King Louis XIV - The Original Influencer

Summary

Podcast Summary: History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas

Episode: King Louis XIV - The Original Influencer
Release Date: March 13, 2025
Hosts: Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas

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Introduction

Chris Distefano kicks off the episode with his trademark humor, comparing modern individuals to King Louis XIV, the famed Sun King of France. He quips, “You're the same as King Louis XIV. It's just we've kept you in line a little bit” (00:00). Yannis Pappas agrees, setting a playful tone for what promises to be an engaging blend of history and comedy.

Early Life and Ascension to Power

The hosts delve into the tumultuous early years of King Louis XIV. Yannis points out the extensive lineage of French kings, noting, “At the end of the day, it ended up being 16 Louis” (01:15). Chris adds, “He was the longest reigning monarch of all time, including Queen Elizabeth” (05:26), highlighting Louis XIV's unprecedented 76-year reign.

Louis ascended to the throne at the tender age of five, a fact that both hosts find amusing yet significant. Chris humorously describes Louis as having been anointed king early, saying, “They just anointed him king” (19:48). This premature responsibility shaped his lifelong reliance on advisors, particularly Cardinal Mazarin, whom Chris describes as “a dirtbag” (20:17).

Reign and Policies

A central theme of the episode is Louis XIV's construction of the Palace of Versailles. Chris explains, “He created the palace of Versailles as a power play” (26:07), emphasizing how Versailles served to centralize power and keep the nobility under constant surveillance. The hosts laugh about the extravagance, with Chris noting, “He turned Versailles into the ultimate power play” (26:07).

Louis XIV's policies led to significant financial strain on France. Yannis mentions, “He bankrupt France,” tying this to the eventual French Revolution (22:54). The lavish spending on wars and personal indulgences contrasted sharply with the plight of the common people, sowing seeds of unrest.

Personal Traits and Challenges

Louis XIV's personal life is a subject of much comedic exploration. Chris jokes about Louis's infamous wigs and high heels, saying, “If you keep acting the way you're acting, don't make me change the baguette to an F” (02:16). These wigs were not just fashion statements but also served to conceal his early baldness, a point both hosts find humorous.

The conversation takes a more serious turn when discussing Louis XIV's health challenges. Chris shares, “He only took three baths his entire life” (12:25), highlighting the poor hygiene practices of the time. They also touch upon his anal fistulas, with Yannis quipping, “He was constipated all the time and he was pushing too hard” (35:35), blending medical history with humor.

Impact on France and Legacy

The duo explores Louis XIV's lasting legacy, both positive and negative. While his reign saw the flourishing of arts and architecture, it also set the stage for economic turmoil. Yannis remarks, “He funded all the arts, but he was taxing the people too hard” (38:21), illustrating the duality of his impact.

Chris draws parallels between Louis XIV and modern figures, suggesting that excessive opulence and poor fiscal management can lead to societal backlash. “If King Louis XIV was in here, the Sun King, you would come in and he would be taking a shit, and you would have to watch him take a shit” (06:07), he humorously concludes, underscoring the absurdity of unchecked power.

Louis XIV’s death is discussed with a mix of historical accuracy and comedic flair. Chris states, “The kid died from gangrene in the leg” (63:34), while also making light-hearted comments about his painful demise and the lack of modern medical care.

Cultural Contributions and Social Policies

Louis XIV's influence extended beyond politics into cultural norms. Chris highlights, “He made ballet cool for men” (64:16), reflecting on his role in promoting the arts. The hosts also discuss his stringent social policies, including the revocation of the Edict of Nantes, which led to the persecution of Huguenots, resulting in a significant loss of skilled labor (46:08).

Modern-Day Comparisons and Humor

Throughout the episode, Chris and Yannis draw humorous comparisons between Louis XIV and contemporary figures, such as Kanye West, to illustrate the timeless nature of power dynamics and personal influence. For instance, Chris likens the death of Cardinal Mazarin to Kanye West's behavior following his mother's death, saying, “When Mazarin died… Louis went nuts” (23:28).

Conclusion and Legacy

Wrapping up, the hosts reflect on the enduring legacy of Louis XIV, noting that the Bourbon dynasty still has descendants today, particularly in Spanish royalty. Yannis muses, “They still exist today. They are right now the current kings of Spain” (62:16), emphasizing the long-term influence of Louis XIV’s lineage.

Notable Quotes

• Chris Distefano: “You're the same as King Louis XIV. It's just we kept you in line a little bit.” (00:00)
• Yannis Pappas: “At the end of the day, it ended up being 16 Louis.” (01:17)
• Chris Distefano: “He was the longest reigning monarch of all time, including Queen Elizabeth.” (05:26)
• Chris Distefano: “He created the palace of Versailles as a power play.” (26:07)
• Yannis Pappas: “He bankrupt France.” (22:54)
• Chris Distefano: “If King Louis XIV was in here, the Sun King, you would come in and he would be taking a shit, and you would have to watch him take a shit.” (06:07)
• Yannis Pappas: “He was constipated all the time and he was pushing too hard.” (35:35)
• Chris Distefano: “He made ballet cool for men.” (64:16)
• Yannis Pappas: “They still exist today. They are right now the current kings of Spain.” (62:16)

Final Thoughts

History Hyenas successfully intertwines historical facts with sharp wit, making the exploration of King Louis XIV both informative and entertaining. The hosts’ ability to blend comedy with history provides listeners with a unique perspective on the Sun King’s reign and his profound impact on France and the broader scope of European history.

For those interested in a humorous yet insightful take on historical figures, this episode is a must-listen. The blend of anecdotes, comparisons to modern-day scenarios, and light-hearted banter ensures that listeners both laugh and learn.

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Transcript

[Chris D'Elia]

Because, listen, you're just in a manner in modernity, because make absolutely no mistake, you're King Louis XIV in this century, because you had childhood trauma, too. You got shot and then what did you do? You threw on a wig and high heels and you started prancing around. And you also have anal fistulas and few. So you're the same as King Louis xiv. It's just we've kept you in line a little bit.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yes.

[Chris D'Elia]

What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas. I'm Chris Estefano, AKA Chrissy Haircuts with me as always, Giannis Pappas, AKA Yanni T shirts and Jesse Fingerpins. Peyton Scutaro is off to the ones and twos, off to the side. Today we have a wild episode about King Louis xiv, known as the Sun King. Make no mistake, he's a wild boy. And you're going to want to listen to the whole thing.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, there's a lot of Louis. There was just a lot of Louis.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yes.

[Giannis Pappas]

I think that at the end of the day, it ended up being 16 Louis. But they just. Everyone's trying to imitate Rome, right? With the Caesar, they just called him Louie, but his name was probably something else, but just kept calling him Louis over and over again.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, I think the kid's actual real name was Louis Dionde Di. I don't.

[Giannis Pappas]

He actually was a Louis.

[Chris D'Elia]

Here's the truth is, I don't want. I love learning about French history, but I don't know what they're saying ever. I need them to speak English.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, you need to speak English. And the thing is, they won't. They will not speak English.

[Chris D'Elia]

They're the only ones that won't.

[Giannis Pappas]

No, we had to. I had to watch all the subtitles because they just won't make English documentaries about Louis. They just won't speak English because they're fucking fucks. Yeah, the French people just. They're very arrogant about their thing. And listen, here's the situation. You'd be speaking German if it wasn't for the Hardy Boys. Yes, it's.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yes.

[Giannis Pappas]

Just don't forget about that.

[Chris D'Elia]

Now, here's the thing, King, So just.

[Giannis Pappas]

Give me the croissant.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah?

[Giannis Pappas]

I'm not going to pronounce it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Croissant. Yeah, give me a croissant.

[Giannis Pappas]

Just give me a croissant and give me some cheese. Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

And don't. And if you keep acting the way you're acting, don't make me change the baguette to an F. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

They just I'll do it.

[Giannis Pappas]

They're very arrogant about their culture, but they got nice culture. But you know what?

[Chris D'Elia]

They got nice culture.

[Giannis Pappas]

They say their food is good, but they eat snails.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Here's the thing. I got to be honest with you. Let me be honest and honest with you, which is going to be a great episode, but I first need to start this episode off by being honest with you.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

I went to Paris, and I liked it. I was there for two days. All I ate was Italian food. Okay. All I ate was Italian food. Because I got to be honest with you, I don't understand. French food is too small.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's too small. And they put the escargot. They look like little muffins.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

So they could. They look like those tiny little muffins. They can trick you, go, I'm going to have a muffin. And then you just put a snail in your mouth.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. That's the thing is, I had escargot, and I said, can I get these toasted with butterfly? And they looked at me and they're like, what are you talking about? I thought they were just muffins. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And you're like, can I get a bagel? And they had to. Yeah, give me a bagel. All right. Yeah, give me a bagel. And I thought when you started saying all you saw. When you said all you. I thought you were going to say all you saw was Muslims.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, I was going to say a.

[Giannis Pappas]

Lot of them in Paris.

[Chris D'Elia]

I was going to say I went to. I went to Paris. Or I. To call it the Caliphate. I mean, wherever you look. And that's fine, by the way. I shot it out.

[Giannis Pappas]

Muzzies.

[Chris D'Elia]

Love them, love them, love them. But I'm just. It just. It's a little. It is overwhelming.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, it is.

[Chris D'Elia]

It is overwhelming. Yeah. Where I said, you know, I thought I was going to Paris. I didn't know we were seeing a live Aladdin musical.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean, listen, there's the guys. They're ready for sports. Like, listen, just if you're. If you're. Like I said, if you're a Frisbee, just get out there, take the things off and play Frisbee.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

If you're a muzzy, just take the thing off and you can go. You can be. You can be in the Bull Rink.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's.

[Giannis Pappas]

Just take it off and then get the ball. You got a little fun.

[Chris D'Elia]

Have a little fun. And by the way, shout out French people. I mean, I was watching that Netflix documentary Court of Gold. About the United States men's bas. The French team is good. Yeah, they are very good.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Because they got a lot of mobs.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, they do.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Whatever country's got mobs is going to be these.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, it's just. Here's the thing. You go to some of these European countries, and if you're just born a mob, they just put you on the basketball. That's just what they think. So unfortunately, it's just the truth.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, they're very good. And that was a great documentary.

[Chris D'Elia]

Team Canada is amazing. To team Canada again, mobs. Mobs. Yeah, here's. Here's a nice little stat I didn't know. The United States dream team that, you know, amazing 1992 Dream Team. They only played against nine professional NBA players combined in the Olympics. There was only other nine players that they played against scattered throughout teams. Canada as a team has nine NBA players.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

The world pretty wild.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, the world has really come up. And also, you know, the slobs are very good. I mean, they are. Serbians are good and the Germans are good. Now everyone's good. The Greeks are good. Italians are good. Everyone's playing basketball. I mean, listen, the guy that won the slam dunk contest three years in a row, I mean, was a white guy. That's six, two. If you told me that I was gonna grow up in a world where that was the slam dunk champion three times in a row with amazing dunks, and the best running back in the NFL was white, I would have told you that you're living in another universe. Because when I grew up, that was just not the white man's game.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Cause I mean, that kid that won the slam dunk contest, I mean, he literally looks like he's an electrician. I mean, the kid literally goes and dunks over cars and he goes back to Local 3.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Yeah. Mac McClug. Shout out.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, shout out. Mac McClug. All right, here we go. Listen, here's the thing about King Louis xiv. You know him as the Sun King. He created the palace of Versailles, all that stuff. We'll explain that. But, I mean, the kid was the longest reigning monarch of all time, including Queen Elizabeth. Did you know that?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. I mean, the only person who's had a longer reign is King James.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

22 years in the NBA.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, LeBron. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

He's still going. And Louis. Yeah, Louis, the longest running king. And he. He was the one who really kind of took that divine right of Kingston to the maximum. He was like, I. I Am the God King. And then the Catholics, like, you can't say that. And he was like, fine, just call me the Sun King. Here's the deal. I'll cut your head off.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Unless you watch me take a shit.

[Chris D'Elia]

There's something nice. There's something nice about. If I got to be honest. There's something nice about respecting the power back then where if you didn't listen, you talked about me in any way, shape, or form, I would behead you in public. I would get people to pay tickets to watch you watch. The people are going to watch and cheer as I cut your head off because you denounced my sovereignty. And I kind of, got to be honest with you, I like it. And I want a little bit of that to come back because I'm a kid that falls in line.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

I'm a kid that will say, if you tell me you're going to cut my head off, guess what? I will go the opposite of what I said to offend you, and I'll just go the other way. And I kind of like people paying attention to the rules a little bit more because now it's like, you know, I don't like that we, you know, I'm going to get $17 egg wrap, that the charge is $17, because they're telling me they're getting their sweet potatoes from Montauk. I say, that's you're lying. I don't like that. There's an, you know, an F America sticker on the thing where you put the credit card. Because they could just do that. I said, you know what? If king Louis the 14th was in here, the Sun King, you would come in and he would be taking a shit, and you would have to watch him take a shit, and his guards just mutilated you. And I kind of like that. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

That we used to have steel pipe Chrissy. Right there is Captain America. Chrissy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Because I'm Captain America Chrissy. This is the stuff you might hear on the Daily Show. If I decide to do it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yes. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. It is a nice way to get people to be nice to you. If you're like, hey, you know what? I just want everyone to be nice to me. A good way to do that is just say, hey, if you're not nice to me, then I will cut your head off.

[Chris D'Elia]

There's something about. I used to talk about it on stage a lot, and I got to be honest with you, because the new material has been coming a little slower. So I'm Starting to talk about on stage again. What I'm doing now is not doing stuff for my last special. I'm doing stuff from two specials ago because I'm like, they probably forgot. So I'm just revamping it and saying, oh, this is a new idea. But the truth is the kid's just a little slow with this new material. So I'm doing stuff for my special from 2018 and I, I, I talk, used to talk a lot about how people just need to start getting punched in the face again because everyone feels a little too free.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

And I stand by that. And in this period, if you really stood up to the king and the powers that be in this period, you're a real motherfucker. Yeah, you are real g. Because you're going to get disemboweled in front of your family in a public square in body. And I respect that. Now you talk crap and say F Trump, F Biden, whatever you want to say. There's no real repercussions. So you' not really a hero. These people back then were heroes.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah. Sounds like you want a fascist dictatorship.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's what I, it's what my ancestry is. According to Ancestry.com, you just don't want.

[Giannis Pappas]

The people to be able to speak.

[Chris D'Elia]

I kind of like silence. And I think what I'm going to do to test out my theories, I think I'm going to start close to home first and start it with my family. We're going to start running this house like I'm King Louis XIV and I'm the Sun King. I'm going to throw in a pair of jasmine tie heels, one of these wigs that I got for you, and we're just going to have a good time and I'm going to watch my family going to, I'm going to make my family watch me as I take a shit.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Want to throw that puppy on?

[Giannis Pappas]

Throw these on.

[Chris D'Elia]

So there we go. I should have got a third one for you, Jess. I'm sorry. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean, look, the frisbee's got a good solution for male pattern baldness. And that was the frisbee, right. You put that thing on, it covers the bald spot.

[Chris D'Elia]

Come on. This is so we, and, and King Louis. Here's the thing. King Louis xiv, he had, he was known for his famous beautiful, long, flowing, brown, curly haired wigs. And he didn't, he started it as a fashion statement because people would follow what he did, but it was really was hiding his male pattern baldness. But when you look at pictures of him with that long, flowing curly brown hair. I mean, the kid looked Puerto Rican, so I'm into it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, you looked like George Washington a little bit.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I just look like.

[Chris D'Elia]

This is just.

[Giannis Pappas]

I probably look weird.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, you. Yeah, you just. Yeah, you just look like a kind of like a wild, just Park Slope artist. Yeah. You look like Jesse in 10 years. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Oh, what's going on?

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Looks like the Handmaid's tale.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. I mean, because. But here's the thing. Here's the thing with King Louis is, okay, so longest reigning monarch, call him the Sun King. The kid loved a lot of things that we love. Ballet.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Throwing on high heel shoes. Hunting, banging massive amounts of toots.

[Giannis Pappas]

Oh, he was a real, real, real explorer.

[Chris D'Elia]

I'm talking about the kid. And there is no way with the amount of sex this man had, there's no way a couple of dudes didn't slip in.

[Giannis Pappas]

Now that's what they say. There's nothing on the books.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

But he did, he did have a group of young dudes that hung out with him. He did have a couple of guys he was really close to.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

So speculation. I think when you get in that much pus pass.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

I think you're going to, you're going to go on the other side and just. You just bored. I think out of boredom, he probably slipped in a couple of guys mouths, especially when they have the wigs on. Sometimes you get confused.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

You just get like, oh, I thought you were a girl.

[Chris D'Elia]

And here's the thing, here's the thing with these kids is you wonder how they become, how they be, how they, how they become who they are.

[Giannis Pappas]

Like, first of all, look at his hairstyle.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, his hairstyle is wild. It's wild, dude.

[Giannis Pappas]

He's got a part in the middle. It looks like someone shot a shotgun right through the top of his hair. It looks like Moses parted his hair. In the middle.

[Chris D'Elia]

His hair. His hair looks like a butt crack.

[Giannis Pappas]

Because his hair looks like hawk wings.

[Chris D'Elia]

And you know what's wild about him is he didn't really look exactly like this. He was the guy. He was so into vanity and loved himself so much, but really didn't like what he saw when he looked in the mirror or the reflection of a pond. Whatever they had back in those days is he would have all his royal artists, they would paint him. He could say his face could look alike, his face could look normal, but then they would always want him to be. He would always want to have muscular legs painted so he would just have. Not his lower half. He hated his lower half. He was embarrassed about his butt and his legs. So he would just be fat on top, a fat face, fat upper top. And then if you zoom out on the painting, he's just got beautiful legs.

[Giannis Pappas]

It looked like Ricky Henderson.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. With beautiful high heeled red shoes. And he would always have a picture of his legs sticking out.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

So the kid just was kind of fun. And he was like most kings and queens. And this is just the truth. And Giannis and I discovered this. They, most of them have leaky roofs because they're all inbred.

[Giannis Pappas]

Look at. Yeah, look at his life. Look at his hair. And look at you. You guys have to go online and just Google Louis the 14th. I mean, the guy's got high heels on, he's got stockings on. He's got a dress on up to his right below his butt.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And he's wearing a cape. And then his hair looks like someone shot. Got a shotgun right above his head.

[Chris D'Elia]

Now, you have to keep in mind, when you look at a picture like this, you have to keep in mind one thing about King Louis xiv.

[Giannis Pappas]

That shit was wild.

[Chris D'Elia]

That shit was wild. And I hope it comes back. I hope it comes back, because make no mistake, I'm starting to get desperate enough while I have sex with myself. So. So, because my family doesn't want it. They're not into my plan.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Chris D'Elia]

So. And I'll tell you about that on the Patreon.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

So. So. So King Louis xiv, when you look at a picture like this, and it's interesting, you know, he's very regal. He's got whatever number one in when this portrait was painted. He has gangrene in one of his legs and he's slowly dying. And two, the kid only took three baths his entire life. Three baths. So he would walk around spraying cologne and perfumes on him, and he would have a bag of like a scented perfume person that was around him 24 7, 365. Because they believed in those days, if you took a bath, that was what poor people did. They thought, one and two, that all infection will get in through the pores of your skin, because when you bathe in water, it'll. It'll open up your pores. So somehow this kid lived 76 years only taking three baths. So we know here at this show this kid definitely had fumes.

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean, you know, that's. It's a French stereotype. And sometimes it's true. I mean, maybe, but they do have a lot of sex. They do have a lot of affairs. Maybe if you let the fumes free.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

Then you don't notice the fumes. You get used to the fumes and then nobody has fumes.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's right, too. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

You know what I mean?

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, I mean, you told me a thing, a little thing that I didn't know when we were talking before. You told me that. You told me that Versailles didn't have any. Didn't have any public toilets or plumbing.

[Giannis Pappas]

I fart in a wig.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Because that, I mean, you know what's funny is back in that day, like, there was dudes in wigs that they fart.

[Chris D'Elia]

They were ripping. That's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

They were just far.

[Chris D'Elia]

There were dudes in wigs back. They were just getting blows from toots with wigs on. It's kind of a wild time.

[Giannis Pappas]

They were signing the Declaration of Independence. One of those guys had farted 100%. Somebody in that room that farted at least once, Maybe multiple guys multiple times farted.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

There could have been a guy just right in the middle of side in the constitution. Just went and went, sorry, I thought it was gonna be silent. And it came out like a. Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

With a full wig on.

[Giannis Pappas]

And then.

[Chris D'Elia]

And then I. And then having sex with their wives, going home and leaving the wig on. It's just what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

Just what it is.

[Chris D'Elia]

But you told me that interesting fact about. About Versailles, how they didn't have only King Louis quarters. Had the.

[Giannis Pappas]

You got a toilet?

[Chris D'Elia]

Had the toilet. So people would take pisses and shits behind the curtain.

[Giannis Pappas]

They were shitting all over Versailles, right? Yeah. We shitting outside, they were shitting inside. Sometimes they'd have to take a shovel and go in and shovel the shit. Because people would go and shit behind the curtains. Just hide it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Because real.

[Giannis Pappas]

22,000 rooms in that.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, because.

[Giannis Pappas]

So nobody would. It's hard to get caught. There wasn't cameras and surveillance there. And if you had to take a shit, they would. Imagine being in a palace and there's just no bathroom. You're going to shit on a curtain.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. I mean, it's just what it is. It sounds like my 3 year old. It just sounds like people were running around just like my kids.

[Giannis Pappas]

People were shitting all over Versailles. Let's take it all the way back to the beginning. Who is Louis the 14th? He is the son of Louis the 13th and some chick named Anne who was some.

[Chris D'Elia]

Who.

[Giannis Pappas]

Somebody who his father hated.

[Chris D'Elia]

His father hated. Anne was the Queen of Austria.

[Giannis Pappas]

She was the Queen of Austria. And that's what they do. They try to unite kingdoms by banging the royal families. His pops hated her. He hated, he hated his woman. He hated banging her.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And he couldn't, they couldn't get a son. One night he. I mean, can you imagine what that sex was like between like when there was arranged marriages? They were probably just like. It was probably this thing where they were just like.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Like. Oh, like, you know what I mean? Like they couldn't eat before because they didn't want to throw up. I mean they hated each other.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, they all had fumes too. They all had full bushes and fumes and they would just have to have sex to procreate. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

It was just like. And finally they made this kid and then he had a brother, Philip. Right. And his mom started.

[Chris D'Elia]

And by the way, Philip, real quick, Philip, who was King Louis brother, is. There's a lot of speculation and conspiracy theories that he was the man in the Iron Mask. Have you ever heard that conspiracy? King Louis XIV's brother, Philippe Philippe. They think he, that the story, the man in the Iron Mask that you know, Leonardo DiCaprio, they think it was his twin brother that had some kind of disorder facial, some type of facial issue one, they think. So they put him on the Iron Mask and they let him rot in the Bastille or they just kept. They didn't let him rot in the Bastille. He was treated. The thing about the man in the Iron Mask is at the time he was treated so well by the other prisoners, by the prison guards. So they think it was either that, that it was King Louis brother or he was a child of out of wedlock of the king at the time who like he had an affair with someone and they wanted to get him away. But either way that, that king, that man in the Iron Mask had something to do with King Louis xiv. That is another conspiracy. Or they say, or they say also they could have been that King Louis XIV himself put his brother in the man in the Iron man put his brother in the Bastille because he did not want anyone to succeed him. So he did not want a successor. So that's why obviously if King Louis died, the brother steps up.

[Giannis Pappas]

That is very interesting. Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Because back then, cuz it wasn't like, oh, this is my brother, he won't hurt me. Your brother would hurt you. Because everybody wanted to be king.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Well, that's why Anne, you know, the queen, his mom, Louis XIV's mom was like when Louis was born, she was like this, he's a special kid. He's gonna. This is a miracle from God because we hate each other and we've had a baby.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, this is.

[Giannis Pappas]

He's gonna be the king. And so she just favored him and Philip. You know what she did to Philip?

[Chris D'Elia]

What?

[Giannis Pappas]

She put him in a dress and started calling him a girl because she didn't want him to be a threat to Louis being on the throne. It's what it is. King. So she just chose one kid. She made a Sophie's choice. She was a cold woman. These people were like crazy leaky roofed psychopaths.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, I mean, it's just.

[Giannis Pappas]

How can you do that to your own son? You just said, this one's not going to be a threat to this one. This one's more special than this one. And I'm throwing you an address and I'm going to. I'm going to start referring to you as she.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's just what it is. It's. These two brothers definitely hated each other. I mean, well, Philip definitely hated Louis. It's probably like Seth Curry and Steph Curry. You know, Seth is like, I mean, what the hell, My brother. Yeah. Could you imagine being Seth Curry and being an unbelievable NBA basketball player and then nobody cares about you because your brother is arguably the best three point shooter in NBA history. Yeah, wouldn't that suck?

[Giannis Pappas]

Joe DiMaggio had a brother. Yeah. I think his name was like Guido. Was it Ted Dashiell?

[Chris D'Elia]

Probably, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

He just. He had a brother and he played in the league. He was a major league baseball player, but nobody knows about him. You know, it just, sometimes that just happens.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's the way the cookie crumbles.

[Giannis Pappas]

Maybe it has to do with the way the parents treated one over the other. They favored probably, who knows? I mean, Gerald Wilkins, Dominique Wilkins, Brent Price. There's just always a lesser than brother.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's just what it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Jason Giambi.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's just a guy out there who's just. There's Frank Stallone.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, there's a Stallone brother. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And I mean, he looks exactly alike. He's even taller. But maybe the mother just treated.

[Chris D'Elia]

He just.

[Giannis Pappas]

He just treated. The mother just treated Sly just a little better.

[Chris D'Elia]

A little better.

[Giannis Pappas]

And just put Frank in a dress and started saying, you're going to be her.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's just what it. And sometimes it happens. And especially back then, I mean, parents just did whatever the hell they want to do now. Here's the thing.

[Giannis Pappas]

Wait, so let's go. You want to go chronological?

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, let's go chronological.

[Giannis Pappas]

So now we're in Paris. So the kids back then, you became king. He was king at five.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yes.

[Giannis Pappas]

Which is wild.

[Chris D'Elia]

They just anointed him king.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. And so you're very reliant on the advisor.

[Chris D'Elia]

And his advisor, his whole life was his advisor. Because people say, how does, you know, you think, how does someone become how they become? A lot of times, you know, your mind can get molded as a child. And this kid's king, Louis XIV's advisor was a man named Cardinal Maserat. And he was a dirtbag.

[Giannis Pappas]

He was a fucking. He was an Italian dirt bag.

[Chris D'Elia]

He was like Roy Cohen over trump. Like, the kid was just a dirt bag.

[Giannis Pappas]

Like Machiavelli.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, Mazarin. And what he did, what he did is Mazarin, he basically, you know, gave Louis a lot of choices. And he would tell Louis, you know, not always the right thing to do. He would just tell him the thing that, you know, would get him the most power.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. He was a very, very savvy kid and very Machiavellian.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

And he taught Louis all the dirty tricks of politics.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

Louis had a very traumatic thing happen when he was 10 years old. The nobles were always frisky. They were frisky. They were always causing civil wars. And when Louis became the king, it was a very fractured, fractured land. Yeah, Right. France was all in civil war. They were always in civil war because these nobles were always fighting with each other.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

So they had a revolt and they stormed his palace when he was nine years old. And they demanded to see the kid.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right?

[Giannis Pappas]

They demanded to see the kid. They were like, oh, the king is sleeping. He's 10 year old kid. But they forced him up and he had to prance around his nightgown for him. Him.

[Chris D'Elia]

They wanted to kill him.

[Giannis Pappas]

Probably they wanted to kill him, but they didn't. But it was very traumatic for Louis. It always. It's funny how when you read these stories about people in history, it always just comes down to what happened in your childhood.

[Chris D'Elia]

100, you know, and so this kid.

[Giannis Pappas]

Was traumatized by these nobles and these noble revolts in the civil war. He had to flee the palace and go. Him and his mom had to hide in some cold palace.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. This was civil war, was called the frond from 1448-16. 1648-1653, known as the Frond, where the nobles and the parliaments rebelled against the policies of the king is basically, you know, they were saying, fuck you. Well, you don't own us, we own you. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And he had to go hide in this. Like people.

[Chris D'Elia]

He's just him.

[Giannis Pappas]

And. Yeah, him and his mom is like, you growing up, you and your mom, there was no neutrals and nobody downstairs.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

And they had to sleep head to toe.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

And it was a stressful situation.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. So. So, like, same way. That's what I. That's what I would say to my mom. It's like, my mom be like, why are you still sleeping in Saint bed with me? You're 16 years old. I said, mom, because I read about king Louis the 14th, and I feel like. I feel. It's drama.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, it's trauma. Yeah, it's definitely trauma because, you know, he was sleeping in the bed with his mom and. And they were. They were. It was just the two.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's what it is. Because that's why I wore nightgown my whole life.

[Giannis Pappas]

And then, you know, that Louis mom in that was very angry because these nobles and these people were rising up. And you said, you know, I'm a leader and I got to pay for these good for nothings in these horses.

[Chris D'Elia]

The mom is saying. The mom is saying, why don't you just kill my son Philip and leave Louis alone?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, just go kill the other.

[Chris D'Elia]

I put him in a dress for you. He's right there.

[Giannis Pappas]

Dress. And I called him a sissy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I basically turned him into a sissy for you. So offering that one to you.

[Chris D'Elia]

So this guy, Cardinal Mazarin, is also ran out of town like every. Like these kids. Make no mistake. And we're going to show you how. But these are the seeds right here of what eventually goes on to become the French Revolution. I mean, King Louis xiv. The kid caused it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

He bankrupt France. And it all begins here.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's where the story gets very fun when you talk about what his actual reign was. So all this trauma that he had as a kid really formed his personality. So, you know, Mazarin really advises him, raises him on how to be this savvy politician and put down revolts and just, you know, be able to make people do what you want. And then Mazarin dies. And they're like, all right, who's going to be the new guy? Who's. We need another cardinal whatever to be your advisor. He goes, nobody. Yeah, I'm going to be it. It's going to be a one man show from here on in.

[Chris D'Elia]

This is very similar to if we could compare it to modern day. You know who this is? Like, you know, you know who this is? Like, this is what happened to this kid's life. When Kanye West's mom died.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

All the brakes went out. When Mazarin died and they had no one to keep him in check, Louis XIV went nuts. Just like when Kanye's mom died. This is when Kanye started to go, I'll do whatever I want. Because it was his mother who was like, kanye stopped. I remember there was. His mother's very smart, very great mom. There was a quote I saw from her once. Or not a quote. It was like a documentary where they said, you know, Mrs. West, he's the only one. She. Kanye only listens to you. And she's like, well, why wouldn't Kanye listen to me? I always listen to Kanye. So she was like that. Where it's like, oh, very simple. You listen to your kids, they'll listen to you back. A lot of us as parents, sometimes we're not listening to our kids and wonder why they're not listening. It's like, well, because I'm on the fucking phone trying to put bets. Yeah. You know, I'm trying. I'm trying to look for apartments to live in, get away from you guys. And then you. And then. So this is why my kids won't listen. So when Kanye's mother said that, I was like, ah, that's interesting. And when Kanye's mother died, just like when Cardinal Mazarin died, Kanye became Kanye and Louis became Louis.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I was just. I just had a funny image of just an ideal world where we let Kanye make music and we just let him be a Nazi.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And it's just. It's a healthy society where everyone just knows, like, hey, he's a little special, like an autistic kid. When an autistic kid comes over, you're like, this kid's going to play with his fingers. He's walk on his toes, and he's going to hit his head like that. But he's a math genius. And so you just deal with it. So you warn before Kanye come over. You go, look, this guy's a fucking musical genius.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

He does best beats or whatever, but he's going to do a few of these.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And it's just. We just pat him on the head and we know he's okay.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Just. We deal with it. And that would be a very healthy society.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

If we just go, look, the guy's got a leaky roof.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Let just.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's what it is, you know, Look. And here's his new outfit for the day. He just posted this yesterday as a full Clan out of it. It's what it is. So that's the new thing is. And so if you just say, you know what? The kitty just likes to do that. We don't think it's serious. But you watch, he's gonna do College Dropout, too. And it's really good.

[Giannis Pappas]

And the music is just gonna be insane.

[Chris D'Elia]

Real good.

[Giannis Pappas]

But the kid's just gonna come over, he's gonna prance around a little bit in the clan hood.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And it's what it is. He's a black kid.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's just. He thinks he's white.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's just. It's what it is.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

He's a black white supremacist. We just let him be.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

What he is, who he is.

[Chris D'Elia]

He's like a Chappelle sketch. That old Chappelle sketch when the black guy was a Klansman because he was blind. It's. This is what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

Just warn people beforehand. Like an autistic kid or someone special. Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

I was going to pick his nose.

[Giannis Pappas]

At the dinner table, but he's my son. We love him. Just deal with it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Just deal with it. Yeah. There's nothing we could do to stop this kid. Yeah. We could do, but he's all right.

[Giannis Pappas]

So. Yeah. Louis.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Louis XIV decides to build Versailles because of his trauma. He's like, you know what? These nobles and their allies are in Paris, Right. I'm going to become the king of the burbs.

[Chris D'Elia]

So you have to understand how. How big a deal this was, because forever, for centuries, it was. Was. It would be like, you know, everything was in Paris. The. The king was. Is in Paris, including Edwards.

[Giannis Pappas]

They were in Paris, right? Oh, yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, we're talking Kanye, right?

[Giannis Pappas]

That was.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's all it was. Yeah. I thought that was just a shot out of nowhere. I thought because you put the wig on, you just started getting a little colonial.

[Giannis Pappas]

No, no, that was. I'm just saying they were. It's the title of the song.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, right. Yeah, right. This was your music. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's talking about music.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Listen to us on Spotify. And you can also listen to N words in Paris on Spotify. It was a contest.

[Giannis Pappas]

Shane just got a big deal from Spotify.

[Chris D'Elia]

Did they?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Good. They deserve it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Biggest pod.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Why not?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, babe.

[Chris D'Elia]

Let me tell you something. You ever lost your hair and then be like, where did it go?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, it's one day it's gone, and then for me, the next day it's back.

[Chris D'Elia]

Because let me tell you Something. I got a solution Wooshi for you. I want you to try HIMS Hair loss solutions and you're going to be joining hundreds of thousands of subscribers who just found their hair again, just like you.

[Giannis Pappas]

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[Chris D'Elia]

Chris because it's QQ cute, Hims provides you with convenient and quality access to a range of hair loss treatments that work all from the comfort of your own couch. The process is simple and 100% done online so there are no uncomfortable doctor visits, no insurance is needed and one low price covers everything from treatments to ongoing care.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, just answer a few questions and a medical provider will determine if a treatment is right for you. If prescribed, your treatment is sent directly to you. Here's the thing, for free. No insurance needed. One low price covers everything from treatments to ongoing care. HINS has, like we said, had hundreds of thousands of trusted subscribers and they can help you get your confidence back and your hair look nice and full, thick and full.

[Chris D'Elia]

So right now, start your free online Visit [e-mail] hyenas that's H I M s.com H Y E N a s for your personalized hair loss treatment options. Hiss.com hyenas now babe. Results vary based on studies of topical and oral Mino, occidental, oxidil and finasteride. Prescription products require an online consultation with a healthcare provider who will determine if prescription is appropriate. Restrictions apply. See website for full details and important safety information.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, everyone could get into the market now. Chrissy with acorns.

[Chris D'Elia]

Cause listen, acorns. I love it. I mean I used to think the only thing acorns were good for was when your pops used to put them up as butt in the Korean war.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, you don't have to be a squirrel to appreciate acorns anymore. Go get the Acorns app. What it does is look.

[Chris D'Elia]

Boom.

[Giannis Pappas]

It puts you in the market for you. Just with your spare change. You buy a cup of coffee, it'll round up for you. If it's 565, it'll take 35 cents and put it in a market for you.

[Chris D'Elia]

I like it. Give that Acorns listen. Acorns, it's an investing app and they are very specific guidelines put in place by the SEC regarding what can and cannot be said in paid endorsements. Oh, sorry. All right, so I was just reading part of the instructions of the ad, but I still say this is. This is natural. No, let's just keep going.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay.

[Chris D'Elia]

I say we keep going and if Acorns makes us do a make good, then they could suck it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Because this is our show and if you want the fans to really listen, then you. I'm telling you, we're going to sell Acorns this way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So. So just be smart about this. And yeah, the ad read should be a minimum of 60 seconds and we're doing that.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Look, let's talk about Acorns more.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's all great. I have Acorns. Everyone should get it because, look, like I said, you go get a slice of pizza, it's 165.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Acorns will round that up to two bucks and take that change and put it in the market for you. And over time, you'll make a little bit of cake.

[Chris D'Elia]

Today's episode sponsored by Acorns. That's why we're thank. It is a financial wellness app that helps you take control of your money with simple tools that make it easy to start saving and investing for your future. You don't need to be an expert. Acorns will recommend a diversified portfolio that matches you and your money goals. You don't need to be rich. Acorn lets you get started with the spare money you've got right now.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yes.

[Chris D'Elia]

Even before you got some spare change.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yes, exactly.

[Chris D'Elia]

So tell them how to get the discount.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Ready to take control. Your money guys. Sign up now and join the over 14 million all time customers who have already saved and invested over $25 billion with Acorns. Head to acorns.com hyenas or download the Acorns app to get started.

[Chris D'Elia]

Paid.

[Giannis Pappas]

No client endorsement compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns tier one compensation provided investing involves risk. Acorns Advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor. View important disclosures at acorns.com hyena baby. Yeah. Slash acorns.com hyenas so.

[Chris D'Elia]

So what were we talking about? Oh, so.

[Giannis Pappas]

So you get distracted because you. You. Your brain saw dollar signs. You got a Jewish part of your brain. So they got a big. And you just went dollar sign stop. Yeah. So so, yeah, like, it's. I told you. Can we make it. Do we make a clip out of that? Because that is Chrissy.

[Chris D'Elia]

What?

[Giannis Pappas]

Chrissy has the face of the predator, the personality of the prey.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

So I just. Did we make a clip of that?

[Chris D'Elia]

No. We should, though.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

So. So when they move. So when you move. They moved. King Louis XIV moved the palace, the seat of power from Patty.

[Giannis Pappas]

I've heard. I'm sorry. I just. It's very tough for me to look. You're scary in that wig.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I don't know what the. Something's happening to your eyes, cuz.

[Chris D'Elia]

And I look nuts.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. I mean, like, because you're. You're. You're from that period and you love, like, the American Revolution and, like, that. There's something happening to your eyes right now. You got. There's like a coldness. There's, like, something going on with that wig on.

[Chris D'Elia]

You think I lived during that time and I was a bad kid?

[Giannis Pappas]

No, it just fucking. You look good in it. Yeah, it looks like. It look like. I know I look. Franks. I know. Like, it's something.

[Chris D'Elia]

This fits me.

[Giannis Pappas]

It just works.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's almost like I'm looking at George Washington. And your face is morphin.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Like, Because I think you're gonna put me in a guillotine.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. I mean, doesn't it, like, look. Match his face? Like, it looks good. Like, he looks like a guy from history.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. I just am. Yeah. I got a colonial face.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

I told you. I think because I'm so connected to colonial America, I think I lived in that period and died in that period.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

And the kid just. And instead of coming back, I think I skipped a couple generations. I just came back in 84.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, but something's happened to your eyes because, I mean, I'm seeing a cr. Yeah, something like, before the wig went on, you had a leak in your roof. And now right now, like, the leak, it's gotten. There was a dribble, and I put a pot down, I plugged it, and now fucking water's coming in through the fucking ceiling.

[Chris D'Elia]

Ceiling, yes.

[Giannis Pappas]

Who are you saying I'm so Satan?

[Chris D'Elia]

The. The seat of the power. King Louis XIV said he wanted to consolidate his power. He wanted to basically say, wherever I go, that's where there's power. So I'll make the. I'll. I'll put the head of France in a city that no one's ever heard of. Because wherever I am, that's when everyone will come to me. That you wanted that power, It'd be like moving fricking New York City. And now all the way out in fricking Long Island.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Like, all the way out in fucking Melville.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. The kid really was king of the burbs.

[Chris D'Elia]

King of the burbs.

[Giannis Pappas]

He decided, I don't want to deal with these nobles. I don't want to deal with their allies. I don't want to deal with these civil wars or these pot rivals who constantly rise up and try to take my power. I'm going to. I'm going to declare myself the Sun God. First he was the God God. He was the God King. Then he was like, I'm the Sun King.

[Chris D'Elia]

Fine.

[Giannis Pappas]

And now a divine right. I'm going to market myself as this, like, just, like, big, you know, lavish, godlike person, and everyone's going to come live with me. And so he built Versailles, which cost. God knows how much it costs.

[Chris D'Elia]

It almost bankrupt France, to be honest.

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean, crazy. And then he forces all the nobles to just come have one big sleepover at Versailles.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yes.

[Giannis Pappas]

And he's. No, no, there's going to be no more privacy. He's going to watch everybody. He's going to make them all compete for his. For his favor.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yep.

[Giannis Pappas]

And there's going to be no more privacy because. Keep them busy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Being in the court, in King Louis XIV's court was not easy. You had to do. People would kill each other just to try to be the guy. As soon as he wakes up, they hand him his outfit for the day.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Like, it was. Stuff like that. And then, like we said before, Giannis wasn't joking in the beginning. We're not joking. He would. He would conduct business on the toilet.

[Giannis Pappas]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

He would be talking to. You could get an appointment with Louie. And if it was at the time when he'd take a shit, then you just had to deal with him.

[Giannis Pappas]

It was actually part of the daily ritual. So they would come and watch him wake up. The kid just was scared of the dark.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

And he liked to have people around. He was kind of like us in the way that he didn't like to be alone. So he would wake up and they'd watch him wake up. Then they got to compete over who was going to hand him his clothes, you know, and watch him dress. And then they watched him eat, and then they watched him take a shit.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And he conducted his business. And it was a big part of the. Of the daily ritual where they just. The kid just sat on the fucking toilet and shat and kerplunked while he was talking business.

[Chris D'Elia]

While he was talking business. And make no mistake, I mean, he sold more tickets to his people to watch him take a shit than we did at our live show. And it's just what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

And so, yeah, people wanted to watch him take a. Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

And by the way, shout out to everyone who did come to the live show at Gotham. That is up at patreon.com history hyenas. It was actually fun. Fully sold out crowd. We went out of control. And there will be more about this [e-mail] history hyenas. And another wild episode is up there too. But anyway, so. And the kid, one part of him I. People. I think people know this is that the kid had anal fistulas.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

So anal fistula is what it is. It's really from pushing too hard when you got to poop, and then you're basically asshole just opens up and like, you just get like these big boils on your butt. The kid only took three baths, so not, you know, not bathing. And also just being in 1600s. You got an anal fistula. It is Tim Dillon voice. Not good.

[Giannis Pappas]

Not good. Yeah, he. He would. He was constipated all the time and he was pushing too hard. And also I think he was putting on a show.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

So people watch some shit, so, you know, sometimes you don't have to shit. But I think the people really were like, here it comes. Here. They got real. Oh, boy, here it comes. And he's like, I. A big one. I got a big one. So I think sometimes he pushed a little too much.

[Chris D'Elia]

True.

[Giannis Pappas]

So he pushed a little too much, and he ended up getting these anal fitulas. And then he has started to develop such a problem that the kid not only had a leaky roof, he had a leaky butt.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

So he was constantly just himself. So he had to wear a diapey.

[Chris D'Elia]

He had. He had to put a diaper so he wouldn't on the floor, and he. He wouldn't on the floor. And he would lay on the floor sometimes in his diaper and conduct business because the kid was in 10 out of 10 pain. Because what happens is with the anal fish and constipation is your body gets. The poop gets so locked in your gut that you then develop a psychological. And then when you do poop, it hurts so much, so you develop like a PTSD about pooping. So you actually want to poop less, but the feces just keeps building up in your body and Then when you get fresh poop, it just is. The poop in your gut is hard, and then the fresh poop is soft, so it kind of melts around the block poop, and it just starts leaking out of your butt. So the poop, the newest poop, just leaks out. So it's.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's bad news if you get clogged up like that. Couldn't, like a. A solution be. Especially since maybe they didn't have the science back then to fix it, but they did, because some surgeon came in and did it. But maybe. Couldn't they have just been like, just a guy, just take his and just slam it in there and open up the plumbing? Because they were doing a plumber back then, right?

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, yeah. That's what it is called that.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'm calling a plumber.

[Chris D'Elia]

I'm not a gay man. I'm a plumber.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. As a plumber, just call a plumber and have him fucking. Just ram his cock. Yeah, open me up.

[Chris D'Elia]

I'm a Roto rooter. Yeah. And so. But, you know. Well, what they actually did do, though, is the surgeons, because the surgeon who got it right wanted to make sure he got it right. And how do they make sure they get it right? They just practiced on other people.

[Giannis Pappas]

That was a little part.

[Chris D'Elia]

It is.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's what it is. And so they just took some peasants and they just did some experiments.

[Chris D'Elia]

And it looks like you have an anal fist. No, no, I'm healthy and I can see why. Now bend over.

[Giannis Pappas]

So they just practiced on these poor people? Yeah, unfortunately, it's what it is.

[Chris D'Elia]

See? And that's another way to keep society in line. Say, listen, you can either pay the taxes and shut your mouth and stop being annoying, or we're going to make believe you got an anal fistula and take it out. Out with no anesthesia.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. But, you know, when these things started getting out to the people, they started getting a little. They started getting a little ornery. They started getting a little upset at the lavishness and all of these injustices that were happening because Louis was living like. I mean, the lavishness was crazy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean, you're talking about. Yeah. When you talk about Versailles, I mean, it's like, it's. The huge. Is so huge. He spent all this money. He was constantly at war, and he was just raping the people of taxes. And the nobility was living good. He was living good. And then he was. His. His surgeons were doing experiments on peasants.

[Chris D'Elia]

Because it was just.

[Giannis Pappas]

He was laying the seeds for. There was eventually his Great grandson was going to get his head cut off.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, it's what it is. And we're going to get to that. And that's a fun part. So you guys going to want to save your come for that? Yeah, so. So in that. Yeah, so. But it's funny because this has been happening since the beginning of time and it doesn't matter how happy you are, when you start to go get around real opulent wealth like that and you don't have it, even if you're happy with your own life and your own circumstances, it starts to really upset you just about like the wage gap. So I could imagine the people back then living in, even if they were living happy lives and they had food and water and all that, they're like, what is this gap? I had a friend who years ago worked for a Saudi billionaire there and he worked in, he was security in his townhouse, which was in Manhattan somewhere. And so he said the townhouse this man had, he would spend millions of dollars a year on services he didn't need, like having a maid, having a security guard, running a gym in the building that nobody ever used. And it was just this spending millions. And he's like, and then I would be sitting at, you know, on the subway going home, even though I love my wife, I love my kids, I love my life, being like, why are there fucking homeless people people? Why am I living in a three floor walk up when this guy's spending money? If I just said, hey buddy, instead of running your sauna and gym for no one and spending $500,000, could you just give it to me? I actually need it for my wife and kids. And he said, so it starts to creep in. He goes, and I actually have to stop working there because of that. He said, my life, which was happy. He goes, and once I got rid of that, I started being happy again. Because you can't help. The human brain can't help but compare and be like, why don't, don't. It wasn't even him. He was saying I would literally look at the homeless guy and be like, you don't have to be homeless.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right?

[Chris D'Elia]

I just came from the guy's house that could help you.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

And so, and so it's interesting that Even back then, 400 years ago, people like, all right, enough with these people.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's. It's interesting because you could clearly see, in my opinion, that his personality was so molded by the trauma he experienced as a kid, by the nobles force him to prance around when he was 10 years old in his nightgown. And that helplessness that he felt, that they were trying to. They wanted to kill him and whatnot. Not that he paid so much attention to controlling the nobles. He created this. It's just born out of his trauma. I'm gonna create this great big palace. I'm gonna control everyone. He never left, by the way. So he was like a long islander. He's like, I'm not going to the city. It's too much problem.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'm just staying out here. And so. And he made them all live there. And he showered them. If they were. If they were loyal to him, he would shower them with gifts. He kept them busy. And it was all part of a plan to. You give them no time to conspire against. Because they were hunting, there was orgies, there was food.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

It was everything. It just kept them busy.

[Chris D'Elia]

And because, listen, you're just in a manner in modernity, because make absolutely no mistake, you're King Louis XIV in this century.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay.

[Chris D'Elia]

Because you had childhood trauma, too. You got shot, and then what did you do? You threw on a wig and high heels and you started prancing around. And you also have anal fistulas and few. So you're the same as King Louis xiv. It's just we kept you in line a little bit.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yes.

[Chris D'Elia]

Because you're on medicine. If you weren't on medicine, you'd be the Sun King, too.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. So what he did was he started paying too much attention to nobles and he forgot about the people. Right. So that's gonna have consequences.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. You gotta remember the people. It's one thing if you're living like that and then you're sharing your wealth a little bit. That's okay. Cause think about it. If he just had. If the Versailles was half the size it was, which would still be 10,000 rooms, and he just gave that other 30 mil to the people. There would be no problema.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yes. That's what a lot of these billionaires and a lot of these guys forget today. You can see it all the time. They just forget about the people. You want to give them a little buyback? Just give them a little bit of buyback. If you're a bartender, somebody buys 10 vodkas, you go, here's another one for free. He just keep the people out of your foyer. Your whole goal as a ruler is keep the people out of your foyer. They're going to storm your palate.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's what it is. Because if any of these billionaires just got Together and said, how about this? All right, we're not going to pay all the taxes, but what if we just agree to pay 1% more and we'll take a little bit off these people. The amount of pressure that would come off the people, the poor people who can't afford it. All of us who can't afford paying taxes. I mean, cuz, let's be honest, cuz we're not crying poverty here, but we get drilled with taxes. We get drilled. So somebody who's listening to us may be like those guys have money. It's like, well, we get drilled with fucking taxes. So we don't make as. We don't make as much money as you think. Yeah, my net is radically fucking different than my growth. Yeah. I don't get anywhere to the amount of money that you think I gross that you see on Patreon, we don't get anywhere fucking close that because we get hit and then I get hit even more. What we like to call is a Puerto Rican death.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Cuz you, you, you have to pay for an American territory.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, it's what it is, cuz.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

So don't sit there and think that I got all this cashole cuz I don't.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yes. Steel pipe.

[Chris D'Elia]

Chrissy is bad.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, it's bad.

[Chris D'Elia]

Cuz and I got the wig on and I'm starting. I really want to behead somebody.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah, we get drilled. What happens is, is a little gay plumber named Uncle Sam comes over, we get molested by our uncle and he drills us right in the at tax.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

What and how it goes.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's how it goes.

[Giannis Pappas]

How you felt if you were a little farmer or a little peasant in France during Louis XIV's reign as you were getting drilled and he kept raising the taxes to pay for his lavish lifestyle and his wars. And the kid did do some things like build some roads, some latrines, some not latrines, some canals and like that. So he did kind of to do a little good thing for the economy, but he was taxing the people too hard.

[Chris D'Elia]

You know, what's one cute little thing about Louie has a little cute thing that he did and something that we still do today. You know, like when you walk down a. A path or whatever and it'll say keep off the grass. Turn here. So he would have these massive parties at Versailles and one year he had this party and like people were walking through his beautiful gardens. They didn't know where to go. And I mean it destroyed the, the Gardens. So he said he got with his landscaper the next year, and he said, we're gonna have this big party again, but how do we. What do we do? And he said they. They came up with these little sign. These little signs called keep off the grass. A little sign by the fountain says, don't bathe in the fountain, even though you want to. All those things that we have also.

[Giannis Pappas]

A sign up that said, no. No hats. No. No sneakers.

[Chris D'Elia]

No hats, no sneakers. Right?

[Giannis Pappas]

What that means.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, yeah. No hats, no sneakers.

[Giannis Pappas]

No backwards hats, no sneakers.

[Chris D'Elia]

What it is. Yeah. No pagers. Yeah. So. So. So. But those look. But you know what the word for. And here's how it comes into play today. Do you know what the sign. Because it's where all this started. You know what the word is for little signs in France?

[Giannis Pappas]

What?

[Chris D'Elia]

Etiquette. So the term etiquette, how we have etiquette today, it's because he started it with those little signs, and then it became a whole thing of etiquette, of doing what's right and respecting people's property and using the right dinner fork. It all. It all stemmed from there.

[Giannis Pappas]

Oh, you know what else? Another word that came from there, that was a little hhfod. Here's another one. Refugee.

[Chris D'Elia]

Ooh.

[Giannis Pappas]

Refugee comes from this period because Henry. King Henry, Couple kings ago, Right.

[Chris D'Elia]

Of England. We're talking. Or we're talking is where. King Henry in France.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, King Henry.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. King Henry. You're right. It was hungry.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And so he decided to sign a little thing. Can't remember what it's called. We could look it up if you want. About how he was going to tolerate the Protestants because it was a Catholic country. Yeah. We're going to tolerate these. What they would call Huguenots, or however you. I'm sorry, if you're hugging.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's also a section of Staten Island. I'm looking at houses. Yeah, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's called Huguenot or something like that in France. But they were the Huguenots. They were Protestants, and he tolerated them.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

But then Louis XIV came in, and all he saw was outsiders, Right? He's like, we're Catholic. Because he wanted to consolidate everything and keep everyone the same.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

You know, so he was like, we're gonna get rid of them. Right. The problem was it was about 1 million of them, and most of them were highly skilled laborers. So he banned them.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

You know, he banned them. He did an edict. He signed an executive order.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

And he said, they gotta go.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

So these guys were now being persecuted. And Huguenots and these Protestants, the Protestants, they left and went to England. So he lost all this skilled labor too. So that hurt the economy. Right. Because he got rid of them. And that's where the word refugees comes from. It originates from the French word sounds like refugee. Right. But they'd pronounce it different. They'd get mad if you wouldn't.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

It refers to the Protestants who fled France after the revocation of King Henry's edict of Nantes from 1685. Cute little King Louis revoked that. Revoke overturned that.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

He was like Trump coming into office.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right. With the terrorists.

[Giannis Pappas]

Returned the dei.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right. It's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

DEI went out the window. Now no more Protestants.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. No more prostitutes.

[Giannis Pappas]

Now we're the trans of the day.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Get them out of here. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Get him out.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Mando baby. Whole body deodorant. Do your balls stink?

[Giannis Pappas]

I have it on right now. Yeah. To be honest.

[Chris D'Elia]

Because you smell good and you look good. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I like to put it all over my body.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. And I notice your pits are nice and dry, too. They're nice and dry because make no mistake, sometimes the ball stink and you rub a little mando on them and that's what we like. I like mando. It is whole body deodorant. It's safe to use anywhere on your body. Pits, balls, thigh folds, belly buttons, butt cracks and feet.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Created by a doctor who saw firsthand how normal BO is. Misdiagnosed, mistreated, clinically proven to block odor all day and control odor for up to 17 hours. 72 hours.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's nice, cuz. Cause sometimes you just need to get a little stinky. I mean, King Louis XIV would have been nice with some man, though.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. And here's what I love about it. All products. Baking soda free and paraben free.

[Chris D'Elia]

Hey, what's up? It's Chrissy D. And Yanni P. The history hyenas. And I want to talk to you about a little thing called five hour Energy. Cuz. Cuz I got hit by daylight savings time. Hard.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Whether it's late night projects or just trying to power through, I get it. I know how hard it is to lose an hour a day like Chris.

[Chris D'Elia]

Because I could not wake up this morning. It was bad. I thought like, what the hell? And I said, I just reached over. I got a five hour energy and I had the strength to walk away from my family.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yes. One Hour Energy shot is what we're talking about.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

We found something that really helps get over those humps.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's a secret weapon. I like to call it. It's the one hour energy shot. And I just drink one and then boom, I got an hour energy and I'm like Superman. I'm like Bradley Cooper.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. It's not the same as the five Hour Energy.

[Chris D'Elia]

You knew that.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yes. This one is specifically designed for that.

[Chris D'Elia]

Extra boost and it's a targeted boost for when you need it most. I like that. I like to be the target.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, I like to be the target. It's quick and effective energy. Provides a feeling of alertness and energy. Helps you fight back against those lost hours during daylight savings.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, it is just tough and then keeps you. You know, I keep one in my gym bag. I got one in my car. I. I put one, I got one in one of these wigs. I put one in one of my wigs.

[Giannis Pappas]

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[Chris D'Elia]

Like a guy. So whenever you're putting a foot in your mouth, ask him to put on some mando before you pop that puppy in.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's right.

[Chris D'Elia]

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[Giannis Pappas]

Whitmando.

[Chris D'Elia]

Whitmando. So here it is. So King Louis xiv. Also, the kid just did have a very regimented day. First of all, he would have a low light breakfast, a hefty lunch, but then the evening meal, which was called the Grand Cuvet that took place around 10pm the kid would eat late. He wasn't into intermittent fast.

[Giannis Pappas]

No, he's not into the kid would.

[Chris D'Elia]

Eat late 10pm and he would have. It would be a public thing.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Like you would come in, you would come into the apartments of Versailles guy, the man, and you would just all eat at 10 o'clock and then he would, you know, at 11:30 would go upstairs and he would always have just a couple of dudes.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

The kid was just walking around with mistresses at all times. He had a wife. Yes. But back then he had some public mistresses and some not public mistresses. So it was okay back then. That's why when people say, oh, French guys are allowed to cheat and they have this vision of marriage and all that. That was King Louis XIV was the one who made that the culture where he said, listen, I gotta watch wife, but I also, you know, I gotta bang other chicks too.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, he. And he. What he would also do is sometimes he would promote some of his kids with the mistresses.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

And he did that as a tactic to keep the nobles on their toes. Because he's like, this guy's gonna rise up, my son over here. Or he would promote people, which the nobles weren't used to. He really controlled the nobles.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And that was really what his main concern was. And he made everyone watch everything and everyone stay busy because they didn't have cameras back then. But he wanted to just be able to keep everyone un. Under his Watchful eye. It was paranoid.

[Chris D'Elia]

Paranoid. And the kid, what he did was when he was anointed king, he was anointed in this oil that they believe was directly from the Holy Spirit. So to him, he was. He was an absolutist power king, Meaning he's divine. He has divine power. It's different than just being power of the state. This kid said, I have power of the state and the religion because I am divine. I was chosen by God himself, so I am the king. And this, he would wear this ring that, that ring connected him to France. So he would tell the French people, people, now, thank God I'm your king. Because God only picked one and he picked this country.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

To be, you know, this is, this is the chosen land.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Initially been happening since the beginning of time. I mean, you look in Egypt, they had the pharaohs and they were like, oh, I'm. I'm a direct descendant of God. What it makes me realize is people will believe anything.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's what you really control the people with some good market.

[Chris D'Elia]

I mean, because look at Vikings. When Vikings would say, if you die in battle, you're going to go to Valhalla. Yeah. And that you're going to be, you know, have or even the muzzies. You going to get virgins and all that stuff. None of it's true because you just die and you start again. You go back, you go back to the beginning of the simulation.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. There's a lot of guys out there who are selling penis pills and they make millions of dollars and if they worked, we'd all be taking them.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

Nothing can make your penis bigger.

[Chris D'Elia]

It just.

[Giannis Pappas]

But if you can sell it and tell people it will, they'll just buy it. Yeah. The only thing a couple of ads on this Patreon where you just going to have to decide for yourself whether we're lying to you about the product or not.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, the one thing I'm not lying to you about is bluechew. Bluechew does work to calm put in that promo code. I ain't just tell them what's.

[Giannis Pappas]

That works because it's based on science.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's science. What is. So the kid would have a meat. Here's the thing. The kid would eat at dinner, 20 and 30 dishes. So you know how we have fine dining now? Yeah. Like, you know, go to fine dining restaurant and they'll bring out these little, you know, they'll course it out, hors d'oeuvres, appetizers, entrees. That wasn't like that before King Louis xiv. King Louis XIV was the one back then. You would just all put all your food on the table and you would eat it with your hands. Hands. He, he was the one that said, let's course this out. Let's. Let's make dining fun. Like yes, it's because back then it was just for sustenance. But he said, let's make it an art. So this fine dining that we still have today started with King Louis xiv, the Sun King. And he would say, don't eat with your hands. Eat with knives and forks and utensils. But Louis would himself still eat with his hands.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

So everyone. Nobody else could, but he would because.

[Giannis Pappas]

He was the first like reality star. He was like the first streamer.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

He just made everything a show.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

He was like, you got, you're gonna. There was no cameras. He's like, we're gonna have an audience for everything.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the kid, Daniel Dobrik, he was. And he had beautiful curly brown hair. That wig. Supposedly his wigs were gorgeous. And I mean cuz you know me, if I see brown curly hair and red high Heel shoes. If you got a tattoo in your tent. I'm in.

[Giannis Pappas]

You're in there.

[Chris D'Elia]

I'm in there. Like swimwear. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

There he is.

[Chris D'Elia]

So, I mean, cuz, if that had a tattoo on the tent and. And her name's Julissa.

[Giannis Pappas]

I did. And here's the funny thing. When you look at, when you look at this painting of him, you're absolutely right. There's no way that face has those legs.

[Chris D'Elia]

No way. He would on purpose tell them they would. The portrait guy would paint something. He said, you got to make my legs look better.

[Giannis Pappas]

Like look at his legs. His legs looks like he does squats.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And his face looks like he just does your accounting. Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Does that leg look like it has gangrene right now? Because it did in real life.

[Giannis Pappas]

So look at his shoes. Yeah. Look at his heels on.

[Chris D'Elia]

Cute.

[Giannis Pappas]

He wanted to be a little taller.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. I mean high heel shoes. I don't know when they went out of fashion, but I hope they come back.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. I think they hurt. Your feet seize.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, well, we're going to put one on. Yeah. So they said his sister in law, the pr, The Princess Palatine, said that this kid had a insatiable appetite. That she said he would eat four plates of soup, a whole pheasant, a partridge, a large plate of salad, two slices of ham, mutton chops with garlic, a plate of pastries, all followed by fruit and hard boiled eggs. Yeah, that's at 10:00 at night. But yet the kids still did live to 76 years old. So I mean, what does that tell you? They got to be doing, putting something in our food. That's why RFK is going to save us.

[Giannis Pappas]

No, but I think they did it. I think it was Louis, his opulence. I think he took probably a half a bite of everything and it was just all a waste.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, they said he had a big appetite, but a lot of the stuff he would eat was healthy food. He loved raw veggies. So it tells you. Cuz if you just eat your veggies. Yeah, you're all right.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

But the kid would eat his veggies and he lived at 76 years old with no meds.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. The kid had 2,000 pair of shoes, I think. I think he had something like 2,000 pairs of shoes. He spent a lot of money on all this stuff that he's doing. Orgies, parties, canceling all the time. It got to the point, point where they were so low on money for these wars.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

That he ended up melting down his silverware and that's how much silver he had in gold. It was. Everything was gold.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

He melted it down to pay for the war.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

So, you know, you're. You know, you're spending a little too much if you got to melt down your forks and start using chops.

[Chris D'Elia]

Chops. Well, and it's funny too, because he forbade even his own children to use forks. So he. Even though forks and utensils were getting popular and he had a bunch of them, like you said, he still preferred to eat with his hands. So the kid had a leaky roof.

[Giannis Pappas]

He definitely had a leaky roof. I don't know if you can't have a leaky roof. When you get to this level of power, you're just. It, you know, if I got to this level of power, I mean, and you came over my house.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

What do you think it's going to be? You think I'm just going to be, hey, you want a cup of coffee and sit down and talk? No, but he go, no, you go in that room, there's 200 of the hottest trans women you've ever seen in your life.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

You go in that room, there's 200 of the hottest women you ever seen. Life. Chris is coming over. We're going to add a room full of 200 of the hottest guys you've ever seen in your life.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And I'm going to just let him have a buffet.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Cuz I'll tell you what, cuz King Louis xiv, this is nothing. If Tim Dylan was alive back then, he had the power. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Giannis Pappas]

Timmy D. You ever go to dinner with Timmy D?

[Chris D'Elia]

It's wild.

[Giannis Pappas]

Give me the menu. And then he just takes a bite of everything.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Timmy D. And I love it. That's why I love going out to dinner with Tim. Timmy D. Because you always have a fantastic meal. Always. But you are not allowed to order or look him in the eye.

[Giannis Pappas]

No, you're not.

[Chris D'Elia]

He just tells everyone what's going on. You eat it and you have a great time, and I like it.

[Giannis Pappas]

And then you get driven.

[Chris D'Elia]

Then you get driven home in his Rolls Royce and I like it.

[Giannis Pappas]

And he goes, thank you, thank you, thank you to the winner. Thank you.

[Chris D'Elia]

And you know what? You know what? You know what the. The king had, you know, they had 300 people working for him that would prepare his food. You know what that was called? That was called the service debouch. The service of the mouth. That was the name of it in English. The service of the mouth. That's it you just work for the King's mouth.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. In Scientology they have the same thing. They go, this is not for talking, this is for sucking.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Service of the mouth.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

What's his name? David Kaneshnash or whatever.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

He goes, no more talking outside. We're gonna. We're gonna take that mouth and it's for sucking.

[Chris D'Elia]

Because should we create a tier on the Patreon and call it the service of the mouth?

[Giannis Pappas]

Service of the mouth.

[Chris D'Elia]

Should we create like a twenty thousand dollar a month Patreon tier and we'll call this is the service of the mouth. Jesse, let's cook this. Do we name that fifteen thousand dollar tier yet that has the Tim Dillon episode?

[Giannis Pappas]

It's already up. I just called.

[Chris D'Elia]

Did we name the tier?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, the tier as a nation. The million dollar tier.

[Chris D'Elia]

Million dollar. Okay. Because it would be nice to change one to the service of the mouth. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's just your tradition that we're show. We gotta have one episode of Tim Dillon that we can't release.

[Chris D'Elia]

That we can't release. And so we lost the old one, but the new one is probably even crazier and would get us even more trouble. And that's all at patreon.com/history hyenas in addition to a lot of other content and some of the wildest shit. And we buy the way we did a walk and talk last week. That's one for the ages. We're going to bring back those walk and talks. So those only [e-mail] history.

[Giannis Pappas]

We have the same structure as Scientology where if you get to the top level, which is beaten and you've listened to the Tim Dillon episode, the aliens will come out of your brain.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's the difference between them is they. There's a top level nobody gets to that. They dangle in front of you. There is an actual Tim Dillon effort up there. So if you want. If some bitcoin guys got 15 gr. Is it 15 grand. Grand raises. So nobody ever buys it. 15. Oh, it's. Yeah, they'll buy it. I mean there is an episode.

[Chris D'Elia]

So you got to buy like 150k plus. Yeah, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

No, but they'll just buy it for 15 and then that's it.

[Chris D'Elia]

James Altucher, if you're listening, it's more of a joke.

[Giannis Pappas]

Don't buy it.

[Chris D'Elia]

The. What's funny too about like with the. With the service of the mouth, they were instructed that whenever King Louie was done with a course, everybody was done.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

So if the kid ate the appetizer quick. And you weren't done with. And you didn't get your food yet. You weren't done with. With you. Sorry, plate got taken from you.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Because you were on the king speed.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Everyone went at the king speed.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

And that's nice.

[Giannis Pappas]

And he had a nice long reign.

[Chris D'Elia]

And then he did 75 years.

[Giannis Pappas]

He did have that surgery to fix his.

[Chris D'Elia]

They got. They. Scott, when he was 47, 48 years old, they did have a surgery. They fix his anal fish. What they did is they scalped it off and then they cauterized. They burnt his asshole off. So he was in two weeks of a lot of pain, but supposedly his fistulas got better.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. And here's the thing. There was no anesthesia, so the kid just had to bite down on a stick.

[Chris D'Elia]

No, and. And what, What. What I will give the kid credit for. Because you think, oh, he's a king. He's a. They said the kid took it like a champ. Yeah, they said the kid took it like a champ and just dealt with it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

So I respect that about him.

[Giannis Pappas]

Now, look, he did bankrupt the people by taxing them too much and having all these wars, but he also promoted the arts. This was sort of a golden age where he. He funded all the arts. And so there was a lot of good architecture, a lot of good art that came around during his. His time. A lot of famous artists and writers and stuff like that were during his reign. And so it was sort of like Charles Dickens says, the best of times, the worst of times. It always is. Right. Every. And then it was what Dostoevsky saying, you know, every family is unhappy in their own unique way. I mean, it's just the human condition.

[Chris D'Elia]

I mean, it's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yang without a yang.

[Chris D'Elia]

Can't have a yang without a yang. And it's just when the kid died, his last words were something like, I have died. But the state continues. Because he said when he became king, I am the state. Think on his dying bed, he realized, I actually, I'm nothing and I'm going to die in. The state's just going to keep it freaking moving.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. That's when Pearl Jam started playing Nothing man. Nothing man. Isn't it something. Nothing man. So he dies.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And we'll just, you know, we'll probably do another episode on the French Revolution, but eventually, a couple of kings later, was it 15 Louis the 14th.

[Chris D'Elia]

Then 15 comes and look, King Louis XVI.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's when trouble starts.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's what trouble starts. That's The French Revolution. That's King Louis xvi. Modi Antoinette. That's when people start losing their heads. Let them cake. That's for episodes for another day. One quick little cute thing about Louis XIV that I like, that we were going to talk about on the Patreon, but we'll talk about it here because we want to give you guys a little taste. And speaking of taste, is the kid Louis xiv. So his body was actually stolen. What they did was during these times when there was like, uprisings years, years, years later, they stole all the kings and queen's bodies. Like, the people broke in and started desecrating their bodies, all that. But it was tradition back in those days that the king, they would lay you to rest, but they would take your heart out and take your heart out in a jar. And so his heart got sold for auction. King Louis XIV's actual mummified heart. And there was this priest, this British priest that was just kind of a wild guy that just. He wanted to eat everything, any type of animal species, he just wanted to eat it. So what happened was, is the kid was at a house party one day and he thought that there was a jar on this guy's shelf, and he thought, oh, that's like, gotta be some, like, fighting, fun animal heart. And he ate King Louis XIV's heart. The kid just ate Louis XIV's heart.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's a different type of cuisine back.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, he just popped one in. Yeah, he thought he was doing poppers.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah. And this is. Yeah, this was the beginning of the end of the Bourbon dynasty. They ruled France for 200 years.

[Chris D'Elia]

And by the way, you know what's a cute fact about the Bourbon dynasty? They still exist today. They are right now the current kings of Spain in Spain. Royalty of Spain. So you can go take a look at who the royalty of Spain is and just. No, that's descendants from King Louis.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah. And we just, we want, you know, if you have, if you have any dream of growing up and becoming the king of Spain, you can't do it.

[Chris D'Elia]

No.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right. That's the one question. If you're the prince of Spain and some kid goes, I have a question. I have a question. I want to grow up to be the king of Spain. That's. That's when it's a little. The kids got to just go, you can't. Sorry, we just fuck our families.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And it's just. You have to be in the bloodline. Sorry, how does that make sense? And go, it doesn't. It's just something We've been telling the people for a long time to keep power.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And for some reason they just let us do it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Now you can if you want to, you can't be king, but if you want to suck my dick, you can suck my dick. Yeah, good. Fuck my Spanish dick.

[Giannis Pappas]

I suck my son a dick in.

[Chris D'Elia]

In Ibiza. So. Cuz at the end of the day, unfortunately King Louis did die. September 1, 1715. The kid died from gangrene in the leg. The kid said he had excruciating pain in his leg and he wouldn't let anyone take a peek because the kid loved his legs. And when the doctors took a peek.

[Giannis Pappas]

They said this is bad, this is.

[Chris D'Elia]

The gangrene went all the way from his foot. It went all the way up to his side. When they did a autopsy at the end, I mean, the kid had gangren, his organs. I mean the kid died painfully. That's the beautiful part about being alive today is we could still get some awful diseases. But you can just get a little morphine drip and it doesn't hurt as bad.

[Giannis Pappas]

It doesn't hurt as much. And they can cure a lot of stuff.

[Chris D'Elia]

They can just cure.

[Giannis Pappas]

Thank God.

[Chris D'Elia]

They really can.

[Giannis Pappas]

Really nice.

[Chris D'Elia]

So I mean, cuz, I mean ultimately, you know, the, the, the fun facts to me about King Louie are longest reigning monarch bathed three times in his whole life. Turned Versailles into like the ultimate power play. You can go visit it today. I've been there. You've been there? It's a beautiful, beautiful spot.

[Giannis Pappas]

I've never been there.

[Chris D'Elia]

You've never been to Versailles? Gotta go.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. What's it like?

[Chris D'Elia]

It's actually.

[Giannis Pappas]

What's the hall of mirrors like?

[Chris D'Elia]

The hall of mirrors is actually amazing. I gotta be honest with you. I went in 2018 with jazz and I felt fat that day. So I did look like I just had a big buffet ass. Walked through those mirrors and I got a little upset with myself. But I was, I swear to God, I was wearing a Derek Judy Yankees batting practice.

[Giannis Pappas]

That is very nice.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yes.

[Giannis Pappas]

I was boys with you.

[Chris D'Elia]

And I washed shorts.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

And I got pics of that. He also made ballet cool for men. A lot of people.

[Giannis Pappas]

He was in a lot some ballet.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, that's where he got the nickname the Sun King is because he, he would like to dance around and make believe he was the Apollo. Yeah, the Sun God. Yeah. So that's why they call him the Sun King, because the kid just loved ballet and that's why his legs were very nice. Supposedly the kid in his. In his early life did have beautiful legs because he. Dancing around, prancing around on your calves and ankles.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

You're going to get nice. Nice legs.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah. He liked to. He had actually starred in a few about. Which is wild, right? He's like, I want to be in that. And like, okay, we'll let, we'll let the kid dance.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

He probably was awful.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

You know, he's probably like everyone just had to deal.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Isn't that funny when someone's just awful and you just got to go?

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. I mean. Cuz he was also a master of propaganda. He crafted his public image like these paintings and all that. As godlike as always in charge, whatever. But we all know the truth. That wasn't the truth. But these paintings like this, it was all propaganda. He did not tell the people the truth about him.

[Giannis Pappas]

No, no, no. It's a, it's a tale as old as time. You know, that's what these rulers do and they always go too far. And he really, his, his financial lavishness, his opulence really is what set the balls in motion for the French Revolution. And eventually the streets would be running with French noble aristocracy blood.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

The guillotine came out and the guillotine got used.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And they had to put some WD40 in. They were using it so much.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

WD40 in there so it wouldn't squeak.

[Chris D'Elia]

And by the way, speaking of that, they had in modern day times, a guy in South Carolina has elected to be killed by firing squad. He wanted his last meal to be KFC and he wanted to be killed by firing squad. And if you're going to put me to death and you're going to allow me to pick my execution, I'm going to go guillotine.

[Giannis Pappas]

You go.

[Chris D'Elia]

I want to go old school. I want you to. Steve, cut my head off. I want to see how many times it takes.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. The reason why you do that. Yeah. Because you know it's not going to work. They're going to get up.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

You'll get another couple days alive because the thing will just fall like this.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

It'll just stop.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. But the guillotine's cute. And you know what's funny?

[Giannis Pappas]

Guillotine for me. So it'll be quick.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Just quick slice. Cut that little head right.

[Chris D'Elia]

They don't even have to drop it all the way from the top. Just drop it halfway. Yeah, yeah, Just drop it off. All right, guys, as always, thank you for Listening to King Louis xiv. Favorite part of our episode. Favorite part of your episode is when we read off the Patreon names. We got a brand new list. Thank you, Jess.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

See.

[Giannis Pappas]

See Chrissy at the Garden on September 11th.

[Chris D'Elia]

The theater. We're gonna make that decision soon.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Could be theater in the building that houses Madison Square Garden.

[Giannis Pappas]

If you got tickets. They will be honored in a room.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, it's just what it is. I'm gonna be at Madison Square Garden September 11th. You're just gonna go upstairs or downstairs.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, that's just how it goes.

[Chris D'Elia]

Where the cookie crumble.

[Giannis Pappas]

See me in Rochester. Coming up. And see me if he decides to do it. If we do it.

[Chris D'Elia]

The kid canceled Springfield, Missouri, the day of the show.

[Giannis Pappas]

See me and see me in San Diego.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, San Diego. That's one of my favorite clubs. Favorite cities go to giannispompuscomedy.com for those tickies. Christy. Comedy.com for my tickies. Added a lot of dates. And we are going to be doing more live history hyena shows that we're going to start streaming them at patreon.com history hyenas. That's going to be the new move.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

So you can get all that for five bones. All right. Welcome to the matriarchy. Brett Borjiadani. Then we got Hillel Schwarzenstein. The ultimate Frisbee. Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

Drexler, baby.

[Chris D'Elia]

Drexler. Make no mistake. Xi Jinping has Crohn's. Chubby McBubly with a pecorino pecker. Nick Diapeace. 2025. Ice Survivor. Nathan Bristow.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's a good one. These are all. That's a drex, too.

[Chris D'Elia]

Okay. Then we got. Just put the nuggies in the bag with the gun. Did I walk into one?

[Giannis Pappas]

No, wait.

[Chris D'Elia]

Just put the nuggies in the bag. And then. He has a gun. He has a gun.

[Giannis Pappas]

Robin. So he's Robin McDonald's.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, Robin McDonald's. Okay, right.

[Giannis Pappas]

The nuggies.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right, Nuggies.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Okay, okay, okay. John and Leah. Then we got Chrissy punched through my Jewish Buddha church. Now I'm a Fumari Shafir. Oh, Chrissy punched through my Jewish Buddha church. Now I'm a Fumari Shafir instead of Ari Shaffir. Fumari Shafir. He called him Fumar. Fumari. Fumari Shafir. Would have probably got you on the list.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's too much with the Buddha church. But if you just came out with Fumari Shafir, you're probably going to get.

[Giannis Pappas]

On, so we're going to honor that for you and we're going to edit it for you. You, we're going to give you a Drexler.

[Chris D'Elia]

We're going to give you a Drex. Mari Shafir, Nicholas Flores, Jonathan Thorpe. Then we got Covid. Covid took my smell. Now I see fumes in a different way.

[Giannis Pappas]

Put them on the list.

[Chris D'Elia]

You're on the list.

[Giannis Pappas]

Put them on the fucking.

[Chris D'Elia]

Very fun. You added a lot of wow. You combine stuff from old episodes, new episodes, different time periods. I really respect what you did.

[Giannis Pappas]

Wow. Wow. That's a contender.

[Chris D'Elia]

Okay. Then we got Father Bill. Ate my black and white for lunch.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay.

[Chris D'Elia]

Okay. Alex Altori, Quinn Johnson. Then we got Is Chrissy holding the pen like a short buser the list? Because I guess I am. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Then we got Chris.

[Giannis Pappas]

I like that, Duke. It's real time commentary.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Then we got Chrissy. Chrissy's dump truck ass.

[Giannis Pappas]

Chrissy's dump truck ass. Okay.

[Chris D'Elia]

Then we got Tis Viz P. Denkler. Okay. Straight whitey with a by body. It's what it is. Mitch McConnell's Fleshlight.

[Giannis Pappas]

Chicken Finger.

[Chris D'Elia]

Paulo Venudo, Paulo Sanchez. Then we got welcome to the KKK Chrissy Chlamydia Clinic, all with K's.

[Giannis Pappas]

Drexer.

[Chris D'Elia]

I like it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, I like it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Then we got Call me dead horse. I'm about to make some glue.

[Giannis Pappas]

Call me dead horse. I'm about to make some.

[Chris D'Elia]

I guess because. Because when you kill a horse, they make horses into glue. Oh, it's interesting one Jerk off. Yeah, I'm about to make some glue. So he's saying when you kill a horse, horses are what horse hooves make glue. Clue. He's saying call me dead horse because you're going to kill me because I'm about to make some glue. I'm going to jerk off.

[Giannis Pappas]

Oh, okay.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, what do you think?

[Giannis Pappas]

I like it because it's.

[Chris D'Elia]

Man, she made a horse sound.

[Giannis Pappas]

Throw him on the list. Yeah. That's really inventive.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, Jared.

[Giannis Pappas]

Got to reward that.

[Chris D'Elia]

Got to reward it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Justin McGuire. Then we got AOC can see my O cheek slayer. Tutor McGavin.

[Giannis Pappas]

Cheek slayer is with the definition of a chick Chicken finger kid like likes to guys in the butt.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Tudor McGavin instead of Scooter tutor. Like it. Candido. Tom Aguirre. Then we got Sauce Monkey squeak. With a tiny piece. I touched my cousy's wuzzy and now she's turned muzzy. It's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay. We've had very, very.

[Chris D'Elia]

Got it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Then we got Obama's student visa to UCF. Saved him from ICE. Okay, okay. DSW. Chinese shoes for 6 million Jews.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, put them on. But that's.

[Chris D'Elia]

Did we walk into one?

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean, here's the deal. Okay?

[Chris D'Elia]

This is a.

[Giannis Pappas]

This is a dilemma we're constantly having. Okay, okay. This is a. Walked into one for sure.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

But it's also brilliant. Okay, so what does he say?

[Chris D'Elia]

What do we do here that the Holocaust people had. When you go to shoes.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. They. All the shoes in the museum, they just got like all those shoes in there. Six million shoes. So the shoes got all dumped. Like they. They dumped the shoes in a pile and then they put that pile in the Holocaust Museum. You can see it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Are we okay with that?

[Giannis Pappas]

I don't know if we're okay with that. We're not okay with what happened. Here's the thing.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

We're not okay with the Holocaust is. But as far as a comedy name. Can you just repeat that? Because he throws DSW in there.

[Chris D'Elia]

DSW? Chinese shoes for 6 million juice.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's so good because the shoes are kind of from the dsw, but we can't just. You're the half Jew here. What do we do with that? You see how good it is? It's very good.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, put it on the list. All right, fine. 5, 5, 5, 5, 5.

[Giannis Pappas]

Comedy Factor. I mean, the shoes are made in China. China. They're making them for the Jews. I get it.

[Chris D'Elia]

So then we got Mike Bain. Then we got Gaza, AKA the war. Frisbees versus towels.

[Giannis Pappas]

Put them on the list.

[Chris D'Elia]

Okay. Okay, okay, okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's a variation of Shirts for a Skin.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, it's one. So then we got.

[Giannis Pappas]

We have definitely the funniest fan base in the world.

[Chris D'Elia]

Then we got German offside, Luis Vieira Macha, Kaitlin Clark's clit missile.

[Giannis Pappas]

Put her on the list.

[Chris D'Elia]

Okay, there we go.

[Giannis Pappas]

Up.

[Chris D'Elia]

Then we got this person signed up three times as Caitlyn Clark's clit missile.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, well, you didn't need to. You're on the list. Yeah, yeah. It's a chicken finger on the list.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Locker room talk. 20, 24.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay.

[Chris D'Elia]

Death clad Megan. Then we got the Greek Fumigation Police.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay.

[Chris D'Elia]

Anthony Janusa. Then we got two FFs. No more Sandra D. If you didn't quit the pod, you'd be as big as mssp. Oh, Matt and Shane Secret podcast. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, it's more of a fact.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's More of a fact. It's true. What it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's what it is.

[Chris D'Elia]

I mean, come was. Yeah, yeah. But we're Frank's beads and Franks of beads. And we are who we are. Raquel Lee Schwarz. Corey White. Then we got Abdullah Ali. Honda Odyssey. That cut you off was me.

[Giannis Pappas]

Drexler.

[Chris D'Elia]

Drexler. Like it. Jeffrey McCormick. Ike Holland. Ike Hill. Ike. I. I think I can't say this one. Cheek.

[Giannis Pappas]

Wait, can you just cackle it, though?

[Chris D'Elia]

But it says.

[Giannis Pappas]

Can't pronounce it.

[Chris D'Elia]

I think it's I. Oh, fuck.

[Giannis Pappas]

He got you.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, but I don't know if that's just his actual last name. Oh, no.

[Giannis Pappas]

Oh, no. It's bad.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's real bad.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's real bad. Yeah. Guy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So that's out. Yeah, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

You walked in one.

[Chris D'Elia]

All right. Sorry about that.

[Giannis Pappas]

Jesus Christ. That's becoming a little game. In. And.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, we can't do it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, they're trying to get you every time.

[Chris D'Elia]

Cheeky poof with a leaky roof.

[Giannis Pappas]

Drexler. Yeah, very, very funny. Drexler.

[Chris D'Elia]

Then we got Bill Cosby's vegetables. Taste funny.

[Giannis Pappas]

Drexler. Good one.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Lance Campbell. Then we got. I got clipped as a kid and I forgot till this show.

[Giannis Pappas]

Drexler. Very funny. Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Ryan Shalinsky. Then we got rain man. Spaceman 2028.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay.

[Chris D'Elia]

Toot scoot. Boogie. Then we got St. Joe's locker room photo album. Ladder 14 inches.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Jesse Powell.

[Giannis Pappas]

That was a good one. Something creative with St. Joe's locker room. Chrissy was in it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Then we got RFK's wife sat on my face, gave me pink eye. It's what it is. Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Then we got Giannis. Giannis's Zinn spit on Chrissy's boy. Clit. Hashtag rectal stuffing on 3rd and ragamuffin.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay, okay, let's just. If you would edited that down, right? Johnny Zinn spit on Chrissy something Boys.

[Chris D'Elia]

Clit.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Might have had it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Might have got it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. But. All right, so it's just a little lesson. Sometimes less. There's more.

[Giannis Pappas]

Sometimes you got to just edit Hungry Hippo.

[Chris D'Elia]

Big Weeny Al.

[Giannis Pappas]

Big Weeny Al is a chicken. F. Yeah, yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Then we got straight back into the left. Call me jfk. Put him on the list. Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

He's talking about his piece. Straight back to the left. Call him jfk. Put him on the list.

[Chris D'Elia]

My dad calls. He walked into one. That one can't do that. That is not okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

Holy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Then we got Senate passed. Then we got Senate passed a father bill for glue gun control. Big Disney glue gums. Okay. Taylor Ann, Sam's. Oh, then we got win or lose, Philadelphia. Were win or lose Philadelphia will burn worse than when I pee. Hashtag bring back the Rizzo statue.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay, so we're at the super bowl now. Yeah, we gotta. We gotta do an episode to just catch up.

[Chris D'Elia]

I mean, we are almost caught up though, right? I mean.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, we're getting there.

[Chris D'Elia]

We're getting, getting there. Cuzzy wuzzy Muzzy Hussy with a fumy buzzy bussy. Fumy fuzzy bussy. Sorry.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay.

[Chris D'Elia]

Francis Taylor, Jake Poe, Michael Sorenson. Then we got Michael Rockefeller's barbecued penis.

[Giannis Pappas]

Put him on the list. Put them on the list.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's old school.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, that's. Listen to an old episode and it's really funny.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's funny because he did.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Those guys at some point were like, we're gonna have barbecue penis.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, it's just what it is. Yep. Yeah, it probably tastes good.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Winston fumes kill since peace burns like It's World War II. Still cuz ran a train on Father Gerbil. OK. Sorry. Too long.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, it's a little. Walked into one as well.

[Chris D'Elia]

Zach Thompson. Then we got German kid here for the content is ice with this ice. Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

It is what it is. Very funny.

[Chris D'Elia]

Zinn hiccups, anxiety like Yanni P. Coming in hot and fumey. Jennifer Schmidt. Chrissy's ran from more homes than Saddam Hussein.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's a good one.

[Chris D'Elia]

Good one. Yeah. Drexler, Jaden Clayson, Daniel Deshaun. Then we got Helen Mirren. Be smearing my Jew glue all over dem pretty 79 year old heavies kid wants to bang Helen Mirren.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Ok. She's kind of hot.

[Chris D'Elia]

She is kind of hot. Chinese to their knees with Chrissy D's from under cheese. Then we got ape cock, chicken finger. Then we got Lulu Lick my balls, Lulu Lick my ball shack and give us our rights back Jenkins.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay, okay. It's a black kid asking for his rights back.

[Chris D'Elia]

Got. Got it. Frankie Gore. Giannis Pope Pappas walked foreskin first into Walt Disney's basement. That's what it is. Okay. Father Bill's prostate milker, Kevin Gonzalez. Anthony Rodriguez. UP Insider BetWixt2Dicks is Chrissy D's wish. Jordan Peterson in Arabic. Okay. Fuzzy wuzzy was a fuzzy muzzy. It's a character piece. Ladder 14 got me flicking my bean. Gonna make Chrissy D my UCF queen. Okay. Okay. Then we got insulin not included. Chrissy D Hissy needs a new pair of houses. Justin Klavitz. Catcher. Girth Brooks. We have that one a lot. Yeah. Anthony Dibble. Jeff Bell, Lexi Golden, Chrissy. If I die, rip one of your well farts on my fully fumed karas. Kaka Kisses. Pieces. Yas. Okay. Latin baby mama. So, death threats, get my glue gun. Caliente Esloque. Yes.

[Giannis Pappas]

Funny.

[Chris D'Elia]

Drexler, Patrick newhouse, Marco Polo. Mr. Milky. Spider.

[Giannis Pappas]

Chicken finger. Mr. Milky. Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Spider Monkey. Morales. Crawling up my leaky roof.

[Giannis Pappas]

Very funny, Drexler.

[Chris D'Elia]

Franks and beans, because Uncle Russell played with my tussie. Okay, okay. Buddha dredge my chicken finger. Father Bill's communion wafer. Okay. Chrissy D. This is Anne Hathaway. I need your hot glue gun in my tight little fume box. Call me back asap.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's me on a little.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's it. I like that. He's so hot. No fumes on Anne Hathor.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. No, no, no, no.

[Chris D'Elia]

Release the far tapes and no one gets hurt. Mike Marinello. Big Mike's fuming girth Worm. Glued my cheeks together with some force. Ken, Jacob Lee. Tim Dillon's last white blood cell.

[Giannis Pappas]

Funny. Walked into one.

[Chris D'Elia]

Then we got way, Sean, she, him. Make no mistake, them's my pronouns. It's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

Way, way. Shang, she, him. Those are my pronouns.

[Chris D'Elia]

Wayne, Shawn, she, him.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yes. We put him on the list.

[Chris D'Elia]

Put him on the list. Smart one.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's. That we. That is one that just was up. Was there for the taking. No one did it.

[Chris D'Elia]

And he's the first one to do it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, I'm going to say contender.

[Chris D'Elia]

Then we got. Yo, Chris, I slapped you in the chest in front of Yankee Stadium and yelled disfino. Like I knew you personally. My bad, cuz.

[Giannis Pappas]

Did that happen?

[Chris D'Elia]

I guess. Yeah. Yeah. I don't remember.

[Giannis Pappas]

Was it my side? Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Okay, so here we go. This last page. And then. And then we're going to go to our list. Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

This is. We got a lot.

[Chris D'Elia]

We got. Yeah. We got fee five. I'm the finger and Chrissy's bum. $3 bill for a Blackstone grill. Homer Holloway Jr. Then we got Chrissy. Deal. Chrissy D. Peel back the fume hood on a muzzies pee and give it a kiss for me.

[Giannis Pappas]

Oh, boy. God, it's funny, Drexler.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Then we got Biden, Secretary of Transsexual Defense. If Donnie wasn't busy building the fence.

[Giannis Pappas]

Put him on the list.

[Chris D'Elia]

Okay. There we go.

[Giannis Pappas]

There's so many. There's so many listers.

[Chris D'Elia]

Then we got peace. Smaller than Yanni's unit. Brow.

[Giannis Pappas]

Oh, God. It's good. Drexler.

[Chris D'Elia]

Okay, then we got Yanni. Cyclopopus.

[Giannis Pappas]

Very good, Dexter. I mean, should we. It's unfair at this point. We have so many.

[Chris D'Elia]

I think there's too many. I think we should stop the list there.

[Giannis Pappas]

Stop.

[Chris D'Elia]

Okay. All right, so too many good ones. All right. Too many good ones. All right, so here. So even though I marked it, we'll stop it there.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's becoming not fair to the Drexler.

[Chris D'Elia]

All right, here we go. All right, here's the list. Way Sean, she, him. Make no mistake. This is my pronouns. It's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

Good. Good one.

[Chris D'Elia]

Straight back and to the left. Call me. Jfk.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay, we're going to Drex for that. Right away. A good one, though. Any other day.

[Chris D'Elia]

Michael Rockefeller's barbecued penis. Dylan. Dylan. Okay, Covid took my smell. Now I see fumes in a different way. Still in. Is Chrissy holding the pen like a short buster?

[Giannis Pappas]

Drexler. Any other day.

[Chris D'Elia]

Call me dead horse. I'm about to make some glue.

[Giannis Pappas]

We're going to drexler. Good one.

[Chris D'Elia]

DSW Chinese Shoes for 6 million shoes.

[Giannis Pappas]

Keep it in.

[Chris D'Elia]

All right, fine. Then we got Gaza, AKA the war of Frisbees versus Howls.

[Giannis Pappas]

Keep it in.

[Chris D'Elia]

And then Caitlin Clark's clit missile.

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean, what do we.

[Chris D'Elia]

We got. Keeping it so. All right, let's. Let's just. We can handle this.

[Giannis Pappas]

We can handle this.

[Chris D'Elia]

Tough. All right, sorry. Let me read them out again. And we're just gonna have. This is What's. What's gonna have to happen.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. People think this is easy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Not easy.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's not easy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Michael Rockefeller's barbecued penis.

[Giannis Pappas]

No, it's funny. This is our. This is our version of America's Got Talent.

[Chris D'Elia]

Y. Okay, so we got Michael Rockefeller's barbecue penis. We got Wei, Sean, Sheehan. Make no mistake. Them. My pronouns. It's what it is. Covid took my smell. Now I see fumes in a different way. DSW Chinese shoes for 6 million Jews. Gaza, aka the war of Frisbees versus towels. Caitlin Clark's clit missile or Michael Rockefeller barbecued penis.

[Giannis Pappas]

Ah, this is tough. This is tough. What do we feel about. Okay, what do we feel about Caitlin Clark's clip missile? I love that one.

[Chris D'Elia]

I do love that one too.

[Giannis Pappas]

So it's still easy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Okay, I'm. I'm. I'm willing to give up on Weishawn Sheehan just because it's not as tight as the other Ones.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay. If it was just maybe Wei Shang.

[Chris D'Elia]

Sheehan, I would give it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay, that's, that's.

[Chris D'Elia]

What do you think about that?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, see, I was gonna say that's.

[Chris D'Elia]

The most show related.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's why I thought it was great. But I agree with you. If he said my pronouns are. Yeah. If you put it so almost. That's definitely a Drexler in this list.

[Chris D'Elia]

Any other day he's probably in. But this force is a bad list.

[Giannis Pappas]

You're up against Caitlin Clark's clip missile.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. And Michael Rock threes and Michael Rockefeller's barbecued penis and Gaza, AKA the war Frisbees versus towels. I think we're going to Dragster drexler. That and DSW Chinese shoes for 6 million Jews. I just don't feel comfortable.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's a walked into one. So we're going to put that in a walked into one award.

[Chris D'Elia]

Okay, fine.

[Giannis Pappas]

Give you a walked into it award.

[Chris D'Elia]

We'll say that here on the show. Now we got two chicks and co took my smell. Now I see fumes in a different way. I think as a Draxar in this list, personally, I think it's between Caitlyn Clark's click Clint missile and Michael Rockefeller barbecue peanuts. Which is fun because it's. It's battle of the sexes.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's battle.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's a versus dick.

[Giannis Pappas]

And it's also what you call a primo chicken finger war. Those are two chicken fingers. So here it is.

[Chris D'Elia]

So let me hear it. Let me tell you again, Clayton. Caitlyn Clark's Clipman missile versus Michael Rockefeller's barbecued penis.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'm a good match. Yeah, it's a good matchup. This is. This is Billie Jean King.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yes.

[Giannis Pappas]

This is where the sexes. I am personally, I'm. My vote is for Michael Rapaport's barbecue penis.

[Chris D'Elia]

Michael Rockefeller.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, right.

[Chris D'Elia]

Jesse, you like barbecued penis. So there it is. The winner is Michael Rockefeller's barbecued penis. Unfortunately, it's just what it is. The men usually win. That's why the dubbed gets paid less.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yes. And all. Yeah, it's just Michael. Michael Rockefeller's penis is just bigger than Caitlin Clark's clip missile.

[Chris D'Elia]

And it's what it is. And it's maybe. And it's also part of the show. It's an old episode. You did your homework. So congratulations, you win. Go to history. Hyenas is back to see your name up there and lights as the PPW and also all our dates and everything. And this episode's going to continue right [e-mail] history hyenas.