JFK’s Piece was a Security Threat | History Hyenas

Summary

History Hyenas – “JFK’s Piece was a Security Threat”

Episode Date: January 22, 2026
Hosts: Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas

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Episode Overview

In this raucous episode, Chris and Yannis go deep (and wildly off-course) into the salacious side of U.S. history—specifically JFK’s infamous womanizing, the security risks it posed, and how his record of “cracking open” beautiful women stacks up against Bill Clinton's more modest roster. Through candid banter, irreverent jokes, and tangents on their personal lives, the pair riff on the intersection of sex, power, politics, and how media scrutiny (or the lack of it) shaped presidential legend.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Scene: Personal Banter & Podcast Dynamic

• The hosts open the show with personal updates and banter, establishing their irreverent style and friendship before launching into the main topic.
• Chris, feeling down about his weight, jokes about “crying in the shower” and bonds with Yannis over emotional moments.
  • Chris (02:19): "I now weigh 229lbs...I sat down on my toilet, which was closed, and I started to cry."
  • Yannis comforts Chris and they poke fun at each other’s coping mechanisms, using humor about cults, exercise, and brainwashing.

2. Sex, Power, and the Presidents: JFK vs. Bill Clinton

• Main segment introduction (12:34): The show’s history deep dive is clearly focused: “We’re going to talk today about a very well known guy named JFK. But...we’re going to talk about a little thing called his personal life.”
• The hosts compare JFK and Bill Clinton’s “puss game”—their styles, types, and risk levels:
  • JFK preferred “high class,” beautiful women—“He didn’t really do fives, he did tens.” (29:03)
  • Bill Clinton, by contrast, “just shopped a little different” and “liked trash.” (13:27, 51:26)
  • Clinton's affairs became public scandals (Monica Lewinsky et al.), while JFK’s were an open secret in political circles but shielded from the press.

3. Salacious Details: Mistresses, Nicknames, and National Security

• JFK’s Secretaries: Fiddle & Faddle (Priscilla Ware and Jill Cowan) – euphemistically referenced by Secret Service.
  • “The Secret Service had a nickname...They were these two chicks that he would bang out at different times.” (23:35)
• Type of Women: “He would do it at the White House...he would go skinny dipping with a lot of girls.” (29:12)
• Notable affairs referenced:
  • Marilyn Monroe
  • Aubrey Hepburn
  • Judith Campbell Exner (linked to mobster Sam Giancana)
  • Mary Pinchot Meyer (CIA-connected socialite, whose mysterious murder is discussed in detail)
  • Mimi Alford (19 at the time of affair), Gunilla Von Post, Angie Dickinson, Jane Mansfield, Blaze Starr, Inga Arvad
• Contrast with Bill Clinton’s “Paula Jones”—“Just a chick from Arkansas...a little different than what we’re talking about.” (51:14)
• Sex Addiction & Risk: Syncing thrill-seeking sexual behavior with operational recklessness—JFK as “a counterintelligence nightmare.” (54:44, 56:44)
  • Yannis (57:13): “If a foreign service wanted leverage, the door was wide open.”

4. The Mary Pinchot Meyer Mystery

• In-depth discussion of Mary Pinchot Meyer’s affair with JFK and her unsolved murder, speculating on CIA involvement and suppression of evidence.
  • “Why have we not...Why is that not a massive story?” (34:49)
  • “There is absolutely, positively no way our own government did not kill our president.” (38:21)
  • “You just get clipped. I mean, you know, Trump, you’ll do that too. I mean, not...Yeah, I mean, just happens.” (59:58)

5. Historical Contexts, Modern Parallels & Cultural Shifts

• Discussion on how political and celebrity personal lives were compartmentalized in the past vs. the all-access, no-filter culture of today.
  • “There was a day in this country where the personal opinions or the personal life of a politician...was just not something that was on the radar of the public...they were more concerned with his job performance.” (12:16)
• The wild evolution from trying to impeach Clinton for oral sex, to “having a First Lady whose tits we’ve seen.” (17:35)
  • “Melania is the hottest...And I’m not saying anything else about her except for the fact that we’ve seen her tits.” (17:56)

6. Therapy-Session Tangents: Sex, Power, and Addiction

• The hosts riff on the notion that for the powerful, sexual exploits become an addiction, normalized and protected by those around them.
  • “These affairs...were like created national security risks, intersected with organized crime, reflected a culture of elite immunity and helped explain Jackie Kennedy’s emotional detachment.” (54:44)
  • “JFK loved the tingle...he was a kid who loved tingle.” (58:25)
  • “Eventually puss kills you.” (57:44)
  • “But he was a great U.S. president...And that’s just also what he would do on a nightly basis, invade the Bay of Pigs.” (58:41)

7. Satirical Side-Bets and Offensive Riffs

• Parody organization names (“FAGGA”—’gay Republicans’) and jokes about gay identity, power, and group solidarity—a running, self-aware schtick about language and culture.
  • “Everything good about you is gay. And that’s the name of the episode folks...” (10:28)
• Recurring tongue-in-cheek remarks about cults, addiction, and “cracking” people open.

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Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• On JFK’s Sex Life:
  • Yannis (13:10): “JFK was a sex addict.”
  • Chris (29:03): “He didn’t really do fives, he did tens.”
• On Bill Clinton:
  • Chris (16:28): “Sticking a cigar in a girl’s pussy? ...That’s a loophole.”
• On Comparing Political Scandals:
  • Yannis (17:56): “That’s the First Lady’s tits...Melania is the hottest.”
• On Mary Pinchot Meyer’s Murder:
  • Chris (34:49): “Why have we not...Why is that not a massive story?”
  • Chris (38:21): “There is absolutely, positively no way our own government did not kill our president.”
• On Sex Addiction & Recklessness:
  • Yannis (54:44): “Sex addiction is when it...threatens your life...when you’re the President and you’re hiring call girls to come over to the White House...that’s risky behavior.”
  • Chris (56:07): “There’s no way that RFK’s voice sounds like that from a neuropathic condition. It’s from eating puss and ass.”
  • Yannis (57:13): “If a foreign service wanted leverage, the door was wide open.”
• On American Political Culture:
  • Yannis (12:16): “There was a day in this country where the personal opinions or the personal life of a politician...was just not something that was on the radar of the public.”
• On Kennedy’s ‘Bay of Pigs’:
  • Chris (58:41): “The Bay of Pigs invasion was what he’s known for. And that’s just also what he would do on a nightly basis. He would just invade the Bay of Pigs.”

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 12:34 – Dive into JFK’s personal life, “puss off” against Clinton
• 23:35 – Introduction of “Fiddle & Faddle” secretaries, security risks
• 29:03 – JFK’s preferences in women
• 34:30–38:21 – Mary Pinchot Meyer’s affair, mysterious murder, and government cover-up
• 51:14–51:24 – Paula Jones and Clinton’s risk factor vs. JFK’s
• 54:44–58:25 – Sex addiction, thrill-seeking, and being a honey pot
• 58:41 – Fitting satire: “Invading the Bay of Pigs”
• 59:34 – Closing reflections: JFK as “Genghis Khan of modern day”

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Overall Tone and Takeaways

Wildly irreverent, History Hyenas blends loose research and offbeat speculation with punchline-driven comedy, jumping between history’s “what-the-hell” details and today’s tabloidized politics. Rather than condemning JFK, Chris and Yannis treat his exploits as the symptoms of a wilder era, pointing out the ironies and continuities of American power, fame, and sex. Under the jokes, they highlight how these high-risk affairs weren’t just tabloid fodder, but true threats to national security—yet protected by a now-vanished code of silence.

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Listener Value:
If you didn’t catch this episode, you missed a history class in the form of a comedy roast—detailing the untold (and sometimes still unsolved) stories behind the Kennedy legend, all filtered through the History Hyenas’ signature “laugh-while-you-learn” anarchy.

Transcript

[A]

Guys, today we're going to have a really good time talking about JFK's mistresses, comparing them to Bill Clinton's mistresses. One like to shop high class, the other one, well, whatever he can find.

[B]

It'S what it is. It's going to be great. There's going to be a lot of talk about a lot of things we didn't know about. And I mean one of the stories of his mistresses is absolutely wild and was 1000% swept under the rug by our own government. If you want to see me, I'll be February 6th, I'm Las Vegas at the MGM David Copperfield theater. He has been making my tickets disappear.

[A]

I am in February 7th, I'm in Morris Plains, New Jersey. And then February 20th and 21st you can catch me in Bakersfield, California. Giannispapas comedy.com for tickets. Most importantly guys, we're doing a new series over on Patreon, our channel with our community called Leaky where we're going to be finding, periodically finding the craziest people from history and having a good time with them because being crazy sometimes is fun.

[B]

It's fun and it's all [e-mail] history hyenas. Now get ready to get your head blown off. What's up everybody? Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas. I'm Chris Stefano, AKA Chrissy Colosomy Bags. With me as always is Giannis Pappas, AKA Yanni the hottie.

[A]

Yeah, you got a new nickname. Now you've had a bunch in the past but what we are going to call you now is Chrissy Cries in the shower.

[B]

It's what it is.

[A]

Chrissy's been crying in the shower. Well, so I told him to get a map and I want you to locate a little country called Low dose on that map.

[B]

Yeah, Low Doseyvania Sylvania.

[A]

Because cuz when you're crying in the shower like a lady over a couple of pounds and you still look good. Yeah, I think reality, you know. Well here low dose can help you find it. Here's the thing, Waldo, and you need to find reality.

[B]

Here's the thing is I.

[A]

You're cute fucking kid.

[B]

I shared with you on the way in that I stepped on the scale and I now weigh, I now weigh 229lbs and even though ChatGPT tells me don't worry, not fat, for that to be fat you would have to have 7,500 calorie surplus a day, every day. That don't worry about it, it's glycogen, which is probably just storing water in your muscles, which you're just going to hydrate over hydrate, and you're going to pee it out. You're going to get what's called a whoosh effect, and eventually that weight's going to come right down. It doesn't help in the moment. I saw 229.2 this morning, and I sat down on my toilet, which was closed, and I started to cry. And I started to cry. And then I just. One of my daughters said, dad, is everything okay in there? I said, yeah, honey, I'm just having allergies. It's okay.

[A]

And then.

[B]

So I said I started to cry and then I just tried to breathe. I said, you gotta get through it. I said, remember this, you know, don't fear anything. You have. You have faith. Faith is external. Hope is internal. You have faith that you will get better. And then I spoke to you about it, and then you told me that it was going to be okay and that I was still very handsome and that you still love me. And then that's why when I saw you in the coffee shop and you were facing this way, I came up and I kissed you right on the back of your head. He did.

[A]

He came and he surprised me with a kiss right in the back of the head in the middle of a crowded coffee shop. The kid moves quick, the kid moves swiftly, the kid moves on. And that's what I like about you. Do everything quick. Cuz and that's where it's an advantage. Because I do remember one time you went through a breakup and you cried to be on the phone, but it was quick and it was over. Yeah, I was surprised. I felt almost raped by your cry. When a guy's gonna cry to you over the phone, I need to be prepped on that.

[B]

And the problem was is I cried to you on the phone when I went through that breakup. And then just a moment later, I had another call with the executives of Comedy Central and I cried to them, too. So that was the issue with that. And that is why I slowly but surely get no more work from Comedy Central.

[A]

Well, no, I don't think Comedy Central gets any more work from Comedy Central.

[B]

Yeah, they're out of here.

[A]

They're out of here, guys. So don't worry about it. But what's happened as the disintegration of Hollywood has continued and the flourishing of the Internet continues and the balance of power changes? What I've noticed is your haircut has changed just as Much as the news that we're getting.

[B]

So what do we think of this one?

[A]

As the advertising shifts from the digital from the Hollywood. Your haircut's gone. Less Hollywood Hollywood, more cop.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because you're back.

[B]

Because what I Queens.

[A]

Chrissy's back. We got a guy coming in who was a former cop.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. You're just back because you're firmly in Ridgewood. You're ready to let it rip.

[B]

I'm ready to let it rip because what I keep doing is I keep trying to change my haircut. So the advertisers, I want them to say is this, will you give me money now every. I try to swoop it this way. Super this way. I said, when are you going to just. I want to sell hot dogs.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I want to get out there and start selling some breads.

[A]

I am not 100% sure, nor is there any way for me to know for sure what you do in your downtime. You're a sneaky little guy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's a good chance cuz that you could be an ice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They wear masks. There's like 10 guys. I've seen the news where I went, is that Chrissy?

[B]

It's just cuz. And let's be honest, if I'm sitting there crying on my toilet bowl because of my weight, it's not called downtime. It's called down syndrome time.

[A]

But we had a good weekend. You got banged up.

[B]

I got banged up off THC seltzers and I. I have a little bit of, you know, it doesn't. It's not. I don't have to go too far into my past to know why I probably gained six pounds over the weekend. Cause I had a couple of THC seltzers and I ate a lot. A lot. A lot of food. Yeah, a lot of food. I had two Philly cheesesteaks. This is all during the games on Saturday. I had two Philly cheesesteaks. Then I had multiple donuts. Then I had a waffle with pistachio cream. And then at the end I said, oh, I forgot to get my protein. So I had a little bit of a protein yogurt. But the problem with that is I put a cool whip in it. So. So.

[A]

And then. And then. But I turned it into an ice. You turned it into a dessert.

[B]

But. Because I did have Waterloo seltzers, which are zero calories.

[A]

Zero calories. Yeah. And I like the Waterloo. The Waterloo are good. Yeah. But you know what I like the most is yes. Chows.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Those pellegrino chows.

[B]

Yeah. But they have 20 calories, so I can't drink them.

[A]

They got 20 calories. And I'm sure they're not great for you. I'm sure there's some aspartame in it. But there does come a point where you just go, you know. Do you ever think about, like, it'd be nice to just join a cult?

[B]

It would be. Yeah.

[A]

Wouldn't it be nice to join a cult? Doesn't a good brainwashing sound good? Yeah, I understand now why people join cults, because sometimes you just want to check out and tune out. And what better way than just have a guy telling you what to do?

[B]

That's what. That's why I, like, brainwash me, babe.

[A]

Tell me the fucking aliens you're coming. Tell me. Here's my wife, first of all. You always got to offer up your wife. I'm fine with that.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

At this point, if she was doing that, I'd say, you know, baby, good for you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And, you know, you just get brainwashed and you just. It would be nice to just not think, have people bring me my food, tell me what to eat.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Just do that.

[B]

Well, that's why I like taking those orange theory classes, because you just go. They put your little heart rate monitor on, and you just go. And you have a coach saying, come on, get it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then you just go. And then they always do a thing. Well, they'll say, you know, if you're. Cause half the clients are on the treadmill. And they'll say, if you're a power walker, put the treadmill to 4 or 3.5. And if you're a jogger, go to 5 and up. So what I like to do is I go four. I go in between. I go, I'm not a power walker, but I'm not a jogger.

[A]

You're an in betweener.

[B]

I'm an in betweener, so. And it makes me feel good. And I watch my heart rate. And then, you know, unfortunately for me, right now, I still am in a time where I'll do that, and then I'll say, you know, I earn that. And I'll go get myself a bagel or, you know, a fatty food and a muffin. And that's why I'm 229. But I am going to get down. I think we. You and I spoke about this. By April 15th, tax day, I'm gonna be 210.

[A]

Yeah. Because you showed me a picture of what made you cry, and you just got in such good shape that that's just not sustainable. Yeah. On the happiness in that is just not sustainable.

[B]

On the Patreon for gay guys out there, we're going to post a picture of what, my target bodice? Yeah, we're going to post that. And if you look really close. I pissed in my pants. Yeah. Yeah. I just have a full. So we're going to post that on the Patreon. This is what I'm trying to get to. And you know what? Honestly, on a. You telling me that that's not sustainable actually made me feel better because I was like, you know what? You're right. As long as my numbers are good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

As long as my cholesterol is good.

[A]

As long as your numbers are good. You're. You look the same. You look great.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because the good thing about you, and this is where you're lucky, first of all, you know you got good jeans, right. You're a good looking guy. You always look good. Except for when we were doing the bracket. You looked fat.

[B]

I looked fat there. Yeah.

[A]

And I. Special needs.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Right. So. But besides that, you also have the gift where you get.

[B]

This is what I think I look like when I look in the mirror.

[A]

The thing is, you get big in areas that are under clothes.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You never, really rarely, unless you get really fat. Put it on the face, right. It goes to your thighs and it goes grass.

[B]

Yeah. Now, could I ever look like that? Is there a point where I could blow? And would that be the fun? Would I. Would that be a 10 out of 10?

[A]

Yeah. Because you do your jeans. In my opinion, your jeans are like first half of life good.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And then second half half of life, blowout. That's why you're starting to get like styes. Yeah. Yeah. What you got to do is you got to look at Dave Titoni and go, that's what you're supposed to look like.

[B]

Well, that's what you're gonna have to work against that. Well, Jaz already said that. She's like, you know, I'm starting to notice already that you, like, have mannerisms like your dad now. You know, the skin tag. She's noticing. She's like, you know, your butt is like a tr. She was like, you know, And I just. She was like, she's actually having second thoughts. She's like, I don't know. And that's why I told her, I said, jaz, you should have got, you know, you caught me at 30. You should have married me at 30. But now you're starting to get into these. Into these latter years. I don't know what you're doing either.

[A]

Yeah. There's no doubt about it in my mind. If you didn't get nicked a little bit.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You'd be sitting in a Dunkin Donuts looking through the New York Post, drinking a coffee with way too much milk and way too much sugar.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Sitting in New Balance with the Velcro straps on.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And shorts with really, really thick, kind of purplish.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Bottom legs. Yep. Yeah.

[B]

There's no way, you know, And I would call that my office.

[A]

Yeah. That would be just where you kind of hung out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. And so you got nicked. And, you know, a lot of people think gay is a bad thing, but right there, gay is a good thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because everything good about you is gay.

[B]

That is true. Everything good about me is gay. And that's the name of the episode, folks. Everything good about me is gay.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think. I think because, you know, that's where all your talents come from.

[B]

You know what's funny, too, about gay. And I'm happy, like, you know, that we're just getting back to a world where we can kind of say some things. So I was at the Comedy Cellar a couple of nights ago, and I won't name names, but a comic who we know. I'll tell you on the Patreon comic, great guy, you know, you know, a little bit of like, you know, an anxious kind of, you know, Jewy kind of guy. He goes, you know, we were talking about how the new coach of the Giants is Harbaugh. Great coach. Super bowl winning coach. And he goes. And he goes, yeah. He was like. He was like, I want to love him. He's like, I love the Giants. He goes, but now all of a sudden, I found out Harbaugh is a MAGA guy. He's like, what am I supposed to do? And I was a MAGA guy. And so there's a gay comedian sitting at the table and a black comedian sitting at the table. And this comic is going down to do his spot. He goes, yeah, he's a MAGA guy. And then the black community plaque comedian goes, yo, you sound like a faggot. And it got the gay kid and the black guy just were laughing at him. And you're just like, okay, there you go. Because the gay guy laughed, the black guy made the joke. Everything's fine. And I was just like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that is funny. If I'm. If for gay Republicans should be called faggot.

[A]

They should be called faggot.

[B]

Is there. Should we start Faggot F A G A where it's like we, you know, Gay Trump. Has anyone said that already?

[A]

I don't know. I've never heard it. I don't know if I've ever heard it.

[B]

Well, Nick's writing it down.

[A]

Yeah. But if you've, if you really, if you tailor your life based on the political opinions of the people who are doing things that you enjoy, you're going to really box yourself or you're going to say you're what are you not going to watch a Giant game because the guy.

[B]

Because you like dude. I mean. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I mean, he's not doing it on the football field.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I mean that's just.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's unbelievable that we've gotten to that point. There was a day in this country where the personal opinions or the personal life of a politician or somebody of import was just not something that was on the radar of the public.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Because they were more concerned with his job performance.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So we're going to talk today about a very well known guy named jfk. But we're not going to, we're not going to talk about JFK and what he did Bay of Pigs. We're not going to talk about the conspiracy, not going to talk about his policies. We're going to talk about a little thing that was called his personal life, which is well known. But we're going to have a fun time with it. Not as much of a fun time as JFK have. Because what you're going to find out is we had one president, I would say two probably, that definitely belonged squarely and firmly with two feet inside the program.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

JFK was a sex addict.

[B]

I mean. Cause the program exists because of jfk.

[A]

Jfk. And we'll make a little reference to a guy named Billy Clinton because it's just funny to compare that. Billy Clinton, he liked, he liked trash.

[B]

He like. Yeah. And because your initial idea was JFK versus Bill Clinton for, for a puss off.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Which I thought was funny. Yeah. Great. For a push off, which I thought was funny. And you know, you, you. What did you say? I mean, we, we had some funny texts. We did.

[A]

We can read those on the Patreon as well.

[B]

We'll read those on the Patreon and we're gonna. Well, maybe we'll name some names. There were some funny kids that got mentioned that they're gonna get tuned up. Yeah.

[A]

No, we just said it would be nice Sometimes just a nice tuning, I think would help the person who's. The person who's getting tuned up.

[B]

It'd be nice to just tune people up, you know, punching people in the face again would be nice. Just.

[A]

I think it helps everyone sometimes.

[B]

Yeah. Now, because you were in, you know, we're going to get to jfk, we're going to talk about it. But you were in a little place called Royal Oak, Michigan, which in the state of Michigan, which is known as the American Caliphate.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So how was it? How did you feel? Did you have to. Was it their Sharia law? What was going on?

[A]

Yeah, well, Royal Oak, Michigan, you know, they call it Royal Oak, Michigan, but what I like to call it is white flight suburb of Detroit.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So a white stronghold.

[A]

It's a white stronghold. It's something. I think everyone who lives there had a parent or a grandparent that used to live in Detroit, and then they left their house one day and they went, wow, something's changed here. We're going to go a little farther out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so they went to Royal Oak. Because when you looked at the audiences, because if I took a picture of those audiences in Royal Oak and said, hey, I'm in Detroit, people would go, stop lying. That's not what the Wikipedia page says.

[B]

Yeah, that's Aspen.

[A]

I mean, it looked like Aspen. I mean, it was a white area and it was a good time. It was really cold. Right. So I don't know. I didn't see a lot of muzzies. I mean, you know, they just weren't. I think that's Dearborn. They're in Detroit. But aren't they everywhere now? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Well, it's just. It's just one of those things where I just was interested because, you know, you're way outnumbered.

[A]

Yeah. But I took a drink from the faucet and I was thinking, oh, no, Flint's only an hour away.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So I don't know. I took a drink from the faucet. Have they fixed that yet?

[B]

They haven't.

[A]

Are you okay with getting rid of Michigan?

[B]

No, Michigan. I wanted to Michigan, I'd like stay, but I want to get rid of Minnesota. I posted a picture on the history with me. My daughters did my makeup. When I got tuned up on thc, they did my makeup. And I said, that's what a man in Minnesota looks like right now.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I mean, it's what it is. I'm not saying, you know, I mean, there's just a lot of problems over there in Minnesota. And I'm good. I'm good getting rid of it. And I just want to go back to the fun again. Like, to be honest with you. I want to go back to the, you know, Bill Clinton having fun. Bill Clinton was just having fun. You know, I'm a little tired of everything being so serious. Like, I mean, let's get fun. Like. Like, who's the new Epstein?

[A]

Well, I think it's, you know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think it's really funny when you think about it. Think about it. Like. So the GOP back then, the Republican Party was trying to take down Bill Clinton because he was. Does it get funnier than sticking a cigar in a girl's pussy?

[B]

No.

[A]

I don't know if it gets funnier.

[B]

And what I'd like to call that is a loophole.

[A]

Yeah, that's a loophole. Because he didn't put anything. Besides, it's. Well, he ended up putting a lot of other things in there, too. What do you got?

[B]

A blowy.

[A]

He got a blowy. And I think he banged it out.

[B]

And, you know, but it's like, are we really. You're the president, United States. We're going to. We're going to say you got to get impeached because you got a blowy. What is this, high school?

[A]

It's crazy.

[B]

You got a blowy. I mean, first of all, Monica Lewinsky will get cracked. She will get clean.

[A]

She will get punched through.

[B]

Is there anything because, like, Monica Lewinsky, like, for like a secretary or whatever it was that position. That's a nice one to bang out.

[A]

Yeah, right. Yeah, that's a real nice one. And she is hot. She is. Monica Lewinsky's hot.

[B]

She'll get banged out. Yeah.

[A]

And so. Yeah. I mean, I'm just saying we went from a Republican Party, or gop that spent so much money trying to take this guy down over a blowy in the Oval Office to now electing a guy who, I mean, fucked porn stars. His wife. We seen her title, right? I mean, have you thought about. There's only been one president who. We've seen the first lady's tits.

[B]

Tits. Yeah.

[A]

That's great. Yeah. I mean, Melania is the hottest.

[B]

100%. I put her. And then Barbara Bush. Yeah, yeah. Barbara. George W. Joe sold. Joel puts.

[A]

Barbara Bush.

[B]

Yeah. Barbara Bush. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, we've seen Melania's tits. I mean, there she is right there. Those are her tits.

[B]

I mean. Yes.

[A]

That's the first lady's tits.

[B]

It's just. What it is.

[A]

And so it's just. Isn't that funny? That swing, she's still gorgeous. Oh, she is number one.

[B]

I mean. Yeah.

[A]

And I'm not saying anything else about her except for the fact that we've seen her tits. We've just seen it.

[B]

Barbara Bush is not bad either. I'm just saying. Rest in peace. Of course.

[A]

Yeah. Was she hot when she Was younger though?

[B]

100 might have been a piece, which she was.

[A]

See, because I would put. I would put George W's wife. She was kind of hot.

[B]

She was kind of hot.

[A]

And.

[B]

And his daughters are beautiful too. I mean, George Bush will get cracked open.

[A]

Yeah. He's a good looking guy.

[B]

Good looking guy.

[A]

Yeah, he's a good looking guy. But that is a big switch now.

[B]

Yeah. Look, somebody put pictures of young Barbara and she's still. They still got her guy.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

It's just what it is. That's why I'm into it.

[A]

Yeah. She looks more like a guy now you said jfk. I mean, she really looks like a guy.

[B]

Look at the. What it is left one. It's what it is. Yeah. Now you bet. You were. Where did you come up with the idea, like, what, what popped to your mom and you said, let's talk about the girls JFK banged out.

[A]

Because I was thinking about it and I just thought that it was really funny and just indicative of another time that I think we've kind of returned to a little bit with the election of Trump because he was a guy. I mean, the sexual scandals go all the way back, even as far as did this guy possibly sleep with girls? That had the teen word there. Right, right. And he was friends with Epstein. Whatever. And like 77 million Americans were just like, like, you know, and back then JFK was doing all this. The press knew. I'll go even farther and tell you, which is true, that his wife knew.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

His wife was aware.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Like, but she was just. It was just that at that time it was just like not pertinent.

[B]

President's wife. When it comes to push, sometimes you got to just agree to disagree.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean? You got to just say. And you got to tell. I think what. I think what you explained to the wives, when you're the President of the United States is you say, listen, babe, listen to me, El Presidente. Now I prom. I can make. I can do this. I'm not going to play offense. I'm not going to go looking for puss. But I can't tell you I'm going to play defense.

[A]

Right, Right.

[B]

Come at me and somebody comes up to me and says they want to stick. You know, a lady asked me, Mr. President, can you stick your cigar in my. That. I don't. I can't play defense. I'm not going to ask to do it.

[A]

We're doing a run and gun offense.

[B]

All it is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

My. You have my vows.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I ain't playing D. Yeah.

[A]

What we're doing is, we're doing a little Mike d' Antoni running gun.

[B]

It's what it is.

[A]

We're going to run up the numbers.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. We're going to try to outscore them.

[B]

Yeah. That's what I think. Guys, I play. I will not play offense.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Defense, it's like, what do you want me to do?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If this piece right here is saying, I'd love to put my lips on your presidential car.

[A]

Right. I mean, that's play.

[B]

That's when you just say, you know what? It's. This is an American. I took an oath to the American people to give them what they asked for and hear their concerns.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

I'm not playing offense. She asked on. I told you, I can't play defense.

[A]

Right. Plus, being the head of the executive branch is very stressful.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Can we thank these women for their service a little bit?

[B]

100%.

[A]

Monica Winski, can we. Thank you for your service.

[B]

Thank you for your service. Thank you for actually keeping the country safe. And listen, no disrespect to Hillary, but it's like, do you want to bang a lady who's wearing shoulder pads in her suits? That's all I'm saying. Like, put yourself in Bill's shoes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm not saying right or wrong, but it's like if your wife's walking around in a pantsuit with shoulder pads.

[A]

Yeah, that's right.

[B]

You know what I mean? Like, your wife is dressed like a safety in the NFL. So that's what I'm saying. If your wife is dressed like Ed Reed from the Ravens, like, what do you want me to do? I'm gonna bang out something else.

[A]

Yeah. What am I supposed to do?

[B]

That's all I'm saying. I'm not saying it's right or wrong. I'm just saying, like, you put the. Put yourself in his shoes.

[A]

Right, Right.

[B]

Him going to Epstein's island and banging 13 year olds. I. That. I can't, you know, can't go with that. I can't go with that one.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But banging out Monica Lewinsky and just, you know, I'm playing defense.

[A]

For this episode, we're going to go with what we know, not what the rumors are, not with what we might suspect about both Trump or Clinton or whatever. But I will tell you about JFK. JFK did go as low as 19. That's on the. That's documented. And so this is how funny it was now nine.

[B]

But 19 is legal.

[A]

Legal. Completely legal.

[B]

It's what is legal in the US are we 17 or 18? Depends on the state.

[A]

That's what makes it a little.

[B]

That's the. Let me just tell you boys, if you're ever out there in a situation and you have to. You're with a girl and you have to Google if her age is legal, then just don't do it.

[A]

Just don't do it.

[B]

If you have to ask ChatGPT, Hey, I'm in this state. Did this count?

[A]

Just.

[B]

I would leave.

[A]

Yeah, that's what you want to do. But 19 is solidly legal everywhere. Wow.

[B]

35 states have an age of consent of 16.

[A]

Right.

[B]

A handful have 17, and in 11 states it's 18.

[A]

Well, check this out. 16 is actually the most common age of consent in the country. That doesn't mean socially it's going to be looked upon. Well, right. If you're like in your 30s or whatever.

[B]

So you're saying if you're like in whatever, one of these states and you're 50 years old, you can bang out a 16 year old. No problemo.

[A]

Legally, if you go to the gram and you see she has a locker. Yeah, don't do it.

[B]

Don't do it.

[A]

Standing by a locker.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Don't die.

[B]

Don't do it. Because here's a simple rule. Here's a simple rule that I want to borrow if she has a pediatrician. Don't do it. Don't do it.

[A]

Yeah, this happened. What it is.

[B]

I mean, she's gorgeous.

[A]

I mean, look gorgeous.

[B]

But she was.

[A]

She was swiftly and sternly 17 years old and he was 39.

[B]

Is what it is.

[A]

What it is.

[B]

But different time.

[A]

Different time, I guess. Whatever.

[B]

So.

[A]

But JFK had two secretaries, one of which I think was 19. And what's really funny about.

[B]

She got cracked open.

[A]

She got cracked open. And so did a friend. They both got cracked open. That's what it is. And the Secret Service had a nickname for him because the Secret Service knew about it and they protected him. And I think it was. What was it? Fibble and Fable, Huh? I don't know. Yeah, let's Google it. He had a name for them. The Secret Service just Called them Fibble and Fable or Facal and Fibble or something like that. And they were these two chicks that he would bang out at different times.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So I don't know, he would probably be on the phone with the Russians or whatever.

[B]

And didn't he bang a lot of guys wives on one of the conspiracies is that's why he's really got clipped is because he was banging a mafia guy's wife or something.

[A]

Him and Giancana banged the chick around the same time.

[B]

Giancana? My boss.

[A]

Sam Giancana. Yeah, he was, he was my boss.

[B]

Oh, we're going to get to it.

[A]

Yeah, we'll get to it right after Fiddle and Faddle.

[B]

Yes, Fiddle and Faddle. Because I want to talk to you about Huel. I mean they got a high protein starter kit and you know what I like because today you is we're doing it. We're filming this episode on MLK Day. It might come out the day later, but they got a little thing called Black Edition powder. That's what, that's what I like. That's what I like. I don't know if it has, I don't even know if it's black, but they have Black Edition powder and I'm into it.

[A]

And also the thing that's great about Huel is they sent us these high protein starter kits and like you said, we gotta load down on the carbs and go protein first.

[B]

Yanni and I have both Yanni and I collectively in this, this podcast, if we're gonna be honest. Cause Jesse' great. Nick is doing great. But collectively between us, this podcast has put on £50.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So we have to.

[A]

We added another guy in weight.

[B]

We had to, we have to get it off. And the only way to get it off is up the protein, lower the carbs, which is exactly what Hu does. Ready to drink. It's a, it's a complete meal. 35 grams of protein, 27 essential vitamins and minerals, no artificial sweeteners and it actually tastes good. Now you can sweeten it with your own jizz. That's up to you.

[A]

That's up to you.

[B]

But I'm not saying do that. You know's not saying do that.

[A]

No, it, the Black Edition chocolate powder is absolutely delicious. Thank you Hu, for sending it to us. They're just. It's great. That's what I've been using and it, I'll make a whole smoothie out of it. It's great.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And sometimes you, you can even, you can just Shake it with water too, so it makes it a lot easier. It's either way. You can do it either way.

[B]

And it's good.

[A]

And it still hits the same protein goals you're looking for.

[B]

So for limited time only, baby, this is not here forever. Get Huel's full high protein starter kit online with our code HYENA20 for 20 [e-mail] HYENA20. That's h u e l.com h y e n a 20 new customers only. Thank you to Huell for partnering and supporting our show. Honestly, it just makes hitting your protein.

[A]

Goals a lot less stressful, just easier. I've seen these ads online. You've seen these ads online. I am excited because eventually I want to get off nicotine.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And ultra is a good way to do it. These new no tropic neotropics. How do you pronounce that? Nootropics.

[B]

Nootropics. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Packed with no O Tropics. These are little pouches that are designed for mental clarity and enhanced focus. It gives you the same kick as a nicotine pouch.

[B]

So it's a little pouch you put in.

[A]

They come in the same tin. So if you're trying to kick nicotine, it's good even if you're not kicking nicotine. But you want, you know, a nice little budge without the crash. And you don't want to get addicted.

[B]

Like nicotine.

[A]

It's great. No vasoconstriction, because nicotine does, it does do that.

[B]

And vasoconstriction is gonna raise your blood pressure, hon. And I can't afford that.

[A]

Yeah. Also, it's gonna rot. You know, it's gonna be bad for your gums at some point.

[B]

It's just what it is, right? My gums can't get any more swollen.

[A]

Yes. So this helps with sleep. It's. It makes you wake up, feel more alert, sharper, smooth energy, mood, balance, enhanced memory, calm, steady flow state.

[B]

Especially with January right now, you know, I mean, things get a little gloomy over here, especially on the east coast. And, you know, everyone's got goals. This, that, like, sleep is a big thing. And the all, all the, all these things, like, you know, that that's where I noticed different these, these other companies. I mean, it's just like you can't sleep with them. But this, falling asleep is easier. Waking up, you actually feel rested because, you know, like they said nicotine pouches spike your resting heart rate at night. So that, and that kills your body's brain and ability to Recover. So this one doesn't do that. You get the mood balance nice. You get smooth energy, get enhanced memory, get a calm steady flow state and focus. All with zero nicotine and natural nootropics.

[A]

Yes. No caffeine, no nicotine. Ultra is the ultimate guilt free pouch. You put it right in, delivering instant focus and mental clarity. Without nicotine or caffeine. New customers can use the Code hyenas to get 15% [e-mail] that's takeultra.com for 15% off. Off with the Code Hyenas. After your purchase they will ask you where you heard about them. Please tell them that the history Hyenas sent you.

[B]

Fiddle and fat.

[A]

That would be funny if you just said to secret service guys, just bring me fiddle.

[B]

Fiddle. Yeah. And then they bring. Sir, I'm sorry, I thought you said fattle.

[A]

No, I need. I need someone to fiddle on my dick. Not fabulous.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Do I look like I'm in a fiddle mood today? Bring me fattle. So the names are Priscilla Ware and Jill Cowan. Now I gotta be honest, Priscilla Ware sounds hot. Jill Cowan sounds like a whale. So let's see, is Joe Cowan a hottie? She's probably a smoke.

[A]

Well, that's the thing about JFK is he didn't really do fives, he did tents.

[B]

Yes. I'm just a little different.

[A]

Yeah, I mean he, you know. Well, the funny thing is when you see them now, right, it's just they just.

[B]

Well, they blow out.

[A]

They blow out. Yeah, yeah. Joe, when they were young, I mean.

[B]

Oh yeah. I mean they're all. Yeah, they're all pizzas.

[A]

They could all get cracked.

[B]

They're all get cracked.

[A]

They all will get cracked. Marilyn Monroe. He cracked. Supposedly. He also had a secret one with Aubrey Hepburn who, when you look at her when she was young, I mean a 10 deep. I mean for Rome. Yeah. I mean the kid was like a Roman emperor for Rome. He also liked prostitutes.

[B]

It's what it is.

[A]

He liked a few toots.

[B]

Well, I say it's a loophole. It's taxpayers money. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I mean, the President United States liked working girls.

[B]

So does the President United States take taxpayer money to pay for a toot? Or do. Or do. Does a toot. Just do it for free.

[A]

I think you come out of pocket for that one. Yeah. I think you whip out the old money clip for that one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You do cash. Yeah, but. Yeah, I mean even. And he would do it at the White House. It's what it is, what it is. He would Go skinny dipping with a lot of girls. They would get naked. I mean, he said supposedly Fibble and Fable were always wet. Their hair was wet because the kid.

[B]

Liked to go skinny dipping. But you know what's crazy is like, obviously we look down upon all that. I mean, you know, we're having fun with it, but there's people out there like, this is Scot. And then it's like, look at the kings from like 200 years ago, 300 years ago. I mean, this would be. Be not. It wouldn't even be a story. But yeah, of course, you just have a million mistresses. You have concubines. Right? That's what they call them.

[A]

Yeah. And you can't. You can't put any of the responsibility or blame on the women. Those are the rules.

[B]

That's the rules.

[A]

Those are the rules.

[B]

That's the rules.

[A]

Those are always the rules.

[B]

We have. We have they all.

[A]

He should have known better all the time, right? Not them. Right, Right. You know, apparently. Apparently women are all like special needs before they turn 45. Right? Like they have no agency of their own.

[B]

He used his power over her. Yeah, but the fact that the human vagina is the most powerful weapon ever created is relevant.

[A]

That doesn't count now. Yeah, yeah. These girls had no idea what they were doing. Yeah, they were all like brainwashed.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Couldn't see past his power. Like, he just. He always should have known better.

[B]

Right.

[A]

They knew he was married. But, you know, that doesn't count. Yeah, that just doesn't count.

[B]

Right.

[A]

That just a woman. Which is funny because on the one side it's like, respect, women, equality, Our brains are just as good as men and we're all good.

[B]

Men are stupid.

[A]

Except. What? A married man has an affair, then it was only his fault.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It was not the woman's fault. There's no blame, Nothing. Women stand as one.

[B]

That's why it was. Was easier, much easier to be Obama because he was gay.

[A]

That's a advantage that he had.

[B]

Yeah. It's just.

[A]

It really. It makes it a little easier when you're in shemales in the.

[B]

We're just kidding. I love President Obama. We know you're listening, but I'm saying.

[A]

There'S just less of a pool.

[B]

Nick almost walked out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Nick has a paper bag that he breathes into when things start to get hot here.

[A]

He just breathes into a paper bag, which.

[B]

You know how I know Nick's on snap benefits? Because he brings a third thermos.

[A]

Cuz bring the list back up he's.

[B]

Got his soup in the thermos.

[A]

Cuz. So he was just a high class guy.

[B]

Classy.

[A]

But he didn't. Once in a while, everyone, everyone likes to eat at five star restaurants. But sure, we all do like a nice dollar slice once in a while. Yeah, mix it up.

[B]

There's a couple of times where I've had a couple of dollar slices and very good friends of mine have tried to talk me out of it. Yeah, I said, I'm having a dollar.

[A]

Slice, having a do. Cause the kid would go high. Okay.

[B]

So I mean, the wife is Jackie Kennedy, who's beautiful, who's a piece. And if your middle name's Bouvier, I'm in.

[A]

Yeah, if your name's Bouvier, you definitely got a couple dollars.

[B]

You're definitely from a legacy family then Mary Pinchot Meyer. Again, if the middle name's Pinchot, I'm in.

[A]

Now this is the interesting one.

[B]

Why is she interesting?

[A]

Cos because she got shot and killed and wasn't robbed just across the street. So it's just.

[B]

Why did that happen to Lewinsky? Yeah, you think Bill was like, hey, how do we handle this? And you think the C at the time was like, well, we could go the JFK route.

[A]

Could.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And. But I think, I think. You know what, I think he asked.

[B]

I think he's asked. You swear to God. You think he. For real ass.

[A]

I think he looked into it. Yeah, I think he looked into it once he found out that there was some rumblings going on with Kenneth Starr, by the way. Kenneth Starr?

[B]

Who's Kenneth? Can you educate? I don't know.

[A]

Kenny Starr was the guy who was investigating Clinton.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And got the dress and was like taking samples of the semen. I mean, if we could get Kenneth Starr's Internet history based on his face. Not good, not good, not good.

[B]

Hold on. This is my garage guy.

[A]

Okay, go for it. Yeah, here's. Here's a look at Kenneth Starr. What do you think that guy's into?

[B]

Yeah, that guy's probably into the same things as Larry Nassar, the gymnastics coach.

[A]

Doesn't look good. Yeah, it does not look good. So this chick was interesting. And this is one of the most interesting things about JFK is he had a long affair with this chicken. But this chick was married to a top CIA guy before, right? Okay, so she was married to this guy Cord Meyer before they were divorced. Whatever. But she started a long affair with JFK. And then in 1964, after he was.

[B]

Murdered, JFK was already dead.

[A]

He was already dead. But it was right after he died. Like the first day after the Warren Commission started.

[B]

Started.

[A]

She's just walking down the street and somebody just plugs her in the back of the head and they just blame the black guy. Wow. Ended up getting. You don't have to wait on Jean.

[B]

It's just. Can you actually pull that? That's because. Why have we not. Why is that not a massive story?

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Because the media. Wow. Let's go into this. Yeah, this is interesting. Let's go, Jesse. Yeah, let's pull up mayor death murder. Yeah, let's just get into this. Yeah, Go to chat. Because with the chat. GPT.

[A]

Because you got to use chat suck.

[B]

Google can suck it.

[A]

Yeah, chat is quicker.

[B]

And then we're going to grok to end the episode because I want Come. Yeah.

[A]

Jesse has. Jesse has something against chat.

[B]

Well, Jesse, what I've noticed about Jesse is the way he's dressing and the way that he's. You know what I mean? He better. He better stop it because he's coming in here looking cute every day.

[A]

Cute. Yeah. You might kiss him on the back.

[B]

Of the head, get kissed on the back of his head.

[A]

Cuz. Will you kiss Nick on the back of the head?

[B]

Yeah. No, because I don't want to get psoriasis on my lip. No, Nick's got. Nick's got good skin. I'll kiss Nick on the back of his head. He's got so much hair. Yeah.

[A]

So somewhat came up. Just walked behind her.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

She got shot twice, point blank range. One time in the head, one in the heart. So whoever was doing it, you know, wanted to make sure she was dead.

[B]

Yeah. So that's not a. Like, I don't think that's a random robbery to get shot in the head, in the heart.

[A]

Well, here's the thing is she wasn't robbed at all. So it was just somebody walked up, shot her in the back of the head and that was it. Debt. And they arrested Roy Crump Jr. Ray Crump Jr. Yeah. Ray Crump Jr. Is just a black.

[B]

Day laborer found nearby who sometimes guests on Tim Dillon's podcast.

[A]

That's right. And he. He was, I guess somewhere around the scene. There was no murder weapon ever recovered and no forensic evidence linking. So he was acquitted.

[B]

So Meyer's murder gained retrospective interest in 1976 when it was revealed she had been a mistress of J.

[A]

Longtime mistress.

[B]

Following a death, the scramble ensued to find a private diary. Her brother in law and CIA counterintelligence chief, James Jesus Angelton were both involved in locating it. Bradley later admitted the diary detailed her affair with Kennedy. Allegations of drug use, notably from Timothy Leary, that Meyer introduced JFK to marijuana and possibly lsd.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Seeking to influence him toward world peace.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Okay. So the case remains unsolved involved. It's featured in true crime media. See, this is. But this. It's not really that featured. It's not. It's really not. The thing is, in the world that we live in is like, this is such a major thing that could connect it all, and it just gets swept under the rug. Like the movie with Pete Davidson and Eddie Murphy, just nobody saw it.

[A]

Nobody saw it. Nobody knew it.

[B]

It was just. It's Pete Davidson and Eddie Murphy, two of the biggest comedy stars of our time. The movie came out six months ago. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it's just things that we just live in a different kind of world.

[A]

Yeah. Well, one of them is legendary. One of them you would never, never think ever. If you saw he was in a movie, nobody would know about it. Eddie Murphy. And it just came and went, and we didn't even know what happened.

[B]

So then they're saying. Others, like biographer Nina Burley, believe it was likely a botched sexual assault and that Ray Crump may have actually been the killer, despite his acquittal. And the thing is, is a shot to the head and a shot to the heart just doesn't sound like something a man named Ray Crump could pull off.

[A]

No, this is. Well, obviously this was not that.

[B]

Well, and they say quieted. And they say in Mary's mosaic, the CIA. This author suggests the CIA assassinated her because she knew too much about the JFK assassination or was planning to go public with secrets found in her diary. I know we're going to talk about sex and jfk, but it just needs to be said that there is absolutely, positively no way our own government did not kill our president.

[A]

There's no.

[B]

It's just not possible anymore.

[A]

Just no way possible that this chick was killed for any other reason except for whatever she knew. Yeah, yeah. They just were like, you know what?

[B]

She.

[A]

She shouldn't be on the planet anymore. Too much of a risk.

[B]

Yeah, it's just. It's just. You have to just accept. What I told you is that the government killed the president.

[A]

It's a very good chance. There's a very good chance.

[B]

It's just a very likely thing that I don't think I'm saying. I think we all know. Right.

[A]

Well, what I think is even funnier about it is there is film. Film of it. And he's shot from the front. It's what goes like that. You're shot from the back.

[B]

Yeah. It's just what it is.

[A]

It's one of the biggest gaslights we've ever had.

[B]

And I think it's very, very fitting.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That the airport is named after him, JFK Airport. Because when you go through security there it feels like you got shot in the head.

[A]

That's right. And it just doesn't make sense that the guy that shot him said that I'm a patsy. Because guys that usually do do the killings, if they're lone assassins, they want the credit. Sure. Right. You know, like John Wilkes Booth, who we covered last week, by the way. We took a lot of shit. Rightfully.

[B]

So what did we do wrong?

[A]

It was my mistake.

[B]

What do we do?

[A]

I said Andrew Johnson was easy on the South. It was the. I mean that Andrew Johnson was too harsh on the south.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And it was actually the opposite.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I am an idiot.

[B]

Well, we all. And we all make mistakes. I was talking about Robert E. Lee's father and I kept calling him light footly and it's light horsely. So. So again we are the history hiatus. We're kind of crazy when it comes to history.

[A]

Yeah. I mean I just. People, a couple of people on the Patreon just let us. They just wanted to reiterate that we're full blown.

[B]

It's just what it is.

[A]

And I can't disagree with that.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I can only affirm that it's true.

[B]

I can. And I can only affirm that if you're the email. I received an email saying somebody saying that they were at my show in West Virginia a week and a half ago and they were very upset that I was saying that Minnesota should be removed from the United States and we should get rid of Minnesota. They said it's too soon and the person died. And I. What I have to say to you is I have a group that you can join and it's called Fag up. So any. Just know that you're going to start seeing f.a.g.a if you make any comments us just know that that's the group and we encourage the fans. That's the group that certain people belong. We have a place for you. Yeah. It's little place where you can be who you want to be. You know, you can make America gay again. It's called Vega.

[A]

You may not be aware that you belong in that group, but we will.

[B]

Tell you we'll tell.

[A]

We'll let you know. One of the, One of the comments that was brought to my attention, which was my favorite, was, guys, I love the show. You guys are hilarious. But Jesus, read a book.

[B]

Yeah, well, no, we're not. We've, we've told you that. We've went from the Wikipedia to the chat. GPT slots. We're not reading a book.

[A]

We're not reading. But I just. That just kind of. I think that we could put that as the description of our show. Hey, you guys are going to really enjoy this, but these two guys don't read. Yeah. Yeah. Never read a book.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, that was good. Yeah.

[B]

We, we explain history the way we see it.

[A]

Yeah. Or the way we have time enough to understand how it happened.

[B]

Yeah. See, you know how George Washington his, his best attribute, Benjamin Franklin said is he sees things as they are, are not as he wishes they were. Well, we're the opposite. We see things as we wish they were, not as they are. Exactly. That's how we live.

[A]

That's how we do it. Yeah. Oh, God, that comment made me laugh. So, yeah, I mean, she was just killed.

[B]

So Meyer got capped.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And now let's get a Judith Campbell Exner. He likes banging out chicks with three names.

[A]

Yeah, he does. Back then, a lot of people had three names.

[B]

Kind of like going back to three names.

[A]

Yeah, she was, she was just the chicken that also was banging Sam Giancana.

[B]

Some girls just get cracked.

[A]

And let's.

[B]

Was she a piece.

[A]

Yeah, she was a piece. And supposedly, according to her, she was relaying information between JFK and Sam Giancana. But that's according to her.

[B]

That's according. Yeah. And here she is. She's a piece.

[A]

She's a piece, dude.

[B]

Yeah. So these girl. And that's. And that's Sam Giancana, the mob boss. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So.

[A]

So suppose also Frankie Sinatra probably was. Supposedly.

[B]

Probably clipped that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. He said he tapped it, too. Took it down. Whatever you want, bodied it, you know, punch through however you want to say it.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, these girls got cracked. They got cracked open. And you know what? I got to be honest with you. It's like, you know what I mean? Like, I, I don't, I, I, I won't sit here and say Judith Campbell Exner is a bad lady. It's like, you're a beautiful woman, you're getting banged out.

[A]

No.

[B]

By the top people in the world. Good for you.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. And you know, to bang Frank Sinatra, jfk, Sam Giancana, this was the kind of chick you knew who could really suck a dick.

[B]

Yeah. And we're going to tell you who else JFK filled up right after this message from BetterHelp.

[A]

Cause tell me about Blue Choz.

[B]

You know me. I'm rock hard right now. Yeah. I love Blue Chew. I want a rock hard cock and I want to see yours. And the only dick that I'm ever willing to stick inside my body is a Blue Chew dick.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

A bcd.

[A]

Because I can almost tell the difference. I can almost tell the difference when you're using something else.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I know that boner is American made.

[B]

That's what it is.

[A]

It's one of the boys.

[B]

It's one of the boys. Blue Chew. It fights for freedom. I mean, my dick is always ready to serve this country. It's red, white and blue.

[A]

That's what it is. It's red, white and Blue Chew. It's what it is.

[B]

Cause yeah, my fucking. That's why my rock hard cock slaps America's enemies.

[A]

Bluechew Gold is the newest innovation from the number one chewable Ed brand. This ain't your grandpa's little blue bill. The four in one beast that's setting the gold standard for performance. We're talking two ingredients for blood flow that keep your rocket pumping mixed with apomorphine and oxytocin to turn up the arousal and connection in your brain and body.

[B]

Sometimes I don't even work out. I just take a Blue Chew and sit there. Yeah. And I just let it go. And we've got a special deal for our listeners. Of course you're gonna get 10% off your first month of Bluechew Gold with Code Hyenas. That's promo code hyenas. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank BlueChew for sponsoring this podcast and most importantly, sponsoring our dicks.

[A]

Yeah. Cuz we all got dogs in here.

[B]

I got a dog.

[A]

We got dogs. If you have a dog, it's really important that you have dog insurance.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Just in case something happens. You don't want to be caught off guard. No. You want a little assurance. Yeah. You need pet insurance. And we got a great way here to help you get pet insurance. Okay. This is a quick message from our sponsor today, the ASPCA Pet Health Insurance Program.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. So these days we insure just about everything. This is from them Care that lose value the second we drive them. What? What cars? Okay, I'm having problems reading what cars.

[B]

What happened You're a little bit off the beam. Are you sundowning again?

[A]

I was sundowning. And this character I'm doesn't know how to read. Good.

[B]

Because let me tell you, life with a pet, it's full of surprises. It is. Okay. You get a chewed up sock. You get a spur of the moment adventure, an unexpected vet bill, a tongue in the ass. Things happen. That's why ASPCA Pet Health insurance is worth checking out. Their plans are flexible, easy to customize and help you stay prepared for whatever dog. For whatever your dog or cat gets into. The best part, there's a special perk for signing up. Cuz. Two things I love. A perk and a jerk.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

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[A]

Because in order for her to ignore how dangerous a position she was in.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the kind of high stakes position she was in.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In order to convince these guys, you know, if you're. If you bang the head of the mafia.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

And then you're another guy and you're gonna bang that chick and you know that the head of the mafia likes this chicken. The head. The head game must be so crazy that it just takes your mind and goes, you know, it's worth it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. It's worth it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, I'm telling you, I bet you should play with the balls. I bet you should lick the tape.

[B]

100.

[A]

She might have went back door and cleaned up the smash bean.

[B]

God. There's no way this woman didn't leave every meeting with a Dirty Sanchez.

[A]

There's no way. And there's no way she left every.

[B]

Meeting looking like Nick. Yeah. Yeah. She looked like the stick.

[A]

And there's no way JFK with the amount of tail that he consumed, there's no way the guy didn't get a little freaky and didn't like his asshole to get clean. There's no way that JFK didn't like A little what we like to call street sweepers. Yeah, yeah. There was no way. There wasn't a street sweeper back there.

[B]

Now, cuz, is there anybody in the modern history that got more puss than JFK or was he numero. No, dude, he.

[A]

The estimates that are known, what's just known is 50. While he was married, in how long was he president? A couple years.

[B]

And he banged out 50. One of them was Marilyn Monroe, who's the Kim Kardashian of the day.

[A]

Yeah. And don't forget how busy a president is.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The kid found time.

[B]

Found time.

[A]

He found time and he got. And then he had Priscilla Ware, who was actually the sister of JFK's friend Jill Cowan.

[B]

Mimi Alford, who was 19.

[A]

Yeah, that was one.

[B]

Angie Dickinson, who was a supermodel.

[A]

Yeah, Angie Dickinson. And Mimi Alford was either fibble or fable.

[B]

Okay? And Gunilla Von Post, who is the sweetest aristocrat. See that? See, See? Giannis sees a girl like. See a woman like Gunilla Von Post. You. You like it?

[A]

Well, here's the thing that's clean.

[B]

You. You saying she's Swedish? She's no fumada. You like the name?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, that.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, that's what you like. I mean, cuz Gunila Von Post, I mean, you know, I. You see, I'm not into that. But to me, cuz that. That's a Puerto Rican girl with a chip tooth. That's what I want. Yeah, that's what I'm seeing.

[A]

Now this is the one supposedly that he loved. This was his top.

[B]

I get it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Cuz you're into it.

[A]

He actually was thinking about leaving Jackie for her. And his dad was like, are you crazy? That's not good for your political career. Career. And do you know what kind of. You know what kind of illegal stuff I had to do to get you elected?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Because they stole the election.

[B]

They did. Right?

[A]

His dad was.

[B]

Yeah, Catholics don't usually win.

[A]

No, they don't usually win. And in order to win at that time, unfortunately, you had to do. You had to get in bed with the mob and make some things.

[B]

Because Trumpy's not a Catholic either. Right. They're not. They're Christians, but they're not.

[A]

No, he's. He's a wasp.

[B]

Is Rubio Catholic?

[A]

Rubio's a Catholic.

[B]

Got my vote. Yeah.

[A]

So let's go back to some of these other chicks.

[B]

Because she was a piece, but she's a piece.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Mimi Alfred, 19. And here's the thing.

[A]

About her, too. She wrote a book also. Because all these chicks, of course, read books, but remember, they were victims.

[B]

Right.

[A]

They all write books.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And she's unapologetic about.

[B]

She's.

[A]

She says. She's like, nobody's gonna take. I spent a week with him. Nobody's taking that week from me. It was magical.

[B]

Who says?

[A]

Yeah. She's like. They all say he was magnetic and they just. He was just incredible.

[B]

Let's take a peek at Joan Lundberg. This is the White House secretary. Because sometimes, too, someone don't even have to be hot. You just bang out. The bosses just bang out their secretary. Yeah. There's just something. It's just a porn fantasy. Even before porn wasn't bad.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She can catch it.

[B]

She catch it old school. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I mean, it's what it is. Yeah. That's what it is.

[B]

She's there.

[A]

None of them are. None of them are ugly. No, I didn't like.

[B]

It's beautiful.

[A]

Like I said.

[B]

Said.

[A]

There was no. What was the. What was the. Paula Jones's. There was no Paula Jones. What was the one.

[B]

Paula Jones.

[A]

What was the one Bill Clinton did?

[B]

Lewinsky.

[A]

Yeah. There was another one. Paula Jones. You remember. You remember Bill Clinton? He had another one. He had a few. He had a few Char. He had a few. He had a few charges. He had. Let's look at his list. He had a few. I think her name was Paula Jones.

[B]

Jones.

[A]

Jennifer Flowers. Paula Jones, baby.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Paula Jones. Let's take a peek at Paula Jones. She was just a chick from Arkansas.

[B]

That's what it was.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. It's a little different. Yeah.

[B]

Paula Jones. Yeah.

[A]

It's a little different.

[B]

Look at that.

[A]

That's just a little different.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Billy Clinton just shopped a little different.

[B]

It's just.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, Bill Clinton went to Bloomingdale's. Yeah. To do his. To get his clothes. And Bill Clinton, he just. He liked to go to TJ Maxx. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He liked the discount.

[B]

KFK was Bloomingdale's. Yeah. Bill Clinton would go. Sometimes you just step into Costco and get a shirt off the rack.

[A]

The kid just liked to go to Target and see what he could get.

[B]

I mean, well, the kid's from Arkansas, so don't forget he likes a backwoods hillbilly.

[A]

He likes somebody who's a little banged up.

[B]

He said, he looked at this woman. He said, she looks like she has dirty feet. I want to bang it.

[A]

Yeah. Look at this chick.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This kid risked his Whole political reputation.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Beg out Paula Jones.

[B]

Yeah. It's.

[A]

I mean, he couldn't keep his hands off.

[B]

And Paula Jones sounds hot. Yeah.

[A]

And then you take a peek and it's a little different.

[B]

Just a little different.

[A]

The story's a little different than what we're talking about.

[B]

Little different, but again, banged out. Probably fun. And it's.

[A]

What is.

[B]

I mean, these guys, they live. I mean, if we're going to go head to head. I don't even think it's a question. JFK wins.

[A]

JFK is, is definitely the one winner. I mean, then you also got. He banged a few other ones. But let's get back to the. I mean, he didn't even get close.

[B]

I mean, garage guys just ringing up.

[A]

Don't worry.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, because, you know what happened is my garage door doesn't have tracks on it. We removed the track. So you can't get. You can't open the door. Yeah. And then a family member tried to open it yesterday. And the. Now that now I have my house, it's just got a big. The garage doors open.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And we can't close it.

[A]

Right. Right.

[B]

So I had to call in a real guy because I couldn't lift it.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So now I got a fricking garage guy coming over that's just, you know, some just Russian guy that's going to just. I'm just going to get banged out of my house.

[A]

Your costs are going up. Jane's Jayne Mansfield. Supposedly he got Judith Anderson, Blaze star, who was a burlesque dancer. She was a piece.

[B]

She sounds hot.

[A]

He got Inga Arvad, a Danish journalist.

[B]

I mean, every single woman sounds hot.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And there's not one that's doesn't.

[A]

These are. These are credible, which means it happened. And these are probable but anonymous. Multiple White House interns. The guy's just cleaned out. Yeah.

[B]

It's just what if you, if you.

[A]

Worked in the White House, you were getting stuck.

[B]

Hollywood actresses shielded by NDAs are silent.

[A]

Yeah. We got a lot of that story Way song. She ain't.

[B]

Put it on the Patreon. Yeah. It's We Patriot.

[A]

Who cares?

[B]

I mean, I never signed it. Yeah. And what it is. Yeah. Put on the Patreon.

[A]

Historians, like, estimate that it was possibly over a hundo, but only a fraction over a hundo.

[B]

For a man's life that's not blown.

[A]

It's not a man's life.

[B]

Just in the presence.

[A]

We're talking about during the presidency. We're talking about just during the presidency.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So the thing about his affairs which make them wise wild is they were like created national security risks, intersected with organized crime, reflected a culture of elite immunity and helped explain Jackie Kennedy's emotional detachment. Here's the thing. I think this is what they say in the program.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I've heard is a sex addiction is when it get. It threatens your life. Right. Like when it threatens your lifestyle, your job, you know that that's very risky.

[B]

You're a true addict.

[A]

Yeah. When you're the President and you're hiring call girls to come over to the White House. Yeah. Yeah. That's what you call risky behavior when you're risky. That wanted to tingle because.

[B]

Let me ask you a question right now. Let me ask question right now. Who's the easier honey pot, JFK or rfk?

[A]

That's a good, that's a good question.

[B]

That's who we really should have done is who's, who's it easier to get honey pot? Which Kennedy. Because RFK will get honey pot potted.

[A]

Yeah. I think, I think the easiest honey pot is going to be jfk.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because if you look at this behavior.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

I mean it's risky. Bill Clinton too, he's banging Paula Jones is a little risky. But also I think if Bill Clinton lived in JFK's era, right. He would have done more.

[B]

And let me just say something to be crystal clear, and I think we all know this, but it just needs to be said here on this podcast is that obviously the Kennedy family, you know, an American dining. But we know that the one thing they do is they all the men love puss. And we understand why. So there is absolutely, positively no way that rfk Robert F. Kennedy right now, there is no way that his voice sounds like that from a neuropathic condition. It's from eating puss. Okay. So I just want the lies to stop. He's eating pussy and ass. And then your voice will sound like that. And I'm not blaming the guy, but I'm saying it's enough with the lies. According to Journey for me and Puts. Yeah. You're eating puss and you're eating ass.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that's okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I just, I want. The American people need to stop being lied to.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

That.

[A]

He, that kid can't. He, he can't lay off.

[B]

He's eating puss looking ass. Yeah.

[A]

He cannot lay off.

[B]

I mean, and that's what happens. Your voice sounds like that.

[A]

Yeah. So when you got, when you put these head to head. Right. They're both Compulsive womanizers. You both see elements. The psychological breakdown is what I asked for. You see elements of thrill seeking, poor operational security, and they mix sex with power and stress relief.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So they both had affairs with people who were clear intelligence risks.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Judith, Judith Exner is the big one from jfk, who was connected to Sam Gianna and had CIA, FBI overlap and chat. GBT gives the edge to JFK as a counterintelligence nightmare. If a foreign service wanted leverage, the door, this would chat. You see, if a foreign service wanted leverage, the door was wide open.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

So I mean, I think that's kind of true. I think it's kind, I think you got to give it like Clinton was obviously a little reckless, but I think jfk, okay, the kid just couldn't handle it. Yeah, I just, he saw Puss and I think he just saw red.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, cuz I, I, he's, I really believe that he ultimately died because of Puss.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Not because of anything else.

[A]

You think so?

[B]

I think Puss is just, I think that's just what happens.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Eventually puss kills you.

[A]

I think it was, I think I, I, I believe an element of that, but what I think is it's the push Puss. And all that he did with the Puss compromise. All the engagement that he did with the Puss is indicative of more of a thrill seeking, thrill seeker personality. Because supposedly, and I think that's what got him killed, was he was just one of those guys that just kind of loved the tingle. JFK loved the tingle because even when he went in the motorcade, right. It's like, I think he was warned, like, dude, you shouldn't do that. Like, it's a little bit too much access. Things are a little hot. But he was like, nah, I wanna do it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think he was a kid who loved tingle.

[B]

And he got clipped.

[A]

Yeah, I think he got clipped. Yeah, he got clipped. So I think the women and that altogether, I mean, he was a kid that just was not scared to walk on a ledge.

[B]

It's just what it is. Kid loved puss and ultimately paid the price for it. But he was a great U.S. president.

[A]

He was a great U.S. president.

[B]

He was a great US president. And you know, the Bay of Pigs invasion was what he's known for. And that's just also what he would do on a nightly basis. He would just invade the Bay of Pigs.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And have him lined up.

[A]

And I could just say, honestly, I mean, I'm just gonna be honest, I'M not gonna lie to the fans.

[B]

Be honest.

[A]

I'm not gonna lie to people. No, I don't hate him for this.

[B]

Me either.

[A]

I just don't hate him.

[B]

I just don't, I'm not, I don't.

[A]

Hold it against them.

[B]

Yeah, there's one of those things where it's like, I, I, yeah, I just, I just don't hate him. And I just, Yeah, I, I, I think as the world goes on, you know, the modern world we're living in and it could be being fed by the algorithms and stuff, I just don't, I just understand why ICE had to go to Minneapolis.

[A]

Inclusion. If you wanted to know who may be the biggest playboy of all time, JFK is at least in the conversation for First Ballot hall of Fame.

[B]

1,000%. Absolutely 1,000%. He's the Genghis Khan of, of modern day.

[A]

I mean, when it comes to us, he is.

[B]

He's got to have had more kids out there too, because there was no Jimmy Hats back then.

[A]

One of them got an abortion. I mean, one of them got an abortion.

[B]

That was, they have to be. One of them had to have his kid.

[A]

Yeah, but that's the thing is, back then they would just kill you. Right, Right. If you were gonna threaten, like, his presidency or like some sort of scandal, they just make it go away.

[B]

You just get clipped. I mean, you know, Trump, you'll do that too.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, not. Yeah, I mean, just happens. Yeah.

[B]

Just, you know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, as always, at the end, we go to patreon.com history hyenas. That's where all the fun happens. That's where all the episodes continue. You get them unedited, edited, ad free over there, plus extra bonus content. It's being part of our community. And when you join, you get your name right out at the end of the episode. And we pick the funniest name to the PPW pseudo penis of the week. Okay, so here we go. Leading off, 1864 World Series MVP, Dodgers first baseman Saquon Slaveman. Wei Song into one.

[A]

Yeah. Let me just say this because I think it's funny, too. There's no way he remembered all those names. So that we had to do a list to remember their name names, I think is sort of an homage how JFK would remember those. There's no way he remembered.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

There's no way. Yeah, he was one of those guys where the numbers were so high, I.

[B]

Don'T think he remembered Encounters.

[A]

Yeah, I don't even think he knew he remembered. If he banged one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He probably looked at one. Went, yeah, he probably tried to bang one. He already banged.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My landscaper son has allergies, so he called ice on him. Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Bobby Brooks. Merry Christmas. You fucking wreath talk. So we're a little behind.

[A]

It's a little behind.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. Muzzies can't eat better.

[A]

Ladder 14. And these are all walked in at once.

[B]

Make sure you beat the right bike thief.

[A]

This is all walked away.

[B]

Crazy Ernie C Chrissy D Yanni P equals the best human centipede. Okay.

[A]

Okay. So you're saying we go ass to mouth.

[B]

All right, good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Edward Livingston Anthony Shammel. Dennis G. Tyler Caddy Bubba Ciroc flavored baby oil.

[A]

That's a goodie.

[B]

Not bad.

[A]

What I'm gonna do with that is I'm gonna chicken finger that. And I also wanna take a moment to just honor and shout out our walked in ones. I mean, I'm sorry. Not our walked in ones are straight to the backs. We never say yes. Look, you don't have to have a name you can join. Just give your name, go straight to the back. You're here for the content.

[B]

Tyler, Katie, Edward Livingston. These are straight to the back. Just the real name. Then we got. My wife divorced me and drained my 401k after she found out I used a bathroom sink as a urinal.

[A]

Put them on the list.

[B]

Put them on the list. Because we can relate.

[A]

Yeah. She just had enough.

[B]

Yeah. It's not gay if it feels good.

[A]

Chicken finger.

[B]

I mean, it's a statement that's accurate.

[A]

It's accurate statement.

[B]

It's a chicken finger, white dyslexic squeak that hates gingers.

[A]

Okay, Sorry. Andrew Santino.

[B]

Yeah. Well, he's saying because he's dyslexic and he said ginger, so it, you know, so it's another word.

[A]

Ladder. 14. Wow. Yeah, but wait a second.

[B]

So you said white dyslexic squeak. Gingers.

[A]

Okay, so I don't approve of the content, but I don't know what it is about being evil that makes people so creative. Yeah, but we have to honor that, okay? Because the creativity There is a 10 out of 10.

[B]

God, you got right back. Wow, wow, wow. But we can't.

[A]

My friend, all I can say right now is you are a contender for the end of the year. Walked into one award.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, that's a walked into one. Sabrina. Holy.

[A]

That's a good one.

[B]

Throwing.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. That.

[A]

What is up with this list?

[B]

That's two on the nose.

[A]

Yeah. That's just two other nose.

[B]

And that's not okay.

[A]

No, we're this. None of this is okay.

[B]

Gert Brink, Jameson Bundy, Paul, Chrissy D's realtor. And I want my money. Fair enough. Get. Get in line. Sir, a second lazy eye has hit Giannis's face.

[A]

I don't have a lazy eyes, but all right. Let me just say there is a long line of people who want your money.

[B]

It's what it is. And I. If I owe you money, get in line. Using my Frisbee to parachute out the North Tower hour. Okay. A 911 joke.

[A]

Yeah, but it's kind of funny.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, think about it. Did one of them try. Did one of them just hold it up? I mean, he had a better shot of the guy without a Frisbee.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

Yeah. Drexler.

[B]

All right. I fixed the exhaust fans in the frisbee chamber. Okay. This is not okay. Not okay.

[A]

Because this list must. Is this list after I walked into one award?

[B]

Yeah, this is after. This is around Christmas time.

[A]

Holy.

[B]

This is bad.

[A]

This is bad. Bad.

[B]

Mom, Donnie, Lord of the Dings.

[A]

I think they did this to us cuz they were mad at us for a few off.

[B]

Mom, Donnie, Lord of the Dings. You like that?

[A]

No, it's a walked in one.

[B]

Yep. All right. Not bad, though.

[A]

It's not bad.

[B]

I shop at Bill.

[A]

Are you ask me if I agree or disagree with it. Yeah, well, that's a different question.

[B]

I shop at Bill Burlington's Ginger C Factory.

[A]

I'm gonna say put it on the list.

[B]

All right. Furta Backshots. Dean Churlison, Lump Sum of cum. And your mum.

[A]

I like the rhyme.

[B]

Chicken finger. Victim of a bad night in Paris. Okay. Dominique Bushapanchato. Ridgewood. AKA where the Wild Dings Are. Okay. Monica Blueinski. 42. Wow. There we go.

[A]

Yeah. Look at that.

[B]

Listen to all the freebies. So here's your schmeckles, you Frisbee fucks.

[A]

Drexler for that.

[B]

So the kid just had to join the Patreon. That's what happens, folks.

[A]

The kid was like, I need more. And he came.

[B]

Lost my Frisbee at a German summit camp at Ihvate ich.

[A]

Funny, Funny. Walked into one.

[B]

All I want is to be cracked open and cleaned out for Christmas. Okay. There you go. And she looks like a piece. Yeah. Noah Eddie. Polous Squeak. Peace. Too short.

[A]

Pawlowski.

[B]

Eddie Pawlowski. I think he's a Polish kid.

[A]

Okay. Because Pawlowski's a good.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Chris Orsoko. Squeak. Peace. Too short to tuck between my cheeks. Okay. Okay. Kaylee Santoro. John Ferguson. My tiny peen only works well in the Philippines.

[A]

Put them on the list.

[B]

Okay. There you go.

[A]

You know, you know, it's like kind of.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's all relative, right?

[B]

Right? Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. If you're five foot nine, kid, right. And you go to Mexico, your piece got bigger. You're a tall kid.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Ice Wallow come at night. Okay. Sergeant Glue Gun Thompson, AKA Leroy Frisbee. The Reich, Leroy Drexler. Straight to the back to eat chicken fingers.

[A]

Just walked in.

[B]

Very creative. Just.

[A]

Yeah, just very creative.

[B]

Very nice. Jack Castro. Ian Duffy. Dunn Cruz Krug. Casey Galligan. Chris has got a cauliflower ass. Yeah, yeah, very funny.

[A]

You don't have cauliflower. You're a cousin ass. Yeah, that's a contender.

[B]

Yeah, I like it in the end.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, it's a contender.

[B]

Beer. Dylan Taylor. Kevin Devo. Michael Vick's Doggy Daycare llc. A little bit of a throw.

[A]

It's a good one, though. Walked in one's galore.

[B]

The New Sierra. Messina Gise. Elaine Maxwell. Sorority rush party. A little St. James. Michael Horton. Dallas Kreidel. Steve Zimmerman. Not related to George. John Cruz. Honey, hi to kids. The dog ate my Blue Chew. I'm not Lynn this time. I'm not lying this time. Bad read. Sorry. Wesley Parish. Kristen Ben Burrett. Justin Boland. Jared Lyon. My mom, Donnie. Bath towel is chafing my armpits. Pitts Schlitzu. Car insurance company screwed in. Oh, yeah, there you go. Arby's roast beef that fell on a barbershop floor. George Glass up Poulis.

[A]

Did we miss something there?

[B]

Arby's roast beef that fell on a barbershop floor. It's the pussy. Mm.

[A]

Yeah, okay, but what does that mean, fell on a barbershop floor?

[B]

I don't have hair on it.

[A]

Got it. It's a puss that has hair.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

Okay. Got it, got it, got it.

[B]

Creative, Creative. George Glassopoulos. Don't make me laugh. I'll come. Okay. Bulaco Lorenzo. AJ Holly. Number one Diddy supporter. Marlon Wei. Sean Sheehan. All I want for Hanukkah is the West Bank.

[A]

Ladder 14. I'm going to list it.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I'm going to. Just a funny fact.

[B]

JP Robino. Timmy. Kristen Parker. Queef Smellington Neo Ramos. Edward Orsoko. Kate Humalek. And then we got Sydney Sweeney. Please. Chimney Sweep. My Frisbee meat like a ziti.

[A]

Almost.

[B]

Almost.

[A]

Almost.

[B]

Should we go a couple more or what do you think?

[A]

I think we need a few more.

[B]

The list is a little weak, so we'll do a few more. Yeah, but. Okay, but here's the thing about the list. Being weak so far is. Again, you never know. Like, it's like getting in the playoffs. What seat are you? Somebody might win today that wouldn't have won on another. But it's just. You got to get a win to get to the finals.

[A]

That's right. Like they say in life, you need a little skill. You need a little luck.

[B]

Yeah. That's what it is. Donnie T. Zamboni Ice Ding Removal Service. Okay.

[A]

Jesus Christ. It's. It's a Drexler.

[B]

It's a Drexler.

[A]

Not that bad. So it's a Drex.

[B]

Victor Canala. Sean Chips a Squeak. Dean Charlton. Big Gay Jokerson instead of Big J Okerson. Yep.

[A]

Chicken finger for sure.

[B]

Reading Moby Vagina on Opposite Day instead of Moby Dick. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I own. Nick's got a face like he.

[A]

Jesus Christ.

[B]

Oh, because he wrote IO.

[A]

That was. I mean, he.

[B]

That was half court.

[A]

He shot it and. Cause you weren't even in the goal. Yeah. You weren't even in the goal for that.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know what I was doing.

[A]

Yeah, because you were. You were out on the ice.

[B]

That's a crazy one, right?

[A]

Ladder 14, straight up. I don't know how that would got by you.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, because when you read sometimes.

[A]

It was so blatant. I think it just fooled.

[B]

Well, because they wrote Iona I O N A. Oh, that's how Iona. Yeah.

[A]

Could be his name. That's how he slipped it by. It.

[B]

It's what it is. Nick's got a face like he.

[A]

Can you guys get this creative about the other ones? Yeah. Why the most creative ones? Ones we can't use because it's just. It's fun for them.

[B]

Nick's got a face like he plays for the Brooklyn Ice Dodgers. Contender s.c. then we got. Since my genius is going unnoticed. Leroy, leroy, leroy glue gun fun in my honey but mom d. Donnie's cut off. Sorry.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Eric tiles dysfunction when he sees lady leroy ding to my colored volkswagen from the hall hit. Leroy had some bad chinese food. Call me something. Wong.

[A]

Wei song contender.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. Chris wiggles his tushy in the towel dry distefano secret agent monkey. Okay. Welcome to the brian bridges ed blinder ryan millard, erica p. Loves chrissy d. Brandon graves chris kevin beck elf on the shelf aka the christmas cuck. Ben, nikki, nick, recount the votes. Kamala is my master in dingo bills.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Nate anderson. Elizabeth. Elizabeth triolo. I signed up, but I still put my towel under my armpits. Married in a rapa monkey and her fumes are fabuloso.

[A]

Put them on the list.

[B]

There it is.

[A]

Very creative.

[B]

Very creative.

[A]

Very creative.

[B]

Dan. Derek callahan. Peter minturn. Hannah o. Shop use golf clubs@bk biggolf.com. oh, yeah. Bk big golf.com. screwed in.

[A]

Screwed in.

[B]

Mad dog. Dog. Interesting.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And frank's diary, aka horton hears a jew way song. Jesus christ. Jesus christ.

[A]

It's a guilt laugh.

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

Oh, that one got me good.

[B]

Curious to know if Diddy has any leftover glue from the Leroy Gigolo asking for a frog friend. And then last but not least, the dead hooker buried under the dome at Soul Joel's.

[A]

Put him on the list. Okay. Yeah.

[B]

So there you go. All right. So it turned out to be we made a good executive decision by reading that last page. Okay. All right. So here we go. You were. Are we ready? Yeah.

[A]

The Anne Frank one got me good.

[B]

Okay. All right. So here we go. My wife divorced me and drained my 401k after she found out I used the bathroom sink as a user journal.

[A]

We're going to Drex of that.

[B]

Okay. Any other day, I shop at Bill Burlington's Ginger Cunt Factory.

[A]

Keep it around.

[B]

All right. All I want for Hanukkah is the West Bank.

[A]

We're gonna chicken finger it.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Very funny, though.

[B]

Chris has got a cauliflower ass. Keeping it around. Okay. My tiny peen only works in the Philippines.

[A]

We're gonna Drexler it.

[B]

All right. Right. Nick's got a face like he plays for the Brooklyn Ice Dodgers.

[A]

We're keeping that one around. What it is.

[B]

Have some bad Chinese food. Call me some Ting Wong.

[A]

We're going to keep it around. Why did it. That's a pretty strong list.

[B]

Married in Arepa Monkey. And her fumes are fabuloso.

[A]

We got to keep it around.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Married to Venezuela.

[B]

And then we got the dead hooker buried under the dome at soljs.

[A]

It's inside, but I love it. What do you want to do with it?

[B]

Is there a really dead hooker there?

[A]

No, but it's just funny. I mean, at the Dome and, you.

[B]

Know, I don't think it's going to win, though. Yeah.

[A]

I think. You know, the thing about Sol Joel is, is he's kind of like Lenny from Vice and Men.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

So I think he. There's A chance he could get a hooker. And he gets so like probably a 60 year old one.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

And he got too excited and he squeezed her.

[B]

That's what it is.

[A]

He might have just buried her under. Maybe that's why he's doing the outdoor shows.

[B]

Yeah. Then he flipped out.

[A]

Cover up the dead hooker.

[B]

It's possible.

[A]

It's very possible. He put the stage there. So it's like you can't dig there. You. You know, I put this dome there.

[B]

It's 100%. And there's absolutely no shot when we go to his wedding that he's not going to give us food on paper plates.

[A]

But you know what I'm saying.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I could see him getting a little too excited and squeezing the rabbit too hard. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

It's just what it is. But what do we want to do? Do you want to.

[A]

It's inside. It's a soldier.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All right. So here we go. Here are the contenders. I shop at Bill Burlington's Ginger Con factor Factory. Married in her EPA monkey and her fumes are fabuloso. Nick's got a face like he plays for the Brooklyn Ice Dodgers. Contender had some bad Chinese food. Call me some Ting Wong.

[A]

That's a contender.

[B]

Chris has got a cauliflower ass.

[A]

We're gonna. We're gonna.

[B]

We're gonna chicken finger that cauliflower ass is out.

[A]

It's a good one though.

[B]

Okay, so you're out.

[A]

You do got a lot of like.

[B]

Warts and I. I have skin tags on my eyes and asteroid. Okay.

[A]

All right. I'm gonna need help with this one, boys.

[B]

Okay. So Nick's got a face like he plays for the Brooklyn Ice Dodgers. You want to keep that?

[A]

That's gotta stay.

[B]

Had some bad Chinese food. Call me something Wong. The only reason why it's good. But the only reason why is I think it possibly could be unoriginal. It possibly could be something like. Right. Like you've. You've heard it before. So there's.

[A]

We're. We gotta. We got a Drexler.

[B]

Yeah. Married an arepa monkey and her fumes are fabuloso.

[A]

That's gotta stick around.

[B]

Very smart. Yeah.

[A]

That's gotta stick you along.

[B]

And then I shop at Bill Burlington's Ginger Cunt factory. It's funny, but it's not gonna win.

[A]

It's not gonna win. It's inside. He's talking about Bill Burton. Bill.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. So really between Married an arepa monkey and her fumes are fabuloso or Nick's Got a face like he plays for the Brooklyn Ice Dodgers. Which is inside. Which is making something old. New.

[A]

Yes, it makes.

[B]

Because your father said I had a face like I played for the Brooklyn Dodgers.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And now this person is saying that Nick looks like he plays for the Ice Dodgers.

[A]

So this is why I'm leaning towards that. And it's for that reason we had some sort of ice Dodgers before too. Yeah. Remember? But this one is doing Nick's face.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And plays for the Ice Dodgers and he's calling back.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Which means he's a longtime fan.

[B]

So.

[A]

Because he knows that my father told you that. So in my opinion, shout out to the fabuloso because that's really, really smart. But I, I'm going to go with the long term fan on that one.

[B]

Jesse, do you agree?

[A]

Yes, 100%. Yeah.

[B]

Nick hasn't had one yet. I think he should. Yeah, yeah. Now, Nick, do you agree? I agree. And both of them are celebrating Latino heritage. So there you go.

[A]

You can't go wrong. And Nick, Jesse got one where I think Jesse got Jesse's massage handler.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. That's funny.

[A]

That was the one that won. Yeah.

[B]

So congratulations. You are the ppw. You will see your name up in lights at history hyenas is back.com Nick's got a face like he plays for the Brooklyn Ice Dodgers. Patreon.com history hyenas we are here every single week for you. Episode going to continue right now over at the Patreon.