Dancing to Death in 1518 | History Hyenas

Summary

History Hyenas with Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas

Episode: Dancing to Death in 1518 | History Hyenas
Date: May 7, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this high-energy, laughter-packed episode, comedians Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas dive into one of history's most bizarre and mysterious events: the Dancing Plague of 1518, where hundreds of people in Strasbourg reportedly danced uncontrollably for days on end. With their signature blend of irreverent humor and quirky historical analysis, the Hyenas also riff on past and present oddities—riffing on everything from family quirks to the unpredictability of fame, with plenty of asides and personal stories. If you love to laugh while learning the weirdest parts of history, this episode brings the goods in spades.

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Major Segments & Discussion Points

1. Opening Banter (00:00–16:37)

• Promos & Life Updates: Usual plugs for shows and Patreon, plus a running joke about needing a new roof (00:00–02:16).
• Family Antics: Chris and Yannis riff on their family backgrounds, with jokes about deli sandwiches and "Lebanese tricks" (01:25–02:47).
• Parental Crushes: Chris hilariously recalls his mother's celebrity crushes (Paul O'Neill and Paul Westphal) and how they resemble his own father (02:47–04:30).
• Self-Deprecation & Friendship: Both hosts poke fun at each other’s looks and past behaviors, drawing connections between their quirks and family history (04:51–09:08).
• Switch-Off Mode: They joke about being “switched off” (emotionally disengaged), with Yannis claiming Chris was "switched off" before he came into his life (05:26–06:10).

"When I was 15 years old, I'm sleeping at the foot of the bed in the same bed as my mom and her boyfriend. It didn't last long because the guy said, 'I can't do this.'" – Chris (07:26)

2. Physical Comedy & Looks (09:09–14:00)

• Old Photos & Basketball Stories: Chris recounts his college basketball days, induction into the St. Joe's Hall of Fame, and his "skinhead era," playing on jokes about appearance vs. achievement (09:02–10:09).
• Fluctuating Attractiveness: The duo jokes about how their attractiveness changes drastically depending on the day, angle, or weight, framing themselves as "handsome, but... untraditional" (10:47–12:00).

"Some days I look special needs, and some days you're going like, is he... this is the most common thing I think girls say about me: 'Wait a second. Is he cute?'" – Yannis (11:03)

• Size Envy: Chris wishes he could be a “little guy” with a dainty style, despite being a natural heavyweight at 6'1" and 220 lbs (12:30–13:08).

3. Personal Dilemmas & Marriage Comedy (16:37–29:48)

• Knicks Game Conundrum (16:47–26:06): Chris debates whether to accept courtside Knicks playoff tickets, weighed against an earlier promise to have dinner with his daughter.
  • The boys dissect the classic "wife says 'do what you want'" scenario, joking about the unwinnable nature of “wife logic.”
  • They call Chris’s wife Jasmine on air, who gives the ultimate vague answer: “You need to just do whatever is more important to you. What’s more important to you, Chris?” (24:00)
  • Jasmine nixes putting the decision on their daughter, and nimbly avoids giving direct advice or joining him at the game.

"Don't put pressure on our 10-year-old. You need to just do whatever is more important to you." – Jasmine (23:54)

• Reflections on Fatherhood: Yannis talks about moments of parental tenderness, nearly brought to tears by his own daughter’s affection (19:46–21:09).

"She went, 'Bye Daddy.' I melted. And then she did a heart with her fingers... I started crying. Right." – Yannis (20:47)

4. Celebrity Crushes, 90s References, and Pop Culture Detours (29:48–34:04)

• Clueless and Maxim Girls: Chris and Yannis reminisce about 90s pin-up stars like Stacey Dash and Vida Guerra, blending banter with pop culture history (30:35–33:09).
• Aging in Hollywood: The surprising ages of actors during the filming of “Clueless” and how “60 doesn’t look like 60 anymore” (31:19–32:21).

5. The Dancing Plague of 1518 (34:04–47:44)

• Setting the Scene: Strasbourg, 1518—amid poverty, plagues, and religious superstition, a woman (possibly a “piece”) starts dancing in the street; soon hundreds join, unable to stop (34:27–36:18).
• Vivid Description: People danced till exhaustion, bleeding feet, illness, or even death—authorities tried containment, music, and religious intervention, all to little effect (39:21–41:00).
• Possible Explanations:
  • Mass Psychosis: Stemming from social stress, famine, and religious fervor.
  • Ergot Fungus: A recurring theory is that contaminated rye caused mass hallucinations, a precursor to modern LSD experiences (43:47–44:08).
  • Social & Gender Dynamics: They speculate these events are often linked to women in history, perhaps as an escape from oppressive lives (48:35–49:02).

"This has baffled historians and scientists till this day. It's sort of like a mass psychosis thing brought on by stress. That seems to be the biggest theory." – Yannis (41:03)

• Other Historical Manias and Hysterias:
  • Laughing epidemic (Tanzania, 1962)
  • Meowing nuns in medieval France
  • Salem witch trials
  • Other medieval dancing outbreaks (1374, 1237, 1021, 1278)
• Recurring Patterns: Extreme social stress, religious oppression, or possible contaminant triggers (ergot, drugs) spark group behaviors.

6. Wild Asides, Social Commentary, and Blue Humor (Throughout)

• Jokes about military fashion in history, e.g. Nazi uniforms as "#1 in style" (37:55–38:08).
• Roasts of their own and each other's ethnic backgrounds, stand-up personas, and bodily quirks (various).
• Inappropriate and rapid-fire breakdowns of Patreon username submissions in the episode’s closing section, culminating in the most competitive and absurd list of fan-nominated nicknames they've ever had (53:01–68:40).

"This is a Yuma. This is a Yuma bukkake. This is a bukkake Yuma." – Yannis (58:21)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the dancing plague:
  "So she starts dancing uncontrollably in the street, right? ... People start dancing with her, right? So other people just start joining her, right? ... Most of them danced until they died." – Yannis (39:21–40:56)

• On “wife logic” and marriage:
  "The answer to that, boys, is she's like, you shouldn't be going. She wants you home, obviously. ... But she would say that anyway. That's what women always want. You home." – Chris (28:39–28:53)

• On mass psychosis in history:
  "They always go back to this ergot fungus that grows on rye and causes hallucinations and spasms. They think a big part of mass psychosis from the past is this ergot phenomenon." – Chris (43:47)

• On the competitive Patreon list:
  "This is the best list we've had. Over both Reichs. ... This is Yuma. This is a Yuma Bukkake. This is a Bukkake Yuma." – Yannis (59:01, 58:25)

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Key Timestamps

• 00:00–02:16 – Show intros, plugs, family deli stories
• 07:26 – Chris recounts sleeping at the foot of the bed during his mom’s relationship
• 11:03 – The hosts’ fluctuating attractiveness and “handsome, but strange” discussion
• 19:46–21:09 – Yannis describes how parental love makes him cry
• 23:54 – Jasmine gives Chris the classic “do what you feel is best” advice
• 34:04 – Dancing Plague segment officially begins
• 39:21–41:00 – Detailed description of the dancing and interpretations
• 43:47 – Discussion of ergot fungus and possible scientific explanations
• 48:35 – Yannis theorizes about mass female hysteria in history
• 53:01–68:40 – Patreon username contest; the wildest, funniest “Yuma” bracket yet

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Summary & Vibe

As always, Chris and Yannis bring a wild, ranting, and affectionate analysis to a truly bizarre historical story, making the Dancing Plague both hilarious and unexpectedly relevant. The show is as much about the hosts’ lives, riffs, and rapid-fire “inside jokes” as it is about medieval Strasbourg. The final Patreon segment is a masterclass in crude, creative crowd-sourced comedy—capping an episode full of energy, heart, and weird education.

This episode is a must-listen if you enjoy:

• Absurd history
• Unfiltered comic storytelling
• Off-the-cuff debates about family, masculinity, celebrity, and social weirdness

"Fun, fun, fun" – as Chris says – and in classic Hyenas fashion: you’ll laugh, you’ll maybe learn something, and you’ll definitely hear way too much about Diplo’s penis.

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[This summary skips ads, intros and outros. All content highlights and quotes are attributed with timestamps and crafted to maintain the tone, language, and energy of Chris and Yannis.]

Transcript

[A]

Guys, welcome to another episode of History Hyenas. As always, go to YouTube.comhistoryhyenas like and subscribe to the Potty Wadi and patreon.comhistoryhyenas for all the ad free episodes and bonus content. We got a great episode for you today about the dancing plague of 1519.

[B]

Ooh, it's 1518. And there was. It's just a crazy story. You're going to love it. Catch me at Atlantic City, June 26th and 27th, East Hampton, New York, July 8th, New Brunswick, New Jersey, July 17th or 18th in Philly, August 14th and 15th and Austin, August 2023rd. [e-mail] we love you guys. Enjoy this app.

[A]

Enjoy the app. And every Thursday I will be at New York Comedy Club doing shows at 6 and 830 working on new material and then go to christycomedy.com I got some new dates up there. We need to just come support your boy. Need a new roof. You did something to the cameras. You did a Lebanese. You sabotaged it.

[B]

You did some sort of Lebanese trick.

[A]

Yeah. You did a Lebanese trick.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell us again how your family was living side by side in peace with the local Arab population and there was no problems and they just everyone paid the peaceful giza and everything was okay. My family was just like, you know what? We live side by side. Once in a while they do a derf schwarma sweep and come and take my brother who was my great great grand uncle and he became a janissary, which was an elite Muslim for was brainwashed into Islam. And then he came back and he collected the tax from his own parents and didn't recognize them. But other than that, we live side by side. It was all great. Tell us about how it was all great again.

[A]

And then we bought a deli. It's called Brooklyn Heights Deli.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is it still for sale? Your dad's been trying to sell. Everybody wants to buy Brooklyn Heights Del. I'd like to retire my father. He's complaining a lot. He was trying to sell that thing in like 2022. Yeah. Oh, still, Still. Is it a good deli? What's the best sandwich in Brooklyn Heights Deli? It's called the Monica Lewisky. I swear to God. What is it? Yeah, it just has. Come on.

[B]

The Lebanese just are good at food.

[A]

I think as far as Pat's good at food.

[B]

As far as Arab food, I think

[A]

the Lebanese is good.

[B]

The best.

[A]

Now Pat's wearing a Paul o' Neill Jersey, old school New York Yankees player. And Paul o' Neal always stands out to me because I remember one time I was watching the Yankee game, it was just on. It was just me and my mom and I saw my mom was watching the game and I was like, oh, my mom's getting into baseball. And she was just looking at Paul o' Neal and she goes. And she went, that man has some gorgeous legs. And I said oh shit. And that was the first time I ever heard my. The one and only time I ever heard my mother. There was two guys that I think she wanted to crack open and that was Paul o'. Neal. And do you remember the old Phoenix Suns coach, Paul Westphal?

[B]

Yes, yes.

[A]

She wanted to crack him big nice

[B]

and tall drink of water.

[A]

Pull up a picture of Paul Westfall. Because my mom wanted. These are the types of guys Lynn likes.

[B]

You know what the funny thing is about both those guys? They both look like your dad if he wasn't cross eyed.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So that's. She just want, wanted a better looking version of your dad.

[A]

My dad wasn't, didn't have a lot. If my dad didn't have a lazy eye, a big nose and wasn't too short and too fat, this is the exact. They would look like Paul Westfall. And yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I mean it's actually, actually I'm not that far off. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm not that your wife, your mom has a type.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And your dad when he was younger fulfilled that type.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And she's just looking for another version of your dad who took a different route. Yeah.

[A]

Now pull up Paul looks like you.

[B]

Cuz it looks like you and your dad. Yeah.

[A]

It's just what it is now cuz

[B]

you look like dad if he took a different route.

[A]

It's just what it is. Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You. As you said, my mom just prayed me handsome. That's all.

[B]

O'.

[A]

Neal.

[B]

Yeah. I mean say those two guys definitely look like handsomer versions of that.

[A]

Yeah. And now pull up Anthony Destefano. That's the next one. Pull up Anthony Anthony. And then D I S T E F A N O. Pull up that and let's see, let's see if. Does he pop up? Put an Anthony to Stefano, Chris to Stefano. Put in that. Yeah. Chris DiStefano. Tampa Tony put in. Yeah, Dis. Put in Tampa Tony. And let's see if that pops up. Tampa Tony. Let's see what pops up.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

No, go down. Go back up. Go back up. Go back, go back, go back. Because there was Just a real. Yeah, look at the guy. Look, look. Yeah, go to that one. Yeah. I mean, that's just what happened.

[B]

Cause it's just what? Sometimes it's just what it is.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But you know what the thing about Barty Rubble, tampatoni. You know what the thing is about him is when that kid was 21, he was a smooth talker and the future was his oyster.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's just that he put a couple dollars on it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it just went in another direction.

[A]

Yeah. And that guy with the glasses, if you. Third row down is a switched off man right there. That man is switched off.

[B]

Totally switched off.

[A]

That's switched off. Have you ever seen me? Have you ever caught me switched off?

[B]

No, because this is what happened when I wasn't in your life. You got switched off?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You were switched off. Holy shit.

[A]

It was. I was a little disconnected. It's a little freaky.

[B]

It's a little. Wow. That's like a little. This person has done something to people in the neighborhood.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

That is a guy who's completely switched off.

[A]

Yeah, I wasn't there.

[B]

Yeah, you were out and about. Yeah, you were out and about. Yeah. Because you were off the beam.

[A]

Out and about was the gay podcast on barstool Sports that I was a part of.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, you were swimming in the sewage of Satan.

[A]

It was crazy.

[B]

Right off the beam. Because that's what the beam is. The beam is Jesus light above the sewage of Satan.

[A]

Well, that. And that people say, how did Jesus walk on water? I said he was on the beam. The beam was in the water.

[B]

It was on the beam. Wow. Look how switched off.

[A]

A little switched off.

[B]

Now here's the question. I have to you now.

[A]

Do I look handsome today? Because I don't feel handsome today.

[B]

You look really good.

[A]

Because my hair. I feel bad about it. I got allergies. I didn't work out this morning. I gained a pound.

[B]

No, the pound. You look good. You look really good.

[A]

It makes me pulling.

[B]

Yeah, I like you plumped up.

[A]

You like me a little plumped up?

[B]

I like you the way nature intended. Yeah, I like you like nature intended, which is jumping from a 300 cholesterol to a 200 cholesterol in a week. Back up to a 300 cholesterol, all nice and plumped up from a Yankees jersey to a Mets jersey to Peptides to boxing.

[A]

Yeah. From guys to girls, guys to girls.

[B]

Crop McGraw. From Staten island to Westchester back to Queens. Yeah, I like you like little Bunny Foo Foo Cuz. Just hopping Around. Yeah. Switching directions, dodging cars. You're Frogger. You're the video game Frogger, cuz. And you get through to the other side though.

[A]

Yeah. One time Colin told me, Colin Quinn told me that I'm. I'm like a little bee looking for pollen.

[B]

A little bee looking for pond's a good expansion. Now my question for you. Your mom liked the legs of Paul

[A]

o' Neal and Paul Westfall. Now what you want to name me Paul and my middle name is Paul.

[B]

Yeah. So maybe that had something to do with it. But what's your opinion? Because I know when your mom was dating that guy, Bill, I think his name, you would crawl in under the covers.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Had a good view of his legs.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So what were his legs like?

[A]

His legs were nice. And what I would do is, is because I, I didn't realize that I was blocking my mom. But what I invertly do is they would sleep over and I would sleep on the floor. I would sleep on the floor. I would sleep at the foot of the bed, one or the other.

[B]

Like a little dog. Yeah.

[A]

Cause you have to understand what I'm saying. And I'm being dead serious. When I was 15 years old. Think about being 15 years old. I'm sleeping at the foot of the bed in the same bed as my mom and her boyfriend. It didn't last long because the guy said, I can't do this.

[B]

You can't do this.

[A]

Because I was a little disturbed, a little switched off. Yeah.

[B]

Because in the morning said Lynn, listen, I really like you, but your son is past puberty and he's trying to sneak into your bed to sleep on the floor. I can't do this.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, I remember being.

[B]

And then she defended you.

[A]

She defended you.

[B]

She said, you get out of here.

[A]

Yeah, you get out. She threw my. That's, that's on my woman. She'll defend me. And then I remember being in college, I remember being a 22 year old man still going to a pediatrician.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I remember it's Dr. Dubitz in Howard Beach. Dr. Dubitz. And he would look in, he would look in the kid's ears and say he sees Dumbo. So I remember being a grown man and him saying, I see Dumbo.

[B]

When you were young.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're a combination of a lot of things that ordinarily don't make sense. And that's why you're such in good favor. Right. With, with the logos.

[A]

Right.

[B]

They really love you because you're a combination of things. You're A combination of a very smart guy and a retarded person.

[A]

That's what it is.

[B]

You have just a comb of things.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like when you hear about the behavior, you go, oh, that guy's in a program. That guy gets picked up on a bus. And that guy goes bowling. Yeah. And then they see you and they go, that can't be the same guy

[A]

to get a doctorate degree in physical therapy.

[B]

They go, no, and how can he be a successful comedian? I go, listen, I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, but I'm telling you a story about a real guy. Yeah. And this is what he did. It's just.

[A]

What.

[B]

Who is that? Who that guy is? That guy getting picked up.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Did they have to do the electronic thing to put. Go down and have his wheelchair get in the bus? And I go, no, that's Chris the Stefano.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He's the leading scorer for St. Joe's

[A]

that's what it is.

[B]

The leading score for St. Joe's guys.

[A]

Yeah. Pull up. Yeah, put up Chris Stefano, St. Joe's I mean, I would. You ever seen those pictures? I was a skinhead.

[B]

You were a skinhead at that point. And that's what happens, you know, when you wear. You wear a suit, you feel more professional. Yeah, I know. When you had a skin. You said slurs in the mirror.

[A]

It's just what? You just did it. Yeah.

[B]

I mean, look at that guy. Skinhead. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. There's a couple pictures of me with a skinhead. Yeah. Yeah. And that's me getting inducted to Division 3, St. Joseph's hall of Fame.

[B]

Right. Favorite. Which is a great accomplishment. The kid could shoot. The kid was a scorer. He didn't like passing that much. It's what it is.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But one of my favorite stories was, so Marco went to that gym for some reason. It was such a coincidence he went to St. Joe. It was some event that he went to at St. Joe's and he was walking the hallway and they had the St. Joe's hall of Fame right up on a piece of Oster tag. Yeah, it was. Yeah.

[A]

Construction paper.

[B]

Yeah, like construction paper.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It was like. It was made at artsy crafts and it was a picture of Chris with like his name and Crayola marker underneath.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And Chris is in the St. Joe's fucking basketball behind me.

[A]

You see that? That's it. Me and this guy. That's what I wore to my hall of Fame induction. I wore a New York Islanders warm up jacket.

[B]

Now back then, that. That is when you were other Side of the pizza restaurant menu.

[A]

Chrissy, I was a little blown out.

[B]

Potato croquettes.

[A]

Yeah, but this. But this guy was.

[B]

You were good. Good.

[A]

Yeah, I bit lady arms, though, a little bit that.

[B]

You know, when you're like in between

[A]

weight, I mean, that's where you like me.

[B]

That's when you're at your handsome, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because the thing about you like me.

[A]

I.

[B]

The thing about us, right, is we're kind of handsome guys, but we're a little untraditional. Like, it's a little off.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like, you know, our different angles, different days. Right. So it's like some days I look special needs, and some days you're going like, is he. This is the most common thing I think girls say about me. Wait a second. Yeah, they go, wait a second. I saw that guy yesterday. He looked bald and he looked like he had one eye.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wait a second. Is he cute? Yeah, I think, I mean, is he cute? Yeah, I mean, I'm constantly in question.

[A]

Well, I think what it is, is like Britney's friends are kind of like. They'll say, they'll. They'll meet you and they just won't have any comments, and then you'll kind of look good on a day and they'll say, you know, I never realized after 10 years that Giannis is kind of handsome. Yeah.

[B]

Kind of cute. It's a constant. Wait a second. That doesn't make sense. I saw him post a video yesterday, and I mean, he looked special needs.

[A]

Well, it's got to be fun for Brittany, too, because every time she wakes up and goes like this, it opens her eyes. She has a different husband.

[B]

She looks.

[A]

She says, who. Who' it going to be today? Yeah, you.

[B]

You're very handsome. But you. It changes so much.

[A]

So much.

[B]

It changes so much. Yeah, it changes also from the angle,

[A]

because one side I look handsome, the other side I don't.

[B]

Yeah, you got like a good side, you got a bad side, and you got very sharp features, and you got a. You got a little bit of a CRO Magnum forehead. So it just. When you get skinny. Look, I'm trying to tell you what

[A]

the truth is, guys.

[B]

The truth is, is you're supposed to be a big guy.

[A]

Yeah, but that's why I want to get in the Ferrari.

[B]

Do you remember?

[A]

I want to get on trt.

[B]

Do you remember when we were at Joe Rogan and. And we were talking, we were telling him that, like, both boxing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I said, I. I found out that, you know, Sergio told me I got Power in both hands. And he said, he told me he was skeptical and he said I had a head that looked like I would just be floored in a second. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. And he's not wrong.

[B]

And then he. Yeah, and then he looked at your head and he said, your head looks like it could take a punch. Yeah. Like, you look right. You look like a big guy.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So I. And the thing is, you want to be like a small girl.

[A]

I want to be a little guy. I really want to be little.

[B]

I want to be a little guy. Yeah.

[A]

I want to be little. And I want to wear like a crop top and bell bottom jeans. That's what I really, really, really want. You know that look. Yeah. And I want to have like a handbag. Like, that's what I. I really want.

[B]

You want. You want to be like Timothy Shalom.

[A]

Yeah. I want to have like cut off jean shorts and I kind of want to be roller skating on 7th Avenue. Yeah. That's what I really, really, really want.

[B]

Really want to be like a petite guy. You want to be like Ben stiller, who's like 5:3.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But you're just on camera, you look like a. Just a big guy. Because in real life you're 6:1.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

At a natural rate, 220. You're probably natural weight, like comfortable weight. You're 226:1. Yeah. That's a heavyweight.

[A]

But I don't want to be that at all. Yeah. I want to be this guy. I want to be bent down. I want to be running around. That's what I really, really, really want. That's how I want to come walking in. It's funny to you, right?

[B]

It's very funny because you comic, you're. You have an intimidating look, right? Your head, you got a big forehead. You got, you got. You look like a racist cop. You look like a guy who's got a lot. If you go on the Internet, he's got a lot of complaints.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You look like a 22 complaint kind of guy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Excessive force. Excessive force.

[A]

Planted.

[B]

Planted paraphernalia.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Reached in the car, planted a bag of coke. Yeah. Roughed the.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, you look like that kind.

[A]

Look like that kind of guy. Yeah.

[B]

But then when you diet too much,

[A]

you look like a lolly.

[B]

I look at a lolly because your head is just.

[A]

But right now I'm.

[B]

Okay. You're a masculine guy. Right.

[A]

But right now you don't think I'm lolly.

[B]

No. Right now you're perfect.

[A]

Stay here.

[B]

Right? Stay right now.

[A]

The Ferrari on the trt.

[B]

Because I think what you. I think what you should do is stay natural. I don't think that's good for you. Because once you get on the team, the Ferrari, you can't get off. That's.

[A]

It doesn't matter because. It doesn't matter because, I mean, I just want to get in the frog because I don't want to have any more kids. I just don't shrivel up. It'll be nice.

[B]

But where does the Ferrari lead? That's the thing.

[A]

I know the Ferrari drives you into a little place called Divorce Town. That's right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The only way out is.

[B]

It's the only way out. Which I like. I like that expression. The only way out is it. The Ferrari could lead to a couple of weird places.

[A]

Right?

[B]

That's the thing, you know, Next thing you know, you're on a podcast, right?

[A]

You're. You're raging, right?

[B]

You know, you get your iced coffee, you throw it at Nick for. No, it's just one reason.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, Nick. Nick thought I was a different kind of guy when he met me. Thought like I was gonna, you know, grab him by the neck and choke him out. But I really just put my arm out because I want him to check my blood pressure because I was having an anxiety attack.

[B]

The thing about Nick that I love is I love a lot about Nick. Nick is a great guy.

[A]

Nick's great guy.

[B]

Think about Nick. That's great. Is, you know, he. He wanted to be an actor. The thing was, I think someone needed to tell Nick early, listen, Hollywood isn't about. It's not about talent, it's not about the role. It's all about look, right? So every audition, just show up with a feather in your hair and go, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.

[A]

That's what it is.

[B]

And you'll get hired. Yeah. Cuz Nick absolutely looks like a Navajo. Yeah.

[A]

Looks like a crying Indian. Like that one tier Indian. That's what Nick looks like.

[B]

Nick looks like he's going to die if he catches one of our colds.

[A]

It's what it is. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's got smallpox.

[B]

Yeah. Nick just looks like his immune system can't handle the dirty whites that are in here.

[A]

Yeah, but Nick is. Nick is a fun guy. What I like about. What I like about Nick is he's all business. Okay. You notice like Nick on the group chat, how can he respond? How can he help the show?

[B]

He's all business and he pumps him out quick. He pumps him out good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And what I like about Nick is he's always quiet. Right. Which means he's an introvert, which means he's an intelligent guy.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And I think he's riddled with anxiety 100%. I think the anxiety hits him like a fucking a million bricks.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like if we started talking right now about how, hey, once you get to about 44, you know, the chances of you getting a heart attack go up 65%. He's gonna mull over that. He's gonna sit there, he's gonna start sweating.

[A]

Right.

[B]

He's gonna do it. He's gonna go get his thing. Yeah.

[A]

Because a lot of times you and I are just locked in. But there's multiple times. If you look over, there's multiple times where Nick passes out from an. So he gets back up and then he misses.

[B]

Yeah, we should really have smelling salts in the studio.

[A]

Blacks in and out.

[B]

He just is in and out now. Because the Patreon doesn't choose. We don't choose the patreon.

[A]

This is YouTube.

[B]

Oh, we're just. So we're keeping this one.

[A]

We have to. Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

This is the.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

We just haven't gotten to the fun stuff yet. Which is the dancing plague of 1519.

[B]

Is it? Why not?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

It's the dancing. The dancing by one year, which is good.

[A]

The dancing plague of 1518 is what we're going to be talking about today. But first, before. Before we talk about that because we were talking off air about it. We got a situation here today. We got a situation. What do I do? I was offered Knicks tickets for game one of the. Of the NBA playoffs, which is tonight. I know this episode's coming out a couple days, but we're in game one of the NBA playoffs. Knicks tickets, courtside. I had told my daughter that I was going to go have dinner with her tonight. I was going to be home for dinner because I didn't know that I was going to the Knicks game. Now they've offered me to go to the knicks game at 8:00pm tonight, but. And I invited Jasmine, who said she would come meet me, but then she was like, you know what? It's going to be too late. Wait, we're not gonna get home till 11:30, 12:00'. Clock. I don't wanna up. I don't wanna upset the girl's schedules, so I'm gonna stay home. But then she said, you can go if you want to. Which when the wife says that, that means don't go. So my question is for the room. What do we do, do I A, try to talk my wife into coming and have a good time with her? Do I B, just go home, forget the whole thing, or do I see. Try to talk her out of going and have her con, convince herself that it's a good idea that I go for business and I bring one of you guys

[B]

before. We can't. It's got to be. You can't put that. It's got to be in the Patreon.

[A]

Why? Well, so we'll just put that part in the Patreon at the end because we.

[B]

This is the YouTube and he's just joking. That's a joke.

[A]

Joking.

[B]

It's a joke. It's not.

[A]

But do we go A, B or C?

[B]

I know, but you people need to know that that's a joke of two married guys.

[A]

Yeah, it's just a joke.

[B]

And it is actually a joke.

[A]

It's just a joke.

[B]

I mean, we're a joke. These people, they think we say things and we mean it. We don't mean anything. We're trying to entertain you. Yeah, yeah. It's just. Now you want that, you want the real solution.

[A]

What would you do if you were me?

[B]

If I was you? Okay. You seem a little, you seem a little undecided about it.

[A]

I'm undecided right now. It's obviously, which is on brand. It's cool to go to a Knicks game. I love, I love the opportunity. But I also, There's a part of me that wants to go home and just be with kids.

[B]

Now, what, what if they, if you don't go, does it mess your thing up at all or.

[A]

No, I don't think so. What I would do is I would call them and come up with some type of, you know, emergency situation, my stepmother's dead, something like that. Why can't go.

[B]

And, and they're like, wait, didn't she die last year?

[A]

I'm like, yes.

[B]

But she rose and came back.

[A]

You don't know what it is. She's very religious.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I, I gauge that and then see, if it's not gonna be a problem. If it's gonna be a problem, then I stay.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So what do you think? What would you do? Cuz if you were big?

[B]

You wanna know the real answer?

[A]

I wanna know the real answer. That's why we're on the show. We're real guys.

[B]

Yeah. This is a real answer. And it's, it's against my, my interest because I could be the prime candidate for that second seat. Yeah. Yeah. So I'll Give you the real answer. You want to know what to do to push you over the edge?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. I would call your daughter FaceTime with your daughter.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Be like, hey, Delilah, Daddy's got a chance to go to the Nick game. Should I go? Yeah. And then she'll go, daddy, come home. And then you just go home. Because I tell you what happened to me yesterday. I was leaving. You know, we recorded yesterday, so I was leaving to get started real quick.

[A]

We recorded a great Patreon episode. Go to patreon.com historyinners and listen to our episode, Comedians from Christ Getting Coffee. So it was just an hour of Comedians for Christ Getting Coffee. And we really had a fun time defending Christendom to the infidels.

[B]

We did that. We also had a lot of fun talking about how you can have a theme party and you can sort of think outside the box, think of some new theme parties to do, you know, because that's what a lot of people like to do. Oh, it's 60s night, 70s night. We thought of some new ones.

[A]

We thought of some new ones.

[B]

We thought some new ones. So go to Patreon and have a good time. Patreon.com history Hyena Latinas. It's always good for you to support the show and hang out with other fans back there in the chat box.

[A]

It's very, very fun.

[B]

Yeah. So what happened to me was I was leaving and. True story. And what's the guy looking at?

[A]

He keeps looking in the fucking studio. We gotta get out of here, guy.

[B]

Do we look like two guys who want to be looked at? Yeah, we got it.

[A]

We really got to get out of the studio. Yeah.

[B]

I don't want to be looked at. Yeah. That's New York. What are you looking at? He could have been doing it as a friendly thing. Yeah. But she went in the window of her bedroom.

[A]

Your daughter.

[B]

Yeah. And she went, bye, Daddy. And I went by, and I went, love you. And she went, love you. And I just. I melted. And then she did a heart with her fingers. And then I left. I got in. I was driving back in the. The car out of my driveway.

[A]

Crying.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

On the way to the podcast.

[B]

Yeah. No, I was crying. Yeah. It made me cry. Yeah.

[A]

It's just.

[B]

I started crying.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So it's like if you ask her and she tells you, daddy, go ahead.

[A]

We're gonna.

[B]

If you go die, would you mind if I went to the next game? It's courtside.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She'd go, daddy, come. And then you just. And then you Just kick.

[A]

But okay, so I. While on the one hand I agree with that and I should do that. I also don't want to put any pressure on my kids.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So that's the other part. I want to put pressure on my kids. And unfortunately my wife doesn't help me because she's like, do what you feel is the right thing to do.

[B]

Maybe you need to pray on it.

[A]

Yeah, pray on it. Should I call my mom? Yeah, call your mom.

[B]

Call your mom, Ask her what you should do.

[A]

What should I do?

[B]

Because you know what she's gonna say.

[A]

Well, my mom has already. My mom never understood why she was like, you know, you're in a grown man with a family. I don't know why you would go to Knicks games without your family.

[B]

Right.

[A]

That's. But my mod doesn't really get it where my father is.

[B]

Like, you gotta go to gamecourse. Right, right, right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think this is.

[A]

You'd be in a conundrum too.

[B]

You don't know. I'd be in a conundrum. I'd be in a conundrum. Yeah. Cause I'm at the age where it's like, it's an age thing.

[A]

Cuz it's also like, it's an age sports. How great is it? But you know, and I feel.

[B]

But you do it all the time. It's an age thing. Like, I've only done it like, I think twice with you. Right. For the St. John's and I like, yeah, I could go either way.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It's like, that's the great thing about having a family. If I was a single guy, I'd be like, chrissy, call your wife. Yanni's dying of cancer. I got to put Yanni in the seat. But when you have a family, it's like, what compares?

[A]

Right?

[B]

So it's like, it's very understandable the way you feel.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. You always think something's wrong with the way you feel.

[A]

That's what it is. Yeah.

[B]

There's nothing wrong with the way you feel. It's a conundrum because you have a family and get home. Your daughters is great, but going to the Nick game is great. So you have two great options.

[A]

That's just one.

[B]

So the people are listening to this are getting mad at you. They're going, chrissy, you got two good options. What's your problem?

[A]

Should we just call Jazz on the. On the show?

[B]

Yeah, let. Call her up and ask her what time is it?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You got two options that most people would kill For.

[A]

Yeah, here he is. Okay. Okay, let's.

[B]

The only thing I don't like about your look today is you didn't think about your hair at all.

[A]

Well, because. Well, because I thought I was just going right home and I. I didn't.

[B]

But, you know, you gotta look cute for me.

[A]

I didn't put any gel in.

[C]

Hello?

[A]

Hey.

[C]

Hey.

[A]

You're on the podcast. Just give me.

[C]

Wait, wait.

[B]

Oh, damn it.

[C]

I was mid sneeze.

[A]

Oh, really? It sounded like you were mid something else. Oh, my God. What the hell?

[B]

I'm sure she's thrilled about getting a call out of the pod, so.

[A]

Mid sneeze. I'm sorry, I just. We have just. Just give me 30 seconds of your time. I'm sorry for interrupting your sneeze. What do we do about this Knicks game? I'm having a conundrum because I obviously, you know, told Delilah we come home for dinner. I want, you know, Giannis's suggestion was, why don't you ask Delilah what she wants? But I want to put pressure on her. You tell me. Do what you feel is best, which I don't know what the hell that means.

[C]

Look, don't put pressure on our 10 year old.

[A]

Right. I knew that. So that was good that I.

[C]

You need to just do whatever is more important to you. What's more important to you, Chris?

[A]

That's an answer. That's an answer. All right, honey. So I'll see you midnight. Yeah. Yeah. So I gotta have feet on the hardwood, babe. Now, let me just talk, because what happens if, you know, tonight we're gonna watch the game. I want to watch it with the family. They're not going to want to watch it. What if Delilah wants to hang out with her friends when I get home? Like, what do you think of all these scenarios? I just need a little help from you.

[C]

He's just trying to make. Baby, I already told you what to do, so.

[A]

Right. So do you want to come?

[C]

So now it's up to you. Like, do you want to make a mistake or do you want to do

[A]

whatever do you want? But do you want to come?

[C]

No, no, no. I want to put the kids to bed and stuff. I don't want to go.

[A]

Okay. Because the. Also, the. Another scenario is I. I gave them your name, obviously, like, you were going to be my plus one. But we also had another idea in here. What if, you know, I understand. Like, I still went, but then. And I didn't change the guest name. It's just Giannis threw on the Marisa wig. And then it was just. It was. And then it's kind of like. And everyone says, hey, Jasmine. I say, you know, and they're like, you look so great. What? You know, what about that? Is that an option?

[B]

I don't know if I could pull it off.

[A]

You don't think you pull it.

[B]

I don't think I could pull it off because. Yeah, we have, you know. Yeah, it's. I don't know if.

[C]

The bingo earrings. You'll be fine.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know if I think. I think it'll. I think people will not believe it.

[A]

They will not believe.

[B]

I don't think they'll believe it.

[A]

Okay. All right, so, yeah, I'm. What I'm going to do is I'm going to call the people.

[C]

Everybody, an attitude.

[A]

Right? I'm going to call the people at the Knicks office and see, like, what if it's a problem? Because, you know, those seats can't stay empty. And I'm sure there's. Don't get. Someone will say yes right away, but I'm sure.

[C]

Yeah, because I'm making excuses because I know that's what you really want to do. Just go down. Just go. It's fine.

[A]

No, but I. I don't want Delilah, you know, but I. You know, I thought I was coming

[C]

home to survive this.

[B]

Right.

[C]

I don't know if you will, but she will.

[A]

All right. I'll coin a little bit.

[C]

All right.

[A]

And the thing.

[C]

Go back to my sneeze.

[A]

Yeah, go back to your sneeze, if that's what you're calling it. All right. All right. Bye.

[B]

Bye.

[A]

Bye. Listen, here's the thing, cuz. Yeah? I like when I call you.

[B]

I like when you pick up.

[A]

And I know that you never miss a call because you're using a little

[B]

thing called, you know that we use everything that we promote.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So we're going to tell you about Quo. Quo is the business communication systems built for you never to miss a call. Even if you want to miss it, you will not miss it.

[A]

Never, ever miss it. Quo, spelled Q U, O. The business communication system's built so you never miss a call. Today's episode is brought to you by Quo. That's spelled Q U O. The business communications system built so you never miss a call.

[B]

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[A]

Money is on the line. So you always say hello with quo. Try quo for free. Plus, get 20% off your first six months when you go to quo.comhyenas that's q u o.comhyenas all right, guys, I want to give a quick message from today's sponsor, the ASPCA pet health insurance program.

[B]

Yes, this is very important. If you have a dog, you know, you never know. You go to dog parks, you never know. Dogs sometimes don't always get along. Sometimes they're from different things.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you just want to make sure you have some health insurance so, you know, it's very possible. You never know. Gang of dogs could gang up on your dog 100% if you're in a 911 neighborhood and not a 311 neighborhood.

[A]

That's the thing. It depends. So when you enroll in ASPCA pet health insurance plan, you can get a $25Amazon gift card. It's a little treat. A little treat for you while you're doing something great for your pet. That's really nice.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

This is a paid advertisement. Insurance is underwritten by either Independence American Insurance Company or the United States Fire Insurance Company and produced by PTZ Insurance Agency limited. The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance. Yeah, I mean, I love the way women do it.

[A]

They guy in the house.

[B]

That's why I love the way women do it. It's. It's like they. They don't give you the answer, but they get.

[A]

They give you.

[B]

Well, the answer is in the.

[A]

Not the answer to that. She put it on you. The answer to that, boys, is she's like, you shouldn't be going.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She wants you home, obviously. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

But.

[A]

But she would say that anyway.

[B]

Right?

[A]

That's what women always want. You home.

[B]

Right, right, right, right.

[A]

What are you gonna do?

[B]

What are you gonna do? You know, what you did was you. By calling her now, you made it, I think, even worse. Right, right, right. Made it worse.

[A]

She laughed about it on the pod. But what's gonna happen is I'm gonna get a call privately, and she's gonna do a little thing we call laying into me.

[B]

She. You and say, yeah, I guess we're not that important to you. Yeah.

[A]

You know? Yeah. You joke around. You say I look like Marisa. Yeah.

[B]

Like what? The fuck? But, you know, it is a legitimate conundrum. It is a legitimate, legitimate conundrum because

[A]

I want to be a good father, but I also want to be a good Knicks fan.

[B]

Right. And if they advance, it gets harder to get those seats.

[A]

Right. And I already asked, can I go Wednesday, which would be game two? And they said, that's full.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So the answer. The option is now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or. Or next series.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, because I'm on the list, which I'm very thankful to be on the list, but I'm not good. I'm not every game on the list.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Ben Stiller and those guys. Every game. No problem.

[B]

What do you. What are you going to do to go? Because you obviously want to go. No, but I.

[A]

There's a. I only want to go because I feel if I don't go, it's a really stupid decision because so many people would want to go. So I'm really. I'm really making a decision for someone else. You know what I'm trying to say? Like, I. I actually. What makes me feel calm, calmer is. Is me saying, oh, after this pond, I'm just gonna. I'm just gonna drive home. Well, that makes me feel calmer.

[B]

Right. You shouldn't feel that way because you go to so many. So it's like, it's understandable, right. If this was like a once. If this was like a one. Nick just can't believe you're not going.

[A]

Nick thinks I should go.

[B]

Yeah. Again, I'm just here to have a good time with my friends. But, yes, you should go, Nick. You should bring. Nick, one time.

[A]

Should I bring that?

[B]

You should bring.

[A]

They won't let him in with those shorts.

[B]

No, but we'll tell him. He'll dress up and put a tuxedo on.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know. Yeah, well, you know, you know, like, you remember the movie? What's the movie? Clueless.

[A]

You just take this.

[B]

We take them shopping.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We throw him on a thing.

[A]

I used to move my monkey to Stacy Dash a lot. Big and clueless.

[B]

Was that because of her political opinions

[A]

or her and that. And you know me, I like hot blacks and chubby Indians. That's what I'm into.

[B]

Yeah. She. It's funny. Like, it's funny. She, like. She really turned into a very conservative lady.

[A]

Yeah. But she will get.

[B]

She will get cracked open. Yeah, she.

[A]

Well, yeah. Well, I mean, when she was younger.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. She's almost 60, cuz. Is she?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

59.

[B]

Holy sh. My God. Cuz, we're getting Old.

[A]

It's wild, right?

[B]

Almost 60.

[A]

Yep. She was 20 years old in clueless.

[B]

No way.

[A]

Yeah. 1997, the movie came out. I'm sorry, 30 years old.

[B]

Yeah, she's 30. So she was. So she was a 30 year old playing a high schooler.

[A]

Yeah. That's pretty. I mean, I think. Or Clueless came out in 96. 97. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. That's funny that, like they were playing high schoolers and she was 30.

[A]

1995. She was 28.

[B]

Oh my. How old was the other one?

[A]

Alicia Silverstone.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then let's get to the dancing plague of 15, 18.

[B]

Yeah, we'll get to that.

[A]

But how to the dancing place?

[B]

I mean, she's 60 years old.

[A]

She's 60 years old. Silverstone's probably similar. No, 49.

[B]

She was actually.

[A]

She was really 20.

[B]

She was no high school.

[A]

19. She was 19 or 20.

[B]

19 or 20. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Also gorgeous lady.

[B]

So. Yeah, they just gave her the role and she was 10 years older than her.

[A]

Just what it is.

[B]

Yeah. Y. Holy macaroni. Yeah.

[A]

Holy mackerel.

[B]

Looks good for a 59 year old lady.

[A]

100. Yeah.

[B]

I just can't believe I have. You know, that's the thing.

[A]

She's from the South Bronx. I did not know that. That she's from the Boogie down production.

[B]

I did not. Still doing it.

[A]

100%.

[B]

Yeah, that's a little older. 60 does not look like what 60 used to look like.

[A]

No, no, no, no. A little thing called Peptides.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, yeah, she was something.

[A]

Yeah. Remember Vita Guerrera? Remember her? She was the best, best ass in the business. She was like the. Everybody loved her when I was high school in my early 20s.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Vita Grant, look at her. I mean, this, this is gonna make you go, remember her?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

And the ass. Oh, they're not showing the ass though. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, There we go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I mean, tough to do.

[A]

Deal with. Yeah, it's kind of tough to deal with.

[B]

Right? To deal with.

[A]

It's just what it is. Yeah. Did you ever do porn, I wonder? Probably not, no, she just. Yeah, just like photo. No, just. Just pics, right?

[B]

Yeah, This I think, you know. Yeah. In that Maxim era.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She never did big money for like just, you know, sexy shoots.

[A]

Right, right. She didn't have to do porn.

[B]

Yeah, that was. But yeah, I mean, Maxim just couldn't keep up once porn got on the Internet.

[A]

Right.

[B]

What do you do at Maxim?

[A]

Oh, she has an Only four fans, which makes sense.

[B]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[A]

But you have to.

[B]

Yeah. She was an actress, right?

[A]

I believe so, yeah. I don't like only fans. They make it too hard. I, I, I, I tried it once. It sucked.

[B]

Because they want your info. You don't want to give your info.

[A]

Yeah, I'm not trying to give my info. Yeah. What can you do?

[B]

They got to make it simple. Listen, I like only fans because it's given. A lot of girls make a lot

[A]

of money on that. Yeah. Now we might get dinged on this for YouTube. So we got to throw this on the Patreon.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Well, because don't. If you pull stuff up like this, doesn't it demonetize you? Nick, Am I wrong?

[B]

Well, we don't have to show it. Okay, we don't have to show it. We have to show it.

[A]

All right, let's get to the dancing plague of 1518. Because we were originally going to talk

[B]

about a hard turn for today.

[A]

We were really going to talk about. We were going to do the Resurrection, which I thought was a good idea. But then I thought we'd be doing very heavy religion, very heavy crusades. I said, let's go not religion, let's go not controversial, let's just go fun, fun, fun. And Yanni, to his credit, came up with the dancing plague of 1518, which took place in Strasbourg, Aust, which is. Giannis and I have visited.

[B]

Yes. This was a bunch of, you know, at the time, I think it was like France, it was part of the Holy Roman Empire. The Holy Roman Empire was like Charlemagne. Right. They tried to bring back Rome. Everyone's always trying to bring back Rome, but it was just sort of like a confederation of German states. There was plagues, there was poverty.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so in July, some of 1518, probably very cute in that area.

[A]

Oh, my God. Remember how cute Strasbourg was? Mozart, do you remember how much fun we had in Strasbourg?

[B]

Had a good time.

[A]

Remember I got that chocolate pastry and I was really enjoying it.

[B]

Yeah. So what happens is it's this wild, wild. And this has happened a few times.

[A]

This is, this is a real phenomenon. We're not. This is, this is documented.

[B]

This is documented. And it happened a bunch of times in Europe. And the thing that they, that all of them had in common was it was like dire situations. There was like plagues and, and, you know, and starvation and high street dress. Obviously very religious people, Christians that believe the, you know, demons and all that type of stuff.

[A]

So I just took a scoop and a sniff, by the way, live on the pod. I did, I, I inadvertently Was like, if you listen to the Patreon episode, like the German coach. I took a scoop and I took a snap.

[B]

Yeah, you. Because you. Yeah, because you are right.

[A]

That. Because I know. Constantly thinking of it. There's been so many times where I've unconsciously taken scoop and then sniffed it but not thought about it. But now I've been thinking about it. I took a scoop and sniff.

[B]

There's no way it. Once you scoop, you're committed to the sniff.

[A]

You got to commit to this.

[B]

And we talk about it on the this week's bonus episod. So go check it out. It's very fun. So this lady, right, this lady, her name.

[A]

Who knows. Trophy, Frau.

[B]

Trophy. So who knows if she was. If she was a piece or not?

[A]

Probably a piece. Probably a piece with fumes.

[B]

And I'll tell you why. Probably a piece.

[A]

Tell me.

[B]

Because she started dancing alone and then people joined her. Yeah. So she had to be a piece.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because if it was just some fucking fatty out there on the dance floor in the middle of the town square, right? People just, you know, it's just. Nobody has it worse than ugly fat chicks. It just. It's horrible.

[A]

It's just.

[B]

I don't like that.

[A]

I don't like.

[B]

But unless she started dancing in the middle of East New York, right? Nobody's gonna join us. Nobody's gonna join her unless she's in the predominantly black community, right? Nobody's gonna join her.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Makes sense.

[B]

It's just a bunch of white guys going, like, not my type.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's just not my type. They're gonna leave her alone.

[A]

If she.

[B]

If she was a fatty boom baddie.

[A]

Fatty boom baddie. Yeah. Over. If she was a fatty boom baddie, they would have start throwing buckets of cold water at her lab 14 to get her away.

[B]

Yeah. Well, they would have started throwing buckets of cold water because they would have thought that she got beached.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They don't want her to die.

[A]

They don't want to die.

[B]

Get water on her to keep her alive.

[A]

They're trying to do the right thing.

[B]

Yeah. So she starts dancing uncontrollably in the street, right? Just on a day in July, she starts bugging out and she's not dancing like, you know, she's like a rave, right? Like, you know, it looks like, you know. You ever go to Fort Greene, right? You know, Fort Greene park, which is a neighborhood in Brooklyn, and there's a bunch of. Of, like, Jamaicans and, like, people.

[A]

I went to college over There. Yeah.

[B]

And then you see, like, a bunch of dirty white people. Yeah. They're just kind of, you know, it's

[A]

a little fun fact about. For Green. We're going to do a live podcast from that. You know, just recently, they were doing a little excavating at Fort Green. Do you know what they found? What, like 30 Red Coat soldiers from the Revolutionary War.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Like, full skeletons with the red coats.

[B]

With the coats on.

[A]

With the coats on.

[B]

Because that's how cute they were. They wanted to die with them.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

They were cute.

[A]

They were cute.

[B]

The British, they had cute outfits.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We should do an episode where we rap. Cute. We'll do our outfit.

[A]

Yeah, we'll do it.

[B]

Because they were super. I would say, super cute. You got to give Nazis number one,

[A]

of course, number two, this.

[B]

As far as style goes.

[A]

Style goes. Yeah.

[B]

I mean, super cute.

[A]

Super cute. And I kind of like the Japanese Axis power World War II uniforms with those hats with the long things in the back, like kind of running around playing tennis. I like it.

[B]

I like the World War I German helmets because, you know, they had a nice penis on there.

[A]

Yeah, I like that. And you can use that as a weapon, as a last resort.

[B]

It just looked like one big bachelorette party.

[A]

Yeah, it's what it is.

[B]

We had penises on their head.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

So this chick starts flailing around, flailing around by herself, middle of the town, right? And she's uncontrollably dancing, and she just won't stop, right? 10 minutes goes by, 20 minutes goes by. Next thing you know, it's an hour, two hours, three hours, 15 hours. Cancel 24 hours.

[A]

And then no sleeping.

[B]

No sleeping, no nothing. Shitting themselves, peeing herself. And then just. People start dancing with her, right? So other people just start joining her, right? And then the next thing you know, it gets up to about 400 people. Wow. Just dancing. So the authorities, the medical people, whoever they were. I don't know what they did back then. I don't know who they were. They're probably like dog catchers slash doctors.

[A]

Who knows what the.

[B]

They were witchcraft people, priests, right? They all start bugging out and going, what is going on? How do we stop this? Right? So they try to contain a few of them, but they. They have, like, superhuman strength and they. They, like, flail around and it gets, like, dangerous, right? So they decide, okay, what are we going to do?

[A]

Let's just leave them, right?

[B]

And maybe they'll stop. They don't stop. So then they go, okay, maybe. Maybe if we bring actual. Because they're just dancing with no music either, right? So it's a very white. Right. It's a very white thing to do. There's no beat, and they're just flailing around, right? And so they go, what if we actually brought musicians in and.

[A]

And.

[B]

And maybe that'll. They'll. That'll fulfill them and they'll stop, right? They brought musicians in, set up a stage, and people start playing. Playing music, and it just made it worse. Yeah. More people joined, right? And so that all these people are dancing and they won't stop. And most of them danced until they died.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

Yeah, Their feet were bleeding.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They were swollen. They were spraining their ankles. They weren't feeling the pain.

[A]

This sounds like a Puerto Rican barbecue.

[B]

I mean, it is. And it has baffled historians and scientists till this day. Day. They don't have an explanation for it. It's sort of like a mass psychosis thing brought on by stress. That seems to be the biggest theory, because after we talk about this, we'll look at other incidents and what they had in common. It was like people were under massive stress to the point where, like, we as Americans. What annoys me the most, Tommy? I'll tell you what annoys me the most. When people, like, really shit on America. Like, I'm glad there's differing opinions in freedom of speech. And people should always criticize everything. That's how, you know, you got a healthy society. It's decentralized. Power. But when they kind of cross that line of like America's like a horrible country, I'm going like, what are you comparing it to? Right. What are you comparing America to? A utopia.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Yeah, we're shitty compared to a utopia. But name me a time and place or a country even currently that is better, freer, has more legal protections.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That is more anti racist with legal protections.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All the things that you complain about, complain about what is better than America.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Do you think, did you ever have to worry about starvation?

[A]

Right. Yeah.

[B]

I mean, there's poor people who are eating dollar burgers at McDonald's or being

[A]

who you want to be. You think that China was gonna let Nick walk around with a hard on, cargo shorts and a hooven dude Guerrero mask through a story?

[B]

It's not gonna happen, dude. No, it's like, so what are we comparing it to? Because it's, it's, it's, it's stories like this in history that let you know, like, oh, these people. People had famine, disease.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Plagues.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

They were starving people.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Starving and dying, like left and right. And the doctors were just going, I don't know. Jesus cursed you. Yeah, that was it.

[A]

Now here's the thing with these phenomenons. They, they bl. The Salem witch trials of the 1600s, this, the dancing plague of 1518. They always go back to this urgot fungus that grows on rye and causes hallucinations and spasms. They think a big part of mass psychosis is from the past is this ergot phenomenon. Now I can see how that could be. I could see how something like that, a fungus can cause these issues. Because look at now look at the streets of like say New York City or whatever city you're living in is with all these edibles with making weed legal. Look at all the crazy people in the streets now. And it's because of these. They overdo it on the edibles and then they start to go crazy and hallucinate. So imagine, imagine back then without science and all that an ergot fungus could be growing through all your stuff and you are really going crazy. But it's very easily explainable.

[B]

Yeah. This could be like the first rave. Could be. I mean, we don't know. Like, you know, this one was document. This was the most documented one.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So I don't know. I haven't looked into it enough to know if they had baby suckers. Yeah.

[A]

You don't know.

[B]

And if they had light, they might have had fluorescent lights. Right. They might have been doing this.

[A]

I don't know. Well, and Saint Vitus. A lot of people in religious blamed it on Saint Vitus that it was a curse from Saint Vitus, who was thought to punish people with uncontrollable dancing. So that tells me that Saint Vitus is a homosexual man.

[B]

It's very.

[A]

Because that is a very gay thing to do. To be like, I'm gonna make everyone dance.

[B]

Who knows? Maybe Diplo is a time traveler. Possible just peaked in on 1518 and started hitting the wheels of steel.

[A]

It's just what it is.

[B]

And it could have been the first dj.

[A]

Yeah. And I'll tell you what, I always like to dance to Diplo and I love his music. And the kid has got an absolute piece.

[B]

His wife.

[A]

No, no, no. His dick.

[B]

Oh, no, I didn't know about it.

[A]

Diplo's penis.

[B]

Why do you know?

[A]

We'll go back to the dancing plague of 1518.

[B]

Why do you know about Diplo's dick?

[A]

Yeah, it's just what it is.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Diplo has got a fucking hammer cock.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

See where that H is? Yeah. So that he posted. He posted some pics. They hit my group chat. But if you look, Diplo has got a huge, huge, huge penis. Yeah. You could find it places. Diplo. Yeah, he'll get. Yeah, he's got a massive. It's just what it is. Here it is. Diplo.

[B]

Why do you know about Diplo's piece?

[A]

Because I took that picture. Just what it is, Gus. Yeah, too. Yeah.

[B]

I mean, damn. The kid's got a rocket.

[A]

He's got a rocket. And the kid makes about 40 schmill a year.

[B]

Yeah, the kid. They make. He just. They do well, these DJs.

[A]

He's not worried about it. Diplo tell you that? He ain't worried about it.

[B]

He ain't worried about nothing. He ain't worried about the price of gas.

[A]

Yeah, but there it is. But, yeah, Diplo's dick.

[B]

What the. Is that his actual penis?

[A]

That's his. That's his people.

[B]

Because. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I tell you what, the circumcision, whoever did it was really aggressive. That kid, they removed the whole foreskin.

[A]

He's got nothing even closed nothing.

[B]

I mean, he's all chafed down now.

[A]

Let me ask you this.

[B]

You said me. Let me ask.

[A]

Because you said there's other points in history that are similar to this 1518 dancing plague. What are some of those other ones that you found out about through your research?

[B]

I mean, look, so there's been other times where this has happened where this sort of collective behavior has been abused, observed.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And it was all. It was times in Europe. It was close to these times. So, Jesse, if you could pull up those times.

[A]

Yeah, because it's mass. The problem is, is it's mass. It's mass psychosis, mass hysteria. And I wonder if the people during those times just thought of it as like, oh, these people are crazy. We have to deal with it. Like, I wonder if right now if some of the, you know, some of the political opinions of some of our brothers and sisters, if that is going to be considered mass hysteria. Mass hallucinations by historians come by making your kids trans.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I don't know, but yeah, I mean, this was. This was something. So the outbreak was at that time, but also the people. I think they thought that these were just people were just possessed by demons.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I think it was just guys just trying to get a dance floor because some of these girls were pieces. And I think girls were just. They wanted to be free a little.

[A]

It's just what it is.

[B]

Yeah, girl. It's not easy in a religious society

[A]

to be a lady. No, you can't do it.

[B]

It's just tough.

[A]

Now we had the laughing epidemic of 1962 in modern day Tanzania. A few schoolg started laughing uncontrollably. Uncontrollably. It spread through the school, then to nearby villages. Now, I don't know if that was. Was that. That was.

[B]

Maybe they were listening to the history. Hyenas.

[A]

Well, I was going to say. Yeah, that or they watched a little matt. Rife.

[B]

Yeah, that's probably more like it.

[A]

Yeah. Episode lasted hours or even days and the schools had to shut down. People were fainting and there was pain and breathing problems. Then we had the meowing nuns of the Middle ages. So in medieval France, we had a convent that reportedly experienced a bizarre outbreak when nuns began meowing like cats. Couldn't stop. They might have just been horned up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It was only stopped when soldiers threatened punishment. So that tells you if that. What. Oh, yeah, I just threw my pencil. So soldiers threatened punishment. This is often cited as an example of extreme group conformity combined with psychological stress in isolated religious movements. And then of course, the one we mentioned, the Salem witch trials, where young girls behind began having fits, screaming, convulsing and accusing others of witchcraft. And they all got burnt at the stake.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Oh, the June bug epidemic in 1962, which we're going through one of those right now in Beirut.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Certain parts of Brooklyn is going through a Bit of a bug epidemic. No.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. You know what? I'm.

[A]

Oh, look at this one. The leroy ticks. From 2011 to 2012, in Leroy, a group of high school students, mostly girls, develop sudden facial tics, verbal outbursts and twitching. And it's called the Leroy Ticks Ways I'm cheating. That's just what it is. Because.

[B]

Yeah. Because they were being loud.

[A]

Yeah, they were being kind of loud.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They kept running away from magicians.

[B]

Ways are. She ain't. So these are always women. My take on this, the fungus thing is very interesting. Yeah. Ergo. Because there was an outbreak during that time. 15, 18.

[A]

That's.

[B]

That's possible. But what I'm seeing, the common theme is like. And I've thought about this recently in history. I just think women always had it bad, right? Like, nobody want. They couldn't. They were so controlled.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And like. So, so, like, kept and, like, ruled that. I think there just were these times where they just. Like somebody just lost their. They lost. Lost their mind. And others grew in is like. Yeah, I feel that too.

[A]

Let's just.

[B]

Our lives are miserable. Right? Let's just dance till we die.

[A]

Yeah. It's just what it is.

[B]

So there's some. Here's some other incidents with the dancing mania. 1374 was the biggest wave.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And this was the largest recorded. And even the way they. Even the way they report it.

[A]

Right.

[B]

They called an outbreak. Yeah. Spreading across multiple cities. Hin one city called aen, another Cologne. We know Cologne. Metz and Trier.

[A]

Mets.

[B]

Mets.

[A]

Mets.

[B]

M E T Z. Yeah, Mets and Trier. So people dance in the street for days at a time. Screamed, hallucinated, convulsed some and begged for help, but couldn't stop. So that was another thing in 1518 too. The people were screaming and begging for help.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So they were like. It was almost like they were took over by something. That's why a lot of them thought they were possessed by demons, which maybe they were. Who knows? But they were screaming out and crying in pain and asking for help and telling, please help me stop.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So they couldn't. And the same thing happened in 1374, and this wasn't local. It spread like a contagion along trade routes. And chroniclers describe thousands of people dancing until they drop. Right. And then we had the 12, 7,

[A]

1237 children's dancing out pregnant in Erfurt.

[B]

So do you think this is just Germanic, Frenchy golly. Like tribal people, like, just. You know what I mean?

[A]

Right. Like getting wild. Get weird.

[B]

Wild and weird.

[A]

I mean, look, this one is like, you know. Children reportedly began dancing and jumping uncontrollably. I mean, that could have just been a little thing. Undiagnosed autism.

[B]

But then they traveled miles to nearby by towns.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And they were like, I guess they were traveling and dancing. They were marching.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It's like, I don't know what they were doing. And they collapsed from exhaustion.

[A]

It doesn't happen anymore. That's my question. What changed? Why are there no more recent?

[B]

I think because once whites got around blacks, they got embarrassed to dance.

[A]

It's just what it is.

[B]

Yeah. You ever try to dance around black people, you just get very self conscious.

[A]

It's very bad.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. When I'm around white people, I feel very confident.

[A]

I feel good.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Same thing with Latins. You just feel embarrassed. Right. We just. We're not as good at. We're not as good at that.

[A]

Nick, can you naturally dance pretty well? A little bit, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

It's just. They're born with it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then we had the 1020-1021 dancing mania. And this was in Colby or something, wherever the hell that is.

[A]

Colbic.

[B]

Coal Colbic. It has some squiggly lines over it. So maybe it was like Ottoman territory.

[A]

Right.

[B]

A group allegedly began dancing inside near a church. Chroniclers framed it as a divine punishment. The dancers were. Did the same thing. Dance days or longer. This is the. This is one of the earliest documented cases. And this one was tied to religious interpretation.

[A]

So this is interesting. These dancing plagues have happened through history, but I wonder why they've stopped.

[B]

Yeah. And then this one, 1278, 200 people danced on a bridge.

[A]

Any of them die?

[B]

The bridge reportedly collapsed.

[A]

It's just what it is.

[B]

Just what it is. So you had a couple of fatty but baddies on there. And survivors were taken to a chapel. So this is just something that's happened. And by the way, so the 1518 stopped for unexplainable reasons in September. So this shit went on for. From.

[A]

What was it?

[B]

July, August and September. And you also have to remember how hot it was.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It was summer. So a lot of them died from dehydration. And they just. For months they dance.

[A]

No air conditioner.

[B]

Yeah. I think they were just kind of sick of being so rigid. And they were starving and desperate and probably they. Everyone was just praying to Jesus for the harvest and they were going, look, I don't know, maybe I love Jesus, but the kids is busy.

[A]

Yeah. It's just.

[B]

Can we find one Person. Person who can figure out how to make corn or something.

[A]

Yeah, something.

[B]

Can we just.

[A]

Can somebody bake a croissant?

[B]

Yeah. I don't know. Like, listen, I know a lot of people look at history a certain way, but maybe there was no Jews there to help these people with their taxes.

[A]

I don't know what's going on.

[B]

This is how sometimes I think multiculturalism is good.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Because you get different people who are good at different things.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Maybe there was just genetic inbreeding. Maybe they're all Germanic inbreds. I don't.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

You got to marry a Puerto Rican, so your baby has a healthy immune system.

[A]

That's just what it is. My baby. Babies are healthy. Yeah, yeah. Now, now here's my question is. We're coming into the end of the episode. We got to do the Patreon names. I have to take what I'd be describing as an emergency. I'm crowning. Do I keep it in? And do I. Do I. Do I fight for something? Do I have something to play for? Or do we stop down and I take a shit?

[B]

Will you stop that and take a shit?

[A]

You don't think it'd be funny if we got something to play for? It was. Dudes, let's.

[B]

Do you want to do that?

[A]

Do something to play. Get me that pencil that I dropped. Because if I get up, I will. My pants. Yeah. Thank you, Nick. Yeah.

[B]

Let's do a high stakes.

[A]

Yeah, I gotta do high stakes because, yeah, I think you're actually like, you could shit your pants 100%. Could you? Now we only got two pages, Jesse. Oh, we got two in reserve. Okay. So now here's what we got to do, guys, is we're gonna have to move through this a little quickly because I am crowning. I do have what I. What I describe as an emergency. We have an all hands on deck shit. And it's one of those situations where the bathroom that we share here, there's always typically around this time a pretty girl that takes a massive shit. So if she's taking. Taking a massive in there, I'm just gonna have to open the door and in her lap. So here we go. Welcome to the patreon.comhistory. welcome to our newest members. Marvel Malang Kalbis Kaboom Kebabs. Then we got Egyptian kid living in Canada, a.k.a. ice Cold Sand Monkey.

[B]

Put him on the list.

[A]

Ice Cold Sand Monkey is nice kid

[B]

who's just cold up there.

[A]

Then we got Diddy, AKA Three Dollar Bill Cosby.

[B]

I've had that.

[A]

Brian Donaldson. Shane. Italian kid in Bensonhurst. Call me the Rhone survivor.

[B]

Put him on the list.

[A]

Put him on the list. The Rhodes very inside.

[B]

We will explain it to you in the final round.

[A]

Angelo. Joey d'. Alessandro. Then we got. Call me Shaggy the way I'll. Wait, wait. Call me Shaggy the way I. Scooby Glue.

[B]

Scooby Glue.

[A]

Scooby Glue.

[B]

Like Scooby Glue. He could have just been Scooby Glue.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

So I'm going to chicken finger it.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Yeah. It's a good one, though.

[A]

Took a blue chew and my glue gun won't stop saluting Send help.

[B]

That's a Drexler.

[A]

It's a Drexler.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, good one.

[A]

Christian Werling. Rusty Blanchard. Preston Glad. Candied yams with no ham. Candle Cutie Matt.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Sloan. Alley 13. Nicholas Stefan Ditis. Fifi Fo Fum. Tucked back shooting rope in my bum.

[B]

Put him on the list. Wow.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know, he's putting it through his legs and he's shooting his own glue in his asshole.

[A]

Very attract.

[B]

Very funny.

[A]

Logan Kendall. I can't believe I ripped my shirt off on the party. That's Tank.

[B]

That's Tank.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Welcome, Tank.

[A]

Then we got Freddie Got Fingered. Cody Nandor. Morla Donati. Chinese Miner.

[B]

You got. It's a walked in one take.

[A]

Yeah. The Chinese minor.

[B]

Oh, that is really bad. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Frisbee.

[B]

Good. But listen, the inventiveness that they go to. To slip one past you is impressive.

[A]

It's impressive.

[B]

It's very impressive. Yeah. That's for the end of the year, Tony.

[A]

Yeah. Walked into one. Then we got Frisbee Connoisseur.

[B]

He likes shoes.

[A]

Yeah. Liam Schlier, Mike Pirro. Edgar Allen Chohad. James Nassar. Tutti's Toenail Clipper. Eric Kishel. Matt Loretti. Chris is gay. Chrissy the Bunion Warlord Khan.

[B]

Chicken figure.

[A]

Eat the rich, then eat my ass.

[B]

Chicken figure.

[A]

Frank, how you doing? Keep it moving.

[B]

Is a really strong figure.

[A]

Yeah. Hunter Biden's crack pipe.

[B]

You know what? Chicken finger.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, we haven't had that. Yeah, she made her Leroy cock disappear in her bikini. Call her Harriet Houdini.

[B]

Put him on the list.

[A]

Just what it is.

[B]

Put him on the list. Yes. Yes.

[A]

Matthew Bloom, Jake Barge. I hold my pride parades on January 6.

[B]

Put them on the list.

[A]

Sorry about that.

[B]

It's just funny.

[A]

Yeah. Melissa. Then we got Josephine and the Leroy Runners. Yes. Josephine Trace and Black Eyes. Josephine and the Leroy Runners.

[B]

Right, right, right, right. Okay.

[A]

Walked into one forgotten genocide monkey from Glendale, California, with a back hairy enough to rival that of your worst Jew.

[B]

So probably an Armenian kid or something like that.

[A]

Matt Hayes, Gibson Butler match.

[B]

Then we got forgotten genocide monkey is very funny.

[A]

Very funny.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Then we got. It's Coffee Leroy or go your mother chicken figure. Chrissy likes him big. Big, big sudsy soap bum Kegels. Am I training offense or defense?

[B]

I. I knew what he was going for.

[A]

Yeah, call me AOC Because I'm all

[B]

I to come Put them on the list.

[A]

Yeah, okay.

[B]

Put them on the list.

[A]

What is.

[B]

Yeah, put him on the list.

[A]

Michelle Teagarden, Melissa Ross. Yanni's palms are sweaty, knees weak, balls are heavy. There's come on a sweater already. Lady boy Confetti.

[B]

Put him on the list.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wow. Very dense today. Very dense humor.

[A]

We're not going to need the two

[B]

reserve patients because this is dense with Yuma.

[A]

We got Yuma.

[B]

We got a lot of Yuma.

[A]

Alex Hemphill. Yanni's eyes are closer than the cousins that made them.

[B]

Put them on the list. Holy shit.

[A]

Yeah, they really came out.

[B]

This is a Yuma. This is a Yuma. Bukkake. This is a bukkake. Yuma.

[A]

Yeah. Irving Apodaca. Ivan.

[B]

Wait, wait, go back.

[A]

Irving Apodaca.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Ivan. I think that's just kid's real name.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Then we got Tim Dillon. Made my glue gun green for St. Patty's Day. Hashtag is this gonorrhea?

[B]

Drexler we can't disparage. But it's very funny. I mean, it's very funny.

[A]

Drexler, Jerry Rice adopted a Chinese baby and named him Chicken fried rice.

[B]

Ladder 14. What do we do with that?

[A]

What do we do with that on the list?

[B]

We'll put them on the list.

[A]

Put him on the list.

[B]

This is the. This is the best list we've had. Had over both Reichs.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is the best list of all.

[A]

We still got about 30 more names.

[B]

Dude, this is the best list ever.

[A]

Okay. Then we got walked into one chicken figure.

[B]

I mean, dude, it's a non stop bukkaki.

[A]

Yeah. Ricky Bows, Logan Wagner. Then we got. Got a lobotomy and filled it with glue. Now I commit sodomy and listen to you. He glued in his own lobotomy.

[B]

I mean, dude, we got to stop. It's a happening.

[A]

John Carlot, DiMaggio, pseudo Menudo. Then we got I am schizophrenic. No, you're not. Yes, I am.

[B]

Put him on the list.

[A]

What am I supposed to do? Yeah, it's just what it is.

[B]

Holy shit.

[A]

Dude, this is crazy.

[B]

This is crazy.

[A]

J. Hartman, 76, Magic Mansiac, Thomas Schroeder, Jesus, shrouded cockprint. Turn me Catholic.

[B]

Yeah. What do I do? No Drexler.

[A]

Yeah, actually, it's Jesus's shrouded cockprint to rind me Catholic.

[B]

I mean, what do I do?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Put it on the list. It's a good one.

[A]

John A Light's pinky ring, Chicken figure. Brad Morgan, William Broslin, Anthony Slotman, Miles Rubasoff, Disc golf champion. The way I want to put Frisbees in chains.

[B]

Tony, take note.

[A]

Then we got Caucasian debris. Okay, top shelf. Zaza disrupted my circadian rhythm. Kate Kelly, Chrissy. Can't make Joseph come. Yeah.

[B]

14.

[A]

Small piece, but still too big to fit between Giannis's eyes.

[B]

Put him on the list.

[A]

Yeah, it's just what it is. Just called I saw myself so I could skip the line of tsa. Yeah.

[B]

Okay. He's a good try.

[A]

Paul Marshall, Richie. Adam Fredenberg, Cesar Chavez, Student Union. Luca Faithful, Timothy Monjo, USA kid, red coat dad, Utah. Tell me when. Blake, Daniel, Gays of Hormuz, Nick Williams. Balls like Shaquille with a piece like o'. Neal. Okay. Took so many Peptides. My nephew calls me Gunkle and Ryan J. So we got a lot. We got a lot of people on this list. You think this is the strongest list of all time? Of all time.

[B]

There's no question about that. There's no question about that. I've never experienced the list, and I just want to keep talking. Maybe you shit yourself. So that's also so fun.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I know you want to carry it up, but isn't it funny that on the list where he wanted it to go quick, it ended up being the longest list of all time. I mean, that just lets you know the simulators. God has a sense of humor because you're like, I don't take a. They got humor. They just gave us the best list of all time. When you happen to maybe your pants.

[A]

So here we go.

[B]

And I've never done a list. I swear to God, I've never. We've never had a list where I was actually hoping that there weren't any funny ones. More.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, because we had enough. I've never had that feeling where I was like, hopefully there's no more, because it'd be too hard.

[A]

Too hard. Here we go. So we got Egyptian kid living in Canada, a.k.a. ice Cold Sand Monkey.

[B]

Right off the bat, we know, we're going to Drex for that.

[A]

Drex. Okay. I mean, it's just great.

[B]

But, yeah, wrong era.

[A]

Then we got Italian kid in Bensonhurst. Call me the Rhone survivor.

[B]

We got to keep that around.

[A]

Just keep it around.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Good word play. And the reason why that. That's impressive is because Bensonhurst has become a mostly Asian neighborhood. Right where it used to be Italian.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Then we got FIFA, faux fum tuck back shooting rope in my bum.

[B]

We're gonna. We're gonna Drexler it, okay. Any other day, wrong era.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Clyde Drexler.

[A]

Then we got. She made her Leroy cock disappear in her bikini. Call her Harriet Houdini.

[B]

We got to keep that around.

[A]

Just have to just.

[B]

Harriet. Yeah. We just got to keep it around.

[A]

I hold my pride parade on January 6th.

[B]

We're going to. We're. That is borderline. Walked into one, but it's a really good one. We're going to. We're going to Drexler.

[A]

We got Drexler. Okay? Then we got. Call me AOC Because I'm out of. I'm all out of come.

[B]

We're going to chicken finger it.

[A]

Okay. Yeah. Yeah, we're going to show how to come is very inventive, though, and very funny.

[B]

Very good.

[A]

Then we got Giannis's palms are sweaty. Knees weak. Balls are heavy. There's come on his sweater already. Lady boy confetti.

[B]

We gotta keep that around.

[A]

Lady boy confetti's very fucked.

[B]

We just gotta keep it around. Yeah.

[A]

Giannis's eyes are closer than the cousins that made them.

[B]

We gotta keep it around.

[A]

It's just what it is.

[B]

Gotta keep it around.

[A]

Jerry Rice adopted a Chinese baby and named him Chicken Feathers.

[B]

We gotta keep it around.

[A]

Yeah. It's nothing we could do.

[B]

Nothing we could do with that.

[A]

Then we got. Got a lobotomy and filled it with glue. Now I commit sodomy and listen to you.

[B]

We get. We're gonna Drex for that.

[A]

Okay? Then we got I am schizophrenic. No, you're not. Not. Yes, I. Oh, wait, I'm sorry. I'm schizophrenic. No, you're not. Yes, I am.

[B]

We gotta keep that around. It's just so invented. Yeah.

[A]

Then we got Jesus shrouded cockpin to rin me Catholic.

[B]

That's so good. I mean, it's so good. Keep it around.

[A]

Then we got small piece, but still not big enough to fit between Giannis's

[B]

eyes with the other one is better.

[A]

That's the problem.

[B]

That's the problem.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, okay. We're narrowing it down.

[A]

2, 3, 4, 5, 6. We still have seven.

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[A]

All right, all right. I'll go back from the beginning. Yeah. Italian kid in Bensonhurst call me the Rhone survivor.

[B]

So good.

[A]

Gotta keep it.

[B]

Is it a little insane? Decides the only weakness, but that's not. It's. It's not his fault.

[A]

It's not his fault. But if it has a weakness. I don't know.

[B]

The Roan Survivor.

[A]

Survivor is funny. What do you think?

[B]

Well, I think we compare that to the Jerry Rice one. We got two Asian jokes. If you had to just do like, a bracket, right? What are you doing? You taking out the Jerry Rice one or you're taking out that one?

[A]

We're taking out Ron Survivor.

[B]

All right. It's very unfortunate.

[A]

We have to do this. This gets hard. She made her Leroy cock disappear in her bikini. Call her Harriet Houdini.

[B]

That one for me has got to stick around.

[A]

It's got to stick around. Yeah. Yeah. Giannis's palms are sweaty, knees weak, balls are heavy. There's come on already.

[B]

Okay, Sticking around.

[A]

Giannis's eyes are closer than the cousins that made them.

[B]

That's got to stick around. I mean, that's probably the best. All right, well, let's do the bracket again. Two Giannis ones. Which one? Well, we got rid of the other Giannis one.

[A]

No, we have. We have two Giannis ones. We have Giannis. His palms are sweaty, knees weak, balls are heavy. There's come on his sweater already. Lady boy confetti.

[B]

Yeah, but that's not an eye joke.

[A]

But there are two Janet Giannis ones, because then Giannis eyes are closer than the cousins that made them, which I think is extremely inventive.

[B]

That's the best joke because we have

[A]

to make hard cuts here.

[B]

I know. I mean, the best joke that's ever been made about my eyes.

[A]

So then that ladyboy confetti's probably got to go then, because that's not going to beat that.

[B]

But what's funnier than lady boy confetti?

[A]

I don't know what's funnier than that, but it might.

[B]

What's funnier than that?

[A]

But it might. But okay, but let's go back to your. To the rules that we go by. If it was just lady boyfriend confetti, that would be good enough.

[B]

Keep them both around for a second. Let's see, what else is there?

[A]

Jerry Rock. Jerry Rice adopted a Chinese baby.

[B]

You got to keep that one.

[A]

Then we got. I am schizophrenic. No, you're not. Yes, I am.

[B]

Okay. That one is so good. I Dude, I Dude, I'm. I, I, I'm not doing. This is like Sophie's Choice, okay?

[A]

So I'm not killing all my babies. Jesus Shrouded print Turin me Catholic can go.

[B]

We can get rid of that one, but only because it's such a strong list. But that could have been a winner.

[A]

That could have been. Been a winner. So then we got. She made her Leroy cock disappear in her bikini. Call her Harriet Houdini.

[B]

Now that you guys aren't having a strong react. That is very funny. It's a very funny black man.

[A]

It's very funny. And good tuck job. Any other list. But I do think, because we really got. Okay, we really got to be picky now. I think that should go.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So I think it's really. We're down to really four ones that are really difficult.

[B]

Can you imagine? We're down to four.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is the fucking best list of all time.

[A]

Then we got Giannis's palms are sweaty, knees weak, balls are heavy. There's come on his sweater already. Ladies boy confetti. Yanni's eyes are closer than the cousins that made them too good. Jerry Rice adopted a Chinese baby and named him Chicken Fried Rice. Or I am schizophrenic. No, you're not. Yes, I am. Dude, do we have, do we have.

[B]

I think this goes to the fans, man. I think it really.

[A]

I think we should whittle it down to two.

[B]

How do you whittle that down? How do you whittle that down?

[A]

You got to get, like, really particular, like, like. I agree with Jesse. It's. You have to lose one Yanni. And I personally think the lady boy confetti's got to go because Yann, his eyes are close. And the cousins that made them is really a layered very, very good joke. And it's really difficult. We've had so many close Yanni I jokes.

[B]

Okay, so here's what we're going to do, though. Here's what we're going to do. Yeah, here's what we're going to do. There's no way we're letting. There's no way ladyboy confetti is getting out of here without. Without some sort of prize.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

Okay? Because if you jerk it off the transport, you call your glue lady boy confetti.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so what? Welcome to the lexicon. What I'm going to do. Tony, can you take ladyboy confetti and put it on the lexicon our website. Because now that is call you glue. If you watch a transport, it's lady boy confetti.

[A]

That's the definition.

[B]

And if a lady. If you, if the lady boy comes. Yeah, it's lady boy confetti. And that's just what it is.

[A]

And it won't. And if you get some on your sweater. You have lady boy confetti on your sweater.

[B]

Okay. Ladybug sweater. You're, you're, you've, you've made it into the lexicon, but you didn't win this one.

[A]

That's what it is.

[B]

So you got a prize.

[A]

So it's really between. Yanni's eyes are closer than the cousins that made them. Jerry Rice adopted a Chinese baby and named him chicken fried Rice. Or I am schizophrenic. No, you're not yet. So, okay, those are the three that I mean. But should we whittle it down to two so the phones fans can just pick which one.

[B]

Okay, so you have, you have schizophrenic. No, you're not. Yes, I am not as laugh out loud funny.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But extremely inventive.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So we're going to chicken finger that.

[A]

Okay. Okay. So here's your [e-mail] history hyenas. That's where you get involved. That's where you become a part of the show. Not only do we have bonus content and extra stuff like that, that, but you get to vote. You get to vote on who the winner of the week is. This is the toughest list we've had in the past eight years. So go to patreon.com history and cast your vote for. Yanni's eyes are closer than the cousins that made them. Or Jerry Rice adopted a Chinese baby and named him chicken fried Rice.

[B]

I bet you. I guarantee you this one's going to be split down the middle. We may have to do like something the wives after that do something.

[A]

All right. Episode continues at patreon.com history hyenas ad free and fun. Fun.