Simon Rex is for the Table | History Hyenas

Summary

History Hyenas Podcast Summary

Episode: Simon Rex is for the Table
Hosts: Chris Distefano ("Chrissy D") & Yannis Pappas ("Yanni P")
Guest: Simon Rex
Date: March 19, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, comedians Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas sit down with multi-talented entertainer Simon Rex for an unfiltered, high-energy, and often hilarious conversation. The trio riff on showbiz, aging, fleeting fame, DNA, Jewish heritage, the dysfunctions of modern life, and, as always, history. The conversation weaves irreverent humor and earnest reflections on show business, self-acceptance, identity, and the nature of happiness. Simon's candor about his career, aging, and anxieties pairs perfectly with the Hyenas' trademark wild energy.

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Key Discussion Points

1. The Simon Rex Physique, Peptides, and Cosmetic Work

Timestamps: 01:14–05:12

• Warm-up banter about Simon's movie-star looks, athletic build, and being “for the table.”
• Peptide use and attitudes toward aging and cosmetic procedures.
  • Simon confesses to being "an ectomorph" and not wanting to do peptides or be a "lab rat." (02:19)
  • Discussion of cosmetic work in LA—how “every girl has the same [Instagram Kardashian] face” and men’s preference for natural imperfections.
  • Simon later admits to small hair plugs:

    "I lied to you guys earlier... I did the hair plugs in the front...I just didn’t want to lie." — Simon Rex (21:55)

• Simon: "I embrace wrinkles and gray hair. I want to look at Easter with this." (03:52)

2. Identity, Sperm Freezing, Kids and Aging

Timestamps: 09:40–11:50

• Simon shares he’s single, travels constantly for film work, and loves his child-free, nomadic lifestyle.
• He froze his sperm at 40, inspired by his agent’s advice about “ice babies.”
  • "You will [want kids] soon, but...freeze your sperm, dude. Trust me." — Simon Rex (10:39)
• Discussion about men fathering kids late in life (Al Pacino, Theo Von’s dad, Civil War vets, etc.).

3. Jewish Heritage, 23andMe, and Anti-Semitic “Renaissance”

Timestamps: 11:50–16:16

• Simon discusses his mixed Jewish (Ashkenazi) and Spanish DNA, 23andMe results, and accidentally fitting “Sephardic” stereotypes.
• Banter about the dangers of lists and Simon changing his last name after the 23andMe hack.
  • "As someone who's a Jew, we don't like lists." — Simon Rex (15:00)
• Humor about podcasting during the Trump administration and HH as an unfortunate acronym.

4. Showbiz, Independence, Comedy and Imposter Syndrome

Timestamps: 06:00–09:56, 20:01–20:42

• Simon recounts being called multi-talented by the hosts—success on Vine, MTV, dramatic turns in “Red Rocket,” years on the road rapping with Dirt Nasty, and efforts to always “keep moving.”
• "My love is for comedy…but I just feel I have imposter syndrome. I don’t understand, but…because I think I'm a piece of shit.” — Simon Rex (07:19)
• Reflects on why today’s comics and creators (like the Hyenas) don’t need Hollywood, but he still has to navigate the old system with pilots and waiting for calls.
• On indie films vs. Hollywood blockbusters:
  • "I just think these big $200 million movies are kind of a thing of the past...but these little indies are being made that are cute." — Simon Rex (20:04)

5. Modern Tech Addiction and the “Secondary Screen”

Timestamps: 20:22–21:28, 67:03–69:28

• Simon says Netflix & Amazon dumb content down for people half-watching on phones ("secondary screen").
• Talks about being addicted to YouTube, using blockers, and failing to truly disconnect—even at his off-grid Joshua Tree retreat.
  • "I am a YouTube junkie. I got to put blockers on my phone to block YouTube. I'm addicted." — Simon Rex (20:43)
• On Gen Z changing social media habits:
  • "The 15-year-olds…are like, 'Oh God, mom and dad are on TikTok. That's lame.'" — Simon Rex (67:09)

6. The Nature of Fame, Childhood Stardom, and Reinvention

Timestamps: 40:15–44:15

• Simon reflects on Amanda Bynes and the pressures of childhood fame:
  • "Kids shouldn't be famous. Let’s just be honest." — Simon Rex (40:36)
• Banter on how TikTok and YouTube are now the stage for kids, and how child stardom leads to issues seen in former stars.
• Simon opens up about reinventing himself multiple times over decades—the impermanence and risk of attaching self-worth to fame.
  • "I'm always in fight or flight. Some people probably just can't handle that." (44:49)

7. DNA, Evolution, and Attraction

Timestamps: 31:01–33:41, 81:48–85:26

• Simon is drawn to “Latina women” for biological, evolutionary reasons—a healthier gene pool.
  • “You are attracted to someone opposite your genetics because the baby will have a healthier immune system.” — Simon Rex (31:24)
• Historical and science tangents on why men prefer certain body types (birthing hips, butt obsession).

8. Brief History Lessons and Notable Tangents

Timestamps: 28:30–30:17, 85:05–85:35

• Political "left and right" origins during the French Revolution:
  • "The deputies opposing the king sat on the left, while supporters of the monarchy gathered on the right." — Chrissy D (29:33)
• The Dominican Republic’s name and history:
  • “Named after Santo Dominico, Saint Dominic, founder of the Dominican order.” — Chrissy D (83:17)
• Hyenas as the only "trans" animal (females with pseudo-penises).
• Banter about the truth/falsity in the film “Napoleon.”

9. Sex, Romance, and Relationship Philosophy

Timestamps: 49:14–55:04, 78:30–81:48

• Simon is unpartnered, not into settling unless the right (big-butt, curly-haired Jewish or Latina) woman appears.
  • "I want a girl with a regular job, Latina DNA, a nice Pamper and a job." — Simon Rex (79:17)
• The crew discusses sex, monogamy, and societal roles, using the euphemism “for the table” for attractive people:
  • "If this was Roman times, we'd have you up here butt naked…taking a little lick. Hot at the table." — Yannis Pappas (44:06)
• Playful digression into feet, ass play, and sexual interests (or lack thereof).

10. Power, Pedophilia, and Human Evil across History

Timestamps: 56:20–59:43

• Serious turn into Epstein, historic abuses of power and children, and the “dark triad” (narcissism, Machiavellianism, power-lust).
  • "This has probably gone on forever…all the elites at the top level…it's just something. For some reason they want kids." — Chrissy D (56:41)
• The difference between being born evil and power corrupting the upper echelons of society.

11. Philosophy, Meaning, and the Kindness Imperative

Timestamps: 63:36–66:16

• Simon, Yanni, and Chris share personal philosophies on embracing boredom, the search for meaning, and making life “smaller” by focusing on kindness.
  • "The answer is always to be kind at every turn." — Yannis Pappas (64:09)
  • "Make the room you enter a better place when you leave." — Simon Rex (64:21)
  • Discussion on the interconnectedness of life, synchronicities, and the limits of free will.

12. Oddities, Humor, and Signature Hyenas Bits

Timestamps: throughout

• Lively bits about “phones in your ass,” frequent callbacks to “pieces” and Roman orgies, Patreon name contest ("Hey Mark, it’s Dean. I heard you banged my girlfriend. I swear once I finish chemo, I’m gonna kick your ass."), and running “Hyenas” jokes.
• Surreal closing on hyenas' pseudo-penises, bidets, and airport fart management.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "You look like an extremely handsome man right now, but also a beautiful woman of the future."
  — Yannis Pappas (02:01)
• "As someone who's a Jew, we don't like lists."
  — Simon Rex (15:00)
• "My love is for comedy. But I just feel I have imposter syndrome. I don’t understand...because I think I'm a piece of shit."
  — Simon Rex (07:19)
• "Kids shouldn't be famous. Let’s just be honest."
  — Simon Rex (40:36)
• "Make the room that you enter a better place when you leave...and that hopefully will have a..."
  — Simon Rex (64:21)
• "The answer is always to be kind at every turn."
  — Yannis Pappas (64:09)
• “If this was Roman times, we'd have you up here butt naked, tied…taking a little lick. Hot at the table.”
  — Yannis Pappas (44:06)
• “I'm a cancer with penis rising.”
  — Simon Rex (78:12)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• Simon’s take on cosmetic work & LA culture: 03:52–04:40
• Freezing sperm, aging, and regrets: 10:18–11:36
• The “anti-Semitic renaissance” and 23andMe hack: 14:13–15:06
• Imposter syndrome and transitioning genres: 06:35–07:43
• Simon’s family synagogue and rabbinical ancestry story: 49:54–51:36
• Choo Choo, Rim Reaper, and Patreon names contest: 86:20–104:41
• Debate on history: left & right, Napoleon, hyenas: 28:30–30:17; 85:05–85:35

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a quintessential History Hyenas experience: rapid-fire, mischievously smart, irreverent and unpredictable, grounded by Simon Rex’s self-deprecating honesty and the hosts’ willingness to tackle anything from evolutionary biology to Jewish heritage to the collapse of Hollywood, all while being “for the table.”
Takeaway: Be kind, stay humble, laugh at yourself, and sometimes, just enjoy the ride—even if you’re not sure who’s poppin’ and who’s not.

Transcript

[Yannis Pappas]

What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas. Chrissy D. Yanni P. Today we have a great guest, Simon Rex, one of the best penises in the business. And he's gonna show it to us.

[Chrissy D]

Yes. Don't forget patreon.com history hyenas weekly bonus episodes. These episodes, early ad free and uncensored. And you can join for as little as five bucks a month. Join the near 20,000 fans over there right now, where me and Chrissy really go wild. And you can catch me on the road in three places. Boston, Austin, West Nyack, New York, and Emmaus, Pennsylvania, in April. Giannispappiscomedy.com for tickets now. Enjoy this episode.

[Yannis Pappas]

Enjoy. Patreon.com history hyenas it's as cheap as an Iranian drone.

[Simon Rex]

Rolling. So what you were saying?

[Chrissy D]

I was saying this is what a protagonist in a movie looks like.

[Yannis Pappas]

Handsome kid.

[Chrissy D]

This is the guy who shows up and goes, give. Give him his money.

[Yannis Pappas]

Right.

[Chrissy D]

Carlos wants his money back.

[Simon Rex]

Right, Right. Or you could be pro athlete. I get that.

[Yannis Pappas]

Right.

[Simon Rex]

I get baseball player, football player, lacrosse.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yes. Or the thing is, with me is, here's what I always. I always.

[Chrissy D]

Or the guy chasing the min.

[Yannis Pappas]

Well, that. Yes.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

I. That's where I met Simon.

[Simon Rex]

Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

And I. I always get. Oh, you're. You look better in person, so. Which is not good for the industry that we want to be in, where the whole thing's on camera.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. But that is better than around life.

[Yannis Pappas]

Right?

[Simon Rex]

Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

You look good on camera and in person.

[Simon Rex]

That's very.

[Yannis Pappas]

Because he really do.

[Chrissy D]

He looks good at a bed, the kid.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. I was like. As we on camera, you're like, we are. I don't know.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yes.

[Simon Rex]

Get with me. I'm a mask here.

[Yannis Pappas]

Because. And you know what it is with you? You look like an extremely handsome man right now, but also a beautiful woman of the future.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, I like that. That sounds. That's fair, right? That's fair.

[Yannis Pappas]

The way technology is going, you're.

[Simon Rex]

That's where it's going.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's 2070.

[Simon Rex]

That's where.

[Chrissy D]

But you do. You got a nice, like. You got a nice, like, athletic build.

[Simon Rex]

I'm an ectomorph.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

I go to the gym. I can't get big. I stay lean. I don't want to talk about myself anymore. But I got a Greek. I got a Greek physique from Mozambique. No, but the Peptides is something I can't. Everybody I talk to is on Peptides. I'm afraid to try it. I Don't want to be a lab rat. What is the Peptides? I don't understand.

[Chrissy D]

Chrissy, Chrissy will talk to you.

[Yannis Pappas]

What Peptides? You want to go on? Let's talk about it. What are your goals? No, I'm not doing them yet. But I am. Okay, I am, of course I'm not doing anything yet. As you could tell the way I'm dressed, I'm delivering pizzas at the moment.

[Simon Rex]

Okay.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, right now he's in, he goes through phases, he's got a very all in personality. And right now he's all in on St. John.

[Yannis Pappas]

St. John.

[Simon Rex]

All in.

[Yannis Pappas]

St. John works for the team. Yeah. And the United States. That's all in.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, that's why I get the athlete vibe, you know, when you guys, when I listen to the pod, sometimes I can't tell who's who. You guys have become the same voice.

[Chrissy D]

Yes, We've morphed into one. Like, you know, transform. Come together.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Something stronger. We've come together to form something weaker.

[Simon Rex]

Well, there's a thing, so. Okay. I'm not one.

[Yannis Pappas]

We're just one fully formed lady.

[Simon Rex]

I knew it would be hard. You guys are so good and so fast and you guys are so funny and so fast. But there's something you guys do where you come up, there's a little pop at the top.

[Yannis Pappas]

Sure.

[Simon Rex]

I don't know who's who, who's popping, who's not.

[Yannis Pappas]

I'm usually the one popping because I'm on Peptides.

[Simon Rex]

Okay, so you are on pep.

[Yannis Pappas]

It's just. No, no, well, not. I, I, I'm just gonna slowly get into. I'm just gonna pick up about a few hours ago. I got my substances. You're so young.

[Simon Rex]

You don't need to. I'm 51, I have the body of a 50 year old, but I'm 51 years old and I do not. 51.

[Yannis Pappas]

50, 50.

[Simon Rex]

Wow.

[Chrissy D]

49, if you check the Internet.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yes.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

So he's a Greek. So he's 49. Greek. Okay, so it means he's 52.

[Simon Rex]

Okay.

[Chrissy D]

But me and you look good. We do look, we look good. And you haven't done any work.

[Simon Rex]

Nothing at all. People, I say Botox, I got like, I embrace wrinkles and gray hair. I want to embrace, I want to look at Easter with this.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. Yes, you look good.

[Simon Rex]

As men, we don't need to do all that stuff. And these kids, I live in la, you see these children doing work in their twenties. Now every girl in LA has the same face. I call it yeah, they're all this Instagram Kardashian face.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

And they all look like the same person and it's not hot. And they're doing it through female gaze for other women. But us men don't want that.

[Chrissy D]

Exactly. No, we want a little natural.

[Simon Rex]

I want a crooked tooth in a mole and I give me something real.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's why I like my. My fiance's beautiful chip tooth. Got a little scar.

[Simon Rex]

Me and you both. That and women.

[Yannis Pappas]

She's got a felony conviction.

[Chrissy D]

She's got.

[Yannis Pappas]

She's. She's perfectly imperfect to me.

[Simon Rex]

That's hot.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yes, it's hot.

[Chrissy D]

Dude, can I say something right now?

[Yannis Pappas]

Say it.

[Chrissy D]

This is the only time, and I just want to be honest. It's the only time we've had a guest on where I've. I've seen his piece.

[Simon Rex]

I knew it was going.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, yeah, you're on the, you know, on this show we're going to.

[Yannis Pappas]

And the truth is, Simon, you're. They're all seeing your piece right now. It's this thing right here. This kid's got a. You talked about a physique for Mozambique. You got a piece for Mozambique.

[Simon Rex]

You know, it's. It fits. I think it's almost like. I think big nose and skinny and hog. It looks bigger than it is. It's like Shaq probably got a little dick, but it's not little. It's just on his body.

[Chrissy D]

It's relative.

[Yannis Pappas]

Like we will want. My daughter watches the show with Amanda Bynes.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, how old do you have a daughter?

[Yannis Pappas]

I have, I have two daughters. I got a 10, 10 year old daughter and a four year old daughter.

[Simon Rex]

So she's. They're revisiting. This is like. Well, it's not 90s, but the 90s are coming back. I'm seeing this whole JFK weird, like redoing the 90s, but this is early 2000s. They watch the 90s.

[Yannis Pappas]

I believe it's Disney plus or it's on Netflix. On Netflix.

[Simon Rex]

WB show. Remember the WBW?

[Yannis Pappas]

Yes. So this is Amanda Bynes, this show. And my kids absolutely love it. They watch it. I swear they watch it every day. And I remember the first, first show we're watching Jazz, My fiance, we're all watching it. And then Jazz goes, you come onto the screen and whatever the pilot episode. And she goes, I know that guy. Where do you know him from? And I was like, you seen his dick? Is that what you know him from? Have you seen his dick? And she was like, maybe. And then just didn't Answer it. And then I just got. And then I just got insecure for a while.

[Chrissy D]

You know what I like about you, Simon?

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

A lot of.

[Chrissy D]

And I'm not just complimenting. I think you're multi talented.

[Yannis Pappas]

He is.

[Simon Rex]

Well, that's very.

[Chrissy D]

He was good on the Internet, on Vine. I used to watch your Vines all the time.

[Simon Rex]

Thank you.

[Chrissy D]

You were good on mtv and then you went drama and you were good at.

[Simon Rex]

Thank you.

[Yannis Pappas]

And he's great in the Amanda Bynes show. He's out loud. Funny sitcom, real funny kid who was

[Chrissy D]

born with a lot.

[Simon Rex]

That's. I'm not good with compliments. I, I, but thank you. I, I don't know how to take them. I'm working on it. So I just, I was learned, I was trained to say thank you.

[Yannis Pappas]

Right. Yeah. Yes.

[Chrissy D]

How did, how did it feel when you got that, when you got that, like, when you did that movie and you did a drama role and people were like, they were saying you were a good actor.

[Yannis Pappas]

What was the one?

[Simon Rex]

I have imposter syndrome. I'm just like, I, I think I would relate to you comics a lot. Like, I, I lived on the road for 15 years doing a comedic music thing called Dirt Nasty with Mickey Avalon.

[Chrissy D]

I remember that. The rapping, too.

[Simon Rex]

Rapping, too. And I'm not saying, oh, add that to my resume. But I'm just saying, no, you almost

[Yannis Pappas]

did kind of San Francisco, so, you know, he's in the closet.

[Simon Rex]

Horrible picture.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, I like that picture. You actually.

[Simon Rex]

Pictures that don't look. Oh, God,

[Yannis Pappas]

you actually look handsome there, I think.

[Simon Rex]

Ed DeBartolo.

[Yannis Pappas]

And you look like, you look like, like you'll play Gavin Newsom in the movie.

[Simon Rex]

I like that.

[Yannis Pappas]

You know what I mean?

[Simon Rex]

You ever notice?

[Yannis Pappas]

Right? Doesn't it look like that? Yeah, yeah. Y.

[Simon Rex]

So wait, what were we.

[Chrissy D]

We were talking about how you found a real slick way to. Because I forgot the rapping and you threw it in.

[Simon Rex]

So I lived on the road and I would do live shows with the audience interacting, and I would do comedy bits between the songs and, and I. My love is for comedy. But then when I did Red Rocket, that was sort of appraised at this, like, went to Cannes and it's Sean Baker. And all of a sudden I'm a dramatic actor and I'm just like, I, I don't know how to take the praise, but I'll take it. But I just feel I have imposter syndrome. I don't understand, but. Because I, I think I'm a piece of shit.

[Yannis Pappas]

Well, that you would make an excellent stand up because that's how we. That's how we live.

[Simon Rex]

I tried stand up and I bombed really badly, but I tried.

[Chrissy D]

I did.

[Yannis Pappas]

The first time, I did it like eight times. That's. Most standups today, they just put out. Put it right, put it on. On. Cut it up into a crowd, work clip, and you're golden.

[Simon Rex]

How do you guys feel about how. You guys. It's so big now, and I love it because as a fantasy, we're talking about your dick. Yeah. Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Okay.

[Simon Rex]

No, it's. No, you guys, it's gotten so out of control. I see the numbers for you guys. I see. Like, I just did. You know, we might be drunk. All you guys are crushing it so hard. And as a fan, I love it. But it's gotten so big. You guys are. But you don't need the Hollywood infrastructure. Like I rely on. You guys could be your own boss.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. Like Ouija. We're just talking about this. Last week I had a pilot in development. Another one. I'm over 14.

[Simon Rex]

Welcome to my life.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yep. I had another pilot in development for abc. Didn't go. Another sitcom thing, whatever. And it was. This was the first time where it didn't go. I got the call like five minutes before. It didn't affect my day. It affected my day for about maybe 10 minutes.

[Simon Rex]

You're built for this.

[Yannis Pappas]

Then I'm like, oh, I'm doing the thing. This is the thing. When I'm already. I already have the show. What are you worried about the other show for?

[Chrissy D]

You were doing that for. For a while, though, with Vine. I was, what, Doing, like, just going around the system and. Yeah, we're hitting online.

[Simon Rex]

I just gotta do something. I can't wait for the phone to ring. So I'd always be doing my own music or I'd be doing Instagram or YouTube. Just because I can't sit around. I gotta keep it moving.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Brain is not made for being homeostasis. Is that the word? Stagnant?

[Yannis Pappas]

Sure. Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

It's exhausting.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Right.

[Simon Rex]

For everyone else, my family, people, myself.

[Yannis Pappas]

Right. You just keep going.

[Simon Rex]

I can't stop.

[Yannis Pappas]

And you're not on drugs right now?

[Chrissy D]

No.

[Simon Rex]

This is so sober. You had a coffee and I Zinn in here, but that's.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, that's like.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, that's almost like an AA guy, but yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Well, you don't have a drink. Some people called Zinn we like to hear at this podcast. Call it Lucy. Go to Lucy. You mean a Lucy, right?

[Simon Rex]

That's right.

[Yannis Pappas]

Lucy, in your mouth. Yeah, yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Or. Or wherever they're sold in stores.

[Yannis Pappas]

Wait, so what about you? Do you have wife, kids? The whole family? What's going on?

[Simon Rex]

Nothing.

[Yannis Pappas]

Zero. Just you.

[Simon Rex]

It's not even a girlfriend.

[Yannis Pappas]

I love it.

[Simon Rex]

I fly solo. I, I just, I live out of suitcases. I. I live in. On the road, in hotels. It's not easy to even have a girlfriend because I'm always shooting a movie in Toronto or New Mexico.

[Yannis Pappas]

But you like your life this way?

[Simon Rex]

I love it.

[Yannis Pappas]

Good.

[Simon Rex]

I don't want to be doing anything else.

[Yannis Pappas]

Positive.

[Simon Rex]

But, you know, if I was on my deathbed, the one thing I'd be like, you know, I didn't do the kid thing. But it's not too late, too short. Just had a kid to rap with

[Yannis Pappas]

a cock like you, it's never too late.

[Simon Rex]

That's right. And I feel like as a. Without peptides, as a 51 year old, I feel 37.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yes.

[Simon Rex]

So I still feel.

[Yannis Pappas]

I bet you're even younger.

[Simon Rex]

And I froze my sperm at 40. Just in case.

[Yannis Pappas]

There you go.

[Simon Rex]

I was hanging out with my agent, rest in peace.

[Yannis Pappas]

And he. What?

[Simon Rex]

My old music agent who passed away, he froze his sperm. And we're hanging out once with this five year old kid. He's like, that's an ice baby. I go, what's an ice baby? He goes, I froze my sperm just to be safe. And then we took it out of the cryogenic chamber, inserted it into said wife's vagina, and baby came out. And I was like, how cute. He goes, freeze your sperm, dude. Trust me.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Because I'm like, I don't want kids. He's like, you will soon, but you

[Chrissy D]

don't need to do this.

[Simon Rex]

I don't need to, but it's a safety precaution.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Dude, let me tell you something. This is how it works, okay? I just read this like a year ago or two years ago tops. The last person whose father fought in the Civil War. The Civil war is from 1861 to 1865. The last person was living two years ago whose dad fought in the Civil War because they died at 100. The person that just died then, their father fought in the Civil War when they were like 15, 16 years old. And they had this person at 85 years old in like the 1900s. Wow. So if people were doing that, think about what could happen now.

[Simon Rex]

And, and truthfully, as a dude, you know, you could pop one out as long as the woman's fertile at 70. I mean, Theo's dad had him at 70 something. Right. I mean, this happens. I got a buddy of mine whose dad was 70 when he was born. So you going to do it? Not over. I may have kids, I don't know, but I still feel like I'm the kid that I'm trying to parent.

[Yannis Pappas]

Sure.

[Simon Rex]

If that makes sense.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. But you know what? Ch.

[Chrissy D]

There's Al Pacino.

[Yannis Pappas]

There it is. Al Pacino, whose wife is in absolute piece. He's on his second and she's Middle Eastern.

[Chrissy D]

She is, right.

[Yannis Pappas]

She's a Middle Eastern piece.

[Simon Rex]

Look at that baby.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. So. I know. Gorgeous. Now, what are you nationality?

[Simon Rex]

I'm Jew. I'm half Ashkenazi Jew.

[Yannis Pappas]

Those are the top ones.

[Chrissy D]

That does not match community college.

[Yannis Pappas]

Right? Ashkenazi's. Yeah. That's a letdown.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, it's a big letdown.

[Yannis Pappas]

So that's an Ari Shafir Jew. The Ashkenazi. I don't know, because you look Sephardic.

[Simon Rex]

I mean, so I. And then my. My dad Spanish. But then I did the 23andMe and I'm just a European piece of shit. I'm basically just Anglo Saxon of British German. Yeah, see, you don't look Scottish, English, Irish and. No. Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

You don't look like. That's an oil.

[Simon Rex]

He's a full Jew. I'm a half Jew, but my mom's Jew, so I'm a Jew.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, because you. But because, like, Jess, you look Sephardic. Is the hot Jew. You look like the hot juice. I think I just.

[Simon Rex]

California tan.

[Yannis Pappas]

He's the smart Jew.

[Simon Rex]

Right?

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah. Right, right.

[Simon Rex]

I bet he does have an IRQ.

[Yannis Pappas]

And he's 52.

[Simon Rex]

He's got a hog.

[Yannis Pappas]

Ari.

[Simon Rex]

100 out all the time.

[Yannis Pappas]

And he's got a. And he's got.

[Chrissy D]

No, no, he does not have a hog.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, I thought.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. Remember we saw it.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, maybe it was fluffed that day. I thought I saw him pull it out once. Right.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. No, it's not. He's not.

[Simon Rex]

Freak's got big dicks, though.

[Yannis Pappas]

Not Yanis.

[Chrissy D]

Not looking at one. Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

I mean, it runs the gap.

[Simon Rex]

So how do you guys both. This history thing. Thank you for doing my pod.

[Yannis Pappas]

This history thing came from this. Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Both having a love for history.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yes.

[Chrissy D]

Right.

[Simon Rex]

And you said, let's do a history pod. Then you stopped doing it. Now we're back.

[Yannis Pappas]

We lived in Bay Ridge. We only. We've. We've committed to only doing this podcast during the Trump administration.

[Simon Rex]

Okay.

[Yannis Pappas]

And when he's off, we're out. Got it. So if you want this podcast? No. So. So we lived in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. Very far. No. My breath smells drifting over. My breath smell. Is it my breath?

[Chrissy D]

No, it's not your breath, but I don't smell nothing.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

It could just be me. I didn't shower today.

[Simon Rex]

Me neither.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. So. So you. We started doing the POD in Brooklyn, and then we both love, always, loved history. We talk about it a lot. And then one day we're walking in Bay Ridge and we're like, we should start a podcast. And we. History. And then we. And then you were talking about hyenas and how they're the only trans animal because the women give birth through a pseudo penis. So we, I said, that's the name. History. Hy. Hyenas.

[Simon Rex]

And the hyenas part. Okay.

[Yannis Pappas]

Most people don't. That's why the numbers are not where they should be. But we're not.

[Simon Rex]

We just have good numbers.

[Yannis Pappas]

We're committed.

[Chrissy D]

Well, also, the acronym is a little weird. And we didn't intend on hh. Yeah, we didn't.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, my God.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

I'm almost offended.

[Chrissy D]

That was one. There was one sponsor who made our promo code hh.

[Simon Rex]

Yes.

[Chrissy D]

We were like, they didn't think about that.

[Yannis Pappas]

They didn't think about that.

[Chrissy D]

But that was not intentional.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. Yeah. And it was better help. Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Well, it's relevant. We're having an anti Semitic renaissance, so it might be good.

[Yannis Pappas]

Right. I mean, that's why I know the anti Semitic way.

[Chrissy D]

Euphrate. That is exactly what it is.

[Simon Rex]

It's a renaissance.

[Yannis Pappas]

It's a renaissance. Some people call it the golden age, but she. It's chic. Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Come back.

[Yannis Pappas]

It's has come back.

[Simon Rex]

It's somewhat concerning. You know, it's a little scary, but

[Yannis Pappas]

the way that you phrase that. The anti Semitic renaissance.

[Chrissy D]

Never.

[Yannis Pappas]

And that is 100% the end of the episode. That can't not be.

[Chrissy D]

I never. It's just such a, it's an eloquent way to put it.

[Yannis Pappas]

It's really interesting. Yeah. And it is, it is getting a little, A little bonkers.

[Simon Rex]

It's spicy. I, you know, I, I, I did the 23andMe and they had to send out a formal apology because somebody hacked 23andMe to get all of the Ashkenazi Jews names off the list. And you know, as someone who's a Jew, we don't like lists.

[Chrissy D]

No. You don't like those.

[Yannis Pappas]

Why did they want people's names?

[Simon Rex]

You tell me.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah.

[Simon Rex]

It's part of the renaissance.

[Yannis Pappas]

Ah, yes. Yes. Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

So yeah, because they did hack the

[Simon Rex]

23andMe and then they had to send apology and I changed my last name, but it's too late, I'm done. If they come looking, they got nowadays

[Yannis Pappas]

with technology, now you're still in. You sent me a text before and we said, come and confirm everything. And then you said, look, let's just let it rip. And then if anything I don't like, we'll edit it out. But is that because you're still on the other side of the business, still worried about stuff?

[Simon Rex]

No, it's not even that. I just. Podcasts are tricky stuff. Sometimes you get in here and I'll say something that may be like, oh, shit, I shouldn't have gossiped about so and so.

[Yannis Pappas]

Or, oh, yeah, I have a feeling

[Simon Rex]

that's not going to happen in this 20 to 30 minute format. But on these long ones, you'll just forget you're on a pod. And I'll be like, oh, shit, I shouldn't have said that about this upcoming project because it's not happening yet.

[Yannis Pappas]

Okay.

[Simon Rex]

I shouldn't have said this about so and so's mother. She is a sure. Right?

[Chrissy D]

Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, right. Wait, so are you. So right after this week, are you going to do another movie? Are you in the movies right now, making them all day?

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, actually, I was. I figured when I saw you guys on the street, I was. Because, you know, I don't know if you remember this. You actually said, what's up? To me, I was, I was going to see Sam do a spot at the Cellar. You walk by and you're like, hey, what's up, man? As you were going out to do a set and it was happened so fast, I didn't get to say, hey, what's up, dude? Love you. And you went out. I'm like, oh, I. I kind of stone colded you. And I didn't mean to. I don't even know if you remember. So when I saw you on the street, I'm like, I got to go say what's up. Yeah, here we are. And I do. I have a movie that's coming out. I don't know when this airs, but it comes out March 20th. Called Toe a Rose Byrne movie. I got to work with Rose Byrne. That was fun. She's beautiful, she's funny. She didn't win the Oscar last night, but she won a Golden Globe. And we love Rose Byrne.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yes, I do love Rose Byrne. And she's married Bobby Cannavale, right? Bobby Cannavale is a freaking real talent.

[Simon Rex]

Great, dude. And can I just.

[Yannis Pappas]

Really quick, just while I'm thinking of it. And then what? I just want to. Just. Because this probably come out Thursday. I don't. Right now. The United States World Baseball Classic, they are in the finals. They beat Dominican Republic last night. And. And Italy is Venezuela today. And I just want to. Just a quick service announcement. If Italy wins and it's Italy versus the United States in the World Baseball Classic final, if I see any Italian American rooting for Italy, just know that I know you're not my friend. The real Italians don't like us. They don't. Why you are going to sit here and go like, team Italy Italia. All this while you're eating fettuccine Alfredo. They think you're a disgrace. It's not even a real pasta in Italy. You're disgusting. If you root for the United States, you need to root for the United States. Even if it's. I'm fucking Italian American. Shut up, okay? Shut up. I don't want to hear it. And because here's the truth. If you root for the other. If you root for Italy or Venezuela, if they make it, then President Trump will find that. He will get. He will get some information that you have weapons of mass destruction in your country, and the B52s will come over your fucking country. Okay? So root for the United States. If you live in the United States, you're an American citizen. Even if you have an Italian last name like me, the only acceptable country to root for in the anti Semitic golden age is Germany. So sorry, Bobby Cannavale.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, no, Bob, that was just a

[Chrissy D]

p. That's what you call a patriotic soliloquy.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, I just. I'm just really gonna. I know that the Italians are gonna start to root for Italy, and I understand Italy is great, but you're in America. You better root for fucking America in the United States. Even the people going crazy in my house yesterday rooting for the Dominican Republic. I said, why don't you fucking get out?

[Simon Rex]

I thought she was Puerto Rican.

[Yannis Pappas]

She is, but she just want. They want the Latinos to win over the Caribbean Latino. Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

All right.

[Yannis Pappas]

It's like Caribbean.

[Simon Rex]

Which Puerto Rico is the United States, but I don't know exactly.

[Yannis Pappas]

I get. And I get other team. If you're from that country and you really. I get it. But you got the US Passport, you better root for the United States.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, that's how I feel as well.

[Yannis Pappas]

I feel Israel.

[Simon Rex]

Okay. No, it's funny. I've never even been to Israel. I feel no affinity towards Israel. I don't understand. Understand Israel. I've never been. I'm. My parents were hippies. I was baptized because my dad's dad was a priest, so I was baptized. But I'm bloodline Jew. I'm dead when I leave here.

[Chrissy D]

Right, right.

[Yannis Pappas]

Got it. Bloodline Jill. A little blj.

[Simon Rex]

That doesn't sound good.

[Chrissy D]

Right, Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Oh, there it is. Yeah, that's the movie.

[Simon Rex]

Okay, so that's. Yeah. Anyway, that's a. It's a cute movie. And then I produced a movie. I might as well just slide that, please.

[Yannis Pappas]

Come on.

[Simon Rex]

I did a comedy, a conspiracy theory comedy because I love my conspiracy theory friends. They're so adamant about their beliefs and some of them have been coming true lately.

[Chrissy D]

They're better dinner guests.

[Yannis Pappas]

They'.

[Chrissy D]

They're fun. Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

My beef is that you have to be able to say at the end of the earth is flat and there's lizard people, Jews. That. That. Or you say at the end of that or I might be wrong. And if you can't leave the door open to being wrong, then there's no humility and we all don't know anything. So we did this conspiracy theory comedy. It's like a comedy Bonia, basically.

[Yannis Pappas]

Oh, yeah. Which Giannis thought was a piece of shit. Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

It gets mixed reviews.

[Yannis Pappas]

Mixed reviews is the way.

[Simon Rex]

And the movie's called Operation Taco Gary's and it'll be streaming the 24th. So I got two fun movies. Fun movies out.

[Chrissy D]

Nice.

[Simon Rex]

In this day of Hollywood burning down in this biblical renaissance.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yes. Do you think it could come back? Honestly, what do you think?

[Simon Rex]

For real? Like, here's my take on it because again, I don't know anything is that I still think cool movies are being made. We had a good movie year this year. I don't think they're going away. I just think these big 200 million dollar movies are kind of a thing of the past that are making money, but these little indies are being made that are cute.

[Yannis Pappas]

Right, right, right. So it still makes money. You still make money.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

You could just do these lower size.

[Chrissy D]

That'd be good. If your movie's good, people are going to talk.

[Yannis Pappas]

People will go sick.

[Simon Rex]

You just can't compete with these screens. Have you heard of secondary sec? Secondary screen?

[Yannis Pappas]

No. What's that?

[Simon Rex]

They're making content dumbed down because they know at Netflix, Amazon, Hulu that they can't compete with the phone in your hand and they have to repeat the plot line.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, talked about it. Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

It's a Real thing.

[Chrissy D]

So.

[Simon Rex]

So we can't compete with the phones. We're all fine. I go home, I watch YouTube before I watch anything else. I'm a YouTube junkie. I got to put blockers on my phone to block YouTube. I'm addicted.

[Yannis Pappas]

We were just talking about YouTube blockers. Nick over here says that you do use YouTube blockers or you don't. You do. But then another. Another guy who was in here as younger guy said he doesn't use the blockers. But you say you got to use the blockers.

[Simon Rex]

I got to use the blockers. And then I go on my iPad because that doesn't have the blocker. It's like a drug.

[Yannis Pappas]

So how do you get the YouTube blockers? What? What is it?

[Chrissy D]

The same place he gets his puberty blockers, Right?

[Simon Rex]

It's where you. Same guy that gives you pep.

[Yannis Pappas]

D. Yes. Yeah. Nick needs pep. DS Nick. Now, let me ask you a question. If, If. If Dominican Republic would have won last night, even though I know you're not from Dr. Yeah. But I. But would you have been happier as a Latino know that they beat the United States? Yes. Get out.

[Simon Rex]

I got.

[Chrissy D]

You're big on this national.

[Yannis Pappas]

I'm just big on the. It's just. Was really. I know there's just baseball. Yeah, I know it's just baseball. Yeah. But it's a little bit like. Guy, come on. You can root for the. You can. Like, fine. It's fine. It's festive. But it's like you. Not when they're playing the United States.

[Chrissy D]

Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

If you want. If you want your team to win, get to the finals. I get that proud. But we're in the United States. Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

I feel bad about something. I lied to you guys earlier. Earlier?

[Yannis Pappas]

Yes.

[Simon Rex]

I gotta admit something I said. I never did anything cosmetic.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

I did the hair plugs in the front.

[Yannis Pappas]

Ah.

[Chrissy D]

You got. As Dan Soder would call you got hair tits.

[Simon Rex]

So what I did was I just had a little thinning going on right here. The widow's peak was starting. And I saw myself on the monitor when I was doing bupkiss Pete show with Bobby Connor.

[Yannis Pappas]

Sure. Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

And I saw in the mono go, oh, I'm starting to bald. So I just went and had very few hairs plucked and put right here. I just didn't want to lie. I take it back.

[Chrissy D]

Nothing wrong with that.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's all.

[Simon Rex]

I don't know. Botox? No. Nothing else. I brush my teeth. I sleep.

[Yannis Pappas]

Sleep. Do you floss?

[Simon Rex]

I floss, yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Does everybody floss?

[Chrissy D]

No. I Don't floss. I use the shower head now. The shower.

[Yannis Pappas]

The same one you use in your ass.

[Chrissy D]

No, that's exactly right. The thing is these companies, like they make you buy the water spritzer that you put right here.

[Yannis Pappas]

Sure.

[Chrissy D]

The shower head's just as good.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, that's a good strong pressure. Pressure.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. And I do. I power wash my. And then I floss my teeth.

[Yannis Pappas]

I can't get into the back of my teeth with the floss. How do you do that?

[Simon Rex]

What do you use? Nothing. They just. I have a couple teeth where there's a gap in there where every time you eat on the right side it gets stuck. So I got to bring floss with. With me.

[Yannis Pappas]

See, so. But okay, that's the thing. If. Because sometimes I'm flossing back there and I'm like, I know there's nothing stuck in my teeth, but do you still have to floss anyway?

[Simon Rex]

I still do it anyway just because I'm already in there. So you might as well do it, you know, I don't.

[Yannis Pappas]

Can you get to the back of your mouth with floss, Nick?

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

What do you mean I can't.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's what you. So you don't use actual floss? Use the water pick.

[Simon Rex]

What did our ancestry. Okay, you guys are history. Guys, what did our ancestors do to floss? Did they use like sheep hair?

[Yannis Pappas]

They didn't do anything.

[Chrissy D]

They used to use piss.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yes.

[Simon Rex]

Water dick.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. No. So.

[Chrissy D]

So Chinese dicks can be a nice toothpick.

[Yannis Pappas]

Nice toothpick. Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Cuz. We are brought to you by Rough Greens. They sent me a bunch of this stuff for my puppies and all you got to do is supplement it with the foodie and the dog is just healthy because.

[Yannis Pappas]

And they also sent it to me and I got to be honest with you, I accidentally ate it. I didn't know it was for my puppy. And I got to be honest, it was awesome. I started licking my balls.

[Chrissy D]

It is is amazing. It supports long term health. Promotes longevity by addressing common nutritional deficiencies found in processed dog food, which we all feed our dogs. Rough Green supplements the diet with natural antioxidants and anti inflammatory compounds that help reduce oxidative stress. Yes. Support immune defense and slow age related decline. Helping dogs stay active, mobile and alert as they age.

[Yannis Pappas]

Guys, and let me tell you something. Dog food is dead food food, okay? Traditional dog food is shelf stable for years because it's lifeless. Rough Greens brings the nutrition back. It's packed with live vitamins, minerals, probiotics, digestive enzymes and omega oils.

[Chrissy D]

Cuz it is so nice. It isn't a dog food. It's a live nutritional supplement you add to your dog's food. You don't have to change your dog's food to improve your dog's health. Just add a scoop of rough greens. It's that easy.

[Yannis Pappas]

And you know me, I like it rough.

[Chrissy D]

Yes. And I like it green.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. So right now go to use the discount code Hyenas to claim your free Jumpstart trial bag@rough greens.com that's R u f f greens.com promo code HYENAS. H Y E N A S. Don't change your dog's food. Just add rough greens and watch the health benefits come alive. Bow wow wow. Here's the thing. Yeah. Listen.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

I like when things are hard. Yeah. Except when I got bad credit.

[Simon Rex]

Ooh.

[Yannis Pappas]

Because that makes everything harder. And that's why a AVA is helping me out. What is ava? It's a credit building app that's designed to work fast and help your credit score where it really matters. So your credit score can start climbing with almost zero effort. Okay. That's what we need.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. Listen to this. Just pay your monthly subscriptions like usual with the AVA credit builder card. And AVA reports your one time payments to all major credit bureaus, helping you build solid credit history quickly.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's what we need. AVA members and improve their scores by an average of 30 points in 30 days. They have over 2 million downloads and it's the highest rated credit building app on trustpilot, which is the only pilot I trust.

[Chrissy D]

Also check this out. AVA can now report your rent, utility and phone bills automatically. Even up to 24 months of past payments. So your everyday payments help build credit faster. All included in your AVA membership.

[Yannis Pappas]

Because AVA has no fumes. No fumes take control of your credit today. Download the AVA app. A V A. And when you join using my my promo code Hyenas, you're going to get 20% off your first year, monthly or annual. Your choice. Again, grab the AVA app and use our promo code Hyenas so they know you heard it from us. And you'll get 20% off any plan for up to a year.

[Chrissy D]

That's promo code Hyenas. Thanks to ava. Now go get yourself good credit.

[Yannis Pappas]

So they, they.

[Chrissy D]

But.

[Yannis Pappas]

But this is the controversy. More conspiracy. They never flossed and they never used. They never used sun block and they never had skin cancer and they never died. They were all living to their 70s and 80s unless they got killed in a War.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, well they never, obviously they never brushed their teeth, but they weren't eating food with preservatives and all, they were just eating healthy. And here's another myth.

[Yannis Pappas]

The answer is Peptides.

[Simon Rex]

You know how you guys tell me about this. You know how everyone says oh everyone died a lot younger back in the olden days. That's not true. The average age of death is younger because babies die more people are wrong all the time, myself included.

[Chrissy D]

That's right.

[Yannis Pappas]

They say actually some of these people on these conspiracy people say that actually people were living long longer. A thousand years ago you had people living to 150 years old because they were always walking around in the sunlight.

[Simon Rex]

We're designed to walk.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yes.

[Simon Rex]

Hunter Gatherer.

[Yannis Pappas]

Dr. Peter Attia told me that and I believe him.

[Simon Rex]

Well, Peter Attia, he goes to islands,

[Yannis Pappas]

he's kids in the hospital.

[Chrissy D]

The kid would ratty part. He wants to know where the parties are.

[Yannis Pappas]

Peter Attia told me to do Peptides. I do what Peter Atia tells me to do.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, he knows his.

[Simon Rex]

I'm sure he's right about a lot of. I mean there's a lot of health gurus out there. I always just, I pluck data from certain ones and I don't get too sure, I don't get too hypnotic hypnotized by some of these guys.

[Yannis Pappas]

Right.

[Simon Rex]

In the end they're taking my money.

[Yannis Pappas]

Right?

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. Because we, as we've progressed it seems like there's more spin on things. Things used to be simpler, right? Well yeah, simpler like even when, even when someone invaded, right. Like I don't think like the Roman Caesars had to like think of a whole propaganda campaign to convince their people they needed to go to Gaul or whatever, Right. They didn't go, all right, These people, they hate our freedom, right? They just went we're going to kill, kill some people and take their grain.

[Yannis Pappas]

Right? That's.

[Chrissy D]

Now you got to go with their freedom. They hate our freedom. We're going and you're going like just say we're going to get the oil, we're going to get what we need and then you know, it'll be simpler.

[Yannis Pappas]

Go ahead Mr. X, ask me why

[Simon Rex]

we say the right and the left politically.

[Yannis Pappas]

Why do we say the right and

[Simon Rex]

the left political French Revolution.

[Yannis Pappas]

Why? What happened?

[Simon Rex]

They say what the right, the, the people who are conservative go to the

[Chrissy D]

right, say the right were right because they're right.

[Simon Rex]

But. And didn't switch. Wasn't it, didn't it used to be opposite?

[Yannis Pappas]

Yes, the right is Right. And I w. The left would leave.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, the left's doing bad joking.

[Yannis Pappas]

I just thought of that. Nick. Nick gets upset. Let's get up about the French because. And Nick. So we're messing around.

[Simon Rex]

I don't know about politics. I feel like an idiot. I don't get involved. But does that mean if you're. If you're a lib. That you're a communist, that you only don't want to share that you do want to.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's what they said. They say if you're. If they say. Right.

[Simon Rex]

Communal.

[Yannis Pappas]

Communal and all that. Mom. Donnie. The communist. The extreme liberal liberals are saying that left is more communist, and the extreme conservatives, they say, are more like authoritarian, like Hitler type.

[Chrissy D]

You are correct. The political term left and right originated the French Revolution in 1789. I didn't know that.

[Simon Rex]

How did you get. That's.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, well, I know about the.

[Simon Rex]

That's why I'm here.

[Yannis Pappas]

But I don't know about left and right. Yeah, but that.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, it was.

[Chrissy D]

I think the deputies opposing the king sat on the left while supporters of the monarchy and tradition gathered on the right.

[Simon Rex]

So that's.

[Chrissy D]

Right.

[Simon Rex]

That's why we say left and right wing, baby.

[Yannis Pappas]

Very smart. I like it. See that? We learned the fun fact.

[Simon Rex]

Learned and stuff.

[Yannis Pappas]

I like that. Yeah. Now, did you see the movie Napoleon?

[Simon Rex]

I did. And that was some incorrect information. They never bombed the pyramids and like that. Right?

[Yannis Pappas]

They never did that.

[Simon Rex]

That's. Yeah, that's false.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's.

[Simon Rex]

Supposedly didn't love the movie.

[Yannis Pappas]

It was okay.

[Simon Rex]

He didn't. He did a Cleveland accent and I'm a big Joaquin Phoenix.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

He didn't even do an accent. And everyone was British for some reason.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yes.

[Simon Rex]

They always just divert to British in these movies.

[Yannis Pappas]

Anocrinistic.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. What does that mean? Okay, let me break the wrong anachronist

[Yannis Pappas]

of

[Simon Rex]

Greek root for anus and.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yes. Sick.

[Simon Rex]

Christ.

[Yannis Pappas]

Exactly.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

They had the wrong. You're putting the wrong kind of time period.

[Simon Rex]

The whole episode with you guys. But I won't. Because you guys don't want to learn what I have up in here.

[Chrissy D]

No, I want to know.

[Simon Rex]

You do. I could do the whole episode. He's like, you got 20 or 30 minutes. And then we teach people. I'm learning, you guys.

[Yannis Pappas]

But we just. Because we just think with a guest, it's always nice to tell them that if you want to keep going, we could always keep going. But it's like, we don't want to take. We feel bad taking up two hours.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, I Have nothing else to do. But it's not. I, I, I say this because your fans might this guy, get him out of here.

[Yannis Pappas]

No, actually they like we had Matthew Modine on last week. They love him.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, really?

[Yannis Pappas]

And D.B. sweeney.

[Simon Rex]

I took a kung fu class with Matthew Modine.

[Chrissy D]

Really?

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, he was.

[Chrissy D]

What he tell you?

[Simon Rex]

Like we're talking about the actor. The actor.

[Chrissy D]

Don't hurt the animals.

[Simon Rex]

Matthew Modine.

[Chrissy D]

He's a vegetarian.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Nice guy.

[Simon Rex]

I took a kung fu class and

[Yannis Pappas]

his wife's Latina too.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, wow. Look, I love the Latino women. Yeah, I learned. Here's another thing. This isn't history, but I think this is more under the realm of some biology, you know? You know, you're, this is funny. I got a, I'm attracted to Latino women. The smell, the neck, the nape, if you will. You know that you are attracted to someone of opposite of your genetics because the baby will have a healthier immune system.

[Yannis Pappas]

Knew that.

[Chrissy D]

We knew that.

[Simon Rex]

So if I had a baby with a jew, I've had two back surgeries because of my lower back. 75% of Ashkenazi Jews have lower degenerative disc issues because we inbred for so long. Right. So I want a Puerto Rican, a Dominican, maybe half and half.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yes.

[Simon Rex]

I Latina all day long. I got set up on a date by my buddy in la and I went on a date with this girl and there was no sparks. A month later my mom hits me up. You have a cousin in la, you should go meet her. I went on a date with my cousin. What if we would have hooked up? Whoa, that's crazy.

[Chrissy D]

First cousin?

[Yannis Pappas]

No.

[Simon Rex]

I don't know.

[Chrissy D]

I mean, she Jewish. You shouldn't. Yeah, but I have a nice girl

[Simon Rex]

and my mom is from Elizabeth, New Jersey. She kind of speaks like that. Yeah, she, I got a Jewish mom from Jersey, so I feel an affinity for the New York area. Lived here for five years.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Loved it in the 90s when New York was really dangerous. You Times Square. It was dangerous.

[Yannis Pappas]

Dangerous hookers. Fun.

[Simon Rex]

Could be in the lower, the East Village. You're going to get stabbed. It was fun.

[Chrissy D]

Did when you, when you went on the date with the girl, could you tell by smell that it was not.

[Simon Rex]

I didn't get to smell. We were sitting this far away. I didn't feel the thing.

[Chrissy D]

Right, right.

[Simon Rex]

I, I, there are some Jewish girls with curly hair and big butts.

[Yannis Pappas]

Oh, big time.

[Simon Rex]

That's what I'm looking for.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, no, there's some if you're a curly haired big Butt Jew. Being honest, Simon, Rex wants you. I bet you we have some curly haired, big butt juice.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. Gadot can get cracked open, cleaned like a.

[Yannis Pappas]

Like a cow. Israeli women are. They look poor Puerto Rican.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

All these girl women look Latina, by the way.

[Simon Rex]

Latina.

[Yannis Pappas]

The one thing I will say, watching that back to the World Baseball Classic for a second. The one thing I will say is watching that game last night, the US Versus Dominicans ideos meo. When they went into the crowd, the Dominican women.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, my God, there's.

[Yannis Pappas]

Look at. Wait, hold. I'm gonna. I'm send this one. Dude, look at this. This is just a fan. She's. And they're just like, hey, they got hot police officers.

[Simon Rex]

I see.

[Yannis Pappas]

Dude, this is. I'll send it to the group. Just. This is. I mean, these girls are absolutely gorgeous. So I will say the Dominican women fans can root for whomever they want.

[Simon Rex]

And let's be honest, Venezuela has beautiful women. Always universe. I feel like you tell me historically, the gene pool of that region. So you have a native Indian. Is that right?

[Chrissy D]

Natives?

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, the Tainos. Look at this. Look at this girl. Just a random Dominican fan.

[Simon Rex]

Louise.

[Yannis Pappas]

Look at. Look at.

[Simon Rex]

Look at.

[Yannis Pappas]

You want.

[Simon Rex]

Look at that pamper look. Okay, so that. See, that's all I would.

[Yannis Pappas]

Even Jazz and my fiance saw. I was watching it this morning. She was like. She went, wow.

[Simon Rex]

Okay, so. So. So you have that region of. What is it? African. You have a Spaniard, which is white, believe it or not.

[Yannis Pappas]

Of course.

[Chrissy D]

Bad Spanish.

[Yannis Pappas]

Bad Spanish.

[Simon Rex]

You guys brought your religion and language to a very large part of the planet Earth, all the way from South America up to south of America.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yes.

[Simon Rex]

You know what? I'm American. We North Americans are pretty arrogant. We say, I'm American. We're North American.

[Chrissy D]

We're North America.

[Simon Rex]

Let's be realistic and zoom out a little bit.

[Yannis Pappas]

We are north.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

We Americans.

[Yannis Pappas]

Austin.

[Chrissy D]

Canadians are north.

[Yannis Pappas]

North American.

[Simon Rex]

I say we Americans. I just did what? I was wrong.

[Yannis Pappas]

Also. Mexico's North American.

[Simon Rex]

Mexico, Central America.

[Yannis Pappas]

No, Mexico's considered North America, Poppy. Yes.

[Simon Rex]

Starts at Costa Rica, Honduras, El Salvador, Nicaragua. I just want this guy.

[Yannis Pappas]

This is a man with a fetus. Fetish.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

When you know all the countries, when you know where Latin America starts, what country? We know the latitude, longitude, coordinates. Yeah. We have what we call a fetish.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, but you're basically saying because of the mix, it created a beautiful Venezuela.

[Simon Rex]

Colombia.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

So if this girl was Jewish, Simon.

[Chrissy D]

Oh, in.

[Yannis Pappas]

You wouldn't care if she's your first Cousin.

[Simon Rex]

Probably not.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah, I get it. And then look at the gay guy in the back just like, hey, most

[Chrissy D]

of my girlfriends growing up were just Jewish. Every long term girl.

[Yannis Pappas]

And they had fumes. A few of them. His. His trick for if a girl had fumes, you know, like stinky. He would go down on them and he would only do it in a half fold up bathtub. And he would have his tongue on the vagina and his nose above the water.

[Simon Rex]

How do you get in the bath?

[Chrissy D]

Like a hippo.

[Yannis Pappas]

Like a hippo.

[Simon Rex]

You in a bathtub.

[Yannis Pappas]

Like y. We have. I have a few pictures of Yanni naked in the bathtub.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, okay.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, he likes to get in the tub. He's a kid who likes to get in the tub.

[Simon Rex]

A good tub.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. I like a nice. A nice bath is you take a

[Yannis Pappas]

bath because you like a squeaky clean ass.

[Chrissy D]

Now you sober? Do you used to have your problems?

[Simon Rex]

I'm the most sober I've ever been.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

But I'm not sober because I'll have a drink.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

I quit smoking weed. I was a big stoner my whole life.

[Yannis Pappas]

Sure.

[Simon Rex]

And I had to quit the weed because.

[Yannis Pappas]

Why?

[Simon Rex]

Because I couldn't remember anything.

[Chrissy D]

Right.

[Simon Rex]

I don't. I feel like. Nope. I had to quit everything. No. Yeah. Yeah. So. Because the. My. I need my memory. I got to remember lines. It takes all of my ram. Random access memory to access my brain power to remember monologues. Like that's.

[Yannis Pappas]

We were just talking about. We. We would come, we would. We would debate a lot in here. Just before you walked in, Jesse and I, we were talking because we're saying how in Shakespearean times. Well, Giannis was saying this. Shakespearean times, you know, Elizabethan. Elizabethan, sorry. But it was this. This. The playwrights, the writers were the ones who got all the credit. And the actors were looked at as serfs. Low end job. And it was like that. Like they were never. There would never be an award show for actors. It would be for the writers.

[Simon Rex]

Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

And we were saying that Jesse saying acting is very difficult job to do. And we were both in agreement. It is. But we still said the writing of it all is still the top thing that doesn't feel like it's as rewarded as the actors.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Is that true?

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, I would agree with that. It all started there's a famous movie. The kid stays in the picture. I don't know if you guys ever saw that documentary. The producer's name escapes me. He said the three most important things. The script. The script and the script, it starts there. And there's a lot of bad writing out there. As you guys know, comedian guys, there's mostly bad out there. So when you get scripts sent to you, you pass on. I'm lucky enough I could pass on these because I'm working these days. But normal. Normally you would just do a shitty script.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

But lately I get to kind of navigate and be like, oh, I want to do this one. This is good writing. And if you could tell, just like watching a movie or reading a book in the first 10 pages, you're like, this is good or bad.

[Yannis Pappas]

What?

[Simon Rex]

There's a lot of bad.

[Chrissy D]

What's the biggest, like, regret? Did you ever have something you passed on that you thought, oh, that could.

[Simon Rex]

Well, the passing has only come recently, so I. I don't. I don't know if anything's really come out that I passed on that I saw that I should have done. But I got. Speaking good writing. I just got to do a movie with Nick. Pittsburgh Isolato, True Detective. Now that can write. Okay. I don't know if you ever watched True Detective, but it was very existential. You know, it was. Matthew McConaughey's character was just, you know, doing, like, philosophical rants. And it's beautiful writing, so I just got to read his words. And when the writing is good, it just flows. It's musical, it's Shakespearean. There's like a rhythm.

[Yannis Pappas]

Sure.

[Simon Rex]

That's called the pantomic arameter or some. I forget this. It's something like.

[Chrissy D]

Something like that.

[Simon Rex]

And it's the rhythm of the writing. It's music. It's good.

[Yannis Pappas]

And Nick Pizzolato, comedy is the same thing. Nick Pizzolato wrote True Detective. Nick Pizzolato, I've seen a couple of his things. I know for a fact Nick Pizzolato is Italian. Is a guy who's going to root for the USA in the World Baseball Classic. Boy, he's a patriot. Even though his last name says Italy. He's going to do the right thing.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Which era did you like the best?

[Simon Rex]

Of what?

[Chrissy D]

Of your career so far. Because you had some different ones.

[Simon Rex]

The most fun I had was when I lived in New York as a VJ in the 90s. Just because I was fucking. It was like I'd go to work for 45 minutes and then I'd have all day off. And I was living in New York in the 90s. That was the most fun. Fun, low stress level job. So that was the most fun. And then I Had my. During that what I like about you era. That was great, too, because that's when in early 2000s, there was so much money getting thrown around. Like, I bought a house. I had a couple cars in the driveway. I was balling. And then I started making music with my buddies in the spare bedroom as a joke. And then we got signed to Interscope Records, and we're on tour with the Chili Peppers, and I went off on the road to do music. And my acting agents at the time, it's like BlackBerry days, they'd be emailing me and they're like, hey, we have a ER audition for you. And I'm like, I'm in Europe with the Chili Peppers. Like, what the are you doing? Yeah, I don't know, but this is fun. Yeah, that was a lot of fun. Touring, doing music. Then I hit 40, and I'm rapping about doing coke off my own dick. And it got old real quick, right? And I was like, I blew it. I should have stayed doing what I like about you for the kids.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

And I was like. So I had a midlife crisis. I, you know, started going to yoga. I became that guy. I hate myself. I even went down a stoic road like you. And then I realized, this is about that once. What the am I doing? I'm trying to sleep on the floor.

[Yannis Pappas]

I'm an. Yeah, okay. Yeah. I got off that I had the

[Simon Rex]

crisis, got through that. I'm on the other side of that, and now I got my acting career back, so I'm happy. And I'm here with you guys, and we're riffing and rafting, and you got

[Yannis Pappas]

the most knowledge, and you got the most experience, and it's good. And now let me ask you this. First of all, in that show with the Manda song, though, Jenny, I like that song. You know who else is in that show?

[Chrissy D]

Nasty.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

You know what's in that show? Who's gorgeous? Jenny Garth.

[Simon Rex]

She was a beautiful woman.

[Yannis Pappas]

Did she pass away?

[Simon Rex]

No, she's alive. She's alive. She does.

[Yannis Pappas]

Amanda Vines didn't pass.

[Chrissy D]

You said Garth.

[Yannis Pappas]

Jenny Garth from Beverly Hills now.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, yeah. No, the other girl from Beverly Hills.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yes, yes. Shannon Daugherty. D. Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

So Jenny Garth and. And that. And. And Amanda. Do you still keep in contact with Amanda?

[Simon Rex]

No, no, I mean, Amanda. I've tried to reach out to her a couple of times.

[Yannis Pappas]

Wild.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. I'm concerned about her. I hope she's doing all right out there. You know, see her Instagram posts, and it's Concerning. And I had nothing but love for her. She was like my little sister.

[Yannis Pappas]

She's wild.

[Simon Rex]

Fifteen years old when I was, you know, 28.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

And we, you know, I had a very, I was very protective of her.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

And so I've, you know, reached out a couple times.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. Yeah. I think she, she's got.

[Chrissy D]

That's her.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. She has a mental health disorder. Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

But kids shouldn't be famous. Let's just be honest.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, dude.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, you break it down to. Look, it's hard enough for an adult to deal with the little low level of fame that I've got. It's a head. And I'm sure you guys deal with the two on your level. It's all weird. But a child shouldn't have that. Even though she was so talented, like her comic timing and her instinct, I know was I was Learning from this 15 year old kid every day. I was like, she's brilliant. But fame, yeah, fame is a mask that eats away at the skull.

[Yannis Pappas]

100% the soul. Carl Jung. They, they. My daughter, my 10 year old always is like, dad, I want to do YouTube. I want to do YouTube. I said, listen, you don't. She's like, oh, but you do it. I said, yeah, I'm an adult. I said, it's. To me, it's very much like if I was giving you cigarettes or alcohol, I'm not gonna do it. You can make. I said, if you want to be creative, you can make things. I'll give you a. We made our little private. YouTube. Cannot put this out to the public ever. You can't.

[Simon Rex]

And we need more parents like you.

[Yannis Pappas]

Because to me it's like anytime I see like a child star, even on social media now, like these people, like when I see it, like, like there it is. Like when I see, you know, like the Rizzler or somebody like that on social media. They wanted to come. He wanted to come do the podcast. And it's not that I don't think it's funny. I do. I don't want to be a part of his. What I hope is it doesn't happen, but it seems like he's on a path for demise.

[Simon Rex]

Rehab.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. Because it's like you're just got the. You're getting famous, you get recognized. So unnatural. And it's like, I know I'm not going to do anything to stop it. I'm not going to sit here on my soapbox like, this is wrong. But I'm like, if the little thing I could do is not be A part of it. Because I think it's the worst thing you could do to a kid.

[Simon Rex]

I think we're going to look back. I cut you off.

[Chrissy D]

No, you go.

[Simon Rex]

I think we're going to look back at social media for kids like we do smoking on an airplane. How do we let people do this? What's wrong with us? As a collective. I won't let my kids smoke on the kids. People smoke on an airplane. It's bad.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Social media. Everyone's famous now.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. And I love. And this kid is great, but I just. I just don't think the brain can adapt. Adapt. I mean, you know the guy with him on the left, I mean, that guy should just be. You know, I would. I'd like to send him to Tehran.

[Simon Rex]

Oh.

[Chrissy D]

I also think probably just on a surface level, not even looking too deep to it. It should. It probably is very hard to like pop as one thing.

[Yannis Pappas]

Sure.

[Chrissy D]

And then it ends.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yes.

[Chrissy D]

And then you're dealing with that and you're like, I gotta.

[Simon Rex]

That's probably why I always reinvented my stuff, I think. I didn't fight. No. It wasn't by design. I had to. I just. I'm in survival.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

I'm always in fight or flight.

[Chrissy D]

And so some people probably just can't handle that.

[Simon Rex]

You gotta adapt. You gotta be malleable.

[Yannis Pappas]

And that's kids. Dude. I watched this whole documentary on Olympic athletes, even the great ones like Michael Phelps, when their careers are over. Cause they've only identified as one thing, the amount. They have a very high suicide rate. Because 31.

[Simon Rex]

What do you do at 31? You did it.

[Yannis Pappas]

Washed up.

[Simon Rex]

Okay. I'm not to name drop, but it's relative to the story. Mark Ronson, buddy of mine, he won all the accolades. Oscar for can't remember the name of the movie. He won the best Grammy for Uptown Funko. He said he had the Grammy, the Oscar. He said it lasted three days of him kicking his feet up. Like, I did the thing. I got it. And then he said, oh, shit, now what?

[Yannis Pappas]

Now what?

[Simon Rex]

Now what?

[Yannis Pappas]

And he had the money.

[Simon Rex]

Good crisis to be in, by the way.

[Yannis Pappas]

Right.

[Simon Rex]

But that's a real thing. But that happened to him at like, you know, 40. So he's been through. But these kids much.

[Chrissy D]

Where do you go?

[Yannis Pappas]

This is where it comes in, where we're telling you as parents have a kid, it's good that you froze your sperm because then you don't have. It's not about. Re. Not about reinventing yourself. It's like oh, my purpose. First thing about me is I'm a dad. That's the first thing.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, but some people that get self selfish to have kids, I think Simon, it would be selfish.

[Yannis Pappas]

Why?

[Chrissy D]

Because Simon's for the table.

[Yannis Pappas]

For the table.

[Chrissy D]

He's for the.

[Yannis Pappas]

You know what that means for the table? What does that mean when we say somebody or something's for the table? That means everyone can take a bite out of you. You're a piece. You're for the table.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

If this was Roman times, we'd have you up here butt naked, tied your arms and your legs tied and we'll be taking a little lick. Hot at the table.

[Simon Rex]

Hot.

[Chrissy D]

Sometimes you just got some people for society.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. So I'm a table.

[Yannis Pappas]

You're for the table. Not everybody's for the table.

[Simon Rex]

Meaning they would filet me with apples in my mouth. Meaning suck my ass.

[Chrissy D]

Meaning you're such a piece, you're such a good looking guy. You got a nice. You got a nice glue gun.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Meaning that like if you were to get married to one woman, that would be so.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Well, society.

[Simon Rex]

I've soiled my oats enough at this point. I think I would be. I've calmed down a bit, but I 51. I still got the sex drive of a hungry hyena.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's what it is. Yeah. Because I. We need to come up with smarter ways to run our business communications. We're always talking about that.

[Chrissy D]

We're always talking about it. And thank God for Quo because anything

[Yannis Pappas]

that even sounds Asian, I'm in.

[Chrissy D]

I am in for Quo.

[Yannis Pappas]

Quo is not only a number one rated business phone system, but it also delivered my food before.

[Chrissy D]

Let's fucking Quo. Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Quo works wherever you are, right. From an app or your phone or computer.

[Chrissy D]

That's why today's episode is brought to you by Quo, spelled Q U O. The smarter way to run your business communications.

[Yannis Pappas]

You know me, I like it. I like business meetings right in my ass off a homo.

[Simon Rex]

Quo.

[Chrissy D]

Quo is the number one number one rated business phone system on G2 with over 3,000 reviews built for how modern teams work. That's why more than 90,000 businesses, from solo operators to growing teams, rely on Quo to stay connected, professional and consistently reachable.

[Yannis Pappas]

Because here's the thing, is the guy who's running our ads just doesn't give a anymore. He's mailing it in. Because I don't think any of our listeners even own businesses. But if you do, you got to try Quo. Yeah. For free. Plus you're going to get 20% off your six months when you go to quo.com hydas make this time where no opportunity and no customers. Wait, what?

[Chrissy D]

That's quo.com hyenas q o quo no miss missed calls, no missed customers.

[Yannis Pappas]

And it says. I meant to say make this the time where no opportunity and no customers slips away. Quote let's quote yeah. Cause now this is the fucking ad I'm talking about. Blue Chew, baby. Hard cocks. Hard American cocks. Cause I really hope Aaron Judge takes a blue chew and hits a home run with his peas.

[Chrissy D]

Like I said on the episode episode, I missed the days when I was just hard for no reason. You want to just get hard for no reason? Take a blue chew in the middle of a cafe and just get hard

[Yannis Pappas]

because it's like going back in time. You take a blue chew and you just sit and relax because you got a nice rock hard boner. Again, Blue Chew Gold dissolves under your tongue and it works in as little as 15 minutes. And I will say, even though they don't recommend this, but I've tried it, it also works, it will dissolve in your anal cavity.

[Chrissy D]

You gotta get Blue Chew gold. It's the newest innovation from the number one chewable Ed brand. Yeah. So it's very easy. Cuz tell them where to get it.

[Yannis Pappas]

Cuz where you could get it is right here at this show. We've got a special deal for our listeners. Get 10 off your first month of BlueChew Gold with code Hyenas. That's promo code hyenas. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank Bluechew for sponsoring the podcast and sponsoring our patreon pieces.

[Chrissy D]

Cuz I downloaded the Quint app. I've been using our promo code like crazy and I got myself a comfort stretch trench coat. It's cute as hell beige and it was only 100 beans.

[Yannis Pappas]

And it looks amazing. When you first told me you were getting, I said are you going muzzy now? But when I saw it on you, it looks fantastic and it fits the bod nice. The comfort stretch Comfort stretch trench coat is amazing and we have talked about this week after week, week after week. We both have multiple items that we wear from Quint. Quint is the absolute best. They cut out the middleman. The cashmere sweater they got is 100% Mongolian. The same stuff luxury brands use. The Pima cotton is amazing long staple which means it stays soft and doesn't pill. The European jersey linen is breathable and lightweight. Everything is built to hold up to regular wear and still looks good. I cannot, I cannot advocate for quints enough. I love this company. I get almost everything I wear or sleep on comes from quints.

[Chrissy D]

No, serious. We both use quince because quince is good and it is quality and it has a nice selection of clothes up there. High quality. Right now go to quince.com/hyenas for free shipping and 365 day returns. That's a full year to build your wardrobe and love it. And you will now available in Canada too. Don't keep settling for clothes that don't last. Go to Q U I n c e.com hyenas for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com/hyenas When's the last time you had sex?

[Yannis Pappas]

When's the last time you porked?

[Simon Rex]

It's been a couple weeks.

[Yannis Pappas]

Nice. Not bad. Now do you have sex? Is there the same woman out there? Is it randos? How does, how does it work on social media?

[Simon Rex]

No, no, it's. There's a girl's hanging out with. But it's nothing serious.

[Yannis Pappas]

Nothing serious. But that's nice. But you're up front. You seem like you're also upfront about it. Like, listen, it's not serious. I'm Simon.

[Chrissy D]

I don't. I don't want to live in a world where I know he's tied down. I don't.

[Yannis Pappas]

But if he froze for the country. But why does he have to have a wife to have a kid?

[Simon Rex]

He's just.

[Chrissy D]

That's true, right?

[Yannis Pappas]

Just have the baby.

[Simon Rex]

That's a good point. And that's a possibility. Nowadays those options are on the on table.

[Yannis Pappas]

Big butt, curly hair. Jews is what we're looking for. If you're one of those people, if you can identify or Latina or Latina.

[Simon Rex]

I got a funny. Quick. Can I tell Quick. Funny one.

[Yannis Pappas]

Come on.

[Simon Rex]

So that my. There's a synagogue on Eldridge street that's a famously. It's a famous.

[Yannis Pappas]

Nick, Put it on the list.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, check it out. It's a beautiful. Oh, I think I pull up an image. There's a beautiful synagogue in Chinatown on Eldridge street, below Canal. When I lived in New York, I never really gave a fuck or was connected to my Jewish roots whatsoever. And as I've gotten older, my mom would always say, you need to go see our family synagogue. So I go and I take a tour the other day of my synagogue, of my. My great, great grandfather. Rabbi Yudlovich was the number one rabbi in The United States. And he was the first man to marry Jews from different tribes around the world to spread the Jews around.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's your grandpa.

[Simon Rex]

That's my great great grandpa. So I went in there, and there's a picture of him, like Jesus in a church of Rabbi Yudlovich. He's like a very decorated rabbi. And I see a picture of him, and I'm staring at him, and they come out. It's a museum now. And they're like, may we help you? And I'm like, yeah, that's my great great grandfather. They go, no, it's not. I go, yeah, it is. They go, no, it's not. I go, yes, it is. They said, name your relatives. Like my Aunt Birdie in Florida, my Grandma Evelyn, my Grandpa Harold. They all migrated to Florida. And they look at me, like, in shock. And they go, you are the last man in the bloodline of Rabbi Yudlovich. And I go, I guess. And they go, you must marry a Jewish girl. And I go, I. I like Puerto Ricans. And they take me to dinner, and they're surrounding me, accosting me, accosting me. And one of the guys is spitting noodles in my face. As I'm wiping my face, he's like, you must marry a Jewish girl. And I'm just thinking, I like Puerto Ricans. And so I feel this pressure as I age to marry a Jewish girl. So that's why curly hair, big butt, Jew is necessary if I do do that.

[Yannis Pappas]

We pulled up. Jesse pulled up Alana Glazer. It's got curly hair, beautiful girl.

[Chrissy D]

She.

[Yannis Pappas]

I don't know what her relationship status.

[Simon Rex]

Met her once.

[Chrissy D]

She's got a kid.

[Yannis Pappas]

Oh, she's got a kid. Okay.

[Simon Rex]

She's met her. I knew it. I growled at her. I'm not.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's not gonna work.

[Simon Rex]

I met it. I met her at the premiere of a movie I did called Married Twice, and she came up and said, good job in the movie. And I went, yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Wait, Channing Tate. And Blink Twice. You were in there? I was in that very forgettable pee.

[Simon Rex]

You'll miss me.

[Yannis Pappas]

No. Yeah. What? What? What? Were you one of his boys?

[Simon Rex]

I was one of his boys.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You ever seen that movie? No, dude, that. That. Now is the time to watch a movie like that. Yeah, It's a very islandy. It's very. And the only twist at the end,

[Chrissy D]

the only movie of his I've seen was Magic Mike Tatum. Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Solid.

[Chrissy D]

Dude, I. I think you're born gay, but I do think you can Catch it from watching that movie?

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, 100. You could catch it. Yep.

[Chrissy D]

Just from that movie.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Do you think animals are bisexual? All animals?

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

I know dolphins have sex with each

[Chrissy D]

other's family and they probably the more intelligent one.

[Simon Rex]

Well, dolphins, they have sex with each other all day long. Mom will use the snout vibrator on the dog.

[Chrissy D]

Don't pygmy chimps jerk each other off?

[Yannis Pappas]

They do, yeah. I think we label everything now. I think back in the day, everybody was just having sex with everybody.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. Greek.

[Chrissy D]

Well, we brought up a good point when we did a lot of research. Back in the day, women didn't used to shave their legs and stuff. They didn't shave their armpits, so they kind of looked a lot like your boy. So it was like there wasn't that much difference.

[Yannis Pappas]

Wait a second. Hold on. We got the cast up of Blink Twice. How the hell is Haley Joel Osmond listed before you?

[Simon Rex]

Oh, it's all right. I don't care.

[Chrissy D]

In this movie, Haley Joel Osmond blew out.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, there's Cody.

[Simon Rex]

They got me at the very Simon Rex.

[Yannis Pappas]

I'll take it.

[Simon Rex]

I'll be happy at the end of the line.

[Yannis Pappas]

Where did you guys film this movie? Did you join?

[Chrissy D]

Is that from your death row photo shoot?

[Simon Rex]

You don't even know how funny that is that you say that. I've been trying to get my. I look like I dying of AIDS now. I've been trying to get a proper photo Instead of my Dr. Dre picture for years. It's impossible. They're using this rap picture that looks

[Chrissy D]

like an in memoriam.

[Simon Rex]

South Africa. I told Africa I got to. I, I lit. How funny is this white rapper? I toured Africa.

[Yannis Pappas]

Is that where you got aids? Sorry.

[Chrissy D]

Doesn't that look like it should have a Simon Rex, 1967 to whatever, a thousand percent.

[Simon Rex]

Geez, Louise.

[Chrissy D]

1977, wow.

[Yannis Pappas]

Now. Yeah. I mean, Simon is just, you know, when I sit by next to a guy like Simon, I feel like I don't have any talent. Don't you feel like that? Like we do with stand up?

[Chrissy D]

No, Simon is. I. Simon is a very talented kid. Very likable and charismatic kid. And also he's also a good actor.

[Yannis Pappas]

Now, do you think.

[Chrissy D]

Here's what I actually think. It's not fair and I'm a little bitter about it.

[Yannis Pappas]

Do you think he's here for a good time? Not a long time.

[Chrissy D]

No, he's here for a long time.

[Simon Rex]

I've been a long time at this point. If it ended tomorrow, I have this attitude. If it ends tomorrow, I did it. I'm happy. I did it.

[Yannis Pappas]

See, that's a benefit of not having kids where you. Because sometimes with children, you're like, oh, I gotta live long enough. I need them to get to 18. I need to be there. But if you don't have kids, sometimes you might be like, you know what, I'll. I'll go out.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, I'm at that age where you got kids, Yanis.

[Chrissy D]

I got two girls.

[Simon Rex]

Okay, so you guys are popping it up. Yeah, yeah. You're pop. Your Yana's popping it up.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. And he had kids later in life. What was your first? How old are you the. For the first one?

[Chrissy D]

Three?

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. A little, little older. Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

I think Simon, I think. I think Simon, like he's on this podcast doing. I think Simon's about to have a big moment.

[Yannis Pappas]

A big moment.

[Chrissy D]

I think he's feel it.

[Yannis Pappas]

Right. We got him right before he blew up.

[Chrissy D]

Well, he's already Simon Rex, but I think he's going to have a big.

[Yannis Pappas]

Now when you say big moment, you think he's going to get in the upstate file? You think he's next?

[Simon Rex]

I feel a little left out that I wasn't invited.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, I know. Does that, does that.

[Simon Rex]

That means you haven't made it yet if you're not invited.

[Yannis Pappas]

He didn't even contact.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, nothing. How about this? You know, Puff Daddy right now, Diddy, whatever you want to call him, you know, right now, Diddy's like, yes.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

He must be so happy that the heat just. Cuz he was the whole focal point for a while and now he's just like, nobody cares.

[Yannis Pappas]

And you never got invited to a Diddy party either?

[Simon Rex]

No, but I actually did. No, I never got invited, but I did see him around a couple times. And funny Diddy story. I met him at Mark Ronson Studio once. And as I went to shake his hand, he was like, hey, this is Simon. And as I go to shake his hand, I go, do I call him Diddy? Do I call him Puff Daddy? What do I call him? And I go, nice to meet you, you, Sean. And he looked at me like I offended him so much and his security tightened up and he looked at me like, how dare you? Like, I called you Sean.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's your name.

[Simon Rex]

I didn't know what to call him. It all happened in a second. Nice to meet you, Sean.

[Yannis Pappas]

Walking.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, he didn't like it.

[Yannis Pappas]

I didn't like it.

[Simon Rex]

Nope.

[Chrissy D]

You know, it's funny because Epstein was like the Mainstream rooms. And Diddy was running, like, the chitlin circuit, right?

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, Diddy was running them. Yeah. They're like. Like Epstein was doing, like, your. A. Comedy clubs, the improvs, you know that. All that. The funny bones where. Yeah, Diddy was doing the black room.

[Chrissy D]

He was doing the black.

[Yannis Pappas]

He was doing mochas up in Harlem.

[Chrissy D]

He did. Was doing the five guys in a funeral. Remember that movie they're called. And then that starred the British guys. And then Diddy was doing the one with Cedric the Entertainer.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. It's just what it is. Yeah. It was Medea's family reunion.

[Chrissy D]

That's what it was.

[Simon Rex]

Here's a. A broader question.

[Yannis Pappas]

Every time you start to think it looks like it hurts.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. Oh, it does.

[Yannis Pappas]

So we'll zoom in on that. Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Do you think that this Epstein thing is a. It has happened throughout history that there was men in power taking advantage of the. And was with younger people. This seems like it's just under a microscope now, but this is. I'm not. I'm not trying to play it down.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

But this has probably gone on forever.

[Yannis Pappas]

Janice speaks about this all the time.

[Simon Rex]

Okay.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

You look at every empire. It's all. Every. All the elites at the top level, you know, Ottoman Greek, all the, you know, Chinese dynasties, the Romans. It's just something. For some reason they want kids.

[Simon Rex]

What do you think that's about? Do you think it's people that didn't get in high school, get older, and are in power and they don't know what to do with their sexual energy?

[Chrissy D]

It's power. It's power. It's some sort of power thing.

[Yannis Pappas]

Because what's a more vulnerable thing?

[Simon Rex]

It's so.

[Yannis Pappas]

Because what's a more vulnerable thing to

[Simon Rex]

have power over than a defenseless union level? Playing out their childhood that they were up from with the kid is like playing that.

[Chrissy D]

I think when it comes to power is a lack of humility. So what power.

[Simon Rex]

Narcissism.

[Chrissy D]

Narcissism. And what powerful people fear the most is disappearing their death on some subconscious level.

[Simon Rex]

The fountain of youth.

[Chrissy D]

They want to consume the youth. Corrupt.

[Simon Rex]

Dark triad.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yes.

[Simon Rex]

Is it the dark triad? That's the narcissism. That's malignant narcissism. It's the power and it's the Machiavellianism. It's the three of them where it's not just like. It's like they get off on the control sexually almost. They want to hurt people. Some dark shit.

[Yannis Pappas]

And I also think that narcissists Fear.

[Chrissy D]

Insignificance.

[Yannis Pappas]

Insignificance is the thing. And now all these conspiracy theorists are saying that, like, you know, you have these videos they say of. Of, you know, Hillary Clinton and Huma Abdin, like, you know, cutting babies faces off and wearing them and all this stuff. It all sounds.

[Simon Rex]

I mean, who didn't do that? We all did that, dude.

[Yannis Pappas]

Well, you know, you were in the. Yeah, you were famous in the 90s.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

So. But what they're saying is, is that they think that they do those things. If you believe in this stuff, the adrenochrome and eating babies and all that stuff is because the powers that be are privy to some kind of information of what this really is. Of like, what this existence really is. And they might feel that they know some type of answer, that it's all futile and meaningless anyway. So it doesn't matter what you do. You could kill a baby, whatever. And it's just you're going to some other realm after this and it. And it has no consequences. That's what they think is. Is, you know, something. The prison planet.

[Chrissy D]

That's straight from his group chat.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's straight from the group chat that this is a prison planet. We've spoken about this. This is prison planet. And these ancient alien race that controls us, this future futuristic human race that they get fed off our negative emotions.

[Chrissy D]

And I'm going to admit something to you right now. I know I've been hard on the Catholic Church because of the pedophilia scandal, but actually I did a lot of research. Research.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yep.

[Chrissy D]

And Catholic Church is no worse than Protestant churches, schools, Boy Scouts, all the same. Thank you, society.

[Simon Rex]

Good and bad in every race. There's good and bad in every church. There's good and bad in every. It's. I think we just like make it us and them. That's a human.

[Yannis Pappas]

I think it's them.

[Simon Rex]

It's them.

[Yannis Pappas]

Them. And I think that everybody.

[Chrissy D]

And I think. Which makes it worse because it's more

[Simon Rex]

people doing this white and white tribe of just white people. White people. It'd still be us and them somehow, because.

[Yannis Pappas]

And I. And I think that like, you know, like, that's like, you know, good to hear. Is like that for your mom. It's not just. It's not just Catholicism. Like you said, things are happening everywhere. And what we need to do in a time like this is come together and have some unity.

[Simon Rex]

Thank you.

[Yannis Pappas]

And kind of all say collectively that Islam is a cancer.

[Simon Rex]

You got me.

[Yannis Pappas]

You got me.

[Chrissy D]

Got me.

[Simon Rex]

Well, we could use this Platform for good.

[Yannis Pappas]

Right. And that's. You know what I mean? So, Simon, where's the next movie?

[Simon Rex]

I did a. I did an Islamic movie then.

[Yannis Pappas]

Did you? Oh, yeah, yeah. What's your website?

[Simon Rex]

Iman Rex 415. Man, that was good. Good.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Did you see.

[Chrissy D]

I didn't see that one coming.

[Simon Rex]

No.

[Yannis Pappas]

It's what it is. Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

No, but back to what we're talking about. Yeah, back to what we're talking about. There's good and bad in everybody.

[Chrissy D]

There's good Islam. Yes, yes, yes.

[Yannis Pappas]

I agree.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, we agree.

[Yannis Pappas]

Okay, I agree. I agree with you. There's good there.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. No, but there's a. Look, as someone who's half Jewish, you. If you don't think that I'm getting a little bit scared, going to my synagogue the other day to see it, as I was in the synagogue visiting, I had a thought in the back of my mind, what if this synagogue gets attacked right now? My phone alerts, detroit synagogue attacked. As I was in the synagogue. That should happen.

[Yannis Pappas]

It might be. And look, I'm going to say honestly, it might get attacked. And I'm sorry if that happens. I'm just telling you that there's a high chance that it won't be Christians and Buddhists.

[Simon Rex]

That's right.

[Chrissy D]

Also, you don't got to worry about anything happening in your phone because you're Jewish, so you'll be fine. Well, because the phones that explode.

[Simon Rex]

All right, yeah, of course. That was a good move.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. Ten years.

[Yannis Pappas]

You are protected as a Jew. I think if there is any type of nefarious stuff happening with Israel on Netanyahu, I think that you are protected. I would assume that the Israelis are a fan of you.

[Simon Rex]

Maybe. I don't even know if they know who the I am.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, well, they're reading.

[Simon Rex]

Never even been outspoken about being Jewish until I start. I'm not even a practicing Jew. I've never even been to.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, but he's the type of Jew

[Chrissy D]

that the people who don't like Jews don't think exist.

[Yannis Pappas]

He's a Jew, right?

[Chrissy D]

Like, they. They all think that the Jews are, like, all together, sitting around, going, like,

[Simon Rex]

in a Jewish cemetery. I got a tattoo right here. I never pray.

[Yannis Pappas]

They're just like, yeah, but that's that.

[Simon Rex]

I feel no connection as a American. I'd have no understanding of my roots anywhere. So I'm also on my dad's side, who was a redneck from a trailer park in New Orleans.

[Yannis Pappas]

He.

[Simon Rex]

I did the DNA on that side. I have a relative who was A decorated general in the Civil War. No. Yeah. No.

[Yannis Pappas]

What side?

[Simon Rex]

Not the Civil War. The Revolutionary War.

[Chrissy D]

Wow.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. Dude, that's crazy.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. From Ohio. I have family in Ohio and in the south. On my redneck, you got prominent Jewish thing.

[Yannis Pappas]

You're prominently rabbi. You got the top rabbi. You got a Revolutionary War general. Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

And then my. My. My grandpa on my dad's side had a cult.

[Yannis Pappas]

Right.

[Simon Rex]

But that wasn't a high profile thing or anything. He just was playing God and had a cult and married people together and all the women and all.

[Yannis Pappas]

That sounds fun.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. Cults, like, you got to do something big to get in the mainstream. You got to do like a mass suicide. Yes.

[Yannis Pappas]

Jim Jones.

[Chrissy D]

The cult is fizzled out. It's like, no mass suicide.

[Yannis Pappas]

Want to see it? Yeah. Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Now, being in a cult is nice, though. Like, sometimes don't you get a little overwhelmed and just you go. You go to yourself. Like, a nice brainwashing would be nice sometimes.

[Simon Rex]

What's clean pill, blue pill. What is it? Yeah, the term where you just check out. You don't.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Pontificate from the Matrix, you know. Nice it would be to shut this off once in a while and lay my head down and not listen to you guys on a podcast to go to bed. You guys keep me up all night.

[Yannis Pappas]

All night.

[Chrissy D]

We're not.

[Yannis Pappas]

Says Bliss.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. It's just it that. That's a cult. You go there, some guy tells you, you know what to say, what? And you just don't have to think,

[Yannis Pappas]

dude, it's a beautiful thing. Like, my group shot my boy Deebo. Like, you know, like, he. He follows Mr. Met on Instagram. You want to be that?

[Simon Rex]

Who's Debo?

[Yannis Pappas]

One of my boys I grew up with. He follows Mr. And Mrs. Met on social media, and that's who he talks to. And that's. And it's a beautiful thing. And he goes to o' Neill's and he goes to Mets games, and he wears shorts 12 months a year.

[Simon Rex]

I wish I believed in something. I don't believe in anything. Everything's bullshit. The older I get, I think everything's fucking bullshit. Even, like, recycling. I'm always in my head, oh, I'm doing good for the planet. Then I read, oh, the platform plastic industry. Nothing's even being recycled. My buddy goes, let's see. He puts one of those Apple trackers in his recycling. We watched it go right to a landfill. Everything's.

[Yannis Pappas]

Everything's dude.

[Simon Rex]

And unfortunately, I believe in anything.

[Yannis Pappas]

And you just have human connection. Is human connection.

[Simon Rex]

We're here, the phone's off. We get to connect.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yes.

[Simon Rex]

I'm even starting to talk like you guys. I'm a chameleon. I evolve.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, right.

[Yannis Pappas]

Make your life.

[Chrissy D]

You adapt.

[Yannis Pappas]

Make your life smaller. Do you? Do you make your life smaller? There's ev. The answer is always to be kind at every turn.

[Simon Rex]

Yes.

[Yannis Pappas]

You just be kind.

[Simon Rex]

That's it.

[Yannis Pappas]

Acceptance. That's all you need. Think, be kind globally.

[Simon Rex]

Act locally. All you could do is like make the room that you entered a better place when you leave. Have nice interactions and then that hopefully will have a.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's what I tell.

[Simon Rex]

All I try to do. I go in with an intention of like make this motherfucker laugh. Make him feel good. The barista. Whoever.

[Yannis Pappas]

I tell my kids all the time, daddy doesn't have many answers. The only answer answer I have is the. The always the right choice is to be kind.

[Simon Rex]

There you go.

[Yannis Pappas]

Always.

[Simon Rex]

That's your dad.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yes. Right. Choices. Now you.

[Chrissy D]

You call up, you text Mark Ronson. You say, hey man, what are you doing today? You and Mark Ronson. What's a day look like?

[Simon Rex]

We went and saw a movie the other day which I highly recommend called a poet. Colombian movie. Beautiful women. Colombian movie. Blew me away. We went and saw a movie. I helped him out with his kids. He has two beautiful daughters. A lot of daughters going on around lately. Beautiful daughters. I helped them. We went to daycare with them. I hung out now been it was uncle. So. Yeah. Very wholesome. He's a very sweet.

[Chrissy D]

Is his sister DJ still too.

[Simon Rex]

Samantha runs all right movie recommend this. It's incredible.

[Yannis Pappas]

Kids are squeak. Whoever the. Whoever the lead is. He's a small kid.

[Simon Rex]

No, it's. It's very entertaining.

[Chrissy D]

Was anyone in the theater?

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, six people.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Movies aren't in the theaters. Aren't doing too well.

[Chrissy D]

Tough.

[Yannis Pappas]

No, but only the big budget ones like you said.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, well, actually those aren't doing well either. No one's going to see these Marvel movies anymore. They're tanking.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. China Mov.

[Yannis Pappas]

I really don't want that. That I don't want to.

[Chrissy D]

Well, they played it out. It's like, how many times can you do Captain America? You know?

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, that had its.

[Yannis Pappas]

But I want to go to the movies. I want to go to the movies.

[Simon Rex]

We need an escape.

[Chrissy D]

I want to go to the movies with you.

[Yannis Pappas]

I want to go to the movies with you.

[Simon Rex]

Do you guys find that watching a movie now it's almost like reading a book? Like the attention span from the social media has just Made us not be able to digest long form read. Like, reading a book is fucking arduous, dude. It's hard.

[Yannis Pappas]

Everybody listens to them now. Yeah, yeah.

[Simon Rex]

I try to do it, try to minimize my screen time.

[Yannis Pappas]

It's not easy. What you have to do what Giannis and I do, and it's just something that works for us. It doesn't work for everybody. But the only way that we found to get off our phones is when we want to go take a walk and just disconnect.

[Chrissy D]

We.

[Yannis Pappas]

We take our phones and we shove them up our ass.

[Simon Rex]

That's beautiful.

[Yannis Pappas]

With lube. We use lube and we shove them up our ass because it is a 45 to 60 minute process of us being able to get the phone out of our ass. And then when we get it, we'll look at it. But while we're walking, our phones are in our anal cavity.

[Simon Rex]

That sounds interesting.

[Chrissy D]

Yes. Maybe if they make a new form of phone that they can go in your ass.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's make it as a suppository.

[Simon Rex]

There's a. I saw this thing, ironically on my phone, looking at it, called going 90s, where you leave your phone at home when you go out for an hour with your buddies and you go 90s, and you just leave that shit home. Because I'm old enough to remember life before social media. And you used to have to be a latchkey kid. You would just. You'd go outside and play till suppertime, you would be back by dark, and you were in feral, in the streets, running around. And I think kids now, they're not. They're wired differently.

[Chrissy D]

Do you think there's tablets? Do you think there's going to be, like a rebellion against sex? It's going.

[Simon Rex]

Happening. It's already happening. You know what's happening is that 15 year olds, whatever millennial generation that's called, are like, oh, God, mom and dad are on Tick Tock. That's lame.

[Yannis Pappas]

So it's already full circle around full 90s, though.

[Chrissy D]

Like, Mark Wahlberg is gonna, like, beat up a Filipino guy in the street. 90s.

[Simon Rex]

I hope so that's what we need back.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Old racism means in the streets, not on the phone.

[Yannis Pappas]

Even. What you said early in the podcast, you reminisce about New York in the 90s. We all do.

[Simon Rex]

Yes.

[Yannis Pappas]

So I. Kate Moss. It'll go. It will get back there. I mean, dude, look, look. I'm wearing these bell bottom jeans.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, wow.

[Yannis Pappas]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Chrissy D]

You are just a kid with a leaky roof.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. With a St. John's job. I'm going back to the 90s, baby.

[Simon Rex]

How old were you? You were. You guys.

[Yannis Pappas]

I was born in 1984.

[Simon Rex]

I was 10 years old and I'm a 74 guy.

[Chrissy D]

You 75.

[Simon Rex]

75.

[Yannis Pappas]

Is that Greek years or. That's American.

[Chrissy D]

Accurate.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's accurate.

[Chrissy D]

So I'm at 76.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. So we. We're same. We're same generation.

[Simon Rex]

Same generation.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Those were 80s were the best. 80.

[Chrissy D]

We're good.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. So I think that it is because I notice even my 15 year old stepson, he doesn't follow anyone on social media. He doesn't even want social media. I love that he does it because

[Simon Rex]

he, he sees you, he's like, he

[Yannis Pappas]

saw mom and you know, stepdad. Like this is. This ruins your life. So he, he does, he's. It is interesting to see these kids. They're walking, they're. He's not glued to his phone.

[Simon Rex]

That's a beautiful thing.

[Yannis Pappas]

He won't text people back. So that's kind of nice.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, it is nice. I think that's where it's going. I think it's just, it's exhausting. I think we're all of kind collectively exhausted a bit. I know I am. It's just like the brain rots.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

I sit there like in my hotel room and I just, I was like, last night I forced my. I had to force myself to turn the off. I had the TV on with the. I'm watching twins. I like watching 80s movies. I'm watching twins. I got the iPad going with the podcast and I got my phone in my house. We're got three screens gone now.

[Yannis Pappas]

Where. So you genuinely. For real. For real, do not have an, an apartment right now or home?

[Simon Rex]

No, no, no, I do. I have a. I live in Silver Lake, which is in la.

[Yannis Pappas]

Oh, so you have a. Yeah, I

[Simon Rex]

got a place and then I got a little gift getaway pad and Joshua Tree I had to buy. I had to get the out of the city. After my whole life in San Francisco, New York, Louisiana, when I was about 45, I go, I got, I got. I need something different. So I bought a little shipping container house in the middle of nowhere in Joshua Tree. Off grid, solar, water, well, septic tank. And I go there and I go on my Instagram. Wow.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, right.

[Yannis Pappas]

Five pieces that you look at your phone and shipping. Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

In a little tiny house.

[Yannis Pappas]

Containers are the new thing. Everybody's putting a house, a little modern

[Simon Rex]

spaceship in the middle of the desert. It's beautiful.

[Yannis Pappas]

It's better than sexual slavery.

[Simon Rex]

No, it's awesome. And I go there to just decompress and I try to get stay off the screens. But you know what? It's hard, man. It's like a addictive personality. You just. I need stimulation. It's the adhd. And everyone says ADHD and narcissism incorrectly these days, but there are some narcissists and there are some people with ADHD. And I was diagnosed at 47 years old.

[Yannis Pappas]

Really?

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. As combination ADHD, which is hyperactive and inattentive. Right. But I don't want to take Adderall.

[Chrissy D]

I don't.

[Simon Rex]

I didn't want to take stimulants. So I got diagnosed. Pete Davidson gave me his therapist who's like a professor at Columbia, diagnosed me. He's like, dude, you answered every single question. You have severe combination adhd, which is a superpower and is crippling. Great for your career. Horrible for relationships. I need new. I need so.

[Yannis Pappas]

And you're not on medication?

[Simon Rex]

No, I'm taking something called Strattera, which is a non stimulant, which pumps a little bit of dopamine to calm you down.

[Yannis Pappas]

Got it.

[Simon Rex]

Obviously not working at all.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you burned a thousand calories on this podcast.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. You know what? I think it's. I think it's the short form. I think it's. Think it's just short form.

[Yannis Pappas]

Short form YouTube content.

[Chrissy D]

People got cooked when tik tok what it is.

[Simon Rex]

And I don't do tik tok. I won't do it.

[Yannis Pappas]

No. My daughter, my daughters, if they're ever going to watch YouTube, we supervise it. But the videos have to be over 20 minutes. Yeah, I won't let them watch short form stuff. Short form stuff.

[Chrissy D]

There was a good era, the Internet, like before the tick tock algorithm. Before that, you know, it was like they. Because they increasingly were trying to hook you. So they kept figuring out. And then once they figured out the

[Simon Rex]

shortfall, maybe attention economy, maybe we'll get

[Yannis Pappas]

lucky in China or Iran will knock out our grid. I hope it all gets great if we got knocked out much.

[Simon Rex]

I'm sick of posting my own shit.

[Chrissy D]

Look at me.

[Simon Rex]

Look at me. Look at the fuck up.

[Yannis Pappas]

No, dude, I like that they saying the new Ayatollah of Iran is gay. That's what they're saying. So I actually like that for them. I like that there's a new gay.

[Chrissy D]

That would be nice.

[Yannis Pappas]

The gay Iranian.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, that would be nice.

[Yannis Pappas]

I like that. Gaining again, by the way. You Know. You know. You know who you really want. Actually, I know you want them to be Jewish, but I. Iranian women are probably the most beautiful women.

[Simon Rex]

We'll see him under the thing.

[Yannis Pappas]

Well, but you're going to. Hopefully, with the regime change you're going to see, and if they got curly hairs and big butts, I mean, I honestly think Iranian might work for you.

[Simon Rex]

My buddy hooked up with a Persian girl in high school and said it was the best sex he ever had.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. I mean, look at this girl. Look at that. TikTok hot Persian girl. Summer.

[Chrissy D]

I mean, tons of Persians in la. Beverly Hills.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. Dude, there's a Crystal Marie. Adam, Carolla's girlfriend's absolutely breathtaking. Beautiful. Iranian.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, Iranian, Persian, whatever you.

[Yannis Pappas]

Because Persian, they're not. They're not really Muslim. They're mostly Zara Muslim now. No, they are now, but I'm saying the true Persians are Zoroastrian. They're all different religions.

[Chrissy D]

That was like 1400 years ago. But.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, but I'm saying. No, but like, in the 70s, before the IOT, they were just secular.

[Chrissy D]

They were still Muslim. They were secular, but they were.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, they didn't care.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. They just kind of, like, were doing their thing. They were like, Christian the way me and you were Christian.

[Yannis Pappas]

Right, Right. Well, I'm hardcore. I got Catholic tattoos on my body. And now you're coming. You're coming over.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Giannis is starting to see the light of Catholicism.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. I wish I was religious. I don't. I. I'm agnostic.

[Yannis Pappas]

Right.

[Simon Rex]

I don't know.

[Yannis Pappas]

You'll pay for that when you die.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, exactly. So then I'm not going to hell, at least, because I don't know. But.

[Yannis Pappas]

Well, no, the Christian scripture, going to hell, so.

[Simon Rex]

Because someone wrote that in a book, so however many years ago, that means it's true.

[Yannis Pappas]

Go ahead, take Simon.

[Chrissy D]

What's interesting is I think we've gotten to a point, we've evolved to a point where I think even the most skeptical people, even the most agnostic or atheistic people have realized, you know, through our invention of AI, we created intelligence. And how far we've gotten with mathematics and physics and how we've looked at particles, I think. Think we know. Like, there's. We've. Something had to start it.

[Simon Rex]

Something.

[Chrissy D]

We've gotten so smart that.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, I don't disagree.

[Chrissy D]

Like, there had to be.

[Simon Rex]

There has to be, of course, a

[Chrissy D]

start or there has to be.

[Simon Rex]

I just don't know what it is.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Is it a black woman? Is it a white man, was Jesus white with blonde hair and blue eyes and long hair. That's why. That's where I get lost. Yeah, Jesus was probably dark skinned. Let's be real. He was from that area of the world.

[Yannis Pappas]

100.

[Simon Rex]

When I go to a church and I see a blonde hair, blue eyed, Aryan Jesus. No, I already don't buy that.

[Yannis Pappas]

No, Jesus looked like Nick.

[Chrissy D]

Not bad. Jesus looked a lot like that.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

But yeah, if God. God probably has more feminine qualities than masculine qualities, I would imagine. Love, creator, even us, we got tits that don't.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. What are we doing with these?

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, they say, they say Adam was made, Eve was made from Adam's rib. But like if you look at us, we still got the tits.

[Simon Rex]

And is it a coincidence that McDonald's comes out with the McRib only occasionally? No, think about it. Let that sink in.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, that's a good point.

[Simon Rex]

That's a conspiracy theory brain.

[Chrissy D]

That's a good one.

[Simon Rex]

Called apophenia. Know what that means? Apophenia is when you make connections that aren't there. Oh my God, that cloud looks like Moses. It kind of just looks like a frog too.

[Chrissy D]

That's what schizophrenic people do. But listen, if you're going to get a mental illness, schizophrenia. Fun one, fun one.

[Simon Rex]

Jealous of my computer theory friends.

[Chrissy D]

If I get that one, don't fix it. Let me know. You're living cuz then you're like the CIA wants you massage, looking for you.

[Yannis Pappas]

You're in, you're.

[Chrissy D]

You're having excitement.

[Yannis Pappas]

Well, because real perception is reality. So their reality is amazing.

[Chrissy D]

And reality is boring. Boring, yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, it really is. Actually. That's what it comes down to. Yeah, it is quite boring. That's why we. And you know what? Boring is good. I saw this thing. Can I share it? Yeah, sure. There was this thing I saw. They did a Harvard study and Harvard usually has smart people, right? Didn't you go to a good college?

[Chrissy D]

I went to a decent college.

[Simon Rex]

Okay. Yeah, I think I remember hearing that. So they did a Harvard study where they're saying we're so overstimulated that we need to be bored more. That when you're bored is when you will, instead of downloading information all day, you will come up with a thought. I need to do this more. I should write the book, I should do it.

[Yannis Pappas]

But instead we're just downloading constantly, needing to stimulate.

[Simon Rex]

I remember when you'd sit on the bus or the train and you just look out the window and there's no phone.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's right.

[Simon Rex]

And that we need to be bored more. We need to embrace boredom.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

So they did its thing where they put people in a room for 30 minutes with nothing. No phone, no book, nothing. But there's a buzzer in the middle of the table. If you touch the buzzer you'll get an electric shock. 80 plus percent of the people took the shock over sitting there for 30 minutes without anything. So we all need stimulation so much.

[Yannis Pappas]

Right.

[Simon Rex]

That we're and be bored.

[Chrissy D]

Do you know what I miss? I miss getting hard for no reason.

[Simon Rex]

Well I do. You do get hard on the middle of the night still. I still get them.

[Chrissy D]

I still get. I still wake up, I got a woody. But I, I miss like you're sitting there in school and you just get hard.

[Simon Rex]

That was great.

[Chrissy D]

That was great, dude.

[Yannis Pappas]

So I'm hard right now.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, you might just get hard for no reason.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, well that's being young.

[Simon Rex]

That's being you take Peptides.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, you might get hard again.

[Chrissy D]

Life changes if you don't get hard for no reason.

[Simon Rex]

I had a wet dream recently.

[Yannis Pappas]

Really?

[Simon Rex]

Not kidding. I've had like two in the last. I think it's the no weed. My brain is just so. I had a couple wet dreams recently.

[Yannis Pappas]

You woke up in splooge dude.

[Simon Rex]

And I woke up laughing. I was like, you have to be kidding me. I talked to my doctor, he's like it's very healthy, Simon.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, yeah it is healthy. It shows. Very virile.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

You didn't need to freeze you. Somebody scared you into freezing your sperm.

[Simon Rex]

You got good sperm do that in case a helicopter. You got a lot of bullets in Israel or something.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. Which could happen.

[Simon Rex]

It could happen.

[Chrissy D]

Helicopter. Yeah, it could crash into your dick.

[Simon Rex]

Helicopter could crash in your blade could just nick it. Yeah, it's all random. And that's another thing is all. Is it all random or is not. I'm getting all deep, no go. Is it random or is there a design was my life argument already pre written or is there free will?

[Chrissy D]

Huh?

[Simon Rex]

What do we got? I hate myself.

[Yannis Pappas]

We don't know. We don't know. We just don't know.

[Chrissy D]

What do you think?

[Simon Rex]

I think I think it's random. But then sometimes I want to believe it's not. But I don't know, I just, I don't know. The older I get, I don't know anything.

[Chrissy D]

What if it's both? What if it's a little bit.

[Simon Rex]

You know what? There's a lot of truth to two things could be true. At once.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. 100.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. No.

[Simon Rex]

Or not 150.

[Yannis Pappas]

50.

[Chrissy D]

Because I mean we ended up working together and creating comedy together. Our birthdays are two days apart.

[Yannis Pappas]

Oh.

[Simon Rex]

And 10 years apart. Ye.

[Chrissy D]

Nine years.

[Yannis Pappas]

Nine years apart. Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. That would be eight years, 363 days. But who reminded.

[Chrissy D]

And how about this one? My dad died, right. And then a year later my daughter was born on his birthday.

[Simon Rex]

Wow, that's beautiful.

[Chrissy D]

So that's where she makes.

[Simon Rex]

Maybe it's a coincidence.

[Chrissy D]

Maybe there's math behind it.

[Simon Rex]

There's something going on. Something going on? Yeah. You subconsciously, with, without free will or free will, impregnated the Mrs. To have that happen.

[Chrissy D]

It's crazy.

[Simon Rex]

You're just.

[Chrissy D]

There's a 1 in 300 chance in that.

[Yannis Pappas]

And that happened.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

That is weird.

[Yannis Pappas]

How about this? My. I. Our birthdays in my family. I have. My fiance's in April, my daughter's in May, my second daughter's in June, my stepson's in July, I'm in August and my dog's in September.

[Chrissy D]

Wow.

[Simon Rex]

Chances of that are.

[Yannis Pappas]

We could ask, chat, think about. I mean, that's very, very minimal.

[Simon Rex]

Sequential. Fun pattern.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yes. Every month. Every month from April to September.

[Simon Rex]

Okay. Okay. Now is it like the 30th and the second, or are we talking a month in between? Pretty.

[Yannis Pappas]

No, pretty much it's. It's April 14, May 19, Capricorn, Gemini, June 24.

[Simon Rex]

What about astrology? Do we buy that?

[Chrissy D]

Depends on how hot the chick is who believes.

[Simon Rex]

I love it.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Chicks do believe it.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. Guys.

[Simon Rex]

I don't know.

[Chrissy D]

I usually go like when it. When somebody's like ultra liberal, ultra conservative, I want to know what his chick is like. Yeah. Because usually the guys go the way the chick checks.

[Simon Rex]

Right?

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

I'm a cancer with penis rising. And I'll tell you something.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yes. Yeah. The fact that you know the signs is pretty.

[Simon Rex]

I was joking. I don't know the signs. I always. When a girl says I'm born in January, I go, Gemini. They're like, no, no. And I say eight of them. I'm like, see, I knew it.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, I know. Yeah, it's a nice.

[Chrissy D]

Who did you date? I'm trying to think like any, Any public.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Who's the public ones we know about?

[Simon Rex]

Well, it was public.

[Chrissy D]

Oh, Paris Hilton.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember that one.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

And it's funny because that's not even my type.

[Chrissy D]

Right, right.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. But you did it.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. Was it hot? Was that so hot?

[Simon Rex]

She's a she's. A friend of mine. She's sweet and she's actually hot.

[Chrissy D]

She's smarter than people think.

[Simon Rex]

She knows exactly what she's doing. Yeah, she's smarter than people think. And she's having a ball, bro.

[Yannis Pappas]

I never thought I had so much.

[Simon Rex]

You talk about what was the most fun I ever had.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, me and her did a movie in Miami. A National Lampoon. Zero percent on Rotten Tomatoes. Worst movie ever made. We had a ball.

[Chrissy D]

Ball. Dude.

[Yannis Pappas]

The thing is people that say, oh, Paris Hilton. Or Marco never dated or the Kardashians, it's like. Or the Jersey Shore. All these people are smart. You can't get to that level without being someone intelligent for six years.

[Chrissy D]

Paris Hilton.

[Simon Rex]

No, no, no.

[Chrissy D]

What does that mean?

[Simon Rex]

The Internet's wrong.

[Yannis Pappas]

ChatGPT is just wrong.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, yeah. So I actually prefer girls who are not in the business at all. I like to say I'm the only actress in this relationship. I want a girl with a regular job, Latina DNA, a nice Pamper and a job.

[Chrissy D]

Right.

[Simon Rex]

I got. I'm the dreamer who's out there chasing, you know, I'm not even chasing it. It's just happens, I guess. But I have been guilty of chasing the dream. And I want a girl who goes to work.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. I mean, you dated some absolute people.

[Chrissy D]

You know what? Bobby Kelly. Bobby Kelly, funny comedian, the great comedian Bobby Kelly told me one head shot per relationship.

[Simon Rex]

That's right. That's exactly right. Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

One head shot.

[Yannis Pappas]

One headshot per relationship is a great, great, great.

[Simon Rex]

You don't want two maniacs. You know what I mean? You can't have two dreamers. You need. It's called opposites attract. Want someone favorite?

[Yannis Pappas]

I respect.

[Simon Rex]

I, you know, I, Yeah, I, I can't do the, the actor thing with a partner.

[Chrissy D]

Do you like sucking on toes, putting feet in your mouth?

[Simon Rex]

I've never been into the feed thing. That hasn't happened yet. I just like a cute girl.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Maybe a couple fun outfits, talk some role playing's fun.

[Chrissy D]

Right.

[Simon Rex]

But I have not gotten to Epstein island levels yet.

[Chrissy D]

I like A plus coming.

[Simon Rex]

I think it's because I, My theory is I did okay in high school. I don't, I, I don't have any

[Chrissy D]

weird good theory too.

[Simon Rex]

I just always did okay. And you make them laugh. And you, you know, you know.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

We're three guys. We're three guys who got some decent

[Yannis Pappas]

looking people, got some decent pieces and got some decent looking girls in high school. But Yanni, you, they do laugh. You are the outlier Though, because you will put a. You'll put a mannequin's foot in your mouth.

[Chrissy D]

You won't put a foot in your mouth.

[Yannis Pappas]

I don't like feet.

[Chrissy D]

You don't think feet are hot?

[Yannis Pappas]

I don't hate feet, but I'm not going after feet.

[Chrissy D]

Like, nice, you know, they look good,

[Simon Rex]

but I don't need to put them in my mouth.

[Chrissy D]

Have you tried it?

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, I think I have tried it.

[Chrissy D]

Have you plugged one in? Yeah, I have, yeah.

[Simon Rex]

And I was like, this ain't for me.

[Chrissy D]

Well, the leg is.

[Simon Rex]

Sometimes you got to find out who you are by finding out who you're not.

[Yannis Pappas]

Not.

[Simon Rex]

I'm not a toe guy.

[Yannis Pappas]

You ever thrown on your mom's lingerie?

[Chrissy D]

I've tried.

[Simon Rex]

Negative.

[Chrissy D]

I was very young. I don't like ass play. I do not like.

[Yannis Pappas]

I've never. I've still never had anal sex.

[Chrissy D]

I just the ain't received rated and I don't like anything touching my ass.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, agreed. Yeah, because it doesn't do. It's like the nipples. I just doesn't do anything. It makes me feel uncomfortable.

[Chrissy D]

Now I will lick a lot.

[Yannis Pappas]

You like to lick it?

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. To lick things?

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Bodies, things?

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chrissy D]

I'm a liquor.

[Yannis Pappas]

He's a licker.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Well, you're not a liquor.

[Yannis Pappas]

I like to lick. Yeah, I like to lick. I like to suck. Yep. Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Licking and sucking.

[Yannis Pappas]

What it is. Yeah, yeah, it's what it is. I'm a squeezer. Yeah, I'm a squeezer. I like to lick, suck and squeeze. I like to squeeze too. Yeah. Giannis likes to bite. Yeah, he bites and fights. Yan fights. He bite you? Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

So, okay, so this kind of takes us back to that girl we saw in the Dominican Republic. Yeah, you want something curvy. Because I think on a high, on a hardwired level, we want a procreation hip ratio. And then when you have someone that looks like a little boy, which is the fashion industry for so long in the 90s, it was all the COVID of the magazines was these skinny girls because I think it was run by gay men who want little boys. And now we have Instagram and men are clicking the girl with the big butt. And now it's in. Cause I remember girls used to say, I got a big butt. Now they all want a big butt.

[Yannis Pappas]

Well, do you know why too? Because what we really see is deep, deep, deep, deep, deep in the DNA is wide birthing hips.

[Simon Rex]

That's what she's saying.

[Yannis Pappas]

So the highest chance of child Surviving. But I mean, this woman.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

I'd like her to. In my hat.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yes, I would. I would have her in my hat and I'd put the hat back on.

[Simon Rex]

Yara's backwards. She's dyslexic.

[Chrissy D]

Rd.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. I mean, she is gorgeous.

[Simon Rex]

Republican. Republican of Dominica. Now, Dominica is actually a Greek word for domino effect. I just made that up.

[Chrissy D]

Right, right. I think the Dominican is actually named after something Catholic. Right. Wasn't St. Thomas Aquinas from the Dominican.

[Yannis Pappas]

The Dominican Brotherhood.

[Simon Rex]

History going, guys.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's why I'm here.

[Simon Rex]

I want to.

[Yannis Pappas]

Dominican brotherhood.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. Well, we were going to do a history episode. We were going to. We had this whole history episode planned and then we forgot you were coming.

[Simon Rex]

I want your fans to not be like this guy took away from me learning this week.

[Chrissy D]

No, no, they're not going to say that.

[Yannis Pappas]

No, they did. They don't learn anything.

[Chrissy D]

Nobody.

[Yannis Pappas]

And I got to be honest with you, a lot of our fans probably have paused the episode an hour ago because they're googling pics of your piece.

[Simon Rex]

That's right. Yeah. Go look up red rocket. Look at the cog and red rocket.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Red cock it.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Named after Santo dominico, which was Saint Dominic, which was founded in 1498 and named in honor of Saint Dominic de Guzman, the founder the Dominican order.

[Yannis Pappas]

Dominican order, yeah. Dominic.

[Chrissy D]

So then they, like, they were Dominicans, right. Like the original, like St. Thomas Aquinas was Dominican.

[Yannis Pappas]

Dominican Republic is, you know, the first European settlement in the Americas. Dominican Republic is a very, very high ranking Latino country. Every Dominican person I know is very successful.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, they're hustlers. And it's adjacent to Haiti.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Don't know what that means, but I

[Yannis Pappas]

don't know why Haiti didn't. Yeah, they're not doing as great.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. They share the same island.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

But Dominicans just figured out like a border patrol there.

[Yannis Pappas]

I think there's mountains in the middle

[Simon Rex]

on the Dominican side. The Haitian side. They'd say it in French.

[Yannis Pappas]

He was my patriot.

[Chrissy D]

Go back there. He was the patron shade of astronomers.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, wow.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, look at that. He was the patron saint of astronomers and founder of the Dominican order.

[Yannis Pappas]

The patron saint.

[Chrissy D]

Patron saint.

[Simon Rex]

I got Bo. I like.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, maybe you're the stinky one. We've been spelling stinkies.

[Chrissy D]

I mean, you know. No, it's not that I don't have fears. I smelt the fart.

[Yannis Pappas]

I think it was my breath.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, I smelled the fart.

[Yannis Pappas]

All right, babe. Well, look, we've. We've been in here. We got to do it.

[Simon Rex]

How long has it been?

[Yannis Pappas]

An hour and 15 minutes, dude.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, dude.

[Simon Rex]

Which I like, an hour and 14.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

A UFO?

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

You ever be on a plane and you catch a ufo?

[Yannis Pappas]

What is that?

[Chrissy D]

Unidentified fart odor.

[Yannis Pappas]

Fart odor.

[Simon Rex]

I'm the guy who, when that happens, I look around.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

But then when I do it, I'm like.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Because the airplane. The airplane does give you gas, which

[Yannis Pappas]

is the barometric pressure, baby. Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

What I like to do is. Because what you're trying to do is you want to. You don't want the reverberation of the cheeks.

[Yannis Pappas]

No.

[Chrissy D]

So you go, you. You hold one. One cheek against the butts, against the seat, and then you pull your anus apart a little bit, and then you just push out lightly.

[Yannis Pappas]

I'd like to. What I do if I'm sitting window, I fart off the wall. That's what I'd like to do.

[Chrissy D]

You call glass when you do that.

[Simon Rex]

So, wait, what did we learn today? French revolution.

[Chrissy D]

French Revolution, Right.

[Simon Rex]

And hyenas are bisexual.

[Yannis Pappas]

Hyenas are bisexual?

[Chrissy D]

No, they're not bisexual. They have pseudo penises.

[Simon Rex]

Oh. Did you know penis envy? What is that mean? Almost penis.

[Chrissy D]

It's crazy. So the females have a penis, but it's not functional, but they give birth out of their penis.

[Simon Rex]

Now, that's what I'm looking for.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's what you want.

[Chrissy D]

That's right.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

They're a very unique animal.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yes.

[Chrissy D]

Matriarchal society where the chicks are, like, more vicious, stronger, and they roll around with dicks.

[Simon Rex]

I love it.

[Chrissy D]

They got dicks, dude.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yummy, yummy.

[Simon Rex]

YouTube as soon as we're at it.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. All right. So go check out, guys.

[Chrissy D]

Simon Rex. And the movies coming out once again

[Simon Rex]

are Toe with Roseburn, Name Drop Again, and a movie called Oper Taco Gary's Conspiracy Theory Comedy. Go have a laugh.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Need a laugh.

[Chrissy D]

And if you don't know, you could go watch the old Dirt Nasty videos, which are fun. Which are great. The fun songs.

[Yannis Pappas]

So good. Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Thanks, guys. You guys are awesome. This is the most we've ever hung out. We just met. We're new. I like. I'm gonna say we're friends now.

[Chrissy D]

Friends.

[Yannis Pappas]

We're friends now, man.

[Chrissy D]

This is how it goes now. It's like, why would we have a conversation if it wasn't monetized?

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. Why would we have a conversation if it wasn't paid for by hellofresh?

[Simon Rex]

That's right.

[Yannis Pappas]

Oh, it's already 7:20. We gotta read these Patreon.

[Chrissy D]

Let's do that. Ye.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's one of the most. Some of the most fun we have on the show is reading the names on the Patreon. The newest members of the Matriarch. You guys really have some home run names. And we just, we like doing it live because really the audience reaction that tells us who the winner is. A lot of times we pick the winner and you guys tell us we get it wrong. But in here with the live audience, we never get no. We go by audience applause.

[Chrissy D]

You guys tell us.

[Yannis Pappas]

So some of them are just going to be regular, but some of them, you know, you guys went for it. We got a couple of pages of names, so. Well, I don't know, some of you might even be in here tonight. I don't know. But let's go. Leading off the list, my purebred German shepherd. Loves to catch and collect Frisbees. Must be in his jeans.

[Chrissy D]

Yes. So good, guys. When did you sign up?

[Yannis Pappas]

I don't want to do any anti Semitism. No, it's not a big enough reaction.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Joey Ribeiro Palma, is that you? Daniel M. Telki, Wide spook.

[Chrissy D]

Jesus Christ. You gotta get quicker. Yeah, you walked into one.

[Yannis Pappas]

Sorry about that. Yeah, I'm sorry if I walked into one.

[Chrissy D]

You're from Ridgewood, Queens. You're supposed to be up on all the slurs.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah, sorry, Montana. Or should have stepped in and helped me.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Christopher Donaldson. Kyle Galea. Swimming through the Frisbee toots. To keep Chrissy in the program. My parents saw my first nut during an ultrasound of my scrotum. Okay. Dictate Dictator After Dark.

[Chrissy D]

Oh, nothing so far. It's a dry list.

[Yannis Pappas]

Cream filled Twinkie. No, no, nothing. My Puerto Rican girlfriend is pregnant. I

[Chrissy D]

Drexler.

[Yannis Pappas]

Drexler. Matt talks out her ass. Call her Elon Fumade. No, hey. Hey, Mark, it's Dean. I heard you bang my girlfriend. I swear, once I finish chemo, I'm gonna kick your freaking ass. Lift. Yeah. Yeah. He.

[Chrissy D]

He found a way to get his message out to the public. Dude, that's huge. I think that goes on for just the inventive way of threatening a guy. Yeah, by joining our Patreon.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's what it is. Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Does that go on the list or no? Yeah, yeah, they like that.

[Yannis Pappas]

And I really hope he wins because he doesn't have much time.

[Chrissy D]

He has that much time.

[Yannis Pappas]

Power Fourth. Kiss me on the lips or I'm out of here. That was me. Payson Neville Fiddling Myself on your leaky roof. Okay. Bear Frisbee. Like bear. Jew, bear Frisbee. Okay. Scalped my pubes and found a tiny tomahawk. Grading my wife's stretch marks. Like Uncle Russell. My uncle Russ is a cat.

[Chrissy D]

He's a catch judge his uncle and

[Yannis Pappas]

he judges different types of cats.

[Chrissy D]

Is that going on? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Then we got. Don't worry, Cohen is my married name. Josh Medlin Gray, Admiral Bar Barentos. Nancy Guthrie, hide and seek champ.

[Chrissy D]

That's a good one though. Yeah, it's a good one though. I don't know. I think sometimes you gotta take a harsh one and just accept it for what it is. Sometimes you gotta take a harsh one and admit that it's a good one.

[Yannis Pappas]

Sometimes. Hey, and you know what, cousin? We're in the fucking basement. This is where you say shit like this.

[Chrissy D]

That's right. I think that one goes on.

[Yannis Pappas]

Okay, List. On the list.

[Chrissy D]

I got it on.

[Yannis Pappas]

Then we got Ron Paul's Drag Race. Ron Paul. No, not enough for this. Not enough. Not for this room.

[Chrissy D]

That's a. A good one.

[Yannis Pappas]

No, it didn't get no, we already. It's not going to work.

[Chrissy D]

Still good. Drex.

[Yannis Pappas]

We got to have some hitters.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Frisbee girl. Put my meat in one hole and my milk in the other.

[Chrissy D]

Good one joke that's good

[Yannis Pappas]

is saying

[Chrissy D]

no, but Drexler, Drexler, Drexler.

[Yannis Pappas]

2 9, tough Joey D. The no nut kid. Okay. Laser. Laser beam Leroy, who didn't meet parents expectations. Call him a Kwame Brown.

[Chrissy D]

So good. These people don't know basketball.

[Yannis Pappas]

Kwame Brown, you know, right? People that don't know list for the people that don't know. Kwame Brown was the number one draft pick in the NBA and he did not have a good career. Yeah, he was faced. You know, that's got to go on the list.

[Chrissy D]

And if you don't know a laser beam is an in an Indian do and a laser beam Leroy is a black Indian.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's what it is. So this kid maybe somebody from Trinidad.

[Chrissy D]

It could be someone from Trinidad. This guy. This kid is Indian.

[Yannis Pappas]

Then we got Kelly Lombardo. Then we got Accidental N bomb, AKA Laroidian slip. Yeah, yeah.

[Chrissy D]

That's what you call a contender right there.

[Yannis Pappas]

You don't know black people. Leroy's. Okay.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, that is a goodie.

[Yannis Pappas]

Then we got Shemale. Who wants your email? Yaws.

[Chrissy D]

That's on, dude.

[Yannis Pappas]

Really?

[Chrissy D]

From that reaction, I think that's odd.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. Then we got Yanni, you small eyed cunt. For the love of Christ, just finger my leroy hole already. 911 was an inside job.

[Chrissy D]

Yes. So.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. Yes. Then we got Monica Lewinsky's gynecologist. Shake your finger. Okay, a couple more.

[Chrissy D]

She definitely, like, she had to go at some afterwards because you know, she. Some of the cigar just would get in there.

[Yannis Pappas]

You had to. Yeah. And. And I bet. I bet you he got her pregnant and they had to scoop that out. They have some. Scoop it out. Scoop it out.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. Scoop it out.

[Yannis Pappas]

There's no way he was going to let it happen.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Because he knew that his wife Hillary would eat his face. Yeah. Okay. Just a Puerto Rican sofrito monkey from Canar.

[Chrissy D]

I like that.

[Yannis Pappas]

Puerto Rican girl from Brooklyn. Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

I like that first.

[Yannis Pappas]

I like it.

[Chrissy D]

I like it.

[Yannis Pappas]

Mad Bull 525. John Flint. Ivan the Squeak.

[Chrissy D]

Short Kick.

[Yannis Pappas]

Obama's chef's swimming coach. What am I doing here? It's on the list. Grow for life. Presley Huffman.

[Chrissy D]

Mav.

[Yannis Pappas]

John. CVG says tingle my jingle. P.S. love you, cousins. Okay, Count me out. All right, this guy just said they want to be.

[Chrissy D]

They want to be involved. He wants to join. He's here for the content.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, Haley, but you can call me Mrs. Peace. Oh, wow. She's probably not good looking girl. My mil transitioned and got even cuter. Okay. Yanni gets half off at the optometrist.

[Chrissy D]

That's great. That's good, guys.

[Yannis Pappas]

You do have one eye.

[Chrissy D]

That's good. Drexler list. Drexler. Drexler. But, but, but they liked it.

[Yannis Pappas]

Okay. Two hyenas, one fume. Nothing make it in my mustache. Call me the rim Reaper.

[Chrissy D]

It's too good. That's too good, guys.

[Yannis Pappas]

Rim reaper.

[Chrissy D]

Yes.

[Yannis Pappas]

It's like a new dirty sand.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah, that's good. The rim reaper in my mustache. It's really good.

[Yannis Pappas]

Then we got second hand fumes gave me cancer drugs. Brianna saba. Stefan Rodricks, MC Hammer. Sabrette Favre's All Natural Beef. John Zimmerman. RuPaul's Halftime Squeak Cannon. If China gets Taiwan, Jersey wants Staten Island. Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. It's a good one.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's the right.

[Chrissy D]

Real good one. Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Julian McConnell. Then we got. Why is my back wet? Oh, right. I'm Mexican. And then he wrote. Ja, ja, ja, ja, ja.

[Chrissy D]

We can't. It's too. It's two. No, walked into one. We're gonna have a few of those.

[Yannis Pappas]

No, not gonna do.

[Chrissy D]

We got some naughty people out there.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. Bilbo Swaggins. Ellie. Bulls. Process this. Dick. Peter.

[Chrissy D]

Let's talk about my Brother. Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Japs, Japs, Crackers and Whops Race Krispies

[Chrissy D]

Walked into one. Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Can't do a group of dudes strumming their clits. Call it the Trans Giberian Orchestra. Right. Absolutely.

[Chrissy D]

That's what you call that is absolutely on the list.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. Yeah. Louis. Bravo. Straight to the.

[Chrissy D]

This is a good list.

[Yannis Pappas]

Guy glue and the Three Fuzzy Muzzies. $3 bill for the catapult. Call it Ice Capades. Okay. Pretty good.

[Chrissy D]

Pretty good.

[Yannis Pappas]

Not enough Avi Braun, AKA Third Reich. Big Mike, James Balducci, Alex Wilson. Then we got my father left, but I vote right.

[Chrissy D]

Put it on. Okay. The people like it. That's the people's champ.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's it. Then we got third grade music teacher made me play his skin flute. Now I love Hot crossbones.

[Chrissy D]

Kid got molested is what that is.

[Yannis Pappas]

What happens happens to the best of us.

[Chrissy D]

It happens.

[Yannis Pappas]

Genghis Can't Stop Fucking true. Zinni in the foreskinny blazer. But the piece is Leroy Wei Schlong Dink.

[Chrissy D]

Black Asian Kid.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, read that again.

[Yannis Pappas]

Read that again. Blasian. But the piece is Leroy Wei Schlong Dink.

[Chrissy D]

Think you're outnumbered over here? It's quiet.

[Yannis Pappas]

Then we got. Great. I tried a bidet and now I'm gay.

[Chrissy D]

Chicken finger. Chicken finger. Real good one.

[Yannis Pappas]

Then we got Virgo Gloria Glue, no fumes. Bonnie Blue sucked out my glue. Now it itches bad.

[Chrissy D]

That will happen if you. If you tussle with her. That will happen.

[Yannis Pappas]

Then we got. I also want to. I also want my cut of the Patreon to go to Nick you juice. And we got Coconut monkey with a funky dumpy.

[Chrissy D]

What is a coconut Mon monkey? Hawaiian.

[Yannis Pappas]

Maybe Hawaiian.

[Chrissy D]

Maybe Hawaiian.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. Yeah. Miguel. I'm taking a guess. Nikki Boots Aquino. Then we got. Just turned 17 for the 15th time. Like that. Twinkarn Baton. Okay. Mallister Stambaugh, Noah Sanders, Alfred E. Fuman. Chubby Muzzy. Off the Beam, AKA Alo Snack.

[Chrissy D]

No. That is so good. Yes. No. Yeah. Okay.

[Yannis Pappas]

Then we got the back room at Ellis Island. A couple more, then we're done. Then we got. I got a Groupon ticket to an Auschwitz museum. And it was just. Hold on. Here we go. I got a group pond ticket to an Auschwitz museum. And it was just four fat German women farting down my throat. Sl. Okay. Came inside a Leroy Squeak, then called him a Ding Dong. Don't get it.

[Chrissy D]

Don't get it.

[Yannis Pappas]

Oh, because the.

[Chrissy D]

Oh, right, right.

[Yannis Pappas]

Sorry.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

No, can't do it.

[Chrissy D]

The crowd. The crowd wasn't into it.

[Yannis Pappas]

Crystal. Crystal Marie. Crystal Marie.

[Chrissy D]

Then

[Yannis Pappas]

my Fat Queefer, Arjun Purewal, Holden Smith Slick Johnson. Then we got. Mom, can you pick me up? Uncle Gandhi took a blue Chew and now he wants to change the rules of the sleepover.

[Chrissy D]

That's great. That's great. That's a contender.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

That's a contender.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yes. Yeah. It's a nice Gandhi joke. Yeah.

[Chrissy D]

Gandhi was a naughty boy.

[Yannis Pappas]

Then we got. No disrespect, but I'm from Poughkeepsie. Then we got TT Jerry's Glock Dookie Dot stinks. Bloody hell. Shayla. Shrimp on the bobby again. Okay. I don't know what that means. Thomas Lincoln. Then we got. I can't get hard unless you stroke on my Frank and massage the beans book. Fuzzy Wuzzy had hair where you don't want it. Andrew Santino's ginger glue gun here for the content. Brought home a dog. Now my wife's fume. Shoot, shoot. Smells like kibble,

[Chrissy D]

right? Okay. Put that.

[Simon Rex]

Put that in.

[Chrissy D]

A lot of walked into ones. That's gross.

[Yannis Pappas]

Fudge ooze, five hole clean Chris. Okay. Chrissy D. On Jre said I am juice free. I am not C. Okay, okay. Amanda Calabresi. Skip my classes. Google. Googled Latina asses. Found a few giant masses. Got glue all over my glasses.

[Chrissy D]

Drexler. That sounded like a Drexler.

[Yannis Pappas]

Handle my hand candle till I glue in the stew. Trans glue gun. Call me Sabrina the Carpenter. Okay. Make no mistake, Joe DeRosa is a united. Oh, no. Make no mistake, Joe DeRosa is an undercover faggot. Mom. Donnie's mom, Donnie Trump. 2028. Trans girlfriend has a bigger piece.

[Chrissy D]

Sometimes that happens.

[Yannis Pappas]

That happens.

[Chrissy D]

Sometimes that happens.

[Yannis Pappas]

Two in the slat, one in the back. Beaners on ice.

[Chrissy D]

Beaners on ice. Two races. It's walked into one. It's a musical. I don't know.

[Yannis Pappas]

Drexler escaped from lab 14 just to be called a Fuzzy Muzzy Blue. Legends. Tuddy Waters. And then last but not least, Ghislaine Maxwell's Vagisil. So.

[Chrissy D]

Yes.

[Yannis Pappas]

All right, so let's recap quick because we got. We got a few strong list. Yeah. Yeah. Because what time is. Because we got. Yeah. We gotta move. Okay, so here we go. So we got. The list is grading my wife's stretch marks. Like Uncle Russell.

[Chrissy D]

Drex to that, right?

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. All right, that's out of here. Hey, Mark. Hey, Mark, it's Dean. I heard you banged my girlfriend. I swear, once I finish chemo, I'm

[Chrissy D]

gonna kick your Sticking around. Sticking around.

[Yannis Pappas]

Then we got Nancy Guthrie's hide and seek camp.

[Chrissy D]

Sticking around.

[Yannis Pappas]

Laser Beam Leroy, who didn't meet parents expectations, called a Kwame Brown. No, no, no. He's not gonna make it.

[Chrissy D]

Good one, though.

[Yannis Pappas]

Accidental N Bomb, AKA laroidian Slip.

[Chrissy D]

Let's stick around for a little bit. Make it stick around because it's a goodie.

[Yannis Pappas]

She mail. Who wants your email?

[Chrissy D]

I did make it.

[Yannis Pappas]

Any other Donnie. Smalleyed cunt. For the love of Christ, just think of my Leroy hole already.

[Chrissy D]

Not enough. Not enough.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's good. Okay, good. This is. This is how you play the game. You tweet them out. Obama's chef swimming coach. Keep it around.

[Chrissy D]

I said it's a mix. Yes. Keep it for now. Keep it for now. I don't think it's gonna win.

[Yannis Pappas]

Shit in my mustache. Call me the Rim Reaper.

[Chrissy D]

That's good. That's really good. I'm gonna make an executive decision and

[Yannis Pappas]

keep that one on. If China gets Taiwan Jersey 1. Staten Island.

[Chrissy D]

That's gonna stick around. This is gonna be tough.

[Yannis Pappas]

A group of dudes strumming their clits called the Trans Guy Burial Orchestra.

[Chrissy D]

I don't know if that's gonna make

[Yannis Pappas]

it because once you get to these second and third rounds, you really gotta be a home run. Yeah, my father left, but I vote right. No. Didn't make it. Didn't make it. Didn't make it. Chubby Muzzy, off the beam. AKA Alu Snack Bar.

[Chrissy D]

Not enough.

[Yannis Pappas]

You know what? Because he's off the beam. If he would have just said Chuzzy. Chubby Muzzy. Call me Alu Snack Bar. Off the beam. You know, didn't eat it. You can't make mistakes this late in the game, right?

[Chrissy D]

It's true. It's a very, very serious, serious game.

[Yannis Pappas]

It's like the March Madness tournament.

[Chrissy D]

You really. You slip and you're, you know, you're out.

[Yannis Pappas]

Then we got. Mom, can you pick me up? Uncle Gandhi took a blue chew and now he wants to change the girls. That's it.

[Chrissy D]

Good. It's got to stick around. Yeah. We got some contenders here.

[Yannis Pappas]

Okay, so here we go. Let me just. Let me just recap. Accidental N Bomb. AKA laroidian Slip. Nancy Guthrie's Hide and seek champions. Hey, Mark, it's Dean. I heard you banged my girlfriend. I swear, once I finish chemo, I'm kick your fucking ass. That's so far.

[Chrissy D]

That's the so far. So far, you got a drexer. The first two. We're going to let them make the decision. Although I don't necessarily agree.

[Yannis Pappas]

Obama, chef, swimming coach.

[Chrissy D]

It's gone.

[Yannis Pappas]

Shit in my mustache. Call me the Rim Reaper.

[Chrissy D]

They want that one still.

[Yannis Pappas]

If China gets Taiwan, Jersey wants Staten Island.

[Chrissy D]

That one's gone. That one's gone.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's out of here.

[Chrissy D]

Do you see how difficult a process this is?

[Yannis Pappas]

I think. Oh, okay. Wait.

[Chrissy D]

This very serious.

[Yannis Pappas]

Mom, can you pick me up? Uncle Gandhi took a blue Chew and now he wants to change the rules of the sleepover.

[Chrissy D]

Really good.

[Yannis Pappas]

Not enough, though.

[Chrissy D]

It's not enough. I'm. It's disappointed. It's gotta go. I'm sorry. Any other day.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. Look here. I'm gonna be honest. Here's. It's. It's really between. Let's. Let's now come down to the last. The last ones we have left are. Hey, Mark, it's Dean. I heard you bang my girlfriend. I swear, once I finish chemo, I'm gonna kick your fucking ass.

[Chrissy D]

I love that one. That's the one. That's gonna be the one.

[Yannis Pappas]

Or just to read it or shit in my mustache, call me the Rim Reaper. No, the winner. We have a winner.

[Chrissy D]

Winner. Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Congratulations.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Hey, Marcus, Dean. I heard you bang my girlfriend. I swear, once I finish chemo, I'm going to kick your ass. You're the winner.

[Chrissy D]

Yeah. Hopefully that guy doesn't kill that other guy. That. We're responsible.

[Yannis Pappas]

You guys are the real winners.

[Chrissy D]

You guys, thank you so much. We love you guys. We appreciate it.

[Yannis Pappas]

We love you. Get home safe.

[Chrissy D]

Hey. This is history, hyenas. And it is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible financial geniuses, monetary magicians. These are things that people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive and save hundreds.

[Yannis Pappas]

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[Chrissy D]

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