History Hyenas: "Parasite Queen" | Dec 25, 2025
Hosts: Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas
Episode Theme:
A wild ride blending raunchy comedy, animal facts, and end-of-year fan engagement. The Hyenas deep-dive into ant colonies—especially their matriarchal power structures and "parasite queens"—using these ant antics as hilarious metaphors for human behavior, relationships, and society. Plus, an epic showdown for the “Patreon Name of the Year,” crowned live with input from friends and family.
Main Discussion Points
1. End-of-Year Vibes and Holiday Banter
(02:25 – 06:00)
- The boys riff on the repetitiveness of holiday traditions, plugging their live shows and wishing the audience happy holidays.
- Running jokes about their voices (“ruffled man voice”), sexual innuendo, and making fun of each other’s energy in the studio.
- Lampooning current events and societal fatigue—Chris: “When they take [Taiwan], not much is gonna change in my life... I’m just worried about my block in my neighborhood.” (03:32)
Notable Quote
"All right, everyone. Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas. We are here at the end of the year and we are queer. Now buckle up."
– Chris D, [02:25]
2. Ant Colonies: Nature’s Matriarchs and Efficiency Machines
(19:59 – 41:35)
Female Power in Ant Colonies
- Yannis introduces the “parasite queen” phenomenon—rogue ant queens infiltrate other colonies, “spray” chemicals on established queens, and trick the workers into killing their true mother.
- “There's a type of ant colony... these ants... spray a chemical on the queen ant when they want to take over, and then they make the little ant babies eat their own ma. They eat their own mother." (20:31)
- Ants as a model for extreme efficiency and purpose—each ant has a clear role; “soldier ants” are celibate females, focused on protection and labor.
- The boys draw parallels to matriarchal animals and human societies, joking that ant colonies are “another favorite animal of ours” due to their lesbian matriarchies.
Notable Quotes
"They just stick to their particular job. They don't waste any energy on anything else. And that's how they survive."
– Yannis Pappas, [23:33]
"Soldier ants, a lot of people that know the soldier ants, they're f*cking lesbians. They're like celibate lesbians."
– Yannis Pappas, [24:04]
3. The Parasite Queen: Evolutionary Game Theory & Human Parallels
(33:41 – 41:14)
- The “parasite queen” as the ultimate interloper: infiltrates, co-opts, and overthrows established power.
- The ant colony can be run by an outsider thanks to chemical trickery: “She just comes in and takes it over. And I think in human nature we have people like that. Who just come in and cheat their way in.” (39:34)
- Yannis draws comparisons to figures like Hitler: “He was the perfect parasite ant—came in, brainwashed everybody, took over the colony.”
- Extended, irreverent riffs about the queen ant’s attractiveness and the devotion of her colony—anthropomorphizing ant behavior for maximum laughs.
Notable Quote
"This is an Instagram thot that'll ruin your f*cking life."
– Yannis Pappas, [38:16]
4. Applying the Ant Model to Human Society
(41:14 – 46:55)
- Deep-dive into “purpose” and peace, comparing humans’ scattered focus to ants’ clarity of role.
- Chris compares his devotion to Jesus to ant devotion to their queen: “They’re not doing podcasts and stand-up and trying to act and on TikTok. They're just serving their queen as I’m serving Jesus." (40:49)
- Hilarious complaints about family life, marriage (debating electrical outlet colors), and the feeling of being a “worker ant.”
- Insights into why humans get anxious, and how single-minded service can paradoxically bring peace.
Notable Quote
"You always find as a human, you're at the most at peace when you're in service of something specific."
– Yannis Pappas, [40:17]
5. AI and the Future: From Ant Colonies to Cyborgs
(42:20 – 64:46)
- Speculations about the future of tech and AI: comparing robotic systems and ant colonies, the dangers of unchecked AI progress, and how society will adapt.
- Recurring joke about who should be trusted with flying cars: “They would have to figure out what the driving test would be and how intricate it would need to be for women and Chinese people. That’s what it is, because accidents happen 100%.” (44:06)
- Discussion about managing technology's role in our lives (e.g., parties that force phones into locked Yonder bags).
Notable Quote
"I think authentic will become more of a currency because it’ll just be so much harder to pull the wool over anyone's eye."
– Yannis Pappas, [64:46]
6. Patreon Name of the Year: The Ultimate Fan Competition
(66:54 – End)
Premise:
The boys compile and judge every past Patreon "name of the week," running a rigorous and riotous elimination tournament (full of callbacks, inside jokes, and listener shoutouts). The process is collaborative and improvisational, involving guest votes from friends, family, and even their wives.
- They progressively whittle down dozens of past winners, seeking the “one that still gives a collective laugh.”
- Old favorites like “Jewish tunnel tour guide,” “The diarrhea of Anne Franks and beans,” and “Met a ladyboy and told her don’t tuck it” fall victim to intense debate and the rules of Drexler-ing (elimination).
- The final contenders:
- "Frozen grapes in my ass, then walk around shitting like a deer."
- "My trans cock has surprised more Italians than Mt. Vesuvius."
Choosing the Winner
- The hosts phone several people for tie-breakers—including Deebo (“I like the deer one”) [88:50], Sergio (“Frozen grapes in the ass made me laugh, and I’m also gonna try it”) [95:18], and both their wives (with Brittany putting the final nail: “The first one made me laugh. The deer made you laugh.” [102:00]).
- The eventual champion:
"Frozen grapes in my ass, then walk around shitting like a deer."
Notable Quotes
"I literally... I got chills just now down my back because—listen to this. This is the winner of thousands of entries. Many beasts. Yes, you are the king of kings."
– Giannis Pappas, [103:00]
"You are, shall I say, the Queen Ant. Yes, you fucking are. Top of the food chain. That is, I think that's a bigger feat than my entire career."
– Giannis Pappas, [103:13]
Highlight Reel: Memorable Moments & Timestamps
- Ant Colonies & Parasite Queens: Deep dive into ant matriarchy and the wildness of nature’s social structures (19:59 – 41:14)
- Analogies to Human Society: Jokes comparing family life, marriages, and social roles to different types of ants (41:14 – 46:55)
- Racing for the Best Patreon Name: Extended, uproarious "tournament" with audience and guest input (66:54 – end)
- Crowning the Winner: Friends/family phone-a-friend segment bringing unexpected tension and laughs (88:33 – 103:50)
- Celebratory send-off: Supportive tribute to their fans and closing out another year of chaos and comedy
Tone & Style
- Language: Blue-collar, unfiltered, irreverent, with constant asides, meta-humor, and callbacks to running gags and character traditions
- Atmosphere: Wild, unscripted, and inclusive—bring fans directly into the show with interactive bits and listener appreciation
- Recurring Gags: Over-the-top New York accents, random tangents about bodily functions, running commentary on each other’s idiosyncrasies, and persistent callbacks to Patreon antics and “the squeaks” (producer Nick and other show regulars)
Final Thoughts
This episode is History Hyenas at their best: gleefully blending nature facts and social satire, lampooning sacred cows, and letting their audience become part of the show’s DNA. The ant colony—nature’s perfect matriarchy—is used as a lens for everything from marriage to politics to online weirdness, culminating in a lovingly chaotic fan competition that celebrates community and absurdity in equal measure.
Don’t miss:
- The in-depth “ant colony” breakdown (19:59 – 41:14)
- The entire Patreon Name of the Year tournament (66:54 – end), a running highlight reel for die-hard fans and newcomers alike.
Quote to take with you:
"Frozen grapes in my ass, then walk around shitting like a deer. You are the winner. The PPW of the year."
— Chris D, [103:00]