All yours with Craig Ferguson | History Hyenas

Summary

History Hyenas: "All Yours with Craig Ferguson" (Feb 5, 2026)

Hosts: Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas
Guest: Craig Ferguson

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Episode Overview

This raucous episode of History Hyenas features legendary comedian and former late-night host Craig Ferguson. Chris, Yannis, and Craig dive deep into history, comedy, aging, British-American differences, late-night TV, and life after sobriety. Their trademark blend of no-filter humor and sharp historical observation is on full display, with plenty of riffs, memorable stories, and behind-the-scenes insight from decades in comedy.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Craig Ferguson on Comedy, Aging, and Style

• Craig’s Image: The hosts open by joking about Craig's looks—his status as a “63-year-old kid,” his fashion sense (the earring!), and maintaining youthfulness in showbiz.
• Aging in Hollywood: They reflect on how people used to look older when they were younger—i.e., Martin Luther King looking “60” at 39, and how today’s extended sense of youth affects comedy and perception.
• Earring Story (03:29):

  "I put the earring back in when I was 60…my youngest boy was like, I think I’ll get my ear pierced…so my wife gave me an earring, and I just like, boom, straight in." – Craig Ferguson

2. Cultural Differences & Language

• UK vs. US Use of "Cunt" (07:11):

  “In the UK, it’s not a big deal...you call guys cunt.”—Craig
  “It’s like dude or like man.”—Yannis

• Wordplay and British Humor: Extended riffing on British slang, how offensiveness changes with context, and the transmission of crude terms between cultures.

3. Late-Night Television: Behind the Curtain

• Experience on The Late Late Show: Craig distinguishes himself from other hosts, noting he never grew up with or really watched late-night, which let him approach it differently.
• Interviewing Boring Guests (09:32):

  "At first it’s a little tricky talking to people…but as you go on, you think, I have to talk to this individual for 5, 10 minutes, sometimes they’re great, most people are really nice. And then…you get an asshole." – Craig

• Limitations and PR Constraints: DJs and late-night hosts now face increasingly managed interviews controlled by publicists.
• Leaving Late Night (11:09):

  “We have a short time on this planet, man…a date, a hyphen, another date. I’m not gonna spend my hyphen talking to celebrities every night.” – Craig

• Is Late Night Dead?: Candid discussion comparing the cultural role of podcasts vs. traditional late-night TV, the changing media landscape, and the economics of celebrity (13:07).

4. The Power Shift to Audience and Creative Freedom

• Fan-Built Platforms: Chris and Yannis celebrate having a direct fan base, being able to say no to industry, and the way podcasts have bypassed old gatekeepers.
• Craig’s ‘Scrabble’ Gig: Joking about hosting game shows versus TV (14:24).

5. History’s Repeating Rhymes

• On "Unprecedented":

  “Stop using the word unprecedented. Everything is totally fucking precedent. Pick up a book.” – Craig (05:23)

• Periods of Social Upheaval: Craig compares our age to the era after the printing press—information chaos, democratization, and the social shake-up that led to the Enlightenment and, indirectly, the U.S. (19:44).
• Gore Vidal’s Historical Fiction (21:40):

  “He wrote a great biography of Aaron Burr…a book called Creation about the wars between Persia and Greece…his best work.” – Craig

• History and Human Nature:
  • Reiterated theme: Everything considered "new" in politics or society has strong echoes in the historical record.
  • Mark Twain’s (misattributed) quote: "History doesn’t repeat itself, but rhymes."
• Demystifying History (29:19):

  “When you attach the emotion to history, it becomes far more visceral…you’re demystifying it…it’s not the reserve of stuffy academics, it belongs to all of us.” – Craig

6. Debating Truth, Democracy, and Modern Chaos

• Post-Truth & Echoes of the Printing Press:

  “There’s a sea change in how information is delivered…the post truth environment…hard to get verisimilitude in your media…similar effect to the printing press.” – Craig (20:19)

• Democracy Then and Now: They draw parallels from Socrates’ death to present polarization and mass opinion, quoting Churchill: “Democracy is a terrible idea but the best one we’ve got.” (32:41)
• Technology & Social Change: Skepticism of AI’s world-changing predictions:

  “AI can’t even deliver Chinese food in NYC…so it’s not taking over the world yet.” – Craig (33:27)

7. Personal Life, Sobriety, and Adjusting to Change

• Sobriety, Ego, and Acceptance: Craig discusses being sober for 34 years (40:28), ego death in maturity, and the enduring daily temptation.
• Colin Quinn Story: Chris shares a moment where sober friend Colin Quinn describes being triggered by a memory and the never-ending vigilance required (41:17).
• On Marriage: Craig reflects on three marriages, finding stability after failures, and jokes about youth and impulsiveness (44:44).

8. Craig’s New Chapter & Return to Standup

• Living in NYC & The Comedy Cellar: Craig is back in the New York scene, enjoying “real” comedy outside TV studios (46:19).
• Game Show Hosting: Finds joy in structured creativity:

  “Game shows give you a framework for creativity…a framework is really helpful…” – Craig (57:59)

• Reflections on Late Night: Proud but not nostalgic:

  “I’m very proud of that show and I’m very glad I did it and I’m glad I don’t have to do it anymore. It was a moment and I loved it.” – Craig (56:10)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On History Writing: "Whenever someone tells me they’re writing a book, I always say, neither am I. You fucking can’t." – Craig, attributing Peter Cook (02:23)
• On modern “youthfulness”:

  “Now we’re living in a period of extended youth where nobody wants to grow up.” – Yannis (03:19)

• On the late-night grind:

  “Year five kind of gets you…Jimmy’s done it 20 years—you did what, 10 years?” – Chris (11:44)

• On leaving TV:

  “I am enough fucking done to stay fucking done.” – Craig (56:28)

• On AI:

  “AI’s not taking the world yet…I ordered Chinese and it couldn’t deliver.” – Craig (33:27)

• On audience proximity:

  “We put the power in the hands of our fans and took it out of—We can say no to anything.” – Chris (14:10)

• Gore Vidal recommendations:

  “There are seven books called the Narratives of Empire by Gore Vidal…from Burr all the way up to Watergate…fascinating.” – Craig (27:25)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• Craig’s earring story & aging in showbiz: 03:00–04:00
• British/American slang and “cunt” debate: 07:00–08:30
• Behind the scenes of late-night interviews: 09:00–13:00
• On history being precedented, not unprecedented: 05:12 & 13:16
• History cycles; Mark Twain & the pandemic parallel: 27:25–28:08
• Comparing current era to the advent of the printing press: 19:44–20:39
• Skepticism of AI hype: 33:24–34:11
• On living in NYC & returning to clubs: 46:00
• Sobriety and life wisdom: 40:46–42:16
• Game show hosting and creativity through constraint: 57:54–58:51
• Reflections on late-night, no regrets: 56:10–56:36

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Tone & Energy

The episode is unfiltered, fast, and full of wisecracking camaraderie. Chris and Yannis riff with Craig at high speed, bouncing between deep historical insight, absurd comedy, and candid confession. Ferguson radiates sharpness and self-deprecation, candidly exploring regrets and resilience in his long, odd, storied career.

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Takeaway

Whether discussing history, media, or their own battles with aging and sobriety, Craig, Chris, and Yannis keep the episode moving with irreverence and depth. Highlights include Ferguson’s perspectives on late-night television, the timelessness of historical cycles, and how the democratization of media is upending old hierarchies—plus a healthy dose of locker-room humor and sharp, memorable one-liners.

For anyone interested in comedy, history, and the evolution of entertainment, this episode strikes a perfect, hysterically honest chord.

Transcript

[A]

Guys, we have an amazing episode today. You're going to enjoy it. We got the great Craig Ferguson.

[B]

Yeah, I'm going to just a little caution because he looks amazing. You're going to want to make sure the balls are drained before you start the set.

[A]

And ladies, you know, I don't know, take your panties off.

[B]

Whatever. Whatever it is.

[A]

Yeah, have a good time. He's a fun hang. We had a good time with him. You can catch me on the road. I added a show in Morris Plains, New Jersey on February 7th. That's this weekend, a five o' clock show. Then we go to Bakersfield, California, February 20th and 21st. Don't forget about our live history hyena show, February 23rd at the Comedy Cellar Village Underground. Get your tickets, history hyenas pod.com then catch me at Soul Joe's night before the wedding. I'm doing show.

[B]

This is what it is.

[A]

March 6th in Potts Down, Pennsylvania. And then I've West Nyack. That date has been moved to April 24th through the 26th. And then Emmaus, Pennsylvania, the Emmaus Theater, May 2nd. And more dates are going up. Giannispappiscomedy.com Patreon.com history hyenas for bonus episodes. Every week we got new content.

[B]

It's what it is. I will be in Las Vegas this Friday, February 6th, at the MGM, the David Copperfield Theater. And then I'm going to see the Backstreet Boys the next day and it's going to get wild. And if you want to see me on gummies, then come find me in Las Vegas. Christy. Comedy.com. What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas. Chrissy D, Yanni P. And we got Craig Ferguson, Greggy F. If you don't.

[C]

Mind, Greg EF because you wrote a.

[A]

Book, you gotta do middle initial.

[C]

Yeah, I've written a lot of books.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Well, I've read a lot. I've read a lot of books. I've some books.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Do you know. Do you ever hear of Peter Cook?

[B]

No.

[C]

Peter Cook was a great British comedian and he was really, really funny guy. They used to do this thing called Derek and Clive.

[B]

Look it up. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Derek and Clive with Peter Cook and Dudley Moore. Right. Can you swear in this?

[B]

Yeah, fuck yeah, Whatever you want.

[C]

Well, he used to do this thing where Derek and Clive. You fucking can't, you know. You fucking can't. And Peter Cook was a kind of mentor to me. And whenever. He used to say, whenever someone tells me they're writing a book. I always say, neither am I. You fucking can.

[B]

Now. Look at Craig Ferguson. See, we were just talking about how he's a 60 year old kid and look at how good. 63. 63 year old kid. And look at how good he looks. We had John Stamos in here a month ago and you guys just look great. Where we said people in the 70s who were 30 looked like we couldn't believe. Like Martin Luther King died at 39 and he looked like he was.

[C]

I'll be honest, I mean he, he kind of like.

[A]

Yeah, it wasn't his choice, right.

[C]

It's not like he got like.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no. It wasn't a lifestyle choice.

[A]

It wasn't like, well, Martin, you should.

[C]

Have laid out in the car.

[B]

True, but I meant what he looked like though, even if he didn't. You know what I mean? I thought he was always. My whole life I thought he was in his 60s.

[A]

Yeah, well, people were more mature back then. Now we're living in a period of extended youth where nobody wants to grow up. So people look younger.

[B]

Right?

[A]

I mean, he's got an earring. No, no, this is.

[C]

I put the earring back in when I was 60.

[A]

I like that.

[C]

I took it out when I was 40 because I didn't want to be that guy then I was 60. I was like, well, I tell you what actually happened with the earring. Cause I was with my kids one night and one of my youngest boy was like, I think I'll get my ear pierced. And I'm like, oh yeah, I was about your age when I pierced mine. He said, do you think the earring would still go in? I went, I don't know. And so my wife gave me an earring and I just like, boom, straight in. And I thought, fuck it, I'll just keep it in. But here's the thing. I don't know if the hole was still there or I'm just now so old my ears are spongy. And you could just like, you could just poop, right?

[B]

It does look good. The three piece suit with the earrings. Just a nice touch.

[A]

I have three holes here still in one here because I used to have three.

[B]

Me too.

[C]

Put them back in when you were 60.

[B]

That's what I'm gonna do. That's what I'm gonna do.

[A]

I like that.

[B]

Yeah, I like it. Look, he's drinking. Drinking out of our mug.

[C]

Yeah, this coffee is banging by banging. I think the secret of the success of your podcast may be contained in this and that coffee, because I really feel like talking to you guys, like, a lot. Yeah, Like, I really wanna talk to you.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Coffee. It's coffee with a little dose of fentanyl.

[C]

Oh, now I feel sleepy.

[A]

And you did makeup, but you know what? You don't need it. You look good. And our fans don't care.

[C]

Well, we didn't make. I did makeup because I'm here as part of a Sharabang.

[A]

Oh, you're doing a whole bunch of stuff. Yeah.

[C]

So they.

[B]

They.

[C]

And Annie, who does the makeup. I really like Annie. So I get to hang with.

[B]

No, you're doing stuff all day today.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like the old days, you know, like, they used to call it, like, going into the car wash. You have a show coming out, which we should probably mention. And the. And then you have to do all the shows.

[B]

Sure.

[C]

Right. Used to be Regis and Kathie Le and all that. This is history for you.

[B]

Yes, of course. And now it's the History hyenas with Chris, Stefano and Giannis Papa.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, I like this show. I like. I like history with it.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

You know, whenever I see news reports now, like, journalists across the world have got to stop using the word unprecedented.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Stop that. Because everything is totally fucking precedent. Pick up a fucking book.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, it's like, oh, this is unprecedented. No, it's not.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Here's what happened before.

[B]

Yeah. Everything.

[C]

I like what you guys are doing.

[B]

Wait. Yeah. You know what. What we've decided, too, is, you know, first of all, we. We're talking about Join or Die. I. I used to watch the show.

[C]

That one never quite got off the ground. I feel like it could have gone.

[B]

And, you know, Giannis did a bit on it.

[A]

I did a. On that. No, it didn't air.

[C]

Oh, that. That's right.

[B]

I. I was.

[C]

I was really mad.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

That's what killed that show.

[A]

Got to be honest with you. Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I'm like.

[A]

I had to do. It was like man on the street. And I was out there in the cold, and then my old manager, who runs this floor, lied and said that you said that it was too funny and you didn't want on the show. But I was like, that's not true. I said, here's a. Here's what it means is they didn't like it.

[C]

Here's the thing I've learned about. If you have a show that has your name on it and somebody is funny on that show, you get the credit.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So I Was like, it's too funny. That's not a thing. No, it's like Josh Robert Thompson that used to do the Jeff Peterson the Robot Skeleton. My show. That's like. He's doing all that stuff. People go, greg, I love that Jeff Peterson. I'm like, yep, it's.

[A]

You take credit.

[C]

Hey, what can I say?

[B]

I'm a talented guy.

[A]

And that's why I fired him as a manager. Well, yes, he would say things like that to me. And I was like, I know you're lying, right? I know you're lying it in there because it was shite.

[B]

Shite. That's.

[C]

Why did you say that for me?

[A]

I said it for you.

[B]

That's what it is. Yes. How did you say unprecedented? Precedented. What did he.

[C]

Unprecedented precedent.

[B]

I'm gonna say precedented.

[C]

Precedented. Precedented. Shite. Shit. Joby's another one if you want to go. Joby? Yeah, Joby's Lego.

[A]

I like to go with cunt.

[B]

Yeah, I like cunt.

[A]

I like to tell my wife, I spent a week in the UK and I'm just calling you cunt from now on.

[C]

Well, you know, the interesting thing about that word is that in the uk, it's not a big deal.

[A]

I know that's.

[B]

No, right. You call guys cunt.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

You guys are lovely. But that guy. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Interesting.

[C]

It's not bad.

[A]

It's like dude or like, man.

[C]

Right?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Maybe not dude. I mean, you would.

[A]

Right, Right?

[C]

I mean, like, boy wouldn't. Saying all the young cunts.

[A]

Right, right.

[C]

It wasn't like all the young cunt doesn't have the same.

[A]

Now, if you call blokes cunts, what do you do with cunts? Do you call them cunts?

[C]

Oh, there's too many cunts out there to figure that out.

[B]

No, but real.

[A]

Yeah. What do you call an actual cunt?

[B]

What do you mean? A vagina.

[A]

Right. Oh, fanny.

[B]

That's why the term fanny pack. Yeah. Is it a pack above your vagina?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe. I don't know. It's unprecedented. We're in an unprecedented area.

[B]

I could speak Scott.

[A]

Yeah, we call them. We call them Hot Pockets. Or we call them what, the devil's. The devil's the Giant.

[B]

Yeah, I call it.

[A]

You call them what? The devil. The devil's cave.

[B]

Cave.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I call them muffs.

[A]

You call them muffs?

[B]

I say muff. Well, I just remember. I like Hot Pocket. I just remember there was a guy that we grew up with, he was called Mikey Muffs because he Used to go down on women a lot. We call that a muff diver. Right, Right for that. So I still say muffs.

[C]

You don't do that anymore.

[B]

No, I graduated or something. He's dead. As you will.

[C]

Lesson learned.

[A]

Cancer. You could also call it a sis hole.

[B]

Yeah, you could do that. Yeah. Well, a new update.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Peter Cook.

[A]

There's Peter Cook right there.

[B]

There's good. His bloody Peter.

[C]

Oh, he was fantastic.

[B]

What a good guy.

[A]

Now here's the truth, Craig. I think you were the funniest late night.

[B]

I actually do, too.

[A]

I think you were the best.

[B]

And Conan. And I loved Conan. Those. Those are my two guys.

[A]

What was it like when you had to interview people that you like were boring? Like you had to do a lot of.

[B]

Pete, we want to ask, because Pete Davidson was a guest on the Jimmy Fallon. What was a week ago?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then Pete, we thought he had a funny thing where he was asking Jimmy Fallon. He's like, how do you pretend to like, like people? He was like, I don't know.

[A]

Podcast now. And yes. He goes, you have a hard job. He goes, like. Like how it's hard to pretend that you're into someone who's boring or, you know. Yeah. You know, you were always. You were always good with the chicks, though.

[C]

I feel like what it was with late night for me is I had no frame of reference. Right. I didn't grow up watching it. I didn't really know about it. I never watched it before I did it. I didn't watch it when I was doing it, and I don't watch it now. So I kind of like slotted into this world that I didn't really know anything about. And as time went on, I mean, at first it's a little tricky talking to people. You're trying to feel. But as you go on, you think, I have to talk to this individual for 5, 10 minutes sometimes they're great. Most people are really nice. And then. And every now and again you get an asshole and you. It doesn't matter. There's so much money. You get paid.

[B]

I know, that's.

[A]

Find a way, right?

[C]

Find a way you can muscle through. Like, oh, you bought a house.

[B]

Figure it out. I know, I. Over the summer, you know, Jimmy Kimmel always has people guest host his show. Cause he gets the summer off. He guest hosts. So I guest hosted for like, oh.

[A]

Did you like it?

[B]

Did you like it for two days? Well, the thing is, I did it for two days, right. And so I thought it was great at fun. But for Two days. It's like I'm doing my top material in the monologue. So I was like, oh, this is awesome. But then when I spoke to Jimmy, you know, Jimmy was like, it's amazing. You did great. He goes, but imagine having to do that day after day after day. Well, then you've used up all your material.

[C]

It's funny because I remember talking to Jimmy when. Cause I liked Jimmy a lot.

[B]

He's awesome.

[C]

He really is. He's a lovely man. And he was on my show, I think, maybe like the week I was leaving, and he was on and he was like, why are you going? And I was like, cause, you know, we have a short time on this planet, man. It is a date. A hyphen and another date. Yeah, we're the hyphen. And I'm not gonna spend my hyphen talking to fucking celebrities every fucking night.

[B]

Sure.

[C]

And he was like, no, no. It's like the Supreme Court. Once you're in, you stay in. I'm like, I don't know. So it sounds like maybe he's turning around.

[B]

Yeah, well, because Jimmy. Well, he was just saying to me, like, the degree of difficulty because I had such a newfound respect for the late night host, because like I said, I did it for two days. And it was like, oh, my God, that was so much fun and great, but I couldn't imagine having to do a third day because I had already run out of material. You know what I mean? And then with the guests, year five.

[C]

Kind of gets you.

[B]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. And Jimmy guy's like, done it 20 years. You did what? 10 years.

[C]

10 years.

[B]

10 years. This is. I'm saying it's a crazy feat because with the guests, it's also like podcasting. We're just free balling it. Right. Which I. We are better at. The three of us seem like we're just good at that.

[C]

Well, that's kind of how I did.

[B]

Late night, though, see, because when I had to do it with Jimmy, they make you, all the guests, the celebrities that got their PR people, you can only ask him or her, this, this, and this, and they're gonna go into that. And that was. I found that very challenging.

[C]

Well, that. That's a. I think that's fairly recent. I mean, I. I came out in 20. December 2014. Right. That's when I stopped. And. And at that point, a lot of people had been on before, so they know that they're safe. The publicist saying, you can only ask this. This only Trying to protect their client.

[B]

Sure.

[C]

Basically get into some kind of clickbait area or something there.

[A]

Right. What do you think about the ice.

[C]

Shooting.

[B]

Close up on his face?

[A]

I wanted to get somebody wasn't from this country.

[C]

Anyway, Cardi talked to you about Scrabble and I'll.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes.

[A]

Yeah. So next question. Israel, Palestine. What do you think? Scrabble is a Varian.

[C]

Interesting. You know, to get a board game that's so beloved and put it on tv. It's not easy.

[B]

So let me ask you this. Do you. Because everybody, you know, said all late night is dead. Do you think there's a way at some way to bring it back? Late night?

[C]

I don't know. I like, I. To be honest, I swear to God, I'm the worst person to ask about late night because I feel like I'm an anomaly. And in fact, it's unprecedented.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I kind of just slipped in there and did it and left. And it wasn't. It wasn't really like I was part of the legacy program or. I under.

[A]

I don't.

[C]

I didn't really even understand it when I started. And so it kind of. Does it. Does it exist in the form of. I don't know. Everything changes, doesn't it? Maybe it'll be. There's so many podcasts and shit.

[B]

Like, I don't know if it. If it needs it. It doesn't need it. And I think if it. If it keeps going, it's just. Nobody's gonna make 20 million a year anymore. That just.

[C]

Well, then I ain't fucking.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, you can you make the money on the po.

[C]

Do you really do make a lot of money? Yeah. You do?

[B]

Yeah. Not 20 mil, but.

[A]

This is.

[B]

But this is what we've kind of adopted in, like, what you said you did. We're kind of like we have our own little fan base. We haven't. We are. He's listening now. Look. Just a hyphen. And we got our fan. And then we feel. Even us. We feel like we can say no to really anything we want because we have our fans.

[C]

And that's beautiful.

[B]

We put the power in the hands of our fans and took it out of. We were. We don't rely on the industry anymore. If the industry is there and has an opportunity, we'll. We'll look into it. Sure. But we. I could say no to anything. You were offered scrabble 100%.

[C]

Yeah, dude.

[B]

To be the host of Scrabble.

[A]

Let's talk about what you got coming up.

[C]

We Already did. Sorry.

[B]

Look at what a. What a great look, right? Great hair first, you know.

[A]

Kid is a handsome kid.

[B]

He's a handsome kid. Yeah.

[A]

There's no way around that. He's a handsome kid.

[C]

Spongy ears, though. Got spongy ears.

[B]

Yeah, but we all kind of have a little sponge up there. I mean, did you watch the Grammys last night?

[A]

No.

[B]

No, right. We don't watch it either. We're just not a part of it.

[C]

You know, I tell you. I tell you a story about the Grammys. So once I was at the Grammys and I was presenting an award or something to Katy Perry eyes up here. But I wasn't giving her the word. I had to introduce her. She wasn't on the stage. But you walk out on stage at the Grammys and it's like everybody. There's all these rock stars everywhere. And I was walking out. Now, I used to do this dumb joke on the show, on the old late night show where I would show a picture of. I would say, do we have a picture of Paul McCartney? And I'd show a picture of Angela Landsberg, right? It's a stupid joke. It was a stupid fucking joke. And it doesn't matter. And I just. I forgot about it really. But we used to do it a lot. It was like a running bit. And then I go out to present the Grammys and Right in the front row as I walk out looking at me, fucking Paul McCartney. Or could it be Nigel Olympics?

[B]

They do kind of look alike, Right, Right, right.

[A]

They don't look alike.

[C]

Right? So he's looking at me, but he has that look in his face like. Like. I was like, Paul McCarney has a TV.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And he's seen this.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Right. So I was like, oh, no, I feel bad. Like there's not that many Beatles left and one of them fucking hates me. And then, and then. And I was like, oh, my. So I tried to. I never interacted with the man at all. I tried to tell myself, well, he's probably an or something, right?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

So years later, I'm in a hotel in an elevator with my youngest son and the doors open. Fucking Paul McCartney gets in. And I'm like, oh, no.

[A]

Oh, no.

[C]

And he come in and he sees my son and he's like, hey, how you doing, little lads? All that. And he was really. He was great to him. He was lovely. He was such a nice guy. And I had to live with the fact that Paul McCartney is a God. And I did a bad thing.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you think he definitely saw it and doesn't like you?

[C]

Either that or Angela Lansbury.

[A]

I'm not sure.

[C]

Yeah, I think. Look, would he get mad at it? I don't know.

[A]

Did you do a bad thing or did you notice something that. That just happens to be kind of true? I mean, I'm looking at Angela Lansbury right now and it's just like if Paul McCartney did his own Mrs. Doubtfire movie, that would be it. I mean, she's got his face and he has her face.

[C]

Like, you guys are walking down Beetle Hate street, right? Oh, they're gonna hate you for this.

[A]

I mean, listen, I'm a John guy.

[B]

But again, going back to. Going back to the. You know, the way the world's changed, it's kind of. It's irrelevant if the Beatles hate us or not because our fans don't give a shit.

[C]

Let's find out. Yeah, let's fucking find out. Let's find out.

[B]

You're.

[C]

You're loyal fans are like, hang on a min. No, the Liverpool fan base for this show is heading out.

[A]

We should be calling him Sir Paul McCartney. We should be calling Sir.

[B]

That's true.

[C]

I mean, he's a giant of the entertainment. Right.

[B]

You know, I regret now, as a Scot. Do you guys still hate the British? What's the deal? I don't. What's.

[A]

Well, it's.

[B]

What's the dynamic?

[C]

The Scots and the English. The area.

[B]

The English. Sorry.

[C]

Right, so there's the English and the Irish I'm sure you're familiar with.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And the Welsh and the geographical area. It's called the British Isles. Right, right.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But Ireland's got its own thing going on.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

A little bit of untidiness up at the top there for a couple of years.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Maybe a couple hundred. And Scotland, England and Wales, the United Kingdom.

[B]

Right.

[C]

So some of them get along, some of them don't. I don't know, it's kind of like. It's a really divisive kind of thing. Some people like being part of the United Kingdom and some people don't.

[B]

Right, right. Yeah.

[A]

I mean, you just gotta go watch a Braveheart movie and kind of figure it out for yourself.

[C]

Well, I feel like that might not be my number one history tip.

[A]

Okay, well, on the history, we do more herstory because women don't stick to the facts.

[B]

That's why we, like, call it herstory. Yes.

[C]

You guys really don't give a shit.

[A]

No, we don't.

[B]

No, we don't.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, but yeah. Cause I love history. I love American history so much. And you like join or die, I would assume you're a revol. Because join or die is the benchmark.

[C]

When people say it's never been this bad, and I'm like, you know, when Aaron Burr was on trial for treason and murder at the same time, and he was vice President of the United States. That's pretty bad. That's pretty bad. When Teddy Roosevelt was drinking a gallon of coffee a day.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, that's too much coffee.

[B]

Yeah, that's probably.

[A]

Well, now they say it's good for you. Now they say they do three to five cups you can do.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Now the one person.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, I could duck.

[B]

Yeah. And you're drinking it black.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Leroy.

[C]

Yo.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you think this time, right now is most like from history? If you had to look back and think of a time, what does this kind of time remind you of? I mean, we've obviously, as an American empire, we've gone from the production to the consumption to the dysfunction phase. Do you think?

[C]

No, I don't see it like that.

[A]

No. Okay.

[C]

Yeah. I think it's like maybe the run about the invention of the printing press, which leads to people learning how to read, which leads to a decimation of information, which leads to the enlightenment, which leads eventually to the United States. Right. So I think I would look at. There's a sea change in how information is delivered. Like the idea of. You've heard it called the post truth environment, where, you know, you can pretty much like, you guys say whatever you fucking want.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And if somebody says that's not true, you go, yeah, it is. Or fake news or, you know, it's hard to get verisimilitude in your media. And I think that is a similar effect that happened when the printing press was invented and the peasants learned how to read.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, true.

[A]

Yeah. So it's the. So you're saying the lower people, the poorer people are now empowered and so it's a little chaotic, or is that a bad one?

[C]

Entirely what I'm saying, like, that's kind of the opposite. What I'm saying. What I'm saying is. So you're saying you hate women. No, no, that's not what I'm saying.

[A]

So you're saying the. The proletariats got to be put back in their cage.

[C]

I think what I'm saying is.

[A]

I kid.

[C]

I kid. I. I think what I'm saying is.

[A]

Reality is a suggestion.

[C]

Well, Kind of. It's difficult.

[A]

Yeah, it's one of our sayings.

[C]

It's difficult to find out. But history has that, you know, the idea. If you look at history, it's hard to get a vibe for it, like the time in history. Cause some of it seems so unreachable. But I would recommend to you. Do you ever read the historical fiction of Gore Vidash?

[B]

No.

[C]

Do that. That's his best work. Now, Gore Vidal kind of tarnished his reputation a little bit because these spats with Truman Capote and all that. But actually, his historical fiction work, he wrote a great biography of Aaron Burr, which is amazing. He also wrote a book called Creation, which is about the wars between Persia and Greece. I know that might be still touchy around here.

[A]

No, we're for them now. I mean, we're. We're, you know.

[C]

Right. It's a different time.

[A]

We had a. Yeah, we have a common. We had a.

[B]

He hates the Turks.

[A]

Well, you know, tradition.

[C]

All yours. Anyway, look, but here's the thing. The. The. What he did with that is great. I love that exact.

[A]

I'm gonna use that. Yeah.

[C]

All yours.

[B]

The name of this episode is going to be All Yours.

[A]

Yeah. When someone does like, you don't want any part of it, just all yours.

[C]

Right back at it. I love the volleyball.

[B]

Smart.

[C]

There you go.

[B]

Guys, let me tell you something, okay? There's an. You know me. I'm just gonna be honest with you. I've been on a little test, okay, you got it. Sometimes you got to get a little testy. You got a little testosterone. Yeah. Because some guys like minestrone. I like testosterone.

[A]

Yeah. You like testosterone?

[B]

Yeah. It's why I want to look like Tony Hench Cliff. Yeah. So I've been using this thing called Mars Men. It's called Mars Men.

[A]

And.

[B]

And it's just one of those things that. Look, dude, you wake up one day and sometimes, you know what I mean? Like, you just start losing your testosterone around a lot of guys around age 30. You just start going down big. And so I said, I just want to feel like myself again. I want to just start being able to fucking tune people up.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

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[A]

Yeah. You get stronger physical performance and recovery at the gym.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[B]

That's what it is. And a little extra can't help if.

[A]

You want to get that voice from here to here.

[B]

That's what it is, that's what you do. Ten little Mars men. You know what, listen this is for men but I don't know, I'm not. If you're a lady I'm not going to tell you you can't take it. I mean we all. Who doesn't like a big clip?

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

Well and before I do I just want to let you know and reiterate these are eight natural clinically dosed ingredients. Tongkat, Ali Shalijit, Vitamin D, zinc boron and more. So it just supports. Yeah it supports the test.

[B]

I thought you were reading out the the Indian cabinet. Yeah, I thought that was literally sound like I said oh is that, yeah, is that the President of India?

[A]

It sounds like Akash was introducing me to his family.

[B]

Yeah, it's just what it is.

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[B]

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[A]

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[A]

It is hot. Now, Chrissy, do they have over 2 million downloads?

[B]

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[B]

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[A]

That's why you're emotional.

[C]

Yeah, but what Gore Vidal does is he takes real events in history and he puts fictitious people in, which is not unprecedented in historical fiction, but he does it very well. And I would urge you, if you're interested in that kind of thing, American history, there are seven books called the Narratives of Empire by Gore V. Dun. And he goes from Burr all the way up to, I think it's Watergate, different books all the way. And it's fascinating. He ties them together all with fake.

[B]

People in the actual history.

[C]

Fake people, but some real people. And you know, and the kind of, you know, when the Trump Elon Musk thing was happening, I was like, you know, Teddy Roosevelt and Randolph Hearst, you know, similar. It's that thing that was attributed to Mark Twain that history doesn't repeat itself, but rhymes, right?

[B]

Yeah. Well, even during the pandemic, whenever the whole vaccine craze, it's like you go back and that was a problem with Benjamin Franklin's time with the inoculation and George Washington was for it and others were against it. It was the same type of divide. When you go back and read the media from that day, they're talking about anti inoculators and it's just, it's similar to similar concept.

[C]

Right.

[A]

During polar, but during the polio, like the polio time thing. The masks and all that.

[C]

Yeah, like those big plague masks.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, they had to. Shakespeare was shut down for like three years or two years during the. The plague in London.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Which is, you know, if you're ready for a better Midsummer Night's Dream and you can't get it.

[B]

Did you hear this new conspiracy that they. Well, I don't know if it's new. I've just heard about it. They believe now Shakespeare was a black Jewish one. Did you see that?

[A]

Well, is that a new Disney pick?

[B]

Yeah, that's it. Shakespeare, they're saying, all yours. All yours. No fucking part of that was in fact a black. Yeah, but it's. That's why I love. You know, I like, I really get into, like David McCullough's the 1776 and the American Revolution because I heard this, you know, where somebody said, oh, history doesn't repeat itself. People do. And then you read about the people during those times, know, you like, oh, they have the same wants and needs, same shit going on.

[C]

That's what Dorothy Dahl's really today as making it human, making it identifiable. Like, you know. You know, there's a great, you know, the. I'm sure you've read Plato, right?

[B]

Yeah, sure.

[C]

All right, so when he's talking about the death of Socrates, right. And that scene. Is it in Republic? I think it's in Republic. When he's. They're all in that room and Socrates is about to drink the hemlock and everybody's really sad and Socrates is like, nah, it's cool. Yeah, it's so moving. You know, I think this is interesting to me that when you attach the emotion to history, it becomes far more visceral. And I think that's why I like what you're doing. You're demystifying it. You know, it's like, it's. Yeah, it's not the reserve of stuffy academics. It belongs to all of us.

[B]

And I think you have to humanize it. Like you said, you look at. I was reading something I forgot, but about the French Revolution. When that happened, when they basically were eventually cut off the King and Queen's head, that was the top aristocratic society at the time. It was like living in present day New York City. We would never think, one day we're gonna cut off the governor's head. But then they did that. But the people living at that time thought that the barbaric humans, they thought, oh, those people lived hundreds of years ago. We're not like that. Anymore. And then, boom, you're like that. So the point is, is us living now think we would never do anything like that again. It's like, no. Yes, you actually would.

[C]

There's a thing that Trotsky said. I'm not a fan.

[B]

I'm gonna cut my dick off.

[A]

You know who did that?

[C]

Origin of Alexandria. Look that guy up. It's very interesting.

[B]

No, but.

[C]

But it was a. It's an interesting. There's some debate of whether he did it or didn't do it.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

He cut the penis or the balls off. Like, the whole thing was.

[B]

He made himself a eunuch.

[A]

Yeah, he was there.

[C]

There are some things that are very hard to prove.

[A]

There was no scribe there to capture it.

[C]

Yeah, well, a lot of his writing didn't survive, so I don't know.

[A]

We don't know yet.

[B]

He used his dick as well.

[C]

I don't know if he did it at all. Because towards the end of his life, he said, you know who he was? Right. Do you?

[A]

No.

[C]

Okay, so Origin of Alexandria was the. He was an early Christian theologian. Pre church Christian, so pre Roman Christian. And he was the first guy to.

[A]

Are they cops? Are those the Coptics?

[C]

Sure.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

No, they're not. No, I don't think he was Coptic, but he was like. When you said, were they cops? I was like, is that that thing, like, if you're a cop, you have to tell them you're a cop?

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Not true.

[A]

Anyway, look, here he is right here. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Origin of Alexandria. Yeah, he.

[A]

Click on it. Jesse.

[C]

He was the guy that started the idea of the allegorical interpretation of Scripture, which was kind of a pagan idea. He got into a lot of trouble after he died with the Catholic Church. I think he was excommunicated a couple hundred years after he died, which, you know, is a real career downer if you were to say.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, that kind of sucks.

[C]

Yeah. That's like going from late night to a podcast.

[A]

It ain't fun.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's gotta be done. Times change. Yeah.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Do you think there's any parallels to, like. Like, ancient Greece, like, post Pericles, like, how debate became so, you know, common? And that's when Socrates kind of was coming in.

[C]

Socrates was killed by the mob. Socrates was killed by democracy.

[A]

But there was so many sophists around going, like, listen to me speak at the truth. Well, now we have that with, like.

[B]

Democracy was a dangerous idea during Socrates time.

[C]

Yeah, it still is a dangerous idea. It's just. It's like Churchill said, it's a terrible idea, but it's the best one we've got. Right.

[A]

Well, the Internet kind of democratized truth in a way.

[C]

And that's why I think it's similar to what we were talking about, the printing press.

[A]

Like you were saying, the proletariat needs to be put back in their cage.

[C]

No, I did not say that. And all you.

[B]

All you.

[C]

I did not say that. I mean, I know it will once we get this edited, but what I'm saying is.

[A]

That was all mine. That was all mine.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, it's fine. Anyway, what I think is that it is an echo of that time. It's a big change in human society. But I don't think, think. I mean, I don't buy any of that AI or anything like that. That's. That I think is just horseshit. That's just.

[A]

What do you mean by that?

[C]

What do you mean? Well, AI is going to take over the world.

[B]

You don't think so? You don't?

[C]

No, no, I don't. And I'll tell you why. Because I ordered Chinese food last night on Uber Eats and the Uber Eats app, which is pretty good.

[B]

It up.

[C]

Yeah. It can't deliver Chinese food in New York City. Right. So it's not taking the world yet.

[B]

Not yet.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, good point.

[B]

That's a good point. We're not it eventually, but we're hundreds. We're not gonna see it.

[C]

Yeah, we're not gonna see it.

[A]

Yeah, that's a good point. If you can't do that now. But, you know, maybe they'll improve.

[C]

Yeah, they keep saying that. Improving so fast. And I'm like, is it though? Yeah, because. Right. You know what's, what's changed in social media since what, 2005, 2010.

[A]

Well, now you could totally watch a video and it looks realistic of like.

[C]

Does it look realistic?

[B]

Yeah, well, I, Yeah, but I still, I agree with, you know, him and I, we talk about how like AI taking over. They always talk about movies and actors and actresses and I don't. I know for me and people, most people my age, I'm not gonna wanna see Brad Pitt as AI. I wanna see him as human being.

[C]

Oh, you do?

[B]

I personally do. Well, you know what? Let me take it back. I would feel, I feel more comfortable masturbating to him in the human form. In AI form. I feel like my father would be prouder. Right, exactly.

[C]

I think that the idea of. That's why I like. And all the way through when I was doing the Drew Carey show, when I Was doing late night all the way. I always go out, do at least a few comedy clubs a year, at least a few theaters a year. Cause there ain't a fucking robot. And I had one in late night. There ain't a fucking robot that's doing the Chuckle Hunt in Alabama. He's not fucking happening.

[A]

Hey.

[B]

Hey.

[C]

How are you Still?

[B]

Yeah, Never. I agree with that.

[C]

Figure out. So there is life. You know what I mean? And I think, I actually think right now there's a. I've noticed this a couple of times. I don't know if it's just wishful thinking, but in coffee shops, younger people reading books.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I'm like, what the fuck is going on?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And I feel like there's a little bit of a rejection of the imposition of technology.

[B]

The cool thing for the youth to do now, like I have a 15 year old stepson. The cool thing for these kids to do is they. They're not on social media or if they are, they don't follow anybody and they're followed by no one. So the cool thing to do is to reject. Is to reject the technology power. That's what they're doing. I love it because. And I think, I think what's happening is like, you know, I'm 41, so I. I got.

[C]

You look great.

[B]

Thank you.

[C]

You do look good, you know, because you look great.

[B]

I appreciate that.

[A]

He's got a little bit of.

[C]

What age are you?

[A]

What am I?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Age wise. 50.

[B]

50. And that's accurate because, well. But are you actually 51?

[A]

You didn't say I look great after that.

[C]

That's because I was going, no, because you look so great.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Thank you.

[C]

This is like the View.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I know more people now.

[A]

Let's make it really like the View.

[C]

What?

[A]

Trump is fucking an animal.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Now it's the View.

[B]

Now it's. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Who's going to clean your toilet?

[A]

Donald Trump?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

The View was funny. I had. When I was hosting that Jimmy Kimmel show, you know, it's abc. So that put me on a big press run. And the View said no. And I said to the pr, I said, why do they say no? He goes, well, they googled your podcast and they said no. I was like, okay, sorry. Whoops.

[C]

Yeah, that was like my whole, hey, Paul McCartney, will you be my podcast?

[B]

Yeah. No, Angela Lansbury.

[C]

Not available. But if she was.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Whoopi Goldberg, though. It's cool. I met her once. I did some thing.

[C]

I love her.

[B]

Yeah. I did something like with some Charity show. And she was on it. And then I, you know, I had a relative, I guess, a good enough set, and she came up to me, she was like, oh, that was really great stuff. She's like, you can never be on the View. You said that. I was like, yeah.

[C]

You know, first time I was on the View, it was when Barbara Walters was still on.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

My hall pass rip.

[A]

Barbara Walters.

[B]

Barbara Walters. I had to. I thought she was Barbara Bush. Barbara Bush. Well, Barbara Bush or Barbara Walters or.

[C]

Just any of the Barbaras.

[B]

Any of the barbers. Yeah, Barbara Rosa.

[A]

Barbara.

[C]

Rosa.

[B]

Barbara Rosa. But Barbara. Barbara Walters was my. Was my number one rip, babe. Yeah, but go ahead. Yes, Barbara Walters.

[A]

Barbara Walters was on the View. That was.

[C]

That was.

[B]

That was. She star started it.

[C]

Yeah, she started it. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

And look, she was kind of a piece.

[B]

She was a piece. I'm telling you. She was a piece.

[C]

We say that piece.

[A]

We say it on this show.

[B]

On the show. Or the women.

[A]

Or we say.

[C]

Let me just.

[A]

Yeah, you can take it. Okay, but here's one you gave us. You could take it. We'll give you one we call beautiful women for Rome. She's for Rome. And meaning, she's so beautiful that in.

[B]

Roman times, we would like.

[A]

If I was an emperor, we would have to take her. I'd have to take.

[B]

For the harem. That's what used to happen back in Roman time.

[C]

That sounds to me like a remarkable amount of respect. Respect, gentlemen, let's have it.

[B]

Well done.

[C]

Well, you turned me around.

[A]

Yes, but what about the historical accuracy of that?

[C]

Well, it depends. I mean. Yes, of course.

[A]

Right.

[C]

But let's look at the other. Let's look at the wars between Persia and Greece.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Darius the Great invading Persia. Now, Darius the Great. You can tell by his name, he thinks quite highly of himself. Google has won. Wife Letosa.

[A]

Let's take a peek.

[C]

Atosa.

[B]

Letosa.

[C]

Atosa.

[B]

Oh, Atosa. Darius the Great's wife Jesse's in a champion.

[C]

Darius the Great. Wife Atossa.

[B]

Atossa. There it is.

[C]

There she is. Now, it's not a great photograph of her because it was a long time ago.

[B]

Yeah. Her face looks like it's made of stone.

[C]

But there you go. Go up there.

[A]

Now, this woman looks like a beard to me. Was a gay kid.

[C]

This woman was astonishing.

[B]

Gorgeous.

[C]

Well, not just gorgeous, like powerful, clever, manipulated Darius and her son Xerxes as well.

[B]

Oh, Xerxes. I know him from the movie 300.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Now, you would learn about her in the book Creation by Gore Vidal.

[B]

I gotta Recreate. We gotta read more Gore Vidal.

[C]

I mean, it's very accessible, very cool stuff. You'll enjoy it.

[A]

Yeah, the Persian. It's a great culture, great empire, and.

[B]

A lot of modern day Iran.

[A]

I mean, a lot of people don't know. Cyrus was like the first. One of the first leaders, rulers, whatever you want to call, to really respect human rights. And he got that.

[C]

Really. I don't, I didn't.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, he was one of the first. And yeah, they were. They were a great civilization and the, the golden age of Islam. Right. A lot of people don't know. Most of those intellectuals were Persian.

[C]

Yeah, I got nothing.

[A]

Yeah, there.

[B]

You got nothing.

[C]

That's.

[B]

That's all.

[A]

But you can Google it later.

[B]

Yeah, I'll.

[C]

I'll do. I just don't know. Yeah, I just don't know. I kind of. Kind of like. I feel like I have reached a point in my life and I'm very comfortable with this. That I. I can say I. I don't know. I don't know.

[A]

Me too.

[C]

Oh, yeah, it's.

[A]

It's such a good feeling.

[C]

It's great. Yeah.

[A]

Because you go through your 20s and you pretend to know and like your ego. Do you feel like you've had any sort of ego death? Like, how do you. How do you enjoy the back? The back?

[C]

I, like, I was sober a long time ago. That's a little bit of an E. You miss it?

[A]

A little bit, yeah.

[C]

Did I miss it? Yeah.

[A]

Cause the earring says you still have a.

[B]

You.

[C]

What's that?

[A]

The earring suggests you might pop just a pint here and there.

[C]

Oh, I, I don't. I don't miss that. I don't miss. I don't miss the craziness of it. No, I, I don't. Actually. I did for a bit. Right. I'm not going to lie to you, but it's been 34 years.

[B]

Zero sips and no weed or anything. You can't do anything. Nothing. You're sober to hunt every day. Yeah. That's great. Right?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Just feel good.

[B]

Just.

[C]

Well, given the alternative, yes. But it doesn't work for me. I mean, for some people that, like, have a beer, it's fine.

[B]

For you, you know, one will lead to jail. Jail.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what?

[C]

You know what? One beer, I'm coming over there after you. That's.

[B]

You know what?

[A]

41. I can still have it. He has one beer. No more of this. Let's get into it. I love that idea.

[B]

I love what you're Saying, yeah, yeah, dude, it's fun. It's crazy. I remember one time I was with Colin Quinn. We were in Ireland together, and he's been sober, you know, long time plus years. And we were in this bar in Ireland because we were on like a tour and they had shown us that this bar is where you two used to hang out, whatever. And we're in there.

[C]

That's pretty much every bar in Ireland.

[B]

Yeah, I know. And then he goes, and then. And then he goes, chris, he goes, take a walk with me. So we'll start walking. I'm just, you know, him and I, we're there for a festival and then we get about a block away and he takes a big deep breath and he goes. He goes, that was the closest I've come in 40 years. I said. I said, what happened? He goes, something about that bar. He goes, I saw the grilled cheese, the cheese sandwich. I saw the guys in the hats. It reminded me of Brooklyn, of being back home. He goes, a certain scent came over and I said, if I don't get out of here, I'll be dead in six months. And he was like, so. And it was amazing to me because I thought, guys, you get to a point where it's like, it's not even a party anymore. He goes, no, Every single day. I still think, don't have a drink.

[C]

It'S always a party. But it doesn't call to me like that. I mean, every now and again I think, you know what? I'm gonna get the fuck outta here. And that sounds a bit like that every now and again. And I. Nah, this is.

[B]

Maybe I should go.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. It really. It sinks its claws into some people.

[C]

Yeah, it does. I'm one of them now.

[B]

When he.

[A]

When Colin Quinn said that, did you understand him the first time? No, he had to repeat it the second first. I was like, grilled cheese sandwiches. And you're like, can you wake. Come again? Well, he's friend. We're friends with.

[C]

All right.

[A]

Friends with him.

[B]

All right. Well, I mean, yeah. So Craig's got a big freaking date today.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Who's the next. What other press are you doing today? Do you know the sketch?

[C]

I'm going to Dan Soder's podcast.

[B]

Great guy in his apartment.

[A]

Dan Soder is the best.

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

That's where it is. That's where he does it in his apartment. Yeah, he's hope. Yeah.

[C]

So I'm going to Dan Soda's apartment.

[B]

This is the fall from late night.

[C]

Yeah. My God.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then you go, and he gets.

[B]

More views than us.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. This is even worse.

[A]

Are you doing Pete Davidson's garage? Yeah. I mean, did you know? Who would have thought that entertainment would come? So after this, I'm going to dance Soder's house to record than Pete Davidson's Garage.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I did a show for Sirius in my shed in my house in Los Angeles for like two years. Yeah. But the problem I had with it, and this is why you're smart to use the studio, is like after about a month I was like, I haven't left the house.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

In about a month.

[B]

That's why I won't have an office or anything in the house. I have to leave.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Cuz I was like walking around sweatpants.

[B]

Grilling and stuff like that and it fucks your creativity.

[A]

The problem with me, I don't mind being in the house.

[C]

The pro.

[A]

Like, the problem is the wife's in.

[B]

The house and the kids.

[A]

Yeah, but wife is the one. That's right.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Otherwise I'd be fine being home. But the wife is. If I could find a way to get her out of the house, then I feel like when she's not out of the house, I. When she's not home, I actually feel like I'm out of the house.

[C]

Are you still married to her?

[A]

Yeah, we're still married.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And does she watch this?

[B]

No, we thought she did it and then she. We found out in a big way. She did about two weeks ago.

[A]

Yeah, we sometimes we get in trouble.

[B]

We started going off, we started looking at female tennis stars and getting naked and then we just got a little bit of trouble. By the way.

[A]

No, I love my wife. I'm joking.

[B]

Yeah, I love her. Yeah, I love her.

[A]

We got two kids. I love her to death.

[C]

She's.

[B]

Yeah, she's great.

[A]

I love. Wow. Yeah.

[C]

Did you went from badass to whooped in a 30.

[B]

Are you married? Same woman, whole career, everything.

[A]

No, he said, let's not get ahead of him.

[C]

I've been married to the same woman for 20 years.

[A]

He went to.

[B]

Oh, 20 years is good.

[A]

Craig did the old hat trick. Yeah, yeah, he did the old hat. We went for three.

[B]

Oh, three wives. Oh, it's like my pops.

[C]

Well, first one I was 21.

[B]

Doesn't even count.

[A]

That doesn't count.

[B]

Too young. Oh, no. Kids. Doesn't count.

[C]

No, that's like. And in those days it was like, who gets the cd?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you were probably drinking at that point, so you didn't even remember it's.

[C]

Like, you know me.

[A]

Yeah. You're like, we're married. When did that happen?

[B]

Yeah. Were you there? No, seriously.

[C]

Anyway, the. And then the second one. That's what it was.

[A]

Was that when you got sober? Second one.

[C]

Oh, it was well after. Yeah.

[A]

Okay, so then you probably went a little too serious with the second one, you know, maybe.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that. That conversation when the wife did. The ex wife got pissed. She was like, I'm never going to be a Tosa. Stop telling me to act like a Tosa.

[A]

Yeah. Not entirely. Yeah, yeah, it's great about.

[B]

But now the third one, three times a chance.

[A]

Great thing about Craig, you can tell right away. First of all, he's a comedian, so that's. You love him right away, but he's a kid in a nice suit. Handsome kid, but the kid is tatted up and he has an earring. So he's got business and party in his person.

[B]

Yeah, it's what it is.

[A]

Mullet.

[B]

Yeah. You see the tattoos come out. You see everything.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

There's two sides. A little two sides. I like cracking.

[B]

You'd be a better guy. You. You need to live in New York.

[C]

I do know.

[B]

Oh, you're here.

[C]

I moved.

[B]

Oh, okay. I thought you're still on the West Coast.

[A]

You didn't even take a glance at the Wikipedia.

[B]

Yeah, no, no. What do you mean? What. What. What does it says? It's when they lived in New York.

[C]

You know, I used to say, my Wikipedia. I played the harp as well.

[A]

You don't play the harp.

[B]

See?

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

You live in the city.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

How can you come down to the Comedy Cellar?

[C]

Well, I did want. I've been away a lot. I've been working a lot and I did go down to the Cellar, maybe for the first time I'd ever been in there, and I went up and did this. I loved it.

[B]

Yeah, it's great.

[C]

It's a great fucking.

[B]

This is great too. The stand.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd heard about that. I talked to the gentleman outside.

[B]

Outside who was heavy breathing. Yeah. Chris. Yes.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, he's. Is that your old manager?

[A]

He's my old manager.

[B]

Small manager.

[C]

Well, he lied to me and he said. He said you were too funny and I shouldn't go in.

[A]

That's what he said.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Can.

[A]

When you leave, can you go tell him that that didn't happen because it'll just show you. Maybe go.

[B]

Maybe you shouldn't. No, no, don't do that. Because then he's Going to get stressed. He's going to continue to eat. And we're trying to eat.

[A]

We got him Ozempic.

[B]

Yo, we got.

[A]

But he's putting it in the wrong spot.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Rock hard right now.

[B]

Yeah, I want to see a rock.

[A]

Hard because you want to have a.

[B]

So yeah, let's do cuz. And I know BlueChew works because I had Nick take it last week and he would send me pictures of his big Guatemalan cock.

[A]

Yeah, wait till we do the fucking Nick Dating Game. I can't wait.

[B]

Oh yeah, dude. The Nick Dating Game is going to be unreal. We're going to get sponsored by BlueChew. And here's the thing with the Nick Dating Game. It's open to guys and girls because.

[A]

Bluechew is turning bedroom performance into an Olympic sport. Go for gold.

[B]

Yeah, you want to go for that? Golden fucking Talk. It's awesome. Forget Netflix and Chill. This is Netflix and Phil. I'm gonna fill up my cock. I'm gonna fill up your ass, sir. Cuz gay guys like bluechew as well.

[A]

Cuz what it does is it gets you hard.

[B]

It's so.

[A]

It's great. That's what they do. They get you hard. And you want to make sure that you're hard if you want to impress whoever you try to bang.

[B]

It's what it is. Cuz I'll tell you what though. Sitting with Craig Ferguson, I did not need to blue chew. I was bricked up.

[A]

Yeah, because you told me you're very close to telling me that you're gay guy.

[B]

Yeah, it's just what it is. And on the Patreon, we're going to talk about it.

[A]

Get off the micro dose because it's. It's opening you up to the truth of you being a gay man.

[B]

The truth is, yeah, I've gotten a little space and I'd like to fill in that space with the man's hairy ass. Now here's the thing with Bluechew. We got a special deal for the listeners. You're going to get 10% off your first month of Bluechew Gold with code Hyenas. That's promo code hyenas. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank Bluetooth for not only sponsoring the podcast, but also sponsoring our pieces.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Cause this is. I ordered, you know, I ordered from quints again two days ago. I ordered like five things I did.

[A]

And my wife did. No, no lie. True that. What do the kids say?

[B]

True that.

[A]

No cap.

[B]

No cap. No, Cap.

[A]

Me and my wife, we've been ordering off Prince using our promo code.

[B]

Quince, not promo Prince.

[A]

Did I say Prince?

[B]

You said Prince. Cause you're Sunday Quince. You know what? Also too, my wife been getting the sheets. She got all the bedding and all that. Like, she got brand new sheets. It's amazing. Like, you know, they, they're able to keep the prices low because they cut out the middleman. That's what it is. So you just basically, it's like you're getting what it should cost.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But the. Everything. It's like a house. Like the houses don't cost what we pay for them. It's just all marked up.

[A]

Yeah, that's right.

[B]

Same with quints. They. They give you. It's the price of the item.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it shouldn't be a shocker that a sweater is $30. That's what it's supposed to be.

[A]

And it'. Yeah. So this is basically high quality for everybody. It's very affordable.

[B]

I only go to quints to do all my clothes and linen shop.

[A]

Yeah. I do one other company in quints and I'm not even lying. I'm not going to say because we're doing their ad read, but I do.

[B]

Quince and you could also. She also got plates, like a kitchenware. Ooh. And they're awesome. Yeah. So shout it out.

[A]

Everything is built on Quince to hold up to daily wear and still look good season after season, season plus, they only partner with factories that meet rigorous standards for craftsmanship.

[B]

And that's just rigorous.

[A]

It's rigorous and ethical production. Refresh your wardrobe with quince. Go to quince.com hyenas for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada too. That's Q U I n c e.com hyenas free shipping and 365 day return turns quince.com/hyenas.

[C]

I put a problem for me because I, you know, I gained weight like that.

[B]

I was gonna say, you're a skinny mini.

[C]

Well, I've been running a lot right now, but. But I gained weight really fast. I was talking to a friend of mine who had lost a lot of weight and I was heavy at the time. This is like two years ago. I was. I'd made a stand up special and I was in the edit room and I was like, what the fuck? You know, when you, you, you see yourself and go, oh, my God, what happened? So I thought I better get. And then I was talking to my friend who was on his epic. And he said, the great thing is, you know, you just, you know, you're not hungry. I went, I don't eat because I'm hungry. No, I eat because I'm sad. Yes. I need something to cheer me up. Yes.

[B]

It's true.

[C]

It was like, I haven't eaten since I was hungry. Since I've been 1975.

[A]

It's not about.

[B]

Did you ever try ozone? You ever try any of these things?

[C]

I'd be the one whose spleen exploded.

[B]

Explodes. Yeah.

[C]

No, I, I don't have any luck in that.

[A]

That is true. I mean, you don't. There is a point where you're full. You're like, you get enough. Your body has enough nutriment. And then the rest of it is emotional.

[B]

Emotional.

[A]

It's just emotional. There's like a line, I hope AI can do that. Maybe is tell you when, like there's a buzzer that goes off and go, stop.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Like now you're doing it. Cuz you're sad that you're just going.

[C]

To throw your phone across the. Ready?

[B]

This. There's this app called Z Doughy. It's like this, you know, it's all about mindful eating. They say people get fat and you know, and I notice too when my nipples start to get puffy. It's when I'm just eating and not thinking. If I'm texting and eating, man, you.

[C]

Are an unfiltered motherfucker.

[B]

When my nipples get puffed, that's what happens when I start to get a little nipp.

[C]

Puff.

[A]

Yeah, that one weird titty.

[B]

I got a weird titty. It's like, okay, but with the nipples.

[C]

Have you had a doctor look at that? Because that could be a sign of gyno.

[B]

Well, no.

[C]

Gynecologist.

[B]

No, no, the gynecomastia, but no, the kid. Since I've been a little kid, I've just had population. Fluffy nips.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All right, but so also a disgraced rapper, right?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In the 90s. But then who knew?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

So. But they said that it's because you're. If you're mindful, if you say, you know, you eat your food, slow it down, you'll eat way less. But a lot of times they're just eating and talking and doing something else.

[C]

Right. I'm very guilty of that.

[B]

Me too.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Well, look at this. We kept it here double the time.

[A]

Did you ever have P. Diddy on the show? I can't remember. Yeah, yeah, of course.

[B]

Why the hell not?

[A]

Any vibe? I can't remember.

[C]

You know, let me, let me tell you about that show. There was once. You ever see that documentary about Leonard Nimoy becoming Spock? It's a beautiful documentary made by his son. It's beautiful. And it's. It's just a. It's a beautiful documentary about Very interesting man. And I watched it with my wife. And after I said, God, what an amazing character he was. I wish I'd had him on the late night show and look it up. He was on Twitter.

[A]

It becomes a blur a little bit, right? Yeah. For some people, you just more memorable than others.

[B]

Well, no memorable.

[C]

It's just. It's just the traffic. Yeah.

[B]

Every day for three years.

[C]

You're interviewing next week. You guys aren't gonna remember me, dude.

[A]

Of course. Was there any time you were sitting there and someone was talking, you just heard kaching, kaching. Like you were just thinking about the money going like, kaching, kaching. I don't think I would have heard you so much.

[C]

No, I don't, I don't. I honestly don't think that's. I'd like to be cool and say that was that, but I, I really enjoyed that show.

[A]

You looked like you enjoyed it. I loved it. Yeah, you looked like it.

[B]

I'm telling you, you and Conan were my favorites. And maybe it's because it was the passion first.

[C]

I think Conan loved doing it as well. I was on Conan's show a lot before I was, you know, doing a late night show and then also a little bit too.

[A]

I mean, they're both great. They were both obviously great, but also the time slots probably allowed for a little bit more. Yeah.

[B]

This is a nice spelling by Jesse Ferguson. F U R G I S O N. Jesse.

[A]

Jesse.

[B]

There was a.

[C]

There was a birthday party for me when I first started late night. There was a birthday party for me in Hollywood, right? And they brought out this cake. I'd only been doing the show, like, I don't know, six months or something, and they brought out this cake and said, happy birthday, Crane Kilbor. I'm like, oh, my God.

[B]

Crane. Yeah. That's to be your pseudonym. Craig. Craig Crane. Kilborn Crane. Kilborn.

[A]

What's he up to?

[B]

Kililborn, yeah. Probably pod. Everybody's doing a pod. Everybody's doing a damn.

[C]

I like, I like. This is cool.

[B]

A little bit more of a black.

[A]

Comedy show, you know, when you got.

[C]

Crane on your show.

[B]

Yeah, Yeah.

[A]

I don't know if you're aware, but there's tons of clips that go around of you from that show on, like Tick Tock and. And the, you know, the short form just with. With female guests. You were always great with female. Like you were so comfortable with them.

[C]

And like there's only.

[B]

It's all positive.

[A]

Yeah, it's like.

[C]

You know, the interesting thing about that is. Cause I've heard about that before and the thing is, what I'm sad about is nobody gets the stuff that I was doing with a male guest. Some of the shit that we were doing.

[A]

Look, it's. Yeah, there's tons of it.

[B]

Yeah, well, flirting with it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

You know, that's maybe not quite how I remember it, but the. But that kind of thing is like with the. I remember with Hugh Laurie and with Isaac Mizrahi and with John Waters and like, we would do some real crazy shit.

[A]

Yeah, well, there's those two, but for some reason.

[C]

But that's not what you're interested in.

[A]

That's not what I'm interested in. No, no, no. I've seen those two and those are good. But yeah, the Internet just found some interest in this.

[B]

Do you miss it at all? Now, I know you left on your own terms in 2014, but do you ever go back to those are the best years of. Or how do you. How do you think about it?

[C]

No, I don't do that. I feel like I'm very proud of that show and I'm very glad I did it and I'm glad I don't have to do it anymore. It was. It was a moment and I loved it.

[B]

Yeah, but.

[C]

And when I left, I was fucking done.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

And I. And I remain. I am enough fucking done to stay fucking done.

[B]

Right. Right.

[C]

I don't resent it. I don't regret it.

[A]

But.

[C]

Yeah, but I'm.

[B]

And it was a nice time. You hit it with nice timing because that's when like, the know entertainment machine was still a machine. You still got the views, you still got the money. It's just in our. It's just you have to do this, what we're doing, because the machine is there. Sure. But it's way less views, way less money. And then you might have to do things you really don't want to do. And it's just like the incentives don't seem as high as they were. It is a strange time to be on our side of the business because, you know, you'll get in a room with TV execs and they'll want you to do Things for very low money. And then you just say, no, very respectful, respectfully. And they can't believe it because the execs still think, oh, no, but this is cbs. But then you say, but I'm gonna lose money and views if I do that. They're scaring me enough. And then even furthermore, our fans, who we respect so much and we've taken years to build, then think you sold out. And then they stop listening to your show. So you get less money, less views, and then you lose the thing you built. So what's the incentive? It's a very weird time.

[C]

There is another thing about it. The solace I always took with TV executives. Whenever I was talking to them, I was thinking, you're gonna be here for six fucking months gone. So they move around fast.

[B]

Fast. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

I mean, it's a, it's a tough place to be, I think.

[A]

TV executive, how do you being back in now? Like, are you enjoying the new show? Like, are you excited?

[C]

The game show is great.

[A]

That's fun. Oh, you're perfect for it.

[B]

I would love to do one of those.

[C]

Oh, it's the best. Because, you know, you work inside a framework. You know exactly what you're doing. You can riff as much as you like because. Because there's rules, you know, so it's kind of like. I think a framework is really helpful for creativity. So, like when I was doing late night, it was one of the things we used to do. Whenever we swore on late night, we wouldn't beep it. We'd put a little flag up and it would say like Tootsie Frutsy or Ooh la la or something like that. And we would never have thought of that if we were allowed to swear. Do you remember when the Osbournes that. When the Ozzy Osbourne family. So you guys probably don't remember.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, no, no, no.

[C]

But the, when they beeped it, it was much funnier than yes. Wasn't beat. Do you know, like. Yeah, so I kind of like the, the framework to work inside of it. And game shows give you that.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I love game shows.

[A]

When does it air? When can the people catch it?

[C]

It's. It's 8 o'. Clock. 8 o' clock on the CW, which is W, guys.

[A]

Yeah, check it out. Out. I'm going to check it out. It's. I mean, if there's somebody who's going to nail that, it's going to be you.

[C]

I think we did it.

[A]

I think we got it.

[B]

And go back and watch Join or die. If you've, if you've, if you've never seen it, it's a great, great show. And Giannis was so funny on it that Craig didn't even.

[C]

I, I couldn't handle how funny he was and I, I tried to, to railroad his career.

[A]

Yeah, we're going to get Chris in.

[C]

Here and embarrass him and, and you know what? I, I feel like I did.

[A]

Yeah. Here I am. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. This has been all yours.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Thank you, Craigie.

[A]

Pleasure, man.

[B]

All right, well, that was Craig Ferguson. I'm. You know, I'm sure all the ladies and gay guys out there are still soaking wet. What a great guy.

[A]

What a nice guy.

[B]

We're only gonna do 15 minutes with him. We wound up doing 50.

[A]

Yeah, I had a feeling it was gonna go good because he's a comic.

[B]

He'S a very smart guy and he's.

[A]

Got an earring and he's parties.

[B]

He's got earring and he's parties. And the truth of the situation is he's been sober 30 something years. But he will drink again.

[A]

He will drink again at some point.

[B]

Unfortunately, he will because he's just, you know what I mean, just going to have a couple of booze and get a blowjob from a 40 year old stepmom.

[A]

He looks like he's got a fourth and it's what it is. Or a trip to West Garden.

[B]

We should have said that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If he wants to go to West Garden. Craig, if you're listening, now that you live in New York, we can get you early access VIP to a little place called West Garden.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, didn't you have that vibe when you're looking at him like you got a four and five in you? Yeah. You could go two more.

[B]

Yeah, because everybody's mom who's listening to this pod wants to bang out Craig Ferguson big.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you know what? He just, he, the women on the show, when he did that show, they just liked him.

[B]

They just. Yeah, because I saw those clips too. It's. No, nobody. The Internet is never saying he did anything bad.

[A]

It's always like chicks were into him.

[B]

They want to bang him out thick.

[A]

But he's a tall drink of water. He's a handsome kid. He had Doc Martens on in an earring.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

With a three piece suit and tattoos all up the arm. He's a different guy at night.

[B]

Yeah, it's just a different guy at night. He's probably got a big uncircumcised peace yes, he does. Scottish kids don't get clipped. Yeah.

[A]

I mean, the kid is. He's doing a little press today, so. But at night, he's a different kid.

[B]

He's like.

[A]

He's a little like Nero.

[B]

It's just what.

[A]

He does something at night.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. It's just what it is. And now he's going to Dan Soder's pod.

[A]

That's what he's doing.

[B]

That's just what life has become. As always, at the end of every episode, we welcome the newest members who went to patreon.com history hyenas, where the real magic happens to ad free. Episodes happen. The bonus episodes happen. It's. We are really off the rails. We're doing another level there for the $25 a month level where we read our text messages on air and it's one of the funniest things you'll ever hear, and it will eventually get us all federal indicted. So here's what it is. Welcome to the show, Thomas. Torn. Then we got Stinky Winky. Put Chris's pinky in my stinky rhymes. I like it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then we got ISO. Mariana's Trench. Hashtag Challenger Balls deep. Peace.

[C]

Wait, whoa, whoa.

[A]

Mariana's Trench.

[B]

Mariana's Trench.

[A]

Okay. This. We walked in when we can't disparage the friends and family.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Because I think he's calling her vag.

[B]

Mariana.

[A]

Mariana Atencio. We had her on the show.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, sorry. Yep, yep, yep.

[A]

I never heard it referred to as a trench. Yes, it's funny, but it is funny. Well, because Craig.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think he's calling her puss a trench.

[B]

Then we got stiff sweats and a stiff neck. Okay. Then we got. It's called no Kings Protest because it's all bitches.

[A]

List it.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

List it.

[B]

Then we got mxtt. Then we got Chrissy. Sent Josephine to dog camp on a train.

[A]

Put him up.

[B]

It's just what it is. It's not all wrong.

[A]

It's not a rug. It's a walk. The other one. But it's funny. It's going on the list. Is that a walk did into one. Leave it on the list.

[B]

For coffee shop kisses, I ordered from the secret menu. Matthew Jager. Michael Durr. Leaky roof from a horse's hoof.

[A]

He got kicked in the head by a horse. Put him on the list.

[B]

Just what it is.

[A]

Very funny.

[B]

Yeah. James Allen. Then we got Frisbees. Can't resist a buy one, get one free Palestine way.

[A]

Song Chien.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That is inventive Because I think I'm gonna have to put it on the list.

[B]

Yeah, we got. Sometimes. See, that's also too. The thing about this show is it depends what mood Yanni's in, because sometimes people get listed because he's just in a good mood.

[A]

I'm in a good mood right now. I took a little L theanine.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, I. What I just heard about that.

[A]

Yeah. That's.

[B]

Throw it in the coffee. Right.

[A]

I think the most evidence is about the thiamine, the magnesium, and the vitamin D with the K2.

[B]

The vitamin D, K2.

[A]

Those are the three everyone should.

[B]

The thiamine is. Do you drop it in the cough?

[A]

No, what you do is you take it. You know, you could take it once or twice a day, depending on how focused and calm you want to be.

[B]

Is that. Oh, it's the thiamine. It focuses you.

[A]

It's a space giver.

[B]

Yeah. But what I've been doing is taking a little thing called Sergio shrooms, and I've been on them and I've told you that.

[A]

How do they feel?

[B]

They feel really good. Even though I got banged up on Saturday. Yeah.

[A]

What they do is they. They're almost like cbd. Right. Just makes you feel like a little body. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, you just give a little space.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's all it is.

[A]

Do you feel like you have that space?

[B]

I felt like I had that space enough to drink nine tequilas. Yeah. Yeah. So it's just what it is.

[A]

Because you can run, you can hide from a low dose, but a low dose is looking for you.

[B]

But maybe we'll try a little L Thiamine.

[A]

Maybe we'll try a little bit of that.

[B]

Yeah. Okay, so we got Genghis Chicken, John, Andy Rivera. Call my girl, Bush 11. But I've seen stranger things. Okay.

[A]

Something.

[B]

All right. Annie Ruz, John Stott, Prancer Number three on the Minneapolis city bus, AKA the Somali Trolley.

[A]

Listen, we're in a wild mood today. The Somali trolley is a goodie.

[B]

Somali trolley is a 10.

[A]

We're just. We're going wild today.

[B]

Isaiah oraz, Jeremy R. Dr. Ray, Pissed and MD Chris Ansa. Chrissy. Come on. Seattle tranny, Seatac. Yeah.

[A]

Bruce Drexler.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Bruce Shealy, Paco Garcia, Henry Tugay for the Dark Age. Coira, George Pickens, Cotton o. Yep. Ladder 14 calling ICE deploys on rice and Bean. Leroy's ass. Man. Call my ass the underground railroad, because 10 Leroy's just ran a train on it.

[A]

Take out the catapult.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Sling them high.

[B]

Yep, yep. Alex S Just flew in from Minnesota and boy, are my arms icicles.

[A]

He tried.

[B]

Sorry, babe. It usually lasts longer.

[A]

Wait. Sorry, babe. I usually last longer. Yeah.

[B]

Chicken figure. Yeah, that's what it is. From under cheese Charcuterie horde. More like Ed Master.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Chris's roof leaks more than. Okay, well, not going to read that. Okay. Travy Wavy big Serdi, Aiden Sullivan, Amy Stifler, Drummion88. Nate Byers. Awkward place between hey babe and history hyenas. Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Zachariah Ley and Eileen's lipstick colored sig from Finland.

[A]

Put him on the list. I like it.

[B]

What does that mean, from Finland?

[A]

I don't know, but it's funny.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So. Yeah, I don't know what that means.

[B]

I don't know what it means.

[A]

You know what? Take them off the list because it would have been better without the Finland.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

[A]

Lipstick.

[B]

Wow. That's the first time that's ever happened where somebody got listed and immediately got distracted.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, well, we did. We call that. We call that a booth review. Yeah, booth that went into the review. I threw the challenge feel flag onto the field. And we have to. We're reversing the call because it happens. Yeah.

[B]

Then we got Kristoff Pasha, Brandon Braswell, AC Pablo Palomino. Venezuela is for the table. Jennifer Clark, True blue goy. Chris Armagillo, Amanda Onoroto, Hunter Benton, Lindsay Cox. Excuse me, sir. Your balls are showing. Chad Uncle Somali's free daycare. Sterling John Darova. Tight after kid number two. Doc pulled the Joey glance.

[A]

What does that mean?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

That's a girl. That's a woman. That's a girl.

[B]

Yeah. Lorenzo Gonzalez, Emil Todd, John King. Dom. Steve Carson. Thigpen. I have an itchy asshole chicken finger Tom. My prime mover is my wet butthole gluer. Call me Thomas. Aqua anus tried.

[A]

He went for it.

[B]

Charlie Chaplin's barber knew how to sell tickets. Okay, what's that?

[A]

Oh, the Hitler mustache.

[B]

Lil Stitch went for it. Arepas on the Acropolis.

[A]

Arepas. Arepas on the Acropolis.

[B]

Nicholas Souffront. Pardon Nassar. I can't reach this knot in my ass. Meatball150.

[A]

Oh, that Larry Nasser. Yeah.

[B]

Jonathan McLoyne. Jared Decano. Are mountain oysters in season?

[A]

What are those?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Mountain oysters.

[B]

Bulls born. Okay. Adolf Hitler and the micropenes. I have Peep. I have.

[A]

Good one, Drexler.

[B]

I have papers. Please, no, take me. No, please, I legal Drexler Nick wasn't. Nick kind of smiled at that.

[A]

Yeah, no, Nick liked it a lot.

[B]

Casey Brooks, Alex. Michael Palmer, Nicholas Chambers, Chase Rogers, Big country sl. The Mexican that fell through Chrissy's attic.

[A]

What's that?

[B]

I had a. Somebody was coming over to fix something in my roof when I lived in Staten is guy fell through the attic and TT Jerry went up there. This is like 2021. TT Jerry went up there and I told the story on.

[A]

Oh, is this the thing that had like a little controversy on TikTok? What happened?

[B]

Because TT Jerry went up there and the guy was trying to say he had a back pain. And T.T. jerry was like, well, do you have your papers? And he said, no. And then Jerry just, you know, I talked about on the pod and we laughed about it. And then it was like, all people. Like, that is not okay.

[A]

Not okay. You out.

[B]

Yeah, but the. The truth of the situation is the person that fell through the garage was. It was an Italian guy.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I just said it was a Mexican for like the bit. And so like.

[C]

But then.

[B]

But it's so. It. It kind of gave. It's when I really started to get off social media and realized, well, if.

[A]

You had hired a Mexican, he wouldn't have fallen through the roof.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I realized that it was a. Because again, the guy was in Italian. It was a friend of the family. It was all just like a. A joke that I did on the podium. But then A person on TikTok said they found the actual person and were interviewing them, but they were real about it. And there's video of them talking to some guy. And this guy is saying that he fell through my attic and he's giving a wrong address on Staten Island. But these people are believing it. It was bizarre. Then an actual lawyer contacted me.

[A]

Holy shit.

[B]

It went that far.

[A]

So a guy pretended that he was the guy.

[B]

Yes, but it wasn't for comedy. It was for real. Somebody who had like a lawyer had this tick tock.

[A]

Oh, he was trying to get paid.

[B]

Exactly. And then actual for real lawyer, like, called me and was like, do you need representation? I said, it's none of it's real.

[A]

Right.

[B]

They said they found the guy.

[A]

That is so Internet. That is so Internet.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Holy mackerel.

[B]

Then we got might take my Muzzy family waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay this summer.

[A]

That's a way for them to spend vacay.

[B]

It's what it is.

[A]

That's a funny kid's got some muzzies in his family's Making a joke. I'm going to Drexler.

[B]

Let me ask you. You this quick while I have it in my head. What are the chances Craig Ferguson's PR team lets us put out that whole episode?

[A]

I think it's 100% chance.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think he had a good time.

[B]

Yeah, but you think the PR might be like. That's not okay.

[A]

No, I think he's. I think they know when they. I think they know when they booked him for this. That you know.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's just what you got to do now.

[B]

Right? Then we got Frankie Five Angels. Then we got Yanni. Stockings are for life, not just for Christmas.

[A]

Drexler. Drexler. Almost there, Lou.

[B]

Then we got. All I wanted for Christmas was a cutie saluti from Lieutenant Lollipop and Sergeant Snuggles. All I got was a root in my boot from a toot.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

My Eastern Hemi GF makes me shower before a blowy.

[A]

Okay, you know what? I'm gonna put that on the list because it's very funny that he's calling a prostitute his girlfriend. And some people. It's just what it is. They go for a gfe, the kid goes for a gfe. A girlfriend experience.

[B]

It's what it is.

[A]

He pays a little extra for the gfe.

[B]

David Rule. Drew Patty in the hibachi spot. Moving wine glasses. Call me Jerry Glenn. Glueless. Up all night bobbying my Lee. My dad won't say black athletes names right on purpose. It's character piece. Tim Dillon. State fair funnel cake farts Drexler. This is the story of a girl who fumed a river and drenched the whole world.

[C]

Right?

[A]

Gross.

[B]

Fuhrer Schultz made Akash sing a Slumdog Millionaire.

[A]

We had that. That's. That one is a PPW from a long time.

[B]

Yeah, Napoleon's tiny battle shorts. Blunderfeld. Leroy pokes her guts because I piss on my nuts.

[A]

Leroy Pokes are good. Oh, I get it.

[B]

Leroy's got a big peepee, cucks his girl out.

[A]

Just he can feel something.

[B]

His pee pee's so small, he pees on his neck.

[A]

You're gonna get Drexler for that.

[B]

I supported my street sweeper, goomar. Now my fromunda cheese is built up big. Okay, street sweeper is what we sell when you get the ac.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Or you could call. It's more of a chimney sweeper is.

[B]

What it should be what it is.

[A]

It's more of a chimney chimney sweeper.

[B]

BFG 9000. Ron, call me back. Last night was amazing. So I'm happy you Came in me. Please. I'm a man.

[A]

Okay, yeah.

[B]

P.S. i'm a man. Tyler Bud. Gentrifiers neighborhood repair shop. We get the dings out. Lad 14. Yeah.

[A]

Can you repeat that one more time?

[B]

Gentrifiers neighborhood repair shop. And then quotes. We get the dings out.

[A]

I mean, it's that type of list. We're going. We're putting them on list. Yeah, we're putting them on. Jess. I'm just in a good mood.

[B]

Timothy McNeva. Big nasty cruise.

[A]

Could be the funniest one.

[B]

Singh Kelly. Fistuka is such a lawyer.

[A]

Okay, so that.

[B]

That's a Kelly for Stuka's a comic from years and years ago. She went back to Australia, I think.

[A]

So he's probably. You know what? Dude fan.

[B]

Is she still on the show?

[A]

Show? No.

[C]

No.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But to know that, you'd have to listen to the show.

[B]

Sam Dietz. Call Chrissy D. Second toe gay because he pushes it.

[A]

Don't get it.

[B]

Nick. Ginger, Jewish, Guatemalan, needs ice for half the family. I got Covid watching Squid games. Pencil Drop.

[A]

Way Song chain.

[B]

You like it?

[A]

Asian show. Yeah, I like it. I'm a Drexler it though, because, you know, they're Korean, so it's different.

[B]

And then last but not least, the Do Sodomal butt pirate. Okay. All right.

[A]

Good list, though. Edgy list.

[B]

Edgy list. So guy. And also just, you know, we see a lot of the comments your name has been read where again, so many people join up. And we're thankful. You just have to keep listening sometimes. These lists are months behind.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So just listen every week. Yeah. All right, here is the list. It's called no Kings protest because it's all.

[A]

We're gonna. We're gonna. We're gonna chicken finger that.

[B]

Okay. Chrissy sent Josephine to dog camp on a train.

[A]

We're gonna walk into when that just honor how funny it was. But we're gonna walk into one leaky.

[B]

Roof from a horse's hoof.

[A]

We're gonna chicken finger that.

[B]

Okay. Frisbee. Can't resist a buy one, get one free Palestine.

[A]

That's so funny. We're gonna. We're gonna Drexler it.

[B]

Okay. My Eastern Hemi gf makes me shower before a bl.

[A]

We're going to keep that one around.

[B]

Okay. Gentrifyers Neighborhood repair shop. We get the dings out.

[A]

We're going to keep that one around.

[B]

On the Minneapolis city bus, AKA the Somali trolley.

[A]

We're going to get. We're going to make that the contender. Okay, well, Right now you can Drexel the previous two.

[B]

So Drexler. Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So. So Drexler. My eastern megf makes me shower blowy. And gentrifiers neighborhood repair shop. And get the dings out. Those are out because walked into one for that. Because the last one, I think this is a contest because we have on the city but the Somali truck. And then last but not least, call my ass the underground railroad. Ken Leroy's just ran a train.

[A]

I mean, this one is done, right? Whatever you say in the comments, this is done, right.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Those are the two.

[B]

Those are the two we honored.

[A]

The ones that almost made it any other day, guys. Those are the two.

[B]

So it's between on the Minneapolis city bus, AKA the Somali trolley. Or call my ass the underground railroad because 10 Leroy's just ran a train on it.

[A]

You know, I'm in a mood. I'm in a mood. I want to do something we've never done.

[B]

What do you want to do?

[A]

I want to do co Ed mvp.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

That's what I want to do.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

I think this week, because I'm not choosing between those two first ballot hall of famers, I'm just not doing it today.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Boys, we got a double. I think. Wow. How could you choose between that? Are you really going to put Somali trolley on the bench?

[B]

No.

[A]

Are you going to put Somali Charlie?

[C]

No.

[B]

You can't. You can't.

[A]

Can't do it.

[B]

Wow. Okay. So for the first time in history Hyena's history, we have two winners who are going to show share their co. PPW co Pseudo penises of the week.

[A]

Link forever.

[B]

Link forever. Go to history hyenas is back.com to see both your names up in lights. The winners are on the Minneapolis city bus, AKA the Somali trolley. And call my ass the underground railroad because 10 Leroy's just ran a train on it. I mean, that's the way it goes.

[A]

Is that a good decision?

[B]

Good decision. Yeah. You're the winners. Enjoy the episode. Tell your friends everything's continuing right [e-mail] history hyenas.