Free the Babes of Iran | History Hyenas

Summary

History Hyenas: Free the Babes of Iran

Podcast: History Hyenas
Hosts: Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas
Date: March 5, 2026
Episode Theme:
A wild, comedic dive into the historical and current events surrounding Iran, US-Iran relations, internal Middle Eastern dynamics, and, most passionately, the hosts’ humorous crusade to “free the babes of Iran.” Chris and Yannis blend irreverent humor with real historical context, discussing everything from coups and revolutions, to personal anecdotes, politics, and—true to form—a generous sprinkling of absurdity.

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Main Topics & Structure

1. The U.S. Strikes in Iran: Fallout and Hot Takes

• [01:51] The episode opens with a discussion about the hypothetical (and ridiculous) U.S. decapitation of Iranian leadership.
• Chris describes a surreal, video-game-type scenario in which the US military has taken out Iran’s entire ruling class overnight.
  • Quote: “United States has field goal kicked Iranian weapons in about one night. They’ve killed pretty much anybody who’s ever been a leader of Iran in the last 40 years.” —Chris [02:17]
• Jokes abound about world leaders texting Trump to apologize, and the “surgical” nature of the strikes.
• Yannis likens America's resurgence to a gym makeover, catching Russia and China off guard: “America’s been in the gym.” [03:09]

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2. Iran’s “Babes”: Satirical Social Commentary

• Chris expresses hope that the regime change might allow Iranian women to “let their hair down,” with recurring, comedic references to “releasing the babes of Iran.”
  • Quote: “I know that Iranian women are babes... what I’m just hoping is, is the new leader just lets them show their beautiful faces and boobs.” —Chris [05:07]
  • Yannis jokes: “Iranian women are too hot to be covered up.” [05:33]
• Further humor about joining OnlyFans just to view Iranian women and wanting to host a live podcast in Tehran someday.
  • Chris: “Make absolutely no mistake, I’m gonna use the company card to join the first OnlyFans model who goes live from Tehran.” [05:41]

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3. The Jokes Amidst Tragedy: Violence, World War 3, and Coping with Comedy

• Hosts riff about the chaotic state of the world, referencing mass shooting news, drone policing, and a potential World War 3.
• Gallows humor about nukes targeting cities with large Jewish populations.
  • Chris: “I think Iran is going to take a look at the map of the United States and look for one thing and one thing only—where are the most Jews?” [09:36]
  • Yannis: “Iran is a very tolerant nation if you’re not a Jew.” [10:41]
• Satirical take on podcasting as responsibility: “If we say the wrong things, people will die... It’s really on this podcast.” —Yannis [07:02]

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4. Deep (and Deeply Absurd) Dive: Explaining Sectarian Islamic Politics

• Yannis gives a surprisingly lucid explanation of Sunni vs. Shia Islam.
  • Sunnis: Leadership by early caliphs; Shias: Leadership by Muhammad’s descendants (Imams).
  • Chris asks: “How do you prove who's an uncle or cousin of Muhammad?” [13:30]
  • Yannis: “You check out their piece and see who's cut and who's not.” [13:33]
• Both riff on how all these sects and subsects view women’s dress codes; topics like Wahhabi Sunnis and the strictness of Islamic regimes recur.
• Comedy perspective: Choosing a Muslim sect is compared to choosing pizza slices: "Sometimes I'm in the mood for a slice, and sometimes I'm in the move for a square." —Yannis [13:28]

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5. Recurring Positions: Satirical Political Proposals

• The hosts maintain their “neutral” stance: Only argument is for “releasing the babes.”
  • Chris: “Bomb who you want, kill who you want—give us the babes.” [20:50]
  • Yannis: “We are not for or against it. We are for one thing and that is release the babe.” [20:57]
• Extended bit on how US border policy should mimic nightclub bouncers—prioritizing “hot babes” at the border, tongue-in-cheek.
  • Yannis: “We should be treating the borderline like they do nightclubs... If you're a guy, you need three hot babes with you to get in.” [39:55]

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6. US-Iran Historical Drama: From Friendship to Foe

• Yannis recaps US-Iran tensions:
  • 1953: CIA orchestrates coup d’état against Mosaddeq, triggered by nationalization of oil.
    • “If there’s one thing the United States does not like, it’s when you say the oil belongs to the people.” —Yannis [28:32]
  • 1979: The Islamic Revolution, student radicals & Islamists topple the Shah (US-backed), Ayatollah Khomeini rises.
    • Common cause between anti-colonial students & Islamists; later, Islamists clamp down on personal freedoms.
    • “The college kids had a little bit of a whoopsie.” —Chris [31:16]
• Post-Revolution Era:
  • US sanctions, Iran funds proxy groups (Hezbollah, Hamas).
  • Notorious events: Marine barracks bombing (1983), TWA hijacking (1985), Iran-Contra affair (1980s).
    • Iran-Contra: US secretly sells weapons to Iran in exchange for hostages, funnels profits to Nicaraguan Contras.
      • “We wanted to get the hostages back, but you never want to negotiate with terrorists ... it sets a bad precedent.” —Yannis [48:32]

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7. International Complications and Cynicism

• US, Israel, Saudi Arabia all have motives to topple Iran’s hardline regime. India is “anti-Muslim” in context of its regional rivalry.
• Yannis: “Some of the most Islamophobic people are Islamic.” [15:47]
• Hard look at American exceptionalism vs. political repression in other countries:
  • “When people rail against the United States ... it’s proof of how great the United States is.” —Yanni [37:51]
  • Discussion of “bootlickers” and preference for strongmen in other countries: “We can vote out our people. That is the definition of bootlicking” —Yanni [38:28]

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8. Announcements, Wrestling & Patreon Antics

• Ongoing bits about their live shows, Patreon-exclusive content, dating games with “Nick,” and wrestling trivia for female contestants.
  • “If your ideal date doesn’t involve going to Wrestlemania, you’re out.” —Chris [18:36]
• Extended riffing on user-submitted Patreon names, ranking jokes, and behind-the-scenes stories.

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Notable Quotes & Moments by Timestamp

• On US-Iran relations:

  • “United States has field goal kicked Iranian weapons in about one night... killed pretty much anybody who’s ever been a leader of Iran in the last 40 years.” —Chris [02:17]
  • “I know there’s a lot of nuance. I know a lot of people are dying. All that thing is upset. And again, I don’t know. The first thing other than what I know is Donnie T is just lining up the heads of the Iranian leadership and he's just hitting him with a fucking five iron.” —Chris [03:52]

• On “the babes of Iran”:

  • “Iranian women are too hot to be covered up.” —Yannis [05:33]
  • “I will use the company card to join the first Onlyfans model who goes live from Tehran.” —Chris [05:41]

• On religious divisions:

  • “You check out their piece and see who’s cut and who’s not… The Jews invented [circumcision].” —Yannis [13:33]

• On “nightclub borders”:

  • “We should be treating the borderline like they do nightclubs. If you're a guy, you need three hot babes with you to get in.” —Yanni [39:55]

• On American hypocrisy, resource wars:

  • “If your place has oil, you’re either gonna be friends with us—or there’s gonna be drama.” —Yanni [52:23]

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Key Historical Explanations

• Sunni vs. Shia:
  • Sunnis = elected caliphs after Muhammad; Shia = leadership should stay within Muhammad’s bloodline (Imams). Shia are a minority globally, but majority in Iran. Wahhabi Sunnis in Saudi Arabia considered ultra-strict.
• 1953 Coup:
  • U.S. and UK overthrew Iranian PM Mossadeq after he nationalized oil.
• 1979 Revolution:
  • Secular students/liberals teamed up with Islamists to overthrow the US-backed Shah, only for the Islamists to impose strict fundamentalist rule.
• Iran-Contra Affair:
  • Reagan/Bush administration orchestrated secret arms sales to Iran (for hostages), illegally funneled profits to Nicaraguan Contras (anti-communist rebels).
• Proxy Wars/Groups:
  • Iran finances groups like Hezbollah, Hamas, Houthis—creating perpetual regional instability.

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Comic Personal Digressions & Hooks

• Ongoing jokes about dating, OnlyFans, Patreon sign-ups, and “using the company card” for OnlyFans subscriptions.
• Running bits about the hosts’ preference for “babes” dictating international policy:
  • “If you’re a refugee in Iran and you’re over a seven, seven and a half out of ten, you’re in.” —Chris [39:44]
• Playful hypotheticals about “releasing the babes” as a solution to Middle Eastern turmoil.
• Recurrent wrestling jokes, game show bits, and absurd user name competitions.

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Timestamps — Quick Reference

• US Strike/World Reactions: [01:51–05:10]
• Iranian Women/Babes Bit: [05:10–06:48]; [20:50–21:03]; [39:40–41:11]
• Sectarian Islam Explained: [11:01–15:10]
• Historic Tensions/Coup/Iran-Contra: [27:26–34:36]; [47:16–54:15]
• American Exceptionalism: [37:51–39:03]
• Satirical Immigration/Border Jokes: [39:40–41:10]
• Patreon Announcements & User Names: [41:16–68:19]

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Final Note / Tone

This episode is classic “History Hyenas”—irreverent, boisterous, wildly politically incorrect, and yet it does deliver on the promised blend of comedy and content, using humor to poke at political, social, and historical topics while maintaining an almost singular obsession with “freeing the babes of Iran.”
The hosts know their limits:

“We don’t really know what’s going on over there... That’s why I stick to—really for me, what this is about is just releasing the babes from Iran.” —Chris [36:32]
And the closing message:
“We want the babes of Iran to be safe... and we want you to join patreon.com/history... we will open up the border with no questions asked for the babes of Iran.” —Chris [39:44]

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This summary captures the episode's wild mix of history, parody, social commentary, and relentless “babe”-centric buffoonery—providing a thorough view for anyone who missed the episode, and a detailed guide to its most entertaining moments and segments.

Transcript

[Yanni]

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[Chrissy D]

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[Yanni]

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[Chrissy D]

Great. What's up, everybody? Today we're going to be talking about Iran and how the most important thing is to free the babes of Iran. They have the most beautiful women in the Middle east, so don't hurt them.

[Yanni]

We take you back through all the squabbles between the United States and Iran and how we got here. We also have a great deal of fun, as per usual. Forget to join patreon.comhistoryhyenas. don't forget to see me in Boston. Don't forget to see me in West Nyack, New York. Don't forget to see me at Soul Joel's this weekend in Pottstown.

[Chrissy D]

Pennies. Do not forget. And don't forget March 9th. Next week we are doing the live History Hyena show at the Village Underground at the Comedy cellar on West 3rd street in Manhattan.

[Yanni]

Enjoy.

[Chrissy D]

What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas. I'm Chrissy D. That's Yanni P. This is the History Hyenas. And we are the girl bosses.

[Yanni]

We are the girl bosses. We're the lady brains. We're a couple of kids that just, just. We joined the army.

[Chrissy D]

We've joined the army of God. Now, let me just tell you something right now. Obviously, you know, the big news is United States, you know, taking over Iran knocked out the regime and all that. And I think it's pretty clear that the Russians and anyone who has sold weaponry to Iran is kind of looking at themselves right now going, whoopsie daisy. They're saying, I'm sorry, because the United States has field goal kicked Iranian weapons in about one night. They've killed pretty much anybody who's ever been a leader of Iran in the last 40 years. They just killed him night one. So I think Donald Trump probably got a text from a little man named Kim Jong Un saying, I'm a sorry.

[Yanni]

In a Japanese accent.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, in a sorry. Go. He goes, hey, Donald Trump, I am a sorry. You are a nice guy. I Like your own hair.

[Yanni]

King Jung spent some time in Tokyo, apparently. Yeah. Yeah. This is one of those situations where, you know, you have a friend who goes offline for a little bit.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

And then comes back online and you can tell that they've been in the gym a little bit. Yeah. And catches you a little off guard.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

What Russia and China is saying right now, oh, America's been in the gym. Yeah, they've been in the gym.

[Chrissy D]

They were like, look, you can. You could say, our army's gay. You can say anything you want about America, blah, blah, blah, blah. I mean, in about an hour, they've. They've killed the top 40 leaders in Iran.

[Yanni]

Like, they've been able to extract them. It's been like surgery. They're just like, boom, bang.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

They go, what do you want? It's almost like a menu. They go, like when you're sitting in first class on a plane, they go, what would you like? They go, what would you like? Do you want an extraction or you want.

[Chrissy D]

Now he's gone. I don't know anything about, like, global conflicts. I know.

[Yanni]

What are you talking about? Your global comfort expert.

[Chrissy D]

Expert, Cos. Christy Contra.

[Yanni]

I mean, you got a PhD because.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, I'm a physical therapist. I don't.

[Yanni]

Kids in the neighborhood go to you for it. Yes.

[Chrissy D]

I don't know anything about it. I truly don't. There's plenty of the fans that will run circles around me. I don't know. I don't have that. I don't have Dave Smith knowledge of any of this stuff. But I just know what I'm seeing on the news, and what I'm seeing on the news is United States is field goal kicking Iran. That's just what I know. And I know there's a lot of things. I know there's a lot of nuance. I know a lot of people are dying. All that thing is upset. And again, I don't know. The first thing other than what I know is Donnie T is just lining up the heads of the Iranian leadership and he's just hitting him with a fucking five iron.

[Yanni]

And he's just saying, unfortunately. Unfortunately, the kid is funny.

[Chrissy D]

Unfortunately.

[Yanni]

Nobody can stop that. So he just goes, well, I guess I got to him before he got to me. Yeah. Then his speech. He goes, he's dead. Yeah, he's dead.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. And it just sucks.

[Yanni]

And mispronounce it Ayatollah. Ayatollah Kamano.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. Is dead.

[Yanni]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

He just killed them all.

[Yanni]

And they just taken people out. And what's Funny is online you see a lot of Long live Iran. And what's fun about that is both sides are tweeting that.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

So it's very funny because you got the Persians of old and the Diaspora.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

Long live Iran. And then you got the Shia Muslims also tweeting long live.

[Chrissy D]

Here's what I'll say, cuz is. Is I don't know much about it. We're going to learn here today. We're going to go over the Iran Contra and some history that I ran. It's going to be fun, fun, fun. You'll learn. But I will say that I know that Iranian women are babes. They are babes big. But a lot of them. Ayatollah Khamenei made them cover up. So what I'm just hoping is, is the new leader just lets them show their beautiful faces and boobs.

[Yanni]

Yeah. I mean, I mean, Iranian women are hot, essentially. That's what it is.

[Chrissy D]

They're like the Puerto Ricans of the midd.

[Yanni]

Yeah. Iranian women are too hot to be covered up.

[Chrissy D]

They're too hot to be covered up. And I bet you on the low a couple of them got tits.

[Yanni]

It's very possible.

[Chrissy D]

And you've never seen them. And now you're gonna see them. Cuz make absolutely no mistake, I'm gonna use the company card to join the first Onlyfans model who goes live from Tehran.

[Yanni]

And we are also gonna be doing a live history hyenas right there in Tyran in 2020 something.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, we're gonna do it.

[Yanni]

We're gonna be at the first comedy festival that will be happening in Tehran.

[Chrissy D]

I. I mean, they're just gorgeous. They're just absolutely, breathtakingly beautiful women. Iranian women might be the hottest women in the Middle east. And I'm just happy that we're going to get to see a few of them.

[Yanni]

Yeah, we are going to. We're going to be able to get our eyes on a few of them. Yeah, it's just big because, you know, the joke used to be like, all, all Asians look alike. And the Asians probably say all whites look alike. But truly the, the group that looks the most alike is Shiite Muslim women.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, they look alike. It just.

[Yanni]

You just don't know. You're like, are you all the same person? Yeah. You can only really tell them apart by like height. You have to mem. Their height.

[Chrissy D]

That's all it is. Yeah.

[Yanni]

What it is.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. I mean, so it's going to be nice. Obviously, you know, if you have a family out there in Iran. Stay safe in the Middle East. I don't know, it's. I know.

[Yanni]

Innocent people.

[Chrissy D]

Of course.

[Yanni]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

And, you know, but here we're. We're comedy podcasts, so we're here to make you laugh. We're here to have fun.

[Yanni]

No, no. We could say a wrong thing and prevent this from happening. So it's really all on us. Really. We really have to make sure we say the right things.

[Chrissy D]

Yes.

[Yanni]

Because we say the wrong things, people will die. Yeah, yeah. It's really on this podcast. In all podcasts, you never know who can come on a podcast and sway an election.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

Never know who could come on. And as a result, innocent people die. And so we really have to watch our words and treat this very.

[Chrissy D]

One of those things. It's like a horrible thing, like, you know, s' mores happening. Then over the weekend, there was a mass shooting at a bar in Austin, Texas. A man came out there with an I love allishir and started shooting everybody. And it's sad and it's unfortunate. And you'll be able to hear from him tonight on Kill Tony. I think he supposedly got the golden ticket. Yeah.

[Yanni]

I think the shirt actually said a la University or something.

[Chrissy D]

Is. Which is a good school.

[Yanni]

Very, very good school. Obviously it's an all boys school. Yeah, it's an all boys boys school. Ladder 14. Didn't it say Allah University? University of Allah.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

So the kid, he's just, you know, he's in an all boys school.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

And he was a Senegale kid, I think. Who.

[Chrissy D]

Which, by the way, those are the women. Senegali women. They got a lot of hot Christian women. I'm looking for in my next life. I'm looking for an African wife.

[Yanni]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

That's what I'm looking for.

[Yanni]

Yeah. And it took the cops a couple seconds to take them out because they're on horseback.

[Chrissy D]

Is that true?

[Yanni]

I mean, when you go to Austin, you go to 6th street, the cops are just on horseback.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. It's one of those things where it's like, let's get off the horses. Yeah, yeah. And let's just get the drones out.

[Yanni]

Let's get the drones out. Yeah, we need some drones now.

[Chrissy D]

I. Unfortunately, there's a lot of violence happening in the world and the only thing really left to do now is just to laugh at it and just have fun, fun, fun. Because it just feels like any moment now we're going to get nuked.

[Yanni]

That's all you can do, really, at this point. All you can do is really Laugh, try to make jokes and cheer people up and just alert people that If World War 3 does happen, I did do my research. I think it would probably be North Dakota, Montana, and then one other one that. What's the least. The one with the least population in the United States. Not Wisconsin, but it's Wyoming. Wyoming. You're a kid. You got, you know your states, you know your capital, because I know it big. Yeah. So we have our missile silos there. We got our nukes there. So they'll probably try to take out our capabilities first, which means you'll be able to live an extra 20, 30 minutes, maybe an hour, two hours. New York. And that is enough time to get a loophole before it ends. And that's all I care about.

[Chrissy D]

Disagree.

[Yanni]

Because if I know it's ending, I'm calling Chris emc.

[Chrissy D]

We're going straight for loophole, because I think Iran. I don't believe that. I think Iran is going to take a look at the map of the United States and look for one thing and one thing only. Where are the most Jews? And then I think that's. That's going to be New York City. Miami. Yeah. So they're going to just start curling nukes at those states first.

[Yanni]

Very posh.

[Chrissy D]

I don't think they're going to hit Montana because there's just not enough Jews there. Iran does not like Jewish people.

[Yanni]

No, they're not into them. It's not something they prefer.

[Chrissy D]

They're not into Jewish people.

[Yanni]

No, they're.

[Chrissy D]

The Middle Eastern people overall are not into Jewish people.

[Yanni]

They're not huge.

[Chrissy D]

So it hurts the narrative when people go out and protest about Palestine or free Iran and all that, because it just hurts the narrative because a lot of them are Jewish. And you want to say, buddy, they don't like you. Forget about, you're gay also.

[Yanni]

Right.

[Chrissy D]

You're just done. You're a gay Jew. They don't like you. We like you. We like you. We want the gay Jews here on the history hyenas podcast.

[Yanni]

And we love muzzies, too. Yeah, I love muzzies. I love Muzzi's people. I love all people. We.

[Chrissy D]

The United States is very tolerant nation. Iran is not.

[Yanni]

No, Iran is not.

[Chrissy D]

Well, this leadership isn't. The new people will be.

[Yanni]

No, Iran is a very tolerant nation. If you're not a Jew.

[Chrissy D]

Yes, that's what I would say.

[Yanni]

If you're not Christian or Jew, they're big on you. Big. So they're very tolerant. It just depends on how you define it.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

So that is very true. That could happen. What's interesting about this conflict generally is it's confused a lot of people.

[Chrissy D]

Sure. It's confused me.

[Yanni]

Yeah. Because you got Shia Muslims, you got your Sunni Muslims. I'm going to give you a little muzzy breakdown.

[Chrissy D]

Give me that.

[Yanni]

Yeah, you got Shia Muslims over here. And the Shia Muslims believe that the succession of Muhammad is what should be respected.

[Chrissy D]

What is that? What do you mean by that?

[Yanni]

It means if you were related to Muhammad, you're divine. And his uncles, cousins, whatever, they're the ones that need to take over the religion.

[Chrissy D]

But how do you prove who's an uncle or a cousin of Muhammad?

[Yanni]

You check out their piece and see who's cut and who's not.

[Chrissy D]

So if you're cut, you got to be. Because Muhammad was cut.

[Yanni]

I think they were all cut. I don't know. Invented that.

[Chrissy D]

The Jews invented clipping.

[Yanni]

They did invent clipping, but. Okay, Egyptians right now have perfected it.

[Chrissy D]

It's.

[Yanni]

Yeah, at least, look, I mean, it's equality.

[Chrissy D]

It was the guys that used to

[Yanni]

be clipped, now the girls, Girls clipping it too.

[Chrissy D]

So you got to give the Egyptians,

[Yanni]

you know, for equality.

[Chrissy D]

Okay, so the Shiite, the Shia Muslims, right? These are the ones you're saying they believe everything. Whoever descends from Muhammad, we figure that out. That should be the leaders. And then, and then the, the counterpart is the Shiite.

[Yanni]

The counterpart is the Sunni.

[Chrissy D]

So isn't there Shiite Muslims, Shiite? So who. Shia and Shiites?

[Yanni]

Sounds like. It sounds like a British guy saying shit.

[Chrissy D]

So, but are Shia and Shiites the same?

[Yanni]

No, that's the same. Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

So Shia and Shiites is the same.

[Yanni]

Yeah, it's, it's, it's your abbreviating one Shia, Shiite.

[Chrissy D]

Ok. I thought it was like a formal, like in Spanish.

[Yanni]

It's like Chris. Yeah, Chris and Christopher.

[Chrissy D]

Chris and Christopher. So the Shia Shiites.

[Yanni]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Believe in, In, I think. Okay. And then what about the sunny D's?

[Yanni]

The sunny D's? The, the Sandra, the, the, the sundra, These, they believe in like the generals and like the other guys because they think the Shia. If you're worshiping the people too much, then it's, you're, it's not, it's not divine enough.

[Chrissy D]

So would we be Shia or Sunni?

[Yanni]

The Sunnis accepted Abu Bakr, Umar, Uthman

[Chrissy D]

and Ali as the four rightful caliphs. Okay.

[Yanni]

And Shias believe one descendant, descendants of the Prophet, known as imams. So the Shiites are all about them. Imams and the Sunnis are all About Akbu Bakar, Umar, Uthman and Ali as the rifle.

[Chrissy D]

As the rightful guys. Okay.

[Yanni]

Likes caliphs, one likes umams.

[Chrissy D]

So who would you be? Are you. Are you more.

[Yanni]

Sometimes I'm in the mood for a slice, and sometimes I'm in the move for a square.

[Chrissy D]

It's just what it is.

[Yanni]

I mean, still pizza.

[Chrissy D]

So we go. Yeah. So we're just. Yeah, we're just.

[Yanni]

Depends on what you're in the mood for. They still both pizza, technically.

[Chrissy D]

So. And they don't like each other. Sunni and Shiites don't like each other. And they both live in Iran.

[Yanni]

They don't like each other big.

[Chrissy D]

And do they both live in Iran?

[Yanni]

Notice Shiites are in Iran. They're about. They make up about 10% of global Muslims. So they're in the minority, but they're the majority of Iran. And then the rest of the Muslim world is Sunni. And then you got your Sufi Muslims, which can be Sufi Shia or Sufi Sufi Sufi Shia or Sufi Sunny. And your Sufis are more mystical, they're more spiritual. They believe in some other. Got it. Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

But do that.

[Yanni]

Or all them.

[Chrissy D]

Are everyone from the Sufis to the Shiite to the sunny D's, are they all same thing, covered up, just the eyes out for the women?

[Yanni]

That is a good.

[Chrissy D]

Or different degrees of it all.

[Yanni]

Different degrees of it. So technically, they're all supposed to be wrapped up.

[Chrissy D]

Okay. So the Sunnis, you say, are the ones that make up most of Iran.

[Yanni]

Yes.

[Chrissy D]

So that's why the other Middle Eastern countries right now are getting in and fighting Iran. Because most everyone else is Shia.

[Yanni]

Right.

[Chrissy D]

So they don't like them. They would if Iran was Shia. The other Middle Eastern countries wouldn't be getting involved.

[Yanni]

That's right. So and then in, like Saudi Arabia, you got the Wahhabi Sunnis.

[Chrissy D]

Okay.

[Yanni]

Hobby Sunnis are like.

[Chrissy D]

They're spicy.

[Yanni]

They're spicy. And so they both look at each other as heretics.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

So for religious reasons, they go like

[Chrissy D]

a little wahabi Muslim on my sushi.

[Yanni]

Yeah, I like a little wahabi mustard on my sush.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

As well. And so they are fighting each other and Saudi Arabia not a fan of Iran. And Iran not a fan of Saudi Arabia.

[Chrissy D]

Great.

[Yanni]

So that's what's going on there.

[Chrissy D]

So.

[Yanni]

So it's not that neat.

[Chrissy D]

So the ayatollah didn't like the. That Bill Burr went to the Riyadh Comedy Fest.

[Yanni]

The ayatollah is not a fan of that. The ayatollah is not a fan of America. Anyone who cozies up to America or does any business deals with Israel. And that's currently the Saudi royal family. And that's just. That's just the way the cookie crumbles, as they say.

[Chrissy D]

So, okay, so that's what it is. So right now, what we have is

[Yanni]

a little bit of a.

[Chrissy D]

We have an argument in sand.

[Yanni]

Well, we basically have.

[Chrissy D]

We have a fight in sandbox.

[Yanni]

We have a fight in sandbox. The kids are playing naughty. They're throwing sand at each other. And what.

[Chrissy D]

What.

[Yanni]

What most people don't know is some of the most Islamophobic people are Islamic.

[Chrissy D]

Yes. Because they don't like the Shiite or the. Right.

[Yanni]

So they do that.

[Chrissy D]

So.

[Yanni]

And then.

[Chrissy D]

And now we have had. What's going on, too, in the world of the Internet is we do have a lot of propaganda conspiracy. Like, today. We. There was information that.

[Yanni]

That is a very good point. I would probably say it's true. We're probably going to cackle all that because we don't want to make America look like they're invincible.

[Chrissy D]

Right.

[Yanni]

And that's exactly why they lost.

[Chrissy D]

That's what it is. So that's. Yeah, yeah. So that's on the Patreon.

[Yanni]

Yeah, There's a couple. There's a couple of guys that got him. And those guys were wearing head wraps. There's no question.

[Chrissy D]

I mean, it's just what it is.

[Yanni]

And.

[Chrissy D]

Okay.

[Yanni]

Because there's no way you're gonna do friendly fire with three, is your point.

[Chrissy D]

With three, is my point.

[Yanni]

Yeah. That is. In fact, let's make a myth about it right now for the propaganda. Those were. It's the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit. There's three of them. Christianity, Crusades, whatever. We. We did it to ourselves in order to honor the Father, Son, Holy Spirit. So it was actually friendly fire. Pilots. It was a miracle. And God walks on water and all that stuff.

[Chrissy D]

What it is. And we got. And the pilots hit the ejection seats, which is probably fun. I'd like to do that once in my life.

[Yanni]

That would be fun, too. You want to hit the ejection seat of your life, don't you?

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, I really would like to just parachute out. I'd like to land in Senegal and get a African wife.

[Yanni]

Yeah. So that's what they got to do. They got to feel that feeling. Would you like that feeling? Just shooting out into freedom?

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, I'd like that big. And if you are an African Christian woman, you can go ahead and join patreon.com history hyenas yeah.

[Yanni]

That's real.

[Chrissy D]

Send us a message. Are you an African Christian woman? That's what I'm looking.

[Yanni]

That's what you're looking for or I thought you were going to go Eastern hemisphere.

[Chrissy D]

No, not going to go Eastern. Hemi. The new. The search now is for a sub Saharan African. Christian women.

[Yanni]

That's what you are.

[Chrissy D]

That's what it is.

[Yanni]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Okay.

[Yanni]

That's a nice one.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. And then we also have patreon.com history. I knows we are going to do

[Yanni]

the Nick Dating Game.

[Chrissy D]

We have a live show next Monday, March 9th.

[Yanni]

Yes.

[Chrissy D]

So three single ladies. We will call them out from the crowd and we're going to have a dating game with Nick and we're going to get Nick some puss.

[Yanni]

Yeah. Read up, ladies, on your WWE alliances.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

We want to know you get, get your knowledge ready because the questions will all be wrestling based wrestling. You remember your Dating Game where it's like bachelor number one, so you're taking me out of date. So Nick's gonna be like, okay, Bachelor number one, Sting. Where is he from? What intramural wrestling locally did he start in?

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

And what was his heel name?

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, yeah.

[Yanni]

Before he became stick. Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Nick's gonna be like Mary Kill Ultimate Warrior Hulk Hogan to Tonka.

[Yanni]

Go finish this sentence for me. Hulk Hogan was not a good wrestler because.

[Chrissy D]

Yes. Yeah.

[Yanni]

Shawn Michaels was actually the best record wrestler. And why.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. If your ideal date doesn't involve going to Wrestlemania, you're out.

[Yanni]

Rey Mysterio Jr. Finally taking off his mask was bad for wrestling. Why, why, why? Why was that a national international tragedy?

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

And why. Right, right. We didn't want to see. We didn't want. We would rather have died not knowing what Rey Mysterio Jr looked like.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

Why did they do that? Why did they do that?

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

Because they disrespect the culture.

[Chrissy D]

Yes.

[Yanni]

Disrespected the culture is what they did.

[Chrissy D]

It's what it is.

[Yanni]

They disrespected the culture. Yeah. That's what it did. This situation over in Iran is confusing a lot of people and it's fun to watch because you have people arguing who you wouldn't otherwise have arguing. Right, Right. So you have this situation where you have the Ayatollah Khamenei who murdered tons of protesters.

[Chrissy D]

Sure.

[Yanni]

But if you side with the protesters, Right. Then you're siding with something that Israel also wants.

[Chrissy D]

Right.

[Yanni]

If you're in America and you're against Israel, you gotta not say anything.

[Chrissy D]

So Iran has confusing for you. Iran has what what we call a situation.

[Yanni]

There's a situation right now.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

The Middle east is flaring up again. It's got somebody to take it to Brazil.

[Chrissy D]

So unfortunately, Chrissy D is not going to go to the Saudi Arabian Comedy Festival this year.

[Yanni]

Unfortunately. No, I don't think. I don't think there will be a Saturday. Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

But I will go if that. I'll go on Zoom.

[Yanni]

Yeah. There will just be bombs there and it'll feel like there's still a festival going on. If certain comedians go.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, it's just what it is.

[Yanni]

Those that like the bomb.

[Chrissy D]

Bomb, yeah. Bambang.

[Yanni]

I don't know who that might be, but yeah. It's a very complicated situation and it seems like it's not gonna get better. Yeah. And it seems like certain people are scared to talk about it because they don't wanna appear Islamophobic.

[Chrissy D]

Right.

[Yanni]

So that's sort of the situation.

[Chrissy D]

Right.

[Yanni]

Because you'd be arguing against essentially the ruling class over there.

[Chrissy D]

Sure.

[Yanni]

Which are Muslims. And the thing is, we don't really know what's going on over there.

[Chrissy D]

That's why I stick to. Really, for me, what this is about is just releasing the babes from Iran. Cuz Iran has babes.

[Yanni]

B. Babes. Release the fucking babes.

[Chrissy D]

I mean, Iran has got babes.

[Yanni]

Release the fucking babes.

[Chrissy D]

Iranian women are babes. So for me, it's about bomb. Who you want kill, you want. Give us the babes.

[Yanni]

That is our position on this. Yes. We're not for or against it. We are for one thing and that is release the babe.

[Chrissy D]

The babes of Iran. I mean, you are welcome here. You have a name here at the History Hyena show. Because maybe, make absolutely no mistake, I will get Allah tattooed on my forehead to have some of these Irish babes.

[Yanni]

Because Beverly Hills was big.

[Chrissy D]

Big.

[Yanni]

Because those are all Persian Jews over there. Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

They're big into this. Yeah. I want it. They want it big. Big. Yeah. And Iranians in the diaspora were celebrating big.

[Chrissy D]

Do we have Iranians in New York City?

[Yanni]

Absolutely.

[Chrissy D]

Big time. But where are they located?

[Yanni]

They're all over the place.

[Chrissy D]

But they're big in Beverly Hills.

[Yanni]

They're big in Beverly Hills, they're big in New York.

[Chrissy D]

If you're an Iranian girl and you're into a guy with a skin tag on his eyelid, you go to patreon.com historynias and you send me a message.

[Yanni]

You've been doing something with that because it's gotten smaller.

[Chrissy D]

I've got a face care routine now.

[Yanni]

Do you really?

[Chrissy D]

That's my new thing. I use Brickell face cream. Not a sponsor. I just found them Brickell and how did I find them is cause Ryan Sirhan uses it, I think. I don't know if he does, but I, I have a. I have a moisturizer I put on. I have an eye cream and I just have a skincare routine at the moment.

[Yanni]

Nice.

[Chrissy D]

Yes.

[Yanni]

Just a little history.

[Chrissy D]

And I just also want to just say publicly just because I forgo. I did use the company card to sign up for an Only Fans account. So I just want to say that before I forget and it's only $6 a month.

[Yanni]

Every problem has a solution.

[Chrissy D]

So I just obviously could have put on the family card. So I put on the company card and I will venmo you the difference if it's, you know, so you just, if you see that, just know that if you get a charge that says yes, we did, we've joined it all in for the company and it's technically, theoretically it's a tax write off.

[Yanni]

If you want to go sniff out what Chrissy screen name is, go look.

[Chrissy D]

What do you.

[Yanni]

What did you name yourself? Hyena or John D. Squeak or John D. John Diaz. Yeah, yeah. And you can find me as Carlos Danger on there.

[Chrissy D]

What it is because I make absolutely no mistake. I got back on Instagram. I'm comfortably back on social media now and I got hooked by an only fans model immediately. So I just used the company card, I used the Bay Ridge boys card. And we just. Now we are the proud.

[Yanni]

We are the proud sponsors.

[Chrissy D]

Sponsors of an only fans model. Oh, my phone's over there. I'll show you on the patreon. We'll talk all about it.

[Yanni]

I'd like.

[Chrissy D]

I mean, she's got big boobs and you'd want to clean it big. What can you do?

[Yanni]

What can you do? Except for release the babes of Iran.

[Chrissy D]

Release the babes of Iran. I mean, the name of this episode is the Babes of Iran. And we're gonna be right back after short commercial break because I have to jerk off. Cuz remember that shirt I was wearing last week that had the polka dots at button down?

[Yanni]

How can I forget?

[Chrissy D]

Cuz that was from Mizzen in Maine.

[Yanni]

That is cute.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, it was a cute shirt. I got a lot of compliments. Mizzen and Main, they make menswear performance fabric. So it's effortless to look sharp and feel great. And they make menswear, they're not making women's Wear. They're making men's shit.

[Yanni]

They sent me an absolutely cute shirt too, because I am into cute stuff. And what they assured me ended up being true. And that is that the shirts stay crisp. Yeah, they stay comfortable. And somehow they stay clean way longer than they should.

[Chrissy D]

Because the mizzen, my Mizzen and Main shirt has been through multiple, multiple massages at West Garden. It's still clean.

[Yanni]

Most dress shirts make you choose look polished or feel comfortable. Mizzen and Main is the first shirt that I have ever worn cuz that actually does both. And it does it without ironing, without steaming or without dry cleaning. Which is why I like it because I'm a lazy Greek.

[Chrissy D]

You're a lazy Greek. And here's how I know Mizzen in Maine is great. Nick's even wearing Mizzen in Maine stuff. He's for the first time since the late 90s, gotten out of some wrestling T shirts and putting on some Mizzen in Maine.

[Yanni]

And that's what it's good for.

[Chrissy D]

It's what it is. Right now Mizzen in Maine is offering our listeners 20 off your first purchase at Mizzen and Main.com promo code HYENAS20. That's HYENAS20. That's Mizzen spelled M I Z Z e n and main m a I n.com promo code HYENAS20 for 20 off

[Yanni]

mizzenmain.com promo code HYENAS 20. And if you'd rather shop in person, you can find Mizzen and Main stores in selected states.

[Chrissy D]

And that's mizzen and main.com promo code HYENAS20. Cuz you know the one thing tonight's your wife's anniversary. You know the one thing that I know you took before that dinner is a Blue Chew.

[Yanni]

Because Blue Chews are good for guys who have trouble staying hard. They also are great for married guys who got trouble staying hard.

[Chrissy D]

What it is why Blue Chew is necessary is because you are an excellent husband. Husband. But the one thing your wife doesn't have and the one thing that requires you to get hard is the woman needs to have a penis and she does not have one. But bluechew.com gets you rock hard anyway, despite she's missing the one thing that really turns you on.

[Yanni]

And if you got if you're in a relationship with a trans women, make sure to pick up two. Yeah. Blue Chew gold is the newest innovation from the number one Chewable Ed brand. This ain't your grandpa's low blue because

[Chrissy D]

that's funny about Jim Norton and he his wife, Right. They both take a couple blue cheese and have a fun night.

[Yanni]

They do a little sword fight.

[Chrissy D]

Beautiful.

[Yanni]

Yes, this is the best. Blue Chew Gold. Dissolves under your tongue and works in as little as 15 minutes. That means you can get it on quicker and stay in the game longer. Elevation without hesitation. And we got a special deal for our listeners. Get 10% off your first month BlueChew Gold with the code Hyenas. That's promo code hyenas. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank BlueChew for sponsoring this pod. Yeah, that's what you do. You know, if you see a like on your page from the history I hate is. It's just for engagement. It's. It's our social media manager.

[Chrissy D]

It's what it is.

[Yanni]

It's always Nick.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, it's Nick. He's a pervert.

[Yanni]

He always blamed Nick or Jesse.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Okay. Roughly made me spit out my coffee. Because roughly half of the nation's Iranians reside in the state of California. The other large communities include New York, New Jersey, which have 9.1% percent of the U.S. iranian population. Okay, so we got the second most Iranians live here. So the babes are out.

[Yanni]

Yeah. So I was about to give you that fact. And also Texas. Texas is in there. So it's basically all the hotspots you would think of that have all the immigrants is where? Texas, Maryland. The Maryland D.C. area.

[Chrissy D]

Babes.

[Yanni]

New York and L. A. Yep. That's where they all are. And so this is a situation where there's a long history. There's a long history between the United States and Iran and the United States and Israel.

[Chrissy D]

Because Iran and United States used to be. We used to be friends, right?

[Yanni]

No.

[Chrissy D]

Oh, we were never friends.

[Yanni]

No, we were never friends. Never got along. They never really.

[Chrissy D]

I thought we did.

[Yanni]

No, we never really got along in the modern Iran. Modern Iran.

[Chrissy D]

Got it.

[Yanni]

Modern Iran is, I guess you can say 1979 and on before the 70 that we got along. Well, if you consider us getting in there, controlling their oil and kind of.

[Chrissy D]

Sure.

[Yanni]

Doing CIA operations. Getting along. We did get along, which is getting along with the United States. If you do what we say, you get along with us.

[Chrissy D]

What it is, I mean, I mean, they. You ever seen old pictures of tehran from the 60s, how beautiful it is?

[Yanni]

Oh, the babes.

[Chrissy D]

I mean, the babes, the babes.

[Yanni]

The hot, hot Iranians.

[Chrissy D]

I mean, it's like covering up a. A beautiful car why would you do that? Why would you do that?

[Yanni]

Put it on display.

[Chrissy D]

Get it on display. Yeah, get it out there.

[Yanni]

Why would you do that?

[Chrissy D]

That.

[Yanni]

So in 53, there was a CIA coup. The CIA and M16 orchestrated a coup to overthrow Mosaddeh. Right. So they wanted to overthrow him because he nationalized Iran's oil industry. And if there's one thing the United States does not like historically, it's when you say the oil belongs to the people. Yeah. They don't.

[Chrissy D]

They don't want that. No.

[Yanni]

They don't want to hear that at all.

[Chrissy D]

No, the oil does not belong to the people.

[Yanni]

The oil does not belong to your people just because it's under your ground. It belongs to the strongest people.

[Chrissy D]

Yes.

[Yanni]

And that's what we like. We like Playboy and sell it. Play ball and sell us cheap oil. And that's our number one priority usually.

[Chrissy D]

So I.

[Yanni]

So if you just follow those rules. Sure. I'm not here to tell you how to live.

[Chrissy D]

Right.

[Yanni]

I'm just saying if you know what's good for you.

[Chrissy D]

Right.

[Yanni]

What you want to do is never say that the oil belongs to the people. Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Because it does not.

[Yanni]

It does not belong to the people.

[Chrissy D]

Now let me ask you this. In 1979, I mean, the Shah was overthrown in a popular revolution led by Ayatollah Khomeini, who just was killed. Killed by the U.S. so what happened?

[Yanni]

No, that was. That was. That was the original Ayatollah Khomeini.

[Chrissy D]

Okay. Okay, so what?

[Yanni]

Oh, wait, they just keep reincarnating the same guy with same name? Same name, same shit.

[Chrissy D]

But this Ayatollah has been there, supreme leader. He's 40 of the religion, too, but for 46 years or whatever, 47 years he's been there. So then why did they, like, what. What happened in 1979 or leading up where the people wanted this? Because, I mean, now they're overthrowing it the other way.

[Yanni]

Right? So what happened after we overthrew their Prime Minister, Mosadde and the people, right? So young people, college students and Islamists, okay, were like, we want the foreign influence out. They're. They're trying to take our oil. They're trying to take our resources to try to control us. So there was. And, you know, the Western influence. The Muslims didn't like the Western influence. Girls dressing the way they were dressing. And the students, you know, they were communist students and. And liberal, very progressive students we have here. Here. They were like, get out. Colonialization, Western influence. Get out. Get out. So they teamed up the students, the young people of Iran teamed up with the Islamists.

[Chrissy D]

Okay.

[Yanni]

And they, they, they, they kicked out the American and the British backed Shah

[Chrissy D]

and then, but those girls that kicked them out then all of a sudden had. Could just show their eyes for the next 46 years.

[Yanni]

No. So then they went, yes, we got them out. We got them out. And they went to high five. The girls and the college students went to high five the Islamists.

[Chrissy D]

Okay.

[Yanni]

They cut their arms off.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

And said, but we're not doing that. Yeah, we're not doing that. What we're going to do right now is you're going to put a blanket over your body, Right? Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

So in other words, the college kids had a little bit of a whoopsie.

[Yanni]

The college kids said, oh, maybe we fucked up.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

So that's what happened.

[Chrissy D]

Then they got locked into this for 46 years.

[Yanni]

Locked into something. And they didn't really see that part coming because what they did was they aligned themselves with the, the wrong person. Shi Islamist. And. And then they took power and then.

[Chrissy D]

So they got duped by the Islamists in a way.

[Yanni]

I don't know if they got duped. I don't think the Islamics were ever lying about who they were.

[Chrissy D]

Right.

[Yanni]

I think it was just like, hey, they were convenient allies in getting rid of the Shah and the American and British, you know, installed government.

[Chrissy D]

I see.

[Yanni]

Which they both, they had a common enemy and they joined up and then it was like once they were gone, once we were gone, the Islamists said, okay, okay, which one of us is going to win now?

[Chrissy D]

Right.

[Yanni]

Students said, we're going to win because we believe in peace and all that. We said, well, you don't. Guys don't have any swords.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

You know how many swords? And you don't got any weapons.

[Chrissy D]

So. Yeah.

[Yanni]

And your beliefs are not as strong as our beliefs.

[Chrissy D]

So that's what happened. Interesting. So now and then Pretty much since 1979, the United States has been looking for a way to overthrow them. Well, get back. Right.

[Yanni]

Yeah. So since 79, then we started throwing some sanctions on them, trying to do whatever we can to cripple them to, to cripple that regime or whatever. And the, the Shiite Muslims, not a fan of Israel. So they started funding all these proxy militia groups because they didn't want to directly do anything. Right, Right. So they started funding groups like Hezbollah and the Houthis and Hamas to kind of fuck shit up. And over the years they bombed, you know, they hijacked the plane. TWA play in 1985.

[Chrissy D]

They went, the Iranians?

[Yanni]

Yeah, well, Hezbollah, Hezbollah. The Iranians will never say it was around. They go,

[Chrissy D]

it wasn't us, but it Hasbola. Who is that? That's the terrorist proxy that is ran. Right, that. Okay.

[Yanni]

Proxy of Iran. And they. So 85, there was the TWA.

[Chrissy D]

Because I always think Hezbollah is that little kid on Instagram who's. Who's that one?

[Yanni]

Yeah, his name is. Is his name Hezbollah? Yeah, something close to that. The little. The squeak.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. Because there's a lot of times I would see Hezbollah attacks and I say this little. Fuck it, somebody put this little fucking kid back in his room.

[Yanni]

I just call him the Rizzler of the Middle East.

[Chrissy D]

Yes, that's what he is. But it's his name, Hezbollah, something like that.

[Yanni]

Yeah, Somebody put it back in his cage, right?

[Chrissy D]

I said, just what is this? What do you mean?

[Yanni]

This kid going around biting ankles.

[Chrissy D]

What's he doing? Yeah, what is he doing? Put. Somebody put this kid back in his room, Give him fish sticks and get him in the back. Back room, yeah.

[Yanni]

So we've had a lot of drama with Iran over the years. And then of course, there was the Iran contrast scandal, right? So we had the TWA hijacking. 85. We had the Marine barracks that they bombed and killed like 200, 300 marines.

[Chrissy D]

U.S. marines. And we didn't. We didn't hit them with a nuke for that.

[Yanni]

No, we didn't hit them with the nuke.

[Chrissy D]

Cuz Donnie T would have hit you with a nuke for that.

[Yanni]

Donnie T would have probably made you pay for that.

[Chrissy D]

Who was the president in the 1980s?

[Yanni]

Carter. Right. Under Carter. Reagan. 85.

[Chrissy D]

So a different kind of guy. If a guy like Trump was in and you did that, if you did that Today, you killed 300 Marines, it would not, not be good for your country.

[Yanni]

No.

[Chrissy D]

Why did they hit them? Why did the US Attack?

[Yanni]

Because it's a complicated thing. They're a big country. 90 million people. You know, it wouldn't have been.

[Chrissy D]

We weren't as big as we were now the U.S. right? Or we were.

[Yanni]

We were big. I mean, we didn't have the. I don't know, we didn't have the discombobulator, pulls the trigger. He does pull the trigger.

[Chrissy D]

Is that just what it is? Do you think a lot of presidents want to do what Trump did, but Trump just pulls the trigger?

[Yanni]

Well, undoubtedly. That's the thing. If you look at what Hillary said, she said, I want the people of Iran to know if I Get elected president. President. We're going to war with Iran. Right. We're going in there. So they all say the same. It's even with the border. Everyone goes like Trump, with the border. You look back at what even. What Bernie said about the border. I mean, Bernie's even saying, like, you can't have an open border. Like, very conservative on the border is Bernie.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

Hillary has said it, Obama said it, Clinton said it. They all say the same shit. It's just that Trump's tone is a little more crass.

[Chrissy D]

Less.

[Yanni]

And he's a little bit more. He's less. He doesn't.

[Chrissy D]

Less politician.

[Yanni]

He's less politician. And he's a little more divisive with his rhetoric.

[Chrissy D]

Right.

[Yanni]

He doesn't know how to, like, he doesn't know how to smile and bomb.

[Chrissy D]

Right, right.

[Yanni]

Smile and bomb. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He goes out there and he goes, latonya Khomeini is dead.

[Chrissy D]

Dead.

[Yanni]

Yeah. He doesn't go like, we've fulfilled operations and the abduction. He Instagram dies like a dog. They died in the sand. He died crying for his mama.

[Chrissy D]

Right.

[Yanni]

I got him before he got me. Fuck you.

[Chrissy D]

Right?

[Yanni]

He's that guy.

[Chrissy D]

He's that guy.

[Yanni]

Yeah. So he.

[Chrissy D]

Which maybe I understand there's a lot of negatives about that. I get that. But sometimes in the. In times of need, you just need a guy like that.

[Yanni]

History will tell. That's the thing. Everyone's arguing now. Like, everyone, oh, this is going to cause World War Three.

[Chrissy D]

Maybe it will, right? There's a good chance it will, but it's also a chance that, you know, this works out. There's. By 2027, you got JetBlue flights direct to Tehran.

[Yanni]

It's possible.

[Chrissy D]

And little Debo's, you know, might be throwing the bags on. We're going direct to Tehran, baby, with Deidre from o', Neill, definitely.

[Yanni]

Saudi Arabia, Israel, the United States. They're trying to remake the Middle East, Right. They want this to change, Right. So they see Iran as, like, the number one sponsor of extremist groups and they want to get rid of it now, will they? No, I mean, look, because you still got the Pakistanis out there, you still got the Afghanis. Well, right now, Pakistan and Afghanistan are at war. Right? Like, they're distracted over there. There. I don't know what that war is about, but they're both Muslim countries and they're fighting each other over something.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

So it's just like, oh, India wants this too big. A lot of people want this big.

[Chrissy D]

India wants Iran out of here.

[Yanni]

India is big against Muslims, right. So they don't care. They're actually more indiscriminate. They don't. They just go, we're against Muslims because of the whole Pakistani thing.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

The whole civil war between.

[Chrissy D]

They just want them out.

[Yanni]

Hindus in the month, they just not a fan.

[Chrissy D]

It's just what it is.

[Yanni]

They're just not fans. So the Indians, the Hindus and the.

[Chrissy D]

We, you know, we, we forget sometimes we live in a country, we live in a westernized country where like, you know, politically correct and we do all those things and I see the positive that. But there's other places in the world where they just tell you how it is on national television. Like, so they'll tell. The school teachers is just in India will just say, we just want the Muslims out of here.

[Yanni]

That's the ironic. Right.

[Chrissy D]

That's what it is.

[Yanni]

When it comes to human rights, when it comes to individual rights, when it comes to justice, you just can't be trans.

[Chrissy D]

In Russia. The West's not going to. Or Ukraine, they're just like going to. They're just not going to allow it.

[Yanni]

That's the irony of it. When it comes to. We do here, freedom of speech, dissonance, individual right. There's nothing compares, right. To the United States in the Western world. When people, when people rail against the United States in the United States, it's proof of how great the United States is.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

Because you can't just in China go, you know what, the government sucks, you disappear.

[Chrissy D]

Right.

[Yanni]

You disappear.

[Chrissy D]

Right.

[Yanni]

So that's the irony of it. That's kind of the irony of it is like you're allowed to complain about the people's in power here. They're allowed to get voted out. You know, when you ever, whenever you have these guys call, like anyone calls someone a bootlicker.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

One of these, like communist.

[Chrissy D]

What does that mean?

[Yanni]

Bootlegger means like, oh, you're like a MAGA bootlegger.

[Chrissy D]

Or like you love magic, love power.

[Yanni]

It's like. And a lot of these people love China. And you're going, wait a second. So you're favoring, you're favoring a system that always elects a strong man.

[Chrissy D]

Right.

[Yanni]

That can't be voted out. Out.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

And you and the people there have to bend to his power. That is the definition of bootlicking.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

We can vote out our people. We can vote out our people.

[Chrissy D]

Remember on the podcast, you're not talking to your brother. This is a conversation that you have with your brother.

[Yanni]

Right. I'm Trying to make points to my brother.

[Chrissy D]

You're looking at me like I'm your brother. Yeah. I did not call you maga bootlegger. I'm not your brother.

[Yanni]

I'm not maga. I'm not.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, but your brother says you're a maga.

[Yanni]

My brother? Yeah, my brother does. He doesn't like anything that sounds moderate.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, because. And then you'll come back to him, will say, I might be a bootlicker, but you're a booty licker.

[Yanni]

Or I'll just punch him in stomach.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, it's what it is. Like you did at your dad's birthday party now, cuz.

[Yanni]

So it's a complicated world.

[Chrissy D]

We need to release the babes. Release from Iran. We want the babes of Iran to be safe. We want the babes of Iran to know. Know that. We hear you. We are looking forward to your unveiling. We know that you're beautiful babes in that country. We love the babes of Iran and we want you to stay safe. Want me to stay warm? We want you to join patreon.comhistory. you have a safe haven. We will open up the border with no questions asked for the babes of Iran. If you are refugee in Iran and we have a system here, if you're over in seven, seven and a half out of ten, you're in.

[Yanni]

We should be treating the borderline like they do nightclubs. Yeah, the door at nightclubs.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

If you're a guy, you need three hot babes with you to get in.

[Chrissy D]

Or else.

[Yanni]

Yeah, or else there's no guys.

[Chrissy D]

I mean, I would understand if I was trying, if I was going to a country, if the United States really did fall apart and we had to go to like Mexico or Canada or something like that, say Canada. And the. The guy at the border of Canada, I could see him letting Jazz in.

[Yanni]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

And my daughters would be older by then. I'm sure they'll be beautiful like their mom. And then I just won't get in. And I would just understand I'm not

[Yanni]

going to get in that sometimes.

[Chrissy D]

Unless I had three babes from Iran.

[Yanni]

Yeah, sometimes you don't got to overthink stuff.

[Chrissy D]

I get it.

[Yanni]

Like just follow the rules of nightclubs.

[Chrissy D]

I would not complain at all. And Donald Trump as the president, I'm sure he would agree that the babes of Iran could come into the country.

[Yanni]

Exactly.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

That's what it should be. And the babes of South America could

[Chrissy D]

come into the country. No problema. I mean, did you see the guy, the girl who. Mamdani. Got her out of prison last week from Azerbaijan. Go, Mamdani. Did you see he got her out of the ICE detention center? I mean, look at this girl.

[Yanni]

Trump took a look at her, was

[Chrissy D]

like, okay, she's in. There was no looking over the record. They said, oh, but she's got connections to Hamas. He said, let her in.

[Yanni]

Yeah, there should be for every border patrol agent. There should be.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

I mean, there should be an attending list guy.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

A door guy. Stand next to him going, YouTube.

[Chrissy D]

I mean, stay this. You know, I mean, it's just a babe, babe, babe.

[Yanni]

Forget about coming into the country.

[Chrissy D]

Come.

[Yanni]

She can come in my family.

[Chrissy D]

It's what it is.

[Yanni]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. Now, speaking of babes, cuz, I want to give a quick congrats to you and your wife. Today's your anniversary.

[Yanni]

Today is my anniversary?

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. We were supposed to do the live show and you forgot that the anniversary was happening. So what's the dinner? Where are we going?

[Yanni]

You're not invited, unfortunately. Cuz.

[Chrissy D]

Cuz. What do you mean?

[Yanni]

Yeah, you can't come. What we're gonna do.

[Chrissy D]

What if I just sit at another table?

[Yanni]

No, you can't.

[Chrissy D]

I want to be a part of your anniversary and your wife's birthday party.

[Yanni]

Yeah, he texted me and he said, you wanna have a sleepover tonight?

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. Cuz are we gonna celebrate your wife's birthday and your wife's anniversary at Soul Joel's wedding?

[Yanni]

That's what we're gonna do.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

She's got a nice dinner lined up tonight.

[Yanni]

Well, what we're gonna do, she said, because we got the kids and all that.

[Chrissy D]

Sure.

[Yanni]

So if I get back early, maybe we'll take the kids and go somewhere. Otherwise, we're gonna do. She just said, just bring me some nice sushi. My wife is addicted to sushi. I think in a previous life, she was a Jap. Honestly, cousin, definitely. She's from Long Island. She's not Jewish, but she definitely is a Jap.

[Chrissy D]

It's what I'm saying.

[Yanni]

I'm a Jewish American princess now.

[Chrissy D]

I think with your wife, that's great because she's not putting a lot of pressure on you. She's saying, I have a husband right now who definitely forgot it's our. So if you could just bring me a little sushi, that would be good. And I think that's good. Yeah, I think that's good. I. That wouldn't unfortunately be my.

[Yanni]

Well, you don't have an anniversary yet.

[Chrissy D]

Not yet.

[Yanni]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Well, I do it's just.

[Yanni]

You have a. You have a gotcha day. Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Gotcha.

[Yanni]

You have a gotcha day.

[Chrissy D]

Never forget I proposed on January 6th,

[Yanni]

and if you were more of a dog person, you would know how funny that is.

[Chrissy D]

Gotcha.

[Yanni]

You have a gotcha day.

[Chrissy D]

Right?

[Yanni]

So a gotcha day is when you rescue a dog from rescue.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

They call that the gotcha day anniversary.

[Chrissy D]

Okay.

[Yanni]

So it's not the official birthday. It's a gotcha day.

[Chrissy D]

Right.

[Yanni]

And since you're, you know, for. Not married, you just have a gotcha day.

[Chrissy D]

Gotcha day.

[Yanni]

You just have a day of, like. Gotcha.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. I impregnated you because I got a property. I got a. You know, in my backyard. There's not a fence in the back. And the kids came running back, and they said, Josephine got to the fence, and she went on the other side of the fence. And I didn't necessarily sprint to go find her. I just. I got out there, and I did find her, and I did get her, but it wasn't urgent, is. I said, okay, I'm gonna get her. Let me just take a piss, wash my hands. Let me put on my good boots. Yeah.

[Yanni]

Cause that's.

[Chrissy D]

But then we did get her.

[Yanni]

That's what makes me wonder about you. Because, Jeremy, Germans typically love dogs, especially the biting ones, right? They love them. There's so many dog breeds that are German, right? So many. Right.

[Chrissy D]

And they all bite.

[Yanni]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Germans, I mean, they like. But even the. A lot of the. A lot of the terrier, right? Like, you got the.

[Chrissy D]

You got schnauzers and stuff.

[Yanni]

Schnauzers.

[Chrissy D]

Dachshunds. Bite.

[Yanni]

Dachshund. I mean, so many dog breeds originate in German. The Germans love them. You know who does not like dogs? Who?

[Chrissy D]

Muzzies. Chinese.

[Yanni]

Two good guesses. Family feud survey says first and second place, Jews.

[Chrissy D]

Gays.

[Yanni]

No, though they. Oh, gays love dogs.

[Chrissy D]

Love dogs.

[Yanni]

Yeah. They love small.

[Chrissy D]

Who doesn't like dogs? I know. Muslims don't.

[Yanni]

Muslims. And. And Chinese. Well, Muslims number one.

[Chrissy D]

Muslims number one. Yeah.

[Yanni]

Muslims. It's part of their culture that dogs need to be. They can't sleep indoors, so the best thing is just not to have them. They can be used. Used for utilitarian purpose. You can use them to farm or whatever for their job, but you can't, like, have them inside.

[Chrissy D]

It's not.

[Yanni]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Be like having, like, a wild animal.

[Yanni]

Yeah. They're just not into it. They're dirty animals.

[Chrissy D]

Right, Right.

[Yanni]

Yeah. But look at all these Germans have. The boxer, the Dash Hound, the Doberman Pinsa, the Great Danes, the German Shepherds, the miniature Schnauzer, the Pomeranian, the Watt Waller, and the Jew Finder.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, yeah. Find it. This is Jew Finder.

[Yanni]

Yeah. The Jew Finder is. This is an unknown breed.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

Is a specific.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. I mean, because I almost. You know what's crazy? Before we got Josephine, who's a. Who's a mix of a Siberian Husky and a German shepherd, we almost were going to go for a Great Dane.

[Yanni]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Which would have been wild because that dog's like a horse.

[Yanni]

No, that dog's like a horse and it lives, like four years.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. It's what it is. So that would be good for me.

[Yanni]

Tim Dillon just texted me. Getting bad quick.

[Chrissy D]

So what happened now?

[Yanni]

I don't know. But what he does is he. He just takes a text and he sends it out to, like, 40 people. And whoever he replies to.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Yanni]

But something must be going bad. But I just wanted to read to the people what I told you. I wanted you to know something about dogs, and I really did want you to know this. And it's from the. Well, the rest of this will go at Patreon at our top.

[Chrissy D]

Oh, no. We are reading text [e-mail] history hyenas on a weekly basis now, and they're 10 out of 10 and they're worth the money.

[Yanni]

This one is gonna definitely be. This one was wild. But remember I told you about dogs I know you have for paying attention or whatever. Right. But I told you about Josephine because I know that you're trying to get her run away. Right. I know you want her gone.

[Chrissy D]

Right. What I've been doing is I've been putting peanut butter on, like, trees across the street. Yeah.

[Yanni]

Yeah. That's what you're doing.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. I mean. Yeah. It's just what it is.

[Yanni]

Yeah. Did you. Okay, so we're gonna read all this at page.

[Chrissy D]

So none of it can go on the YouTube. It all has to [e-mail] history.

[Yanni]

Yeah. If you don't know, we have a series at our top level where we regularly post our text messages because they're just a little too. They're a little too unfiltered for the regular conduits of entertainment. Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

It's just. You can't do it.

[Yanni]

Yeah. Can't do it. So we just got to make sure. Sure that you are somebody who can afford to listen to this stuff.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. It's just what it is. And, you know, as I said last week, you Know, unfortunately with me, sometimes what happens is when it, you know, I just get in a mode where I get silly, silly, silly. And what really gets me in that mode is thc and the head executives of the network I had a pilot for that was in development for two years, sent me this email that was very nice and very tasteful and very kind about how it was just a budgetary issue and it wasn't creative and this and that. And I just sent them back the emoji of an open asshole. And that's just what I emailed back. And I left it and my manager yelled at me and Jimmy yelled at me. And I just didn't care because I said, at this point, who cares? I sent them back an asshole.

[Yanni]

Have fun with it.

[Chrissy D]

Have fun.

[Yanni]

That's exactly the emoji that Trump send to Island Tola Khamenei after the talks, disappeared. He just sent an open ass, open asshole. So the Iran Contra scandal was another one of the things that went down.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. Tell me about the Iran contrast.

[Yanni]

The Iran Contra scandal. Iran Contra scandal was interesting. I think we're going back to 1985.

[Chrissy D]

So I was 1 years old.

[Yanni]

You were a 1 year old little boy.

[Chrissy D]

I was a little boy, but I was already fighting for the United States.

[Yanni]

You were already fighting for the United States.

[Chrissy D]

I was getting the tingle for Dolly Parton. Yeah.

[Yanni]

So this was a secret backdoor arrangement that was set up.

[Chrissy D]

Sounds gay.

[Yanni]

Supposedly without Reagan's knowledge. He didn't know all the details, but

[Chrissy D]

we think he did.

[Yanni]

I mean, most historians say obviously he did.

[Chrissy D]

Sure.

[Yanni]

So the Iranians had hostages. They took hostages.

[Chrissy D]

A few of them were high profile hostages in 1979.

[Yanni]

They took 1985.

[Chrissy D]

Oh, they. Okay, this is not 79. Okay, sorry.

[Yanni]

Yeah. So they have hostages.

[Chrissy D]

Okay.

[Yanni]

And a few of them were high profile.

[Chrissy D]

Okay. Okay.

[Yanni]

So they started doing back channel negotiations with Iran saying we will, we will.

[Chrissy D]

With the Ayatollah.

[Yanni]

Right, with the Ayatollah.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

They'll go and we will send you, we'll sell you some weapons.

[Chrissy D]

Okay.

[Yanni]

We'll sell you some weapons at a good price. Yeah. And you'll get those weapons in exchange for the hostages.

[Chrissy D]

Okay. So, which is interesting because wouldn't they just use the weapons against them? Us?

[Yanni]

Exactly.

[Chrissy D]

Right.

[Yanni]

So, you know, this is what makes the world so weird. But we, we wanted to get the hostages back. But you, you never want to negotiate with terrorists or kidnappers or whatever you want to call it and let the people know that you're giving in to them. Right. Because it sets A bad precedent, you know, because then other terrorist groups will kidnap more people. That's why they say you never can give in to the demands or else they'll just encourage others to do it.

[Chrissy D]

Sure, right.

[Yanni]

So we didn't want to look bad. So this was all back channel. And of course this was highly unconstitutional. This is without Congress's knowledge. The executive branch goes ho, we're gonna sell you some weapons you want that'll probably end up killing us, but you'll give us our hostages back and you'll get the weapons. And then we took the money from those weapons and we funded the contras in Nicaragua who were fighting the Sandinistas. And the contras were people who were a group that would not say something like the orchestra oil belongs to the people of the country.

[Chrissy D]

Okay.

[Yanni]

Those are always the groups. If you're in that group, it's you're safe from the United States.

[Chrissy D]

Right.

[Yanni]

If you're in a group that says the oil belongs to the highest bidder or for the best deal, right. You'll be safe from the United States.

[Chrissy D]

So the Contra. So, so the money that Iran gave them. No, wait, wait, you're saying Iran gave up? Did Iran give us the hostages back?

[Yanni]

Iran gave us the hostages and some money. And some money. We took that money and secretly took the profits from that money money and funneled it and it was all coordinated by a guy named Oliver North.

[Chrissy D]

Okay.

[Yanni]

Who got off on some technicalities eventually. Now should be in prison, but for some reason like ah, something went wrong and right now he's on Fox, right? Yeah. Now he was the head of the NRA for a second because Reagan knew

[Chrissy D]

about all this and Reagan greenlighted all.

[Yanni]

But Reagan insulated himself from it. I don't know, I didn't know who's going on.

[Chrissy D]

But the truth is as many eating jelly beans, many people believe he knew.

[Yanni]

Of course he knew. Right, of course he knew.

[Chrissy D]

Right.

[Yanni]

He's ahead of the executive branch of Commander in Chief.

[Chrissy D]

Right.

[Yanni]

So. So the key figures obviously were Casper Weinberger.

[Chrissy D]

Okay. Who? I can guess. Yeah. What where he's from, I can guess. Caspar Weinberger. Yeah, is probably, I would say, what I would say about him is with the last name like that, he's not welcome in Iran. Yeah, that will just say about people now you're not welcoming.

[Yanni]

I'm not welcome in Iran. Yeah, I'm sure, I'm sure. What's your name? Rosebud Baker's dad is somewhere around here too.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. James Baker.

[Yanni]

Yeah, I'm sure he was somewhere around here. John Poindexter, Oliver North, Ronald Reagan, Casper Weinberger. Those are your key figures that were in it. Casper Weinberger. Weinberger was the Secretary of defense who opposed the arms sales but was later indicted for perjury. So he was doing a little pretending. John Poindexter was the national security advisor who approved Oliver North's plan. And he had to resign.

[Chrissy D]

Right.

[Yanni]

When the scandal. But now scandal broke because some Lebanese journalist broke the story because they shot

[Chrissy D]

down a cargo plane.

[Yanni]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

In Nicaragua.

[Yanni]

Yeah. And is that what happened?

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

Oh, yeah. Exposed the arms for House of Japan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right. After cargo plane carrying supplies to the Contras was shot down in Nicaragua, somebody said, wait, what's going on here?

[Chrissy D]

Right.

[Yanni]

And like I said, the Oliver north and John Poindexter were let free because there was some appeal. You know, basically power let power off and then basically because it was over. Bullshit. And they just didn't put him in prison when they should have been.

[Chrissy D]

When they should have been in prison. And then. And then they just, you know, everybody got pardoned. Just like the Epstein.

[Yanni]

Yeah. George Bush pardoned everybody and it just all went away. And that's all that. That's all that. That happened from there.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

But.

[Chrissy D]

But the. But this is, again, involving Iran. There's always a little bit of drama with Iran.

[Yanni]

There's been drama with Iran.

[Chrissy D]

There's always a little bit of drama with Iran. It's a little bit like the state of Minnesota. It's always just a little bit of drama. There's. Lately, it's just a little bit of drama. There's.

[Yanni]

Certain places have certain drama. Now if you're. If your place has oil, you're either gonna be friends with us. Yeah. Or there's gonna be drama.

[Chrissy D]

That's what it is.

[Yanni]

That's all you need to know.

[Chrissy D]

That's what it is.

[Yanni]

That's all you need to know. And I know there's a lot of people who go, no blood for oil. I know there's a lot of people who go, like, we shouldn't do that. But then they're walking in sneakers, they got tires on their car, they're eating out of plastic bags. It's like, I understand the morality of all this, but at the end of the day, right, everyone needs oil. All you got to do is watch Landman to understand.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. We just need a little oil. Billy Bob Thornton and the. The daughter.

[Yanni]

This administration is unlike any other administration. I will say this.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

In that they just fucking say it.

[Chrissy D]

They just Say it.

[Yanni]

Which is interesting.

[Chrissy D]

And make absolutely no mistake, the daughter from man who's Glenn Powell's alleged girlfriend looks a lot like the only fans model who we're now sponsoring on this podcast.

[Yanni]

Because how funny has it been when you listen to this administration? They go, so what have we got? They go, what have we got out of this Venezuela thing? They go, we're controlling their fucking oil. We jacked their oil.

[Chrissy D]

Right?

[Yanni]

Like they're just saying it. They're just like other administrations would dance around it, right? And be like, this is an enemy of America. And they're trying to. Right, they're trying to take our freedoms or you need to shop in order to take away from terror. This administration goes, look, we're stealing their oil. Yeah, we're going to go in and we're going to steal their oil. And that's going to be good for our country.

[Chrissy D]

That's a little bit. I know that it's going to lead to World War 3, we're all going to get nuked. But I do have iodine and a 30 day supply of fettuccine Alfredo and gas masks for me and my family. So I do have all those things ready to go in my basement. However, I got to be honest, it is a little refreshing to just hear an administration go, yeah, this is what we're doing.

[Yanni]

Because when you tell the truth, what can you say? You can't go. Because the whole point is like, I know they're lying. I know it's about oil and because other politicians would dance around it, but now what are you going to say? You can just call them a scumbag. And they go, yeah, I know. And they go, so are you. You need it. We're all scumbags.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

This is how empires are built. We steal the resources.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, it's what it is.

[Yanni]

So in conclusion, the Contras didn't win, the Sandinistas won and it was all for nothing. But we did get the hostages back and we still got beef with Iran. And now it's fucking on.

[Chrissy D]

Now it's on. And in conclusion, as we've been saying time and time again, every five minutes we reiterate the same, same thing. What we care about here on this podcast, what we care about here in this country is that to make sure that the babes of Iran, who there are millions of them, that they are safe. And we welcome the violence to stop. We welcome them into our borders and if they want to stay in Iran, we welcome whatever they'd like to do. And if you have to make money, honey. Then you make money. And absolutely, I will join your only fans. And I will use the company card. It's what we call a little bit of a loophole.

[Yanni]

It's called the loophole. I don't know how you say that in Farsi. Yeah, but it's a loophole.

[Chrissy D]

So go to patreon.com history hyenas. We're going to have those text messages up there. We're going to have an ad free episode. And of course, we read out the newest members of the matriarchy at the end of every episode on YouTube, which comes out every Thursday at 3pm and the Patreon episodes come out two days before every Tuesday. So join the matriarchy. Funniest name wins. We give you a prize at the end. Okay. Welcome to the matriarchy. John. Ball her. Then we got. They call me Rattlesnake. Cuz I put coins up my ass.

[Yanni]

Put them on the list.

[Chrissy D]

On the list. Okay. Then we got Steve Harvey Oswald.

[Yanni]

Put him on the list.

[Chrissy D]

Wow. There you go.

[Yanni]

That's what you call. You know what that is?

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

That's what you call the Los Angeles Dodgers. Back to back, back to back, back to back.

[Chrissy D]

Then we got half Italian, half Japanese, aka Go Nip Ladder 14.

[Yanni]

Drexler. Drexler. You know what? That's a chicken finger. Really solid. Really good. But unfortunately, the two before you.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

Then we got our contenders.

[Chrissy D]

Then we got pseudo peen. But my chimney's clean.

[Yanni]

Okay, wait a second. That. That's one of those things that hit. That's hitting the net. And I don't know which side it's dropping on.

[Chrissy D]

Right.

[Yanni]

So I just need to see which side the ball drops on. Put it on the list. Put on the list on the other side.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

And there's an apology from the other tennis player.

[Chrissy D]

Pseudo pain. My chimney's clean. That's right. Chimney's the asshole. Remember that. No bluechew. Just can't get hard unless you suck my dick, babe.

[Yanni]

Drexler.

[Chrissy D]

No more breakups or it's sleeping with the Leroy's Queer Eye for American Black Guys. This guy can. You know Drexler. That's what he's got.

[Yanni]

We're coming out strong.

[Chrissy D]

Brendan Truesdale.

[Yanni]

Tim.

[Chrissy D]

Then we got Frisbee girl. Put my meat in one hole and my milk in the other.

[Yanni]

Okay, Brandon, where are we missing something there? Put my meat.

[Chrissy D]

Frisbee girl.

[Yanni]

Jewish girl.

[Chrissy D]

Frisbee girl. I put my meat in one hole and my milk in the other.

[Yanni]

Other.

[Chrissy D]

Kosher, I guess.

[Yanni]

So it's a good joke.

[Chrissy D]

Okay. It's good.

[Yanni]

Rexler.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

Very good joke, actually.

[Chrissy D]

Brandon Rossi. Then we got Always Ready, like Rocco Sifredi.

[Yanni]

Rocco Sifredi is a kid who likes to. Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Olivia Dean Novellas Micro When Soft Kyle Resnick, Scotty Blue Eyes, Thunder Thighs. Father Bill Makes Me Cry. Call me Yanni Momdani because I'm seizing those foot stockings. Ratings Drexler, Sonny Teresi, Ed Dante's Father Bill, Jamaica Taylor I Pumped to Trump's Diaper Dumps Brooks Artvision, need for Peen to Tokyo Dribble Big Black Hawk, Joseph Goebbels, the Crust Jesus Wei Song.

[Yanni]

She Ain't Walked In One.

[Chrissy D]

Clean My Chimney now it's Miss Sphincter Swiffer to you. My ma is my guma. That's gross.

[Yanni]

It could be heartwarming, too. You know what I mean? Like, married guy, right? And in his life, his other love is his ma.

[Chrissy D]

His ma. It's fine.

[Yanni]

This could be an Italian kid who loves his ma.

[Chrissy D]

My ma. Oh, I'm sorry. Aussie kid. So we got the Australian kids in here. Chimney sweep me off my feet. Right between the ass cheeks.

[Yanni]

Must have been after that episode, right?

[Chrissy D]

Isaac, Sarah Hulzug. Eyes Glued Shut List. List. Yep.

[Yanni]

Listener Chicken finger. Yeah. Wow.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. You like that?

[Yanni]

Yeah, I like it big.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. Skaha dot ding. And turn my eel into steel. Melania's secret Service, AKA the Mandingo gigolo. She orders when Trump's out golfing.

[Yanni]

That's. There's no question. She's not banging the help. There's.

[Chrissy D]

It's just what it is, right?

[Yanni]

There's just no question.

[Chrissy D]

Cash Patel is the only one who can look Yanni directly in the eye.

[Yanni]

Put him on the list.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

Put him straight on the list. Contender.

[Chrissy D]

Contender. Right. Yeah. Because his eyes are very close together.

[Yanni]

Well, he's cross eyed.

[Chrissy D]

He's cross side.

[Yanni]

Yeah, he's looking in that way.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Yanni]

So the visual is very funny. He's the only one who can. His eyes are going.

[Chrissy D]

Very funny.

[Yanni]

Yeah. This is a contender. Yeah. Tesla, we gotta grease the catapult because we got a few.

[Chrissy D]

Got a few. Leon Mux. I named my rice Cooker Little boy. Okay.

[Yanni]

Ladder 14. I don't get it.

[Chrissy D]

Like the rice cooker that he has, he named it Little Boy, like, because that dropped the nuke over Japan. Oh, right.

[Yanni]

Yeah. It's walked into one.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. Jazz's bike seat. Okay. Can't disparage the family.

[Yanni]

Not all right.

[Chrissy D]

Not all right. God dang, bobby. Jc. God dang, bobby,

[Yanni]

That one got Jesse.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

Oh, we're gonna chicken fingers just for Jesse.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. JC Confused Robot Dave decas. The roof's leaking mustard gas. It's all quiet on the frontal lobe. Okay, there he is.

[Yanni]

All quiet on the front.

[Chrissy D]

The lobe is 10.

[Yanni]

Right, we got. Dude, this is. This is.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, dude.

[Yanni]

People would say last week's was a banger. Like, a lot of. A lot of the Patreon members were going like, yeah, last week's live. I. I think this might be the best LI all time.

[Chrissy D]

Daniel LeBron, Bryce P. Bleds T Panel. Islamabad. Yes, I'd say so.

[Yanni]

Yeah. Yeah, I get it.

[Chrissy D]

Pakistan.

[Yanni]

No. Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Islamabad is the capital of Pakistan.

[Yanni]

Right, yeah, yeah, we're gonna walk into that. It's very funny.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. Chrissy can't stop eating. True. Spencer Coppock. Meaty Strombol Lazarus. Bury me in Sid Sweeney's Queef Chapel. It's what it is.

[Yanni]

I mean, calling it a queef chap. These people are so fucking funny, dude.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. My foot looks like Chrissy's head because I got gout.

[Yanni]

He's got swollen feet.

[Chrissy D]

Sweep it, babe. It won't get hard unless you sweep my chimney, babe.

[Yanni]

Drexler.

[Chrissy D]

Trickster, Mike. Come back. I had to sign up for this again. Martin Luther. Oh, okay.

[Yanni]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Okay. Walked into one. History. Hyena's back, babe. Can you suck my dick, babe? Montantally. Kamal Kazi. Kamala Kazi Mota. Chris House needs to get struck by Jewish light lightning. Martin Kopeck Insurance. Yeah, yeah. Asian.

[Yanni]

What was the other one?

[Chrissy D]

Alex Thornton. Martin Kopeck. Asian. In the south called Hazard. I mean, yeah, Racist.

[Yanni]

Okay. Racist and creative. That's what happens when you get the walked into. Unless you're racist. Morally bad, but creative.

[Chrissy D]

Yep. Keon. Then we got Chrissy D. The boy opposite the boy in the striped pajamas. Abby Kadabi. Drexler ate my chicken fingers. Vincenzo the Leroy Destroyer Puglisi.

[Yanni]

Okay, kids, that's a walked into one.

[Chrissy D]

Unfortunately, worse super bowl for a Drake since the last one. Okay, so this is a couple of weeks old. I know where JonBenet Ramsey is, and I'm not telling. A must. He stole my heart and fucked it. Casey Senate. Ding camera is useless at night. Makes everyone look white.

[Yanni]

He ladder 14.

[Chrissy D]

Racist. Joel McArthur. Ding camera. Ding camera. Yeah, like the ring camera. Yep.

[Yanni]

What it is is you're racist and morally wrong. But you're very creative.

[Chrissy D]

Racist and creative. Saludos. Alaraza. Italian. Jewish kid. Nino. The Ninos Skyline247 Steve Helm Gerald Jeremy R. Horatio Master of self fellatio Yanni Tucks so Chrissy can cuck cam Alex Barclay Chrissy Daddy issues. Joshua Williams tucked away in a gym corner. Nick the Stick sits in the chase shirt, towel on head, silently tracking the reps of strangers. Okay, okay.

[Yanni]

You're more of a poet.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. Joe Legro. This vitamin water tastes like shit. An old school one. Oh, right, because I my in the vitamin water. Yeah.

[Yanni]

You're a disturbed kid.

[Chrissy D]

I was disturbed kid.

[Yanni]

You're a tilted bird.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, that was, that was. That was like 2002, 2003.

[Yanni]

Because you got a dusty chimney.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, I. Yeah. Went to Catholic school disguised as Santa Claus so I could chimney sweep sister Meredith K. Okay. Married my muzzy cousy for her fuzzy muzzy for her fuzzy wuzzy. Sorry. Kimberly Kitty Zachary Reed, Cash Patel's Mossad handler.

[Yanni]

Very funny.

[Chrissy D]

Make a finger. Make no mistake, Noah Kiniga is real.

[Yanni]

Ok, they got you.

[Chrissy D]

But. No but that's a real good guy, Noah K N I G G A. That's a real. I think he's a basketball player.

[Yanni]

What's his name?

[Chrissy D]

Noah Kiniga. That's his name. That's just. I'm telling you, it's a real guy.

[Yanni]

So. So he. He outsmarted the. Walked into one.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, this guy Kno K K N K N I Kn K N I G G A. This is a real player. Look.

[Yanni]

Well, I'm going to call him. No Noah.

[Chrissy D]

He's a football player.

[Yanni]

Noah. Person of color.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, yeah, right.

[Yanni]

Isn't that real Noah Kaniga? That's a tough one.

[Chrissy D]

Coolio Hyena. If I feel lonely, I go to my local bowling place to finger some tight holes.

[Yanni]

Okay, Put them on the list. Yep.

[Chrissy D]

Nick wrote that one.

[Yanni]

Put him on the list.

[Chrissy D]

Call me a Monta chigger the way I'm bug chasing. Okay, Taco man, Luis AOC Please slam my nuts in a door, you sexy Drexler. For the funny Ghislaine found Jeff the best VPN girls Carnal Home Solutions Underscore serving Connecticut. Okay, Screwed in kids got a boost. Exit 9A Nap Street Masturbation crew. It's a Brooklyn kid. Sheep's Head Bay kid. Turbulent Chicken Georgia O Queef Candido. So cute. I look skinny, but I'm not. Okay, okay. All right, so plenty. We got plenty. Okay, so here we go for a recap. Okay.

[Yanni]

Shout out Noah Kaniga.

[Chrissy D]

Yep. They call me Rattlesnake because I put coins up my ass. Steve Harvey Oswald pseudo peen. But my chimney's Clean eye glue. Eyes glued shut. Cash Patel is the only one who can look Yanni directly in the eyes. The roof's leaking mustard gas. It's all quiet on the frontal lobe. And then we got. If I feel lonely, I go to my local bowling place to finger some tight holes.

[Yanni]

Also a good one. Okay, I know. I know where we're starting.

[Chrissy D]

So where are we starting?

[Yanni]

The first two are getting Drexler that you read. So the rattlesnake.

[Chrissy D]

Rattlesnake coins at my ass. And Steve. Steve Harvey Oswald are out.

[Yanni]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Any other day but pseudo peen. But my chimney's clean. Still in.

[Yanni]

Now we're going to. We're going to drex through that.

[Chrissy D]

Okay, so that's out. All right, so that's out. So now it's coming down to if I feel lonely, I go to my local bowling place to finger some tight holes. Yes, that's still in.

[Yanni]

That's still in.

[Chrissy D]

Eyes glued. Shut up.

[Yanni]

That's still in.

[Chrissy D]

Cash Patel is the only one who can look Yanni directly in the eyes. And that's still in the roofs leak and mustard gas. It's all quiet on the frontal lobe.

[Yanni]

That is such a good one.

[Chrissy D]

But it's got to be out if you hesitated.

[Yanni]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Okay, so the three that were between is if I feel lonely, I go to my local bowling place to finger some tight holes. Eyes Glued shut. Or Cash Patel is the only one who can look Yanni directly in the eye.

[Yanni]

I hate to do this because it's so good, but I'm going to Drexler the bowling ball.

[Chrissy D]

Right.

[Yanni]

Any other day you would have one. This is how it works.

[Chrissy D]

This is what it is.

[Yanni]

You're just on the list with two funnier ones. It's not anyone's fault.

[Chrissy D]

No.

[Yanni]

Timing is everything.

[Chrissy D]

So it is between Eyes Glued Shut and Cash Patel is the only one who can look Yanni directly in the eyes. Jesse, what do you got? Where do you stand?

[Yanni]

I'm leaning towards Eyes Glued Shut. I just like it. It's a funny visual. It's. I like what it is.

[Chrissy D]

It's a chicken finger. It's clean.

[Yanni]

Play off. Wide shot.

[Chrissy D]

What do you think, Nick? Yeah.

[Yanni]

Eyes Glued shut.

[Chrissy D]

Eyes glued shut.

[Yanni]

But Cash Patel.

[Chrissy D]

But Cash Patel. Yeah.

[Yanni]

There will never be a funnier Yanni monocle joke than that.

[Chrissy D]

That's where I'm leaning towards. I was leaning towards that, too, because the Yanni one eye jokes are kind of like, you know, like, you know, they're hard to hit. Home run. They're like Father Bill. Three dollar Bill jokes. But this is a great one. But Eyes Glued Shut has been there since 2018 for the taking, and nobody took it but this kid.

[Yanni]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

And it's just a boom, boom, boom.

[Yanni]

Because I'm. I would vote for Cash Patel, but it looks like there's three on one here. Well, actually, so here, there's two. I'm going. Cash Patel, you're the deciding yes.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yanni]

Yeah. It comes down to what.

[Chrissy D]

There's already too much pressure on me in my personal life.

[Yanni]

It comes down to really what you say.

[Chrissy D]

I mean, it's a tough one. It's one of those things where people

[Yanni]

won't be a better Yanni joke than that.

[Chrissy D]

No.

[Yanni]

Because it's visual. He's saying, you know, it's. You got to think about it a second. See, I disagree. I think we've had some great Yanni ideas. Jokes.

[Chrissy D]

The one where.

[Yanni]

The one where you save 50% on scuba gear.

[Chrissy D]

That's better.

[Yanni]

Yeah, that one's better. Yeah. It's like a minion or tighter between. The border between Yanni's eyes. Yes.

[Chrissy D]

We've never had anything that. Eyes Glued Shut. No.

[Yanni]

And it's.

[Chrissy D]

And it's Eyes Wide. It's a movie. It's, you know, been in the news with the Epstein stuff. And it's glue. We talk about glue. It's very specific.

[Yanni]

But Cash Patel, relevant.

[Chrissy D]

Right, right, right. I. There's no. Listen, man, sometimes you got to make hard choices.

[Yanni]

You got to make what it is.

[Chrissy D]

Cuz, like, I've had to make the hard choice to sell my house. It's. I just think that we're gonna have to go with Eyes Glued Shut as the winner.

[Yanni]

Wow. It's the winner.

[Chrissy D]

Eyes Glued shot.

[Yanni]

Another chicken finger gets in.

[Chrissy D]

Go to history. Hyenas is back dot com. Eyes Glued Shut. You are the winner. See the name up in lights. And we're going to continue this episode and so much more [e-mail] history hyenas, monster energy.

[Yanni]

Everybody knows white monster, zero ultra, that's the OG it kicked off this whole

[Chrissy D]

zero sugar energy drink thing, but Ultra

[Yanni]

is a whole lineup now. You've got Strawberry Dreams, Blue Hawaiian Sunrise, and Vice Guava.

[Chrissy D]

And they all bring the Monster Energy punch. So if you've been living in the

[Yanni]

white can, branch out. Ultra's got a flavor for every vibe, and every single one is Zero Sugar.

[Chrissy D]

Tap the banner to learn more.