk about the things that are different about you. You know, so many of us, I feel, we go into the date this perfect, polished version of ourselves, and then we enter into the relationship and we're like, I'm a witch and I'm wild, and, you know, I this, and I'm all the expressions of the feminine. And we're like, why doesn't he see me? And it's like, well, because you didn't show those parts of yourself, and so you entered into a relationship with someone who thought you were here in this little box, but you were this wild goddess. And he's like, huh, who is this, this? But if you were just more honest with that, I'm not saying the first date go freaking like collie, but little things that are your things in a relationship that matter to you, start sharing them earlier on, because if it's genuinely not a fit, you don't want to waste either of your time, you know, so it's like, for me, I know if someone doesn't like texting, they're just not a fit for me. Like, there's just not enough emotional, like, going back and forth, like, connection for me to stay interested in that. And so. And I know that about myself. And I'm not saying after the first date we need to be talking all the time, but if it's like someone who goes days without texting, that's just not a fit for me. For some people, they might actually like that. And so you do gotta just be honest about it. And look, some people do things so they're used to it or they learned this from their ex and they don't need to be. So it doesn't need to be. You cut that person off. You might say, you know, when I'm dating someone, I really love hearing, hearing from them every single day. I'm so curious, you know, what you're doing, what you're up to. I would love to be in more connection with you. And they might be like, oh, okay, cool. I didn't want to come off as too needy. The person I dated before didn't like if I texted them too much. And so that's what I thought people wanted, you know, so it doesn't necessarily need to be. You cut them off instantly. But expressing this is something that I like. And there are some things that you can change or meet halfway, and then there are some things that I can't. You know, if it's like, I really want to be in a relationship where we live close and they live on the other side of the country or the world, it's like, okay, unless one of you guys moves, it's going to be long distance. Are you okay with that? And ultimately, we're all in the relationships that we accept. And so this doesn't mean just don't accept everything. You'll get perfection. No, there are some things that we can accept that aren't ideal, but we're willing to accept them because it's what, worth the compromise of love? Because being in love is so epic and amazing that I'm willing to not have this thing that would have been nice, but I'm willing to not have it. And there are certain things that we might be like. I've done that before. I've done the long distance thing, and I know for sure I don't want to do that again. And that actually needs to be a deal breaker for you, which means if you're in that situation again or you're attracted to the person in Italy, it's like, I already know where this is going to take me, and I don't want that this. And I feel the reason why we repeat these patterns that we don't like is because we really haven't made that thing a true deal breaker. For us. Because if it's a true deal breaker, we will walk away. And that doesn't mean walk away from every little minor annoyance. For sure your partner is going to annoy you. For sure there's going to be things you want to change about them. Ask any couple. But the more important things, like, I want to be with someone that has the ability to travel sometimes times if someone's like, I am a doctor and I can really never travel, and that's your number one priority. It's like, you might have a great connection, but the lifestyles aren't a fit. And that brings us to the question of is love enough? And I would say it's not to make a lifelong life partnership work. There's life and there's love. I think there are a lot of people that you can share love with. And sometimes those contracts are more meant to come and go. There are glimpses of different realities, of different aspects of ourself. They awaken different codes. They teach us different things. And when the love is good, you fundamentally shift as a person on the other side. And there are fewer people who will actually make the effort into creating a life. And really what it all comes down to is the effort. I do believe if two people genuinely choose to make it work, they can. But it takes both people making the effort. And I find most people right now in the dating world are afraid of that because they've tried it and hasn't worked. But the only way it can work is if you try again. And so what I'll say is going back. Dating doesn't feel natural. It's annoying, it's stressful and all these things, but it's the only way that we can actually have the very thing that we want most in life. Love. And even if it's not someone that you met through your dating, you might have these experiences and meet someone else through this crazy synchronicity, but you still will be so grateful for those experiences because they shaped you and prepared you for this person. So no lesson ever goes in vain. It's always teaching us, it's always adapting us. And it really all comes down to how we see it. Do we see it as a mirror of our consciousness helping us grow? Or do we see it as is a waste of time? And that's what it's going to be. So this was a full dating masterclass, guys. Hinge should hire me or something, so I hope this was helpful. Let me know what other questions you would love for me to really dive deep into on the solo cast here on the podcast, please leave a review on YouTube. I read every single one. It's full video there as well, so you can be vibing with me all of the episodes and video in my new home studio. By the way, have you noticed this gorgeous place that I've set up here? So I'm very, very excited to be recording here in LA in this gorgeous set again and for all of the beautiful episodes to come this year. So be sure to subscribe wherever you're listening to this podcast and I'll see you in the next one. Namaste. Trust your intuition, Trust your inner wisdom. Trust your inner guidance. Close your eyes and listen. So just intuition. Trust your inner wisdom, Trust your inner guidance.