Ivy League War: Trump vs Harvard | History Hyenas

Summary

History Hyenas Podcast Summary Episode Title: Ivy League War: Trump vs Harvard
Release Date: June 5, 2025
Hosts: Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas

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Introduction

In this episode of History Hyenas, comedians Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas delve into the contentious relationship between former President Donald Trump and Harvard University. Blending humor with historical insights, the duo explores Trump's recent actions against Ivy League institutions, particularly focusing on Harvard's alleged ties to anti-Semitism and the Chinese Communist Party (CCP).

Main Discussion: Trump’s Attack on Harvard and the Ivy League

The central theme revolves around Trump's efforts to diminish the influence and funding of Harvard University. Distefano opens the discussion by highlighting the administration's move to freeze over $2 billion in federal research grants to Harvard, citing the university's failure to address anti-Semitism and its connections to the CCP.

Notable Quote:

"Donald Trump is attacking Harvard and probably going to start attacking other institutions because he believes the Trump administration believes that the kids are getting indoctrinated in college."
— Chris Distefano [16:15]

Yannis adds depth to the conversation by addressing the overrepresentation of Chinese and Jewish students in Ivy League schools. He points out that these demographics often surpass their proportional representation in the general U.S. population, raising questions about meritocracy and diversity.

Notable Quote:

"The Jews are now making different choices about where to go to school... This is the first year where there were zero applicants to Columbia that were Jewish."
— Yannis Pappas [16:32]

The hosts discuss the implications of Trump's policies, pondering whether they stem from genuine concerns about indoctrination or serve as personal retribution for the Trump family's unsuccessful attempts to gain admission to prestigious institutions.

Notable Quote:

"This could just be payback because he didn't get into Harvard when he was a kid and Baron and didn't get into any Ivy League schools."
— Chris Distefano [29:21]

Historical Anecdotes: Charleston and the Origin of 'Knocked Up'

Shifting gears, Distefano shares his experience visiting Charleston, South Carolina, where he toured the historic slave market. During the tour, he uncoveres the grim origin of the term "knocked up," explaining it referred to pregnant enslaved women being sold at a discount.

Notable Quote:

"The term 'knocked up' comes from that Charleston slave market. They would have slaves standing on different pieces of wood... a slave who was pregnant was coming with a two for one."
— Chris Distefano [04:17]

Yannis humorously connects this historical term to modern pop culture, referencing the movie "Knocked Up" and how its title bears no relation to its harsh origins.

Cultural Commentary: The 'Woke Mind Virus' and Education Reform

The conversation transitions to broader cultural issues, with both hosts expressing concerns over what they term the "woke mind virus." They critique the current state of higher education, suggesting that Ivy League institutions have shifted focus from traditional academic disciplines to more progressive and often divisive topics.

Notable Quote:

"The 'woke mind virus'... seems like that gets bred by college professors in colleges. So you have to do something about that."
— Chris Distefano [54:35]

Yannis emphasizes the need for an education system that prioritizes STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics) fields over what they perceive as less practical disciplines, arguing that this shift contributes to the overemphasis on ideological indoctrination.

Personal Anecdotes and Future Plans

Throughout the episode, the hosts interweave personal stories, including Distefano’s family experiences and their plans to launch guided history tours and live shows in historically significant cities like Charleston. They also discuss their Patreon initiatives, aiming to engage more deeply with their audience by offering exclusive content and interactive experiences.

Notable Quote:

"We’re going to start doing live shows at tours in cities that have semi-legalized prostitution because we’re looking for loop."
— Yannis Pappas [12:48]

Conclusion: Reflecting on Higher Education and National Identity

In wrapping up, Distefano and Yannis reflect on the future of higher education in the United States. They debate the value of Ivy League degrees in today's economy, comparing traditional education paths to modern alternatives like internships with social media influencers. The hosts express skepticism about the long-term relevance of Ivy League institutions, questioning whether the substantial financial and emotional investments truly yield corresponding benefits.

Notable Quote:

"Does it matter anymore? Because the kid who has a Harvard education, is he going to get a job? He or she going to get a job over someone who’s got experience and is just a better student from Villanova?"
— Chris Distefano [20:44]

Highlighted Themes and Takeaways

• Trump's Policy Motives: Unpacking whether Trump's actions against Harvard are driven by ideological concerns or personal vendettas.
• Meritocracy vs. Diversity: Debating the balance between fostering a diverse student body and maintaining merit-based admissions.
• Historical Context: Understanding the depth of issues like anti-Semitism and their modern repercussions.
• Education's Evolution: Critiquing the current state of higher education and its alignment with national priorities.
• Cultural Shifts: Addressing the influence of progressive ideologies in academia and their impact on societal values.

Final Thoughts

History Hyenas successfully melds humor with serious discourse, offering listeners a nuanced exploration of the intersection between politics, education, and history. Through their candid dialogue, Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas encourage critical thinking about the role of elite institutions in shaping future generations and national identity.

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For more in-depth discussions and exclusive content, visit patreon.com/historyhyenas.

Transcript

[A]

Guys, we got a wild episode today about the history of Ivy League schools. And if Trump is right for taking the money away from Harvard. And it's going to be a good one.

[B]

It's a very good one. Come see me in Providence, July 11th and 12th. August in Tampa, 15th and 16th. Bakersfield, California, October 3rd and 4th. Toronto, October 18th. Tulsa, 2425. Bozeman, Montana, November 22nd. And Stanford, Connecticut, December 5th and 6th.

[A]

Christie comedy.com for all my dates, we just added Atlantic City in June. So go see that and then go see msg Theater at MSG September 11th. And then I got a whole bunch of dates in the summer. Br Improv Oklahoma. When are you going to go to Oklahoma? I'm going to Tulsa too.

[B]

I'm coming with you. Yeah. And watch the special. It's up on History Hyena's YouTube channel, Property Owner.

[A]

Do it.

[B]

Hello, everyone. Welcome to another episode of the History Hyenas. There's two guys with eight eyes. We're both glasses up, we got our goggles on and we're ready to rock.

[A]

Goggles on. Today. Today we're going to be talking to you about the history of, of the Ivy League schools in this country because of the recent scandals with Donald Trump and Harvard University. So I threw on my glasses to look and sound smart.

[B]

Yeah. To be Chinese or to not be Chinese? That is the question. You are being admitted to an Ivy League university. And the Supreme Court in 2023 said it is okay to be Chinese. And then Donald Trump came in and said it is not okay to be Chinese.

[A]

Odds and it gets pretty wild as. And I think you and I are going to have different takes on this and different sides. We're going to be on different sides of the AIs.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I'm all for it.

[B]

Yeah. Well, we look like we're different. I look like a guy who attends Harvard University. You look like a guy who's pulling up to Harvard University to sell the students coke.

[A]

It's just what it is. I mean, cuz I realized because I said, I started looking through my house and I said, do I have glasses for the bit to look smart. And these are the only glasses I have. And these are the only glasses in history that make you look dumb.

[B]

Yeah. Those are what you call community college glasses. Those are two year glasses and I got four year glasses.

[A]

These are natural community college glasses.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Now because I was. Before we get into Talk to me, I just want to tell you, listen to me. I was in Charleston, South Carolina. That city is beyond you and everyone who wants to run to Florida and live in Florida and retire in Florida. No, baby, I'm going to Charleston, South Carolina. It was gorgeous. And I took some pictures in front of the slave market.

[B]

It's a historical site.

[A]

That's wild. That. That's a historical place. Like, that's part of their tour. Tourism is coming to the slave market.

[B]

Y.

[A]

You shouldn't be good.

[B]

You shouldn't be doing merch there. Yeah. And they do.

[A]

And they do.

[B]

Is bad.

[A]

And I learned. I learned a bad one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think I might have said it for. Do you know where the term knocked up comes from? Did I tell you guys about this already?

[B]

Knocked up.

[A]

Yeah. Do you know what it is?

[B]

Is that when it's too hot outside and people get knocked. Yeah.

[A]

No. What it is, while the term knocked up there was a movie. Judd Apatow made a movie called Knocked Up. Seth Rogen, Captain.

[B]

I didn't want to do the joke because I know you're doing network TV soon.

[A]

Yeah, just do it. Do all the jokes. So Catherine Katherine Heigl, who make no mist. Captain Heigl is a piece. And that last name sent to little Nazi is Captain Gail Heigl. And it's what it is.

[B]

Hail Heigl.

[A]

Yeah. So. So here's the thing. The term knocked up, and I learned this at the Charleston slave market. They just take you on fun little tools with fun little tours with frozen lemonades, and they just talk you about the slave market, and it's just a little brutes Magusa. You just have to suck it up because you are in the south and I am lady antebellum.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So they. The term knocked up comes from out that Charleston slave market. They would have, you know, slaves standing on different, you know, pieces of wood or whatever, and you could buy this one or that one for whatever price.

[B]

But whichever one you thought was cute, you were basically going antique.

[A]

Yes, exactly.

[B]

Exactly. You want to take a show, get a coffee, and just select slave.

[A]

Yeah, it's not. It's not great. But. And it also too. And I'll get to what the term knocked up means, but it's also was interesting. Like, we're on the tour of the slave market, and then there were two black people sending. Selling Bible courses out to side of the slave market. So you're a little like, yikes. And it's tough to, like, you know, want to take pictures and put on different Snapchat filters when you see black people right out there with Bibles. It's not good. But the term knocked up. What it means is a slave who was pregnant, her price was knocked up. Yeah.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

So that's not good.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

That's not good. Because she. She was coming with a two for one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So she was coming with a two for. And that's when they say, oh, she got knocked up. That's what it means. And Judd Apatow, you should know that that is not okay. Because Judah was always like, everyone. Is that everything? Is that. Well, the title of that movie is Bad, Bad, Bad.

[B]

Wow. I did not know that. And that is what you call vicious.

[A]

That's not good.

[B]

That was not good. It's a two for one. Basically.

[A]

It's a two for one.

[B]

So you're getting something off the combo.

[A]

Yeah. And John Apatow should know better. No, I'm kidding.

[B]

John Alfat combo menu at McDonald's.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Kind of like.

[A]

Yeah, shout out to that Patel.

[B]

It's what.

[C]

It's a bogo.

[B]

It's a. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's. So you just get a two for one.

[A]

So it's not good. Right.

[B]

But you're getting all potential, you know, upside, like. Right. I don't want to get into the mind of the consumer.

[A]

Yeah, it's. It's bad.

[B]

It was bad.

[A]

It was bad on that. We were on that tour, and I was like, yikes.

[B]

Yeah. So then. Yeah, that's not cute.

[A]

Not cute.

[B]

That's like.

[A]

Charleston is cute. I was once going a little boat ride to Fort Sumter. Do you know about Fort Sumter?

[B]

I know about Fort Sumter, but can I just.

[A]

First shots of the Civil War. Short Sumter. It does make you. I got to be honest with you. I. Kind of honest with you. And then I'll. And then. And then we'll. We'll get to the stuff. But when you go in Charleston, you walk around, you do kind of just understand why the Confederacy fought so hard.

[B]

It's cute.

[A]

It's cute. And they just wanted to preserve that, and I get it.

[B]

Yeah. Well, that's the thing I was about to say is, like, the history is not cute. But when you look at the houses, that. I mean, a slave owner's house is cute. I mean, do you know how many celebrities got in trouble having their weddings? Yes. At slave quarters.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I mean, you remember that there was, like, a big thing where you'd see, like, fudgeing Emma Stone or whatever, being like. And she'd be taking. It'll be like, hashtag. And then the hashtag would be like, the Wilkins slave. What do they Call those things Plantation. Plantation. Like, we're over here in the Savannah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wilkins Plantation. Look at us. And you see girls with just like, penis straws and. And balloons.

[A]

Not great.

[B]

And you're going like, is it not great? It's. I mean, what do you do?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, it's like, what do you do in that situation when something's that cute? Yeah. Do you throw the baby out with the bathwater? I mean, the history is over. I mean, the building is fucking cute. I do like to prance around.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you know me when I don't like the history. I think they were on the wrong side of history. You know what I like to do? You've been with me there, and you know what I like to do? I like to pee on it. Yeah.

[A]

That's what you do.

[B]

Remember that Giannis.

[A]

Giannis took a. Took a pee pee on the Confederate side of the cemetery in Antietam, Maryland.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, what you did.

[B]

I just go outside and take a pee on it.

[A]

It's just what you do. You like to do that. So I do respect you for that. But I will say that Charleston, it's beyond gorgeous. Bill Murray lives there if you've never been. The show at the Charleston Music hall was fantastic. What a beautiful venue. I want to shout out the venue for giving me a very nice tote bag with all these different, beautiful gifts that I just left in the green room. So it's just what it is. If you got my address, you could mail it back. I don't even know where I'll live by the time the package gets to me, though.

[B]

We never know what's going to happen.

[A]

Now. I just want to say Mongolian Chrissy. I just want to say my name is Christopher DiStefano. I'm on the beam and in the program.

[B]

But that's what I want to know.

[A]

Are you on the beam and in the program?

[B]

I'm on the beam, and some things just put me right back in the program.

[A]

You just. Sometimes you're in the program. Jesse, after learning, really getting to know Jesse, he needs to be in the program. You need to be the program. Needs to be in the program.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So. But. Because I just want you to. Yeah, go ahead. Sorry.

[B]

I was about to say, I. Yeah, I know. You get excited because you like action.

[A]

Like action. I'm in the program. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. You're contained by the program.

[A]

I'm contained by the program because I'm on the beam. And today's rule of the day, today's beam cast is we have to master our emotions.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

Don't let anger, grief, sadness, depression rule the day you stay on the beam. You are the master of your emotions. Okay? Also another rule today. Laugh at everything. Laugh at everything. Don't take anything too serious, even yourself. Okay, then the other one is, I want you to persist until you succeed. Okay? Persist until you succeed. The only way to guarantee failure is to quit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So that was Chrissy D's Beamcast amendment program.

[B]

That's the Beamcast right there. What? I was looking, looking at you. All I saw was just water dripping from your forehead. Yeah, because there's a big old hole in that roof.

[A]

It's what it is. It's what it is. Cuz. And I've had a literal. It hasn't let up at all for three weeks. I've just had an itchy right nipple and I'm rubbing Vaseline on my nipple every day and nothing's working.

[B]

But it's okay. Because before we started the cast, I saw you start to flex your nipples. And that's just like when a race car driver revs up his engine. Means you were getting ready.

[A]

Yeah, we were talking about something else and then Janice saw me do this.

[B]

Yeah, and that's just when you put the key in the ignition and you're revving up, ready to go.

[A]

Yeah, because I am New Balance head to toe today. I mean, look at this. I got New Balance pants, New Balance shirt, New Balance shoes, and New Balance socks. I've got a leaky roof.

[B]

Well, what's going on is because you just bought a very expensive house, so you had to take a second job at the New Balance store.

[A]

That's what it is. Because I'm the Kawhi Leonard of comedy.

[B]

You came here after work. Cause you did a shift at the new house.

[A]

They have Cooper Flag. Cooper Flag, the consensus number one pick for the NBA draft, just got a deal from New Balance and New Balance said we have to balance it out. Cooper Flag. And now they have me.

[B]

Because Cooper Flag's the number one prospect of basketball. And I'm not gonna say he's white. And I'm not saying that I'm excited because he's white. I'm just saying I'm excited because he's white.

[A]

Yeah, it's just.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. It's just nice to have a white guy named Cooper.

[A]

When is the last time we were gonna have a consensus number one NBA pick was a white American American? We haven't had a white American consensus number one pick. In a long time.

[B]

Long time.

[A]

In a long time. And I'll tell you, they're going to be clapping for him in think I that I know. Because make absolutely no mistake, make zero mistake. If your town still has a slave market.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

As a tourist attraction, then your town probably got a little racist. Right. Just a little rap. There's a. There's. I think the kids who live in Charleston, I think they. At night, sun goes down, nobody's out. I think they like to relive the glory days just a little bit. I feel like they do. I feel like they. Because you could tell they all had the, you know, boat shoes on, shirts tucked into shorts, kind of Tucker look. So you said. Yeah, yeah, they are. They're proud of that slave market. And it's just what it is. It's a little uncomfortable.

[B]

It's baked in kind of a little bit to the culture. You can't. It's not a clean. It's not a clean cut. Shit. No, there's still. There's still vested. There's still remnants of it.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Now, I wanted to know, is it possible to get in the history program? Because I am addicted to cute history.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Sick to cute stuff. We should start. People who are really addicted to history need to go into the program.

[A]

They need to go into the program.

[B]

Yeah. And when you see something cute and you lose control, I just want you to text me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, just text me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And just text me and say I'm looking at this cute fucking plantation, you know, and I'm having emotions. I want to put my dick in it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And just. Just text it to me though. Because sometimes I see something cute from history. Like I love cute old shit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sometimes I want to just take my dick and stick it in it.

[A]

Yes. Cuz I. I know did. Cuz when we. That one time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But at one time when we went to Francis Tavern in downtown Manhattan, we went to that museum. You were having sex with the artifacts.

[B]

Yeah, cousin, you farted it.

[A]

I did. Rip a farther. So what we're gonna do now at patreon.com history hyenas now because it's the summer, we're gonna start to bring back our guided history tours and our walking tours and one of the screwed in things that Giannis and I came up with when we were in Charleston is we're going to do a show down in Charleston and other historic cities like that, and we're going to do a show at a venue and then the next day we're going to have Walking history tours that you can do with the boys.

[B]

Yeah, we're going to start doing those.

[A]

Gonna be 100 bucks a pop. Yeah. All right. Because I'm deep in the mortgage and I made a mistake.

[B]

Yeah. We're gonna be doing live shows at a tour in cities that have semi legalized prostitution. It's what it is because we're looking for loop.

[A]

It's what it is in el program.

[B]

Yeah. Because join patreon.com history hyenas. That's basically. Now you're in the program.

[A]

We're in the program. And here's the other thing, too. Here's another thing. I just want to just give a. Just a warning to everyone else. There's also some other live history podcasts starting. One of them's the Barry boys. July 2nd. Yeah, me and Giannis are coming to the show. We're sitting in the front row.

[B]

Yeah, we're sitting.

[A]

So we're just. We bought tickets and we're just sitting the front row. And we're just gonna look at you.

[B]

Yeah, we're just gonna look at you. We're gonna look at.

[A]

They're smart kids, though.

[B]

Yeah. But we invented history.

[A]

Yeah, we did.

[B]

We're the only ones who could.

[A]

Yeah, I like them. There' great history account called Keith York City. It's like Keith, the New York City guy. He's on the. He's on a ship right now going across the Atlantic and he just looks cute. Yeah, he's just a cute historian. I'd like to talk to other real history people and I'd like to get some of their ideas and then I'd like to take them hostage like they're in Celtic Pride. That's what I'd like to do. I'd like to just beat them up a little bit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And just take them hostage. And we'll just take the ideas out of their roof.

[B]

Yeah. We need to tune someone up.

[A]

I'd like to. To tune someone up. Especially with these glasses. I'd like to tune someone up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And make no mistake, these glasses come with a little side of the N word.

[B]

Wow. I didn't see that.

[A]

Yeah. But no, I'm not gonna say it. I'm saying with the glasses, I would never.

[B]

I don't want you to. You need to know. You need a six month break before you go back to Charleston. Yeah. Because what you do is you just adopt the culture of the place. That's what it is. You're Chameleon Christie and I think that's what it is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Charleston Got on you, you know, like.

[A]

I was Char Chrissy, like a Charleston Chew. And I was, I almost left with a gray uniform. I almost left with a gray confederate. I almost left with the confederate gray.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

No, but it's what it is. Obviously just kidding around.

[B]

No, but listen, we're close. Like you said before the show. We are close. Some people, you know are close. They're on the one Runway. They're going to be leaving, they're going to be, they're going to be taking a one way flight to heaven.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Right. But right now we're close to World War Three.

[A]

So that's the thing. A lot of times we'll look at people, older people will say, that guy's close. Because they're on the Runway, they're about to die. And now what's happening? Society, human beings as just a living, breathing organism in general are close. We're close because Russia just got Pearl harbor by Ukraine, India, Pakistan are fighting big.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And everyone's just kind of mad at each other and.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's just feels like it's going to get pushed into the brink of nuclear war.

[B]

Yeah. Massive riots in Paris over the weekend. It just seems, seems like people are just. Everyone's off the beam. Is there any way we can file.

[A]

People on the beam on that? Well, that's what I want to do.

[B]

Is I put sedatives in the water supply. Yes, yes.

[A]

Well, I, I, I should we give.

[B]

Everyone a high dose?

[A]

Let's give everyone a high dose. We've been on a low dose. Let's get a high dose. And I just encourage you to remember the rules of the day. To master your emotions, laugh at everything and persist until you succeed.

[B]

I like that.

[A]

Those are the rules. My name is Kristen Stafford. I'm on the beam and in the program. All right.

[B]

We're going to talk about the Ivy League. It's a place that me and Chris.

[A]

Could not get into because I got into the Ivy League of New York City schools and that's the New York Institute of Technology in Old West. That's what I got into.

[B]

And.

[A]

Yeah. And it's just what it is.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Now I just like to call this the NBA for the Chinese. That's what, that's what the Ivy League is. It's the NBA for the Chinese. I mean, they usually make up about 30 of every Ivy League school and Right. Way overrepresented. And another population that's usually overrepresented is the Jews.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

What are they like 2% of the population in America or something. They usually. Or they used to make up 20. But make no mistake, the Jews are now making different choices about where to go to school.

[A]

They really are.

[B]

They're a little. This is the first year. This is an interesting fact, is the first year where there were zero applicants to Colombia that were Jewish.

[A]

Zero.

[B]

Yeah, because they all got TVs and they got phones and they said, that doesn't look like a party I'm invited to.

[A]

Yeah, not. So what Ivy League schools would. Are the Jewish kids going to go to that? What's the one that accepts them?

[B]

I don't know. They're just looking for schools where they have. They're just looking for the least amount of turbulence.

[A]

Right.

[B]

They're looking for less turbulence, meaning less. They want to see less Palestinian flags. Yeah.

[A]

It's just what it is.

[B]

That's turbulence for them.

[A]

Them. So here's the thing. Here's what I want to tell you about. Talk to me, baby.

[B]

Gorgeous.

[A]

Here are the Ivy League schools. Let me see if I can get them off the top of my dome. Okay. Harvard.

[B]

I thought I was. I. St. John's yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Harvard. Dartmouth.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Brown.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Princeton. Yeah. University of Pennsylvania.

[B]

Howard University.

[A]

No, not black.

[B]

Ivy.

[A]

Right. Black. So what else? Yale.

[B]

Yale.

[A]

Did I say Princeton?

[B]

Princeton. Yale. Dartmouth. Brown.

[A]

I said Brown. Columbia.

[B]

Columbia is another one.

[A]

And what's the. Cornell. Cornell University. Now, I think Yale is the oldest. Right? Oh, Harvard, 1636.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yale, 1701.

[B]

Now, what I like about Harvard, it was founded by a guy named John.

[A]

Yeah, it was just a guy named John. Not, you know, Yale, unfortunately, was named after a guy named Elihu Yale, who was a slave trader. Not great.

[B]

Just what it is.

[A]

Yeah. University of Pennsylvania founded by Ben Franklin, who definitely had sex with your grandma.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The original hyena. He taught business and he was first medical school. Brown was founded by Baptist.

[B]

And was it founded by the Browns?

[A]

No, it's. It's mostly rich white people going to Brown.

[B]

So why they call it Brown? I don't. It's just founded that way. One.

[A]

Yeah. I don't. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Just a joke. Put all that on Patreon.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Dartmouth founded as a Christian school to convert Native Americans. That's interesting.

[B]

Wait a second.

[A]

For real?

[B]

I didn't know that.

[A]

Yeah. Dartmouth was this Christian school to convert. Founded as a Christian school to convert Native Americans.

[B]

But what did they do when zero applicants showed up? Because they were all dead.

[A]

Well, so what they did is they just.

[B]

They just. Where's the button?

[A]

Yeah. Going for it. Yeah. What they did is they. I don't know, they just, they just continued on making it a mostly white school. Now they have a ski team. Yeah.

[B]

Was it just Puerto Ricans that showed up with a feather in their hair?

[A]

It probably was. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I think that was a Chris Rock joke at some point.

[A]

Cornell, 1865, that's is the newest Ivy League school. This is founded after the Civil War with the idea of teaching any person any study. It actually includes engineering and it's the only school that has hotel management as a major. So that's the one we could have probably gotten into.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

It's Cornell and then Harvard. Oldest one train founded to train Puritan ministers. Yeah. Oh, Princeton.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Princeton's founded by Presbyterians, got three U.S. presidents. Columbia was originally called King King's College. George Washington took classes there during the revolution. They shut it down because the British were bombing nyc. And then recently it's been shut down because just what it is. So. Yeah, and those are the schools. So these Ivy League schools. See, here's the thing. Here's how I feel about the Ivy League schools in present day United States of America is I do feel like they have a place. I do get how they are a great, you know, educational institutions, why they matter. They're gatekeepers in a way. But I just don't know if the money that you have to pay and the stress that your kids have to go through to get into these schools and then stay in these schools matters as much today as it did 100 years ago. I don't think it does. Because basically I could go get my kid into Harvard or I could just get them interning for Mr. Beast.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And then my kid will probably go further if they just know some algorithm tricks from Mr. Beast.

[B]

Right. Because that's the American economy. Yes, that's what it is. We need reform. And I have some ideas.

[A]

Tell me the ideas right after this ad break.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

Yeah.

[B]

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[A]

All right, so, Yanni, what are your big ideas?

[B]

We got to borrow a few ideas from our Chinese brethren and sister. And we do.

[A]

Right.

[B]

They're doing very well. They don't care so much about the individual. They care about the glory of China. We need a little bit of that back. Wei Song Xian, something like that.

[A]

She's just kidding. That was a Uyghur province joke.

[B]

Shooting ideas out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Pitch room.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, you, you can't censor yourself when we're in the pitch room.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You try to fix the country. You pitched an idea.

[A]

I'm pitching ideas because I'm the pitcher.

[B]

Yeah, we just pitch an idea.

[A]

I'm Cy Young. I'm Chrissy Young. Yeah.

[B]

Because you spun the wheel and an idea came out.

[A]

I'm spinning the. I've been spinning the wheel all weekend because I've been in the South.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I've just been spinning the wheel and it's just a gorgeous part of our country with a really bad history.

[B]

Yeah, it's a really bad history.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So what I think we do with the ideas, we need some state run places that are all publicly funded. And I think it should be opposite of Trump. Trump. I think it should. I say all the Ivy leagues should be 100% publicly funded for meritocracy, meaning the government pays for the smartest kids born in the United States to go to the Ivy League. And that's just, that's what that brand.

[A]

And if that's if. And if that is 100% Asian, Chinese and Indian. And that's what it is. Yeah. Saying, right?

[B]

I didn't say that part.

[A]

Well, no, but saying. But okay, Chinese, Indian, Americans. Yeah, there's American kids.

[B]

As long as you could prove that they're not spies. Got it. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Well, that's, that's what they said. They said one of the. Because you know we're going to get into it where Donald Trump is now attacking Harvard University and trying to take the money away and take their endowment. Not their endowment, take their funding away. And somebody on CNN was like, oh, well, this is all crazy. These are historical institutions. This is like the fabric of this nation. Even the Chinese president Xi Jinping's daughter went to Harvard. I said, yeah, to spy. Yeah, that's why? She's a spy.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

She didn't go because she wanted to.

[B]

No. We had like members of the bin Laden family. I mean, every.

[A]

Nipples were recording devices.

[B]

That's right. Yeah, that's right. Which is probably something they figured out.

[A]

Yeah. Like cassette tapes.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's just what they do. So I don't know. Yeah. Depending on, you know, we can find out if they're a spy, maybe you put them through a program.

[A]

I mean, she is a piece.

[B]

She is a little.

[A]

I mean, I will get. No, not the other one to the left. I mean, I will get Honey pot. Well, not that. Is that the daughter?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, I thought there was. There was. I thought it was this one because.

[B]

I. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I mean, I'll get honey potted big.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah. She looks like she can give a nice massage.

[A]

It's what it is. So might have time for that today.

[B]

And then we should just separate the rest of the universities based on looks. Because, look, it's a fuck fest. Let's not pretend that everyone's getting educated. I just go to chat GBT and find out anything. You turn on the history hyenas to get the real truth. Bader Ginsburg.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You don't need these professors anymore. You send these kids. Kids to these places to.

[A]

So I agree with you.

[B]

Yeah. So the admission should be strictly on looks.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That's what they should do. It should be like a pageant where they come in and go, you're a fucking 10. You're for Rome, Chris. You're getting in if you're flexing those nipples. Yeah. Because in front of the board, you just hit that rev up. Yeah.

[A]

This would be my dish right here. Yeah. What's up, babe? How you doing?

[B]

And then you just have some schools that's just based on money.

[A]

It only gets hot if you suck it, babe.

[B]

Yeah. Then you just have schools that are based on money. You know, some restaurants are more expensive than others. What it is, your parents have 300k to send you to school. This is the one you can get into. You do whatever you want.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because we've accepted you because we want. It's a business and we want your family's money. You can do whatever you want. He can do drugs. He can do fucking heroin. He can do whatever he wants. Yeah, I.3 tiers government for the meritocracy. One based on fuckable and another one based on how much money your parents got. Yeah.

[A]

It's what it is. Now here's the thing.

[B]

Thing.

[A]

What is because the reason why Donald Trump is attacking Harvard and probably going to start attacking other institutions is because he believes the Trump administration believes that the, the kids are getting indoctrinated in college. Right. Is that really what it's coming down to? That the liberal, extreme liberal ideology is causing big problems in this country and most of it's happening from the Ivy League school. So I see it as all the kid wants to do is just, you know, know, have a little bit more balance and make America great again.

[B]

Yeah, well, you know, it's a good thing because our producer, our producer Jesse Hafajou is.

[A]

Jesse Hafajo is a 10 out of 10 name. Jesse Hafaju.

[B]

Jesse Half Aju is. He's just, he's one of those big time Trump support. He knows I'm not saying that. So what's going on there? Tell us exactly what's going on. Because my understanding is that he's trying to get rid of spies. He's trying to end dei, he's trying to end liberal ideology.

[A]

He's trying, he's going. He wants a meritocracy like you're saying. That's, that's what he's looking for.

[B]

But it's not exactly a meritocracy because he, even if the foreign student is, is really smart, he wants that to go to an American. So he wants more American. He wants more trade schools.

[A]

Right.

[B]

His goal. Yeah.

[A]

Because he wants a DeVry on every corner.

[B]

He wants to DeVry on every corner. He wants kids fucking messing around with screwdrivers.

[A]

I get it.

[B]

Yeah. And he wants, just less, he wants less foreign students and more American students in these, in these institutions and he wants their ideologies gone. But you made a good point and you said him and his son Baron could not get into Harvard. So this could just be payback.

[A]

That's what there. Some people speculate. A couple of writers, I think Michael Wolf was one of them, was saying that this is all just retribution because he didn't get into Harvard when he was a kid and Baron and didn't get into any Ivy League schools. Nobody knows if Baron ever really even applied. I know the kid. Baron's in nyu.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Right now. And he's just a tall kid. He's a tall glass of water.

[B]

Yeah. And the good thing about Baron is he listens to these pods. So what's up, Baron?

[A]

What's up, Baron?

[B]

No way in hell that he doesn't listen to this pod.

[A]

I'm a fan.

[B]

Because that kid told his dad. Go on. Theo Vaughn. He's the one who knows. Yeah.

[A]

So Donnie T. So here's what's going on. Let's just catch up real quick. So they were in April 2025. So it's about a couple of months ago. The Trump administration froze over 2 billion in federal research grants and contracts to Harvard, citing the university's alleged failure to address anti Semitism on campus. This move was part of a broader effort to pressure elite institutions to align with his administration's policies. So you can't be an anti Semite. Cause you can't be an anti Semite on campus. Yeah, I don't know if Harvard, I mean, I mean Columbia definitely is.

[B]

Yeah, well, Columbia, yeah, they. They definitely getting the most airtime.

[A]

Yeah, I mean it's the, it's the.

[B]

Seinfeld of anti war protests.

[A]

I mean, Columbia is this close from just starting having live beheadings on campus.

[B]

Browns 14.

[A]

I mean, you're going to be doing beheadings on the quad.

[B]

Because when I see the footage of my like, is that the Upper west side or I'm in the middle of Yemen.

[A]

Yeah. I have no idea what's happening.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, because.

[B]

Yeah, it's. If you go on hinge and you want to catch a date of. With a white girl who's got a scarf around her head, that's what Columbia's for you, I would say.

[A]

Yeah. If you're going to. If you're trying to Peru, if you're trying to go somewhere and cheat on your wife, then I would go to Columbia University because nobody can identify those girls faces.

[B]

They're wrapped up.

[A]

Just wrapped up because it's Sharia law in Colombia.

[B]

You don't know what's good on you. Like, are they filming the Mummy too?

[A]

I have no idea.

[B]

They're all wrapped up.

[A]

They're wrapped up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Cuz so we got that and then we got. So then, so he did that and then there's international student visa restrictions under Secretary Kristi Noem, who's a piece by.

[B]

The piece and she didn't know what habeas corpus meant.

[A]

But that's okay because she's a piece.

[B]

That's okay. You're supposed to go like pieces aren't supposed to know that.

[A]

That's the thing. It's like for me, it's like if you don't have that much information, it's like, that's fine. You just have to be eight and she is over an eight.

[B]

Yeah. Can we just take a moment to appreciate how funny it was that the Secretary of Homeland Security would ask what habeas corpus is.

[A]

Wait, can you go back to that, Jess? Yeah, stay on that one.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. It was the equivalent of asking me the answer to a trigonometry question.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And she's the Secretary of Homeland Security and she doesn't know what habeas corpus is.

[A]

It's just funny where we are. Well, if you don't know what habeas corpus is, I encourage you to go two episodes back on our YouTube and look at our episode of Habeas Corpus that we did here on the History Hyena show.

[B]

Because everyone knows what habeas corpus is. Especially you know what, it's funny that she's the Secretary of Homeland Security. All she had to do was Google it once before the hearing. Yeah, because she knew she was going to have a hearing on habeas corpus. She didn't even Google it before the hearing. I would have just googled it before the hearing. It's funny what we live in right now because the History Hyenas may win a Nobel Prize.

[A]

It's very possible because I call that WGC White Girl Conference confidence. That's what she has. And I like it. So Kristi Noem revoked Harvard certification to enroll international students, which about 6, 800 students, or 27% of the student body. Basically no international students. The administration claimed this action was due to Harvard's ties to the Chinese Communist Party and failure to curb anti Semitic activity. So that's the thing, cuz, if you're going to dis, if you're going to. If you're going to be mean to Jews and also be a communist, then you just can't come to my school.

[B]

That's what he's saying.

[A]

That's what he's saying.

[B]

That's what he's saying.

[A]

Here's the legal challenges. Harvard filed lawsuits against the Trump administration. Good luck. Arguing that funding cuts and visa restrictions were unlawful and politically motivated. A federal judge issued a temporary restraining order blocking the ban on enrolling international students. So, cuz, I got to be honest with you, I mean, that's not going to pass, obviously. I mean, I'm sure the court's going to uphold that. I don't even think Trump thinks that it's going to pass. I think he's just talking about it to cause problems, right?

[B]

No, I think he's serious about this. Yeah, I think him and Stephen Miller are serious about this and they're using, using Harvard as like the big example. Right.

[A]

If this passes, this is all this. It's going to happen. To every school. That. Yeah, that's going to stop at Harvard.

[B]

That's the goal. I think the goal is they want to clean up the universities. They want to get the. What they call left wing ideology out. They want to get all the gender studies stuff out. They want to get all the anti Semitism out. They want to get all that out.

[A]

Well, because, I mean, but it is, you know, I mean, if you do an anti Semitic poo poo, you can't, you know, you can't have that. So what is the guy supposed to do? What would you do?

[B]

I don't know. You know, these kids, their kids, their brains aren't developed yet. It's. I look at it like you're protesting on the campus. I understand you're revved up with emotion and stuff like that, but what are you really doing when you're, when you're yelling at a Jewish kid who's American or whatever, Going to class like, what are you doing?

[A]

Do you think, did he throw a bomb at Gaza?

[B]

Yeah, the kids just going to class, just a Jewish kid.

[A]

He's just a Jewish kid.

[B]

It's like if Greece, something happens in Greece and they get mad at me because I'm walking a class and I know people will go, but they all have the right to return. But this is why people are ignorant. So do I. Yeah, I can go to Greece. Sure. I can get a Greek passport right now. My mother was born in Greece. I could do the same thing that Jews do. I just choose not to because I live in the greatest country on the planet.

[A]

On the planet.

[B]

Yeah. And I need to be able to go to a Jimmy John's.

[A]

Yeah, it's what it is.

[B]

I just need to be close to a Jimmy John's because once in a while I got to go in the program for a Italian combo sandwich.

[A]

It's what it is. Because you got to just spray down that combo with your sneaky song.

[B]

Fat again.

[A]

You're not together. You're in the program. That's the good thing about being in the program. There's no weight limit.

[B]

Yeah, I'm back up to 206. There's nothing to be done about it.

[A]

You look like a guy. Yeah, that's what I like.

[B]

You look like a guy. I look like a dude.

[A]

Yeah, you look like a guy. And you got muscle and you're just a big kid.

[B]

You like that. I'm a big kid.

[A]

I like. You're a big kid.

[B]

You want to. You like, you like Buffalo Bill. You like to really fat your guys Up.

[A]

I do. I really do. I like a big fatty. I like to get fat into their liver like a folk wa.

[B]

Yeah. Because what's fun about you is you're a big big guy. Right. But you have no awareness of it.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You're scared of ghosts.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Scared at night.

[A]

I'm scared of other guys who are smaller than me.

[B]

Yeah. And I used to tell you I was like when you walk alone, nobody. You're a big guy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're six foot one and you're meaty. Yeah.

[A]

Because when I'm walking down the block alone, if it's after 10 o' clock, I have the keys in my fingers and I'm just looking for people to jump out like Ted Bunny to hurt me.

[B]

But I'm the same way. I'm a 200 pound kid. I'm 6 foot and I'm nervous.

[A]

You're. But you. Yeah, but where you live you could get eaten by a bear.

[B]

I could get by a bear? Yeah.

[A]

I could get eaten by one time.

[B]

I don't got to worry about things that you got to worry about in the cities.

[A]

I remember one time we were in your house and we were in the backyard and your wife asked me to go to get something in the front yard and it was dark out and I said I'm not walking on the side of the house if you don't put the lights on. Because a bear could jump out and bite me.

[B]

Because I. That you haven't been to my house.

[A]

Yeah, I was there a few years ago.

[B]

Were you? Yeah, yeah, I was there.

[A]

Remember I came up with Venetia and Pimp. I came up to your house.

[B]

Yeah, I do remember.

[A]

Yeah. Cuz that's. That is when you had a major leakage in the roof. I mean I was. We. Your wife had galoshes, boots for us outside the house. She said there's water damage in the back.

[B]

You know what happened? You know when a mini tornado happens in a tree, knocks to the roof and you got to call the insurance company. I was currently being paid for by State Farm.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's a big hole in the roof.

[A]

Cuz we had to canoe back to the. Because your head just was a full river roof. I mean so it's no surprise you don't remember because you had a leak.

[B]

Big. Oh, because the roof was off.

[A]

Yeah, the roof was off.

[B]

Yeah, there was water dripping on the furniture.

[A]

It was what?

[B]

Yeah, it was just raining. Like it was raining outside.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Indoors.

[A]

So I mean.

[B]

Cause ultimately you apply to the Ivy League.

[A]

No, the best School that I applied to was Hunter College, and I didn't get it.

[B]

You didn't get into Hunter?

[A]

Hunter, the physical therapy program? I did not get in. I applied. Applied to Hunter University. Didn't get in. I applied to nyu. PT program. Didn't get in.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I only got into New York Institute, New York Institute of Technology, and Touro College, which was online.

[B]

And what did you do? You did a couple classes at Baruch or you did finger painting school? Yeah. Finger paint.

[A]

What art school did you go to?

[C]

School of Visual arts. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, SVA. That's on in Chelsea, right?

[C]

23Rd Street. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, That's a great school.

[B]

Cool.

[A]

Yeah, I saw Ray Romano do a comedy show there.

[B]

Yeah, it's for finger painters. Yeah.

[C]

100.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

There was no academics. It was all painting.

[B]

Yeah. You went in there. When he goes in the first class, what they do is they just dip their fingers in the paint and they just start doing, like.

[A]

Start doing like that. Yeah. A little clay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Now, Jesse, what's your. What's your opinion, Jesse? Have to. What's your opinion on all this stuff? What. What Trump's doing? Do you see any path? Do you like any of it? What his strategy is? He hit at all?

[C]

I don't know, man. The way I look at it is this is supposed to be our best and brightest. Right. And they're spending all this time protesting and doing. They should be there learning to make our country better.

[B]

Right.

[C]

But here's a good idea for you. If they do let international students in and they're good and they're bright and they're vetted, give them a passport as soon as they graduate so they can stay here, develop technology.

[A]

I like that.

[B]

I think we just found out who's going to take over for Trump when it's over. It's Jesse Scatoro. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I like that speech.

[A]

I like that. I like that half jewelry.

[B]

Jesse, Look, I'm going to be honest. I'm going to be. I'm going to be honest. Whatever you think about this is what I think culturally. I'm pulling the helicopter back.

[A]

Wait, so, okay, so this is the honest. Honest. This is the honest honesty. Yeah, Honest honesty.

[B]

Honest for one second, I'm going to pull the helicopter back. Helicopter view. Whether you like Trump. You don't. Part of me thinks there's a lot of things that are culturally necessary, and he's the only personality that can push a lot of this stuff through because we do need change.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Right. I mean, these. These universities are just for foreign Kids, they're just keep coming in, and our kids are just on TikTok or whatever. We do need some radical change to make Americans work again to get this meritocracy back again. We do need major changes in government spending. We have a problem when it comes to that. So part of me thinks this is just another route for them to be like, hey, we're spending money over here. We're just going to cut it.

[A]

Right.

[B]

They're looking to cut back expenses.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There are kids on the road who are looking at their manager and going, why is he getting 10%?

[A]

Yeah, it's what.

[B]

That's what's happening.

[A]

Well, I got to be honest.

[B]

The government spends too much, and we've been spending too much every administration. The only problem is Trump did a big, beautiful bill and it's fucking. He's still spending. So you're like, what's going on?

[A]

Well, I do got to be honest with you. I mean, a lot of kids now, I mean, kids are still definitely going to college, but like 10 years ago, my daughter, my. My oldest one is 10. When she was born, I would. I started saving for college that day one, right? I was like, saving college, college, college. My little one, one is going to be four, and I'm saving for her for college. But I'm like, is it as big of a deal as I thought? Because originally I was like, oh, my. I want my daughter to go to an Ivy League school. I'm going to have to save a few hundred grand to get my kid into the school. Start saving now. But now I'm like, honestly, what's the difference if she goes to Harvard or frickin Hofstra, what's the difference? I mean, as long as she's doing what she wants to do, right? Does it matter anymore? Because the kid who has a Harvard education, is he going to get a job? He or she going to get a job over someone who's, you know, got experience and is just a better student from Villanova? I don't know anymore.

[B]

Yeah, it's tough to say. It depends. I mean, what do you think? I mean, let's look at the genes. They're German and they're Puerto Rican. Yeah, right? Yeah, they're basically mostly German and Puerto Rican with a little dab Irish and a tiny little. Just a pepper flake of Italian.

[A]

Yeah, well, what. And of course, for job interviews, they'll be German, and for college interviews, they'll be Puerto Rican.

[B]

That's what you do.

[A]

And that's just what it is.

[B]

Yeah. So I want to ask, like, how do you reconcile that? Right. Because Trump's gotten rid of dei, but your kids are going to benefit big for Di.

[A]

So.

[B]

So what do you do?

[A]

So what I do there is. What I do there is I just tell my kids that they're port. They're sometimes Puerto Rican and they're sometimes German. But it depends. I tell them to look at their surroundings and blend in to who's ever out. Whoever has more in the current situation you're in. Yeah, that's what you become. I like, if you go to a Puerto Rican barbecue and you see a lot of kids getting in the pool. Pool at the house with jean shorts on and all that, then I say, we're Puerto Rican today. I say, honey, go in the. Go in the. Go. Put on your. Your gym uniform and jump in the pool. And then if we're at the white side and it's mostly German and no one's sitting and talking, and I tell the kids to sit down and just read a little bit of, you know, read a little bit from their German.

[B]

Just read Gote. Go read Gote.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Whoa. Okay. I mean, everyone's got different tastes in German literature. I'm just kidding. Everyone's got different tastes. Some read Goate, some readers read yet.

[A]

Depends what kind of party we're at. But sometimes if a couple of brews come out rich with a little bit of. No, I'm kidding. I. I think. I honestly do. I honestly do think, though, I want my kids to go to college. I genuinely want them to go to school. It's important for me that they have their education. But I will be honest with you, some of these colleges are a little bit like. I don't. I do fear a tad bit. Bit about the indoctrination stuff. I do get that because it does seem like there are groups of people that go into college and they come out with really, really wild, radical ideas. And I. But that's not everybody. And that's. It didn't happen in my school. My school. We didn't get any of that ideology.

[B]

You know what I think's happened?

[A]

Tell me.

[B]

It used to be, right, you go to school, you get educated. You get educated in law, you get educated in English, you get educated in literature, you get educated in history. And that made you, like, a very educated person. And then your family had a farm or something, or you went into business and it worked out. Then technology took over, Right? So science and math, what they call stem, became what a real education is.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Especially when Computers came around and you can read whatever you want. You can, you know, you can educate yourself. And the foreign students are just hungrier than we are. Right? They're all coming up. They're all countries that are coming up. So, so their kids, their parents, they tiger mom those kids to learn math and science. And so what's happening is that they're just coming here and they're doing, they're dominating those fields, right? And then you got American kids whose parents are paying a lot of money to send them to these universities and they take math, they take sociology, they take, you know, gender pay. And they're just in there and they're just like, right, they're just protesting and things like that because they're just not smart enough or willing enough enough to study math or science. I know I needed a tutor to just get past my first math requirement because I was probably the first generation of Americans going like, I'm here to buy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm here to buy. Sell me. I'm here for you to make my life better. Wherever it's made around in the world, that's fine, just sell it to me.

[A]

Right?

[B]

I'm here to buy. Yeah. I'm not here to make, I'm not here to work in factory. I'm not here to become a, you know, high level executive. I'm not going to Wharton, you know, which, that's the majority of Americans. We're here here for comfort.

[A]

I mean, look at us. We both went to pretty good schools. I mean I, with graduate degrees and we're just sitting here on a podcast on top of the stand comedy club.

[B]

Yeah, I mean my, basically my college education was a second high school diploma. That's what it was, a redundant high school diploma. I went there to do learn more, read more history.

[A]

Yeah, I, we, my, my graduate degree is probably the equivalent of like, you know, someone a Chinese eighth grader.

[B]

That's true. But in America you're a doctor.

[A]

I'm a doctor.

[B]

And in Ridgewood you're a fucking high level doctor. In doct, you're a peer reviewed doctor.

[A]

In Ridgewood, you get in the newspaper. I've been in the Ridgewood time just because of my level of education.

[B]

Yeah, because I mean for Ridgewood you are a high level surgeon.

[A]

Big time. Oh, I want to. Oh, dude. And by the way, Ridgewood, Queens, go check out that neighborhood. It's really coming up. They got a lot of beautiful restaurants there. I'm going to tell you about something funny that happened at one, right after the break when it comes time to spending. Sometimes it's out of sight, out of mind. The daily coffee habit, those streaming subscriptions, they add up fast without you even noticing. Rocket Money helps you spot those patterns so you could do something about them and keep more money in your pocket. Smart money moves are all about getting more out of every dollar. With Rocket Money, you can easily find forgotten subscriptions and have them negotiate bills for you. Putting money back in your pocket. With all those savings, Rocket Money practically pays for itself.

[B]

I use Rocket Money. It's worth it. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions options. It monitors your spending and helps lower your bill so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to 740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features.

[A]

Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.comHyenas to day, that's RocketMoney.comHyenas RocketMoney.comHyenas what happened? So I was in. Well, I mean, nothing really happened. I just went. I just went into. I went into Ridgewood to visit. Basically what happened was, if I'm be honest, too. Yeah, what happened was, is yesterday I got banged out. I got banged up in Charleston on Saturday.

[B]

Oh, you got tuned?

[A]

I got tuned up.

[B]

You got joint.

[A]

I walked around with. With James Maddern and we walked around Charleston. Charleston. And I got banged up. I got tuned up.

[B]

You took the dog for a walk?

[A]

I took the dog for a walk. The Knicks lost and I had like five Guinness and I got banged up. And then I got home and then I, you know, you're just like, you know, I. I was hungover. And then you start to just get depressed. And then I just missed my mom, so. Then I just missed my mom, so I just took the family in the car and we just drove to Ridgewood and I picked up my mom and I just.

[B]

From Charles. Charleston?

[A]

No, from New York. When I got home, oh, yeah, I missed my ma. So I flew from Charleston Back to LaGuardia.

[B]

So you're on the plane just thinking about your mom?

[A]

I think about my mom. And then I got jazz and the kids, and Jazz was like, we got a lot of stuff to do today. I said, we're not doing any of it. We're gonna go see my mom. And she was like, what? I was like, let's go see my mom. I just Missed my mom. And I was just tearing up, driving down Myrtle Avenue and giving my kids a little history. I was giving my kids a history tour of all the things in my life, different moments, moments I had in my life. St. Matthias Church. And this thing was here and Seneca Avenue. And then I turned around, and my entire family was sleeping. Jaz and my kids had fully fell asleep. I was just narrating history tour. And then me and my ma and Jazz and the kids, and we went and we ate in this pizzeria. It's called Pizzeria Panino. And it's amazing. And it used to be, like, where I did Boy Scouts when I was a kid.

[B]

Is that where you got got. That's.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Jesus Christ. Your mom put you through an obstacle course of getting God? It's what. It's Catholic school and then the Boy Scouts?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, she taught you how to be an escape artist.

[A]

She taught me how to be an escape artist.

[B]

You had to really dodge the doodlers.

[A]

Yeah, I really, really did. But I also. Here's the thing is, I like to welcome obstacles because challenges are opportunities in disguise.

[B]

Beam cast bonus.

[A]

That was a beamcast bonus. Obstacles, challenges, or opportunities in disguise.

[B]

So you got a little. You got a little sad, and you just want to crawl in your mom's lap.

[A]

I got one to call my mom's lap.

[B]

And then.

[A]

And then what I did is. Is in the moment. I just invited her. My family and I are going on vac vacation for two weeks.

[B]

Where are you headed?

[A]

Well, because I gotta go to la.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

So I gotta go to la. And then I'll be there. I'm gonna do the Brea Improv July, I believe it's 18th and 19th, so come out if you're in California. But we're gonna be there for a couple of weeks before. And then. And then I'm gonna be there for two weeks. And then I just. I. Then I just got my mom a hotel room next to us for two weeks. And I didn't run it by Jasmine, and she's just like, what? And I said. I was just. I was hungover and emotional. I missed my mom. Mom.

[B]

Wait, so your mom's coming for the now?

[A]

My mom's coming, and she's coming with us to Disney World. And I just didn't run it by Jazz. And it's just S. Los.

[B]

Yeah, but that's okay. You got extra. Extra hands on deck.

[A]

That's what I said.

[B]

Yeah, extra hands on deck.

[A]

I got extra hands on deck. And I said, you know, we'll be on vacation so it'll be fun, mom. Be fun. We'll all be drinking white Zinfidel and having a few bruise.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

And it'll be fun.

[B]

That's it. When the kids go to sleep, she just goes back to room and she goes in the mini bar and she just snaps. She snaps open a Sam Adams.

[A]

Yeah, it's just snaps open to Sam Adams.

[B]

And then.

[A]

And, and it's just, and it's just what is. And when she sees that, you know, our 14 year old, her 14 year old stepson has a tattoo. It's just going to be what it is.

[B]

Oh, he got a tattoo?

[A]

No, no, no, no. That would be wild if he did.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

But I mean I, I.

[B]

Family vacation.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I, but I think it's going to be good. So. Yeah. So I went back to Ridgewood and I just that you've never been, you haven't been to Ridgewood in years. Ridgewood, it has become like the number one neighborhood in New York City. Like everybody, like Williamsburg is not cool anymore. Anymore. Now it's all Bushwick and Bushwick Ridge and people got pushed out of Bushwick. So Ridgewood, if you look it up like Ridgewood, the kind of all the restaurants and bars and everything opening, I, it's like my neighborhood has completely changed from when I live there. You ever been there, Jesse?

[C]

No, never have.

[A]

Great. Rolo's restaurant is a huge one. If you, if anyone is listening to this pond and you've been to ridgewood, go to patreon.comhistoryers and tell us your favorite Ridgewood restaurants or write them in the YouTube comments because cuz what we're going to do for the Patreon is when we get to maybe when we get to 10,000 paid members, let's take two lucky Patreon members on a date in Ridgewood.

[B]

That's I like.

[A]

Should we do that? 10,000 paid members.

[B]

Yeah, we'll do a tour of your childhood.

[A]

Yeah. Cuz what do we have? Yeah, that's a great idea.

[B]

We'll try to put the pieces like you know, investigation. We'll try to put the pieces together.

[A]

Try to put you out.

[B]

Yeah, we'll try to put it together.

[A]

Well let's see how many members do we have now? So we got 16 people, 8,000 members total active members on the Patreon. So you guys are really missing a lot if you're not on the Patreon. And we have 8,890 paid ones.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So we get to 10,000 paid. So we're getting close.

[B]

We're getting close. We're going to go on a Ridgewood.

[A]

Date through my childhood and then we'll go on a Park Slope day through yours.

[B]

Oh, I like it.

[A]

It's what it is.

[B]

Yeah. Park Slope. I don't even know if you can get in now. Yeah, I don't even know if you're allowed in Park Slope unless you got like a million dollars.

[A]

I know.

[B]

On your Venmo.

[A]

And then we'll eventually both in a few years from now both see the Chinese people that bought our childhood homes because it's just, chances are a Chinese person is going to buy your childhood home.

[B]

There's just a good chance I'm going to go see my childhood home in like five years and it's going to be a nail salon way song seeing. Thank you. What it is, what it is.

[A]

So cuz, in conclusion, are you for Trump trying to take the money from Harvard or are you not for it?

[B]

It depends on what episode of what I just just listen to. So if I just listen to Candace Owens latest podcast, she's probably going to say that Trump is owned by Israel and everyone can't believe this. And he's doing this because Jeffrey Epstein has some photos of him peeing on a hooker.

[A]

Jeffrey Epstein who was declared innocent by. Who was declared to have commit suicide by the FBI. By Dan Bongino who lives above. Whose. Dan Bongino, who's one of the heads of the FBI, whose mother lives above my nanny in Glendale. I swear to God, I swear to God. He lives above my nanny in Queens.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So that's what the kind of just family environment we have in Queens.

[B]

So I think a lot of people on the right and obviously the left are saying that Israel owns Donald Trump. They own RFK Jr. They're both honey potted.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And that's a big, that's a big X talking point.

[A]

Well, RFK we know was honey potted.

[B]

You know, he's been, he's an easy kid to honey pot. Yeah. If you look at his history, all you got to do is take out a pipe or a piece of puss.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And the kid is going to give you the details.

[A]

Yeah. It's what it is.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Just he wants to spray methyl and blue on your pussy.

[B]

It's just a kid can't help himself. And, and so it depends what you listen to. And then if you listen to some supporters, they'll say this is what we got to do.

[A]

Right.

[B]

To, you know, get the foreign spies out, get Americans more spots.

[A]

Right.

[B]

These institutions. And we got to stop the anti Semitism which has become. Which is run amok in the Ivy League schools.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I don't know. I think everything may have a little truth to it. I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I'm not qualified to know.

[A]

That's the thing. There's a little bit of truth. Bader Ginsburg in us all.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And every decision.

[B]

But what do you think about it?

[A]

What I personally think is I don't think that he. I don't love the idea of him restricting the international students or telling international students who are currently in the school that they may get booted out and their visas may get rejected. Don't love that. I do think, yeah, that's like.

[B]

Kind of like, what are you doing?

[A]

I don't like that. But I do think that he and this country has to do something about our higher education because it is truly. You know, I hate to use the term woke that's been so overplayed. But the quote unquote woke mind virus that, you know, is just a little crazy. Like the trans people, trans women in athletics type disorder discussions that does. Seems like that gets breeded by college professors in colleges. So you have to do something about that.

[B]

But that the, the, the reason that happened is because nobody wants to do math and science. So they just go to college and they bullshit around. So in order to get these changes, you would have to change the American culture and get kids interested in real relevant germane education, which is stem. And it's just not going to happen because kids want to be influenced. Influencers. They want to. They, you know, everyone now is, you know how many DMS our producers get about. Can you do an internship at the History Hyenas?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, it's not a real career.

[A]

So then the only real thing to do then, the only real thing to do is to have every country in unison, disarm the nukes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Have everyone disarm the nukes. Get away the mutually sure destruction and go back to old school warfare and start up World War iii where the boys are making stuff on ships.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And we got the women in long skirts down to their knees making things in the factory for the boys coming home from the war. And we just go back to the way it was, to the glory. All right, let's go to patreon.comhistoryaidas. these are the newest members of the patriarchy, all right.

[B]

Because Chris will Take you on an entertaining drive. But you may not like the destination you go to.

[A]

It's what it is. But that is what the history hyenas walking tours that we will unveil soon this summer are going to be about. We don't know where we're going. And neither do you.

[B]

Does anybody?

[A]

All right. Welcome to the matriarchy. Edgar Rodriguez. Then we got Enrique the squeak. No catapult needed, just a slingshot. Put him on the list. Yeah, that's fun. Just a slingshot. The kids are squeak.

[B]

He ate.

[A]

He may be a cadet.

[B]

Dare I say contender?

[A]

Okay. Then we got Reynal Ape Walk in a walk. Sorry about that. Walked into one Creative. Richard Garcia Spencer. Nikki Binder. Then we got the hands never lie. Ms. Obama is a guy. Biden 2028.

[B]

That's a good Drexler, by the way. I was told there's a big uproar. There's been a big uproar amongst our fans.

[A]

What happened?

[B]

Leroy Ceiling Cricket. People were pissed.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

That we didn't get it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. And it was. It was an uproar. He told me about the uproar.

[A]

And what was Leroy's. What is the etymology of it?

[B]

A black guy who maybe can't afford the batteries or is. I guess the joke is too lazy to change a smoke detector. That is. That is beeping.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

That is beeping on the ceiling. Ceiling. So it's a Leroy ceiling Cricket. It is very funny. It's a borderline. Walked into one.

[A]

Yeah. And it's disparaging race. We can't do that.

[B]

Yeah. But it is very creative. And so they were just really upset with us and they thought that it deserved more love. So just to give our fans who love us so much a little love, I'm going to say you were right.

[A]

Right.

[B]

We're going to make some mistakes. Some are going to go over our head. I don't have the dark mind that a lot of you have. And I missed it. Yeah, you missed it.

[A]

You. We missed it.

[B]

But once it's explained, it's very funny.

[A]

So we just want to acknowledge it.

[B]

Want to acknowledge. It's the acknowledgement award.

[A]

Okay. So then we got Chrissy D's childhood thiefs burnt off kneecaps from when Uncle Victor burnt off that guy's kneecaps who stole my mother's purse.

[B]

You're getting a longtime fan award. Yeah. That's a guy. Longtime fan, Longtime fan award.

[A]

Thank you for your service, for your continued service to the matriarchy.

[B]

It's when people throw Details like that, you know, that they're hardcore in.

[A]

So then we got Muzzy Koozie with a tucked front Frisbee. Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yids diddled Kanye's kids, so he made a hit. Okay.

[B]

Choose. Yeah. Okay.

[A]

Yeah. It's a walk. What?

[B]

It is.

[A]

Sorry. Rodeo. Peanut.

[B]

Rodeo. Peanut's a good old chicken figure.

[A]

Then we got hairless. No. No Zone pizza. Goldfish for dinner.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

Come a lot in my belly button. Harris Mason Wisely. Maga Mar Markey, Andrew Doyle, Alexander Moon, Pope Leroy the Juneteenth. Funny.

[B]

That's funny. Yeah. Creative. That's creative.

[A]

Trying to give aoc, my little COC for at most two to three.

[B]

Drexler.

[A]

Drexler.

[B]

Yeah. I love the rhyme scheme.

[A]

Enjoyed the bidet too much. Now I'm an ff.

[B]

Okay. That happens.

[A]

That happens. That's just something.

[B]

That side effect.

[A]

We've all experienced that German, Jewish. Jake and Bake. Stepdad's a Leroy, so I can say it. Okay.

[B]

Okay. Drexler. Funny factor.

[A]

Anmar Compa. Najar. I don't know.

[B]

I don't know what that means.

[A]

Epstein's darling. Tommy Hodge. Bajish. Joseph Ray, Odom, Raquel, Jordan, Jamie Carillo. Chrissy's pronouns walked into one. I apologize.

[B]

They're so creative. Her. I mean, with the pronoun. Yeah.

[A]

Then we got. I use my Frisbees as an ashtray. It's what it is. Because. Yeah. These are not. Okay.

[B]

Why are they so funny?

[A]

Yeah, but it's not good.

[B]

Not good.

[A]

Limp gimp. Ian Runnels. T.J. kenny, Lori Hunam. Jesse Ross. I'm harder than Tom Holman on 22 Bluetooth. Okay. Lee Marshall. Craig Harms. Pegging Bussy since 94. Yanni Otani with the Seeing Eye single.

[B]

Put him on the list.

[A]

Put him on the list. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Johnny Ohtani with the sea.

[B]

Guys with this, you know, unified kung.

[A]

Fu Diddy from the Bronx Temple.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

CNY line of 14 weenies. Get me creamy.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Justin Kinnard.

[B]

Walked into what? But it's funny.

[A]

Okay. Tyler Arnold, James Cortez. Andrew. Andrew. Andrew. That this was cheaper than only fans.

[B]

That's a chicken.

[A]

That's chicken figure. Dalton T2 shells. Assistant Gateman Blaze Byers. Ninja Alarma Schnitzel monkey with a schnitzel monkey with a VW that runs off Frisbee fumes.

[B]

That's what you call a massive. Walked into one. Jesus Christ.

[A]

Not good.

[B]

Frisbee fumes runs on Fisbee fumes. Jesus Christ. Creative, though.

[A]

Bringing the body for toe up Sestiani St.

[B]

Appreciate that.

[A]

Okay. Stuart Farnham. One who nags, if you know what I mean. Okay. Rachel Amley, Sarah Clark.

[B]

Thought we missed something. You got walked in one y. Yeah, you walked in. You walked in. They're. They're. Now they're ch. Now it's a challenge for them to get him passed.

[A]

It's not good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Rachel Amley, Sarah Clark, Evan Baslovski, Justin Uenhor. Then we got Abraham stinking free Delroy's butt. Stuff has changed, and we should talk about it. It's what it is.

[B]

Drexler.

[A]

Drexler, Vincente and Goose Spring. Travis, Harry Preto, cr. Tyler Ross, Derek Mahoney, Joe Lydon, Daniel Moss, Andrea Vic, Mike Latorres, Alex Bonestro. Way, Sean Chian. Straight to the baccarat table. Bailey's Chubbed up daily Zelmir, Frisbee Net, and Yahoo. Swallowed my glue.

[B]

Glue.

[A]

Blue goo. Jerry Vargas, Gage Peterson, Nicholas Coin, John Slater, Gape, Lynn Jenner. Oh, Ginner.

[B]

Very funny.

[A]

Chicken finger half baked. Sammy, Johnny Banal, Christopher Sid. Turn Frisbee land to glass and pound my Aryan ass. Drexler, Russell Levy, John Gillis, Max Steoria, Tristan Spring, Dong Lemon, Chris Unshaw, Franklin Delano, Roly Polio, Robert Sandberg. Put it in her beavel beaver till she got a fever. Okay. Elizabeth Malk, Mova Abdul Rahman Ashad.

[B]

Wow. Yeah.

[A]

There he goes. That's Alex Saxo.

[B]

Called Mossad bait.

[A]

It's what it is. Louis Lee, Sharkman, Wolf Ant Torres, Alec Villarreal. You're not that gay, pal. Corey, let the French take the Statue of Liberty back. Replace it with the catapult of subjugation. Okay. Race Bader, Ginseng, Ginsburg.

[B]

We've had B.

[A]

Secret Squirrel, John Greep, Ryan Manzlala, and Pablo. All right, one more. One more. Paige, just a few more names. Holden Edwards. I call her Muzzy. Uncle Russie. Because the is bomb.

[B]

Wow. Okay, that's good. Not because the pussy's bomb muzzle Uncle Russ. That's a borderline. All right, that's a borderline. I'm going to Drexler it.

[A]

Steve Rogers, Brett Bumble Bum. Not a fruit, but like my lady's finger in my shoot.

[B]

I'm gonna go put him on the list. Okay, Chicken. Figure that deserves a list. Yeah.

[A]

Hey, babes Corpus.

[B]

Put it on the list. That's too good.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's too good.

[A]

AP Mike, Chris Frisbee, Netanyahu, Zinzi, the new Jigga, AKA Leroy Gold, Goldstein, Tristan Hennings.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah, it's not good.

[B]

It's not good, but it's creative.

[A]

Kim Jong Fumes. Michael Raisy. Craig, Leah Casey Duff, Jake, Jennifer Bridget Cunningham. Beating me to Miss Pat's titty feet. Titty feet.

[B]

She's a big girl.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Put it on the list. Great.

[A]

Spencer. A Southern Italian kid that's waiting to choose what side of the race for he's going to join.

[B]

Put him on the list. That's funny.

[A]

Jesse Zambra.

[B]

That was a courtesy because we don't have a lot.

[A]

No. Yeah. Chrissy's disease. Prissy, Sissy, Travy. I can crack them open, but I can't clean anything out because I've got a small piece. Foster.

[B]

Put him on the list. He could get in there, but he can't. He can't. He can't sweep. Yeah, that's a contender.

[A]

Hack. Pop Tits. Brick Monette. Wolf. Wolf the Awful. Go God. Logan LaChapelle. No means yes. David S. Parker. Foreigner with Foreskin. Shamaya Brown. Akash the Pajit Drops Turds in the street.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Bill Burr, Welcome. Muzzy. Woman forced to dress as a voting booth but not allowed to vote.

[B]

I say put it on the list.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I should put out a list because.

[A]

It'S just calling someone saying your dress is a voting booth.

[B]

It's just so good. I mean, it's a walked into one, but it's just too good.

[A]

Yeah. Lebanese Telecorn. Paid Your way to 72 virgins. Lebanese Telecom. I'm sorry. Page your way to 72 virgins.

[B]

Ladder 14. It's a walked into. I mean, what can we do? I mean, people got hurt.

[A]

Nolan Mag. Can I finance the Tim Dillon episode? With a 408 credit score? Probably not.

[B]

Yeah. Drexer for the funny.

[A]

Ricky Steinfeld. My chicks got orangutan tits. It's what it is.

[B]

Put them on the list. Okay, we're coming in strong here on.

[A]

The rear, right, Robert? Ready? Andrew Dice Kunanan, AKA Perk Franklin.

[B]

Very funny. Drexler.

[A]

Christian Eyes After Dark. The sacred rocks Yanni pissed on in Gettysburg.

[B]

Wow, this is a coincidence.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Drexler.

[A]

Filipino. But I have six inches.

[B]

Congrats.

[A]

Interesting. Yeah, I'm not like Anakin Skywalker. I like Sands. But these ladies jawas do keep nearly killing me in the minivans. Love you sluts.

[B]

I don't get it.

[A]

I don't get it. Sorry. Logan Leroy Tariff.

[B]

That's a walk in one big time.

[A]

MJF crawled into to the Hurt Syndicates. Shoes. Okay, straight to the back. Zachary Bushro. Derek Frank. Marini, Chris Slavin, Tim Tracy P. And then last but not least, AOC is for Rome, but Pete Buddha is for the table.

[B]

I like that. That's a fact.

[A]

Okay, so. All right.

[B]

Our fans. So creative.

[A]

Yeah. So this list. What happened with this list is you thought it was done and then it. That's the list to the end.

[B]

Bangers.

[A]

Okay. So the list. Enrique the squeak. No catapult. Just needs a slingshot.

[B]

That's a contender still, which is crazy.

[A]

That was the second name we read sometimes that happens. Yanni Ohtani with the Seeing Eye single.

[B]

Very good. But we had one recently, so we're going to. We're going to dress.

[A]

Okay. So we got one from here.

[B]

Yeah, it's just where you. Where you're placed.

[A]

Not a fruit, but like my lady fingers in my shoe.

[B]

That. It's a chicken finger. We're going to. We're going to. It's going to lean more to a chicken finger.

[A]

Hey, babes. Corey Corpus.

[B]

That's very funny.

[A]

Right?

[B]

I'm gonna chicken finger it. But the creativity of habeas corpus. And it's.

[A]

It's good.

[B]

It's good.

[A]

Beating me to Miss Pat's titty feet.

[B]

I'm gonna. I'm good. We're gonna keep that.

[A]

Keep that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Spencer, a Southern Italian kid that's waiting to choose what side of the race for he's going to join.

[B]

At the time, I did that as a charity. That. That deserves to be. Drexler.

[A]

Drexler. Okay. All right. Muzzy woman forced to dress as a voting booth but not allowed to vote.

[B]

Contender.

[A]

Tender contender. My chick's got orangutan tits. It's what it is.

[B]

Chicken finger.

[A]

Okay, so it is between Muzzy Woman forced to dress as a voting booth but not allowed to vote, beating my meat to Miss Pat's titty feet.

[B]

We do this right.

[A]

Enrique the Squeak. No catapult. Just need a slingshot. And then I forgot one. Travy. I can crack them open, but I can't clean anything out because I've got a small piece. Foster.

[B]

Very. If that guy is extremely funny. A little too worried. But let me tell you something. I'm going to give you a yas. Yas. For the creativity.

[A]

Get a yas.

[B]

I need help with this one because make zero mistake, my heart is going for the voting booth. Yeah, but that is a borderline. Walked into one, but that's where my heart is. On the funny factor.

[A]

The voting booth is so funny. I've never heard anything like that. I personally think, though, Just because it's fun and it's and it's and it's, you know, not going to hurt anybody. I like Enrique the squeak. No catapult needed, just a slingshot shot. Cuz he's just a little guy. And Enrique the squeak in and of self is funny.

[B]

Very funny Jesse. You're deciding. And what was the third one?

[A]

The third one was beating me to Ms. Pat's titty feet.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Okay, that one made me laugh. I. I'm not sure what titty feet are but it's still funny.

[B]

Mean. She's a big girl and so there's fat on her feet.

[C]

Funny, funny, funny. But I think I'm in the voting booth. It's just cuz the outfit they got the little slot in the eyes. That's how you put the envelope.

[A]

That's the winner.

[B]

We're the dem. We're democracy.

[A]

We're democracy here. That. That is the winner. So congratulations if you go to history. Hyenas is back dot com. The winner of this week's list. Up name up in lights the PPW pseudo penis of the week. We have Muzzy woman forced to dress as a voting booth but not allowed to vote. Congratulations to you. You can see it. Thanks for watching the show.