Is Trump Right on Panama Canal?

Summary

Podcast Summary: History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas

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Episode Title: Is Trump Right on Panama Canal?
Release Date: February 13, 2025
Hosts: Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas

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Introduction

In this episode of History Hyenas, comedians Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas dive into the complex and politically charged topic of the Panama Canal, questioning whether former President Donald Trump's stance on the canal holds merit. Balancing their signature humor with insightful historical analysis, the duo examines the canal's significance, its historical construction, and the current geopolitical tensions involving the United States and China.

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Historical Background of the Panama Canal

Chris opens the discussion by highlighting the Panama Canal as one of the most significant engineering feats in history, even comparing its grandeur to the construction of Yankee Stadium.

“It is one of the most significant engineering feats ever. I mean, it's more impressive than when they built Yankee Stadium.”
— Chris Distefano [10:03]

The conversation traces the canal's origins, starting with the French attempt led by Ferdinand de Lesseps in the late 19th century, which disastrously failed due to engineering challenges and rampant diseases like malaria.

Yannis humorously critiques the French endeavor, noting their historical inefficiencies.

“The French are so bad at war that more Frenchmen died building the Panama Canal than fought and died in World War II.”
— Yannis Pappas [14:19]

Following the French collapse, the United States under Teddy Roosevelt took over the project in 1904, renaming the region from Colombia to Panama to facilitate construction. The U.S. implemented innovative engineering solutions, including the creation of locks to raise and lower ships, successfully completing the canal in 1914.

Trump's Position on the Panama Canal

Chris shifts focus to Donald Trump's contemporary views on the Panama Canal, emphasizing Trump's intent to reassert American dominance over this crucial maritime route.

“Trump is just saying it. He is asserting American dominance again.”
— Chris Distefano [27:31]

The hosts discuss Trump's rhetoric, which includes promises to prioritize American shipping and counter Chinese influence in the canal. Chris underscores Trump's provocative approach, likening it to historical assertiveness but with a modern twist.

“Trump is just saying, here's the news now. We're going to take your priority, China is just going second.”
— Chris Distefano [26:47]

China's Growing Influence

Yannis elaborates on China's strategic investments in the Panama Canal, highlighting concerns over China's long-term intentions and economic dominance.

“China has been slowly buying up pieces of Greenland. So that's why we want it. Same thing with Canada.”
— Yannis Pappas [33:05]

The discussion explores how China’s Belt and Road Initiative aims to expand its global infrastructure footprint, including significant investments in Panama and Greenland. This growing influence poses a strategic challenge to the U.S., prompting Trump's aggressive stance.

Current Geopolitical Tensions

The conversation delves into the current geopolitical landscape, where the United States and China are engaged in an economic and strategic competition over the Panama Canal. Chris points out the potential economic repercussions if China gains precedence in canal operations.

“If you dig a little deeper and do the red tape, they do give priority, supposedly to China.”
— Chris Distefano [26:47]

Yannis adds that the Panama Canal Authority's recent financial gains have exacerbated tensions, as profits have surged by 130%, raising suspicions about the canal's neutrality and the true beneficiaries of these fees.

“The Panama Canal Authority is making an increased profit of like 130%.”
— Yannis Pappas [28:47]

Potential Outcomes and Ramifications

Chris speculates on Trump's potential actions, including deploying military force to ensure American dominance over the canal, a move that would significantly escalate tensions with China.

“Trump is just saying, I will bring the army whether he does or not.”
— Chris Distefano [27:31]

Yannis warns about the broader implications, suggesting that losing control over the Panama Canal could weaken the U.S.'s strategic position globally and grant China unparalleled economic leverage.

“We can't see how it's a bad thing that we take control of the Panama Canal.”
— Yannis Pappas [47:16]

Conclusions and Final Thoughts

The hosts conclude by reflecting on the historical and present-day significance of the Panama Canal. They acknowledge the canal's role in global trade and military strategy, emphasizing the importance of maintaining its neutrality and preventing any single nation from monopolizing its use.

Chris underscores the delicate balance required in international relations to ensure that the Panama Canal remains a neutral and accessible route for all nations.

“You can make a good argument that he (Carter) gave it away for a good reason.”
— Chris Distefano [06:15]

Yannis echoes the sentiment, highlighting the need for continued vigilance against foreign influence to protect American interests and global economic stability.

“The same thing happens that happened in all these communist countries is they just get squeezed because they're not able to participate in the global economy anymore.”
— Yannis Pappas [41:49]

In wrapping up, Chris and Yannis invite listeners to consider the interplay between historical achievements and current geopolitical strategies, leaving the audience with a nuanced perspective on Trump's stance regarding the Panama Canal.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Chris Distefano [10:03]: “It is one of the most significant engineering feats ever. I mean, it's more impressive than when they built Yankee Stadium.”
• Yannis Pappas [14:19]: “The French are so bad at war that more Frenchmen died building the Panama Canal than fought and died in World War II.”
• Chris Distefano [26:47]: “Trump is just saying, I will bring the army whether he does or not.”
• Yannis Pappas [28:47]: “The Panama Canal Authority is making an increased profit of like 130%.”
• Yannis Pappas [33:05]: “China has been slowly buying up pieces of Greenland. So that's why we want it. Same thing with Canada.”
• Chris Distefano [27:31]: “Trump is just saying, here's the news now. We're going to take your priority, China is just going second.”

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Final Notes

This episode provides a blend of comedic banter and historical insight, making complex geopolitical issues accessible and engaging for listeners. Through humor and informed discussion, Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas offer a compelling narrative on the Panama Canal's past, present, and future within the context of U.S.-China relations.

Transcript

[Chris Distefano]

This cold and flu season, Instacart is here to help deliver all of your sick day essentials. Whether you're in prevention mode and need vitamins, hand sanitizer, and that lemon tea your nana swears by, or you're in healing mode and need medicine, soup, and a lot more tissues, simply download the Instacart app to get sick day supplies that reinvigorate or relieve. Delivered in as fast as 30 minutes, plus enjoy. Zero delivery fees on your first three orders. Excludes restaurant orders, service fees and terms apply. What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas. I'm Chris Stefano, AKA Chrissy Stein. The eye. With me as always, Giannis Pappas, AKA Yanni Long flights. Listen to me. Today we're gonna have a great episode about the Panama Canal. We're gonna tell you folks real quick why Donald Trump was right about the Panama Canal. And we're going to talk about a lot of fun things. And make absolutely no mistake, Giannis came in today to the office with another jacket that was cute, cute, cute as a button. And I know the kid got it half price because as much as he tries to deny it, the kid does have a jb.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, I got that from my dad who always used to, like, get his suits at Sims. Yeah, I don't know if Sims is still around, but he always, like, he'd go, I got a new polo at Sims. And he would always brag about the discount. He grew up around Jews. The boys of Brooklyn were Jews.

[Chris Distefano]

Rest in peace to the great Chris Pappas. Which is what I use as a pseudo name for when I check into hotels. I just call myself Chris Pappas and I always have. And. But Chris Pappas, the one and, well, I met him a couple of times, but the one time I spoke to him on the phone, Giannis said, show to my comedy. And he said to me, he said, chris, he said, you know, you're a good kid, funny kid. He goes, and you're good looking kid. You got a face that looks like you could play for the Dodgers. Yeah, he did what that even meant.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, that's just the way I said.

[Chris Distefano]

Are you saying I'm Dominican, sir?

[Giannis Pappas]

He's basically just saying, I mean, that's just his frame of reference. He grew up, he called him Johnny Pumps. He called the Puerto Ricans. And if you're good looking, he said, you could play for the Dodgers. Yeah, that's just what it is. Because the Dodgers were in Brooklyn. And that's just what I. A Kid who grew up in Brooklyn.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, He.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's just how he talks.

[Chris Distefano]

And he was a great guy. And when he.

[Giannis Pappas]

And right now he's petting Larry in heaven.

[Chris Distefano]

My. In the gay part of heaven.

[Giannis Pappas]

He's in the gay part of heaven. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And you're gonna have to answer to Jesus Christ for what you tried to do to Larry if you're gonna have to answer.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Did you go to confession? Have you told the father about that you tried to kill your mom's dog because it barked too much?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

You're the opposite of the Son of Sam. Yeah, but Son of Sam would listen to the dog and you would. Maybe if you would have listened to the dog, you would have sold your house.

[Chris Distefano]

It's what it is. Because. But I feel like I've made up for the sins of trying to kill my dog by taking in migrants.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's a good point.

[Chris Distefano]

That's what it is. So God, he giveth and he taketh away. And I've just been an overall good kid otherwise.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. And that's what happens when you have a guy rubs balls on your eye. You get a sty. What did you do this weekend? What kind of male prize to do for Craigslist came over your house and gave you a fucking sty?

[Chris Distefano]

Because I woke up with a pimple on my eye. And I immediately thought. Because here's the truth is what I think that this is from this time. I think it's from possibly stress because I'm looking at houses all over the. Or.

[Giannis Pappas]

It could have been a right hand from Jazz.

[Chris Distefano]

It could have been that. But I am looking at. I'm looking. I'm putting in offers in every location in the continental United States.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

So that's just what it is. I'm just. We're all over the place and I think I'm stressed out. But I also think. Cuz it's just. And I really believe this. I just. As a goof. Just as a goof. I.

[Giannis Pappas]

Like you said goop.

[Chris Distefano]

Goop. Yeah, Just as a goop. I'll be with them on Bad Friends on Wednesdays. I'll be with one of them.

[Giannis Pappas]

So you're with the Goop and not the redhead?

[Chris Distefano]

I'm with the Goop. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

So it's. I would call him Sanjay. Goop Duck. That's. You got Andrew Santino.

[Giannis Pappas]

Sanjay Gupta. Gupta.

[Chris Distefano]

That's what we call.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And. And so if. You know, you know.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

So. So. So. But I. I fart into my phone, like just to be funny. Like I fart and I recorded. I sent it to my friends. You know, I'm 40, but that's what I do.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And I ripped one at the house that I was looking at into the phone. It was funny. Jasmine actually heard it from the bathroom. It was like an open house. And she was very mad at me.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Chris Distefano]

But I was like, no, but, Jaz, you have to understand, like, this one, the echo on this one was like, something you've never.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's worth it because of the empty furniture in there.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, it sounded like it was. It was underwater. Yeah, it was great.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, it's great to fart in open house because there's no furniture. You get a nice reverb.

[Chris Distefano]

And my friends were dying laughing when they heard it. But I think what happened was I farted, like, bare ass onto it. I really. And then I started talking on my phone, and I think I got clipped.

[Giannis Pappas]

In the eye yourself.

[Chris Distefano]

I think I stied myself. I think. I think I opened my own asshole on my own.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right, right, right.

[Chris Distefano]

That's what I think happened.

[Giannis Pappas]

Now, how long did it take you to come up with that story to cover for the fact that you had a guy's balls on your face?

[Chris Distefano]

I mean, because it was.

[Giannis Pappas]

Because that sounds like the dog ate my homework.

[Chris Distefano]

Honestly, I got to be honest with you. I came up with it last night at the Glory Hole. That's what it was. Cuz.

[Giannis Pappas]

Cuz you're Chrissy, AKA Zillow. Chrissy, You're Zillow. Chrissy.

[Chris Distefano]

Cuz make. Listen.

[Giannis Pappas]

Is your homepage Zillow now?

[Chris Distefano]

It's Zillow. I. I am looking on. There's not a listing. If you send me a listing on Zillow, just know I already saw it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Just know that there's nothing new that you can get past me.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'm looking because the Phoenix area is very cute. You ever think about Phoenix? But no, it's not in New York. Then how they could move Phoenix to New York? Would you live there?

[Chris Distefano]

I would. And as long as I could keep my stepson in the same high school in Queens. So can I get direct flights every morning from Phoenix to Queens? I could do it for two years. It's only two more years.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, and that's the point. It's all about roots. It's all about roots. I never knew how important roots were. Commerce and the Panama Canal just has to have an American flag on it that we're taking it back. I'm sorry. Trump was right about a lot of things. And sometimes people are Right at the time that they live, Jimmy Carter gave it away. You can make a good argument that he gave it away for a good reason. At that time, the peanut farmer did what the peanut farmer had to do. But now. Yeah, Trumpy.

[Chris Distefano]

That's where your head came from. The Jimmy Carter peanut farm.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's what happened. I mean, listen, I was born, I think, right when I was born a couple of years ago, your head was.

[Chris Distefano]

Grown in a Jimmy Corner farm.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, I mean, it was. I was born and then the Carter administration happened. So it's possible that he shrunk my head.

[Chris Distefano]

Because your head is about the size of the sty in my eye.

[Giannis Pappas]

Because I could fit two heads in your head. Yeah, because it's what it is.

[Chris Distefano]

And here's the thing with our cadence. Either you love it and it's the best thing you've ever heard, or you turned off the podcast 10 minutes ago.

[Giannis Pappas]

It may be a little bit too fast paced for you, and that's fine. But America's a fast place and so is New York City. And we're just products of both. We like to move quick. If you're in front of us in a car, we will beep you to get one car ahead.

[Chris Distefano]

That's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's the place we're from.

[Chris Distefano]

And it doesn't matter when. If you're driving slow or foolishly in New York, it doesn't matter when we zoom past you. We will give you the finger and call you a fucking goop. Wei.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's just how it goes.

[Chris Distefano]

And it doesn't matter what you look like at all. It's just what is programmed into our head.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And we will say that because we will all automatically assume that you got to be, you know.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. It's what it is.

[Chris Distefano]

Got it. Just what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

Got to be from the Eastern hemisphere.

[Chris Distefano]

That's all it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. We're just different here. We wear black because our bodies are not beach. And we get things done. You go to other places, they wear turquoise. They sit around all day, they drink coffee and Speedos. This isn't Miami. This isn't Orlando, Florida. We're here to get things done. And we're not taking our shirts off.

[Chris Distefano]

We're not taking our shirts off. And I will go to the beach with boots on and sneakers and I don't own any sandals because I'm not Jesus. I'm a Catholic kid, and nobody's Jesus. Except Donald Trump.

[Giannis Pappas]

Except Donald Trump. If you've never been crossed up on the basketball court, which is A black top by an African American kid in jeans and Timbos. Not from New York.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, you're just not from New York at all. If you've never eaten a knish on the street, you're not from New York.

[Giannis Pappas]

If you've never been called Bird on the, on the, on the basketball court and threatened or gotten an elbow in the face in the 80s because you hit a shot and you just said, okay, I'm going to stop playing. Good now. You're not from New York.

[Chris Distefano]

You're not from New York. Cuz. Yeah, if you, by the way, also, if you've ever wanted to a pizzeria and you've ordered a plain slice with cheese, get the fuck out of my neighborhood.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, it's, it's a, it's a redundancy.

[Chris Distefano]

It's a plain slice.

[Giannis Pappas]

Or you could just say, can I get a slice that already has cheese on it? Yeah, you put pineapples on it. Get the fuck out of my country.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, I'm sick and tired. I'm sick and fucking tired of this shit. Okay? Because I got to be honest with you, this shit's getting out of control. It's getting out. I mean, I feel like the Panama Canal moved into my neighborhood.

[Giannis Pappas]

Ladder 14. Today we're going to be talking about the Panama Canal, which make no mistake, is on Trump's list.

[Chris Distefano]

That is on.

[Giannis Pappas]

He wants the migrants out the Panama Canal in.

[Chris Distefano]

That's what it is. Because absolute. Yeah. The Panama Canal. Even Biden couldn't prepost hard in that one. Panama Canal is getting taken aback.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yes.

[Chris Distefano]

And cuz here's, here's what, here's the things on Trump's list big. And we'll talk about both of them. This is about the Panama Canal and make no mistake, this is a fascinating episode. We're going to tell you guys a lot of stuff you didn't know, but the Panama Canals on the list and Greenland is on the list big. And both of them have China in common. Trump is stopped trying to stop China from getting into Greenland and getting into the Panama Canal and things get wild. And Greenland, I really think Greenland, because he keeps talking about a water crisis. I think we're just going to buy Greenland and melt it and take their water.

[Giannis Pappas]

We're going to take their water and Smithtown is going to get the contract.

[Chris Distefano]

That's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's what it is. All the Ting Tong Tong Hong Kong companies are about to get replaced by Smithtown Water. Good old Long island boys are going to take over the Panama Canal. And dump Smithtown Water. It's just going to be called the Smithtown Water Canal.

[Chris Distefano]

Smithtown Water Canal. It's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Exit 61. It's what it's going to be.

[Chris Distefano]

Panama Canal. What it is. First of all, if you guys don't know what it is, it is one of the most significant engineering feats ever. I mean, it's more impressive than when they built Yankee Stadium.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's a tall statement to say it's.

[Chris Distefano]

It's better.

[Giannis Pappas]

I don't know if it's better than Yankee Stadium.

[Chris Distefano]

More.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's up there.

[Chris Distefano]

It's up there.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Up there in the top five, along with Yankee Stadium. But it's basically a shortcut between the Atlantic Ocean and the Pacific Ocean, which the kids have to go around before Panama. And now the kids go through it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, it used to. I mean, it's like. It adds another 400 whatever nauticals. I'm no. I'm no sailor. Yeah, but you have to go around the Cape Horn. It's called the Horn Cape or the Cape Horn.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Otherwise. And so what they did is they cut just straight through Panama. That used to be Colombia. And there's a lot. Nice long story. Because here's what I like to think about. It started with the French. Yes, it started with the French. And let's be honest. Let's just talk. The French have a chip on their shoulder because they just can't do things right. They can. World War II. They built the Maginot Line, whatever. And then, you know what happened? The Germans said, okay, we're just going to walk around. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

They had all the guns facing east. And the Germans just said, well, we'll just go vest.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, we'll just go fast. We're just going to walk around. That didn't work. So then this French guy who built the Sway, The Suez Canal was the Sways, whatever. In Egypt. He goes, let me give it a. Let me give it a go. He goes in. 400,000 people lose their lives. They die of malaria. They die. And they had a stupid plan. Their plan to build the canal was they were going to dig under the water and dig out the land under the water and make it a bigger canal so ships could fit through. They just didn't work. And they gave up and they lost tons of money. And then the boys came in and we built Right. Just like we did in World War II, where you guys were about to lose all of Europe and the boys had to bail you out, because that's what we do.

[Chris Distefano]

That's what we do. And unfortunately, here's the.

[Giannis Pappas]

Here's the thing, China. Your time is up.

[Chris Distefano]

Your time is up. And here's the thing. Here's the thing, too. It's just the way the cookie crumbles. My grandfather said that he was alive when they were building. It's called the Major D G. Did.

[Giannis Pappas]

He say that when he was closing the oven?

[Chris Distefano]

Yes, he did.

[Giannis Pappas]

Because your grandfather was here.

[Chris Distefano]

Was he. What?

[Giannis Pappas]

Was he in America or was America.

[Chris Distefano]

He's actually Italian, I think. He says he fought in the war. And I'm not sure if he fought.

[Giannis Pappas]

With Italy or the U.S. but. Oh, your Italian grandfather.

[Chris Distefano]

Italian grandfather who's a grandfather through marriage. But anyway, he told me, he said, and this is just the way the cookie crumbles. He said when he was alive, when he was a kid, they started building what's called the Major Deegan Expressway to connect Manhattan and the Bronx. And he said they called it the Dominican Canal and it's just what it is. And he said it's. Him and his boys would call it the Dominican Canal.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, it is kind of the Dominican.

[Chris Distefano]

Dominican Canal. And when I was a kid, he would just say, we're driving over the Dominican Canal. And I would just say, what do you mean? And then he said, they have the Panama Canal. This is the Dominican Canal.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's where the Dominican is.

[Chris Distefano]

Just a tent, no.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, it is very much a big tent. Yeah. And that's just guys from that generation. That's just what they do. It was the Dominican Canal. And Puerto Ricans were Puerto Ricans.

[Chris Distefano]

Puerto Ricans. He's the same grandfather. Which. A classic history. I ain't his moment. Who used to order his coffee black and used to say, can I have my coffee, Leroy?

[Giannis Pappas]

That's where it comes from. That's what it is.

[Chris Distefano]

It's the same guy.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Same mind.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Yeah, that's what it is. I mean, when you go into Star Starbucks and you just want a black coffee, just as a fan, please ask for a coffee, Leroy. Make them write it and then take a picture and we will post it.

[Chris Distefano]

And we'll post it and that's it. And also get your smoothies out. If you're a cutie with a smoothie, it's coming into smoothie weather and you want to have a cutie with a smoothie, post it and we'll start reposting you guys with your smoothie pics.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, and our Patreon numbers have stalled a little bit. Patreon.com history Hyenas make no mistake. Just like the Trump's vote stalled before he went on Theo Vaughn's podcast. So we're going to put our Patreon on Theo Vaughn's podcast.

[Chris Distefano]

That's what it is. And I honestly the best. You think this content is wild. The things that we say and [e-mail] history hyenas is shit. Like it's like, like you've never heard it before. It's like wild what we say. Sometimes I'll even say the things that we post. I'm say to Jesse, say, Jesse, can we post this?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, we, we have no regard for anything on the Patreon because it's subscription based here. We have to dance. We got to get on the ice.

[Chris Distefano]

A little bit here because we're trying to stay monetized. We just recently got remonetized again on YouTube so we have to stay very much within bounds. So some of the things that get bleeped here or get fully edit out, they all exist unedited, [e-mail] history hyenas so go there and it's just great bonus content and it's awesome. So, okay, so Panama Canal, baby. So the French, of course it collapsed like you said, 1889, 20,000 workers lost their lives. I mean, because what, you know, sometimes you can't make a canal with a few spilled croissants.

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean, the French are so bad at war that more Frenchmen died building the Panama Canal than fought and died in World War II.

[Chris Distefano]

That's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. They offered their lives for water more than they did for the defense of their own country.

[Chris Distefano]

I mean, the kids just want to have fun. They just want. The kids just want to have fun and they want to do Jerry Seinfeld's material. And that's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's just what they want to do. That's what they want to do. They want to eat baguettes. They want to. They want to have dirty mirrors. Because how come every time I go into a French restaurant and the mirrors are dirty? Why are the mirrors. Does anyone clean the mirrors? That's how I know I'm in a French restaurant. I look and I go, oh, that's a dirty mirror.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

They must serve escargot.

[Chris Distefano]

Because I went into a French restaurant last week. You know what it's called? Pray de manger.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And I got myself a sub to go.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

The French like to put their sandwiches under shelf to keep them ready made.

[Chris Distefano]

What it is now here's what happens as. As Yanni was saying, the U.S. took over this project in 1904. Okay. And then they had this newly independent Republic of Panama. The shit was because it just separated from Colombia.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. But let's talk about what happened.

[Chris Distefano]

Tell me.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay. Because this is your boy, Teddy Roosevelt.

[Chris Distefano]

By the way, I love Colombians.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, you love Colombians. You also let love Teddy Roosevelt.

[Chris Distefano]

I love Teddy Roosevelt because he gave us Puerto Rico. Without Teddy Roosevelt, we would have no Puerto Rico. We got Puerto Rico after our win in the Spanish American War.

[Giannis Pappas]

And he also gave us the Panama Canal. So what happened is Teddy goes, listen, we will take this over. And we had a better idea. So they were going to cut under the water to make the canal deeper for ships. And that didn't work. It was. They were dealing with mudslides, the weather, malaria, they were getting eaten by snakes.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

It was horrible. And then the Americans came in under Teddy Roosevelt and Teddy Roosevelt said, what we're going to do is we have a plan where we're going to actually raise the water. Yeah. So the water comes up, it goes. The ship comes through the Panama Canal section by section, and it waits and then they flood it with the. From the lake and comes up and rises the ship up.

[Chris Distefano]

Yep.

[Giannis Pappas]

And then it rises the ship up and it goes slowly through. And so Teddy Roosevelt got in there and Colombia used to. Panama used to be Columbia.

[Chris Distefano]

It used to be part of Columbia.

[Giannis Pappas]

First thing Teddy Roosevelt did is he went in there and he said, columbia, here's a treaty for you. We're going to come in, we're going to build it, we're going to pay for it. Let us do it. And Colombia said, no, no, no, we don't need it. We deal cocaine and we're fine with just our cocaine. Yeah, we give you guys cocaine. And he said, no. So then America convinced the Colombians that were living where the Panama Canal, the province of Colombia at the time, they said, hey, why don't you guys just become an independent country so we can negotiate with you? And they had a revolution. We supported them. So we just made Panama.

[Chris Distefano]

We just made Panama and we make war. That's what we do. We just made the war because we were like. And we caused the unrest because it's just beneficial for the United States. Just have a little unrest.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, we just needed a country to negotiate with. And so we created a country to negotiate. We needed someone to say yes. I mean, so we just created a person to say yes.

[Chris Distefano]

I mean, cuz look at this. I mean, look at how great the United States is. We just took a whole country made into a fucking bathtub. We said, the ship's rising like my kids rubber duckies. And it's getting across and it's as.

[Giannis Pappas]

Low G s. Yeah, it's one of the most ingenious.

[Chris Distefano]

It really is. It's like Elon Musk level ingenious.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. And you farted. It's what it is where you said it.

[Chris Distefano]

Because it's what it is. I'm trying to blow this style.

[Giannis Pappas]

So, yeah, it's unbelievable. And so then Panama obviously said, yes, we'll let you build it. And so then we went down there and we built. Built it. It took 10 years from 1904 to it opened in 1914.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

And America had control.

[Chris Distefano]

Control. And it's with the leadership of engineers John Frank Stevens and George Washington Gothels. I mean, because if your name's George Washington Gothels, you're named after every bridge in New York City.

[Giannis Pappas]

You are. That's all the bridges.

[Chris Distefano]

George Washington Bridge. Yeah. It's what it is. Because they absolutely know the Dominican Canal. And I'm sure these engineers, John Frank Stevens and George Washington Gothels were nice to the local Panamanian community. It seems like they have. They were probably very nice to those people.

[Giannis Pappas]

Well, I think they use a lot of Panamanians to. To make the canal. And then America also built up the infrastructure there. Hospitals, schools, all the stuff for the workers. So we basically built the infrastructure of.

[Chris Distefano]

Panama and the United States. Obviously, you know, make a jokes, but Dr. William C. Gorgeous, that's his last name, Gorgeous, he made. He controlled the disease efforts. So malaria and yellow fever was running rampant and the kid made it safer. So. So that's the thing. The United States, we do giveth. I mean, we do taketh away, but we do give.

[Giannis Pappas]

We do giveth. And then that benefited Panama's economy when we were there. And so we ran it for a while.

[Chris Distefano]

Are you gonna have Mariano Rivera if we don't have the Panama Canal? The answer is no.

[Giannis Pappas]

No, you're not gonna have.

[Chris Distefano]

You're a New York Yankees fan. You better say thank you very much to George Washington Galtos and John Frank Stevens, because they gave you Mariano Rivera.

[Giannis Pappas]

And we needed Mariano Rivera. We didn't need Mariana. We may have overused the MC against the Diamondbacks, but we needed it.

[Chris Distefano]

It's what happens. Because. And that was the era when I was just a Yankees fan, because now I am a Mets fan.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. But I understand. I understand why Joe Tory made the decision. Right. Because if you Got a South American on your team?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

You just figure he's got enough stamina to get the job done. Yeah. I never questioned the Mexicans who were on my roof. And yeah, these guys are going to.

[Chris Distefano]

Get like you put Marin. Aaron, you said, because the kid will throw in eight shutout innings with yellow fever.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

It doesn't matter. So you say this kid's healthy. We're giving him all the food he wants. He's going to be fine.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's going to be fine. Because when you look at the work ethic of South American immigrants, you're going, this is not a big. This is not a big ask.

[Chris Distefano]

No.

[Giannis Pappas]

2 innings. No, that's nothing.

[Chris Distefano]

They could do it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, they could usually do it. Guys, if you've lost hair, it doesn't mean you have to go and not find it. You can find it with the help of hims. Yeah, Hims Hair Solutions. And you'll be joining hundreds of thousands of subscribers who have found their hair again.

[Chris Distefano]

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[Giannis Pappas]

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[Chris Distefano]

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[Giannis Pappas]

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[Chris Distefano]

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[Giannis Pappas]

Here's the thing. Jesse changed my life when he told me everyone can get into the market. And now everyone really can with acorns.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes, they really can. Everyone always says it's not timing the market, it's time in the market. And I gotta be honest with you, Acorns makes that even easier. It is an investing app. There are very specific guidelines put in place by the SEC regarding what can and cannot be said in paid endorsements. And I'm just reading the instructions, so just keep going. And this is all in the ad because it's just fun and it's real. Yeah. So we gotta just be careful.

[Giannis Pappas]

Here's the thing. I use Acorn. So this is a no brainer. It's very easy. It's an app you download on your phone. And what they will do is they will round up the money. So let's say you buy a coffee for 569.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

They will round up to $6 and that little spare change that they have they will put in the market for you.

[Chris Distefano]

Love it.

[Giannis Pappas]

So you don't got to do nothing so your money will grow in the market based off little things you buy.

[Chris Distefano]

Acorns makes it easy to start automatically saving and investing so your money has a chance to grow for you, your kids and your retirement. You don't need to be rich. Acorns lets you invest with the spare money you've got right now. You could start with $5 even just your spare change.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's what it does. It takes you spare change and it puts it in the market for you. And over time it grows and grows and grows and grows and grows.

[Chris Distefano]

Head to acorns.com hyenas or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future today. Okay. Paid non client endorsement compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns. Tier one compensation provided investing involves risk. Acorn Advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor. View important [e-mail] hyena so yeah, so. So the canal was completed in 1914 and the first official transit was the SS Ancon.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And gone. And every time I hear SS I just get a little nervous. But then it's a ship.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, that's just a ship. Thank God. Yeah, it was just the ss. Why does ships. Why Are a lot of ships, ss.

[Chris Distefano]

But also.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's the. That's what was the German military police. Why is that? I honestly think you might want to change that to just call the ship. I don't just call it the ship, Anton. Yeah, that's like calling it the Nazi and con.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, I'm gone.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, that's what it is. So this is before China became the tiger that it is today. So it was just America and this. It was. It was. It was opened right before World War I. And it came in handy because we need to move a lot of weapons. We need to move a lot of stuff.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And so the Panama Canal came in handy for the United States. And it was military action.

[Chris Distefano]

Here's the thing. And we gave. With, you know, what we're. You know, we'll skip ahead a little bit. So this is how. That's why the Panama Canal was created. Whatever. And then for many years, you know, going back and forth, back and forth. But mostly, you know, the United States was involved. But then. Then things get a little wild. You said with Jimmy Carter. Right, Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

So then we get to the Jimmy Carter administration. So after the Americans are there, of course, we build this thing. We got control of it. We're taking fees off of it. All this stuff. And all these nationalist movements were rising up. Everything was seen as colonialists. South Americans were starting to revolt. They were protesting. And also we had the rise of the ussr. Yes, right. So the ussr. There was big fears that the USSR was going to build another canal and use that. So we had the fear that they were going to do that. So we said, you know what? It's in our interest right now to make it neutral so we can quell these protests. Keep. Keep our influence in the region. We'll still take the fees. So we still took the fees.

[Chris Distefano]

Take a little money off the top. I got to just pay my workers here.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, we just got to take a little off the top. But we decided to give it back to Panama for one buck. So that would not a bad deal. Release the need. Need for the USSR to try to build another canal that they would have on their own. So it was part of the Cold War, part of the communist fear, the Red Scare. And so we withdrew. But we also kind of kept our influence there. And so that was the decision that Jimmy Carter made with some guy named Trulillo or something.

[Chris Distefano]

People shit on Jimmy Carter as being a bad president, but when you look back, he wasn't really that bad of a president. Well, the Iran hostage crisis was A little boo boo.

[Giannis Pappas]

That was a little boo boo. He had a boo boo there.

[Chris Distefano]

But he was pretty good.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. And both. Some people say that this was a bad move. I mean, when it was, when we decided to give it back, it narrowly passed in Congress. So there was a lot of opposition to this.

[Chris Distefano]

So when we gave it back and this was talking, what, 1970s, this was 19, I think it was hard as the 70s.

[Giannis Pappas]

I think it was 77.

[Chris Distefano]

So 1977, ish. We give the Panama Canal back, but the United States didn't want to give it back.

[Giannis Pappas]

We, a lot of Americans did not want to give it back. So it narrowly passed, but we gave.

[Chris Distefano]

It back because we thought it's better to just give it back to them. So this way the Russia doesn't get involved.

[Giannis Pappas]

So Russia doesn't have to build their own because it's fair that they were going to build their own. And so we give it back, we still collect fees. And then I think in 1999, this is when the issue comes fully gives it back.

[Chris Distefano]

Right? And this is when the issue comes 1999, Billy Clinton gives it back. And this is when China starts to get involved. And this is what the problem is right now. The main reason now, if we count you up to speed, is now China is just slowly owning it. They're slowly buying more parts of Panama. And the issue is, is the governments of Panama now give China priority to use the canal over the United States? And you think like, that's just a bullying, like, who cares if they're going first and we're going second. But it's a bigger problem because when the goods get there a couple of days before, this has like billions of dollars worth of ramifications attached to it. And basically, Donald Trump is saying, we're going to be first now. We're going, you're going to give us priority. And Panama saying no, Panama said every square foot of this canal is owned by us and we don't give anyone priority.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Chris Distefano]

But if you dig a little deeper and do the red tape, they do give priority, supposedly to China. And so Trump is just saying, here's the news now. Here's, here's what it is, Caballero, where we're going to take your. China's just going to go second. And if not, we're going to send the military in.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's kind of just what's going on.

[Chris Distefano]

That's what China. And that's. And here's the thing, here's the thing. I've said this before. Whether you Like Donald Trump or not, it's really, it doesn't matter. I, we're not even that political. We fuck around, around. You have to admit this, though, whether things could get passed, whether he follows action or not, I don't know. He is, though, Trump making us all feel like he's asserting American dominance again. He's saying, I will fucking bring the army whether he does or not. Who knows? Biden wasn't saying that.

[Giannis Pappas]

Well, the Biden administration was just as concerned about the Panama Canal because what's going on is you have a Hong Kong company, a billionaire who owns ports on either side of the Panama Canal. So he deals with letting you in and he deals with letting you out.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

And Donald Trump and also Biden was going like, we're not, we're not, we're not happy about this because as we know, the CCP is involved in all the companies, right. The Hong Kong based company.

[Chris Distefano]

And, and now China owns Hong Kong again.

[Giannis Pappas]

China, basically. And China says every company has to cooperate with the CCP and for national interest.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And that, that means basically the CCP has control of whoever goes in, whoever goes out. Now, what Panama did was to modernize the canoe. The, the, the Panama Canal, they expanded it to go wider so bigger ships that are now being built could fit through it. That costs a lot of money. So they started raising fees up a lot. And so every, they're saying everyone's paying additional fees. But what it turns out is now the Panama Canal Authority, which is basically the Panama government, is making a increased profit of like 130% y. And that was not part of our plan.

[Chris Distefano]

And guess what, Donnie T's president now. So guess what's going to happen to you. Panama tariff.

[Giannis Pappas]

You're going to get, you're going to.

[Chris Distefano]

Get a tariff, son.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, you're going to get a tariff. Tariff is coming.

[Chris Distefano]

Yo, tariff is. Yo, when he shows up at your fucking door. Yeah, you better pay up, son.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yo, when Tariff Jenkins shows up, you know you're in trouble.

[Chris Distefano]

Yo, Tariff is fucking showing up like Omar from the wire at your country's doorstep if you don't play nice with the United States.

[Giannis Pappas]

And you know there's some black Trump supporters who are going to name some. Yeah, no. Who are going to name their Kids tariff.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, 100%. Yeah. I think we can say that there's some black Trump stars. I'm going to say most of the black population voted for Donnie Debones.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's not most of them, but there's.

[Chris Distefano]

Been a definite increase because they call him Donnie Tariff.

[Giannis Pappas]

They call him. That's a good nickname for him in the hood.

[Chris Distefano]

Donnie Tariff.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Because here's the thing is tariffs are coming. And I know that there's problems with it, and I am no way in shape or form an economist, but I gotta be honest with you, even if this shit goes off the rails, these last couple of months have just felt good. They felt good. And I've been slow. I've been this close to when I go on stage.

[Giannis Pappas]

Well, this is what I think a lot of people have to understand that was on Patreon. You have to understand that certain presidents, and I've said this before, certain presidents are the right guy at the right time. Sometimes you got the wrong guy at the right time. Sometimes you get the right guy at the right time. I mean, sometimes you got to the. The wrong guy, but he's right for the time. I mean, you just.

[Chris Distefano]

It's a comment. Had an episode.

[Giannis Pappas]

I just had an episode. But, yeah, you have to know that he's coming. The context of when Donald Trump is coming into office, you're talking about we're entering a cold war, whether you like it or not, in another cold war.

[Chris Distefano]

Yep.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's an economic war with China. Yeah. China has exerted their influence in Panama. They have a big monument there. You got this company, like I said, on the. On both sides of the Panama Canal.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

Trump is coming in office now and he's saying, all right, this is getting a little hand out of hand. You guys are making 70% profits, 130 off these fees. And here, here is also the sitch situation is now Panama to increase their profits, which they put into their treasury fund, which is, you know, who knows if that's going to the Panamanian people or if it's going to Panama's oligarch. Who knows?

[Chris Distefano]

Most likely, no, probably not.

[Giannis Pappas]

But here's the thing. They've created sort of a lightning, a lightning pass.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

Like when you go to, you know, when you go to Disney.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Because you know the weights to get 14, 000 chips pass through there annually on average. But everyone's trying to go through there because it saves so much money. But now the prices have gotten so high, the fees keep going up, that it's getting tantamount equal to actually traveling around in fuel costs around the Cape Horn.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

So we're going, what are we doing now?

[Chris Distefano]

It's like the line for TSA PreCheck and clear is down the block still. Because everybody's got it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Exactly.

[Chris Distefano]

You Got to raise it even more now.

[Giannis Pappas]

So now they're just raising it even more. So it's going like you guys are just making profits here. This is supposed to be a neutral pass. And, and of course Panama's going, oh, we're just covering the cost. But you know, a couple of Elon Musk's Doge people looked into it. A couple of teenagers who went to Harvard looked at it and said, no, you're making profits. Profits. Yeah, this is about 130 profits now with these lightning rounds. So I paid for my lightning round, I want to go first. And America's just going, you know what? We're not paying for the lightning round anymore. We're going to take control and you're going to give our ships priority. Yeah, because you know what my lightning round is. Look at this.

[Chris Distefano]

Nuke.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, we're. If we need to use our military, we will. This is getting out of hand. We built this canal, we invested in it. And I think we put like 36 million, which would have been the equivalent now of like a couple of Billy inserts. It. We built your infrastructure, your nationalist movement.

[Chris Distefano]

We.

[Giannis Pappas]

We made your country, we supported your revolution. We made you into a country. You were originally Colombia and now you're not. So now you're going to be a US territory.

[Chris Distefano]

It's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's going to be good for our economy. But we have to check the Belt and Road initiative of the Chinese because what's happened now is America's finally gone. You know what, China says one thing, but they're doing enough other. They want to be a superpower just like us. And here's the thing. You go, oh, we shouldn't have superpowers, but what are you going to do? Leave a vacuum for Panama to. You trust Panama to do the right thing. You trust Colombia to do the right thing.

[Chris Distefano]

Nobody's going to do the right thing because money corrupts. And I'm telling you, baby, all we got to do right here, it's better for everyone. It's better for everyone if the United States is just in control and you let us go first. I'm telling you, it's just better.

[Giannis Pappas]

Here's what I think. I think Corinne Fisher's running for mayor. I think we should just give her the Panama.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, let's just give her the Panama. Yeah, let's give her the Panama Canal.

[Giannis Pappas]

From the podcast. Guys we fucked and she's running for mayor.

[Chris Distefano]

I'll vote for her and she may get it. And I got to Be honest with you. Then it would just be. If she wins, it would just be. We've had the last two New York City mayors on history hyenas, because Eric Adams came on history hyenas and that should have been enough for you not to vote for him, but you did. So it's really just up to you guys. But I do think that the United States right now, with this Panama Canal situation, with this Greenland situation, both of them tie back to China because there's a lot of minerals on Greenland that we're going to need to build, build all this new AI technology that's coming out. And China has been slowly buying up pieces of Greenland. So that's why we want it. Same thing with Canada. That's why Trump wants Canada to be the 51st state, because he's like you just, at every cost, I'm not letting China in. So, like you said, Cold War shit. So you have to understand, I know that people say Trump, you know, because here's the thing. If you say, and this is not a vote for, against Donald Trump, but just, just really, if you say Trump is awful guy and this and that, just tell, just give me, just give me some information as to why. Or else you're kind of just a follower and you just think you're not supposed to, like, you don't like Trump because you're not supposed to, because that's what the celebrities told you. But I'm telling you, we got some inside info for some LA super bowl parties. The LA people are starting to throw on MAGA hats now.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, well, now just go with the.

[Chris Distefano]

Trend of where the country, everyone goes with the trend. But if you look at what he's doing now, does. Doesn't it feel like, again, without knowing the economic ramifications, at least he's trying to assert dominance and not just letting people take shit from us anymore in some ways. Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

If you think that's a smart move, that's what he's doing. I think we got to see a lot of this stuff play out. But you can certainly see that there's been a push. And here's the thing that a lot of people are unaware of. It's also, Biden was, you know, Biden kept all the tariffs against China. I mean, so this isn't as much of a shift as people think. It's sort of of like when Obama was in office, like, you weren't seeing all these protests for, for illegal immigrants like you do now. But that was because Biden, that's because Obama didn't Talk about it, but he actually was catapulting more illegals than.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

So it's like, this isn't as much as of a shift as you think. It's just Donnie T. Says stuff more.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

So you go like, is it good to talk like this? Or who knows?

[Chris Distefano]

That might have caught me in the eye with one that.

[Giannis Pappas]

You could be patient zero right now if me and Jesse show up with styes next week.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, it could be you.

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean.

[Chris Distefano]

Cause one of the worst things you want is a pimple on your eyelid.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's tough.

[Chris Distefano]

And that's what I have.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's tough. But Donald Trump is definitely making it vocal that he wants to counter China's influence. And they're also. Biden was trying to do this, too. They're trying to bring all of the.

[Chris Distefano]

Riding with Biden right now.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'm riding with Biden right now. They're trying to bring all the. Those companies to Mexico and to America that make all the microchips and stuff like that. If they do that, we're really going to damage China's infrastructure, their economy, and they're going to.

[Chris Distefano]

The thing. Here's the thing. Because we are protected on both sides by the Atlantic and Pacific Ocean, Jesus Christ has personally protected the United States because we are his baby. And I understand the Panama Canal connects us both. And I think that's also factoring into a lot of this. I think Donald Trump at every stage is looking at, yes, we are protected by the oceans, but more and more, China's influence in Canada, in Mexico, in the Panama Canal, they're saying, well, if one of these countries ever decides to say, we'll let you guys stage your army and military here, then that's. Then forget about the oceans. Then we're just like Europe. We can have the enemies coming in from both sides. So I think Trump is trying to own all that and do all that to prevent. I do think Trump right now is trying to play a little chess and just think a couple. A couple years down the road.

[Giannis Pappas]

Road.

[Chris Distefano]

I do think it's possible, but I do. I do think that this Panama Canal thing, it has, like, real ramifications on us that we don't even remember when the ship got stuck in the Panama Canal, like, a couple of years ago. And, like, we couldn't get anything.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, that was when Leonard Utz tried to get through it.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, that's what it is. So, so.

[Giannis Pappas]

And the show, Chris Italia tried to.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And by the way, Chris, I mean this. Listen, we're coming to you live from this podcast studio video right now. But make absolutely no mistake, if we don't get paid for the show that we did a month ago that. That this comedy club lost the first. Here's the first shot. We're playing this like Donald Trump. Here's the first shot. We're doing an X live podcast in New York City, and We're doing it February 26th at Gotham Comedy Club. So that's the first tariff on.

[Giannis Pappas]

You get your tickets.

[Chris Distefano]

That's the first tariff on this.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

February 26th, we're doing it at Gotham Comedy Club, and it's almost sold out. So if you want to get Tickets, go to history.com Christy comedy.com giannispapascomedy.com Go to all those sites and you could get. February 26th, Gotham Comedy Club. We are doing a live history Hyenas podcast, New York City. Go get it. So that's the first shot. If we don't get paid. If we don't get paid for this show that we did a month ago that they are taking 10% off the top, even though they lost the footage. If, number one, if we don't get paid in three days and you take 10%, then you're not going to see this podcast anymore. And then that's the second big task, and that's a big loss. Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

And then we're going to put a tariff on candy bars.

[Chris Distefano]

Chris Italia.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's going to hurt.

[Chris Distefano]

Hurt you, and that's gonna hurt you big time. Okay. Okay. Because make no mistake, you're not going to be able to pay this rent. Pat Shamaha's podcast. So make no mistake, you're. You're in thin ice.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

This dad and you, you're two big boys. So you can't. You don't do well on thin ice.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. You're not gonna do what. You're gonna go through the ice.

[Chris Distefano]

It's what it is. Here's the thing that's not going on patreon. Staying on YouTube.

[Giannis Pappas]

Stay on YouTube because we want our money.

[Chris Distefano]

And then I want. I want the people to. I mean, because people send it and then the stand will repost it because they like to get into Twitter wars.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, that's right.

[Chris Distefano]

But it is like getting Twitter was. You don't give a fuck.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. I'm a big advocate for therapy.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes.

[Giannis Pappas]

I think it's great. And now with Rula, therapy is affordable. And that is the most important part of therapy. Because a lot of people just don't do therapy because it's unaffordable or it's inconvenient. Well, RULA makes it very affordable and very convenient.

[Chris Distefano]

And with Rula you can find the right therapist for you. RULA partners with a network of over 10,000 therapists and psychiatrists nationwide, enabling you to find your personalized solution and the right therapist for you. You Based on your needs, preferences and state requirements in network covered care for most major insurance you pay as little as $15 per sesh.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, not bad. True end to end care Rule is committed to supporting you and staying with you every step of the way on your mental health journey. From finding the right therapist to helping you schedule appointments and monitoring your pro progress, RULA is there to help.

[Chris Distefano]

Thousands have already trusted RULA to support them on their journey toward improved mental health and overall well being. Head on over to rula.com hyenas to get started. After you sign up, they ask you where have you heard about them? Please guys support our show and tell them our show sent you. It means a lot. Go to r u l a.com hyenas and take the first step towards better mental health. Today you deserve quality care from someone who cares.

[Giannis Pappas]

Live from Radio City Music hall, it's the SNL50 homecoming concert. Featuring performances by Arcade Fire, the B52 Back, Backstreet Boys, Bad Bunny, Bonnie Raitt, Brittany Howard, Brandi Carlisle, Chris Martin, Dave Grohl, David Byrne, Devo, Eddie Vedder, Jack White, Jelly Roll, Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus, Mumford and Sons, Post Malone, the Roots and more. Celebrating 50 Years of SNL Music February 14th at 8pm Eastern. Catch it live on Peacock. So tariffs do work. So it looks like the strategy America's using here, right? People look back at the Cold War and what was the Cold War? It was basically, hey, you're, we're not going to let you use the mechanisms of capitalism anymore to get big while you have this authoritarian kind of slant on the way you do business. So what we're going to do is we're not going to enable your economy anymore. We're going to stop doing that. And so what the hope is long term, I would think, is that the same thing happens that's happened in all these communist countries is they just get squeezed because they're not able to participate in the global economy any anymore. They don't get a free ride anymore. Their government doesn't get to go, hey, look at all this stuff we're getting, you know, but we're, we're, we're, we're raping you off the Top right. To keep our government military strong. And you just have to accept one car and no. 1 grocery bag. So what we're going to do is we're going to take away that grocery bag, we're going to take away that car, we're going to slow down your economy. And then what happens is the people get upset and they revolt. And then we come back in there and build a McDonald's.

[Chris Distefano]

It's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

So that's what's going to happen in China. Hopefully. Hopefully is. That's what I'm saying. That's what America's thinking. They're going, you're not going to be able to do this mixed economy anymore.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

We're on the one hand, you're going, oh, we're the. We're. We're free trade capital. But then you're really an authoritarian regime.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's trying to push your communism on the world. We're not going to allow that to happen anymore. And the Berlin Walls coming down or the Great Wall of China is coming down.

[Chris Distefano]

It's what it is. Because here's the thing, here's what we have as the United States and here, if you're a country that doesn't like, like us, here's. Unfortunately, you don't want to see these two show up at your doorstep. We got two big weapons. We got two big dudes that play for us. They're called Tariff Johnson and Nuke Wilson and they are known as the Blackhawks. They will come in and they. If you see them on your doorstep, just know you went too far. You don't want to see the Blackhawks. Tariq Johnson and Nuke Wilson. Those are our two best players.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. And I think under Trump, there's only going to be men who are going to be piloted, the black ops from now on. Yeah. It's what it is.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, it's what it is. Yeah. I'm flying to LA today and if there's a female pilot on the flight, I'm walking off.

[Giannis Pappas]

Getting off, getting off. It's just what we're talking about.

[Chris Distefano]

And I'm sorry that it had to be this way.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

But it's just. I mean, you can't fly your helicopter into a plane.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. No, I mean, look, it's sort of like cornerbacks, you know, you just, you.

[Chris Distefano]

Just want cornerbacks or quarterbacks.

[Giannis Pappas]

Cornerbacks. Corner cornerbacks.

[Chris Distefano]

Cornerbacks. Defensive cornerbacks, Defensive cor.

[Giannis Pappas]

You just usually. Yeah, and when I say usually, I'm going 99.8% of the time. Yeah, you know, maybe you got a point to Jason Seagram. What was his name?

[Chris Distefano]

Jason Seahawk.

[Giannis Pappas]

Whatever his name was. Minus adjacent. Seahorm. And I guess I think the Eagles got two white cornerbacks now too. Right.

[Chris Distefano]

One of them made an interception and ran it back for a touchdown.

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean, but let's be honest.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Those are what you call exceptions.

[Chris Distefano]

Exceptions to the rule.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's exceptions. You got to be able to run a certain 440 to be able to be a cornerback. Yeah, I, I want my.

[Chris Distefano]

It's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

And I, I don't feel comfortable seeing an 18 year old kid fly the plane either. I just want to see a white beard. I want to drive it my plane. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

I wanted to see my. One of them. He has a pack of smokes on the floor and he has a couple of sexual assault allegations. That's who I want.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's what we want.

[Chris Distefano]

Because then guess what? We're going to get from point A to point B. Yeah. And a couple of the flight attendants might get their asses grabbed. But you want to be safe, honestly or not.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, they're just, they're just the white quarterbacks in the sky. Yeah, it's what it is. They're just good pocket. They got strong arms.

[Chris Distefano]

They got.

[Giannis Pappas]

I want Dan Marino fly throwing my plate.

[Chris Distefano]

But I think we can all agree like this is not. There's not a. It's not racist or sexist. It's just what it is because other people are good at other things.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. No, we're making jokes.

[Chris Distefano]

We're just saying obviously make a joke.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, we're making jokes. I mean if you are the exception to the rule, then you got it. You got to really be able to prove it.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, it's what.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, like Jason Seehorn did. He could run.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes. Because.

[Giannis Pappas]

And you gotta be able to fly.

[Chris Distefano]

Make no mistake. Your cold just won't go away. I call it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, it just. It's been go away. Yeah, it's been over a week.

[Chris Distefano]

Put that in the Patreon.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's been over a week. And I may have given you the style.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, you might have given you the style. Yeah, because your cold lingers. It's just a linger.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, it's just. It's just. It's just kind of a linger. So that's the situation with the Panama Canal.

[Chris Distefano]

I mean it's fascinating though, is it not?

[Giannis Pappas]

Very fascinating. And you just have to know that we built it.

[Chris Distefano]

We built it. Let me ask you. Cause could you. Let me ask you. Ask you because we Were before the pod, we said that you just kind of understand what Trump's doing. Can you just, can you just expand on that a little bit? You said that you got, you get it. It's not a, it's not a vote for, against, but you get why he's doing what he has to do.

[Giannis Pappas]

Well, when it comes to the Panama Canal, specifically, specifically Panama Canal, again, I'm informing you that his administration is not the first. I mean, Biden was also equally concerned about this Hong Kong billionaire billionaire who owns both the ports and the, and the sort of tacit influence, you know, that's going on with China and the Panama Canal Authority.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

So they were also concerned. They just had a different way of going about it. I mean, Trump is just, he made it a platform of his candidacy and he's just outwardly going, you know, he's being Trump and he's going, he's just saying it. He's doing it in a way that's very provocative. So I think when it comes to Trump, I think what a lot of people don't understand is his administration. You know, it's a typical Republican administration in a lot of ways. Right. And in a lot of ways Democrat administrations have been typical Republican administrations.

[Chris Distefano]

What it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

So it's not that different. It's just the way Trump delivers the message. You can be for or against it. Now, obviously he came through and what he did differently was a couple of cultural things.

[Chris Distefano]

He came at Panama Canal in a different way.

[Giannis Pappas]

He's coming at the Panama Canal like he did trans people in women's sports. I'm just saying it's over.

[Chris Distefano]

It's all. He's like John, a light from that, from the Mafia documentary. He's coming at you a different way.

[Giannis Pappas]

He's coming at you. He comes at you in a different.

[Chris Distefano]

Way, you, in a different way.

[Giannis Pappas]

Comes at you in a different way. And that way is just saying it.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, he just says, just says.

[Giannis Pappas]

He goes, that's it. And with Trump, you feel like maybe it's less like with the Democrats. They talk about it, they talk about it, but then they've been doing a lot of pandering. I mean, they're going, yeah, what is the LGTBQ community? How does this poll with 14 year old voters?

[Chris Distefano]

Not anymore.

[Giannis Pappas]

How does it poll with, with the Hispanic community? Well, now you got a guy like Trump who doesn't care as much about that type of shit.

[Chris Distefano]

We want all those people to be safe and loved and feel good, but it's just, we're not the influence in the Panama Canal. Just. We don't care anymore.

[Giannis Pappas]

If you're asking me my personal opinion, I can't see how it's a bad thing that we take control of the Panama Canal. I just can't see how it's a bad thing.

[Chris Distefano]

Can't see how it's a bad thing.

[Giannis Pappas]

Considering that China has. Is there.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I can't see how it's a bad thing.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. I don't want to go to war with China.

[Giannis Pappas]

I also can't see how someone's not going to make this an LGTBQ issue, but they probably will, because somebody will.

[Chris Distefano]

Make this an LGBTQ R code. That's what's going to happen. And then you're going to have to scan it and fight for your right for the Panama Canal. And it's just what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, it's just. But somebody will. There will be a protest going. This is bad for the LGBTQ community in Colombia. So it won't even be a country affiliated with Panama.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. It's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's really the only argument you could.

[Chris Distefano]

Make against how I will get involved. And it's what it is. And it's what it is because. But we got. There's two words that just. Again, we've been saying it to you every week, week in, week out. There's two words that you just have to set over and over and over in your head, and then you will be comfy one fee. With any decision this country makes, any decision your family makes, any decision you make, if you just recite these two words over and over and over in your head, you will be comfy one feet in your skin. And those four words that. No.

[Giannis Pappas]

Make America great again.

[Chris Distefano]

That. That is big.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'm just kidding.

[Chris Distefano]

Make. There's. Well, there's a couple. There's four words. Make America great again. There's three words. Patreon.com history. And then the other two words I was talking about, you will just be comforting your skin. Radical acceptance.

[Giannis Pappas]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Radical acceptance. And that's our sign. Somebody made a sign says, radical acceptance. Acceptance, beautiful graffiti artwork. And it's just, you know. What did he write? He wrote.

[Giannis Pappas]

He wrote Steel Pipe Chrissy, Special needs Stamos. He wrote Franks and Beans. He wrote Yanni and Chrissy, the history hyenas. And then he signed his name, and I don't remember what it is.

[Chris Distefano]

So just thank you to whoever that kid is.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Can you post. Can you. Whoever made a practical accepted sign, tag us in it. We will Repost it for you. You know, we. We all love it. Jesse's, you know, an art bitch. He gave it a 4 out of 10. It's just what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

Now here's the thing.

[Chris Distefano]

Me and Giannis don't know anything about art, so we just thought it was cute.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

I'm already getting it tattooed on my calf.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. So it's just going to be the American Canal, just like the Gulf of America. And make zero mistake, you're just going to see a cruise ship go through there. Yeah, there's just going to be cruise ships going through the pan.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. And unfortunately, with our fat ass Americans, the water is not going to be able to raise high enough and the ship's just going to get stuck and we're not going to get our ship from TEU for a month and then we're going to beg China to get back in.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

It's what it is, cuz. Now listen to me. The favorite part of our show. We hope you learned something here today. Our favorite part of the show is the fans, the new fans that go to patreon.com history hyenas. They make a funny name. We read it out. We give an opportunity to, you hear your name read. The funnier it is, the higher the chance it is to get on the list. Whoever's got the funniest name, we give them the ppw, the pseudo penis of the week. And you can see your name up in lights at. History Hyenas is back. So in addition to getting extra bonus content, wild episodes, unedited YouTube episodes, you also get a chance to get your name right out. And it's a beautiful community. I got to be honest with you, all the people who have went to patreon.com history, you got to see they're chatting with each other, they're going on dates, they're meetup groups. They also get early access to any live shows we do. So it's pretty dope.

[Giannis Pappas]

And if you want to hear our episodes with no cackles, you want to hear it uncensored, which is one of the big reasons why people love Patreon. They go to patreon.com you get it a day early with no cackles y so you can hear everything. It's completely uncensored. We give you a weekly bonus episode. We're going to be doing walking talks. We got the audio podcast coming soon. They're going to 14 boys from those boys. And I just want to say this because this was one, one important point we Forgot to say. In 2017, the Panamanian Authority that controls the Panama Canal officially switched their stance on Taiwan. Taiwan. They officially switched their stance and they recognized that Taiwan is part of China.

[Chris Distefano]

What a coinkie thing.

[Giannis Pappas]

What a coinkie did. So that was a little bit of a hint. Yeah. You know what I mean?

[Chris Distefano]

And it was just a coincidence that they changed their stance. And it was another coincidence that's all of a sudden they had no toilets and everyone shot in a hole in the floor.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. And also China has been planning multiple projects. Railways connecting Panama City and David. They've been building the railroads there. So China's just in there. And. But once you hear that they switch their stance on taiw.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Once they made a John Cena apology video in Mandarin. You're going, maybe you need to put some boots on the ground here and reclaim this. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Now, Caballero, is there any connection from you in 2017 changing your stance, saying Taiwan is a part of China and also you getting $1 billion in yen?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Is there any connection?

[Giannis Pappas]

Is there any connection there?

[Chris Distefano]

No. They're saying no.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. I don't. I don't.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

All right, Here we go. All right. Welcome to the Patreon. Our newest members. Chrissy D sucks my pee pees while Yanni pops my big behind. Gays for Trump.

[Giannis Pappas]

Drexler.

[Chris Distefano]

Strong Drexler Legion of Fume. Like Legion of Doom. We've had already, but it's great Donkey. Then we got weekend GI Joe.

[Giannis Pappas]

Weekend GI Joe's a nice.

[Chris Distefano]

I think that's funny because they're saying they put GI Joes up their ass on the weekend.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

So they used to say, you put GI Joes in your ass.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's a great chicken finger.

[Chris Distefano]

Great one. Noah Pearl Muter. Then we got Wei Sean Chian as Illuminati. Then we got Yanni has the downs. Every time he squints and frowns. Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

Drexler.

[Chris Distefano]

Drexler. But yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Gerald Harvey Jr. Christ is king. We got some religious people welcome. Then we got.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's more Just Screwed in.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Ad it's soon. That will go from the fumes of hyena spoons. Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

Luigi Bellini with the teeny weeny. It's what it is. Chris is definitely gay because it's jizz. What it is like it is what.

[Giannis Pappas]

It is instead of is what it is. That's a nice Dr. Nice Drexler.

[Chris Distefano]

Then we got when the smell hits your eye like a Punjabi pie. That's Fumare.

[Giannis Pappas]

Put him on the list.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Okay. But that's also security, and we don't condone that kind of behavior.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, we don't condone it, but it's funny.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay, but it's going on the list. Don't condone.

[Giannis Pappas]

We don't condone it, but it's going on the list for the funny fact.

[Chris Distefano]

But the chances are an Indian kid probably made that up.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's probably what it is.

[Chris Distefano]

Chrissy D. And Yani P. Bombed worse on jre than the Japanese. Hashtag. Tim Dillon. Beats me.

[Giannis Pappas]

Drexler.

[Chris Distefano]

Drex are good funny. The Goblin that will eat Chrissy D. Okay. WASP bad. Here, here. We get our.

[Giannis Pappas]

Here.

[Chris Distefano]

I think for this one, this guy's name is Tom Wob Scans. He can get our Connecticut Monkey Award. Then we got. Everyone says they don't notice, but I'm Growing Tits.

[Giannis Pappas]

Drax.

[Chris Distefano]

Drax, sir. Okay, this is a tough list.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, this is tough one.

[Chris Distefano]

Then we got Suck the fart out of AOC Stink Star. Hashtag lot of 14.

[Giannis Pappas]

Funny.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay. Then we got Moretti, the Spaghetti Monkey. So this kid just gave himself the award.

[Giannis Pappas]

There you go.

[Chris Distefano]

Then we got Epstein. Didn't. Venmo.

[Giannis Pappas]

Drexler.

[Chris Distefano]

Drexler.

[Giannis Pappas]

Wow.

[Chris Distefano]

I thought that was going on the list.

[Giannis Pappas]

Wow.

[Chris Distefano]

Yanni's. Yanni's being conservative.

[Giannis Pappas]

No, this is the Buffalo Bills at the Super Bowl. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Angelo Del Ponte, Sauce Marketing.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Then we got Barry Manilow Strokes Me. Soft and Slow.

[Giannis Pappas]

Drexler. It's a Fuck Drexler list.

[Chris Distefano]

Then we got Anne Hathaway. Seriously, it's me.

[Giannis Pappas]

I think it's her.

[Chris Distefano]

No.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. It'd be funny if it is.

[Chris Distefano]

They're funny. If it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

They listen. I mean, they listen. They got listen. They're a community of people who have nothing to do all day. There's a lot of actors listening to these podcasts. And that's, you know, that's if Anne Hathaway.

[Chris Distefano]

Seriously, it's me, actually. Is you DM us.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. And let us sniff your seat at least.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Let us love it. She looked beautiful at the Super Bowl. Then we got Sarak. Obama. Barack Obama, but they called him so Rock Obama.

[Giannis Pappas]

Wow.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean, put him on the list. Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

That one. That one. Caught you late.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, that was it. Yeah. That's P. Diddy's vodka.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Then we got Fully loaded. Like, fully loaded. This thing H. Foley loaded.

[Giannis Pappas]

Good one. Chicken finger.

[Chris Distefano]

Yanni. Straight to the back. Ho. The Greek squeak.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

Stay humble. Stack. Stay stats. Big Mike into One way song.

[Giannis Pappas]

Laugh. 14.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

Stretchler. It should be on the lit it.

[Chris Distefano]

Should be on the list. But it's. It's not. Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's not okay. Yeah. Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

But it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

It should funny.

[Chris Distefano]

It should be noted that if we were in a different world, it would actually win. Yeah, but it can't go on the list because we can't condone that kind.

[Giannis Pappas]

Of behavior in 1870.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

It would be the winner.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. When they were built, the guys building the Panama Canal liked it. Yeah, they like that one. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Father Bill gave me a touch of the tism. Okay, then we got glue is. And Clark's chess word expansion. Oh, Gluis and Clark's chess word expansion. Like Lewis and Clark, but they said glue us and Clark. Very chess word expansion. I like that. Instead of Westward Chestworth.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right. Because his glue is going up. You got to put them on the list.

[Chris Distefano]

Put them on the list. Very good one.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, you got to put them on the list.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay, good. Then we got Taking the hedge off Unreal Business gaming screwed in. Then we got your Salchika Fumade. Might knock up the gumade. Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

Kamala's eastern hemi turd cutter makes me stutter. Chris, does Stefan know? Seriously, cuz. There was that much baby oil. The Fumin Centipede waited a week.

[Giannis Pappas]

And the Fumin centipede gets a chicken finger.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay, chicken finger.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's a human centipede.

[Chris Distefano]

Waited a week. And that squeak didn't let you speak. Okay, I don't know. Mark Summers, Ash Khan. Then we got. Yeah. Name demonetized. YouTube needs to gargle glue from my character piece. It's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

Appreciate the support.

[Chris Distefano]

Thank you, Broski724. Then we got Buzzball, Joshua Nkirki, Chrissy D. The Gay Queen of Queens, the History Hyena Youth, founded by Father Bill April, Defraud Blanco, Ezra the Oven Dodger, AKA Based Ling Ling.

[Giannis Pappas]

Put him on the list.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay. The Oven Dodger is.

[Giannis Pappas]

If he just. I mean, if he just kept it to Ezra the Oven Dodger. But it's so strong that I didn't even hear this. I didn't even hear the last. So we're gonna.

[Chris Distefano]

We're gonna. We're gonna get Bass Ling Ling out. We're just gonna call you Ezra the Oven doctor to give you a better chance.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. What was the end of it?

[Chris Distefano]

As in the AKA Based Ling Ling. I don't even know what that means.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, I don't even know what that means. We're just gonna. We're gonna help you out and. And just. We're gonna punch that up. And I'm gonna right now say you're a contender. Yeah, yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Then we got mia, the great 17. Jason Bourne from the movies. Jason Bourne is on the pot. Okay. Jacob Bod. Tyler Norton. Yeah, good one. It's a good one. It's a good one. It really is. Okay. Then we got Eastern hemi toot with a creased sweaty fruit.

[Giannis Pappas]

Drexler.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay. Father Bill's favorite. Chocolate starfish. Pat. Then we got Fulfill your promise. Take me from a cup to a G. From a cup to a G.

[Giannis Pappas]

Just wants bigger tits.

[Chris Distefano]

Just want bigger tits. Did we say we'd give someone fake tits?

[Giannis Pappas]

We said we'd pay for someone's tits, so.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, we said, remember you. We were going to pay for the tits or something.

[Chris Distefano]

Pay for the tits. Okay, all right, maybe Drexler. But all right.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah, it's there.

[Chris Distefano]

It's there. We got a Salsa Monkey Award. Giovanni Hernandez.

[Giannis Pappas]

Wow. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And Kenny Diaz. We'll give them both to you.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Dildo bag.

[Giannis Pappas]

Chicken finger.

[Chris Distefano]

Andy rubbed my pseudo slit with that Jackson Pollock tit. Yas.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

Danny Glover, but with huge natural tits.

[Giannis Pappas]

Drexler.

[Chris Distefano]

That's a wild thing to think about.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's very funny.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Very random and funny.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Dingo dick balls.

[Giannis Pappas]

Chicken finger. I like dingo dick balls.

[Chris Distefano]

Andrew Churchill. Then we got Deep dish poop Sock pizza. Then we got O.J. simpson.

[Giannis Pappas]

Post hominously.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Mr. And Mrs. Mr. And Mrs. Wyden Bush. Okay. LBT. Andres Perez. Diego Brando. Then we got Zach. Isis fingers. Detour through New Orleans. Now use can't leave. Okay. Jonathan Deluca. Alfredo Camacho. Larry's left leaning glueless gun on Trimex. What's Trimax?

[Giannis Pappas]

That's to think. That's what you take. Wasn't that guy in the. We did the Karma Kazi with. Oh, he's on Trimax.

[Chris Distefano]

Right, right, right. That guy. Yeah, Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

Chicken finger.

[Chris Distefano]

It's a prescription combination drug. It's used for erectile dysfunction. So it's good.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, I like strong Drexler.

[Chris Distefano]

Darren Fulmer. Then we got Way Sean Sheehan, Factory worker. Then we got Josephine. Smelly cunt. Guess it's a Napoleon reference. Josephine.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Chris Distefano]

Who said you had a full bush?

[Giannis Pappas]

Right?

[Chris Distefano]

Very funny, Very funny. Like it? Jeff. Then we got my cuz. He was. He banged out a muzzy. It's what it is, cuz. Yanni Biden. Suzuki Gun. Lost ropes. Matthew Manning. Joe Biden. 2028. Alex Betts. Ryan. I don't know if I walked into one or. That's your real Last name? Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

What he do?

[Chris Distefano]

Then we got. My name is Austin Ardler and I like it in the Buddha chick Judge. Okay, good. Keith gave his full name.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Wife thinks I take Paul cuz Yani makes me witch hazel. My hole.

[Giannis Pappas]

List. It list.

[Chris Distefano]

It takes pole. Is funny.

[Giannis Pappas]

Takes pole. And you know, she got. She got very suspicious because he was cleaning his ass with witch hazel.

[Chris Distefano]

Which is. Which is a Yanni special.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's a contender.

[Chris Distefano]

Then we got Steve Smith. Then we got Christopher Reeves. Dusty Pipe.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

Then we got Fumarian Brotherhood, AKA ss, AKA Squeaks. Sniffer.

[Giannis Pappas]

If he was just a squeak sniffer.

[Chris Distefano]

The SS ak. Squeak Sniffer.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, it would have been funnier.

[Chris Distefano]

Drexler.

[Giannis Pappas]

Drexler. For the. For part of your name.

[Chris Distefano]

Squeak with fumes and the Furious Father Bill Salem Witch Hazel Trials.

[Giannis Pappas]

Wow. Chicken finger and a Drexler.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, just not as good as the other guy.

[Chris Distefano]

Coffee. Leroy's barista ain't serving non means only line of 14s. It's character piece.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

Legally retarded, two tainted.

[Giannis Pappas]

He's a tooth tamer.

[Chris Distefano]

Maybe walked into one.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

John Taylor, BC Jacob Brzezinski, therapist for freak offs. Okay, okay. Richard Rodriguez, half Yanni's dangling gi tush Trooper, half Chrissy's fume confetti catcher.

[Giannis Pappas]

See, that's another one. Just separate one or. Yeah, yeah, one or the other. I'm gonna. Yeah, I'm just giving advice.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay. Ruv. I. Ruv. Bobby Re. Okay. Walked into one.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, walked in.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay, but very funny, very funny.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Tommy Hartog iii.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Then we got Rozzy Snow Monkey. Straight kid. But I have Grinder on my phone for emergencies. It's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

Drexler.

[Chris Distefano]

Drexler.

[Giannis Pappas]

But good one. Good one, though.

[Chris Distefano]

Brock Stoes person X subscribed until my mom notices I used her card.

[Giannis Pappas]

Drexler.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay. God, but there's so many. This is the Drexler list.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yes, the Drexler list. I just. I. Yeah, I mean, especially with Ezra. It's going to be tough.

[Chris Distefano]

Nick Hood's gone. Then we got Heywood. Japle my finger. Hey, would you. Hey, would you just pull my finger? Okay. Just pull my finger.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay. Good one. Jose Lopez, eight inches, all head, estrogen, foot patches. You see me? High heel Prince Branson. Okay, Duckman, Lachlan O'Brien. Da Vinci's douche. Sean. Puffy Fumes and Fruit of the Looms. Oiled up, freaking off in the all ages room.

[Giannis Pappas]

Very funny. Drexler.

[Chris Distefano]

Top hardy. Like Tom Hardy. Top Hardy.

[Giannis Pappas]

Top Hardy.

[Chris Distefano]

Not bad.

[Giannis Pappas]

Chicken finger Good one.

[Chris Distefano]

Like that?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, very good.

[Chris Distefano]

Radical extremist turn radical acceptist via becoming trans. PS Make a new bathroom just for my kind of trans.

[Giannis Pappas]

Drexler.

[Chris Distefano]

Drexer. It's no character piece. It's what it is. I am now maga.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay, okay.

[Chris Distefano]

Kevin Brown, Jork. Daniel Winkler. Major Spaggot. Mikey Likey Chinese Nike. Okay. Trump will make your baby bump a garbage lump. Hashtag Free the Rioters. Pete. Inside my booty wedge, I like Fumi Heads, Buddha, Judge aids, Potato Monkey. The angelic anus.

[Giannis Pappas]

The angelic anus is.

[Chris Distefano]

I like that. Jason Parent, Ranger, G. Sul Kun, Plumple Stillskin, Grant Ball and Franks and Beans. AKA the Hide and Seek World Champ.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's walked into one, but it's very funny.

[Chris Distefano]

It's very funny.

[Giannis Pappas]

What do we do there?

[Chris Distefano]

Jesse, the hide and seek world champ. We've heard better. We've heard better.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay, so the Heart Hide and seek champ is very.

[Chris Distefano]

Not bad.

[Giannis Pappas]

Is very funny. I'm going to. I'm going to secretly Drexler Secret but also walked into it.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay. Thomas Curry, Mike Logan Scott Warts Turning Point. PRC Screwed in Greasy Toenails. Trev Lesh. Is it really a bit? Pretty sure the kid loves jizz. Because it's what it is. Just a chill guy who pet the rabbit too hard.

[Giannis Pappas]

Drexler, basically. Say the kids. He's Frank's.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Because of. Of my.

[Chris Distefano]

Yep. Ryan McTaggart. Ciara Tiara, Banco Papular CEO. Please don't kill me. Anna Doyle. Brian. Just give me a Drexler Gaffney. Okay?

[Giannis Pappas]

Give him an honorary Drexler. Kid wants it.

[Chris Distefano]

Alex, Liam. Then we got Potato Groton Monkey. Because the mother's French. Sol V. Matt Rife. Eat my asshole.

[Giannis Pappas]

Drexler.

[Chris Distefano]

Drexler. Okay. Clan Clam Wine.

[Giannis Pappas]

Drexer is an honor, by the way.

[Chris Distefano]

Drexler is an honor.

[Giannis Pappas]

It means that, you know, if we didn't have a better one, you'd be on the list. That's what it means.

[Chris Distefano]

There's been lists. That's why you have to listen. Every episode there's been lists where we've had 40 on the list and then we've had 40 Drexlers.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's just. Everyone has its own personality.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Clem y cat, Chrissy glued on my north face. Now it's a south face. Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay. I was almost.

[Chris Distefano]

Jre has a small pee pee. Black Lives Maga.

[Giannis Pappas]

Drexler. Okay, good one.

[Chris Distefano]

Jordan Burkhart, Austin Labruque, Rosa Park. Straight to the back.

[Giannis Pappas]

We've had.

[Chris Distefano]

Yep. Pete Buttigieg's Eunuch.

[Giannis Pappas]

Funny.

[Chris Distefano]

Justin Vaughn. Then we got Chrissy Destabilson. Oh, Chrissy. Destabilizing Detestable sin. Okay, okay. AOC. AOC's for Rome, but smells like Chinatown Summers. Okay. Walked into One.

[Giannis Pappas]

Way Song.

[Chris Distefano]

She Ain't Toby.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's just incorrect. You know, she smells good.

[Chris Distefano]

She smells great.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Dick's Zillow. Then we got Straightest Gay in San Francisco.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay. Yeah. It means interesting. Probably just more of a fact.

[Chris Distefano]

$3. $3 bill tier. Cuz my baby mama makes more money than me because she's white.

[Giannis Pappas]

Eat.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay. James Mozzarella. Stanley Rosenfeld. Emily C. Adam. Josh Juggaho. Katie. Dick's Balls and Ass. Muzzy Buzzy Swaz. Wait. Katie Dick, Balls and Ass. Muzzy Buzzy Muzzy. Buzzies. Was a blast. Okay, Sorry, bad read.

[Giannis Pappas]

Overthought it.

[Chris Distefano]

Gabe. You sex. Cause of trash. Tim's Bits. Oh, my God. Giannis. Greek Forest is a corn maze for glaze. Zach. ISIS versus Ari Shafir Live on Netflix. Chrissy drinks. Pissy. Embracing Chrissy and Yanni. Chaos. Ty Deroos. M. JP Anthony Stames. Fruits and skins. The curious taste of Benjamin's cousin.

[Giannis Pappas]

Good one, Drexler.

[Chris Distefano]

Drexler. Mike stalks Vena through her window. It's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's what it is. It's more of a fact.

[Chris Distefano]

Joe feasts on wild game through his hole of shame. Rogan. Okay. Sadami Husanis. Winner. Sneeze cheese. Christopher Buse. Stacy. Zachary Robbins. Gandhi did nothing wrong.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah. It's just funny.

[Chris Distefano]

But Stephen Graff. Cole Pugliano playing whack a mole with liquid nitrogen. Dip Q tips and genital warts. HPV for life.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay. Wish I was still fat so Jesse could sculpt me.

[Giannis Pappas]

Lost weight.

[Chris Distefano]

Yep. Clayton. Chrissy Schnitzel. And Yanni's Peter Pooper. Elijah b. Mitchell Holbrooke. $3bill. Oh, we had that one. Okay, one more page. These are all great names. This is just a list of directions, which actually is fun because it makes the actual winner harder.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Yes, it does. Exactly.

[Chris Distefano]

Squeak. Latino freak. No FFs, please. Skinny, big teeth. Angel Aguilar. Anne Marie Harvey. Anne Hathaway. Again. So Anne Hathaway's back Wild. I smacked the back of my sack to go peeling. Okay. Castrato caliber glue gun. Gun. Chrissy's fume tutor with a glue gun. McShooter. Johnny come clucky. Emmanuel Hawkins. Dwight D. Chryson. Shower.

[Giannis Pappas]

Oh.

[Chris Distefano]

Dwight D. Kries. And shower.

[Giannis Pappas]

Dwight D. Krausen. Shower.

[Chris Distefano]

Dwight dies in shower like Eisenhower cries and shower. Give him not bad chicken finger. Clean my asshole with witch hazel for Venetia Toto's Africa playing in 1990 mall is Vibeception. Okay. Good day. Bidet Chrisiana today and a little Gay Nadan nickle left. Okay. Jairo Ramirez Dusty Beef Jake Pratt Kaden Nick Tasteless Plot Michael Nagy. Did Yanni and the Sitch make amends? It's a character piece. Okay, Walked into the other one. Spenny T. Alejandro Gonzalez Wei Shong no Dong Donald Pump Baby. It's a bird, it's a plane, It's a. It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a pizza place raid.

[Giannis Pappas]

Talking about common pizza.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay. Oh, that's what it is. Patreon Dennis Claydo, Garrett Belanger Lindsay's Ladybugs from Fumington, South Carolina Carlos Javier Ramon Adu J. The real reason they broke up Tim Dillon Subprimed My Asshole. The piece from Ammonia Cafe Turning FF straight Sir Slop Ross Neely the tits squeak in the sheets Coffee Leroy's little durag Carlos Spicy Wiener Brett Buffaro I'm just queer for the gay jokes Joe Ragans Joe Rogan's massive chode Sugeak Peace Emperor Justinian Yanni Futinari Fuming on colonis See you next Tuesday Trey Shahnaman Eileen Ulick no muff to duff I dive at 5 blown o ring Feed my rectum with that Chrissy D Ed for Dunaway Call Ladder 14 My belly button has fumes aka Bruce Wayne Molly Wayne Some dud Good job. Eunuch from Munich who likes a sweaty hummus Tune. Wait. Eunuch from Munich who likes a sweaty hummus? Tulik GI Joe Oper is a chicken.

[Giannis Pappas]

Figure we're going to help some people out.

[Chris Distefano]

Drutopia. Then we got GI Joe Operation Pocket Rocket.

[Giannis Pappas]

Put them on the list.

[Chris Distefano]

Wow. So here we go. We got one on the list because.

[Giannis Pappas]

Operation Pocket Rocket. Did you get that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you carry in your pocket?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Pagers. Pagers.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's what is. It's a walk into wood, but also funny. This is the Jew list.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Interaction Bronson, Jacqueline Stone, the Jizzard. Bobby Lee Lost his virginity to a Down Syndrome Eric Davenport. Bernie Man, Christian Ramirez. And then we got Potato Monkey, Fireman. But my son's Puerto Rican. Depending on the application. S Put him on the list. Okay. So. Wow. So see. See that last page? You never know. You can get some banger.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, we'd have.

[Chris Distefano]

All right, so here we Go. So here's the list. Thank you for everyone who submitted.

[Giannis Pappas]

Strong list, but just nothing that, like, knocked me over. Except for a few.

[Chris Distefano]

But that happens.

[Giannis Pappas]

It happens.

[Chris Distefano]

This is. It's a long game. Yeah, It's a marathon. So here we go. So we got GI Joe, Operation Pocket Rocket, Potato Monkey, Fireman. But my son's Puerto Rican. Depending on the application. Slks. Wife thinks I take pole because Yanni makes me witch hazel my hole.

[Giannis Pappas]

Contender.

[Chris Distefano]

Contender.

[Giannis Pappas]

Contender.

[Chris Distefano]

First. Contender.

[Giannis Pappas]

Contender.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay, and then we got Ezra the oven Dodger.

[Giannis Pappas]

Contender.

[Chris Distefano]

Contender. Yeah, and then we got when the smell hits your eye like a Punjabi pie, that's Fumare.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay, yeah, we got three contestants.

[Chris Distefano]

And then we got Sorak Obama.

[Giannis Pappas]

We're gonna Drexler, Soroka.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay, so here are the. These are contenders. When the smell hit your eye, like.

[Giannis Pappas]

Is that wrong for me? Is that a good one? Is that like, nah, I did the right move.

[Chris Distefano]

So here are the three contenders. When the. When the smell hits your eye like a Punjabi pie, that's Fumari.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's Fumar.

[Chris Distefano]

Ezra the oven dodger. Or wife thinks I take Paul because Yanni makes me witch hazel my hole.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to honor Ezra, right? But we had to help him.

[Chris Distefano]

So he lost.

[Giannis Pappas]

We're going to. We're going to drex him because we had to.

[Chris Distefano]

We had to edit him, so we had to do that.

[Giannis Pappas]

But it's still very funny.

[Chris Distefano]

So it is between. Wife thinks I take pole because Yanni makes me witch hazel my hole. And when the smell hits your eye, it's like a Punjabi pie.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's for two good ones.

[Chris Distefano]

No, we have to pick a winner. Can't do that anymore.

[Giannis Pappas]

Can't do that.

[Chris Distefano]

It's hard. But that's why we. That's why we. You know, I am.

[Giannis Pappas]

I am going to go the winner this week. I'm going to go with witch hazel because it's just funny. It's a funny story. It's a funny image that his wife is going like, why are you paying so much attention to cleaning your ass off? And he's going, because the guy yachty told me, and she's going, I'm suspicious that you're getting banged today.

[Chris Distefano]

It's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

So that's your winner.

[Chris Distefano]

So the winner. Congratulations. Wife thinks I taste poll because Yani makes me witch hazel my hole. You could see your name up at History Hyenas is back. You are the ppw.

[Giannis Pappas]

And also, we did an episode on Neutrality Panama Canal. Supposed to be neutral. This one's a little less racist.

[Chris Distefano]

This one's a little more neutral. A little more neutral. And it's good. And you could go to history.com to get tickets to our second live show in New York City at Gotham Comedy Club, February 26th. We're doing a live history Hyena show. You're going to want to be be there and then go. You can get the [e-mail] or giannispoppascomedy.com come see me September 11, 2025. I'm headlining the arena at Madison Square Garden. My only dream ever in comedy was to do that. So please come support that. And I have all my other show dates. We're in Texas, we're in Rhode Island. We're in a bunch of places. Go to ChrisDComedy.com and just come see your boy.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. And come see me this weekend in Chicago at the Den Theater, Friday and Saturday. And then see me in Philly the last weekend, weekend of April. Then, of course, Rochester, San Diego, and some other dates. Giannis Pappers.

[Chris Distefano]

Wait, Philly, the last weekend in April or February.

[Giannis Pappas]

February.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Last weekend of February. I'll be in Philly at the Punchline And a bunch of other dates. Just go to history hyenas is back.com for tickets.