Chelsea Handler is a Top

Summary

History Hyenas with Chris DiStefano and Yannis Pappas - Episode: "Chelsea Handler is a Top"

Release Date: April 29, 2025
Hosts: Chris DiStefano and Yannis Pappas
Guest: Chelsea Handler

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Introduction and Welcome [00:59 - 01:50]

In this lively episode of History Hyenas, Yannis Pappas and Chris DiStefano kick off by warmly welcoming comedian Chelsea Handler as their special guest. They highlight Chelsea’s latest endeavors, including her seventh book and an upcoming Netflix special slated for March 25th. The hosts set the stage for an episode filled with humor, personal anecdotes, and insightful discussions.

Personal Anecdotes and Comedic Banter [00:00 - 04:07]

The episode opens with Chelsea sharing a candid and humorous story about her first encounter with 50 Cent:

• Chelsea Handler [00:00]: "First time I saw 50 Cent's penis was across the room, and I remember it was not erect."
• Chris DiStefano [00:20]: "That's a good title for your next book, huh?"

This leads to a series of playful exchanges about male anatomy, circumcision, and societal perceptions, showcasing the hosts' chemistry and comedic timing.

Family Dynamics and Heritage [14:36 - 30:05]

The conversation shifts to Chelsea’s familial background, delving into her German and Jewish heritage:

• Yannis Pappas [14:36]: "I did a little research on you, and I found one thing very interesting. Your father is German."
• Chelsea Handler [15:05]: "My mom was like beautiful and German and sweet and not loud. Like pretty much the opposite of me as well."

They discuss the complexities of interfaith relationships, cultural assimilation, and the impact of WWII on Chelsea’s family. Chelsea humorously recounts her parents' efforts to blend their backgrounds while raising their children Jewish in Livingston, New Jersey.

Sexuality, Relationships, and the MeToo Movement [08:07 - 26:00]

A significant portion of the episode addresses serious topics like the MeToo movement, sexual assault, and power dynamics in relationships:

• Chelsea Handler [25:07]: "I am never been sexually assaulted. I haven't had that experience, thankfully."
• Chris DiStefano [16:20]: "If I had something illegal, I think I'd be open about it, but maybe not a murder."

Chelsea emphasizes the importance of consent and challenges the notion that a woman's demeanor can prevent assault. The hosts share personal experiences, highlight issues within Hollywood, and critique societal responses to sexual misconduct.

Animal Societies and Human Behavior [53:04 - 56:43]

In an unexpected twist, the trio compares human social dynamics to those of matriarchal animal societies. They explore behaviors of hyenas, lions, zebras, and hippos, drawing parallels to human interactions:

• Yannis Pappas [53:04]: "Hyenas have pseudo penises and the women are bigger than the men."
• Chelsea Handler [54:00]: "I saw a hippo rape in Africa."

These discussions are interspersed with humor and factual tidbits, highlighting the hosts' ability to blend education with comedy.

Sexual Orientation and Identity [40:39 - 43:42]

The dialogue delves into topics of sexual orientation and gender identity. The hosts explore their own experiences and societal labels, often blending humor with introspection:

• Yannis Pappas [40:39]: "I'm actively trying to raise one of my daughters as lesbian."
• Chelsea Handler [43:05]: "I think so."

They discuss the fluidity of sexual identity, the evolving nature of societal labels, and the impact of historical perspectives on modern understandings of gender and sexuality.

Promotional Segments and Community Engagement [37:12 - 57:09]

While primarily focused on content, the hosts briefly mention their Patreon community and encourage listeners to join watch-alongs for Chelsea’s Netflix special:

• Chelsea Handler [56:48]: "The special's called 'The Feeling' and it's coming out on Netflix March 25th."
• Chris DiStefano [57:09]: "Let's do it for Chelsea's special."

They also touch upon their experiences with canceled shows and the challenges of navigating promotions, all while maintaining their characteristic humor.

Conclusion and Final Remarks [57:25 - End]

The episode wraps up with heartfelt remarks and affirmations of support:

• Chelsea Handler [57:28]: "Thank you."
• Chris DiStefano [57:25]: "Yeah. All right, Chelsea Handler, everyone."

The hosts express their appreciation for Chelsea's candid participation, and they tease future episodes and collaborative events, leaving listeners anticipating more engaging content.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Chelsea Handler [00:00]: "First time I saw 50 Cent's penis was across the room, and I remember it was not erect."
• Chris DiStefano [00:20]: "That's a good title for your next book, huh?"
• Chelsea Handler [15:05]: "My mom was like beautiful and German and sweet and not loud. Like pretty much the opposite of me as well."
• Chelsea Handler [25:07]: "I am never been sexually assaulted. I haven't had that experience, thankfully."
• Yannis Pappas [53:04]: "Hyenas have pseudo penises and the women are bigger than the men."
• Chelsea Handler [54:00]: "I saw a hippo rape in Africa."
• Chelsea Handler [43:05]: "I think so."

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Insights and Conclusions

History Hyenas masterfully intertwines humor with deep conversations, offering listeners both laughter and thoughtful reflections. Chelsea Handler's presence adds a layer of candidness, as she openly discusses personal experiences and societal issues. The hosts' ability to navigate controversial topics with comedic flair makes this episode both entertaining and enlightening. By comparing human behaviors to those of matriarchal animal societies, they provide unique perspectives on power dynamics and social structures.

The episode underscores the importance of open dialogue about sexuality, consent, and identity, while also celebrating the strength and empowerment of women. The playful yet insightful exchanges highlight the show’s commitment to blending history, humor, and real-life discussions, making it a valuable listen for those seeking both education and entertainment.

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For those who haven’t tuned into the episode, "Chelsea Handler is a Top" by History Hyenas promises a blend of unfiltered humor, personal anecdotes, and meaningful conversations that bridge the gap between history and modern societal issues. Whether you’re a fan of edgy comedy or insightful discussions, this episode delivers on both fronts.

Transcript

[Chelsea Handler]

First time I saw 50 Cent's penis was across the room, and I remember it was not erect.

[Giannis Pappas]

Wait a second. Across the room?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. We were in a hotel room, and he was. Well, maybe it felt like it was across the room, but he wasn't fully erect. And I remember looking at his penis going, wow, that's gonna get bigger.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right?

[Chelsea Handler]

So that was shocking.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's a good title for your next book, huh?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, that is.

[Chelsea Handler]

Wow.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's gonna get bigger.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's gonna get bigger.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. And it's coming my way.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Chelsea Handler]

It.

[Giannis Pappas]

What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas. I'm Giannis Pappas. I'm sitting here with my co host, Chris DiStefano, who just got a hair trim.

[Chris DiStefano]

Thank you. It's. Yeah, it's very emasculating when I have to tell my podcast partner I'm getting a trim.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Well, you went from barber now to stylist.

[Chris DiStefano]

I got as well, in a way. Yeah. I mean, it's just a kid I know from the neighborhood that's just. Is. He's a stylist now, and I think he's just doing that. But he's just a gay kid that doesn't want to come out of the closet.

[Giannis Pappas]

You got to do gay. And I'm looking at the hairstyle, and that is a gay trait, which means it was done right.

[Chris DiStefano]

It was done right.

[Giannis Pappas]

That was done right. We have a special guest today, a very special guest. Look at that. Welcome to Chelsea Lately, Chelsea Handler. She's got a new book that's out right now, and she's got a new Netflix special that's coming out on Netflix March 25th. Welcome, Chelsea Handler.

[Chelsea Handler]

Thank you, boys. Nice to meet you.

[Giannis Pappas]

Nice to meet you.

[Chris DiStefano]

Nice to meet you. It's always fun to do this kind of pod, because I don't know if you ever heard it, but it's kind of wild. So it's fun to do it with the PR guy taking notes.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, the pr.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's always fun when the publicists come in. It's usually the. They're just like, should we put that one out or not?

[Giannis Pappas]

And he's a Lebanese kid, and my brother's gay also, and I'm from an immigrant family, so I know your Lebanese parents. It was a challenge.

[Chris DiStefano]

Well, here's the thing.

[Chelsea Handler]

He's actually not out.

[Giannis Pappas]

He's not out?

[Chelsea Handler]

No. Okay, so you just outed him.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, really?

[Chelsea Handler]

No, no, I was out.

[Chris DiStefano]

I was. I was going to say, well, he's out. I mean, He's a gay from Lebanon. So he's out of the country is where he is.

[Giannis Pappas]

He's out of the country. And I mean, if he's not out, his voice is.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean, it's hard to hide what we call him.

[Chelsea Handler]

He's got ahead of him.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, that's a D. One G a day. One gay. And no doubt about it, a 550 foot home run. A hal of fame guy.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, he's definitely first ballot. He's not a ucf.

[Chris DiStefano]

He's an F. He's a. No. He came out like.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Slide. Good for you, dude. It's freeing. It's good. And we've opened up Chelsea Handler's book. We've both opened up to random page and we're just going to read a little excerpt. So again, no context. Here we have in quotes. Is there anything special I need to do? She asked, looking up at me like a deer in the headlights. I felt like Bill Cosby.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay. And I got another one. Yeah. Trump is a fascist. We are entering into another fascist era.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's not my book.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay. Sorry.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's not what you're reading.

[Giannis Pappas]

Sorry.

[Chelsea Handler]

No, it's not in that.

[Giannis Pappas]

Not in here. I'm just saying. Yeah. This is more a fun one. It's about. I'll have what she's having.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I like that.

[Giannis Pappas]

Which is not. Which is alcohol. Not like.

[Chelsea Handler]

No, it's life. It's life. It's whatever I'm having. It can encompass drugs, alcohol, lifestyle choices. Just basically, you know, a lifestyle.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

And you wrote the book, which is dope.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

No.

[Chris DiStefano]

Ghostwriter.

[Chelsea Handler]

No, no, no.

[Chris DiStefano]

You.

[Chelsea Handler]

No, I wrote it. I wr. Books.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's pretty awesome.

[Chelsea Handler]

Thank you.

[Giannis Pappas]

She's had seven.

[Chelsea Handler]

This is my seventh book.

[Chris DiStefano]

Seven books. And she has. You have great teeth. Are they real?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, they are. Thank you for asking. My breasts are real and my teeth are real. Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Interesting.

[Chelsea Handler]

I get that question a lot, too. People think I have fake boobs. I do not.

[Chris DiStefano]

No, I would never guess that.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay.

[Chris DiStefano]

That you have fakes.

[Chelsea Handler]

Great.

[Chris DiStefano]

They look like. They look like natties.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay.

[Chris DiStefano]

Beautiful. And they're well set. And they just look like natural. Nice white woman boobs.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Chris DiStefano]

And they're WWBs.

[Chelsea Handler]

They're buoyant because I haven't had children and I sleep with a bra every night.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's good.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

A lot of women don't know to do that. And I learned that early on from my older sister. And it's paid. It's. It's yielded. Nice dividends yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes. You got to sleep. Sleep with a bra on. And. And having no kids, I mean. Yeah, that's.

[Giannis Pappas]

Now the kids really destroy the.

[Chris DiStefano]

They destroy the body.

[Giannis Pappas]

They really do. It's like a nuke for the breast. I'm more of a leg man, but I went in there and feet.

[Chris DiStefano]

He's big into feet.

[Giannis Pappas]

And I'm big in the feet. I'm big in the feet.

[Chelsea Handler]

I like femininity and sucking on feet.

[Giannis Pappas]

I like. I put them in, like, once in a while, like a pacifier. I like putting it in ye.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Giannis Pappas]

Like plug it in.

[Chris DiStefano]

Sucking a toe.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Now you got. So. And my girl actually got her boobs removed, so I've. I've know that's how far I've come in this. She went the other way, got him taken out.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Lots of women are doing that, by the way.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

You know, she told me too. And I. She said when she took them out, she said I felt like my body was like rejecting something for 10 years. Like, I kind of always felt off. She's like, I took them out within a month. I feel like me again, even though I don't have, you know, big, huge boobs anymore. She was like, I just feel better.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

And I was like, I think it's.

[Chelsea Handler]

Sexier from somebody who's had big boobs my whole life. I think it's sexier to have smaller boobs as a woman.

[Chris DiStefano]

I'm sorry. I just looked at them.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's okay.

[Chris DiStefano]

They are big and nice.

[Chelsea Handler]

My nipples are really hard.

[Chris DiStefano]

They are.

[Chelsea Handler]

Since, like. Oh, no. They just softened.

[Chris DiStefano]

Did you give your boobs blue Chew?

[Chelsea Handler]

No, I don't know what that is.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's an alternative to Viagra. If you use the promo code history, I inez you get 5% off.

[Chelsea Handler]

To get my nipples hard?

[Chris DiStefano]

No, to get an erection. Viagra, their blue chew tablets, made right here in the usa. Same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis and Levitra.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, but why would a woman take that?

[Chris DiStefano]

It was just a joke. It was just a joke that bombed. About your.

[Chelsea Handler]

About my dick.

[Chris DiStefano]

About your. About your. About your boob dick.

[Chelsea Handler]

Right, okay. Or a dick in between my boobs.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, there you go.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. If you can't get hard that way, then you can take your blue chew.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

And you can get 10% off with this podcast, Right?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Do guys. Because you have such nice natties. Do they? Yeah, well, they do they, like, try to climb up. Do they inch up towards to try to get you to get titty?

[Chelsea Handler]

No, I haven't been Titty fucked in a really long time. I feel like that's kind of something you do when you're younger and I don't know, a lot of adults are. I mean, I'm sure you do.

[Giannis Pappas]

I don't know. I mean, I'm an adult.

[Chelsea Handler]

Or titty fucking.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'm not into titty fucking.

[Chris DiStefano]

I've never done it once. Or in the butt. I've never done either one of those things. Never done in the butt. Never done a titty fuck.

[Chelsea Handler]

Are you not interested in having anal penetration?

[Giannis Pappas]

I am a woman. Yeah. He's not.

[Chris DiStefano]

I am. Well, right. I know I am. I've just never. I've never done it. I think I just get too excited about the vagina and then it's over, you know, Five, six pumps max. And then I don't think we ever have time for the butt.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's how long you last.

[Chris DiStefano]

Five or six months, unfortunately. Yeah, unfortunately. I get excited, I get quick. I'm in the moment. And I'm. I'm sorry to the women who I've had sex, but that is just.

[Chelsea Handler]

Lucky girlfriend.

[Chris DiStefano]

I know. I know about you.

[Chelsea Handler]

How many months does it take you?

[Giannis Pappas]

Well, right now it takes a bunch of time because I'm Alexa Pro, so I can feel nothing. Oh, yeah, it's just numb.

[Chelsea Handler]

But you can get an erection.

[Giannis Pappas]

I could totally get an erection.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, well, that's good.

[Chris DiStefano]

It also hasn't attacked since the pandemic.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. I mean, I'm married, so it's like I can't even get to my wife.

[Chelsea Handler]

So that's over.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, there's just kids blocking me all day long. It's. Yes, that's just part.

[Chris DiStefano]

Your hair does look good today.

[Giannis Pappas]

Thank you.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, it's.

[Giannis Pappas]

Thank you. Your hair, everyone's hair looks really.

[Chris DiStefano]

Chelsea looks fantastic.

[Chelsea Handler]

Really good.

[Chris DiStefano]

Thank you. Because I got a trim.

[Chelsea Handler]

I was wondering. That made sense. It all came together when you said that.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Giannis Pappas]

You look really good. You look. And also like, just like gracefully, you know, just beautiful.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, wow. Thank you.

[Giannis Pappas]

You're welcome.

[Chelsea Handler]

Thank you.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, because, you know, aging gracefully, we all try to do it and you're doing it, you're doing it and you're still very young.

[Chris DiStefano]

You're a 49 year old kid. You look good.

[Giannis Pappas]

Weird.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm 49 too.

[Chris DiStefano]

49.

[Chelsea Handler]

50. I'm 50 now. I'm 50. I turned 50 yesterday.

[Giannis Pappas]

Oh, my God.

[Chris DiStefano]

Happy belated.

[Giannis Pappas]

Oh, my God.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Giannis Pappas]

Brought a cake in. How come that wasn't told to us?

[Chris DiStefano]

Happy belated birthday.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's still going. It's my 50th year, so I'm just going to be celebrating all year long. Yeah, still happening.

[Giannis Pappas]

What do you think about people who lie? About their age advantage or.

[Chelsea Handler]

No, I don't know. I don't know why people lie about anything, really.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, I don't. I don't. I don't like to lie. I like to tell the truth and just get on with everything.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

You know what I mean? Even if it gets you in trouble, it's easier to just say it and then be done with it.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

I mean, if I hit a body, obviously I'm not going to be lying. I mean, telling people about that, I would keep that a secret. If I did something really illegal. I mean, even if I did something illegal, I think I'd be open about it, but maybe not a murder. You know, I don't think I would come forward about that, but who knows?

[Giannis Pappas]

You don't think self preservation would kick in and you try to lie to keep yourself going. You're having a pretty good life.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, like if I had.

[Giannis Pappas]

Everyone makes mistakes.

[Chelsea Handler]

If I was involved in a murder that I didn't, you know, initiate and somehow I was involved in it and I had to think about coming forward, I wouldn't jeopardize my life.

[Giannis Pappas]

Now we're all in show business. Let me ask you, have you ever wanted to murder someone? And who?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, I mean, all the time. Different people. There was a guy who told me there was a. Some guy came up to me on the street. I had forgotten to put money in the meter, in the parking meter. And he came up to me and he goes, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. You forgot to put money in the meter. And I looked at him like, who the fuck are you? Why are you telling me what to do? Why are you. First of all, this is my first experience with a fucking meter or a car. And I wanted to kill him, but instead I didn't. I had a conversation with him about, stop, don't tell women to fucking feed their meter. Because would you say that to another grown man? Would you say to another grown man, hey, you forgot to put money in your meter?

[Chris DiStefano]

No, I probably would never say that.

[Chelsea Handler]

You wouldn't say that?

[Chris DiStefano]

No, I would not.

[Chelsea Handler]

So I found that to be a little bit, like, patronizing, like, he's taking care of me because I'm a woman. So I wanted to murder him, but I didn't murder him.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Chelsea Handler]

You know, it's a microaggression, not a macro, though. No. Because I wasn't going to Put money in the meter. Anyway, I don't care if I get a parking ticket, I'd like to wing it.

[Chris DiStefano]

You should get a ticket. You know, we were just discussing this. Sometimes it's easier for us to just park on the street here, and it's cheaper for us to just give me a $50 ticket than paying $90 to put in a garage.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, that's exactly my son. And also, if you take. Keep your parking tickets that you accumulate and you repurpose them and put them on your windshield, that's usually a good way to get out of getting another ticket.

[Giannis Pappas]

Smart. That's a tip for you out there. And believe it. You should be able to hit meter maids.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, yeah. Poor meter mates. Talk about the shaft.

[Giannis Pappas]

They have a tough. But you should be able to hit.

[Chelsea Handler]

Them, but you have to think about with your car or just with a fist.

[Giannis Pappas]

Both. No, both. Yeah. I mean, if they're in the way.

[Chelsea Handler]

If I poor meter. If you became a meter maid, you have to understand how many other things went wrong.

[Chris DiStefano]

Sure.

[Chelsea Handler]

Before you became that. You know what I mean? That's not like something.

[Chris DiStefano]

The first thing that went wrong was you being born in Pakistan.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, that's an interesting take.

[Giannis Pappas]

Well, most of. Most of them are South Asia. You should be able to hit them if you're in your car and they give you a ticket. If you're not around, obviously you can't hit them. But if you're running to the car and saying, no, no, no, I'm leaving, or if you're in the car sitting there, taking a nap or scrolling.

[Chelsea Handler]

Taking a nap in your car. What's wrong? Who's taking a nap in.

[Giannis Pappas]

Their cars are great places to get around, but they're also great places to just sit and escape the world.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right. Well, you got a Tesla. You watch Netflix in the Tesla.

[Giannis Pappas]

I watch Netflix in the Tesla and I do scroll at Craigslist.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

So it's. If someone comes and gives you like a ticket there, you should be able to get out and hook off. One shot legal, second shot illegal. Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Here we go. The [e-mail] history hyenas. We've asked them for questions for Chelsea Handler. There's so many coming in, we got to just get to a few of these because we won't get to any of them if you don't. So the first question from John Black is, how big is 50 cents glue gun big? Like really big. Circumcised?

[Chelsea Handler]

I think so.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's what I like to hear.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

I'M sick and tired of people talking out against uncircumcised penises. I. I'm happy I'm circumcised, and I want as many men to be circumcised. Yeah, I like a circumcised piece because even when I'm watching porn, I don't like. I. It doesn't. I don't like seeing the uncircumcised.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, can't you just focus on uncircumcised? I mean, uncircumcised porn. I mean, why are you, like, put.

[Chris DiStefano]

In my search engine?

[Chelsea Handler]

Circumstance circumcised penises.

[Chris DiStefano]

Good point.

[Chelsea Handler]

You don't have to even expose yourself to that.

[Giannis Pappas]

What are you watching, like, Serbian porn?

[Chris DiStefano]

No.

[Giannis Pappas]

Who's the only people who are uncircumcised? I think it's just Serbs.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, there's a lot of European people.

[Giannis Pappas]

Eastern bloc.

[Chris DiStefano]

There's a whole. There's a whole movement now against don't get your kids circumcised.

[Giannis Pappas]

Well, now with X and all this stuff, people are saying it was a Jewish conspiracy because I think it really started with the Jews. But it's really good to have your penis.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. It's better to have a clean penis than to have a dirty penis.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, it does chafe. It does chafe the nerves.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Giannis Pappas]

There's no con without a pro, though, right?

[Chris DiStefano]

It's true.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. But I'm glad I don't gotta get an infection on my penis head. That's good, right?

[Chelsea Handler]

The first time I saw 50 cents penis was across the room. And I remember it was not.

[Giannis Pappas]

Wait a second, across the room.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. We were in a hotel room and he was. Well, maybe it felt like it was across the room, but he wasn't fully erect. And I remember looking at his penis going, wow, that's gonna get bigger.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right?

[Chelsea Handler]

So that was shocking.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's a good title for your next book.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, that is. Wow. It's gonna get bigger.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's gonna get bigger.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. And it's coming my way.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. I played basketball. So did he. And we've had a lot of those moments in the same room where you.

[Chelsea Handler]

Saw penises coming towards you.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, here's the thing. It's, like, not coming towards me. Well, they feel like they're coming towards you. It feels like an aggression because some of them are so big. I mean, I've seen. I've seen a lot of black eyes, penises. And I think when they're big, they're big. Well, there's A lot of white guys who have big penises, too. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And it's a great stereotype. It's a great stereotype to have a huge penis, but, yeah, sad.

[Chelsea Handler]

When there's a little penis, that's a sad situation. Nobody likes that. And I mean, like, I'm talking like a Vienna sausage, like a little baby.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

And that's hard. Especially when it is hard and it's still the same size. Like a little nugget.

[Chris DiStefano]

Well, this brings us to our next Patreon question. Fan. Somebody said, who has a bigger penis? I think I know. 50 center Jo Koy the Asian.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, we. I think we all know the answer.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Chelsea Handler]

Right.

[Chris DiStefano]

Joe. But Joe, you know, obviously, fellow comedian.

[Chelsea Handler]

But Joe actually has a decent penis. I just want to say, put that on the record.

[Chris DiStefano]

And I bet it's cute.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't. That was a nice penis.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes. Filipinos have pretty good penises.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

How do you know that?

[Chris DiStefano]

I used to be a physical therapist, and we work with a lot of Filipino people, are nurses and health care.

[Chelsea Handler]

Penises.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. You know, you just take us. You could see it through the scrubs.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

You know what I mean, right? Yes. So you just.

[Chelsea Handler]

I thought you were going to say you used to be Filipino.

[Chris DiStefano]

No, I didn't. No, no, no, no. I didn't used to be Filipino, but I do work with a lot of Filipino people. I did in my career. And I think that they all. For the Asians, they had the biggest penises. Chinese go relatively small, but Filipino these, because you got a little, you know, Latino mixed in there. And Latinos get slept on with. They have huge penises, too. My, you know, fiance's family. I mean, all these guys have huge dicks.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's great that you know about all these different penises.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's what it is, babe.

[Chelsea Handler]

So straight now.

[Giannis Pappas]

We are a history podcast. And I did a little research on you, and I found one thing very interesting. Your father is German.

[Chelsea Handler]

Jewish. Your mother's German.

[Giannis Pappas]

Your mother's German.

[Chris DiStefano]

Like that.

[Giannis Pappas]

And your father's Jewish.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes.

[Giannis Pappas]

And you found out that your grandfather, unfortunately, was in the German army. Army during World War II.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Chelsea Handler]

So conflict in the family.

[Giannis Pappas]

That.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right, right. Because. Yes, yes.

[Giannis Pappas]

And you're a. You're a German Jew, basically. Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Chelsea Handler]

But not the German Jew. I'm a Jew and I'm German.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Chelsea Handler]

So a lot of. There's a lot of German Jews, but I'm just.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right, Right.

[Chelsea Handler]

A Jew who also is German.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right. You're not like Albert Einstein. German, Right. Or actually a mix of the two.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Predator and prey.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes, exactly.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's interesting. Did your mom ever chase your dad around the dinner table, like have a flat, like, just his jeans kicked in?

[Chelsea Handler]

No, that didn't happen. He chased her around the dinner table.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

He chased my mom around a lot. But my mom agreed when she got together with my dad, like, let's just pretend I'm not German, and we can. Cause, you know, and we can raise all the kids Jewish, and we'll focus on that.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's what she agreed to.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Chelsea Handler]

And I mean, she reneged on that at some point, but. So we didn't learn German or any of that. We didn't have any German culture. It was just all about being a Jew growing up in Livingston, New Jersey now.

[Giannis Pappas]

So your mom was German and your dad was a Mormon.

[Chelsea Handler]

My dad. My mom was a German Mormon, and my dad was Jewish.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right, so was that. Did you make fun of her for, like, believing in a prophet named Joe?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Chris DiStefano]

Joe Smith.

[Chelsea Handler]

I don't respect that. No, I can't believe.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. He's got anyone who follows a guy named Joe.

[Chris DiStefano]

Joe.

[Chelsea Handler]

Religion is pretty embarrassing. I mean, there's. There are better religions.

[Giannis Pappas]

Make some good points.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Giannis Pappas]

You know, you don't. With them, it's like, this mouth is for sucking, not for talking. That's a good. That keeps everything.

[Chris DiStefano]

I don't want to piss off Scientology. I'd. Honestly, I'd rather.

[Chelsea Handler]

I don't have a problem pissing off Scientology.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay.

[Chelsea Handler]

They've come after me before.

[Chris DiStefano]

Have they?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, it doesn't really bother me. What are they gonna do? I'm too. I mean, what's gonna happen?

[Chris DiStefano]

What's a good superpower with you is too. Because you, you know, have stayed, you know, single, and you don't want kids or anything. Just. What are people gonna take from you? Like, I feel like I got this family. Like, I don't want to lose. I can't lose my career, my life. I got kids. I got to do this. But, like, you're just like. You know what I mean? You could take her power.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's actually great point to bring up. That is the power of being single and childless is that people can't threaten my family.

[Chris DiStefano]

No, they can't. For me. You threaten my family once, I'll give you whatever you want. Because it's like, my. My. I have daughters, so it's like, I gotta protect them. And so. But you. I'd be like, yeah, fuck it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. You know, another Superpower is you don't have to make new friends through your kids and pretend to like other parents.

[Chelsea Handler]

I won't even make friends. I went. I mean, I won't even go to a dog park because that's how little I like engaging about, you know, your animals. So I can't even imagine what parents must go through. Having to like, mingle together at conferences and the news and in school events. No, that is the opposite of how I want to live my life.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, you definitely make friends through your kids at this point.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, I know. That's why, you know, I feel like my kids, I move a lot. I'm always like moving around too much. I want to live in Westchester. I want to live in Long Island. Then I want to live on Staten Island. And I think part of it is just because I really don't get along with any of my kids parents that well. But now I think I'm going to go back to Staten island because I do just want to go back to where people just fucking love America. I'm sick and tired of people talking shit about America. It's.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's bothering me, talking shit about America.

[Chris DiStefano]

I just don't like it. Like fellow Americans just being like, this country sucks. I hate it.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

So I want to go back to Staten Island.

[Chelsea Handler]

Sounds like the place for you.

[Chris DiStefano]

100% American flags. 50. Everybody loves Staten island, right?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

You don't like Staten Island?

[Giannis Pappas]

I do like. I like Staten island, but it's not, it's not for me.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Chelsea Handler]

I don't know that I've ever been to Staten Island.

[Chris DiStefano]

You want to come to Staten Island?

[Giannis Pappas]

No, I like to go. I like to go to the Metropolitan Museum of Art and that just cancels me out.

[Chris DiStefano]

Make no mistake, deep down in side, you are a fucking PR guy. I am. That's what you are. You're a DYG publicist.

[Giannis Pappas]

I just like art. I like art. I like tennis.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, I love tennis.

[Chris DiStefano]

Somebody asked an interesting question on the Patreon. Who is funnier? Obviously, they're saying jo Koy or 50 Cent in person. They're asking specifically because. Just because you're obviously. Joe Coy is an arena level comedian. So he's a fucking hall of fame comedian. But that doesn't mean he's funnier in person than a guy like 50 who's very funny on social media.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, that's true. Joe's very funny on stage.

[Chris DiStefano]

Can't deny it.

[Chelsea Handler]

So it's a different kind of thing. I don't know who's Funnier, though. I mean, they're both funny in person.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Chelsea Handler]

50 Cent is kind of funny because he's so surprising because he's kind of really shy and quiet.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

And he's got this kind of gangster image. So in person, he's really funny. Like, he doesn't even smoke pot.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Chelsea Handler]

You know, so my friends were all, like, excited that I was going to have this big rapper hanging out with us. And then he'd come over and he wouldn't even smoke a joint. Like, I once asked him for, you know, good weed and he didn't know how to get it. And I was like, well, this is a huge disappointment.

[Chris DiStefano]

He didn't know how to get weed.

[Chelsea Handler]

No.

[Chris DiStefano]

Interesting.

[Giannis Pappas]

But is that when you started to.

[Chelsea Handler]

Be like, all right, this relationship, that was a disappointment. I like guys who can party. Yeah, Jo Koy doesn't party either, so that was a little bit of a disappointment.

[Chris DiStefano]

Also interesting.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, he could drink, but he wasn't. He doesn't smoke pot or take drugs.

[Giannis Pappas]

How do you think he did at the Golden Globes?

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, well, I think we all know how he did.

[Chris DiStefano]

Very difficult position to be in, you know.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, not for Nikki Glazer.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, she could kill it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She, she. I think, you know, we've spoken about this before in the show. I mean, I think she's like, pound for pound, like one of just the bet. Not even female or male, like, just best comics. We've known her for years. She works her ass off, too. Like the writing and all that. Like, when you see the people who don't see, like the behind the scenes Nikki that, like, we do, it's like she'll come with like 20 pages of jokes when the rest of us had, you know, half a page.

[Chelsea Handler]

Right.

[Chris DiStefano]

So she's. So she deserves it. All people keep calling. Everyone here just wants is talking about your boobs and how much they love your boobs. They keep calling them nukes. They said, can she please just show her nukes? And we're going to say no for you now. We're not going to show. She's not going to say it's not. But they are a lot of people saying there's no way these things are real. And where she. She. It is real. We could feel her truth.

[Chelsea Handler]

Tell them to go to my Instagram and then watch my most recent ski birthday video in my bikini and you can see them bouncing around and my boobs bounce. Like real boobs.

[Chris DiStefano]

There you go.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, they are covered in a bikini, but you can see you can tell when people have fake boobs.

[Chris DiStefano]

Somebody said this is. Somebody wants to know. This is an interesting question that fits our show. Who in history, if you. If it could be anybody, who would you like to bang out and why?

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, God, so many people.

[Chris DiStefano]

I mean, but is there one that sticks out and can't be Jesus?

[Chelsea Handler]

Jesus. Okay, I. Who would I like to.

[Giannis Pappas]

Jesus.

[Chris DiStefano]

I just don't feel like my mom wouldn't appreciate it.

[Chelsea Handler]

In history, who would I want to bang out? God, I don't know. I don't have a good answer for that. I'd probably pick a woman. I mean, if I'm going to pick a historical figure.

[Giannis Pappas]

Keep talking. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

God. I'm trying to think of a hot historical female I'd like to see.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, I like that.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Elizabeth the first. She definitely topped you a little bit.

[Chelsea Handler]

Fucking nuts. Yeah, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Which one would be the. The strap on.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, God. I guess it would be weird. Strap on.

[Giannis Pappas]

You would wear it?

[Chelsea Handler]

I would wear that. I'm definitely our top.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, I could see that.

[Chelsea Handler]

Even with Catherine the Great. I would. The top.

[Giannis Pappas]

You would top her. Empress Theodora. You'd top her.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. I'm on top.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, you're top. Yeah, yeah. Have you had a lesbian experience? I have, yeah. And you top. You the shit out of her.

[Chelsea Handler]

No, I didn't. We didn't use a strap on. Just, you know, like threesome stuff with some boyfriends.

[Giannis Pappas]

I love that.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Shout out Gold bond, partner. What a good lotion that is.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, yeah. Gold Bond. That's what I put on my body when I ski.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

To keep my skin supple.

[Chris DiStefano]

So you could stay slick down the mountain.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's right.

[Chris DiStefano]

You know, I don't know. I got a scan. I've been doing this new. Using this new app. Not a sponsor, nothing do. It's just. It's called the Yuka app. Do you know about it? You scan every food, every cream, and it'll give it, like, a score based off, like, additives or calories or whatever. And there's so many of these products that like, you know, foods. Yes. But also these skin creams that are like. It's just cancer. It's just like you're rubbing cancer into your body or you're eating cancer. And I, like, I had no idea because. Because the sugar, I understand. The sodium, I understand, but the additives, like, you can't exercise that out. That's just like, in your body. Go back to that golbond. Seems like it gets scanned good on yucca. I mean, you gotta get no body fat, which is fantastic.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, that's what I was checking out. And who's this lucky guy?

[Chelsea Handler]

This guy is the guy who organized my birthday video this week, this year. So we went to Sun Valley to film it, and I skied with a bunch of women down a mountain, and we were all in bathing suits with my dog. And this guy coordinated it all. So I let him take me for a ride on his snowmobile.

[Giannis Pappas]

He's a real zaddy.

[Chris DiStefano]

And he kept his hands. He didn't. He didn't try to cop a feel.

[Chelsea Handler]

I mean, everyone tries to cop a feel, but I'm not really opposed to that. For me, you know, I mean, I wouldn't speak for other women, but I'm not really. I'm not really sensitive to, you know. As long as you're not trying to assault me, I'm sure.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. What do you think about that coming up as a woman in Hollywood? Pretty. Me too. And then seeing me too happen. Do you think that it was a good thing? Of course it was. Right.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, I think the.

[Giannis Pappas]

I just heard myself asking that question, like, is it a good thing or a bad thing?

[Chelsea Handler]

I think that it was definitely a good thing. And I think the repercussions of that. I think the Roe v. Wade being overturned was a direct result of the MeToo movement. Me, too. Yes. Of men going, oh, really? You wanna tell on us? Well, we're actually gonna take away your rights. That's what I think that led to.

[Giannis Pappas]

But it's usually. Cause usually the guy doesn't want the kid.

[Chelsea Handler]

Doesn't want the kid.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Usually guys are like. If you get pregnant, they're like, all right, I'll pick it up.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, but the me, too is just about being sexually assaulted, not having kids.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right, right. But they took. Yeah, but.

[Chelsea Handler]

No, no, no. They don't want the kids, but they want women to procreate. They want women at home. You know what I mean? Stay at home, raise your baby and don't talk.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Chelsea Handler]

Just iron and cook food.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, I think, too, like, it's the women in my family, like, they've said before, like, they like it obviously, you know, don't want to be touch. Unauthorized. Like, I like when a guy like.

[Giannis Pappas]

My aunt, my love calling it unauthorized.

[Chelsea Handler]

Is an interesting way to put it also. Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes. The government term. But they're like, you know, like, I have a cousin, you know, she's very like, Brooklyn. She's like, I fucking like when a guy looks at my ass. I really do.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. My biggest creep in Hollywood.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

That you came.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, I think Harvey Weinstein is. Probably takes the cake, but there's a lot of those guys out there.

[Giannis Pappas]

You come across any of them and did you have to fucking put them in their place? Your German side.

[Chelsea Handler]

I am never been sexually assaulted. I haven't had that experience, thankfully. But I know plenty of women who have been and I. People always go, well, who's gonna fuck with you? Like with your attitude. And I'm like, that's a disservice to all women to say my attitude is preventing me. There are plenty of strong women who get sexually assaulted. It's not like you have a choice in the matter and you can argue your way out of it. So I know. Luckily that never happened to me. But I, you know, it's happening. It's rife, right? I mean, Matt, rife. Men aren't getting sexually assaulted in the way that women are. That's for sure.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Giannis Pappas]

Not in the free world.

[Chris DiStefano]

I got my balls cuffed by a gay guy in Hollywood.

[Chelsea Handler]

But don't you think you deserve that?

[Chris DiStefano]

Did I deserve it?

[Chelsea Handler]

Possibly.

[Chris DiStefano]

Cause I was a good boy.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, just walking around looking at me. I mean, you're a guy, you should have an idea of what it feels like to be groped.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh yeah, I got the nuts cupped and yeah, it felt like high school.

[Chelsea Handler]

Did it bother you?

[Chris DiStefano]

No, I gotta be honest with you. It's not that I loved it and I had to be like, dude, stop. But it's not like it didn't like. Yeah, I didn't feel like I needed to even tell anyone. I just was like, yeah, you got your fucking nuts cut. I think that's what happens. Going to an all boy Catholic high school in Queens. It's like you just, they just prepare you for that a little bit where you just get, you get grow up, you get teabagged. I mean, it's just what it is. I've had more nuts on my forehead than your publicist probably. And so.

[Chelsea Handler]

And so shout out to Paul.

[Chris DiStefano]

Shout out Paul.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. And just what happens when you get a partner's a Kevin Spacey movie.

[Chelsea Handler]

You're just poor Kevin Spacey. I mean, whoa, talk about sexual. Like what? Unwelcome sexual advances?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yes, he.

[Chelsea Handler]

You could see that coming from a mile away when you look at his face.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, you could see it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's kind of just in his aura. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

And I mean, grown men saying they were scared of being on set with him.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, I did. I Did a gig once with him just before, like, everything, you know, came out about him, you know, whatever. I did a gig and it was like some like, private show in D.C. cal Ripken Jr. You know, from the Baltimore Orioles. It was like his foundation, whatever. Kevin Spacey was like the host. Host. And I did comedy to like open it all up. And like, right before I went out, because it was like, you know, a baseball themed event. He like, slapped my ass and I was like, that's interesting. I never thought. He was like, oh, it's a baseball thing. I was like, oh, yeah. I guess I didn't think of it. And then like a month later, all this shit came out. I was like, oh, okay. Yeah, fucking Mr. Spacey. But again, I didn't really fucking care.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

You know, but I, I, you got off easy.

[Giannis Pappas]

It sounds.

[Chris DiStefano]

I didn't care. Yeah. I, I made the allegations, but I got it easy. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, what are you gonna do? I also was fucking altar boy. So it's like, who I'm repressing.

[Chelsea Handler]

Right, right, Exactly.

[Chris DiStefano]

Who knows? But teach their own.

[Giannis Pappas]

I always say that to my therapist. I'm like, every time. I'm like, are you sure I wasn't molested?

[Chris DiStefano]

I don't think they clipped you because you're, you're Greek, right? The Catholic. I'm Italian, Irish and German. These are like the three. These are the rate we all got clipped in as kids and you know, the golden years in the 90s, I mean, it's when it happens, when it went down.

[Giannis Pappas]

Well, the priests called it the golden years.

[Chris DiStefano]

The priests called the golden years, Right, right. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

That was the golden era.

[Chelsea Handler]

And they didn't touch Greek boys.

[Giannis Pappas]

No. Greek orthodox priests are allowed to marry, which is key. That's a big tip off in your church where you're going, like, there's probably less of that happening. The Catholic Church, I mean, you're going like, they can't marry. They take the nuns and they put them in a far away place. Who usually blows the whistle on child assault women. It's like it was almost kind of set up confession. It's like, hey, right, if you. I know your secrets. If you tell everybody, I'll tell on you.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's a trade off though, because it's like, you go Catholic and then it's like, you know, like me, it's like, yeah, maybe you got clipped by a priest of two. But then if you go Greek, it's like, what people don't talk about is there. A lot of them are very inbred like you don't know. Like, if you look at Yanni's eyes, we talk about his eyes are a little bit too close together. It's most likely his mom and his dad weren't as far apart. You know what I mean? Like second cousins, third cousins. Because it's just all in the mountains there.

[Chelsea Handler]

Have you done any DNA testing?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah. I'm Greek and I have a lot of Turkish genes in me, so unfortunately we call those rape genes. Those are probably products of Rick rg, Which is tough, you know, which is. Yeah, because I'm happy to be here. But I also wish that that didn't happen.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's just history though, you know? I mean, you didn't do it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Well, look at her parents. I mean, it's like. Yeah, if that didn't happen, maybe they wouldn't have come together. Who knows?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Who knows?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, I see a lot of it's.

[Giannis Pappas]

I saw interesting mom and dad German and Jew German.

[Chris DiStefano]

But that's probably more common than you think.

[Giannis Pappas]

No, I don't.

[Chelsea Handler]

I bet it is.

[Chris DiStefano]

I think it was.

[Giannis Pappas]

Jews have a thing. They kind of.

[Chris DiStefano]

No, I think there's a lot. There was a lot.

[Chelsea Handler]

My dad wanted to marry a shiksa. Like he was out to marry. He did not want marry like your stereotypical Jewish woman. He didn't like that vibe.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Chelsea Handler]

So my mom was like the opposite. She was like beautiful and German and sweet and not loud. Like pretty much the opposite of me as well. But she was. She was very non Jewish.

[Giannis Pappas]

She wouldn't have told on end, Frank.

[Chelsea Handler]

You don't think she would.

[Giannis Pappas]

She would have hit her.

[Chelsea Handler]

She would have hit her. Yes, for sure. She would have had. And Frank fur.

[Giannis Pappas]

So you got a Schindler. You got a Schindler, mom.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, Schindler's Fist. I mean, listen. But my dad was. I mean, my dad always told my brothers, always marry a shiksa because he just didn't like that Jewish female energy.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Chelsea Handler]

They can be very overpowerful.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. They psychologically clip you, the Jewish mothers. They're very. It's a very matriarchal. My mom, her best friend was Jewish in law school and her husband, my mom's friend's husband was one of the biggest defenses lawyers in New York. And the way this woman would talk to him at like parties. I mean, this guy was hanging out with like drug dealers and criminals and getting them off. And then his wife would just be like. She'd slap food out of it. You're fat. She would fucking.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, but they like it. But guys like that, they like to get their nuts stepped on a little bit, I think.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Like some of the guys we know on the big comedy clubs here, they like to get their nuts stepped on, you know, mostly Jewish. Jewish. Jewish guys like to get that. It's a thing for them.

[Giannis Pappas]

You know, Jewish men, they love women. Just stomp on their.

[Chris DiStefano]

Stomp on them a little bit, you know, like that. Yeah, but that's okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, they're big time into it.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

What are you gonna do?

[Giannis Pappas]

But the Jews are good people.

[Chris DiStefano]

Sure.

[Giannis Pappas]

We love the Jews.

[Chris DiStefano]

Sure.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Have you been on recently?

[Chelsea Handler]

I don't really.

[Giannis Pappas]

You don't really go? You shouldn't go on there.

[Chelsea Handler]

No, you shouldn't go.

[Chris DiStefano]

There's a video. I mean, people talk about Kanye, but there's a video that I saw the other day. I was like, oh, this is getting interesting now where people are. I saw this whole, like, four minute video of some podcast. I forgot what it was. Where they are actually saying now that Hitler. And it's getting like a lot of, like, retweets and, like, people in the comments. I was like, okay, this is getting wild. They're saying, like, Hitler was actually misunderstood, that he. That it's all the media making it seem worse than it actually was. Why is it. Why is. Why is Hitler the worst person in history when there's all these other examples of, like, genocide? And I'm like, like, oh, SpaghettiO. Yeah, that's not good.

[Giannis Pappas]

X is getting bad.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's getting bad now.

[Giannis Pappas]

But we, we do have Kanye, and you have to appreciate Kanye because Kanye is a black Nazi, which kind of makes a joke out of the whole thing. And in some way, you're a very progressive person. Do you think that's very progressive? That the Nazis are like, Is he like the Jackie Robinson of Nazis?

[Chelsea Handler]

Like, no, I think Kanye is just borderline and bipolar and, you know, his is filled with hate. I don't think that he's progressive. No. Well, I mean, he's regressive. I think he's remedial. Regressive and troubled.

[Giannis Pappas]

But doesn't it say something about our freedom that a young black boy from Chicago can grow up to be the most famous racist in the world? Isn't that like America? You can do anything?

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, I mean, I think you can't possibly. I mean, you raise a good point. But it's, I think, because of his success. Yes. He. I mean, he has been given a bigger allowance than most people.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Chelsea Handler]

Like, if he were nobody, he couldn't get away with that. So it comes with power and money.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

The right to exploit other people.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right, Right. I think so. Yeah. Kanye's off his rocker. That's what you think.

[Chelsea Handler]

His girlfriend was at the Chateau Marmont. One or his wife or whatever. She was the last one that he just divorced. I was at the chateau once, and he was there with her, and she was walking around with her pussy out, and the manager of the chateau came up with a napkin and asked her if she could please put her pussy on a napkin instead of the sofas. Yeah, so I saw that.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Yeah. She's kind of walking around like it's the Garden of Eden.

[Chelsea Handler]

Because you can't just walk around and have your dick or out.

[Giannis Pappas]

No, no, you can't do that.

[Chris DiStefano]

No, you can't.

[Giannis Pappas]

You know, that's. That's not good.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's the thing. That's not feminism.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. No.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

You just can't have. Mentally ill a little bit as well.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Well, I think she just divorced him.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's what they're saying.

[Chelsea Handler]

Filed for divorce. Right.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's what they're saying.

[Giannis Pappas]

They do have a fun relationship. It's like, they probably look at each.

[Chelsea Handler]

Other and, like, I don't think they're having fun. I think that's pretty miserable.

[Giannis Pappas]

But do you think they look at each other and say, let's go off our meds. Let's fudge. Let's go?

[Chelsea Handler]

I think he's probably on the meds, and she's probably just along for the ride. And it's like, hey, I want to cash out.

[Giannis Pappas]

You think so?

[Chelsea Handler]

I want some cash.

[Giannis Pappas]

And I don't think they have a prenup, so I think she's going to achieve Great.

[Chelsea Handler]

I will hope she does. I hope she does.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

A sign that she's sane is that she left him. You know what I mean?

[Chris DiStefano]

Do you think. Do you think.

[Chelsea Handler]

Or that she's on her meds, right?

[Chris DiStefano]

Like, do you think, like, you got, you know, obviously, like, famous and all that and hit the hard parts of this career, like, you've been in at this for 20 plus years. Do you think if you were, like, say, 25 today, you would be, like, excelling to try to be famous in comedy? Like, in. You know what I mean? Like, it feels like being famous now. Like, what's the point? Like, your whole life gets torn apart, but you already were famous, so it's like you. My point is, like, you got famous at the right time, where it's like, now you're just here, but now it's like, I don't know who would strive. Like, I don't want to get any levels higher. I'm happy with what we have here with our pot. I'm like, why do I want to do this? What? You know what I mean?

[Chelsea Handler]

I mean, some people. It's never enough, though. People are insatiable. Like, some people want fame and they want it more, more, more and more. And the more you get, the more you need. So it's basically just like, you know, whatever kind of brain you're dealing with.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Are you going to be satisfied with a certain amount of money and fame and notoriety, or are you not? So there's still people who are dying. I mean, look how many famous people. We have more famous people now than we've ever had in our lives because of social media. So all these influencers, you know, there's different types of fame now.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

How do you look at it? Like, do you want to have more fame, less fame? You happy where you are?

[Chelsea Handler]

I mean, I'm pretty happy with my life. I like success. I like the idea that. I mean, I like getting into restaurants and getting into doctors and getting the advantages. But I also like the fact that I walk down the street like a normal person and I'm not walking around with a bunch of security guards. So I kind of have the best of both worlds.

[Chris DiStefano]

You're at a good level.

[Chelsea Handler]

I get the advantages and I get my anonymity when I want it. I get privacy when I want it.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. That's what I. That's the best. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's not like Jlo walking down the street where you're fucking getting photographed everywhere you go, Right?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

That is tough. Yeah. I mean, like, Brad Pitt can't even go outside anywhere in the world. Everyone knows who. That's gotta be tough.

[Chelsea Handler]

That would be annoying.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's gotta be tough.

[Chris DiStefano]

But you're still like a. A list. Like, people know you, everyone knows your name.

[Chelsea Handler]

I think there's a certain. Like, you either behave in a way, like, Daniel Day Lewis is a huge star. Nobody would notice him walking down the street. You know what I mean?

[Chris DiStefano]

Sure.

[Chelsea Handler]

There's a certain level, like, there's a certain way to handle fame where you draw that attention in. If you're constantly going to things and getting photographed, then you're feeding the some beast if you're not like that. You know, I'm getting photographed when I'm promoting something. I'm not getting photographed in my personal life. I'm not going to those places like.

[Chris DiStefano]

You'Re the person that you could be sold out when you're on your standup tour, sold out in your theater and you can walk down the street and only your fans would, would know you and really everybody else would be like, oh, this is another lady walking. Yeah, I love that. That's great.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, I like that.

[Chris DiStefano]

I like that. I. That that's. I mean, in some ways, you know, I guess that's what like the podcast community gets. But it would have been nice to hit it fucking 15 years ago and get, you know, fucking 20, 30 million.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, it's the money that's good. You seem very comfortable in your skin.

[Chris DiStefano]

She's very comfortable.

[Chelsea Handler]

Thank you.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, you seem like. And you look like you sleep well.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's because she rubs her skin down with gold balm lotion.

[Chelsea Handler]

Gold bomb lotion.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's what it is, right? PR lines. Right.

[Chelsea Handler]

My body parts before I go to. So I don't even actually touch a pillow. There's a gold bond all over it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

And that's why my skin is so fresh.

[Giannis Pappas]

Money's good for that, for the face creams and all that.

[Chelsea Handler]

Money is helpful to maintain a good look. Yes, that is very helpful.

[Chris DiStefano]

But you would be a hottie with a body, with or without money. You take good care of yourself. You're healthy, you'd be HWB body.

[Chelsea Handler]

Thank you. I appreciate that.

[Chris DiStefano]

No problem. Oh, look at this on. Look at her. She's going all over Europe.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, yeah, going to Europe. Ooh, Tour to Europe.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's going to be fucking sick.

[Chelsea Handler]

I know. I can't fucking wait. Wait.

[Giannis Pappas]

Be prepared in Scandinavia for a lot of claps. They love to clap.

[Chelsea Handler]

Do they? Yeah, really?

[Giannis Pappas]

Very like robotic. And they clap a lot.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, I didn't know that. Was that what you're. You experienced?

[Giannis Pappas]

I toured there a lot and yeah, they, they laughing is like a challenge for them. They do laugh, but they'll give you applause.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, they like to applaud like, good. This episode is brought to you by Lifelock. Not everyone is careful with your personal information, which might explain why there's a victim of identity theft every five seconds in the U.S. fortunately, there's LifeLock. LifeLock monitors hundreds of millions of data points a second for threats to your identity. If your identity is stolen, a US based restoration specialist will fix it, guaranteed.

[Chris DiStefano]

Or your money back.

[Giannis Pappas]

Save up to 40% your first year by visiting lifelock.com podcast terms apply. Joke.

[Chris DiStefano]

A frequent flyer on Instagram says they're only selling one area of the theater in Barcelona. It makes absolutely no sense, and it's driving me crazy. I even spoke to the promoter, and they've been zero help. Please sort this out. What the fuck is going on in Barcelona? PR is going to handle it.

[Chelsea Handler]

Paul.

[Chris DiStefano]

Paul from Lebanon.

[Chelsea Handler]

Paul's here. From Lebanon.

[Chris DiStefano]

Paul. Paul from Lebanon.

[Chelsea Handler]

Paul's here.

[Chris DiStefano]

Paul. Safely in the United States. We would not be safe in Lebanon.

[Giannis Pappas]

Can I ask you a question?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Do you think. No. You're a big friend to the gays. The gays love you. Gays love us. Do you think the gays should have their own country? Wouldn't that be great?

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, I mean, it would be better just for us all to mix, I don't think.

[Giannis Pappas]

But also, like, they're just. No, they can mix too. Like, I'm not saying, but, like, because.

[Chelsea Handler]

That worked out so well with Israel.

[Chris DiStefano]

You mean make a gay Israel make.

[Giannis Pappas]

Well, yeah. I mean, well, if Israel would have just taken the deal for Greenland at that time, maybe we wouldn't be in. But God may put them there. But I'm just saying if there was also a gay. Not saying put them there.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm not saying there is a gay eye. It's called Fire Island.

[Giannis Pappas]

There you go. That's true. That's a good point. Yeah, that is a good point.

[Chelsea Handler]

I mean, you want them to have a bigger eye.

[Giannis Pappas]

I just want a bigger island with, like, an airline. I think the airline would be fun. You'd get on there, there'd be like a drag.

[Chelsea Handler]

Sounds like you're gay.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'm a little.

[Chelsea Handler]

A little bit, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'm a little. Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

I think I got Nick.

[Giannis Pappas]

My brother's gay. I mean, I got nicked.

[Chris DiStefano]

But you know what, too? You know what's interesting about, like, we talk so much about gay, straight, this. That labels now, but, like, you know, we love history so much. We talk about history on this podcast. You go back in history labeling. This is like a new thing. Like, 300 years ago, nobody cared. You could just be with a guy or a woman or not.

[Giannis Pappas]

I don't know. About 300 years ago.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, no, I'm in. In, In. In the president before Lincoln, James Buchanan, he was openly gay. Like, his. His. The people were going against him. His enemies didn't even bring that up when they would try to smear him because they were like, the people. The public wouldn't care if he likes guys or not. It really. Ancient Greek. Greek. The Ancient Greek. Always have sex with each other now, for sure. It's like this obsession with, like, are you, like, who cares?

[Chelsea Handler]

I politicized.

[Chris DiStefano]

I'm hoping my kids.

[Chelsea Handler]

Stupid.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, it's very stupid. Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

I'm hoping my kids grow up and like cares that their dad's gay.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, I want. I'm actively trying to raise one of my daughters as lesbian.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'm actively trying. I don't know if that.

[Chris DiStefano]

My 3 year old's pro Palestine.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's usually how it works, is if you raise them to be gay, then they'll turn out gay.

[Giannis Pappas]

It doesn't really work that way, does it?

[Chelsea Handler]

No, no, it doesn't.

[Giannis Pappas]

No, it doesn't.

[Chris DiStefano]

No. We'll see.

[Giannis Pappas]

What?

[Chris DiStefano]

We'll see.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's got to be a choice because if I like women, then in order to like a guy, it's got to. It's got to be in there. Right. Like, you got to like the hair. Like, I don't like hair.

[Chelsea Handler]

Hair.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right. I don't like looking at.

[Chris DiStefano]

Here's the thing with you.

[Giannis Pappas]

He does. So that's a choice.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's got a choice.

[Giannis Pappas]

No, no, it's not a choice.

[Chris DiStefano]

I mean, no, you're saying it's in there, but, but here's the thing with you, though. But it's a spectrum because it's like you do like women, of course, you know, you have a wife and all that, but then the most success you've had in your career is you dress up like a woman.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, I did.

[Chris DiStefano]

His famous character is Maurice.

[Giannis Pappas]

I did a viral character. She was a trans woman. It was before people were upset about comedy. And it got very big with the gay.

[Chris DiStefano]

The biggest with the gays.

[Giannis Pappas]

They still do her at drag shows.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Giannis Pappas]

And.

[Chris DiStefano]

And so that's where you feel comfy. One thing and that. So there is a line with you. There is a thing with you. Like you're. You know what I mean? Like you like women. But I, I don't know if the people of antiquity would be like, you're a straight guy.

[Giannis Pappas]

Well, Andrew Alexander the Great was he. Everything was for the table with him. And he was a tough guy, but he, he had. He liked eunuchs, he liked men, he liked women.

[Chelsea Handler]

Is that what you're saying about yourself? That you like eunuchs?

[Giannis Pappas]

If I was born, if I was born in that era, I wouldn't down to party. I would be down to party.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'd be down to party. Yeah. I mean, not eunuchs. I think that's morally. I'd be opposed to cutting the balls off guys. Balls off.

[Chelsea Handler]

I thought a eunuch has no penis.

[Chris DiStefano]

No balls.

[Giannis Pappas]

No.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's just the balls.

[Chris DiStefano]

Because the eunuchs, what they would do is. Is in history is they felt we could trust you. If I'm the king, I got a eunuch watching my harem of women and he's not going to try to bang any of them because we clipped his nuts. So he doesn't have a sex drive. And you can only trust people when you remove their sex drive. That, that was the thought back then. The sex is what makes everybody untrustworthy. But if you clip their nuts there. I didn't figure out a way to clip women. They don't know how to get rid of a woman's sex drive so they just wouldn't let them talk or do anything.

[Chelsea Handler]

Clitorectomies to girls in Africa. Yeah, they figured that out.

[Giannis Pappas]

Not good either. We're opposed to that.

[Chelsea Handler]

We are definitely very opposed to that.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's not like that at all.

[Chelsea Handler]

On the right side of history.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, I'm on the right side of history on that.

[Chris DiStefano]

Free the clits.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, don't do that. That's bad. This is the type of guy I. If a guy can fully achieve looking like a girl, I'm fooled. But it's, you know, the more you look like a girl, the more I'm into it. Does that make me gay?

[Chelsea Handler]

I think so.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay.

[Chelsea Handler]

I think so.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay.

[Chelsea Handler]

So that's okay though. I mean, I feel like you've already are self possessed in your gayness. On the spectrum of gayness. And you are aware of it. He's aware of it. And it's out there. And all the listeners are aware.

[Giannis Pappas]

They know.

[Chris DiStefano]

Well, they know. They're fans.

[Giannis Pappas]

They already know.

[Chelsea Handler]

I can't just. We can't. I'll just be finding out right now, right?

[Giannis Pappas]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Chris DiStefano]

We've been doing this for years.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, sure. I mean, yeah. Like I'm not saying no. I'm not saying no.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, there's a lot of hot trans people.

[Giannis Pappas]

They really are hot.

[Chelsea Handler]

So I can understand that. I mean, that's the whole point. They become a female and then you become attracted to them.

[Chris DiStefano]

Well, we did. We.

[Giannis Pappas]

But that makes me gay.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, that doesn't make you gay.

[Giannis Pappas]

No, no.

[Chris DiStefano]

But Jan, remember years ago, this is like five years ago, we did an episode of this pod and we found a neuroscientist talking about how if you're just talking about excitability in the brain, just the neurons firing, sexual parts of the brain firing. In a man, in a straight male's brain, the number one highest energy will be big dick and Big boobs. So theoretically, a trans person with big fake boobs and a huge natural dick, that's what's going to get a straight man the most excited.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, I believe that.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's what I'm saying.

[Chelsea Handler]

I believe.

[Chris DiStefano]

See?

[Giannis Pappas]

Huge actual dick. Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

A huge natty dick.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. I don't think they're. They. They don't. They don' Dick. You can't adjust your dick.

[Chris DiStefano]

You can fake a dick. I mean, when people go trans the other way. Billy Elliot page got. Got a fake piece.

[Giannis Pappas]

No, they don't.

[Chelsea Handler]

Billy Elliot page.

[Chris DiStefano]

Sorry. Billy Elliot page. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

No, they don't make fake pieces yet. You can't. She has a fake piece.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. They have fake penis.

[Chris DiStefano]

100%.

[Chelsea Handler]

How do you think you transition?

[Chris DiStefano]

Exactly.

[Giannis Pappas]

What do they do? They.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, people. Penile enlargement.

[Chris DiStefano]

100%.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's just not as common as breast augmentation. You can get a penile enlargement.

[Chris DiStefano]

There it is. Oh, you get a fake piece. Oh, you added a rod. There you go. You know what, you know what's, you know what's great about this episode? We almost didn't get demonetized.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right now.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. I didn't know.

[Chelsea Handler]

Wow. Wow. I didn't know about the rod.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's very interesting sense though.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Paul.

[Chris DiStefano]

I love Paul coming in with. You know what I mean? Paul knows his shit.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, shout out. Sorry about that. The. The 40% Christian, you know, holds it down enough. Shout out the gay scene in Lebanon. Avoid the border areas and things are OK. Okay. So it's okay. Yeah. So shout out to gays. 11. I'm sorry, we didn't know that.

[Giannis Pappas]

The muzzies. Not so. Not so open about it. Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Double life.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, that's what I've heard. Yeah, I've heard it's a little bit more down the kinky shit. Yes. Do you think in some ways repressed. Do you think in some way the religion is almost worth it for how hot it makes it? You know what I mean?

[Chelsea Handler]

The religion, like the way how repressive.

[Giannis Pappas]

Religion is is almost worth how hot it makes the encounter, you know, because it's so forbidden. Like, the first time I got a hand job was from a Catholic girl on a rock in Prospect Park. And I just felt because she was Catholic and like, it was just a lot of guilt. I just loved it. I think she loved it. I almost think it's worth it.

[Chelsea Handler]

It really depends what you're into. Some people are really into some sick shit, you know? Not that that's sick, but Some people are into, like, you know, family porn. Like, I had a friend who would only masturbate to porn that was within families where the brothers hooking up with the mother and sisters hooking up with the father.

[Giannis Pappas]

Was he Somalian?

[Chelsea Handler]

No, he was not Somalian. I don't have a lot of Somalian friends. Okay. But yeah, And I thought, oh, that's really. And I'm like, have you. Have you ever been with anyone in your family? And she's like, absolutely not. But it's so verboten that it's a turn on.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Chelsea Handler]

So I can understand where you're coming from.

[Giannis Pappas]

I don't go that far. That's a little crazy.

[Chelsea Handler]

Is it? Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Like incest, that's, like, against nature.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, yeah, but I don't think it's an act of incest. It's so forbidden that you can't do it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Chelsea Handler]

So you'd like to see, like, fantasize about. About it.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, if you keep it up. If you. And I had a friend I went to high school with, and he actually got. They made a whole documentary about him. They called him the Cannibal Cop because he.

[Giannis Pappas]

Oh, that guy.

[Chris DiStefano]

That guy. That was a guy was in my homeroom in high school.

[Giannis Pappas]

So you know that guy.

[Chris DiStefano]

You know, the Cannibal Cop.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's interesting.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay, so the Cannibal Cop. It's an interesting story. He had fantasies about eating women. That's what would turn him on. The problem is he was an NYPD officer, so he was using his NYPD database base to, like, find out where you live and, like, not ever physically touch you, but, like, go outside your house and, like, jerk off with, like, ropes and shovels and shit. Yeah. Like, this guy. So, like, so he. So I would go, so. So Anyway, he got 20. He got life in prison. Like, legitimate life. Like, you know, I remember, like, when the text hit, the group chat blew up one day was like, yo, dude, this kid that we went to high school with is going down.

[Giannis Pappas]

He got seven years.

[Chris DiStefano]

No, no, he didn't. That's not him go down. He. This kid.

[Giannis Pappas]

Oh, this is another Cannibal Cop.

[Chris DiStefano]

No, this is a defendant. I don't know who this guy is. But anyway. Anyway, this guy, he was in prison for 20. They threw the book at him, and then he got out, like, three months later. Because his defense team was able to prove, like, we're just talking about that. It was only in his mind. He was never gonna do it. Just like you say, incest porn, you're never gonna bang A family member. He was saying he was never gonna do it. It was just a type of porn for him, a type of way to get him off.

[Chelsea Handler]

Isn't there something wrong? I mean, that's still stalking in this sense.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, no. He got. He lost his nypd. He's got fired from the job. Got thrown. Yes. He got in trouble for other things, but now not. They basically put him in jail as if he did eat and kill these women. But he didn't. He was like, no, I'm just jerking off with a rope around my neck, too.

[Chelsea Handler]

The idea of it, right.

[Chris DiStefano]

Which is like, you know, so it was this interesting thing.

[Chelsea Handler]

Interesting.

[Chris DiStefano]

You know, I also, too, speaking of the. The religion thing, I had a family member who did real time in prison, like 25, 30 years. And he said that what he would do. He was trans. And he said what he would do is he would.

[Giannis Pappas]

She. She. She.

[Chris DiStefano]

Sorry.

[Giannis Pappas]

Well, he.

[Chris DiStefano]

He said. Doesn't give a. Though. He's like, I was born a guy, I became a woman. But. But it's. I'm saying, but. All right, so whatever, generally.

[Giannis Pappas]

But she doesn't care.

[Chris DiStefano]

She doesn't give a fuck. She was like. She was like, call me a guy, call me a girl. I don't give a fuck.

[Giannis Pappas]

Well, call me. They.

[Chris DiStefano]

She doesn't even care about that. She was like, whatever you want to do, Poppy. I was like, all right. So. So. But anyway, she said what she would do is she would purposely just to, like, survive in prison is find the leader. Like, basically seduce any leader. If she get transferred to prison transfer prisons of the Muslim gang, she would do that because she knew if I got had sex with them all under, you know, like, nobody knows about it in the showers or whatever, I had so much power over them because if I came out and told everyone, so and so is fuck. I fucked them, and I have proof or however, whatever. She was like, So I. That's how I own the prisons, is I would use that because especially the Muslim guys. They could never in a million years, you know, come out clean with that, because the Muslim guys in prison don't fuck each other. That's like the thing. She was like, I was fucking all of them, and I had power over all of them. And that's why I was able to stay safe in these notoriously violent prisons.

[Chelsea Handler]

And did she ever. Did she have to ever come forward and tell everybody?

[Chris DiStefano]

She said she came very, very close once. She came very, very close once, but she actually never did.

[Chelsea Handler]

You know, they know they were having sex with a Transgender.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, yeah. She said was interesting. She was like. When I went into prison, whatever it was in the 90s, she. Well, that. But she was like, I was the only trans person in the whole jail. She's like. And then by the time I got out, there was like a whole wing of trans people. She was like. So it was interesting how it, like, all changed in 30 years, but she was, like, for a while.

[Chelsea Handler]

So she was a man at the time.

[Chris DiStefano]

She was.

[Chelsea Handler]

She was sex with the other men, right?

[Chris DiStefano]

They put her. Because back then, they. There was no trans section of the jail. She was a man, you know, as. But, like, you know, wanted to be a woman. She never cut her dick and balls off, but she was like a woman. She had, like, taking estrogen therapy, therapy, everything, tits, all that, you know, so, so and so she was like, I would just use my. I would just. That's how I would stay safe is I'd be these guys and be like, hey, you know, you want to. You want to kill me really? Well, I'm gonna tell everyone that I blew you in the shower yesterday at 6.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's the power of the ass pussy.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

I mean, very interesting.

[Giannis Pappas]

It is. In jail, I think it's. That's the most powerful thing, probably the ass pussy and in the world. The. Yeah, it really. Do you think the power of the women really do hold the keys, right?

[Chelsea Handler]

Women are powerful because of their pussies. For sure.

[Giannis Pappas]

For sure. Right?

[Chris DiStefano]

More power than any CEO can have.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. You know, big time.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Do you think women need to get in touch with how powerful they are?

[Chelsea Handler]

I think we're getting in touch with how powerful we are. I think women are trying. Are now getting the message that, like, you know, sisterhood and empowering each other is the way instead of kind of. Of like zero sum gaming it and being jealous of other women. I think women now are coming together and understanding, okay, if we stick together, we're stronger.

[Giannis Pappas]

So when he was. When he was complimenting Nikki Glaser all those times, there was nothing in you that was going, fuck that bitch?

[Chelsea Handler]

No.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay, good. Just check it.

[Chelsea Handler]

Making sure women and Nikki Glazer always.

[Giannis Pappas]

Absolutely. And that's what women need to do more like LA Estrada kind of shit.

[Chelsea Handler]

Like, that kind of attitude. That is. Yeah, that's what separates us.

[Giannis Pappas]

Do you guys think you should unify the pussy?

[Chelsea Handler]

Like, do, like, make one big pussy?

[Chris DiStefano]

Just like, oh, it'd be so awesome.

[Giannis Pappas]

Like a pussy union where you're going, like, we're gonna start Controlling shit. And if there's any like, picket line cross and put like you say, we're not gonna sleep with these men. If they do wrong things, we're gonna like that La Estrada thing. We're gonna take it.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

No more pussy for the evil man. And if there's a picket, a scab pussy, you beat that pussy with bats.

[Chelsea Handler]

A scab pussy.

[Giannis Pappas]

Like a picket line crossing pussy.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, oh, right.

[Giannis Pappas]

Isn't that called the scab? Yeah, yeah, a scab pussy. She comes in like with her horror ways and she's gonna fuck that evil guy. And then Chelsea Handler, who's the fucking president of the union, you're island president. Italian, you come with your paddles Y and you beat the at that picket line crossing Y and then that's how we save the world. Do you think that that needs to come to the forefront of the female consciousness?

[Chelsea Handler]

I think it just did. I mean, I think you just brought it there.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'm a feminist hero. This we, this is the history hyenas. It's a matriarch.

[Chris DiStefano]

You throw the wig on. Throw the Maurice a wig on and say that.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'm going to say that again. That's right. We, this is history hyenas. It's a matriarchy. Do you know that hyenas have pseudo penises? And the women are bigger than. They beat the shit out of the men.

[Chris DiStefano]

We can learn a lot fucking. What you should learn about hyenas if you want to.

[Chelsea Handler]

If you want wild, really, like unattractive animals.

[Giannis Pappas]

Well, they're unattractive that, that you see.

[Chris DiStefano]

They'Re women, but they're matriarchal society. And they've unified their pussies. Even though they have pseudo penises. They give birth through a penis, the female, you know, but they have unified their pseudo penises and they're matriarchal dominated society.

[Chelsea Handler]

I've seen them on safari. I didn't know that they were. I never learned that though, on safari. So maybe you guys should run a safari if you have so much to teach. We really should have so much knowledge.

[Giannis Pappas]

To Dr. Be sick.

[Chelsea Handler]

Especially about hyenas.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yes.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, we know a lot about them. They regurgitate their food. They eat their own puke. They eat the bone. They have the strongest bite.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, they're wild. But what's fascinating about them is the women run things. The women do run. They're bigger than the men. They bully the men. And they also have like, penises, but they're not functional.

[Chelsea Handler]

A lot of animals have matriarchal societies. Elephants, you know, lions are matriarchal society. They get rid of the men, the men leave.

[Giannis Pappas]

They wouldn't call lions matriarchal.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, they leave the.

[Giannis Pappas]

The.

[Chelsea Handler]

What is it called? The pack. Not the pack or den. They'll. Lions. The men pride.

[Giannis Pappas]

The pride.

[Chelsea Handler]

Pride. Sorry. Thank you. The men leave and then they come back for.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, right.

[Chelsea Handler]

You know, and the women go out and hunt. The men don't hunt.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's true.

[Chelsea Handler]

They lie there.

[Giannis Pappas]

But that's kind of pimpy in a way. It's kind of like I'm a big lion. Yeah. Go get my food.

[Chelsea Handler]

Tired and lazy.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, right. They are tired and lazy, those lions.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, Lions, when they mate with a woman, when they mate with a female line, they go in at. You know, it's like a gang bang. The. The headline goes in first, but he has to get permission. She. He'll sit there and flirt and circle around her, but she. They can't. They don't rape each other. They wait for the woman to submit and then when he's done and he thinks he's dropped his sperm in her, then the second lion comes in and gets. And goes in too. So a female lion can get pregnant with two different fathers. Babies.

[Giannis Pappas]

Whoa.

[Chelsea Handler]

Did you know that?

[Chris DiStefano]

No. And give birth to two different babies. That's pretty sick. Why?

[Chelsea Handler]

The male lions sometimes eat the young because they know it's not theirs.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, interesting. Lions and zebras. Zebras do that too. I saw a video of a zebra. I think it was on like one of those nature. His mental Instagram. I believe this female zebra is giving birth. And as the baby's coming out of the birth canal, the male zebra is stomping the baby's head to death. Like the baby died, maybe lived 10 seconds, just kissed and then immediately turns the female around, starts having sex with the female. Because what had happened was, is the female zebra got impregnated, you know, whatever. Ten months, then that zebra got killed. Then this new zebra comes and is the leader and that was the top zebra. So you just waited for her to give birth and then killed it immediately. And immediately. Immediately had sex with it. And that's. That's nature.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, I don't want to get by a zebra.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

I saw a hippo rape in Africa.

[Giannis Pappas]

Did you call the cops?

[Chelsea Handler]

No, there are no cops to call. Obviously there are only rangers. But the hippos was underwater, like at a 45 degree angle, and her big fat ass was out of the water and she was getting pummeled by her brother or Cousin, who knows who this guy was. And I, when we came on the scene, we were on the Mara river and I remember going, what is happening? And then we realized what is happening. You know, she was getting. There was sad.

[Chris DiStefano]

Sure.

[Giannis Pappas]

Unauthorized touching.

[Chelsea Handler]

Unauthorized. But she was. Had her head underwater because hippos can hold their head, you know, for like seven or eight minutes. So she was getting underwater with her head underwater. Like, could you think of a more upsetting situation? You know what I mean? Having to hold your breath while you're getting penetrated. And then when he was done with her, another hippo came up and did it to her underwater.

[Giannis Pappas]

Jesus.

[Chelsea Handler]

So the whole time she. You don't even see her face.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Up going on in nature.

[Giannis Pappas]

We really gotta. The MeToo movement has to hit the hippo community.

[Chelsea Handler]

Definitely.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's not cool.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's coming.

[Giannis Pappas]

That is not cool.

[Chris DiStefano]

All right, well, listen, look at this.

[Giannis Pappas]

Get the book and the specials come out.

[Chelsea Handler]

The special's called the Feeling.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yes.

[Chelsea Handler]

And it's comes out on. On. On Netflix and March 25th.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes.

[Giannis Pappas]

Look forward to seeing it. I'm going to watch it. You want to watch it together? You want to do like a watch party?

[Chris DiStefano]

I would actually. I want to start doing that on the Patreon. I was going to bring that up to you. After Chelsea left, it's like we got to start doing watch alongs. I think that's what the fans want.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Well, you. Let's do it. Let's do it for Chelsea special.

[Chris DiStefano]

Let's do it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Let's watch it.

[Chris DiStefano]

March 25th on the Patreon watch.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'm sure it's great. You're a legend. You're hysterical. You're a best selling author.

[Chris DiStefano]

You write it seven times.

[Giannis Pappas]

You've. You've made a lot of people famous with Chelsea lately. And then their fame, it didn't hold on like yours. Yeah, that's just how it goes.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. All right, Chelsea Handler, everyone.

[Giannis Pappas]

Love you.

[Chelsea Handler]

Thank you.