← Highest Self Podcast®
Highest Self Podcast®
654: How To Clear Relational Blocks Through Family Constellations With Horses with Gabriela Saris
01:24:28
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- [00:00]
A
Can you share? How do the horses pick up on our energy?
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B
A horse can see you and feel you and can see your micro change of your face muscles. We are in an energy in a bubble. Horses with their sensibility is the best to translate what is going on in your field to their body. They are social animals like us. Their communication is full body in the family constellation. Most of the time you have to be in your body. You have to get in touch with the whole thing that is going on. Your emotions, the horses, they don't think like us. Maybe you will stop the movement, right? Horses won't do that. They feel it and they transfer the movement.
- [00:56]
A
Go. Trust flows. Welcome back to the High Self podcast. My name is Sahara Rose and on this podcast I love to talk about spirituality. But make it modern, fun, grounded and relatable so it can actually serve your needs. I started this podcast nine years ago and it has taken me on the deepest journey through my divorce, through my dark night of the soul, with my family health challenges. The list goes on. And I love to share the tools that have actually made an impact and a difference on my life because I am the human guinea pig that I bring to you guys. I'm. And not even just for this podcast. I feel some of us are just on a path of liberation. We know this lifetime is about us deeply understanding ourselves and who we are and why we have these patterns and getting really curious about these tendencies that we have, these, these desires, these fears and where they're all coming from. And I feel no conversation around spirituality can really exist without ancestral healing. So we stand upon our ancestors shoulders. Good, bad, ugly. We are a culmination of thousands and thousands of people who have fallen in love or not and have created us. And so there have been moments in my journey where I'm like, why the did I choose my parents? This makes no sense. And then there are moments that I'm like, oh, I totally see why. Like I needed to have this dad, to have my level of intellect and this mom, to have my level of freedom. And then I needed to kind of do some unfinished business that no one in Iran was able to do. And here I am in Brazil trying to make it happen. So we, we stand on their shoulders. We also carry on their unlimited dreams. And there may be things that we desire that are actually related to unfulfilled dreams that belong to our ancestors. And I didn't even really know how much this was running the show for me until I did. Family constellations with horses. Yes, you heard that right Horses like the species. So I had done family constellations years ago, which you, if you haven't heard from it, it's a form of very deep ancestral healing to see how the patterns in your life are related to your lineage. And I had done it maybe four years ago, and it was on zoom and it was with cards and it was very, very life changing. And someone told me you could actually do it in person here in Floripa, Brazil, with horses. And I was like, how? Like, what do horses have to do with this? And she said, I did it and it changed my life. I don't even want to tell you anything about it. You just need to go do it. You need to go do it. And I was like, okay, fine. And so I decided to do it. And guys, like, it is akin up there with how life changing the medicine was for me, with this experience. It is truly medicinal. And why I say that is not just what happens during, but the fabrics that it unwinds after. Like, the same way when you have a very deep ceremony, you're having these, like insane realizations where you're like, oh, my God, I just realized that. Oh, my God, I need to admit that truth to myself.
- [04:09]
B
And.
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A
And you might be like crying for days, but, like having these insane aha. Moments that that happened. And it's been a couple of weeks and I'm still integrating and still having realizations. And so I knew I needed to bring her on the podcast. So in this episode, we're going to talk about ancestral healing, family constellations, how our generational patterns are passed down, how we can clear them, and how you can too, before we drop in. Darling, it would mean the world to me if you would subscribe because I've noticed that over 50% of you who are watching it on YouTube spot are not yet subscribed. So this allows you to stay in the flow for future conversations. Maybe get a fun little British accent from me. How am I doing? And it also supports this podcast, which I love to continue to make free for you. So wherever you're listening to this, be sure to hit subscribe and let's get into this episode. So without further ado, let's welcome Gabby here on the Highest Self podcast.
- [05:03]
B
Hello, welcome. Thank you. Thank you for this invitation.
- [05:07]
A
I'm so excited people get to experience you because you are such a medicine woman, a shaman Ness, a witch. Like, you don't mess around. Like, the moment that I'm in your energy, I feel like I'm in a ceremonial space because of the depth that you hold. And so thank you for being you and for committing to this work because it's not easy.
- [05:27]
B
Thank you so much. It's something that it comes from, I think, all the work with the horses and it's so vital in my body, my heart. It's something that I never had contact with horses in my childhood or anything. And it does just come. And of course self knowledge is something that it's coming in my life more and more and more. And it's a never ending, never ending journey. It's a way of us understanding who we are and how we are in that moment. Because each time in our lives we are in a, in a moment, in a way. Remember when you are like 15 years old, maybe it was not exactly how you are right now. And of course, all the self knowledge, the work that we do, it comes more close and close to us, to our soul, to our being. So thank you so much for me having the space to express myself and to show this amazing work that is the family constellation. Horse is the ancestral, ancestral healing.
- [06:43]
A
So how did you stumble across family constellations?
- [06:47]
B
It was. Well, it was pandemic and I decided when I'm going to rewind and I'm going to go from the beginning. When I came to Floripa, I'm from Sao Paulo, the city, the big city. And when I, I came to live in Floripa, I saw somebody riding horse on the street and I was like, whoa, can I do that here? This is amazing. But I never had any idea that I was gonna get so close to horses. Like it happened. So later, a few years later, I, my daughter started to do classes like it was not really the sport sport, but you learn everything. You learn how to give a shower to the horse, so you learn how to ride correctly. But not as a sport, not anything. Like it's like a very. Where we. You did the constellation. So we were there and I said, well to me, get close to my daughter. Why not I do the class with her? So I started and I was so fearful and everything was like tight on me. And I started with, I started with her and later on I was like, I'm in love with this. Like I can explain the passion that comes to me being close to them. And in the pandemic I saw a course for constellation they called Kahuna. Kahuna stand for Kavalu, which is horse, human and nature. So that's what stands for this school. And I decided to do it. I was like, why not? I had one experience only with family constellation with my therapist at that time. And it was like, whoa. I never forget. Like it was about my mom. And I saw it was with people, not horses, but I saw exactly how I treat my mom. And that was so important to me. So important for me to see how sometimes I was arrogant, I was not appropriate, I humiliate her. So that seeing that from the outside was like a shock. And I was like, I don't want to be this person. I don't want to be somebody that even my roots, I'm like denigrate, like I'm like killing it, right? And the person that we know that most love us, right? Because I'm a mom and I'm 100% sure that my children, it's the most important thing, even though they. It's like, I don't know who they gonna be. You know, we do the work, but we don't actually know the path, right? So that was the beginning when I was like, oh, this is shrunk. And it was funny because I felt that was like kind of a theater thing, right? With people it's a little different than with the horses in a different ways. So I did the course and I was like, okay, that's not for me. I was like, no way, I'm not going to do that. The. The guy, it's a German guy. And I start to read the books and I. It's like so harsh. And I start to see some aspects of like, not so good about women. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, that's not for me. I'm continuing yoga and that's perfect. And I talked to my teacher. I was like, how I'm going to get close to this because I can. Like, it has a harshness on his books and it's so technical. And she said, gabby, listen to your heart. Listen to your heart. It's only your eyes and your feelings. It will guide you. You know it. And that was so important to me. But any. Anyway, I didn't do anything about it. So one day on my birthday a few years ago, I was alone. I decided to have my birthday by myself. And I took a trip close by. And I wake up in the morning, got all my stuff, my witch's stuff, got my cards, candles, everything. And I sit on the beach in the sunrise the day of my birthday. And I close my eyes and I'm like, I need a guidance. I need where to go. I know yoga is a good thing. I know it's has been my path for so long, but I need Guidance God, you know? And when I open my eyes, I'm never going to forget. Had so many horses in front of me with people riding, and I was like, whoa, that's it. The horses are picking me up again. I have to go back to the family constellation. So in the same year, my friend called me and say, let's do a retreat here on the mountains. We did. The retreat was awesome. And then things went more and more and more. And now, like, it's my best thing to do. Like, I love it. It's just so good to see how touch, like, how deep can be. Like, when you're talking about family constellation that you say, like, oh, it looks like in a medicine. It does look like a medicine. Because when we are in that field, imagine we are looking your history. We are looking most people also, that already it's not here anymore. So we are in an energy, in a bubble. I don't know if you felt that.
- [13:14]
A
Oh, the moment I stepped on that ranch, like, and you were just already in the, like, ceremonial space, and it was like, you're in the field. And I noticed how you were, like, I was saying things and you were watching how the horses reacted to what I said, because the horses started to channel. So can you share? How do the horses pick up on our energy?
- [13:33]
B
Well, to talk about that, I have to talk a little bit about horses. So horses were here for about 15 million years. Okay. Like, the first look like horses, right. A little different. Then about 5 million years. Okay.
- [14:01]
A
And I think you guys say million for thousand in Portuguese.
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B
No, this is million.
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A
Million. 15 million years.
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B
50 million. 50 million, yeah.
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A
Oh, I would think you did 50,000 years.
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B
No.
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A
What?
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B
50 million. 1 to 2 million. That the horses were like, more looking like the horses that were.
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A
Were there Pegasuses and unicorns before?
- [14:27]
B
I hope so.
- [14:28]
A
I think so.
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B
And dragons? Yes, yes.
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A
They were here.
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B
Yeah, I think so.
- [14:34]
A
Yeah.
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B
I mean, the dinosaur is not so different than that.
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A
Where are all these ancient cultures getting them from? Okay, so they were Pegasus as they came down to the land.
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B
Yes.
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A
They're like, y' all need us.
- [14:46]
B
So 1 to 2 million. It's the. The horses that look like a little bit more. The moose tanks, they are like, shorter than they. They are now. And about to 5,002 and 6,000 years ago, we start to domesticate horses. Okay. So that's a little bit the transition of the horses and our Earth. Horses are prey animals. Right. So their attention, the way that they look, it's almost. Almost 360, almost. Okay. So they have A vision very, very big like of the everything. Their scents are extremely high. So they can feel energy, vibration, everything. So because they are prey animals. So they have to be a tent. They are in the present moment. They have to be in the present moment. The only reason.
- [15:48]
A
So they are prey to something else.
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B
Oh yeah.
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A
Who attacks them?
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B
Oh, now nothing.
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A
Right, right.
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B
Not anymore, but back then. Yes.
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A
Lions, cheetahs, panthers.
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B
Yes. Okay. I don't know exactly what the region that the forces are, but for sure they are prey.
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A
Zebras are such prey. Yes.
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B
Yeah, exactly.
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A
Zebras are kind of like stripy horses.
- [16:13]
B
Yeah. So what happened? How they survive until now? Because they have a system, a perfect system. They are social animals like us. So they learn by relationships and their communications, it's through their bodies. So a horse can. Can see you and feel you and can see your micro change of your face, of your muscles. They are extremely like they. They say, like so many people say. Oh, horse doesn't feel it. They are strong or this. No, they feel a little fly on them. So they can feel a lot Anyway. They only survive because of their sensibility, their present moment that they are. And also because how they the herd works. So a horse works like they. They have a leadership, alternate leadership. So they don't have one leader. If one horse know where is the water, that's going to be the leader of the whole herd. If the another horse knows where is the food, he's going to be the the leader of the the whole herd. So they know how to be close together. When they feel something, their communication, their ears guts pop up. So their communication is full body. Knowing that they have extremely sensibility for anything that we cannot see, that cannot maybe feel even. And they feel it and they transfer the movement to. To their body. They don't think like us in the family constellation. Most the time you have to be in your body. You have to get in touch with the whole thing that it's going on your emotions. And many people like if you are in a. In a circle of constellation and you start to want it to shake your hand. Your mind is going to say oh, I'm going to look like cross crazy person shaking my hand. So maybe you will stop the movement in. In there, right? Horses won't do that. But important to say that in your constellation or any consolation we are. I'm graduating. What I look. It's the shamanic way, right? What is the shamanic? It's all. No separation. So the wind, the direction of the wind, the way that it's raining. Or it's sunny or anything. It's information. All the animals are information, but horses with their sensibility is the best to translate what is going on in your field.
- [19:19]
A
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- [23:11]
B
Yes, exactly. It's like all about like our patterns. It's related to everybody that it came. And it's not only what they leave in a single life, in their own single life, but also what they went through in that moment. So you're talking about a culture, you're talking about suffering, right? And what do we want as human beings? The only thing that we want more than anything, Love. We want to feel love. We want to feel that somebody love us. So when you look back and you recognize and you look to your grandma and you look to your grandpa and you say, I know, I see what you went through. You putting them to notice you loving them, you free a little bit. Your path and their path, because we hold things from their lives with us, right?
- [24:17]
A
So what you're saying is even communicating with your deceased grandparents and ancestors is showing them that you love them.
- [24:24]
B
Of course, because it's not only like in a way, like straight to them, but they are part. So they, they belong. And that's our pain. Our pain is when we don't belong. We don't respect order and high Care.
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A
Hierarchy.
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B
Thank you. Yes, that's.
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A
I read your mind. We're in the field.
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B
I tried this. This word so much.
- [24:51]
A
This is her first English interview ever, and she's crushing it, by the way.
- [24:56]
B
Oh, my gosh. So. And also the. The balance. Right. Give and take. If these orders. And the constellation, basically, is like, rude. The book of bertieherdig. It's about orders of love. So that's the order of love if you missing one.
- [25:19]
A
So what are the orders?
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B
Belonging. Belonging, Order and high.
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A
Hierarchy.
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B
Hierarchy.
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A
Having an order in, like, the hierarchy. Like, the grandmother's here, the grandfather's here, the child's down here. Like, kind of knowing who. Who's your parent and who's below you.
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B
I'm gonna give you a hint that I. I'm pretty sure everybody is gonna get it.
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A
Okay.
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B
Okay. Oh, mom, you don't know what you're talking about. Oh, Mom, I think that would be so much better if you do this and this and this and this. Are you respecting the order who knows better? Who has more? Like, who is older? Is it you? Do you think really that we know so much more than our parents? Maybe in some things because we learn, but the way that we acted towards them, it's where we don't respect the order and the high and the hierarchy
- [26:16]
A
and even the hierarchy. What family Constellations has taught me is like, you don't need to make your parents and healing your parents the center of your life. And I feel like so many of us women were like, well, my relationship with my dad and my this. And we're, like, always healing. And it gave me this freedom of, your dad is just going to be how he is. That's just who he is. And stop. And a lot of mine was like this hope that he's going to change and he's going to get conscious and he's going to this. And so it was kind of shifting the hierarchy of, I'm the parent who knows better and he's the child. And I was looking to him like, well, he's this hurt, wounded boy, and he's traumatized, and he's this. And I know better. And it's like, how do I actually know better for his life?
- [26:57]
B
Exactly.
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A
Yeah.
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B
You got it. That's it.
- [27:00]
A
So what are the other ones? Balance.
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B
Give and take. Right. And belonging. And I think belonging, it's one also that gets a lot of.
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A
And I feel belonging and freedom battle a lot with each other.
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B
Yeah.
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A
Because the part of you that's like, screw my family. Screw these dynamics. Set me free. And then this other part, that's like, well, now I feel like I don't have a family.
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B
Yeah. It's a false. It's illusion. How are you like, oh, I'm out of this family. It's in your blood. It's how you breed. You 50% your dad, you 50% your mom. That's it. Who they are doesn't matter. And I think that's what we're missing. You know, it's not about a cute story. Oh, I love you, Dad. I love you, mom. Oh, you're so great. Oh, I know that you screwed up, but I still love you. That's fake. That's not real. The real thing is when you look to your parents, when you look at them and you say, first of all, they are a person. Mom and dad. It's only a part of their lives.
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A
Yeah.
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B
You know, and when you look at them and you recognize their place, what they taught you, good or bad, and you accept exception, everything, it is the way that should be the end. The if part. It's only bring us suffering. Because if doesn't exist. It's impossible. I can move the path of my parents, of my grandparents and their past built also who I am. Right.
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A
So.
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B
And I cannot change my future. We don't even know if the future is going to be there or not. Right. So when we are in presence and we know exactly that's how it should be. Because it is. That's all. And I hold what it's good for me, what my parents were able to give me. I has a book that. It's very good. I'm not going to remember the name. It's in Spanish, but that talks about the coins that every parent, every mom and dad, when you're born independent, if they are. Because that's another point. Right. We want the. We have to be careful with society. Because mom has to be this and this and this. Dad has to be this and this and this. And this is an illusion. They don't have to be nothing. Right.
- [29:56]
A
Even them being involved in our lives is a pretty new concept.
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B
Yeah, exactly. Before they were surviving.
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A
Yeah. They had kids and then you worked the field.
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B
Yes. Right.
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A
Yeah.
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B
To put food at home. So when you talking about
- [30:17]
A
that your parents are supposed to be a certain way, which I remember a lot of my suffering on my healing journey came from. I used to watch the show called Full House. I don't know if they had it in Brazil. It was like this TV show. It's like the perfect family. And the dad would like talk to the girls about their dating life and their heartbreaks and like give them advice. And I was like, my dad barely even asked me a question, let alone like holding space for me with like my emotions. And I would get really sad of like, I didn't have a good dad. And I remember finally I told him how I felt. You know, I wish you asked me more questions. I wish you cared. I wish you this, I wish you that. And he, you know, take it or leave it. He's very just straightforward. He's like, well, I didn't even have a father. So if you have 50% of father, it's better than 0%. I was like, that is so rude. Like shows everything but in a way just if I zoom out of like me feeling like a hurt girl from that statement of what he was trying to say is I don't have a roadmap. I've never even had a dad.
- [31:21]
B
Yes.
- [31:22]
A
So I don't know what your expectation is. I grew up in Iran. I was born in 1951. You know, like things were very, very different there. I never watched the show Full House. So I didn't know this was your expectation. And what my expectation of a father is is someone that works very, very hard, even if it kills them to provide a home and food and everything the family needs. And so he's, he actually thought he was the best dad ever of was his understanding of it of like. And on top of that he's like, you guys get to spend time with me and I come home for dinner and I come on the family vacations. Like I'm going above and beyond of what I like. That's how he, that was his self identity, which in a way, bless it, because I think people need to feel good about themselves. And so it's so crazy how it's like different roles that we've never told each other. And so my definition of the role is very different than his definition of the role. And I have this entire self identity around not having an emotionally available father. And that's why I chose the wrong guy. And that's why I this and that's why I that. And he has this whole identity around. Well, even though I didn't have a dad, I showed up and was consistent for my family.
- [32:30]
B
Yeah. And that's what this book talk about. So it, it talks about your parents. Your dad had only that coin to give you. Not the emotional, but the presence, the work, doing things that he Never got from his parent or his dad, so. Or either you accept that because that's all what he has to have to give you, or you're gonna look for this coin everywhere in the wrong place. And that's what we do with our partners, with men, we look for debt. The coins that we didn't accept.
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A
So would you say that Because I see kind of two schools of thought and maybe it just changes per relationship that you're always looking for your father and your partners or that you always look for the opposite.
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B
It has both ways. Right. Some people are like the rebuild rebel and wanted to do everything different. But the more that we resist and push away, the more persist. So it's still there. Right. So we look so much different. Oh, I look for a different man to my dad. But then you gonna get.
- [33:55]
A
It's always. There's some.
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B
There's something that it looks.
- [33:58]
A
Yeah like for me, because my dad was not emotionally present. I would. The guy that was like the like the wounded artist who felt so deeply and I'm like, oh my God, like he cares. You know, he feels so deeply. This is everything my dad wasn't. But then underneath those tendencies I would say were things like obviously cheating, which my dad never did. So it's like I think he's there with me because he speaks more about his feelings and he's a Scorpio and he, you know, has. And I. I'm feeling this aliveness and this intensity. But I've rejected a lot of the qualities of my dad of like just consistency, steadfastness. Because I was like, oh, that's going to come with being emotionally unavailable and boring. So let me go for the love bomber. So I can feel something.
- [34:49]
B
Yeah, it's always like her inner child in inner child hurt over there that is looking for the attention, the emotion that we didn't have. But when you start to realize that when you start to look to this child and the connection of this child to your parents and you start to look to your parents more like person and not just mom and dad. You start to put things in places. You start to attract people that it's more not. Not the shadow of your inner child. Right. You are more in a conscious adult position choosing, not choosing but receiving from the universe that you really deserve. You know what it's inside. What it's really what your soul need in that moment. The. The healing of the womb of mom and dad. It's. And we start with mom and dad obviously has so many. Imagine like if somebody in your Family example kills somebody, right? Because before how was that right? And this person, it's excluded from your family. Something will happen in up there to this person to be seen. Because this person didn't receive the love. It didn't flow, it didn't belong. He felt that didn't belong the entire life. So is it. It's a very sensitive subject because you're going to say to me, oh, so I have to accept that somebody it's a killer in my family and I love him. No, but you have to accept that everybody has their path and right choice or wrong choice, which is. Or judgmental about things, right? Because we don't even know we were not there. We didn't know anything about fell apart. When we have this look, this is a person. It's from my family. Whatever he did, he did. It's his path. I don't need to repeat. I don't need to feel what this person choose and my family chose to do. It's amazing. Like, it's like family constellation. I feel that I'm in a puzzle. And look here. Like in yours was something that was very like, look here, here, here, here. Until I was like, okay, that's it. Right now we close. So it's a puzzle. We. We keep looking, seeing all the little pieces from this. But mainly what it's bringing you this hiding dynamic. Right? So we need you to see something according to your evolution.
- [38:03]
A
So for people listening, I know you have a meditation that we can do right now to connect to our ancestors. Can you guide us through this?
- [38:10]
B
Of course, yes. So let's go. So start sitting in a comfortable position. Can be in the chair on the floor. Whatever you are, even if you in a noisy place, just start to breathe and connect it to your body. Start to feel your body right here, right now in this moment. Not only the body, but this heart that beats, the soul that lives in you. Connect with your breath, your presence. Start to leave all the thoughts away and all that matters. Right now, it's your body, your presence right now in this moment, your connection with you. Try in front of you. Bring in front of you this little child, yourself. Put this child sitting in your lap and feel the presence of you as a child. Breathe deeply. On your right side, right behind you, bring the presence of your dad. In your left side, bring the presence of your mom. Both of them have their hands on your shoulder right behind you. Feel the presence of them. Take out all the stories from your mind and just feel it. Feel how it is inside your heart, your confidence Your way of being. While you hold your inner child on your lap. Feel these two people that brought you to earth, to this experience in earth, Who gave you the most important present gift that it's life. Behind your dad, you bring his dad and his mom, your grandparents. And behind your mom, the same, her mom, her dad. Feel the presence of your grandparents here, giving you support, Give you also part of you. And behind them, their parents. And behind their parents, the parents. And see the leaning of your whole ancestral lineage behind you. Feel the love, the power that they have to bring you here today. All the lessons that they taught that gets to you. Feel this energy that goes all back to the past until now. Breathe deep. And if you feel like it, if you really feel in your heart, look at them. In your mental screen, look at them and honor every story, every place, every moment. Because every life that was behind you, it came to your life today. Their stories ended up in you. So feel this, feel this power. Bring the love and the gratefulness in your heart for all these people. And then slowly you can let them, let them go. But knowing that they are always, always inside of you. Breathe one more time. And now look your child, look and let this feeling of gratefulness, love to come to your inner child. You can nurture them. Breathe deep again, let them go. You can bring an image of holding and hugging this child. And now start to make your way back where you are here in this room and back to your body, your sensations until we are here right now again.
- [45:00]
A
The thought of thinking of my grandparents like children makes me so emotional. Like to think that your grandma was someone's little baby.
- [45:10]
B
Yes.
- [45:10]
A
And I've seen some pictures of my grandchild, my grandparents, when they were children. And it's like, you know, you never think about how long your grandparents had to live without their parents. Like how much of life. Like when I ask my grandma, who's still alive, about her parents, it's like this long distant memory, but it was like that was her life for so long and. And we forget like they're just these little kids too. And like to also think about, I can imagine for your children of like she's going to be an old lady trying to cross the street one day and you're not going to be here. And I'm like, oh my God, that makes me want to cry so much. And, and I've seen visions of myself like as a grandmother and I'm like, wow, that title is so earned. Because we go, you're in the. We have three children. It's like, so you're in the weeds of it, and it's like, wow, to get to that place, like, imagine how much life is lived. Imagine how many obstacles were overcome, like, how many tragedies that we can't even think about that our grandparents and our ancestors have gone through. Like, our lives are relatively vulnerable, very easy compared to those times. And it just makes you respect your ancestors in such a deeper way.
- [46:22]
B
Yeah. And that's the place, right? That's the place when we see this child also with wounds and needing love and also not having, you know, and then we expect this mom and dad be perfect and be there for us and give emotional support and expect this and that. And they should not be this way or that way, but they were a child too, and they didn't have what we had. So then we start to look in another perspective, and this give us, like, a comfort zone, too. Like a little warm in our chest. Like, I see you, I see your pain. I see that you had right choices, wrong choices, but you're here and you gave me life. And when we get back to that, it's such a freedom of everything, because then you know more and more who you are and you accept yourself. And I think that's what we forget. The more that we accept our parents or family or history, the more we accept us.
- [47:41]
A
This episode is sponsored by Better Health. So May is Mental Health Awareness Month. And it's all about reminding us that we don't have to go through it alone. Because, let's be real, this life is a journey. And some days feel amazing. Like today I just recorded a song. But some days feel so overwhelming, so deep in the feels and, like, what's the point of it all? And it's important to know that we don't have to to have all the answers. This life is a journey, and it's just about having someone flow with you, support you, understand you. That can make all the difference. So therapy is something that can really help, and I highly recommend giving better help a try if you haven't yet. So basically, you take a quiz and they match you with the right therapist for you based on what you're dealing with, what you're moving through, who you like. And you can also switch them at any time for no additional cost. There are over actually 30,000 of them to choose from. From. And it's just so helpful to have someone you can message in between sessions and talk to online. They have their own app, and so it's really, really easy. So if you want to give It a try. You can actually get 10% off@betterhelp.com Sahara that's BetterHelp H E L P.com Sahara you can find that link in the show notes. So trust your intuition, trust your inner wisdom. Trust you in the guidance. I know people listening are thinking but I can't accept that they were alcoholics. I can't accept they were abusive. I can't accept those things. They need to change to be in my life. So what would you say to that?
- [49:11]
B
They don't need anything. As hard as it is to accept the choice that they made. They steal mom and dad of you, your creation. So it's. That's the cold part of Bert Herrlinger. It's like it's just is you can change them. You know their path brought them also to do these mistakes in their lives and to not be able to be different. Something inside of them also are killed. Nobody wound or hurt another person with conscious. We are reacting to our subconscious all the time. So when we look parents that did hurt to us we are talking about emotion, presence or maybe a way that society put for us mom and dad. But yes parents that abandoned the kid, parents that hit that abuse that drinks so many stories and accepting that story. It's accepting also the pain that you felt. But nothing can change. You won't be able to change them. Nobody will. What you can do, it's work yourself to heal that one.
- [50:56]
A
Do you think you need to be in contact with them to heal?
- [51:01]
B
That's a harsh one. Killed me. So I'm going to open up a little bit of my life then I was about three years without talking to my dad. My dad was my hero but he chose differently. And it was a big pain in my chest because I never understood why he would not want it to be with me. Right. Why he separate from my mom and from me. And of course that pain in another therapy and psychology ways it brought me the rejection, right. So I never understood that. And I had ups and downs with my dad and also like wishing that was different. And when I did my first it was not so long ago I was without talking to him. And I'm always working, right. It's not because it's that that I'm not looking to that right. For me what is important for me it's always to be looking for not answers but a way of looking to myself, understanding myself. So always doing work. And I did a dynamic and a retreat which is two people represent mom and dad. And then I was the daughter and then we switch. When I was going to talk to my dad, I couldn't look to the person. I could. I. I remember just trying to focus on the fit on his feet, but not even defeat. I could see it. It gave me nauseous. It gave me. I was like, I can't believe it. Like, I can take me out of here. And all my rain, my. My anger, all. Everything that I had inside kept inside of me. All my pain just was there right in front of me. I already work with Constellation. I already have that knowledge. But all. It's a process, right? So everything's a process. And. And then the next time, another time, my friend brought. And I keep working about this relationship, right? But still not talking to my dad. And another time, I was able to look the person, and I was like, okay, now I can look my dad. It's getting better. My work inside, it's working. And. And then my grandma did a hundred years. That was last year. And I was like, oh, my gosh, I'm gonna have to see my dad. What should I do? Has been three years that I don't talk to him. He's blocked everything. Because I got in a point to where I said, man, you. You're doing bad. You harming me. So you give me hope, and then you take this hope away and you know you're doing bad. And then I was like, okay, I'm gonna have to talk to him. Maybe it's the time. And I talked to him and was so good because I saw that my work really got to a place. It was not mental anymore. It took a place where I could open up to understand that's exactly how he is. And it's okay. It's okay. Because he didn't have what it got to get close to me. So what, I'm gonna be there, criticizing, judging him when he could not do better. That's what he could do. And that moment. And who knows what he went through too, right? So I went there for my grandma birthday. It was amazing. It was really good. And then right in January this year, my grandma died. So I went back there and my sister too. And that was healing for me. Like, even though I had to go through my. My grandma, which is the love of my life, went away. I had the present of accepting my dad, all his mistakes, everything. And he came to me and he said, I know that I did really wrong when your grandpa died to you, I know that I hurt you and I will do differently. So I want you to be with the ashes of your grandma. His mom.
- [56:33]
A
So
- [56:36]
B
that was, for me, a thought. Okay. Do I have to have contact? He needs to be the love of my life? No. But I do have to have respect. I do have to have my position as a daughter. If I deny him, if I exclude him, I'm not following what I'm teaching, what I'm showing, what I'm being channel of. And that's how in this journey, I'm always looking to me inside. So I can also help and give support and guidance for other people.
- [57:21]
A
Thank you for sharing that. I think a lot of people can resonate with having periods of time where they're not speaking with their family. And I guess the sad thing that happens is sometimes then you have the hope that, like, in that time they've changed. You know, I'm gonna see them again and then it's gonna be, you know, and then it's like, nope. And they're still doing that thing, which was why I didn't speak with them. And then it's a choice. My question is, how do you know how much distance to keep from family members when their behavior can be destructive?
- [57:58]
B
I think each case is a case. Right. I think the space is for us to heal. Otherwise you're just reacting. It's your child again. And if you go there with the expectation, oh, now it's gonna change.
- [58:17]
A
They've been doing family concerts for three years too.
- [58:20]
B
No, no, that's your inner child hurt. Oh, I'm here. No, it's no expectations. It is what it is. The way that the. Yeah, the hope.
- [58:32]
A
The hope is actually what's hurting us.
- [58:34]
B
Yes. Because we have a stereotype of like how dad should be, how mom should be. And most of them, they are people. They have shit. Sorry, can I.
- [58:49]
A
You can definitely say shit.
- [58:50]
B
Yeah. Can I say shit?
- [58:52]
A
They.
- [58:53]
B
They have a lot of shit going on inside them. And they didn't have. What do we have? The excess of information, the ability of working ourselves. Like how we do now. Of course, I know that we are talking about like a 1% of the population of the earth, but it's still like we are able to do things that some parents or grandparents was, like fighting for their country, you know, so we are able to. To be in ourselves and take advantage of this easy life. How you said most of us have an easier life than what our ancestral had. Have. So. Yeah. So what are we doing with this great moment? Are we turning to be stronger humans or weaker? Because all the difficult that our parents, grandparents, went through also turn to have very proud, like, very Honorable people, right? Not only complicated or difficult or abusive, violent. Not only that, we do have that, but we also have people that did with pain, a lot of good things. And we can forget about that. So I think it's important for us to get in a point that that's it. It's time for us to work ourselves. And the more that you accept your mom and dad again, you accept yourself. And I think the sickness of this world right now, it's people that don't know who they are. They don't know their soul, their desire. They are only walking through a blind folder and just walking. And all this world, it's like, okay, come here. This time, this time, turn this way. So it's all about us to go closer to our soul, to our being and looking to all this that comes behind. Because it doesn't matter. I cannot be just in the past, you know, cannot be all my failings or oh, it's my dad's fault or it's my mom's fault. No, it's not nobody fault. It's your. What do you have to go through to learn and involve. It's what you need in this life. We don't know how many influences we have for real. So I think that work, it's to recognize it's much more another perspective. You know, I see different. We say a lot of in some phrases in constellation. Now I know, now I see, you know. And that's about it. It's this present moment. Now I see what I was not seeing about my mom, my dad, my grandparents.
- [62:08]
A
I love that. And with the distance piece, something that's helped me is like you can have your parents at different distances. Like think about it like feet away at different parts of your journey. So there might be a time that you really need to cocoon. And having them near you, it's just going to bring you back. And so that might be the time that it might be years without speaking or it might be seeing them on certain holidays or just facetiming with them or not being in person or maybe not being your whole family together. Like I noticed when. When I'm alone with my dad. He's great. He's actually amazing. It's when he's with my mom and my brother that it brings out because they all are very enmeshed together. They see each other and so they have a lot of shit. And then I witness his anger, which triggers my inner child. And then I'm like, this is why I can't see any of you guys. And Then I run away, you know, and so what I've had to learn from experiences, well, I'm not going to be able to change their whole dynamic, you know, but can I have individual time with my dad or even, you know, and it's kind of had to break my heart, but I have to be okay with it. Is like, when I FaceTime with my dad, I feel like I get the best from him. But then if I see him for like a couple of days, there will be a point that he starts getting angry and yelling. And then I'm so, like, taken aback that even though there is a healing to all of it and peace with it, it's just so jarring to see. And so I've had to make peace with. And I think the sad thing as you get older is, like, you know, it. Every time I talk to my dad, I record it, you know, Even if it's just a minute of like, this might be the last conversation I have with him, you just never know. My dad is 75, and so you just never know. And so even if the last conversation I have with him is in FaceTime, which I hope it's not, but it's in good spirit, and I'm seeing the best of him and we're connecting, that's better than me trying to force myself to see him all the time, which I see a lot of us do as parents get older. It's like, oh, I have to keep visiting my parents. But you're not. You're definitely not connecting, but let alone, like, really leaving positive memories. And I think also there comes a point that you don't even need positive memories. It's just being with that person. And one day, just their presence will be enough. But it's sad because it's this ticking clock that we don't know when it's going to end, which is mortality. And then this realness of. There was a period of time that I felt so bad about even thinking badly about my parents because they were going to die one day. And then my therapist at the time was like. She's like. Was 65. She's like, my mom is 93 and still alive. And I have had to set boundaries with her. And I'm like, what? Like, wait, that's a possibility. Like, in my mind, like, they could
- [64:54]
B
die at any moment.
- [64:55]
A
Just like, seize the day. And it's like, wait, they could actually be alive until their 90s. Why have I decided they're just going to die? You know? And it's like, that's still me trying to like, figure it out. And so look, I don't think we're ever going to do it right. I think we're always going to regret not spending enough time with our parents, no matter what. And I don't think that means becoming a martyr of like, I need to be with them as much as possible when it could bring you down and especially bring you down as a parent for your children.
- [65:26]
B
Yeah, I think the space it's gonna happen right now. It's like here in Brazil, it's gonna be Mother's Day. So all the commercials, everything, it's about mothers and kids. And I saw one specific that everybody's comment that just came came out. And it's like all the goodbyes that you give for your child and then it's like a little baby and then it grows up. So you. The. The. The role of the parents. Do you know the role. The mom brings you to life and the dad takes you to life and that's it. And the kid goes to life. If also somebody. It's just, oh, I need to be with my parents. Oh, I need to be with my parents. But it's also don't doing their role. They need to follow their lives and then have their kids. So I don't know. I don't have a lot of regrets. I'm not a person that regrets so much. I don't doubt so much because I know that it's part of the path. I know that it's part of the journey. And I know that even my mistakes. And I'm not saying that I don't do mistakes. I make mistakes. I don't make mistakes. I make mistakes all the time. But I understand that my mistakes built who I am. And it's my opportunity to grow as a human being. Simple like that. We put too much in our minds. Family constellation, especially with the horses, is all about feeling. And your body, if you keep in your mind, the movement doesn't go through it because the body has all the information or mind just get in the way. So when you're talking about distance for parents and it's a combined thing, one part they understand that you have a life. You won't be able to be there. And nothing guarantee us that we don't die before our parents. Nothing. So the question is, are you moving and what emotion? Fear. So that's your motto, to move or is love or is I'm here just to be here to be with them. Yeah, they're a mess. They're up in the hat in the head. But they are my parents, and they're here. Of course, like, when we have more extremely situations, it's more difficult to be close to this person. But make peace with yourself. It's already being close, and that's an important thing.
- [68:26]
A
And sometimes you can even be closer with your parents when they're on the other side than when they're alive. Like a friend of mine, her mom was in and out of addiction, and so she went several years without speaking to her mother. And then right before she had a baby, her mother passed unexpectedly. And she was pretty young, but she knew this wisdom in her, knew that she would not have been able to find the strength to be the mother that she's here to be if she was always in contact with her mother, who was dealing with the addiction. And now her mother is like a spirit guide to her because she can deeply connect to her soul and not the ego. That was what was, you know, needing that addiction.
- [69:11]
B
That's beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. It's the connection. It's energy. It's. And love. It's the most thing that connect us. So when you put in a good place, things in a good place, we make peace with each other.
- [69:30]
A
Can you share how putting things in right relation, in the right place actually also energetically impacts that family member?
- [69:39]
B
Yeah. I mean, when we heal ourselves, if we are carrying 2000 or whatever thousands of people in our genes, we are healing all parts of us. And also the patterns that was taught back there, you know, when somebody like that was not belonging to your family, your whole family excludes somebody. It happens that, like, I love Disney. So I don't know if you ever see the movie. They have a movie that. It talks a little bit. It's obviously not straightforward, but it's a little bit of a family constellation that happens there. And they. They have a music that. Don't talk. Don't talk to Bruno.
- [70:28]
A
Cinderella.
- [70:29]
B
It's not Cinderella. It's one of the newest.
- [70:31]
A
Okay.
- [70:32]
B
Not so newest, like, because Cinderella was
- [70:34]
A
kind of a family constellation. So she was the sister that they threw away, and they didn't like her. And little did she know she was a princess.
- [70:41]
B
Yeah. I mean, this movie, I think here, it's Encantados in Brazil, in Cantado, maybe. I don't remember the name, but we can share later if somebody can see with these eyes. So they have Bruno, which is an uncle that they include. They. They. They chant the music. It's like.
- [71:03]
A
No, Maybe the movie Encantado is Enchanted.
- [71:05]
B
Maybe. Yeah. Yes. I Don't know.
- [71:09]
A
Maybe we'll look it up.
- [71:10]
B
Yeah, so they have an uncle that they sing. We don't talk about Bruno, which this uncle disappeared because he was so humiliated by the family, the whole. The their own family. And nobody talks about him. So that's the perfect example. When somebody don't belong. Imagine you not belonging to yourself because you're part of that. So you ended up not even knowing who you are. You were excluded to your own family. And that happens in all families and
- [71:51]
A
especially back in the day, like our grandparents time. If you're excluded from your family, that's everything. That's who you marry. That's how you survive. That's everything. Whereas now we're kind of choice trying to isolate from our families. But then it was like a survival thing.
- [72:08]
B
Yeah, of course. And so many kids that went and had to leave their family because their family didn't have how to support them also. So always it's there. So when we put things in the right place. So you look to Bruno in that movie and he include him to his family back in the movie he's alive. But let's say that it's somebody that already died in your family when you put him or her back to your family. In a way I see you and you are part. You're part of me too. You give him a good place. So for you, a good place. So that is again, we are talking about the ruse of belonging.
- [73:03]
A
And I feel then we have deeper communication with that ancestor because they were like, you know, disconnected from the family unit. And by bringing them back into the family energetically, it opens up this line of wisdom that they can be giving us.
- [73:18]
B
Of course, because nobody. It's 100% bad or good. Right. Everybody has pain, everybody has fault mistakes, everybody.
- [73:31]
A
So overall, from family constellations, what kind of like changes can people expect?
- [73:37]
B
Everything. It's amazing.
- [73:40]
A
Give us some.
- [73:41]
B
Okay. I had one case that was in this retreat that I do with a friend. And right after the retreat some like. She had a couple of like process law process about business or something that was years stopped and never moved. And she did everything about it. And then after the family constellation everything unlocks. She won the process of the. The law. How is it called?
- [74:16]
A
Yeah, legal process.
- [74:17]
B
Legal process. So she won. And it was right after I had another one that was talking so much about mom and dad and then they call and act differently relationship. Oh, I could not that happens not in a family constellation. It happens in my sessions that I did a systemic kind of movement in this session and she understood how her mom is exact, exactly how you said, looking to another perspective, looking as a child, her mom as a child. And that right away unlock a no to a relationship, that she was not able to say no. So you can expect anything, but it's like, it's no promises, right? No expectations. It's just to receive the, the gift of being able to love yourself and love everybody that came before you.
- [75:27]
A
Yeah, I feel like, like the medicine, you can come in with an intention and it will give you whatever you need. And it works subtly. Like, you know, I didn't even have really an intention. I would say just, you know, healing my relationship with love in general. And I've been writing my book and I would say it's just shifted my awareness. So as I'm writing the book, I'm just writing from an even more integrated space of just like more layers and more nuances and more dots connecting that I didn't see before. And then who knows how that will manifest in my life. We can only see things from behind, you know, and when you're in it right now, and I would say also, and I told you this, I haven't gone on a single date since, which I'm actually very much celebrating because I was definitely dating the wrong people. And I just don't even have like it just completely shifted which was related to my grandmother and her unfulfilled life. And so it's like this from saying, oh, I want a relationship, but then I'm like, well, okay, whatever to like actually like really waiting until I meet someone that I feel a deep, deep, deep soul connection with and readiness to. Rather than, I don't know, just a hit of dopamine.
- [76:38]
B
You find the right place. The. The right place for it.
- [76:41]
A
Exactly.
- [76:42]
B
The good place for it. Exactly. And I think that's all about it. It's like we have to know inside of us what exactly is our inner child asking for attention to be seen, to be noticed, and what is our conscious attitude guiding us? So when we are in that place, things comes right? We are in a safe place inside of us.
- [77:14]
A
Absolutely. So how can listeners learn from you come to Floripa, have a one on one retreat and do family consultations with horses and everything else you have to offer.
- [77:23]
B
Offer. Okay, we have two ways you can come to Floripa and have this amazing experience in this island. I love this place. I'm from Sao Paulo, which would be like New York, New York. And I think, I think here has so much history. I don't Know that you know. But here is the witch island, right? Has so many stories about the witches here. And so it's magical and self knowledge here. It's in the high. We have everything that you can imagine to work yourself. So you can come here and have this experience with me also. I'm a yoga teacher, so you can experience yoga classes also. I bring everything together. I can do just yoga, but in another way too. Online. You can do therapy session with me, which is more like ancestral healing that I bring the Tata healing, the Reiki yoga, and also the systemic dynamic. And also I can do the. The family constellation online, which is not the same. I don't advise because family constellation with the horses are amazing to be there. Right. They. They make your heartbeat go slower. Their frequency brings you. It's already proved that they make your heart go calmer when you are in the presence of horses. And that's a way also to reach me to do a session online. If you're far away and cannot come to Floripa. But I highly recommend to come to Floripa.
- [79:19]
A
Yeah, it's super safe here, guys. Like, I know we hear so much about Brazil, but Floripa is just such a different island. It's so safe. I've been just on this island for two months now, and it's been like, to me, it's like my favorite place on earth because it doesn't have the same crowds and like Bali and Tulum and all these places. It's still like, very like, local and authentic, but it has that wellness, healing, spiritual culture. And so contact Gabby. I will put her link in the show notes and she can organize your Airbnb and where to stay and all of those things. And I just love finding like, the local Brazilian witches and like, these are the people you guys need to work with who are just amazing people who I've personally worked with. And you can work with her online and then come to Floripa.
- [80:02]
B
Yeah.
- [80:02]
A
So thank you so much for being on the podcast, for sharing your wisdom, for the personal depth and mastery you've added to my life. And I'm so grateful that people like you. And guys, doesn't she, like, look like a horse? She's like, so stunning. But I was like, you look like a horse. Like, she has that vibe. It's like, it's Dharmic. What you're doing is your Dharma, you know, and so I'm super grateful and always inspired to see people living their dharma in this way. And so thank you for. For, you know, it's not easy for many hours to be in the sun with someone talking to horses. And thank you for doing your work.
- [80:36]
B
Thank you so much to getting to me and bringing me here. Also to speak something that it's really, like, coming from my soul. I can feel like now when I have my. I have horses now, and when I'm, like, on top of them with no nothing and, you know, writing them and understanding them, and I was like, okay, I meant to be. To be with this animal and to help people with also my processes. Right. Because I like. The one thing I really like about constellation, the family, the shamanic family constellation, is that we are in a circle always. And circle means that my process is not different than yours. I'm not higher or lower than yours. We are all in the same. The same earth, the same. What I go through, it's probably what you go through too. So it's all about that, to remember that we are in a circle. We are not bigger or smaller than anybody else. Everybody has their own light, and that's important for us to see. Absolutely.
- [81:52]
A
Well, thank you guys so much for listening. I know there's so much here, and ancestral healing has been one of the greatest revelations in my life, and I'm excited to see you guys integrated. Share this in the group text. You know, this is such a good conversation to have, especially with our besties. Sometimes we don't really know. Like, do you know your best friend's grandparents? Anything about them? A lot of times we don't. And it's like, that's gonna direct. Or your partner's grandparents and their grandparents. You know, it's crazy because we make such a big deal about our lives, and it's like, do you know the names of your great grandparents? Like, can you name all their names? Your grandparents, parents? Honestly, I can't even. And so it takes us. It's not even that far back. Like, they were alive 100 years ago. It wasn't even far back. And so we think we've come all this far because of the Internet, which we all grew up with aol. It wasn't even our lifetime. And so our grandparents and their experiences, it was not long ago. And so doing this work is the work of this lifetime. And I feel when we take this bigger picture perspective, we're less, like, isolated around. Like, oh, my God, why am I anxious? Like, why do I keep attracting the wrong guys? And it's like, these are generational patterns that if you understood your ancestors, it would all make sense. You know, like, they're just survival tactics and it gives you so much grace for yourself and love for yourself of like, wow. My nervous system is trying to do the best that it could after famine and war and poverty and rape and genocide and all of the things that our ancestors have had to go through. And so this is the deep healing work to truly understand the self. Because we can't understand the self when we're in a vacuum. And so do the work, whatever it looks like for you. Share this episode with your friends. Share it on your Instagram stories so more people can hear about it. And if you loved this episode, please leave a review. I read every single one. Leave a comment on YouTube and as a free gift I will send you my Woo meditation. So all you got to do is just leave a screenshot of your review, email it over to me@saharaamsahara rose.com you can find that email and all the links mentioned today in the show notes as well as her website, and I will see you in the next one. Namaste. Trust your intuition, trust your inner wisdom, trust your inner guidance. So trust your intuition, trust your Trust your inner wisdom, trust your inner guidance.