From Spears to Split Atoms: The History of Military Tools | History Hyenas

Summary

History Hyenas: From Spears to Split Atoms – The Evolution of Military Tools

Episode: "From Spears to Split Atoms: The History of Military Tools"
Hosts: Chris DiStefano and Yannis Papas
Release Date: June 26, 2025

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I. Introduction

In this episode of History Hyenas, comedians Chris DiStefano and Yannis Papas embark on an entertaining journey through the evolution of weaponry. Their aim is to explore how military tools have transformed from primitive stone implements to modern nuclear arsenals, all while infusing humor and lively banter into historical discourse.

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II. The Evolution of Weapons

A. Ancient Beginnings: Stone Tools and Spears (00:00 – 04:00)

The discussion kicks off with the origins of human weaponry. Chris humorously sets the tone by stating, “We're going to take it all from nuclear bombs all the way back to stone tools” (00:00). Yannis adds a comedic twist, saying, “Every female fight just ends in a draw” (02:24), juxtaposing the seriousness of weapon evolution with light-hearted remarks.

Key Points:

• Stone Tools and Clubs: The earliest Homo species, like Homo habilis, utilized stone tools and clubs for butchering animals and self-defense.
• Spears: Around 2.6 million years ago, the development of wooden spears with hardened tips marked a significant advancement, allowing early humans to hunt and defend more effectively.

B. Gunpowder and Siege Warfare (04:00 – 12:00)

Transitioning to the advent of gunpowder, the hosts delve into how this invention revolutionized warfare.

Key Points:

• Chinese Innovation: Yannis notes that Chinese alchemists invented gunpowder approximately 900 years before Christ, using it in fire arrows and rockets (“They were making guns and they were calling them rocket launched” - 03:43).
• Silk Road Transmission: Gunpowder traveled via the Silk Road during the Mongol Empire, where it was adapted for various military uses.
• Impact on Warfare: The introduction of gunpowder led to the development of firearms and altered strategies, moving from close-quarters combat to ranged engagements.

Notable Quote:

• Chris likens the historical progression to the movie Memento, emphasizing the reverse chronological exploration: “We’re going backwards in time and we’re going from nukes to stone tools” (02:24).

C. The Industrial Age and Machine Guns (12:00 – 20:00)

The conversation shifts to the Industrial Revolution, highlighting the invention of the Gatling gun and its effects on warfare.

Key Points:

• Gatling Gun: Invented in 1861 by Dr. Richard Gatling, this early machine gun could fire 200 rounds per minute, drastically increasing the lethality of battles (“I was watching that movie Oppenheimer, which came out the same time as Barbie” - 06:48).
• Impact on the U.S. Civil War: The Gatling gun changed the nature of combat, making mass casualties more frequent and altering military tactics.

Notable Quote:

• Yannis humorously remarks on the destructive capability of the Gatling gun: “They would have just blown people apart” (36:02).

D. World Wars and Mechanized Warfare (20:00 – 35:00)

The hosts discuss the advancements in weaponry during the World Wars, focusing on tanks and air forces.

Key Points:

• Tanks: Introduced in World War I to navigate trenches and resist machine gun fire. The Germans’ Panzer tanks in World War II were particularly formidable, exemplified by their effectiveness in Blitzkrieg tactics.
• Air Forces: The United States boasts the largest and second-largest air forces globally, making combined airpower unmatched by any other nation (“We have the first and second biggest air forces in the world” - 52:03).

Notable Quotes:

• Chris highlights American air superiority: “We have the first and second biggest air forces in the world. If you combine our air forces, we’re bigger than every other country’s air force combined” (52:03).
• Yannis underscores the critical role of tanks: “If you have a great movie like Fury, it shows how Panzer tanks were able to destroy US tanks” (53:56).

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III. Modern and Future Warfare

A. Cyber Warfare and Disinformation (35:00 – 55:00)

Chris and Yannis delve into the contemporary landscape of warfare, emphasizing cyber attacks, psychological operations, and the role of disinformation.

Key Points:

• Cyber Attacks: Modern conflicts increasingly involve hacking infrastructure, disrupting economies, and targeting military secrets (“They are constantly trying to sabotage our infrastructure” - 14:06).
• Disinformation Campaigns: The use of fake social media accounts and bots to spread divisive content and manipulate public opinion is prevalent. The hosts explain how algorithms amplify these messages, creating distrust and discord (“The Mueller report confirmed widespread use of fake social media accounts and bots” - 15:00).
• Psychological Operations: Coordinated inauthentic behavior (CIB) campaigns aim to influence perceptions and sow confusion, making traditional warfare tactics less effective.

Notable Quotes:

• Yannis explains the modern cyber threat: “China’s influence ops, amplifying narratives through fake personas and controlled media” (16:14).
• Chris emphasizes the deceptive nature of online interactions: “Most times you’re not arguing with a real person” (17:28).

B. The Future of Warfare: AI and Drones (55:00 – 65:00)

Looking ahead, the hosts speculate on the next phases of military evolution, including artificial intelligence and drone warfare.

Key Points:

• Artificial Intelligence: AI is poised to revolutionize warfare by enabling autonomous weapons systems, enhancing cybersecurity measures, and facilitating advanced surveillance capabilities.
• Drones: Unmanned aerial vehicles (UAVs) provide strategic advantages in reconnaissance, targeted strikes, and reducing risk to human soldiers.
• Symmetrical and Asymmetrical Warfare: The blend of traditional and modern tactics, including cyber and psychological operations, continues to shape global conflicts.

Notable Quotes:

• Yannis muses on future advancements: “What is it going to be? AI. What is it going to be? Drones, AI? Who knows?” (56:08).
• Chris reflects on the enduring nature of conflict: “The weaponry is just so far advanced than any other countries, it’s actually, like, laughable” (54:02).

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IV. Conclusion

Chris and Yannis wrap up the episode by reflecting on the perpetual evolution of weapons and the inherent nature of human conflict. They emphasize that as technology advances, so do the methods of warfare, often outpacing efforts to maintain peace. The casual and humorous tone throughout underscores the hosts' unique approach to making history both informative and entertaining.

Notable Quote:

• Yannis concludes with a sobering thought wrapped in humor: “Einstein said, 'I don't know what tools World War 3 is going to be fought with, but I can tell you what World War 4 is going to be taught with sticks and stones'” (59:00).

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V. Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Chris DiStefano (00:00): “We're going to take it all from nuclear bombs all the way back to stone tools.”
• Yannis Papas (02:24): “Every female fight just ends in a draw.”
• Chris DiStefano (02:24): “We're going backwards in time and we’re going from nukes to stone tools.”
• Yannis Papas (03:43): “They were making guns and they were calling them rocket launched.”
• Chris DiStefano (36:02): “They would have just blown people apart.”
• Chris DiStefano (52:03): “We have the first and second biggest air forces in the world. If you combine our air forces, we’re bigger than every other country’s air force combined.”
• Yannis Papas (53:56): “If you have a great movie like Fury, it shows how Panzer tanks were able to destroy US tanks.”
• Yannis Papas (14:06): “They are constantly trying to sabotage our infrastructure.”
• Chris DiStefano (17:28): “Most times you’re not arguing with a real person.”
• Yannis Papas (16:14): “China’s influence ops, amplifying narratives through fake personas and controlled media.”
• Yannis Papas (59:00): “Einstein said, 'I don't know what tools World War 3 is going to be fought with, but I can tell you what World War 4 is going to be taught with sticks and stones.'”

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VI. Final Thoughts

History Hyenas effectively blends comedy with historical analysis, making complex topics like the evolution of military tools accessible and engaging. While the hosts maintain a lighthearted demeanor, the discussions provide valuable insights into how advancements in weaponry have consistently shaped human conflict and societal structures.

Whether you're a history enthusiast or simply looking for an entertaining listen, this episode offers a unique perspective on the tools that have defined wars throughout human existence.

Transcript

[Chris DiStefano]

Babe, we got a great episode. It is about the evolution of weaponry. We're going to take it all from nuclear bombs all the way back to stone tools. And do not worry, baby gorgei, because this is a fun, fun episode. Not about despair and destruction. You can get all that in the news. We're just having fun telling you about some of the new weapons that we got out there for you.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, it's going to be great. Go to patreon.comhistoryHyenas for AD free episodes early and bonus content. Content. Join the beam Team. See me live in Poughkeepsie. October, August 22nd and 23rd. Stanford, Connecticut, December 5th and 6th. This is all over the place. December dates 1 West Nyack, Providence, July 11th and 12th. Rosemont, August 8th and 9th. Tampa, August 15th and 16th, Poughkeepsie, August 22nd, 23rd. Miami, September 11th and December 12th. And other dates up there. Bakersfield, California, October 3rd and 4th. And watch my special on the History Hyena's YouTube channel, Property Owner.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's what it is. And go to ChrisD comedy.com or hist back.com for all my dates. Brea Improv are the ones coming up. July 18th and 19th in Brea, California. And then we've just added Montreal, July 26th. So go see those July dates. We're also in Minneapolis and we are in Winnipeg. So chrisdcomedy.com for tikis or historian isisback.com enjoy this episode. It's a doozy.

[Giannis Papas]

SA welcome to another episode of the History Hyenas. Today we are going to be talking about the history and the evolution of artillery, because who would homo sapiens be if we didn't have ways to kill each other, which are also ways to keep peace.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes. We're going to talk about the evolution of weapons. We're going to go all the way. We're going to go backwards. What we're going to do is like that movie memento.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

That just goes backwards in time. We're going to go backwards in time and we're going to. And we're going to go from getting killed by nukes to getting killed by stone tools.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. And when we talk about the evolution of weapons, we're talking about things that were invented by men, used by men, because ladies still fight the same way. They haven't evolved. They pull each other's hair and then it's a draw.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's just what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

It's just a draw.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Every female fight just ends in a draw.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Unless they braid up their Hair.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Or they got a short haircut and.

[Chris DiStefano]

They'Re lesbian lesbians now. Cause you, you really went in on the nukes because. Because you make no mistake, you are preparing for the end. Okay? You're, you're preparing for nuclear fallout. And you also. I know that you're preparing for the end because I was watching you pee earlier and you dribbled on your pants.

[Giannis Papas]

I dribbled on my pants a little bit. Which is just something that happens. You get to a certain age and there's just going to be some pee.

[Chris DiStefano]

That escapes because I'm going to call you Allen Iverson because you're a dribbler.

[Giannis Papas]

You know how most people like to stay in the group and there's a few people who are independent thinkers and they leave the group just when you get older, you pee. There's just a few independent droplets.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's what it is. Run away. It's just.

[Giannis Papas]

They want to land on your pants.

[Chris DiStefano]

They want to land on their pants. And it's just. And I know, you know when people start to dribble on their urine, what happens is it's a sign of sundowning, which you've said you've been doing since 2018, but it's also a sign of. You're. You're preoccupied, you're nervous, you're thinking about what's to come. And baby, you think a nuke is what's to come.

[Giannis Papas]

I. Here's the thing about nukes. This is the irony about nukes. What we're going to do here is we're going to. We're going to take you to present day and where we are now, and then we're going to go back into history and then we'll discuss how they evolved, the pros and cons, and what we think about the whole thing.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, And I think what you'll see, why this will be a comforting episode for everyone is because this is not doom and gloom. This is not about, oh my God, the world's gonna end. Like you see in every media outlet. It's not that old. You're gonna see that we've actually been having the same problems since the beginning of time. It's just with different weapons, Hun, and different colored people being the aggressor.

[Giannis Papas]

We've had some of the same problems with some of the same people. Centuries don't change. Weapons change.

[Chris DiStefano]

But some people don't, some people don't. And what you'll see from the beginning of time is, yes, people don't change. Weapons don't change. And they'll always be fighting in the Middle East.

[Giannis Papas]

That's why you can't make jokes about the Middle east because it's always too soon. You're like, wait, can I make a joke now? And you're like, no, they're popping off again. It's still too soon.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, it's just literally, it's just different countries just get a little bit further ahead. But they make absolutely no mistake, they are in a thousand year fight.

[Giannis Papas]

They're just in a sandstorm over there. They're just. There's just constantly. If you look from deep space with a camera and you look down, you're just going to see dust kicked up.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Because there's constantly a sandstorm over there.

[Chris DiStefano]

There's always a fight. And it's just what it is. And we're probably never going to solve it. That'll probably be fighting for our lifespan, our kids lifespan. And it's just what it is, what we do is just stay away. That's why I said I'm going to Atlantic City.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. We just want to stay away. And the irony is Atlantic City looks a little like Tehran.

[Chris DiStefano]

It does.

[Giannis Papas]

It looks like it got bombed.

[Chris DiStefano]

And make no mistake, we've said this many sing, we've said this many times in the pod before. But you better thank your lucky stars if you are sitting comfy wumpy inside the confines of the beautiful these United States. Cuz you are protected by the ocean. You're protected by the ocean. If you're listening us from England, you are not protected by the ocean.

[Giannis Papas]

You're just not.

[Chris DiStefano]

You're just not. And things.

[Giannis Papas]

Well, England's got a little ocean.

[Chris DiStefano]

They got a little channel.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. But if you're sitting in Poland or you're sitting in Estonia, you're sitting in Lithuania or you're sitting in Israel or you're sitting in Lebanon. These are all contiguous countries and you're not protected by an ocean. You don't got Smithtown water. Yeah. Between you and the enemy. Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's what it is. We are surrounded by Smithtown water. And we got steroids in our water.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. We got water everywhere. Everywhere. And you always need a little Smithtown fucking fully charged fluoride water. Water in between you and the Muslims.

[Chris DiStefano]

Now, cuzzy, tell me.

[Giannis Papas]

Hit the fucking button.

[Chris DiStefano]

Jesus Christ. Jesse's having a good time over there.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Now tell me about what you learned about new.

[Giannis Papas]

What we, we got a little thing called nukes that was invented by a little guy called Oppenheimer who was, what was he German?

[Chris DiStefano]

Was he Jew? What was he?

[Giannis Papas]

He was a destroyer of worlds.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's just what.

[Giannis Papas]

That's what he said. I've become destroyer of worlds. And all I know about him is he was Killian. Yeah, he's Cillian Murphy in that movie.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

He was just a guy that built the nuke and we got the nuke and we wanted to use it and we used it.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. And I'll tell you that, and this is all you need to know about life and where it is, and this is a 100% true story, is I was watching that movie Oppenheimer, which came out the same time as Barbie. They were calling it Barbenheimer and it was the biggest movie box office grossing weekend in like, I believe the history of movies are certainly in a very, very long time. So, I mean, big as big could be. And one of the actors in that movie, Josh Peck, who's a great guy, while I was watching the movie, texted me if I could come and do his podcast.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

And that is a 100 true story. I said, I'm in Oppenheimer right now. And he goes, that's awesome. I. I filmed that about six months ago. Can you do the pod? We need the numbers.

[Giannis Papas]

Well, here's the situation is Josh Peck was a Patreon member of the Giannis Papasauer for a couple of years until I talked him on the Patriot. He said, now I have to leave.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, it's just what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

It's just how the cookie crumbles sometimes that cookies on the floor. It's getting eaten by a dog and you step on it by accident. It's smushed.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's smushed cookie. So this is where our industry is now because. Because we're going to go backwards in time. And we're starting because we thought talking about nuclear weapons or the most advanced weaponry now would be an interesting place to start because, you know, it might affect us. But even if it does, just make absolutely no mistake, we will be here for you. Even if we are, Even if we are dust in an X ray, we will still be doing this podcast.

[Giannis Papas]

We are here to start this podcast. We are committed to you, our loyal fans and our new followers. Welcome with a Beamcast. Okay, the nuke can't get you if you're surfing on the beam. I want you to tightrope, walk on that beam. I want you to take your shoes and socks off. I want you to feel the earth, my friends. Yes. I want you to ground.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

I want you to ground on the Beam. I want you to hop on that little Jesus tightrope and feel your toes. Squiggle and hug that beam. And then I want you to let out three yasses. I want you to fart. I want you to get all that gas out. Have a seltzer, preferably a ch Peno that has a little fruit juice in it. And I want you to burp out all that bad energy. And then I want you to run your fingers through your hair. Feel grateful for the fact that you have hair. And if you don't, go get hair, tits and turkey, there's always a solution to every problem. Stay on the beam and make sure you keep your cholesterol and a bad baseball hitters numbers.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Giannis Papas]

You want to be 220, you want to be a guy, you want to have a Michael Jordan in the Minor league average 100%. Stay on the beam.

[Chris DiStefano]

And that was Yanni's first beam cast and I think he did great. Let's give him some claps. Yeah, yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Here for you, my friends.

[Chris DiStefano]

And then we're here for you, my friends. And what's your beam cast? Everything that yanis said is 100% accurate. I echo everything Yana said. And I'm going to lead the charge right now. Y Y Y three times for the.

[Giannis Papas]

For the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Get the gay out three times.

[Chris DiStefano]

You get the gay out three times for the Father, Son, Holy Spirit. And also the amount of bills you are, you are three dollar bills.

[Giannis Papas]

And if you want to click your heels and do a little jump and a jumping jack, that'll help too, because that gets the synovial fluid moving.

[Chris DiStefano]

Synovial FL what you gotta do. And by the way, we're about 7 minutes, 45 minutes into this pod. And make no mistake, sister, I'm gonna start doing squats in about two and a half minutes. So you get the synovial fluid movement through joints. But also what I would like to remind you, and I may have said this last week, and if I did, I apologize. But remember, if I ever repeat anything that I say here on this beam curse or anything on this podcast, remember, what Marcus really has told us, my friends, is that we never step in the same river twice. And if you hear it again, you're hearing it through different eyes and different ears and you're breathing different sounds in and you can just. The river flows and it is never the same. You never step in the same river twice. But today the message on the beamcast is, remember, life is not happening to you. Your perception of life is happening to you. So how you perceive anything is what the actual truth is. Okay? So do not be. Do not be influenced, my friends, by what others say, by what the media says, what your mother says. How do you feel? What do you think? Your perception of you is all that is important. So I encourage you, my friends, to perceive yourself in positive good spirits, because that is the only thing that you can do, is perceive yourself in a positive good way. And that, my friends, is what I want you to take out into the world today, in addition to, as we said last week, is treat every single person as if they're going to die at midnight.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. Now that's what we like to call. That's our little fireside chat. That's our little fireside chat to our beam team. You are our beam team. There's plenty of room on the beam for all you with me and Chrissy.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

And then somebody asked me the other day, what is the significance of the laser beam beam team? And I said, that is for our friends in India and Pakistan. That's the laser. That's the only difference.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, that's the only difference.

[Chris DiStefano]

Those are significantly. Those are the laser beam team.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

And it's because they are laser beams.

[Giannis Papas]

They are laser beams.

[Chris DiStefano]

They are one of us in every single way.

[Giannis Papas]

They are. They are. They just. They're in the scope.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

And so it's very apropos that we're starting talking about perceptions because let's talk about how modern warfare is fought there.

[Chris DiStefano]

Now, you said apropos. And let me remind you, you are an apro.

[Giannis Papas]

I am an enigma just like you, wrapped in a. Yeah, that's what we are. Yeah. We're Russian dolls of.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. And I'm in the Ma.

[Giannis Papas]

Wei song. That's right. It's just.

[Chris DiStefano]

What is it? That one has to go on the patreon.

[Giannis Papas]

You can always find that word, in other words, like a Russian doll. Isn't quite a hair.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, it's what I am is who we are.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, it's what you are.

[Chris DiStefano]

And I feel comfortable wearing four men on my chest right now. I'm wearing the old school New York Yankees on my chest.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, I like that. You got men on your chest.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, I got men on my chest.

[Giannis Papas]

You got New York men on your chest.

[Chris DiStefano]

What it is, it makes me feel good.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. You take the New York tri state area with you wherever you go.

[Chris DiStefano]

Wherever I go.

[Giannis Papas]

You see Chrissy walking around. I don't care where it is. New Mexico. Yeah. You see him walk around the Silicon Valley. He's bringing queens to where he is. It's what it is.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's what I do. And we are at the 10 minute mark. Keep talking.

[Giannis Papas]

Keep doing. Yeah. There's only two people who you may know who just can't get rid of the Tri State area, and that is Chris DiStefano and Rosanna Scotto.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

They're just people who have strong accents and they can't get rid of it. So if you see Christy in a movie, they're gonna have to rewrite it and say this Viking from the 13th century happened to be from Ridgewood, Queens.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

It's what it is.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

You're a Ridgewood Viking.

[Chris DiStefano]

I'm a Ridgewood Viking, yes. Yes.

[Giannis Papas]

So we'll start with the perceptions, because that's how war is fought now. Psyops. Cyber attacks.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Giannis Papas]

Hacking.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Disinformation campaigns. These things have been proven. They've been stopped. And here's another way that the tech warlords, these transhumanists are running our life is they constantly have to liaison with the government and try to stop these infiltrations by these foreign adversaries through their proxy act. Actors. Actors. And it happens all the fucking time.

[Chris DiStefano]

Because if you think our friends listening to this podcast who are on the garbage truck right now understand a word you just said, you got nothing coming. You went to private school. They did not.

[Giannis Papas]

We got, you know, sabotaging infrastructure. The Chinese are constantly being caught doing that.

[Chris DiStefano]

What do you mean sabotaging infrastructure?

[Giannis Papas]

Trying to kill the grid. They send hacks to the computers. Grid. They've been caught a few times doing that. Remember Jesse? So they've been caught. They tried. These, this, this husband and wife, these two.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, yes, I saw them. They tried to bring. Right. They tried. They hit it. Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

They.

[Chris DiStefano]

To bring a. Like a. What was it? Like a potato? Like a. Wasn't it like a food that had a virus on it? I think it was a bad potato.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. It was basically a bad potato that could ruin our crops.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. It's just what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. Yeah. Because you can't mutually assure destruction ensures that you can't be invaded. You can't be bombed, because then we'll wipe you out. Everyone will be gone. So what they're trying to do is to rot us from the inside.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

A lot of people think fentanyl is another one of those methods.

[Chris DiStefano]

Chinese, China's getting fentanyl into Everything.

[Giannis Papas]

And obviously it is right. Because what else. What else is the reason why would you want to kill your customers?

[Chris DiStefano]

They're trying to riot. They're trying to rot us from the, from the inside. Like they have halitosis. And we met one of our friends who had halitosis this weekend.

[Giannis Papas]

Yes. They're trying to get a stinky breath.

[Chris DiStefano]

And there's nothing you can do about it. And halitosis is a bad, bad thing to have because even you have mint. It could just plow through.

[Giannis Papas]

And it's bad. It can just be very, very bad. So some of the things that have been confirmed are. The Mueller report confirmed widespread use of fake social media accounts and bots.

[Chris DiStefano]

By the way, Giannis and, and Giannis Papas and Chris Stefanov also been confirmed. We're confirmed.

[Giannis Papas]

We're fully charged.

[Chris DiStefano]

We're fully charged. Confirmed members of UCF.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, our. Our faces are on what you call three dollar bills.

[Chris DiStefano]

Confirmed.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. There's a. There was a $2 bill that had Jefferson on it. There's a three dollar bill that have me and Chrissy just going like this and kicking our heels.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, it's just what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

We're fully confirmed.

[Chris DiStefano]

Somebody make that. Somebody make that. That's how you're going to be able to buy merch is with the $3 history. Hyena bill. I'm screwed.

[Giannis Papas]

Because. Should we do a $3 bill meme coin? Because we don't do it. We don't support it.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, don't.

[Giannis Papas]

We're not going to. We're not going to inflate that.

[Chris DiStefano]

The only way to buy our Anne Eileen brews that are coming out are going to be with the $3 bills that we're also going to make. I have. Give me the yarmulke.

[Giannis Papas]

Where's the yarmock? I don't know. Jesse. Jesse usually has one on him.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, Jesse. Yeah. Give me the yarnock out of your back pocket.

[Giannis Papas]

Puts half of one on right side of his head because. You ever wear half a yami? No, No, I don't, but I'm half circumcised. Oh, by the way, I think we got it wrong because we made some jokes that the muzzies weren't clipped, but they are clipped.

[Chris DiStefano]

Sorry about that. Our muzzies?

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, you guys are clipped.

[Chris DiStefano]

Sorry about that.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, they don't got the Klan hoods. Yeah, but. So the Mueller report confirmed the widespread use of fake social media accounts and bots to spread divisive content. COVID 19 disinformation campaigns state non state actors spread. These were all people who were caught. They traced it. Conflicting info to create distrust. China's influence ops, amplifying narratives through fake Personas and controlled media. They're in there with bots, right? Arguing with people. They're boosting algorithms. So if you post, for example, this is something a lot of people aren't aware of. So if you post an opinion about something and they like the message a little bit, what they do is they'll send views to your. They'll artificially juice it so it becomes more salient and shows up in more people's algorithms.

[Chris DiStefano]

And if you look at any, any look at any, say, political posts or what have you online, if you scroll, take a few minutes and scroll through the comments just for a test, you'll see that some of the comments are exactly the same with the exact same punctuation, with the exact same spelling mistakes. Because they are just bots and they have different profile pictures. Yeah, but they're just bots over and over and over again. So a lot of the times when you're arguing with someone online, you are arguing with a bot, you are not arguing with a real person.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Most times you're not.

[Giannis Papas]

Gotta be a fun job for people in those countries to sit there and just know that they're arguing with someone. They must be laughing their ass off. Okay, it's time to do 10 more squats. What is it?

[Chris DiStefano]

No, we got five more minutes. I thought it was the food coming.

[Giannis Papas]

Oh, ok.

[Chris DiStefano]

But instead it was Tampa. Tony. It was Barney Rubble calling me.

[Giannis Papas]

Oh, Barney Rubble was out there. So. And then there's studies from Oxford, Stanford, mit, that show that bot armies, pushing fake trends, like I just said, attacking descenders and ceding conspiracy theories. And then there's been coordinated inauthentic behavior, which is called CIB campaigns.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay, and what is that?

[Giannis Papas]

Which are regularly removed? That's what those are called.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, okay.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. So pushing fake trends, attacking dissenters and seeding conspiracy theories is called CIBs, which is coordinated inauthentic behavior campaigns. And those are regularly removed by meta Twitter.

[Chris DiStefano]

So what you're saying is even now, like what? The point that we're at now is not even about the nuclear weapons. This is, this is the way in. Because they can't. But I think that what's pretty crystal clear is that the United States army and military, we are the number one military by far. I watched a YouTube video that said if every other country in the world came together, they still couldn't land invade us because we have too many.

[Giannis Papas]

It's never going to happen.

[Chris DiStefano]

Defense systems like what Israel has with the Iron Dome. We have that times a thousand like you. There's. We've just never had to use it. So you cannot get in. But I think the other countries know that, like, yes. People saying, oh, this attack on Iran is going to make them bomb us. That's not possible. What they'll do is they'll get in through other ways. Through biohacking, through terrorism. Yes, through that. So that. And that we are not as advanced as the other countries. So we've beefed up our military. We have these weapons that can do anything. But this is the main problem.

[Giannis Papas]

Right. And the people rule here. Right. And what's our culture? Our culture is getting money, so they know that we're susceptible to it. We have no firewall against disinformation. And these type of fake, these C cibs. Because let's say you're a content creator, right?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Which is where wars are. Wars are fought. Now, information. Right? Right. And you. And you say, I'm going to make this tweet or I'm going to post this video about how Israel or Iran is right or wrong. Or, you know, I'm going to re question this history and say some. And then all these bots that are just freely on X or on meta, you know, surreptitiously just watch it and comment on it. And the algorithm goes, oh, this must be a popular video. So then you're an influencer. You notice, oh, this video that I did about this content got so much traction. Make more Pavlovian dog. What does that want you to do? Rinse and repeat? It wants you to do the same thing over and over again. Because the algorithm is not human and can't judge. It just goes popularity over here. So you're trained like a Pavlovian dog to go, let me make another one. Right. You didn't even believe it when you started, but you're going like, hey, maybe, maybe now. Pro Iran. It's just what I'm getting the most. Adsense.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

And so they juice you and so.

[Chris DiStefano]

They, they seen that happen to a few people.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. So you start to see this more. You're going, people are starting to post all this serious stuff. You go, is that organic?

[Chris DiStefano]

Wait, let's see. This might be the food.

[Giannis Papas]

Okay, let's find out because. Hello, enemies, food delivery.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, are you here?

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, sixth floor.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay. Oh, six. Okay.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, I just want to say booty, booty, booty. Boo.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Okay, we're coming out. My. My guy's coming out. He might be a little Jewish, so just pursue a car luncheon. Thank you, sir. Thank you.

[Giannis Papas]

You're welcome.

[Chris DiStefano]

All right.

[Giannis Papas]

You understood what you're saying?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, yeah. Motivator.

[Giannis Papas]

So, yeah, that's what they're doing. And I mean, their goal has also been to sabotage infrastructure. Like I said, steel intelligence, disrupt economies. In 2010, there was something called Stuze. S T U Z N E at. What's that called? Stu's Net.

[Chris DiStefano]

Stuznet. Yeah, yeah, I guess.

[Giannis Papas]

Where the US and Israel allegedly used malware to cripple Iran's nuclear program. So we're doing it too.

[Chris DiStefano]

Well, see, that's the thing too, is like they say with these bombs, these, these bunker. These bunker buster bombs, which I think we'll get to that. That really wasn't the best way to disable them. That the best way to disable them is like you said, I heard that today on the news, that you should be disabling it through technology.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Not bombs.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, yeah. Well, I. Yeah, I think the goal there is to get that regime out. But that's another thing.

[Chris DiStefano]

Trump, he said that's not what the goal is. And I believe Donnie Tate.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, well, you always got to believe Donny Tate. So also just other examples. There were solar wind hacks in 2020. Russian state actors infiltrated US government and private networks to hack this solar wind. They hacked the sun. They hacked the sun, cuz. Yeah, they hacked the sun. And then you got Chinese and North Korean hackers who are targeting intellectual property, military secrets, secrets, and cryptocurrency.

[Chris DiStefano]

So that's. So that's the thing with crypto. That's the only dangerous thing. If these guys hack the crypto, it'll lose all its value. Yeah, yeah, 100.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. And also what they do, which is a lot of people don't know, is they use fake product reviews and scam sellers often to link back. And they also do data harvesting through sketchy shopping acts and platforms. So if you go and you buy something on some sketchy app, they steal your data. They find out.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, you gotta be careful. By the way, on Amazon, a lot of the, A lot of the supplements you're buying, like if you're buying berberine, red yeast rice, vitamin K with D2 uptake, because you've got high cholesterol, you gotta make sure it's the real one. Because a lot of these companies, what they're doing is on Amazon, they're putting a fake bottle with the pills that look exactly like the ones that are real, but they're not real.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

So you gotta make sure, you gotta know. There's a guy I trust on Instagram, his name, Dan Founder, and he's an Eastern Hemi you can trust.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. Which is hard to find, right?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. He's been vetted as an American patriot.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, he's, he's, he's. It's like when you see an Asian nypd. Yeah. He goes, this guy was born and bred.

[Chris DiStefano]

Dan Founder's a good kid.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. When you see Sergeant Woo. Yeah. You're like, this guy grew up in New York. Yeah. His parents can't speak a lick of English, but this kid roots for the Yankees.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, he roots for the Yankees big.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, he roots for Yankees big. So, yeah, we're in this warfare. Most people don't even know it's happening. But, you know, digital psychological, economic warfare is happening and it's happening digitally because everyone can be reached, everyone can watched, everyone's data can be gathered, and you can sway public opinion and create discord through this psychological warfare.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Because right now I know a guy is a Navy seal, very, very strong guy, but he's a little bit more old school in the mindset of. I think, as you said, Yanni, the wars are going to be fought. The soldiers moving forward in the future are gonna be very intelligent, very articulate, and I know there's many members of our armed forces that are that already, but the guys are really fighting on the ground, the seals. I mean, this guy, I said to him, I said, how you doing with all this? I said, do you think we're in World War Three? Do you think World War III is gonna start? He said, I think that the history books will look back and say, we've already been in it. We've already been in it for a couple years. And I said, what are you doing now? And he said, I'm actually in a, in a, in a boat on our way to the Middle east to go make some shawarma. So that's just what he said. And so I said, okay. So he said, if I don't get back to you, just know I'm making sure.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

And I said, okay, those are people. And he wrote, no, they're not. That's just what. But by the way, I know it's fucked up, but he feels that way about them, but they feel that way about him. Yeah, well, you know, it's just soldiers doing that.

[Giannis Papas]

You need soldiers to think that way. You can't have soldiers going. Well, you know, they're people too. And I don't really want to do this. Yeah, that's not what you.

[Chris DiStefano]

And that's why the draft never really works. Then you're going to draft guys like us who are like, we don't want to do that.

[Giannis Papas]

Listen, but what about the other side's perspective? Yeah, yeah, we don't want to do that. We're content creators.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, it's what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

We're just in it for content. We're here to make you laugh. We don't want to hurt anyone.

[Chris DiStefano]

We don't want to hurt anyone because and absolutely for the right price, I will put an Iranian flag on anything.

[Giannis Papas]

And so why what it is little.

[Chris DiStefano]

Moment is going to start hitting people over the head with a semolina bread with a Go Gossip sign on it.

[Giannis Papas]

Israel, Qatar. We're here. We're. Yeah, just show us that you can boost one of our videos up high. We will tailor our message in one second. I will go one way or the other. Just put the check on the table.

[Chris DiStefano]

It says it right there in our bio. That history in his podcast is for the table.

[Giannis Papas]

We are for the table. Which means we're for sale.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's what it is. Ok, so. So that was. This is. That's the most recent warfare. What about going back? Did you. Did we do. Oh, sorry. You know what? We're going to go. What we're gonna do. Even though the fans have voiced that they hate this. It doesn't matter. We're doing it anyway. We are now gonna go into the next phase of weaponry.

[Giannis Papas]

Right after this break, these messages from our sponsors. Yeah, cuz I tell you, I'm a nicotine guy.

[Chris DiStefano]

You are.

[Giannis Papas]

I got a Lucy in right now. I love Lucy. I love the convenience. It comes right to your door. You never have to go to a gas station. You know, they sell them there too. But it's just nice. Nice to get on the program.

[Chris DiStefano]

It is nice to get in the program. And as I told you, I tried my first Lucy this weekend and I loved it. It gave me a lot of good energy. It tasted great. It was fun. I had the, the cinnamon flavored one. Ooh. And I loved it. I actually did two of them back to back. And the Lucy breakers are those nicotine pouches with the extra surprise. I didn't have one of those. But you have. And you said those capsules, they break open Nice. And they give you that extra flavor and hydration.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, it's nice. It's fun to snap Them open and you get an extra blast. I love espresso. They got all types of flavors. It's.

[Chris DiStefano]

And it's subscription based. You don't have to go to the store and get them. They will deliver it right to your door. Baby.

[Giannis Papas]

Gorgeous. Here's the deal. I was using the 6 milligrams for a while. Lucy gives you the 8. And it's what it is. Just what I need.

[Chris DiStefano]

And right now if you want to level up your nicotine routine then you go to Lucy. Dot go. You go. Go right now to Lucy Co. Lucy Co slash Hyenas H Y E N A s and use the promo code hyenas H Y E N A s and you're going to get 20% off off your first order. They have a 30 day. Lucy has a 30 day refund policy if you change your mind. Again, that's Lucy Co use code hyenas to get 20% off. And this part we got to read verbatim.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay.

[Giannis Papas]

Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. Warning. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

[Chris DiStefano]

Cuz I want you to close your eyes right now and just imagine how your hair is going to look in six months. How's your hair?

[Giannis Papas]

My hair's looking good. Cuz. Cuz I used to use hims.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's right. And anything can happen in three to six months. Cuz. And what happened for you is you got gorgeous hair.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

And you are not the same you. You're a better you. A thicker you, a fuller you.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. I don't care what your pronouns are. If you want your hair to look nice and full you go with the pronouns hims.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's what it is. And you can choose from personalized chewable oral spray and serum treatments to find out what works best for you. No insurance needed. One low price covers everything. Everything from treatments to ongoing care. HIMS has hundreds of thousands of trusted subscribers and they can help you get your confidence back with visibly thick and full of hair. Yanni, tell me they can get a discount. Oh.

[Giannis Papas]

You can start your free online Visit [e-mail] hyenas that's H I M S.com hyenas for your personalized hair loss treatment options. Hisss.com hyenas results vary based on studies of topical and oral minoxidil and finasteride. Prescription products require an online consultation with a health care provider who will determine if a prescription is appropriate. Restrictions apply. See website for full details and important safety information. So I just want to say this, which is interesting, Chrissy, when you think about recruitment now, right. You need guys who can push buttons. You need guys who can. Who have a lot of time on their hands, who can get in the comments and make some things happen. So I think the new army recruitment in the future is going to be when you're a good troll. When you're a fat kid sitting with a Slurpee with no puss, your dicks is dry as the fucking Sahara desert because chicks won't look at you because they're all trying to bang 20% of the same guys, and you're not one of them.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Because you were born genetically disadvantaged.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

But you're on there on that computer and you're harassing fucking actors, comedians, celebrities.

[Chris DiStefano]

I feel like you're talking directly to my group chat right now.

[Giannis Papas]

Exactly.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Those people, the army's gonna start recruiting them.

[Chris DiStefano]

Be like, hey, yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

They're gonna go, hey, we saw that message you left at the bottom of that Mark Wahlberg video. Yeah. And you called him a hate crime fucking squeak.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

We like your style, kid.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

We need you to get in there for the red, white, and blue.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Get into some of these Chinese and Iranian algorithms.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

And start harassing them.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

We're going to start recruiting our. Not our best and brightest.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

But our worst. Fat and laziest. It's just what it is. And they're going to be our most efficient workers. It's very ironic. We need trolls right now.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. We saw how quick your mind works. We saw that the. As soon as we posted a picture of Trump getting a bullet through his ear, you posted a picture on your account that said, let's go Mets under it. Yeah. So we saw that, and we just thought that that's really good, and we really know how to rally troops.

[Giannis Papas]

Hey, were you the person who was sitting at home just watching Internet stuff that commented under Flagrant 2 that Akash better laugh along or else Schultz will get a new H1B? Yeah. You ever thought about doing that for your country? Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

I gotta be honest with you. I would not be shocked if the CIA is already [e-mail] historyneas because some of the people who make the. The funniest names there, they must be looking at them saying that kids got talent.

[Giannis Papas]

He's got talent. Did you just call Tim Dillon a fat, gay pig?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Do you want to do that for Uncle Sam?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Patreon.com/history hiatus is where that is the new CIA recruitment center.

[Giannis Papas]

Because we. Our beam team is full of people ready to go to war.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Get in that fucking Chinese TikTok and call people over. Yeah. We are ready to win this troll war.

[Chris DiStefano]

We're going to do it.

[Giannis Papas]

Get it in there. Yeah, America.

[Chris DiStefano]

I mean, this is the thing.

[Giannis Papas]

This is where they think we don't have the advantage, but we do. Who's got fat? Who's got more fat lazy losers than us?

[Chris DiStefano]

Nobody got more time to sit on.

[Giannis Papas]

Computer and mine through content and come up with trolling comments.

[Chris DiStefano]

Usa. That's it.

[Giannis Papas]

All these Chinese kids are out there learning how to engineer and build planes. What we're doing is we're yelling at each other in the comments section.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

So with the when the war fails evolves into straight psy ops and trolling.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

We also have the advantage. Yeah. You can't beat the red, white and blue. We got the corn fed German kids. We got. We got athletic blacks. We got the losers of losers.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

And if. If you need somebody to jump on a bunker buster.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

And stop the explosion, we just take one of our circle people from outside the Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's all you got to do.

[Giannis Papas]

Fucking hop right on a grenade and.

[Chris DiStefano]

All you got to do is pay him. All you got to do is pay him in feastable.

[Giannis Papas]

That's all you and they'll do. Do it, cuz. All you got to do is give them a free ticket to the Chinese buffet. And they're in. They're in.

[Chris DiStefano]

Now here, let's. Let me see. Because I want to go back section by section. Okay. So we got. If you could go down a little bit. J Bone is okay, so we got the atomic age. Okay. So now gunpowder empires to industrial slaughter. This is a good one to talk about. If you could just scroll down a little bit. Did you learn anything on that?

[Giannis Papas]

No.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay, so here, I'll tell you.

[Giannis Papas]

You. Well, yeah, we created gunpowder. We took it from the Chinese via the Silk Road and then we turned it back on them. It's what it is, what we did.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. So if you could scroll down, Jess. To. You want your notes? Yeah, if you can put my notes. Sorry about that, bubbas.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. So we're going from the nuclear age.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. We're going backwards now. Now we're going to. When gut. I mean, we're going. When gats were invented.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. When once we got the gunpowder and the muskets, it was a different type of ball game.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. It's what it is. If you go down. Oh, you know what? What? Oh yeah. Here we Go. So we got you. Go down a little bit because we're just going backwards here. So there you go. Gunpowder rockets. The Song Dynasty. 900 years before Christ. It was invented by Chinese alchemists. Alchemists. So Chinese scientists experimenting with saltpeter. I don't know what saltpeter is, but it sounds like my name on Grindr. And they used it in fire arrows. What they would call their fire arrows, they would call the nest of bees. Rocket launchers and gunpowder bombs. And it revolutionized siege warfare and later inspired firearms. So as Yanni was saying, 900 years before Christ, the Chinese were making guns and they were calling them rocket launched. And they were calling the nest of beasts.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. And they would use them for fireworks. And some people would get killed during that. But they just didn't have the wherewithal to turn it into a gun. And the gunpowder traveled via the Silk Road, probably during the Mongolian empire. Right.

[Chris DiStefano]

What it is. And the Chinese have been able to sting you for a long time.

[Giannis Papas]

They've been stinging you. They were really committed to those swords. But then the white man got that gunpowder and figured out a way to fire it out and. And kill you with it and kill you with it.

[Chris DiStefano]

And it's what it is. And I, I. A lot a big part of. Of warfare back in those times, too, was sieging. Siege was a big thing. Thank God we don't live in a time right now where we're going to get siege, because then when you get siege, basically what you do is you just. You just starve to death. Yeah, that's just what it is. These siege towers, they would. Some of them were designed to move troops up to enemy walls. They had, you know, Trojan horse and all that stuff. Stuff. But really what they would do is just surround your. Surround your country and just cut up the supplies, like Iran's trying to do right now with the Strait of Hormuz.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

They're trying to cut off the supplies, and it's not going to happen. And we are sitting here doing this podcast, we do them on Mondays that come out Thursdays. And they've just bombed. Iran has just bombed US Bases. And that just wasn't a good move.

[Giannis Papas]

It's not a good move. I would say. Iran, you shouldn't have done that.

[Chris DiStefano]

That was a boo boo.

[Giannis Papas]

That was a boo boo. Because now the United States and Israel has all the excuse they need to just go full ham.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's just what it is. Yeah. And I'm trying because I found something, too, about the Gatlin Gun. Did you learn about the Gatling gun?

[Giannis Papas]

I like the Gatling.

[Chris DiStefano]

The Gatling gun. I don't know what the hell. My notes are all messed up. Yeah, they're all over the place. The Gatling gun was also a revolutionary thing. Was basically like a precursor to the machine gun.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

And it was mainly used in the US Civil War. If you want to talk about death and destruction, the U.S. civil War. The Gatling gun. One invented in 1861 by Dr. Richard Gatling. And this had multiple rotating barrels, six to ten. And it basically was operated by a hand crank. And this actually blew people apart. This was like the first time where like, you would get like, your body would be like unrecognizable because back before that, you know, you get shot with a little, you know, bayonet. You get stabbed with a bayonet shot with a musket ball. I mean, maybe get accountable to that. You get to capture. But it was rare. Gatling gun was like entire squadrons of guys were just Swiss cheese.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. That's when you were able to really fire more than one.

[Chris DiStefano]

That changed 200 rounds per minute. Bubbits.

[Giannis Papas]

And you know, that change in another time was similar to the change of the, the longbow. The English longbow was able to.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

You were able to fire off like multiple arrows per second.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

So once the English got that cooking, they were able to really change the game.

[Chris DiStefano]

Game.

[Giannis Papas]

Basically when you look at history, you go, how was this people able to conquer? Those people. It's always because they figured something else out that the other side hadn't figured out yet.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes. And. And a lot of this too has to do like the difference because, because there was the longbow that was invented in, in, in, in Europe that was used. But then we also had the longbow that was invented in Asia. Because that's the thing we learn a lot about, you know, Euro American history through the UK's eyes and all that. But, but like Asia, the Chinese and Japanese, mainly the Japanese, they invented the longbow called the Yummy bow. And the Yummy bow, and that was seven, seven feet tall. And it was asymmetrical because it was designed to be used on horseback, the lower limb being shorter. And they would, what they would do, because here's the thing with the Asian population is, is absolutely European settlers are bad, are really bad. But the Asians are able to just find just a little bit more because.

[Giannis Papas]

What they would do is they would.

[Chris DiStefano]

Shoot you with the bow. Ouch. But they, they. But the, the fun part about that, it Was also poisoned.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

So they would dip it in poison or they would put barbed wire around it and so that would just. So it was not so yummy.

[Giannis Papas]

No, that's not yummy.

[Chris DiStefano]

Not yummy.

[Giannis Papas]

That's ironic. They were the first war hipsters.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

They were like, they called it yummy, but it was the opposite of yummy.

[Chris DiStefano]

And the samurai were able. Even though they would be sometimes invaded by European settler, European armies with guns, they would be able to almost always beat them back with the yummy bow. And their types of sword, the katana. The katana was just one of the sharpest blades. Cur, single edge, two to three feet long. And it had folded steel, so it would just slice your head and arms clean off. The good news about being a Japanese samurai is if you kind of felt like you were a woman in a man's body, it was just one katana and then you don't have a piece anymore.

[Giannis Papas]

I like how it goes.

[Chris DiStefano]

Easy to go transfer. Because they. And they were precision bubbas.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

I mean, they would look at, you know, weapons like the ghee or the guillotine, torture techniques like the guillotine and how it. After sometimes three, four slide places where, I mean, they could just take. If you just took a Japanese guy out there, they would just cut your head clean off, baby.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

With that katana.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. Oh, man. When you think about how things have really evolved, you know, it starts, I get, I guess probably, you know, the first Homo sapiens probably got rid of the Neanderthals because they had spears. Right. So they were able to throw them at bison and. Because, you know, the human needs a lot of protein.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Our brain needs a lot of protein. So we got rid of the Neanderthals. Our first weapon was the spear.

[Chris DiStefano]

Spear. Spear.

[Giannis Papas]

We made a wood spear.

[Chris DiStefano]

Well, no, our first weapon was from the Ottawan culture 2.6 million years ago. It was stone tools and clubs. So that was Homo habilis.

[Giannis Papas]

Oh, okay.

[Chris DiStefano]

So that was like, I think three iterations before what we are. I mean, if you look at the. Have you ever looked at the evolution of. Of humans?

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

I mean, it does make you feel, though, like. Like a modern day gorilla was just one of those humanoids back then.

[Giannis Papas]

Like, well, we share the ancestor and, you know, they went that way, we went. One guy goes one way, one guy goes the other way. It's basically the good painting in the movie Goodfellas. This dog goes that way, this dog goes the other way. What do you want? And this dog guy's going what, what do you want from me?

[Chris DiStefano]

But I'm saying though, a gorilla, a modern day gorilla as we see it, that had to be a type of Homo, something that we just call gorilla now.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, right.

[Chris DiStefano]

It happened.

[Giannis Papas]

We had, we shared an ancestor with the chimps, all of us shared some ancestors and we split in different ways.

[Chris DiStefano]

So, so that, so the Ottawan culture, which was this Homo habilis, which if.

[Giannis Papas]

You look, let's be honest, the chimps and the gorillas were lazy. It's just what they were lazy because we wanted to figure things out. So we just started figuring things out. And then our thumb just started going like that. We wanted to jerk off.

[Chris DiStefano]

Seriously.

[Giannis Papas]

When the thumb went like that, we got a better grip. And that's probably why we became Homo sapiens, is because we just wanted a better jerk.

[Chris DiStefano]

We just wanted to beat the meat. The meat need to get disciplined a little bit better. And we found out the opposable thumb. So the, the stone tools, they were made initially for butchering animals and self defense. Because self defense you say against who? And the answer is, is you got to think about it like we obviously are to top primal apex predator now, apex predator now, 100%. But back then being a human being, Homo habilis and even the early iterations of Homo sapiens, you were just another animal on the land. You were just another piece of meat on Serengeti.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

So you'd get eaten by lions and jaguars and everything else. So you had to defend yourself. And the way that we were able to be able win this race is because we were the only ones that could throw. Yeah, we could just throw things and we could kill something from far away.

[Giannis Papas]

And that's what the spear did. That's what, when we got the spear we were able to kill things at greater distance.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Giannis Papas]

Which is interesting because. Because warfare got like close then far, then close and. But the, the greater distance you have, the greater advantage you had.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Giannis Papas]

And that's what, that's what the spear gave you, is you could throw it.

[Chris DiStefano]

So that was 2.6 million years ago. The hand axes, the choppers, the clubs. But then 1.7 million years ago we had, it was called the Achulean tools. And these were sharper and more symmetrical. And these were Homo erectus. So this is. Homo erectus is coming out. This is like getting guys were coming.

[Giannis Papas]

Out with fire blue chew hard ons.

[Chris DiStefano]

100% cuz I want to see your homo erectuses. Go to bluechew.com historyainas so and these had better grip but they also were hand to hand conflict a little bit. So this is Homo erectus would fight each other. But as Yanni was saying, the spear is the main thing. And that was 400,000 to 300,000 years ago. So think about that baby. Gorgeous. Two million plus years. We were just think about how long that is. 2 million plus years. We were just an animal on the plane.

[Giannis Papas]

That's a long time, honey bubbles.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's a long, long time, Lieutenant Lollipop.

[Giannis Papas]

That's a long time Snuggles what it is.

[Chris DiStefano]

So and then the weapons there, then we had the wooden spears with the tips that were hardened in the fire. Okay. And these were found of course at Schrongen, Germany. So Germany is the ones who figured out to put the spear in the fire. Yeah, is what they did. And this was used by a Homo sapien called Homo heidelbergenest. So there was a German type of. There was a German interage of this guy's name was Homo handeburger. And this was the first long range hunting tool. And then you had the spear thrower. And that's just the name, that's non slur.

[Giannis Papas]

And.

[Chris DiStefano]

So that's 20,000 to 30,000 years ago.

[Giannis Papas]

Spear thrower is actually the polite way to say it.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. So and then these were used by the earliest Homo sapiens. The earliest Homo sapiens. And this was to throw spears with greater speed and distance and this could throw them up to 100 meters. And this was really. So think about that. I've told you, we were around for 2.6 million years only 20,000 years ago. Do scientists really feel we got the real advantage and became the apex predator? Right, okay. So that, that, that's comforting at times to know because like you realize like, oh, you're just like a blip in all this. Like don't get so worried about everything. I mean, even the United States. Oh, are we losing our superpower? It's like maybe we are. But if we are, it's just what it is, baby. Gorgeous things happen. You never number one forever, hun.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, you never, never won forever. And don't worry about it. If anything, our empire will just recede back between the Atlantic and Pacific. Not a big deal.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's actually better. You know what does anybody, does anybody care about, you know, having a terrorist attack on freaking Spain? No, I know they blew up the train, but that was just a one off. Yeah, but nobody really cares. And they used to be the kings of it all.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, everyone's had their turn at the top. Yeah, but it's hard to stay on the mountaintop. You go up. What goes up must come down. And before we continue this, we're going to bring you another word from one of our beloved. We don't know which one it is. Sponsor.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's what it is. Cuz do you think you got, do you think you have to spend big bucks or tons of time in the kitchen to make delicious food at home? Is that what you honestly think?

[Giannis Papas]

No. And thank you to every plate. Delicious. I've been enjoying the hell out of it. The meals are absolutely bangers because they.

[Chris DiStefano]

Had these crispy buffalo ranch chicken dish the other day and the crissy, that cheesy Mexican street corn hash. And I love, loved it. And more importantly, my family loved it because make no mistake, if you can, even if it's just once a week, take over cooking for your wife and she can just sit down and relax and watch SportsCenter instead of you. You, you really get a happy wife, happy life situation going. And that's what I do. I use every plate and I take over and I feed the family.

[Giannis Papas]

That's the great thing, right? Like everyone is like, oh God, I don't want to learn how to cook. Well, guess what? With easy plate, they just hook you up and make it easy. Easy peasy my kneezy.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yep, that's what it is. Thanks to every plate's constantly rotating weekly recipes delivered right to your door. You always have the best answer to what's for dinner and truly, it tastes great. My kids love it. So what are you waiting for? Dig into these flavor packed meals your household will love. New customers can enjoy this special offer of only 1.99ameal. That's a dollar and 99 cents a meal. Go to everyplate.com podcast and use CO code HYENAS 199. That's H Y E N A S 199 to get started applied as discount on the first box limited time only. Send us pictures of you using that every place.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, I mean it's cost effective and delicious.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay. And we are at the 10 minute mark, so you know what that means. But I will continue the show because make no mistake, I do not stop. Okay, so 10,000 years ago we invented the sling. So that was a leather strap in stone which the gay community is still using to this day for other reasons. And so what this was used by was shepherds and early armies and the slingshot. And make no mistake, I've used a slingshot before. When I was 17 years old, me and My friends would go around. One of. It was only one of our friends who had a car.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

And we would take a slingshot and go to the 99 cent store and get a bucket of marbles. And one of my friends became really good, like David and Goliath level good with the slingshot. And we would drive around Francis Lewis Boulevard and we would wait till the middle of the night and we, we would take the slingshot and we would slingshot marbles into bus terminal windows and break all the windows.

[Giannis Papas]

That is a crime.

[Chris DiStefano]

And we got written up in the Ridgewood Gazette as. I forgot what, whatever word they call this, but they said, you know, hooligans basically are going around breaking all the bus terminal windows and if we find out, you're going to get arrested. And they never found out.

[Giannis Papas]

Right. The cops just went and arrested a couple of black kids instead.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

That's just what they do. Unfortunately, I'm not saying it's right, but unfortunately not good.

[Chris DiStefano]

So we have, you know, 10,000 years ago, this sling. These were these biblical and ancient armies that you've read about in the Bible. 3,000 years. We have the Bronze Age, where you have bronze swords, axes, all that stuff. And that's when mass, once mass combat starts to happen, like you're really. Humans are fighting Homo sapiens, are fighting other Homo sapiens, then it really starts to get freaking cute and it starts to get real gnarly, and then you start to develop all types. The thing is, is what we basically are, as a Homo sapien, even if you're the nicest Homo sapien that's ever lived, you are a killing machine. You just kill 99% of things you come in contact with, and then you'll just kill other people. Eventually.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. Animals use strength. They were, they were built through evolution or whatever you believe.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Giannis Papas]

To be able to kill with their body. We use our brain. Yeah, we use our brain and we come up with weapons.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

And that's when it starts to get interesting. Right. And also we use our brain for formation. So you got the Greeks using the phalanx, and then you had the Romans using legions. That's when people started fighting together.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

You started having 5,000 troops in a legion fighting as a unit. And then they got some weapons. We had the Bronze Age. And then you had, then you had swords.

[Chris DiStefano]

You just had a sundown moment. You just had a dribble.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, I had a dribble. You had swords and then you had, had the, the, the, the weapon that really made the Romans what they were. And it was a spear.

[Chris DiStefano]

Spear.

[Giannis Papas]

It was called the what? The p. What was it called? The petum.

[Chris DiStefano]

I don't know.

[Giannis Papas]

It was called the.

[Chris DiStefano]

That one I didn't see.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, it was called the. Well, this is.

[Chris DiStefano]

They would also just crucify you. And crucifying, make no mistake, is not a good way to die. Yeah, you just die slowly over time and you can't breathe.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, it was. This is a very pillam. The pillum.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes, sorry, six and a half feet tall.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. The pillum was a throwing spear. Each troop carried two of them and they were very interesting because it. Javelin. Right. So it was like a thin, thin pole that was flimsy, but if you threw it, it could go through the barbarians. Shields.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

But then the barbarians couldn't pull them out and use them because like all the weight from the wood foundation of it was so heavy that it would like, it would. It would. And it was flexible. So it would just kind of break off. It wouldn't break off, but it would bend down to the ground. So it'd make your shield. Shield unusable. And it would make. And you couldn't pull it out from the shield.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Giannis Papas]

So it was. Because a lot of times they'd reuse the weapons that they found in the battlefield. So the Romans would use it and it wasn't reusable by the enemy. But then after they won the battle, what they do is they'd come and they pull them out of the shields, take them back to the blacksmiths, the Roman blacksmiths, and they'd remold them and they'd use them again.

[Chris DiStefano]

Use them again. And the thing is, when you look at the world, like everybody kind of gets weapons at roughly the same time and they're similar. Like in the Islamic world, from around 700 A.D. to 1500 adults A.D. they're also using swords, but theirs are curved and they're called the schmittar. And it's a curved saber optimized for slashing from horseback. So it's very similar to what the Chinese had, very similar to what the, the Mongols had. It's just a little different variation. So it does make you think like, you know, were we more connected back then than we think. Because I feel like a lot of times you'll watch these shows like ancient aliens and blah, blah, blah, and they'll say, how could someone on the other side of the world be doing the same thing? And it's like, because maybe they could. Maybe we got to give them More credit. And because they weren't so distracted by the Internet and their phones that they were able to just do more than we think they could do. Because the kids were just out there just being like, I have nothing else to do, so I might as well get in a boat and find the Polynesian islands.

[Giannis Papas]

That's what they bored. They were just looking for a little excitement, something to do. There's no TV around, nothing. All your podcasts.

[Chris DiStefano]

And let's be honest, we haven't. Our brains haven't evolved that much. You're looking. You're looking for either for a fight or some new puts.

[Giannis Papas]

That's all. That's what the male brain is real, really engineered for.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's designed. It's designed to fight or find puss.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, that's about it. So the Romans conquer. They got this interesting type of javelin spear that gives them the advantage on the battlefield, and then that gets usurped by feudal cavalry. And the bow and arrow.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, the horse, baby. You gotta understand the horse as a weapon is once you get on a horse, I mean, have ever been by a horse, they're, like, scary to even stand next to.

[Giannis Papas]

I've read them. I've been on time, top of them.

[Chris DiStefano]

You really?

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. And I've sucked a few off.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. So.

[Chris DiStefano]

But these horses. These horses are. I never realized, like, I never appreciated them until I stood next to one of these guys and I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Giannis Papas]

They are really powerful.

[Chris DiStefano]

So I can imagine being like a guy who, even if I'm good with, like, a weapon, if a horse is coming at me 100 miles or whatever, 15 miles an hour, and that guy's a weapon, I mean, you're done.

[Giannis Papas]

You're absolutely done. And that's how Attila the Hun. That's how. How they were able to do it.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Giannis Papas]

They were able to come on you on horseback and then shoot bow and arrows at you. And so once you got the bow and arrows, you were able to fire from distance. You were able. You know, they weren't so much about precision. It was just. Especially that longbow. You were able to fire a bunch up. And so any. Any. Any opposing army that was coming at you, it was just like, hey, if we fire a bunch up, they're going to land on a bunch of dudes.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. And then tanks, once tanks start to come in, like, Jesse could just give you the evolution of tanks, because, I mean, what always was so interesting to me is like, in World War II, when the Nazis were Blitzkrieging Poland and coming in with their Panzer tanks and there's, you know, effective killing machines. The Polish army met them on horseback.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

So that's just what it was.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, you just got met and it just gave you speed. You were able to cover long distances.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Giannis Papas]

You were able to fire arrows and you were able to shoot from far away.

[Chris DiStefano]

So here's interesting. Tanks, I thought were invented way before, but they were only invented in World War I. And it was because vehicle needed to cross trenches and resist machine gun fire and crush barbed wire. So tanks are not that old. They're like barely 100 years old. And they had different prototypes. The first one was called Little Willie and that was clunky, underpowered. It would get destroyed now and then as the really who revolutionized the tanks was the Germans.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, they.

[Chris DiStefano]

The Panzer tank, they were able to just destroy. They were really able to just destroy all the US tanks in World War II. Can we. Could we pull up the World War II German tanks?

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. Once you got industrialized, the Germans really, they. That their engineering really took over their German brains. They were able to get those planes in the air with the Luftwaffe and they were able to get those panzer tanks.

[Chris DiStefano]

Panzer 1, which was. That was the light tank. And if you have a great movie, if you haven't seen is that movie Fury Tank Warfare. That movie is fantastic. It shows you. I mean, they had three iterations. They had the Panzer 1, the Panzer 2, the Panzer 3, and they all got a little bit better and they were just able to just destroy every of the tanks. Besides, at the end they actually began to get outgunned by Soviet tanks. But what's interesting about all this stuff is, you know, I did some digging and what we talked about in the beginning of the show, show on the Tiger tank was also amazing. Nazi tank. And that was in Fury big time. But. But US Tanks always come out, we always win it. But I learned that if I. Who do you think? Here's. Here's a pop quiz. Who do you think? Who's got the number one biggest air force in the world? Number one air force that you can.

[Giannis Papas]

See or that you can't see? See.

[Chris DiStefano]

So you want to eliminate China then.

[Giannis Papas]

That's right.

[Chris DiStefano]

Because they could go invisible. Right. So who. So the number one that you can't see.

[Giannis Papas]

United States. By far.

[Chris DiStefano]

By far. Right. Now, who's got the second biggest air force in the world?

[Giannis Papas]

I'm going to go France.

[Chris DiStefano]

No, who? You know, who's got the second biggest air force in the world? The United States Navy.

[Giannis Papas]

Whoa.

[Chris DiStefano]

So we have the first and second biggest air forces in the world. And if you combine our air forces, we're bigger than every other country's air force combined. The truth is, is the. That we just cannot be. No, it's not even close. Our weaponry is just so far advanced than any other countries, it's actually, like, laughable. How much more? Because we invest 50% of our money into the military. But the thing is, like, you go through all this weaponry and then you realize it, but that's not what. The weapons don't matter as much today as they did back then. If we were fighting In World War II, we had these weapons. It'd be game over.

[Giannis Papas]

Right.

[Chris DiStefano]

But they have, you know, like you said, I mean, even terrorism. Terrorism is a weapon that we're just never gonna do.

[Giannis Papas]

Right.

[Chris DiStefano]

We were not gonna ever be terrorists, but they. They sleeper cells.

[Giannis Papas]

We're gonna fund some of them.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's what we do.

[Giannis Papas]

That's what we do. Right.

[Chris DiStefano]

But we don't.

[Giannis Papas]

And I'm not just making an Israel joke. I mean, we funded, you know, Iran Contra. We funded some different.

[Chris DiStefano]

I mean, you ever seen Rambo in the movie Rambo? The very first one. We're thanking all.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

At the beginning of it. Because that's whose side we were on in the 70s.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. Yeah. It's so messy out there. War makes for strange bedfellows.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

It's just sometimes you got to sleep.

[Chris DiStefano]

With the enemy and don't worry about it. And remember what we said in the beginning of the show. Your perception of reality is what's important. So don't get bogged down. Our advice to you here at the history podcast is don't watch the news all day because a lot of it, too, is bought and paid for. So a lot of it may not even be real. The stuff that they're reporting, we really don't know. The only thing you need to do is listen to the podcast and get out your yasses and masturbate as much as you can.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. And it's interesting to think, right? So you start in ancient times, you go to medieval, early modern, industrial, modern nuclear, Cold War era. Now we're in the 21st century, like we said, we're at cyber and a. A symmetrical warfare. What's going to come next? It's going to be AI. What is it going to be? Drones, AI? Who knows? But the interesting thing about news nukes is that they do keep peace.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's the thing.

[Giannis Papas]

Superpowers, in a lot of ways, because.

[Chris DiStefano]

If you made everybody, if Iran said, hey, we'll get rid of the nukes if every other country doesn't fall. If we said yes, we'd be in a World War 3 for real ground battle in a week.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. I mean we would just start going back to fighting each other on the ground again.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Which you don't want that either.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. So it's just, it's, it's very ironic.

[Chris DiStefano]

But you also just don't want countries attacking US Bases because here's the thing, thing. If one, even one American soldier gets killed, then it's all out war. And you don't want that.

[Giannis Papas]

Well, if the Iranians have killed American soldiers, they, you know, over the past decade, they have, they have, they've, they've attacked bases. They do it through proxies. That's what makes them so sneaky.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Giannis Papas]

They do it through proxies like the Houthis and stuff. Yeah. So they never go Iran, we didn't do it it. And then what we did is obviously.

[Chris DiStefano]

We traced who's actually the Iranian military.

[Giannis Papas]

Doing it now probably, or they may be doing it through proxies again.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Giannis Papas]

So who knows. But that's what they do. And yeah, now, now we're in this war type of war that's fought with computers. Yeah, everything's fought with computers now.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's just what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

And it's interesting how every time a technology advances, it usurps a previous one. You know, the medieval times they had knights and castles and warfare was close. And then once you came out with the, with the, the crossbow and gunpowder, you could just. The walls didn't matter anymore. And then once you could came up with the planes and the tanks and stuff like that, you know, horses didn't matter anymore. Formations didn't matter anymore. It became, it became a bombs arms race. And now it's just basically people are just lobbing shit at each other.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's just what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

That's what my dad told me was in the Korean War. He was like, modern warfare is like it should. You would think that technology has gotten so advanced that just like we're not going to do this anymore because it's not even a war anymore. We lobbing projectiles.

[Chris DiStefano]

Your father fought in Korea war and probably never even saw a Korean soldier.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. What they would do is he would call in the artillery. His job as a liaison lieutenant for his battalion was to call in the artillery. And so he guessed where the Chinese were. And then the next thing you know they would just drop bombs on them. And then they'd go and they just look at the carnage.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's just all it was.

[Giannis Papas]

They'd search the bodies and look for maps.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, that's all they did. That's just what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

That's just what it is. So you can imagine from the Korean War where that is now.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

I mean, we're in perpetual war in the Middle east, but rarely do you hear about American troops getting killed. Just lamed bombs.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, that's all it is.

[Giannis Papas]

That's all it is. That's what Israel just did to Gaza, you know, because Hamas is going like, come out, come out. Come fight in the streets. Come fight us in the streets. And they're just like, we're just going to bomb you.

[Chris DiStefano]

We're just going to bomb you.

[Giannis Papas]

And it's just unfortunate.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's what it is. Nothing you could do. Maybe we'll go back to the Stone Age and then maybe we'll just go all the way back to being homo habilis.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, maybe that's inevitable. And what did Einstein say? Says, I don't know what tools World War 3 is going to be fought with, but I can tell you what World War four is going to be taught with sticks and stones.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, that's what he said.

[Giannis Papas]

Because World War three just will end everything.

[Chris DiStefano]

Everything. Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

So just get on the beam and.

[Chris DiStefano]

Get on the beam and get on the Patreon. That's where we have the most fun. And these are the newest members of the Patreon who are here. We read them out at the end of every episode. That is one of the benefits and perks you get for going to patreon.com history is you will have your name read out the first time you join. And if you make a funny name, you have a chance to win the PPW pseudo penis of the week.

[Giannis Papas]

Now let's have some fun.

[Chris DiStefano]

Let's do it. Austin Vireo, welcome to the show. Then we got Freaky Deaky Leaky Peen creaming Chrissy's jeans.

[Giannis Papas]

Okay, Guy came on your pants.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's what it is. Then we got Edward. Then we got 60s Englander. Invited Govinda for chicken finger and amp. The C still here. I don't know what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

That's what you call verbose.

[Chris DiStefano]

Verbose. But the C still here. I like it.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, I like the C still here.

[Chris DiStefano]

Mitch, Isaiah, Ordaz, Ross, Mueller, Antoine. Here for the C content. Incel media. One word, two Ls.

[Giannis Papas]

Okay, so that's an LLC. Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay, like that. Maybe screwed in yeah. Papa John's. And they spelled it X, I A N. Papa John.

[Giannis Papas]

Papa John.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's funny.

[Giannis Papas]

It's pretty funny.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Okay. Okay.

[Chris DiStefano]

Christian under Colfer Josh playing Frisbee Park. Yeah. Walked into one. Can't do that. Cullen, Lena, Marco, Chris Casa Gandhi. Shut it down. Amni Larak Joe Magdaleno Levi Hoskins Josh Bach Fish fry and old fashioned monkey.

[Giannis Papas]

Fish fry and old fashioned monkey.

[Chris DiStefano]

I don't know what that means.

[Giannis Papas]

I don't know what it means, but it sounds like a walked into one.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Whatever it is.

[Chris DiStefano]

Whatever it is. We don't.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Filthy half. Okay, that is a wonk. As clear as it can be. B. Joey B's prostate.

[Giannis Papas]

We've had that.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yep. Cody Herring Ramy A on the beam for Ladder 14. Nam mean Trump 2028.

[Giannis Papas]

Okay.

[Chris DiStefano]

Paid a two to Poot on my glute flute. Okay.

[Giannis Papas]

Drexler. Drexler for the rhyme scheme and the concept.

[Chris DiStefano]

Na Nash Pinow the tortellini Frisbee. Now I have a one year old Pinocchio.

[Giannis Papas]

Put him on the list.

[Chris DiStefano]

On the list. There you go. Tortillini Frisbee.

[Giannis Papas]

Very good.

[Chris DiStefano]

Alex Soto. Alex. Alex. Zach Brushers. Frisbee Hunter Wei Song.

[Giannis Papas]

She ain't okay. God.

[Chris DiStefano]

Anthony Rasta Frisbee Golf with good Jesus. Okay. Yeah. Guys, here's the thing. The walked in ones are good, but we can't be. You can't be just breeding hate.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

That we have to stop it.

[Giannis Papas]

But at this point they just. They. They're. What they're doing is they're finding it funny.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Here we go. High also walk. We don't want cannon have that Tarif gone honor roll. But still can't recursive.

[Giannis Papas]

I mean, now this is just a walked into one.

[Chris DiStefano]

This is what I'm saying. We can't. You can't do it. Tuckman True blue. A Chicago twink gave me Sif in a. Speak easy now I can't speak easy. Call me Al Kum.

[Giannis Papas]

Ooh, I really like that, Al. It's one of those ones that's long that had a payoff.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

So you know what? Pull out the catapult and put them. Put them on the list.

[Chris DiStefano]

Put them on the list.

[Giannis Papas]

There you go. Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Mulan Giannis.

[Giannis Papas]

Okay. We had that. That's from the First Reich.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. Remember Mulani?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Yeah. Yep, yep. Not good. Yeah. Jonathan Ikea ultimate Frisbee champ.

[Giannis Papas]

Oh, my God. So walked into one list.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Sedona Prince makes my toad horny. It's what it is. Muzzy Wuzzy Fuzzy Mosey. Com. Swimming through a Latina toot. S Lo K. S. Daniel. Greathouse Jackson. Dave Portnoy's 110 Country Challenge. Okay. Nicholas Sykes, Robert Armnot. Hong Kong and hpv. Call me China Virus. Okay. Carter Hyune, Matthew Vals, Terry Bengson, Nicholas Lentz, Stephen Perry, Nicholas Torres, Jessica. Call me Bodega. Call me Bodega, Cat the way I be hissing at ffs. Okay, okay. Daniel Levener, Upper Decky Blumpkin Pie. John Folin, Daniel Nisbal, Richard Hartley Ritter Jr. Chappie Johnson. Prone to prolapse. Slip your toes in my purple sock. Fazeledo. Kazakh.

[Giannis Papas]

I didn't understand that one. Yeah, but it was still funny.

[Chris DiStefano]

Ultimate Frisbee against Sandra Dede. These. Okay.

[Giannis Papas]

It's just a square off.

[Chris DiStefano]

Square off direction just for describing it. Yep. Vincent Roselli. R. Kelly's fire department. Bladder 14.

[Giannis Papas]

Put them on the list.

[Chris DiStefano]

Put them on the list.

[Giannis Papas]

Put them on the list.

[Chris DiStefano]

You like to pee on.

[Giannis Papas]

Yes. Put them on the list. Dare I say contender? Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Rbg. Saw Big Mike's RHP and that's why she died. Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Okay.

[Chris DiStefano]

Rock hard penis. Chicken biryani. Keep him away from Akash, Josh.

[Giannis Papas]

Okay.

[Chris DiStefano]

Jess. Aussie kid caught chlamydia from a koala. It's what it is, cuz.

[Giannis Papas]

Kid. A kid? Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

He's sex with a koala bear.

[Giannis Papas]

He gets a Drexler just because he's doing wild stuff.

[Chris DiStefano]

Anthony Fair, Kevin Quiet Time. Paul Revere, side piece. Benedict Arnold's little brother, Randy. Okay, okay. Ashley, ali, Rawl, Skyline247. Tinny Tim, Tiny Tim. Fingered my ukulele. Pope Leo stuck it in my leaky ass. It's what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

Okay, okay.

[Chris DiStefano]

Mark Chalmers. Chrissy Wissy's bussy Reciprocal. Travis Richie. Hunter Biden's powdered milk mustache. James Flynn, Nikki Toscano, Eddie Eilman, Johnny Green. It can't reach the bottom of a tuna can, but it's short, tight fit. Slks. Nick Reichman, Clark Joel the Cabbage Patch. Ethan. Straight to the back so my ass don't get cracked. Chloe Demarco. My stink wrinkles are for the table.

[Giannis Papas]

Put them on the list.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay.

[Giannis Papas]

Chicken finger that goes in the list.

[Chris DiStefano]

There it is.

[Giannis Papas]

Calling your butthole stink wrinkles.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's funny.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Stephanie Bonner, Bridget McGovern. Chris applied for a loan, only to hear back from Banco Popular. Okay. Torn. Tony Tersch. Johnny Crow. Credit Rogan. Went on a DMT quest. Now every week he's in. Sunday best, right?

[Giannis Papas]

Goes to church, goes to church.

[Chris DiStefano]

William Jewel. Jet Peru. Luigi Mangione. Was too late to save Terry Schiavo. Okay. Terry Schiavo. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Because she.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. Healthcare system.

[Chris DiStefano]

Healthcare system. Yeah. That was an old school one. Gonzalo Galvez. John Berlacas. Hot cup of Joho Vis. Whitney Witness. Hot cup of Jehovah's Witness. Hot cup of Joe. Hova's Witness.

[Giannis Papas]

Okay.

[Chris DiStefano]

He tried for the hot cup of Joe. Appreciate it.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Leroy in the Streets. Frisbee in the sheets. Okay. You have sex through a hole. What are you saying?

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Kobe Dooley. Chrissy's favorite eunuch. Not a squeak. But Goddess Gakis asked my piece and it said otherwise. It's what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

Like it.

[Chris DiStefano]

Derek Dowdy. Nick. Dan Marolda. Ian Fi Dance's little Leroy. Lover boy. Okay. Guess he has sex with black man.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Annie Ruiz. Luis Fernando Martinez. Leon.

[Giannis Papas]

Wow.

[Chris DiStefano]

Gerard Ruta. DD Chase Bixer. Aaron Pler. Trent Bensley. Chicken finger with honey mustard.

[Giannis Papas]

Very nice.

[Chris DiStefano]

Derek Ryan. Giannis's bluechew piece turned me to a UCF squeak. Erica Diaco. Oleg L. Cosby. Pills and gash. Edward or Ism. Craig. Puerto Rican chunkleta. Put a Puerto Rica chunkletta. A Puerto Rican chunkletta pult aimed at la. Call it a Chunkletta pulse.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. Chunk.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay.

[Giannis Papas]

Okay. It's a good try.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Netanyahu side piece. It's what it is, cuz. Hayden Baker. Chrissy Wissy took a pissy in my glizzy and gave me a kissy till I jizzy kind of feel fizzy. Phil Myas, Connor Doyle, Ben Lebowitz, Danny Santos, Saquon Barkle Leroy, Rory Cackleroy, Jacob Rail. Work third shift. Because make no mistake, I bang Toots. Booty and the whole fist.

[Giannis Papas]

Booty and the whole fist.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Put them on the list.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay.

[Giannis Papas]

Instead of Hootie the Blowfish.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Booty and the whole fist is great.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

That's great. Chicken figure. Two chicken figure contenders.

[Chris DiStefano]

Chrissy is so into media as Tim Dillon beat. Moreover, 24 Hogwarts shouldn't let women play Quidditch because they have an easier time gripping the broom. Okay.

[Giannis Papas]

I don't get that.

[Chris DiStefano]

The Quidditch, they ride around on. On like witches on brooms.

[Giannis Papas]

What are you saying on that?

[Chris DiStefano]

Hogwarts should allow not let women play because they're better at brooms because they're clean shit. Oh, it's good. I think it's good. It's heady. It's. Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

So give it a Drexler.

[Chris DiStefano]

Drexler Yeah. Friar tucked.

[Giannis Papas]

Friar talked.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's a good one.

[Giannis Papas]

Chicken thing.

[Chris DiStefano]

Chicken figure. Paul Templeton, Ms. matt Kyron Mariachi monkey on the wall. Not the beam.

[Giannis Papas]

List it. List, list it.

[Chris DiStefano]

Father Bill went to conversion therapy. Now he's here for the convert convent.

[Giannis Papas]

Okay, very funny. Now he's going for the. He's going for the nuns.

[Chris DiStefano]

Nuns. Yep. Drexler Sh. Otani hit a big bomby cuz we nuked his grandmommy. Me.

[Giannis Papas]

It's a walked in one. And we had something similar.

[Chris DiStefano]

Similar.

[Giannis Papas]

That's very funny. It's a walked in 1.

[Chris DiStefano]

KG Bay Ridge Bussy Battalion glue gun backed up. So it comes from my starfish Commander in chief Donnie Beef. Yanni's punani is Chrissy's cum curds. Dick turds.

[Giannis Papas]

Okay.

[Chris DiStefano]

Maxwell Max, Jordan Martz, Adam Pervez, Michael Radke. Give us your tired you're poor then launch them. Not good way song.

[Giannis Papas]

She. No, no. You know, listen, listen, dude, we're a history podcast. It's very funny. You think about the Civil War. They came and then we just put them into the.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Giannis Papas]

Put them into the Civil War as soon as they got here. I'm listing it. I'm putting that on. Like it.

[Chris DiStefano]

All right, let's list it.

[Giannis Papas]

I don't think it's gonna win, but I like it.

[Chris DiStefano]

Leroy stole my bike to Electric Boogaloo. Okay. Martin Morales, George Kinone. George Kenone. Yes. Disney. Okay.

[Giannis Papas]

Disney.

[Chris DiStefano]

Now see, now you guys are just writing the N word. And you can't do that.

[Giannis Papas]

Can't do that.

[Chris DiStefano]

Can't do that.

[Giannis Papas]

Won't be read. Not okay.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. And also I. I'm just going to make an executive decision here. No more chigger. Yeah. No more ch. It's been done a million times. We're not going to say it. It makes everybody uncomfortable. Just don't say it. And I'll just read this name. But this is the last one. Disney presents a chigger named Leroy. So just you. We're not doing that one.

[Giannis Papas]

That's what you can't. It's not. Not. That is not right. It's not. Okay.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

And it's false.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Yeah. But we can't do those ones.

[Giannis Papas]

Can't do them.

[Chris DiStefano]

True Blue Gay all day till Russia and China sing God bless the USA Chase Christensen Joseph Galati Arnold Saldahana Farouk Marikin Liam G. John Spain Bean Flicker 3000 Elon's 5 month long K Hole Extravaganza. Chrissy, get him back on the beam and in the program.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. That's where he needs to be five foot beast.

[Chris DiStefano]

Just a couple more names, and then we're. We're almost caught up here.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Zach Askew. Suzanne Daniellos Pizzeria and abortion clinic where yesterday's loss is today's sauce.

[Giannis Papas]

Lot of 14. I'm gonna. I am gonna list it for this inventiveness of it.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, it's not good, though.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, it's not good, but I'm putting it on the list.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Dan James guy's got a business plan.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's just what it is. James Morhardt. Then we got Jazzy. Okay. Can't disparage the family.

[Giannis Papas]

Do that.

[Chris DiStefano]

Star of David Wars Revenge of the Frisbees.

[Giannis Papas]

Very funny.

[Chris DiStefano]

Honky Kong. Half African kid who in 1864 would have been making beds and snitching on Leroy's.

[Giannis Papas]

I would have liked it if it was just Honky Kong.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Honky Kong. Okay. Son of a. Meter made dots over feathers. Okay.

[Giannis Papas]

Direct a chicken figure.

[Chris DiStefano]

I like that.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Samurai is slang for gay Asian. It's. What it is.

[Giannis Papas]

Is. Okay.

[Chris DiStefano]

John Peewee Pee pee poo poo. Tony Pierce got diarrhea so bad. Call me Xan. Peeing out of my ass.

[Giannis Papas]

Drexler.

[Chris DiStefano]

Drexler.

[Giannis Papas]

Wait, should that go to the list? Yeah, that goes. He said yes.

[Chris DiStefano]

Executive decision. Put him on the list.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. You got. We work for Jews.

[Chris DiStefano]

You're on. That's it. Blonde kraut dating a Frisbee. My future woke children hate me. Married a Eastern Hemi. Married in eastern Hemi. No. Married in eastern Hemi. No. Oh. Married in eastern Hemi. Now we eat potatoes with chopsticks.

[Giannis Papas]

Okay.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay. Got clipped by Bram Stroker. Now I only goof for Dracula's BH Chris N. Crossing minority groups off my neighbors inclus. Crossing minority groups off of my neighbor's inclusivity yard to see if the mailman no notices. Okay.

[Giannis Papas]

Okay. That's a Drexler. Very funny.

[Chris DiStefano]

Clinton body count. Brian Laporti. Alex. Father Bill's hiding inside Chrissy's love sack. Bryant.

[Giannis Papas]

Old school fan there.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes. N word. Snowden. Whistleblowing gentrification. AKA Leroy's leaving the hood. Oh.

[Giannis Papas]

For it.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Oh. Edward Snowden. Got it.

[Giannis Papas]

Got it. Edward Snowden would have been great.

[Chris DiStefano]

Matthew Fanucci sharpening Giannis's poo to make Chrissy a true Jew. Launching ropes like Fumar Vizquel instead of a Drexler. Yeah. Osama bin Quefen. I supported my stepdaughter's dad. Now he has a real excuse to miss her birthday. Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Drexler.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay. Newest Muzzy in the neighborhood. So I got assigned to Frisbee 1. Watch. DWA Joseph Jochem Max. Half Black, half Jew. Call me Net. And Yoo Ultimate Champion, Lord Man. And then last but not least, Fumi once, Shame on Me. Fumi twice, Shame on Chrissy Long Sack and the Mono Ocular Spartan. Yeah, that's a good Fumi Once, Shame on Me. Would have. Would have probably got there.

[Giannis Papas]

Okay, those were like two names in one. So I'm going to Drexel you just because both of those were good.

[Chris DiStefano]

Listen, here's the thing. And this is just, just what the ebb and flow of the show is. Wasn't the strongest list.

[Giannis Papas]

No catapults.

[Chris DiStefano]

No catapults. But sometimes that happens. Sometimes the Oklahoma City Thunder will win the championship. Just a team people really don't care about, but they win.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

So this is just one of these lists. And this. What is unique about this is sometimes, like when there's like a down year, this gives someone who would have never won a chance to win. Right. And we like that. So here, here are the names. Booty and the Whole Fist.

[Giannis Papas]

I'm going to keep that as a.

[Chris DiStefano]

Keep it in.

[Giannis Papas]

Okay, Contender. Contender.

[Chris DiStefano]

Mariachi. Mariachi. Monkey on the Wall. Not the Beam.

[Giannis Papas]

We've had a few. That's borderline. What do you guys think? Drexler. Keep it. Drexler.

[Chris DiStefano]

Drexler. Okay. Give us your tired, you're poor, then launch them.

[Giannis Papas]

I think that's real funny. I'm going to keep it.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, for now.

[Chris DiStefano]

R. Kelly's fire department bladder 14.

[Giannis Papas]

You got to keep it.

[Chris DiStefano]

Keep it. Okay.

[Giannis Papas]

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe there are a couple catapults here.

[Chris DiStefano]

My stink wrinkles are for table.

[Giannis Papas]

We're going to. We're going to chicken finger that.

[Chris DiStefano]

But stink wrinkles is funny.

[Giannis Papas]

Wrinkles is hilarious.

[Chris DiStefano]

Got diarrhea so bad. Call me Je. John. Peeing out of my ass.

[Giannis Papas]

The laugh factor, strong. But it's a. It's a definition of a drugstore based on the ones we just read, unfortunately.

[Chris DiStefano]

Danilo's Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce. We have to.

[Giannis Papas]

I just wanted to honor it because your kids got a business. Business plan. But we have to. We're gonna. We're gonna walk into one that we can't.

[Chris DiStefano]

But it's funny.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, it's very funny.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay. My stink wrinkles. Okay. And then we got the tortellini Frisbee. Now I have a one year old Pinocchio.

[Giannis Papas]

Very funny. But we're gonna. Drexler.

[Chris DiStefano]

Drexler. Okay, so it is between R. Kelly's fire department bladder 14. Give us your tired, you're poor, then launch them or booty and the whole fist.

[Giannis Papas]

You see, we were. Dude, you were wrong.

[Chris DiStefano]

We were wrong. We were wrong. These are good catapults. Yeah, we were wrong. We were wrong. Sorry about that, folks. These are really. Yeah. So what do you think? Booty and the whole fist. Give us your tire. You're poor, then launch them or R. Kelly's fire department bladder 14.

[Giannis Papas]

Jesse's laughing at the large one. The hardest booty in the holefish is the most inventive.

[Chris DiStefano]

And then the third one, R. Kelly's fire department bladder 14.

[Giannis Papas]

Very funny. We're going to drexer that one.

[Chris DiStefano]

Bladder 14 is out.

[Giannis Papas]

So now we got two home runs right here.

[Chris DiStefano]

So give us retired, you're poor, then launch them or booty in the whole fist. I. I mean, my. I would say booty and the whole fist. Only because we've had so many launch and deportation ones that booty and the whole fist is. Is. Is very original.

[Giannis Papas]

Right.

[Chris DiStefano]

But also what happens is we find out a lot of times, like, we'll give a winner, and then somebody will tell us, oh, that's a joke from another pod. So I don't know.

[Giannis Papas]

Right. Booty in the whole fist. Hopefully it's not.

[Chris DiStefano]

I don't know.

[Giannis Papas]

But we're going to give you the winner.

[Chris DiStefano]

What do you think? What do you think, Jesse?

[Giannis Papas]

Booty in the whole fist.

[Chris DiStefano]

Booty in the whole fist. Congratulations.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Go to history. Hyenas is back.com com. See your name up in line. So you are the PPW. Thanks for listening.

[Giannis Papas]

Let her cry.