History Hyenas – “JFK’s Piece was a Security Threat”

Episode Date: January 22, 2026
Hosts: Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas

Episode Overview

In this raucous episode, Chris and Yannis go deep (and wildly off-course) into the salacious side of U.S. history—specifically JFK’s infamous womanizing, the security risks it posed, and how his record of “cracking open” beautiful women stacks up against Bill Clinton's more modest roster. Through candid banter, irreverent jokes, and tangents on their personal lives, the pair riff on the intersection of sex, power, politics, and how media scrutiny (or the lack of it) shaped presidential legend.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Scene: Personal Banter & Podcast Dynamic

• The hosts open the show with personal updates and banter, establishing their irreverent style and friendship before launching into the main topic.
• Chris, feeling down about his weight, jokes about “crying in the shower” and bonds with Yannis over emotional moments.
  • Chris (02:19): "I now weigh 229lbs...I sat down on my toilet, which was closed, and I started to cry."
  • Yannis comforts Chris and they poke fun at each other’s coping mechanisms, using humor about cults, exercise, and brainwashing.

2. Sex, Power, and the Presidents: JFK vs. Bill Clinton

• Main segment introduction (12:34): The show’s history deep dive is clearly focused: “We’re going to talk today about a very well known guy named JFK. But...we’re going to talk about a little thing called his personal life.”
• The hosts compare JFK and Bill Clinton’s “puss game”—their styles, types, and risk levels:
  • JFK preferred “high class,” beautiful women—“He didn’t really do fives, he did tens.” (29:03)
  • Bill Clinton, by contrast, “just shopped a little different” and “liked trash.” (13:27, 51:26)
  • Clinton's affairs became public scandals (Monica Lewinsky et al.), while JFK’s were an open secret in political circles but shielded from the press.

3. Salacious Details: Mistresses, Nicknames, and National Security

• JFK’s Secretaries: Fiddle & Faddle (Priscilla Ware and Jill Cowan) – euphemistically referenced by Secret Service.
  • “The Secret Service had a nickname...They were these two chicks that he would bang out at different times.” (23:35)
• Type of Women: “He would do it at the White House...he would go skinny dipping with a lot of girls.” (29:12)
• Notable affairs referenced:
  • Marilyn Monroe
  • Aubrey Hepburn
  • Judith Campbell Exner (linked to mobster Sam Giancana)
  • Mary Pinchot Meyer (CIA-connected socialite, whose mysterious murder is discussed in detail)
  • Mimi Alford (19 at the time of affair), Gunilla Von Post, Angie Dickinson, Jane Mansfield, Blaze Starr, Inga Arvad
• Contrast with Bill Clinton’s “Paula Jones”—“Just a chick from Arkansas...a little different than what we’re talking about.” (51:14)
• Sex Addiction & Risk: Syncing thrill-seeking sexual behavior with operational recklessness—JFK as “a counterintelligence nightmare.” (54:44, 56:44)
  • Yannis (57:13): “If a foreign service wanted leverage, the door was wide open.”

4. The Mary Pinchot Meyer Mystery

• In-depth discussion of Mary Pinchot Meyer’s affair with JFK and her unsolved murder, speculating on CIA involvement and suppression of evidence.
  • “Why have we not...Why is that not a massive story?” (34:49)
  • “There is absolutely, positively no way our own government did not kill our president.” (38:21)
  • “You just get clipped. I mean, you know, Trump, you’ll do that too. I mean, not...Yeah, I mean, just happens.” (59:58)

5. Historical Contexts, Modern Parallels & Cultural Shifts

• Discussion on how political and celebrity personal lives were compartmentalized in the past vs. the all-access, no-filter culture of today.
  • “There was a day in this country where the personal opinions or the personal life of a politician...was just not something that was on the radar of the public...they were more concerned with his job performance.” (12:16)
• The wild evolution from trying to impeach Clinton for oral sex, to “having a First Lady whose tits we’ve seen.” (17:35)
  • “Melania is the hottest...And I’m not saying anything else about her except for the fact that we’ve seen her tits.” (17:56)

6. Therapy-Session Tangents: Sex, Power, and Addiction

• The hosts riff on the notion that for the powerful, sexual exploits become an addiction, normalized and protected by those around them.
  • “These affairs...were like created national security risks, intersected with organized crime, reflected a culture of elite immunity and helped explain Jackie Kennedy’s emotional detachment.” (54:44)
  • “JFK loved the tingle...he was a kid who loved tingle.” (58:25)
  • “Eventually puss kills you.” (57:44)
  • “But he was a great U.S. president...And that’s just also what he would do on a nightly basis, invade the Bay of Pigs.” (58:41)

7. Satirical Side-Bets and Offensive Riffs

• Parody organization names (“FAGGA”—’gay Republicans’) and jokes about gay identity, power, and group solidarity—a running, self-aware schtick about language and culture.
  • “Everything good about you is gay. And that’s the name of the episode folks...” (10:28)
• Recurring tongue-in-cheek remarks about cults, addiction, and “cracking” people open.

Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• On JFK’s Sex Life:
  • Yannis (13:10): “JFK was a sex addict.”
  • Chris (29:03): “He didn’t really do fives, he did tens.”
• On Bill Clinton:
  • Chris (16:28): “Sticking a cigar in a girl’s pussy? ...That’s a loophole.”
• On Comparing Political Scandals:
  • Yannis (17:56): “That’s the First Lady’s tits...Melania is the hottest.”
• On Mary Pinchot Meyer’s Murder:
  • Chris (34:49): “Why have we not...Why is that not a massive story?”
  • Chris (38:21): “There is absolutely, positively no way our own government did not kill our president.”
• On Sex Addiction & Recklessness:
  • Yannis (54:44): “Sex addiction is when it...threatens your life...when you’re the President and you’re hiring call girls to come over to the White House...that’s risky behavior.”
  • Chris (56:07): “There’s no way that RFK’s voice sounds like that from a neuropathic condition. It’s from eating puss and ass.”
  • Yannis (57:13): “If a foreign service wanted leverage, the door was wide open.”
• On American Political Culture:
  • Yannis (12:16): “There was a day in this country where the personal opinions or the personal life of a politician...was just not something that was on the radar of the public.”
• On Kennedy’s ‘Bay of Pigs’:
  • Chris (58:41): “The Bay of Pigs invasion was what he’s known for. And that’s just also what he would do on a nightly basis. He would just invade the Bay of Pigs.”

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 12:34 – Dive into JFK’s personal life, “puss off” against Clinton
• 23:35 – Introduction of “Fiddle & Faddle” secretaries, security risks
• 29:03 – JFK’s preferences in women
• 34:30–38:21 – Mary Pinchot Meyer’s affair, mysterious murder, and government cover-up
• 51:14–51:24 – Paula Jones and Clinton’s risk factor vs. JFK’s
• 54:44–58:25 – Sex addiction, thrill-seeking, and being a honey pot
• 58:41 – Fitting satire: “Invading the Bay of Pigs”
• 59:34 – Closing reflections: JFK as “Genghis Khan of modern day”

Overall Tone and Takeaways

Wildly irreverent, History Hyenas blends loose research and offbeat speculation with punchline-driven comedy, jumping between history’s “what-the-hell” details and today’s tabloidized politics. Rather than condemning JFK, Chris and Yannis treat his exploits as the symptoms of a wilder era, pointing out the ironies and continuities of American power, fame, and sex. Under the jokes, they highlight how these high-risk affairs weren’t just tabloid fodder, but true threats to national security—yet protected by a now-vanished code of silence.

Listener Value:
If you didn’t catch this episode, you missed a history class in the form of a comedy roast—detailing the untold (and sometimes still unsolved) stories behind the Kennedy legend, all filtered through the History Hyenas’ signature “laugh-while-you-learn” anarchy.