JD Prance & Prance Bass | History Hyenas

Summary

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History Hyenas | "JD Prance & Prance Bass" - Episode Summary

Date: September 18, 2025
Hosts: Chris Distefano ("Chrissy D") & Yannis Pappas ("Yanni P")
Guest/Producer Contributions: Jesse, occasional appearance from Nick

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Episode Overview

This episode of History Hyenas is a classic off-the-rails, topic-free romp. For a change of pace, Chris and Yannis pivot away from dense or controversial history topics, embracing pure comedic banter, personal stories, and crowd engagement. Their self-described "prance show" is an antidote to the week's heavy news, promising "fun, fun, fun" for listeners seeking laughter. The hosts riff on everything from the chaos of parenting to the impact of social media and their idiosyncratic road experiences with fellow comedian Sergio. The camaraderie, self-deprecation, and cultural commentary are quintessential History Hyenas—with a steady undercurrent of their signature absurdity and truly wild energy.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why No History Topic? The Need for Levity

• The hosts purposely skip discussing serious history in favor of carefree banter.
  • [01:12] Chris D: “We don't have a history topic today. We're just gonna go off because I've had enough.”
  • [01:21] Jesse: “It's a breather ... an intermission from a topic ... we're just going to keep it light. We're going to prance today.”
• They considered featuring high-profile, controversial guests, but decided against "feeding the algorithm" with heavy issues:
  • [01:55] Jesse: “We were considering ... ex Mossad guy, CIA guy ... investigative journalists ... but we decided we're going to take big fat slurps of smoothies, kick our heels in the air and say, am I a cute kid today? And I am.”

2. Parenting Is Madness

• Chris’s real-life chaos: his daughter needs a root canal, which devolves into a darkly comic reflection on how hard parenting is.
  • [02:44] Chris D: "Taking my 4-year-old to the dentist ... you as parents, we just have to put our bodies over her ... I had to leave ... I probably would have left my daughter at the dentist ... you get too overwhelmed."
  • [03:48] Jesse: “You get overwhelmed, and you realize that nature built women with a bucket of empathy that we necessarily don't have."
  • [04:13] Chris D: "When you have little kids, it is 100% a two person job. Maybe more. I think it should be illegal to divorce till the youngest is 10."
  • [04:55] Jesse (joking): "Even if you kill one [parent], I think you should be forced to live with the body. Like Weekend at Bernie's."

3. Social Media: Source of Society’s Decay

• Chris rails against the toxicity of social media, sharing anecdotes of how online comments impact him emotionally and drive his diet and self-image.
  • [07:35] Chris D: "I just want social media to go away. I think it's 1000% directly responsible for the decay of society, just like sugar is responsible for the decay of my daughter's tooth."
  • [09:48] Chris D: “A lot of people commented, oh, Chris, you're looking too skinny now ... then subconsciously ... my eating is off the rails ... I'm so done with social media.”
  • [13:02] Jesse: "People have become way too comfortable giving their opinion on social media ... it’s dehumanizing."
  • [15:20] Chris D: "It's constantly just looking for a fight ... a dopamine hit from confrontation."
  • [18:11] Chris D: "I went on Twitter ... it is non stop negative ... you realize how sick you can get on it."
• Both predict a “post-social media” world, either by regulation or users self-limiting in reaction to negative impact.
  • [19:33] Jesse: "We either inevitably go the way of China, where it's completely censored and regulated, or ... people get so tired ... studies will take hold … cigarettes, alcohol went down—same thing will happen."
  • [20:23] Jesse: "There'll be a social media site where you have to verify identity ... can't have fake accounts ... only friends can see you. Virality like it used to be."

4. Comedy in Politics and Society

• The show lampoons the low bar for modern political candidates and riffs on Chris’s hypothetical run for mayor.
  • [05:51] Jesse: "You could be a kid who went to St. Joe's ... and become President ... used to be you'd be laughed out of the room."
  • [06:10] Chris D: "Make absolutely no mistake ... I'm going to run for mayor of New York ... I'm the school's second all time leading scorer" (mocking resume inflation).

5. Sergio: The High Maintenance Feature Act

• The hosts lovingly roast Sergio Chacon, their frequent touring companion, describing him as talented but as emotionally and physically high-maintenance as a rare exotic animal.
  • [26:01] Jesse: "Has anyone ever called you Chrissy Gayos?"
  • [27:26] Chris D: "Trying to walk in through a back door ... he'll have to stop and smoke ... then people start coming up ... all because of him."
  • [28:51] Chris D: "His temperature's gotta be good ... it's like the snake in his cage, you gotta keep him at the exact temperature."

6. Absurd Solutions and Wild Imagery

• The episode is rife with tongue-in-cheek “solutions” and outlandishly dark jokes.
  • [12:24] Chris D: "I've never had anal sex but I do just get an analog that pops out every once in a while ... tie a string around it and tie it to the doorknob ... have the kids close the door. It rips the wart out and I bleed a little."
  • [31:43] Jesse: "You just gotta make sure Sergio's comfortable. In fact, that's what I'm gonna call my next tour: the Sergio's Comfortable Tour."

7. Anxiety, Childhood Fears, & Adult Quirks

• Chris openly shares his childhood-rooted anxieties—being scared of the dark, needing someone to watch him walk to his car in the early morning, and his routines to avoid ghosts.
  • [44:11] Chris D: "If I was driving, I would always have to call someone ... I would always try to drive with the lights on ... check, make sure no one's in the back seat."
  • [46:58] Chris D: "It took me about 20, 30 minutes just to get up the courage to go up and brush my teeth because it was fully dark out."
  • [47:25] Jesse: "That's why this podcast is very important—there's a lot of people out there struggling with that type of dilemma: how do I get from my room to the car?"

8. Self-Reflection, Mindset, and Camaraderie

• Chris shares personal affirmation mantras he's written to himself, highlighting the importance of forgiveness, love, and self-acceptance, albeit with trademark joking.
  • [36:01] Chris D: "Forgive yourself and others ... release anger and guilt ... renew yourself daily ... spread love wherever you go ... wisdom comes from unexpected sources ... welcome obstacles."
  • [33:08] Jesse: "You're an anomaly. You don't look like a guy that a comment like that would affect you. But that's who we are. We're sensitive guys."

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "We're just gonna keep it light. We're gonna prance today." – Jesse [01:21]
• "I just want social media to go away. I think it's 1000% directly responsible for the decay of society." – Chris D [07:35]
• "Parenting is such a hard job ... even if you kill one, I think you should be forced to live with the body. Like Weekend at Bernie's." – Jesse [05:11]
• "I might even go become an Amish, AKA the Hasidic Jews of Pennsylvania. I might even go there and take the Puerto Ricans with me." – Chris D [10:51]
• "People have become way too comfortable giving their opinion on social media, saying things because they can hide behind their screen." – Jesse [13:02]
• "You just gotta make sure Sergio's comfortable. In fact, that's what I'm gonna start calling my tour." – Jesse [31:43]
• "The thing we have in common is we both love to prance ... so that's what we have in common when we're strolling for history. That's good. But after the history tour is done, we go separate ways." – Jesse [37:17]
• "You're in this business, we're in this business. You're nice. We gotta be nice ... But when you saw that comment, you wish that person said it in person so you could take their head clean fucking off." – Jesse [34:46]
• "You cracked the matrix. You are the ppw, the pseudo penis of the week. What did the frisbee do to the oven? Walked into one." – Chris D [72:11]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Time | Segment | |-----------|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:12 | Decision to drop a history topic - “We just went off” | | 02:25 | Banter on potential heavy guests and wild conspiracy theories | | 02:44 | Chris recounts taking daughter to the dentist – parenting chaos | | 07:35 | Chris’s frustration and rants on social media | | 13:02 | Discussion on how social media erodes decency and boundaries | | 19:33 | Predictions for the future of social media – regulation or natural selection | | 26:01 | Sergio “Chrissy Gayos” ribbing and tales from the road | | 31:43 | Sergio’s high-maintenance quirks / ‘Sergio’s Comfortable Tour’ | | 33:08 | The hosts as “sensitive guys” dealing with online comments | | 36:01 | Chris recites his self-help mantras | | 44:11 | Chris details his lifelong fears of dark, ghosts, and being alone | | 47:25 | Why having a wife (and a podcast) is crucial for his morning courage | | 61:54 | The hosts muse on lantern flies as potential government spy devices | | 71:21 | Patreon Name Game winner declared: “What did the frisbee do to the oven? Walked into one” |

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Funny/Disturbing/Signature Segment: Patreon Name Game

Starting around [62:09], the show launches into its legendary Patreon user shoutouts, with Chris and Yannis riffing on the most unhinged Patreon usernames and debating which is most creative, shocking, or hilarious. They ultimately break their usual rule and award the "walked into one" joke as the winner, celebrating its "brilliant" subversion of both decency and format.

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Tone and Style

• Irreverent, absurdist, and improvisational: The show is a non-stop chain of inside jokes, mock outrage, wild hyperbole, and surreal banter.
• Self-deprecating candor: Both hosts revel in exposing their neurotic quirks, weaknesses, and family struggles.
• Camaraderie and crowdplay: Frequent reads of Patreon names create an inclusive “in-group” feel, rewarding diehard fans.

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Conclusion

If you’re seeking historical analysis, this episode isn’t it. But if you want an hour of camaraderie, catharsis, and relentless comedy, JD Prance & Prance Bass delivers. In its own twisted way, it's a look at modern anxieties, the pitfalls of social media, and the joys and traumas of friendship and family life—told by two comics who “prance” through it all.

Transcript

[Chris D]

We got a great episode for you guys today. We didn't really do a history topic. We just went off the rails, old school. Because we figured the world's been pretty heavy lately, so we just had fun, fun, fun. If you want to laugh, you're really going to enjoy this next hour. Come see us September 22nd at the Comedy Cellar in New York City. We are doing a live history hyena show. If you want to be in the audience. And then I will be doing stand up October 9th, 10th and 11th in Boston, Massachusetts, between the Wilbur Theater and the chevalier. Go to ChrisDComedy.com for Tikiwikis and have some fun.

[Yanni P]

Fun.

[Jesse]

Yes. We just went wild today. Just like the old day. See me in Bakersfield, California, October 3rd and 4th. Toronto, October 18th. Tulsa, October 24th and 25th. Now enjoy this app.

[Chris D]

What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas. I'm Chrissy D. That's Yanni P. We don't have a history topic today. We're just gonna go off because I've had enough.

[Jesse]

We are going to just take a second. This is what I call a breather. Yeah, we're taking a breather. It's a little intermission from a topic. We don't want to do any topic where someone could say, well, this happened. Well, that. This will. That there's going to be no. Well, this. Well, that will. This. Because we're just going to keep it light. We're going to prance today.

[Chris D]

Yeah, we're going to prance today because, you know, it's just been heavy the last week, and it's just like everybody says the same thing or they say the opposite of the same thing. It just depends what your algorithm wants. I just want to do over.

[Jesse]

You want to do over. And, you know, we were considering whether we were going to have on an ex Mossad guy, whether we were going to have on a CIA guy. We didn't know whether to have on some investigative journalists. We didn't know whether to have some presidential candidates on. We wanted to really get into it. We wanted some. We. This one guy has a very interesting theory about how Qatar is behind Israel and Israel's behind Qatar, and Qatar is behind Saudi Arabia, and Saudi Arabia is behind the United States. The United States is behind this pedophile cabal.

[Yanni P]

Right.

[Jesse]

That originated in Moldova.

[Chris D]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

We were going to give you that episode because we know you want it, but we decided we're the history hyenas. We're going to take big fat slurps of smoothies, kick our heels in the air and say, am I a cute kid today? And I am. It's just I'm on the beam, and you're off. Between us, we've got one foot on the beam.

[Chris D]

One foot on the beam. I mean, because I'm a little off the beam. Because this morning, I take my daughter to the dentist. My little 4 year old, and she needed a root canal. And that's just what you call too much sweets and not enough flossing. That's what you call genetics. From her father's side.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

That's what you call hanging out with daddy a little too much. Yeah.

[Chris D]

And you know what it is, too? It's like the laughing gas doesn't work. Then the Novocaine in the mouth, you know, just doesn't work. And then it just comes to, like, you as parents, we just have to, like, put our bodies over her and just hold her down and make sure her head doesn't move while they could just rip her tooth out. And it just kind of sucks. And moms. What moms are able to do is just a little. I mean, I had to leave. Come here. She's crying. My daughter's crying that my older daughter needs to be picked up from school. My stepson doesn't want to talk to anybody. And my. My.

[Jesse]

And.

[Chris D]

And Jazz just is just handling it all. Just figuring it out where. I wouldn't. I would probably walk out if Jazz wasn't around. I probably just walk. I would have left my daughter at the dentist because I just get. You get too overwhelmed.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

You get overwhelmed, and you realize that nature built women with a bucket of empathy that we necessarily don't have.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Nature gave us this ever, ever present will to go bang other women.

[Chris D]

It's just what it is.

[Jesse]

So. And that's just there. I'm not saying that for any reason. Exc. The fact. This is a proven fact. You know, we're just. We're driven to reproduce and have different drives. I just get it.

[Chris D]

When you have little kids, it is 100% a two person job. Maybe a more than two person job when you're low. I think it should be illegal for a husband and wife to even consider divorce until the youngest one is 10.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

When the youngest one is 10, then you could go in front of the magistrate and say, we're done.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

No, I think it should be legally mandated that husband and wife have to stay together even if they're gonna kill each other.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

So, yes, this is what I think, because it's so hard to raise kids. So even if one of them kills the other one in a domestic violence dispute.

[Chris D]

Father kills the mother.

[Jesse]

Yeah. Because that's usually what happens. But once in a while the woman will try to.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Pour a little peroxide in the husband's coffee.

[Chris D]

Yeah.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

You get a little arsenic.

[Yanni P]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jesse]

So that will happen. Whatever. Go whichever way it is. Whoever tries to kill everybody, the court should order. Because parenting is such a hard job and as Republicans say, you need a two parent home in order to become a criminal. Even if you kill one, I think you should be forced to live with the body. Like Weekend at Bernie's.

[Yanni P]

Yes.

[Jesse]

Just so two parents are still present.

[Chris D]

And I think, you know what, that's a good idea. And that's what that's in my platform because now I'm running for mayor.

[Jesse]

You know what?

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

You got the social media following to at least nominate yourself.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

I think you could do it.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

I mean, let's look at some of our previous nominees and some of the biggest thinkers we have.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Most of them haven't graduated college.

[Yanni P]

No.

[Jesse]

I mean some of them are on comedy podcasts.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Some of them went to community college. Dropped out. I mean, you don't need to be top of your class from an elite edu institution anymore.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Cause you could be a kid who went to St. Joe's yeah. And become President United States. It used to be that that was unheard of. You laughed out of the room if I said I'm voting for Chris Stephano for president and say, what is his background? I said, the kid is hanging up in the St. Joe's hall of Fame. And that hall of fame is on Oster tag in the hallway.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

I know he can't run for president, but now you can.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

Because make absolutely no mistake on my St. Joseph's College, which their motto is watch what happens. And watch what happens is I'm going to run for mayor of New York and I am the school's second all time leading scorer. And I also have my picture up at the Connecticut Muffin down the street. And that's a truth. Vader Ginsburg. They got a picture of me up at the Connecticut A Muffin.

[Jesse]

I think Mondame, before he became an assemblyman, his job was actually rapper.

[Yanni P]

Right.

[Jesse]

I think he was a rapper. And then I think his first job.

[Chris D]

Was because you would think out of all the candidates on this whose job used to be a rapper, it'd be Eric Adams.

[Jesse]

That's the one.

[Chris D]

You'd think that's the one you think she ain't.

[Yanni P]

And then you think.

[Jesse]

You would think Curtis Silva was a painter from France in the 1920s.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Because the kids got a beret on.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

And you would think Andrew Como is dating my mom.

[Jesse]

That's what you think.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

So that's where we are right now.

[Chris D]

And I'm in that 5% undecided.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

That's. You want to put. There's a picture of just a silhouette of a face. And you're going to put Chrissy D's face in there.

[Jesse]

I am. 46%. I am. Of the 46% for Zora Mandani because it'll be great for comedy, it'll be great for drama, and it'll be great for husbands that are looking for a loophole. We've said it before. Not me, myself. I just think shootings, everything will go down if everyone could just empty their glue in an Asian woman's hand.

[Chris D]

Legally. Legally. And I mean, I gotta be honest with you. I gotta be honest with you is I'm just done. I'm just done. I've told you this. I've been done with social media from the beginning. Okay. I've told you. I've been done with it for years. I wouldn't care if it knocked my career back. 20 links. I just want social media to go away. I think it's 1000% directly responsible for the decay of society, just like the sugar is directly responsible for the decay of my daughter's tooth. And I just don't. I don't.

[Yanni P]

I.

[Chris D]

What happened? Here's what happened. I had to go. I went back on. You ready for this? I had a listen. So I went back on. Just for a day because I did the theater at MSG last week. Thank you. Shout out for everyone coming. Somehow Jeffrey Gurion will post pictures of him. Always finds a way into the green room.

[Jesse]

And he is shape shifting.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Shape shifting in front of the door.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

And he intervenes with Rami sandwich from Joey Rose's Scent sandwiches. So. And we couldn't have our favorite sandwich, which is the peanut butter and jelly sandwich with potato chips, because the opener, our good friend James mattered. That's like sending a nuclear missile to his face. He can't be anywhere near peanut butter, so everyone else has to suffer because, you know, people are allergic to peanuts. So I can't have my favorite sandwich when I'm just doing the fucking peanut. But that's just. Okay.

[Jesse]

A peanut will kill him.

[Chris D]

Peter will kill him and just have to deal with It, Yeah.

[Jesse]

Had kryptonite. James Merritt has peanuts. And it's not even a peanut. It's a hint of a smell of peanut.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

That's our boy, James. We freaking love him. He did a great job opening up. And it's just everyone. That's why comedians are the best, because they're just unique and different. You going off?

[Jesse]

No.

[Chris D]

Okay. So. So. But anyway, I had to go back on. I didn't have to go back on. What happened was, is because, you know, it's relatively, you know, big accomplishment for me. It felt like a bookend thing for me because I just was like, you know, when I had done theater at MSG two years ago, right. At like a week after I sold my house, I felt like my whole life got turned upside down for two years, and now I feel out of it. It's like a bookend thing. Right. So let me go back on social media. And then, you know, of course, it's like you got to deal with every comedian, you know, people we know, you know, making jokes about the tragedies or giving their stupid opinion without a joke. Just giving tragedy.

[Jesse]

You mean me losing a lot of money betting on Canelo? Yes, because there's a lot of people that got upset about that.

[Chris D]

Got upset.

[Jesse]

That's another tragedy.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

And I know Sergio Chacon is one of them.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

So. So all that where you just, like, shut up. And then. But then what happened was too. I realized, see, it's. It's interesting. The subconscious. It's real, baby girl. Because I saw a lot of people. I posted. A lot of people had commented, oh, you know, Chris, you're looking too skinny now.

[Jesse]

Skinny.

[Chris D]

Skinny. You kept seeing the word skinny. And then what happens is, is. What happens is, is then subconsciously it just gets in as, like, a negative somehow. And then I noticed the last. The last four days, my eating has been off the rails because your subconsciously be like, oh, now I'm too skinny. Gotta get fat. Right. So what I'm really just done with is just people commenting about anything at all. Because I just don't do. Like, the thing is, is, like, I would never comment. You're too skinny or you're too fat. I just wouldn't say anything. I would say, you look great. Because why. Why give my opinion about anything? But then you realize just, like, how you realize where people's brains are going. And it's because of social media, like, the apathy that I could just say anything unchecked. And I just. I'm so done with social Media. I'm going back to a flip phone. I might even go become an Amish, AKA the Hasidic Jews of Pennsylvania. I might even go there and take the Puerto Ricans with me. Cause I'm just. I'm starting to really dislike people. And you know me, I'm a people person.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

And I'm really just starting to dislike everyone because of the apathy that I see.

[Jesse]

Right.

[Yanni P]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jesse]

There's a lack of humanity going on right now. Everyone's trying to capitalize off of tragedy, and it's gross. It's getting a little transparent. But I think people are slowly realizing it because once, you know, you start going through these crazy conspiracies and you start. You start to realize. You start to go. When you see posts like, oh, the truth will come out. I'm about to post it. You know, you can see the narrative they're creating. And you tell. That people are creating content and humanity is gone. That's one thing. I think. What happened with you there? If you. If.

[Chris D]

By the way, I just want to say I. You don't meet many guys who wear their watch on the right.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

I. Most guys wearing on the left. But I like you with it on the right.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Now that's what I wanted. That is.

[Chris D]

And I'm gonna start putting mine on the right.

[Jesse]

I'm a lefty. I'm ambidextrous. You know that. And that's why I do that. But that is. That is a great segue into what I'm about to say.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Only someone who's got a woman's brain.

[Yanni P]

Right.

[Jesse]

Would notice that.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

If you came in with your watch around your asshole.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Or around your neck.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

I wouldn't notice because if I came.

[Chris D]

In with my watch or on my asshole, it would. You would notice something on the face of the watch. And that would be a war.

[Jesse]

It would be around the world. The world would be holding it up.

[Chris D]

Because I've never had anal sex. But I do just get an analog that pops out every once in a while. And what I do is I tie a string around it and I tie it to the. To the doorknob. And then I just have one of my kids close the door. It rips the ward out and I bleed a little bit. I throw a band aid on it.

[Jesse]

That's what you call. That's what you call pure medicine.

[Chris D]

Bridgewood frontier medicine. I'll just. And it's. And it's what you call getting the family involved.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

In health.

[Yanni P]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jesse]

Yes. That you could go see a doctor, a dermatologist, or you could do that.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

But what happened. There is two things. Right. One thing is people have become way too comfortable giving their opinion on social media, saying things because they can hide behind their screen.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

And their screen name. And that is like another piece of evidence as to. That speaks to how dehumanizing this everything is. Because in. If you're in the real world, you don't say anything to someone unless you're good friends with them.

[Yanni P]

Right.

[Jesse]

I can joke and say you look too skinny.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

But that Friends.

[Jesse]

But a stranger is not. Just say you look too skinny.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

But so that's. That right there. That's. That's. There's a lack of humanity.

[Yanni P]

Right.

[Jesse]

And that's the most innocuous example. But you can obviously see from there how we can grow to. When there's tragedies, people say certain things. That's one side of the equation. The other side of the question is.

[Chris D]

And also how can I be too skinny?

[Jesse]

I'm 212 pounds. Right. The other that. Well, now it's another good segue. The other thing is you're a sensitive guy with a woman's brain.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

And you don't. You get affected by comments on your looks.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

You're just like a woman. What?

[Chris D]

Yeah, you can.

[Jesse]

So they need to take that into consideration. If you're following Chris on social media, be kind.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Just tell him he looks good. Tell him his hair looks good.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Tell him I like that color on him.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Treat him like you would treat your mom. You wouldn't say to your mom, you look too skinny, you look too fat. You would say to your dad, he'd have a laugh. But your mom, she might develop a white wine habit. It's what it is.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

So just treat Chris like a suburban WASPy woman who is married to a guy she hates. But she married him for the money. But now she regrets it because she's got the pearl earrings.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Got the big house.

[Yanni P]

Yes.

[Jesse]

And she feels empty, so she develops a zyfondale problem that she hides behind the hamper.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

You call me Chris the Wasp.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Just be kind now, cuz.

[Chris D]

And also too. Just quickly going back. You don't look too.

[Jesse]

You look perfect.

[Chris D]

Thank you.

[Jesse]

And your eyes look great.

[Chris D]

Thank you. But. Because I got some. I got some color.

[Jesse]

Yeah, no, you look. This is the best you ever look.

[Chris D]

I got some color and I went to a arts and crafts fair in my area and it was nice. Yeah, it was nice. And I bought, I bought a handmade clock.

[Jesse]

Yeah, that was nice.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

But it's also too. On social media, it's also, it's also a little hacky now.

[Jesse]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

I think like I was on it for an hour and it's like everybody posts the same thing or everybody posts the exact opposite. Of what? Of, of the same thing. So either it's. So it's like nobody has like an original idea anymore.

[Jesse]

Well, because it's all about extremism. Right. Been conditioned into people by the algorithm. Rewarding extremity.

[Yanni P]

Right.

[Jesse]

So that's what's happening.

[Chris D]

And then it's just. And then. And it's constantly just looking for a fight. It's constantly, it's a dopamine hit from confrontation and constant looking for a fight. So it's like you avoid it. Like I used to be scared to be like, oh, I'm not on social media because it's like, oh, that affects your career. But now it's like I almost feel like I want to tell people I'm not on social media because I don't think you should be on it either.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

I think it's awful for you and for your kids.

[Jesse]

Well, it is not you.

[Chris D]

I'm saying like people listening. I'm like, I used. Because I had a guy tell me once, why would you tell your fans you're not on social media? Then they're not going to want to connect with you as much and you're going to. Followers are going to go down. I'm you. Like, like half my followers go to fucking zero.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

I don't care. That would be, that would be fine by me.

[Jesse]

I think it's funny that the social media companies don't care, you know, because they know, they know all the, all the research is out there.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

I mean it's just funny that they want the content creators talking to the fats. What could go wrong? But the reason they want that is because they want us all on there for longer.

[Chris D]

For longer.

[Jesse]

And so it's like, what do you want? You want Al Pacino in the comment section?

[Chris D]

Why would you want that?

[Jesse]

Some fake screen name.

[Chris D]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Calling him a, calling him a pedophile.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

He knocked up some 30 year old and had a kid because what else is he going to do? You're not going to go on there. You're either going to say something kind or you're going to say something horrible. The reason you're saying something horrible is because you're attention begging.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Because you know the negativity Bias will get people to look at the negative comments.

[Chris D]

So that's all right.

[Jesse]

Everyone's just begging for attention.

[Chris D]

That's all it is cuz he. And then hold on.

[Jesse]

And your, your Chrissy sees through it. That's all I'm icc And you better throw it and you better just take him right now and take him at his word and say kind things because the kid does have a fucking steel pipe in his trunk.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

And he will find out where you are.

[Chris D]

And I and even though they are my, you know, even though they are America's enemy, not Chinese Americans but the nation of China, I will say that China has done some good things with China ban TikTok and also they're doing some nice things in the Uyghur province.

[Jesse]

Way song seeing last 14 saying as you appreciate some of the police tactics.

[Yanni P]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris D]

Obviously that's just a joke.

[Jesse]

Joke.

[Chris D]

It's just a joke. But I do obviously joking about the Uyghur but I am, I am happy that is good that they don't have. I don't even go on TikTok but the other socials from Facebook to, to Instagram to. I mean Twitter is. I went on Twitter too. I mean X and that. I don't know if it's my algorithm. I mean but it is non stop negative. It's so beyond bad that I was like just an hour because I, I never sensed this because I never went off for a long time. But I mean to be off for months and months and months and then go right back in for an hour. You realize how sick, you realize how sick you can get on it.

[Jesse]

Well, Elon's letting it fly out there and he keeps defending letting it fly. He's like it's a town square.

[Chris D]

Well, because he owns it.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

And he wants people on it.

[Chris D]

Right.

[Jesse]

So you're, you're always going to have, have always. You're always going to have a conflict between public good and personal interest. But that's of all time goes. Yeah.

[Chris D]

All time. Well that's the other thing too.

[Jesse]

I take it with a grain of salt.

[Chris D]

I think people, you know, now like, you know, blame social media and all these things which I, you know, do. But it's like 200 years ago there was something else to blame for the budding civil war.

[Jesse]

And I, you know, think, I do think two things are going to happen. Right. I think what, what social media does specifically social media because the Internet is great social media and these private little group shits that are unmonitored it's just no bueno. Right. You're bad things are going to happen.

[Yanni P]

Right.

[Jesse]

A lot of good things happen, but bad things will happen. But I think it'll go two ways, right. I think. Because what I think social media does is it accelerates it. It's on steroids. It's basically steroids. It just. You hit farther home runs.

[Chris D]

Right.

[Jesse]

Because this is just humanity. Right. Like you said, there was public, there was assassinations, there was extremists.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

People getting assassinated for 3,000 years.

[Jesse]

What social media does is people can find each other and it moves quicker.

[Chris D]

Galvanizes. It galvanizes kind of idiots and hate speech. And if it galvanizes good stuff, it galvanizes bad stuff. Same time.

[Jesse]

So two things are going to happen. And you can mark my words on.

[Chris D]

This podcast, you can mark his words because he's a Marxist.

[Jesse]

I'm a Marxist. This is my prediction.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

We either inevitably go the way of China, where it's completely censored and completely regulated, or. And this is what I think is most likely, and this is what I hope is that people will get so hip to this. People will get so tired of the bad consequences. The studies will take hold, the research will take hold. The bad things that are happening will take hold. Much like they did with cigarettes, much like they've done with alcohol. Alcohol is down 50%.

[Chris D]

Really?

[Jesse]

Consumption is down 50%.

[Chris D]

And what about Siggies? Siggy's got to be down big. 80%.

[Jesse]

I mean, it's. No, Siggy's is probably like only probably like 10% of the population smokes anymore. Used to be like 80, 90%.

[Chris D]

Really? So what I think he's down that much, Jesse.

[Jesse]

100%.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

100.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

So what's going to happen? I think, and I think this is one of the good things about capitalism is that will create a market and a need for a social media platform that has taken into consideration all of this negative.

[Chris D]

I hope so.

[Jesse]

Research and all the negative consequences that are now backed by data. And they'll create a great site that people will willingly sign up for that has all these checks for all these.

[Chris D]

Right.

[Jesse]

Negative.

[Chris D]

Well, they're doing it already, right? I mean, like everybody asked Grok. Now, is that fact checking or not? All these companies are coming out now. Like even my daughter, my older daughter, we were able to get her a phone that we have a giveaway that's called a gab device, G, A B, B. That it only allows her to do certain things and doesn't even have social media. On it, right? So like they already. I feel like we didn't know this 20 years ago, whenever it came out 15 years ago. But now I feel like the data is quick.

[Jesse]

The data is quick. Everyone knows people are getting it. So they're will become these sites. Like, remember when we found out that some foods were bad?

[Chris D]

Right.

[Jesse]

The next thing you know, smoothies got hot and the market created and it's a lucrative market, became a lucrative market. So there'll be a social media site where you can still share with your friends. They'll educational. You'll have to pay to sign up. You'll have to verify your identity. Everyone now is going like, I would never give my identity because they're going to use it.

[Chris D]

But people always, they already have your identity, stupid. And one who, who asked to prevent that is like, are you a dumb asshole? They already have everything about you.

[Jesse]

People will look at the site, you'll have to subscrib to it. You have to pay a little bit. People get used to that. You won't be able to have a fake account. You won't be able to say negative things. You'll be, it'll, it'll be your friends. It'll go back to like virality will be like the way it used to be where you shared it to your friends.

[Yanni P]

When's it going to happen?

[Jesse]

It's going to happen like. But when it will happen in the next few years. I think sooner than you think.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

Because I just want to go back.

[Jesse]

Yeah, I think sooner than you think. I really do.

[Chris D]

Because I want to go back to the 80s. I want to go back to graffiti on the trains. I want to go back to just no cell phones and I want to go back to cracking aids.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Because there's, there's one thing that's for sure.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

And there's just an Eastern Hemi walking around. Just. She'll get.

[Jesse]

Yeah, it's just a straight Eastern Hemi.

[Chris D]

She's get clean. She's just walking around out there.

[Yanni P]

She'll get clean.

[Jesse]

Why don't you just open there and say. Cause she doesn't know the jargon. It'd be real funny if you just once in a while. It's just fun to go, excuse me, do you want to get cracked open and cleaned?

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

And she'll go, excuse me. And be like, oh, I thought you were somebody else.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

I'll just say, do you want to get cocoed?

[Jesse]

I think, I think just Mark Zuckerberg is not a good human being. No, I just think at bottom line, he's just not a good guy.

[Yanni P]

Ye. Yeah.

[Chris D]

So. And I. And I. And I don't. And I think that they've known this for a while, what it does to people. And I think we've just. I just feel good. I just feel good kind of getting. I think what happens is too is. Is our. There's a little bit of lag time. Things move so quick that our mindset. What do we got?

[Jesse]

Oh, only 11%.

[Chris D]

It was 11% of American adults currently smoke cigarettes, representing an all time low.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

It's crazy.

[Chris D]

Wow.

[Jesse]

It used to be in the like 90% of people. Yeah, it's crazy.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

All right, we're going to take a little break and then have probably an ad from Lucy.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

We give you. This next segment is brought to you by Marlboro.

[Chris D]

Yeah, guys, you know us. We always want you to have rock hard cocks. We don't care if you're a biological male, biological female. We want to see that pretty dick. And we know that the prettiest it'll ever be is with Blue Chew.

[Yanni P]

Yes.

[Chris D]

Blue Chew tablets made right here in the usa. We want you entering the room dick first. We want you sticking it on people. Sticking on us. Send us pictures of your red, white and blue cock. We love American freedom boners.

[Jesse]

Here's the thing. A lot of people just say, oh, you do this if you have Ed. No. Sometimes you just want to be extra impressive. And sometimes you're married and you're less than interested.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

So you get Blue Chew and everyone's happy.

[Yanni P]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris D]

I was getting a massage the other day and I realized that the normally, you know, where I would get rock hard when the guy starts to massage my butt and all that. And I didn't. And I said, what the hell's going on? And then I turned around and the masseuse was like, you and the bluechew.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

And he gave me one and then boom. I sprouted right up right into his hand the way it should be.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

If you want a nice American boner, you hit bluechew. And we got a special deal for our listeners. As always, get your first month of Bluechew free. Just use the promo code. Hyenas at checkout. Pay five bucks for shipping. That's it. Join BlueChew's mission to upgrade humanity one thrust at a time. Head to BlueChew.com for details and safety info. And big thanks to BlueChew as always for sponsoring the history hyenas.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

Cuz so I don't Know I was a little late today. I had to speed in. Okay. And I was gonna. And I got stressed out coming down here and I did think about jerking off on the George Washington Bridge, but I didn't do it because we have been. It has been confirmed that it is illegal. So I don't want to break the law.

[Jesse]

Andrew Huberman. I mean, do an episode on it.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Deep breathing helps, but so does yanking off your chicken.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

On the bqe, it's just what it is.

[Chris D]

Listen to Jim Norton's pod.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

I mean there you really, you really find a lot of solutions that are what you call a home remedies.

[Yanni P]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jesse]

Pulling a ward off by tying it.

[Chris D]

To the doorknob, you gotta do.

[Jesse]

Yeah. Smacking off on the bqe.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Things like that really do help. There's Nick.

[Chris D]

Yeah, there's Nick. The what is Nick? Nick, Nick Clips.

[Jesse]

Nikki Clips.

[Chris D]

Nikki Clips.

[Jesse]

And the reason why we call him Nikki Clips or Patty Clips is because unfortunately we're comedians and we're very self absorbed and we just don't bother to learn your last name.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

So you just become Nikki Clips. He's Jesse Produce. Yeah, it's just what it is.

[Yanni P]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris D]

And I wouldn't be shocked if Nikki Clips also has a transitioning furry boyfriend girlfriend at home.

[Jesse]

Now, has anyone ever called you Chrissy Gayos?

[Yanni P]

Chrissy Gass. No.

[Jesse]

How come that one never came?

[Chris D]

I like that.

[Jesse]

Yeah, that just came to me right when I was looking at it. Chris Chross instead of Chrissy Chaos. How about Chrissy Gales?

[Yanni P]

I like Chrissy Gayos.

[Chris D]

How about Chrissy Gayoff?

[Jesse]

Chrissy Gay Yass.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

Now cuz you were in Miami this weekend with Sergio. And the good thing about Sergio, what's interesting about Sergio and having a beautiful friendship as we do with Sergio is we bring him with us to work with us to give him, you know, we are getting these beautiful opportunities and we want our close friends like Sergio to share with us in these beautiful opportunities. And he's put at the finest hotels, on flights and you know, just the finest clubs and, and, and he acts like he doesn't want to be there at all. And he acts like we're annoying him.

[Jesse]

It you actually feel like you're opening for him. Yes, that's what it's like.

[Chris D]

That's what it is with Sergio.

[Jesse]

Yeah, he'll say something like when you're driving, you know, I had to park in the parking lot one block from the hotel because it was his birthday on September 11th.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

I wanted to get a nice hotel on the beach, you know, instead of staying in Doral.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

So we got a nice hotel on the beach. I took him to dinners and stuff like that. But he'll say, stuff like. When we're driving past the hotel, he'll say, can you just drop me off while you go park?

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

So he just wants to get dropped off, and for me to go by myself and park the car and walk, he's like, I really don't feel like doing that walk. Pie. I need a glass of water.

[Yanni P]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris D]

He needs to get right. Or how many times I've been trying to, you know, walking through a back door because there's people, you know, like, you know, you don't want to. You want to just get in, start to prepare for the show. And he'll have to stop and smoke cigarette, Right. I'll have to stand out there with him. And then people start coming up to me, and then it's all because of him, right?

[Jesse]

It's. Oh, just. It just. He does what he wants to do. He's like, pull over. I need a coffee. Because if you don't, you got to get him the right amount. You know, it's like you're constantly monitoring his moods, Right? So if he. He's got to wake up, and he's got to wake up, and he's got to run about 16 miles till his toes bleed, Right. He needs to run, and then he can almost get into a good MO.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Four coffees in 16 miles.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

And you might have a pleasant word.

[Chris D]

About the time or what about the times when you bring them on the road, as I did. And we had shows in Boston, and the next night we had shows in Maine. And because he wanted to eat too much Chinese food, he got some type of stomach parasite and had to miss all of the shows in Boston. Vomiting was actually in the hospital. And then I took him to Maine with me, and he was able to do the show in Maine. And then when he sent me an invoice, he invoiced before the show, said he missed Boston. And then you just got to pay him because you just got to do it because, like, oh, my. I was with you, Pop.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

I was. I was away from my family. Do you remember how to deal with it?

[Jesse]

When we all went to Providence and I went with you guys.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

And he got sick, and then I had to open.

[Chris D]

And then you had to open because he.

[Yanni P]

Yeah, he was sick.

[Jesse]

He was just. I got sick, and he had to go to the Hospital. And he didn't pay the bill there either.

[Chris D]

How many times do we take this guy on the road? He just has to go to the hospital.

[Jesse]

He just got to go to the hospital.

[Chris D]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

I mean, you got to constantly keep him. You know, it's.

[Chris D]

You, temperature's got to be good. He's like. He's. You got to keep him at the right temperature. It's almost like the snakes in his cage. You got to be keeping at the exact right temperature. Light. That's Sergio in real life.

[Jesse]

That is a perfect. He needs the perfect circumstances. If it's a little too hot out, he's going to complain about walking.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

I'm gonna say, let's take a stroll. And he's gonna go, no.

[Yanni P]

Yeah, he'll go, no.

[Jesse]

And he just.

[Yanni P]

He.

[Jesse]

He's got it. You're in the car and you're listening to something, and he goes. He says, this is gay music. And then he'll put on some rap. And, you know, he'd be like, have you heard Ghostface Killers? And then he'll start telling me Ghostface Killer lyrics. Like, I care at all.

[Chris D]

Yeah, I don't care at all.

[Jesse]

He does it like news. He's like, have you heard about this beef between.

[Chris D]

I'm like.

[Jesse]

Like, no, dude. No, dude, I'm an adult. I'm not thinking about rap beefs. What are you, 16?

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

I mean, what the fuck, dude?

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Are you. Are you buying Word up magazine and following what's going on with 50 Cent? I mean, what's going on? And he says his daughter doesn't like rap as much as him. It's like, yeah, grow up.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

You're not supposed to be fucking listening to rap around.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

And I don't know why. I'll take you to these nice, beautiful theaters where we have all these people here to see us. And you're wearing cargo pants and Roberto Clemente jersey.

[Jesse]

He loves that Roberto Clemente.

[Chris D]

He wears that Roberto Clemente jersey too much. I want to get him a New jersey.

[Yanni P]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris D]

I mean, what about the time for his birthday? I was with San Francisco. I took him to this beautiful Chinese food restaurant. He just complained about how much sodium was in the food.

[Jesse]

Yeah, he just.

[Chris D]

He just.

[Jesse]

He takes advantage of the fact that we. He knows we love him and we're bringing him because he's our friend. And also, he could take or leave being there.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

It's not his main thing. He likes doing comedy, but he's a. You know, he's a boxing fitness instructor.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

Even with all this, it's like one, it's like I still just. I'm gonna take on. On for the rest of the tour. Yeah, just take him as much as we can.

[Jesse]

He just could take it or leave it. And this is what he also do. Right. So before the show on Friday night, because he was a former cocaine addict, he needs about 15 shots of coffee. In order to feel alive.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

In order to feel a little juice. So in Miami, he had like three Cuban coffees, two espressos. So then when I picked him up, first of all, he's gone. I'm like, we gotta go, we're running late. Because you know me, I'm not too organized.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

I'm like, where are you? He's like, I'm at the coffee shop. I'm like, where? He's like, pick me up. So I gotta go pick him up.

[Yanni P]

Up.

[Chris D]

Right.

[Jesse]

Some coffee shop. And he's like, I got you a double shot. And I'm like, okay, I'll do a double shot. This is about 7pm I didn't get to bed till 6am the next day.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Because it was like, yeah, I can't do it.

[Chris D]

I think with Sergio, when I. We used to. To save money, I used. Because it used to make you pay for his flight and pay him, you know, primo frickin feature pay.

[Yanni P]

I.

[Chris D]

So we'd have to stay in the same hotel room. He falls asleep within 90 seconds, you'll be talking to him. You'll get back, you want to like, maybe, you know, debrief the day, chill with your boy a little bit. And then you look over and he's fully passed out. 90 seconds. Yeah, snoring.

[Jesse]

All he did was make me feel bad about how early the flight was on Sunday. Which is hilarious because usually he'll be upset that I booked it a little later.

[Chris D]

Right?

[Jesse]

So it's like you just can't win.

[Chris D]

You can't win with Sergio.

[Jesse]

You just gotta make sure Sergio's comfortable. In fact, that's what I'm gonna start calling my tour. My next tour is gonna be hopefully Sergio's Comfortable.

[Chris D]

Yeah. Called Sergio's Comfortable. The Sergio's Comfortable Tour. Speaking of, of live dates, on Monday we are doing a live History Hyena show at the Comedy Cellar. So go to comedy seller dot com. Go to history hyenas is back dot com comedy comedy seller. September 22nd. I believe the show is almost sold out. So go if you want to see us live and then let us know what topic you want. Why don't we let the fans pick the topic this time.

[Jesse]

You pick it. And also, November 12th just announced we will be at the Crown Hill Theater for the New York Comedy Festival in Brooklyn, New York. That's Wednesday, November 12, 8pm Tickets are on sale now, so go get them. I don't know where they're on sale, but if you Google that, you can. You can find tickets.

[Chris D]

Yeah, just Google that. Yeah, we got to get that up on our sites because it's just one of those things where we are on about 50 emails with the promoter and Giannis and I haven't responded to one of them.

[Jesse]

No, we just have not.

[Chris D]

We just have not. Because I'm just at a point in my life where I'm just gonna say, let nature take its course. If the email. If. We'll do the. So if it's. If it happens, and if not, then we won't do it. And we're just gonna keep moving forward, baby.

[Jesse]

We're gonna move forward.

[Chris D]

Your hair looks good.

[Yanni P]

So do you.

[Jesse]

Did I tell you that you look just the right amount of weight today?

[Chris D]

I appreciate that.

[Yanni P]

Yeah, just you. You're.

[Jesse]

You're an anomaly. You don't look like a guy that a comment like that would affect you. But that's who we are. We're sensitive guys.

[Chris D]

It's not. It's not even. It's not even that. It's not even that. It's that. That people make comments. I've just realized that, like, everybody is tipping most people. 99% of people are looking for some way, even through a compliment, to take you down so they could feel up. That is just what human beings do. How can I make you feel bad? And. And sometimes you don't even realize it. Like, I used to do it. I used to do it times. A comedian would be, you know, very successful, and I'd be like, well, you know, they're doing great, but it's like, you know, they don't have kids. It's so hard. And it's like, what am I really saying there? What I'm really saying is, is, oh, I'm not doing as well as them.

[Jesse]

Because of this reason. Right.

[Chris D]

So it's like, you got to catch that and just be like, if you're going to say something, have it just be a genuine compliment. Nothing about you at all.

[Yanni P]

Right.

[Jesse]

Right. Well, let's just. Let's get to the bottom that you look handsome.

[Chris D]

I genuinely mean it. And I'm telling you, I'm this close to flipping gay. I've been teetering now for the past two weeks, I've been teetering, and Jazz has noticed it.

[Jesse]

Well. Well, can I also just say. Can we just be honest for a second?

[Chris D]

I want you to. This is what we call honesty.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

I'm going to be honest, Giannis, for a second. You do what you got to do. We're in this business. Yeah.

[Chris D]

And Nick looks like Jasmine's sister.

[Jesse]

He does a little bit, actually.

[Chris D]

He looks like Jasmine's sister because it.

[Jesse]

Looks like you brought one of her cousins that you're. That you were scheduled to watch.

[Chris D]

Nick has got absolutely gorgeous fricking hair.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

And I definitely saw him dressed up yesterday at the Renaissance Fair, because I went, I know you, and I'm gonna talk to you about it.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

Let's talk about the next.

[Jesse]

But let's just be honest.

[Chris D]

I'm gonna be honest with me, baby.

[Jesse]

You're in this business. We're in this business. You're nice. We gotta be nice. We gotta make people laugh. We gotta do these things. We gotta do these things. But there was just a part of you, when you saw that comment, that you wish that that person said that to you in person so you could take their head clean fucking off. Let's just be honest.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Let's just not hide that anger and rage. Sometimes there's an emotion that's appropriate.

[Yanni P]

Yes.

[Jesse]

And people just need to get socked in the head.

[Yanni P]

That's what it is. Yeah.

[Jesse]

Because that person who came up to you and said that you're too skinny is gonna go, oh, it's Chrissy. Chrissy Snies. Chrissy, Chrissy, Chris. Chaos. But then you go, listen, cuz, I want to take your head clean off. Clean off. I don't want to fucking treat you like Maria Scott's. You take your head clean off.

[Chris D]

That's what it is.

[Yanni P]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris D]

Somebody really annoyed me yesterday at the Renaissance Fair. They came up to me and they just. I forgot what they said, but they said something kind of annoying like, oh.

[Yanni P]

Are you that guy.

[Chris D]

What's your name again? That guy. And it started to piss me off. And then they noticed he had cauliflower ear. And I said, my. My name's Christopher Stefano. What can I do for you, sir?

[Jesse]

I do appreciate that once in a while when someone gets a little comfortable and they say something, and the guy just says, hey, listen, I understand. I love what a guy calmly goes, hey, I listen what you said, right? And I knew you were joking. Whatever. But here's the situation. I'll take your head clean off. And then you see the Guy, go. I'm really sorry. You know, it's just we need that in society. You just need that.

[Chris D]

And I had to write it down. I had to write it down on the way in. I had to remind myself to get back on the beam, and I had to write down some of the things that I live by. I had to remember that. To forgive yourself and others. I remember, my friends. You have to release anger and guilt to move forward and remember that, my friends. I also had to remind myself to renew yourself daily, my friends. Take time to rest, reflect, and reset. That is very important, my friends. Spread love wherever you go, my friends. You never know whose life you will touch, my friends. Be a good listener. Wisdom often comes from unexpected sources. And last but not least, my friends welcome obstacles, challenges, or opportunities in disguise. Never remember, Never forget this, my friends.

[Yanni P]

Yes.

[Jesse]

Yes.

[Chris D]

So that is what. Sometimes you need to just calm down and just do that. Sometimes you need to calm down and do that and kind of just accept that your life is not going to be as fun as Charlie Sheen's. But you still might wind up with aids.

[Jesse]

Sometimes that's just what happens.

[Chris D]

That's just how it happens. Charlie, she lived a fun, fun life.

[Jesse]

Yeah. Sometimes you spin the wheel and you have a great time at the casino, but you do leave with aids.

[Yanni P]

Yeah, it happened.

[Jesse]

It's not guaranteed you won't leave without aids.

[Chris D]

Now you'll never come with me to Medieval Times or the Renaissance.

[Jesse]

I thought you say you're never gonna come with me.

[Yanni P]

Me? Yeah.

[Jesse]

No, we're not going to. Simultaneously dock.

[Chris D]

You would never come with me to Renaissance fair in Medieval Times. You're never going to do it because I went yesterday and I want to go again next weekend.

[Jesse]

Well, here's the thing that's great about us. The thing that we have in common is we both love to prance.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

We both love to stroll.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Okay. We both love history. So that's what we have in common when we're strolling for history. That's good. But after the history tour is done, we go separate ways.

[Chris D]

That's what it is.

[Jesse]

I go to museum and prance around like a girl.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

And you go to the Renaissance Fair and prance around like a finger.

[Chris D]

Because you know what your new Name is?

[Yanni P]

What?

[Chris D]

J.D. prance.

[Jesse]

I'm J.D. prance.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

I went to the restaurant Prance Pass.

[Chris D]

Because we're JD Prance and Prance Bass and together with France Big.

[Jesse]

Those are. Those are our AKAs right there.

[Yanni P]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jesse]

I have J.D. prance in your Prance fans. And when we get together, we prance history. But then after the history tour, you go to the Renaissance Fair. I've been there with you once.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

And you came for my birthday.

[Jesse]

I came for. And I got to say that there was probably nothing I enjoyed less.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

It was one of the things I enjoyed the least in my life.

[Chris D]

Want to get out of there?

[Jesse]

I wanted to get out of there. The people there are gross.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

The people there are sweaty, they're fat. They got uniforms on from the past. And it's not, like, fun uniforms. It's nothing cute. It's not a red coat.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

It's not a Hugo Boss outfit.

[Yanni P]

No.

[Jesse]

It's not like, it's like they're dressed like ghouls.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Like it's a J.R. tolkien book.

[Yanni P]

Yes.

[Jesse]

I mean, what do you like about.

[Chris D]

That's all it is. I just like. Because it feels like I'm going back in time. I like people talking with little ancient accents. And I do feel that I lived during that time. I feel one of my personalities, one of my lives. I must have lived during that time because I feel a deep connection to that and colonial America. You put me in a Renaissance Fair or Colonial Williamsburg. I'm very, very happy. That's what I think. And then my recent life was, of course, being German, because I got very happy in Germany.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

I think I died in Germany in the 40s. I think I died in the American Revolutionary War. And I also think I lived and died in some type of maybe King Henry VIII's medieval England.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

I think the. I think the door that you have in your little sane room is a little too thin. Yeah, I think.

[Yanni P]

Yeah, I think you could.

[Jesse]

I think we need to. I think we need. It needs a metal reinforced door.

[Yanni P]

Right.

[Jesse]

You know, like fire code.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

For when, like, you have your boiler and then the fire code makes you put a metal door there.

[Yanni P]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jesse]

You got a wood door there that's protecting you from, like, to go. If you open that door, it's insanity.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

That door is a little too. It's a little too flimsy. It's a little too flimsy. Yeah. You're talking about previous lives that you think you had. Should I be worried?

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Because when are we just gonna cave in and get you a dose? Should I get you a dose for your birthday?

[Chris D]

I'd like a dose for my birthday.

[Jesse]

Yeah. Next.

[Chris D]

Next belated gift.

[Jesse]

Yeah, I'd like.

[Chris D]

What about Christmas?

[Jesse]

I just want to show up with a Zoloft prescription.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

By the way, I have your housewarming gift in my car. And I left it in the car. And I would. I'm gonna tell the truth. It's been in there for three weeks.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

So I have it in the car. Car. But I'm so out of it, I can't remember to carry it into the studio because.

[Chris D]

Do you know how I always set alarms to make text people, you know, check in with them and all that? I've 17 alarms set on my phone at all times. That's what you got to do.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

You got to just start setting alarms.

[Jesse]

I do have to do that.

[Yanni P]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jesse]

So if you take a little walk to the car, I'll walk with you.

[Chris D]

Because I've got to give you your gift.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

I got to get my roof cleaned a little bit.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

So. But I have your gift and it's gonna sit on a table and it's. That's a classy people do.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Is they have books that they never read on the coffee table. That's just something. I'm sure Jaz knows that it's what we all do because we're all pretentious pieces of.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

And that's just what rich people do.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Have you ever noticed that there's just books on the table and they're there for the look?

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

I got a book on my table right now. It's called Italian Chic.

[Jesse]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

I don't even know it's in all in Italian.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

My wife went and got a couple books from Marshalls and she said these will just look great under the mirror by the door.

[Yanni P]

Yeah, it's.

[Jesse]

They're there for decoration.

[Chris D]

It's there for purely decorative. I Now let me. Because you're a kid that.

[Yanni P]

Oh yeah.

[Chris D]

You know what? Right after this we're gonna. We're gonna get it to Yanni's reading habits. Yanni, you're a kid that likes to read. You're a kid that reads a lot of books. Now how do you. What's your deal? How do you. Cuz I find I can't read book. Like I've been trying to read this book. The British are coming about the Revolutionary war for like four years and I can't read more than 10 pages and I don't read it for six months.

[Jesse]

Maybe it's a bad book.

[Chris D]

Well, that. But I also. That's most books for me. I just. You think it's because the phone distract. Like the time when I'm dicking off on my phone or watching Sports center over and over and over again. You're reading a book.

[Jesse]

No, that's not necessarily the case.

[Chris D]

So then how do you read so many books?

[Jesse]

I don't read so many books.

[Chris D]

But you've read a lot of books.

[Jesse]

Read books in the past. But since I've had kids, I don't read any books.

[Chris D]

Zero.

[Jesse]

No, I can't. I haven't read a book in a long time. Jesse reads a lot.

[Chris D]

So how do you read books, Jesse? What's your strategy?

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

I read in the morning when I first wake up.

[Chris D]

Got it.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

Now it's just habit.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

It's just habit.

[Jesse]

Yeah.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

I spend about a half hour in bed and I just read.

[Chris D]

So even this morning.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

I got an idea for you.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

You should just start with simpler books.

[Chris D]

Okay.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Like an easy book. Just start with an easy book to get you in the flow. Like, you know, pick like a. Like something simple, like an autobiography, something that's written.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

Because the British Are Coming is a great book. But it's first of all the word. There's some of them. Some. Some of it is like in old English, it feels like. And the words are so microscopic page.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

You know, you get a Kindle too. Kindle is a great way to read because you can make the words really big.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Right. And then pick. I'm reading Al Pacino's autobiography right now. You might love it. It's super easy. It's. And if you love the movies, he kind of takes you back there and you get in the habit of reading.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

Like I was trying to read the Jekyll island about the. The Federal Reserve. You ever read that one?

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Yeah, this sounds dense, bro.

[Chris D]

Too much, right?

[Yanni P]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jesse]

Maybe start with Big Dumb Eyes by Nate Bargazzi. Yeah, start with that. And that's a good, you know, now are a comedian's book. Just start something.

[Chris D]

But I like to learn in a book. That's why I'm always trying to educate myself on the book. But then I think I learn more watching documentaries.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Well, yeah, you could listen to books. I listen to books too.

[Chris D]

Like podcasts.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

More dense. I listen to.

[Chris D]

Right.

[Jesse]

I read a lot on the Internet. Like I'll read articles all night, all day. I'll read articles I'm constantly reading on the Internet.

[Chris D]

So you're very, very, very seldomly. Just scrolling mindlessly.

[Jesse]

I'm always reading, always learning. I'm always like learning. I'm always talking to. If I'm talking to AI, it's like I'm exploring some learning something.

[Chris D]

Right?

[Jesse]

Yeah, I'm like, I'm always want to learn.

[Chris D]

Right?

[Yanni P]

Yeah. Right.

[Chris D]

So that's why I gotta do that.

[Jesse]

Yeah, but you do that a lot too.

[Yanni P]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jesse]

You do that a lot too. Maybe there's just no problem with you.

[Chris D]

Maybe.

[Jesse]

Maybe there's just no problem right now.

[Yanni P]

Yeah, maybe there's a.

[Chris D]

That's true.

[Jesse]

What I learned, you know, what I learned's a big one that they. In the mental health community that they've figured out is I think they think a big theory is anxiety, is you feel like if you're not. Anxiety is like a cure for loneliness. Like, in other words, like when nobody else is around, you start turning the wheels so you don't feel so alone. So it's like it's an old friend. You're going like, oh, you're there again. So things are happening.

[Chris D]

Right.

[Jesse]

Like, you're scared to sit with yourself because you feel like if you sit with yourself, you'll just vanish or think you'll disappear. You'll float into nothing. But when really the truth is, is when you sit with yourself, everything else becomes more vibrant. Vibrant. You know?

[Yanni P]

Right.

[Jesse]

He's blowing everything.

[Chris D]

Well, that's why I.

[Jesse]

It's like a loneliness.

[Chris D]

I used to realize. And I don't do this as much anymore unless I need to, but I used to realize a habit that I would have is if I was driving, I would always have to call someone. I would be on the phone with someone the whole drive, probably because he felt lonely. Because I'm alone in the car and. And especially if it's dark on a dark road, I'm always looking behind and see if somebody jumped in the back seat.

[Jesse]

Right.

[Chris D]

I would always do that. You know me, I would always try to drive with the lights on. A lot of times I would drive with my light on. What do you call that? Interior car light. And then a lot of times, in the middle of drive, it already been driving for two hours. I'll never forget. I was in. I was doing, like, Salem State University was a really dark road. And I would. I put my car flashlight on and just check, make sure no one's in the back seat. And then there's certain. There's certain highways in Connecticut. Like, I won't go. If I'm coming down from Boston and go home. I won't go down, I think. What, the Merritt Parkway?

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

In Connecticut. I won't go down because there's no lights. I have to stay on 995. It's a little bit more lit up.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Now here's the funny Thing about what it is.

[Chris D]

Right.

[Jesse]

Jokes a lot. He tells a lot of stuff. But when I saw some of that stuff when you did it, I thought it was a joke.

[Yanni P]

Right.

[Jesse]

Like I thought you weren't doing it. Seriously, so. And now that I know that's true, that, yeah, I do support dosage.

[Chris D]

It's just a little dose. Right.

[Jesse]

Well, you know, we all have our things, but I remember the first time I was in Chris's apartment and he took a. With the door open.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

And I thought it was a joke and I was going, where are you doing it? He's like, I just don't want to be in the room by myself.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

He was also running the water. And I go, why do you do that? And he goes, it's just a little childhood anxiety. So you're aware.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

But you need to run the water.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

That's why all the, all the showers in my house, nobody has shower curtains. Everyone's got clear. And if, and if you, and if you won't do that, then we'll just take a shower with no curtain.

[Jesse]

Right.

[Chris D]

Because in my room and the kids, you know, obviously whatever they want, rest of the family. But in my shower it's either fully because then I. Because I couldn't keep pulling the curtain back, back. You know what I mean?

[Jesse]

So you were scared as a kid. You must have been scared as a kid.

[Chris D]

Something must have happened that I blocked out.

[Yanni P]

Yeah, Big.

[Chris D]

Something must have happened.

[Yanni P]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jesse]

Now what happens if it's a ghost in the car though? Because you can't really see ghosts, but you can feel their presence.

[Chris D]

So. Right, right.

[Jesse]

So they do like to crawl in the cars.

[Chris D]

So they crawl in the car.

[Jesse]

Because if you notice, ghosts are always in somewhere. So nobody ever get how come a field never gets haunted.

[Yanni P]

Right.

[Jesse]

It's always my house is haunted.

[Yanni P]

Right. Yeah.

[Jesse]

The ghost doesn't have a body. Why does it need to be inside?

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

So ghosts don't go some kind of over that now. They don't scare me as much anymore. But the dark, what I've told you, it took me a couple weeks, but I do frequently go in the basement now. I didn't for the first two, three weeks. I wouldn't go down.

[Yanni P]

Huge.

[Chris D]

Huge. You went into the part of your house this morning? I Woke up at 5:15 in the morning and where I live, you know, is not a lot of lights around. So I 5:15 in the morning and I was laying there till about 5:45 because I wanted to wake up early to go to the Gym. And I said, and it took me about 20, 30 minutes just to get up the courage to go up and brush my teeth because it was fully dark out.

[Jesse]

That's scary.

[Chris D]

So then I got brushed my teeth and then I said, okay. And then I got fully dressed for the gym and I said, how am I gonna get from the bedroom down to the car?

[Jesse]

That's a real dilemma.

[Chris D]

Because I said. Cause I don't have lights on the outside of the property yet. Floodlights. Floodlights out. But they're gonna come and fix it. Cause I don't know how to fix it, the floodlight. So I said, how am I gonna get down to the car? And then, thank God, Jazz woke up and I asked Jaz if she could watch me go into the car. And she did. And I made it to the gym. That's why it's important to have a wife.

[Jesse]

That's why it's important to have a wife. It's also helps you very. That's why this podcast is very important, because there's a lot of people out there struggling with that type of dilemma. How do I get from my room to the car?

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Without lights being fully on? Without a floodlight?

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

Because.

[Jesse]

Because this is something people face all the time.

[Chris D]

There's a lot of times where it blows my mind how my little daughter, both of my daughters can do that. My 4 year old, my 10 year old will walk from their room and sometimes crawl into our bed in the middle of the night. And I say, how are those girls getting there with no lights on? They must be terrified because I wouldn't be able to go to their room.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

In the middle of the night.

[Jesse]

Right.

[Chris D]

If I. Even if I heard them calling for me, I would say, you're gonna have.

[Yanni P]

To wake up, Mom. I can't.

[Chris D]

I'd be paralyzed with fear.

[Jesse]

So, cuz, how do you think they're doing it?

[Chris D]

I don't know. I don't know. Maybe because they have a kid's brain and it hasn't formed fully yet, but once it forms fully, I don't know how they're gonna go through a house in the dark. Maybe I have to turn on all the lights when I go down the stairs.

[Jesse]

I see what you're saying. So you're basically saying they're. They're so young that through their own naivety, they don't know how dangerous walking from one room to the other is.

[Chris D]

Yet in the dark.

[Jesse]

Right.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

Anybody could pop out. Anything could happen.

[Jesse]

Anything could happen there.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

I don't know. If you've thought that. But people don't think about that a lot. When you're going from one bedroom to the other, anything can happen in that hallway.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

I mean, ghosts could come out.

[Chris D]

Anybody could pop.

[Jesse]

People that you didn't know were there.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Animals.

[Chris D]

Or if you have a lot of windows in your house like I do, you could just look over one day and somebody could just be staring at you on the other side of that window and it might even be you. And that's even scary.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

There's a lot of things that can.

[Chris D]

Go wrong when you go, you know, hotel rooms. I don't know how people sleep with, you know, at least the bathroom light has to stay on and the tv.

[Jesse]

Right.

[Chris D]

People. But, like, I'll sometimes my mother has told me she lives in that household by herself and she'll just sleep. No lights on, no tv. And I don't know how she does that.

[Jesse]

Has there ever been a time you've been in a hotel and the TV wasn't working?

[Chris D]

And I'll watch my phone. I'll watch Colin Quinn's specials on my phone.

[Jesse]

Okay. So what if those go out? Have you ever knocked on another person's door and said, can I climb into your bag bed?

[Chris D]

I've never done that. But I have said that I've had. I have kind of said that I've make less money than I actually did to Sergio, so I could convince him to sleep in my room and I could get it. I could get a double queen.

[Yanni P]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris D]

Because I've said that I can't afford to get your own hotel room. But that was a lie.

[Yanni P]

I.

[Jesse]

This is. This is great that it's helping people out there who struggle with going from one room to the other.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Because it's something that people won't talk about. But there. Some people do have ghosts in their hallway and you need to pay attention. Is there any way to you exterminate. Is there any way to get rid of all the bad spirits that may be in the hallway?

[Chris D]

I mean, honestly, has there ever been one there so far?

[Yanni P]

No.

[Jesse]

So there's been.

[Chris D]

No, there hasn't ever been a ghost. Or they have. There are some dings that running around.

[Jesse]

How much data does your nervous system need to know that you're safe?

[Chris D]

I. That's.

[Yanni P]

I don't.

[Jesse]

Because at this point, you got 40 years of data.

[Chris D]

Because I remember when I was watching the. I never forget, I was getting my haircut from my boy Stefano in Panache Salon, 3rd Avenue Stephano. We got the golden clippers.

[Jesse]

Yeah, he's got the golden Clippers. Half Italian, half Greek. He's one of my favorite kids.

[Chris D]

Great kid.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

And then, and then I remember we were. I was watching at that time the Ted Bundy documentary and he's cut my hair. And he was like, so what are you watching? Anything good? And I was like, I'm watching that Ted Bundy documentary. It really freaks me out. He was like, why? And I was like, I don't know. I was like, you know, sometimes you think like, even though he's dead, like, what if there was another serial killer out there? Like him, you know, he'll get you. And he was like, wouldn't you just throw him through a fucking wall if he came up behind you?

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

He was like, you're a big guy.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

Wouldn't you just heard him.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

And I was like, yeah, I never thought about that. He's like, you're worried about Ted Bundy? Yeah, he was like. He was like, if that guy ever came up to me, it was like, I forgot what he said, but he said something funny and I was just like, oh, right. Like, other guys don't get nervous about other guys taking them down like a serial killer because they're like, I. They just assume, oh, I'll overpower you.

[Yanni P]

Right.

[Chris D]

But I forget that I could be that I can overpower people because people call me skinny in the comments.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

I don't even think a serial killer would mark you.

[Chris D]

I've never been beat up or jumped once in my life.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

Because kids are like, he's too big.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

He's just a big kid.

[Chris D]

Why would I try to do that?

[Jesse]

Why would I try to do that? They usually go for smaller targets, especially serial killers.

[Yanni P]

Right? Yeah.

[Jesse]

They're just not going to attack you. But I think what happens is you have the feelings that you had as a kid and you just like are stuck there.

[Chris D]

Right. Never got out.

[Jesse]

Don't realize that you're a big, big, big kid with a big head. Nobody. I don't even.

[Chris D]

I could throw a nice. I could throw a nice right.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

I mean, you could throw a nice right. You're a big kid. I mean, we're not small kids anymore.

[Chris D]

No.

[Jesse]

I mean, you're a six foot one kid. 270.

[Chris D]

No, I'm too.

[Jesse]

I just wanted to make a joke to get you insecure.

[Yanni P]

Oh, yeah.

[Jesse]

Because I knew you'd react like that and correct me.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

I'm 212 as of this morning.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Me and you are the same weight that's not good because I'm an inch and a half shorter than you.

[Chris D]

Yeah, it's what it is.

[Jesse]

And.

[Chris D]

But have you been. Let me ask you this.

[Yanni P]

This.

[Chris D]

Have you been trying to rein in your diet at all? Have you been trying to eat less peats? Have you been doing what you're supposed to do? Or you just been up in the zin and up in the pits?

[Jesse]

Yeah, why would I do that? Why would I do something that's good for me? I need to change. I need change.

[Chris D]

You're a 50 year old.

[Jesse]

I need to. I need to shoot that beam. I need to shoot that beam. I need to mainline that beam.

[Yanni P]

Yeah, you need to.

[Jesse]

I'm not beam.

[Yanni P]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris D]

And by the way, can I just give a quick shout out and just. I want to just discourage any fans from doing this, but the fan who came to my show at theater at MSJ and who was definitely intoxicated, so I know that. But who on 7th Avenue pulled down his pants and bent over and screamed that his asshole also was a USP boy, I swear that's true, Mike. There was witnesses there that saw that. And, I mean, the kid just did that. And I just want to say it was funny, but don't do that again. He sprayed his ass on 7th Avenue.

[Jesse]

Kids get excited.

[Chris D]

And he said his asshole was a USB port.

[Jesse]

Kids are fan.

[Yanni P]

Yeah, he's a fan.

[Jesse]

It's what it is. Kind of what it is. Yeah. And shout out to the kid who came in Miami. We had great weekends.

[Chris D]

You, great weekend.

[Jesse]

Big. MSG's big. Do you feel better now? You see, you made it all in your head. Like it was this anxious thing, but it was actually a great time. Yeah, it's a great benchmark.

[Chris D]

Yes.

[Jesse]

It's a big venue.

[Chris D]

And I wrote. And I wrote something down because sometimes you got to write down your feelings. Because I wrote down my feelings September 12th. I said, what did I say? I wrote down my feelings. And I said. I said, okay, Chris, you did good last night. This show felt like a bookend moment for us when we did Radio City and theater@ MSG two years ago. Things were going so well, and then we sold our house a month later. And then our life really started to get a little turned upside down. Right. Career felt stalled. We put on weight. Things with jazz got bad. But as time went on, we worked to get back to a much better place, the place that we feel like we're in right now. And doing show at that same spot theater as msg, where we felt the downfall Kind of.

[Jesse]

If you're gonna write to yourself and refer to yourself, the third person person, you're gonna have to check for grammar.

[Chris D]

It's just what it is. And I said doing that show at the same spot theater at msg, where we felt the downfall kind of began, felt like a full circle moment for us in a positive way.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

To myself.

[Jesse]

That's a kid who's sitting down to process his emotions.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

Now, is it okay that I was talking to myself and calling us?

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Well, that's where I get a little worried.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

Maybe.

[Jesse]

You said we.

[Yanni P]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris D]

Because my name is.

[Jesse]

Is.

[Chris D]

Is. Is Prince Bass, AKA Chrissy Milligan.

[Jesse]

You might have multiple personality. No, you're a kid who journaled his feelings, and that's very progressive. And that's very gay. Gray. And in the neighborhood you come from. That's very, very gay.

[Yanni P]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris D]

Because I'm a Chrissy.

[Jesse]

You're a. Oh, Chrissy.

[Chris D]

I'm a. Okay.

[Jesse]

Yeah, you're a. Okay. AOC. AO Chrissy.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

But that's okay. That's why me. You and Sergio are friends, right? Because Sergio is a kid who journals. He'll go beat up a drug dealer.

[Yanni P]

Yes.

[Jesse]

And he'll journal about.

[Chris D]

Then he'll journal, and then he'll. He'll. He'll text you something like, good morning, beloved.

[Jesse]

Yes.

[Chris D]

Beloved.

[Jesse]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

Talk to you about. He'll talk to you about something that he wants you to believe that he came up with, but then you kind of just put it in ChatGPT and you realize he's. He's reading the Quran.

[Jesse]

Yeah, he's reading the Quran.

[Chris D]

It's what you realize he's. He's reading the Quran now on a daily basis.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

And he's just texting you things that are directly from the Quran and it's just what it is.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Or he's quoting Che, and that's just what the kid is. He's just a communist kid.

[Chris D]

He's a communist kid.

[Jesse]

He told me. He said. Yeah, I said. He. I said, when you went to Cuba, did you hate it? He was like, no. And he avoids the question because he's a. He's a snobby, too. Yes, he's a snob, too. Like we said, he likes the perfect temperature and all this type of stuff and good food and all that stuff. But then when it comes to asking about Cuba, he'll. I'll say, well, was there anything there that turned you off? And he'll just avoid the question. Avoid the question. And then he'll I'll say, I understand what you're saying. It's a great idea. But why do so many people want to flee there?

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

And then he'll say, those are the ones you hear about. He's like, everyone else is. Loves it.

[Yanni P]

Right.

[Jesse]

So that's just.

[Chris D]

That's just what's not.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

He's just a snob. And it's. And it's what it is. It's Sergio Chacone.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

Instead of she code, it's J code. And. And, And Yeah. So sometimes you just got to just check in with yourself. But then you were in Miami, so you also have full circle moments. Because you told me because that this may be the last time you go to Miami now. For a little while.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

I. We did more recent, but now it's like I do it for like 10 minutes at the end. And Miami's. I haven't done her since the last time I was in Miami. And it's fun doing her because people there love it. And it's fun doing her because you can say a lot of crazy shit when you're in a concert.

[Chris D]

But.

[Jesse]

Yeah, it just feels like, you know, I just. I don't want to do it anymore, you know?

[Chris D]

So you.

[Jesse]

I just don't want to do anymore.

[Chris D]

Maurice is going to retire, you're saying, or Miami. What do you mean?

[Jesse]

No, not Miami. I love Miami.

[Chris D]

I love Miami.

[Jesse]

I love Miami. I'm a New York Miami.

[Chris D]

Did you go to Chug's Diner? I kept telling Sergio to go to Chug's Diner.

[Jesse]

No, we didn't go there. I love Miami. Just. I just don't feel like.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

I mean, the characters, like. I've said everything that needs to be said.

[Chris D]

Was it the Miami Improv? The one down by the airport?

[Jesse]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

It's a great club.

[Jesse]

It's a great club.

[Yanni P]

Club.

[Jesse]

Love. Justin and Melissa.

[Yanni P]

Yes. Wow.

[Jesse]

They've been there forever.

[Chris D]

Great.

[Jesse]

They run a great club.

[Chris D]

I did a New Year's Eve.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

Great.

[Jesse]

He was wearing a Chrissy Chaos shirt.

[Chris D]

Was he?

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

On what is the first night? Thursday night.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

You know, I got history with the. I've been, you know, I love Melissa. Just.

[Chris D]

You've been going to the Miami improv for what, 10 years?

[Jesse]

12 years.

[Yanni P]

12.

[Jesse]

13 years. He was there for 20.

[Chris D]

You were even there when it was not at that location.

[Jesse]

Coconut Grove.

[Chris D]

What? That's. Coconut Grove is my favorite part of my Miami. Is that where you stayed in Coconut Grove?

[Jesse]

No, we stayed at the beach.

[Chris D]

What hotel?

[Jesse]

Mid. Mid Beach.

[Yanni P]

Nice.

[Jesse]

Yeah, it was nice.

[Yanni P]

Nice.

[Jesse]

It was nice. We had a good time. It's always a good time. I love Miami. Miami to me, if you ask me, I'm a New York. Miami. Those are my two cities. I love both those cities. Those are my two. I could live in Miami, right? But I'd rather live in New York. But Miami's spot. I like to go away for a couple days, go to Miami. I love the Latin flavor. I love the culture. It's the most diverse place. All the Latin cultures, they're just fun.

[Chris D]

And you know your way around Miami now.

[Jesse]

The way around a little bit. It's just a great place. It's a city now.

[Chris D]

Did you go to. I love. Oh, was one go to Miami. I know they have a chain, but there's a. A place for breakfast. I love going. Is it called, like. What the hell is it called? Oh, Viva Pura Vida?

[Jesse]

No, we went Cafe Bastille down in South Beach. It was delicious. We went to this Greek spot. A little underwhelming. I'm just being honest.

[Chris D]

Well, Greeks are not really going to Miami.

[Jesse]

There's Greeks there. But the Greek restaurant is just in New York.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

I want to go to meet him.

[Jesse]

Yeah, we went to a couple good restaurants. We had some Cuban food. We had a good time. Serge worked out.

[Chris D]

You didn't work out with Serge?

[Jesse]

I didn't work out with Serge, no.

[Chris D]

Did you work out at all?

[Jesse]

I did not.

[Chris D]

So you're okay. See, that's another thing I have is a lot of fomo. Like, if Sergio was working out or anybody. If you were going for a walk and I really want to sleep, I would say I got to be out there. I got to live. I'm only going to live once. You got to wake up. But you're okay just being like you do what you need to do. I want to do what I want to do.

[Jesse]

Sometimes. Sometimes I to want. Yeah, sometimes. Sometimes.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

There's nothing wrong with you. Yeah, something wrong with me. We're just people.

[Chris D]

We're just people that we just got. We're just.

[Jesse]

What do you say? We're just two pieces of the pie. We're all parts of the pie.

[Chris D]

We're all bees in the same high.

[Jesse]

We're all bees in the same.

[Chris D]

Remember, if you want to comment out there on social media, something bad, just remember, you can't hurt someone else without hurting yourself.

[Jesse]

That's exactly.

[Chris D]

Just remember this. And also, before we get to the Patreon names, I just want to shout out one who we missed. And they've emailed us several times. And I'll just read you right now. Corinne Fisher must be pissed that Hasan Minhaj won the prize. Mary.

[Jesse]

It's hilarious.

[Chris D]

That's a patriot, Larry. And I think probably, maybe is it good enough for a list that.

[Jesse]

That would, that is a very inside. So I would give it a Drexler.

[Chris D]

You would give that a Drexler?

[Jesse]

Very inside.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

So of course, as always, at the end of every episode we go to patreon.com history hyenas. That's where all the fun and flavor is. You get extra bonus episodes there. But really in addition to the bonus episodes that you get which everybody's Patreon gives you, it's great. We're off the rails in the air, but it gives you a chance as a fan in this very, very, very kind of PC, you know, what kind of world is it? What am I like a very. It's kind of like a caged in world out there. Patreon.com history you can be the person you were 10 years ago. You could say whatever you want. You could be free. Work's not going to find out. You just let loose. You want to be, you want to be trans on there? Whatever you want to do.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

Nick's on our Patreon.

[Yanni P]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jesse]

What you want to do if you want to tune out, tune in to us.

[Chris D]

That's what now.

[Jesse]

Tune in. Have a good time.

[Chris D]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

We're here to just have a good time.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

And that's why we did this episode today. Things are getting a little heavy out there. So we just wanted to just have a nice episode and just connect with each other.

[Chris D]

Perfect time to go to patreon.com historyinus because literally, I mean there's nothing to worry about. There is zero anxiety there. I have zero anxiety there. There. It's just the most fun place for us. So the newest members of the matriarchy. As always, when you join, we will read out your name. Tyler Nickum. Then we got the United Israel's of America. Dusty Javier, James Rose. Sean Morin. Mike Michelle's balls. Fun. Now fumes can't leave. Like now.

[Jesse]

Now. Zeus can't leave.

[Chris D]

Now his fumes can't leave.

[Jesse]

Let's list it.

[Chris D]

Okay.

[Jesse]

That's what we call. Okay, you know what that is? That's a Kwame Brown.

[Yanni P]

Brown.

[Chris D]

Okay.

[Jesse]

Meaning it came out early. We don't know how it's going to do.

[Chris D]

Right.

[Jesse]

But highly touted.

[Chris D]

Highly touted right now.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

Bradley waiting. Bradley Wade Waitling banged a girl from China. I mean A lantern fly because of the lantern? Yes.

[Jesse]

Means. Did he kill it?

[Chris D]

I guess he did.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

Which by the way, the lantern flies. I just want to let everyone know that. We do know that those. You know the government is telling us to kill them, but we know they're from China and we know that they're telling us to kill them because they probably are some type of recording device or spy. There's not. It's not a regular bug.

[Jesse]

They're starting to worry about your roof.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

There's no way that they told us to kill him because they're eating the plants.

[Jesse]

I think they're bad. I think they're bad. They're a pest. I think they're not indigenous. So sometimes when you like.

[Chris D]

But I think that they have recording devices.

[Jesse]

Okay.

[Chris D]

Well, that too.

[Jesse]

The government is watching you.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

You know what's funny is they're so beautiful. You don't want to kill them.

[Chris D]

I don't want to kill them.

[Jesse]

They're so pretty to look at.

[Chris D]

Jared Waters. Jared and Samantha. Jewish guy. So tell me why Way Song walked into one. Do it. Carson Ogle. Then we got Debo's. Booster seat is for the table.

[Jesse]

Put him on the list.

[Chris D]

On the list. There we go. Ed.

[Yanni P]

Ed.

[Chris D]

Sorry. Jesse the Sensei. New World orphan.

[Jesse]

Chicken finger.

[Chris D]

Like that.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

Yanni Franks and post hominous beans.

[Jesse]

Post hominous beans.

[Chris D]

Post hominous beans. Sorry.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

That mean dead beans.

[Chris D]

Guess.

[Jesse]

Yanni Frankson. Post hominous beans.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Beans.

[Chris D]

Muhammad Lowe, the Eastern Hemi Muzzy. Harriet Tubman, the original night mover. Kevin Mariel Teslong. Cameron Hoshtedle. Grassy knoll. Pakistani mom, Indian dad. Matthew Flynn. Sam Eduardo Almond. I sling trash for NYC so I can tolerate the fumes. Okay.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

I mean, you know, he built up a tolerance.

[Yanni P]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris D]

Andrew M. Squint your eyes and say I.

[Yanni P]

Hot.

[Jesse]

14. Gotcha.

[Chris D]

Okay.

[Yanni P]

All right.

[Jesse]

Walked into one.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

Chrissy's Leroy. Free Zillow listings.

[Jesse]

Way song.

[Chris D]

Hunter Biden's Crank Pipe Ra.

[Yanni P]

Uhuh.

[Chris D]

Adopting Palestinian child can be hard, but. Oh, Jesus Christ. Grayson. Andrew. Back in black. Melted six. Chapa Don. Alyssa. Why does Joe Rogan look like he's hiding the nuclear codes between his butt cheeks every time someone makes a joke on his show?

[Jesse]

Chicken figure. Okay.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

Then we got Horn Pub. Hashtag Screwed in Pornhub Half Ding Ding Half Ling Ling. Call me Ding Xiaoping. Okay. Rob C. Peter.

[Jesse]

Why does racism make people very creative?

[Chris D]

It's probably. It's been from the beginning of time.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

Duck sauce was a banger. Nothing but a G Ding.

[Jesse]

Nothing but what?

[Chris D]

Nothing but a G ding.

[Jesse]

G ding.

[Chris D]

Wepa in the morning. Cured my anxiety. AOC's tits. Make my peace Spit.

[Jesse]

Yeah, I would have put that on the list. All right. Make my pee Spit is very funny.

[Yanni P]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris D]

Malk. My ex used to give me three throat pies a day. I miss her. Drexler Jay Pies, Charles Adams, Apple Terrell Torres. Glue Yicks. Gooey Seed Spray. For Sarah Silverman with consent. Kettle Black Ding Detector. Will Rodriguez, Brian Rieger. Native American Jew, a.k.a. dances with Frisbees. Kay Ferd Butt Sexer. Julian Schnoot. It's bath time and I'm a Hungry Hungry Hip Hippo robot with human hair.

[Jesse]

That's a good one. It's inside.

[Chris D]

It's bath time and I'm a Hungry Hungry Hippo.

[Jesse]

You know the show because.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Puts under. I'm going to give it a Drex.

[Chris D]

That's how Yanni would go down on high school girlfriends. J.C. chavez. Okay.

[Jesse]

J.C. chavez from Insane.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

It could be the real him.

[Chris D]

Brandon Basford. Timothy Malley. Jalen Howell. Clem Turner. Diddy Man. The Dark Dick Rises. Christopher Nist. Tolga Uner Bean Monkey. Alex. Frisbee Sweeney. Frisbee Sweeney.

[Jesse]

Frisbee Sweeney is kind of funny.

[Chris D]

Ben A. Babcock. Michael Murphy. Bryce Austin. Oliver Fortier. Paul Lavoro, Eric Sinclair. Call AAA because I got stuck in Chrissy's Glue trap on the Bell Parkway. Genghis Konaria still burns when Ipia put.

[Jesse]

Him on the list.

[Yanni P]

Yep.

[Chris D]

Genghis Kanoria.

[Jesse]

Genghis Karina.

[Chris D]

Yeah, that.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

Uncle Prostate Checker.

[Jesse]

Yeah, List it.

[Chris D]

Okay.

[Yanni P]

Back to back list.

[Chris D]

See, that's why you gotta keep listening.

[Jesse]

If you gotta molest your uncle and you refer to him that way, you deserve to be on the list.

[Chris D]

Pissing out fire. Call me Dick Flair.

[Jesse]

Chicken Finger.

[Chris D]

I had to paint it, but I have a brownie in my pants.

[Yanni P]

Okay.

[Chris D]

What did the Frisbee do to the oven? Walked Into 1.

[Jesse]

Ladder 14.

[Chris D]

Turns into a joke.

[Yanni P]

Holy. He turned it into. I mean.

[Chris D]

I mean, creativity.

[Jesse]

I mean, the creativity.

[Chris D]

Did you have to do it?

[Jesse]

I mean, for the creativity. Can I put. I mean, that was. If you're good.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

You're going to.

[Jesse]

That was.

[Chris D]

It's got to be that level.

[Jesse]

God, it's got to be that level.

[Yanni P]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris D]

I knew I was the backbone of my CYO team when Coach boned me in the back of the gym.

[Yanni P]

Okay.

[Chris D]

Okay. Joel the Cabbage Patch. John Carpenter's the Ding. Matthew Vol. Steve Helm, White Trash. Slut Monkey. Sponsored by Fumar. You garbage.

[Jesse]

Okay, Fumaru. Garbage is funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Drexler.

[Chris D]

Call me Wimpy Willie because I couldn't get hard in front of my ma.

[Jesse]

Lot of 14 Drex, sir. I guess.

[Chris D]

Peg and Bussy since 94. Graham Littlejohn. Which came first? The chicken or the inward Fuckin it. Okay, Chad might not be straight because Yanni's in 8 Applegate. Okay. Jonathan Stump. The woman version of Nick from Uruguay. But still I have a cock.

[Yanni P]

There you go.

[Jesse]

You made me say list.

[Chris D]

You want to put them on?

[Jesse]

No, no, no, no.

[Chris D]

J. Sweets. Glue stain on the Bell Parkway asphalt. Dk The Fagonacci Squid.

[Jesse]

That's.

[Yanni P]

Wait. Yeah.

[Chris D]

Glue stain on the Bell Parkway asphalt.

[Jesse]

That means he. He took. Put his dick out the window and.

[Chris D]

And he shot it.

[Yanni P]

He shot it out. Out.

[Jesse]

I'm gonna dragster.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

Squeak went.

[Jesse]

Bad. But it's funny.

[Chris D]

Squeak went.

[Yanni P]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris D]

Cordyceps. Jack Timmerman. Justin Fox, Magnus, Brian A. And then we got. Call me Kennedy. The way I like to f. With my John.

[Jesse]

He likes to. Yeah, yeah. That's a chicken.

[Chris D]

You think that's enough or do you want to. Want to read a few more names? Okay. Okay, so here we go. So now. So it's again started off slow.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

But then we come back with a vengeance. Okay, so here we go. All right. Here's the list. Now fumes can't leave.

[Jesse]

Leave now you just can't leave. We're going to chicken finger that. Hey, Chicken finger bat.

[Chris D]

Devo's booster seat is for the table.

[Jesse]

We're going to Drex for that.

[Chris D]

Drexel that any other day. But good job. AOC's tits. Make my peace spit.

[Jesse]

I like it. I'm gonna keep it around for a little.

[Chris D]

Okay, yeah, so we're keeping that. Then we got Genghis Konaria still burns when Ipia contender. Uncle Prostate Checker contender. What did the Frisbee do to the oven? Walked into one.

[Jesse]

We may keep that around. That might be the only. Walked in one that may win. We're gonna keep it around.

[Chris D]

And then last but not least, Squeak wins.

[Jesse]

It's another good one.

[Yanni P]

Okay.

[Chris D]

Gotta make some decisions.

[Jesse]

We gotta make some decisions here. This one. We're gonna have to do a room vote.

[Chris D]

AOC tits. Make my piece bit.

[Jesse]

Jesse likes that one because it's funny sequence. We. Can we do that one with the word fag in there?

[Chris D]

I mean. Yeah, it's Patreon.

[Jesse]

It's Patreon, right?

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Jess get big on that now.

[Chris D]

No.

[Jesse]

All right, how about Nick?

[Chris D]

I would.

[Jesse]

Drex of that.

[Chris D]

Drex of that. Drex of that.

[Yanni P]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris D]

Genghis K still burns when ipa.

[Jesse]

Yeah, we're keeping that around.

[Chris D]

Keeping that.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

Okay.

[Jesse]

Keeping that around.

[Chris D]

Uncle Prostate Checker.

[Jesse]

I love that one.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Me too.

[Chris D]

Yeah, Simple.

[Jesse]

That one. Yeah, Simple. That's a chicken finger.

[Chris D]

What did the frisbee do to the oven? Walked in into one.

[Jesse]

If we. We will have a walked into him award. All right.

[Chris D]

Right.

[Jesse]

We can't post them, but at the end of the year, we will honor you.

[Yanni P]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jesse]

So that is the most creative walk into one I've ever. He turned it into a. I mean.

[Chris D]

Right.

[Jesse]

It's just perfect.

[Yanni P]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jesse]

So. But. But we're going to have to direction.

[Chris D]

You for more reasons. For more reasons. So then it is between AOC Tits make my pee spit. Genghis Konorrha still burns when I pee. Or Uncle Prostate Checker. Uncle Prostate Checker. Sounds like a band.

[Jesse]

Which one do you like?

[Chris D]

I would probably go with Uncle Prostate Checker just because it's simple. But to be honest with you, if it was totally up to me, I would have went with what did the frisbee do to the oven? Walked in one.

[Jesse]

So should we. Can we list that?

[Chris D]

I don't know.

[Jesse]

I think we can. You think we can?

[Chris D]

So it is the winner. It is the clear.

[Jesse]

Yes, it's the best one.

[Chris D]

Which is what we're going for here is what's. Who's the winner?

[Jesse]

But you know what we're doing, by the way?

[Yanni P]

This. What?

[Jesse]

You know what we're doing?

[Chris D]

What?

[Jesse]

We're encouraging this behavior.

[Chris D]

Well, what we're encouraging is creativity. Is creativity. Because, yes, it's offensive for sure, but they were so. They kind of. It's one of those things where it's like they.

[Jesse]

It's brilliant.

[Chris D]

All themselves. Or walked into one.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Chris D]

And they did it all. Like they understood. Like they said something awful and then left the room.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

It's like. It's a brilliant joke.

[Chris D]

It is.

[Jesse]

So what we're going to do is we're going to break our rules because like the ancient Greeks said, there's no rule without an exception.

[Yanni P]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

You are the exception to the rule. You are our first. Walked into one. Winner.

[Chris D]

Winner.

[Jesse]

You're the ppw. Walked in one. Usually the walked in one means you're disqualified from the contest even though we acknowledge your creativity. You broke the system.

[Chris D]

You cracked the matrix. You cracked the matrix. You are the ppw, the pseudo penis of the week. What did the frisbee do to the oven? Walked into one. Congratulations. You can see your name up in lights@history hyenaspod.com or historyinus is back.com thank you so much. Tell your friends about us like and subscribe to the YouTube. Join the Patreon and we thank you. Have a blessed evening.