Highest Self Podcast® Ep. 642

How To Date As A Spiritual Woman - Limerence, Dating Apps + Non-Negotiables
Host: Sahara Rose | Date: February 18, 2026

Episode Overview

In this vibrant and soul-baring solo episode, Sahara Rose dives into the realities of modern dating as a spiritual woman. She blends personal anecdotes, humor, energetic wisdom, and real-world tips to help spiritual women navigate dating apps, break cycles like limerence, and clarify non-negotiables. Sahara candidly unpacks the unique joys and disappointments of seeking deep, aligned love in the digital age, all while encouraging listeners to stay true to their essence and let dating become a potent mirror for healing and growth.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Modern Dating: Unnatural Yet a Spiritual Portal

• Societal Shift:
  Sahara opens by reflecting on how "dating" is historically unnatural: for most of human history, people met partners within their own tribe or extended familiarity (07:00).

  "We are going against thousands of years of the person that you would likely raise your children with was someone that you already knew since you were born...but now it's like, I need to go on an app with a bunch of random people and find the person who's going to be the most significant to me that I'm going to create an entirely new lineage with out of these strangers’ pictures" (07:50).

• Dating as a Mirror:
  Dating, especially post-breakup or transformation, is “the ultimate spiritual initiation.” It mirrors your unhealed aspects, desires, and boundaries (04:10).

• The Paradox of Possibility:
  While modern dating opens opportunities ("literally, you could fall in love with someone from a completely different country" 09:00), the abundance of choice can foster detachment and decision fatigue.

  "Our human psyche can't fathom how many options there are...we think we could work with so many different people, but we’re taking the options less seriously" (10:30).

2. Dating Apps: Energetics & Practical Tips

• Benefits & Realities:
  Sahara debunks the spiritual taboo around dating apps, celebrating their role in connection while addressing their shadows (13:00).

  "I'm not anti dating app at all. Like, I hear a lot of spiritual teachers say, 'Don't go on dating apps. The people there are trash.'...But honestly, like if you've been on a dating app, you're not trash. There are amazing people" (13:10).

• Digital Dynamics:

  • Illusion of options: You can miss out on wonderful connections by swiping too quickly (11:40).
  • Consciousness Mirror:

    "What you're experiencing in dating is a huge mirror to your consciousness. So when you are only meeting fuckboys, there is a part of you that is still saying yes to that frequency." (15:00)

• Profile Optimization:

  • No Filters:

    “Please do not put filters on your photos. You never want someone to think she looked better on the app than in real life...When we're using filters, you can't see the person's soul.” (39:00)

  • Authenticity Over Perfection:
    • Show the “weird" or spiritual aspects of yourself—don’t just curate generic or modelesque images (41:10).

    "The things that are fringe and weird about you, share those...That’s soulmate energy." (43:00)

  • Profile Prompts:
    • Focus on who you are rather than a demanding wish-list of what you seek in a partner (46:00).
    • "The more you're giving people a feel and experience of what dating you is like, the more alive it becomes." (48:00)
  • Fresh Start:

    "You know, you can actually delete your old app and create a new profile, and that will reset your algorithm brand new!" (50:05)

• State of Mind:

  • Your inner state colors your dating app results. Approach it with gratitude and possibility—not with disdain or “I hope I don’t meet anyone here” (54:00).

3. Stages of Dating as a Spiritual Woman

• Experimentation to Void to Openness:

  • "Fuckboy" Phase:

    • If you’re only attracting unavailable partners, ask what part of you is still unconsciously desiring non-commitment (15:20).
    • Many women cycle out of this phase quickly, seeking soul-merging connection rather than casual flings (16:20).
    • Notable quote:

      “If you really want to have a makeout, keep it moving because you’re probably going to want to dive deeper.” (25:55)

  • Void & Specificity:

    • After outgrowing casualness, a “giant void” arises—you’re clear about what you don’t want, but what you do seek isn’t materializing (29:40).

    “You can be this Rapunzel waiting in her castle forever, or you gotta go around and fuck around and find out.” (32:00)

  • Letting Go of the List:

    • Real relationships rarely match the hyper-specific fantasy. Opening your heart shifts more than sticking rigidly to a checklist (33:40):

    “I don’t know anyone who's with a ‘perfect guy.’ I’ve never met them...But I know people who are in beautiful relationships they wouldn’t trade for the world.” (34:20)

  • Chemistry & Connection:

    • Don’t overrule attraction or chemistry. It’s often a signal of genuine connection (38:10).
    • Sometimes, you can’t force it, no matter how good someone is “on paper.”

    "There was one guy...really amazing human, perfect on paper...but I was not attracted to him...There was no biological pull" (38:40).

4. Limerence: Obsessive Crush vs. Real Love

• What Limerence Is:

  “Limerence is when you just have this obsessive crush that you cannot think about anything else...It feels like everything is a sign that’s related to them, this must be my twin flame...” (75:10)

  • Unavailable People:

    • You can only feel limerence for someone not truly available or not reciprocating—because then fantasy can flourish, untested by real life.
    • Often, limerence fixates on someone who embodies qualities you haven’t yet integrated into yourself (78:00):

      "We can only have limerence around someone that we want to become more like...For me, the person I had the limerent crush on was an afrobeat singer...I just saw, wow, he sings so well...I want that in my life."

    • The solution: Focus on developing those sought-after traits in yourself.

  • Letting Go of Fantasy:

    • Limerence fades when you evolve into the version of yourself that no longer needs to chase unavailable ideals (81:00).

5. Non-Negotiables, Real Connection & Conscious Compromise

• Refining Your List:

  “Instead of your list of who he is, I want you to write your list around how you feel with him.” (98:20)

  • Seek connections that bring out your joy, aliveness, and authenticity—not just someone who ticks boxes.

• Communication & Compatibility:

  • Sahara shares a personal story of dating someone who only spoke Spanish—at first, she doubted communication would work, but discovered empathy and the ability to handle conflict were far more important than chit-chat (95:00).

    "I judged: 'This is never going to work because you speak Spanish.' But actually, his communication, because of empathy and ability to sit with conflict, was incredible..." (95:12)

  • Experiences in relationships reveal what truly matters—sometimes your non-negotiables change with self-awareness.

• Dealbreakers vs. Compromises:

  • Some traits/life circumstances ARE dealbreakers (e.g., long-distance, lifestyle differences, incompatible values). Own those clearly—don’t compromise on what erodes your joy.

    "If it's a true dealbreaker, we will walk away. And that doesn't mean walk away from every little minor annoyance..." (110:25)

• Is Love Enough?:

  "Is love enough? I would say it's not to make a lifelong partnership work. There’s life and there’s love. Sometimes the love is meant to awaken parts of ourselves, but isn't meant to last forever." (111:30)

6. Women, Age, and Dating Paradigm Shifts

• Women’s Value Increases with Age:

  • Sahara challenges patriarchal myths:

    “Women are actually reaching their sexual peaks in their 30s and 40s, and then often, the men are declining in it. Which is also why I think the younger guy-older woman thing is working for a lot of people.” (69:00)

  • No Shame in Non-Traditional Choices:

    • Women no longer prioritize partners for money or social security; liberation allows choosing connection for love, adventure, and self-fulfillment (71:00).

7. Practical Rituals & Energetics for Dating Success

• Always FaceTime First:

  • Avoid wasting energy by insisting on a FaceTime "vibe check" before meeting in person (124:35).
  • Frame it as casual and time-limited to minimize awkwardness.

• Embody Queen Energy:

  • Sahara invites listeners to “energetically sit on your throne.” Don’t over-perform; be honest and present, show your quirks early.

    “Dating is not about trying to get someone to want to be with you. It's about genuinely being so honest that you naturally find the right person who's a fit for you.” (130:40)

  • Feeling Into Your Body:

    • Check in with yourself throughout a date—how do you actually feel? Take bathroom breaks to reconnect with your nervous system (128:10).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Dating is the ultimate spiritual initiation. Like, the way we see ourself, mirrored, unhealed aspects of self… Dating is such a freaking mirror.”
  — Sahara Rose, 04:12

• “You can be this, like, Rapunzel waiting in her castle forever, or you gotta go around and fuck around and find out.”
  — Sahara Rose, 32:00

• “I'm not anti dating app at all… honestly, like if you've been on dating app, you're not trash. Like, there are amazing people.”
  — Sahara Rose, 13:15

• “What you're experiencing in dating is a huge mirror to your consciousness. So when you are only meeting fuckboys, there is a part of you that is still saying yes to that frequency.”
  — Sahara Rose, 15:00

• “We can only have limerence around someone that we want to become more like... So as women, we've been taught historically, if you want something in your life, you got to date it, but really you just got to be it.”
  — Sahara Rose, 78:40

• “Instead of your list of who he is, I want you to write your list around how you feel with him.”
  — Sahara Rose, 98:20

• “Dating is not about trying to get someone to want to be with you. It's about genuinely being so honest that you naturally find the right person who's a fit for you.”
  — Sahara Rose, 130:40

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment & Topic | |-----------|---------------------------------------------------| | 00:00 | Introduction; The Rapunzel Dilemma, Desire vs. List | | 07:00 | The Evolution of Dating: From Tribes to Apps | | 13:00 | Dating Apps: Myths, Mirrors, and Mindsets | | 15:00 | The Mirror of Consciousness / Attracting Patterns | | 25:55 | On Experimentation & “Just Make Out” Phase | | 29:40 | Outgrowing Fuckboys: Entering “The Void” | | 32:00 | Letting Go & Opening to Real Love | | 38:10 | Chemistry, Biology, and “On Paper” Disappointments| | 39:00 | Profile Tips: Filters, Photos, and Authenticity | | 41:10 | Why Show Your “Weird” Side? (Temple Selfies Example) | | 54:00 | Apps Reflecting Your State of Mind | | 69:00 | Dating Younger Men, Ageism & Women’s Rising Power | | 75:10 | Limerence: Obsessive Crushes Unmasked | | 98:20 | Revisiting Non-Negotiables & The Feeling List | | 124:35 | Always FaceTime Before Meeting | | 128:10 | Energetic Self-Check-ins During Dates | | 130:40 | Queen Energy: Honesty & Early Vulnerability |

Final Wisdoms

• Dating is a spiritual journey and healing mirror—lean into uncomfortable lessons.
• Drop the “perfect list” and focus on how a relationship feels for YOU.
• Use apps as tools, not as signs of failure—approach with gratitude and curiosity.
• Your needs and standards will evolve with your self-awareness.
• Show your true self early; honest energy is your soulmate filter.
• When limerence (obsessive crushes) arise, look within: Which qualities are you really yearning to embody?
• Honor your dealbreakers and be open to love showing up differently than you envisioned.
• Approach dating as an adventure, not a burden—a “dance between risk and reward, effort and surrender.”

For more, connect with Sahara on Instagram: @iamsahararose and check her offerings at iamsahararose.com

Note: Timestamps approximate due to single-speaker fluid style. Advertisement and promo segments omitted.